1 00:00:09,753 --> 00:00:11,790 ‐ Previously on "Resident Alien"... ‐ I need to go home. 2 00:00:11,790 --> 00:00:14,530 ‐ You're taking me home, right? 3 00:00:14,530 --> 00:00:16,700 ‐ Ahh! 4 00:00:16,700 --> 00:00:18,436 ‐ Harry, you can't fix it. 5 00:00:18,436 --> 00:00:20,307 ‐ I have to. If I do not, I am stuck here. 6 00:00:20,307 --> 00:00:21,510 ‐ If someone sees this, 7 00:00:21,510 --> 00:00:22,712 then things will get worse for you. 8 00:00:22,712 --> 00:00:24,448 [tense music] 9 00:00:24,448 --> 00:00:27,087 ‐ What's that? ‐ A survival kit. 10 00:00:27,087 --> 00:00:28,658 ‐ Botulinum is injectable. 11 00:00:28,658 --> 00:00:32,097 Maybe all he or she would need to do is inject a toxin 12 00:00:32,097 --> 00:00:33,768 into a single insulin vial. 13 00:00:33,768 --> 00:00:37,141 Both the boot and the foot were found in the same area. 14 00:00:37,141 --> 00:00:38,578 What if they fought inside, 15 00:00:38,578 --> 00:00:41,115 and then Harry threw dead foot guy 16 00:00:41,115 --> 00:00:42,184 through the front doors? 17 00:00:42,184 --> 00:00:43,788 ‐ And I throw you in the lake. 18 00:00:43,788 --> 00:00:45,658 ‐ Looks like we might have a new prime suspect. 19 00:00:45,658 --> 00:00:47,529 ‐ You didn't complete your mission. 20 00:00:47,529 --> 00:00:49,465 They'll just send someone else to kill everyone for you. 21 00:00:49,465 --> 00:00:51,336 ‐ Everyone, including Asta? 22 00:00:51,336 --> 00:00:53,106 ‐ She's a human, so yes. 23 00:00:53,106 --> 00:00:54,676 ‐ This cannot happen. 24 00:00:54,676 --> 00:01:01,657 ♪ ♪ 25 00:01:05,732 --> 00:01:07,736 Hello? 26 00:01:07,736 --> 00:01:10,842 Asta? 27 00:01:10,842 --> 00:01:12,646 Hello? 28 00:01:12,646 --> 00:01:17,856 ♪ ♪ 29 00:01:17,856 --> 00:01:20,093 Asta? 30 00:01:20,093 --> 00:01:22,164 ♪ ♪ 31 00:01:22,164 --> 00:01:23,567 Where is everybody? 32 00:01:23,567 --> 00:01:25,470 ♪ ♪ 33 00:01:25,470 --> 00:01:27,709 Asta? 34 00:01:27,709 --> 00:01:31,349 ♪ ♪ 35 00:01:31,349 --> 00:01:32,585 D'arcy? 36 00:01:32,585 --> 00:01:39,566 ♪ ♪ 37 00:01:42,739 --> 00:01:45,511 Ahh! 38 00:01:45,511 --> 00:01:49,285 D'arcy. What happened to you? 39 00:01:49,285 --> 00:01:51,456 ‐ You... 40 00:01:51,456 --> 00:01:53,594 [clears throat] 41 00:01:53,594 --> 00:01:55,263 Sorry‐‐you let me die. 42 00:01:55,263 --> 00:01:58,136 You let us all die, big bummer. 43 00:01:58,136 --> 00:01:59,238 ‐ Asta. 44 00:01:59,238 --> 00:02:00,474 ‐ Way too late for her. 45 00:02:00,474 --> 00:02:02,177 ‐ No, not Asta. 46 00:02:02,177 --> 00:02:06,787 ‐ She's dead because of you. 47 00:02:06,787 --> 00:02:08,390 ‐ I have to help her. 48 00:02:08,390 --> 00:02:11,362 ‐ Help her what, get a better burial site? 49 00:02:11,362 --> 00:02:13,266 Come on, I mean, she's at the top of the hill. 50 00:02:13,266 --> 00:02:14,468 It's as good as you can get. 51 00:02:14,468 --> 00:02:17,542 I'm down by the pond and geese. 52 00:02:17,542 --> 00:02:18,911 I'll just say that. 53 00:02:18,911 --> 00:02:22,217 So feeling bad yet? 54 00:02:22,217 --> 00:02:23,453 'Cause you should. 55 00:02:23,453 --> 00:02:26,359 ‐ I have to save her. Asta! 56 00:02:26,359 --> 00:02:27,696 ‐ [sighs] 57 00:02:27,696 --> 00:02:30,802 ♪ ♪ 58 00:02:30,802 --> 00:02:34,208 Asta, Asta! 59 00:02:34,208 --> 00:02:35,912 ‐ [screams] ‐ Asta! 60 00:02:35,912 --> 00:02:38,751 ‐ [screaming] 61 00:02:38,751 --> 00:02:41,757 [dramatic music] 62 00:02:41,757 --> 00:02:47,569 ♪ ♪ 63 00:02:47,569 --> 00:02:49,706 ‐ Scary. 64 00:02:49,706 --> 00:02:52,679 [Brown Bird's "Bilgewater"] 65 00:02:52,679 --> 00:02:59,626 ♪ ♪ 66 00:03:01,530 --> 00:03:03,266 ‐ I did some digging. 67 00:03:03,266 --> 00:03:06,507 In 2015 and '16, Dr. Vanderspeigle was working 68 00:03:06,507 --> 00:03:08,209 at St. Helens Hospital in New York, 69 00:03:08,209 --> 00:03:10,280 so I left a message, to get some background on him. 70 00:03:10,280 --> 00:03:11,784 ‐ Hold on. What is this I'm seeing? 71 00:03:11,784 --> 00:03:13,386 ‐ Did he come out? 72 00:03:13,386 --> 00:03:14,923 ‐ No, it's like some kind of hawk in a tree 73 00:03:14,923 --> 00:03:17,562 over there ripping apart a mouse or some shit. 74 00:03:17,562 --> 00:03:18,964 It is nasty. 75 00:03:18,964 --> 00:03:21,002 Mother Nature takes no prisoners, Deputy. 76 00:03:21,002 --> 00:03:22,772 ‐ Can I look? ‐ That's a no‐go. 77 00:03:22,772 --> 00:03:25,210 What if he comes out and kills somebody during the handoff? 78 00:03:25,210 --> 00:03:26,880 Go ahead and twizzle me. 79 00:03:28,784 --> 00:03:31,557 Okay, all right. 80 00:03:31,557 --> 00:03:34,228 Here comes our not‐so‐good doctor right now. 81 00:03:34,228 --> 00:03:35,565 [tense music] 82 00:03:35,565 --> 00:03:38,470 What's he doing with all them buckets of dirt? 83 00:03:38,470 --> 00:03:41,309 That's a lot of dirt right there. 84 00:03:41,309 --> 00:03:43,446 ‐ Maybe he's burying something under the cellar, 85 00:03:43,446 --> 00:03:45,518 or someone. 86 00:03:45,518 --> 00:03:47,454 ♪ ♪ 87 00:03:47,454 --> 00:03:49,458 ‐ Man, that's enough dirt for like five adults, 88 00:03:49,458 --> 00:03:51,864 or maybe three adult bodies, and five children, 89 00:03:51,864 --> 00:03:53,601 and maybe two jockeys. 90 00:03:53,601 --> 00:03:54,703 Speaking of jockeys, 91 00:03:54,703 --> 00:03:56,740 when was the last time you saw Todd Campbell? 92 00:03:56,740 --> 00:03:58,878 ‐ My dentist? ‐ Mm‐hmm. 93 00:03:58,878 --> 00:04:00,848 ‐ Are you suggesting he's a jockey? 94 00:04:00,848 --> 00:04:02,251 ‐ Well, the man's short, he's bowlegged, 95 00:04:02,251 --> 00:04:03,286 and he wears stripes. 96 00:04:03,286 --> 00:04:04,455 That's a goddamn jockey. 97 00:04:04,455 --> 00:04:06,492 Why you want him drilling in your damn teeth 98 00:04:06,492 --> 00:04:07,695 I'll never know. 99 00:04:07,695 --> 00:04:13,373 ♪ ♪ 100 00:04:13,373 --> 00:04:16,345 ‐ Summertime. My people love the cold. 101 00:04:16,345 --> 00:04:18,951 But this body certainly prefers these warm days. 102 00:04:18,951 --> 00:04:20,655 The smell of flowers, 103 00:04:20,655 --> 00:04:22,792 the sound of bugs rubbing their legs together 104 00:04:22,792 --> 00:04:24,629 for mating season. 105 00:04:24,629 --> 00:04:26,032 It is more peaceful. 106 00:04:26,032 --> 00:04:28,604 ‐ Whoo! ‐ Yeah! 107 00:04:28,604 --> 00:04:31,342 ‐ Ah, whoo! 108 00:04:31,342 --> 00:04:32,478 ‐ Whoo! 109 00:04:32,478 --> 00:04:33,981 ‐ Yeah, baby! 110 00:04:33,981 --> 00:04:36,352 ‐ I hate this place. 111 00:04:36,352 --> 00:04:39,659 ‐ Are you looking for a better place to go this summer? 112 00:04:39,659 --> 00:04:41,362 Hi, I'm Mayor Mitch. 113 00:04:41,362 --> 00:04:42,799 Summer's just around the corner, 114 00:04:42,799 --> 00:04:45,771 and I can't wait to welcome you to Jessup, Colorado, 115 00:04:45,771 --> 00:04:47,509 the safest town around. 116 00:04:47,509 --> 00:04:50,548 Come taste our world‐famous mountain spring water. 117 00:04:50,548 --> 00:04:52,519 [upbeat music] 118 00:04:52,519 --> 00:04:54,589 We have the most pristine lakes in Colorado, 119 00:04:54,589 --> 00:04:56,927 perfect for boating and swimming, 120 00:04:56,927 --> 00:04:58,564 and if you love fishing, 121 00:04:58,564 --> 00:05:01,537 we have five varieties of trout 122 00:05:01,537 --> 00:05:03,574 and zero varieties of dead human feet. 123 00:05:03,574 --> 00:05:05,645 When people disappear in Jessup, 124 00:05:05,645 --> 00:05:07,515 it's in our world‐famous corn maze, 125 00:05:07,515 --> 00:05:09,385 so if you're out of patience, 126 00:05:09,385 --> 00:05:11,824 and you just want to have some fun, come visit us. 127 00:05:11,824 --> 00:05:15,397 'Cause here in Jessup the only murder you'll see is onstage 128 00:05:15,397 --> 00:05:18,436 at our summer Shakespeare festival. 129 00:05:18,436 --> 00:05:19,840 ‐ Cool. 130 00:05:19,840 --> 00:05:23,714 I'm just gonna put some cyanide in my coffee and call it a day. 131 00:05:23,714 --> 00:05:27,387 [soft music] 132 00:05:27,387 --> 00:05:28,557 ‐ This is pathetic. 