1 00:00:00,583 --> 00:00:02,084 [TV static drones] 2 00:00:02,085 --> 00:00:05,004 [bright tone] 3 00:00:05,005 --> 00:00:08,382 [dramatic music] 4 00:00:08,383 --> 00:00:14,848 ♪ ♪ 5 00:00:27,652 --> 00:00:30,612 [peaceful piano music playing] 6 00:00:30,613 --> 00:00:31,780 ♪ ♪ 7 00:00:31,781 --> 00:00:33,365 - Praise. 8 00:00:33,366 --> 00:00:34,867 - Rejoice. 9 00:00:34,868 --> 00:00:36,869 - Salvation. 10 00:00:36,870 --> 00:00:39,413 I'm Vance Simkins, here with my sister, Shay, 11 00:00:39,414 --> 00:00:40,748 and brother, Craig. 12 00:00:40,749 --> 00:00:43,584 Oh, there you are, sunshine. 13 00:00:43,585 --> 00:00:44,835 Where's Shay? 14 00:00:44,836 --> 00:00:46,837 She out on another bender? 15 00:00:46,838 --> 00:00:48,130 - She wants nothin' to do with you. 16 00:00:48,131 --> 00:00:51,175 - But you, you can't stay away, can you? 17 00:00:51,176 --> 00:00:53,469 - I just came for my money. 18 00:00:53,470 --> 00:00:56,180 - You need to slow down with the spendin'. 19 00:00:56,181 --> 00:00:57,639 We can't maintain it. 20 00:00:57,640 --> 00:01:00,309 - You can't tell me how much of my own money we can spend. 21 00:01:00,310 --> 00:01:02,394 - It's not your money, Craig. 22 00:01:02,395 --> 00:01:04,313 It's the church's money. 23 00:01:04,314 --> 00:01:06,815 And the court order says I got control of it. 24 00:01:06,816 --> 00:01:08,817 I'm just lookin' out for our family is all. 25 00:01:08,818 --> 00:01:10,736 - You're lookin' out for yourself, 26 00:01:10,737 --> 00:01:12,821 openin' up all these churches when we're broke. 27 00:01:12,822 --> 00:01:15,157 For what, to prove to the Gemstones 28 00:01:15,158 --> 00:01:16,700 that you're still somethin'? 29 00:01:16,701 --> 00:01:17,826 You ain't. 30 00:01:17,827 --> 00:01:19,995 They beat our asses. 31 00:01:19,996 --> 00:01:23,165 They will never respect you. 32 00:01:23,166 --> 00:01:24,666 - [sighs] 33 00:01:24,667 --> 00:01:28,379 Unlike some other churches, who are all about the money... 34 00:01:30,840 --> 00:01:32,801 [sighs] 35 00:01:34,385 --> 00:01:36,136 Here's 10,000. 36 00:01:36,137 --> 00:01:38,430 Please try and make it last. 37 00:01:38,431 --> 00:01:40,474 - Just can't admit you're beat, can you? 38 00:01:40,475 --> 00:01:42,309 You're gonna run whatever's left of our empire 39 00:01:42,310 --> 00:01:43,685 into the dirt. 40 00:01:43,686 --> 00:01:46,146 - When I win Top Christ Following Man, 41 00:01:46,147 --> 00:01:47,648 you'll see. 42 00:01:47,649 --> 00:01:49,149 Oh, you'll all see. 43 00:01:49,150 --> 00:01:51,318 - You are a straight white male. 44 00:01:51,319 --> 00:01:53,862 Your kind don't get awards anymore. 45 00:01:53,863 --> 00:01:55,697 Or are you straight? 46 00:01:55,698 --> 00:01:58,242 Never had a girlfriend, sweetie pie. 47 00:01:58,243 --> 00:02:01,703 - [grunts] Don't you dare insinuate such filth! 48 00:02:01,704 --> 00:02:04,039 Now, Christ Almighty is on my side. 49 00:02:04,040 --> 00:02:07,376 How many goddamn times do I need to fuckin' say it? 50 00:02:07,377 --> 00:02:09,169 [tense music] 51 00:02:09,170 --> 00:02:10,546 Hey, Terry. 52 00:02:10,547 --> 00:02:11,547 We're just wrappin' up here. 53 00:02:11,548 --> 00:02:14,550 I'll be with you in one sec, all right? 54 00:02:14,551 --> 00:02:15,884 God bless. 55 00:02:15,885 --> 00:02:19,429 - ♪ Praise ♪ 56 00:02:19,430 --> 00:02:22,891 ♪ ♪ 57 00:02:22,892 --> 00:02:26,895 ♪ Praise ♪ 58 00:02:26,896 --> 00:02:29,898 [soft music] 59 00:02:29,899 --> 00:02:31,400 ♪ ♪ 60 00:02:31,401 --> 00:02:32,901 - [sighs] 61 00:02:32,902 --> 00:02:38,365 ♪ ♪ 62 00:02:38,366 --> 00:02:41,411 [sighs, sniffles] 63 00:02:43,580 --> 00:02:47,458 [printer whirring] [sighs] 64 00:02:49,711 --> 00:02:51,588 [grunts] 65 00:02:53,590 --> 00:02:56,133 [sighs] 66 00:02:56,134 --> 00:02:58,927 Yes! 67 00:02:58,928 --> 00:03:01,805 Ah. 68 00:03:01,806 --> 00:03:05,017 Daddy time. 69 00:03:05,018 --> 00:03:07,603 [snorts] 70 00:03:07,604 --> 00:03:10,355 [exhales sharply] 71 00:03:10,356 --> 00:03:12,608 [sighs] 72 00:03:12,609 --> 00:03:13,901 [grunts] 73 00:03:13,902 --> 00:03:15,402 - [whistling] 74 00:03:15,403 --> 00:03:16,945 [dramatic music] 75 00:03:16,946 --> 00:03:18,947 - Uh-uh. 76 00:03:18,948 --> 00:03:26,039 ♪ ♪ 77 00:03:27,332 --> 00:03:30,000 Done. 78 00:03:30,001 --> 00:03:32,294 - ♪ I can feel it ♪ 79 00:03:32,295 --> 00:03:33,629 - Whoo! 80 00:03:33,630 --> 00:03:36,423 Hey! Yeah. Yeah. 81 00:03:36,424 --> 00:03:37,966 Neil, I'm lovin' your hair. 82 00:03:37,967 --> 00:03:39,301 Hey, sugar. How you doin'? 83 00:03:39,302 --> 00:03:40,552 How's your dad? - He all right. 84 00:03:40,553 --> 00:03:43,764 [upbeat music playing] 85 00:03:43,765 --> 00:03:47,309 - I just want to say thank you to all my Prism peeps 86 00:03:47,310 --> 00:03:49,311 for comin' out to support my run 87 00:03:49,312 --> 00:03:53,273 for Top Christ Following Man! 88 00:03:53,274 --> 00:03:55,317 [cheers and applause] 89 00:03:55,318 --> 00:03:56,944 I will not let you down. 90 00:03:56,945 --> 00:04:00,697 I am your advocate! 91 00:04:00,698 --> 00:04:02,032 [cheers and applause] 92 00:04:02,033 --> 00:04:03,325 - Please, Kelvin. 93 00:04:03,326 --> 00:04:04,868 - Let's party, y'all. 94 00:04:04,869 --> 00:04:08,413 - ♪ I'm feeling all these butterflies tonight ♪ 95 00:04:08,414 --> 00:04:11,291 ♪ I'm only chasing heartthrobs tonight ♪ 96 00:04:11,292 --> 00:04:12,834 - Whoo! 97 00:04:12,835 --> 00:04:15,170 Quite the turnout for my Top Christ Following Man 98 00:04:15,171 --> 00:04:17,172 congrats luncheon. 99 00:04:17,173 --> 00:04:20,425 My Prism posse is no joke, yo. 100 00:04:20,426 --> 00:04:22,469 - Yeah, homey, you're their little gay avatar. 101 00:04:22,470 --> 00:04:23,679 - Damn straight. 102 00:04:23,680 --> 00:04:26,056 Strong leader blazin' a path. 103 00:04:26,057 --> 00:04:27,557 - [scoffs] Man, there ain't nothin' straight 104 00:04:27,558 --> 00:04:28,850 or strong about you. 105 00:04:28,851 --> 00:04:30,686 You need to stop smellin' your own farts. 106 00:04:30,687 --> 00:04:31,853 [laughter] 107 00:04:31,854 --> 00:04:33,814 - [sniffs] Mmm, I like how it smells. 108 00:04:33,815 --> 00:04:34,815 - Oh, sick. 109 00:04:34,816 --> 00:04:35,899 - Yeah, of course you do. Gross. 110 00:04:35,900 --> 00:04:37,859 - Even Daddy had to give it up to me. 111 00:04:37,860 --> 00:04:39,111 - Okay. 112 00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:41,947 - I cannot believe he brought Miss Lori here today, though. 113 00:04:41,948 --> 00:04:43,031 - [scoffs] 114 00:04:43,032 --> 00:04:46,368 - Did not want to see her grinnin' face this a.m. 115 00:04:46,369 --> 00:04:49,037 - Oh, God, here comes ol' grinnin' ass now. 116 00:04:49,038 --> 00:04:50,539 - Y'all hidin' out over here? 117 00:04:50,540 --> 00:04:52,124 - Maybe we just don't want to see no more 118 00:04:52,125 --> 00:04:53,750 senior sexcapades, darlin'. 119 00:04:53,751 --> 00:04:56,837 - The slurping of the holes is burned into our memory, 120 00:04:56,838 --> 00:04:58,380 a scar upon the mind. 121 00:04:58,381 --> 00:05:01,174 - Permanent psychological damage. 