1
00:00:10,807 --> 00:00:13,348
("All For Us"
by Labrinth playing)
2
00:00:13,431 --> 00:00:16,848
♪ Taking it all for us ♪
3
00:00:16,932 --> 00:00:20,098
♪ Taking it all ♪
4
00:00:20,181 --> 00:00:23,598
♪ Taking it all for us ♪
5
00:00:25,807 --> 00:00:27,807
(birds chirping)
6
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(truck brakes squeaking outside)
7
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(kissing noises)
8
00:00:50,306 --> 00:00:52,306
-Hi.
-Hi.
9
00:00:53,473 --> 00:00:55,181
Oh, wait. Don't kiss me.
I just woke up.
10
00:00:55,264 --> 00:00:58,473
No, it doesn't matter.
They're good luck kisses.
11
00:00:58,556 --> 00:01:01,264
-(gasps) Oh, fuck.
Wait. My presentation.
-What?
12
00:01:01,348 --> 00:01:03,807
-Wait, what time is it?
-You're good. You're good.
You're good. It's eight.
13
00:01:03,890 --> 00:01:05,556
-Okay.
-You're good.
14
00:01:05,640 --> 00:01:08,056
-I'm so fucking nervous.
-You got it.
15
00:01:08,139 --> 00:01:10,014
-Mm, I can't fuck this up.
-You're gonna be...
16
00:01:10,098 --> 00:01:12,264
You're gonna be amazing.
(kisses)
17
00:01:15,473 --> 00:01:17,264
Want me to walk you to school?
18
00:01:17,348 --> 00:01:21,056
Mm, I think I wanna
listen to music
and clear my head,
19
00:01:21,139 --> 00:01:23,515
but I love you.
20
00:01:23,598 --> 00:01:25,848
(chuckles softly)
I love you, too.
21
00:01:35,890 --> 00:01:38,306
-(Jules moans)
-Go. Go.
22
00:01:39,682 --> 00:01:41,848
(footsteps departing)
23
00:02:01,348 --> 00:02:03,890
(continues brushing teeth)
24
00:02:13,598 --> 00:02:16,890
You know whatever
happens today,
I'm proud of you.
25
00:02:20,181 --> 00:02:21,723
(chuckles)
26
00:02:46,973 --> 00:02:50,306
♪
27
00:02:59,431 --> 00:03:01,181
Ooh.
28
00:03:01,264 --> 00:03:03,014
Can you believe it?
29
00:03:03,098 --> 00:03:05,139
(whispers):
It's everything
we dreamed of.
30
00:03:06,014 --> 00:03:07,848
-Mm. I love you.
-I love you.
31
00:03:07,932 --> 00:03:09,390
(chuckles)
32
00:03:22,264 --> 00:03:25,306
(distant siren blaring)
33
00:03:25,390 --> 00:03:27,598
(indistinct chatter outside)
34
00:03:35,431 --> 00:03:37,848
(unwrapping package)
35
00:03:43,807 --> 00:03:45,306
(pills clatter on floor)
36
00:03:45,390 --> 00:03:46,682
Shit.
37
00:03:51,807 --> 00:03:54,014
(loud tapping)
38
00:04:02,264 --> 00:04:06,390
-(snorts)
-("So Alone" by
Labrinth playing)
39
00:04:06,473 --> 00:04:10,264
♪ Felt so alone,
nah-a-no ♪
40
00:04:10,348 --> 00:04:13,098
-(toilet flushing)
-(sniffling)
41
00:04:13,181 --> 00:04:17,098
♪ I never felt so alone ♪
42
00:04:17,181 --> 00:04:20,682
♪ Felt so alone,
nah-a-no ♪
43
00:04:20,765 --> 00:04:23,223
(indistinct chatter)
44
00:04:26,556 --> 00:04:28,682
Server:
You had pancakes, right?
45
00:04:35,264 --> 00:04:37,098
Look, Ali, I know
you don't believe me,
46
00:04:37,181 --> 00:04:40,306
but I'm, I'm doing
really good, actually.
47
00:04:40,390 --> 00:04:42,223
-Is that so?
-Yeah.
48
00:04:42,306 --> 00:04:44,431
-Mm.
-Yeah, for sure.
I mean it, you know,
49
00:04:44,515 --> 00:04:48,598
could suddenly shit flip
and get super dark?
Yeah, you know.
50
00:04:48,682 --> 00:04:50,890
I mean it could, but...
51
00:04:50,973 --> 00:04:54,390
I feel like I've found this,
like, amazing balance,
52
00:04:54,473 --> 00:04:57,932
where I'm like
happy and healthy,
and I'm not, like,
53
00:04:58,014 --> 00:05:02,556
looking to anybody else
for that happiness, you know?
54
00:05:02,640 --> 00:05:05,139
Fuckin' Jules.
55
00:05:05,223 --> 00:05:06,640
The way I was, like,
56
00:05:06,723 --> 00:05:08,973
putting way too much
of my emotional well-being
57
00:05:09,056 --> 00:05:11,306
in her hands, you know,
without ever, like,
talking about it,
58
00:05:11,390 --> 00:05:13,306
or, or saying it. I...
59
00:05:13,390 --> 00:05:14,973
Especially the way
I was fuckin'...
60
00:05:15,056 --> 00:05:18,264
making plans for the rest
of our life and shit.
And I just...
61
00:05:20,723 --> 00:05:22,390
And I look back
and I'm just like,
62
00:05:22,473 --> 00:05:23,848
why the fuck did I do that?
63
00:05:23,932 --> 00:05:26,723
It's fuckin' crazy.
And weird.
64
00:05:26,807 --> 00:05:28,640
(scoffs)
65
00:05:28,723 --> 00:05:30,515
Eh, I don't know.
66
00:05:30,598 --> 00:05:33,890
I guess I just, like,
made her the point.
67
00:05:34,014 --> 00:05:36,390
But she's, like, not the point.
68
00:05:36,473 --> 00:05:38,098
I'm the point, you know?
69
00:05:38,181 --> 00:05:42,306
Hmmph.
The point is your sobriety.
70
00:05:42,390 --> 00:05:43,848
Yeah. Of course. Yeah.
71
00:05:43,932 --> 00:05:47,640
And, and like, my,
my general overall well-being.
72
00:05:47,723 --> 00:05:49,807
Which starts with your sobriety.
73
00:05:51,765 --> 00:05:53,181
Yeah. Mm-hmm.
74
00:05:53,264 --> 00:05:57,473
And, like, finding an
emotional balance, you know?
75
00:05:57,556 --> 00:06:00,682
You just said you found
an amazing balance.
76
00:06:00,765 --> 00:06:02,890
I, I did.
77
00:06:02,973 --> 00:06:06,973
I have. I, I mean,
but I'm not perfect,
you know, so...
78
00:06:07,056 --> 00:06:09,473
I'm, I'm sane, though.
79
00:06:09,556 --> 00:06:13,973
Like, I'm sane. Saner.
I'm making sane decisions.
80
00:06:14,056 --> 00:06:16,807
Rue. You're high.
81
00:06:16,890 --> 00:06:18,807
(chuckles)
82
00:06:18,890 --> 00:06:21,139
I feel like you're not
listening to what I'm saying.
83
00:06:21,223 --> 00:06:24,723
Rue, I don't think
you're listening to
what you're saying.
84
00:06:24,807 --> 00:06:26,723
I feel like that's
physically impossible.
85
00:06:26,807 --> 00:06:28,723
To what? Talk some bullshit?
86
00:06:28,807 --> 00:06:31,056
(Rue scoffs)
87
00:06:31,139 --> 00:06:32,682
Huh.
88
00:06:33,723 --> 00:06:35,264
You know,
89
00:06:35,348 --> 00:06:39,848
that's what, like,
I, I don't understand
about the world.
90
00:06:39,932 --> 00:06:42,556
'Cause, like, there is tons
of people who, you know,
91
00:06:42,640 --> 00:06:45,473
drink and do drugs,
and sometimes
their life is good.
92
00:06:45,556 --> 00:06:48,181
And sometimes,
life's just bad,
you know?
93
00:06:48,264 --> 00:06:50,640
It's fucking life.
There's ups and downs
to this shit, but,
94
00:06:50,723 --> 00:06:53,098
I mean, whether you
believe me or not,
95
00:06:53,181 --> 00:06:55,723
-I'm, like, I'm good.
-Yeah, yeah, you said that.
96
00:06:55,807 --> 00:06:57,932
Yeah, I mean, it's not like
I'm doing a bunch of shit.
97
00:06:58,014 --> 00:06:59,473
I'm just smoking
a little bit of weed,
98
00:06:59,556 --> 00:07:02,932
and taking some pills
that were prescribed to me.
99
00:07:03,014 --> 00:07:05,723
My point is,
it's not gonna last.
100
00:07:05,807 --> 00:07:07,932
Yeah, well, neither do
my moods when I'm sober.
101
00:07:08,014 --> 00:07:10,181
Okay, well, you know,
I'm not saying you're, um,
102
00:07:10,264 --> 00:07:12,473
a paragon of mental health.
You've got your issues,
103
00:07:12,556 --> 00:07:14,098
and you're gonna be
struggling with those issues
104
00:07:14,181 --> 00:07:16,306
for the rest of your life.
That's a fact.
105
00:07:16,390 --> 00:07:19,056
The problem is, is that
you look at sobriety
106
00:07:19,139 --> 00:07:20,807
as a weakness
in the face of those issues,
107
00:07:20,890 --> 00:07:22,431
and what I'm saying is,
108
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sobriety is your
greatest weapon.
109
00:07:25,181 --> 00:07:28,223
(scoffs) Yeah.
110
00:07:29,473 --> 00:07:31,014
(silverware clatters)
111
00:07:33,473 --> 00:07:35,932
Ali, can I tell you something?
112
00:07:36,014 --> 00:07:38,765
-Yeah.
-Like, for real, if--
113
00:07:38,848 --> 00:07:40,181
If I say some dark shit,
114
00:07:40,264 --> 00:07:41,848
you're not gonna report me
to the state or something?
115
00:07:41,932 --> 00:07:44,973
Uh, Rue, I'm not
a guidance counselor.
116
00:07:45,056 --> 00:07:47,848
I'm just a crackhead
who's trying to do
a little good on this Earth
117
00:07:47,932 --> 00:07:50,598
-before I die.
-(both laugh)
118
00:07:50,682 --> 00:07:52,890
Uh, you're,
you're a trip, man.
119
00:07:52,973 --> 00:07:54,348
-What were you gonna say?
-Ah.
120
00:07:54,431 --> 00:07:56,139
-It doesn't matter. It's stupid.
-All right, I'm sorry. Come on.
121
00:07:56,223 --> 00:07:59,264
-What were you gonna say?
Say it.
-Nah. I don't wanna--
122
00:07:59,348 --> 00:08:00,682
Say it.