133 00:05:28,557 --> 00:05:30,060 You've been digging for a week. 134 00:05:30,060 --> 00:05:31,697 You wouldn't have to do any of this 135 00:05:31,697 --> 00:05:34,335 if you had just gone home like you were supposed to. 136 00:05:34,335 --> 00:05:36,974 ‐ I could not go home with that kid on board. 137 00:05:36,974 --> 00:05:39,445 I could never get him past customs. 138 00:05:39,445 --> 00:05:41,082 ‐ Yeah, that's why there's an eject button. 139 00:05:41,082 --> 00:05:42,685 That kid's body should have 140 00:05:42,685 --> 00:05:44,388 been a shooting star over Texas. 141 00:05:44,388 --> 00:05:47,094 ‐ You don't know anything about space. 142 00:05:47,094 --> 00:05:49,533 You are a Colorado octopus. 143 00:05:49,533 --> 00:05:51,537 ‐ Is that where we are? Shit. 144 00:05:51,537 --> 00:05:54,776 I thought this was India. That is an Indian rug. 145 00:05:54,776 --> 00:05:56,445 You are appropriating their culture. 146 00:05:56,445 --> 00:05:57,682 That's not a good look, man. 147 00:05:57,682 --> 00:06:00,453 ‐ I saw it at a red tag sale for $5. 148 00:06:00,453 --> 00:06:02,057 I had to buy it. 149 00:06:02,057 --> 00:06:05,765 Plus, I think it really brings the room together. 150 00:06:05,765 --> 00:06:07,067 ‐ Listen to you. 151 00:06:07,067 --> 00:06:09,438 you‐‐that's a great price, by the way. 152 00:06:09,438 --> 00:06:12,745 You're becoming one of them. Look how human you are. 153 00:06:12,745 --> 00:06:14,783 You're even vulnerable to your own people's attack. 154 00:06:14,783 --> 00:06:20,427 ‐ I am not because I will cut a hole in your octopus body 155 00:06:20,427 --> 00:06:23,099 and wear you as a protective octo‐suit 156 00:06:23,099 --> 00:06:25,671 when they come to eradicate all human life. 157 00:06:25,671 --> 00:06:28,644 ‐ Wow, is this how you treat a house guest? 158 00:06:28,644 --> 00:06:31,148 Then I'm glad I didn't get you a gift. 159 00:06:32,952 --> 00:06:36,760 ♪ ♪ 160 00:06:36,760 --> 00:06:38,564 ‐ Who has touched this? 161 00:06:38,564 --> 00:06:42,037 ♪ ♪ 162 00:06:42,037 --> 00:06:44,475 That little shit bucket. 163 00:06:44,475 --> 00:06:45,912 ♪ ♪ 164 00:06:45,912 --> 00:06:50,453 Okay, little dickhead. Play with my alien technology. 165 00:06:50,453 --> 00:06:53,026 You deserve what's going to happen to you. 166 00:06:53,026 --> 00:07:00,140 ♪ ♪ 167 00:07:10,761 --> 00:07:13,767 [dramatic music] 168 00:07:13,767 --> 00:07:20,881 ♪ ♪ 169 00:07:29,064 --> 00:07:31,637 ‐ Oh, oh, wow. Whoa, whoa. 170 00:07:31,637 --> 00:07:33,741 Whoa! Whoa. 171 00:07:33,741 --> 00:07:40,888 ♪ ♪ 172 00:08:05,504 --> 00:08:08,142 ‐ With my people coming to kill everyone on Earth, 173 00:08:08,142 --> 00:08:11,215 I will need a bunker to survive. 174 00:08:11,215 --> 00:08:12,952 I will fix it up and present it 175 00:08:12,952 --> 00:08:14,989 to Asta as her new home. 176 00:08:14,989 --> 00:08:16,626 We will live, 177 00:08:16,626 --> 00:08:19,064 and all the beer‐drinking douchebags can fry. 178 00:08:19,064 --> 00:08:21,235 ♪ ♪ 179 00:08:28,717 --> 00:08:30,020 ‐ Have a good day. ‐ Thanks. ‐ Oh, Ben. ‐ Yeah? 180 00:08:30,020 --> 00:08:32,759 ‐ Are you serious? She cannot be the new doctor. 181 00:08:32,759 --> 00:08:36,232 ‐ Dr. Smallwood is a wonderful physician. 182 00:08:36,232 --> 00:08:38,002 You know, she was part of the first stream of women 183 00:08:38,002 --> 00:08:40,608 to graduate from Harvard medical school. 184 00:08:40,608 --> 00:08:42,545 ‐ Yeah, in the 1940s. 185 00:08:42,545 --> 00:08:44,783 ‐ Years of experience. 186 00:08:44,783 --> 00:08:47,555 ‐ Are you the little girl with the broken arm? 187 00:08:47,555 --> 00:08:49,291 ‐ No, I'm still the nurse. 188 00:08:49,291 --> 00:08:50,761 Your patient is down that hallway. 189 00:08:50,761 --> 00:08:52,164 ‐ Thank you, dear. 190 00:08:52,164 --> 00:08:55,671 ‐ Hello there, Dr. Smallwood. It's nice to see you again. 191 00:08:55,671 --> 00:09:00,246 ‐ Hello, I know a Hawthorne when I see one. 192 00:09:00,246 --> 00:09:03,587 ‐ Ah, top of her game, as always. 193 00:09:03,587 --> 00:09:06,793 ‐ Send my best to your twin brother, the mayor. 194 00:09:06,793 --> 00:09:10,233 Tell him I think he's doing a dynamite job. 195 00:09:10,233 --> 00:09:13,039 ‐ I will do that. 196 00:09:13,039 --> 00:09:15,978 ‐ Can you please tell Dr. Ethan to come back? 197 00:09:15,978 --> 00:09:17,180 ‐ He texted me. 198 00:09:17,180 --> 00:09:18,784 There was a family emergency. He can't come back. 199 00:09:18,784 --> 00:09:20,788 ‐ What am I supposed to do? I'm here all alone. 200 00:09:20,788 --> 00:09:22,792 ‐ She's very experienced. ‐ Asta, Asta, come on. 201 00:09:22,792 --> 00:09:23,927 Let's go. Time's a‐wasting. 202 00:09:23,927 --> 00:09:25,931 ‐ Sorry, D'arce. I can't leave. 203 00:09:25,931 --> 00:09:28,102 Dr. Smallwood just started, and it's pretty rough. 204 00:09:28,102 --> 00:09:30,340 ‐ Dr. Smallwood? What are you talking about? 205 00:09:30,340 --> 00:09:32,812 She's been dead for like 30 years. 206 00:09:32,812 --> 00:09:34,649 ‐ Hello. 207 00:09:34,649 --> 00:09:38,757 ‐ Oh, God, ghost. ‐ I just saw your brother. 208 00:09:38,757 --> 00:09:41,095 ‐ Look, it'll be fine. Ellen's here. 209 00:09:41,095 --> 00:09:42,999 Please go enjoy your day off, okay? 210 00:09:42,999 --> 00:09:44,268 Mayor's orders. 211 00:09:44,268 --> 00:09:46,673 ‐ Yeah, let's get the heck out of here before she starts 212 00:09:46,673 --> 00:09:48,209 crawling around on the ceiling on all fours. 213 00:09:48,209 --> 00:09:50,781 Come on. ‐ Okay, okay. 214 00:09:50,781 --> 00:09:52,785 I'll get my things. 215 00:10:01,703 --> 00:10:04,742 ‐ Have you‐‐is it supposed to rain tomorrow still? 216 00:10:04,742 --> 00:10:06,913 ‐ Why are you acting so weird? 217 00:10:06,913 --> 00:10:09,184 ‐ What? ‐ Oh, my God. 218 00:10:09,184 --> 00:10:11,155 Are you uncomfortable because you kissed me last week? 219 00:10:11,155 --> 00:10:13,961 ‐ Wow, just gonna shout that in public. 220 00:10:13,961 --> 00:10:15,363 That's wonderful. 221 00:10:15,363 --> 00:10:17,300 It was actually you who kissed me. 222 00:10:17,300 --> 00:10:20,173 ‐ Oh, no siree, no. That's not how it went down. 223 00:10:20,173 --> 00:10:22,210 ‐ It is how it went down. ‐ You want me to reenact it? 224 00:10:22,210 --> 00:10:25,651 ‐ Look, I'll be you, you be me, and I'll kiss you. 225 00:10:25,651 --> 00:10:26,853 grab your butt, and show you how you did it. 226 00:10:26,853 --> 00:10:27,922 Come on. Come on over here. 227 00:10:27,922 --> 00:10:29,391 ‐ No, no. ‐ I'll demonstrate. 228 00:10:29,391 --> 00:10:30,794 ‐ Very funny. ‐ That's how you were. 229 00:10:30,794 --> 00:10:32,030 ‐ Not gonna happen. ‐ You were like‐‐ 230 00:10:32,030 --> 00:10:33,199 ‐ No. ‐ Handy. 231 00:10:33,199 --> 00:10:34,836 Oh, you're touching my butt. You're touching my butt. 232 00:10:34,836 --> 00:10:36,105 ‐ Nope. ‐ You're touching my butt. 233 00:10:36,105 --> 00:10:38,142 ‐ I didn't touch her... 234 00:10:38,142 --> 00:10:40,213 ‐ Oh, I love the new sign, by the way. 235 00:10:40,213 --> 00:10:45,991 ♪ ♪ 236 00:10:45,991 --> 00:10:48,396 ‐ I want this person arrested. 237 00:10:48,396 --> 00:10:49,699 ‐ You even know who did it? 238 00:10:49,699 --> 00:10:51,435 ‐ Pretty obvious, mayor of Jessup. 239 00:10:51,435 --> 00:10:53,740 Didn't you see his anti‐Patience ad? 240 00:10:53,740 --> 00:10:55,778 ‐ Yeah, it's horrible. 241 00:10:55,778 --> 00:10:57,915 Ooh, looking forward to the corn maze though. 242 00:10:57,915 --> 00:11:00,153 ‐ Oh, me too, I heard a rumor, back in the '70s, a kid 243 00:11:00,153 --> 00:11:02,257 got lost in it for two weeks and had to eat his friend. 244 00:11:02,257 --> 00:11:03,760 ‐ Oh. 245 00:11:03,760 --> 00:11:05,196 ‐ Now, see, that's a goddamn good maze. 246 00:11:05,196 --> 00:11:07,000 ‐ Sure, kids eating kids is fine in Jessup. 247 00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:08,436 We find one foot in our lake, 248 00:11:08,436 --> 00:11:10,941 suddenly people think our town isn't safe. 249 00:11:10,941 --> 00:11:12,745 ‐ Brutal murder of a town doctor didn't help. 250 00:11:12,745 --> 00:11:13,881 ‐ Yeah. ‐ Yeah. 251 00:11:13,881 --> 00:11:15,283 Well, and the next doctor disappearing. 