1 00:00:09,309 --> 00:00:12,212 ‐ Previously on "Resident Alien"... This is what is left of my spaceship. 2 00:00:12,212 --> 00:00:14,181 ‐ This happened to you because you went to space. 3 00:00:14,181 --> 00:00:15,749 ‐ I don't think that's how space works. 4 00:00:15,749 --> 00:00:19,086 ‐ What else could it be? ‐ I have no idea. 5 00:00:19,086 --> 00:00:20,554 ‐ That little shit pocket. 6 00:00:20,554 --> 00:00:24,491 I forgot to tell you, my people are coming to kill everyone. 7 00:00:24,491 --> 00:00:26,560 ‐ You're an alien, you know, phone home. 8 00:00:26,560 --> 00:00:28,428 Call them and tell them not to come. 9 00:00:28,428 --> 00:00:31,331 ‐ I will try to build a radio and contact my people. 10 00:00:31,331 --> 00:00:33,133 ‐ The government is after him. 11 00:00:33,133 --> 00:00:35,068 They know that I know who he is. 12 00:00:35,068 --> 00:00:36,203 ‐ What? 13 00:00:36,203 --> 00:00:37,604 ‐ And they went back to their base, 14 00:00:37,604 --> 00:00:39,406 and now they're driving around searching for him. 15 00:00:39,406 --> 00:00:41,208 ‐ How do you know where their base is? 16 00:00:41,208 --> 00:00:43,043 ‐ We have our ways. 17 00:00:43,043 --> 00:00:44,344 ‐ Hello, Asta. We need to speak 18 00:00:44,344 --> 00:00:46,413 with Dr. Vanderspeigle about that severed foot. 19 00:00:46,413 --> 00:00:47,514 Well, I'll be. 20 00:00:47,514 --> 00:00:49,449 Botulinum toxin‐‐ the murder weapon. 21 00:00:49,449 --> 00:00:52,019 ‐ Oh, no. ‐ Where is he, Asta? 22 00:00:52,019 --> 00:00:53,487 ‐ He went to hide in the cellar. 23 00:00:53,487 --> 00:00:54,588 ‐ Dr. Vanderspeigle! 24 00:00:54,588 --> 00:00:57,658 ‐ Whoa, what's with the guns? ‐ Asta? 25 00:00:57,658 --> 00:01:00,060 ‐ What in holy hell? 26 00:01:02,129 --> 00:01:05,065 ‐ [groaning] 27 00:01:05,065 --> 00:01:07,768 [dramatic music] 28 00:01:07,768 --> 00:01:11,238 ♪ ♪ 29 00:01:11,238 --> 00:01:15,409 ‐ That faint one there is Mars, 30 00:01:15,409 --> 00:01:17,211 the god of war. 31 00:01:17,211 --> 00:01:22,115 And over there is Venus, the goddess of fertility. 32 00:01:22,115 --> 00:01:25,152 ‐ Venus rhymes with penis. ‐ [laughs] 33 00:01:25,152 --> 00:01:27,621 ‐ D'arcy, Judy, that's not funny. 34 00:01:27,621 --> 00:01:29,356 ‐ Is there a girl hero? 35 00:01:29,356 --> 00:01:32,292 ‐ Olivia Baker, did we raise our hand before we spoke? 36 00:01:32,292 --> 00:01:34,361 ‐ Ben didn't raise his hand. 37 00:01:34,361 --> 00:01:37,231 ‐ Ben is working on being more assertive, 38 00:01:37,231 --> 00:01:39,566 so it's okay for him. 39 00:01:39,566 --> 00:01:41,568 [whooshing] 40 00:01:41,568 --> 00:01:44,471 ‐ Wow, what's that? 41 00:01:44,471 --> 00:01:47,508 ‐ Let's go! Asta, Kayla, come on! 42 00:01:47,508 --> 00:01:49,176 ‐ Cool! ‐ Wait up! 43 00:01:49,176 --> 00:01:52,346 ‐ Hey, hey! Never leave a fire unattended. 44 00:01:52,346 --> 00:01:55,082 ‐ I'll stay. [children shouting excitedly] 45 00:01:55,082 --> 00:02:00,120 ♪ ♪ 46 00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:02,789 ‐ Wait for me, kids. Hey, you can't go alone! 47 00:02:02,789 --> 00:02:10,063 ♪ ♪ 48 00:02:14,134 --> 00:02:16,170 ‐ I looked, but there was nothing. 49 00:02:16,170 --> 00:02:18,539 I didn't see anything. ‐ I did. I saw something. 50 00:02:18,539 --> 00:02:22,309 ‐ Olivia Baker, you know the rules about lying. 51 00:02:22,309 --> 00:02:24,778 ♪ ♪ 52 00:02:24,778 --> 00:02:27,014 ‐ Did you really see something? 53 00:02:29,750 --> 00:02:31,351 ‐ No. 54 00:02:31,351 --> 00:02:37,791 ♪ ♪ 55 00:02:37,791 --> 00:02:41,061 [laidback acoustic strumming] 56 00:02:41,061 --> 00:02:47,734 ♪ ♪ 57 00:02:48,669 --> 00:02:51,071 [suspenseful music] 58 00:02:51,071 --> 00:02:53,173 ‐ Dr. Vanderspeigle! 59 00:02:53,173 --> 00:02:54,308 Dr. V! 60 00:02:56,009 --> 00:02:58,478 Where the hell is he? Oh, shit! 61 00:02:58,478 --> 00:03:00,514 Put your hands above your head right now. 62 00:03:00,514 --> 00:03:03,016 You're under arrest for the murder of Sam Hodges. 63 00:03:03,016 --> 00:03:04,685 ‐ What? Harry, what's going on? 64 00:03:04,685 --> 00:03:07,788 ♪ ♪ 65 00:03:07,788 --> 00:03:11,124 ‐ You're going to have to catch me first. 66 00:03:11,124 --> 00:03:13,727 ‐ Oh, shit! Oh, shit! 67 00:03:13,727 --> 00:03:16,230 Deputy, we got ourselves a werewolf! 68 00:03:16,230 --> 00:03:17,764 Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Hey! Hey! 69 00:03:17,764 --> 00:03:19,600 [gunshot] ‐ Don't shoot him! 70 00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:21,235 ‐ Him? That's a goddamn it! 71 00:03:21,235 --> 00:03:22,736 You need a silver bullet in your ass, 72 00:03:22,736 --> 00:03:24,238 you albino‐ass werewolf mother‐‐ 73 00:03:24,238 --> 00:03:25,339 [shouts] 74 00:03:25,339 --> 00:03:28,108 [gunshots] 75 00:03:28,108 --> 00:03:30,210 ‐ No, he won't hurt you if you don't hurt him! 76 00:03:30,210 --> 00:03:32,045 He's an alien! 77 00:03:32,045 --> 00:03:34,481 ‐ I knew they existed. 78 00:03:34,481 --> 00:03:37,551 ♪ ♪ 79 00:03:37,551 --> 00:03:42,489 ‐ ♪ Love and affection is all that you lack ♪ 80 00:03:42,489 --> 00:03:44,358 ‐ You know what? 81 00:03:44,358 --> 00:03:46,126 I think we deserve a toast with our toast. 82 00:03:46,126 --> 00:03:48,228 Good work on the Severed Foot Killer, Deputy. 83 00:03:48,228 --> 00:03:50,197 It's gonna be nice to move on to something else. 84 00:03:50,197 --> 00:03:52,366 ‐ Thank you, sir. You too. 85 00:03:52,366 --> 00:03:54,668 ‐ Mmm. ‐ Mmm. 86 00:03:56,069 --> 00:03:58,205 I don't want to put my "foot" 87 00:03:58,205 --> 00:04:00,240 in my mouth... ‐ [laughs] 88 00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:04,611 ‐ But I think we deserve to have more of this bacon. 89 00:04:04,611 --> 00:04:06,513 And maybe even a raise! 90 00:04:06,513 --> 00:04:08,348 ‐ Ha! You know what? 91 00:04:08,348 --> 00:04:11,018 Now that I think about it, you're absolutely right. 92 00:04:11,018 --> 00:04:14,655 I mean, now's the time, and you've certainly earned it. 93 00:04:14,655 --> 00:04:16,757 Let's get some more of that bacon. 94 00:04:16,757 --> 00:04:20,027 [chuckles] [door opens, bells jingle] 95 00:04:20,027 --> 00:04:21,528 [door closes, bells jingle] 96 00:04:21,528 --> 00:04:24,531 [dramatic music] 97 00:04:24,531 --> 00:04:26,767 ♪ ♪ 98 00:04:26,767 --> 00:04:29,369 Morning, Dr. V. 99 00:04:29,369 --> 00:04:31,505 ‐ Howdy. 100 00:04:31,505 --> 00:04:35,042 ‐ How...dy. 101 00:04:35,042 --> 00:04:37,477 ‐ Wow, I guess it worked. 102 00:04:37,477 --> 00:04:39,279 ‐ I am an alien. 103 00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:42,282 We are very good at changing peoples' memories 104 00:04:42,282 --> 00:04:43,784 to suit our purposes. 105 00:04:43,784 --> 00:04:46,453 They will not be a problem anymore. 106 00:04:46,453 --> 00:04:49,556 [suspenseful music] 107 00:04:49,556 --> 00:04:53,227 ♪ ♪ 108 00:04:53,227 --> 00:04:54,761 ‐ Deputy, let's get into the car 109 00:04:54,761 --> 00:04:56,697 and drive out to Dr. Vanderspeigle's house. 110 00:04:56,697 --> 00:04:59,766 We need to talk to him about some murder stuff. 111 00:04:59,766 --> 00:05:03,036 [tires screech] 112 00:05:05,305 --> 00:05:08,609 ‐ Sheriff Michael Thompson, Deputy Olivia Baker, 113 00:05:08,609 --> 00:05:12,579 Special Agent Fisher, FBI. 114 00:05:12,579 --> 00:05:14,114 We're tracking down the Dead Foot Killer. 115 00:05:14,114 --> 00:05:15,616 We've been following your movements 116 00:05:15,616 --> 00:05:17,117 for quite some time now, 117 00:05:17,117 --> 00:05:20,454 and I have to say, you two do excellent work. 118 00:05:20,454 --> 00:05:23,190 ‐ Thank you. You've made me feel good about myself, 119 00:05:23,190 --> 00:05:25,292 so I'm open to what you're going to say next. 120 00:05:25,292 --> 00:05:28,262 ‐ We wouldn't be where we are if it wasn't for you both. 121 00:05:28,262 --> 00:05:30,631 But the time has come for us to take over this case. 122 00:05:30,631 --> 00:05:32,332 ‐ Well, if you're taking over, 123 00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:35,068 we should stop looking into the crime. 124 00:05:35,068 --> 00:05:38,071 ‐ Exactly. I can only tell you one thing about the case. 125 00:05:38,071 --> 00:05:42,309 The murderer is not Harry Vanderspeigle. 