1
00:00:02,254 --> 00:00:05,257
[birds chirping]
2
00:00:05,257 --> 00:00:08,260
[flapping]
3
00:00:14,140 --> 00:00:16,184
[flapping]
4
00:00:16,726 --> 00:00:19,729
♪ ominous music playing ♪
5
00:00:19,729 --> 00:00:21,481
[horses galloping]
6
00:00:21,481 --> 00:00:22,524
[neighing]
7
00:00:25,569 --> 00:00:28,446
♪ dramatic music playing ♪
8
00:00:39,249 --> 00:00:41,543
♪
9
00:00:41,543 --> 00:00:43,211
‐ Happy face to Patrick
10
00:00:43,211 --> 00:00:46,381
for saving the Royal Family
from assassination.
11
00:00:46,381 --> 00:00:47,841
‐ Uh, thank you?
12
00:00:47,841 --> 00:00:50,260
‐ Frowny face to Donna
13
00:00:50,260 --> 00:00:51,761
for missing the moat.
14
00:00:51,761 --> 00:00:55,140
Happy face to King Merriman!
I'm still king!
15
00:00:55,974 --> 00:00:57,267
[Queen Tulip grunts]
That's better.
16
00:00:57,267 --> 00:01:00,520
‐ Merriman, the castle is ruined,
and we are broke!
17
00:01:00,520 --> 00:01:02,022
‐ But, Tulip, we're alive!
18
00:01:02,022 --> 00:01:04,149
‐ I'd rather be dead than poor.
19
00:01:04,149 --> 00:01:05,150
‐ Well, me too,
20
00:01:05,150 --> 00:01:07,485
but that's one of those things you're
not supposed to say out loud
21
00:01:07,485 --> 00:01:09,571
because it makes you
sound like a real asshole.
22
00:01:09,571 --> 00:01:12,532
[crumbling, crashing]
23
00:01:12,532 --> 00:01:15,744
‐ Maybe it's not the time to bring up
how well King Randy is doing,
24
00:01:15,744 --> 00:01:18,705
but look how well King Randy is doing!
25
00:01:18,705 --> 00:01:21,625
‐ This isn't a dick‐measuring
contest, Randy!
26
00:01:21,625 --> 00:01:24,836
‐ Good thing. Rumor has it,
he's hung like a lesbian at a witch trial,
27
00:01:24,836 --> 00:01:26,379
who's also a horse.
28
00:01:26,379 --> 00:01:28,673
‐ Wow. Yeah, that's pretty hung.
29
00:01:28,673 --> 00:01:30,133
Happy face for Randy.
30
00:01:30,133 --> 00:01:32,177
‐ Patrick, you're a hero!
31
00:01:32,177 --> 00:01:34,262
You better brush those
shoulders off, girl.
32
00:01:34,262 --> 00:01:36,514
‐ Really? You think
I'm about to be knighted?
33
00:01:36,514 --> 00:01:39,768
‐ Maybe! Maybe not. But there's
definitely a baby scorpion on you.
34
00:01:39,768 --> 00:01:42,270
[snapping]
‐ Ah! Get it off! Get it off!
35
00:01:42,771 --> 00:01:44,814
[excited murmuring]
36
00:01:44,814 --> 00:01:46,441
‐ The knights are returning!
37
00:01:46,441 --> 00:01:49,069
♪ heroic music playing ♪
38
00:01:49,069 --> 00:01:50,737
[whinnying]
39
00:01:50,737 --> 00:01:53,531
[crowd screaming, cheering]
40
00:01:56,117 --> 00:01:57,869
[clothes ripping]
41
00:02:00,163 --> 00:02:01,873
[neighs]
42
00:02:01,873 --> 00:02:04,668
‐ Whoa. These guys fuck for sure.
43
00:02:04,668 --> 00:02:07,295
‐ Oh! If I weren't straight...
44
00:02:07,295 --> 00:02:09,339
Or if they even... even asked...
45
00:02:10,757 --> 00:02:12,592
♪ harp strumming ♪
46
00:02:12,592 --> 00:02:14,135
[neighs]
47
00:02:15,512 --> 00:02:16,596
[crowd cheering]
48
00:02:16,596 --> 00:02:19,182
CROWD:
Patrick! Patrick! Patrick!
49
00:02:19,182 --> 00:02:21,935
WOMEN: Marry me, Patrick, I love you!
[clothes ripping]
50
00:02:21,935 --> 00:02:24,229
‐ I wanna have your baby!
‐ Patrick, sign my tits!
51
00:02:24,229 --> 00:02:25,855
‐ Oh wow...
52
00:02:25,855 --> 00:02:27,524
I've had sex.
53
00:02:28,441 --> 00:02:30,193
[excited laugh]
54
00:02:30,193 --> 00:02:31,611
♪ harp strumming ♪
55
00:02:32,237 --> 00:02:33,989
[cheering fades away]
56
00:02:33,989 --> 00:02:35,240
♪
57
00:02:35,240 --> 00:02:37,492
.‐ We set off as soon as we heard
the kingdom was in danger,
58
00:02:37,492 --> 00:02:39,536
but it appears we arrived too late.
59
00:02:39,536 --> 00:02:42,080
‐ The castle's pretty
jacked up but luckily,
60
00:02:42,080 --> 00:02:44,749
this squire saved us all
from certain death.
61
00:02:44,749 --> 00:02:47,878
He is truly the greatest
squire who ever lived.
62
00:02:47,878 --> 00:02:49,921
‐ Great! So, the assassin's dead?
63
00:02:49,921 --> 00:02:53,174
‐ No, she got away.
‐ But the kingdom's secrets are safe.
64
00:02:53,174 --> 00:02:55,844
‐ No, she‐she got 'em all.
‐ Stole them, eh?
65
00:02:55,844 --> 00:02:58,805
‐ No, they were freely given.
‐ By which traitor?!
66
00:02:58,805 --> 00:03:00,390
‐ Actually, by Patrick,
67
00:03:00,390 --> 00:03:03,935
the greatest squire who ever lived...
68
00:03:03,935 --> 00:03:04,936
[Patrick groans]
69
00:03:04,936 --> 00:03:07,355
[gavel banging]
70
00:03:07,355 --> 00:03:08,857
♪
71
00:03:10,817 --> 00:03:13,486
‐ All rise for the case of the Kingdom
72
00:03:13,486 --> 00:03:17,073
versus Patrick, the traitor squire!