252 00:11:15,283 --> 00:11:16,418 I mean, people just don't vanish. 253 00:11:16,418 --> 00:11:18,089 ‐ Kidnapper's still on the loose. 254 00:11:18,089 --> 00:11:19,759 ‐ And the whole sign's coming down. 255 00:11:19,759 --> 00:11:22,765 [upbeat music] 256 00:11:22,765 --> 00:11:24,434 ‐ Soon all of this will be over. 257 00:11:24,434 --> 00:11:27,742 Their unending consumption and gluttony will be done, 258 00:11:27,742 --> 00:11:30,480 and Asta and I will be safe in the bunker. 259 00:11:30,480 --> 00:11:32,083 But if everyone is gone, 260 00:11:32,083 --> 00:11:34,789 who will keep the bunker clean? 261 00:11:34,789 --> 00:11:36,091 I hate cleaning, 262 00:11:36,091 --> 00:11:37,795 and from the look of Asta's car, 263 00:11:37,795 --> 00:11:39,298 she's a real piglet. 264 00:11:39,298 --> 00:11:41,135 ‐ More coffee? ‐ Great. 265 00:11:41,135 --> 00:11:43,172 ‐ Maybe Asta's giant father could be 266 00:11:43,172 --> 00:11:44,441 in the bunker with us. 267 00:11:44,441 --> 00:11:46,111 He can cook and clean, 268 00:11:46,111 --> 00:11:48,917 and his aftershave smells like fryer grease. 269 00:11:48,917 --> 00:11:52,858 No, it wouldn't work. They are father and daughter. 270 00:11:52,858 --> 00:11:55,831 They may turn against me and make me their servant. 271 00:11:55,831 --> 00:11:57,835 ‐ You look tired. ‐ I am. 272 00:11:57,835 --> 00:12:01,375 My dreams have turned evil. 273 00:12:01,375 --> 00:12:03,079 ‐ Sounds like a nightmare, 274 00:12:03,079 --> 00:12:07,454 mind's way of working out fear or guilt. 275 00:12:07,454 --> 00:12:10,059 So what's going on, Harry? 276 00:12:10,059 --> 00:12:12,230 ‐ I'm building a bunker to save Asta 277 00:12:12,230 --> 00:12:14,802 from a total extinction event, and I'm going to lock you out 278 00:12:14,802 --> 00:12:17,207 and then sweep up your ashes with a dustpan. 279 00:12:17,207 --> 00:12:18,977 Nothing. 280 00:12:18,977 --> 00:12:25,490 ♪ ♪ 281 00:12:25,490 --> 00:12:27,728 [chuckles] 282 00:12:29,498 --> 00:12:31,235 ‐ You know, we really need this. 283 00:12:31,235 --> 00:12:33,974 We work way too hard. 284 00:12:33,974 --> 00:12:35,945 ‐ You're actually supposed to be working today, D'arce. 285 00:12:35,945 --> 00:12:39,151 ‐ Well "Load" was supposed to be Metallica's comeback album, 286 00:12:39,151 --> 00:12:41,055 but life comes at you fast. 287 00:12:41,055 --> 00:12:42,892 ‐ Can you at least take these sandwiches 288 00:12:42,892 --> 00:12:44,862 down to the VIP group in Sheep's Meadow? 289 00:12:44,862 --> 00:12:47,802 And please don't moon the tour groups. 290 00:12:47,802 --> 00:12:50,239 ‐ You got it, and we'll see. 291 00:12:50,239 --> 00:12:52,377 ‐ Ready to go. 292 00:12:52,377 --> 00:12:55,517 [Nahko And Medicine For The People's "Simplicity"] 293 00:12:55,517 --> 00:13:01,863 ‐ ♪ Simplicity, simplicity ♪ 294 00:13:01,863 --> 00:13:03,533 ♪ Definitely becomin' me, becomin' me ♪ 295 00:13:03,533 --> 00:13:06,873 ‐ Yeah, baby, whoo! 296 00:13:06,873 --> 00:13:10,013 Dead ahead! ‐ Dead ahead! 297 00:13:10,013 --> 00:13:12,551 Whoo! 298 00:13:12,551 --> 00:13:15,156 ‐ ♪ New name on an old face, a place I can escape ♪ 299 00:13:15,156 --> 00:13:21,101 ♪ All the noise, all the noise ♪ 300 00:13:21,101 --> 00:13:23,272 ‐ Hold still. You're gonna get cut. 301 00:13:23,272 --> 00:13:25,944 ‐ I always knew I was very mature for my age. 302 00:13:25,944 --> 00:13:28,349 I'm not trying to brag, but I've had BO for a year. 303 00:13:28,349 --> 00:13:30,019 ‐ You're not mature. 304 00:13:30,019 --> 00:13:32,490 You still laugh at scatological humor. 305 00:13:32,490 --> 00:13:33,960 ‐ What's that? 306 00:13:33,960 --> 00:13:36,165 ‐ Poop jokes. ‐ [snorts] 307 00:13:36,165 --> 00:13:38,302 Poop. ‐ Wake up. 308 00:13:38,302 --> 00:13:40,440 This happened to you because you went to space. 309 00:13:40,440 --> 00:13:42,310 ‐ I don't think that's how space works. 310 00:13:42,310 --> 00:13:44,582 ‐ Well, it's definitely not how puberty works, 311 00:13:44,582 --> 00:13:46,151 so what else could it be? 312 00:13:47,354 --> 00:13:49,358 ‐ I have no idea. 313 00:13:49,358 --> 00:13:52,364 [tense music] 314 00:13:52,364 --> 00:13:53,900 ♪ ♪ 315 00:13:53,900 --> 00:13:55,169 [knocking on the door] 316 00:13:55,169 --> 00:13:56,606 ‐ Hey, guys. 317 00:13:56,606 --> 00:13:58,442 I brought you some toaster strudel and fruit punch. 318 00:13:58,442 --> 00:13:59,512 ‐ It's okay, Mom. We're not hungry. 319 00:13:59,512 --> 00:14:01,181 ‐ No thank you. 320 00:14:01,181 --> 00:14:02,918 My mom said if you offered me any junk food, 321 00:14:02,918 --> 00:14:06,191 I should say no because it will slowly kill me. 322 00:14:06,191 --> 00:14:07,494 ‐ Okay. 323 00:14:07,494 --> 00:14:11,402 Not junk, tasty snacks. 324 00:14:11,402 --> 00:14:13,172 [whispers] What the hell? 325 00:14:13,940 --> 00:14:17,013 [Nanci Griffith's "Boots of Spanish Leather"] 326 00:14:17,013 --> 00:14:19,652 ♪ ♪ 327 00:14:19,652 --> 00:14:24,061 ‐ ♪ Oh, I'm sailing away my own true love ♪ 328 00:14:24,061 --> 00:14:25,964 ‐ And we're gonna take things down a notch 329 00:14:25,964 --> 00:14:28,537 by mellowing out with the closing track 330 00:14:28,537 --> 00:14:31,943 from Asta's junior year birthday mix. 331 00:14:31,943 --> 00:14:33,613 Start with a party, end with a vibe. 332 00:14:33,613 --> 00:14:38,957 That's what I always say on KPRJ radio. 333 00:14:38,957 --> 00:14:41,028 ‐ Kind of describes that year in general. 334 00:14:41,028 --> 00:14:42,097 ‐ Why? 335 00:14:42,097 --> 00:14:43,667 ♪ ♪ 336 00:14:43,667 --> 00:14:46,573 ‐ ♪ From the place where I'll be landing ♪ 337 00:14:46,573 --> 00:14:49,377 ‐ Right, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have put it on‐‐ 338 00:14:49,377 --> 00:14:51,583 ‐ No, no, it's good. 339 00:14:51,583 --> 00:14:53,987 I listened to this song a million times 340 00:14:53,987 --> 00:14:56,325 while I was pregnant with Jay. 341 00:14:56,325 --> 00:14:58,997 I think she liked it, too. She'd always kick. 342 00:14:58,997 --> 00:15:01,335 ‐ I should have been there. 343 00:15:01,335 --> 00:15:03,239 Me, not just some stupid playlist. 344 00:15:03,239 --> 00:15:06,044 ‐ What do you mean? You didn't even know. 345 00:15:06,044 --> 00:15:08,182 ♪ ♪ 346 00:15:08,182 --> 00:15:09,986 ‐ But I should have. 347 00:15:09,986 --> 00:15:12,123 I wish you would have told me. 348 00:15:12,123 --> 00:15:14,294 I would have come running. 349 00:15:14,294 --> 00:15:17,333 I just don't like secrets. 350 00:15:17,333 --> 00:15:18,670 ‐ I hope you know the only reason 351 00:15:18,670 --> 00:15:20,641 I would ever keep anything from you is 352 00:15:20,641 --> 00:15:23,245 'cause I don't want to dump shit on you. 353 00:15:23,245 --> 00:15:24,414 ‐ What are you keeping from me? 354 00:15:24,414 --> 00:15:26,051 ‐ What? 355 00:15:26,051 --> 00:15:28,022 Nothing. 356 00:15:28,022 --> 00:15:29,692 ♪ ♪ 357 00:15:29,692 --> 00:15:32,030 I'm talking about Jay. 358 00:15:32,030 --> 00:15:33,466 ♪ ♪ 359 00:15:33,466 --> 00:15:35,671 You know, you were training in Europe. 360 00:15:35,671 --> 00:15:38,142 I knew, if I told you, you would leave. 361 00:15:38,142 --> 00:15:40,981 I didn't want you ruining your life, too. 362 00:15:40,981 --> 00:15:45,022 ‐ I'm sorry, ruin my what? I have a great life, Asta. 363 00:15:45,022 --> 00:15:46,559 I just watched my best friend take a piss 364 00:15:46,559 --> 00:15:47,728 off the side of my boat. 365 00:15:47,728 --> 00:15:51,034 ‐ [laughs] ‐ It's awesome. 366 00:15:51,034 --> 00:15:52,538 ♪ ♪ 367 00:16:01,421 --> 00:16:08,469 [soft guitar music] ♪ ♪ 368 00:16:09,070 --> 00:16:11,441 ‐ Hey. ‐ Not working today? 369 00:16:11,441 --> 00:16:14,381 ‐ Nah, D'arcy rescued me from the clinic, 370 00:16:14,381 --> 00:16:15,584 took me to the lake. 371 00:16:15,584 --> 00:16:17,020 ‐ Yeah? 372 00:16:17,020 --> 00:16:19,692 I hope you wore a life jacket, maybe two. 373 00:16:19,692 --> 00:16:21,328 ♪ ♪ 374 00:16:21,328 --> 00:16:22,731 ‐ What, why? 375 00:16:22,731 --> 00:16:27,473 ‐ You're the only one keeping that alien from taking us out. 376 00:16:27,473 --> 00:16:30,346 Anything happens to you, everybody on Earth is dead. 377 00:16:30,346 --> 00:16:33,419 Do you think this blue is too dark? 378 00:16:33,419 --> 00:16:36,693 ‐ I can't help that I'm Harry's only friend. 