1
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Praise.
2
00:00:33,366 --> 00:00:34,867
Rejoice.
3
00:00:34,868 --> 00:00:36,869
Salvation.
4
00:00:36,870 --> 00:00:39,413
I'm Vance Simkins,
here with my sister, Shay,
5
00:00:39,414 --> 00:00:40,748
and brother, Craig.
6
00:00:40,749 --> 00:00:43,584
Oh, there you are, sunshine.
7
00:00:43,585 --> 00:00:44,835
Where's Shay?
8
00:00:44,836 --> 00:00:46,837
She out on another bender?
9
00:00:46,838 --> 00:00:48,130
She wants nothin'
to do with you.
10
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But you, you can't
stay away, can you?
11
00:00:51,176 --> 00:00:53,469
I just came for my money.
12
00:00:53,470 --> 00:00:56,180
You need to slow down
with the spendin'.
13
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We can't maintain it.
14
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You can't tell me how much
of my own money we can spend.
15
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It's not your money, Craig.
16
00:01:02,395 --> 00:01:04,313
It's the church's money.
17
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And the court order says
I got control of it.
18
00:01:06,816 --> 00:01:08,817
I'm just lookin' out
for our family is all.
19
00:01:08,818 --> 00:01:10,736
You're lookin' out
for yourself,
20
00:01:10,737 --> 00:01:12,821
openin' up all these churches
when we're broke.
21
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For what, to prove
to the Gemstones
22
00:01:15,158 --> 00:01:16,700
that you're still somethin'?
23
00:01:16,701 --> 00:01:17,826
You ain't.
24
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They beat our asses.
25
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They will never respect you.
26
00:01:24,667 --> 00:01:28,379
Unlike some other churches,
who are all about the money...
27
00:01:34,385 --> 00:01:36,136
Here's 10,000.
28
00:01:36,137 --> 00:01:38,430
Please try and make it last.
29
00:01:38,431 --> 00:01:40,474
Just can't admit
you're beat, can you?
30
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You're gonna run
whatever's left of our empire
31
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into the dirt.
32
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When I win
Top Christ Following Man,
33
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you'll see.
34
00:01:47,649 --> 00:01:49,149
Oh, you'll all see.
35
00:01:49,150 --> 00:01:51,318
You are
a straight white male.
36
00:01:51,319 --> 00:01:53,862
Your kind
don't get awards anymore.
37
00:01:53,863 --> 00:01:55,697
Or are you straight?
38
00:01:55,698 --> 00:01:58,242
Never had a girlfriend,
sweetie pie.
39
00:01:58,243 --> 00:02:01,703
Don't you dare
insinuate such filth!
40
00:02:01,704 --> 00:02:04,039
Now, Christ Almighty
is on my side.
41
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How many goddamn times
do I need to fuckin' say it?
42
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Hey, Terry.
43
00:02:10,547 --> 00:02:11,547
We're just wrappin' up here.
44
00:02:11,548 --> 00:02:14,550
I'll be with you
in one sec, all right?
45
00:02:14,551 --> 00:02:15,884
God bless.
46
00:02:15,885 --> 00:02:19,429
♪ Praise ♪
47
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♪ Praise ♪
48
00:02:56,134 --> 00:02:58,927
Yes!
49
00:02:58,928 --> 00:03:01,805
Ah.
50
00:03:01,806 --> 00:03:05,017
Daddy time.
51
00:03:16,946 --> 00:03:18,947
Uh-uh.
52
00:03:27,332 --> 00:03:30,000
Done.
53
00:03:30,001 --> 00:03:32,294
♪ I can feel it ♪
54
00:03:32,295 --> 00:03:33,629
Whoo!
55
00:03:33,630 --> 00:03:36,423
Hey! Yeah. Yeah.
56
00:03:36,424 --> 00:03:37,966
Neil, I'm lovin' your hair.
57
00:03:37,967 --> 00:03:39,301
Hey, sugar. How you doin'?
58
00:03:39,302 --> 00:03:40,552
How's your dad?
- He all right.
59
00:03:43,765 --> 00:03:47,309
I just want to say thank you
to all my Prism peeps
60
00:03:47,310 --> 00:03:49,311
for comin' out
to support my run
61
00:03:49,312 --> 00:03:53,273
for Top Christ Following Man!
62
00:03:55,318 --> 00:03:56,944
I will not let you down.
63
00:03:56,945 --> 00:04:00,697
I am your advocate!
64
00:04:02,033 --> 00:04:03,325
Please, Kelvin.
65
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Let's party, y'all.
66
00:04:04,869 --> 00:04:08,413
♪ I'm feeling all
these butterflies tonight ♪
67
00:04:08,414 --> 00:04:11,291
♪ I'm only chasing
heartthrobs tonight ♪
68
00:04:11,292 --> 00:04:12,834
Whoo!
69
00:04:12,835 --> 00:04:15,170
Quite the turnout for my
Top Christ Following Man
70
00:04:15,171 --> 00:04:17,172
congrats luncheon.
71
00:04:17,173 --> 00:04:20,425
My Prism posse is no joke, yo.
72
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Yeah, homey,
you're their little gay avatar.
73
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Damn straight.
74
00:04:23,680 --> 00:04:26,056
Strong leader blazin' a path.
75
00:04:26,057 --> 00:04:27,557
Man, there ain't
nothin' straight
76
00:04:27,558 --> 00:04:28,850
or strong about you.
77
00:04:28,851 --> 00:04:30,686
You need to stop
smellin' your own farts.
78
00:04:31,854 --> 00:04:33,814
Mmm, I like how it smells.
79
00:04:33,815 --> 00:04:34,815
Oh, sick.
80
00:04:34,816 --> 00:04:35,899
Yeah, of course you do.
Gross.
81
00:04:35,900 --> 00:04:37,859
Even Daddy
had to give it up to me.
82
00:04:37,860 --> 00:04:39,111
Okay.
83
00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:41,947
I cannot believe he brought
Miss Lori here today, though.
84
00:04:43,032 --> 00:04:46,368
Did not want to see
her grinnin' face this a.m.
85
00:04:46,369 --> 00:04:49,037
Oh, God, here comes
ol' grinnin' ass now.
86
00:04:49,038 --> 00:04:50,539
Y'all hidin' out over here?
87
00:04:50,540 --> 00:04:52,124
Maybe we just don't want
to see no more
88
00:04:52,125 --> 00:04:53,750
senior sexcapades, darlin'.
89
00:04:53,751 --> 00:04:56,837
The slurping of the holes
is burned into our memory,
90
00:04:56,838 --> 00:04:58,380
a scar upon the mind.
91
00:04:58,381 --> 00:05:01,174
Permanent
psychological damage.
92
00:05:01,175 --> 00:05:04,845
I am truly sorry
that y'all had to witness that.
93
00:05:04,846 --> 00:05:08,473
And I promise you, next time,
we gon' lock that door.
94
00:05:08,474 --> 00:05:10,183
Our mama
never locked us out.
95
00:05:10,184 --> 00:05:13,395
I know this is awkward
and embarrassing,
96
00:05:13,396 --> 00:05:15,063
and I know y'all are upset.
97
00:05:15,064 --> 00:05:18,734
But it's me, Lori.
98
00:05:18,735 --> 00:05:20,402
Remember? Y'all like me.
99
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I mean, can't we just
please do a restart?
100
00:05:23,865 --> 00:05:27,075
As the children of Elijah,
our birth father,
101
00:05:27,076 --> 00:05:29,453
we formally reject this union.
102
00:05:29,454 --> 00:05:31,747
Have it be writ into the record
that there'll be no more
103
00:05:31,748 --> 00:05:33,874
peace talks, nor truces.
104
00:05:33,875 --> 00:05:35,042
Yep.
105
00:05:35,043 --> 00:05:38,295
So am I to understand
that this is how it's gonna be?
106
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both: Yeah.
- This is it.
107
00:05:39,339 --> 00:05:40,339
- Really?
