1
00:00:01,044 --> 00:00:03,547
♪

2
00:00:04,881 --> 00:00:06,758
MERRIMAN:
You show up, you make shoes,

3
00:00:06,758 --> 00:00:07,968
you go home.

4
00:00:07,968 --> 00:00:09,594
Why would a cobbler shop

5
00:00:09,594 --> 00:00:11,555
need a human resources department?

6
00:00:11,555 --> 00:00:14,057
[laughs] You'd be surprised.

7
00:00:14,057 --> 00:00:16,685
[couple whispering]
Now, Artie,

8
00:00:16,685 --> 00:00:19,145
it was your idea to use phoenix leather

9
00:00:19,145 --> 00:00:21,731
for the new line of RKG‐55s.

10
00:00:21,731 --> 00:00:23,066
Can you tell us why?

11
00:00:23,066 --> 00:00:26,820
‐ Because phoenix leather
is sturdy, long‐lasting, low‐cost,

12
00:00:26,820 --> 00:00:28,697
and a phoenix killed my father.

13
00:00:28,697 --> 00:00:31,992
‐ Right. And the downside
of using phoenix leather?

14
00:00:31,992 --> 00:00:33,827
‐ It bursts into flames?

15
00:00:33,827 --> 00:00:36,246
[drum rattling]
‐ That's right, best friend Tim!

16
00:00:36,246 --> 00:00:38,832
Let's do some role‐playing. Tim, Fran,

17
00:00:38,832 --> 00:00:41,251
get up here and act like
salespeople for once.

18
00:00:41,251 --> 00:00:42,544
[laughs]

19
00:00:42,544 --> 00:00:44,754
And, uh, try not to make out on the way.

20
00:00:44,754 --> 00:00:47,591
‐ I volunteer to play the customer!
‐ Whatever, Dwayne.

21
00:00:47,591 --> 00:00:48,592
Tim, Fran,

22
00:00:48,592 --> 00:00:51,177
you've got a customer
whose foot is missing

23
00:00:51,177 --> 00:00:52,888
because your product blew it off.

24
00:00:52,888 --> 00:00:56,099
Now, how are you going
to keep this customer loyal?

25
00:00:56,099 --> 00:00:57,559
‐ Give me a free shoe.

26
00:00:58,184 --> 00:00:59,603
Ah!
[glass shatters]

27
00:01:01,688 --> 00:01:05,150
‐ And that's where HR comes in.

28
00:01:05,150 --> 00:01:08,153
♪ medieval theme playing ♪

29
00:01:15,327 --> 00:01:16,620
[sighs]

30
00:01:16,620 --> 00:01:18,455
‐ Do I really have to wear this?

31
00:01:18,955 --> 00:01:20,332
‐ I'm just following orders.
[slap]

32
00:01:20,332 --> 00:01:21,833
‐ Ah! From who?

33
00:01:21,833 --> 00:01:23,376
‐ From me!

34
00:01:23,376 --> 00:01:25,462
I told you to bring me Merriman.

35
00:01:25,462 --> 00:01:27,422
Instead, you murdered my best knight!

36
00:01:27,422 --> 00:01:29,257
If you're gonna stab me in the back,

37
00:01:29,257 --> 00:01:32,010
you're gonna look like
a hot little slut doing it.

38
00:01:32,010 --> 00:01:33,720
‐ Great. We agree that I should die.

39
00:01:33,720 --> 00:01:36,097
So, rather than make me go
through this song‐and‐dance,

40
00:01:36,097 --> 00:01:38,141
just cut out the middleman
and kill me now.

41
00:01:38,141 --> 00:01:41,228
‐ [moans] Tell me more
about how you should die,

42
00:01:41,228 --> 00:01:44,481
you bad boy.
‐ What is wrong with you?

43
00:01:44,481 --> 00:01:45,941
‐ I'm not sure.

44
00:01:45,941 --> 00:01:49,694
Oh, you're just such a delicious
piece of ass in that outfit.

45
00:01:49,694 --> 00:01:53,365
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go
think about you fighting for your life

46
00:01:53,365 --> 00:01:56,368
while I rub up against a corduroy couch.

47
00:01:57,160 --> 00:01:58,119
[door slams]

48
00:01:58,954 --> 00:02:01,331
‐ Ow! [grunting] Ah!

49
00:02:01,998 --> 00:02:03,166
[door slam]

50
00:02:05,377 --> 00:02:08,630
[all growling]

51
00:02:09,214 --> 00:02:10,966
‐ The name's Angry Carl.

52
00:02:10,966 --> 00:02:12,384
Nice G‐string.

53
00:02:12,384 --> 00:02:14,970
You here to fight,
or are you our entertainment?

54
00:02:14,970 --> 00:02:16,638
‐ I'm just here to die.

55
00:02:17,013 --> 00:02:19,266
‐ Oh god. Well, that took a turn.

56
00:02:19,266 --> 00:02:20,934
Nice bantering with you.

57
00:02:20,934 --> 00:02:24,271
‐ Name' s Nunchuck Johnny.
My Christian name is Nuncharles Jonathan.

58
00:02:24,271 --> 00:02:25,272
What are you in for?

59
00:02:25,272 --> 00:02:28,525
‐ I'm Patrick. I killed
Sir Midnight Darkness X.

60
00:02:28,525 --> 00:02:31,611
[all gasp]
‐ You killed Sir MDX?

61
00:02:31,611 --> 00:02:33,697
But, he's supposed to be unkillable.

62
00:02:33,697 --> 00:02:37,242
You must've used a flaming sword
forged in the fires of a volcano.

63
00:02:37,742 --> 00:02:39,160
‐ It was a potato peeler.

