[Miles] Miles?!
Hey, Miles, is that you?
[tires skid]
Who are you?
Hey!
[grunting]
Where are you taking me?
[Miles grunting]
[man speaking indistinctly over PA]
[Miles screams]
Ow!
Hey!
Hey. Hey!
[panting]
[grunting]
[electricity buzzing]
[panting]
- [Weinrod] That was cute. - [gasps]
Are those breast pumps?
[breathing heavily]
Are you the ones who kidnapped me?
Arrested,
not kidnapped.
And why are we in a breastfeeding room?
Because regulations require a lactation facility
for any site with over 50 employees.
[stammers] Huh?
[Weinrod] Sir, four weeks ago, our agency
received an aborted tip-off call
that we traced to a cell phone registered at your home address.
You're the ones in the station wagon.
Why are you following me?
I... I don't...
Who are you?
[man] FDA, Office of Criminal Investigations?
[New Miles] Hi.
I'd like to report a violation of Title 21 regarding human cloning.
That's right.
We're the FDA.
And we know all about your "spa."
Along with 35 other suspected locations worldwide.
Now, according to your co-workers,
you claim to be the long-lost twin of Miles Elliott,
although no record of any such brother exists.
- Would you like to explain that to me? - No, you...
The other one, he's the brother, the twin.
It's not... Look, it's not...
It's not what you think.
I can prove that I'm me.
Ask me anything.
Good idea.
Okay, I'm gonna ask you a series of questions.
I want you to respond as if you're Miles.
- I am Miles Elliott. - We'll see about that.
First question.
Are you Miles Elliott?
[stammers]
[stammers] You want me to answer that again?
Yes.
Great.
- In what state were you born? - New Jersey.
What was the name of the first person you kissed?
Hmm...
God damn.
[sighs] God, what's her name?
- [whispers] I don't know the answer. - I know this, obviously.
Heilen,
Helen,
Helman, Hoffman.
Is it Heller?
Oh, my God, I was just talking about it!
Everybody remembers the name of the first person they kissed.
I got it. Just... Let's come back to that.
Have you ever used drugs?
Is this, like, admissible or anything?
Have you ever used drugs?
Yeah, sure. Of course.
I mean, nothing weird or any... Halter, Halther.
Ellen Halther was my first kiss. Blonde hair.
She was preppy. Always acted like she hated me.
- [scoffs] - [Weinrod stammers] Are we done here?
- Halther. - [Weinrod] Okay.
- Have you ever engaged in sodomy? - What?
- Have you ever engaged in sodomy? - No, I heard you,
but what does that have to do with anything?
[stammers] These are sort of personal questions.
[Weinrod] It's not about the sodomy, guys.
Okay? It's about the machine's ability to correlate his claim of sodomy
with his knowledge of the truth about the sodomy
to determine whether or not he really is who he says he is.
- Okay? Do you understand? - [both] Yeah.
Both of you?
So...
Sodomy?
- Yeah, I mean... - What was the name...
Not like farm animals or anything, but, you know.
What was the name of your first girlfriend in college?
Oh, Liza.
- Liza. - Yeah.
Pretty name.
- Thank you. - Did you sodomize her?
- What? Oh, come on. - [banging on door]
- [fidgeting with door handle] - [woman] I need to pump.
Uh, we're interrogating a suspect.
[woman] Weinrod?
Aren't you assigned to children's vitamins?
This is a special project, please!
Go pump in the bathroom!
You failed every question.
So what does that mean?
- [whispers] I think the machine is broken. - What?
It didn't register positive or negative.
Tech must've been scavenging for parts again.
- What? - Oh, God.
Goddammit!
I can't prove he's a clone without any goddamn resources,
and I can't get any goddamn resources without proving he's a clone!
- Okay. - Okay. You know what?
Fuck the polygraph.
Let me put this to you simply.
How can you be sure that you are you?
I have a scar. I have a scar! I got an appendectomy when I was eight.