- Yeah.
108
00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:41,340
- Yep.
- I guess.
109
00:05:41,341 --> 00:05:44,176
Okay, I think
all y'all little cocksuckers
110
00:05:44,177 --> 00:05:46,261
need to put on
your big-boy pants
111
00:05:46,262 --> 00:05:48,013
and get the fuck over it.
112
00:05:48,014 --> 00:05:49,765
I wish you'd put on
any pants at all
113
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instead of 69-ing our daddy.
114
00:05:54,187 --> 00:05:56,271
Miss Lori, we have
refrained from unleashin'
115
00:05:56,272 --> 00:05:59,232
our full power on you 'cause of
your history with this family.
116
00:05:59,233 --> 00:06:00,442
- Yep.
- Oh, okay.
117
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So please, please don't make
us cut loose on your bony ass.
118
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Ooh.
119
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Please don't make us!
120
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- Fuck it.
- Yeah, fuck it.
121
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Oh, this is really
quite intimidating.
122
00:06:17,710 --> 00:06:20,545
You know what's sad
about this is,
123
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I've just always
wanted to be y'all's friend.
124
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But if you want a motherfuckin'
wicked stepmother,
125
00:06:27,303 --> 00:06:30,972
then I guess I can
sure as hell do that too.
126
00:06:30,973 --> 00:06:32,933
- Stepmother?
- Y'all ain't married.
127
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No, y'all didn't get married
for real, did you?
128
00:06:35,812 --> 00:06:37,437
- Did you?
- Did you?
129
00:06:37,438 --> 00:06:38,772
- Did you guys get married?
- Did you get married?
130
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- Did you guys elope together?
- Answer.
131
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- But did y'all get mar--
- I really shouldn't say.
132
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Answer right now.
133
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No, I shouldn't say.
134
00:06:45,488 --> 00:06:47,322
And, you know,
I feel like I probably
135
00:06:47,323 --> 00:06:51,284
shouldn't tell you anything
about my personal life
136
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with your daddy.
137
00:06:52,412 --> 00:06:53,829
Did y'all get mar--
138
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Bye!
139
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I love you.
140
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- Quit.
- Huh?
141
00:06:59,836 --> 00:07:02,922
Did they get married?
142
00:07:04,340 --> 00:07:06,133
Look at us.
143
00:07:06,134 --> 00:07:09,386
A beautiful house,
a great relationship,
144
00:07:09,387 --> 00:07:11,513
a giant woman
that do all the dirty work.
145
00:07:11,514 --> 00:07:12,931
And I tell you what.
146
00:07:12,932 --> 00:07:14,099
We just gettin' started.
147
00:07:14,100 --> 00:07:15,934
Now we new money.
- Yeah.
148
00:07:15,935 --> 00:07:19,187
Now it's time to build
that generational wealth.
149
00:07:19,188 --> 00:07:21,189
Close your eyes.
150
00:07:21,190 --> 00:07:23,191
Open them.
Look at this right here.
151
00:07:23,192 --> 00:07:25,152
This is my new project.
152
00:07:25,153 --> 00:07:27,487
It's a young adult show
about Jesus
153
00:07:27,488 --> 00:07:29,739
being a teenager in Nazareth.
154
00:07:29,740 --> 00:07:31,741
I call it "Teenjus."
155
00:07:31,742 --> 00:07:34,244
Oh, so that's a teen show
about Jesus?
156
00:07:34,245 --> 00:07:35,245
Yes.
157
00:07:35,246 --> 00:07:36,872
Baby Billy,
that's really good.
158
00:07:36,873 --> 00:07:38,039
I like teen dramas--
159
00:07:38,040 --> 00:07:39,833
"Pretty Little Liars,"
"Gossip Women."
160
00:07:39,834 --> 00:07:41,042
I'd watch "Tanjust."
161
00:07:41,043 --> 00:07:43,211
Ain't no "Tanjust," Sola.
162
00:07:43,212 --> 00:07:45,505
It's teen Jesus--"Teenjus."
163
00:07:45,506 --> 00:07:48,884
Over here skimmin' leaves,
eavesdroppin'.
164
00:07:48,885 --> 00:07:51,887
Go inside that house
and watch them sleepin' babies.
165
00:07:51,888 --> 00:07:53,513
Go on!
166
00:07:53,514 --> 00:07:54,556
Get!
167
00:07:56,809 --> 00:07:59,769
Night night, Sola.
168
00:07:59,770 --> 00:08:02,731
Now, this franchise
catches fire,
169
00:08:02,732 --> 00:08:04,774
we talkin' cultural touchstone.
170
00:08:04,775 --> 00:08:07,987
It's gon' take us from
first class to private jets.
171
00:08:09,405 --> 00:08:11,948
Then maybe you can retire.
172
00:08:11,949 --> 00:08:13,492
Retire?
173
00:08:13,493 --> 00:08:15,368
What you talkin' about, retire?
174
00:08:15,369 --> 00:08:16,745
I've spent my whole life
175
00:08:16,746 --> 00:08:18,747
waitin' for these
opportunities.
176
00:08:18,748 --> 00:08:20,749
And I'm gon' strike this iron
as hard as I can
177
00:08:20,750 --> 00:08:24,336
while this motherfucker
is red-hot, sweetie.
178
00:08:24,337 --> 00:08:26,087
Lionel and Aimee-Leigh Jr.
179
00:08:26,088 --> 00:08:29,591
ain't gon' be
tiny tots forever.
180
00:08:29,592 --> 00:08:32,093
Even if I don't feed 'em right,
they'll get big.
181
00:08:32,094 --> 00:08:34,095
I don't want you missin' it.
182
00:08:34,096 --> 00:08:37,766
Well, I don't want to either,
but I got to provide now.
183
00:08:37,767 --> 00:08:40,143
I got to set y'all up.
184
00:08:40,144 --> 00:08:41,603
I'm an old man, Tiff.
185
00:08:41,604 --> 00:08:43,313
I don't know how long I got.
186
00:08:43,314 --> 00:08:47,609
Baby Billy,
don't talk like that.
187
00:08:47,610 --> 00:08:49,569
You're gonna live forever.
188
00:08:52,615 --> 00:08:54,074
Come in here.
189
00:08:54,075 --> 00:08:56,494
Get in here.
Get in here now.
190
00:09:07,797 --> 00:09:09,423
Ah!
191
00:09:11,300 --> 00:09:12,759
Damn it.
192
00:09:12,760 --> 00:09:14,219
Oh, my God.
193
00:09:14,220 --> 00:09:16,304
I can't even make a T.
194
00:09:16,305 --> 00:09:17,806
You were tryin'
to piss in the tub?
195
00:09:17,807 --> 00:09:20,642
No, I fell in
because I'm helpless.
196
00:09:20,643 --> 00:09:22,435
I'm broken.
197
00:09:22,436 --> 00:09:23,895
I'm half a man.
198
00:09:23,896 --> 00:09:25,647
It's okay.
I'll get you out of here.
199
00:09:25,648 --> 00:09:27,774
No, it's not okay!
200
00:09:27,775 --> 00:09:30,151
I refuse to sugarcoat this.
201
00:09:30,152 --> 00:09:32,279
Our lives are forever changed
because I couldn't
202
00:09:32,280 --> 00:09:34,823
hit the backspin vault.
203
00:09:34,824 --> 00:09:37,325
BJ, the doctor said
with therapy,
204
00:09:37,326 --> 00:09:38,827
you will totally walk again.
205
00:09:38,828 --> 00:09:40,954
They're full of shit!
206
00:09:40,955 --> 00:09:43,498
Okay, dude.
You know what?
207
00:09:43,499 --> 00:09:45,458
I'm tryin' to be
sympathetic here,
208
00:09:45,459 --> 00:09:48,795
but it's really hard
when you're bein' a dickhead.
209
00:09:48,796 --> 00:09:50,839
I don't even know
who you are right now.