64
00:02:39,160 --> 00:02:42,038
‐ You're Patrick the Peeler? Wow!

65
00:02:42,038 --> 00:02:45,166
It's an honor to meet you.
You might've heard of me, too.

66
00:02:45,166 --> 00:02:47,586
I'm a slaughtering machine with no peen.

67
00:02:47,586 --> 00:02:50,046
I like to kill, and I'm a little shrill.

68
00:02:50,046 --> 00:02:51,631
The name's Clambo.

69
00:02:51,631 --> 00:02:54,968
‐ [sighs] This spiel always
makes me so uncomfortable.

70
00:02:54,968 --> 00:02:58,513
‐ Hey, guys! This kid Patrick's
a stone‐cold knight killer.

71
00:02:58,513 --> 00:03:00,891
All hail Patrick the Peeler!

72
00:03:00,891 --> 00:03:04,102
‐ Uh, no, no, no. Listen, I'd rather not
glorify the darkest moment of my life.

73
00:03:04,102 --> 00:03:05,854
ALL:
Patrick the Peeler!

74
00:03:05,854 --> 00:03:09,399
Patrick the Peeler! Patrick the Peeler!

75
00:03:09,399 --> 00:03:10,901
[Patrick groans]

76
00:03:10,901 --> 00:03:12,736
♪

77
00:03:12,736 --> 00:03:15,447
‐ Girls! Cousin Blossom!
I come bearing gifts.

78
00:03:15,447 --> 00:03:18,033
[excited giggling]
Brand new hats for today's event.

79
00:03:20,535 --> 00:03:22,829
‐ Oh no, Human Shield!

80
00:03:22,829 --> 00:03:24,831
Your ugly hat blew away!

81
00:03:24,831 --> 00:03:27,500
Be more careful.
‐ You may join us at the arena

82
00:03:27,500 --> 00:03:30,503
after you retrieve Human Being's hat.

83
00:03:31,004 --> 00:03:32,505
♪

84
00:03:32,505 --> 00:03:33,548
[growls]

85
00:03:33,548 --> 00:03:36,509
WOMAN: Mr. Maxwell,
your 1:00 is here for his interview.

86
00:03:36,509 --> 00:03:38,428
‐ Hello, sir! Here's my resume!

87
00:03:40,931 --> 00:03:44,643
‐ Hm, I don't see any
cobbling experience here, but hey.

88
00:03:44,643 --> 00:03:47,020
Yours truly didn't
have any HR experience

89
00:03:47,020 --> 00:03:48,021
when he started.

90
00:03:48,021 --> 00:03:50,273
So, tell me about yourself, Mister...

91
00:03:50,273 --> 00:03:51,942
‐ Flier Guy. I lost my job

92
00:03:51,942 --> 00:03:54,527
because the Old King banned printed words.

93
00:03:54,527 --> 00:03:57,322
‐ Sounds like him. What else
is going on in the old kingdom?

94
00:03:57,322 --> 00:03:59,157
How are the queen and princess?

95
00:03:59,157 --> 00:04:01,618
Tulip and, uh, Flossom, was it?

96
00:04:01,618 --> 00:04:04,120
Not that I care.
‐ Oh, get this!

97
00:04:04,120 --> 00:04:07,040
Tulip exiled to mid‐range island resort,

98
00:04:07,040 --> 00:04:09,417
Blossom demoted to lady‐in‐waiting

99
00:04:09,417 --> 00:04:11,002
for Princess Danielle!

100
00:04:11,002 --> 00:04:13,129
‐ Sweet Christ. Tulip must hate that.

101
00:04:13,129 --> 00:04:15,549
And Blossom's pet peeve
is poetic comeuppance.

102
00:04:15,549 --> 00:04:17,300
At least they're both safe and sound.

103
00:04:17,300 --> 00:04:19,928
Not‐not that I care.
‐ But, front page news

104
00:04:19,928 --> 00:04:22,347
is that a squire named Patrick the Peeler

105
00:04:22,347 --> 00:04:24,724
is set to fight in the gladiator pit!

106
00:04:24,724 --> 00:04:26,643
He murdered a knight sent to catch

107
00:04:26,643 --> 00:04:28,520
the rogue King Merriman!

108
00:04:28,520 --> 00:04:31,690
‐ [gasps] Patrick!
He'll suffer an agonizing death!

109
00:04:31,690 --> 00:04:34,526
Not that I care!
‐ Is this griffin skin?

110
00:04:34,526 --> 00:04:36,444
[screaming]
[body thuds]

111
00:04:36,444 --> 00:04:38,154
I need a doctor!
[horse whinnies]

112
00:04:38,154 --> 00:04:41,366
[crunch]
Ah! A carriage drove over me!

113
00:04:41,366 --> 00:04:43,952
Oh, it's a medical carriage. I'm all good!

114
00:04:43,952 --> 00:04:46,955
♪

115
00:04:47,872 --> 00:04:49,624
‐ Can my friend join us for lunch?

116
00:04:49,624 --> 00:04:52,127
‐ Of course, dear. She looks familiar.

117
00:04:52,127 --> 00:04:53,211
What's her name?

118
00:04:53,211 --> 00:04:56,298
‐ Call her Ishmael.
Just kidding. Her name's Tina.

119
00:04:56,298 --> 00:04:59,551
‐ Doreen, it's Queen Tulip
in a pirate hat. Jesus.

120
00:04:59,551 --> 00:05:01,678
‐ You know I have hat blindness, Glenn.

121
00:05:01,678 --> 00:05:04,389
‐ Oh, no need to bow
or bring out the fine china.

122
00:05:04,389 --> 00:05:06,266
‐ Wasn't gonna.
‐ Coral, where's Mark?

