1 00:00:31,906 --> 00:00:33,365 Praise. 2 00:00:33,366 --> 00:00:34,867 Rejoice. 3 00:00:34,868 --> 00:00:36,869 Salvation. 4 00:00:36,870 --> 00:00:39,413 I'm Vance Simkins, here with my sister, Shay, 5 00:00:39,414 --> 00:00:40,748 and brother, Craig. 6 00:00:40,749 --> 00:00:43,584 Oh, there you are, sunshine. 7 00:00:43,585 --> 00:00:44,877 Where's Shay? 8 00:00:44,878 --> 00:00:46,879 She out on another bender? 9 00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:48,130 She wants nothin' to do with you. 10 00:00:48,131 --> 00:00:51,216 But you, you can't stay away, can you? 11 00:00:51,217 --> 00:00:53,469 I just came for my money. 12 00:00:53,470 --> 00:00:56,221 You need to slow down with the spendin'. 13 00:00:56,222 --> 00:00:57,639 We can't maintain it. 14 00:00:57,640 --> 00:01:00,350 You can't tell me how much of my own money we can spend. 15 00:01:00,351 --> 00:01:02,394 It's not your money, Craig. 16 00:01:02,395 --> 00:01:04,354 It's the church's money. 17 00:01:04,355 --> 00:01:06,815 And the court order says I got control of it. 18 00:01:06,816 --> 00:01:08,859 I'm just lookin' out for our family is all. 19 00:01:08,860 --> 00:01:10,736 You're lookin' out for yourself, 20 00:01:10,737 --> 00:01:12,863 openin' up all these churches when we're broke. 21 00:01:12,864 --> 00:01:15,157 For what, to prove to the Gemstones 22 00:01:15,158 --> 00:01:16,742 that you're still somethin'? 23 00:01:16,743 --> 00:01:17,826 You ain't. 24 00:01:17,827 --> 00:01:19,995 They beat our asses. 25 00:01:19,996 --> 00:01:23,249 They will never respect you. 26 00:01:24,793 --> 00:01:28,379 Unlike some other churches, who are all about the money... 27 00:01:34,427 --> 00:01:36,136 Here's 10,000. 28 00:01:36,137 --> 00:01:38,430 Please try and make it last. 29 00:01:38,431 --> 00:01:40,474 Just can't admit you're beat, can you? 30 00:01:40,475 --> 00:01:42,309 You're gonna run whatever's left of our empire 31 00:01:42,310 --> 00:01:43,727 into the dirt. 32 00:01:43,728 --> 00:01:46,146 When I win Top Christ Following Man, 33 00:01:46,147 --> 00:01:47,648 you'll see. 34 00:01:47,649 --> 00:01:49,149 Oh, you'll all see. 35 00:01:49,150 --> 00:01:51,318 You are a straight white male. 36 00:01:51,319 --> 00:01:53,862 Your kind don't get awards anymore. 37 00:01:53,863 --> 00:01:55,697 Or are you straight? 38 00:01:55,698 --> 00:01:59,201 Never had a girlfriend, sweetie pie. 39 00:01:59,202 --> 00:02:01,745 Don't you dare insinuate such filth! 40 00:02:01,746 --> 00:02:04,081 Now, Christ Almighty is on my side. 41 00:02:04,082 --> 00:02:07,460 How many goddamn times do I need to fuckin' say it? 42 00:02:09,254 --> 00:02:10,587 Hey, Terry. 43 00:02:10,588 --> 00:02:11,588 We're just wrappin' up here. 44 00:02:11,589 --> 00:02:14,550 I'll be with you in one sec, all right? 45 00:02:14,551 --> 00:02:16,010 God bless. 46 00:02:56,259 --> 00:02:58,927 Yes! 47 00:02:58,928 --> 00:03:01,847 Ah. 48 00:03:01,848 --> 00:03:05,059 Daddy time. 49 00:03:17,030 --> 00:03:19,032 Uh-uh. 50 00:03:27,373 --> 00:03:30,126 Done. 51 00:03:32,378 --> 00:03:33,629 Whoo! 52 00:03:33,630 --> 00:03:36,423 Hey! Yeah. Yeah. 53 00:03:36,424 --> 00:03:38,008 Neil, I'm lovin' your hair. 54 00:03:38,009 --> 00:03:39,343 Hey, sugar. How you doin'? 55 00:03:39,344 --> 00:03:40,637 - How's your dad? - He all right. 56 00:03:43,848 --> 00:03:47,309 I just want to say thank you to all my Prism peeps 57 00:03:47,310 --> 00:03:49,311 for comin' out to support my run 58 00:03:49,312 --> 00:03:53,358 for Top Christ Following Man! 59 00:03:55,443 --> 00:03:56,944 I will not let you down. 60 00:03:56,945 --> 00:04:00,823 I am your advocate! 61 00:04:02,158 --> 00:04:03,325 Please, Kelvin. 62 00:04:03,326 --> 00:04:04,953 Let's party, y'all. 63 00:04:11,376 --> 00:04:12,876 Whoo! 64 00:04:12,877 --> 00:04:15,212 Quite the turnout for my Top Christ Following Man 65 00:04:15,213 --> 00:04:17,172 congrats luncheon. 66 00:04:17,173 --> 00:04:20,425 My Prism posse is no joke, yo. 67 00:04:20,426 --> 00:04:22,469 Yeah, homey, you're their little gay avatar. 68 00:04:22,470 --> 00:04:23,720 Damn straight. 69 00:04:23,721 --> 00:04:26,098 Strong leader blazin' a path. 70 00:04:26,099 --> 00:04:27,599 Man, there ain't nothin' straight 71 00:04:27,600 --> 00:04:28,892 or strong about you. 72 00:04:28,893 --> 00:04:30,770 You need to stop smellin' your own farts. 73 00:04:31,980 --> 00:04:33,814 Mmm, I like how it smells. 74 00:04:33,815 --> 00:04:34,773 Oh, sick. 75 00:04:34,774 --> 00:04:35,941 Yeah, of course you do. Gross. 76 00:04:35,942 --> 00:04:37,859 Even Daddy had to give it up to me. 77 00:04:37,860 --> 00:04:39,111 Okay. 78 00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:41,990 I cannot believe he brought Miss Lori here today, though. 79 00:04:43,116 --> 00:04:46,410 Did not want to see her grinnin' face this a.m. 80 00:04:46,411 --> 00:04:49,037 Oh, God, here comes ol' grinnin' ass now. 81 00:04:49,038 --> 00:04:50,580 Y'all hidin' out over here? 82 00:04:50,581 --> 00:04:52,124 Maybe we just don't want to see no more 83 00:04:52,125 --> 00:04:53,792 senior sexcapades, darlin'. 84 00:04:53,793 --> 00:04:56,837 The slurping of the holes is burned into our memory, 85 00:04:56,838 --> 00:04:58,380 a scar upon the mind. 86 00:04:58,381 --> 00:05:01,174 Permanent psychological damage. 87 00:05:01,175 --> 00:05:04,845 I am truly sorry that y'all had to witness that. 88 00:05:04,846 --> 00:05:08,473 And I promise you, next time, we gon' lock that door. 89 00:05:08,474 --> 00:05:10,183 Our mama never locked us out. 90 00:05:10,184 --> 00:05:13,395 I know this is awkward and embarrassing, 91 00:05:13,396 --> 00:05:15,105 and I know y'all are upset. 