122 00:05:01,175 --> 00:05:04,845 - I am truly sorry that y'all had to witness that. 123 00:05:04,846 --> 00:05:08,473 And I promise you, next time, we gon' lock that door. 124 00:05:08,474 --> 00:05:10,183 - Our mama never locked us out. 125 00:05:10,184 --> 00:05:13,395 - I know this is awkward and embarrassing, 126 00:05:13,396 --> 00:05:15,063 and I know y'all are upset. 127 00:05:15,064 --> 00:05:18,734 But it's me, Lori. 128 00:05:18,735 --> 00:05:20,402 Remember? Y'all like me. 129 00:05:20,403 --> 00:05:23,864 I mean, can't we just please do a restart? 130 00:05:23,865 --> 00:05:27,075 - As the children of Elijah, our birth father, 131 00:05:27,076 --> 00:05:29,453 we formally reject this union. 132 00:05:29,454 --> 00:05:31,747 Have it be writ into the record that there'll be no more 133 00:05:31,748 --> 00:05:33,874 peace talks, nor truces. 134 00:05:33,875 --> 00:05:35,042 - Yep. 135 00:05:35,043 --> 00:05:38,295 - So am I to understand that this is how it's gonna be? 136 00:05:38,296 --> 00:05:39,338 both: Yeah. - This is it. 137 00:05:39,339 --> 00:05:40,339 - Really? - Yeah. 138 00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:41,340 - Yep. - I guess. 139 00:05:41,341 --> 00:05:44,176 - Okay, I think all y'all little cocksuckers 140 00:05:44,177 --> 00:05:46,261 need to put on your big-boy pants 141 00:05:46,262 --> 00:05:48,013 and get the fuck over it. 142 00:05:48,014 --> 00:05:49,765 - I wish you'd put on any pants at all 143 00:05:49,766 --> 00:05:51,350 instead of 69-ing our daddy. 144 00:05:51,351 --> 00:05:54,186 [laughter] 145 00:05:54,187 --> 00:05:56,271 - Miss Lori, we have refrained from unleashin' 146 00:05:56,272 --> 00:05:59,232 our full power on you 'cause of your history with this family. 147 00:05:59,233 --> 00:06:00,442 - Yep. - Oh, okay. 148 00:06:00,443 --> 00:06:04,404 - So please, please don't make us cut loose on your bony ass. 149 00:06:04,405 --> 00:06:05,447 - Ooh. 150 00:06:05,448 --> 00:06:08,617 - Please don't make us! 151 00:06:08,618 --> 00:06:10,078 [grunting] 152 00:06:11,496 --> 00:06:13,288 - Fuck it. - Yeah, fuck it. 153 00:06:13,289 --> 00:06:17,709 - Oh, this is really quite intimidating. 154 00:06:17,710 --> 00:06:20,545 You know what's sad about this is, 155 00:06:20,546 --> 00:06:23,298 I've just always wanted to be y'all's friend. 156 00:06:23,299 --> 00:06:27,302 But if you want a motherfuckin' wicked stepmother, 157 00:06:27,303 --> 00:06:30,972 then I guess I can sure as hell do that too. 158 00:06:30,973 --> 00:06:32,933 - Stepmother? - Y'all ain't married. 159 00:06:32,934 --> 00:06:35,811 - No, y'all didn't get married for real, did you? 160 00:06:35,812 --> 00:06:37,437 - Did you? - Did you? 161 00:06:37,438 --> 00:06:38,772 - Did you guys get married? - Did you get married? 162 00:06:38,773 --> 00:06:40,524 - Did you guys elope together? - Answer. 163 00:06:40,525 --> 00:06:43,151 - But did y'all get mar-- - I really shouldn't say. 164 00:06:43,152 --> 00:06:44,152 - Answer right now. 165 00:06:44,153 --> 00:06:45,487 - No, I shouldn't say. 166 00:06:45,488 --> 00:06:47,322 And, you know, I feel like I probably 167 00:06:47,323 --> 00:06:51,284 shouldn't tell you anything about my personal life 168 00:06:51,285 --> 00:06:52,411 with your daddy. 169 00:06:52,412 --> 00:06:53,829 - Did y'all get mar-- 170 00:06:53,830 --> 00:06:55,497 - Bye! 171 00:06:55,498 --> 00:06:58,500 I love you. 172 00:06:58,501 --> 00:06:59,835 - Quit. - Huh? 173 00:06:59,836 --> 00:07:02,922 - [gasps] - Did they get married? 174 00:07:04,340 --> 00:07:06,133 - Look at us. - [giggles] 175 00:07:06,134 --> 00:07:09,386 - A beautiful house, a great relationship, 176 00:07:09,387 --> 00:07:11,513 a giant woman that do all the dirty work. 177 00:07:11,514 --> 00:07:12,931 - [giggles] - And I tell you what. 178 00:07:12,932 --> 00:07:14,099 We just gettin' started. 179 00:07:14,100 --> 00:07:15,934 Now we new money. - Yeah. 180 00:07:15,935 --> 00:07:19,187 - Now it's time to build that generational wealth. 181 00:07:19,188 --> 00:07:21,189 Close your eyes. 182 00:07:21,190 --> 00:07:23,191 Open them. Look at this right here. 183 00:07:23,192 --> 00:07:25,152 This is my new project. 184 00:07:25,153 --> 00:07:27,487 It's a young adult show about Jesus 185 00:07:27,488 --> 00:07:29,739 being a teenager in Nazareth. 186 00:07:29,740 --> 00:07:31,741 I call it "Teenjus." 187 00:07:31,742 --> 00:07:34,244 - Oh, so that's a teen show about Jesus? 188 00:07:34,245 --> 00:07:35,245 - Yes. 189 00:07:35,246 --> 00:07:36,872 - Baby Billy, that's really good. 190 00:07:36,873 --> 00:07:38,039 - I like teen dramas-- 191 00:07:38,040 --> 00:07:39,833 "Pretty Little Liars," "Gossip Women." 192 00:07:39,834 --> 00:07:41,042 I'd watch "Tanjust." 193 00:07:41,043 --> 00:07:43,211 - Ain't no "Tanjust," Sola. 194 00:07:43,212 --> 00:07:45,505 It's teen Jesus--"Teenjus." 195 00:07:45,506 --> 00:07:48,884 Over here skimmin' leaves, eavesdroppin'. 196 00:07:48,885 --> 00:07:51,887 Go inside that house and watch them sleepin' babies. 197 00:07:51,888 --> 00:07:53,513 Go on! 198 00:07:53,514 --> 00:07:54,556 Get! 199 00:07:54,557 --> 00:07:56,808 - [muttering in German] 200 00:07:56,809 --> 00:07:59,769 - Night night, Sola. 201 00:07:59,770 --> 00:08:02,731 - Now, this franchise catches fire, 202 00:08:02,732 --> 00:08:04,774 we talkin' cultural touchstone. 203 00:08:04,775 --> 00:08:07,987 It's gon' take us from first class to private jets. 204 00:08:09,405 --> 00:08:11,948 - Then maybe you can retire. 205 00:08:11,949 --> 00:08:13,492 - Retire? 206 00:08:13,493 --> 00:08:15,368 What you talkin' about, retire? 207 00:08:15,369 --> 00:08:16,745 I've spent my whole life 208 00:08:16,746 --> 00:08:18,747 waitin' for these opportunities. 209 00:08:18,748 --> 00:08:20,749 And I'm gon' strike this iron as hard as I can 210 00:08:20,750 --> 00:08:24,336 while this motherfucker is red-hot, sweetie. 211 00:08:24,337 --> 00:08:26,087 - Lionel and Aimee-Leigh Jr. 212 00:08:26,088 --> 00:08:29,591 ain't gon' be tiny tots forever. 213 00:08:29,592 --> 00:08:32,093 Even if I don't feed 'em right, they'll get big. 214 00:08:32,094 --> 00:08:34,095 I don't want you missin' it. 215 00:08:34,096 --> 00:08:37,766 - Well, I don't want to either, but I got to provide now. 216 00:08:37,767 --> 00:08:40,143 I got to set y'all up. 217 00:08:40,144 --> 00:08:41,603 I'm an old man, Tiff. 218 00:08:41,604 --> 00:08:43,313 I don't know how long I got. 219 00:08:43,314 --> 00:08:47,609 - Baby Billy, don't talk like that. 220 00:08:47,610 --> 00:08:49,569 You're gonna live forever. 221 00:08:49,570 --> 00:08:52,614 [peaceful music] 222 00:08:52,615 --> 00:08:54,074 - Come in here. - [giggles] 223 00:08:54,075 --> 00:08:56,494 - Get in here. Get in here now. 224 00:09:07,797 --> 00:09:09,423 - Ah! 225 00:09:11,300 --> 00:09:12,759 [grunts] Damn it. 226 00:09:12,760 --> 00:09:14,219 - Oh, my God. 227 00:09:14,220 --> 00:09:16,304 - I can't even make a T. 228 00:09:16,305 --> 00:09:17,806 - You were tryin' to piss in the tub? 229 00:09:17,807 --> 00:09:20,642 - No, I fell in because I'm helpless. 