126 00:05:43,644 --> 00:05:46,079 ‐ Well, you're lucky they bought that. 127 00:05:46,079 --> 00:05:47,648 You know, when we were in the crevasse, 128 00:05:47,648 --> 00:05:49,149 I saw you were an alien. 129 00:05:49,149 --> 00:05:51,518 Why didn't you replace my memory? 130 00:05:51,518 --> 00:05:53,720 ‐ Because I am not alone anymore. 131 00:05:55,689 --> 00:05:57,624 You can thank me if you want. 132 00:05:57,624 --> 00:05:59,660 ‐ For what? 133 00:05:59,660 --> 00:06:03,230 ‐ I killed the man who killed your friend Sam. 134 00:06:03,230 --> 00:06:05,766 You are welcome. 135 00:06:05,766 --> 00:06:07,434 ‐ Okay, Harry... ‐ Hmm? 136 00:06:07,434 --> 00:06:09,203 ‐ You're still a murderer. 137 00:06:09,203 --> 00:06:13,440 ‐ No. I am a murderer murderer. It's very different. 138 00:06:13,440 --> 00:06:17,511 ‐ You can rationalize your murderer murder all damn day. 139 00:06:17,511 --> 00:06:19,246 [whispering] But guess what. 140 00:06:19,246 --> 00:06:22,049 Abigail Hodges is still accused of a murder she didn't commit. 141 00:06:22,049 --> 00:06:24,685 ‐ So what? You do not even like her. 142 00:06:24,685 --> 00:06:26,620 ‐ What is wrong with you? 143 00:06:26,620 --> 00:06:28,755 Do you really have no empathy whatsoever? 144 00:06:28,755 --> 00:06:30,490 ‐ That is not what is wrong with me. 145 00:06:30,490 --> 00:06:32,226 That is what is right with me. 146 00:06:32,226 --> 00:06:33,193 ‐ Maybe you should try 147 00:06:33,193 --> 00:06:35,295 putting yourself in other people's shoes. 148 00:06:35,295 --> 00:06:40,300 ‐ Ugh! Other people's shoes smell like other people's feet. 149 00:06:40,300 --> 00:06:42,603 ‐ Hi, I'm Ben Hawthorne, 150 00:06:42,603 --> 00:06:45,572 Mayor of peaceful Patience, Colorado, 151 00:06:45,572 --> 00:06:47,608 where sometimes bad things happen 152 00:06:47,608 --> 00:06:49,610 that are totally unrelated. 153 00:06:49,610 --> 00:06:51,545 Some of the highest peaks in Colorado 154 00:06:51,545 --> 00:06:55,182 are right here in Patience, but you know what's really low? 155 00:06:55,182 --> 00:06:57,618 Our mortality rate. 156 00:06:57,618 --> 00:06:59,486 ‐ I don't think you should say "mortality." 157 00:06:59,486 --> 00:07:01,088 ‐ No? ‐ No. 158 00:07:01,088 --> 00:07:03,090 ‐ No good? You're right, it's a little too dark. 159 00:07:03,090 --> 00:07:05,459 ‐ Mm‐hmm. ‐ Yeah. Uh, Alexa? 160 00:07:05,459 --> 00:07:09,196 What is another word for "mortality"? 161 00:07:09,196 --> 00:07:12,032 ‐ Synonyms for "mortality" meaning "death" 162 00:07:12,032 --> 00:07:15,302 include "fatality," "bloodshed," or "dying." 163 00:07:15,302 --> 00:07:17,070 ‐ Alexa, stop. 164 00:07:17,070 --> 00:07:18,305 Uh, you know what? 165 00:07:18,305 --> 00:07:20,774 Let's just lose the whole, you know, death theme. 166 00:07:20,774 --> 00:07:22,709 ‐ Yeah. ‐ Yeah. Keep it positive. 167 00:07:22,709 --> 00:07:24,545 ‐ Yeah, keep it light. ‐ Keep it loose. 168 00:07:24,545 --> 00:07:25,779 ‐ Yeah. ‐ Okay, let me, uh‐‐ 169 00:07:25,779 --> 00:07:27,181 let me just try some of these. 170 00:07:27,181 --> 00:07:29,449 [exhales sharply] Come on down to Patience. 171 00:07:29,449 --> 00:07:31,385 We still have a working phone booth. 172 00:07:31,385 --> 00:07:33,220 We have a pretty good dentist. 173 00:07:33,220 --> 00:07:35,622 Our meth hospitalizations have been way down 174 00:07:35,622 --> 00:07:37,157 since we legalized marijuana. 175 00:07:37,157 --> 00:07:38,292 So come to Patience 176 00:07:38,292 --> 00:07:41,295 for some good, clean family fun, you hear? 177 00:07:41,295 --> 00:07:42,763 ‐ Oh! Oops 178 00:07:42,763 --> 00:07:45,699 How'd that get in there? [chuckles] 179 00:07:45,699 --> 00:07:47,734 ‐ See, honey, this is‐‐ this is why I said not to use 180 00:07:47,734 --> 00:07:49,503 the cloud for these‐‐ it's not safe. 181 00:07:49,503 --> 00:07:50,737 ‐ Oh, don't be so uptight. 182 00:07:50,737 --> 00:07:52,506 What's the worst that happens, huh? 183 00:07:52,506 --> 00:07:54,474 Somebody hacks into our account 184 00:07:54,474 --> 00:07:57,110 and sees pictures of our BDSM kink play? 185 00:07:57,110 --> 00:08:00,447 ‐ What's BDSM kink play? ‐ It's‐‐uh, it's‐‐ 186 00:08:00,447 --> 00:08:01,682 ‐ Did we get a new game? ‐ It's nothing. 187 00:08:01,682 --> 00:08:03,350 It's nothing. No, we did not, okay? 188 00:08:03,350 --> 00:08:05,118 Go clean your room‐‐my cousin Carlyn's coming for the night. 189 00:08:05,118 --> 00:08:06,687 ‐ Can I play kink play with you and your cousin? 190 00:08:06,687 --> 00:08:08,222 both: No! 191 00:08:08,222 --> 00:08:09,756 ‐ Uh, because she and I are going hiking. 192 00:08:09,756 --> 00:08:12,092 You go clean your room. ‐ [sighs] 193 00:08:12,092 --> 00:08:15,229 ‐ So how long will building this radio take? 194 00:08:15,229 --> 00:08:18,232 Can I help? ‐ Ha! Ha! 195 00:08:18,232 --> 00:08:22,636 I don't know. Can a newborn pig help perform cardiac surgery? 196 00:08:22,636 --> 00:08:24,571 ‐ All right, you might want to think of another metaphor 197 00:08:24,571 --> 00:08:26,640 before I push you into traffic. 198 00:08:26,640 --> 00:08:29,076 I'm just trying to save the human race here. 199 00:08:29,076 --> 00:08:31,778 ‐ My problem is I do not have a lot of time to build it, 200 00:08:31,778 --> 00:08:36,617 and human technology is very limited. 201 00:08:36,617 --> 00:08:38,752 ‐ I don't know what to tell you, Harry. 202 00:08:38,752 --> 00:08:40,020 Get creative. 203 00:08:40,020 --> 00:08:42,289 You know, E. T. used a freakin' Speak & Spell. 204 00:08:42,289 --> 00:08:45,292 ‐ E. T. was an idiot. 205 00:08:45,292 --> 00:08:48,228 Obviously, sexy. 206 00:08:48,228 --> 00:08:50,230 Very attractive... 207 00:08:50,230 --> 00:08:52,533 but so dumb. 208 00:08:52,533 --> 00:08:54,768 ‐ Well, at least we have fewer distractions 209 00:08:54,768 --> 00:08:57,471 now that your criminal past is taken care of. 210 00:08:57,471 --> 00:09:00,541 ‐ Almost taken care of. 211 00:09:02,109 --> 00:09:04,244 Now it is taken care of. ‐ Are you serious? 212 00:09:04,244 --> 00:09:06,113 Maybe don't throw a deadly toxin 213 00:09:06,113 --> 00:09:07,781 where any kid can just grab it. ‐ Mm. 214 00:09:07,781 --> 00:09:09,583 ‐ Have you not watched enough "Law & Order" to know 215 00:09:09,583 --> 00:09:12,519 you don't just throw evidence into a trash can? 216 00:09:12,519 --> 00:09:14,655 Who's the idiot now? 217 00:09:14,655 --> 00:09:16,790 ‐ Still E. T. 218 00:09:16,790 --> 00:09:19,393 Beautiful moron. 219 00:09:19,393 --> 00:09:22,362 [dramatic music] 220 00:09:22,362 --> 00:09:25,499 ♪ ♪ 221 00:09:25,499 --> 00:09:27,467 [knock at door] 222 00:09:27,467 --> 00:09:34,341 ♪ ♪ 223 00:09:38,745 --> 00:09:40,080 What? 224 00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:42,549 ‐ Dr. Vanderspeigle, I am so glad you're home. 225 00:09:42,549 --> 00:09:44,084 This is my cousin Carlyn. 226 00:09:44,084 --> 00:09:45,619 ‐ Hi. Sorry. 227 00:09:45,619 --> 00:09:47,721 ‐ We were out hiking, and she tripped and cut her knee open. 228 00:09:47,721 --> 00:09:50,224 I was hoping you could help. ‐ And she's dying? 229 00:09:50,224 --> 00:09:52,459 ‐ Oh, no. [chuckles] It just needs to be looked at. 230 00:09:52,459 --> 00:09:54,394 ‐ I was gonna take her into town, 231 00:09:54,394 --> 00:09:56,163 but Dr. Smallwood is... 232 00:09:56,163 --> 00:09:58,799 Well, Susan Brown went in with a broken wrist 233 00:09:58,799 --> 00:10:01,201 and came out with a cast on her ankle. 234 00:10:01,201 --> 00:10:03,337 ‐ If I fix it... 235 00:10:03,337 --> 00:10:05,005 you'll leave? 236 00:10:05,005 --> 00:10:07,074 ‐ Uh, yes. 237 00:10:07,074 --> 00:10:08,342 ‐ Mm. 238 00:10:08,342 --> 00:10:11,211 ‐ Oh, this looks like a ring resonator. 239 00:10:11,211 --> 00:10:13,514 Are you‐‐ are you building a laser? 240 00:10:13,514 --> 00:10:16,083 ‐ Are you a talking ham? 241 00:10:16,083 --> 00:10:18,352 ‐ Carlyn works in a lab at New Mexico Tech. 242 00:10:18,352 --> 00:10:21,088 She's one smart lady. ‐ I'm impressed. 243 00:10:21,088 --> 00:10:25,025 For a layman, this is really quite advanced. 244 00:10:25,025 --> 00:10:26,360 ‐ It is software‐based 245 00:10:26,360 --> 00:10:30,030 radio‐telemetry‐transceiver technology, 246 00:10:30,030 --> 00:10:32,499 but the inside‐out potato chip bag 247 00:10:32,499 --> 00:10:36,203 that I'm using as a diffuser keeps melting. 