210
00:09:50,840 --> 00:09:52,674
Me either.
211
00:09:52,675 --> 00:09:56,469
Crippled, angry BJ is
an entirely new thing for me.
212
00:09:56,470 --> 00:09:58,054
I can already tell
I fuckin' hate him,
213
00:09:58,055 --> 00:10:00,181
but I guess we better
get used to him.
214
00:10:00,182 --> 00:10:01,391
Go.
215
00:10:01,392 --> 00:10:03,518
I'm gonna stand up
out of this bathtub on my own.
216
00:10:03,519 --> 00:10:04,853
No, please, let me help you.
217
00:10:04,854 --> 00:10:06,187
No!
218
00:10:06,188 --> 00:10:07,480
Go, Judy!
219
00:10:27,752 --> 00:10:29,169
Good afternoon, Judy.
220
00:10:29,170 --> 00:10:32,297
Is it? I hadn't noticed.
221
00:10:32,298 --> 00:10:33,381
Do you have a moment?
222
00:10:33,382 --> 00:10:35,216
Let me ask questions too.
223
00:10:35,217 --> 00:10:37,177
Oh.
224
00:10:37,178 --> 00:10:40,055
What do you want?
225
00:10:40,056 --> 00:10:42,682
I just came
to drop somethin' off
226
00:10:42,683 --> 00:10:44,684
and to see how you both
are doin'.
227
00:10:44,685 --> 00:10:46,061
Oh, guess what, Amber.
228
00:10:46,062 --> 00:10:48,396
We're fuckin' miserable.
229
00:10:48,397 --> 00:10:50,565
I'm so sorry.
230
00:10:50,566 --> 00:10:52,985
But maybe I have somethin'
that'll make it better.
231
00:10:59,283 --> 00:11:03,578
A fuckin' Monchhichi?
232
00:11:03,579 --> 00:11:05,747
What are we supposed
to do with that, eat it?
233
00:11:05,748 --> 00:11:07,082
No.
234
00:11:07,083 --> 00:11:08,583
This is Dr. Watson.
235
00:11:08,584 --> 00:11:09,918
He's a service animal.
236
00:11:09,919 --> 00:11:11,878
I'm involved in a charity
for disabled vets
237
00:11:11,879 --> 00:11:13,546
that trains capuchin monkeys
238
00:11:13,547 --> 00:11:16,007
to help with simple,
everyday tasks.
239
00:11:16,008 --> 00:11:17,926
So we just take it inside
and it just, like,
240
00:11:17,927 --> 00:11:19,260
runs around and shit?
241
00:11:19,261 --> 00:11:20,595
Yeah, maybe it helps
lighten the load,
242
00:11:20,596 --> 00:11:23,723
maybe puts a smile
on BJ's face.
243
00:11:23,724 --> 00:11:25,266
Yeah, don't count
on that happenin'.
244
00:11:25,267 --> 00:11:29,521
But I mean, I guess
we could give it a shot.
245
00:11:29,522 --> 00:11:30,939
What do we do
if we don't like him?
246
00:11:30,940 --> 00:11:34,526
We just throw him out?
- No, I will take it back.
247
00:11:34,527 --> 00:11:36,277
No pressure.
248
00:11:38,489 --> 00:11:41,783
♪ Let's build a tree house
out of love ♪
249
00:11:41,784 --> 00:11:45,286
♪ Let's turn the whole world
upside down ♪
250
00:11:45,287 --> 00:11:48,832
Let's build a tree house
out of love ♪
251
00:11:48,833 --> 00:11:52,335
♪ Let's build
a tree house out of love ♪
252
00:11:52,336 --> 00:11:56,256
♪ Let's kiss and tell
and knuckle down ♪
253
00:11:56,257 --> 00:11:58,675
♪ Let's turn the whole world
upside down ♪
254
00:11:58,676 --> 00:12:02,345
It is all comin'
together, Keefe.
255
00:12:02,346 --> 00:12:03,805
I'm just happy
to see you smilin'
256
00:12:03,806 --> 00:12:05,306
after all you've been through.
257
00:12:05,307 --> 00:12:07,142
A project
like this tree house
258
00:12:07,143 --> 00:12:09,227
is exactly what I need.
259
00:12:09,228 --> 00:12:12,439
I'm hugely successful
and havin' a moment right now.
260
00:12:12,440 --> 00:12:16,067
It's no time to be a sad sack,
actin' all depressed.
261
00:12:16,068 --> 00:12:18,653
No matter how big a load
262
00:12:18,654 --> 00:12:20,488
is dropped on your chest,
263
00:12:20,489 --> 00:12:22,449
you rise.
264
00:12:22,450 --> 00:12:25,326
Next Top Christ Following Man
event is coming up.
265
00:12:25,327 --> 00:12:27,996
It's gonna be a live
TV roundtable discussion.
266
00:12:27,997 --> 00:12:29,664
- Wow.
- It's gonna be a great chance
267
00:12:29,665 --> 00:12:31,332
to drop some dank sound bites
268
00:12:31,333 --> 00:12:33,918
and establish myself
as a clear fave.
269
00:12:33,919 --> 00:12:35,628
Will you be needing
my assistance?
270
00:12:35,629 --> 00:12:38,339
- Doy.
- Doy.
271
00:12:38,340 --> 00:12:40,508
Gonna need
a cheerin' section.
272
00:12:40,509 --> 00:12:41,676
Boop.
273
00:12:41,677 --> 00:12:43,803
A section you shall have.
274
00:12:43,804 --> 00:12:47,182
Kelvin, Kelvin, go.
275
00:12:47,183 --> 00:12:48,641
Okay, let's get back to work.
276
00:12:48,642 --> 00:12:50,518
Okay.
277
00:12:58,068 --> 00:12:59,068
Caught you.
278
00:12:59,069 --> 00:13:01,362
Aw.
Busted.
279
00:13:01,363 --> 00:13:03,907
Sneaky peeks.
280
00:13:18,380 --> 00:13:20,048
Daddy issues?
281
00:13:23,052 --> 00:13:25,678
Congrats, scumbag.
282
00:13:25,679 --> 00:13:27,388
I hear Daddy's datin'.
283
00:13:27,389 --> 00:13:29,307
You have a new stepmommy.
284
00:13:29,308 --> 00:13:31,059
Nobody got no stepmommy.
285
00:13:31,060 --> 00:13:33,561
Why don't you mind your own
business and eff off, orphan?
286
00:13:33,562 --> 00:13:35,647
No, you eff off, Jesse.
287
00:13:35,648 --> 00:13:37,482
You went too far.
288
00:13:37,483 --> 00:13:39,734
Firebombin' a church--
289
00:13:39,735 --> 00:13:42,278
what kind of demon
does such a thing?
290
00:13:42,279 --> 00:13:44,781
I'm sorry, I don't know
what you're talking about.
291
00:13:44,782 --> 00:13:47,200
But maybe don't put another
mini-mall church there.
292
00:13:47,201 --> 00:13:50,870
Seems like it could be
bad mojo, perhaps.
293
00:13:50,871 --> 00:13:53,206
Damn you.
294
00:13:53,207 --> 00:13:55,083
I have half a mind
295
00:13:55,084 --> 00:13:57,418
to drop a yellow kerchief
on you
296
00:13:57,419 --> 00:14:00,255
right here, right now,
in this chamber.
297
00:14:02,424 --> 00:14:03,925
What the hell's
a yellow kerchief?
298
00:14:03,926 --> 00:14:05,301
Looks like somebody
hasn't read
299
00:14:05,302 --> 00:14:07,136
his Cape and Pistol Manual, obviously.
300
00:14:08,764 --> 00:14:11,266
If I drop a yellow kerchief
on your foot,
301
00:14:11,267 --> 00:14:13,560
it means I'm callin' you
a coward.
302
00:14:13,561 --> 00:14:17,105
And the only way you can
prove that you're not a coward
303
00:14:17,106 --> 00:14:18,898
is to duel--
304
00:14:18,899 --> 00:14:19,899
pistols.