73
00:03:17,073 --> 00:03:18,658
[chairs creak]
74
00:03:18,658 --> 00:03:22,162
‐ I told them I was prejudiced against
squires to try to get out of this,
75
00:03:22,162 --> 00:03:25,874
and I'm still here.
Now, I just hate squires for real!
76
00:03:25,874 --> 00:03:27,876
♪
77
00:03:27,876 --> 00:03:29,961
‐ Oh...
‐ Patrick,
78
00:03:29,961 --> 00:03:32,714
you're accused of conspiracy
to commit treason.
79
00:03:32,714 --> 00:03:35,300
Now, they say that you
shared the king's secrets
80
00:03:35,300 --> 00:03:37,510
with an assassin you went to bed with!
81
00:03:37,510 --> 00:03:39,596
But, that doesn't add up. Isn't it true
82
00:03:39,596 --> 00:03:41,640
you didn't even close the deal with her?
83
00:03:41,640 --> 00:03:44,809
‐ Yes, but I wish you hadn't
said that on the record,
84
00:03:44,809 --> 00:03:47,729
in front of everyone,
including my parents.
85
00:03:47,729 --> 00:03:50,815
‐ [sighs] The boy never finishes anything.
86
00:03:50,815 --> 00:03:53,985
‐ So wait, if he gets executed,
can I have his stuff?
87
00:03:53,985 --> 00:03:56,029
Ha, ha. Then he did it.
88
00:03:56,029 --> 00:03:57,697
♪
89
00:03:57,697 --> 00:03:59,407
‐ Not a fan.
90
00:03:59,407 --> 00:04:02,577
‐ Oh, come on!
He didn't do it, I'm telling ya!
91
00:04:02,577 --> 00:04:05,247
King Merriman's a stand‐up guy!
[grunts]
92
00:04:05,747 --> 00:04:07,999
‐ We're discussing your brother Patrick.
93
00:04:07,999 --> 00:04:10,627
He's the one on trial.
‐ What, Patrick?
94
00:04:10,627 --> 00:04:12,337
Nah, I barely know that guy.
95
00:04:12,337 --> 00:04:13,880
‐ He is my best friend.
96
00:04:13,880 --> 00:04:15,549
He'd never give away secrets,
97
00:04:15,549 --> 00:04:17,676
or fail to close the deal.
98
00:04:17,676 --> 00:04:20,971
He's a model squire,
and I would do anything for him.
99
00:04:20,971 --> 00:04:23,390
[applause]
100
00:04:23,390 --> 00:04:26,059
Including lie on the witness stand!
[ding]
101
00:04:26,059 --> 00:04:28,270
[crowd booing]
[groans]
102
00:04:28,270 --> 00:04:30,855
‐ And now, my kingdom's half destroyed.
103
00:04:30,855 --> 00:04:33,608
We need to find
a scapegoat to pin this on.
104
00:04:33,608 --> 00:04:37,445
That'll fix everything
and we can all go home early.
105
00:04:37,445 --> 00:04:39,281
Well, almost all of us.
‐ [whispers] Hear that?
106
00:04:39,281 --> 00:04:41,408
I'm going home early.
‐ Oh.
107
00:04:41,408 --> 00:04:44,035
‐ You expect us to believe a young man
108
00:04:44,035 --> 00:04:47,163
spent the night in bed
with a beautiful woman,
109
00:04:47,163 --> 00:04:50,250
and didn't even try to go all the way?
110
00:04:50,250 --> 00:04:53,920
‐ [sighs] We mostly just stared into
each other's eyes and talked.
111
00:04:53,920 --> 00:04:56,756
In a way, it was more intimate.
112
00:04:56,756 --> 00:04:57,841
[booing]
113
00:04:57,841 --> 00:05:00,218
‐ Oh god, where's my gavel?
[banging]
114
00:05:00,218 --> 00:05:02,846
‐ The jury will now be sequestered.
115
00:05:02,846 --> 00:05:05,849
♪ Hungarian Rhapsody No. 2 ♪
116
00:05:07,267 --> 00:05:08,435
‐ And we got a verdict.
117
00:05:09,853 --> 00:05:12,272
‐ This looks bad.
‐ Let it play out.
118
00:05:13,732 --> 00:05:15,483
Still six more jurors.
119
00:05:16,693 --> 00:05:17,611
[ding]
120
00:05:17,611 --> 00:05:21,197
Damn it! At least the winky face
softened the blow. So sassy.
121
00:05:21,197 --> 00:05:23,241
‐ Okay, here's what I got.
You're found guilty of treason,
122
00:05:23,241 --> 00:05:27,120
destruction of property, and not being
able to close the deal, pussy.
123
00:05:27,120 --> 00:05:31,082
You are hereby ordered to spin
the Wheel of Retribution.
124
00:05:33,418 --> 00:05:35,670
♪ Now, gather 'round, guys and gals ♪
125
00:05:35,670 --> 00:05:37,547
♪ It's the Wheel of Retribution ♪
126
00:05:37,547 --> 00:05:39,841
♪ Will he get a slap on the wrist ♪
127
00:05:39,841 --> 00:05:41,343
♪ Or a public execution? ♪
128
00:05:41,343 --> 00:05:44,930
‐ [laughs] That song is my favorite part.
Please, keep going.
129
00:05:44,930 --> 00:05:48,642
♪ It's incredibly just, amazingly fair,
and also so much fun ♪
130
00:05:48,642 --> 00:05:52,354
♪ The Wheel of Retribution
is a joy to everyone! ♪
131
00:05:52,354 --> 00:05:53,355
‐ Not for me.
132
00:05:53,355 --> 00:05:55,482
‐ And what makes it extra amusing
133
00:05:55,482 --> 00:05:59,152
is that one of the punishments
is the, quote, "silly one."
134
00:05:59,152 --> 00:06:00,904
‐ Uh, which one is the silly one?
135
00:06:00,904 --> 00:06:04,241
‐ Win us a boat, Patrick!
‐ Don't be ridiculous, Glenn.
136
00:06:04,241 --> 00:06:05,825
Take the cash, Patrick!
137
00:06:05,825 --> 00:06:08,453
[sighs, grunts]
[wheel squeaking]
138
00:06:08,453 --> 00:06:11,164
♪
139
00:06:11,164 --> 00:06:14,167
[squeaking, clicking]
140
00:06:16,503 --> 00:06:19,297
‐ Phew! Looks like I'm butt chugging
a gallon of milk.