379 00:16:36,693 --> 00:16:38,797 ‐ Maybe he should have some more. 380 00:16:38,797 --> 00:16:40,567 We're a great town. 381 00:16:40,567 --> 00:16:43,472 If he can't see the value of humans here, 382 00:16:43,472 --> 00:16:46,445 then maybe we should become extinct. 383 00:16:46,445 --> 00:16:51,488 ‐ ♪ I was reaching to the sky ♪ 384 00:16:51,488 --> 00:16:54,996 ♪ ♪ 385 00:17:01,241 --> 00:17:05,316 ‐ What's he eating? ‐ Not sure. 386 00:17:05,316 --> 00:17:07,420 Chowder? 387 00:17:07,420 --> 00:17:10,226 Whatever it is, he just dipped his pie in it. 388 00:17:10,226 --> 00:17:11,796 ‐ Pie and chowder? 389 00:17:11,796 --> 00:17:13,299 That's the meal of a serial killer. 390 00:17:13,299 --> 00:17:14,334 Watch this. 391 00:17:14,334 --> 00:17:16,071 You want to understand a murderer, 392 00:17:16,071 --> 00:17:18,242 you gotta get inside his food head. 393 00:17:18,242 --> 00:17:19,377 Jay. 394 00:17:19,377 --> 00:17:21,114 ‐ Yeah? 395 00:17:21,114 --> 00:17:22,618 ‐ I'll have what Dr. V. is having, 396 00:17:22,618 --> 00:17:24,154 the exact same order. 397 00:17:24,154 --> 00:17:26,358 ‐ Are you sure? ‐ Exact same. 398 00:17:26,358 --> 00:17:28,395 If he got a fly in his thing, I want a fly in mine, 399 00:17:28,395 --> 00:17:30,066 but put the fly on the side though 400 00:17:30,066 --> 00:17:31,068 'cause I don't eat no flies. 401 00:17:31,068 --> 00:17:32,571 They walk on shit. 402 00:17:32,571 --> 00:17:34,407 ‐ Okay. 403 00:17:36,278 --> 00:17:39,150 ‐ Now Max Hawthorne and his girlfriend 404 00:17:39,150 --> 00:17:43,425 just walked in and sat across from him. 405 00:17:43,425 --> 00:17:44,729 ‐ Really? 406 00:17:44,729 --> 00:17:47,701 Oh, what are they doing? Can you tell what they saying? 407 00:17:47,701 --> 00:17:50,674 ‐ I think Dr. V. just said, 408 00:17:50,674 --> 00:17:53,279 "I don't eat with space pirates." 409 00:17:53,279 --> 00:17:54,381 ‐ What? 410 00:17:55,751 --> 00:17:57,688 ‐ I like your face. 411 00:17:57,688 --> 00:18:01,295 I see you took the trampoline to the ceiling fan store. 412 00:18:01,295 --> 00:18:03,165 [laughs] 413 00:18:03,165 --> 00:18:05,303 ‐ You know it's not from a fan store. 414 00:18:05,303 --> 00:18:07,574 He had a full‐grown beard. ‐ Hmm. 415 00:18:07,574 --> 00:18:08,877 ‐ Obviously, your spaceship 416 00:18:08,877 --> 00:18:10,714 caused gravitational time dilation. 417 00:18:10,714 --> 00:18:12,851 ‐ Obviously. 418 00:18:12,851 --> 00:18:15,356 ‐ Obviously, your pea‐sized brain 419 00:18:15,356 --> 00:18:18,495 is very lonely in that cavernous skull of yours. 420 00:18:18,495 --> 00:18:21,268 [laughs] 421 00:18:21,268 --> 00:18:23,740 These idiots have no idea his hormone irregularity 422 00:18:23,740 --> 00:18:26,244 was caused by the alien technology he stole. 423 00:18:26,244 --> 00:18:27,815 ‐ It's incredibly rude. 424 00:18:27,815 --> 00:18:30,520 ‐ I'm sorry. I wasn't listening. 425 00:18:30,520 --> 00:18:32,858 I was calling you an idiot in my head. 426 00:18:32,858 --> 00:18:35,329 I have a question. 427 00:18:35,329 --> 00:18:36,866 ‐ Uh... 428 00:18:36,866 --> 00:18:39,471 "What kind of toilet would Asta like 429 00:18:39,471 --> 00:18:41,576 to poop in in a bunker?" 430 00:18:41,576 --> 00:18:43,880 That can't be right. ‐ Come on, Deputy. 431 00:18:43,880 --> 00:18:45,449 I thought you took a lipreading workshop. 432 00:18:45,449 --> 00:18:48,288 ‐ I could only afford the first three classes, 433 00:18:48,288 --> 00:18:51,596 but I get lots of practice at family gatherings. 434 00:18:51,596 --> 00:18:55,336 My grandma talks a lot of shit about me. 435 00:18:57,140 --> 00:18:59,679 ‐ We're not answering any of your questions 436 00:18:59,679 --> 00:19:01,783 until you help him. 437 00:19:01,783 --> 00:19:06,291 ‐ Okay, I will help him 438 00:19:06,291 --> 00:19:11,703 if you stand on your seats and shout, "I just farted." 439 00:19:11,703 --> 00:19:13,472 ‐ I'm not your puppet. 440 00:19:13,472 --> 00:19:14,809 ‐ I'll do it. I'll be your puppet. 441 00:19:14,809 --> 00:19:16,546 ‐ No, not you. 442 00:19:16,546 --> 00:19:19,852 You obviously want to do it. 443 00:19:19,852 --> 00:19:21,789 That's why it has to be her. 444 00:19:23,860 --> 00:19:26,899 ‐ Apple pie and plain oatmeal. 445 00:19:26,899 --> 00:19:29,605 Extra, extra, extra milk. No flies. 446 00:19:29,605 --> 00:19:31,341 Enjoy. 447 00:19:31,943 --> 00:19:33,513 ‐ He's a damn psychopath. 448 00:19:33,513 --> 00:19:34,582 ‐ I just farted! 449 00:19:34,582 --> 00:19:36,619 ‐ Max said, "I just‐‐" ‐ I heard that. 450 00:19:36,619 --> 00:19:38,255 I heard that part. 451 00:19:38,255 --> 00:19:40,827 ‐ Oh, now the kids are leaving. Oh, wait. 452 00:19:40,827 --> 00:19:42,798 Asta just came in. 453 00:19:42,798 --> 00:19:44,334 ‐ Like musical chairs in here. 454 00:19:46,271 --> 00:19:49,277 ‐ You are late. I finished eating without you. 455 00:19:49,277 --> 00:19:51,214 ‐ I think you'll survive. 456 00:19:51,214 --> 00:19:54,220 ‐ I prefer to eat with you. You order a lot of food. 457 00:19:54,220 --> 00:19:57,260 I like to forage off of your plate. 458 00:19:57,260 --> 00:20:00,499 ‐ Well, maybe you should try foraging off 459 00:20:00,499 --> 00:20:03,540 someone else's plate, hm? 460 00:20:03,540 --> 00:20:05,977 I'm like your only friend. 461 00:20:05,977 --> 00:20:07,981 ‐ I need only one friend. 462 00:20:07,981 --> 00:20:11,589 And one bunker butler, but I'm working on that. 463 00:20:11,589 --> 00:20:14,294 Maybe that one. 464 00:20:14,294 --> 00:20:16,833 No, she looks like she may leave hair 465 00:20:16,833 --> 00:20:18,937 on the wall of the shower. 466 00:20:20,372 --> 00:20:21,843 ‐ I think you should spend more time 467 00:20:21,843 --> 00:20:23,580 with some other people in town. 468 00:20:25,249 --> 00:20:27,386 ‐ I have met all the other people in town. 469 00:20:27,386 --> 00:20:29,692 They are annoying flesh monkeys. 470 00:20:29,692 --> 00:20:31,929 ‐ Okay, come on. You got it. 471 00:20:31,929 --> 00:20:34,568 Here we go. 472 00:20:34,568 --> 00:20:36,371 Hey, Liv. ‐ Hi. 473 00:20:36,371 --> 00:20:39,010 ‐ Sheriff, Harry would like to join your weekly poker game. 474 00:20:39,010 --> 00:20:41,549 ‐ Oh, really? Huh. 475 00:20:44,354 --> 00:20:48,429 ‐ Asta said I do, so I do. 476 00:20:48,429 --> 00:20:49,765 ‐ Oh, you know what, Dr. Vanderspeigle? 477 00:20:49,765 --> 00:20:51,334 That'd be real nice. 478 00:20:51,334 --> 00:20:52,470 It'd give us a chance to get to know one another. 479 00:20:52,470 --> 00:20:54,542 ‐ Okay. You going to finish that? 480 00:20:57,013 --> 00:20:59,384 ‐ No, go right ahead. ‐ Thank you. 481 00:21:00,854 --> 00:21:02,490 ‐ You see that? 482 00:21:02,490 --> 00:21:04,027 Now, I don't know no normal man that eat that much pie. 483 00:21:04,027 --> 00:21:05,496 I don't care how good it is. 484 00:21:05,496 --> 00:21:08,402 ‐ This, too, eh? I mean, thank you. 485 00:21:11,308 --> 00:21:13,479 [electronic music] 486 00:21:13,479 --> 00:21:15,750 ‐ Okay, players. Game is Texas hold 'em. 487 00:21:15,750 --> 00:21:19,357 Tournament style, $20 buy‐in. Quarter for the small blind. 488 00:21:19,357 --> 00:21:21,662 50¢ for the big blind. There are only three rules. 489 00:21:21,662 --> 00:21:24,869 No spitting, no crying, and no funny business. 490 00:21:24,869 --> 00:21:25,937 This guy knows what I'm talking about. 491 00:21:25,937 --> 00:21:27,039 ‐ [fake laughs] 492 00:21:27,039 --> 00:21:28,442 ‐ I am glad I am here. 493 00:21:28,442 --> 00:21:29,812 This game will give me a chance 494 00:21:29,812 --> 00:21:33,018 to audition more potential helpers for our bunker. 495 00:21:33,018 --> 00:21:36,024 Is anybody here worth saving? 