305
00:14:21,360 --> 00:14:23,194
Boy...
306
00:14:23,195 --> 00:14:26,281
I wish you would drop
a yellow hanky on my boot.
307
00:14:26,282 --> 00:14:29,033
I would love an excuse
to murder you,
308
00:14:29,034 --> 00:14:32,871
to blow that greasy haircut off
the top of your fuckin' head.
309
00:14:32,872 --> 00:14:34,956
You'd try, but you'd miss.
310
00:14:34,957 --> 00:14:38,626
I'm only gonna tell you
this once, so listen up.
311
00:14:38,627 --> 00:14:41,754
Back up off me, son, if you
know what's good for you.
312
00:14:41,755 --> 00:14:43,798
You're nothing to me.
313
00:14:43,799 --> 00:14:47,969
No, Jesse, I am somethin'--
314
00:14:47,970 --> 00:14:51,764
somethin' you are
never gonna forget.
315
00:14:51,765 --> 00:14:53,474
New phone. Who dis?
316
00:14:53,475 --> 00:14:55,518
Vance Simkins.
317
00:14:55,519 --> 00:14:57,145
Doesn't ring a bell.
318
00:14:57,146 --> 00:14:58,813
Stop playin' games.
You know my name.
319
00:14:58,814 --> 00:15:00,315
You know you know my name.
320
00:15:00,316 --> 00:15:01,983
Does anyone know
who this young woman is?
321
00:15:01,984 --> 00:15:04,277
My name's
Vance Simkins, damn it!
322
00:15:04,278 --> 00:15:05,778
Hi, I'm Jesse Gemstone.
323
00:15:05,779 --> 00:15:06,863
Pleasure to meet you.
324
00:15:06,864 --> 00:15:09,991
I'm done playin'
these childish games with you.
325
00:15:09,992 --> 00:15:12,994
I'm way too mature for this.
326
00:15:12,995 --> 00:15:14,370
Who are you?
327
00:15:18,167 --> 00:15:19,959
Got him.
328
00:15:19,960 --> 00:15:21,669
Got him, Daddy.
329
00:15:21,670 --> 00:15:24,464
Smoked him.
330
00:15:27,843 --> 00:15:28,843
Psst, psst, psst.
331
00:15:28,844 --> 00:15:29,844
Hey.
332
00:15:29,845 --> 00:15:31,095
Hey, boy.
333
00:15:31,096 --> 00:15:32,180
What?
334
00:15:32,181 --> 00:15:34,515
Come in here.
335
00:15:40,522 --> 00:15:44,192
I have a surprise for you.
336
00:15:44,193 --> 00:15:46,694
South Carolina
legalized euthanasia?
337
00:15:46,695 --> 00:15:47,862
I get to die?
338
00:15:47,863 --> 00:15:50,657
Beej, come on, dude.
Hush on that mess.
339
00:15:50,658 --> 00:15:53,743
Hey, there's tons of wheelchair
people who have great lives.
340
00:15:53,744 --> 00:15:55,411
How about the president
with the cold legs
341
00:15:55,412 --> 00:15:57,747
who does talks
by the fireplace?
342
00:15:57,748 --> 00:15:58,873
FDR?
343
00:15:58,874 --> 00:16:00,208
He's dead.
344
00:16:00,209 --> 00:16:03,753
BJ, your problem
is not with your legs.
345
00:16:03,754 --> 00:16:06,673
It's with your attitude,
doll baby.
346
00:16:06,674 --> 00:16:08,841
I can't even do
the simplest stuff.
347
00:16:08,842 --> 00:16:13,554
Well, maybe you need
a special friend who can.
348
00:16:13,555 --> 00:16:16,391
Introducing Dr. Watson.
349
00:16:21,563 --> 00:16:23,731
A monkey? What's he do?
350
00:16:23,732 --> 00:16:25,233
Whatever you want.
351
00:16:25,234 --> 00:16:26,401
You just call him
with that bell
352
00:16:26,402 --> 00:16:29,487
and then say commands to him
and stuff, and he does it.
353
00:16:29,488 --> 00:16:31,239
Like this. Watch.
354
00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:33,199
Hey, Dr. Watson,
why don't you go get me
355
00:16:33,200 --> 00:16:36,411
a black cherry White Claw
from the hall fridge?
356
00:16:41,083 --> 00:16:42,667
There's no way
he's gonna be able to tell
357
00:16:42,668 --> 00:16:44,085
what a White Claw is.
358
00:16:44,086 --> 00:16:46,254
That's not how
service animals work, Judy.
359
00:16:46,255 --> 00:16:48,173
That's insane.
360
00:16:58,934 --> 00:17:03,062
It's Citrus Yuzu Smash,
but it's still fuckin' rad.
361
00:17:10,446 --> 00:17:12,947
As members of Jesse's
leadership team,
362
00:17:12,948 --> 00:17:15,241
we have been tasked
with doin' a little diggin'
363
00:17:15,242 --> 00:17:17,285
on one Miss Lori.
364
00:17:17,286 --> 00:17:19,245
We did some look-'em-ups.
365
00:17:19,246 --> 00:17:21,414
We scanned through
Miss Lori's socials
366
00:17:21,415 --> 00:17:24,125
and found all sorts
of photos of her
367
00:17:24,126 --> 00:17:25,877
with different male figures.
368
00:17:25,878 --> 00:17:27,128
Yes.
369
00:17:27,129 --> 00:17:31,049
On vacation,
doin' hugs and laughter.
370
00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:32,091
Harlot.
371
00:17:32,092 --> 00:17:33,217
Hang on, hang on.
372
00:17:33,218 --> 00:17:35,720
Levi, go back
to that picture, dude.
373
00:17:35,721 --> 00:17:36,804
Okay, zoom--zoom in.
374
00:17:36,805 --> 00:17:39,265
Zoom, zoom, left, left.
375
00:17:39,266 --> 00:17:41,934
Go to 0.3
on the pixelation on that.
376
00:17:43,479 --> 00:17:45,229
Enhance that quadrant.
377
00:17:45,230 --> 00:17:46,898
Little tighter in.
378
00:17:49,485 --> 00:17:50,651
Damn it.
379
00:17:50,652 --> 00:17:53,154
Those earrings are
fuckin' cute, fuckin' bitch.
380
00:17:53,155 --> 00:17:54,864
Wow, Jesse.
381
00:17:54,865 --> 00:17:57,533
I mean, your guys
have hit the jackpot.
382
00:17:57,534 --> 00:17:59,368
What a treasure trove.
383
00:17:59,369 --> 00:18:00,453
You know what?
384
00:18:00,454 --> 00:18:03,706
I am too damn successful
to be sittin' here
385
00:18:03,707 --> 00:18:06,000
lookin' at Miss Lori's
crab claw dinners
386
00:18:06,001 --> 00:18:07,335
and sundress selfies.
387
00:18:07,336 --> 00:18:09,837
Our presentation
is not complete.
388
00:18:09,838 --> 00:18:11,547
Have a little bit
of respect, Kelvin,
389
00:18:11,548 --> 00:18:15,009
and sit your damn TT bird down
right now for five seconds.
390
00:18:15,010 --> 00:18:17,011
Yeah, sit, you little twink.
391
00:18:17,012 --> 00:18:18,387
Too damn successful.
392
00:18:18,388 --> 00:18:19,847
These dudes did
damn look-'em-ups,
393
00:18:19,848 --> 00:18:21,516
and you're sittin' here
tryin' to go fuckin' walk away?
394
00:18:21,517 --> 00:18:23,685
Well, show us somethin'.
395
00:18:25,187 --> 00:18:26,354
Who the hell is that?
396
00:18:26,355 --> 00:18:28,106
Now, he works
at the Benz dealership
397
00:18:28,107 --> 00:18:29,649
where Miss Lori bought her car.