141
00:06:19,297 --> 00:06:22,676
‐ You're blind, dude. If anything,
it's closer to "face eaten by rats."
142
00:06:22,676 --> 00:06:23,969
‐ [whispers] Shut the fuck up, Broth.
143
00:06:23,969 --> 00:06:26,429
‐ You know what? I'm gonna give you both.
‐ But that's not fair.
144
00:06:26,429 --> 00:06:29,307
‐ Oh god. Please read back
the transcript for the court.
145
00:06:29,307 --> 00:06:33,103
‐ "It's incredibly just, amazingly fair,
and also so much fun.
146
00:06:33,103 --> 00:06:35,897
The Wheel of Retribution
is a joy to everyone."
147
00:06:35,897 --> 00:06:38,108
[banging]
‐ Okay, sustained. Fetch the face rats!
148
00:06:38,108 --> 00:06:40,277
[crowd cheering]
149
00:06:40,277 --> 00:06:42,362
[gnawing, snarling]
150
00:06:42,862 --> 00:06:44,447
‐ It's not so bad.
151
00:06:44,447 --> 00:06:46,533
[squishing]
152
00:06:46,533 --> 00:06:48,034
[cheering continues]
153
00:06:48,034 --> 00:06:49,869
♪
154
00:06:49,869 --> 00:06:52,122
‐ Woop! Woop! Hold everything!
155
00:06:52,122 --> 00:06:54,457
Stage four rainbow alert! Woop! Woop!
156
00:06:54,457 --> 00:06:57,460
[cheering]
157
00:07:00,255 --> 00:07:01,256
‐ Okay...
158
00:07:01,256 --> 00:07:04,259
[crowd gasping]
159
00:07:04,259 --> 00:07:06,511
‐ Your Majesty, sometimes I think
160
00:07:06,511 --> 00:07:09,097
God must exist if something as wondrous‐‐
161
00:07:09,097 --> 00:07:10,307
‐ Ah, who gives a fuck?
162
00:07:10,307 --> 00:07:12,767
We need the leprechaun gold
at the end of that rainbow,
163
00:07:12,767 --> 00:07:15,145
or else our broke‐ass kingdom
is gonna get conquered!
164
00:07:15,145 --> 00:07:16,730
Maybe by big‐dick Randy!
165
00:07:16,730 --> 00:07:18,857
‐ Every time we go on
a wild rainbow chase,
166
00:07:18,857 --> 00:07:20,275
there's never any gold.
167
00:07:20,275 --> 00:07:22,402
It is nothing but a silly little myth.
168
00:07:22,402 --> 00:07:25,530
‐ That's preposterous.
We just need to up the ante.
169
00:07:25,530 --> 00:07:27,490
This time, the one who finds the gold
170
00:07:27,490 --> 00:07:30,160
can keep the leprechaun to do
whatever you want with it!
171
00:07:30,160 --> 00:07:33,705
Make it clean your place, sell it,
cut it up, fuck it, whatever!
172
00:07:33,705 --> 00:07:35,415
[crowd cheering]
173
00:07:35,415 --> 00:07:38,001
Be careful out there.
Don't fall for their games.
174
00:07:38,001 --> 00:07:40,503
They're wily little bastards.
‐ Y‐Your Majesty,
175
00:07:40,503 --> 00:07:44,257
if I find the gold, may I have
my sentence commuted?
176
00:07:44,257 --> 00:07:45,926
‐ Patrick, if you find the gold,
177
00:07:45,926 --> 00:07:48,345
I'll butt chug the milk myself.
178
00:07:48,345 --> 00:07:51,223
‐ Your Honor, is that allowed?
‐ Ah, forget it, Andy.
179
00:07:51,223 --> 00:07:53,016
It's rich people law.
180
00:07:54,809 --> 00:07:57,854
♪
181
00:07:59,856 --> 00:08:01,358
♪
182
00:08:01,358 --> 00:08:04,027
‐ Guys, if there's gold at
the end of the rainbow,
183
00:08:04,027 --> 00:08:07,364
maybe let me find it, so I won't
have my face eaten off.
184
00:08:07,364 --> 00:08:10,700
‐ Patrick, sorry about your face,
but this is personal for me.
185
00:08:10,700 --> 00:08:13,536
As a child, my dad said he was going
out to find the end of a rainbow,
186
00:08:13,536 --> 00:08:16,414
and never... came... back.
BROTH: Sorry, buddy!
187
00:08:16,414 --> 00:08:18,041
I'm blinded by my lust for
188
00:08:18,041 --> 00:08:19,459
[Irish accent]
a free leprechaun!
189
00:08:19,459 --> 00:08:21,920
‐ Frankly, Patrick, those rats
would be doing you a favor.
190
00:08:21,920 --> 00:08:24,631
‐ I also have an opinion
about your request!
191
00:08:25,423 --> 00:08:26,424
[panting]
192
00:08:27,133 --> 00:08:28,385
[groans]
193
00:08:29,094 --> 00:08:30,220
‐ Ah, screw them.
194
00:08:30,220 --> 00:08:32,472
No one's ever found the end
of the rainbow anyway.
195
00:08:32,472 --> 00:08:34,349
If I'm gonna find leprechaun gold,
196
00:08:34,349 --> 00:08:36,309
I need to be smart about this.
197
00:08:36,309 --> 00:08:38,103
[horse whinnies]
198
00:08:38,103 --> 00:08:39,437
Ah! Of course!
199
00:08:39,437 --> 00:08:42,524
I bet the knights know where to find
leprechauns. They've been everywhere.
200
00:08:42,524 --> 00:08:43,567
♪
201
00:08:43,567 --> 00:08:45,569
‐ What is it, kid?
Do you need an autograph?
202
00:08:45,569 --> 00:08:48,238
‐ Well, I'm ‐‐ ha, ha ‐‐ not gonna say no.
203
00:08:49,030 --> 00:08:51,241
[knight humming]
204
00:08:51,241 --> 00:08:53,368
‐ There. That's permanent.
205
00:08:53,368 --> 00:08:55,495
‐ Great. Um, one other thing.
206
00:08:55,495 --> 00:08:57,747
Could you point, on this map,
207
00:08:57,747 --> 00:08:59,874
where all the leprechauns live?
208
00:08:59,874 --> 00:09:01,251
‐ Well, sure I can.