248 00:10:36,203 --> 00:10:37,638 ‐ Wow. 249 00:10:37,638 --> 00:10:39,773 I've never known a guy who was into SDR 250 00:10:39,773 --> 00:10:42,676 who wasn't also, like, you know, a troll. 251 00:10:42,676 --> 00:10:45,379 [chuckles] ‐ Trolls live under bridges. 252 00:10:45,379 --> 00:10:46,580 I am not one of them. 253 00:10:46,580 --> 00:10:49,283 ‐ It means she thinks you're handsome. 254 00:10:49,283 --> 00:10:51,518 ♪ ♪ 255 00:10:51,518 --> 00:10:55,489 ‐ I have a handsome human face. 256 00:10:55,489 --> 00:10:58,192 And my skin tone is the same as a dead soldier 257 00:10:58,192 --> 00:11:00,527 in a Renaissance painting. 258 00:11:08,468 --> 00:11:10,337 chimes] ‐ ♪ I'm just messin' around ♪ 259 00:11:10,337 --> 00:11:11,605 [cell phone chimes] 260 00:11:11,605 --> 00:11:14,575 ♪ I'm just messin' around, around ♪ 261 00:11:14,575 --> 00:11:16,009 ♪ I'm just messin' around ♪ 262 00:11:16,009 --> 00:11:17,778 [cell phone vibrates] 263 00:11:17,778 --> 00:11:20,314 ‐ Oh. Yes. 264 00:11:20,314 --> 00:11:24,051 ‐ ♪ Around, and I like it ♪ 265 00:11:24,051 --> 00:11:26,753 ‐ Just, whatever you do, don't eat the snacks. 266 00:11:26,753 --> 00:11:29,389 ‐ Benny. Kate. 267 00:11:29,389 --> 00:11:32,192 Long time, no see‐‐ well, together anyway. 268 00:11:32,192 --> 00:11:34,728 I saw you up close and personal the other night. 269 00:11:34,728 --> 00:11:37,531 ‐ What other night? 270 00:11:37,531 --> 00:11:40,033 ‐ Poker. 271 00:11:40,033 --> 00:11:42,269 Why? What night did you think I was talking about? 272 00:11:42,269 --> 00:11:44,571 ‐ Hi, I'm Carlyn. ‐ Hey. D'arcy. 273 00:11:44,571 --> 00:11:47,007 So can I get you guys some sliders? 274 00:11:47,007 --> 00:11:50,310 Day‐old buns help disguise the week‐old meat. 275 00:11:50,310 --> 00:11:51,778 ‐ We'll just‐‐ we'll stick to liquids. 276 00:11:51,778 --> 00:11:54,781 ‐ We just wanted to show Carlyn the town, and now we have. 277 00:11:54,781 --> 00:11:56,483 It took about nine minutes. 278 00:11:56,483 --> 00:11:58,352 ‐ Well, if you're here tonight, 279 00:11:58,352 --> 00:12:00,320 my friend Kayla just called a GN59. 280 00:12:00,320 --> 00:12:03,023 It's, like, a party but with a decent chance of prison time. 281 00:12:03,023 --> 00:12:04,424 ‐ Sounds fun. 282 00:12:04,424 --> 00:12:06,059 ‐ Yeah. Yeah. 283 00:12:06,059 --> 00:12:08,228 When anything stressful or shitty happens, 284 00:12:08,228 --> 00:12:10,330 anyone in our friend group can call a GN59. 285 00:12:10,330 --> 00:12:11,598 You have to drop everything 286 00:12:11,598 --> 00:12:14,234 and go tits out on a huge girls' night. 287 00:12:14,234 --> 00:12:15,736 Yeah, it's really fun. You should come. 288 00:12:15,736 --> 00:12:17,738 ‐ Well, can't tonight. We have dinner plans. 289 00:12:17,738 --> 00:12:20,140 But, uh, wouldn't mind ordering a few drinks, though, 290 00:12:20,140 --> 00:12:22,109 if you can just find that bartender. 291 00:12:22,109 --> 00:12:23,410 ‐ Oh, come on, Kate‐o. 292 00:12:23,410 --> 00:12:25,612 You just said you'd seen everything in the town. 293 00:12:25,612 --> 00:12:27,281 ‐ Yeah, we should totally do it. 294 00:12:27,281 --> 00:12:28,448 I mean, when's the last time 295 00:12:28,448 --> 00:12:30,751 you let Kendra out to play, huh? 296 00:12:30,751 --> 00:12:32,085 ‐ Who's Kendra? 297 00:12:32,085 --> 00:12:34,221 ‐ Kendra was her alter ego when she drank too much. 298 00:12:34,221 --> 00:12:37,090 Oh, yeah, she brought her out at a family reunion once‐‐ 299 00:12:37,090 --> 00:12:38,492 real wild child. 300 00:12:38,492 --> 00:12:40,527 Oh, I'm sad. You've never met Kendra. 301 00:12:40,527 --> 00:12:43,030 ‐ Yeah. News to me. ‐ I'm sad, too. 302 00:12:43,030 --> 00:12:45,232 ‐ Uh, I'll have a pilsner, what would you ladies like? 303 00:12:45,232 --> 00:12:47,768 ‐ Come on. 304 00:12:47,768 --> 00:12:49,036 ‐ Okay. 305 00:12:49,036 --> 00:12:50,771 Okay. Let's do it. 306 00:12:50,771 --> 00:12:51,738 ‐ Oh. ‐ We'll do it. 307 00:12:51,738 --> 00:12:53,507 ‐ Oh, but, hon, we already got a sitter. 308 00:12:53,507 --> 00:12:57,211 ‐ Perfect. Call a friend. You can go out, too. 309 00:12:57,211 --> 00:12:59,746 Ugh! Yes! 310 00:12:59,746 --> 00:13:02,216 [grunts] Can we get some service around here? 311 00:13:02,216 --> 00:13:03,483 ‐ [chuckles] 312 00:13:06,186 --> 00:13:08,355 ‐ Hey, Sahar, I need your help. 313 00:13:08,355 --> 00:13:11,158 Wait, when did you get a dog? 314 00:13:11,158 --> 00:13:12,593 ‐ I'm not allowed to have a dog. 315 00:13:12,593 --> 00:13:15,262 I walk Cinnamon for my neighbors. 316 00:13:15,262 --> 00:13:16,663 She hasn't pooped in three days. 317 00:13:16,663 --> 00:13:18,232 ‐ Why not? 318 00:13:18,232 --> 00:13:20,234 ‐ She swallowed a whole avocado. 319 00:13:20,234 --> 00:13:22,402 I don't walk behind her anymore. 320 00:13:22,402 --> 00:13:23,737 ‐ Ew! 321 00:13:23,737 --> 00:13:25,772 You got to help me shave again. 322 00:13:25,772 --> 00:13:27,341 ‐ Your face looks fine. 323 00:13:27,341 --> 00:13:29,209 ‐ It's not my face. 324 00:13:29,209 --> 00:13:33,046 [dramatic music] 325 00:13:33,046 --> 00:13:35,482 ‐ Oh. What? ‐ What? 326 00:13:35,482 --> 00:13:38,652 ‐ I need a lawnmower for that! ‐ What do I do? 327 00:13:38,652 --> 00:13:39,653 ‐ I can help you, 328 00:13:39,653 --> 00:13:42,256 but we're gonna need some privacy. 329 00:13:45,092 --> 00:13:47,060 I found it last week. 330 00:13:47,060 --> 00:13:50,063 Your mom's phone still had battery. 331 00:13:50,063 --> 00:13:51,765 They just... 332 00:13:51,765 --> 00:13:54,034 left it here. 333 00:13:54,034 --> 00:13:55,736 ‐ Cool. 334 00:13:55,736 --> 00:13:58,705 ♪ ♪ 335 00:13:58,705 --> 00:14:01,642 [bird squawking] 336 00:14:01,642 --> 00:14:04,611 ♪ ♪ 337 00:14:04,611 --> 00:14:08,148 [radio squealing] 338 00:14:08,148 --> 00:14:10,350 ‐ Okay. 339 00:14:10,350 --> 00:14:12,486 All right, where are we going, General? 340 00:14:12,486 --> 00:14:15,055 ♪ ♪ 341 00:14:15,055 --> 00:14:16,490 [static whirs] No. 342 00:14:16,490 --> 00:14:19,393 No, no, no. No, don't die on me now. 343 00:14:19,393 --> 00:14:20,627 Come on. 344 00:14:20,627 --> 00:14:22,029 Come on. 345 00:14:22,029 --> 00:14:24,598 ♪ ♪ 346 00:14:24,598 --> 00:14:27,301 [whirring stops] 347 00:14:27,301 --> 00:14:30,204 Damn it! [sighs] 348 00:14:30,204 --> 00:14:32,773 Where the hell am I gonna find a new dish? 349 00:14:32,773 --> 00:14:34,741 [sighs] 350 00:14:34,741 --> 00:14:37,010 ♪ ♪ 351 00:14:37,010 --> 00:14:39,012 ‐ I feel bad doing this. 352 00:14:39,012 --> 00:14:41,114 ♪ ♪ 353 00:14:41,114 --> 00:14:42,549 ‐ Why aren't you looking? 354 00:14:42,549 --> 00:14:44,618 ‐ It's against my religion to look at the naked back 355 00:14:44,618 --> 00:14:47,554 of a man who's not my relative or my husband. 356 00:14:47,554 --> 00:14:49,756 Plus, it's disgusting. 357 00:14:49,756 --> 00:14:51,625 ‐ Is it gonna hurt? 358 00:14:51,625 --> 00:14:53,660 ‐ My mom says when she waxes her legs, 359 00:14:53,660 --> 00:14:57,431 it feels like being stung by a thousand hornets. 360 00:14:57,431 --> 00:14:59,266 ‐ Then why does she do it? 361 00:14:59,266 --> 00:15:01,368 ‐ Because as soon as we hit puberty, 362 00:15:01,368 --> 00:15:04,571 Western culture tells women we're not okay as we are. 363 00:15:04,571 --> 00:15:07,474 We must rip out stuff that's supposed to be there, 364 00:15:07,474 --> 00:15:09,610 insert stuff that's not supposed to be there, 365 00:15:09,610 --> 00:15:13,413 and bleach everything visible to the naked eye. 366 00:15:13,413 --> 00:15:15,582 ‐ Hey, being a man is hard, too. 367 00:15:15,582 --> 00:15:18,185 I have to brush my teeth sometimes. 368 00:15:19,586 --> 00:15:22,356 ‐ I take it back. I don't feel bad anymore. 369 00:15:22,356 --> 00:15:26,326 [strip tears] ‐ [echoing] Aah! 370 00:15:29,463 --> 00:15:31,365 ‐ Miguel... 371 00:15:31,365 --> 00:15:33,600 my belle. 372 00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:35,402 ‐ What the hell did you just call me? 373 00:15:35,402 --> 00:15:36,570 ‐ No, nothing, bro‐ham. 374 00:15:36,570 --> 00:15:40,107 Just, uh, taking a little breaky, you know? 375 00:15:40,107 --> 00:15:42,242 A little break‐a‐rindo. 