The other one doesn't.
Why don't I check the medical records?
I can't believe I didn't think of it earlier.
Regardless of your records,
you are toying with some of mankind's most fundamental concerns.
Who we are and...
and... and what we are.
If you knew me,
I'm just... I'm so...
me,
and not in a good way.
Just ask my wife.
All I'm saying is,
I couldn't sleep at night not knowing who I am.
[door opens, closes]
[grunts]
- [fidgets with door handle] - Hey!
Help!
I'm thirsty!
This is illegal!
[banging]
[sighs]
[air suctioning]
[woman] Not again.
Tell Weinrod to find her own damn interrogation room.
[sighs]
[people chattering indistinctly]
Oh, hey.
You lucky son of a bitch.
Goddamn children's vitamins.
So, am I still under arrest or...
whatever?
Technically,
you were never under arrest,
because, technically,
we've been reassigned to...
children's vitamins
due to a lack of cloning enforcement funding,
due to a lack of cloning enforcement...
prosecutions.
So...
am I free to go?
I won't forget about you.
Oh.
Please be Kate.
[Hugh] Mr. Elliott,
this is South Hill Fertility Center calling with your test results.
Sorry to say, your numbers came back...
good.
Nothing wrong with you at all.
Hope that was worth wasting two years of both of our time.
- Miles. - Wait.
Miles, we need to talk.
Okay, great. But first...
[inhales]
I want to apologize.
Oh.
Wait, was... was what you wanted to talk about the pig carcass in the garage?
No. Actually...
- Um... - Okay, good. Well...
just... just listen.
I want to apologize.
For everything.
I mean, I've been so selfish,
just so focused on me that I forgot about...
you...
and us.
What's important, our family, our future family.
But it's... it's not too late.
Last night,
I read an article about separation anxiety at preschool drop-off.
It made me cry.
I drank breast milk for God's sake, I...
- Breast milk? - That's not...
Oh, this is coming out all wrong. I had a whole...
[sighs]
Can I borrow your phone? Just for a sec.
[sighs]
- Oh, what... what's our Wi-Fi password? - Why?
Never mind, I got it. I got it.
["Give It To Me Baby" by Rick James plays]
- Oh, no. - Yeah.
- [Kate] Miles, no, no, no, no. - Yeah.
- Yes, yes. - Miles.
Oh, why...
No.
Miles.
[sighs] I'm going...
[Kate] Don't get the rope.
I'm powerless to the rope.
♪ When I came home last night ♪
♪ You wouldn't make love to me ♪
♪ You went fast to sleep ♪
♪ You wouldn't even talk to me ♪
♪ You said I'm so crazy ♪
♪ Coming home intoxicated ♪
♪ I said I just wanna love you ♪
♪ I just wanna love you, baby ♪
♪ This is why I'm so elated ♪
♪ Come on, girl ♪
♪ Give it to me, baby ♪
♪ I betcha ♪
♪ I'll make you hot Till you've had enough ♪
♪ Give it to me ♪
♪ Give me that stuff, that funk That sweet, that funky stuff ♪
♪ Give it to me ♪
♪ Give me that stuff, that funk That sweet, that funky stuff ♪
♪ Give it to me, give it to me ♪
♪ Give me the stuff ♪
♪ That sweet, funky stuff ♪
♪ Oh-ho! Ow! ♪
♪ Give it to me, what you say ♪
♪ Give it to me ♪
♪ What you say ♪
♪ Give it to me ♪
♪ What you say ♪
- ♪ Hey, girl ♪ - ♪ Give it to me, what you say ♪
♪ Give it to me, what you say ♪
♪ Give it to me ♪
- ♪ Hey, girl ♪ - ♪ Give it to me, what you say ♪
♪ Give it to me, what you say ♪
♪ Give it to me ♪
- ♪ Hey, girl ♪ - ♪ Give it to me, what you say ♪
♪ Give it to me, what you say ♪
♪ Give it to me ♪
- ♪ Hey, girl ♪ - ♪ Give it to me, what you say ♪
- ♪ Hey, girl ♪ - ♪ Give it to me right away ♪
♪ Give it to me ♪
- ♪ Hey, girl ♪ - ♪ Give it to me, what you say ♪
- [sighs] - You certainly don't dance like him.