209
00:09:01,251 --> 00:09:04,379
[humming] Ah!
210
00:09:04,379 --> 00:09:06,089
Beeoo!
211
00:09:07,048 --> 00:09:10,594
‐ Aw, my map!
‐ Oh look, I invited airplanes. No big.
212
00:09:10,594 --> 00:09:14,222
Now, let's find a home
for all these boners!
213
00:09:14,222 --> 00:09:17,100
‐ Boners!
[laughter]
214
00:09:17,767 --> 00:09:21,271
[knights grunting, overlapping chatter]
215
00:09:21,271 --> 00:09:22,272
[horse snorts]
216
00:09:22,272 --> 00:09:25,150
♪
217
00:09:25,692 --> 00:09:29,070
‐ Hello? I think my map flew in here?
218
00:09:29,070 --> 00:09:31,197
[crying, straining]
219
00:09:31,197 --> 00:09:32,782
Oh my god, stop!
220
00:09:32,782 --> 00:09:34,951
[struggling]
221
00:09:34,951 --> 00:09:35,994
[sproing]
222
00:09:35,994 --> 00:09:38,830
‐ Damn it, that was my only bolt!
Go chase it down for me, would you?
223
00:09:38,830 --> 00:09:41,708
‐ I'm not helping you shoot
an arrow into your mouth!
224
00:09:41,708 --> 00:09:44,544
Listen, it's always darkest
before the dawn.
225
00:09:44,544 --> 00:09:47,047
‐ Kid, save it. I took poison an hour ago.
226
00:09:47,047 --> 00:09:48,840
The crossbow was just
to move things along.
227
00:09:48,840 --> 00:09:51,927
‐ What? We need to get you to a hospital!
‐ Nah, there's no rush.
228
00:09:51,927 --> 00:09:53,929
It's a slow‐acting poison.
229
00:09:53,929 --> 00:09:55,639
‐ Well, why didn't you
take fast‐acting poison?
230
00:09:55,639 --> 00:09:58,850
‐ Ah, I wanted to tragically weep over
that picture of my wife for a while first.
231
00:09:58,850 --> 00:10:01,186
[sobbing]
232
00:10:01,186 --> 00:10:04,522
♪ sad music playing ♪
233
00:10:04,522 --> 00:10:06,733
Look, I'm a real wild card.
234
00:10:06,733 --> 00:10:09,277
The name's Sir Kutter.
‐ Oh, my name's Patrick.
235
00:10:09,277 --> 00:10:11,488
It sounds like we're both having bad days.
236
00:10:11,488 --> 00:10:13,573
I've gotta find a pot of leprechaun gold
237
00:10:13,573 --> 00:10:15,450
or rats are gonna eat my face off.
238
00:10:15,450 --> 00:10:18,536
‐ [laughing] Whoa!
What did you do to earn that?
239
00:10:18,536 --> 00:10:21,289
‐ Eh, I gave away
state secrets to a sexy spy
240
00:10:21,289 --> 00:10:23,124
who was the love of my life.
241
00:10:23,124 --> 00:10:25,210
And now, I'll never be a knight.
242
00:10:25,210 --> 00:10:27,170
Oh, this is the worst day ever.
243
00:10:27,170 --> 00:10:30,090
‐ You know what'll take the edge off?
244
00:10:30,090 --> 00:10:32,425
A little poison.
[sloshing]
245
00:10:32,425 --> 00:10:34,219
♪
246
00:10:34,219 --> 00:10:35,470
‐ Wow, thanks for helping me.
247
00:10:35,470 --> 00:10:38,265
‐ Patrick, we were born to be partners!
248
00:10:38,265 --> 00:10:41,184
You're a joyless square whose
idea of a good time is crudités
249
00:10:41,184 --> 00:10:43,395
and a jigsaw puzzle
with a lot of beige in it.
250
00:10:43,395 --> 00:10:45,814
Meanwhile, I'm the hell‐on‐wheels rebel
251
00:10:45,814 --> 00:10:47,524
rippin' farts and breakin' hearts
252
00:10:47,524 --> 00:10:49,568
who double‐majored in advanced badassery
253
00:10:49,568 --> 00:10:51,111
and howling at the moon!
254
00:10:51,111 --> 00:10:53,738
[howling]
255
00:10:53,738 --> 00:10:56,783
‐ So, to be clear,
I'm definitely the lame partner.
256
00:10:56,783 --> 00:11:00,078
‐ [laughing] Oh yeah,
but partners complete each other!
257
00:11:00,078 --> 00:11:01,788
You'll see. By the end of the story,
258
00:11:01,788 --> 00:11:04,874
we'll each have learned
something from the other.
259
00:11:04,874 --> 00:11:06,960
‐ Wow.
‐ And then, I'll die from poison,
260
00:11:06,960 --> 00:11:09,588
and, god, how you'll cry!
‐ Great.
261
00:11:10,088 --> 00:11:12,132
Uh, hey, this isn't the way
to the rainbow.
262
00:11:12,132 --> 00:11:15,594
‐ Ah, spoken like a true lame‐ass.
Let those other fools chase the rainbow.
263
00:11:15,594 --> 00:11:18,471
Wild cards take shortcuts.
264
00:11:18,471 --> 00:11:21,349
‐ This shortcut really takes us
through the janky part of town.
265
00:11:21,349 --> 00:11:23,560
‐ The jankier the better!
266
00:11:23,560 --> 00:11:26,479
♪ loud rock music playing ♪
267
00:11:26,479 --> 00:11:28,315
Ol' One Horn around?
268
00:11:28,315 --> 00:11:30,817
Tell him Ol' Two Eyes is looking for him.
269
00:11:30,817 --> 00:11:33,069
‐ One Horn ain't seeing visitors.
270
00:11:33,069 --> 00:11:36,114
‐ Well, that's a shame
because I ain't not seeing him.
271
00:11:36,114 --> 00:11:39,951
‐ Well, that's a shame
because you ain't not not seeing him.
272
00:11:39,951 --> 00:11:44,372
‐ Well, that's a shame because
I ain't not not not seeing him.
273
00:11:44,372 --> 00:11:48,043
‐ Well, you're not not not not...
274
00:11:48,043 --> 00:11:49,628
I'm gonna kill you! [grunts]
275
00:11:49,628 --> 00:11:51,796
‐ Oh my god!
‐ That's not a knife.