376 00:15:42,242 --> 00:15:44,211 [object squeaks] 377 00:15:44,211 --> 00:15:45,479 Dog toy. 378 00:15:45,479 --> 00:15:47,414 Oh, you got one of those, uh, Zen gardens. 379 00:15:47,414 --> 00:15:49,116 I love these things. 380 00:15:49,116 --> 00:15:51,418 May I? [chuckles] 381 00:15:52,719 --> 00:15:56,657 Yep. Yeah, more, uh, relaxed already. 382 00:15:56,657 --> 00:15:59,593 So, um, I was just wondering‐‐ 383 00:16:02,129 --> 00:16:04,765 I'll‐‐I'll get that. 384 00:16:04,765 --> 00:16:07,334 Hey, uh, you ever tried those wheat beers? 385 00:16:07,334 --> 00:16:09,436 You know, the one where you put the lemon in there? 386 00:16:09,436 --> 00:16:11,171 I hear they're, uh‐‐ they're pretty tasty. 387 00:16:11,171 --> 00:16:12,339 ‐ What do you want, bro‐ham? 388 00:16:12,339 --> 00:16:15,209 What, are you asking me out on a date or something? 389 00:16:15,209 --> 00:16:17,744 ‐ No, no. Uh, well, yeah. 390 00:16:17,744 --> 00:16:20,414 Uh, but a guy date‐‐ guy hang, you know? 391 00:16:20,414 --> 00:16:23,450 Just a couple brews, mano a mano, 392 00:16:23,450 --> 00:16:26,086 "caliente accione." 393 00:16:26,086 --> 00:16:27,621 ‐ Look, I ain't got time for that, okay? 394 00:16:27,621 --> 00:16:29,223 I take care of my father at home. 395 00:16:29,223 --> 00:16:30,557 ‐ Sure. 396 00:16:30,557 --> 00:16:32,025 ‐ Now, I need you to clean up all this damn sand 397 00:16:32,025 --> 00:16:33,360 'cause I need 30 minutes of raking every day 398 00:16:33,360 --> 00:16:34,561 so I can relax. 399 00:16:34,561 --> 00:16:36,563 ‐ I happen to know that Lewis would love 400 00:16:36,563 --> 00:16:38,665 to get out of the house and have a beer. 401 00:16:42,102 --> 00:16:44,037 ‐ I'll think about it. How about that? 402 00:16:44,037 --> 00:16:46,540 I'll‐‐I'll think about it. ‐ He'll definitely be there. 403 00:16:46,540 --> 00:16:49,610 ‐ ♪ I've got you stuck in my head ♪ 404 00:16:49,610 --> 00:16:51,545 ‐ Thanks for letting us crash your party. 405 00:16:51,545 --> 00:16:53,347 ‐ The more, the merrier. 406 00:16:53,347 --> 00:16:55,516 You know, a few GN59s ago, 407 00:16:55,516 --> 00:16:57,618 we actually needed a few extra people 408 00:16:57,618 --> 00:17:00,387 and a wheelbarrow to carry D'arcy home. 409 00:17:00,387 --> 00:17:01,755 ‐ Oh, wait. No. ‐ [chuckles] 410 00:17:01,755 --> 00:17:04,224 ‐ Yeah. [grunts] I came prepared this time. 411 00:17:04,224 --> 00:17:06,627 I might need to make a quick getaway, so... 412 00:17:06,627 --> 00:17:09,162 Hey. Hi. ‐ [gasps] Hi. 413 00:17:09,162 --> 00:17:10,597 [both smooch] 414 00:17:10,597 --> 00:17:12,432 ‐ Hi. ‐ Hi, this is my cousin Carlyn. 415 00:17:12,432 --> 00:17:13,767 ‐ Hi. Kayla. ‐ Hey. 416 00:17:13,767 --> 00:17:15,569 ‐ Nice to meet you. ‐ Are you okay? What happened? 417 00:17:15,569 --> 00:17:17,070 ‐ Yeah, is everything okay with Shane? 418 00:17:17,070 --> 00:17:18,238 ‐ Yes. Yeah, he's fine. 419 00:17:18,238 --> 00:17:19,439 I just needed to get out of the house. 420 00:17:19,439 --> 00:17:21,508 ‐ Oh, okay, I was worried. 421 00:17:21,508 --> 00:17:24,144 ‐ Can I just say‐‐ as a mom, I'm with you. 422 00:17:24,144 --> 00:17:27,214 Sometimes needing to get out of the house is an emergency. 423 00:17:27,214 --> 00:17:28,582 ‐ Yes. Yes, thank you. 424 00:17:28,582 --> 00:17:31,285 You know, you just need a kid‐ and a man‐free zone. 425 00:17:31,285 --> 00:17:32,719 ‐ Mm‐hmm. ‐ Amen to that. 426 00:17:32,719 --> 00:17:34,721 I mean, I don't have a kid or a man, 427 00:17:34,721 --> 00:17:38,592 but, you know, anecdotal evidence would support that. 428 00:17:38,592 --> 00:17:41,128 The town I live in, all the men really suck. 429 00:17:41,128 --> 00:17:43,397 My lab supervisor thinks grabbing my buttocks 430 00:17:43,397 --> 00:17:44,531 is one of his job perks. 431 00:17:44,531 --> 00:17:46,099 ‐ Ew. ‐ I was really beginning 432 00:17:46,099 --> 00:17:48,168 to think I was never gonna meet a nice guy. 433 00:17:48,168 --> 00:17:49,603 Till today, that is. 434 00:17:49,603 --> 00:17:51,505 ‐ Wait, you met a guy here? ‐ Mm‐hmm. 435 00:17:51,505 --> 00:17:53,173 ‐ Today? ‐ In Patience? 436 00:17:53,173 --> 00:17:55,409 ‐ Mm‐hmm. ‐ No way. Who? 437 00:17:55,409 --> 00:17:59,079 [upbeat jazzy music] 438 00:17:59,079 --> 00:18:00,480 ‐ Jesus God. ‐ Oh. 439 00:18:00,480 --> 00:18:06,753 ♪ ♪ 440 00:18:14,595 --> 00:18:18,031 ‐ ♪ I've got you stuck in my head ♪ [upbeat jazzy music] 441 00:18:18,031 --> 00:18:19,633 ‐ What are you doing here? 442 00:18:19,633 --> 00:18:21,602 You told me that every minute you're not working on the radio 443 00:18:21,602 --> 00:18:25,138 is a minute we all come closer to certain death. 444 00:18:25,138 --> 00:18:27,207 ‐ I am working on the radio, 445 00:18:27,207 --> 00:18:30,077 but without a diffuser, it will never work. 446 00:18:30,077 --> 00:18:32,779 The pony‐haired one's cousin 447 00:18:32,779 --> 00:18:36,016 is a scientist in a lab... 448 00:18:36,016 --> 00:18:38,452 that uses portable diffusers. 449 00:18:38,452 --> 00:18:40,320 ‐ So what? 450 00:18:40,320 --> 00:18:43,690 ‐ I know that I am not as pretty as E. T. 451 00:18:43,690 --> 00:18:45,292 ‐ [chuckles] 452 00:18:45,292 --> 00:18:47,394 ‐ I do not have his bulbous football head 453 00:18:47,394 --> 00:18:50,764 or his squat corgi legs or his... 454 00:18:50,764 --> 00:18:53,100 platypus feet, 455 00:18:53,100 --> 00:18:56,537 but I can be a charming alien 456 00:18:56,537 --> 00:18:59,239 when I need to be. 457 00:18:59,239 --> 00:19:00,440 Mm, mm, mm. 458 00:19:00,440 --> 00:19:03,377 ‐ ♪ When you were here before ♪ 459 00:19:03,377 --> 00:19:05,579 [soft music] 460 00:19:05,579 --> 00:19:07,581 ‐ So do you come here a lot? 461 00:19:07,581 --> 00:19:10,250 ♪ ♪ 462 00:19:10,250 --> 00:19:12,085 ‐ Mm. 463 00:19:12,085 --> 00:19:14,354 Of all the gin joints in all the world, 464 00:19:14,354 --> 00:19:16,623 this one is closest to my house. 465 00:19:16,623 --> 00:19:18,559 ‐ [laughing] 466 00:19:18,559 --> 00:19:20,627 ‐ [laughing awkwardly] 467 00:19:20,627 --> 00:19:25,332 ♪ ♪ 468 00:19:25,332 --> 00:19:29,603 ‐ ♪ I wish I was special ♪ 469 00:19:29,603 --> 00:19:31,338 ♪ You're so very... ♪ 470 00:19:31,338 --> 00:19:33,574 ‐ What is that perfume? 471 00:19:33,574 --> 00:19:37,110 ‐ Jergens Intense Moisture Therapy. 472 00:19:37,110 --> 00:19:40,447 I did a BM earlier, so I had to wash them. 473 00:19:40,447 --> 00:19:41,682 I get acute dermatitis 474 00:19:41,682 --> 00:19:43,617 'cause I scrub them so often in the lab, 475 00:19:43,617 --> 00:19:46,119 so I carry it in my purse. 476 00:19:46,119 --> 00:19:50,324 ‐ Mm. I don't wash my hands after I urinate. 477 00:19:52,025 --> 00:19:56,129 The skin on my penis is very clean. 478 00:19:56,129 --> 00:20:02,402 ‐ ♪ I don't belong here ♪ 479 00:20:02,402 --> 00:20:07,641 ♪ ♪ 480 00:20:07,641 --> 00:20:09,209 ‐ Gram keeps asking about Harry. 481 00:20:09,209 --> 00:20:11,678 ‐ Uh‐huh. ‐ I think she likes him. 482 00:20:11,678 --> 00:20:13,647 I think she wants you to have his baby. 483 00:20:13,647 --> 00:20:15,582 ‐ Ew! Gross! Shut up! ‐ [chuckles] 484 00:20:15,582 --> 00:20:17,417 You shut up. 485 00:20:17,417 --> 00:20:18,619 ‐ Hey, actually, can I ask 486 00:20:18,619 --> 00:20:20,521 your professional opinion about something? 487 00:20:20,521 --> 00:20:22,122 ‐ Mm‐hmm. 488 00:20:22,122 --> 00:20:24,091 ‐ What do you think is gonna happen to Abigail Hodges? 489 00:20:24,091 --> 00:20:25,259 You know, Sam's wife? 490 00:20:25,259 --> 00:20:27,528 Um, you think she's gonna go to jail? 491 00:20:27,528 --> 00:20:29,530 ‐ You know, criminal law isn't really my area, 492 00:20:29,530 --> 00:20:31,131 but from what I've read, 493 00:20:31,131 --> 00:20:32,566 I don't think they're gonna get a conviction. 494 00:20:32,566 --> 00:20:34,468 ‐ Oh. ‐ Yeah, sorry. 495 00:20:34,468 --> 00:20:36,103 ‐ No, that's good. ‐ Oh. 496 00:20:36,103 --> 00:20:38,405 ‐ Um, you know, I mean, if she‐‐if she didn't do it. 497 00:20:38,405 --> 00:20:40,741 ‐ Oh, but she probably did. I mean, it's always the spouse. 498 00:20:40,741 --> 00:20:42,009 I'm a lawyer, too. 499 00:20:42,009 --> 00:20:43,477 ‐ No way. Where do you practice? 500 00:20:43,477 --> 00:20:45,145 ‐ I don't. 501 00:20:45,145 --> 00:20:48,348 I gave up my dream to be a mom and live in this tiny town. 502 00:20:48,348 --> 00:20:50,050 Now I'm happy. Shots? 