92 00:05:15,106 --> 00:05:18,734 But it's me, Lori. 93 00:05:18,735 --> 00:05:20,444 Remember? Y'all like me. 94 00:05:20,445 --> 00:05:23,864 I mean, can't we just please do a restart? 95 00:05:23,865 --> 00:05:27,117 As the children of Elijah, our birth father, 96 00:05:27,118 --> 00:05:29,494 we formally reject this union. 97 00:05:29,495 --> 00:05:31,788 Have it be writ into the record that there'll be no more 98 00:05:31,789 --> 00:05:33,874 peace talks, nor truces. 99 00:05:33,875 --> 00:05:35,042 Yep. 100 00:05:35,043 --> 00:05:38,337 So am I to understand that this is how it's gonna be? 101 00:05:38,338 --> 00:05:39,338 - Yeah. - This is it. 102 00:05:39,339 --> 00:05:40,339 - Really? - Yeah. 103 00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:41,340 - Yep. - I guess. 104 00:05:41,341 --> 00:05:44,176 Okay, I think all y'all little cocksuckers 105 00:05:44,177 --> 00:05:46,261 need to put on your big-boy pants 106 00:05:46,262 --> 00:05:48,013 and get the fuck over it. 107 00:05:48,014 --> 00:05:49,765 I wish you'd put on any pants at all 108 00:05:49,766 --> 00:05:51,434 instead of 69-ing our daddy. 109 00:05:54,270 --> 00:05:56,271 Miss Lori, we have refrained from unleashin' 110 00:05:56,272 --> 00:05:59,232 our full power on you 'cause of your history with this family. 111 00:05:59,233 --> 00:06:00,484 - Yep. - Oh, okay. 112 00:06:00,485 --> 00:06:04,404 So please, please don't make us cut loose on your bony ass. 113 00:06:04,405 --> 00:06:05,447 Ooh. 114 00:06:05,448 --> 00:06:08,743 Please don't make us! 115 00:06:11,537 --> 00:06:13,330 - Fuck it. - Yeah, fuck it. 116 00:06:13,331 --> 00:06:17,709 Oh, this is really quite intimidating. 117 00:06:17,710 --> 00:06:20,545 You know what's sad about this is, 118 00:06:20,546 --> 00:06:23,298 I've just always wanted to be y'all's friend. 119 00:06:23,299 --> 00:06:27,344 But if you want a motherfuckin' wicked stepmother, 120 00:06:27,345 --> 00:06:30,972 then I guess I can sure as hell do that too. 121 00:06:30,973 --> 00:06:32,933 - Stepmother? - Y'all ain't married. 122 00:06:32,934 --> 00:06:35,852 No, y'all didn't get married for real, did you? 123 00:06:35,853 --> 00:06:37,437 - Did you? - Did you? 124 00:06:37,438 --> 00:06:38,772 - Did you guys get married? - Did you get married? 125 00:06:38,773 --> 00:06:40,565 - Did you guys elope together? - Answer. 126 00:06:40,566 --> 00:06:43,151 - But did y'all get mar-- - I really shouldn't say. 127 00:06:43,152 --> 00:06:44,152 Answer right now. 128 00:06:44,153 --> 00:06:45,529 No, I shouldn't say. 129 00:06:45,530 --> 00:06:47,364 And, you know, I feel like I probably 130 00:06:47,365 --> 00:06:51,284 shouldn't tell you anything about my personal life 131 00:06:51,285 --> 00:06:52,411 with your daddy. 132 00:06:52,412 --> 00:06:53,870 Did y'all get mar-- 133 00:06:53,871 --> 00:06:55,539 Bye! 134 00:06:55,540 --> 00:06:58,542 I love you. 135 00:06:58,543 --> 00:06:59,876 - Quit. - Huh? 136 00:06:59,877 --> 00:07:02,922 Did they get married? 137 00:07:04,382 --> 00:07:06,133 Look at us. 138 00:07:06,134 --> 00:07:09,428 A beautiful house, a great relationship, 139 00:07:09,429 --> 00:07:11,513 a giant woman that do all the dirty work. 140 00:07:11,514 --> 00:07:12,931 And I tell you what. 141 00:07:12,932 --> 00:07:14,099 We just gettin' started. 142 00:07:14,100 --> 00:07:15,934 - Now we new money. - Yeah. 143 00:07:15,935 --> 00:07:19,187 Now it's time to build that generational wealth. 144 00:07:19,188 --> 00:07:21,231 Close your eyes. 145 00:07:21,232 --> 00:07:23,191 Open them. Look at this right here. 146 00:07:23,192 --> 00:07:25,152 This is my new project. 147 00:07:25,153 --> 00:07:27,487 It's a young adult show about Jesus 148 00:07:27,488 --> 00:07:29,781 being a teenager in Nazareth. 149 00:07:29,782 --> 00:07:31,783 I call it "Teenjus." 150 00:07:31,784 --> 00:07:34,286 Oh, so that's a teen show about Jesus? 151 00:07:34,287 --> 00:07:35,287 Yes. 152 00:07:35,288 --> 00:07:36,913 Baby Billy, that's really good. 153 00:07:36,914 --> 00:07:38,039 I like teen dramas-- 154 00:07:38,040 --> 00:07:39,833 "Pretty Little Liars," "Gossip Women." 155 00:07:39,834 --> 00:07:41,042 I'd watch "Tanjust." 156 00:07:41,043 --> 00:07:43,253 Ain't no "Tanjust," Sola. 157 00:07:43,254 --> 00:07:45,505 It's teen Jesus--"Teenjus." 158 00:07:45,506 --> 00:07:48,925 Over here skimmin' leaves, eavesdroppin'. 159 00:07:48,926 --> 00:07:51,928 Go inside that house and watch them sleepin' babies. 160 00:07:51,929 --> 00:07:53,513 Go on! 161 00:07:53,514 --> 00:07:54,640 Get! 162 00:07:56,893 --> 00:07:59,811 Night night, Sola. 163 00:07:59,812 --> 00:08:02,772 Now, this franchise catches fire, 164 00:08:02,773 --> 00:08:04,816 we talkin' cultural touchstone. 165 00:08:04,817 --> 00:08:07,987 It's gon' take us from first class to private jets. 166 00:08:09,447 --> 00:08:11,990 Then maybe you can retire. 167 00:08:11,991 --> 00:08:13,492 Retire? 168 00:08:13,493 --> 00:08:15,368 What you talkin' about, retire? 169 00:08:15,369 --> 00:08:16,745 I've spent my whole life 170 00:08:16,746 --> 00:08:18,747 waitin' for these opportunities. 171 00:08:18,748 --> 00:08:20,790 And I'm gon' strike this iron as hard as I can 172 00:08:20,791 --> 00:08:24,336 while this motherfucker is red-hot, sweetie. 173 00:08:24,337 --> 00:08:26,129 Lionel and Aimee-Leigh Jr. 174 00:08:26,130 --> 00:08:29,633 ain't gon' be tiny tots forever. 175 00:08:29,634 --> 00:08:32,135 Even if I don't feed 'em right, they'll get big. 176 00:08:32,136 --> 00:08:34,095 I don't want you missin' it. 177 00:08:34,096 --> 00:08:37,766 Well, I don't want to either, but I got to provide now. 178 00:08:37,767 --> 00:08:40,185 I got to set y'all up. 179 00:08:40,186 --> 00:08:41,645 I'm an old man, Tiff. 180 00:08:41,646 --> 00:08:43,355 I don't know how long I got. 181 00:08:43,356 --> 00:08:47,609 Baby Billy, don't talk like that. 182 00:08:47,610 --> 00:08:49,612 You're gonna live forever. 