276
00:11:51,796 --> 00:11:53,924
[slice]
That's a knife.
277
00:11:53,924 --> 00:11:55,926
‐ Technically, they're both knives.
278
00:11:55,926 --> 00:11:58,553
Size has nothing to do with it.
279
00:11:58,553 --> 00:12:00,972
[grunting, screams]
‐ Ha!
280
00:12:00,972 --> 00:12:03,308
‐ Oh! That escalated so fast!
281
00:12:03,308 --> 00:12:06,144
‐ Relax. I missed all of his
vital face organs on purpose.
282
00:12:06,144 --> 00:12:08,146
‐ It's true! It barely hurts!
283
00:12:08,146 --> 00:12:10,065
‐ Wow! Such precision.
284
00:12:10,065 --> 00:12:12,984
[bartender grunts]
‐ Steamers and kielbasa, comin' up!
285
00:12:12,984 --> 00:12:14,861
[splat]
‐ Stick around.
286
00:12:14,861 --> 00:12:16,988
Fun partners love puns,
lame partners hate them.
287
00:12:16,988 --> 00:12:19,324
If I ever hear a pun out of your mouth,
288
00:12:19,324 --> 00:12:21,326
I'll know I've reached you.
289
00:12:22,035 --> 00:12:23,787
[splatter]
290
00:12:23,787 --> 00:12:24,788
♪
291
00:12:24,788 --> 00:12:26,873
[squires cheering]
292
00:12:26,873 --> 00:12:28,792
‐ We found the end of the rainbow!
293
00:12:28,792 --> 00:12:30,627
This was not hard at all.
294
00:12:30,627 --> 00:12:32,671
‐ Does anyone see my dad?
295
00:12:32,671 --> 00:12:35,507
‐ Griffin found the rainbow first,
but I'm gonna find that gold.
296
00:12:35,507 --> 00:12:37,175
[cheering]
297
00:12:37,884 --> 00:12:39,636
‐ Ooh! I found a shiny rock!
298
00:12:39,636 --> 00:12:42,180
‐ I found friendship!
It's better than gold!
299
00:12:42,180 --> 00:12:43,598
‐ Shut up, Gorby!
300
00:12:43,598 --> 00:12:44,683
[screaming]
301
00:12:44,683 --> 00:12:46,977
‐ Hey, Griffin! I found your dad!
302
00:12:46,977 --> 00:12:49,354
‐ Papa!
‐ No! I am Eric.
303
00:12:49,354 --> 00:12:52,732
How dare you trespass
on leprechaun property.
304
00:12:52,732 --> 00:12:56,611
If it's gold you want,
the stakes shall be your very lives.
305
00:12:56,611 --> 00:12:58,697
[laughing]
[scared murmuring]
306
00:12:58,697 --> 00:13:00,365
It's time to play...
307
00:13:00,365 --> 00:13:03,368
STUDIO AUDIENCE:
Shamrock Showdown!
308
00:13:03,368 --> 00:13:06,037
[applause, cheering]
309
00:13:06,037 --> 00:13:07,539
[confused grunting]
310
00:13:07,539 --> 00:13:10,125
♪ game show music ♪
311
00:13:10,125 --> 00:13:12,460
‐ Alright, Gorby. Your first challenge
312
00:13:12,460 --> 00:13:15,922
is to answer this question
for a shot at a prize.
313
00:13:15,922 --> 00:13:18,800
Leprechauns are notoriously fond
314
00:13:18,800 --> 00:13:20,635
of this color.
315
00:13:20,635 --> 00:13:22,804
‐ Green?
‐ Correct! You've won
316
00:13:22,804 --> 00:13:24,848
a hand‐crafted flute!
317
00:13:24,848 --> 00:13:26,182
[cheering]
BROTH: Good job, Gorby!
318
00:13:26,182 --> 00:13:28,476
‐ Now, would you like to keep your flute,
319
00:13:28,476 --> 00:13:31,771
or tempt fate for a chance at the gold?
320
00:13:31,771 --> 00:13:33,773
‐ [scoffs] Definitely the flute.
321
00:13:33,773 --> 00:13:36,568
‐ Gorby, that question was so easy.
‐ Yeah! Tempt fate!
322
00:13:36,568 --> 00:13:38,194
SQUIRES:
Tempt fate! Tempt fate!
323
00:13:38,194 --> 00:13:40,363
Tempt fate!
‐ Okay.
324
00:13:40,363 --> 00:13:43,074
I'm gonna tempt fate, Eric!
‐ Alright then!
325
00:13:43,074 --> 00:13:46,119
Spell the world "shillelagh."
326
00:13:46,119 --> 00:13:49,247
‐ Can you use it in a sentence?
‐ Of course I can!
327
00:13:49,247 --> 00:13:52,334
Quote, "Spell the word 'shillelagh,'
328
00:13:52,334 --> 00:13:54,920
said Eric."
‐ Okay. Shillelagh.
329
00:13:54,920 --> 00:13:59,424
S‐H‐A‐I‐L‐E‐N‐E‐W‐O‐O‐D‐L‐E‐Y.
330
00:14:00,008 --> 00:14:01,343
[buzzer]
[Gorby screaming]
331
00:14:01,343 --> 00:14:02,761
[screaming]
‐ Gorby!
332
00:14:02,761 --> 00:14:04,763
[descending note]
333
00:14:05,180 --> 00:14:07,766
♪
334
00:14:07,766 --> 00:14:09,768
‐ Who is it, Jerry?
335
00:14:09,768 --> 00:14:12,312
‐ Jerry, you can tell him
it's a no‐fun squire
336
00:14:12,312 --> 00:14:14,105
who really brings the room down
337
00:14:14,105 --> 00:14:17,067
and a rascally rogue
who's more of an anti‐hero
338
00:14:17,067 --> 00:14:18,568
you love to hate.
339
00:14:18,568 --> 00:14:22,030
‐ Ah, no. Jerry, take five, please.
340
00:14:22,030 --> 00:14:24,157
‐ I'm calling in my favor, One Horn.
341
00:14:24,157 --> 00:14:26,159
You know the one I mean.
342
00:14:27,702 --> 00:14:30,705
♪ muzak playing ♪
343
00:14:31,957 --> 00:14:34,084
You wanna go in front of me?
You've only got, like, two things.
344
00:14:34,084 --> 00:14:37,212
‐ I got, like, 100 if you count
every olive in this jar.
