Excuse me.
Do you have any games that don't suck?
Thank you.
Oh.
That game, uh... That one doesn't suck.
Midnight Justice Five: Corpse Pile?
Yeah, it's Corpse Pile.
Sounds like the name of a band
whose drummer even I wouldn't sleep with.
Okay, tough critic.
This one will be a challenge. This might be for you.
- No. - No. Okay.
- What about this? - Amateur hour.
- This? - Disgusting.
- This? - Almost as bad as Corpse Pile.
- Do you even like video games? - Love them.
- You do? - Mm-hmm.
Then what kind of game do you wanna play?
I don't know. Something...
- dark. - Very off-brand.
I contain multitudes.
Oh. Okay.
I don't know. I want something bleak and hopeless, like real life.
Oh. Do you know about Dr. Robotnik and the Mean Bean Machine?
This?
Dr. Robotnik kidnaps the bean people
to suck the joy out of this world.
I think that's pretty real.
Would you consider yourself more the doctor
or a bean in this scenario?
Me? I'd be the doctor.
Not 'cause I'm an evil genius, but because I'm a man.
That was meant to be charming.
Uh-huh.
So I guess that makes me a joyless bean then.
There are worse legumes.
- Hmm. - Hmm.
Pointless.
Well, maybe the game you wanna play doesn't exist.
You ever considered making your own?
- Yes. - You have?
Yeah.
Oh, you said that really fast.
I thought you were gonna be kind of impressed and blown away
by me even asking.
I'm a video game producer.
- No way. - Yeah, for real.
- You are? - Yeah.
I was saying that for real 'cause that's what I do.
I produce video games. We make video games.
I got a couple games here actually. So...
- You really have a game? - What games have you produced?
- What games do I have? - Yeah.
Have I ever heard of any?
- Mine? - Yeah.
- I'm sure. - Like what?
I've been in the business for six years.
Like, what have you produced?
What?
- What have you produced? - Games.
What's your idea?
- Tell me a game you've produced first. - I don't want to.
Corp... Corpse Pile.
It's a better game than the title.
And I didn't come up with the title or the cover.
- You really produced Corpse Pile? - I really did.
- I did not expect that... - Man, you must feel fuckin' ashamed.
Yeah. The start was bad.
And then you tried to get me to buy Corpse Pile.
No. I tried to get you to say it was a good game.
And then I was gonna say I'm a video game producer to impress you.
- Well. - Yeah.
- Okay. - Okay.
- Synced & corrected by MementMori - -- www.addic7ed.com --
So you roam through the different levels
using your flashlight to kill the monsters?
Very close. You don't kill the monsters,
you just push them back.
They're a metaphor for fear and mortality.
Well, I'm... I'm confused. How do you win the game then?
That's the best part. There's no winning.
Yeah. There's no evil boss. There's no glorious ending.
It's... It's like actual life, you know.
You're just... You're just surviving as long as you can.
Oh.
I'm gonna help you with this.
This is the part of the pitch
where you appreciate our scrappy spirit,
but you say, "Thanks, but no thanks."
- It's not what he said. - We know how this ends.
- Don't... - We've done this a thousand times.
Well, admittedly the concept is a bit of a departure
from our current portfolio.
We tend to produce family-friendly platformers here.
You may have heard of Kitten Bonsai.
Classic. So fun.
Or, uh, Rockin' Boppin' Chicken.
Oh, yeah. Great.
So, what is this game called?
Dark Quiet Death.
Oh.
- A working title? - Yeah.
Okay, look.
Here's where we're at with it.
We know the DQD game is a little bit off-brand,
but that's why my fiancée and I made it.
There's nothing like it in the marketplace.
- And you say it's already completed? - 90%.
We need funding for beta testing, certification, but we're...
If it's a hill, we're right at the top.
Could you make it work for, say, a $300,000 advance?
Yes.
Ah, what the heck. Let's do it.
- Thank you for your time. - Okay.
I will have the team in Montreal get in touch with you guys
- with final numbers. - What?
- Looking forward to working with you. - And also with you.
Thank you. Thank you.
- You're welcome. - Thank you very much.
- And the game doesn't have a winner. - Thank you.
You...
- Be cool. Be cool. - Be cool. Be cool.
- Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. - Be cool. Be cool. Be cool.