398
00:18:29,650 --> 00:18:31,526
all:
Big Dick Mitch?
399
00:18:31,527 --> 00:18:33,528
Maybe his dick is big.
400
00:18:33,529 --> 00:18:35,696
I can't tell
with those slacks he has on.
401
00:18:35,697 --> 00:18:38,157
His dick size is uncertain.
402
00:18:38,158 --> 00:18:42,370
But unfortunately,
so is his fate.
403
00:18:42,371 --> 00:18:45,373
Big Dick Mitch
is a missing person.
404
00:18:45,374 --> 00:18:47,041
Get the fuck out of here.
405
00:18:50,546 --> 00:18:53,047
Not you, Levi.
406
00:18:53,048 --> 00:18:56,592
Levi looked up other dudes
tagged in the photos.
407
00:18:56,593 --> 00:19:01,681
More than a few are either
missing or straight dead.
408
00:19:01,682 --> 00:19:05,226
Drownings, suicides,
car accidents.
409
00:19:05,227 --> 00:19:06,727
Is this bitch a black widow?
410
00:19:06,728 --> 00:19:09,355
We need to do some
additional look-'em-ups.
411
00:19:09,356 --> 00:19:11,065
Who else knows Miss Lori?
412
00:19:11,066 --> 00:19:13,776
Who's somebody who has
some real insight?
413
00:19:13,777 --> 00:19:16,696
I don't know
who that would be.
414
00:19:16,697 --> 00:19:19,073
"Teenjus"
is my young adult show
415
00:19:19,074 --> 00:19:23,202
about Jesus
being a teenager in Nazareth.
416
00:19:23,203 --> 00:19:25,246
Why don't you
call it "Teen Jesus"?
417
00:19:25,247 --> 00:19:29,417
"Teenjus"--
"teen" and "Jesus" mixed.
418
00:19:29,418 --> 00:19:32,086
Yeah, but not mixed
in a way that makes any sense.
419
00:19:32,087 --> 00:19:33,921
You're just takin'
the J from "Jesus"
420
00:19:33,922 --> 00:19:36,424
and then skippin' ahead
to the U and the S.
421
00:19:36,425 --> 00:19:38,092
Like, that's not
how you combine words.
422
00:19:38,093 --> 00:19:41,429
If you're gonna combine words,
it'd be "Teensus."
423
00:19:41,430 --> 00:19:43,014
- "Teensus."
- No, no.
424
00:19:43,015 --> 00:19:44,098
I don't like that.
425
00:19:44,099 --> 00:19:46,434
Also, it's fuckin' rude
that you're usin'
426
00:19:46,435 --> 00:19:47,935
the whole word of "teen"
427
00:19:47,936 --> 00:19:49,353
but you're gonna
shorten "Jesus."
428
00:19:49,354 --> 00:19:51,105
That's our Lord
and Savior, homey.
429
00:19:51,106 --> 00:19:52,565
This ain't even
up for discussion.
430
00:19:52,566 --> 00:19:53,774
I got it.
431
00:19:53,775 --> 00:19:55,276
Use the J from "Jesus."
432
00:19:55,277 --> 00:19:56,444
You shorten "teen."
433
00:19:56,445 --> 00:19:58,779
You call him Jean.
434
00:19:58,780 --> 00:20:00,781
- Ooh.
- Jean--okay, that's better.
435
00:20:00,782 --> 00:20:02,658
Ain't nobody gonna
call Jesus Jean.
436
00:20:02,659 --> 00:20:05,286
Now, pull out them pocketbooks
and green-light this.
437
00:20:05,287 --> 00:20:07,455
Look, we ain't here
to be talkin' about pitches
438
00:20:07,456 --> 00:20:08,623
and green lights, all right?
439
00:20:08,624 --> 00:20:11,626
We came here to talk
about life and death.
440
00:20:11,627 --> 00:20:13,920
What you know
about Miss Lori?
441
00:20:13,921 --> 00:20:16,005
You want to know
about Miss Lori Milsap,
442
00:20:16,006 --> 00:20:19,300
you don't need no AOL
or the World Wide Web.
443
00:20:19,301 --> 00:20:21,427
You need Baby Billy Freeman.
444
00:20:21,428 --> 00:20:23,137
You got some dirt?
445
00:20:23,138 --> 00:20:24,430
Is it juicy?
446
00:20:24,431 --> 00:20:26,474
Could be.
447
00:20:26,475 --> 00:20:28,601
Come in here.
448
00:20:28,602 --> 00:20:32,104
Could be just the thing
that sends Eli into a tailspin.
449
00:20:32,105 --> 00:20:33,981
But I ain't tellin' y'all shit
450
00:20:33,982 --> 00:20:35,983
until you give
Baby Billy Freeman
451
00:20:35,984 --> 00:20:38,486
what he wants.
452
00:20:38,487 --> 00:20:40,947
And I got to get the cameras
rollin' on "Teenjus," now.
453
00:20:40,948 --> 00:20:42,657
- Oh, my God.
- Come on, man.
454
00:20:42,658 --> 00:20:44,909
- Oh, my God.
- Fine. Green-lit.
455
00:20:44,910 --> 00:20:45,910
Now, spill it.
456
00:20:45,911 --> 00:20:48,996
Congratulations,
another hit television show.
457
00:20:48,997 --> 00:20:50,581
Yes.
458
00:20:50,582 --> 00:20:52,416
All right, come in here.
459
00:20:52,417 --> 00:20:56,504
Now, Miss Lori, now, see,
she reached out to me
460
00:20:56,505 --> 00:20:58,130
about bein' a part
of Aimee-Leigh's
461
00:20:58,131 --> 00:21:00,049
birthday celebration telethon,
462
00:21:00,050 --> 00:21:02,301
sayin' she didn't have
no money,
463
00:21:02,302 --> 00:21:07,515
that she's broke and in debt,
needed a gig.
464
00:21:07,516 --> 00:21:09,517
Practically cryin'
on the phone.
465
00:21:10,686 --> 00:21:13,479
Well, I threw her a bone
as a favor to your mama.
466
00:21:13,480 --> 00:21:15,314
But...
467
00:21:15,315 --> 00:21:17,191
- Mm-hmm.
- Okay. Come on in.
468
00:21:17,192 --> 00:21:18,859
It sure is interestin',
though, ain't it?
469
00:21:18,860 --> 00:21:20,861
Seein' as how she
wound up in the arms
470
00:21:20,862 --> 00:21:23,531
of your rich-ass daddy.
471
00:21:23,532 --> 00:21:25,741
Sure does solve them
money problems, don't it?
472
00:21:31,290 --> 00:21:35,876
Oh, I forgot the bread.
473
00:21:39,298 --> 00:21:42,550
Go get the multigrain bread
from the counter, Dr. Watson.
474
00:22:08,076 --> 00:22:11,537
Now return the multigrain to
its proper place, Dr. Watson.
475
00:22:24,217 --> 00:22:25,426
Now, y'all say stuff.
476
00:22:25,427 --> 00:22:27,303
Don't just make me be
the only one crushing him.
477
00:22:27,304 --> 00:22:28,596
You guys do stuff
to crush him too.
478
00:22:28,597 --> 00:22:30,097
We already said
we were gonna say stuff.
479
00:22:30,098 --> 00:22:32,516
- Hey.
- As-salaam alaikum.
480
00:22:32,517 --> 00:22:34,101
Is that Daddy
or Samuel L. Jackson?
481
00:22:35,687 --> 00:22:37,063
Nice hat.
482
00:22:37,064 --> 00:22:38,689
Lookin' like
a fashion victim, Daddy.
483
00:22:38,690 --> 00:22:40,524
Is she dressin' you now?
484
00:22:40,525 --> 00:22:42,109
That's gross, dude.
485
00:22:42,110 --> 00:22:43,402
You're pussy-whipped.
486
00:22:44,446 --> 00:22:47,073
Kids, this has--
this has gone on too long.