123
00:05:06,266 --> 00:05:07,434
Dude owes me 20 bucks.

124
00:05:07,434 --> 00:05:08,727
[gasps]

125
00:05:08,727 --> 00:05:11,354
‐ Seven serving four. Look out, babe!

126
00:05:11,354 --> 00:05:13,899
Here comes the heat! Ah!

127
00:05:13,899 --> 00:05:16,192
See that shot, Coral the volleyball?

128
00:05:16,192 --> 00:05:18,194
[sloppy kissing]

129
00:05:18,737 --> 00:05:20,030
‐ Meh, who cares?

130
00:05:20,030 --> 00:05:23,617
‐ Yesterday, I juggled
eight candelabras, all lit!

131
00:05:23,617 --> 00:05:25,327
They're probably
gonna promote me.

132
00:05:25,327 --> 00:05:27,495
[object clatters]
‐ Strange. Something usually

133
00:05:27,495 --> 00:05:29,289
stops the bowl from hitting the ground.

134
00:05:29,289 --> 00:05:31,458
‐ Where's Patrick?
‐ Scuttlebutt at work is that

135
00:05:31,458 --> 00:05:34,085
he's been sentenced
to fight in the gladiator pit.

136
00:05:34,085 --> 00:05:35,545
‐ Why didn't you say something!?

137
00:05:35,545 --> 00:05:38,673
‐ It's too late! He's probably
walking out to fight right now.

138
00:05:38,673 --> 00:05:41,760
I say we just enjoy our dinner
and then play

139
00:05:41,760 --> 00:05:43,345
a rousing game of‐‐

140
00:05:43,345 --> 00:05:44,346
[door slams]

141
00:05:45,180 --> 00:05:47,224
Solitaire.

142
00:05:47,224 --> 00:05:49,392
♪

143
00:05:49,392 --> 00:05:52,103
[crowd cheering]
[swords clanging]

144
00:05:52,103 --> 00:05:53,688
[grunting]

145
00:05:57,692 --> 00:05:59,027
OLD KING:
You there!

146
00:05:59,027 --> 00:06:02,697
I'm bored! Kill each other
in a grisly fashion!

147
00:06:02,697 --> 00:06:04,241
Throw in a slow‐motion death or two.

148
00:06:04,241 --> 00:06:06,326
Add some pizazz before I fall asleep.

149
00:06:07,452 --> 00:06:09,329
[crowd cheering]

150
00:06:10,997 --> 00:06:13,500
[Old King snoring]
‐ Oh god,

151
00:06:13,500 --> 00:06:15,210
Patrick's next. Oh...

152
00:06:16,586 --> 00:06:19,089
[crowd cheering]
[carts squeaking]

153
00:06:20,507 --> 00:06:21,633
[splat]

154
00:06:21,633 --> 00:06:25,011
‐ Oh, dear god. [gagging]

155
00:06:25,011 --> 00:06:27,138
‐ Are you not entertained?

156
00:06:27,138 --> 00:06:28,515
These tickets are not cheap,

157
00:06:28,515 --> 00:06:31,476
so it's important to me
that you're entertained!

158
00:06:31,476 --> 00:06:34,354
Sometimes, I just get insecure, you know?

159
00:06:34,354 --> 00:06:36,648
[loud cheering]

160
00:06:36,648 --> 00:06:38,608
‐ Next match is a real doozy.

161
00:06:38,608 --> 00:06:40,360
Six versus one,

162
00:06:40,360 --> 00:06:41,861
but he can certainly hold his own

163
00:06:41,861 --> 00:06:44,322
since he killed the legendary Sir MDX!

164
00:06:44,322 --> 00:06:45,949
[booing]

165
00:06:45,949 --> 00:06:47,367
[indistinct yelling]

166
00:06:47,367 --> 00:06:50,245
‐ Hell yeah!
That's my friend you're booing!

167
00:06:50,245 --> 00:06:51,955
[booing continues]

168
00:06:51,955 --> 00:06:53,957
♪

169
00:06:56,668 --> 00:06:59,421
♪

170
00:06:59,421 --> 00:07:01,673
[gate unlocking, opening]

171
00:07:01,673 --> 00:07:04,301
‐ Your last meal is here.

172
00:07:04,301 --> 00:07:07,053
‐ Hint, it's my pussy...

173
00:07:07,053 --> 00:07:09,431
‐ Just leave it on that bench,
and I'll pick at it later.

174
00:07:10,724 --> 00:07:13,810
‐ Listen, idiot! You've been noble
to a fault since we met,

175
00:07:13,810 --> 00:07:16,897
and now, that nobility
is going to get you killed

176
00:07:16,897 --> 00:07:19,232
if you don't fight.
‐ That's the plan.

177
00:07:19,232 --> 00:07:21,484
I killed Sir Midnight Darkness X.

178
00:07:21,484 --> 00:07:24,154
If I killed a fellow knight,
I deserve to die, too.

179
00:07:24,154 --> 00:07:25,947
[Danielle sighs]

180
00:07:25,947 --> 00:07:28,617
‐ Oh Christ. Maybe I do need therapy.

181
00:07:28,617 --> 00:07:30,869
[crying]

182
00:07:30,869 --> 00:07:33,246
♪

183
00:07:33,246 --> 00:07:35,498
Oh, fuck it. Go ahead and die.

184
00:07:35,498 --> 00:07:37,500
You'll live on forever in my spank bank.

185
00:07:39,461 --> 00:07:41,004
[sighs]

186
00:07:41,004 --> 00:07:43,173
I actually came here to let you know

187
00:07:43,173 --> 00:07:45,133
that Granddad has something...