- Be cool. Be cool.
- Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. - Be cool. Be cool. Be cool.
Nope.
No.
You can't win this one either.
You're trash.
As you can see, there is plenty of natural light.
- Very exciting. - And with a few minor renovations, um,
- you can build walls, make offices. - Sure we can.
What's the outlet situation? 'Cause we're gonna need the wattage.
Um, I'm not sure offhand, but I can check.
I'll tell you why, Patricia. We're a video game company.
- Oh. - Yeah.
We made, uh, the game Dark Quiet Death, so...
- Wow. - Yeah.
Not sure if you heard of it, but...
I haven't, but it sounds great.
We're doing the sequel right now and that's why we need this space.
- And a lot of space. - Congratulations to you.
- Thank you. Gimme a sec, okay? - Great.
I kinda love it.
I feel at home. You?
- You a yeah? - Um...
I think it feels too exposed.
Beans, Montreal expects a 45% sales bump for DQD 2.
It's gotta be amazing.
Well, I thought DQD 1 was amazing.
DQD 1 is amazing,
but now we have so much money we can kinda do anything we want.
And I think this space would help.
I don't like thinking about our game in terms of square footage.
Neither do I.
Okay. Picture this... you and me in here
toiling to bring our bleak message of fatalism
to all the little boys
and all the little girls suffering from unearned optimism.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I just don't see how we can afford this place.
That brings up the best part.
I was saving this part.
- Patricia! - Oh. Yes. Here we go.
- Oh, there you are. - I'm coming. Yes.
Do you mind telling my lovely wife why this place is so inexpensive?
Oh.
Well, you know.
Uh, the interest rates are so high and that keeps the prices down.
Patricia, you mind cutting the shit a little bit?
This is the old Harrison & Sons Textiles building.
Wait.
Harrison & Sons Textiles as in the Harrison & Sons sweatshop inferno?
- That's the one. - Well, it wasn't a sweatshop.
And "inferno" is a very strong word.
Isn't it true that there were 40 workers who were burned to death
- in this very room? - Forty-two.
That was a hundred years ago.
And technically, they died of smoke inhalation.
Oh, my God. That's so much worse.
Yeah, it's terrible.
And isn't it also true that in the last century
almost every business that's come here has failed?
As if this place is... What's the word I'm looking for?
Like it's cursed.
"Cursed."
And don't some people say that
the specters of all these burned victims roam these halls,
- punishing people who try to come here? - Wait, no...
- This building is not haunted. - We'll take it.
We'll take it.
Good news. We'll take it.
That's great. There's just a couple of things to sign.
Already on it.
Oh. Sorry.
The building isn't technically yours yet...
I wouldn't interrupt her when she has the knife out.
She gets a little jumpy.
- You said something about paperwork? - Yes, I did.
I'm your guy. Let's get to signing.
Come on, let's go have some fun.
Fuck you.
All right. Thank you, guys.
All right. Cool. Here are the notes.
- Love of my life. - Look at this.
The art department just sent up new concept ideas
for the monster design.
But I think that we're still seeing too much of the monsters.
So, in later levels, I wanna weaken the flashlight beams
so it's like the batteries are running low.
Oh, to illustrate fatigue.
- Exactly. - I think it's great.
Thank you.
This is terrible.
- I was sprucing the place up. - Beans!
This goes in here.
And this is a very sweet gift from Montreal. Okay?
And this goes right here.
It's a nice gift because we sold so many units.
Speaking of success, um,
I just went to a really wild meeting with Marketing.
- They're vampires. - Parasites.
But some of the research they did,
when you actually go over all the analytics of everything...
Like focus groups?
Yeah, some of the focus groups they did, but they actually...
We agreed we weren't gonna do any focus groups.
And we're not doing focus groups. They're doing focus groups.
- 'Cause they're imbeciles. - Morons.
But they came up with some interesting stuff
- that we don't have to take. - Great.
It's just, the thing that they kept coming back to about our game...
- They want to kill the monsters. - They'd like to kill the monsters.
Yes, of course. That completely tracks for them.
That's why you don't ask John Q. Meatbag his opinion on things.
- And I agree. - Mm.
But Montreal thinks that would bring in
tons of new people to our game.
Eluding the inevitable is what our entire game is about.
- Right? - Right.