345
00:14:37,212 --> 00:14:38,922
[laughter]
346
00:14:38,922 --> 00:14:41,091
Thanks. You know, I‐I owe you one.
347
00:14:41,550 --> 00:14:44,010
I knew that would come back
to bite me in the ass.
348
00:14:44,010 --> 00:14:46,221
‐ Tell us where
the Leprechaun Gang is hiding out!
349
00:14:46,221 --> 00:14:48,515
‐ No way! If they find out I squealed,
350
00:14:48,515 --> 00:14:50,350
they'll give me the Four Leaf Clover.
351
00:14:50,350 --> 00:14:54,020
That's when they carve a plus sign
into your face with a razor,
352
00:14:54,020 --> 00:14:56,565
and then peel each quadrant back.
353
00:14:56,565 --> 00:14:59,359
‐ Jesus! Maybe he doesn't
have to tell us where they are.
354
00:14:59,359 --> 00:15:00,986
‐ The Four Leaf Clover's
a walk in the park
355
00:15:00,986 --> 00:15:03,280
compared to getting your face
eaten off by rats, Patrick!
356
00:15:03,280 --> 00:15:05,782
‐ Oh shit!
Yeah, give me a Four Leaf Clover
357
00:15:05,782 --> 00:15:07,576
any day of the week.
‐ Great.
358
00:15:07,576 --> 00:15:11,204
‐ I'm sorry, Kutter,
but I can only do you one favor today.
359
00:15:11,204 --> 00:15:12,664
Killing you real quick.
360
00:15:12,664 --> 00:15:15,041
[grunting, yelling]
[slicing]
361
00:15:15,041 --> 00:15:18,169
♪
362
00:15:18,169 --> 00:15:20,130
[shining]
363
00:15:20,130 --> 00:15:21,923
[yelling, slicing]
364
00:15:21,923 --> 00:15:23,758
Mule kick!
[Kutter grunts]
365
00:15:23,758 --> 00:15:25,760
[grunting]
[clanging, chirping]
366
00:15:25,760 --> 00:15:27,304
‐ Oh... Huh?
367
00:15:28,889 --> 00:15:30,599
[yelling]
368
00:15:30,599 --> 00:15:31,725
[smash]
369
00:15:31,725 --> 00:15:33,184
[grunting]
370
00:15:33,184 --> 00:15:35,228
‐ Ah, damn it!
371
00:15:37,772 --> 00:15:39,900
[screaming]
372
00:15:39,900 --> 00:15:41,776
‐ Wait! Wait, wait, wait! Stop!
373
00:15:41,776 --> 00:15:45,280
The Leprechaun Gang's laying low
at the Pot O' Gold Restaurant on 5th!
374
00:15:45,280 --> 00:15:48,241
Ask for Eric!
‐ There. Was that so hard?
375
00:15:48,241 --> 00:15:50,869
Next time I see you at the checkout line,
376
00:15:50,869 --> 00:15:53,496
you aren't cutting in front of shit!
377
00:15:53,496 --> 00:15:55,749
See you around, None Horn!
378
00:15:55,749 --> 00:15:57,125
♪
379
00:15:57,125 --> 00:16:00,086
‐ What have you done?!
I'm just a horse now!
380
00:16:00,086 --> 00:16:02,756
A stupid fucking horse!
381
00:16:02,756 --> 00:16:03,757
[echoing]
382
00:16:05,800 --> 00:16:07,344
♪
383
00:16:07,344 --> 00:16:09,429
‐ I feel bad about that unicorn.
384
00:16:09,429 --> 00:16:12,432
You know, I‐I bet a lot of his self‐worth
was tied up in that horn.
385
00:16:12,432 --> 00:16:14,392
‐ Don't cry any tears for
that piece of shit, Patrick.
386
00:16:14,392 --> 00:16:16,394
He runs an illegal horse fighting ring.
387
00:16:16,394 --> 00:16:19,689
‐ But he is a horse.
Why would he do that to his own kind?
388
00:16:19,689 --> 00:16:22,067
‐ [sighs] Everyone knows that
the horse hierarchy goes
389
00:16:22,067 --> 00:16:24,361
unicorns, pegasuses, zebras, show horses,
390
00:16:24,361 --> 00:16:26,238
racehorses, labor horses,
mini horses, ponies,
391
00:16:26,238 --> 00:16:28,698
donkeys, mules,
followed by your second tier,
392
00:16:28,698 --> 00:16:30,784
lady unicorns, lady pegasuses,
lady zebras...
393
00:16:30,784 --> 00:16:33,620
‐ Wow. Horse culture is really toxic.
394
00:16:33,620 --> 00:16:37,082
[applause, crowd cheering]
395
00:16:37,082 --> 00:16:39,834
[plinking]
396
00:16:41,127 --> 00:16:42,712
BROTH:
Hey, I won a skull!
397
00:16:42,712 --> 00:16:44,339
Alright. Ah!
[buzzer]
398
00:16:45,590 --> 00:16:47,926
I'm not worried.
I work for the best king ever,
399
00:16:47,926 --> 00:16:51,054
and he's probably working on a plan
to save all of us right now!
400
00:16:51,054 --> 00:16:52,222
[grunts, screaming]
401
00:16:53,014 --> 00:16:55,892
‐ Just a little higher!
I think we've almost got Randy beat!
402
00:16:55,892 --> 00:16:57,727
[straining]
403
00:16:57,727 --> 00:17:00,939
Now, just hold it there forever.
‐ Ah! Jesus fucking Christ!
404
00:17:00,939 --> 00:17:01,940
[smash]
405
00:17:02,774 --> 00:17:05,777
♪ lively music ♪
406
00:17:05,777 --> 00:17:08,697
‐ Wow, a fondue place.
Now I have somewhere to bring dates.
407
00:17:08,697 --> 00:17:11,032
‐ Sure, kid. Dates.
408
00:17:11,032 --> 00:17:14,035
[restaurant chatter]
409
00:17:15,829 --> 00:17:18,832
‐ Hey, that woman looks like
the lady in your painting.
410
00:17:20,292 --> 00:17:21,793
‐ [gasps] Jazlyn!
411
00:17:22,377 --> 00:17:23,670
‐ [quietly] Jazlyn?
412
00:17:24,170 --> 00:17:27,549
‐ So, this is my replacement, huh?
413
00:17:27,549 --> 00:17:30,677
‐ [sighs] Hello, Kutter.