123
00:08:06,264 --> 00:08:07,598
Um...
124
00:08:11,306 --> 00:08:15,598
When I'm, uh,
when I'm clean, you know,
125
00:08:15,682 --> 00:08:17,682
when I'm present, uh,
126
00:08:17,765 --> 00:08:21,515
like a part of this world,
I don't just think about
relapsing.
127
00:08:21,598 --> 00:08:24,056
It's, uh, it's darker than that.
128
00:08:25,640 --> 00:08:29,473
And, uh, you can say
that sobriety is my, uh,
129
00:08:29,556 --> 00:08:32,515
greatest weapon, but...
130
00:08:32,598 --> 00:08:35,181
To tell you the truth,
drugs are probably
the only reason
131
00:08:35,264 --> 00:08:36,973
I haven't killed myself.
132
00:08:43,640 --> 00:08:45,390
Oh.
133
00:08:45,473 --> 00:08:47,139
Now we're talkin'.
134
00:08:47,223 --> 00:08:49,932
Now you're being real.
Now you're being honest.
135
00:08:50,014 --> 00:08:53,973
Because this whole bullshit
about being a functioning
drug addict,
136
00:08:54,056 --> 00:08:56,056
about finding balance,
137
00:08:56,139 --> 00:08:57,682
that ain't true.
That's a lie.
138
00:08:57,765 --> 00:09:00,056
-It's not a lie.
-It's a lie,
whether you know it or not,
139
00:09:00,139 --> 00:09:03,264
-but more importantly,
I don't give a fuck to hear it.
-(scoffs)
140
00:09:03,348 --> 00:09:06,598
-Yeah, whatever, man.
-"Whatever, man"?
141
00:09:06,682 --> 00:09:08,973
-(Rue chuckles)
-Whatever, man.
142
00:09:09,056 --> 00:09:11,390
Listen, young blood.
(laughs)
143
00:09:11,473 --> 00:09:14,181
I was shooting dope before
your mama's egg dropped.
144
00:09:14,264 --> 00:09:16,556
I've lived a whole
motherfuckin' life
145
00:09:16,640 --> 00:09:19,098
to get to this diner
to sit across from
your arrogant ass,
146
00:09:19,181 --> 00:09:20,890
so don't you ever
"whatever" me.
147
00:09:20,973 --> 00:09:23,723
You're 17. You don't know shit.
148
00:09:23,807 --> 00:09:25,723
You think you're hard?
I'm harder.
149
00:09:25,807 --> 00:09:28,556
You think you're tough?
I'm tougher. You got clean
and want to kill yourself?
150
00:09:28,640 --> 00:09:31,264
Same motherfuckin' story here.
151
00:09:31,348 --> 00:09:32,556
You want to know why?
I'll tell you why.
152
00:09:32,640 --> 00:09:34,431
'Cause you don't know
how to live life.
153
00:09:34,515 --> 00:09:36,640
You don't have the tools.
You're too busy running around,
154
00:09:36,723 --> 00:09:39,014
trying to bullshit everybody
into thinking you're hard,
155
00:09:39,098 --> 00:09:40,431
and you don't give a fuck,
when in reality,
156
00:09:40,515 --> 00:09:42,932
you give so much of a fuck,
you can't even bear
to be alive.
157
00:09:43,014 --> 00:09:44,556
So guess what? New rule.
158
00:09:44,640 --> 00:09:46,473
No more wasting my
motherfuckin' time.
159
00:09:46,556 --> 00:09:50,473
You wanna use? Use.
But the least you can do
is be honest. Own that shit.
160
00:09:51,848 --> 00:09:54,723
-(quietly): Okay.
-You feel me?
161
00:09:54,807 --> 00:09:56,598
Yep.
162
00:09:56,682 --> 00:09:58,515
Why'd you relapse?
163
00:09:58,598 --> 00:10:00,932
I don't know.
Couldn't stop my mind
from racing.
164
00:10:01,014 --> 00:10:02,056
Racing about what?
165
00:10:02,139 --> 00:10:04,848
-Everything.
-Hey, hey. Get specific.
166
00:10:11,181 --> 00:10:14,390
All the things I remember
and all the things I wish
I didn't.
167
00:10:15,556 --> 00:10:18,181
Okay. I get it.
168
00:10:19,390 --> 00:10:22,682
-Why didn't you call me?
-(scoffs)
169
00:10:22,765 --> 00:10:27,765
Just... honestly,
I wasn't really trying
not to relapse.
170
00:10:27,848 --> 00:10:30,139
-(Ali laughs)
-(Rue chuckles softly)
171
00:10:30,223 --> 00:10:31,973
Yeah. Man. Okay.
172
00:10:32,056 --> 00:10:33,973
Where'd you get the drugs?
173
00:10:34,056 --> 00:10:38,223
I had some pills for
emergency purposes.
174
00:10:38,306 --> 00:10:42,181
Fuck. So you never
stood a chance.
175
00:10:44,098 --> 00:10:45,556
Nope.
176
00:10:49,765 --> 00:10:51,682
Do you wanna get clean?
177
00:10:55,556 --> 00:10:57,014
No.
178
00:10:57,098 --> 00:10:58,556
You sure?
179
00:11:01,682 --> 00:11:02,890
Yep.
180
00:11:07,056 --> 00:11:09,973
(exhales)
I get it. I get it.
181
00:11:10,056 --> 00:11:14,056
-Is that fucked up?
-What? That you don't
want to get clean?
182
00:11:14,139 --> 00:11:16,848
Yeah, yeah.
Of course it's fucked up.
183
00:11:16,932 --> 00:11:18,723
Ah. I'm a piece of shit, huh?
184
00:11:18,807 --> 00:11:20,848
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're a piece of shit.
You're a piece of shit.
185
00:11:20,932 --> 00:11:23,848
All right, but, uh,
here's the silver lining.
186
00:11:23,932 --> 00:11:26,390
You're not a drug addict
because you're a piece of shit.
187
00:11:26,473 --> 00:11:29,390
You're a piece of shit
because you're a drug addict.
You follow?
188
00:11:29,473 --> 00:11:32,556
-Mm, I don't really...
-Okay, all right.
What I'm saying is,
189
00:11:32,640 --> 00:11:34,890
you didn't come out
of the womb an evil person.
190
00:11:34,973 --> 00:11:38,682
You, Rue, came out of the womb
a beautiful baby girl,
191
00:11:38,765 --> 00:11:41,181
who unbeknownst to her,
had a couple of wires crossed.
192
00:11:41,264 --> 00:11:42,890
So when you tried drugs
for the first time,
193
00:11:42,973 --> 00:11:45,056
it, uh, set something off
in your brain
194
00:11:45,139 --> 00:11:46,598
that's beyond your control.
195
00:11:46,682 --> 00:11:48,348
And it isn't a question
of willpower.
196
00:11:48,431 --> 00:11:49,807
It's not about
how strong you are.
197
00:11:49,890 --> 00:11:51,723
You've been fighting
a losing game
198
00:11:51,807 --> 00:11:53,473
since the first day
you got high.
199
00:11:53,556 --> 00:11:55,056
So you can destroy your life,
200
00:11:55,139 --> 00:11:56,473
you can fuck your
little sister's head up,
201
00:11:56,556 --> 00:11:59,306
you can abuse and torture
and take for granted your mama,
202
00:11:59,390 --> 00:12:01,223
and sit here and
look me in the eye,
203
00:12:01,306 --> 00:12:04,556
and say, as calm as can be,
as cool as a cucumber,
204
00:12:04,640 --> 00:12:06,723
"Imma keep usin' drugs."
205
00:12:06,807 --> 00:12:09,056
Ha.
206
00:12:09,139 --> 00:12:13,098
That is the disease
of addiction.
207
00:12:13,181 --> 00:12:15,682
It is a degenerative disease.
208
00:12:15,765 --> 00:12:17,765
It is incurable.
It is deadly.
209
00:12:17,848 --> 00:12:19,556
And it's no different
than cancer.
210
00:12:19,640 --> 00:12:20,515
And you got it.
211
00:12:20,598 --> 00:12:23,223
Why? Mm. Luck of the draw.
212
00:12:23,306 --> 00:12:25,473
But, hey, but the hardest part
213
00:12:25,556 --> 00:12:27,682
of having the disease
of addiction,
214
00:12:27,765 --> 00:12:28,932
aside from having the disease,
215
00:12:29,014 --> 00:12:32,098
is that no one in the world
sees it as a disease.
216
00:12:32,181 --> 00:12:33,973
They see you as selfish.
217
00:12:34,056 --> 00:12:36,390
They see you as weak.
They see you as cruel.
218
00:12:36,473 --> 00:12:38,223
They see you as,
uh, destructive.
219
00:12:38,306 --> 00:12:40,848
They think, why should
I give a fuck about her
220
00:12:40,932 --> 00:12:43,264
if she doesn't give a fuck
about herself or anybody else?
221
00:12:43,348 --> 00:12:45,264
Why does this girl
deserve my time,
222
00:12:45,348 --> 00:12:47,848
my patience,
my sympathy? Right?
223
00:12:47,932 --> 00:12:50,556
If she wants to kill herself,
let her.
224
00:12:50,640 --> 00:12:52,932
All reasonable questions
and responses.
225
00:12:53,014 --> 00:12:55,973
But luckily, you aren't
the only person on planet Earth
226
00:12:56,056 --> 00:12:59,098
who has this disease.
There happens to be
people like me,
227
00:12:59,181 --> 00:13:03,056
who understand that
you aren't all that bad.
228
00:13:03,139 --> 00:13:04,431
(chuckles)
229
00:13:04,515 --> 00:13:07,098
Probably underneath
all this busted-ass,
chaotic energy,
230
00:13:07,181 --> 00:13:09,932
you might even be a good kid.
Who knows?
231
00:13:10,014 --> 00:13:14,014
And that is why we are
eating pancakes on
Christmas Eve.
232
00:13:14,098 --> 00:13:17,515
-(bass thumping)
-Despite the fact that
you don't want to get clean.
233
00:13:24,640 --> 00:13:28,306
-Rue: You have daughters,
right?
-Ali: Mm-hmm.
234
00:13:28,390 --> 00:13:30,473
Rue:
Where are they?
235
00:13:30,556 --> 00:13:34,598
Different places,
celebrating with their families.
236
00:13:34,682 --> 00:13:37,306
Mm. You see them often?
237
00:13:37,390 --> 00:13:39,223
(chuckles wryly)
238
00:13:39,306 --> 00:13:42,098
I've never declined
an invitation.
239
00:13:42,181 --> 00:13:46,348
Wait, but haven't you been,
like, clean for 20 years?
240
00:13:46,431 --> 00:13:49,973
Nah, nah.
I was clean for seven years.
241
00:13:50,056 --> 00:13:51,515
Wait, really?