188
00:07:45,133 --> 00:07:47,552
awful in store for the finale.

189
00:07:47,552 --> 00:07:50,222
So, better hope you're dead before then.

190
00:07:57,187 --> 00:07:59,022
♪

191
00:07:59,022 --> 00:08:00,732
[crowd cheering]
‐ Ladies and gents,

192
00:08:00,732 --> 00:08:03,735
please welcome the rest of the gladiators!

193
00:08:03,735 --> 00:08:05,946
[growling, snarling]
[crowd cheering]

194
00:08:07,572 --> 00:08:09,699
[popping]
‐ Ah!

195
00:08:09,699 --> 00:08:11,076
‐ Woo‐‐

196
00:08:11,076 --> 00:08:12,077
Hoo!

197
00:08:12,077 --> 00:08:13,995
‐ Give it up for Nunchuck Johnny!

198
00:08:13,995 --> 00:08:15,705
[grunting]

199
00:08:15,705 --> 00:08:17,540
Clambo!
[shrill yell]

200
00:08:17,540 --> 00:08:19,960
The most murderous psycho in the land,

201
00:08:19,960 --> 00:08:21,711
Patrick the Peeler!

202
00:08:21,711 --> 00:08:23,588
Plus miscellaneous gladiators

203
00:08:23,588 --> 00:08:26,258
you don't need to learn the names of.
They will not have merch.

204
00:08:26,258 --> 00:08:28,426
‐ Here, take this.
[clatters]

205
00:08:28,426 --> 00:08:30,136
‐ Don't need any extra baggage.

206
00:08:30,136 --> 00:08:31,596
I'm going straight to Hell.

207
00:08:31,596 --> 00:08:33,890
‐ Whatever you say, weirdo.

208
00:08:33,890 --> 00:08:36,851
♪

209
00:08:36,851 --> 00:08:38,520
[crowd cheering]

210
00:08:38,520 --> 00:08:40,605
‐ Peel those fuckers! Peel 'em!

211
00:08:40,605 --> 00:08:43,858
‐ Now taking bets on how long he'll last
and the way he's going to die.

212
00:08:43,858 --> 00:08:46,444
‐ Two minutes tops.
Skull caved in with a cudgel.

213
00:08:46,444 --> 00:08:48,697
‐ 11 seconds. Suicide by cop.

214
00:08:48,697 --> 00:08:51,908
‐ Um, not cool, you guys.
That's our friend Patrick.

215
00:08:51,908 --> 00:08:54,995
‐ Thanks, Commander Highroad.
Didn't know you were allergic to money.

216
00:08:54,995 --> 00:08:57,330
10 minutes, eaten alive.

217
00:08:57,330 --> 00:09:00,208
[crowd cheering]

218
00:09:00,208 --> 00:09:02,586
‐ I won't fight back. Just make it quick.

219
00:09:02,586 --> 00:09:04,546
‐ He's faking it! Don't trust him!

220
00:09:04,546 --> 00:09:07,257
‐ Yeah, he lures you in,
and then he stabs you in the eye.

221
00:09:07,257 --> 00:09:09,926
‐ Oh, Patrick. I can't bear to look!

222
00:09:09,926 --> 00:09:11,219
‐ Kiss each other!

223
00:09:11,219 --> 00:09:13,013
[cheering]

224
00:09:13,013 --> 00:09:15,640
‐ Patrick! Sign my peeler!

225
00:09:18,059 --> 00:09:18,810
[sighs]

226
00:09:18,810 --> 00:09:20,312
[gladiators gasp]

227
00:09:20,312 --> 00:09:23,940
‐ Uh, go get him, Carl.
‐ You go get him, Jonathan.

228
00:09:23,940 --> 00:09:26,067
‐ Ladies first. [grunt]
‐ Fuck off!

229
00:09:26,067 --> 00:09:28,111
[crowd cheering]
[grunt, straining]

230
00:09:28,111 --> 00:09:29,654
[screams]

231
00:09:29,654 --> 00:09:31,865
[struggling]

232
00:09:31,865 --> 00:09:32,908
[scream]

233
00:09:32,908 --> 00:09:36,119
‐ Look! Patrick the Peeler is so powerful,

234
00:09:36,119 --> 00:09:38,747
he killed two people
without even touching them!

235
00:09:38,747 --> 00:09:40,916
‐ No, I didn't!
‐ He's a demon!

236
00:09:40,916 --> 00:09:43,960
He's controlling our minds!
Don't make eye contact!

237
00:09:43,960 --> 00:09:47,005
Everyone, close your eyes and whistle!

238
00:09:47,005 --> 00:09:50,467
[whistling]

239
00:09:51,635 --> 00:09:53,136
[grunts]
[whistling]

240
00:09:53,136 --> 00:09:55,388
[screaming]

241
00:09:55,388 --> 00:09:56,306
Ah!

242
00:09:57,265 --> 00:09:58,266
[gasps]

243
00:09:58,266 --> 00:10:00,268
‐ All my best friends are dead.

244
00:10:01,061 --> 00:10:02,520
[grunts]

245
00:10:02,520 --> 00:10:04,522
[gasps]

246
00:10:05,899 --> 00:10:09,611
‐ Ah! Whose sword do I have to fall on
to get a quick death around here?

247
00:10:10,779 --> 00:10:12,364
[cheering]

248
00:10:12,364 --> 00:10:14,658
‐ You've been peeled, motherfuckers!

249
00:10:14,658 --> 00:10:17,327
‐ That was amazing! Encore!

250
00:10:17,327 --> 00:10:20,372
Everyone, take a bow!