183 00:08:52,740 --> 00:08:54,074 Come in here. 184 00:08:54,075 --> 00:08:56,494 Get in here. Get in here now. 185 00:09:07,838 --> 00:09:09,423 Ah! 186 00:09:11,300 --> 00:09:12,759 Damn it. 187 00:09:12,760 --> 00:09:14,219 Oh, my God. 188 00:09:14,220 --> 00:09:16,346 I can't even make a T. 189 00:09:16,347 --> 00:09:17,847 You were tryin' to piss in the tub? 190 00:09:17,848 --> 00:09:20,684 No, I fell in because I'm helpless. 191 00:09:20,685 --> 00:09:22,435 I'm broken. 192 00:09:22,436 --> 00:09:23,895 I'm half a man. 193 00:09:23,896 --> 00:09:25,647 It's okay. I'll get you out of here. 194 00:09:25,648 --> 00:09:27,774 No, it's not okay! 195 00:09:27,775 --> 00:09:30,193 I refuse to sugarcoat this. 196 00:09:30,194 --> 00:09:32,279 Our lives are forever changed because I couldn't 197 00:09:32,280 --> 00:09:34,864 hit the backspin vault. 198 00:09:34,865 --> 00:09:37,367 BJ, the doctor said with therapy, 199 00:09:37,368 --> 00:09:38,827 you will totally walk again. 200 00:09:38,828 --> 00:09:40,246 They're full of shit! 201 00:09:42,456 --> 00:09:43,540 Okay, dude. You know what? 202 00:09:43,541 --> 00:09:45,458 I'm tryin' to be sympathetic here, 203 00:09:45,459 --> 00:09:48,795 but it's really hard when you're bein' a dickhead. 204 00:09:48,796 --> 00:09:50,880 I don't even know who you are right now. 205 00:09:50,881 --> 00:09:52,716 Me either. 206 00:09:52,717 --> 00:09:56,469 Crippled, angry BJ is an entirely new thing for me. 207 00:09:56,470 --> 00:09:58,096 I can already tell I fuckin' hate him, 208 00:09:58,097 --> 00:10:00,223 but I guess we better get used to him. 209 00:10:00,224 --> 00:10:01,433 Go. 210 00:10:01,434 --> 00:10:03,518 I'm gonna stand up out of this bathtub on my own. 211 00:10:03,519 --> 00:10:04,894 No, please, let me help you. 212 00:10:04,895 --> 00:10:06,187 No! 213 00:10:06,188 --> 00:10:07,565 Go, Judy! 214 00:10:27,793 --> 00:10:29,169 Good afternoon, Judy. 215 00:10:29,170 --> 00:10:32,297 Is it? I hadn't noticed. 216 00:10:32,298 --> 00:10:33,381 Do you have a moment? 217 00:10:33,382 --> 00:10:35,216 Let me ask questions too. 218 00:10:35,217 --> 00:10:37,177 Oh. 219 00:10:37,178 --> 00:10:40,055 What do you want? 220 00:10:40,056 --> 00:10:42,682 I just came to drop somethin' off 221 00:10:42,683 --> 00:10:44,684 and to see how you both are doin'. 222 00:10:44,685 --> 00:10:46,061 Oh, guess what, Amber. 223 00:10:46,062 --> 00:10:48,396 We're fuckin' miserable. 224 00:10:48,397 --> 00:10:50,607 I'm so sorry. 225 00:10:50,608 --> 00:10:52,985 But maybe I have somethin' that'll make it better. 226 00:10:59,408 --> 00:11:03,620 A fuckin' Monchhichi? 227 00:11:03,621 --> 00:11:05,747 What are we supposed to do with that, eat it? 228 00:11:05,748 --> 00:11:07,123 No. 229 00:11:07,124 --> 00:11:08,583 This is Dr. Watson. 230 00:11:08,584 --> 00:11:09,959 He's a service animal. 231 00:11:09,960 --> 00:11:11,878 I'm involved in a charity for disabled vets 232 00:11:11,879 --> 00:11:13,546 that trains capuchin monkeys 233 00:11:13,547 --> 00:11:16,007 to help with simple, everyday tasks. 234 00:11:16,008 --> 00:11:17,967 So we just take it inside and it just, like, 235 00:11:17,968 --> 00:11:19,260 runs around and shit? 236 00:11:19,261 --> 00:11:20,595 Yeah, maybe it helps lighten the load, 237 00:11:20,596 --> 00:11:23,723 maybe puts a smile on BJ's face. 238 00:11:23,724 --> 00:11:25,308 Yeah, don't count on that happenin'. 239 00:11:25,309 --> 00:11:29,521 But I mean, I guess we could give it a shot. 240 00:11:29,522 --> 00:11:30,980 What do we do if we don't like him? 241 00:11:30,981 --> 00:11:34,526 - We just throw him out? - No, I will take it back. 242 00:11:34,527 --> 00:11:36,362 No pressure. 243 00:11:58,801 --> 00:12:02,387 It is all comin' together, Keefe. 244 00:12:02,388 --> 00:12:03,847 I'm just happy to see you smilin' 245 00:12:03,848 --> 00:12:05,348 after all you've been through. 246 00:12:05,349 --> 00:12:07,183 A project like this tree house 247 00:12:07,184 --> 00:12:09,227 is exactly what I need. 248 00:12:09,228 --> 00:12:12,439 I'm hugely successful and havin' a moment right now. 249 00:12:12,440 --> 00:12:16,067 It's no time to be a sad sack, actin' all depressed. 250 00:12:16,068 --> 00:12:18,653 No matter how big a load 251 00:12:18,654 --> 00:12:20,488 is dropped on your chest, 252 00:12:20,489 --> 00:12:22,449 you rise. 253 00:12:22,450 --> 00:12:25,326 Next Top Christ Following Man event is coming up. 254 00:12:25,327 --> 00:12:27,996 It's gonna be a live TV roundtable discussion. 255 00:12:27,997 --> 00:12:29,706 - Wow. - It's gonna be a great chance 256 00:12:29,707 --> 00:12:31,332 to drop some dank sound bites 257 00:12:31,333 --> 00:12:33,918 and establish myself as a clear fave. 258 00:12:33,919 --> 00:12:35,628 Will you be needing my assistance? 259 00:12:35,629 --> 00:12:38,381 - Doy. - Doy. 260 00:12:38,382 --> 00:12:40,550 Gonna need a cheerin' section. 261 00:12:40,551 --> 00:12:41,718 Boop. 262 00:12:41,719 --> 00:12:43,803 A section you shall have. 263 00:12:43,804 --> 00:12:47,182 Kelvin, Kelvin, go. 264 00:12:47,183 --> 00:12:48,641 Okay, let's get back to work. 265 00:12:48,642 --> 00:12:50,644 Okay. 266 00:12:58,194 --> 00:12:59,110 Caught you. 267 00:12:59,111 --> 00:13:01,404 Aw. Busted. 268 00:13:01,405 --> 00:13:04,033 Sneaky peeks. 269 00:13:18,506 --> 00:13:20,132 Daddy issues? 270 00:13:23,135 --> 00:13:25,678 Congrats, scumbag. 271 00:13:25,679 --> 00:13:27,430 I hear Daddy's datin'. 272 00:13:27,431 --> 00:13:29,307 You have a new stepmommy. 273 00:13:29,308 --> 00:13:31,059 Nobody got no stepmommy. 274 00:13:31,060 --> 00:13:33,603 Why don't you mind your own business and eff off, orphan? 