242
00:13:51,598 --> 00:13:53,598
Yeah, well,
I had 12 years before that,
243
00:13:53,682 --> 00:13:54,848
but you know, I got cocky.
244
00:13:54,932 --> 00:13:57,181
Started to walk around
thinking I was invincible.
245
00:13:57,264 --> 00:13:59,348
So, now I got seven years.
246
00:13:59,431 --> 00:14:00,973
-Oh, shit.
-Right.
247
00:14:01,056 --> 00:14:02,515
Wait, how do you...
248
00:14:02,598 --> 00:14:05,264
How do you relapse
after 12 years?
249
00:14:05,348 --> 00:14:08,348
You forget how bad it is.
250
00:14:08,431 --> 00:14:12,348
Damn. How, how long
did you relapse for?
251
00:14:12,431 --> 00:14:15,807
A... year and a half.
252
00:14:15,890 --> 00:14:18,682
-Oh, fuck.
-Yeah, fuck. Yeah. Right.
253
00:14:18,765 --> 00:14:20,515
Oh, shit.
254
00:14:20,598 --> 00:14:23,598
Damn. I thought, I thought
you were gonna say, like,
a day or something.
255
00:14:23,682 --> 00:14:25,932
Nah, nah. Once you
get back in that cycle,
256
00:14:26,014 --> 00:14:28,181
you know, using and abusing,
257
00:14:28,264 --> 00:14:29,682
it's inescapable.
258
00:14:29,765 --> 00:14:31,890
Especially if you've been
clean for 12 years.
259
00:14:31,973 --> 00:14:34,348
That's when the disease
starts talking.
260
00:14:34,431 --> 00:14:37,848
"Twelve years, Martin,
and you ain't never
getting that far again."
261
00:14:37,932 --> 00:14:39,306
Aah.
262
00:14:40,640 --> 00:14:41,932
Wait. Martin?
263
00:14:42,014 --> 00:14:45,056
-Uh, yeah.
-(both laugh)
264
00:14:45,139 --> 00:14:47,223
Who's Martin?
265
00:14:47,306 --> 00:14:49,014
Martin is me.
266
00:14:49,973 --> 00:14:51,014
What?
267
00:14:51,098 --> 00:14:52,723
-My name.
-Your name is Martin?
268
00:14:52,807 --> 00:14:53,890
-Well, it used to be.
-What?
269
00:14:53,973 --> 00:14:55,598
-Before I converted.
-To what?
270
00:14:55,682 --> 00:14:58,556
-To Islam.
-Ali, I'm super fucking
confused right now.
271
00:14:58,640 --> 00:15:00,515
-What am I,
your first Black friend?
-(Rue laughs)
272
00:15:00,598 --> 00:15:02,056
What'd you think,
I was actually from
the Middle East?
273
00:15:02,139 --> 00:15:04,473
-What-- (laughs)
-I'm from south Philly.
274
00:15:04,556 --> 00:15:08,098
Yeah, but you, you just don't,
you don't look like a Martin.
275
00:15:08,181 --> 00:15:11,306
-You don't.
-I didn't think so, either.
276
00:15:11,390 --> 00:15:13,640
Do women ever convert to Islam?
277
00:15:16,014 --> 00:15:18,556
-Very few.
-Mm.
278
00:15:24,390 --> 00:15:26,598
You know, it's interesting,
279
00:15:26,682 --> 00:15:28,640
'cause, like...
280
00:15:28,723 --> 00:15:30,848
It's kind of what
I struggle with.
281
00:15:31,973 --> 00:15:35,765
-What do you mean?
-The NA shit.
282
00:15:35,848 --> 00:15:37,682
Step one,
I, I, I'm cool with.
283
00:15:37,765 --> 00:15:41,890
Like, you know, I, I can,
284
00:15:41,973 --> 00:15:44,431
I can agree, you know,
285
00:15:44,515 --> 00:15:47,515
I'm powerless over drugs,
and my life is unmanageable.
286
00:15:47,598 --> 00:15:49,515
That's not, like,
fucking inconceivable.
287
00:15:49,598 --> 00:15:52,098
-Right. Right.
-But, um...
288
00:15:52,181 --> 00:15:53,640
It's step two.
289
00:15:53,723 --> 00:15:56,223
"Came to believe that a power
greater than ourselves
290
00:15:56,306 --> 00:15:59,014
could restore us to sanity."
291
00:15:59,098 --> 00:16:01,640
That one, I just, I, uh...
292
00:16:01,723 --> 00:16:04,264
(inhales)
I have some trouble with.
293
00:16:04,348 --> 00:16:07,973
Oh, oh, okay.
All right, all right, I see.
294
00:16:08,056 --> 00:16:10,098
Now I get it. (laughs)
295
00:16:10,181 --> 00:16:12,473
You don't believe
there's a power on Earth
296
00:16:12,556 --> 00:16:14,139
-greater than Rue.
-(scoffs)
297
00:16:14,223 --> 00:16:15,807
-That's not true.
-Really?
298
00:16:15,890 --> 00:16:18,014
It's not true.
I think there's tons of shit
299
00:16:18,098 --> 00:16:20,932
-that is of greater
power than me.
-Name one.
300
00:16:22,473 --> 00:16:25,139
-A Mack truck.
-Uh-huh.
301
00:16:25,223 --> 00:16:27,431
-What?
-Name another.
302
00:16:27,515 --> 00:16:29,348
Uh, the ocean.
303
00:16:30,306 --> 00:16:32,431
-Try again.
-(laughs)
304
00:16:32,515 --> 00:16:34,056
Shit. I would say
305
00:16:34,139 --> 00:16:36,848
any song by Otis Redding
is of greater power than me.
306
00:16:36,932 --> 00:16:38,431
That doesn't make any sense.
307
00:16:38,515 --> 00:16:40,431
It does. Yeah, it does.
308
00:16:41,723 --> 00:16:43,306
-It does.
-What?
309
00:16:43,390 --> 00:16:44,848
The...
310
00:16:44,932 --> 00:16:46,848
The impact that
"Try a Little Tenderness"
311
00:16:46,932 --> 00:16:49,098
had on the world is,
is more than I, I could ever do.
312
00:16:49,181 --> 00:16:52,056
-Well...
-It's more than probably
any of us will ever fucking do.
313
00:16:52,139 --> 00:16:53,390
All right, all right,
all right.
314
00:16:53,473 --> 00:16:56,264
Little smart ass.
Okay, that's not gonna cut it.
315
00:16:56,348 --> 00:16:57,598
(scoffs)
316
00:16:59,515 --> 00:17:00,973
Ali, I don't believe in God.
317
00:17:01,056 --> 00:17:04,223
Guess what?
God doesn't give a fuck
if you believe in him.
318
00:17:04,306 --> 00:17:06,264
-He believes in you.
-I don't know.
319
00:17:06,348 --> 00:17:08,014
That, that, that sounds good,
320
00:17:08,098 --> 00:17:09,515
but it, it doesn't really
mean anything.
321
00:17:09,598 --> 00:17:11,890
Of course it means something.
If God didn't believe in you,
322
00:17:11,973 --> 00:17:13,890
you wouldn't even
still be breathing.
323
00:17:13,973 --> 00:17:15,640
So, you're saying
the reason my dad died
324
00:17:15,723 --> 00:17:17,723
is because God
didn't believe in him?
325
00:17:19,014 --> 00:17:20,682
Rue, uh, that's not
what I was saying--
326
00:17:20,765 --> 00:17:23,098
There's nothing that
makes me angrier than
that fucking argument.
327
00:17:23,181 --> 00:17:24,473
Hey, that's, that's not
what I was saying--
328
00:17:24,556 --> 00:17:26,515
You know, 'cause every time
someone survives,
329
00:17:26,598 --> 00:17:28,890
like, a mass shooting
or some terrible
fucking earthquake,
330
00:17:28,973 --> 00:17:31,556
they always say, you know,
"I survived for a reason.
331
00:17:31,640 --> 00:17:34,014
God saved me for a reason.
I have a purpose."
332
00:17:34,098 --> 00:17:35,223
(scoffs)
333
00:17:35,306 --> 00:17:37,598
And then I think to myself,
like, okay, well,
334
00:17:37,682 --> 00:17:40,056
what you're saying is that
your life is more important
335
00:17:40,139 --> 00:17:41,890
than that six-year-old
who died that day,
336
00:17:41,973 --> 00:17:43,556
or the newborn
who died that day,
337
00:17:43,640 --> 00:17:46,306
or anybody fucking else
who died that day.
338
00:17:46,390 --> 00:17:48,515
Your life has a purpose, right?
339
00:17:48,598 --> 00:17:51,223
Well, why does your life
have a purpose,
340
00:17:51,306 --> 00:17:53,139
and my dad's doesn't?
341
00:17:54,306 --> 00:17:57,014
Because I could argue
that my dad's purpose
342
00:17:57,098 --> 00:17:59,515
was to raise me and my sister.
343
00:18:01,473 --> 00:18:04,056
To be there for my mom.
344
00:18:04,139 --> 00:18:06,348
That was his purpose, I think.
345
00:18:08,139 --> 00:18:09,640
But, you know.
346
00:18:11,139 --> 00:18:13,264
He's dead.
347
00:18:13,348 --> 00:18:15,932
-Listen--
-Ali, if you're,
if you're about to tell me
348
00:18:16,014 --> 00:18:17,890
that he died for a reason,
349
00:18:17,973 --> 00:18:19,682
or you know, whatever,
350
00:18:19,765 --> 00:18:21,890
I will literally
walk the fuck out.
351
00:18:21,973 --> 00:18:24,306
I, I wasn't.
352
00:18:24,390 --> 00:18:25,973
He didn't die to
teach us a lesson.
353
00:18:26,056 --> 00:18:29,348
Okay? He didn't die to,
you know,
354
00:18:29,431 --> 00:18:32,264
have us all come together,
or whatever the fuck
355
00:18:32,348 --> 00:18:36,348
people tell people when they
don't have anything to say.
356
00:18:36,431 --> 00:18:38,348
He died because he died.
357
00:18:38,431 --> 00:18:40,765
That's it.
Same stupid reason
358
00:18:40,848 --> 00:18:44,348
I came out of the womb
with a couple wires crossed.
359
00:18:44,431 --> 00:18:47,556
Right? Just fucking luck.
360
00:18:48,682 --> 00:18:50,890
You said it.
361
00:18:50,973 --> 00:18:52,223
That's it.
362
00:18:55,640 --> 00:18:57,181
Listen, um...
363
00:19:00,556 --> 00:19:02,473
I don't know all the answers.
364
00:19:02,556 --> 00:19:04,348
And I'm not gonna pretend to.
365
00:19:04,431 --> 00:19:06,306
But I do know
366
00:19:06,390 --> 00:19:10,098
that at any given point
that we're unable to see
and comprehend
367
00:19:10,181 --> 00:19:12,306
the overall arc of human life.