496 00:21:36,024 --> 00:21:38,696 ‐ All right, well, let's get this show on the road. 497 00:21:38,696 --> 00:21:40,065 ‐ ♪ This is a raid ♪ 498 00:21:40,065 --> 00:21:42,671 ‐ Oh, and everybody welcome Harry who says 499 00:21:42,671 --> 00:21:45,075 he knows how to play. 500 00:21:45,075 --> 00:21:46,646 I call bullshit, but he's a rich doctor, 501 00:21:46,646 --> 00:21:48,048 so I'm gonna take him for all he's worth 502 00:21:48,048 --> 00:21:50,085 and buy a new pair of roller skates. 503 00:21:50,085 --> 00:21:51,789 ‐ I know how to play. 504 00:21:51,789 --> 00:21:54,929 I spent 15 minutes on YouTube to master this silly game, 505 00:21:54,929 --> 00:21:58,870 and I mostly just watched videos of a dog named Tuna. 506 00:21:58,870 --> 00:22:01,408 ‐ Oh, careful there. 507 00:22:01,408 --> 00:22:04,982 This card table is actually a Hawthorne family heirloom. 508 00:22:04,982 --> 00:22:06,117 ‐ Wish there was a story about the table. 509 00:22:06,117 --> 00:22:07,621 ‐ Are you shitting me... ‐ John. 510 00:22:07,621 --> 00:22:08,823 ‐ Right now? ‐ Oh, there is actually. 511 00:22:08,823 --> 00:22:10,426 It once belonged 512 00:22:10,426 --> 00:22:12,631 to my two‐times great grandfather Dickie Hawthorne. 513 00:22:12,631 --> 00:22:13,633 He built‐‐ ‐ Why? 514 00:22:13,633 --> 00:22:15,402 ‐ The first saloon here in Patience. 515 00:22:15,402 --> 00:22:17,373 Burned down in the great fire of '91, 516 00:22:17,373 --> 00:22:19,077 but old Dickie, he risked his life 517 00:22:19,077 --> 00:22:22,618 to save this very table that we're playing on tonight. 518 00:22:22,618 --> 00:22:24,487 ‐ Didn't three people die in that fire? 519 00:22:24,487 --> 00:22:25,389 ‐ Four. 520 00:22:25,389 --> 00:22:26,859 ‐ The thing to focus on, I think, 521 00:22:26,859 --> 00:22:28,428 is that the table is here. 522 00:22:28,428 --> 00:22:30,432 It should actually be in the town museum, 523 00:22:30,432 --> 00:22:32,370 but someone keeps on taking it out. 524 00:22:32,370 --> 00:22:34,742 ‐ We should probably just kiss and make up. 525 00:22:34,742 --> 00:22:36,679 ‐ She's kidding. We're‐‐I'm very‐‐ 526 00:22:36,679 --> 00:22:38,415 ‐ We kiss a lot though, so it's weird. 527 00:22:38,415 --> 00:22:40,419 ‐ In high school, we dated briefly. 528 00:22:40,419 --> 00:22:41,589 ‐ Yeah, and recently, we made out. 529 00:22:41,589 --> 00:22:42,991 ‐ [chokes] 530 00:22:42,991 --> 00:22:44,595 She's kidding. 531 00:22:44,595 --> 00:22:48,035 ‐ ♪ This is a raid so put your hands up ♪ 532 00:22:48,035 --> 00:22:51,141 ♪ We're gonna win this ♪ 533 00:22:51,141 --> 00:22:54,648 ♪ Take the mon‐mon‐money, this is a raid ♪ 534 00:22:54,648 --> 00:22:55,884 ‐ What about this one? 535 00:22:55,884 --> 00:22:58,556 Maybe he has use to me in the bunker? 536 00:22:58,556 --> 00:23:02,096 ‐ Can you cook? ‐ Sure, I cook every night. 537 00:23:02,096 --> 00:23:03,967 ‐ Pie? ‐ Vegetables. 538 00:23:03,967 --> 00:23:05,837 Raw, if I can, for the nutrients. 539 00:23:05,837 --> 00:23:08,543 ‐ I‐‐ ‐ Like to eat healthy stuff. 540 00:23:08,543 --> 00:23:09,912 ‐ Pass. 541 00:23:09,912 --> 00:23:13,519 I would rather just fill the bunker with bales of hay. 542 00:23:13,519 --> 00:23:17,026 Time to separate the boys from the men from the girls. 543 00:23:17,026 --> 00:23:18,630 ‐ ♪ This is a raid ♪ 544 00:23:18,630 --> 00:23:21,903 ‐ Risk taker, interesting. 545 00:23:21,903 --> 00:23:25,476 ‐ I'll raise. Better be careful. 546 00:23:25,476 --> 00:23:27,881 Don't want you to go broke again. 547 00:23:27,881 --> 00:23:30,820 ‐ Broke? What you talking about? 548 00:23:30,820 --> 00:23:34,895 ‐ Rumor has it our doctor lost all his money six years ago. 549 00:23:34,895 --> 00:23:37,868 Tried to sell his cabin to my uncle. 550 00:23:37,868 --> 00:23:39,638 ‐ I did not sell my cabin. 551 00:23:39,638 --> 00:23:41,709 ‐ Yeah, you backed out of the deal, 552 00:23:41,709 --> 00:23:44,147 which is why I'll enjoy taking all your money tonight. 553 00:23:44,147 --> 00:23:45,684 No one can figure out 554 00:23:45,684 --> 00:23:48,690 how you managed to hang on to that place. 555 00:23:48,690 --> 00:23:50,794 ‐ You getting all this? ‐ I'm getting it. 556 00:23:50,794 --> 00:23:51,896 ‐ Anybody got some gum? 557 00:23:51,896 --> 00:23:53,065 ‐ No, no, no, no, no. 558 00:23:53,065 --> 00:23:54,868 ‐ I can sure use a piece of gum. 559 00:23:54,868 --> 00:23:56,505 I had an onion sandwich. 560 00:23:56,505 --> 00:23:57,908 It's in everybody's best interest. 561 00:23:57,908 --> 00:23:59,678 ‐ Don't mind me. 562 00:23:59,678 --> 00:24:02,784 I'm just gonna rake in this pile of chips here. 563 00:24:02,784 --> 00:24:06,091 The good news is when I do win, all of this money 564 00:24:06,091 --> 00:24:09,565 is going into making a Patience tourism commercial. 565 00:24:09,565 --> 00:24:10,834 ♪ ♪ 566 00:24:10,834 --> 00:24:12,804 This little guy, huh? 567 00:24:12,804 --> 00:24:14,207 ♪ ♪ 568 00:24:14,207 --> 00:24:16,244 ‐ Oh, my. ‐ There it is. 569 00:24:16,244 --> 00:24:19,785 ‐ The mayor can transmogrify matter. 570 00:24:19,785 --> 00:24:22,824 He must be part Anunnaki. 571 00:24:22,824 --> 00:24:25,697 Maybe Mayor Snowflake lives. 572 00:24:25,697 --> 00:24:27,701 His skill could be useful in the bunker 573 00:24:27,701 --> 00:24:30,139 if there's a stray rodent or a clogged toilet. 574 00:24:30,139 --> 00:24:31,509 ‐ ♪ Put your hands up in the air ♪ 575 00:24:31,509 --> 00:24:33,946 ♪ Take the mon‐mon‐money ♪ 576 00:24:33,946 --> 00:24:35,684 ‐ Question. 577 00:24:35,684 --> 00:24:36,986 In your medical opinion, you know, 578 00:24:36,986 --> 00:24:38,556 as far as safety goes, 579 00:24:38,556 --> 00:24:41,962 how long can someone choke a person during sex? 580 00:24:41,962 --> 00:24:44,535 ♪ ♪ 581 00:24:44,535 --> 00:24:46,706 ‐ Pass. 582 00:24:46,706 --> 00:24:48,041 ‐ We can talk Tuesday about it. 583 00:24:48,041 --> 00:24:50,680 ♪ ♪ 584 00:24:50,680 --> 00:24:52,083 ‐ ♪ This is a raid ♪ 585 00:24:52,083 --> 00:24:53,251 ‐ All right, Deputy. I'm in the men's room. 586 00:24:53,251 --> 00:24:55,523 All clear, go ahead and give me a double honk, 587 00:24:55,523 --> 00:24:56,992 so I know you still hear everything all right. 588 00:24:56,992 --> 00:24:58,061 [car honks] 589 00:24:58,061 --> 00:24:59,230 Okay, listen. 590 00:24:59,230 --> 00:25:01,267 We need to find out more about this cabin 591 00:25:01,267 --> 00:25:02,838 and Harry's money problems, so I need you 592 00:25:02,838 --> 00:25:04,908 to find the realtor that was handling the deal. 593 00:25:04,908 --> 00:25:06,912 And then we need to set up an undercover recon mission. 594 00:25:06,912 --> 00:25:08,081 Do you copy? 595 00:25:08,081 --> 00:25:09,852 [honks horn] Okay, good. 596 00:25:09,852 --> 00:25:13,593 Deputy, it's time for a little unofficial sheriff's business, 597 00:25:13,593 --> 00:25:16,197 so you might want to get off this channel 598 00:25:16,197 --> 00:25:18,803 for just a couple minutes. 599 00:25:18,803 --> 00:25:21,809 [car honks] 600 00:25:21,809 --> 00:25:24,615 [upbeat music] 601 00:25:24,615 --> 00:25:29,057 ‐ Candle equipment. 602 00:25:29,057 --> 00:25:33,165 ‐ That's not a real IOU. Your candles are garbage. 603 00:25:33,165 --> 00:25:34,668 ‐ Well, five stars on Etsy, Ellen. 604 00:25:34,668 --> 00:25:36,739 I think the general public would disagree. 605 00:25:36,739 --> 00:25:39,545 ‐ Yeah, I have one. It's rotten bathrobe scent. 606 00:25:39,545 --> 00:25:40,980 ‐ That's cardamom. 607 00:25:40,980 --> 00:25:42,818 ‐ Don't you usually keep your bets under a quarter? 608 00:25:42,818 --> 00:25:45,657 ‐ Yes, I do, John, but I need to make this commercial. 609 00:25:45,657 --> 00:25:49,732 And with these cards, I cannot lose. 610 00:25:49,732 --> 00:25:53,071 ‐ You lose. ‐ So do you. 611 00:25:53,071 --> 00:25:54,975 Thanks for your money. 612 00:25:54,975 --> 00:25:56,879 You can keep your bathrobe candle. 613 00:25:56,879 --> 00:25:58,716 ♪ ♪ 614 00:25:58,716 --> 00:26:00,787 ‐ How did that happen? 615 00:26:00,787 --> 00:26:03,058 No, I was supposed to win! 616 00:26:03,058 --> 00:26:04,962 ‐ Oh, my God! 617 00:26:04,962 --> 00:26:06,999 ♪ ♪ 618 00:26:06,999 --> 00:26:08,936 ‐ Should have kept that in the museum, bro. 619 00:26:08,936 --> 00:26:11,876 ‐ Your grandfather's table is crap. 620 00:26:19,223 --> 00:26:21,929 [soft music] ‐ Now, undercover work is all about the backstory, right? 