503 00:20:50,050 --> 00:20:53,120 ♪ ♪ 504 00:20:53,120 --> 00:20:55,589 ‐ I would like to... 505 00:20:55,589 --> 00:20:58,325 go by your work. 506 00:20:58,325 --> 00:21:00,561 Maybe you could give me a tour of your lab. 507 00:21:00,561 --> 00:21:02,095 ‐ Oh. ‐ Mm‐hmm. 508 00:21:02,095 --> 00:21:03,463 ‐ I love that you're interested. 509 00:21:03,463 --> 00:21:05,432 That's very flattering, but I can't. 510 00:21:05,432 --> 00:21:07,034 ‐ Oh. 511 00:21:07,034 --> 00:21:11,038 ‐ Security is so tight, not dissimilar to my vagina. 512 00:21:11,038 --> 00:21:13,073 ‐ Your vagina is like a lab? 513 00:21:13,073 --> 00:21:17,411 ‐ Yeah, it's‐‐ it's tough to get in. 514 00:21:17,411 --> 00:21:18,645 ‐ It is? 515 00:21:18,645 --> 00:21:21,081 ‐ Lots of neat stuff once you're there. 516 00:21:21,081 --> 00:21:24,117 ‐ Are there monkeys in cages? ‐ No. 517 00:21:25,152 --> 00:21:27,688 ‐ Maybe it would be funny... 518 00:21:27,688 --> 00:21:29,089 Ha ha ha! 519 00:21:29,089 --> 00:21:31,625 A big joke if you stole 520 00:21:31,625 --> 00:21:35,362 a telemetry diffuser... ‐ [laughs] 521 00:21:35,362 --> 00:21:37,431 ‐ And gave it to me. 522 00:21:37,431 --> 00:21:40,200 [both laughing] ‐ They would freak out. 523 00:21:40,200 --> 00:21:43,470 ‐ They would freak out. You could be so funny. 524 00:21:43,470 --> 00:21:46,240 You're a kidder. ‐ [laughs] 525 00:21:46,240 --> 00:21:48,609 ‐ You should do it. 526 00:21:48,609 --> 00:21:50,711 ‐ Oh, my God. ‐ Do it! 527 00:21:50,711 --> 00:21:53,480 ‐ [laughs] No. ‐ Do it. 528 00:21:53,480 --> 00:21:56,216 ‐ But you are so sweet to ask. 529 00:21:56,216 --> 00:21:58,285 ♪ ♪ 530 00:21:58,285 --> 00:22:00,287 [clears throat] 531 00:22:00,287 --> 00:22:05,592 ♪ ♪ 532 00:22:05,592 --> 00:22:08,095 Oh. [objects clatter] 533 00:22:08,095 --> 00:22:10,230 [indistinct chatter] 534 00:22:10,230 --> 00:22:12,165 [rock music] 535 00:22:12,165 --> 00:22:15,068 [cell phone chimes] ‐ [sighs] Hey, is that Liv? 536 00:22:15,068 --> 00:22:16,770 Tell her to hurry up. She's late. 537 00:22:16,770 --> 00:22:19,473 ‐ Uh, no, it's just Jay. Just guy drama. 538 00:22:19,473 --> 00:22:22,609 ‐ Oh. Wow, you‐‐you guys text? 539 00:22:22,609 --> 00:22:25,312 ‐ Yeah, mostly emojis. Mostly eggplants. 540 00:22:25,312 --> 00:22:28,215 ‐ Wow, that's cool. You guys are buddies now. 541 00:22:28,215 --> 00:22:30,484 ‐ Hey, GN59rs. 542 00:22:30,484 --> 00:22:32,019 all: Hey! ‐ Sorry, I'm late! 543 00:22:32,019 --> 00:22:34,054 Trixie wouldn't start. I had to jump her again. 544 00:22:34,054 --> 00:22:35,489 ‐ Thank God you're finally here. 545 00:22:35,489 --> 00:22:37,624 ‐ Hey‐o! Sorry! I'm late, too. 546 00:22:37,624 --> 00:22:41,094 But I'm here, though, finally, right? 547 00:22:41,094 --> 00:22:43,730 Ooh, thank you. I could use that. 548 00:22:43,730 --> 00:22:46,500 ‐ That's‐‐ Never mind. 549 00:22:46,500 --> 00:22:48,068 ‐ Ugh, what is that? 550 00:22:48,068 --> 00:22:49,603 ‐ It's a gin and tonic. 551 00:22:49,603 --> 00:22:51,305 ‐ [spits] both: Oh. 552 00:22:51,305 --> 00:22:53,273 ‐ Ugh, it's, like, fancy. 553 00:22:53,273 --> 00:22:55,609 Okay, I got to piss. I'll be back. 554 00:22:55,609 --> 00:22:57,678 [scattered laughter] 555 00:22:57,678 --> 00:22:59,413 ‐ You text her? ‐ No! 556 00:22:59,413 --> 00:23:02,482 How does she always know? ‐ She always knows. 557 00:23:02,482 --> 00:23:05,219 ♪ ♪ 558 00:23:05,219 --> 00:23:07,020 ‐ All right. 559 00:23:07,020 --> 00:23:09,156 All right, this is great. 560 00:23:09,156 --> 00:23:11,158 Nope, wife in the corner. We're out of here. 561 00:23:11,158 --> 00:23:12,726 ‐ Where else do you plan to go, son? 562 00:23:12,726 --> 00:23:15,362 This isn't New York City. 563 00:23:15,362 --> 00:23:17,631 ‐ Hey! Benny! 564 00:23:17,631 --> 00:23:19,766 Your girl's safe with me, okay? 565 00:23:19,766 --> 00:23:22,469 But am I safe with her? ‐ Oh. 566 00:23:22,469 --> 00:23:24,638 ‐ [mouthing words] 567 00:23:24,638 --> 00:23:26,974 ‐ Do you have any beer with rat poison in it? 568 00:23:28,642 --> 00:23:30,544 ‐ [speaks indistinctly] ‐ [clears throat] 569 00:23:30,544 --> 00:23:32,646 ‐ ♪ Swing, little darling ♪ 570 00:23:32,646 --> 00:23:34,715 ♪ Swing until your daddy come home ♪ 571 00:23:34,715 --> 00:23:36,350 ‐ Kate, you did good. 572 00:23:36,350 --> 00:23:39,353 It was so nice of Ben to take the Sheriff out for a drink. 573 00:23:39,353 --> 00:23:41,021 ‐ Ben is so sweet. 574 00:23:41,021 --> 00:23:43,624 ‐ No, he's not. He's a dirty little bitch. 575 00:23:43,624 --> 00:23:45,626 ‐ Hmm. ‐ I'm sorry? 576 00:23:45,626 --> 00:23:48,662 ‐ [chuckles] Gird your loins, ladies. 577 00:23:48,662 --> 00:23:50,531 I think Kendra has arrived. ‐ Oh, yeah. 578 00:23:50,531 --> 00:23:53,800 The mayor is a nasty piece of work. 579 00:23:53,800 --> 00:23:56,003 I cannot wait to get home 580 00:23:56,003 --> 00:23:57,738 and let him slap a puppy hood on me 581 00:23:57,738 --> 00:23:59,373 and jam a ball gag in my mouth. 582 00:23:59,373 --> 00:24:00,641 ‐ Oh, what? 583 00:24:00,641 --> 00:24:03,610 ‐ Ben‐‐ the one who makes candles? 584 00:24:03,610 --> 00:24:06,213 ‐ Uh, the wax he has isn't just for candles. 585 00:24:06,213 --> 00:24:08,782 I have a nine‐inch ice dildo in my freezer 586 00:24:08,782 --> 00:24:10,751 that Max thinks is for my water bottles. 587 00:24:10,751 --> 00:24:13,587 [laughter] 588 00:24:13,587 --> 00:24:15,455 ‐ Oh, God, this is my favorite night. 589 00:24:15,455 --> 00:24:17,591 This is the best night of my life. 590 00:24:17,591 --> 00:24:20,027 ‐ Can you please stop looking at your wife? 591 00:24:20,027 --> 00:24:21,795 It's weird. ‐ Look, I, uh‐‐ 592 00:24:21,795 --> 00:24:23,664 I got to talk to you about something. 593 00:24:23,664 --> 00:24:25,666 It's driving me crazy. 594 00:24:25,666 --> 00:24:28,168 Okay, so, about a week ago, 595 00:24:28,168 --> 00:24:30,671 D'arcy sort of... 596 00:24:30,671 --> 00:24:33,373 kissed me. ‐ [chuckles] 597 00:24:33,373 --> 00:24:36,176 It was a drive‐by. Not my fault. 598 00:24:36,176 --> 00:24:38,478 No tongue. 599 00:24:38,478 --> 00:24:40,113 Some tongue. 600 00:24:40,113 --> 00:24:42,616 I just‐‐I really think that I should tell Kate. 601 00:24:42,616 --> 00:24:44,585 ‐ Have you‐‐ have you lost your mind? 602 00:24:44,585 --> 00:24:46,320 You don't ever tell, never. 603 00:24:46,320 --> 00:24:48,655 ‐ Now, hold on a minute‐‐the man said he didn't reciprocate. 604 00:24:48,655 --> 00:24:50,224 ‐ It don't matter. 605 00:24:50,224 --> 00:24:51,792 This is something you take to your grave, okay? 606 00:24:51,792 --> 00:24:53,660 ‐ Well, maybe I could, um‐‐ 607 00:24:53,660 --> 00:24:55,028 I could write her a note, 608 00:24:55,028 --> 00:24:56,730 you know, explaining what happened. 609 00:24:56,730 --> 00:24:58,365 ‐ You want to‐‐ you want to write her a note? 610 00:24:58,365 --> 00:25:00,501 Okay. All right, look, here's what I want you to do. 611 00:25:00,501 --> 00:25:01,768 Here go $5. 612 00:25:01,768 --> 00:25:03,670 Now, I want you to go down to the mall. 613 00:25:03,670 --> 00:25:05,372 All right, you know that kiosk 614 00:25:05,372 --> 00:25:07,174 where they'll write your name on a grain of rice? 615 00:25:07,174 --> 00:25:08,609 Right, you're gonna give that guy that $5. 616 00:25:08,609 --> 00:25:10,544 He gonna write your note on the end of a bullet, right? 617 00:25:10,544 --> 00:25:12,112 Now, I want you to take that bullet. 618 00:25:12,112 --> 00:25:13,514 I want you to put it in a gun and go home 619 00:25:13,514 --> 00:25:14,781 and stand in your bathtub. 620 00:25:14,781 --> 00:25:16,350 Now, you also gonna need a phone book‐‐ 621 00:25:16,350 --> 00:25:17,718 not something thin like Patience, 622 00:25:17,718 --> 00:25:20,354 something with some girth like‐‐like Denver, right? 623 00:25:20,354 --> 00:25:21,588 And you gonna put that phone book 624 00:25:21,588 --> 00:25:22,756 up against one side of your head, 625 00:25:22,756 --> 00:25:24,157 and you gonna take that gun 626 00:25:24,157 --> 00:25:25,726 and put it against the other side, right? 627 00:25:25,726 --> 00:25:27,461 And then you're gonna shoot you right in the head, 628 00:25:27,461 --> 00:25:29,763 and that bullet's gonna fly right through and lodge itself 629 00:25:29,763 --> 00:25:32,699 right around the D's, for dumbass. 