368
00:19:12,390 --> 00:19:14,056
No person can see it.
369
00:19:14,139 --> 00:19:17,014
The whole chain reaction
of how things come to be
370
00:19:17,098 --> 00:19:18,348
from beginning to end.
371
00:19:18,431 --> 00:19:21,723
It's a mystery,
and will always
remain a mystery.
372
00:19:21,807 --> 00:19:25,973
How, um, six-year-old
Malcolm Little's daddy
373
00:19:26,056 --> 00:19:29,014
was killed in
a streetcar accident.
374
00:19:29,098 --> 00:19:31,264
Rumor was it that
the Black Legion did it.
375
00:19:31,348 --> 00:19:32,682
The KKK.
376
00:19:32,765 --> 00:19:36,181
How that little boy grew up
believing that this white world
377
00:19:36,264 --> 00:19:39,515
had no place for a Black man
like him, so fuck it.
378
00:19:39,598 --> 00:19:42,139
He moves to Harlem,
becomes a pimp.
379
00:19:42,223 --> 00:19:43,390
Becomes an addict.
380
00:19:43,473 --> 00:19:46,973
Starts robbing and stealing,
till he gets locked up.
381
00:19:47,056 --> 00:19:48,848
Who discovers Islam.
382
00:19:48,932 --> 00:19:50,765
Who starts a movement.
383
00:19:50,848 --> 00:19:53,723
Who scares the living shit
out of white America so bad
384
00:19:53,807 --> 00:19:57,390
that white America was
so afraid that they
embraced another Negro,
385
00:19:57,473 --> 00:20:01,056
one who had a dream,
not to cut the head off
the snake,
386
00:20:01,139 --> 00:20:02,682
even if that's what
they deserved,
387
00:20:02,765 --> 00:20:04,306
but to live in harmony.
388
00:20:04,390 --> 00:20:07,848
Next thing you know,
Civil Rights Act.
389
00:20:07,932 --> 00:20:11,640
The first legislative steps
granting you and I the right
390
00:20:11,723 --> 00:20:14,223
to sit in this motherfuckin'
diner to have a conversation
391
00:20:14,306 --> 00:20:16,890
about whether or not
you wanna stay clean
from drugs.
392
00:20:16,973 --> 00:20:19,139
Drugs that were
given to your ancestors
393
00:20:19,223 --> 00:20:22,056
to keep them inebriated,
inoculated, enslaved.
394
00:20:22,139 --> 00:20:25,807
Drugs that stripped them
of their ability to not
just be free,
395
00:20:25,890 --> 00:20:28,348
but to imagine a world
in which they were free.
396
00:20:28,431 --> 00:20:31,890
So, why is one person's purpose
greater than another's?
397
00:20:31,973 --> 00:20:34,390
Why are some people struck down
while others live?
398
00:20:34,473 --> 00:20:37,932
Why are you, Rue Bennett,
sitting here when other
17-year-olds,
399
00:20:38,014 --> 00:20:40,056
17-year-olds who are better,
who are kinder,
400
00:20:40,139 --> 00:20:42,473
who are more
respectful than you,
aren't sitting here,
401
00:20:42,556 --> 00:20:44,139
I don't know.
402
00:20:44,223 --> 00:20:46,556
That's the mystery.
403
00:20:46,640 --> 00:20:49,056
But here we are.
404
00:20:49,139 --> 00:20:51,348
So what now?
405
00:20:51,431 --> 00:20:53,348
I don't know.
406
00:20:53,431 --> 00:20:56,056
Maybe I'll...
(exhales)
407
00:20:56,139 --> 00:20:59,014
start a revolution like
Malcolm X or something.
408
00:21:00,306 --> 00:21:02,348
But haven't you heard, man,
409
00:21:02,431 --> 00:21:05,390
revolutions are
no longer radical.
410
00:21:06,306 --> 00:21:07,890
What are you talking about?
411
00:21:07,973 --> 00:21:11,932
There's so many revolutions
that everybody's
a revolutionary.
412
00:21:12,014 --> 00:21:15,098
The rich. The poor.
The right. The left.
413
00:21:15,181 --> 00:21:18,306
The young. The old.
The beggars. The bankers.
414
00:21:18,390 --> 00:21:21,598
Man... is it beautiful.
415
00:21:21,682 --> 00:21:26,139
Huh? Everyone all at once,
fighting one revolution
after another.
416
00:21:26,223 --> 00:21:29,264
I tell ya, I never thought
I'd see so many revolutions
417
00:21:29,348 --> 00:21:31,056
in my entire life.
418
00:21:31,139 --> 00:21:34,765
(laughs)
The, the revolutions are
fought and won so damn fast
419
00:21:34,848 --> 00:21:37,139
that the people don't even
have time to implement change,
420
00:21:37,223 --> 00:21:39,515
because have you heard?
Huh?
421
00:21:39,598 --> 00:21:41,556
There's a new revolution.
422
00:21:43,139 --> 00:21:44,348
I went down to, um,
423
00:21:44,431 --> 00:21:47,306
buy me a new pair of kicks
at the Nike store the other day.
424
00:21:47,390 --> 00:21:48,723
And I look up on the wall,
425
00:21:48,807 --> 00:21:52,098
and I see in 20-foot letters,
these words,
426
00:21:52,181 --> 00:21:54,682
"Our people matter."
427
00:21:54,765 --> 00:21:58,807
And I thought, man,
this feels good.
428
00:21:58,890 --> 00:22:02,390
Here I am, and my favorite
shoe store's out here saying,
429
00:22:02,473 --> 00:22:04,390
"I know you lived a long life.
430
00:22:04,473 --> 00:22:06,682
"And I know that life
ain't always been easy,
431
00:22:06,765 --> 00:22:10,598
"but here you are,
at 54 years old, my brother,
432
00:22:10,682 --> 00:22:13,014
and I want to say I love you."
433
00:22:13,098 --> 00:22:16,181
And I'm like, man.
434
00:22:16,264 --> 00:22:18,348
This feels good.
435
00:22:18,431 --> 00:22:21,765
And I'm like,
thank you, Nike.
436
00:22:21,848 --> 00:22:23,348
(chuckles)
437
00:22:23,431 --> 00:22:25,473
And then I pick up
a pair of these sneakers
438
00:22:25,556 --> 00:22:26,807
and I look at the price tag,
439
00:22:26,890 --> 00:22:29,932
and it says $139.99.
440
00:22:31,431 --> 00:22:34,014
And I'm, like,
441
00:22:34,098 --> 00:22:36,390
I thought Nike loved me.
442
00:22:36,473 --> 00:22:39,932
Appreciated me and my life.
What happened here?
443
00:22:40,014 --> 00:22:42,515
-(chuckles)
-And I look around the store,
444
00:22:42,598 --> 00:22:44,890
and I see a whole bunch
of Black people,
445
00:22:44,973 --> 00:22:46,181
you know, also feeling good.
446
00:22:46,264 --> 00:22:48,223
And I see a whole bunch
of white people, too.
447
00:22:48,306 --> 00:22:51,181
Also feeling good.
Some even, you know,
posing.
448
00:22:51,264 --> 00:22:55,431
And taking, uh, pictures
with the 20-foot letters
on the wall.
449
00:22:55,515 --> 00:22:57,640
-(Rue chuckles)
-(laughs) And, uh...
450
00:22:57,723 --> 00:22:59,932
Shit. Yeah. Yeah.
Straight up.
451
00:23:00,014 --> 00:23:03,640
I just had this feeling,
and I thought,
452
00:23:03,723 --> 00:23:05,723
fuck you, Nike.
453
00:23:05,807 --> 00:23:08,640
You don't give a fuck about
anything or anyone.
454
00:23:08,723 --> 00:23:12,223
Chinese Muslims are sewing
these Kaepernick sneakers
for seven cents an hour,
455
00:23:12,306 --> 00:23:16,181
and you're tellin' me
my Black ass matters.
Give me a fucking break.
456
00:23:16,264 --> 00:23:18,181
If rap music wasn't mainstream,
457
00:23:18,264 --> 00:23:20,848
if Nirvana was still the most
popular band in America,
458
00:23:20,932 --> 00:23:22,807
they'd be out here saying,
"Depression Matters,"
459
00:23:22,890 --> 00:23:25,640
because that's what
would move sneakers.
Shit.
460
00:23:25,723 --> 00:23:28,181
These advertisers.
They're too good.
461
00:23:28,264 --> 00:23:31,390
Uh-huh. (laughs)
And they've outsmarted us.
462
00:23:31,473 --> 00:23:34,723
But at the same time,
your generation's full of
some mark-ass bitches,
463
00:23:34,807 --> 00:23:36,515
because they've tapped
into your phones.
464
00:23:36,598 --> 00:23:38,348
Yeah, yeah.
They've read your likes.
465
00:23:38,431 --> 00:23:41,431
They've predicted your moves,
and trapped yo' asses.
466
00:23:41,515 --> 00:23:44,223
You think you out here
fighting a revolution,
467
00:23:44,306 --> 00:23:45,973
and Bank of America's
on your side?
468
00:23:46,056 --> 00:23:47,390
Give me a fucking break.
469
00:23:47,473 --> 00:23:48,932
Because a true revolution
470
00:23:49,014 --> 00:23:50,973
has no allies.
It's just that simple.
471
00:23:51,056 --> 00:23:53,431
Because a true revolution,
not a fast one,
472
00:23:53,515 --> 00:23:55,682
not a quick one,
not a fashionable one,
473
00:23:55,765 --> 00:24:00,932
but a real fucking revolution,
is at its core, spiritual.
474
00:24:01,014 --> 00:24:05,431
It is a complete decimation
of one's priorities,
475
00:24:05,515 --> 00:24:07,723
beliefs, and way of living.
476
00:24:07,807 --> 00:24:12,515
And reconstruction
in the spirit of, uh...
477
00:24:16,848 --> 00:24:20,139
You have to create a new God.
Or gods.
478
00:24:20,223 --> 00:24:22,139
Or whatever you can.
But it is imperative
479
00:24:22,223 --> 00:24:24,973
that you believe in something.
Something greater than yourself.
480
00:24:25,056 --> 00:24:28,306
All right?
And it can't be the ocean,
or your favorite song.
481
00:24:28,390 --> 00:24:32,056
And it can't be the movement,
or the people, or the words.
482
00:24:33,890 --> 00:24:37,223
You've got to
believe in the poetry.
483
00:24:37,306 --> 00:24:39,973
Because everything else
in your life will fail you.
484
00:24:40,056 --> 00:24:42,181
Including yourself.
485
00:24:43,848 --> 00:24:45,973
-(knocks once on table)
-You hear me?
486
00:24:46,056 --> 00:24:48,264
That's where you are.
487
00:24:49,181 --> 00:24:50,890
You're sick.