621 00:26:21,929 --> 00:26:24,333 So let's just take a minute to get ours straight, okay? 622 00:26:24,333 --> 00:26:26,605 Now, my name is Justin Preacher, all right. 623 00:26:26,605 --> 00:26:29,143 You're my wife, Mrs. Justin Preacher, okay. 624 00:26:29,143 --> 00:26:30,947 Now, I was a starting pitcher for the Atlanta Braves 625 00:26:30,947 --> 00:26:33,185 until I tore my ACL back in 2007, 626 00:26:33,185 --> 00:26:35,623 but I transitioned right into sports broadcasting, 627 00:26:35,623 --> 00:26:37,961 was an overnight sensation for an Atlanta affiliate, 628 00:26:37,961 --> 00:26:41,034 and we moved out here because I just got a lucrative contract 629 00:26:41,034 --> 00:26:43,004 for a satellite radio station nearby. 630 00:26:43,004 --> 00:26:45,710 I'm also a licensed pilot, and I'm a horse rancher. 631 00:26:45,710 --> 00:26:49,350 ‐ Huh, okay, quite a life. ‐ Mm‐hmm. 632 00:26:49,350 --> 00:26:51,087 ‐ And me? ‐ Oh, you? 633 00:26:51,087 --> 00:26:53,024 You got the most important job in the world. 634 00:26:53,024 --> 00:26:54,393 You a stay‐at‐home mom 635 00:26:54,393 --> 00:26:56,364 to our three kids Alvin, Simon, and Theodore. 636 00:26:56,364 --> 00:26:57,901 Actually, you know what? Scratch that. 637 00:26:57,901 --> 00:26:59,237 Now, I wasn't gonna say nothing, 638 00:26:59,237 --> 00:27:00,740 but you looking a little tired. 639 00:27:00,740 --> 00:27:02,978 Probably got like five kids. 640 00:27:02,978 --> 00:27:05,683 Ooh, this is nice. 641 00:27:05,683 --> 00:27:08,956 ‐ Well, hello there. I am Bonnie Shaw. 642 00:27:08,956 --> 00:27:10,760 I'm showing the house today. ‐ Hi. 643 00:27:10,760 --> 00:27:12,998 ‐ Justine Preacher. How do you do? 644 00:27:12,998 --> 00:27:15,670 I'm a big‐time sports broadcaster. 645 00:27:15,670 --> 00:27:18,208 This is my cute, little husband Mr. Preacher. 646 00:27:18,208 --> 00:27:20,245 He stays at home with our five kids. 647 00:27:20,245 --> 00:27:22,717 And that's why he looks so tired. 648 00:27:22,717 --> 00:27:27,928 ‐ Wow, let's take a look at the kitchen first, Mr. Mom. 649 00:27:27,928 --> 00:27:30,432 It's every homemaker's dream. Come on. 650 00:27:30,432 --> 00:27:32,838 ‐ Yeah, well, I'm also a licensed helicopter pilot, 651 00:27:32,838 --> 00:27:35,008 and I put out fires with swimming pool water. 652 00:27:35,008 --> 00:27:38,048 ‐ Well, you must be busy. 653 00:27:40,085 --> 00:27:42,156 ‐ This is nice, 654 00:27:42,156 --> 00:27:46,164 but we were looking for something a little more rustic. 655 00:27:46,164 --> 00:27:49,170 Do you know anything about that red cabin off of Cove Road, 656 00:27:49,170 --> 00:27:50,840 over in Patience? 657 00:27:50,840 --> 00:27:53,178 It's got a private beach. We saw it online. 658 00:27:53,178 --> 00:27:55,917 ‐ It's funny you should ask. That's the Vanderspeigle cabin. 659 00:27:55,917 --> 00:27:57,888 I listed that myself a couple years ago, 660 00:27:57,888 --> 00:27:59,892 and it's off the market right now, 661 00:27:59,892 --> 00:28:03,398 but sometimes, owners can be convinced. 662 00:28:03,398 --> 00:28:06,104 You know, honestly, the doc who owns it, 663 00:28:06,104 --> 00:28:07,373 he might be a little bit of work. 664 00:28:07,373 --> 00:28:08,943 He's a real mystery. 665 00:28:08,943 --> 00:28:09,978 ‐ So you know him? 666 00:28:09,978 --> 00:28:11,314 ‐ Oh, honey, 667 00:28:11,314 --> 00:28:14,855 knowing everything about my clients is my business. 668 00:28:14,855 --> 00:28:16,024 ‐ I like that. 669 00:28:16,024 --> 00:28:21,267 ♪ ♪ 670 00:28:23,338 --> 00:28:24,841 ‐ Hey. ‐ Hey. 671 00:28:24,841 --> 00:28:26,444 ‐ How's it going? 672 00:28:26,444 --> 00:28:28,448 ‐ It's all right. I'm just waiting for my mom. 673 00:28:28,448 --> 00:28:32,223 She's shopping for towels. 674 00:28:32,223 --> 00:28:36,264 ‐ Oh, cool, so what's new? 675 00:28:36,264 --> 00:28:38,970 ‐ I got my driver's license. ‐ Whoa. 676 00:28:38,970 --> 00:28:41,341 ‐ I can't really parallel park for shit, but... 677 00:28:41,341 --> 00:28:42,811 ‐ Me neither. ‐ Jay. 678 00:28:42,811 --> 00:28:46,384 Honey, why don't you go start the car? 679 00:28:46,384 --> 00:28:49,123 You can drive us home. ‐ Cool. 680 00:28:49,123 --> 00:28:50,960 Later. ‐ Later. 681 00:28:53,098 --> 00:28:56,906 ‐ I always wondered if I would ever meet Jay's birth mother. 682 00:28:56,906 --> 00:29:01,749 I wanted to someday, but reuniting a child 683 00:29:01,749 --> 00:29:04,487 with her birth parent is up to the child. 684 00:29:04,487 --> 00:29:07,126 You know that, right? 685 00:29:07,126 --> 00:29:09,531 ‐ Um... 686 00:29:09,531 --> 00:29:11,936 I'm sorry. What I did was wrong. 687 00:29:11,936 --> 00:29:16,912 It's just there she was, you know, like, at the clinic 688 00:29:16,912 --> 00:29:22,256 asking for work‐study, and, well, I crossed a line. 689 00:29:22,256 --> 00:29:23,993 I just really wanted to help her. 690 00:29:23,993 --> 00:29:26,799 ‐ I will never stop Jay from wanting to be in your life, 691 00:29:26,799 --> 00:29:30,907 but she has to be the one to cross the street, not you. 692 00:29:30,907 --> 00:29:32,777 ♪ ♪ 693 00:29:32,777 --> 00:29:36,217 ‐ I know. 694 00:29:36,217 --> 00:29:37,386 ‐ Okay. 695 00:29:37,386 --> 00:29:44,534 ♪ ♪ 696 00:29:46,004 --> 00:29:47,373 ‐ So six years ago, he puts his cabin on the market 697 00:29:47,373 --> 00:29:48,876 'cause he needs the money. 698 00:29:48,876 --> 00:29:50,112 ‐ Mm‐hmm. 699 00:29:50,112 --> 00:29:52,016 ‐ Only to turn around and pay the whole damn thing off 700 00:29:52,016 --> 00:29:53,485 in cash one week later? 701 00:29:53,485 --> 00:29:55,355 ‐ Half a million in cash. 702 00:29:55,355 --> 00:29:58,328 ‐ That's some shady shit right there. 703 00:29:58,328 --> 00:30:01,034 ‐ Do you think he's a contract killer? 704 00:30:01,034 --> 00:30:02,469 ‐ Now, that's a good guess. 705 00:30:02,469 --> 00:30:03,873 Man, ain't no honest man 706 00:30:03,873 --> 00:30:05,008 got that much liquid just laying around. 707 00:30:05,008 --> 00:30:06,545 Hell, I only got 90K in the bank, 708 00:30:06,545 --> 00:30:08,315 and that's just for emergencies. 709 00:30:08,315 --> 00:30:10,285 ‐ 90,000? 710 00:30:10,285 --> 00:30:14,026 That's‐‐seems like a lot. 711 00:30:14,026 --> 00:30:15,162 ‐ Eh. 712 00:30:15,162 --> 00:30:17,166 [engine grinding] 713 00:30:17,166 --> 00:30:18,836 ‐ Is there a problem, Deputy? 714 00:30:18,836 --> 00:30:21,307 ‐ Oh, it just needs a new starter. 715 00:30:21,307 --> 00:30:23,178 My mechanic can do it for parts, 716 00:30:23,178 --> 00:30:27,854 but I don't have the $65. 717 00:30:27,854 --> 00:30:30,258 ‐ Oh. 718 00:30:30,258 --> 00:30:33,933 Well, you know, I was probably rounding up to that 90 anyway. 719 00:30:33,933 --> 00:30:36,839 It's probably somewhere like, I don't know, 85, 87. 720 00:30:36,839 --> 00:30:38,909 Just enough for a rainy day. 721 00:30:38,909 --> 00:30:40,278 ‐ Mm‐hmm. 722 00:30:40,278 --> 00:30:44,086 ‐ Okay, I'ma get out and push. 723 00:30:53,606 --> 00:30:55,042 [soft music] ‐ I think it's cool 724 00:30:55,042 --> 00:30:57,212 you're gonna make a commercial for Patience. 725 00:30:57,212 --> 00:31:00,018 ‐ Yeah, maybe if I show some pretty pictures 726 00:31:00,018 --> 00:31:02,256 of our town, people will want to come visit. 727 00:31:02,256 --> 00:31:04,326 ‐ They already do. ‐ Hm? 728 00:31:04,326 --> 00:31:06,230 ‐ My friend Scott said all his California cousins 729 00:31:06,230 --> 00:31:08,168 want to come here this summer to see dead bodies. 730 00:31:08,168 --> 00:31:10,506 ‐ What? ‐ Wait, or a murder. 731 00:31:10,506 --> 00:31:12,476 Hey, maybe I can play a dead guy in your commercial. 