487
00:22:47,074 --> 00:22:49,950
You better brace yourself
because unfortunately,
488
00:22:49,951 --> 00:22:52,286
we have some intel
on your lady friend.
489
00:22:52,287 --> 00:22:55,539
Mm-hmm, and you are not
gonna like it.
490
00:22:55,540 --> 00:22:56,749
Oh, good grief.
491
00:22:56,750 --> 00:22:59,627
If you're gonna
bad-mouth Lori, save it.
492
00:22:59,628 --> 00:23:02,463
She's a possible
serial killer, Daddy.
493
00:23:03,465 --> 00:23:04,799
Like, a bunch
of her boyfriends
494
00:23:04,800 --> 00:23:07,968
are either dead, missing,
murdered, or gone.
495
00:23:07,969 --> 00:23:10,763
- Big Dick Mitch...
- Heard of him?
496
00:23:10,764 --> 00:23:12,473
He clocked out of work
at the Benz dealership
497
00:23:12,474 --> 00:23:14,475
and walked off the face
of the fuckin' Earth.
498
00:23:14,476 --> 00:23:15,810
He's disappeared, Daddy.
499
00:23:15,811 --> 00:23:18,479
Big Dick Mitch,
nowhere to be found.
500
00:23:18,480 --> 00:23:20,147
This is ridiculous.
501
00:23:20,148 --> 00:23:23,818
She's also in debt
up to her eyeballs.
502
00:23:23,819 --> 00:23:25,861
Miss Lori is a poverty person.
503
00:23:25,862 --> 00:23:27,780
- Ooh-hoo-hoo.
- She's poor.
504
00:23:27,781 --> 00:23:30,282
I'm sorry to be the one to have
to share that news, Daddy.
505
00:23:30,283 --> 00:23:33,202
Finally see what
she sees in Daddy.
506
00:23:33,203 --> 00:23:35,287
She's usin' you
for your money, honey.
507
00:23:35,288 --> 00:23:36,330
Ooh-hoo-hoo-hoo.
508
00:23:36,331 --> 00:23:37,790
She's tryin' to black widow
that ass, Daddy.
509
00:23:37,791 --> 00:23:38,791
It's obvious.
510
00:23:38,792 --> 00:23:40,334
She's attempting to make you
511
00:23:40,335 --> 00:23:42,294
a "Dateline" episode, son.
512
00:23:42,295 --> 00:23:44,338
That's all this ever was.
513
00:23:44,339 --> 00:23:47,174
God damn it.
514
00:23:47,175 --> 00:23:49,510
You kids need to grow up!
515
00:23:49,511 --> 00:23:54,098
The lies, the shit attitudes,
the manipulations--
516
00:23:54,099 --> 00:23:55,516
enough!
517
00:23:55,517 --> 00:23:56,517
Why don't you just go ahead
518
00:23:56,518 --> 00:23:57,601
and get killed
for your money, then.
519
00:23:57,602 --> 00:23:59,353
See if I care. I don't care.
Just go do that, then.
520
00:23:59,354 --> 00:24:00,354
That's so stupid.
- I don't care, Daddy.
521
00:24:00,355 --> 00:24:02,148
I won't sit here
and listen to you trash Lori
522
00:24:02,149 --> 00:24:04,483
because you're
too immature to realize
523
00:24:04,484 --> 00:24:08,028
that Mama ain't comin' back.
524
00:24:08,029 --> 00:24:09,989
She's not.
525
00:24:09,990 --> 00:24:11,699
And I'll be goddamned
if I'm gonna spend
526
00:24:11,700 --> 00:24:14,869
what's left of my life
feelin' sad about it.
527
00:24:16,329 --> 00:24:20,374
Yo, Slick Rick, you tryin'
to take her side over ours?
528
00:24:20,375 --> 00:24:22,585
Yeah, playboy.
529
00:24:22,586 --> 00:24:23,711
Choose a side.
530
00:24:23,712 --> 00:24:25,921
Us or her?
531
00:24:25,922 --> 00:24:28,924
What's it gonna be?
532
00:24:28,925 --> 00:24:31,218
Why'd you have to back him
into a choice like that, Jesse?
533
00:24:31,219 --> 00:24:33,012
That was so fuckin' stupid!
534
00:24:33,013 --> 00:24:34,180
Kelvin's the one
who teed him up.
535
00:24:34,181 --> 00:24:35,764
I didn't tee him up.
- Buzz off.
536
00:24:35,765 --> 00:24:37,516
I have bigger things to do
than bickerin' with
537
00:24:37,517 --> 00:24:40,644
my underachievin' older bro
and my unsexy nurse sister.
538
00:24:40,645 --> 00:24:42,313
You better watch
your fuckin' mouth, Corky.
539
00:24:42,314 --> 00:24:45,191
I'm a very sexy nurse sister.
540
00:24:45,192 --> 00:24:47,234
What the hell's
wrong with you lately?
541
00:24:47,235 --> 00:24:48,903
Actin' like a certified bitch.
542
00:24:48,904 --> 00:24:51,071
Y'all just salty
that I've lapped you
543
00:24:51,072 --> 00:24:53,699
in both achievement
and prestige.
544
00:24:53,700 --> 00:24:55,075
My work with Prism--
545
00:24:55,076 --> 00:24:57,411
more relevant than anything
you two do.
546
00:24:57,412 --> 00:24:59,079
That's right.
547
00:24:59,080 --> 00:25:00,998
I'm makin' headlines.
548
00:25:00,999 --> 00:25:02,666
I'm makin' myself
look like a fool, y'all.
549
00:25:03,668 --> 00:25:05,002
You're just actin'
like a goddamn clown.
550
00:25:05,003 --> 00:25:06,670
Self-absorbed--
everyone sees it.
551
00:25:06,671 --> 00:25:08,130
Clowns don't get nominated
552
00:25:08,131 --> 00:25:10,216
for Top Christ Following Man, dummy.
553
00:25:10,217 --> 00:25:11,717
Too bad that's a total sham.
554
00:25:11,718 --> 00:25:14,887
I've never seen a more blatant
example of tokenism.
555
00:25:14,888 --> 00:25:15,888
Tokenism?
556
00:25:15,889 --> 00:25:17,264
You a flavor
of the month, son.
557
00:25:17,265 --> 00:25:18,474
Your shit ain't real.
558
00:25:18,475 --> 00:25:20,267
You ain't
a Top Christ Following Man,
559
00:25:20,268 --> 00:25:21,268
and you know it.
560
00:25:22,896 --> 00:25:23,896
How dare you?
561
00:25:23,897 --> 00:25:25,147
You know why
they gave it to you.
562
00:25:25,148 --> 00:25:28,609
You know why.
563
00:25:28,610 --> 00:25:31,070
San Francisco.
564
00:25:31,071 --> 00:25:32,780
That's rich.
565
00:25:32,781 --> 00:25:34,615
You're a loser, Jesse.
566
00:25:34,616 --> 00:25:36,617
Why don't you go cry
in a Prayer Pod?
567
00:25:36,618 --> 00:25:38,452
You fail at everything.
568
00:25:38,453 --> 00:25:41,455
Your kids don't even
like you--zero respect.
569
00:25:41,456 --> 00:25:42,540
It's sad.
570
00:25:42,541 --> 00:25:44,959
Damn, Kelvin,
show some restraint.
571
00:25:44,960 --> 00:25:46,126
And you--
572
00:25:46,127 --> 00:25:47,753
Daddy doesn't even
think about you.
573
00:25:47,754 --> 00:25:49,630
Why waste the time?
574
00:25:49,631 --> 00:25:51,799
We'd all be happiest
if you just married
575
00:25:51,800 --> 00:25:53,801
some powerful asshole
and become their problem.
576
00:25:53,802 --> 00:25:56,470
Instead you married
a pole-dancing cripple.
577
00:25:56,471 --> 00:25:58,472
Now both of you
are our problem.