So if you, all of a sudden, can kill the monsters,
that changes all of that. That's not our game.
If the monsters die, our game also dies. Yes?
But if we had the art department
make the monsters look like your mother,
would you be okay with a wholesale slaughter then?
We both know there aren't enough pixels in the world
to capture a monster of that magnitude.
So true.
All I'm asking you to do...
just take a look.
That's it.
At the inside.
Fuckin' shit.
Ass.
Are you afraid of the dark?
Maybe you should be.
Get ready for Dark...
Quiet...
... Death...
2.
Coming this Christmas.
Okay.
I mean, you can't accuse Marketing of being subtle.
What... was that?
Yeah.
I agreed to guns in the game that would dissipate the monsters,
not kill them. Right?
Right. And that's still true for the game.
Doc, did we just watch the same thing?
Because to me, a monster's skullcap blasting through a drop ceiling
looks a lot like death.
- Yeah, but... - No. It looks permanent.
You're dead right.
But it's just for dramatic effect to pull people to the game.
That's all this is. We gotta see this for what it is.
- That's all it is. - So we're lying?
No. We're not lying.
Our game is true. Marketing is lying.
But it's just to pull people in.
I don't see anything wrong with that.
That is a wonderfully sagacious justification, Doc.
I don't know what any of those words mean
except for "wonderful," and I like that word.
Beans, look at it this way, okay?
That commercial aired last night during The X-Files, right?
Which means there are 20 million new people
who now know about our game and might wanna buy it.
What happens when they get their grubby little mitts on our game
and realize they can't Jackson Pollock monster viscera
- all over the walls? What then? - Then we thank Video Hut
for their aggressive no-return policy and we count our money.
Come on. This is okay.
Mom and Dad are fighting.
We are, but we still love ya.
But if we break up, it is your fault.
We're being charming.
This is charming right now. Trust us.
Okay, guys, okay.
Uh, right. Go ahead, Brandon.
Okay. So the weapon wheel was just so overcrowded
that we were having a hard time maintaining the flashlight slot.
But we know it's integral to the game, so we came up with this.
Light still plays a role, but it's in tandem with the weapons.
That makes sense.
Thank you, Tom.
Um, a laser sight isn't a flashlight.
I know. We tried mounting the flashlight on the rifle,
but it was clunky and the new environments
have the game much better lit,
so the flashlight's more of a throwback than a necessity.
That makes perfect sense.
Yes, it does make perfect sense, Tom. Thank you again for jumping in.
I'm gonna explain to you
what I already explained to the art department.
The game is called Dark Quiet Death, yes?
The shotgun addition has already blown a gaping wound in the "quiet."
We are not going to lose the "dark" as well.
- We're all on the same page. - Understood universally, right?
- Right? Yes? - Thank you.
And I think that's represented here.
Am I right?
I think what they're saying is the laser light implies darkness.
Something either is dark or it is not.
- What do you mean, "implies darkness"? - I mean, if you...
Do you understand what "implies" means?
- I do. - What does it mean?
- "Implies" is actually... - Shut the fuck up, Tom.
I don't think you understand what you're talking about.
Darkness, it cannot be implied.
It either is or isn't. It's a constant.
This guy did a lot of work. He's doing good work.
- No, I... - There's room for nuance.
- I agree. - Thank you, Tom!
It's the Tom Show, everyone.
Thank God that the brand manager
thinks that there is room for nuance.
Could you please show a little respect?
- Please. - My tone is implying respect for Tom.
This seems like a larger discussion that we need to make time for,
so let's table it for now and we'll jump back in tomorrow?
- Okay? Thanks, guys. - Sure.
- Thank you, Brandon. - Thank you.
- Thanks, everybody. - Thank you.
Oh, and, um, we're still on for that call
tomorrow morning at 9:00 a.m.? In my office.
I don't think you should speak to him like that
- and you know it. - What call?
What call?
Disney reached out.
No.
That wasn't... That wasn't a question. It was a statement.
You think this is a Disney product? Are you out of your mind?
I think it's worth taking the call because it's Disney.
But we know how it's gonna end.
This isn't a children's musical. It's Dark Quiet Death.
Why am I having to repeat myself?
I just said this in front of... You of all people should know this.
I know Tiffany Winters is interested in playing the lead.
Tiffany Winters?
She's America's sweetheart.