230 00:09:20,643 --> 00:09:22,435 I'm broken. 231 00:09:22,436 --> 00:09:23,895 I'm half a man. 232 00:09:23,896 --> 00:09:25,647 - It's okay. I'll get you out of here. 233 00:09:25,648 --> 00:09:27,774 - No, it's not okay! 234 00:09:27,775 --> 00:09:30,151 I refuse to sugarcoat this. 235 00:09:30,152 --> 00:09:32,279 Our lives are forever changed because I couldn't 236 00:09:32,280 --> 00:09:34,823 hit the backspin vault. 237 00:09:34,824 --> 00:09:37,325 - BJ, the doctor said with therapy, 238 00:09:37,326 --> 00:09:38,827 you will totally walk again. 239 00:09:38,828 --> 00:09:40,954 - They're full of shit! 240 00:09:40,955 --> 00:09:43,498 - [sighs] Okay, dude. You know what? 241 00:09:43,499 --> 00:09:45,458 I'm tryin' to be sympathetic here, 242 00:09:45,459 --> 00:09:48,795 but it's really hard when you're bein' a dickhead. 243 00:09:48,796 --> 00:09:50,839 I don't even know who you are right now. 244 00:09:50,840 --> 00:09:52,674 - Me either. 245 00:09:52,675 --> 00:09:56,469 Crippled, angry BJ is an entirely new thing for me. 246 00:09:56,470 --> 00:09:58,054 I can already tell I fuckin' hate him, 247 00:09:58,055 --> 00:10:00,181 but I guess we better get used to him. 248 00:10:00,182 --> 00:10:01,391 Go. 249 00:10:01,392 --> 00:10:03,518 I'm gonna stand up out of this bathtub on my own. 250 00:10:03,519 --> 00:10:04,853 - No, please, let me help you. 251 00:10:04,854 --> 00:10:06,187 - No! 252 00:10:06,188 --> 00:10:07,480 Go, Judy! 253 00:10:07,481 --> 00:10:09,190 - [sighs] 254 00:10:09,191 --> 00:10:11,943 [somber music] 255 00:10:11,944 --> 00:10:15,363 - [grunts, groans] 256 00:10:15,364 --> 00:10:19,034 [groaning] 257 00:10:19,035 --> 00:10:20,702 [groans] - [sighs] 258 00:10:20,703 --> 00:10:22,830 - [yells] 259 00:10:27,752 --> 00:10:29,169 - Good afternoon, Judy. 260 00:10:29,170 --> 00:10:32,297 - Is it? I hadn't noticed. 261 00:10:32,298 --> 00:10:33,381 - Do you have a moment? 262 00:10:33,382 --> 00:10:35,216 - Let me ask questions too. 263 00:10:35,217 --> 00:10:37,177 - Oh. 264 00:10:37,178 --> 00:10:40,055 - What do you want? 265 00:10:40,056 --> 00:10:42,682 - I just came to drop somethin' off 266 00:10:42,683 --> 00:10:44,684 and to see how you both are doin'. 267 00:10:44,685 --> 00:10:46,061 - Oh, guess what, Amber. 268 00:10:46,062 --> 00:10:48,396 We're fuckin' miserable. 269 00:10:48,397 --> 00:10:50,565 - I'm so sorry. 270 00:10:50,566 --> 00:10:52,985 But maybe I have somethin' that'll make it better. 271 00:10:55,946 --> 00:10:57,280 [dramatic music] 272 00:10:57,281 --> 00:10:59,282 [monkey chittering] 273 00:10:59,283 --> 00:11:03,578 - [laughs] A fuckin' Monchhichi? 274 00:11:03,579 --> 00:11:05,747 What are we supposed to do with that, eat it? 275 00:11:05,748 --> 00:11:07,082 - No. 276 00:11:07,083 --> 00:11:08,583 This is Dr. Watson. 277 00:11:08,584 --> 00:11:09,918 He's a service animal. 278 00:11:09,919 --> 00:11:11,878 I'm involved in a charity for disabled vets 279 00:11:11,879 --> 00:11:13,546 that trains capuchin monkeys 280 00:11:13,547 --> 00:11:16,007 to help with simple, everyday tasks. 281 00:11:16,008 --> 00:11:17,926 - So we just take it inside and it just, like, 282 00:11:17,927 --> 00:11:19,260 runs around and shit? 283 00:11:19,261 --> 00:11:20,595 - Yeah, maybe it helps lighten the load, 284 00:11:20,596 --> 00:11:23,723 maybe puts a smile on BJ's face. 285 00:11:23,724 --> 00:11:25,266 - Yeah, don't count on that happenin'. 286 00:11:25,267 --> 00:11:29,521 But I mean, I guess we could give it a shot. 287 00:11:29,522 --> 00:11:30,939 What do we do if we don't like him? 288 00:11:30,940 --> 00:11:34,526 We just throw him out? - No, I will take it back. 289 00:11:34,527 --> 00:11:36,277 No pressure. 290 00:11:36,278 --> 00:11:38,488 [monkey squeaking] 291 00:11:38,489 --> 00:11:41,783 - ♪ Let's build a tree house out of love ♪ 292 00:11:41,784 --> 00:11:45,286 ♪ Let's turn the whole world upside down ♪ 293 00:11:45,287 --> 00:11:48,832 - Let's build a tree house out of love ♪ 294 00:11:48,833 --> 00:11:52,335 ♪ Let's build a tree house out of love ♪ 295 00:11:52,336 --> 00:11:56,256 ♪ Let's kiss and tell and knuckle down ♪ 296 00:11:56,257 --> 00:11:58,675 ♪ Let's turn the whole world upside down ♪ 297 00:11:58,676 --> 00:12:02,345 - It is all comin' together, Keefe. 298 00:12:02,346 --> 00:12:03,805 - I'm just happy to see you smilin' 299 00:12:03,806 --> 00:12:05,306 after all you've been through. 300 00:12:05,307 --> 00:12:07,142 - A project like this tree house 301 00:12:07,143 --> 00:12:09,227 is exactly what I need. 302 00:12:09,228 --> 00:12:12,439 I'm hugely successful and havin' a moment right now. 303 00:12:12,440 --> 00:12:16,067 It's no time to be a sad sack, actin' all depressed. 304 00:12:16,068 --> 00:12:18,653 - No matter how big a load 305 00:12:18,654 --> 00:12:20,488 is dropped on your chest, 306 00:12:20,489 --> 00:12:22,449 you rise. 307 00:12:22,450 --> 00:12:25,326 - Next Top Christ Following Man event is coming up. 308 00:12:25,327 --> 00:12:27,996 It's gonna be a live TV roundtable discussion. 309 00:12:27,997 --> 00:12:29,664 - Wow. - It's gonna be a great chance 310 00:12:29,665 --> 00:12:31,332 to drop some dank sound bites 311 00:12:31,333 --> 00:12:33,918 and establish myself as a clear fave. 312 00:12:33,919 --> 00:12:35,628 - Will you be needing my assistance? 313 00:12:35,629 --> 00:12:38,339 - Doy. - Doy. 314 00:12:38,340 --> 00:12:40,508 - Gonna need a cheerin' section. 315 00:12:40,509 --> 00:12:41,676 Boop. 316 00:12:41,677 --> 00:12:43,803 - A section you shall have. 317 00:12:43,804 --> 00:12:47,182 Kelvin, Kelvin, go. 318 00:12:47,183 --> 00:12:48,641 - Okay, let's get back to work. 319 00:12:48,642 --> 00:12:50,518 - Okay. 320 00:12:50,519 --> 00:12:53,521 [tranquil music] 321 00:12:53,522 --> 00:12:58,067 ♪ ♪ 322 00:12:58,068 --> 00:12:59,068 - Caught you. 323 00:12:59,069 --> 00:13:01,362 - Aw. [chuckles] Busted. 324 00:13:01,363 --> 00:13:03,907 - [laughs] Sneaky peeks. 325 00:13:03,908 --> 00:13:06,951 [dramatic orchestral music] 326 00:13:06,952 --> 00:13:14,000 ♪ ♪ 327 00:13:14,001 --> 00:13:15,293 - [slurps] 328 00:13:15,294 --> 00:13:18,379 - [laughs] [indistinct chatter] 329 00:13:18,380 --> 00:13:20,048 - Daddy issues? 330 00:13:20,049 --> 00:13:23,051 ♪ ♪ 331 00:13:23,052 --> 00:13:25,678 - [scoffs] - Congrats, scumbag. 332 00:13:25,679 --> 00:13:27,388 I hear Daddy's datin'. 333 00:13:27,389 --> 00:13:29,307 You have a new stepmommy. 334 00:13:29,308 --> 00:13:31,059 - Nobody got no stepmommy. 335 00:13:31,060 --> 00:13:33,561 Why don't you mind your own business and eff off, orphan? 336 00:13:33,562 --> 00:13:35,647 - No, you eff off, Jesse. 337 00:13:35,648 --> 00:13:37,482 You went too far. 338 00:13:37,483 --> 00:13:39,734 Firebombin' a church-- 339 00:13:39,735 --> 00:13:42,278 what kind of demon does such a thing? 340 00:13:42,279 --> 00:13:44,781 - I'm sorry, I don't know what you're talking about. 