488
00:24:50,973 --> 00:24:53,682
Your whole system's
on the verge of collapse.
489
00:24:53,765 --> 00:24:55,515
And the addict in you
is trying to sell you
490
00:24:55,598 --> 00:24:58,390
on the same shit
that got you sick
in the first place.
491
00:24:58,473 --> 00:25:01,014
And if you keep going
the way you're going,
492
00:25:01,098 --> 00:25:04,598
you'll rot from the inside
until you cave in and die.
493
00:25:06,973 --> 00:25:10,598
Your only hope is a revolution.
494
00:25:10,682 --> 00:25:15,306
But a real fuckin' revolution,
inside and out.
495
00:25:15,390 --> 00:25:17,682
But you gotta see it through.
496
00:25:17,765 --> 00:25:20,056
You can't half-ass this shit.
497
00:25:20,139 --> 00:25:23,223
You just have to commit to it,
every single day.
498
00:25:24,682 --> 00:25:28,223
And know that you can
always do it better.
And be better.
499
00:25:30,556 --> 00:25:33,181
Because who knows? Um...
500
00:25:33,264 --> 00:25:35,890
one day, you might succeed.
501
00:25:37,890 --> 00:25:40,139
(sighs)
502
00:25:40,223 --> 00:25:43,390
I don't underestimate anyone.
503
00:25:43,473 --> 00:25:45,723
Uh...
504
00:25:45,807 --> 00:25:48,306
Stranger things have happened.
505
00:25:51,640 --> 00:25:54,014
Be right back.
506
00:25:54,098 --> 00:25:55,473
All right?
507
00:26:04,139 --> 00:26:05,515
(door opens)
508
00:26:08,682 --> 00:26:10,181
(door closes)
509
00:26:51,556 --> 00:26:53,431
("Me in 20 Years"
by Moses Sumney playing)
510
00:26:53,515 --> 00:26:58,348
♪ Hey, after all these years ♪
511
00:27:00,348 --> 00:27:03,890
♪ I'm still here ♪
512
00:27:03,973 --> 00:27:10,306
♪ Fingers outstretched ♪
513
00:27:10,390 --> 00:27:16,223
♪ With your imprint in my bed ♪
514
00:27:17,264 --> 00:27:21,556
♪ A pit so big ♪
515
00:27:21,640 --> 00:27:26,598
♪ I lay on the edge ♪
516
00:27:26,682 --> 00:27:31,473
-(line ringing)
-♪ Will love let me down ♪
517
00:27:31,556 --> 00:27:35,139
♪ Again,
Oh, no ♪
518
00:27:35,223 --> 00:27:38,098
Oh, hey, hey! Aah.
519
00:27:38,181 --> 00:27:40,473
I didn't know you were
gonna pick up.
520
00:27:40,556 --> 00:27:43,807
I-I thought I was gonna
get your voicemail.
521
00:27:43,890 --> 00:27:47,932
Uh... heh. Nah, nah.
I'm not...
522
00:27:48,014 --> 00:27:50,264
Not trying to guilt trip you.
523
00:27:51,014 --> 00:27:52,598
It's just... (sighs)
524
00:27:55,390 --> 00:27:58,932
It's Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
525
00:28:00,765 --> 00:28:04,807
♪ I wonder how
I'll sleep at night ♪
526
00:28:04,890 --> 00:28:08,890
♪ With a cavity by my side ♪
527
00:28:08,973 --> 00:28:12,848
♪ And nothing left to hold
but pride ♪
528
00:28:12,932 --> 00:28:15,598
♪ Will I ♪
529
00:28:15,682 --> 00:28:17,014
Ali:
Your sister there?
530
00:28:17,098 --> 00:28:19,014
♪ Hold out for more time ♪
531
00:28:19,098 --> 00:28:21,264
Ali:
Oh, that's good. That's good.
532
00:28:22,264 --> 00:28:26,556
♪ Hey, me in 20 years ♪
533
00:28:26,640 --> 00:28:31,390
Tell her I, uh, tell her
Merry Christmas for me.
534
00:28:31,473 --> 00:28:33,932
And tell her I, I love her.
535
00:28:34,014 --> 00:28:36,181
And I miss her very much.
536
00:28:39,765 --> 00:28:42,098
No. Nah.
537
00:28:42,181 --> 00:28:45,139
I'm not trying to talk to her
through you, Imani.
538
00:28:46,848 --> 00:28:48,556
That's not what I was try--
539
00:28:48,640 --> 00:28:50,765
♪ ...them mirrors ♪
540
00:28:50,848 --> 00:28:51,807
Right.
541
00:28:51,890 --> 00:28:55,890
♪ Of sentimental veneer ♪
542
00:28:55,973 --> 00:28:58,056
♪ I wonder how
I'll sleep at night ♪
543
00:28:58,139 --> 00:29:00,890
Ali:
I'm doing good. I'm...
I just came from my meeting.
544
00:29:00,973 --> 00:29:03,556
Now I'm standing
in the parking lot. Ha.
545
00:29:03,640 --> 00:29:06,098
Nah, nah, nah.
546
00:29:06,181 --> 00:29:08,807
I'm just getting pancakes
with a kid I sponsor.
547
00:29:11,807 --> 00:29:17,306
♪ Hold out
a little bit more ♪
548
00:29:17,390 --> 00:29:20,598
♪ A little bit more,
just a little bit more ♪
549
00:29:20,682 --> 00:29:23,682
Ali:
Hey, hey. Hey!
550
00:29:23,765 --> 00:29:25,848
Who's this?
551
00:29:25,932 --> 00:29:27,807
Rashad?
552
00:29:27,890 --> 00:29:30,556
(laughs)
"Who's this?"
553
00:29:31,348 --> 00:29:33,431
It's Poppo.
554
00:29:33,515 --> 00:29:35,139
Poppo Ali.
555
00:29:35,223 --> 00:29:36,890
Wait, wait, wait.
Say it again.
556
00:29:36,973 --> 00:29:39,348
Oh, yeah, little man!
557
00:29:39,431 --> 00:29:41,264
(laughs)
558
00:29:41,348 --> 00:29:43,848
Oh, oh, hey. Oh, wow.
559
00:29:43,932 --> 00:29:45,556
Oh, wow. Hey.
560
00:29:45,640 --> 00:29:49,181
What a voice he has on him.
Right? (laughs)
561
00:29:49,264 --> 00:29:51,598
Wait. How tall is he by now?
Is he--
562
00:29:51,682 --> 00:29:54,139
What... yeah.
563
00:29:54,223 --> 00:29:56,348
Oh, yeah-- Nah.
564
00:29:57,264 --> 00:30:00,431
Oh, yeah.
No, I, I, I understand.
565
00:30:00,515 --> 00:30:02,640
It's not a problem.
566
00:30:02,723 --> 00:30:03,890
Oh, wow.
567
00:30:03,973 --> 00:30:08,056
♪ Is it laced
within my DNA ♪
568
00:30:08,139 --> 00:30:12,264
♪ To be braced in
endless January ♪
569
00:30:12,348 --> 00:30:16,598
♪ Have I become
the cavity I feared? ♪
570
00:30:16,682 --> 00:30:19,765
Ali:
I, I'm all right.
I, I just feel like I'm in a...
571
00:30:19,848 --> 00:30:21,640
One of them old movies.
572
00:30:21,723 --> 00:30:24,264
"It's a Wonderful Life."
573
00:30:24,348 --> 00:30:26,306
(softly):
It's a wonderful life.
574
00:30:26,390 --> 00:30:28,431
Merry Christmas, Imani.
575
00:30:36,598 --> 00:30:38,598
(exhales)
576
00:30:38,682 --> 00:30:44,431
♪ Ask me in 20 years ♪
577
00:30:59,014 --> 00:31:02,765
-(Ali exhales)
-(Rue sighs)
578
00:31:11,473 --> 00:31:14,640
Ali, what am I supposed
to do about Jules?
579
00:31:20,306 --> 00:31:21,807
(grunts)
580
00:31:23,306 --> 00:31:24,640
Miss Marsha?
581
00:31:28,139 --> 00:31:31,306
-Question.
-Yes?
582
00:31:32,973 --> 00:31:34,515
How long you been clean?
583
00:31:37,306 --> 00:31:40,014
Seventeen years,
584
00:31:40,098 --> 00:31:41,973
by the grace of God.
585
00:31:43,640 --> 00:31:45,890
Seventeen years.
586
00:31:45,973 --> 00:31:47,723
Never thought I'd be
able to say that.
587
00:31:47,807 --> 00:31:50,640
But I say it with
a lot of pride.
588
00:31:52,139 --> 00:31:54,807
Seventeen years.
589
00:31:54,890 --> 00:31:56,848
Why?
590
00:31:56,932 --> 00:32:00,431
What would happen if,
uh, you thought about dating
591
00:32:00,515 --> 00:32:03,723
in the early stages
of you trying to get clean?
592
00:32:03,807 --> 00:32:05,807
You want to know if I was
interested in dating,
593
00:32:05,890 --> 00:32:07,598
or if I was interested
in getting clean?
594
00:32:07,682 --> 00:32:11,014
'Cause the answer is "yes"
to both of those questions.
595
00:32:11,098 --> 00:32:13,014
But...
596
00:32:13,098 --> 00:32:15,932
I had to not be
in a relationship,
597
00:32:16,014 --> 00:32:18,264
so that I could focus
on my sobriety.
598
00:32:18,348 --> 00:32:20,223
Because that's what I wanted,
599
00:32:20,306 --> 00:32:23,682
and I didn't have enough energy
for both of those.
600
00:32:23,765 --> 00:32:26,014
And I wanted to get clean.
601
00:32:26,098 --> 00:32:29,014
Everything that's good to you
602
00:32:29,098 --> 00:32:30,765
ain't always good for you.
603
00:32:30,848 --> 00:32:35,181
Ali: What do you have to say
to somebody who doesn't
have a whole lot of hope?
604
00:32:35,264 --> 00:32:37,932
When I was a little girl
growing up,
605
00:32:38,014 --> 00:32:41,682
my grandma used to
always have this saying,
606
00:32:41,765 --> 00:32:45,598
and I never understood
what it meant...
607
00:32:46,890 --> 00:32:50,598
until I was ready to get clean.
608
00:32:50,682 --> 00:32:52,598
And her words were,
609
00:32:52,682 --> 00:32:57,181
"Baby, trouble don't
last always."
610
00:32:58,765 --> 00:33:00,556
And it doesn't,
611
00:33:00,640 --> 00:33:02,890
if you want to make a change.
612
00:33:02,973 --> 00:33:05,223
That's up to you.
613
00:33:06,390 --> 00:33:08,515
You got any more
questions for me
614
00:33:08,598 --> 00:33:10,306
while I'm trying to
count my tips?
615
00:33:10,390 --> 00:33:11,807
Ali:
Nah, count 'em.