‐ Oh, howdy! Pleased to meet you!
414
00:17:30,677 --> 00:17:33,847
My name's Bruce.
‐ Your dead wife... is alive?
415
00:17:33,847 --> 00:17:35,181
‐ I never said she was dead!
416
00:17:35,181 --> 00:17:38,310
‐ It was strongly implied.
‐ Well, she's dead to me.
417
00:17:38,310 --> 00:17:40,770
Dead! Just like I'll be soon.
You hear that,
418
00:17:40,770 --> 00:17:42,188
Jazlyn?!
419
00:17:42,188 --> 00:17:44,149
[Gorby screaming]
420
00:17:44,149 --> 00:17:45,483
‐ Always a pleasure.
421
00:17:45,483 --> 00:17:47,611
Ah! Oh! Ah! That hurts!
422
00:17:47,611 --> 00:17:48,737
BROTH:
Oh, Patrick!
423
00:17:48,737 --> 00:17:52,240
Help us! The punishment for losing
the game show is being turned into cheese!
424
00:17:52,240 --> 00:17:56,244
‐ Ho‐ho! Someone fell for
the Shamrock Showdown.
425
00:17:56,244 --> 00:17:59,456
‐ Let's fon‐due this. Oh no.
426
00:17:59,456 --> 00:18:00,832
[crying]
427
00:18:00,832 --> 00:18:04,252
‐ This partnership was a success.
428
00:18:04,252 --> 00:18:06,588
[grunting]
[screaming]
429
00:18:06,588 --> 00:18:08,506
‐ Cheddar luck next time, bitch.
430
00:18:08,506 --> 00:18:10,258
[splash, gurgling]
431
00:18:10,258 --> 00:18:11,801
[squires cheering]
432
00:18:11,801 --> 00:18:13,595
[panting]
[slice]
433
00:18:13,595 --> 00:18:16,223
[grunting, cheering]
434
00:18:16,223 --> 00:18:19,601
♪
435
00:18:19,601 --> 00:18:21,228
‐ Word around the janky part of town
436
00:18:21,228 --> 00:18:23,772
is you're looking for Eric the Leprechaun.
437
00:18:23,772 --> 00:18:26,191
Well, I've got some bad news.
438
00:18:26,191 --> 00:18:27,692
You found him.
439
00:18:27,692 --> 00:18:30,445
[all screaming]
440
00:18:30,445 --> 00:18:32,239
‐ Ha!
[grunts]
441
00:18:36,493 --> 00:18:37,702
[grunts]
442
00:18:37,702 --> 00:18:38,828
[whirring]
443
00:18:39,746 --> 00:18:40,830
‐ Ah!
444
00:18:41,456 --> 00:18:43,792
Looking Gouda, motherfucker!
[screaming]
445
00:18:43,792 --> 00:18:45,293
‐ No, no! No, no! Ah!
[grunts]
446
00:18:46,169 --> 00:18:48,838
[grumbling]
‐ Gimme that. Ah! Ha!
447
00:18:48,838 --> 00:18:50,298
[splat]
448
00:18:51,967 --> 00:18:55,512
‐ Ow! That's just annoying!
Get us with a blade, you idiot!
449
00:18:55,512 --> 00:18:58,515
Ah! It's got all my face organs!
450
00:18:58,515 --> 00:18:59,516
[splat]
451
00:18:59,516 --> 00:19:01,518
[all panting]
452
00:19:01,518 --> 00:19:04,729
‐ Ha, ha!
We took down the Leprechaun Gang!
453
00:19:04,729 --> 00:19:07,649
Not that I'm bragging as we are much
larger and stronger than them.
454
00:19:07,649 --> 00:19:10,610
‐ Thanks for saving our lives.
You know we'd do the same for you.
455
00:19:11,278 --> 00:19:13,655
‐ You literally didn't earlier today.
456
00:19:13,655 --> 00:19:16,283
‐ Ha! Right. We're incorrigible. Anyway,
457
00:19:16,283 --> 00:19:18,660
I'll catch you on the flip‐flop, tim‐tam!
458
00:19:18,660 --> 00:19:20,328
‐ Bye, Patrick!
459
00:19:20,328 --> 00:19:21,955
♪
460
00:19:21,955 --> 00:19:24,666
‐ You caught me! Now, let's play...
461
00:19:24,666 --> 00:19:26,585
♪ game show music ♪
462
00:19:26,585 --> 00:19:29,296
‐ Give us the gold or I'll kick your nuts
up through your mouth hole!
463
00:19:29,296 --> 00:19:30,547
♪ game show music ends ♪
464
00:19:30,547 --> 00:19:31,798
‐ Fair enough.
465
00:19:31,798 --> 00:19:34,676
‐ Well, you killed several members
of my date's family.
466
00:19:34,676 --> 00:19:37,929
I'm unlikely to even get finger‐banged
tonight. Thanks a lot.
467
00:19:37,929 --> 00:19:40,849
‐ Hey, leave him alone.
He has minutes to live.
468
00:19:40,849 --> 00:19:43,894
‐ Oh, is he still doing that routine?
‐ I mean it this time!
469
00:19:43,894 --> 00:19:46,938
‐ Okay, so you're not wearing the antidote
on a chain around your neck?
470
00:19:48,189 --> 00:19:49,858
‐ Fuck you, Jazlyn.
471
00:19:49,858 --> 00:19:53,194
[straining, struggling]
472
00:19:53,194 --> 00:19:54,779
‐ Contract fulfilled.
473
00:19:54,779 --> 00:19:56,781
Here's your giant pot of gold.
474
00:19:56,781 --> 00:19:59,409
‐ This is it? It's so small.
475
00:19:59,409 --> 00:20:02,203
‐ Well, it's giant to me,
you sizeist motherfucker!
476
00:20:02,203 --> 00:20:05,457
I bet there are giant people
somewhere who think you're small!
477
00:20:05,457 --> 00:20:07,459
‐ Yeah. They're called giants.
478
00:20:07,459 --> 00:20:10,545
‐ Ever consider that
they're the normal ones?
479
00:20:10,545 --> 00:20:13,215
‐ So that would make you
extra‐extra tiny?
480
00:20:13,215 --> 00:20:15,926
‐ Well, by the transitive property, sure.
Now, get out!
481
00:20:15,926 --> 00:20:17,552
I'm a defeated man.