275 00:13:33,604 --> 00:13:35,647 No, you eff off, Jesse. 276 00:13:35,648 --> 00:13:37,482 You went too far. 277 00:13:37,483 --> 00:13:39,776 Firebombin' a church-- 278 00:13:39,777 --> 00:13:42,320 what kind of demon does such a thing? 279 00:13:42,321 --> 00:13:44,823 I'm sorry, I don't know what you're talking about. 280 00:13:44,824 --> 00:13:47,200 But maybe don't put another mini-mall church there. 281 00:13:47,201 --> 00:13:50,870 Seems like it could be bad mojo, perhaps. 282 00:13:50,871 --> 00:13:52,540 Damn you. 283 00:13:54,166 --> 00:13:55,542 I have half a mind 284 00:13:55,543 --> 00:13:57,460 to drop a yellow kerchief on you 285 00:13:57,461 --> 00:14:00,339 right here, right now, in this chamber. 286 00:14:02,508 --> 00:14:03,967 What the hell's a yellow kerchief? 287 00:14:03,968 --> 00:14:05,343 Looks like somebody hasn't read 288 00:14:05,344 --> 00:14:07,263 his Cape and Pistol Manual, obviously. 289 00:14:08,889 --> 00:14:11,307 If I drop a yellow kerchief on your foot, 290 00:14:11,308 --> 00:14:13,560 it means I'm callin' you a coward. 291 00:14:13,561 --> 00:14:17,146 And the only way you can prove that you're not a coward 292 00:14:17,147 --> 00:14:18,898 is to duel-- 293 00:14:18,899 --> 00:14:19,984 pistols. 294 00:14:21,443 --> 00:14:23,194 Boy... 295 00:14:23,195 --> 00:14:26,281 I wish you would drop a yellow hanky on my boot. 296 00:14:26,282 --> 00:14:29,033 I would love an excuse to murder you, 297 00:14:29,034 --> 00:14:32,871 to blow that greasy haircut off the top of your fuckin' head. 298 00:14:32,872 --> 00:14:34,998 You'd try, but you'd miss. 299 00:14:34,999 --> 00:14:38,626 I'm only gonna tell you this once, so listen up. 300 00:14:38,627 --> 00:14:41,754 Back up off me, son, if you know what's good for you. 301 00:14:41,755 --> 00:14:43,798 You're nothing to me. 302 00:14:43,799 --> 00:14:47,969 No, Jesse, I am somethin'-- 303 00:14:47,970 --> 00:14:51,764 somethin' you are never gonna forget. 304 00:14:51,765 --> 00:14:53,516 New phone. Who dis? 305 00:14:53,517 --> 00:14:55,560 Vance Simkins. 306 00:14:55,561 --> 00:14:57,145 Doesn't ring a bell. 307 00:14:57,146 --> 00:14:58,855 Stop playin' games. You know my name. 308 00:14:58,856 --> 00:15:00,356 You know you know my name. 309 00:15:00,357 --> 00:15:02,025 Does anyone know who this young woman is? 310 00:15:02,026 --> 00:15:04,277 My name's Vance Simkins, damn it! 311 00:15:04,278 --> 00:15:05,778 Hi, I'm Jesse Gemstone. 312 00:15:05,779 --> 00:15:06,905 Pleasure to meet you. 313 00:15:06,906 --> 00:15:09,991 I'm done playin' these childish games with you. 314 00:15:09,992 --> 00:15:13,036 I'm way too mature for this. 315 00:15:13,037 --> 00:15:14,496 Who are you? 316 00:15:18,292 --> 00:15:19,959 Got him. 317 00:15:19,960 --> 00:15:21,669 Got him, Daddy. 318 00:15:21,670 --> 00:15:23,339 Smoked him. 319 00:15:27,927 --> 00:15:28,885 Psst, psst, psst. 320 00:15:28,886 --> 00:15:29,886 Hey. 321 00:15:29,887 --> 00:15:31,095 Hey, boy. 322 00:15:31,096 --> 00:15:32,221 What? 323 00:15:32,222 --> 00:15:34,600 Come in here. 324 00:15:40,648 --> 00:15:44,233 I have a surprise for you. 325 00:15:44,234 --> 00:15:46,736 South Carolina legalized euthanasia? 326 00:15:46,737 --> 00:15:47,904 I get to die? 327 00:15:47,905 --> 00:15:50,657 Beej, come on, dude. Hush on that mess. 328 00:15:50,658 --> 00:15:53,785 Hey, there's tons of wheelchair people who have great lives. 329 00:15:53,786 --> 00:15:55,453 How about the president with the cold legs 330 00:15:55,454 --> 00:15:57,789 who does talks by the fireplace? 331 00:15:57,790 --> 00:15:58,915 FDR? 332 00:15:58,916 --> 00:16:00,208 He's dead. 333 00:16:00,209 --> 00:16:03,795 BJ, your problem is not with your legs. 334 00:16:03,796 --> 00:16:06,673 It's with your attitude, doll baby. 335 00:16:06,674 --> 00:16:08,841 I can't even do the simplest stuff. 336 00:16:08,842 --> 00:16:13,596 Well, maybe you need a special friend who can. 337 00:16:13,597 --> 00:16:16,433 Introducing Dr. Watson. 338 00:16:21,689 --> 00:16:23,773 A monkey? What's he do? 339 00:16:23,774 --> 00:16:25,233 Whatever you want. 340 00:16:25,234 --> 00:16:26,401 You just call him with that bell 341 00:16:26,402 --> 00:16:29,487 and then say commands to him and stuff, and he does it. 342 00:16:29,488 --> 00:16:31,239 Like this. Watch. 343 00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:33,199 Hey, Dr. Watson, why don't you go get me 344 00:16:33,200 --> 00:16:36,495 a black cherry White Claw from the hall fridge? 345 00:16:41,208 --> 00:16:42,667 There's no way he's gonna be able to tell 346 00:16:42,668 --> 00:16:44,127 what a White Claw is. 347 00:16:44,128 --> 00:16:46,254 That's not how service animals work, Judy. 348 00:16:46,255 --> 00:16:48,173 That's insane. 349 00:16:59,059 --> 00:17:03,147 It's Citrus Yuzu Smash, but it's still fuckin' rad. 350 00:17:10,487 --> 00:17:12,947 As members of Jesse's leadership team, 351 00:17:12,948 --> 00:17:15,241 we have been tasked with doin' a little diggin' 352 00:17:15,242 --> 00:17:17,285 on one Miss Lori. 353 00:17:17,286 --> 00:17:19,245 We did some look-'em-ups. 354 00:17:19,246 --> 00:17:21,414 We scanned through Miss Lori's socials 355 00:17:21,415 --> 00:17:24,167 and found all sorts of photos of her 356 00:17:24,168 --> 00:17:25,877 with different male figures. 357 00:17:25,878 --> 00:17:27,170 Yes. 358 00:17:27,171 --> 00:17:31,049 On vacation, doin' hugs and laughter. 359 00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:32,091 Harlot. 360 00:17:32,092 --> 00:17:33,217 Hang on, hang on. 361 00:17:33,218 --> 00:17:35,720 Levi, go back to that picture, dude. 362 00:17:35,721 --> 00:17:36,846 Okay, zoom--zoom in. 363 00:17:36,847 --> 00:17:39,265 Zoom, zoom, left, left. 364 00:17:39,266 --> 00:17:41,977 Go to 0.3 on the pixelation on that. 365 00:17:43,604 --> 00:17:45,229 Enhance that quadrant. 