251
00:10:20,372 --> 00:10:21,373
[sighs]

252
00:10:21,373 --> 00:10:23,875
♪

253
00:10:23,875 --> 00:10:25,502
[struggling]

254
00:10:25,502 --> 00:10:27,462
MERRIMAN:
I'll have your fool head on a pike!

255
00:10:27,462 --> 00:10:28,463
‐ Daddy?

256
00:10:28,463 --> 00:10:30,966
[childish noises]

257
00:10:30,966 --> 00:10:33,468
‐ I'll deny you, you punk‐ass bitch!

258
00:10:33,468 --> 00:10:35,470
BLOSSOM [whispers]:
Where the fuck have you been?

259
00:10:35,470 --> 00:10:38,598
Danielle made me get a job
and look Human Shield in the eye.

260
00:10:38,598 --> 00:10:40,308
‐ Oh, Petal, that's terrible.

261
00:10:40,308 --> 00:10:42,269
I'll have Human Shield
drawn and quartered.

262
00:10:42,269 --> 00:10:44,604
‐ No, don't! She's my best friend.

263
00:10:45,480 --> 00:10:46,731
‐ Alright then.

264
00:10:46,731 --> 00:10:48,817
I need to get inside.

265
00:10:48,817 --> 00:10:50,986
This future dead man says
my gate code isn't working.

266
00:10:50,986 --> 00:10:53,822
‐ No, Grandpa changed it.
Now, it's "Vanessa got dat azz,"

267
00:10:53,822 --> 00:10:55,907
and ass is spelled with two Z's.

268
00:10:55,907 --> 00:10:56,908
[gate creaks]

269
00:10:58,159 --> 00:10:59,911
[both groan happily]

270
00:10:59,911 --> 00:11:01,496
‐ Patrick dead?
‐ I don't know.

271
00:11:01,496 --> 00:11:04,249
Danielle wouldn't let me
go to the executionnn

272
00:11:04,249 --> 00:11:07,878
for no reasonnnn!

273
00:11:07,878 --> 00:11:09,629
‐ We have to save him
before it's too late.

274
00:11:09,629 --> 00:11:11,298
To the Merriman‐mobile!

275
00:11:11,298 --> 00:11:12,299
♪ Batman‐esque music ♪

276
00:11:12,299 --> 00:11:13,842
CROWD:
Peeler!

277
00:11:13,842 --> 00:11:15,302
[horse whinnies]

278
00:11:15,302 --> 00:11:18,138
‐ Okay, everybody out. I'll find parking.

279
00:11:18,763 --> 00:11:20,473
This is dad business.

280
00:11:20,473 --> 00:11:22,976
CROWD:
Peeler! Peeler! Peeler...

281
00:11:22,976 --> 00:11:25,770
‐ And now, for the grand finale!

282
00:11:25,770 --> 00:11:29,190
Our champion, Patrick the Peeler!

283
00:11:29,190 --> 00:11:32,277
[cheering continues]

284
00:11:32,277 --> 00:11:33,486
‐ [laughing]: Wow!

285
00:11:33,486 --> 00:11:36,573
Patrick's actually doing great.
Look at that little tushy.

286
00:11:36,573 --> 00:11:38,450
‐ He gets that from his mother.

287
00:11:38,450 --> 00:11:40,785
‐ And our mystery challenger,

288
00:11:40,785 --> 00:11:43,872
from the top of
the endangered species list,

289
00:11:43,872 --> 00:11:45,874
a motherfucking dragon!

290
00:11:45,874 --> 00:11:47,208
♪ dramatic music ♪

291
00:11:47,208 --> 00:11:49,586
[stomping]

292
00:11:49,586 --> 00:11:52,422
[rumbling]
[snarl]

293
00:11:52,422 --> 00:11:54,424
[stomping]

294
00:11:56,676 --> 00:11:58,053
[growl]

295
00:11:59,179 --> 00:12:01,014
[loud roar]

296
00:12:01,014 --> 00:12:03,850
[crowd screaming]

297
00:12:03,850 --> 00:12:06,978
‐ Oh boy. That is
a big fucking bird. Fuck!

298
00:12:06,978 --> 00:12:08,980
♪

299
00:12:09,564 --> 00:12:12,108
‐ Oh yeah. This oughta do the trick.

300
00:12:12,108 --> 00:12:12,984
[roar]

301
00:12:15,483 --> 00:12:18,240
CROWD: Peeler! Peeler! Peeler...
[dragon growls]

302
00:12:18,240 --> 00:12:21,243
♪

303
00:12:23,078 --> 00:12:25,789
[crying, sniffs]

304
00:12:25,789 --> 00:12:28,500
‐ I love you, sweetheart! Don't give up!

305
00:12:28,500 --> 00:12:29,918
[chanting continues]

306
00:12:29,918 --> 00:12:31,962
‐ Oh my god, what am I doing?

307
00:12:31,962 --> 00:12:35,340
I can't give up.
I have people who love me.

308
00:12:35,340 --> 00:12:38,552
I won't let my mom
watch me die in a G‐string.

309
00:12:38,552 --> 00:12:39,344
[grunts]

310
00:12:40,095 --> 00:12:41,721
[dragon snarls]

311
00:12:43,598 --> 00:12:44,933
[Patrick screaming]

312
00:12:47,936 --> 00:12:49,229
[snarls]

313
00:12:49,229 --> 00:12:50,605
♪

314
00:12:50,605 --> 00:12:52,232
[screaming, gasps]

315
00:12:52,232 --> 00:12:53,858
[panting]
[stomping]

316
00:12:53,858 --> 00:12:56,486
[growl]
[panting]

317
00:12:56,486 --> 00:12:58,947
[screaming]

318
00:12:59,531 --> 00:13:01,533
‐ [inhales] Mm!