630 00:25:32,699 --> 00:25:34,334 And she'll get your note. 631 00:25:34,334 --> 00:25:37,037 ♪ ♪ 632 00:25:37,037 --> 00:25:38,071 ‐ But I'm dead. 633 00:25:38,071 --> 00:25:40,174 ‐ You tell her, you dead anyway. 634 00:25:40,174 --> 00:25:43,010 [laughter] 635 00:25:43,010 --> 00:25:46,480 ‐ You guys, what the hell is happening over there? 636 00:25:46,480 --> 00:25:49,683 ‐ Ooh, I think we know what's going to happen. 637 00:25:49,683 --> 00:25:52,586 all: Oh... ‐ I don't‐‐I don't trust him. 638 00:25:52,586 --> 00:25:55,422 ‐ Your pulse is quickening. 639 00:25:55,422 --> 00:25:58,358 Your upper sternum is becoming flushed. 640 00:25:58,358 --> 00:26:00,727 You are becoming aroused. 641 00:26:00,727 --> 00:26:02,629 ‐ I am now. ‐ Hey, Harry. 642 00:26:02,629 --> 00:26:04,565 Can I please talk to you for a second? 643 00:26:04,565 --> 00:26:07,534 ‐ I am so busy. ‐ Now. 644 00:26:07,534 --> 00:26:10,170 ♪ ♪ 645 00:26:10,170 --> 00:26:11,471 ‐ Don't go changing. 646 00:26:11,471 --> 00:26:15,242 ♪ ♪ 647 00:26:15,242 --> 00:26:16,710 What is it? 648 00:26:16,710 --> 00:26:20,480 She is about to present like an engorged macaque. 649 00:26:20,480 --> 00:26:23,083 ‐ You are preying on this woman. 650 00:26:23,083 --> 00:26:24,318 ‐ I am not preying on her. 651 00:26:24,318 --> 00:26:27,187 I am seducing her so I can steal her security badge, 652 00:26:27,187 --> 00:26:31,491 then I can break into the lab and steal a diffuser, 653 00:26:31,491 --> 00:26:34,228 and then finish my radio. 654 00:26:34,228 --> 00:26:35,429 ‐ That's a terrible plan. 655 00:26:35,429 --> 00:26:37,497 You're gonna swipe her badge 656 00:26:37,497 --> 00:26:39,733 and‐‐and just use it at some high‐security lab 657 00:26:39,733 --> 00:26:41,368 and think no one will notice? 658 00:26:41,368 --> 00:26:42,736 More importantly, 659 00:26:42,736 --> 00:26:45,305 you‐‐you can't just use people like that. 660 00:26:45,305 --> 00:26:47,207 It's cruel. 661 00:26:47,207 --> 00:26:49,343 ‐ I am giving her compliments. 662 00:26:49,343 --> 00:26:52,446 She is happy like a baby, 663 00:26:52,446 --> 00:26:55,315 like a stupid, happy baby. 664 00:26:55,315 --> 00:27:00,187 ‐ You'll just never understand what it's like to be a woman. 665 00:27:00,187 --> 00:27:02,022 ‐ That is true. 666 00:27:02,022 --> 00:27:05,559 ♪ ♪ 667 00:27:05,559 --> 00:27:07,694 I am going to leave now. 668 00:27:09,630 --> 00:27:11,465 Good night! 669 00:27:12,766 --> 00:27:15,435 ‐ Wait, what just happened? ‐ Uh... 670 00:27:15,435 --> 00:27:18,438 ‐ What‐‐what did I do? ‐ Nothing. I'm sorry. 671 00:27:18,438 --> 00:27:21,475 [sighs] All the men in this town suck, too. 672 00:27:21,475 --> 00:27:24,578 ♪ ♪ 673 00:27:34,388 --> 00:27:38,725 [excited chatter, dance music playing] ♪ ♪ 674 00:27:38,725 --> 00:27:40,160 ‐ Don't sweat it, Carly Q. 675 00:27:40,160 --> 00:27:41,762 It's supposed to be a girls' night anyway. 676 00:27:41,762 --> 00:27:43,330 ‐ Yeah, that's easy for you to say. 677 00:27:43,330 --> 00:27:45,132 I saw that ice dildo in your freezer. 678 00:27:45,132 --> 00:27:47,334 ‐ Whoo! ‐ Okay, all right. 679 00:27:47,334 --> 00:27:49,069 Okay, uh, Judy's clothes are coming off. 680 00:27:49,069 --> 00:27:51,004 Time to go to the yacht spot. Come on. 681 00:27:51,004 --> 00:27:52,539 ‐ Ooh, we're going on a boat? 682 00:27:52,539 --> 00:27:54,341 ‐ Uh, no, Asta used to have this station wagon 683 00:27:54,341 --> 00:27:56,210 we called "The Yacht," and we'd drive it 684 00:27:56,210 --> 00:27:58,779 to the middle of the woods and drink and sing like idiots. 685 00:27:58,779 --> 00:28:00,480 ‐ And, plus, it's where I usually barf, 686 00:28:00,480 --> 00:28:02,216 so it's kind of like a boat in that way. 687 00:28:02,216 --> 00:28:03,483 ‐ Oh. ‐ I should go. 688 00:28:03,483 --> 00:28:05,519 You know, I got to get up early and drive, so... 689 00:28:05,519 --> 00:28:06,753 all: No. 690 00:28:06,753 --> 00:28:08,288 ‐ Okay. Well, I'll come with you. 691 00:28:08,288 --> 00:28:09,756 ‐ No, no, no, you stay. I'm fine. 692 00:28:09,756 --> 00:28:12,192 ‐ You sure? ‐ Uh, she's sure. 693 00:28:12,192 --> 00:28:14,094 When you brought ice dildos into this conversation, 694 00:28:14,094 --> 00:28:15,629 you made a commitment to this night. 695 00:28:15,629 --> 00:28:17,130 [laughter] 696 00:28:17,130 --> 00:28:19,499 ‐ This takes me back, man. You want to go back? 697 00:28:19,499 --> 00:28:21,768 [chuckles] 698 00:28:21,768 --> 00:28:25,105 What? Oh, Jesus Christ. 699 00:28:25,105 --> 00:28:28,108 ‐ You feel it, Sheriff? ‐ Ah... 700 00:28:28,108 --> 00:28:31,144 ‐ You want to feel it? ‐ Oh, Lord, have mercy. 701 00:28:31,144 --> 00:28:32,679 ‐ Aw, come on. Dance with the girl. 702 00:28:32,679 --> 00:28:33,780 ‐ Is that what you call it? 703 00:28:33,780 --> 00:28:36,149 Hey, don't be pushing me off the stool. 704 00:28:36,149 --> 00:28:39,052 What's wrong with you? Okay. All right, yeah, go ahead. 705 00:28:39,052 --> 00:28:41,555 ‐ Hey, hon, you, uh‐‐you heading home to pay the sitter? 706 00:28:41,555 --> 00:28:45,225 ‐ Nope, you pay her. We are going to the yacht spot. 707 00:28:45,225 --> 00:28:47,761 ‐ [chuckles] ‐ Ooh. 708 00:28:47,761 --> 00:28:51,098 ‐ I cannot wait for the re‐election campaign. 709 00:28:51,098 --> 00:28:53,400 It's‐‐Respect, okay? 710 00:28:53,400 --> 00:28:55,269 ‐ We're so proud of you. ‐ I'm really proud of you. 711 00:28:55,269 --> 00:28:57,604 ‐ Do you need‐‐do you need ice in that drink? 712 00:28:57,604 --> 00:29:00,440 ‐ Oh, yeah. [laughing] 713 00:29:00,440 --> 00:29:04,077 ‐ Tell me more about the guy who does the rice thing. 714 00:29:04,077 --> 00:29:07,514 [upbeat hip‐hop music] 715 00:29:07,514 --> 00:29:14,588 ♪ ♪ 716 00:29:25,566 --> 00:29:29,636 [reggae music] 717 00:29:29,636 --> 00:29:36,743 ♪ ♪ 718 00:29:36,743 --> 00:29:39,446 ‐ You remember class camping trips out here? 719 00:29:39,446 --> 00:29:41,348 ‐ [chuckles] Yes. 720 00:29:41,348 --> 00:29:44,585 Third grade, D'arcy rolling in poison ivy... 721 00:29:44,585 --> 00:29:46,620 on a dare. ‐ [chuckles] 722 00:29:46,620 --> 00:29:48,622 We had to take turns itching her. 723 00:29:48,622 --> 00:29:51,325 [laughter] ‐ Oh, my God. 724 00:29:51,325 --> 00:29:53,460 Oh. 725 00:29:53,460 --> 00:29:56,330 She's always been so her. 726 00:29:56,330 --> 00:29:58,398 She's free. 727 00:29:58,398 --> 00:30:00,667 Not everyone can be like that. 728 00:30:02,035 --> 00:30:05,005 ‐ Everyone loves her. 729 00:30:05,005 --> 00:30:07,708 It's a superpower... 730 00:30:07,708 --> 00:30:10,644 not caring what anyone thinks. 731 00:30:12,479 --> 00:30:14,214 ‐ Everyone loves you, too. 732 00:30:14,214 --> 00:30:17,584 ‐ Yes, but it's only because I'm nice. 733 00:30:17,584 --> 00:30:19,086 ‐ [scoffs] 734 00:30:19,086 --> 00:30:21,088 You gave me a ticket once 735 00:30:21,088 --> 00:30:23,090 for locking my bike to a stop sign. 736 00:30:23,090 --> 00:30:25,792 You're not that nice. [both chuckle] 737 00:30:25,792 --> 00:30:29,496 ♪ ♪ 738 00:30:29,496 --> 00:30:32,466 [both trilling tongue goofily] 739 00:30:32,466 --> 00:30:35,068 ♪ ♪ 740 00:30:35,068 --> 00:30:37,538 [music skipping] ‐ Oh, Christ on a cracker! 741 00:30:37,538 --> 00:30:39,072 ‐ What? ‐ No! 742 00:30:39,072 --> 00:30:40,207 ‐ No! [all groan] 743 00:30:40,207 --> 00:30:42,643 ‐ Oh, relax, you complete degenerates. 744 00:30:42,643 --> 00:30:45,746 I keep a battery charger in my trunk! 745 00:30:45,746 --> 00:30:48,448 [all booing] ‐ Poop car! Poop car! 746 00:30:48,448 --> 00:30:52,052 ‐ Oh, Liv, I can't believe you still drive this death trap. 747 00:30:52,052 --> 00:30:54,421 ‐ Oh, it's fine. I'm used to it. 748 00:30:54,421 --> 00:30:57,424 ‐ You know, I read recently that they make new cars now. 749 00:30:57,424 --> 00:31:01,595 ‐ [chuckles] John wants a new riding mower, 750 00:31:01,595 --> 00:31:04,097 and we have money set aside for that, so... 751 00:31:04,097 --> 00:31:05,766 ‐ John's getting a new riding mower 752 00:31:05,766 --> 00:31:07,601 before you get a car that actually works? 