732 00:31:12,476 --> 00:31:14,313 ‐ No, no dead guys. 733 00:31:14,313 --> 00:31:18,321 Max, Patience is a beautiful and safe‐‐very safe town. 734 00:31:18,321 --> 00:31:20,993 There are no dead bodies here. 735 00:31:20,993 --> 00:31:23,899 ‐ And this is where our town doctor 736 00:31:23,899 --> 00:31:26,270 was brutally murdered by his wife. 737 00:31:26,270 --> 00:31:29,544 The doctor who replaced him went missing, 738 00:31:29,544 --> 00:31:32,316 but we expect his body to turn up any day now. 739 00:31:32,316 --> 00:31:34,487 Oh, don't forget to enter the corpse raffle. 740 00:31:34,487 --> 00:31:38,428 ‐ What the hell is this? ‐ Look, everyone. 741 00:31:38,428 --> 00:31:41,267 It's our town mayor, Ben Hawthorne. 742 00:31:41,267 --> 00:31:44,240 Great‐great‐grandson of Dickie Hawthorne 743 00:31:44,240 --> 00:31:47,379 who died the day the mine collapsed, 744 00:31:47,379 --> 00:31:50,318 but not with his fellow miners. 745 00:31:50,318 --> 00:31:53,391 No, Dickie called in sick that day. 746 00:31:53,391 --> 00:31:55,663 His wife found him in the whorehouse 747 00:31:55,663 --> 00:31:58,268 and shot him in the face. 748 00:31:58,268 --> 00:32:00,973 ‐ I'm related to him. ‐ No, just an old rumor, buddy. 749 00:32:00,973 --> 00:32:02,677 Old rumor, not true. 750 00:32:02,677 --> 00:32:05,182 ‐ We're walking. Come on. 751 00:32:05,182 --> 00:32:07,152 Take your pictures if you'd like. 752 00:32:07,152 --> 00:32:08,622 ♪ ♪ 753 00:32:10,425 --> 00:32:12,296 ‐ Come on. Let's get a move on, Deputy. 754 00:32:12,296 --> 00:32:15,469 ‐ Sir, you're not gonna believe who just returned my call. 755 00:32:15,469 --> 00:32:19,276 St. Helens Hospital said Dr. Vanderspeigle was disciplined 756 00:32:19,276 --> 00:32:22,216 after they found him in a lab he wasn't authorized to be in. 757 00:32:22,216 --> 00:32:23,686 And do you know what they kept stored there? 758 00:32:23,686 --> 00:32:25,222 ‐ What? ‐ Botulinum toxin. 759 00:32:25,222 --> 00:32:27,660 ‐ Are you shitting me? Damn. 760 00:32:27,660 --> 00:32:30,600 We might have put the wrong person behind bars. 761 00:32:30,600 --> 00:32:32,704 ‐ Looks like it's time to talk to Dr. Vanderspeigle. 762 00:32:32,704 --> 00:32:34,273 ‐ Yeah. 763 00:32:34,273 --> 00:32:35,610 ‐ But first, I have to drop off this dry cleaning. 764 00:32:35,610 --> 00:32:37,045 ‐ What? 765 00:32:37,045 --> 00:32:38,582 Justice doesn't wait for no dry cleaning. 766 00:32:38,582 --> 00:32:40,553 ‐ It's half‐price Tuesdays. 767 00:32:40,553 --> 00:32:42,089 ‐ This is some shit here. 768 00:32:42,089 --> 00:32:43,726 ‐ People, stay together. We have a lot to see. 769 00:32:43,726 --> 00:32:45,195 ‐ Oh, my God. 770 00:32:45,195 --> 00:32:48,301 ‐ Oh, another special treat today. 771 00:32:48,301 --> 00:32:51,307 Here we have the Patience sheriff 772 00:32:51,307 --> 00:32:57,186 who single‐handedly put the wife of Sam Hodges in jail. 773 00:32:57,186 --> 00:33:00,258 Rumor has it she's close to death in her prison cell, 774 00:33:00,258 --> 00:33:05,168 rats waiting to feast on her killer corpse. 775 00:33:05,168 --> 00:33:07,740 We're walking. Bye, handsome. 776 00:33:07,740 --> 00:33:13,519 ♪ ♪ 777 00:33:13,519 --> 00:33:15,455 [cell phone chimes] 778 00:33:15,455 --> 00:33:19,631 ♪ ♪ 779 00:33:19,631 --> 00:33:21,802 [radio scanning] 780 00:33:21,802 --> 00:33:23,572 ‐ You're listening to 102.6, 781 00:33:23,572 --> 00:33:25,342 and we have a special listener request on the line. 782 00:33:25,342 --> 00:33:27,379 What do you want us to play? 783 00:33:27,379 --> 00:33:29,618 ‐ Hey, I'd like you to play The Breeders' "Off You" 784 00:33:29,618 --> 00:33:31,487 for my best friend Asta, 785 00:33:31,487 --> 00:33:33,592 and tell her, if she needs me, I'll always come running. 786 00:33:33,592 --> 00:33:38,301 ‐ Wait, I know this voice. D'arcy? 787 00:33:38,301 --> 00:33:39,403 ‐ [in Russian accent] D'arcy? 788 00:33:39,403 --> 00:33:42,309 No, this Sasha. Hello, yes. 789 00:33:42,309 --> 00:33:44,714 ‐ Yeah, D'arcy. We dated for five months. 790 00:33:44,714 --> 00:33:47,554 I think I know your voice, and the night we broke up 791 00:33:47,554 --> 00:33:49,524 you stole six bottles of wine out of my fridge. 792 00:33:49,524 --> 00:33:51,795 ‐ I don't have no stealing wine. 793 00:33:51,795 --> 00:33:54,701 Only vodka, so okay. Play song for best friend. 794 00:33:54,701 --> 00:33:56,170 ‐ Jesus. ‐ And then go. 795 00:33:56,170 --> 00:33:58,642 ‐ Fine. Here's The Breeders I guess. 796 00:33:58,642 --> 00:34:01,648 [soft guitar music] 797 00:34:01,648 --> 00:34:08,762 ♪ ♪ 798 00:34:09,330 --> 00:34:14,708 ‐ ♪ I land to sail, island sail ♪ 799 00:34:14,708 --> 00:34:18,414 ♪ ♪ 800 00:34:18,414 --> 00:34:20,720 ♪ Yeah, we're movin' ♪ 801 00:34:20,720 --> 00:34:23,391 ♪ ♪ 802 00:34:23,391 --> 00:34:26,798 ♪ Yeah, we're movin' ♪ 803 00:34:26,798 --> 00:34:34,113 ♪ ♪ 804 00:34:38,589 --> 00:34:40,559 ‐ Harry? 805 00:34:40,559 --> 00:34:45,836 ♪ ♪ 806 00:34:45,836 --> 00:34:48,474 Hello? 807 00:34:48,474 --> 00:34:50,746 What's the big surprise? 808 00:34:50,746 --> 00:34:53,786 ♪ ♪ 809 00:34:53,786 --> 00:34:57,125 [metal clanking] 810 00:35:04,306 --> 00:35:06,110 Harry? 811 00:35:06,110 --> 00:35:09,116 [tense music] 812 00:35:09,116 --> 00:35:12,590 ♪ ♪ 813 00:35:12,590 --> 00:35:14,561 Harry? 814 00:35:14,561 --> 00:35:16,497 ♪ ♪ 815 00:35:16,497 --> 00:35:19,436 Harry? 816 00:35:19,436 --> 00:35:26,417 ♪ ♪ 817 00:35:29,624 --> 00:35:31,360 What the hell is this? 818 00:35:31,360 --> 00:35:36,738 ‐ My survival shelter and your new home. 819 00:35:36,738 --> 00:35:38,709 [soft music] 820 00:35:38,709 --> 00:35:40,746 You can choose the rugs. 821 00:35:40,746 --> 00:35:42,215 ♪ ♪ 822 00:35:48,796 --> 00:35:50,332 ‐ Why do you have a fallout shelterunder your house? 823 00:35:50,332 --> 00:35:55,308 ‐ I built it for us, so that we can be safe 824 00:35:55,308 --> 00:35:58,381 when my people come to kill everyone. 825 00:35:58,381 --> 00:35:59,851 ‐ What? 826 00:35:59,851 --> 00:36:01,922 ‐ Oh, I forgot to tell you. 827 00:36:01,922 --> 00:36:04,694 My people are coming to kill everyone. 828 00:36:04,694 --> 00:36:06,330 ‐ When? 829 00:36:06,330 --> 00:36:10,171 ‐ Octopus thinks it may be a matter of weeks. 830 00:36:10,171 --> 00:36:11,608 Whoops. 831 00:36:11,608 --> 00:36:13,512 ‐ Hello again, stupid human. 832 00:36:13,512 --> 00:36:15,549 ‐ God, I hate when you do that. 833 00:36:15,549 --> 00:36:18,789 ‐ The bathroom will be over here 834 00:36:18,789 --> 00:36:23,632 if they come before I get a real toilet, 835 00:36:23,632 --> 00:36:25,803 we can use this bucket. 836 00:36:25,803 --> 00:36:27,940 It is unisex. 837 00:36:27,940 --> 00:36:32,583 Oh, and I am getting a cow if I can figure out 838 00:36:32,583 --> 00:36:34,821 how to get it through the opening. 839 00:36:34,821 --> 00:36:37,693 ‐ You're joking, right? ‐ You are right. 840 00:36:37,693 --> 00:36:39,798 The opening is too small. 841 00:36:40,800 --> 00:36:42,970 I may get a baby cow and raise it. 842 00:36:42,970 --> 00:36:45,976 ‐ Harry, this is not okay. 843 00:36:45,976 --> 00:36:47,714 This was all supposed to be over with. 844 00:36:47,714 --> 00:36:49,551 Why are your people coming? 845 00:36:49,551 --> 00:36:53,424 ‐ They are‐‐how did you put it? 846 00:36:53,424 --> 00:36:58,267 ‐ Oh, it was "eager to fry all you Earth pigs." 847 00:36:58,267 --> 00:36:59,938 ‐ That. 848 00:36:59,938 --> 00:37:02,442 ‐ I can't do this. No, no, no. 849 00:37:02,442 --> 00:37:05,716 You expect me to live underground with you for weeks? 850 00:37:05,716 --> 00:37:09,389 ‐ Oh, no. It will be at least a year. 851 00:37:09,389 --> 00:37:13,397 I know that you like the out‐of‐doors. 852 00:37:13,397 --> 00:37:15,335 I painted you a window. 853 00:37:15,335 --> 00:37:18,675 You can enjoy the beautiful Colorado scenery. 854 00:37:18,675 --> 00:37:22,482 ♪ ♪ 855 00:37:22,482 --> 00:37:25,623 Feel the breeze. 856 00:37:25,623 --> 00:37:27,727 Those are dead people. 857 00:37:27,727 --> 00:37:29,931 That is the stupid boy. 858 00:37:29,931 --> 00:37:35,475 You cannot see his frown because my brush was too thick. 859 00:37:35,475 --> 00:37:37,713 ‐ Nope, this isn't happening. I'm not doing it. 860 00:37:37,713 --> 00:37:39,551 I'm not living in a hole in the ground with you 861 00:37:39,551 --> 00:37:41,320 and that octo‐thing. 