341 00:13:44,782 --> 00:13:47,200 But maybe don't put another mini-mall church there. 342 00:13:47,201 --> 00:13:50,870 Seems like it could be bad mojo, perhaps. 343 00:13:50,871 --> 00:13:53,206 - Damn you. 344 00:13:53,207 --> 00:13:55,083 [chuckles] I have half a mind 345 00:13:55,084 --> 00:13:57,418 to drop a yellow kerchief on you 346 00:13:57,419 --> 00:14:00,255 right here, right now, in this chamber. 347 00:14:00,256 --> 00:14:02,423 [all gasp] 348 00:14:02,424 --> 00:14:03,925 - What the hell's a yellow kerchief? 349 00:14:03,926 --> 00:14:05,301 - Looks like somebody hasn't read 350 00:14:05,302 --> 00:14:07,136 his Cape and Pistol Manual, obviously. 351 00:14:07,137 --> 00:14:08,763 [laughter] 352 00:14:08,764 --> 00:14:11,266 - If I drop a yellow kerchief on your foot, 353 00:14:11,267 --> 00:14:13,560 it means I'm callin' you a coward. 354 00:14:13,561 --> 00:14:17,105 And the only way you can prove that you're not a coward 355 00:14:17,106 --> 00:14:18,898 is to duel-- 356 00:14:18,899 --> 00:14:19,899 pistols. 357 00:14:19,900 --> 00:14:21,359 - [exhales sharply] 358 00:14:21,360 --> 00:14:23,194 Boy... 359 00:14:23,195 --> 00:14:26,281 I wish you would drop a yellow hanky on my boot. 360 00:14:26,282 --> 00:14:29,033 I would love an excuse to murder you, 361 00:14:29,034 --> 00:14:32,871 to blow that greasy haircut off the top of your fuckin' head. 362 00:14:32,872 --> 00:14:34,956 - You'd try, but you'd miss. 363 00:14:34,957 --> 00:14:38,626 - I'm only gonna tell you this once, so listen up. 364 00:14:38,627 --> 00:14:41,754 Back up off me, son, if you know what's good for you. 365 00:14:41,755 --> 00:14:43,798 You're nothing to me. 366 00:14:43,799 --> 00:14:47,969 - No, Jesse, I am somethin'-- 367 00:14:47,970 --> 00:14:51,764 somethin' you are never gonna forget. 368 00:14:51,765 --> 00:14:53,474 - New phone. Who dis? 369 00:14:53,475 --> 00:14:55,518 - Vance Simkins. 370 00:14:55,519 --> 00:14:57,145 - Doesn't ring a bell. 371 00:14:57,146 --> 00:14:58,813 - Stop playin' games. You know my name. 372 00:14:58,814 --> 00:15:00,315 You know you know my name. 373 00:15:00,316 --> 00:15:01,983 - Does anyone know who this young woman is? 374 00:15:01,984 --> 00:15:04,277 - My name's Vance Simkins, damn it! 375 00:15:04,278 --> 00:15:05,778 - Hi, I'm Jesse Gemstone. 376 00:15:05,779 --> 00:15:06,863 Pleasure to meet you. 377 00:15:06,864 --> 00:15:09,991 - I'm done playin' these childish games with you. 378 00:15:09,992 --> 00:15:12,994 I'm way too mature for this. 379 00:15:12,995 --> 00:15:14,370 - Who are you? 380 00:15:14,371 --> 00:15:18,166 ♪ ♪ 381 00:15:18,167 --> 00:15:19,959 Got him. [chuckles] 382 00:15:19,960 --> 00:15:21,669 Got him, Daddy. [chuckles] 383 00:15:21,670 --> 00:15:24,464 Smoked him. [laughs] 384 00:15:24,465 --> 00:15:27,842 [wheels squeaking] 385 00:15:27,843 --> 00:15:28,843 - Psst, psst, psst. 386 00:15:28,844 --> 00:15:29,844 Hey. 387 00:15:29,845 --> 00:15:31,095 Hey, boy. 388 00:15:31,096 --> 00:15:32,180 - What? 389 00:15:32,181 --> 00:15:34,515 - Come in here. 390 00:15:34,516 --> 00:15:37,352 - [sighs] 391 00:15:37,353 --> 00:15:40,521 [wheels squeaking] 392 00:15:40,522 --> 00:15:44,192 - I have a surprise for you. 393 00:15:44,193 --> 00:15:46,694 - South Carolina legalized euthanasia? 394 00:15:46,695 --> 00:15:47,862 I get to die? 395 00:15:47,863 --> 00:15:50,657 - Beej, come on, dude. Hush on that mess. 396 00:15:50,658 --> 00:15:53,743 Hey, there's tons of wheelchair people who have great lives. 397 00:15:53,744 --> 00:15:55,411 How about the president with the cold legs 398 00:15:55,412 --> 00:15:57,747 who does talks by the fireplace? 399 00:15:57,748 --> 00:15:58,873 - FDR? 400 00:15:58,874 --> 00:16:00,208 He's dead. 401 00:16:00,209 --> 00:16:03,753 - BJ, your problem is not with your legs. 402 00:16:03,754 --> 00:16:06,673 It's with your attitude, doll baby. 403 00:16:06,674 --> 00:16:08,841 - I can't even do the simplest stuff. 404 00:16:08,842 --> 00:16:13,554 - Well, maybe you need a special friend who can. 405 00:16:13,555 --> 00:16:16,391 Introducing Dr. Watson. 406 00:16:16,392 --> 00:16:19,227 [bell ringing] 407 00:16:19,228 --> 00:16:21,562 [monkey squeaking] 408 00:16:21,563 --> 00:16:23,731 - A monkey? What's he do? 409 00:16:23,732 --> 00:16:25,233 - Whatever you want. 410 00:16:25,234 --> 00:16:26,401 You just call him with that bell 411 00:16:26,402 --> 00:16:29,487 and then say commands to him and stuff, and he does it. 412 00:16:29,488 --> 00:16:31,239 Like this. Watch. 413 00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:33,199 Hey, Dr. Watson, why don't you go get me 414 00:16:33,200 --> 00:16:36,411 a black cherry White Claw from the hall fridge? 415 00:16:36,412 --> 00:16:39,414 [mysterious music] 416 00:16:39,415 --> 00:16:41,082 ♪ ♪ 417 00:16:41,083 --> 00:16:42,667 - There's no way he's gonna be able to tell 418 00:16:42,668 --> 00:16:44,085 what a White Claw is. 419 00:16:44,086 --> 00:16:46,254 That's not how service animals work, Judy. 420 00:16:46,255 --> 00:16:48,173 That's insane. 421 00:16:50,175 --> 00:16:52,218 [monkey chittering] 422 00:16:52,219 --> 00:16:53,469 [can pops open] 423 00:16:53,470 --> 00:16:58,933 ♪ ♪ 424 00:16:58,934 --> 00:17:03,062 - It's Citrus Yuzu Smash, but it's still fuckin' rad. 425 00:17:03,063 --> 00:17:04,063 [laughs] 426 00:17:04,064 --> 00:17:08,193 ♪ ♪ 427 00:17:10,446 --> 00:17:12,947 - As members of Jesse's leadership team, 428 00:17:12,948 --> 00:17:15,241 we have been tasked with doin' a little diggin' 429 00:17:15,242 --> 00:17:17,285 on one Miss Lori. 430 00:17:17,286 --> 00:17:19,245 We did some look-'em-ups. 431 00:17:19,246 --> 00:17:21,414 We scanned through Miss Lori's socials 432 00:17:21,415 --> 00:17:24,125 and found all sorts of photos of her 433 00:17:24,126 --> 00:17:25,877 with different male figures. 434 00:17:25,878 --> 00:17:27,128 - Yes. 435 00:17:27,129 --> 00:17:31,049 - On vacation, doin' hugs and laughter. 436 00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:32,091 - Harlot. 437 00:17:32,092 --> 00:17:33,217 Hang on, hang on. 438 00:17:33,218 --> 00:17:35,720 Levi, go back to that picture, dude. 439 00:17:35,721 --> 00:17:36,804 Okay, zoom--zoom in. 440 00:17:36,805 --> 00:17:39,265 Zoom, zoom, left, left. 441 00:17:39,266 --> 00:17:41,934 Go to 0.3 on the pixelation on that. 442 00:17:41,935 --> 00:17:43,478 [computer beeping] 443 00:17:43,479 --> 00:17:45,229 Enhance that quadrant. 444 00:17:45,230 --> 00:17:46,898 Little tighter in. 445 00:17:46,899 --> 00:17:48,149 [computer beeping] 446 00:17:48,150 --> 00:17:49,484 [dramatic music] 447 00:17:49,485 --> 00:17:50,651 Damn it. 448 00:17:50,652 --> 00:17:53,154 Those earrings are fuckin' cute, fuckin' bitch. 449 00:17:53,155 --> 00:17:54,864 - Wow, Jesse. 450 00:17:54,865 --> 00:17:57,533 I mean, your guys have hit the jackpot. 451 00:17:57,534 --> 00:17:59,368 What a treasure trove. 452 00:17:59,369 --> 00:18:00,453 You know what? 453 00:18:00,454 --> 00:18:03,706 I am too damn successful to be sittin' here 454 00:18:03,707 --> 00:18:06,000 lookin' at Miss Lori's crab claw dinners 455 00:18:06,001 --> 00:18:07,335 and sundress selfies. 