Miles, I can explain.
Your business trip. That's where he disappeared,
right?
I am so, so sorry.
Miles.
[clattering]
[garage door opens]
[engine turns over]
[tires squeal]
Oh.
[grunts]
Oh!
Ow.
Fuck. [grunts]
[grunting]
[dialing]
[line trilling]
- [New Miles] Hello? - Did you fuck my wife? Huh?
You cheating, fucking liar!
[New Miles] Yeah. Why don't you come on over and we can talk about it.
Oh, I'm going to. I am going to. Don't fucking move!
[tires squeal]
[cell phone rings]
I'm gonna rip your goddamn head off!
[Stuart] Good evening, I'm trying to reach Mr. Miles Elliott?
Uh, oh, uh...
Uh, yeah?
[Stuart] This is Stuart Penbrooke from the Gold Pencil Awards committee,
and we wanted to share the good news that your "Neighbors and Friends"...
[grunting]
[honks horn]
Fuck!
[banging]
[panting]
Where are you?
Where are you? Where... Hey!
[door opens]
Wh...
[breathing heavily]
Honey.
I'm home.
[sullen tone] Honey, I'm home.
Babe, I'm home.
Hon?
What's for dinner?
[water running]
He's gone.
We can make it work.
Oh, Kate, I've changed.
I've changed. I've changed.
[sniffs]
I have changed.
[sniffs]
[door opens]
[Kate] Hello?
Miles, are you home?
Miles?
- Miles. - [Miles] Wait.
- [Kate] Miles, we need to talk. - [Miles] Okay, great.
- But first, I wanna apologize. - [Kate] Oh.
Wait, was what you wanted to talk about the pig carcass in the garage?
[Kate] No.
- Actually... - [Miles] Okay, good. Well...
Just listen.
I've been so selfish,
so focused on me that Iforgot about you...
and us.
What's important, our family, our future family.
[Kate] Oh, no.
- Miles, no. - [Miles] Yes, yes.
Miles.
I'm powerless to the rope.
["Give It To Me Baby" by Rick James playing faintly]
- ♪ Give it to me, baby ♪ - ♪ Give it to me, baby ♪
♪ I betcha ♪
♪ I'll make you hot like you had enough ♪
♪ Give it to me ♪
[sighs]
[instrumental music plays]
[inhales, sighs]
[sniffs]
Ugh.
[groans]
[water running]
[sniffs]
[panting]
What... I... No, I...
[sniffs]
[sighs]
What the hell am I doing?
[sighs]
[sighs] Why can't someone just end this for me?
[cell phone ringing]
[continues ringing]
Hello?
[Miles] Did you fuck my wife? Huh?
You cheating, fucking liar!
Yeah. I did.
[tires squealing]
Why don't you come on over and we can talk about it.
[Miles] Oh, I'm going to. I am going to. Don't fucking move!
[tires squeal]
[dog barking]
[inhales]
[sighs]
[breathing heavily]
[sighs]
[banging]
[fidgets with door handle]
[Miles panting]
Where are you?
Where are you? Where... Hey!
[Miles panting]
[gun slides]
It was nice knowing you.
No, it wasn't.
No.
It wasn't.
[inhales deeply]
[pants]
Ah!
[pants]
Are you kidding me?
Shut up.
Can't you do anything right, you fucking moron?
[screams]
[grunting]
Aah! Aah!
[grunts] Oh! Oh!
- [yells] - [grunts]
[panting and grunting]
[both grunting]
Whoa! Oh!
You're an asshole. You have everything you need to be happy
and you waste it!