578
00:26:01,810 --> 00:26:02,810
Sorry.
579
00:26:02,811 --> 00:26:05,145
I'm just speakin' my truth.
580
00:26:05,146 --> 00:26:07,314
Well, I was just
makin' a joke.
581
00:26:07,315 --> 00:26:09,483
This was just flapping hair
to do a joke.
582
00:26:09,484 --> 00:26:11,610
And you said stuff
that's hurtful for real.
583
00:26:11,611 --> 00:26:13,988
- No, you meant it.
- I said a city, Kelvin.
584
00:26:13,989 --> 00:26:15,155
That's all I did.
585
00:26:15,156 --> 00:26:16,657
What's gonna happen
if I say Fort Worth?
586
00:26:16,658 --> 00:26:18,784
You gonna fuckin' stab me?
587
00:26:18,785 --> 00:26:21,161
Hope you feel good
about yourself.
588
00:26:21,162 --> 00:26:23,372
I do feel good about myself.
589
00:26:23,373 --> 00:26:24,707
both: Good.
590
00:26:24,708 --> 00:26:29,503
- Good.
- Good.
591
00:26:29,504 --> 00:26:30,879
Good.
592
00:26:33,174 --> 00:26:35,676
You're funny.
593
00:26:35,677 --> 00:26:36,885
Oh!
594
00:26:36,886 --> 00:26:39,680
You're such a gentleman.
595
00:26:39,681 --> 00:26:41,390
I try.
596
00:26:41,391 --> 00:26:44,853
Well, it's no Gemstone
compound, but it's home.
597
00:26:46,354 --> 00:26:47,438
Hey!
598
00:26:47,439 --> 00:26:48,856
Mama said
y'all were comin'.
599
00:26:48,857 --> 00:26:51,650
Yeah, I figured
it'd be best
600
00:26:51,651 --> 00:26:53,986
to give everybody
a little space.
601
00:26:53,987 --> 00:26:55,195
Say no more.
602
00:26:55,196 --> 00:26:57,323
I just popped by to drop
you guys off some dinner.
603
00:26:57,324 --> 00:26:59,867
A little Kung Pao Dynasty.
- Ooh.
604
00:26:59,868 --> 00:27:01,660
I also left your edibles
by the microwave, Mama.
605
00:27:01,661 --> 00:27:04,288
What's that? Edibles?
606
00:27:04,289 --> 00:27:06,624
Darlin',
they're like gummy bears,
607
00:27:06,625 --> 00:27:09,376
except with marijuana in 'em.
608
00:27:09,377 --> 00:27:10,878
Yeah, you're gonna like it.
609
00:27:11,880 --> 00:27:13,589
Thank you for the treats, baby.
610
00:27:13,590 --> 00:27:15,591
Have fun, you two.
611
00:27:15,592 --> 00:27:18,345
Good to see you, Core.
612
00:27:22,891 --> 00:27:24,600
I'm gonna get me a gummy.
613
00:27:24,601 --> 00:27:27,561
- Yeah?
- Yeah, I sure am.
614
00:27:32,233 --> 00:27:33,442
The kids in the village
will never give me
615
00:27:33,443 --> 00:27:35,027
a fair shot, Johnny B.
616
00:27:35,028 --> 00:27:36,278
Of course not, Teenjus.
617
00:27:36,279 --> 00:27:38,072
They think you're--
you're nothing more
618
00:27:38,073 --> 00:27:40,741
than a carpenter's son.
619
00:27:40,742 --> 00:27:43,702
You know, if I win
the village dance contest,
620
00:27:43,703 --> 00:27:45,829
there's no way
I won't be accepted.
621
00:27:45,830 --> 00:27:47,206
Through my moves and swagger,
622
00:27:47,207 --> 00:27:48,582
I'll show them
I am the chosen one.
623
00:27:48,583 --> 00:27:51,210
Keep movin',
you dirty Nazarenes.
624
00:27:51,211 --> 00:27:53,587
Always up to mischief,
are you, Teenjus?
625
00:27:53,588 --> 00:27:55,714
When you finally gonna
get your act together?
626
00:27:55,715 --> 00:27:56,924
You're late for class.
627
00:27:56,925 --> 00:27:59,093
Teenjus. Teenjus!
628
00:27:59,094 --> 00:28:00,844
Give me some more smolder, now.
629
00:28:00,845 --> 00:28:02,596
You hate this Roman soldier.
630
00:28:02,597 --> 00:28:05,224
You want to rip
his fuckin' face off.
631
00:28:05,225 --> 00:28:06,433
But you can't, now,
632
00:28:06,434 --> 00:28:07,726
'cause you're Teenjus.
633
00:28:07,727 --> 00:28:09,937
So just be conflicted, now.
634
00:28:09,938 --> 00:28:12,940
Now, turn around and think
to yourself, fuck him!
635
00:28:12,941 --> 00:28:14,858
And walk off slowly.
636
00:28:14,859 --> 00:28:16,443
'Cause you don't want
to fuck with a Roman
637
00:28:16,444 --> 00:28:17,778
'cause they will crucify you.
638
00:28:18,780 --> 00:28:21,448
Somebody get that donkey
in focus.
639
00:28:21,449 --> 00:28:24,410
Yes. And cut!
640
00:28:24,411 --> 00:28:26,412
♪ Work that mother,
work it to the bone ♪
641
00:28:26,413 --> 00:28:28,831
♪ If you're funky
and you know it ♪
642
00:28:28,832 --> 00:28:30,791
♪ Throw dem hands up
and show it ♪
643
00:28:30,792 --> 00:28:32,459
♪ If you're funky
and you know it ♪
644
00:28:32,460 --> 00:28:34,420
♪ Throw dem hands up
and show it ♪
645
00:28:34,421 --> 00:28:38,173
♪ If you're funky
and you know it ♪
646
00:28:38,174 --> 00:28:39,967
♪ Throw dem hands up
and show it ♪
647
00:28:39,968 --> 00:28:43,345
♪ And show it,
and show it, and show it ♪
648
00:28:54,315 --> 00:28:55,315
Thank you, and welcome
649
00:28:55,316 --> 00:28:58,485
to the Top Christ Following Man
roundtable.
650
00:28:58,486 --> 00:29:01,155
With me are nominees
Vance Simkins,
651
00:29:01,156 --> 00:29:05,117
Adam Kelly, Forrest Gill,
Kelvin Gemstone,
652
00:29:05,118 --> 00:29:06,577
and Reggie Daniels.
653
00:29:06,578 --> 00:29:08,287
What's up, what's up, playas?
654
00:29:08,288 --> 00:29:09,663
Stay blessed, y'all.
655
00:29:09,664 --> 00:29:14,168
Tonight we will discuss
an array of complex issues
656
00:29:14,169 --> 00:29:16,086
facing Christians today.
657
00:29:16,087 --> 00:29:20,716
So as King Solomon said,
let's get the ball rollin'.
658
00:29:20,717 --> 00:29:22,342
King Solomon.
659
00:29:22,343 --> 00:29:24,845
Gentlemen, first question.
660
00:29:24,846 --> 00:29:27,347
Should children be taught
a comprehensive overview
661
00:29:27,348 --> 00:29:29,892
of all major religions
at school?
662
00:29:29,893 --> 00:29:31,351
Yes.
663
00:29:31,352 --> 00:29:32,853
I--I want this one.
664
00:29:32,854 --> 00:29:34,313
Okay, kids are my specialty.
665
00:29:34,314 --> 00:29:37,524
You see,
children are the future.
666
00:29:37,525 --> 00:29:40,569
You can mold them
any which way you want.
667
00:29:40,570 --> 00:29:42,196
What I teach my discipes--
668
00:29:42,197 --> 00:29:44,072
sorry, that's what I call
my flock,
669
00:29:44,073 --> 00:29:46,492
discipes instead of disciples.
670
00:29:46,493 --> 00:29:50,496
I teach them everything cool
about Jesus.