456 00:18:07,336 --> 00:18:09,837 - Our presentation is not complete. 457 00:18:09,838 --> 00:18:11,547 - Have a little bit of respect, Kelvin, 458 00:18:11,548 --> 00:18:15,009 and sit your damn TT bird down right now for five seconds. 459 00:18:15,010 --> 00:18:17,011 - Yeah, sit, you little twink. 460 00:18:17,012 --> 00:18:18,387 - Too damn successful. 461 00:18:18,388 --> 00:18:19,847 - These dudes did damn look-'em-ups, 462 00:18:19,848 --> 00:18:21,516 and you're sittin' here tryin' to go fuckin' walk away? 463 00:18:21,517 --> 00:18:23,685 - Well, show us somethin'. 464 00:18:25,187 --> 00:18:26,354 - Who the hell is that? 465 00:18:26,355 --> 00:18:28,106 - Now, he works at the Benz dealership 466 00:18:28,107 --> 00:18:29,649 where Miss Lori bought her car. 467 00:18:29,650 --> 00:18:31,526 all: Big Dick Mitch? 468 00:18:31,527 --> 00:18:33,528 - Maybe his dick is big. 469 00:18:33,529 --> 00:18:35,696 I can't tell with those slacks he has on. 470 00:18:35,697 --> 00:18:38,157 - His dick size is uncertain. 471 00:18:38,158 --> 00:18:42,370 But unfortunately, so is his fate. 472 00:18:42,371 --> 00:18:45,373 Big Dick Mitch is a missing person. 473 00:18:45,374 --> 00:18:47,041 - Get the fuck out of here. 474 00:18:47,042 --> 00:18:50,545 [suspenseful music] 475 00:18:50,546 --> 00:18:53,047 Not you, Levi. 476 00:18:53,048 --> 00:18:56,592 - Levi looked up other dudes tagged in the photos. 477 00:18:56,593 --> 00:19:01,681 More than a few are either missing or straight dead. 478 00:19:01,682 --> 00:19:05,226 - Drownings, suicides, car accidents. 479 00:19:05,227 --> 00:19:06,727 - Is this bitch a black widow? 480 00:19:06,728 --> 00:19:09,355 - We need to do some additional look-'em-ups. 481 00:19:09,356 --> 00:19:11,065 Who else knows Miss Lori? 482 00:19:11,066 --> 00:19:13,776 Who's somebody who has some real insight? 483 00:19:13,777 --> 00:19:16,696 - I don't know who that would be. 484 00:19:16,697 --> 00:19:19,073 - "Teenjus" is my young adult show 485 00:19:19,074 --> 00:19:23,202 about Jesus being a teenager in Nazareth. 486 00:19:23,203 --> 00:19:25,246 - Why don't you call it "Teen Jesus"? 487 00:19:25,247 --> 00:19:29,417 - "Teenjus"-- "teen" and "Jesus" mixed. 488 00:19:29,418 --> 00:19:32,086 - Yeah, but not mixed in a way that makes any sense. 489 00:19:32,087 --> 00:19:33,921 You're just takin' the J from "Jesus" 490 00:19:33,922 --> 00:19:36,424 and then skippin' ahead to the U and the S. 491 00:19:36,425 --> 00:19:38,092 Like, that's not how you combine words. 492 00:19:38,093 --> 00:19:41,429 If you're gonna combine words, it'd be "Teensus." 493 00:19:41,430 --> 00:19:43,014 - "Teensus." - No, no. 494 00:19:43,015 --> 00:19:44,098 I don't like that. 495 00:19:44,099 --> 00:19:46,434 - Also, it's fuckin' rude that you're usin' 496 00:19:46,435 --> 00:19:47,935 the whole word of "teen" 497 00:19:47,936 --> 00:19:49,353 but you're gonna shorten "Jesus." 498 00:19:49,354 --> 00:19:51,105 That's our Lord and Savior, homey. 499 00:19:51,106 --> 00:19:52,565 - This ain't even up for discussion. 500 00:19:52,566 --> 00:19:53,774 - [snaps fingers] I got it. 501 00:19:53,775 --> 00:19:55,276 Use the J from "Jesus." 502 00:19:55,277 --> 00:19:56,444 You shorten "teen." 503 00:19:56,445 --> 00:19:58,779 You call him Jean. 504 00:19:58,780 --> 00:20:00,781 - Ooh. - Jean--okay, that's better. 505 00:20:00,782 --> 00:20:02,658 - Ain't nobody gonna call Jesus Jean. 506 00:20:02,659 --> 00:20:05,286 Now, pull out them pocketbooks and green-light this. 507 00:20:05,287 --> 00:20:07,455 - Look, we ain't here to be talkin' about pitches 508 00:20:07,456 --> 00:20:08,623 and green lights, all right? 509 00:20:08,624 --> 00:20:11,626 We came here to talk about life and death. 510 00:20:11,627 --> 00:20:13,920 - What you know about Miss Lori? 511 00:20:13,921 --> 00:20:16,005 - You want to know about Miss Lori Milsap, 512 00:20:16,006 --> 00:20:19,300 you don't need no AOL or the World Wide Web. 513 00:20:19,301 --> 00:20:21,427 You need Baby Billy Freeman. 514 00:20:21,428 --> 00:20:23,137 - You got some dirt? 515 00:20:23,138 --> 00:20:24,430 Is it juicy? 516 00:20:24,431 --> 00:20:26,474 - Could be. 517 00:20:26,475 --> 00:20:28,601 Come in here. 518 00:20:28,602 --> 00:20:32,104 Could be just the thing that sends Eli into a tailspin. 519 00:20:32,105 --> 00:20:33,981 But I ain't tellin' y'all shit 520 00:20:33,982 --> 00:20:35,983 until you give Baby Billy Freeman 521 00:20:35,984 --> 00:20:38,486 what he wants. 522 00:20:38,487 --> 00:20:40,947 And I got to get the cameras rollin' on "Teenjus," now. 523 00:20:40,948 --> 00:20:42,657 - Oh, my God. - Come on, man. 524 00:20:42,658 --> 00:20:44,909 - Oh, my God. - Fine. Green-lit. 525 00:20:44,910 --> 00:20:45,910 Now, spill it. 526 00:20:45,911 --> 00:20:48,996 - Congratulations, another hit television show. 527 00:20:48,997 --> 00:20:50,581 Yes. 528 00:20:50,582 --> 00:20:52,416 All right, come in here. 529 00:20:52,417 --> 00:20:56,504 Now, Miss Lori, now, see, she reached out to me 530 00:20:56,505 --> 00:20:58,130 about bein' a part of Aimee-Leigh's 531 00:20:58,131 --> 00:21:00,049 birthday celebration telethon, 532 00:21:00,050 --> 00:21:02,301 sayin' she didn't have no money, 533 00:21:02,302 --> 00:21:07,515 that she's broke and in debt, needed a gig. 534 00:21:07,516 --> 00:21:09,517 Practically cryin' on the phone. 535 00:21:09,518 --> 00:21:10,685 - [exhales sharply] 536 00:21:10,686 --> 00:21:13,479 - Well, I threw her a bone as a favor to your mama. 537 00:21:13,480 --> 00:21:15,314 But... 538 00:21:15,315 --> 00:21:17,191 - Mm-hmm. - Okay. Come on in. 539 00:21:17,192 --> 00:21:18,859 - It sure is interestin', though, ain't it? 540 00:21:18,860 --> 00:21:20,861 Seein' as how she wound up in the arms 541 00:21:20,862 --> 00:21:23,531 of your rich-ass daddy. 542 00:21:23,532 --> 00:21:25,741 Sure does solve them money problems, don't it? 543 00:21:25,742 --> 00:21:29,704 ♪ ♪ 544 00:21:29,705 --> 00:21:31,289 [monkey chirps] 545 00:21:31,290 --> 00:21:35,876 - Oh, I forgot the bread. 546 00:21:35,877 --> 00:21:39,297 [mysterious music] 547 00:21:39,298 --> 00:21:42,550 Go get the multigrain bread from the counter, Dr. Watson. 548 00:21:42,551 --> 00:21:44,885 [monkey chitters] 549 00:21:44,886 --> 00:21:51,018 ♪ ♪ 550 00:21:57,441 --> 00:21:59,233 [monkey chittering] 551 00:21:59,234 --> 00:22:06,325 ♪ ♪ 552 00:22:08,076 --> 00:22:11,537 Now return the multigrain to its proper place, Dr. Watson. 553 00:22:11,538 --> 00:22:14,081 [monkey squeaking] 554 00:22:14,082 --> 00:22:21,214 ♪ ♪ 555 00:22:24,217 --> 00:22:25,426 - Now, y'all say stuff. 556 00:22:25,427 --> 00:22:27,303 Don't just make me be the only one crushing him. 557 00:22:27,304 --> 00:22:28,596 You guys do stuff to crush him too. 558 00:22:28,597 --> 00:22:30,097 - We already said we were gonna say stuff. 559 00:22:30,098 --> 00:22:32,516 - Hey. - As-salaam alaikum. 