Bean! Look, we both know that a DQD movie is inarguably insane.
But it could bring millions of people to our game.
Doc, if you take your eye off the vision,
they will murder it. Do you understand?
It's like the thing with the frog in the pot of water.
That he just keeps swimming away.
He's... He's oblivious to the fact that he is being boiled to death.
- We're not gonna let that happen... - It has already happened.
- It hasn't. - It has already happened.
Yes, it has. Look at the amount of concessions that we have made.
Pretty soon there is gonna be nothing left of my game worth saving.
Is that what you think? You think this is just your game?
Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one protecting it.
You think this is your game.
- Sometimes. - Not our game. "Sometimes."
I am really sorry that DQD
didn't just end up some little indie one-off. Okay?
And I have not been happy about
every concession that we have had to make,
but, admit it or not, those concessions brought us people.
And without those changes,
this game would've died long before
it ever left your fucking dream journal.
How many fucking times have I told you? This means something to me!
Stop putting flowers in it.
You're right.
If our game had been a baby...
I probably would've drowned it in the toilet at prom.
Why do you have to be so morbid all the time?
I'm just sick of it.
I didn't mean it like that.
Well, that was really sweet.
How off-brand of me.
I'm sorry I said those mean things.
You're not wrong.
I know that.
But this has all gotten really big really fast.
And I am constantly terrified that we are going to lose
the thing about our game that makes it worth all of...
all this.
But we're not.
They took the dark. They took the quiet.
They'll never take the death.
We will always have the death.
You weird, morbid chick.
Look, it is still you and me.
Look, it's still you and me all the way down at the bottom
fighting everybody off.
And it always has been, and it always will be. Okay?
I promise I'll try to be more open.
I promise I'll try to raise your little toilet baby
as if it was my toilet baby.
I have hated you since the day I met you.
I'm counting the days until you turn to dust.
This summer, darkness will fall.
But one warrior will not go quietly.
Let...
there...
be...
... light.
Tiffany Winters is...
Ash Light.
Dark Quiet Death, the movie.
Lights out, baby.
Coming soon. This film is not yet rated.
AOL keyword: "Dark Quiet Death."
Tom, give me the good news. What do you got?
Good news is all I got, man. The movie's a hit,
the studio is thrilled, they already green-lit the sequel.
Oh, and the part I know you care most about,
game sales are up 35%.
Holy shit. Are you kidding me?
The guys in Montreal are losing their minds, man.
They are pushing
for the next game to be released along with the summer movie cycle.
You gotta be kidding me.
No, no. You don't mean this summer, right?
'Cause that would be crazy.
It would be crazy to say "this summer."
And you're not a crazy person, Tom.
Whoa. You're getting way ahead of yourself, man.
Look, look. The deal isn't going anywhere.
We can hash all this out on Monday.
Let's just take the win for now, okay?
All right, I'm just not... All right, you're right.
It's been a crazy year,
and I think the lady and I have, uh, earned a little celebration.
Damn right you did. You two enjoy your trip.
All right, my friend. I'll talk to you.
Hey, girl.
- We're a hit. Whoo! - We are. I knew we would be.
- You excited? - Whoo! Yes!
- Here we go. - Let's go.
Huh? Hmm.
Mm!
All right, little buddy, that's enough.
Let's go.
Oh, Roscoe.
Roscoe mad!
- Tom, what are you laughing at? - Roscoe mad.
At Roscoe. Roscoe's funny, man.
They named that thing "Roscoe"?
Yeah, well, Montreal seems to think
there's room to expand his role in the DQD-verse.
That character?
Listen. He tested through the roof, man.
Well, did you tell them it's an insane idea?
'Cause it is. It's an insane idea.
Because obviously DQD is not a kids' game.
Well, that's not entirely true anymore.
Since the movie, we've seen a significant uptick
in players eight and younger.
Who lets their eight-year-old play Dark Quiet Death?
- I don't know, man. - Look, I'm not changing the game
'cause people don't know how to raise their shitty kids.
I'm just not doing it. Doesn't make any sense.
I hear you.
I hear you, but this is an opportunity
to reach a much wider audience.
Tom, we moved 5.3 million units last year.
I think we're moving in the right direction.
Look...
All they want
is a final battle where the player has the chance to beat the game.
An end? They want an end?