366 00:17:45,230 --> 00:17:46,982 Little tighter in. 367 00:17:49,610 --> 00:17:50,651 Damn it. 368 00:17:50,652 --> 00:17:53,154 Those earrings are fuckin' cute, fuckin' bitch. 369 00:17:53,155 --> 00:17:54,906 Wow, Jesse. 370 00:17:54,907 --> 00:17:57,575 I mean, your guys have hit the jackpot. 371 00:17:57,576 --> 00:17:59,410 What a treasure trove. 372 00:17:59,411 --> 00:18:00,453 You know what? 373 00:18:00,454 --> 00:18:03,748 I am too damn successful to be sittin' here 374 00:18:03,749 --> 00:18:06,000 lookin' at Miss Lori's crab claw dinners 375 00:18:06,001 --> 00:18:07,335 and sundress selfies. 376 00:18:07,336 --> 00:18:09,837 Our presentation is not complete. 377 00:18:09,838 --> 00:18:11,589 Have a little bit of respect, Kelvin, 378 00:18:11,590 --> 00:18:15,051 and sit your damn TT bird down right now for five seconds. 379 00:18:15,052 --> 00:18:17,011 Yeah, sit, you little twink. 380 00:18:17,012 --> 00:18:18,429 Too damn successful. 381 00:18:18,430 --> 00:18:19,889 These dudes did damn look-'em-ups, 382 00:18:19,890 --> 00:18:21,557 and you're sittin' here tryin' to go fuckin' walk away? 383 00:18:21,558 --> 00:18:23,685 Well, show us somethin'. 384 00:18:25,229 --> 00:18:26,354 Who the hell is that? 385 00:18:26,355 --> 00:18:28,106 Now, he works at the Benz dealership 386 00:18:28,107 --> 00:18:29,649 where Miss Lori bought her car. 387 00:18:29,650 --> 00:18:31,526 Big Dick Mitch? 388 00:18:31,527 --> 00:18:33,569 Maybe his dick is big. 389 00:18:33,570 --> 00:18:35,696 I can't tell with those slacks he has on. 390 00:18:35,697 --> 00:18:38,157 His dick size is uncertain. 391 00:18:38,158 --> 00:18:42,370 But unfortunately, so is his fate. 392 00:18:42,371 --> 00:18:45,414 Big Dick Mitch is a missing person. 393 00:18:45,415 --> 00:18:47,167 Get the fuck out of here. 394 00:18:50,671 --> 00:18:53,089 Not you, Levi. 395 00:18:53,090 --> 00:18:56,634 Levi looked up other dudes tagged in the photos. 396 00:18:56,635 --> 00:19:01,681 More than a few are either missing or straight dead. 397 00:19:01,682 --> 00:19:05,226 Drownings, suicides, car accidents. 398 00:19:05,227 --> 00:19:06,769 Is this bitch a black widow? 399 00:19:06,770 --> 00:19:09,355 We need to do some additional look-'em-ups. 400 00:19:09,356 --> 00:19:11,065 Who else knows Miss Lori? 401 00:19:11,066 --> 00:19:13,818 Who's somebody who has some real insight? 402 00:19:13,819 --> 00:19:16,696 I don't know who that would be. 403 00:19:16,697 --> 00:19:19,073 "Teenjus" is my young adult show 404 00:19:19,074 --> 00:19:23,202 about Jesus being a teenager in Nazareth. 405 00:19:23,203 --> 00:19:25,246 Why don't you call it "Teen Jesus"? 406 00:19:25,247 --> 00:19:29,417 "Teenjus"-- "teen" and "Jesus" mixed. 407 00:19:29,418 --> 00:19:32,128 Yeah, but not mixed in a way that makes any sense. 408 00:19:32,129 --> 00:19:33,963 You're just takin' the J from "Jesus" 409 00:19:33,964 --> 00:19:36,465 and then skippin' ahead to the U and the S. 410 00:19:36,466 --> 00:19:38,092 Like, that's not how you combine words. 411 00:19:38,093 --> 00:19:41,470 If you're gonna combine words, it'd be "Teensus." 412 00:19:41,471 --> 00:19:43,014 - "Teensus." - No, no. 413 00:19:43,015 --> 00:19:44,140 I don't like that. 414 00:19:44,141 --> 00:19:46,434 Also, it's fuckin' rude that you're usin' 415 00:19:46,435 --> 00:19:47,935 the whole word of "teen" 416 00:19:47,936 --> 00:19:49,353 but you're gonna shorten "Jesus." 417 00:19:49,354 --> 00:19:51,105 That's our Lord and Savior, homey. 418 00:19:51,106 --> 00:19:52,565 This ain't even up for discussion. 419 00:19:52,566 --> 00:19:53,816 I got it. 420 00:19:53,817 --> 00:19:55,276 Use the J from "Jesus." 421 00:19:55,277 --> 00:19:56,485 You shorten "teen." 422 00:19:56,486 --> 00:19:58,779 You call him Jean. 423 00:19:58,780 --> 00:20:00,781 - Ooh. - Jean--okay, that's better. 424 00:20:00,782 --> 00:20:02,700 Ain't nobody gonna call Jesus Jean. 425 00:20:02,701 --> 00:20:05,328 Now, pull out them pocketbooks and green-light this. 426 00:20:05,329 --> 00:20:07,496 Look, we ain't here to be talkin' about pitches 427 00:20:07,497 --> 00:20:08,664 and green lights, all right? 428 00:20:08,665 --> 00:20:11,667 We came here to talk about life and death. 429 00:20:11,668 --> 00:20:13,920 What you know about Miss Lori? 430 00:20:13,921 --> 00:20:16,047 You want to know about Miss Lori Milsap, 431 00:20:16,048 --> 00:20:19,342 you don't need no AOL or the World Wide Web. 432 00:20:19,343 --> 00:20:21,427 You need Baby Billy Freeman. 433 00:20:21,428 --> 00:20:23,137 You got some dirt? 434 00:20:23,138 --> 00:20:24,430 Is it juicy? 435 00:20:24,431 --> 00:20:26,515 Could be. 436 00:20:26,516 --> 00:20:28,601 Come in here. 437 00:20:28,602 --> 00:20:32,104 Could be just the thing that sends Eli into a tailspin. 438 00:20:32,105 --> 00:20:34,023 But I ain't tellin' y'all shit 439 00:20:34,024 --> 00:20:35,983 until you give Baby Billy Freeman 440 00:20:35,984 --> 00:20:38,486 what he wants. 441 00:20:38,487 --> 00:20:40,947 And I got to get the cameras rollin' on "Teenjus," now. 442 00:20:40,948 --> 00:20:42,657 - Oh, my God. - Come on, man. 443 00:20:42,658 --> 00:20:44,909 - Oh, my God. - Fine. Green-lit. 444 00:20:44,910 --> 00:20:45,910 Now, spill it. 445 00:20:45,911 --> 00:20:49,038 Congratulations, another hit television show. 446 00:20:49,039 --> 00:20:50,581 Yes. 447 00:20:50,582 --> 00:20:52,416 All right, come in here. 448 00:20:52,417 --> 00:20:56,545 Now, Miss Lori, now, see, she reached out to me 449 00:20:56,546 --> 00:20:58,130 about bein' a part of Aimee-Leigh's 450 00:20:58,131 --> 00:21:00,091 birthday celebration telethon, 451 00:21:00,092 --> 00:21:02,301 sayin' she didn't have no money, 452 00:21:02,302 --> 00:21:07,515 that she's broke and in debt, needed a gig. 453 00:21:07,516 --> 00:21:09,601 Practically cryin' on the phone. 