616
00:33:11,890 --> 00:33:13,431
Imma throw
a couple more in there later.
617
00:33:13,515 --> 00:33:17,098
-Miss Marsha: You need to,
with your cheap ass.
-(Ali laughs)
618
00:33:18,181 --> 00:33:20,640
(Rue chuckles softly)
619
00:33:20,723 --> 00:33:23,098
Ali:
That's the truth, right there.
620
00:33:29,598 --> 00:33:31,306
(sighs)
621
00:33:32,390 --> 00:33:34,139
You know...
622
00:33:35,556 --> 00:33:37,181
It's funny, when
I think about it.
623
00:33:37,264 --> 00:33:40,098
I still blame Jules
for all this shit.
624
00:33:40,181 --> 00:33:41,598
Ali:
Why?
625
00:33:43,765 --> 00:33:46,515
'Cause...
626
00:33:46,598 --> 00:33:48,264
I was clean.
627
00:33:49,848 --> 00:33:53,723
And I was, like,
gonna stay clean.
628
00:33:53,807 --> 00:33:56,973
And for the most part,
I was pretty happy, so...
629
00:33:57,056 --> 00:33:59,515
-And fuckin' Jules--
-Ali: Wait, wait.
630
00:33:59,598 --> 00:34:01,431
You were gonna stay clean?
631
00:34:01,515 --> 00:34:03,181
-Yeah.
-With pills in your room?
632
00:34:03,264 --> 00:34:05,306
-I wasn't taking them.
-You were saving them.
633
00:34:05,390 --> 00:34:08,348
-Yeah.
-Even though you just said
you were gonna stay clean.
634
00:34:08,431 --> 00:34:11,431
-Uh--
-And that relapsing
was Jules' fault.
635
00:34:15,390 --> 00:34:18,848
Ali, you don't know
what she did to me.
636
00:34:18,932 --> 00:34:21,640
You're right. I don't.
637
00:34:25,765 --> 00:34:27,890
She cheated on me.
638
00:34:27,973 --> 00:34:31,390
When I was sober,
she literally cheated on me.
639
00:34:31,473 --> 00:34:34,348
-I didn't know that.
-Exactly.
640
00:34:35,723 --> 00:34:38,056
So, you were in a relationship.
641
00:34:38,139 --> 00:34:40,515
Yeah.
642
00:34:40,598 --> 00:34:43,723
-I thought you two
were just friends.
-No.
643
00:34:43,807 --> 00:34:47,390
Huh. When did it shift?
644
00:34:47,473 --> 00:34:49,682
Uh, the night of the carnival,
she came over,
645
00:34:49,765 --> 00:34:52,098
and we, like,
kissed a whole bunch.
646
00:34:52,181 --> 00:34:54,264
Okay, but when did it
become a relationship?
647
00:34:54,348 --> 00:34:56,098
I just told you.
That night.
648
00:34:56,181 --> 00:34:58,682
-It became a relationship
that night.
-Yeah.
649
00:34:58,765 --> 00:35:02,306
So it wasn't just kissing.
You two talked about
being together.
650
00:35:02,390 --> 00:35:05,348
What? That's so weird.
651
00:35:05,431 --> 00:35:07,348
What?
652
00:35:07,431 --> 00:35:09,765
Why would we talk about it?
653
00:35:09,848 --> 00:35:12,264
Because that's how people
get into relationships, Rue.
654
00:35:12,348 --> 00:35:13,932
They talk about it.
655
00:35:14,014 --> 00:35:15,264
(scoffs)
656
00:35:15,348 --> 00:35:17,431
I mean, we said "I love you."
657
00:35:17,515 --> 00:35:18,890
A lot.
658
00:35:18,973 --> 00:35:22,014
I say "I love you"
to my barber.
659
00:35:22,098 --> 00:35:24,515
Okay, yeah, but you don't
make out with your barber.
660
00:35:24,598 --> 00:35:28,682
Even if I did, my barber
might assume it was
just a casual thing.
661
00:35:28,765 --> 00:35:30,932
We talked about getting
662
00:35:31,014 --> 00:35:33,682
matching tattoos
on the inside of our lips.
663
00:35:33,765 --> 00:35:35,765
Damn.
664
00:35:35,848 --> 00:35:37,723
Did you?
665
00:35:37,807 --> 00:35:41,223
No, but we,
we talked about it.
666
00:35:42,431 --> 00:35:45,973
Okay. (laughs)
Keep going.
667
00:35:46,056 --> 00:35:48,139
I mean, there's nothing else
to say, you know?
668
00:35:48,223 --> 00:35:50,264
Except that I loved her.
669
00:35:50,348 --> 00:35:52,932
I trusted her.
670
00:35:53,014 --> 00:35:55,390
And when I look back at it,
you know, just,
671
00:35:55,473 --> 00:35:57,181
it's like she lied to me.
(chuckles)
672
00:35:57,264 --> 00:35:58,973
And, uh, manipulated me.
673
00:35:59,056 --> 00:36:00,181
Right.
674
00:36:00,264 --> 00:36:02,598
Like the whole thing
at the train station.
675
00:36:02,682 --> 00:36:04,056
Her trying to get me
to run away with her,
676
00:36:04,139 --> 00:36:06,765
even though I was,
um, scared, and...
677
00:36:06,848 --> 00:36:08,348
didn't have my medication...
678
00:36:08,431 --> 00:36:12,556
Just kind of fucked up,
and selfish.
679
00:36:17,431 --> 00:36:20,431
I didn't think she
was actually gonna go.
680
00:36:20,515 --> 00:36:22,723
You know, like, leave me.
681
00:36:26,598 --> 00:36:29,848
It just kind of set
something off in my head,
you know?
682
00:36:29,932 --> 00:36:33,056
Thinking about my whole life,
how...
683
00:36:33,139 --> 00:36:36,098
people make all these
fucking promises.
684
00:36:39,056 --> 00:36:42,765
My mom kissing me
on the forehead, and...
685
00:36:42,848 --> 00:36:45,765
telling me my dad's
gonna be all right.
686
00:36:45,848 --> 00:36:48,264
And Jules talking about
how we're gonna live together
687
00:36:48,348 --> 00:36:50,682
when she goes off to college
and sleep in the same bed,
688
00:36:50,765 --> 00:36:53,807
and be together forever.
689
00:36:55,515 --> 00:36:57,640
And then she ditches me.
690
00:36:59,598 --> 00:37:01,640
'Cause she met another girl.
691
00:37:10,181 --> 00:37:12,098
Just...
692
00:37:12,181 --> 00:37:14,640
made me think about
how everyone lies.
693
00:37:17,223 --> 00:37:19,056
It's not even the lies
that hurt, you know?
694
00:37:19,139 --> 00:37:22,181
It's the fact that you're never
really emotionally prepared
695
00:37:22,264 --> 00:37:24,306
for someone to leave you.
696
00:37:26,139 --> 00:37:27,807
Just kind of messed up.
697
00:37:27,890 --> 00:37:30,056
And it just started, like,
this avalanche of shit,
698
00:37:30,139 --> 00:37:32,848
about maybe I deserve it.
699
00:37:32,932 --> 00:37:35,056
Maybe this is the
universe's punishment
700
00:37:35,139 --> 00:37:37,848
for me being a piece of shit
my entire life.
701
00:37:41,515 --> 00:37:43,556
Stealing from my mom.
702
00:37:45,682 --> 00:37:48,348
Hitting her in the face.
(exhales)
703
00:37:50,264 --> 00:37:54,306
That's what I've done, Ali.
I have, I have hit my mom
704
00:37:54,390 --> 00:37:56,390
in the face.
705
00:38:04,181 --> 00:38:06,014
I picked up a piece of glass,
706
00:38:06,098 --> 00:38:08,098
and I pointed it at my mom
and I threatened to kill her.
707
00:38:08,181 --> 00:38:10,014
(scoffs)
708
00:38:10,098 --> 00:38:12,515
That is some unforgivable shit.
709
00:38:12,598 --> 00:38:15,598
Maybe I deserve
to get my ass left
710
00:38:15,682 --> 00:38:18,098
at a train station
at 1:00 a.m., you know?
711
00:38:20,181 --> 00:38:22,556
Drugs change who you are
as a person.
712
00:38:22,640 --> 00:38:25,598
Every time
I attacked my mom,
I wasn't high.
713
00:38:25,682 --> 00:38:29,223
Drugs change who you are
as a person.
714
00:38:29,306 --> 00:38:31,348
(whispers):
It's still unforgivable.
715
00:38:31,431 --> 00:38:34,890
Nah. It's not.
716
00:38:34,973 --> 00:38:37,807
-Come on.
-If I actually believe that
what you did was unforgivable,
717
00:38:37,890 --> 00:38:40,807
I wouldn't be sitting here,
because what I've done
in my life,
718
00:38:40,890 --> 00:38:42,556
is way more unforgivable.
719
00:38:42,640 --> 00:38:44,807
(chuckles)
Yeah, right. No.
720
00:38:44,890 --> 00:38:48,723
Ah. I said it before.
I'll say it again.
721
00:38:48,807 --> 00:38:51,807
You're playing pool
with Minnesota Fats.
722
00:38:51,890 --> 00:38:54,973
Maybe if I was some
random-ass classmate of yours
with no life experience,
723
00:38:55,056 --> 00:38:58,640
and I heard that you
picked up a piece of glass
and threatened your mom,
724
00:38:58,723 --> 00:39:01,515
I'd be like, "Ooh,
that's unforgivable."
725
00:39:01,598 --> 00:39:04,181
But the more you believe that,
the sicker it makes you,
726
00:39:04,264 --> 00:39:06,515
because every time you
do something unforgivable,
727
00:39:06,598 --> 00:39:10,014
you think, "Why change?
I'm just a piece of shit.
728
00:39:10,098 --> 00:39:12,181
I better keep going.
What's the difference now?"
729
00:39:12,264 --> 00:39:17,098
Without realizing that
forgiveness is the key
to change.
730
00:39:17,181 --> 00:39:18,890
We're too busy running around
731
00:39:18,973 --> 00:39:20,973
judging everybody's intentions
and motivations
732
00:39:21,056 --> 00:39:22,640
as if we have some insight
into the human soul.
733
00:39:22,723 --> 00:39:24,556
You know, "You did this,
so that must mean you're that."
734
00:39:24,640 --> 00:39:26,473
Just give me a break.
735
00:39:26,556 --> 00:39:29,473
Ali, I picked up
a piece of glass.
736
00:39:29,556 --> 00:39:31,973
I pointed it at my mom.
737
00:39:32,056 --> 00:39:35,223
And I told her
I was gonna kill her.
738
00:39:35,306 --> 00:39:36,848
Right.
739
00:39:36,932 --> 00:39:39,431
That's fucking terrible.
740
00:39:40,139 --> 00:39:41,640
But what's it mean?