Why should I be happy? You're the one everyone loves.
Oh, yeah, right.
Aah! [grunts]
[grunting]
[grunts]
[grunts] Aah!
[grunts]
[groans] Aah!
[both grunting]
I'm so sick of your face.
I'm so sick of your whining.
[gunshot]
[empty clicks]
[both grunting]
You ruined my life.
You ruined your life.
[grunts]
[grunting]
I hate you.
I am you!
[both] Aah!
Oh!
Fucking credenza!
[New Miles groans]
[yelling]
[continues yelling]
Fucking credenza!
[panting]
[grunting]
[panting]
I just want you out of my life.
[panting]
Fine.
Make me.
Make you?
Yeah.
Make me.
What, are you gonna pillow fight me to death?
You want me out of your life?
[grunts] Make me.
Stop it.
[grunts] Make me.
Stop it.
Make me.
Make me. Do something.
You're not gonna do anything. You know why?
You're a scared little chicken shit.
[grunts]
[both grunting]
[muffled yelling]
[grunting]
[muffled yelling]
[grunting]
[grunts]
[grunts, pants]
[grunts]
[panting]
Hey.
Oh.
Oh, God.
Oh, what have I done?
No.
[panting]
[grunts]
Come on.
[panting]
[grunts]
[blows air]
[panting]
Aah.
[panting]
Oh.
[gasps]
[blows air]
[gagging]
Aah! [spits]
[coughing]
- [New Miles coughing] - [spits]
- [New Miles coughing] - [groans]
[grunts]
[panting]
You wanna know what I hate about you the most?
[panting]
Wh... What?
You got to wake up next to her everyday
for ten years.
All I've got are memories.
And those aren't even real.
I just wanted your life.
I loved your life.
I loved it, too.
[sighs]
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, too.
I don't wanna kill you.
I don't wanna kill you either.
I want us both to be better.
Me too.
You should probably quit drinking.
I know. I know.
Why?
'Cause you're really gaining some weight.
Especially, like, right in here.
You look like shit.
What?
Fuck you.
[door opens]
[door closes]
Well, I see you two talked.
So, how was he?
Better than me?
[sighs]
Not that great actually. Sorry.
Really?
Not great?
So... Wait, does that mean that I'm worse than not great?
Why don't you just let her talk?
Don't tell me how to talk to my wife.
I'm not telling you how to talk to her.
- I'm saying, let her talk. - Why are you talking at all?
Oh, just stop it, would you, for five minutes?
For the love of God.
Then you can go back to strangling each other
or whatever you were in the middle of.
[sighs[
I am so, so sorry.
I am. I'm...
[sighs]
I betrayed you.
I betrayed us.
And there is no excuse.
None.
Except to say that this...
this has all been a monumentally confusing time.
But there's one thing that's clear now.
And that's that you are my husband, Miles.
Not him.
Okay.
Okay, I'll... I'll be gone by tonight.
What? [stammers] No one...
should go anywhere...
quite just yet.
I'm pregnant.
[both] What?
I'm pregnant.
[both] Are you sure?
It's...
It's early days, but, um, yeah.
Whose is it?
I don't know.
And there's no way of ever knowing.
I looked it up. And unsurprisingly,
there's no test for it.
With identical sets of DNA, well, I mean,
it could be either of yours, or both...
I guess.
So, what does this mean?
Who knows.
I'll tell you what it means.
We're gonna have a baby.
[chuckles]
[laughs]
[chuckles]
[laughs]
[laughing]
[laughing] We're having a baby.
[laughs]
[Kate laughing]
[sniffles]
[laughs]
Mmm.
["Road To Nowhere" by the Talking Heads plays]
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ We're on a road to nowhere ♪
♪ Come on inside ♪
♪ Taking that ride to nowhere ♪
♪ We'll take that ride ♪
♪ I'm feeling okay this morning ♪
♪ And you know ♪
♪ We're on the road to paradise ♪
♪ Here we go ♪