454 00:21:10,811 --> 00:21:13,479 Well, I threw her a bone as a favor to your mama. 455 00:21:13,480 --> 00:21:15,314 But... 456 00:21:15,315 --> 00:21:17,233 - Mm-hmm. - Okay. Come on in. 457 00:21:17,234 --> 00:21:18,901 It sure is interestin', though, ain't it? 458 00:21:18,902 --> 00:21:20,861 Seein' as how she wound up in the arms 459 00:21:20,862 --> 00:21:23,572 of your rich-ass daddy. 460 00:21:23,573 --> 00:21:25,867 Sure does solve them money problems, don't it? 461 00:21:31,373 --> 00:21:36,003 Oh, I forgot the bread. 462 00:21:39,381 --> 00:21:42,676 Go get the multigrain bread from the counter, Dr. Watson. 463 00:22:08,118 --> 00:22:11,621 Now return the multigrain to its proper place, Dr. Watson. 464 00:22:24,259 --> 00:22:25,426 Now, y'all say stuff. 465 00:22:25,427 --> 00:22:27,345 Don't just make me be the only one crushing him. 466 00:22:27,346 --> 00:22:28,637 You guys do stuff to crush him too. 467 00:22:28,638 --> 00:22:30,139 We already said we were gonna say stuff. 468 00:22:30,140 --> 00:22:32,516 - Hey. - As-salaam alaikum. 469 00:22:32,517 --> 00:22:34,144 Is that Daddy or Samuel L. Jackson? 470 00:22:35,771 --> 00:22:37,063 Nice hat. 471 00:22:37,064 --> 00:22:38,689 Lookin' like a fashion victim, Daddy. 472 00:22:38,690 --> 00:22:40,524 Is she dressin' you now? 473 00:22:40,525 --> 00:22:42,151 That's gross, dude. 474 00:22:42,152 --> 00:22:43,487 You're pussy-whipped. 475 00:22:44,571 --> 00:22:47,073 Kids, this has-- this has gone on too long. 476 00:22:47,074 --> 00:22:49,992 You better brace yourself because unfortunately, 477 00:22:49,993 --> 00:22:52,286 we have some intel on your lady friend. 478 00:22:52,287 --> 00:22:55,539 Mm-hmm, and you are not gonna like it. 479 00:22:55,540 --> 00:22:56,749 Oh, good grief. 480 00:22:56,750 --> 00:22:59,668 If you're gonna bad-mouth Lori, save it. 481 00:22:59,669 --> 00:23:02,589 She's a possible serial killer, Daddy. 482 00:23:03,590 --> 00:23:04,799 Like, a bunch of her boyfriends 483 00:23:04,800 --> 00:23:07,968 are either dead, missing, murdered, or gone. 484 00:23:07,969 --> 00:23:10,763 - Big Dick Mitch... - Heard of him? 485 00:23:10,764 --> 00:23:12,473 He clocked out of work at the Benz dealership 486 00:23:12,474 --> 00:23:14,475 and walked off the face of the fuckin' Earth. 487 00:23:14,476 --> 00:23:15,851 He's disappeared, Daddy. 488 00:23:15,852 --> 00:23:18,479 Big Dick Mitch, nowhere to be found. 489 00:23:18,480 --> 00:23:20,189 This is ridiculous. 490 00:23:20,190 --> 00:23:23,859 She's also in debt up to her eyeballs. 491 00:23:23,860 --> 00:23:25,903 Miss Lori is a poverty person. 492 00:23:25,904 --> 00:23:27,780 - Ooh-hoo-hoo. - She's poor. 493 00:23:27,781 --> 00:23:30,282 I'm sorry to be the one to have to share that news, Daddy. 494 00:23:30,283 --> 00:23:33,244 Finally see what she sees in Daddy. 495 00:23:33,245 --> 00:23:35,287 She's usin' you for your money, honey. 496 00:23:35,288 --> 00:23:36,330 Ooh-hoo-hoo-hoo. 497 00:23:36,331 --> 00:23:37,790 She's tryin' to black widow that ass, Daddy. 498 00:23:37,791 --> 00:23:38,791 It's obvious. 499 00:23:38,792 --> 00:23:40,376 She's attempting to make you 500 00:23:40,377 --> 00:23:42,294 a "Dateline" episode, son. 501 00:23:42,295 --> 00:23:44,380 That's all this ever was. 502 00:23:44,381 --> 00:23:47,174 God damn it. 503 00:23:47,175 --> 00:23:49,510 You kids need to grow up! 504 00:23:49,511 --> 00:23:54,098 The lies, the shit attitudes, the manipulations-- 505 00:23:54,099 --> 00:23:55,516 enough! 506 00:23:55,517 --> 00:23:56,517 Why don't you just go ahead 507 00:23:56,518 --> 00:23:57,601 and get killed for your money, then. 508 00:23:57,602 --> 00:23:59,353 See if I care. I don't care. Just go do that, then. 509 00:23:59,354 --> 00:24:00,396 - That's so stupid. - I don't care, Daddy. 510 00:24:00,397 --> 00:24:02,148 I won't sit here and listen to you trash Lori 511 00:24:02,149 --> 00:24:04,483 because you're too immature to realize 512 00:24:04,484 --> 00:24:08,070 that Mama ain't comin' back. 513 00:24:08,071 --> 00:24:09,989 She's not. 514 00:24:09,990 --> 00:24:11,740 And I'll be goddamned if I'm gonna spend 515 00:24:11,741 --> 00:24:14,995 what's left of my life feelin' sad about it. 516 00:24:16,413 --> 00:24:20,416 Yo, Slick Rick, you tryin' to take her side over ours? 517 00:24:20,417 --> 00:24:22,626 Yeah, playboy. 518 00:24:22,627 --> 00:24:23,711 Choose a side. 519 00:24:23,712 --> 00:24:25,963 Us or her? 520 00:24:25,964 --> 00:24:28,966 What's it gonna be? 521 00:24:28,967 --> 00:24:31,260 Why'd you have to back him into a choice like that, Jesse? 522 00:24:31,261 --> 00:24:33,012 That was so fuckin' stupid! 523 00:24:33,013 --> 00:24:34,180 Kelvin's the one who teed him up. 524 00:24:34,181 --> 00:24:35,806 - I didn't tee him up. - Buzz off. 525 00:24:35,807 --> 00:24:37,516 I have bigger things to do than bickerin' with 526 00:24:37,517 --> 00:24:40,644 my underachievin' older bro and my unsexy nurse sister. 527 00:24:40,645 --> 00:24:42,313 You better watch your fuckin' mouth, Corky. 528 00:24:42,314 --> 00:24:45,524 I'm a very sexy nurse sister. 529 00:24:45,525 --> 00:24:47,276 What the hell's wrong with you lately? 530 00:24:47,277 --> 00:24:48,944 Actin' like a certified bitch. 531 00:24:48,945 --> 00:24:51,071 Y'all just salty that I've lapped you 532 00:24:51,072 --> 00:24:53,699 in both achievement and prestige. 533 00:24:53,700 --> 00:24:55,075 My work with Prism-- 534 00:24:55,076 --> 00:24:57,411 more relevant than anything you two do. 535 00:24:57,412 --> 00:24:59,079 That's right. 