560 00:22:32,517 --> 00:22:34,101 Is that Daddy or Samuel L. Jackson? 561 00:22:34,102 --> 00:22:35,686 [laughter] 562 00:22:35,687 --> 00:22:37,063 - Nice hat. 563 00:22:37,064 --> 00:22:38,689 - Lookin' like a fashion victim, Daddy. 564 00:22:38,690 --> 00:22:40,524 - Is she dressin' you now? 565 00:22:40,525 --> 00:22:42,109 That's gross, dude. 566 00:22:42,110 --> 00:22:43,402 You're pussy-whipped. 567 00:22:43,403 --> 00:22:44,445 - [mimics whip cracking] 568 00:22:44,446 --> 00:22:47,073 - Kids, this has-- this has gone on too long. 569 00:22:47,074 --> 00:22:49,950 - You better brace yourself because unfortunately, 570 00:22:49,951 --> 00:22:52,286 we have some intel on your lady friend. 571 00:22:52,287 --> 00:22:55,539 - Mm-hmm, and you are not gonna like it. 572 00:22:55,540 --> 00:22:56,749 - Oh, good grief. 573 00:22:56,750 --> 00:22:59,627 If you're gonna bad-mouth Lori, save it. 574 00:22:59,628 --> 00:23:02,463 - She's a possible serial killer, Daddy. 575 00:23:02,464 --> 00:23:03,464 - [laughs] 576 00:23:03,465 --> 00:23:04,799 - Like, a bunch of her boyfriends 577 00:23:04,800 --> 00:23:07,968 are either dead, missing, murdered, or gone. 578 00:23:07,969 --> 00:23:10,763 - Big Dick Mitch... - Heard of him? 579 00:23:10,764 --> 00:23:12,473 - He clocked out of work at the Benz dealership 580 00:23:12,474 --> 00:23:14,475 and walked off the face of the fuckin' Earth. 581 00:23:14,476 --> 00:23:15,810 He's disappeared, Daddy. 582 00:23:15,811 --> 00:23:18,479 Big Dick Mitch, nowhere to be found. 583 00:23:18,480 --> 00:23:20,147 - This is ridiculous. 584 00:23:20,148 --> 00:23:23,818 - She's also in debt up to her eyeballs. 585 00:23:23,819 --> 00:23:25,861 Miss Lori is a poverty person. 586 00:23:25,862 --> 00:23:27,780 - Ooh-hoo-hoo. - She's poor. [laughs] 587 00:23:27,781 --> 00:23:30,282 I'm sorry to be the one to have to share that news, Daddy. 588 00:23:30,283 --> 00:23:33,202 - Finally see what she sees in Daddy. 589 00:23:33,203 --> 00:23:35,287 She's usin' you for your money, honey. 590 00:23:35,288 --> 00:23:36,330 - Ooh-hoo-hoo-hoo. 591 00:23:36,331 --> 00:23:37,790 - She's tryin' to black widow that ass, Daddy. 592 00:23:37,791 --> 00:23:38,791 It's obvious. 593 00:23:38,792 --> 00:23:40,334 - She's attempting to make you 594 00:23:40,335 --> 00:23:42,294 a "Dateline" episode, son. 595 00:23:42,295 --> 00:23:44,338 That's all this ever was. 596 00:23:44,339 --> 00:23:47,174 - God damn it. 597 00:23:47,175 --> 00:23:49,510 You kids need to grow up! 598 00:23:49,511 --> 00:23:54,098 The lies, the shit attitudes, the manipulations-- 599 00:23:54,099 --> 00:23:55,516 enough! 600 00:23:55,517 --> 00:23:56,517 - Why don't you just go ahead 601 00:23:56,518 --> 00:23:57,601 and get killed for your money, then. 602 00:23:57,602 --> 00:23:59,353 See if I care. I don't care. Just go do that, then. 603 00:23:59,354 --> 00:24:00,354 That's so stupid. - I don't care, Daddy. 604 00:24:00,355 --> 00:24:02,148 - I won't sit here and listen to you trash Lori 605 00:24:02,149 --> 00:24:04,483 because you're too immature to realize 606 00:24:04,484 --> 00:24:08,028 that Mama ain't comin' back. 607 00:24:08,029 --> 00:24:09,989 She's not. 608 00:24:09,990 --> 00:24:11,699 And I'll be goddamned if I'm gonna spend 609 00:24:11,700 --> 00:24:14,869 what's left of my life feelin' sad about it. 610 00:24:14,870 --> 00:24:16,328 [dramatic music] 611 00:24:16,329 --> 00:24:20,374 - Yo, Slick Rick, you tryin' to take her side over ours? 612 00:24:20,375 --> 00:24:22,585 - Yeah, playboy. 613 00:24:22,586 --> 00:24:23,711 Choose a side. 614 00:24:23,712 --> 00:24:25,921 - Us or her? 615 00:24:25,922 --> 00:24:28,924 What's it gonna be? 616 00:24:28,925 --> 00:24:31,218 - Why'd you have to back him into a choice like that, Jesse? 617 00:24:31,219 --> 00:24:33,012 That was so fuckin' stupid! 618 00:24:33,013 --> 00:24:34,180 - Kelvin's the one who teed him up. 619 00:24:34,181 --> 00:24:35,764 I didn't tee him up. - Buzz off. 620 00:24:35,765 --> 00:24:37,516 I have bigger things to do than bickerin' with 621 00:24:37,517 --> 00:24:40,644 my underachievin' older bro and my unsexy nurse sister. 622 00:24:40,645 --> 00:24:42,313 - You better watch your fuckin' mouth, Corky. 623 00:24:42,314 --> 00:24:45,191 I'm a very sexy nurse sister. 624 00:24:45,192 --> 00:24:47,234 - [scoffs] What the hell's wrong with you lately? 625 00:24:47,235 --> 00:24:48,903 Actin' like a certified bitch. 626 00:24:48,904 --> 00:24:51,071 - Y'all just salty that I've lapped you 627 00:24:51,072 --> 00:24:53,699 in both achievement and prestige. 628 00:24:53,700 --> 00:24:55,075 - [scoffs] - My work with Prism-- 629 00:24:55,076 --> 00:24:57,411 more relevant than anything you two do. 630 00:24:57,412 --> 00:24:59,079 That's right. 631 00:24:59,080 --> 00:25:00,998 I'm makin' headlines. 632 00:25:00,999 --> 00:25:02,666 - I'm makin' myself look like a fool, y'all. 633 00:25:02,667 --> 00:25:03,667 - [chuckles] 634 00:25:03,668 --> 00:25:05,002 - You're just actin' like a goddamn clown. 635 00:25:05,003 --> 00:25:06,670 Self-absorbed-- everyone sees it. 636 00:25:06,671 --> 00:25:08,130 - Clowns don't get nominated 637 00:25:08,131 --> 00:25:10,216 for Top Christ Following Man, dummy. 638 00:25:10,217 --> 00:25:11,717 - Too bad that's a total sham. 639 00:25:11,718 --> 00:25:14,887 I've never seen a more blatant example of tokenism. 640 00:25:14,888 --> 00:25:15,888 - Tokenism? 641 00:25:15,889 --> 00:25:17,264 - You a flavor of the month, son. 642 00:25:17,265 --> 00:25:18,474 Your shit ain't real. 643 00:25:18,475 --> 00:25:20,267 You ain't a Top Christ Following Man, 644 00:25:20,268 --> 00:25:21,268 and you know it. 645 00:25:21,269 --> 00:25:22,895 - [laughs] 646 00:25:22,896 --> 00:25:23,896 - How dare you? 647 00:25:23,897 --> 00:25:25,147 - You know why they gave it to you. 648 00:25:25,148 --> 00:25:28,609 You know why. 649 00:25:28,610 --> 00:25:31,070 San Francisco. 650 00:25:31,071 --> 00:25:32,780 - That's rich. - [scoffs] 651 00:25:32,781 --> 00:25:34,615 - You're a loser, Jesse. 652 00:25:34,616 --> 00:25:36,617 Why don't you go cry in a Prayer Pod? 653 00:25:36,618 --> 00:25:38,452 You fail at everything. 654 00:25:38,453 --> 00:25:41,455 Your kids don't even like you--zero respect. 655 00:25:41,456 --> 00:25:42,540 It's sad. 656 00:25:42,541 --> 00:25:44,959 - Damn, Kelvin, show some restraint. 657 00:25:44,960 --> 00:25:46,126 - And you-- 658 00:25:46,127 --> 00:25:47,753 Daddy doesn't even think about you. 659 00:25:47,754 --> 00:25:49,630 Why waste the time? 660 00:25:49,631 --> 00:25:51,799 We'd all be happiest if you just married 661 00:25:51,800 --> 00:25:53,801 some powerful asshole and become their problem. 662 00:25:53,802 --> 00:25:56,470 Instead you married a pole-dancing cripple. 663 00:25:56,471 --> 00:25:58,472 Now both of you are our problem. 664 00:25:58,473 --> 00:25:59,974 ♪ ♪ 665 00:25:59,975 --> 00:26:01,809 - [exhales sharply] 666 00:26:01,810 --> 00:26:02,810 - Sorry. 667 00:26:02,811 --> 00:26:05,145 I'm just speakin' my truth. 