482
00:20:17,552 --> 00:20:19,346
♪
483
00:20:19,346 --> 00:20:20,764
‐ Whoa.
484
00:20:20,764 --> 00:20:22,933
[sparkling]
485
00:20:22,933 --> 00:20:24,434
What's all that?
486
00:20:24,434 --> 00:20:26,645
‐ Ooh, those gems are bad luck!
487
00:20:26,645 --> 00:20:28,563
Negative four shamrocks,
488
00:20:28,563 --> 00:20:30,482
our lowest luck rating.
489
00:20:30,482 --> 00:20:32,025
‐ Can I have some?
490
00:20:32,025 --> 00:20:33,860
‐ No! What did I just tell you?
491
00:20:33,860 --> 00:20:36,238
They say doom befalls anyone
492
00:20:36,238 --> 00:20:39,032
who removes even one of these gems.
493
00:20:39,032 --> 00:20:41,368
♪ foreboding music ♪
494
00:20:41,368 --> 00:20:44,621
Well, I'll be on my way now!
But remember,
495
00:20:44,621 --> 00:20:46,623
don't touch the gems!
496
00:20:46,623 --> 00:20:48,124
Gems... gems... gems...
497
00:20:48,124 --> 00:20:50,293
Cursed! Cursed... cursed... cursed...
498
00:20:50,293 --> 00:20:52,170
Echo! Echo... echo... echo...
499
00:20:53,046 --> 00:20:55,549
‐ [sighs] Well, kid, this gold should keep
500
00:20:55,549 --> 00:20:58,218
the rats off your face
until you screw up again.
501
00:20:58,218 --> 00:21:00,178
‐ Thanks for everything, Sir Kutter.
502
00:21:00,178 --> 00:21:03,306
I didn't love you constantly
dragging me for being lame,
503
00:21:03,306 --> 00:21:05,809
but you're right.
Being a knight should be fun.
504
00:21:05,809 --> 00:21:08,520
I need to embrace the adventure
and the excitement.
505
00:21:08,520 --> 00:21:11,439
‐ Get out there and fondue it, kid.
506
00:21:11,439 --> 00:21:13,525
‐ I hope you're gonna
take that antidote now?
507
00:21:13,525 --> 00:21:16,695
‐ [sighs] You know what?
I learned something from you, too.
508
00:21:16,695 --> 00:21:18,488
I'm not ready to hang it up yet.
509
00:21:18,488 --> 00:21:21,199
Maybe I'm a wild card
with a devil‐may‐care attitude,
510
00:21:21,199 --> 00:21:22,617
but also,
511
00:21:22,617 --> 00:21:25,870
maybe I'm clinically depressed about
my divorce and should seek treatment.
512
00:21:26,329 --> 00:21:28,623
[pop]
I shall live another day!
513
00:21:29,624 --> 00:21:33,086
Ah. The antidote was damaged
during the battle and is now empty.
514
00:21:33,086 --> 00:21:35,130
‐ Oh no! What are you gonna do?
515
00:21:35,130 --> 00:21:38,049
‐ We passed a drugstore on the way.
If I run at a solid sprint,
516
00:21:38,049 --> 00:21:39,885
I should make it there in time.
517
00:21:39,885 --> 00:21:41,928
‐ One more thing. Could you float me $20?
I get paid Friday‐‐
518
00:21:41,928 --> 00:21:43,179
Ah!
519
00:21:43,763 --> 00:21:46,558
‐ Holy shit! He fucking exploded!
520
00:21:46,558 --> 00:21:48,560
What was in that poison?!
521
00:21:49,436 --> 00:21:51,605
I gotta say, as deaths go,
522
00:21:51,605 --> 00:21:53,690
that was pretty wild card.
523
00:21:56,776 --> 00:21:59,321
♪ medieval music playing ♪
524
00:21:59,321 --> 00:22:00,947
‐ Look what I found.
525
00:22:00,947 --> 00:22:03,325
[door shuts]
You wouldn't believe the hell
526
00:22:03,325 --> 00:22:05,660
I had to go through to get this.
‐ That's it?
527
00:22:05,660 --> 00:22:07,704
That's the whole pot? Fetch the face rats.
528
00:22:07,704 --> 00:22:09,956
[gnawing, snarling]
529
00:22:09,956 --> 00:22:11,708
‐ Wait wait! I also got you this.
530
00:22:11,708 --> 00:22:13,585
[clattering]
KING MERRIMAN: Oogly‐moogly,
531
00:22:13,585 --> 00:22:16,755
Patrick. Way to bury the lead.
Where'd you find these?
532
00:22:16,755 --> 00:22:20,091
‐ Oh, there's a whole cave filled
with them not too far from the castle,
533
00:22:20,091 --> 00:22:23,637
but I was warned to never touch them,
534
00:22:23,637 --> 00:22:25,555
touch them, touch them.
535
00:22:25,555 --> 00:22:27,515
‐ Oh, we're gonna touch 'em, alright.
536
00:22:27,515 --> 00:22:29,184
Touch 'em like a bad uncle.
537
00:22:29,184 --> 00:22:31,811
You're the greatest squire ever,
for real this time.
538
00:22:31,811 --> 00:22:34,648
And someday, you're gonna
make one hell of a knight.
539
00:22:34,648 --> 00:22:36,566
‐ Thank you, Your Majesty.
540
00:22:36,566 --> 00:22:38,485
‐ Well, now that I'm rich again,
541
00:22:38,485 --> 00:22:41,279
I'm off to squander money
on something pointless.
542
00:22:41,279 --> 00:22:44,574
‐ Not so fast, Your Majesty.
You got some, uh,
543
00:22:44,574 --> 00:22:46,368
unfinished business.
544
00:22:46,368 --> 00:22:48,828
CROWD: Butt chug! Butt chug!
[pouring]
545
00:22:48,828 --> 00:22:52,332
‐ Oh! Ooh!
It's like pooping in reverse.
546
00:22:52,332 --> 00:22:54,751
Which is not as much fun as you'd think.
547
00:22:54,751 --> 00:22:56,711
CROWD: Butt chug!
KING MERRIMAN: Ooh!
548
00:22:56,711 --> 00:22:59,714
♪
549
00:23:29,744 --> 00:23:32,706
[8‐bit beeping]
550
00:23:32,706 --> 00:23:34,583
KID:
That was amazing.
551
00:23:34,583 --> 00:23:36,543
[paper crinkling, monkey hooting, slap]