536 00:24:59,080 --> 00:25:00,998 I'm makin' headlines. 537 00:25:00,999 --> 00:25:02,709 I'm makin' myself look like a fool, y'all. 538 00:25:03,752 --> 00:25:05,002 You're just actin' like a goddamn clown. 539 00:25:05,003 --> 00:25:06,670 Self-absorbed-- everyone sees it. 540 00:25:06,671 --> 00:25:08,172 Clowns don't get nominated 541 00:25:08,173 --> 00:25:10,216 for Top Christ Following Man, dummy. 542 00:25:10,217 --> 00:25:11,717 Too bad that's a total sham. 543 00:25:11,718 --> 00:25:14,887 I've never seen a more blatant example of tokenism. 544 00:25:14,888 --> 00:25:15,846 Tokenism? 545 00:25:15,847 --> 00:25:17,306 You a flavor of the month, son. 546 00:25:17,307 --> 00:25:18,516 Your shit ain't real. 547 00:25:18,517 --> 00:25:20,267 You ain't a Top Christ Following Man, 548 00:25:20,268 --> 00:25:21,394 and you know it. 549 00:25:22,979 --> 00:25:23,896 How dare you? 550 00:25:23,897 --> 00:25:25,189 You know why they gave it to you. 551 00:25:25,190 --> 00:25:28,609 You know why. 552 00:25:28,610 --> 00:25:31,070 San Francisco. 553 00:25:31,071 --> 00:25:32,780 That's rich. 554 00:25:32,781 --> 00:25:34,615 You're a loser, Jesse. 555 00:25:34,616 --> 00:25:36,617 Why don't you go cry in a Prayer Pod? 556 00:25:36,618 --> 00:25:38,494 You fail at everything. 557 00:25:38,495 --> 00:25:41,455 Your kids don't even like you--zero respect. 558 00:25:41,456 --> 00:25:42,540 It's sad. 559 00:25:42,541 --> 00:25:44,959 Damn, Kelvin, show some restraint. 560 00:25:44,960 --> 00:25:46,168 And you-- 561 00:25:46,169 --> 00:25:47,753 Daddy doesn't even think about you. 562 00:25:47,754 --> 00:25:49,630 Why waste the time? 563 00:25:49,631 --> 00:25:51,840 We'd all be happiest if you just married 564 00:25:51,841 --> 00:25:53,842 some powerful asshole and become their problem. 565 00:25:53,843 --> 00:25:56,470 Instead you married a pole-dancing cripple. 566 00:25:56,471 --> 00:25:58,598 Now both of you are our problem. 567 00:26:01,935 --> 00:26:02,851 Sorry. 568 00:26:02,852 --> 00:26:05,145 I'm just speakin' my truth. 569 00:26:05,146 --> 00:26:07,314 Well, I was just makin' a joke. 570 00:26:07,315 --> 00:26:09,483 This was just flapping hair to do a joke. 571 00:26:09,484 --> 00:26:11,610 And you said stuff that's hurtful for real. 572 00:26:11,611 --> 00:26:13,988 - No, you meant it. - I said a city, Kelvin. 573 00:26:13,989 --> 00:26:15,197 That's all I did. 574 00:26:15,198 --> 00:26:16,699 What's gonna happen if I say Fort Worth? 575 00:26:16,700 --> 00:26:18,784 You gonna fuckin' stab me? 576 00:26:18,785 --> 00:26:21,203 Hope you feel good about yourself. 577 00:26:21,204 --> 00:26:23,414 I do feel good about myself. 578 00:26:23,415 --> 00:26:25,749 Good. 579 00:26:25,750 --> 00:26:29,503 - Good. - Good. 580 00:26:29,504 --> 00:26:30,964 Good. 581 00:26:34,009 --> 00:26:35,718 You're funny. 582 00:26:35,719 --> 00:26:36,927 Oh! 583 00:26:36,928 --> 00:26:39,680 You're such a gentleman. 584 00:26:39,681 --> 00:26:41,432 I try. 585 00:26:41,433 --> 00:26:44,853 Well, it's no Gemstone compound, but it's home. 586 00:26:46,396 --> 00:26:47,438 Hey! 587 00:26:47,439 --> 00:26:48,897 Mama said y'all were comin'. 588 00:26:48,898 --> 00:26:51,650 Yeah, I figured it'd be best 589 00:26:51,651 --> 00:26:53,986 to give everybody a little space. 590 00:26:53,987 --> 00:26:55,195 Say no more. 591 00:26:55,196 --> 00:26:57,323 I just popped by to drop you guys off some dinner. 592 00:26:57,324 --> 00:26:59,908 - A little Kung Pao Dynasty. - Ooh. 593 00:26:59,909 --> 00:27:01,660 I also left your edibles by the microwave, Mama. 594 00:27:01,661 --> 00:27:04,288 What's that? Edibles? 595 00:27:04,289 --> 00:27:06,624 Darlin', they're like gummy bears, 596 00:27:06,625 --> 00:27:09,418 except with marijuana in 'em. 597 00:27:09,419 --> 00:27:11,004 Yeah, you're gonna like it. 598 00:27:11,921 --> 00:27:13,631 Thank you for the treats, baby. 599 00:27:13,632 --> 00:27:15,633 Have fun, you two. 600 00:27:15,634 --> 00:27:18,345 Good to see you, Core. 601 00:27:23,016 --> 00:27:24,642 I'm gonna get me a gummy. 602 00:27:24,643 --> 00:27:27,687 - Yeah? - Yeah, I sure am. 603 00:27:32,317 --> 00:27:33,484 The kids in the village will never give me 604 00:27:33,485 --> 00:27:35,027 a fair shot, Johnny B. 605 00:27:35,028 --> 00:27:36,320 Of course not, Teenjus. 606 00:27:36,321 --> 00:27:38,113 They think you're-- you're nothing more 607 00:27:38,114 --> 00:27:40,741 than a carpenter's son. 608 00:27:40,742 --> 00:27:43,702 You know, if I win the village dance contest, 609 00:27:43,703 --> 00:27:45,829 there's no way I won't be accepted. 610 00:27:45,830 --> 00:27:47,206 Through my moves and swagger, 611 00:27:47,207 --> 00:27:48,582 I'll show them I am the chosen one. 612 00:27:48,583 --> 00:27:51,210 Keep movin', you dirty Nazarenes. 613 00:27:51,211 --> 00:27:53,629 Always up to mischief, are you, Teenjus? 614 00:27:53,630 --> 00:27:55,714 When you finally gonna get your act together? 615 00:27:55,715 --> 00:27:56,965 You're late for class. 616 00:27:56,966 --> 00:27:59,134 Teenjus. Teenjus! 617 00:27:59,135 --> 00:28:00,844 Give me some more smolder, now. 618 00:28:00,845 --> 00:28:02,596 You hate this Roman soldier. 619 00:28:02,597 --> 00:28:05,224 You want to rip his fuckin' face off. 620 00:28:05,225 --> 00:28:06,475 But you can't, now, 621 00:28:06,476 --> 00:28:07,726 'cause you're Teenjus. 622 00:28:07,727 --> 00:28:09,937 So just be conflicted, now. 623 00:28:09,938 --> 00:28:12,940 Now, turn around and think to yourself, fuck him! 624 00:28:12,941 --> 00:28:14,858 And walk off slowly. 625 00:28:14,859 --> 00:28:16,443 'Cause you don't want to fuck with a Roman 626 00:28:16,444 --> 00:28:17,862 'cause they will crucify you. 627 00:28:18,905 --> 00:28:21,448 Somebody get that donkey in focus. 