319
00:13:01,533 --> 00:13:05,036
I am delighted and disturbed
by how good that smells.

320
00:13:05,036 --> 00:13:07,789
‐ Blinkerquartz,
give Patrick a fucking teammate!

321
00:13:07,789 --> 00:13:08,832
‐ Mm‐hmm.

322
00:13:09,583 --> 00:13:11,418
OLD KING: Hm...
‐ [nervous laugh]

323
00:13:11,418 --> 00:13:14,379
I have, um, 50 bucks on Patrick.

324
00:13:14,379 --> 00:13:16,464
‐ Ooh! I want some of that action.

325
00:13:16,464 --> 00:13:19,384
$10 trillion on Hat Trick!

326
00:13:19,384 --> 00:13:21,011
[sizzling]
[snarl]

327
00:13:21,011 --> 00:13:22,929
‐ Uh...
‐ Don't panic, Patrick!

328
00:13:22,929 --> 00:13:24,890
I'm a certified dragon specialist,

329
00:13:24,890 --> 00:13:26,308
and I'm here to help.

330
00:13:26,308 --> 00:13:28,518
[crash, whirring]

331
00:13:30,604 --> 00:13:32,689
[crowd cheering]
‐ Don't panic, Patrick!

332
00:13:32,689 --> 00:13:35,609
We're here to save you!
[roaring]

333
00:13:35,609 --> 00:13:37,861
Oh shit! It's a motherfucking dragon!

334
00:13:37,861 --> 00:13:41,281
[crowd booing]

335
00:13:41,281 --> 00:13:43,700
Wow, Blossom. They really hate you.

336
00:13:43,700 --> 00:13:46,494
CROWD:
Merriman sucks! Merriman sucks!

337
00:13:46,494 --> 00:13:49,623
We're ambivalent about Blossom,
but Merriman sucks!

338
00:13:50,165 --> 00:13:52,834
‐ Merriman?! And Blossom?!

339
00:13:52,834 --> 00:13:56,630
Why does she have that poor person
costume on? In public?

340
00:13:56,630 --> 00:13:57,964
♪

341
00:13:57,964 --> 00:14:01,551
‐ My little crotch fruit returns, eh?

342
00:14:01,551 --> 00:14:04,137
Release the gladiators!

343
00:14:05,263 --> 00:14:06,848
[gladiators yelling]

344
00:14:08,266 --> 00:14:11,686
‐ Say hello to the RKG‐55!

345
00:14:11,686 --> 00:14:14,397
It's an HR nightmare. [grunts]

346
00:14:14,397 --> 00:14:16,274
[grunting]

347
00:14:16,274 --> 00:14:17,859
[explosions]

348
00:14:19,110 --> 00:14:22,197
[crowd cheering]
I need to get up to the old man!

349
00:14:22,197 --> 00:14:24,115
[grunting]

350
00:14:24,115 --> 00:14:25,617
Where the hell'd you learn that?

351
00:14:25,617 --> 00:14:27,452
‐ Public school.

352
00:14:27,869 --> 00:14:29,829
Ha!
[whistling]

353
00:14:29,829 --> 00:14:31,706
‐ Holy shit!
[screaming]

354
00:14:32,499 --> 00:14:34,209
[screaming]

355
00:14:36,878 --> 00:14:39,548
♪

356
00:14:39,548 --> 00:14:42,175
[both growl]

357
00:14:42,175 --> 00:14:45,095
OLD KING:
You stole my crown, sonny boy.

358
00:14:45,095 --> 00:14:46,763
Come get your spanking.

359
00:14:46,763 --> 00:14:48,932
‐ With pleasure.

360
00:14:48,932 --> 00:14:50,600
That came out weird.

361
00:14:50,600 --> 00:14:52,727
I mean I'm about to hurt you,

362
00:14:52,727 --> 00:14:55,105
and you won't be spanking me.

363
00:14:55,105 --> 00:14:57,440
‐ Oh, this is gonna be epic.

364
00:14:57,857 --> 00:15:00,527
‐ [grunt] Back off!
‐ [grunt] No! You back off!

365
00:15:00,527 --> 00:15:02,153
‐ [grunt] You back up first!

366
00:15:02,153 --> 00:15:04,406
[grunting]
[slapping]

367
00:15:04,406 --> 00:15:05,407
‐ Epic.

368
00:15:05,407 --> 00:15:07,367
♪

369
00:15:07,367 --> 00:15:10,078
[struggling]

370
00:15:10,787 --> 00:15:13,832
[straining, groaning]

371
00:15:13,832 --> 00:15:16,251
‐ Cousin! Come back here!

372
00:15:16,251 --> 00:15:17,627
[snarl]

373
00:15:18,920 --> 00:15:20,171
[whimpers]

374
00:15:20,171 --> 00:15:21,798
[snarling]

375
00:15:21,798 --> 00:15:23,425
‐ Get away from him,

376
00:15:23,425 --> 00:15:25,677
you bitch and/or bastard!

377
00:15:25,677 --> 00:15:26,928
[surprised growl]

378
00:15:26,928 --> 00:15:28,930
‐ Mom! What are you doing?!

379
00:15:28,930 --> 00:15:30,056
♪

380
00:15:30,056 --> 00:15:33,018
Have you all gone insane?!
Get out of here!

381
00:15:33,018 --> 00:15:35,896
‐ Patrick! A mother
always protects her baby.

382
00:15:35,896 --> 00:15:37,606
[echoing]
Her baby... Her baby... Her baby...

383
00:15:37,606 --> 00:15:38,815
[grunts]

384
00:15:38,815 --> 00:15:40,567
[weak shrieking]

385
00:15:40,567 --> 00:15:41,610
[muffled scream]

386
00:15:41,610 --> 00:15:43,612
[thud]
‐ Ah! Whoa!