753 00:31:07,601 --> 00:31:09,069 ‐ Well, it was my idea. 754 00:31:09,069 --> 00:31:10,737 He makes more than I do, so it's fair. 755 00:31:10,737 --> 00:31:13,373 ‐ Hold up. John makes more than you? 756 00:31:13,373 --> 00:31:15,142 I do what John does. 757 00:31:15,142 --> 00:31:17,110 You put your life on the line every day. 758 00:31:17,110 --> 00:31:20,514 When‐‐when's the last time you got a raise? 759 00:31:20,514 --> 00:31:22,683 ‐ I've never gotten a raise. 760 00:31:22,683 --> 00:31:24,451 ‐ What? all: Oh. 761 00:31:24,451 --> 00:31:27,154 ‐ Okay, no, no. ‐ Wow. 762 00:31:27,154 --> 00:31:29,423 ‐ [whispering] I'm not sure this is a good idea. 763 00:31:29,423 --> 00:31:32,059 ‐ Oh, it's not, but we're doing it anyway. 764 00:31:32,059 --> 00:31:33,327 ‐ As a city employee, 765 00:31:33,327 --> 00:31:35,329 your salary is part of the town's budget. 766 00:31:35,329 --> 00:31:38,165 So we got to figure out how big is this pie 767 00:31:38,165 --> 00:31:40,200 and why is your piece so goddamn small. 768 00:31:40,200 --> 00:31:43,136 ‐ [gasps] Especially when you're a freakin' Picasso. 769 00:31:43,136 --> 00:31:45,606 [person gasps] Did you draw this picture? 770 00:31:45,606 --> 00:31:48,342 ‐ Yeah, I draw police composites of criminals, 771 00:31:48,342 --> 00:31:49,610 which we are now. 772 00:31:49,610 --> 00:31:52,779 ‐ Hey! This is my husband's office, okay? 773 00:31:52,779 --> 00:31:54,581 We can be wherever we want. 774 00:31:54,581 --> 00:31:57,351 ‐ We didn't technically break in, because we had a key. 775 00:31:57,351 --> 00:31:59,052 [liquid splashing] 776 00:31:59,052 --> 00:32:00,320 ‐ Judy! ‐ Judy! 777 00:32:00,320 --> 00:32:03,156 ‐ Shh! Stop! 778 00:32:03,156 --> 00:32:04,491 ‐ Wait, found it, found it, found it. 779 00:32:04,491 --> 00:32:08,028 "Civic Payroll for the Town of Patience, Colorado." 780 00:32:08,028 --> 00:32:09,329 ‐ No one's gonna know. 781 00:32:09,329 --> 00:32:10,564 ‐ As a woman in this world, 782 00:32:10,564 --> 00:32:13,534 you need to fight for what you deserve. 783 00:32:13,534 --> 00:32:17,304 And you deserve a goddamn raise. 784 00:32:17,304 --> 00:32:21,008 Ugh. Jesus Christ! Who's Peter Jignac? 785 00:32:21,008 --> 00:32:23,410 ‐ I think he's, um, a crossing guard, I think. 786 00:32:23,410 --> 00:32:25,345 ‐ He makes enough for a new riding mower and a new car. 787 00:32:25,345 --> 00:32:26,647 ‐ What? 788 00:32:26,647 --> 00:32:29,082 ‐ Who's Brandon Touter? ‐ Oh. 789 00:32:29,082 --> 00:32:30,651 He's the new science teacher. 790 00:32:30,651 --> 00:32:32,586 He's actually a really nice guy. 791 00:32:32,586 --> 00:32:34,354 ‐ Well, he makes twice what you do. 792 00:32:34,354 --> 00:32:36,557 ‐ [gasps] ‐ Prick. 793 00:32:36,557 --> 00:32:38,492 ‐ What? Weren't you a lawyer? 794 00:32:38,492 --> 00:32:41,328 ‐ I have a JD/PhD. What the ‐‐‐‐? 795 00:32:41,328 --> 00:32:44,464 ‐ Who the hell is in charge of this budget? 796 00:32:44,464 --> 00:32:46,266 ‐ I know who. 797 00:32:46,266 --> 00:32:48,435 He lives in my goddamn house. ‐ [gasps] 798 00:32:48,435 --> 00:32:51,638 ‐ ♪ For all the ones who bum me out ♪ 799 00:32:51,638 --> 00:32:53,373 ‐ ♪ Shit list ♪ 800 00:32:53,373 --> 00:32:55,709 ‐ ♪ For all the ones who fill my head with doubt ♪ 801 00:32:55,709 --> 00:32:57,277 ‐ ♪ Shit list ♪ 802 00:32:57,277 --> 00:32:59,446 ‐ ♪ For all the squares who get me pissed ♪ 803 00:32:59,446 --> 00:33:00,614 ‐ ♪ Shit list ♪ 804 00:33:00,614 --> 00:33:03,317 ‐ ♪ You've made my shit list ♪ 805 00:33:03,317 --> 00:33:08,455 ♪ Shit list ♪ 806 00:33:08,455 --> 00:33:13,293 ♪ ♪ 807 00:33:13,293 --> 00:33:14,394 ‐ [inhales sharply] 808 00:33:14,394 --> 00:33:16,797 [shouts] Kidnappers! 809 00:33:16,797 --> 00:33:19,266 [person chuckles] ‐ Oh, no. Oh, no. Nope. 810 00:33:19,266 --> 00:33:20,734 ‐ Wake up. 811 00:33:20,734 --> 00:33:22,703 ‐ You're not having a nightmare, Ben. We are. 812 00:33:22,703 --> 00:33:24,204 ‐ You know what's a nightmare? 813 00:33:24,204 --> 00:33:26,773 Getting paid 76 cents on the dollar. 814 00:33:26,773 --> 00:33:27,674 ‐ What? 815 00:33:27,674 --> 00:33:29,209 ‐ Yeah, there is a blatant pay gap 816 00:33:29,209 --> 00:33:31,612 between the male and female employees of this town. 817 00:33:31,612 --> 00:33:34,581 ‐ What? No, a‐a‐as mayor, I only sign off on budgets‐‐ 818 00:33:34,581 --> 00:33:36,783 ‐ A‐a‐as mayor, you need to fix this! 819 00:33:36,783 --> 00:33:38,085 ‐ Mm‐hmm. 820 00:33:38,085 --> 00:33:39,586 ‐ Yeah, the blatant sexism makes me sick. 821 00:33:39,586 --> 00:33:41,188 ‐ Yeah, damn right. ‐ Sick. 822 00:33:41,188 --> 00:33:42,489 ‐ Oh, honey. ‐ It's really gross. 823 00:33:42,489 --> 00:33:43,557 ‐ Sick to my stomach. ‐ No, no. 824 00:33:43,557 --> 00:33:45,692 ‐ Oh. ‐ Oh, God, no. 825 00:33:45,692 --> 00:33:48,395 ‐ [retching] ‐ Oh. 826 00:33:48,395 --> 00:33:50,097 ‐ You're my best friend. 827 00:33:50,097 --> 00:33:51,665 ‐ That's right. ‐ I love you. 828 00:33:51,665 --> 00:33:53,367 ‐ You see that? ‐ It's coming up. 829 00:33:53,367 --> 00:33:55,669 [coughing] 830 00:33:55,669 --> 00:33:57,237 ‐ [groans] ‐ It hurts. 831 00:33:59,473 --> 00:34:01,275 [knock at door] 832 00:34:01,275 --> 00:34:03,076 ‐ Harry. 833 00:34:03,076 --> 00:34:05,078 I brought coffee. 834 00:34:05,078 --> 00:34:06,613 [groans] 835 00:34:06,613 --> 00:34:09,316 We're gonna need to make a plan about that radio‐‐ 836 00:34:09,316 --> 00:34:11,084 Oh, God! 837 00:34:11,084 --> 00:34:13,353 No! Don't tell me you hooked up with Harry. 838 00:34:13,353 --> 00:34:15,389 ‐ Okay, I will not. 839 00:34:20,360 --> 00:34:22,095 ‐ Wait. 840 00:34:22,095 --> 00:34:25,098 [quirky music] 841 00:34:25,098 --> 00:34:32,039 ♪ ♪ 842 00:34:33,473 --> 00:34:35,409 Harry? ‐ Hi, Asta. 843 00:34:35,409 --> 00:34:38,078 ‐ Oh, God! Shit! 844 00:34:38,078 --> 00:34:39,780 ‐ You have to come with me to New Mexico, 845 00:34:39,780 --> 00:34:42,182 but, first, can you teach me how to pee? 846 00:34:55,696 --> 00:34:58,665 ‐ She hasn't blinked the entire trip. [dramatic music] 847 00:34:58,665 --> 00:35:00,801 ♪ ♪ 848 00:35:00,801 --> 00:35:03,770 Oh, this is wrong, Harry. 849 00:35:03,770 --> 00:35:07,107 ♪ ♪ 850 00:35:07,107 --> 00:35:08,609 Ooh. 851 00:35:08,609 --> 00:35:11,044 Ah! Wrong and super weird. 852 00:35:11,044 --> 00:35:13,213 ‐ It was your idea for me to become her. 853 00:35:13,213 --> 00:35:16,016 ‐ No, no, no, no, no, do not put this on me. 854 00:35:16,016 --> 00:35:17,784 I would never tell you to take over a woman's body 855 00:35:17,784 --> 00:35:19,486 without her consent. 856 00:35:19,486 --> 00:35:21,688 ‐ She wanted me to take over her body last night 857 00:35:21,688 --> 00:35:24,625 with my penis, but I did not do that. 858 00:35:24,625 --> 00:35:26,693 ‐ Oh, God, no. 859 00:35:26,693 --> 00:35:29,630 It's not just about her body, okay? 860 00:35:29,630 --> 00:35:32,065 It's a whole life we're invading. 861 00:35:32,065 --> 00:35:34,168 There has to be a better way. 862 00:35:34,168 --> 00:35:36,703 ‐ To access a microsatellite network in time 863 00:35:36,703 --> 00:35:39,072 to tell my people not to come here 864 00:35:39,072 --> 00:35:43,076 and melt you all like crayons in a hot car? 865 00:35:43,076 --> 00:35:44,478 I'll wait. 866 00:35:44,478 --> 00:35:46,580 ‐ [sighs] Shit. 867 00:35:46,580 --> 00:35:49,550 Shit. Shit. 868 00:35:49,550 --> 00:35:52,519 ‐ Right here? ‐ No, no, Harry. 869 00:35:52,519 --> 00:35:54,755 Let's just get this over with. 870 00:35:54,755 --> 00:35:56,356 That's what you were wearing last night, 871 00:35:56,356 --> 00:35:58,458 so you have to go change before you get to the lab. 872 00:35:58,458 --> 00:36:01,161 ‐ This body is quite stout. 873 00:36:01,161 --> 00:36:02,629 ‐ Hurry. 874 00:36:02,629 --> 00:36:04,464 ‐ Fine. 875 00:36:04,464 --> 00:36:06,266 ‐ This doesn't make any sense. 876 00:36:06,266 --> 00:36:07,568 This says plasma levels 877 00:36:07,568 --> 00:36:10,204 of testosterone and triiodothyronine 878 00:36:10,204 --> 00:36:12,239 were diminished after space flight, 879 00:36:12,239 --> 00:36:14,575 but it seems like your testosterone levels 880 00:36:14,575 --> 00:36:16,443 are getting higher. 881 00:36:16,443 --> 00:36:17,744 What am I missing? 882 00:36:17,744 --> 00:36:21,615 I mean, do you feel like it's accelerating? 