- An end they can win, yeah. - We've discussed this.
That's overcoming death. It doesn't make any sense.
Well, it's worth considering.
I mean, we could be the biggest game in the world.
Yes, that would be nice.
But this isn't the way to do it. It just doesn't work.
All right.
I want to get there too, and we are gonna get there, okay, friend?
But this isn't the way to do it.
I don't agree.
What?
I don't agree, man.
Well, then fuck you.
What?
Fuck you and your brand manager bullshit.
Okay. Okay.
No, don't say "okay." This is just like you guys.
- What guys? - You!
Movie execs, Montreal,
your focus groups,
your quarterly portfolios, all of it.
It's just enough, man. It's suffocating.
You know, it's funny.
You know what? My ex-wife was right. She was right about something.
It's like the frog in the pot, right?
And you guys keep turning up the heat.
And you keep turning it up until I am boiled to death.
I think you have your metaphor twisted.
You're not the frog in that scenario, you're the chef.
Very good.
It's really easy for you to say something like that, right?
It's really easy for you to say that
because you don't care like I care.
Because it's not your game, it's my game.
You're right, it's yours.
And you can berate me all you want,
and I'll sit here and I'll take it.
'Cause at the end of the day,
me, movie execs, the focus groups,
the guys in Montreal, we're all gonna do what you say, man.
You know why? Because we always have.
'Cause you're the boss, Michael.
You're right.
You're right, I am.
And I won't corrupt it for another second.
Death r... remains the beating heart of this game,
and I will be goddamned if I rip it up.
It's enough.
No final battle.
No Muppet.
It's either Roscoe or me.
It's Roscoe!
Roscoe!
Hey, kids, say hello to your new best friend.
Awesome!
And now you can have the perfect Roscoe for any adventure.
Deep Sea Roscoe, Safari Roscoe,
Princess Roscoe,
Arctic Attack Roscoe,
Rappin' Roscoe with boom box.
♪ I'm Rappin' Roscoe ♪ ♪ And I'm here to say ♪
♪ I like to rap in a major way ♪
If you loved him on the screen,
you'll want him in your heart.
Roscoe!
Now available everywhere.
Hmm.
My God.
No escape.
Ugh.
Just trash.
Mm.
I hate that snaggletooth shit.
But he did pay for my veneers.
So...
Yes, I went with the full set of wooden dentures.
Oh, yeah?
Well, that's just practical.
And sustainable. I applaud that, actually.
Hey, Bean.
Hey, Doc.
- Hey. - Hi.
How are ya? Ooh.
Can you believe all this garbage?
Just all run-and-gun now.
Well, I think there's some good stuff, right, Beans?
You got Blood Siren Seven: Curse of the She-Wolf.
Oh, Doc, come on.
- Seems to be a layered think piece. - Right.
There's some other good stuff.
I think we could... There's something fun with Barrel Ape Madness 3.
No? You're not seeing this the way I'm seeing this?
Well, I mean, I...
No, I... I see. I see.
- Oh, you are seeing. - Yeah, I know.
- Oh, I wasn't seeing Barrel Ape Madness. - Yeah.
Oh, please rest assured this is a pile of shit.
But it shuts my kids up, so...
it's worth it.
- Oh. - Mm-hmm.
- I didn't even know you were married. - Yeah.
How many kids?
Nineteen. How's Tiffany?
- She's dead? - No.
- You killed her? - No. She's...
I thought it was gonna be the cocaine
that killed her, but, oh, my God.
- Okay. - I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, Doc, that's not...
- I deserve this. - I'm sorry. Are you okay?
I'm fine.
And, Beans, I'm the one that's sorry.
You know,
if you're not finding the game you wanna play...
maybe you should make it yourself.
You know, I just might.
It was really good to see you, Doc.
- Oh, you're leaving? - Yeah.
- So soon? - Yeah.
We just started talking.
Take care of yourself, okay?
Okay, yeah. You too.
Bye, Beans.
Nine dollars.
You should try this one.
This was a really good game.
In conclusion, yes, there are many other MMOs out there,
but this game will lay waste to them all.
Mythic Quest will revolutionize the genre
because this game has something that no one else will:
Me.
And a bunch of other guys. Like this.
Hmm.
- Synced & corrected by MementMori - -- www.addic7ed.com --