387
00:15:43,612 --> 00:15:44,905
[panting]

388
00:15:46,364 --> 00:15:47,741
[snarl]

389
00:15:50,118 --> 00:15:53,079
‐ Oh. I knew you looked familiar.

390
00:15:54,205 --> 00:15:56,207
‐ Hey! That's assault!

391
00:15:56,207 --> 00:15:58,335
[wheels rattling]

392
00:15:58,335 --> 00:16:01,171
Have you gone crazy, Patrick?
[sniffing]

393
00:16:01,171 --> 00:16:03,506
‐ Blarney, you're the first thing
he saw when he hatched!

394
00:16:03,506 --> 00:16:05,508
He thinks you're his mom!

395
00:16:07,510 --> 00:16:08,929
[happy growl]

396
00:16:09,763 --> 00:16:11,723
[snarling]

397
00:16:16,519 --> 00:16:19,522
[all screaming]

398
00:16:19,522 --> 00:16:22,108
‐ Aw. Guess I'm missing
something pretty good.

399
00:16:22,108 --> 00:16:24,444
‐ Blarney!
‐ Blarney! And also the other one!

400
00:16:24,444 --> 00:16:26,905
‐ [crying] I'm so sad!

401
00:16:26,905 --> 00:16:28,573
[sobbing, chewing]

402
00:16:28,573 --> 00:16:31,076
‐ [crying] I'm so rich.

403
00:16:31,076 --> 00:16:33,662
‐ [crying] I'm so...

404
00:16:33,662 --> 00:16:34,996
wet?

405
00:16:34,996 --> 00:16:37,165
[screaming getting louder]

406
00:16:37,958 --> 00:16:38,959
[groans]

407
00:16:40,085 --> 00:16:42,587
‐ On the other hand,
all dragons look alike to me.

408
00:16:42,587 --> 00:16:46,258
I've killed us both.
‐ Ah! Well, thanks a lot, Patrick!

409
00:16:46,258 --> 00:16:48,510
I was in the prime of my‐‐

410
00:16:48,510 --> 00:16:51,471
Oh, who am I kidding?
I've been dying to pull the ripcord.

411
00:16:51,471 --> 00:16:53,640
[glugging]

412
00:16:53,640 --> 00:16:55,392
‐ [gasps] That's the answer!

413
00:16:55,392 --> 00:16:57,936
You beautiful, disappointing lush!

414
00:16:57,936 --> 00:16:59,896
‐ Hey!
‐ Give me one of your handkerchiefs.

415
00:16:59,896 --> 00:17:02,857
[grunting, mumbling]

416
00:17:02,857 --> 00:17:04,818
Has anyone laughed at this ever?

417
00:17:04,818 --> 00:17:07,112
‐ Not even the smallest child.

418
00:17:07,571 --> 00:17:10,365
‐ I'm gonna blow a hole in this dragon,
and we're home free.

419
00:17:10,365 --> 00:17:11,408
‐ No, you're not!

420
00:17:11,408 --> 00:17:14,661
Wasting booze is party foul
number one, brother!

421
00:17:14,661 --> 00:17:16,746
[both struggling]
‐ This... is...

422
00:17:16,746 --> 00:17:19,583
not... a party!
[both yelling]

423
00:17:19,583 --> 00:17:22,085
[groaning, roar]

424
00:17:22,085 --> 00:17:24,546
♪

425
00:17:24,546 --> 00:17:26,506
[snarl, growl]

426
00:17:26,506 --> 00:17:28,008
[screaming]
‐ Holy shit!

427
00:17:28,008 --> 00:17:29,509
[roar]

428
00:17:30,802 --> 00:17:31,845
‐ What the fuck?

429
00:17:32,429 --> 00:17:34,097
[hiccuping]

430
00:17:34,097 --> 00:17:36,266
[screaming]

431
00:17:36,266 --> 00:17:37,434
[growl]

432
00:17:37,434 --> 00:17:39,436
[groan]

433
00:17:39,936 --> 00:17:41,354
[crowd screaming]

434
00:17:41,354 --> 00:17:44,024
[splattering]

435
00:17:44,024 --> 00:17:47,027
BLARNEY/PATRICK:
Ah! Hot! Hot! Hot! Hot! Hot! Hot! Hot!

436
00:17:47,819 --> 00:17:50,363
‐ [gasping] It worked!

437
00:17:50,363 --> 00:17:52,532
We're alive! Oh.

438
00:17:52,532 --> 00:17:55,994
That's the closest I've ever
come to giving up on my oath.

439
00:17:55,994 --> 00:17:57,829
I will never tempt fate again.

440
00:17:59,331 --> 00:18:00,957
‐ Not your finest hour.

441
00:18:00,957 --> 00:18:02,334
♪

442
00:18:02,334 --> 00:18:03,960
[weak growl]

443
00:18:03,960 --> 00:18:06,129
‐ Are you okay to fly, my friend?

444
00:18:06,129 --> 00:18:08,590
[weak groan]

445
00:18:08,590 --> 00:18:11,718
Yeah, me neither. Come on.
There's a great after‐party at the dump.

446
00:18:12,928 --> 00:18:15,430
[grunting, growl]

447
00:18:17,349 --> 00:18:19,893
‐ [grunting] You're dumb!
‐ [grunting] 'Fraid not.

448
00:18:19,893 --> 00:18:23,230
You are, and Vanessa agrees, right, baby?

449
00:18:23,230 --> 00:18:25,148
♪

450
00:18:25,148 --> 00:18:27,150
Give her back...
‐ Everybody!