741
00:39:43,556 --> 00:39:45,598
Means that I'm a piece of shit.
742
00:39:45,682 --> 00:39:47,515
-Look deeper.
-I am.
743
00:39:47,598 --> 00:39:48,973
Nah. You're not.
Look deeper.
744
00:39:49,056 --> 00:39:51,890
Ali, that sounds like a tag line
for a dumb fucking movie.
745
00:39:51,973 --> 00:39:53,848
So just because it doesn't
sound cool enough to you,
746
00:39:53,932 --> 00:39:56,098
you're gonna settle
for being superficial?
747
00:39:56,181 --> 00:39:58,139
That's unforgivable.
748
00:39:59,223 --> 00:40:01,807
Look deeper. What's it mean?
749
00:40:01,890 --> 00:40:05,264
That I'm violent
to someone I love.
750
00:40:06,890 --> 00:40:09,181
Okay, okay.
751
00:40:09,264 --> 00:40:10,473
Why?
752
00:40:12,973 --> 00:40:14,932
Because that's who I am.
753
00:40:16,098 --> 00:40:17,765
I don't know what that means.
754
00:40:17,848 --> 00:40:20,640
It means that
I'm okay with that.
755
00:40:20,723 --> 00:40:22,056
Are you?
756
00:40:23,181 --> 00:40:24,807
That's what it says.
757
00:40:24,890 --> 00:40:28,306
But are you okay with that?
758
00:40:30,556 --> 00:40:31,973
No.
759
00:40:32,056 --> 00:40:34,014
So, it's not who you are.
760
00:40:35,473 --> 00:40:37,515
Yeah, well, I still did it.
761
00:40:37,598 --> 00:40:39,682
But why are you not
okay with it?
762
00:40:42,014 --> 00:40:44,890
-Because it's a terrible
fucking thing to do.
-Why?
763
00:40:44,973 --> 00:40:46,390
Because it's shitty.
764
00:40:46,473 --> 00:40:47,765
It's cruel, and it's mean,
765
00:40:47,848 --> 00:40:50,765
and my mom doesn't deserve that.
766
00:40:50,848 --> 00:40:53,181
-Those are all things
you believe.
-Yes.
767
00:40:53,264 --> 00:40:56,765
-And your beliefs are
part of who you are.
-Yes, of course.
768
00:40:56,848 --> 00:40:58,223
So what you're saying is,
769
00:40:58,306 --> 00:41:00,098
is that you can
simultaneously do something
770
00:41:00,181 --> 00:41:01,890
that you also believe is wrong.
771
00:41:01,973 --> 00:41:04,139
(sighs) Well,
doesn't you doing it
772
00:41:04,223 --> 00:41:05,723
mean more than
your intentions?
773
00:41:05,807 --> 00:41:09,390
It all depends.
Why are you ignoring all
the things you believe?
774
00:41:14,973 --> 00:41:16,723
'Cause I wasn't thinking.
775
00:41:16,807 --> 00:41:20,431
Okay, but that could
just be the struggle
of all human beings.
776
00:41:21,932 --> 00:41:24,640
-What?
-Living up to their
belief system.
777
00:41:24,723 --> 00:41:28,431
Not all human beings
threaten to kill their mom.
778
00:41:28,515 --> 00:41:32,640
True. Yours is more extreme.
I'll give you that.
779
00:41:32,723 --> 00:41:34,473
But why?
780
00:41:34,556 --> 00:41:38,932
-Why is it more extreme?
-Yeah.
781
00:41:39,014 --> 00:41:43,682
I don't know.
'Cause of, like, drugs, and...
782
00:41:43,765 --> 00:41:46,014
certain emotional disorders.
783
00:41:46,098 --> 00:41:48,973
You sure it's that,
and not just because
you're a terrible person?
784
00:41:49,056 --> 00:41:50,640
-(Rue chuckles)
-I mean, 'cause
it could just be
785
00:41:50,723 --> 00:41:52,223
because you're
a piece of shit.
786
00:41:52,306 --> 00:41:54,682
-No, it's not that.
-I mean, 'cause there's
a lot of people with
787
00:41:54,765 --> 00:41:56,473
drug issues and emotional issues
788
00:41:56,556 --> 00:41:59,390
that don't threaten to kill
their mothers.
789
00:41:59,473 --> 00:42:00,848
Yeah, no. I know.
790
00:42:00,932 --> 00:42:03,848
But you did.
And your punishment,
791
00:42:03,932 --> 00:42:06,181
the sentence
you're giving yourself
is that you,
792
00:42:06,264 --> 00:42:09,014
Rue Bennett,
are beyond forgiveness.
793
00:42:09,098 --> 00:42:11,056
That punishment
is way too harsh,
794
00:42:11,139 --> 00:42:12,515
and it's also way too easy.
795
00:42:12,598 --> 00:42:14,640
It allows you to keep doing
exactly what you're doing
796
00:42:14,723 --> 00:42:17,932
without changing,
because you deserve it.
797
00:42:18,014 --> 00:42:20,181
There's no hope.
You're beyond forgiveness.
798
00:42:20,264 --> 00:42:21,848
So you may as well just
fuck the fuck off forever
799
00:42:21,932 --> 00:42:23,848
and go down the gutter
because that's what this girl,
800
00:42:23,973 --> 00:42:25,723
this piece of shit, deserves.
801
00:42:25,807 --> 00:42:27,723
This is why the world
keeps getting worse.
802
00:42:27,807 --> 00:42:29,890
People keep doing shit
that we deem unforgivable,
803
00:42:29,973 --> 00:42:32,556
and in return, they decide
there's no reason to change.
804
00:42:32,640 --> 00:42:34,348
So now you got a whole bunch
of people running around
805
00:42:34,431 --> 00:42:36,431
who don't give a fuck
about redemption.
806
00:42:36,515 --> 00:42:37,932
That's scary.
807
00:42:41,306 --> 00:42:43,848
Ali, what have you done
that's so terrible?
808
00:42:44,973 --> 00:42:46,598
A lot.
809
00:42:47,848 --> 00:42:50,890
-But what? For real.
-A lot.
810
00:42:50,973 --> 00:42:53,223
-You're not just saying that?
-Nah.
811
00:42:53,306 --> 00:42:55,390
You promise?
812
00:42:55,473 --> 00:42:57,473
Why do you want to know?
813
00:42:58,890 --> 00:43:02,598
Because I think you're,
like, a good person.
814
00:43:02,682 --> 00:43:07,515
And I just couldn't imagine you,
like, doing something terrible.
815
00:43:15,431 --> 00:43:19,431
I grew up in a house where
my dad used to beat on my mama.
816
00:43:19,515 --> 00:43:21,973
He was a drunken,
cold son of a bitch.
817
00:43:23,056 --> 00:43:25,098
And every night, I lay in bed
818
00:43:25,181 --> 00:43:27,556
dreaming of every
which way to kill him.
819
00:43:27,640 --> 00:43:29,098
(clicks tongue)
820
00:43:29,181 --> 00:43:31,098
But eventually,
my mama up and left him
821
00:43:31,181 --> 00:43:34,890
and took me and my sister
with her, and life goes on.
822
00:43:36,348 --> 00:43:38,515
But I always said to myself
823
00:43:38,598 --> 00:43:42,056
that no matter how bad shit got,
824
00:43:42,139 --> 00:43:44,807
whether I was shooting dope
or smoking crack,
825
00:43:44,890 --> 00:43:48,056
I would never,
ever be like my dad.
826
00:43:49,973 --> 00:43:52,890
And then I, I got married.
827
00:43:52,973 --> 00:43:56,431
I had two girls.
It was chaos.
828
00:43:56,515 --> 00:43:58,973
I was using,
and my wife wasn't having it.
829
00:43:59,056 --> 00:44:01,807
We were fighting every night.
830
00:44:01,890 --> 00:44:04,473
And it got physical.
831
00:44:04,556 --> 00:44:06,223
And, uh,
832
00:44:06,306 --> 00:44:10,181
one night I looked over
and I see my two little
girls watching.
833
00:44:10,264 --> 00:44:12,431
And I thought,
834
00:44:12,515 --> 00:44:14,056
here I am,
835
00:44:14,139 --> 00:44:15,515
a grown man with two girls,
836
00:44:15,598 --> 00:44:18,932
and they just watched me
hit their mom in the face.
837
00:44:19,014 --> 00:44:21,682
I spent 30 years of my life...
838
00:44:23,014 --> 00:44:25,056
thinking of how to kill my dad
839
00:44:25,139 --> 00:44:28,723
for doing the same shit
I just did to their mom.
840
00:44:30,723 --> 00:44:32,598
That's rock bottom.
841
00:44:32,682 --> 00:44:35,139
It doesn't get
any worse than that.
842
00:44:35,223 --> 00:44:37,973
But, hey, it took me
another five years to clean up,
843
00:44:38,056 --> 00:44:40,932
because for some people,
there is no rock bottom.
844
00:44:41,014 --> 00:44:43,640
It's bottomless.
845
00:44:43,723 --> 00:44:46,139
And the truth is,
846
00:44:46,223 --> 00:44:50,473
drugs will fundamentally change
who you are as a human being.
847
00:44:50,556 --> 00:44:52,473
Every moral. Every principle.
848
00:44:52,556 --> 00:44:55,098
Everything you hold
close to your heart,
849
00:44:55,181 --> 00:44:58,932
and believe in,
will go out the window
or down the drain.
850
00:44:59,014 --> 00:45:02,765
'Cause there's no force
stronger on planet Earth
851
00:45:02,848 --> 00:45:04,765
than that next fix.
852
00:45:07,473 --> 00:45:10,223
Now, you may be functioning.
853
00:45:10,306 --> 00:45:13,264
Maybe things go well.
Maybe they last.
854
00:45:13,348 --> 00:45:15,640
And maybe they don't.
855
00:45:15,723 --> 00:45:17,848
But the one thing I know is true
856
00:45:17,932 --> 00:45:21,473
is that the longer you do drugs,
857
00:45:21,556 --> 00:45:23,473
the more you're gonna lose.
858
00:45:23,556 --> 00:45:25,348
And not just in terms of
the things you love,
859
00:45:25,431 --> 00:45:28,223
but the things you value
about yourself.
860
00:45:28,306 --> 00:45:32,223
And every compromise you make,
every moral line that you cross,
861
00:45:32,306 --> 00:45:34,223
you'll go further and further,
862
00:45:34,306 --> 00:45:37,348
until you don't recognize
who the fuck you are.
863
00:45:37,431 --> 00:45:39,223
And that list of
racing thoughts,
864
00:45:39,306 --> 00:45:41,390
that list of
unforgivable things,
865
00:45:41,473 --> 00:45:43,723
it grows longer.
866
00:45:43,807 --> 00:45:45,598
And gets uglier.