862 00:37:41,320 --> 00:37:42,289 ‐ Oh, wait. 863 00:37:42,289 --> 00:37:43,491 ‐ Well, that's fine with me. 864 00:37:43,491 --> 00:37:44,761 You think I want to spend the next year 865 00:37:44,761 --> 00:37:46,363 watching you shit in a bucket? 866 00:37:46,363 --> 00:37:47,667 ‐ Shh‐shh! 867 00:37:47,667 --> 00:37:50,004 ‐ Huh. 868 00:37:50,004 --> 00:37:52,810 ‐ Don't go. It will be fun. 869 00:37:52,810 --> 00:37:56,350 Octopus knows so many cuttlefish jokes. 870 00:37:56,350 --> 00:37:57,720 They are so stuck up. 871 00:37:57,720 --> 00:37:59,691 ‐ You're not taking me seriously. 872 00:37:59,691 --> 00:38:01,561 ‐ Pizza. 873 00:38:02,362 --> 00:38:04,901 ‐ You have to do something about this, 874 00:38:04,901 --> 00:38:08,040 and hiding us underground for a year isn't it. 875 00:38:08,040 --> 00:38:10,713 You're an alien. You know, phone home. 876 00:38:10,713 --> 00:38:13,384 Call them, and tell them not to come. 877 00:38:13,384 --> 00:38:16,725 ‐ Did I tell you that we are going to have all 20 seasons 878 00:38:16,725 --> 00:38:18,729 of "Law & Order" to watch? 879 00:38:18,729 --> 00:38:20,599 ‐ Oh, God. 880 00:38:20,599 --> 00:38:24,039 I would rather die than be on this planet with just you. 881 00:38:24,039 --> 00:38:26,978 ‐ Rude. ‐ You don't get it. 882 00:38:26,978 --> 00:38:29,517 So what, I'm just supposed to come out after the apocalypse, 883 00:38:29,517 --> 00:38:30,920 and everyone I know is dead? 884 00:38:30,920 --> 00:38:33,725 I'm here all alone? 885 00:38:33,725 --> 00:38:35,629 ‐ Also rude. 886 00:38:35,629 --> 00:38:40,438 ‐ I'm talking about my family. What about Dad and D'arcy? 887 00:38:40,438 --> 00:38:41,942 What about Jay? 888 00:38:41,942 --> 00:38:44,413 God, no. Don't you understand? 889 00:38:44,413 --> 00:38:46,918 I can't live here if I have to live without all of them. 890 00:38:46,918 --> 00:38:48,856 So there you go, call them, 891 00:38:48,856 --> 00:38:51,427 and tell them not to come, or I will just die. 892 00:38:51,427 --> 00:38:54,701 ‐ I know what this is. 893 00:38:54,701 --> 00:38:58,341 You are bluffing, like in poker. 894 00:38:58,341 --> 00:39:00,411 ♪ ♪ 895 00:39:00,411 --> 00:39:02,617 ‐ No, I'm not! 896 00:39:02,617 --> 00:39:04,888 I would rather stand under your stupid planet's death ray 897 00:39:04,888 --> 00:39:06,457 and explode into a million pieces 898 00:39:06,457 --> 00:39:09,564 than spend one second in that hole with you. 899 00:39:09,564 --> 00:39:11,000 ‐ She is good at bluffing. 900 00:39:11,000 --> 00:39:13,104 I could possibly contact them, 901 00:39:13,104 --> 00:39:15,943 but I want to kill all the bags of douches. 902 00:39:15,943 --> 00:39:18,381 It is my turn to bluff. 903 00:39:18,381 --> 00:39:19,951 ♪ ♪ 904 00:39:19,951 --> 00:39:23,725 It's impossible. I cannot contact them. 905 00:39:23,725 --> 00:39:25,428 ‐ Now you're bluffing. 906 00:39:25,428 --> 00:39:26,898 ‐ I am bad at bluffing. 907 00:39:26,898 --> 00:39:31,541 ‐ Okay, okay. I'll call your bluff. 908 00:39:31,541 --> 00:39:33,979 ♪ ♪ 909 00:39:33,979 --> 00:39:37,452 If you don't mind that I die, good. 910 00:39:37,452 --> 00:39:41,393 ‐ What are you doing? ‐ I think I'll take a bath. 911 00:39:41,393 --> 00:39:44,032 ♪ ♪ 912 00:39:44,032 --> 00:39:48,742 ‐ You are not really going to electrocute yourself. 913 00:39:48,742 --> 00:39:52,850 ♪ ♪ 914 00:39:52,850 --> 00:39:56,423 ‐ I've got the toaster all plugged in. 915 00:39:56,423 --> 00:39:58,895 Whoo, nice and warm. Really good way to go out. 916 00:39:58,895 --> 00:40:00,498 Call it off, Harry. 917 00:40:00,498 --> 00:40:02,904 ‐ I told you I cannot. 918 00:40:02,904 --> 00:40:06,645 I do not like this game. The stakes are too high. 919 00:40:06,645 --> 00:40:09,584 You are not really in the bathtub. 920 00:40:09,584 --> 00:40:10,853 If the toaster is plugged in, 921 00:40:10,853 --> 00:40:12,623 it is because you are making toast. 922 00:40:12,623 --> 00:40:13,892 Asta. 923 00:40:13,892 --> 00:40:15,729 ♪ ♪ 924 00:40:15,729 --> 00:40:18,167 You didn't bring the bread. 925 00:40:18,167 --> 00:40:21,641 ♪ ♪ 926 00:40:21,641 --> 00:40:23,879 This is very dangerous. 927 00:40:23,879 --> 00:40:26,483 ‐ Then agree to call your people. 928 00:40:26,483 --> 00:40:28,689 ‐ Okay. 929 00:40:28,689 --> 00:40:34,934 ♪ ♪ 930 00:40:34,934 --> 00:40:37,540 It went straight to voicemail. 931 00:40:37,540 --> 00:40:39,476 ♪ ♪ 932 00:40:39,476 --> 00:40:41,615 ‐ Goodbye, Harry. 933 00:40:41,615 --> 00:40:47,760 ♪ ♪ 934 00:40:47,760 --> 00:40:48,962 See? 935 00:40:48,962 --> 00:40:50,766 I knew you didn't want me to die. 936 00:40:50,766 --> 00:40:52,469 You just took your damn time showing it. 937 00:40:52,469 --> 00:40:55,108 ‐ Of course I do not want you to die. 938 00:40:56,076 --> 00:40:59,550 I will try to build a radio to contact my people. 939 00:41:01,153 --> 00:41:03,925 Be careful getting out of the tub. 940 00:41:03,925 --> 00:41:05,696 Don't slip. 941 00:41:05,696 --> 00:41:08,134 ‐ Coming from you, that's a very sweet thing to say. 942 00:41:10,038 --> 00:41:12,777 ‐ I'm going to go eat pizza now. 943 00:41:20,659 --> 00:41:23,164 ♪ ♪ 944 00:41:23,164 --> 00:41:25,903 [knocking] 945 00:41:25,903 --> 00:41:27,740 ‐ I'm just gonna keep knocking. 946 00:41:27,740 --> 00:41:29,711 I got hands that can knock all day. 947 00:41:29,711 --> 00:41:31,514 [knocking] 948 00:41:31,514 --> 00:41:33,117 Dr. V., open up. 949 00:41:33,117 --> 00:41:35,522 We know you're in there. We need to speak with you. 950 00:41:35,522 --> 00:41:37,593 Don't make us come back with a search warrant. 951 00:41:37,593 --> 00:41:40,532 ♪ ♪ 952 00:41:40,532 --> 00:41:42,102 Hello, Asta, need to speak 953 00:41:42,102 --> 00:41:44,106 with Dr. Vanderspeigle about that severed foot. 954 00:41:44,106 --> 00:41:45,576 ‐ He's not here. 955 00:41:45,576 --> 00:41:47,546 ‐ Look, don't lie to me. 956 00:41:47,546 --> 00:41:50,586 We saw him eating pizza through the window when we rolled up. 957 00:41:50,586 --> 00:41:52,122 ‐ I'm not lying. 958 00:41:52,122 --> 00:41:54,192 ‐ Asta, I'm telling you this as a friend. 959 00:41:54,192 --> 00:41:55,896 Harry is not who you think he is. 960 00:41:55,896 --> 00:41:58,267 He could be dangerous. Please don't protect him. 961 00:41:58,267 --> 00:42:00,873 ‐ Uh... 962 00:42:00,873 --> 00:42:03,010 Maybe come back later? 963 00:42:03,010 --> 00:42:04,747 ‐ Look, if I have to arrest you 964 00:42:04,747 --> 00:42:06,283 for obstruction of justice, I will. 965 00:42:06,283 --> 00:42:09,657 Talking about some "come back later." 966 00:42:09,657 --> 00:42:12,963 Shit! What the hell is this? 967 00:42:12,963 --> 00:42:14,767 Hold on. 968 00:42:14,767 --> 00:42:21,815 ♪ ♪ 969 00:42:24,921 --> 00:42:28,027 Oh, my goodness. Well, I'll be. 970 00:42:28,027 --> 00:42:32,035 Deputy, what's that say right there? 971 00:42:32,035 --> 00:42:34,607 Botulinum toxin. The murder weapon. 972 00:42:34,607 --> 00:42:36,143 ‐ Oh, no. 973 00:42:36,143 --> 00:42:38,247 ‐ All right, look, I'ma ask you one more time. 974 00:42:38,247 --> 00:42:41,921 Where is he, Asta? Where is he, Asta? 975 00:42:41,921 --> 00:42:44,025 ♪ ♪ 976 00:42:44,025 --> 00:42:46,196 ‐ He went to hide in the cellar. 977 00:42:46,196 --> 00:42:48,200 ♪ ♪ 978 00:42:48,200 --> 00:42:50,171 ‐ You wait here. 979 00:42:50,171 --> 00:42:52,977 Dr. V.? 980 00:42:52,977 --> 00:42:55,248 Sheriff's department. We coming down into the cellar. 981 00:42:55,248 --> 00:42:56,918 I want you to put your hands above your head. 982 00:42:56,918 --> 00:42:59,857 You hear me? We're coming down here! 983 00:42:59,857 --> 00:43:01,193 ♪ ♪ 984 00:43:01,193 --> 00:43:04,700 Dr. Vanderspeigle, where you at? 985 00:43:04,700 --> 00:43:06,805 ‐ Whoa. What's with the guns? 986 00:43:06,805 --> 00:43:09,309 ♪ ♪ 987 00:43:09,309 --> 00:43:10,979 ‐ Asta? 988 00:43:10,979 --> 00:43:13,350 ‐ What in holy hell? 989 00:43:13,350 --> 00:43:20,331 ♪ ♪ 990 00:43:46,718 --> 00:43:49,724 [soft music] 991 00:43:49,724 --> 00:43:56,838 ♪ ♪