883 00:36:21,615 --> 00:36:24,585 [smooth music] 884 00:36:24,585 --> 00:36:28,455 ♪ ♪ 885 00:36:28,455 --> 00:36:30,724 Why are you looking at me like that? 886 00:36:30,724 --> 00:36:32,993 ‐ Hello, pretty lady. 887 00:36:34,161 --> 00:36:36,496 ‐ Oh, no! 888 00:36:36,496 --> 00:36:38,365 ‐ So is this it now? 889 00:36:38,365 --> 00:36:40,467 You're just gonna change into different people 890 00:36:40,467 --> 00:36:41,602 whenever you want? 891 00:36:41,602 --> 00:36:43,637 ‐ Under normal circumstances, 892 00:36:43,637 --> 00:36:46,206 it is too difficult to do often, 893 00:36:46,206 --> 00:36:48,575 but the energy balls from my ship 894 00:36:48,575 --> 00:36:51,044 make it effortless, 895 00:36:51,044 --> 00:36:54,681 and they work on the organic matter in clothing as well. 896 00:36:54,681 --> 00:36:57,017 Except I think it got my bra size wrong. 897 00:36:57,017 --> 00:36:59,786 The wire leaves dents in my skin. 898 00:36:59,786 --> 00:37:03,190 ‐ Yeah, well, wait until you put on a thong. 899 00:37:03,190 --> 00:37:06,193 [dramatic music] 900 00:37:06,193 --> 00:37:09,530 ♪ ♪ 901 00:37:09,530 --> 00:37:13,400 [device beeping] 902 00:37:13,400 --> 00:37:20,474 ♪ ♪ 903 00:37:25,112 --> 00:37:27,114 [device beeps] 904 00:37:27,114 --> 00:37:34,087 ♪ ♪ 905 00:37:40,360 --> 00:37:42,629 ‐ Oh, yes. 906 00:37:42,629 --> 00:37:47,734 ♪ ♪ 907 00:37:47,734 --> 00:37:51,638 ‐ Working late, Carlyn, my darlin'? 908 00:37:53,440 --> 00:37:56,043 ‐ I'm just trying to... 909 00:37:56,043 --> 00:37:59,213 bring home the salt‐cured pork slices. 910 00:37:59,213 --> 00:38:01,014 [grunts] 911 00:38:01,014 --> 00:38:02,749 Good night. 912 00:38:02,749 --> 00:38:07,187 ‐ Why don't you stick around for a bit? 913 00:38:07,187 --> 00:38:10,390 [Diplomats of Solid Sound's "No Man"] 914 00:38:10,390 --> 00:38:14,328 ‐ ♪ I think you got it all figured out ♪ 915 00:38:14,328 --> 00:38:19,499 ‐ [choking] ‐ ♪ But you ain't got a clue ♪ 916 00:38:19,499 --> 00:38:22,202 ‐ Aah! 917 00:38:22,202 --> 00:38:26,039 [screaming] 918 00:38:26,039 --> 00:38:29,042 ‐ ♪ When's gonna be the time I say enough is enough? ♪ 919 00:38:29,042 --> 00:38:30,677 ‐ [screaming] 920 00:38:30,677 --> 00:38:32,779 ‐ ♪ I ain't nobody's sucker ♪ 921 00:38:32,779 --> 00:38:36,083 ♪ Nobody's gonna stand in my way ♪ 922 00:38:42,422 --> 00:38:49,396 sic] ♪ ♪ 923 00:38:49,396 --> 00:38:51,598 ‐ Are you sure she's not gonna feel any different? 924 00:38:51,598 --> 00:38:53,233 ‐ [sighs] 925 00:38:53,233 --> 00:38:55,002 ‐ I mean, what does she think happened to her 926 00:38:55,002 --> 00:38:56,203 in the last 24 hours? 927 00:38:56,203 --> 00:38:58,438 ‐ She will remember going to sleep 928 00:38:58,438 --> 00:39:02,075 at Mayor Snowflake's house, driving home in the morning, 929 00:39:02,075 --> 00:39:04,311 and then having a pleasant nap on the couch. 930 00:39:04,311 --> 00:39:07,014 ‐ Long nap. 931 00:39:07,014 --> 00:39:09,349 ‐ She likes long naps. 932 00:39:09,349 --> 00:39:12,586 And it is better than being awake for her real life. 933 00:39:12,586 --> 00:39:15,656 Her boss is a bad man. 934 00:39:15,656 --> 00:39:17,491 ‐ Yeah, she said something about that. 935 00:39:17,491 --> 00:39:21,662 ‐ Mm. He will not bother her again. 936 00:39:21,662 --> 00:39:23,163 ‐ What did you do? 937 00:39:23,163 --> 00:39:25,499 ‐ The same thing you would have done... 938 00:39:25,499 --> 00:39:28,669 if you had the strength of six gorillas. 939 00:39:28,669 --> 00:39:31,004 I am glad to be out of her body. 940 00:39:31,004 --> 00:39:33,574 People treated it like break‐room yogurt. 941 00:39:33,574 --> 00:39:34,741 ‐ [scoffs] 942 00:39:34,741 --> 00:39:37,010 ‐ Even though her name was on it, 943 00:39:37,010 --> 00:39:38,745 they felt comfortable molesting it 944 00:39:38,745 --> 00:39:41,348 when they were hungry. 945 00:39:41,348 --> 00:39:43,383 It is awful being short. 946 00:39:43,383 --> 00:39:46,053 ‐ Harry, that's not because she's short. 947 00:39:46,053 --> 00:39:49,556 That's being a woman. Welcome to our world. 948 00:39:49,556 --> 00:39:54,561 ‐ You mean you all feel the eyes hunting you 949 00:39:54,561 --> 00:39:57,731 like a baby deer in the woods, just walking down the street? 950 00:39:57,731 --> 00:39:59,466 ‐ Yeah. I tried to tell you. 951 00:39:59,466 --> 00:40:03,770 You know, next time a woman tries to tell you something, 952 00:40:03,770 --> 00:40:06,406 sit down, shut up, and listen. 953 00:40:06,406 --> 00:40:08,642 And if you feel the need to say anything, 954 00:40:08,642 --> 00:40:12,045 all it needs to be is, "Yes, ma'am." 955 00:40:12,045 --> 00:40:15,048 [steady music] 956 00:40:15,048 --> 00:40:22,155 ♪ ♪ 957 00:40:32,633 --> 00:40:36,203 ‐ Yes. Yes. 958 00:40:36,203 --> 00:40:38,472 Mm. 959 00:40:38,472 --> 00:40:40,073 Yes! 960 00:40:40,073 --> 00:40:43,076 [knock at door] 961 00:40:43,076 --> 00:40:46,513 [dramatic music] 962 00:40:46,513 --> 00:40:53,520 ♪ ♪ 963 00:40:53,520 --> 00:40:56,089 ‐ Sit down, space man. 964 00:40:56,089 --> 00:41:02,062 ♪ ♪ 965 00:41:04,331 --> 00:41:05,732 Sit! 966 00:41:07,334 --> 00:41:09,102 I know all about your silver balls. 967 00:41:09,102 --> 00:41:11,205 I know Max stole one, and that's why he's been acting 968 00:41:11,205 --> 00:41:13,407 like springtime lions in those nature videos, 969 00:41:13,407 --> 00:41:16,476 but I also know you knew he had a ball 970 00:41:16,476 --> 00:41:18,345 and did nothing to stop him. 971 00:41:18,345 --> 00:41:20,781 Guess what. You're not getting your ball back. 972 00:41:20,781 --> 00:41:22,749 I've hidden it where you'll never find it, 973 00:41:22,749 --> 00:41:24,551 and I'm guessing now that it's gone, 974 00:41:24,551 --> 00:41:26,453 Max will go back to normal. 975 00:41:26,453 --> 00:41:30,724 And if he doesn't, you are going to hear from me. 976 00:41:30,724 --> 00:41:32,192 Do you understand? 977 00:41:34,328 --> 00:41:35,696 ‐ Yes, ma'am. 978 00:41:35,696 --> 00:41:40,300 ♪ ♪ 979 00:41:40,300 --> 00:41:42,469 ‐ Good. 980 00:41:42,469 --> 00:41:46,440 ‐ Humans believe they all deserve certain rights‐‐ 981 00:41:46,440 --> 00:41:50,711 the right to be heard, the right to be respected. 982 00:41:50,711 --> 00:41:54,381 Asking for what you deserve in life should not be so hard, 983 00:41:54,381 --> 00:41:55,682 but for others, 984 00:41:55,682 --> 00:41:58,685 asking for what they deserve can be very difficult. 985 00:41:58,685 --> 00:42:01,221 ♪ ♪ 986 00:42:01,221 --> 00:42:04,191 [horn honks] ‐ Hey, D'arce! 987 00:42:04,191 --> 00:42:06,226 ‐ Okay! Yes, girl! 988 00:42:06,226 --> 00:42:08,662 ‐ What do you think? ‐ Wow, very fancy, girl! 989 00:42:08,662 --> 00:42:10,030 Get your things! 990 00:42:10,030 --> 00:42:11,632 ‐ Thank you! ‐ Okay. 991 00:42:11,632 --> 00:42:13,767 [chuckles] 992 00:42:15,502 --> 00:42:20,174 ‐ Posting flyers is against Patience civil code 1‐8‐22. 993 00:42:20,174 --> 00:42:21,341 ‐ [scoffs] 994 00:42:21,341 --> 00:42:23,210 ‐ And actually getting what they deserve 995 00:42:23,210 --> 00:42:26,280 sometimes requires an act of heroism. 996 00:42:28,348 --> 00:42:31,418 [Ahmad Jamal's "Suicide is Painless"] 997 00:42:31,418 --> 00:42:38,358 ♪ ♪ 998 00:42:44,498 --> 00:42:47,201 ‐ Whoo! Ha! 999 00:42:47,201 --> 00:42:49,770 ‐ Women of Patience, have patience no more! 1000 00:42:49,770 --> 00:42:52,506 We demand equal pay! 1001 00:42:52,506 --> 00:42:54,775 [people cheering] 1002 00:42:54,775 --> 00:42:58,312 Way to go, D'arce! 1003 00:42:58,312 --> 00:43:05,252 ♪ ♪ 1004 00:43:09,756 --> 00:43:11,358 ‐ [chuckles] 1005 00:43:11,358 --> 00:43:13,594 Wow, it's D'arcy. 1006 00:43:13,594 --> 00:43:17,564 ♪ ♪ 1007 00:43:17,564 --> 00:43:20,767 God, she is incredible, don't you think? 1008 00:43:20,767 --> 00:43:23,470 ‐ Honey, there's something I got to tell you. 1009 00:43:23,470 --> 00:43:27,474 ♪ ♪ 1010 00:43:27,474 --> 00:43:29,209 ‐ What is it? 1011 00:43:29,209 --> 00:43:31,612 ♪ ♪ 1012 00:43:31,612 --> 00:43:33,680 ‐ I'm gonna have a word with the town assembly 1013 00:43:33,680 --> 00:43:36,350 and fix this pay gap. 1014 00:43:36,350 --> 00:43:38,452 ‐ Yeah, you are. 1015 00:43:38,452 --> 00:43:40,087 Wow. 1016 00:43:40,087 --> 00:43:43,357 Way to be assertive, honey. 1017 00:43:43,357 --> 00:43:44,725 It's very sexy. 1018 00:43:44,725 --> 00:43:52,065 ♪ ♪