451
00:18:27,150 --> 00:18:30,695
Your so‐called king thinks
this children's toy is the queen!

452
00:18:30,695 --> 00:18:33,240
Is this the leader you want?

453
00:18:33,240 --> 00:18:35,033
Say goodbye to your girlfriend.

454
00:18:35,033 --> 00:18:36,993
‐ You'll address her as Mother.

455
00:18:36,993 --> 00:18:38,203
[grunts]

456
00:18:38,870 --> 00:18:41,331
[screaming]

457
00:18:41,331 --> 00:18:42,624
♪ dramatic music ♪

458
00:18:42,624 --> 00:18:44,292
‐ No...

459
00:18:44,292 --> 00:18:45,293
[grunts]

460
00:18:47,003 --> 00:18:50,090
‐ Silly me. Guess that
wasn't an exploding one.

461
00:18:50,090 --> 00:18:51,800
[grunting, humming]

462
00:18:53,301 --> 00:18:55,595
Oh, Dad. Jesus...

463
00:18:56,888 --> 00:18:59,558
‐ Your king has wet himself!

464
00:18:59,558 --> 00:19:00,767
You know what to do.

465
00:19:00,767 --> 00:19:03,770
♪

466
00:19:04,771 --> 00:19:08,066
Insolent fools!
Don't you remember?

467
00:19:08,066 --> 00:19:10,777
I pee, you pee! [grunts]

468
00:19:10,777 --> 00:19:12,112
‐ Twelve years ago,

469
00:19:12,112 --> 00:19:15,574
I made a choice that this man
was unfit to lead.

470
00:19:15,574 --> 00:19:17,867
Now, it's your turn to make a choice.

471
00:19:17,867 --> 00:19:21,037
If you disagree with me, you now must pee.

472
00:19:22,247 --> 00:19:25,041
‐ My pants are dry, Your Majesty!

473
00:19:25,500 --> 00:19:28,295
‐ My pants are dry, Your Majesty!

474
00:19:31,131 --> 00:19:33,592
‐ Uh‐huh. I spilled beer on my pants,

475
00:19:33,592 --> 00:19:35,176
so it looks like I peed myself,

476
00:19:35,176 --> 00:19:38,013
but I don't want that crazy old king,
Your Majesty!

477
00:19:38,013 --> 00:19:39,681
‐ My pants are dry, Your Majesty.

478
00:19:39,681 --> 00:19:42,684
[overlapping refrain]

479
00:19:45,228 --> 00:19:49,065
‐ I have never been
so proud to be your king.

480
00:19:49,065 --> 00:19:51,026
Or even proud at all!

481
00:19:51,026 --> 00:19:52,694
I won't let you down,

482
00:19:52,694 --> 00:19:54,821
until the next time I let you down.

483
00:19:55,572 --> 00:19:56,948
‐ [grunts] Ow! Ow!

484
00:19:57,365 --> 00:19:58,658
‐ Oh god.

485
00:19:59,492 --> 00:20:00,994
[grunting]

486
00:20:00,994 --> 00:20:03,330
♪

487
00:20:04,289 --> 00:20:06,291
Nice ass, Patrick!

488
00:20:06,917 --> 00:20:07,918
[clang]

489
00:20:07,918 --> 00:20:09,878
[whirring]

490
00:20:10,462 --> 00:20:11,296
[laughs]

491
00:20:11,296 --> 00:20:13,298
♪

492
00:20:15,258 --> 00:20:16,259
[growls]

493
00:20:16,259 --> 00:20:17,636
[gasping]

494
00:20:17,636 --> 00:20:21,431
‐ All hail the rightful ruler,
King Merriman.

495
00:20:21,431 --> 00:20:24,601
ALL:
All hail King Merriman!

496
00:20:24,601 --> 00:20:26,686
‐ Thanks for keeping Crownie safe.

497
00:20:26,686 --> 00:20:28,438
‐ Thanks for coming back to save me.

498
00:20:28,438 --> 00:20:31,233
‐ Ah, I was running errands
in the neighborhood anyhow.

499
00:20:31,233 --> 00:20:34,236
‐ I will never let you down again, sire.

500
00:20:34,236 --> 00:20:35,570
OLD KING:
Kiss each other!

501
00:20:36,529 --> 00:20:37,822
[sighs]

502
00:20:38,531 --> 00:20:40,825
BLOSSOM: It's over for you hoes!
[screaming]

503
00:20:40,825 --> 00:20:42,827
[Blossom cackling]

504
00:20:43,828 --> 00:20:46,581
‐ Danielle's a psycho,
but I'll miss her, Broth.

505
00:20:46,581 --> 00:20:49,584
Wherever she is, I hope she's okay.

506
00:20:50,835 --> 00:20:52,337
‐ I hope she's dead.

507
00:20:56,424 --> 00:20:57,634
[crumbling]

508
00:20:57,634 --> 00:21:00,637
♪

509
00:21:00,637 --> 00:21:02,597
‐ Oh, fuck my life.

510
00:21:02,597 --> 00:21:05,850
A lifetime of planning,
and I was only on the throne for a week.

511
00:21:06,768 --> 00:21:08,311
[crackle]
[brakes squeal]

512
00:21:11,356 --> 00:21:12,857
[hissing]

513
00:21:14,484 --> 00:21:16,611
Oy vey.

514
00:21:17,821 --> 00:21:20,824
♪

515
00:21:50,854 --> 00:21:53,857
[8‐bit sounds]

516
00:21:53,857 --> 00:21:55,692
CHILD:
<i>That was amazing.</i>

517
00:21:55,692 --> 00:21:57,694
[paper crinkling, monkey ooking, slap]