668 00:26:05,146 --> 00:26:07,314 - Well, I was just makin' a joke. 669 00:26:07,315 --> 00:26:09,483 This was just flapping hair to do a joke. 670 00:26:09,484 --> 00:26:11,610 And you said stuff that's hurtful for real. 671 00:26:11,611 --> 00:26:13,988 - No, you meant it. - I said a city, Kelvin. 672 00:26:13,989 --> 00:26:15,155 That's all I did. 673 00:26:15,156 --> 00:26:16,657 - What's gonna happen if I say Fort Worth? 674 00:26:16,658 --> 00:26:18,784 You gonna fuckin' stab me? 675 00:26:18,785 --> 00:26:21,161 - Hope you feel good about yourself. 676 00:26:21,162 --> 00:26:23,372 - I do feel good about myself. 677 00:26:23,373 --> 00:26:24,707 both: Good. 678 00:26:24,708 --> 00:26:29,503 - Good. - Good. 679 00:26:29,504 --> 00:26:30,879 - Good. 680 00:26:30,880 --> 00:26:33,173 ♪ ♪ 681 00:26:33,174 --> 00:26:35,676 - [chuckles] You're funny. 682 00:26:35,677 --> 00:26:36,885 - Oh! 683 00:26:36,886 --> 00:26:39,680 - [laughs] You're such a gentleman. 684 00:26:39,681 --> 00:26:41,390 - I try. - [laughs] 685 00:26:41,391 --> 00:26:44,853 Well, it's no Gemstone compound, but it's home. 686 00:26:46,354 --> 00:26:47,438 - Hey! 687 00:26:47,439 --> 00:26:48,856 - Mama said y'all were comin'. 688 00:26:48,857 --> 00:26:51,650 - Yeah, I figured it'd be best 689 00:26:51,651 --> 00:26:53,986 to give everybody a little space. 690 00:26:53,987 --> 00:26:55,195 - Say no more. 691 00:26:55,196 --> 00:26:57,323 I just popped by to drop you guys off some dinner. 692 00:26:57,324 --> 00:26:59,867 A little Kung Pao Dynasty. - Ooh. 693 00:26:59,868 --> 00:27:01,660 - I also left your edibles by the microwave, Mama. 694 00:27:01,661 --> 00:27:04,288 - What's that? Edibles? 695 00:27:04,289 --> 00:27:06,624 - Darlin', they're like gummy bears, 696 00:27:06,625 --> 00:27:09,376 except with marijuana in 'em. 697 00:27:09,377 --> 00:27:10,878 Yeah, you're gonna like it. 698 00:27:10,879 --> 00:27:11,879 - [chuckles] 699 00:27:11,880 --> 00:27:13,589 - Thank you for the treats, baby. 700 00:27:13,590 --> 00:27:15,591 - Have fun, you two. 701 00:27:15,592 --> 00:27:18,345 - Good to see you, Core. - [chuckles] 702 00:27:20,597 --> 00:27:22,890 [laughter] 703 00:27:22,891 --> 00:27:24,600 I'm gonna get me a gummy. 704 00:27:24,601 --> 00:27:27,561 - Yeah? - Yeah, I sure am. 705 00:27:27,562 --> 00:27:29,021 [bird screeches] 706 00:27:29,022 --> 00:27:32,232 [donkey brays] 707 00:27:32,233 --> 00:27:33,442 - The kids in the village will never give me 708 00:27:33,443 --> 00:27:35,027 a fair shot, Johnny B. 709 00:27:35,028 --> 00:27:36,278 - Of course not, Teenjus. 710 00:27:36,279 --> 00:27:38,072 They think you're-- you're nothing more 711 00:27:38,073 --> 00:27:40,741 than a carpenter's son. 712 00:27:40,742 --> 00:27:43,702 - You know, if I win the village dance contest, 713 00:27:43,703 --> 00:27:45,829 there's no way I won't be accepted. 714 00:27:45,830 --> 00:27:47,206 Through my moves and swagger, 715 00:27:47,207 --> 00:27:48,582 I'll show them I am the chosen one. 716 00:27:48,583 --> 00:27:51,210 - Keep movin', you dirty Nazarenes. 717 00:27:51,211 --> 00:27:53,587 Always up to mischief, are you, Teenjus? 718 00:27:53,588 --> 00:27:55,714 When you finally gonna get your act together? 719 00:27:55,715 --> 00:27:56,924 You're late for class. 720 00:27:56,925 --> 00:27:59,093 - Teenjus. Teenjus! 721 00:27:59,094 --> 00:28:00,844 Give me some more smolder, now. 722 00:28:00,845 --> 00:28:02,596 You hate this Roman soldier. 723 00:28:02,597 --> 00:28:05,224 You want to rip his fuckin' face off. 724 00:28:05,225 --> 00:28:06,433 But you can't, now, 725 00:28:06,434 --> 00:28:07,726 'cause you're Teenjus. 726 00:28:07,727 --> 00:28:09,937 So just be conflicted, now. 727 00:28:09,938 --> 00:28:12,940 Now, turn around and think to yourself, fuck him! 728 00:28:12,941 --> 00:28:14,858 And walk off slowly. 729 00:28:14,859 --> 00:28:16,443 'Cause you don't want to fuck with a Roman 730 00:28:16,444 --> 00:28:17,778 'cause they will crucify you. 731 00:28:17,779 --> 00:28:18,779 [donkey braying] 732 00:28:18,780 --> 00:28:21,448 Somebody get that donkey in focus. 733 00:28:21,449 --> 00:28:24,410 Yes. And cut! 734 00:28:24,411 --> 00:28:26,412 - ♪ Work that mother, work it to the bone ♪ 735 00:28:26,413 --> 00:28:28,831 ♪ If you're funky and you know it ♪ 736 00:28:28,832 --> 00:28:30,791 ♪ Throw dem hands up and show it ♪ 737 00:28:30,792 --> 00:28:32,459 ♪ If you're funky and you know it ♪ 738 00:28:32,460 --> 00:28:34,420 ♪ Throw dem hands up and show it ♪ 739 00:28:34,421 --> 00:28:38,173 ♪ If you're funky and you know it ♪ 740 00:28:38,174 --> 00:28:39,967 ♪ Throw dem hands up and show it ♪ 741 00:28:39,968 --> 00:28:43,345 ♪ And show it, and show it, and show it ♪ 742 00:28:43,346 --> 00:28:45,472 [upbeat dance music] 743 00:28:45,473 --> 00:28:48,225 [graceful music] 744 00:28:48,226 --> 00:28:50,894 ♪ ♪ 745 00:28:50,895 --> 00:28:54,314 [applause] 746 00:28:54,315 --> 00:28:55,315 - Thank you, and welcome 747 00:28:55,316 --> 00:28:58,485 to the Top Christ Following Man roundtable. 748 00:28:58,486 --> 00:29:01,155 With me are nominees Vance Simkins, 749 00:29:01,156 --> 00:29:05,117 Adam Kelly, Forrest Gill, Kelvin Gemstone, 750 00:29:05,118 --> 00:29:06,577 and Reggie Daniels. 751 00:29:06,578 --> 00:29:08,287 - What's up, what's up, playas? 752 00:29:08,288 --> 00:29:09,663 Stay blessed, y'all. 753 00:29:09,664 --> 00:29:14,168 - Tonight we will discuss an array of complex issues 754 00:29:14,169 --> 00:29:16,086 facing Christians today. 755 00:29:16,087 --> 00:29:20,716 So as King Solomon said, let's get the ball rollin'. 756 00:29:20,717 --> 00:29:22,342 - [laughs] King Solomon. 757 00:29:22,343 --> 00:29:24,845 - Gentlemen, first question. 758 00:29:24,846 --> 00:29:27,347 Should children be taught a comprehensive overview 759 00:29:27,348 --> 00:29:29,892 of all major religions at school? 760 00:29:29,893 --> 00:29:31,351 - [mimics buzzer] Yes. 761 00:29:31,352 --> 00:29:32,853 I--I want this one. 762 00:29:32,854 --> 00:29:34,313 Okay, kids are my specialty. 763 00:29:34,314 --> 00:29:37,524 You see, children are the future. 764 00:29:37,525 --> 00:29:40,569 You can mold them any which way you want. 765 00:29:40,570 --> 00:29:42,196 What I teach my discipes-- 766 00:29:42,197 --> 00:29:44,072 sorry, that's what I call my flock, 767 00:29:44,073 --> 00:29:46,492 discipes instead of disciples. 768 00:29:46,493 --> 00:29:50,496 I teach them everything cool about Jesus. 769 00:29:50,497 --> 00:29:53,332 You see, the Bible can be confusing, 770 00:29:53,333 --> 00:29:56,335 so we translate it for modern, cutting-edge times. 771 00:29:56,336 --> 00:29:58,212 - I'm sorry. 772 00:29:58,213 --> 00:29:59,213 Sorry. 773 00:29:59,214 --> 00:30:00,714 I certainly don't want to hurt anybody 774 00:30:00,715 --> 00:30:04,343 or put a damper on the evening, but, uh... 775 00:30:04,344 --> 00:30:07,054 God is tellin' me I gotta speak up on this issue. 776 00:30:07,055 --> 00:30:09,723 - Oh. - You see, I follow Scripture. 