671
00:29:50,497 --> 00:29:53,332
You see, the Bible
can be confusing,
672
00:29:53,333 --> 00:29:56,335
so we translate it for modern,
cutting-edge times.
673
00:29:56,336 --> 00:29:58,212
I'm sorry.
674
00:29:58,213 --> 00:29:59,213
Sorry.
675
00:29:59,214 --> 00:30:00,714
I certainly don't want
to hurt anybody
676
00:30:00,715 --> 00:30:04,343
or put a damper on the evening,
but, uh...
677
00:30:04,344 --> 00:30:07,054
God is tellin' me I gotta
speak up on this issue.
678
00:30:07,055 --> 00:30:09,723
- Oh.
- You see, I follow Scripture.
679
00:30:09,724 --> 00:30:11,558
- Mm.
- That's my thing.
680
00:30:11,559 --> 00:30:12,684
Okay.
681
00:30:12,685 --> 00:30:15,062
And I believe all of us
should follow the Scripture.
682
00:30:15,063 --> 00:30:16,146
Of course.
683
00:30:16,147 --> 00:30:19,399
What Kelvin here preaches,
it's not Scripture.
684
00:30:19,400 --> 00:30:21,902
Kelvin, how do you respond?
685
00:30:21,903 --> 00:30:26,198
Well, Prism is the Bible,
just through a different light.
686
00:30:26,199 --> 00:30:28,033
Oh, brand shout-out.
687
00:30:28,034 --> 00:30:30,077
Whoop, whoop!
688
00:30:30,078 --> 00:30:32,704
But I already like
the light it's in.
689
00:30:32,705 --> 00:30:34,456
I don't need a different light.
690
00:30:34,457 --> 00:30:38,544
You see, as a Christian,
I have love for everyone, okay?
691
00:30:38,545 --> 00:30:41,922
But a homosexual
bein' included here,
692
00:30:41,923 --> 00:30:43,131
something's not right.
693
00:30:45,552 --> 00:30:47,761
Amen.
694
00:30:47,762 --> 00:30:49,555
Well, I mean,
that's just your opinion, so--
695
00:30:49,556 --> 00:30:51,890
Excuse me.
I'm--I'm still speaking.
696
00:30:51,891 --> 00:30:54,935
Sadly, your nomination
means that this great honor
697
00:30:54,936 --> 00:30:57,271
has strayed
from its core values
698
00:30:57,272 --> 00:31:00,899
to now bein' more about
just checkin' off a box.
699
00:31:00,900 --> 00:31:03,193
Now, I know you get
a room full of people,
700
00:31:03,194 --> 00:31:06,029
and you'll get a room
full of opinions.
701
00:31:06,030 --> 00:31:09,116
But God's word
is clear on this issue.
702
00:31:09,117 --> 00:31:12,077
Pastor Gemstone,
any response?
703
00:31:12,078 --> 00:31:15,080
Um, um--
704
00:31:15,081 --> 00:31:17,749
Uh, uh.
705
00:31:17,750 --> 00:31:19,251
Cat got your tongue, didn't it?
706
00:31:24,299 --> 00:31:26,758
Well, I mean,
that's--there's lots
707
00:31:26,759 --> 00:31:30,304
of parts of the Bible
that are outdated.
708
00:31:30,305 --> 00:31:34,099
But, like, also, it talks
about not eating shellfish.
709
00:31:34,100 --> 00:31:37,311
I've avoided shellfish
for that very reason.
710
00:31:37,312 --> 00:31:39,521
But by all means,
if you think you got
711
00:31:39,522 --> 00:31:41,607
more wisdom than the Bible...
712
00:31:42,942 --> 00:31:44,651
Good luck to you, sir.
713
00:31:48,031 --> 00:31:49,031
Thank you.
714
00:32:16,517 --> 00:32:17,851
Thank you.
715
00:32:32,533 --> 00:32:34,660
BJ, what is this?
How did you--
716
00:32:34,661 --> 00:32:37,245
I'm sorry I've been using you
as a punching bag.
717
00:32:37,246 --> 00:32:38,705
It's not right.
718
00:32:45,046 --> 00:32:46,713
Thank you, Dr. Watson.
719
00:32:46,714 --> 00:32:48,675
Can you also bring us
some sparkling?
720
00:32:52,220 --> 00:32:54,096
Glad to see you
and Dr. Watson
721
00:32:54,097 --> 00:32:55,347
gettin' along so well.
722
00:32:55,348 --> 00:32:57,349
He really has helped.
723
00:32:57,350 --> 00:32:58,850
He's given me somethin' else
to focus on
724
00:32:58,851 --> 00:33:01,687
other than my anger
and questions of "why me?"
725
00:33:01,688 --> 00:33:06,650
BJ, maybe God was testin' us
with what he did to you.
726
00:33:06,651 --> 00:33:08,568
Maybe he's testin'
our faith in him
727
00:33:08,569 --> 00:33:10,570
and our faith in each other.
728
00:33:10,571 --> 00:33:11,905
You really think so?
729
00:33:11,906 --> 00:33:13,407
Maybe.
730
00:33:13,408 --> 00:33:16,201
I mean, you know any test
we face, we fuckin' ace.
731
00:33:16,202 --> 00:33:18,912
Especially now that
my Daddy has desecrated
732
00:33:18,913 --> 00:33:21,248
his relationship to Mama,
733
00:33:21,249 --> 00:33:25,210
we're the best couple
in this whole fuckin' family.
734
00:33:25,211 --> 00:33:26,753
I love you, Judy.
735
00:33:49,235 --> 00:33:50,444
Ow! Ow!
736
00:33:50,445 --> 00:33:52,946
You want to do another gummy?
737
00:33:52,947 --> 00:33:55,157
Ow!
738
00:33:55,158 --> 00:33:58,785
If I do another one,
739
00:33:58,786 --> 00:34:00,954
I'll be in outer space.
740
00:34:04,208 --> 00:34:07,210
Get down.
741
00:34:27,398 --> 00:34:30,525
Eli, there's somethin'
742
00:34:30,526 --> 00:34:33,862
I haven't been straight
with you about.
743
00:34:33,863 --> 00:34:36,448
What are you talkin' about?
744
00:34:36,449 --> 00:34:39,993
Me and you need to have
a talk about my ex.
745
00:34:44,999 --> 00:34:47,042
♪ Somebody's knockin' ♪
746
00:34:47,043 --> 00:34:50,170
♪ Should I let him in ♪
747
00:34:50,171 --> 00:34:52,172
♪ Lord, it's the devil ♪
748
00:34:52,173 --> 00:34:55,342
♪ Would you look at him ♪
749
00:34:55,343 --> 00:35:00,347
♪ I've heard about him,
but I never dreamed ♪
750
00:35:00,348 --> 00:35:05,143
♪ He'd have blue eyes
and blue jeans ♪
751
00:35:07,146 --> 00:35:09,815
♪ Well, somebody's talkin' ♪
752
00:35:09,816 --> 00:35:12,943
♪ He's whisperin' to me ♪
753
00:35:12,944 --> 00:35:14,820
♪ Your place or my place ♪
754
00:35:14,821 --> 00:35:17,781
♪ Well, which will it be ♪
755
00:35:17,782 --> 00:35:22,869
♪ I'm gettin' weaker
and he's comin' on strong ♪
756
00:35:22,870 --> 00:35:27,666
♪ But I don't want
to go wrong ♪
757
00:35:30,503 --> 00:35:35,590
♪ He must have tapped
my telephone line ♪
758
00:35:35,591 --> 00:35:42,681
♪ He must have known
I'm spendin' my time alone ♪
759
00:35:45,726 --> 00:35:50,730
♪ He says we'll have
one heavenly night ♪
760
00:35:50,731 --> 00:35:57,779
♪ My fever's burnin', so he
ought to be right at home ♪
761
00:36:04,787 --> 00:36:08,582
♪ Somebody's knockin' ♪