867
00:45:51,264 --> 00:45:53,390
You still think
I'm a good person?
868
00:45:58,890 --> 00:46:00,223
Yeah.
869
00:46:05,431 --> 00:46:08,390
The thought of maybe
being a good person
870
00:46:08,473 --> 00:46:11,473
is what keeps me
trying to be a good person.
871
00:46:14,848 --> 00:46:16,223
Although,
872
00:46:16,306 --> 00:46:18,807
some people might
disagree with you.
873
00:46:21,014 --> 00:46:23,890
My youngest daughter, for one.
874
00:46:28,515 --> 00:46:29,848
What's her name?
875
00:46:32,973 --> 00:46:34,181
Marie.
876
00:46:46,306 --> 00:46:47,723
Ali?
877
00:46:49,264 --> 00:46:50,723
Yeah?
878
00:46:52,890 --> 00:46:55,932
I just don't really
plan on being here that long.
879
00:47:03,264 --> 00:47:05,056
And that's, um...
880
00:47:07,682 --> 00:47:10,056
That's the tough part
about all this, you know?
881
00:47:13,223 --> 00:47:15,598
'Cause, I, I,
I love talking to you.
882
00:47:15,682 --> 00:47:16,973
I do.
883
00:47:18,598 --> 00:47:22,181
And I agree with, um,
almost everything you're saying.
884
00:47:22,264 --> 00:47:23,890
And I understand it.
885
00:47:27,890 --> 00:47:29,390
But, um...
886
00:47:31,765 --> 00:47:34,598
I just don't plan on
being here that long.
887
00:47:41,348 --> 00:47:42,598
I get it.
888
00:47:44,682 --> 00:47:47,223
We're living in dark times.
889
00:47:48,348 --> 00:47:51,139
Huh. Not a lot of
hope out there.
890
00:47:52,807 --> 00:47:54,098
(scoffs)
891
00:47:55,765 --> 00:47:58,682
The thing I miss
about doing drugs...
892
00:48:01,723 --> 00:48:03,473
is the beauty.
893
00:48:04,598 --> 00:48:06,556
No matter what's going on
in the world,
894
00:48:06,640 --> 00:48:09,515
no matter what's going on
in your life,
895
00:48:09,598 --> 00:48:12,473
everything is gonna be okay.
896
00:48:19,098 --> 00:48:20,473
Yeah.
897
00:48:21,640 --> 00:48:24,848
The world's just really
fuckin' ugly, you know?
898
00:48:27,306 --> 00:48:30,306
It's really fuckin' ugly,
and, um...
899
00:48:31,807 --> 00:48:35,139
Everybody seems to be
okay with it, you know?
900
00:48:38,473 --> 00:48:40,390
The anger.
901
00:48:40,473 --> 00:48:42,682
The level of anger.
902
00:48:44,223 --> 00:48:48,640
Everyone's just out to make
everyone else not seem human.
903
00:48:53,014 --> 00:48:56,014
And I don't really
want to be a part of it.
904
00:48:59,682 --> 00:49:02,181
I don't even want to witness it.
905
00:49:06,223 --> 00:49:08,723
Sure, it's not, like,
the root of all my problems,
906
00:49:08,807 --> 00:49:11,807
but I definitely
think about it. A lot.
907
00:49:11,890 --> 00:49:14,682
Because thinking
about those questions,
those ideas,
908
00:49:14,765 --> 00:49:18,973
they're a large part of, uh...
909
00:49:19,056 --> 00:49:21,348
what makes this life
worth living.
910
00:49:24,598 --> 00:49:26,348
Right?
911
00:49:26,431 --> 00:49:29,515
That's what I was
talking about earlier.
912
00:49:29,598 --> 00:49:32,306
You gotta believe
in the poetry.
913
00:49:32,390 --> 00:49:38,473
The value of two people sitting
in a diner on Christmas Eve,
914
00:49:38,556 --> 00:49:42,223
talking about life,
915
00:49:42,306 --> 00:49:44,139
addiction,
916
00:49:44,223 --> 00:49:45,682
loss.
917
00:49:47,306 --> 00:49:50,348
You don't want to be
a part of it, Rue, because...
918
00:49:50,431 --> 00:49:53,098
you care about
the big things in life.
919
00:49:54,723 --> 00:49:57,598
I don't know if I care about
the big things in life.
920
00:49:57,682 --> 00:49:59,223
Come on now,
of course you do
921
00:49:59,306 --> 00:50:02,431
because you obviously don't
care about the small things,
922
00:50:02,515 --> 00:50:06,807
like being right,
or being angry.
923
00:50:06,890 --> 00:50:11,139
All the things that
kill curiosity
and keeps us from...
924
00:50:11,223 --> 00:50:14,598
keeps us all from
looking deeper.
925
00:50:17,932 --> 00:50:19,932
You said it earlier.
926
00:50:21,932 --> 00:50:24,181
I love talking to you.
927
00:50:24,264 --> 00:50:26,348
Because we talk about
the real shit.
928
00:50:26,431 --> 00:50:29,223
Shit that matters.
929
00:50:29,306 --> 00:50:34,264
Like, who do you want to be
when you leave this Earth?
930
00:50:36,098 --> 00:50:38,598
I'm not really sure I follow.
931
00:50:40,348 --> 00:50:42,723
You said you weren't
gonna be here much longer.
932
00:50:44,306 --> 00:50:46,139
Okay. Then?
933
00:50:49,264 --> 00:50:52,473
How do you want your mom
and sister to remember you?
934
00:51:14,515 --> 00:51:16,014
(clicks tongue)
935
00:51:21,473 --> 00:51:23,139
(sniffles)
936
00:51:25,598 --> 00:51:29,515
As someone who tried really hard
to be someone I couldn't.
937
00:51:41,348 --> 00:51:42,848
(sniffles)
938
00:51:46,014 --> 00:51:48,014
I got faith in you.
939
00:51:49,223 --> 00:51:51,139
(exhales sharply, sniffles)
940
00:51:51,223 --> 00:51:52,723
Why?
941
00:51:55,390 --> 00:51:57,348
I don't know.
942
00:51:57,431 --> 00:51:59,139
I just do.
943
00:52:02,264 --> 00:52:04,973
Granted, I was a Christian
before I became a Muslim,
944
00:52:05,056 --> 00:52:07,098
so, I've been wrong before.
945
00:52:07,181 --> 00:52:10,014
(laughs)
946
00:52:10,098 --> 00:52:13,056
-Thanks. (laughs)
-(Ali chuckles)
947
00:52:15,515 --> 00:52:17,431
(sighs)
948
00:52:17,515 --> 00:52:19,223
(sniffles)
949
00:52:25,515 --> 00:52:28,556
("Ave Maria" playing)
950
00:52:31,264 --> 00:52:33,181
(rain pattering)
951
00:52:41,682 --> 00:52:47,306
♪ Ave ♪
952
00:52:47,390 --> 00:52:52,765
♪ Maria ♪
953
00:52:54,181 --> 00:53:00,264
♪ Gratia plena ♪
954
00:53:01,765 --> 00:53:04,640
♪ Maria ♪
955
00:53:04,723 --> 00:53:10,181
♪ Gratia plena ♪
956
00:53:10,264 --> 00:53:17,098
♪ Maria, gratia plena ♪
957
00:53:18,515 --> 00:53:26,014
♪ Ave, ave Dominus ♪
958
00:53:26,098 --> 00:53:29,723
♪ Dominus tecum ♪
959
00:53:31,098 --> 00:53:34,056
♪ Benedicta ♪
960
00:53:34,139 --> 00:53:39,556
♪ Tu in mulieribus ♪
961
00:53:47,973 --> 00:53:52,223
♪ Et benedictus ♪
962
00:53:52,306 --> 00:53:56,390
♪ Fructus ventris ♪
963
00:53:56,473 --> 00:54:03,473
♪ Ventris tui, Jesus ♪
964
00:54:05,765 --> 00:54:11,598
♪ Ave ♪
965
00:54:11,682 --> 00:54:16,181
♪ Maria ♪
966
00:54:29,682 --> 00:54:33,014
♪ Benedicta ♪
967
00:54:33,098 --> 00:54:38,390
♪ Tu in mulieribus ♪
968
00:54:46,723 --> 00:54:50,848
♪ Et benedictus ♪
969
00:54:50,932 --> 00:54:55,181
♪ Fructus ventris ♪
970
00:54:55,264 --> 00:55:02,264
♪ Ventris tui, Jesus ♪
971
00:55:04,723 --> 00:55:10,682
♪ Ave ♪
972
00:55:10,765 --> 00:55:15,556
♪ Maria ♪
973
00:55:26,723 --> 00:55:28,932
♪
974
00:55:29,014 --> 00:55:32,556
(song crescendos, ends)
975
00:55:32,640 --> 00:55:35,223
(windshield wipers clack)
976
00:55:48,723 --> 00:55:52,098
("All for Us"
by Labrinth playing)
977
00:55:58,765 --> 00:56:02,014
♪ Too much in my system ♪
978
00:56:02,098 --> 00:56:05,431
♪ Money M.I.A. ♪
979
00:56:05,515 --> 00:56:08,598
♪ Mama making ends meet ♪
980
00:56:08,682 --> 00:56:12,181
♪ Working like a slave ♪
981
00:56:12,264 --> 00:56:15,556
♪ Daddy ain't at home, no ♪
982
00:56:15,640 --> 00:56:18,848
♪ Gotta be a man ♪
983
00:56:18,973 --> 00:56:22,473
♪ Do it for my homegrowns ♪
984
00:56:22,556 --> 00:56:25,723
♪ Do it for my fam ♪
985
00:56:25,807 --> 00:56:28,473
♪ Ay, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
986
00:56:28,556 --> 00:56:32,098
♪ Just for your love,
yeah, I'll, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
987
00:56:32,181 --> 00:56:35,556
♪ Give you the world,
oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
988
00:56:35,640 --> 00:56:39,515
♪ Mona Lisa's smile,
Oh, oh, oh ♪
989
00:56:39,598 --> 00:56:41,765
♪ Hey,
Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
990
00:56:41,848 --> 00:56:45,098
♪ Hell, I'll do
twenty-five to life ♪
991
00:56:45,181 --> 00:56:47,264
♪ If it makes me your king ♪
992
00:56:47,348 --> 00:56:49,181
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
993
00:56:49,264 --> 00:56:52,807
♪ A star in your eyes,
oh, oh ♪
994
00:56:52,890 --> 00:56:55,390
♪ Oh, oh ♪
995
00:56:55,473 --> 00:57:00,807
♪ Oh, doing it all for love ♪
996
00:57:00,890 --> 00:57:04,181
♪ Doing it all ♪
997
00:57:04,264 --> 00:57:07,723
♪ Doing it all for love ♪
998
00:57:13,014 --> 00:57:14,807
Being back on Euphoria
feels amazing,