777 00:30:09,724 --> 00:30:11,558 - Mm. - That's my thing. 778 00:30:11,559 --> 00:30:12,684 - Okay. 779 00:30:12,685 --> 00:30:15,062 - And I believe all of us should follow the Scripture. 780 00:30:15,063 --> 00:30:16,146 - Of course. 781 00:30:16,147 --> 00:30:19,399 - What Kelvin here preaches, it's not Scripture. 782 00:30:19,400 --> 00:30:21,902 - Kelvin, how do you respond? 783 00:30:21,903 --> 00:30:26,198 - Well, Prism is the Bible, just through a different light. 784 00:30:26,199 --> 00:30:28,033 Oh, brand shout-out. 785 00:30:28,034 --> 00:30:29,034 Whoop, whoop! 786 00:30:29,035 --> 00:30:30,077 - Whoop, whoop! 787 00:30:30,078 --> 00:30:32,704 - But I already like the light it's in. 788 00:30:32,705 --> 00:30:34,456 I don't need a different light. 789 00:30:34,457 --> 00:30:38,544 You see, as a Christian, I have love for everyone, okay? 790 00:30:38,545 --> 00:30:41,922 But a homosexual bein' included here, 791 00:30:41,923 --> 00:30:43,131 something's not right. 792 00:30:43,132 --> 00:30:45,551 [crowd murmuring] 793 00:30:45,552 --> 00:30:47,761 - Amen. 794 00:30:47,762 --> 00:30:49,555 - Well, I mean, that's just your opinion, so-- 795 00:30:49,556 --> 00:30:51,890 - Excuse me. I'm--I'm still speaking. 796 00:30:51,891 --> 00:30:54,935 Sadly, your nomination means that this great honor 797 00:30:54,936 --> 00:30:57,271 has strayed from its core values 798 00:30:57,272 --> 00:31:00,899 to now bein' more about just checkin' off a box. 799 00:31:00,900 --> 00:31:03,193 Now, I know you get a room full of people, 800 00:31:03,194 --> 00:31:06,029 and you'll get a room full of opinions. 801 00:31:06,030 --> 00:31:09,116 But God's word is clear on this issue. 802 00:31:09,117 --> 00:31:12,077 - Pastor Gemstone, any response? 803 00:31:12,078 --> 00:31:15,080 - Um, um-- 804 00:31:15,081 --> 00:31:17,749 - Uh, uh. [laughs] 805 00:31:17,750 --> 00:31:19,251 Cat got your tongue, didn't it? 806 00:31:19,252 --> 00:31:22,046 [laughter] 807 00:31:24,299 --> 00:31:26,758 - Well, I mean, that's--there's lots 808 00:31:26,759 --> 00:31:30,304 of parts of the Bible that are outdated. 809 00:31:30,305 --> 00:31:34,099 But, like, also, it talks about not eating shellfish. 810 00:31:34,100 --> 00:31:37,311 - I've avoided shellfish for that very reason. 811 00:31:37,312 --> 00:31:39,521 But by all means, if you think you got 812 00:31:39,522 --> 00:31:41,607 more wisdom than the Bible... 813 00:31:41,608 --> 00:31:42,941 [chortles] 814 00:31:42,942 --> 00:31:44,651 Good luck to you, sir. 815 00:31:44,652 --> 00:31:48,030 [applause] 816 00:31:48,031 --> 00:31:49,031 - Thank you. 817 00:31:49,032 --> 00:31:51,658 [tense music] 818 00:31:51,659 --> 00:31:58,458 ♪ ♪ 819 00:32:16,517 --> 00:32:17,851 Thank you. 820 00:32:17,852 --> 00:32:20,021 [applause] 821 00:32:21,439 --> 00:32:24,817 - [sighs] 822 00:32:26,736 --> 00:32:29,696 [light jazz music playing] 823 00:32:29,697 --> 00:32:32,532 ♪ ♪ 824 00:32:32,533 --> 00:32:34,660 - BJ, what is this? How did you-- 825 00:32:34,661 --> 00:32:37,245 - I'm sorry I've been using you as a punching bag. 826 00:32:37,246 --> 00:32:38,705 It's not right. 827 00:32:38,706 --> 00:32:41,708 [monkey squeaking] 828 00:32:41,709 --> 00:32:45,045 ♪ ♪ 829 00:32:45,046 --> 00:32:46,713 Thank you, Dr. Watson. 830 00:32:46,714 --> 00:32:48,675 Can you also bring us some sparkling? 831 00:32:50,802 --> 00:32:52,219 [monkey squeaks] 832 00:32:52,220 --> 00:32:54,096 - Glad to see you and Dr. Watson 833 00:32:54,097 --> 00:32:55,347 gettin' along so well. 834 00:32:55,348 --> 00:32:57,349 - He really has helped. 835 00:32:57,350 --> 00:32:58,850 He's given me somethin' else to focus on 836 00:32:58,851 --> 00:33:01,687 other than my anger and questions of "why me?" 837 00:33:01,688 --> 00:33:06,650 - BJ, maybe God was testin' us with what he did to you. 838 00:33:06,651 --> 00:33:08,568 Maybe he's testin' our faith in him 839 00:33:08,569 --> 00:33:10,570 and our faith in each other. 840 00:33:10,571 --> 00:33:11,905 - You really think so? 841 00:33:11,906 --> 00:33:13,407 - Maybe. 842 00:33:13,408 --> 00:33:16,201 I mean, you know any test we face, we fuckin' ace. 843 00:33:16,202 --> 00:33:18,912 Especially now that my Daddy has desecrated 844 00:33:18,913 --> 00:33:21,248 his relationship to Mama, 845 00:33:21,249 --> 00:33:25,210 we're the best couple in this whole fuckin' family. 846 00:33:25,211 --> 00:33:26,753 - I love you, Judy. 847 00:33:26,754 --> 00:33:33,844 ♪ ♪ 848 00:33:33,845 --> 00:33:36,763 [foreboding music] 849 00:33:36,764 --> 00:33:43,896 ♪ ♪ 850 00:33:47,316 --> 00:33:49,234 - [gasps, shrieks] 851 00:33:49,235 --> 00:33:50,444 Ow! Ow! 852 00:33:50,445 --> 00:33:52,946 - You want to do another gummy? 853 00:33:52,947 --> 00:33:55,157 - Ow! 854 00:33:55,158 --> 00:33:58,785 - [giggling] If I do another one, 855 00:33:58,786 --> 00:34:00,954 I'll be in outer space. 856 00:34:00,955 --> 00:34:02,956 [laughter] 857 00:34:02,957 --> 00:34:04,207 [glass shatters] 858 00:34:04,208 --> 00:34:07,210 - [screaming] - Get down. 859 00:34:07,211 --> 00:34:10,255 [suspenseful music] 860 00:34:10,256 --> 00:34:17,346 ♪ ♪ 861 00:34:19,307 --> 00:34:22,225 [dramatic music] 862 00:34:22,226 --> 00:34:25,771 ♪ ♪ 863 00:34:25,772 --> 00:34:27,397 [glass shatters] 864 00:34:27,398 --> 00:34:30,525 - Eli, there's somethin' 865 00:34:30,526 --> 00:34:33,862 I haven't been straight with you about. 866 00:34:33,863 --> 00:34:36,448 - What are you talkin' about? 867 00:34:36,449 --> 00:34:39,993 - Me and you need to have a talk about my ex. 868 00:34:39,994 --> 00:34:42,996 [Terri Gibbs', "Somebody's Knockin'"] 869 00:34:42,997 --> 00:34:44,998 ♪ ♪ 870 00:34:44,999 --> 00:34:47,042 - ♪ Somebody's knockin' ♪ 871 00:34:47,043 --> 00:34:50,170 ♪ Should I let him in ♪ 872 00:34:50,171 --> 00:34:52,172 ♪ Lord, it's the devil ♪ 873 00:34:52,173 --> 00:34:55,342 ♪ Would you look at him ♪ 874 00:34:55,343 --> 00:35:00,347 ♪ I've heard about him, but I never dreamed ♪ 875 00:35:00,348 --> 00:35:05,143 ♪ He'd have blue eyes and blue jeans ♪ 876 00:35:05,144 --> 00:35:07,145 ♪ ♪ 877 00:35:07,146 --> 00:35:09,815 ♪ Well, somebody's talkin' ♪ 878 00:35:09,816 --> 00:35:12,943 ♪ He's whisperin' to me ♪ 879 00:35:12,944 --> 00:35:14,820 ♪ Your place or my place ♪ 880 00:35:14,821 --> 00:35:17,781 ♪ Well, which will it be ♪ 881 00:35:17,782 --> 00:35:22,869 ♪ I'm gettin' weaker and he's comin' on strong ♪ 882 00:35:22,870 --> 00:35:27,666 ♪ But I don't want to go wrong ♪ 883 00:35:27,667 --> 00:35:30,502 ♪ ♪ 884 00:35:30,503 --> 00:35:35,590 ♪ He must have tapped my telephone line ♪ 885 00:35:35,591 --> 00:35:42,681 ♪ He must have known I'm spendin' my time alone ♪ 886 00:35:42,682 --> 00:35:45,725 ♪ ♪ 887 00:35:45,726 --> 00:35:50,730 ♪ He says we'll have one heavenly night ♪ 888 00:35:50,731 --> 00:35:57,779 ♪ My fever's burnin', so he ought to be right at home ♪ 889 00:35:57,780 --> 00:36:04,786 ♪ ♪ 890 00:36:04,787 --> 00:36:08,582 - ♪ Somebody's knockin' ♪ 891 00:36:08,583 --> 00:36:12,169 ♪ ♪ 892 00:36:12,170 --> 00:36:14,755 [bright tone]