628 00:28:21,449 --> 00:28:24,452 Yes. And cut! 629 00:28:54,399 --> 00:28:55,357 Thank you, and welcome 630 00:28:55,358 --> 00:28:58,485 to the Top Christ Following Man roundtable. 631 00:28:58,486 --> 00:29:01,196 With me are nominees Vance Simkins, 632 00:29:01,197 --> 00:29:05,117 Adam Kelly, Forrest Gill, Kelvin Gemstone, 633 00:29:05,118 --> 00:29:06,577 and Reggie Daniels. 634 00:29:06,578 --> 00:29:08,287 What's up, what's up, playas? 635 00:29:08,288 --> 00:29:09,705 Stay blessed, y'all. 636 00:29:09,706 --> 00:29:14,209 Tonight we will discuss an array of complex issues 637 00:29:14,210 --> 00:29:16,086 facing Christians today. 638 00:29:16,087 --> 00:29:20,758 So as King Solomon said, let's get the ball rollin'. 639 00:29:20,759 --> 00:29:22,342 King Solomon. 640 00:29:22,343 --> 00:29:24,887 Gentlemen, first question. 641 00:29:24,888 --> 00:29:27,389 Should children be taught a comprehensive overview 642 00:29:27,390 --> 00:29:29,933 of all major religions at school? 643 00:29:29,934 --> 00:29:31,393 Yes. 644 00:29:31,394 --> 00:29:32,895 I--I want this one. 645 00:29:32,896 --> 00:29:34,313 Okay, kids are my specialty. 646 00:29:34,314 --> 00:29:37,524 You see, children are the future. 647 00:29:37,525 --> 00:29:40,611 You can mold them any which way you want. 648 00:29:40,612 --> 00:29:42,237 What I teach my discipes-- 649 00:29:42,238 --> 00:29:44,114 sorry, that's what I call my flock, 650 00:29:44,115 --> 00:29:46,492 discipes instead of disciples. 651 00:29:46,493 --> 00:29:50,496 I teach them everything cool about Jesus. 652 00:29:50,497 --> 00:29:53,332 You see, the Bible can be confusing, 653 00:29:53,333 --> 00:29:56,335 so we translate it for modern, cutting-edge times. 654 00:29:56,336 --> 00:29:58,212 I'm sorry. 655 00:29:58,213 --> 00:29:59,254 Sorry. 656 00:29:59,255 --> 00:30:00,714 I certainly don't want to hurt anybody 657 00:30:00,715 --> 00:30:04,343 or put a damper on the evening, but, uh... 658 00:30:04,344 --> 00:30:07,095 God is tellin' me I gotta speak up on this issue. 659 00:30:07,096 --> 00:30:09,723 - Oh. - You see, I follow Scripture. 660 00:30:09,724 --> 00:30:11,600 - Mm. - That's my thing. 661 00:30:11,601 --> 00:30:12,684 Okay. 662 00:30:12,685 --> 00:30:15,103 And I believe all of us should follow the Scripture. 663 00:30:15,104 --> 00:30:16,146 Of course. 664 00:30:16,147 --> 00:30:19,441 What Kelvin here preaches, it's not Scripture. 665 00:30:19,442 --> 00:30:21,944 Kelvin, how do you respond? 666 00:30:21,945 --> 00:30:26,198 Well, Prism is the Bible, just through a different light. 667 00:30:26,199 --> 00:30:28,033 Oh, brand shout-out. 668 00:30:28,034 --> 00:30:30,118 Whoop, whoop! 669 00:30:30,119 --> 00:30:32,704 But I already like the light it's in. 670 00:30:32,705 --> 00:30:34,498 I don't need a different light. 671 00:30:34,499 --> 00:30:38,544 You see, as a Christian, I have love for everyone, okay? 672 00:30:38,545 --> 00:30:41,922 But a homosexual bein' included here, 673 00:30:41,923 --> 00:30:43,258 something's not right. 674 00:30:45,635 --> 00:30:47,761 Amen. 675 00:30:47,762 --> 00:30:49,555 Well, I mean, that's just your opinion, so-- 676 00:30:49,556 --> 00:30:51,890 Excuse me. I'm--I'm still speaking. 677 00:30:51,891 --> 00:30:54,935 Sadly, your nomination means that this great honor 678 00:30:54,936 --> 00:30:57,312 has strayed from its core values 679 00:30:57,313 --> 00:31:00,899 to now bein' more about just checkin' off a box. 680 00:31:00,900 --> 00:31:03,193 Now, I know you get a room full of people, 681 00:31:03,194 --> 00:31:06,029 and you'll get a room full of opinions. 682 00:31:06,030 --> 00:31:09,157 But God's word is clear on this issue. 683 00:31:09,158 --> 00:31:12,077 Pastor Gemstone, any response? 684 00:31:12,078 --> 00:31:15,080 Um, um-- 685 00:31:15,081 --> 00:31:17,749 Uh, uh. 686 00:31:17,750 --> 00:31:19,335 Cat got your tongue, didn't it? 687 00:31:24,340 --> 00:31:26,758 Well, I mean, that's--there's lots 688 00:31:26,759 --> 00:31:30,345 of parts of the Bible that are outdated. 689 00:31:30,346 --> 00:31:34,099 But, like, also, it talks about not eating shellfish. 690 00:31:34,100 --> 00:31:37,311 I've avoided shellfish for that very reason. 691 00:31:37,312 --> 00:31:39,563 But by all means, if you think you got 692 00:31:39,564 --> 00:31:41,649 more wisdom than the Bible... 693 00:31:43,026 --> 00:31:44,777 Good luck to you, sir. 694 00:31:48,156 --> 00:31:49,115 Thank you. 695 00:32:16,559 --> 00:32:17,977 Thank you. 696 00:32:32,659 --> 00:32:34,660 BJ, what is this? How did you-- 697 00:32:34,661 --> 00:32:37,287 I'm sorry I've been using you as a punching bag. 698 00:32:37,288 --> 00:32:38,831 It's not right. 699 00:32:45,171 --> 00:32:46,713 Thank you, Dr. Watson. 700 00:32:46,714 --> 00:32:48,675 Can you also bring us some sparkling? 701 00:32:52,303 --> 00:32:54,137 Glad to see you and Dr. Watson 702 00:32:54,138 --> 00:32:55,347 gettin' along so well. 703 00:32:55,348 --> 00:32:57,349 He really has helped. 704 00:32:57,350 --> 00:32:58,850 He's given me somethin' else to focus on 705 00:32:58,851 --> 00:33:01,687 other than my anger and questions of "why me?" 706 00:33:01,688 --> 00:33:06,650 BJ, maybe God was testin' us with what he did to you. 707 00:33:06,651 --> 00:33:08,610 Maybe he's testin' our faith in him 708 00:33:08,611 --> 00:33:10,570 and our faith in each other. 709 00:33:10,571 --> 00:33:11,947 You really think so? 710 00:33:11,948 --> 00:33:13,407 Maybe. 711 00:33:13,408 --> 00:33:16,201 I mean, you know any test we face, we fuckin' ace. 712 00:33:16,202 --> 00:33:18,912 Especially now that my Daddy has desecrated 713 00:33:18,913 --> 00:33:21,248 his relationship to Mama, 714 00:33:21,249 --> 00:33:25,210 we're the best couple in this whole fuckin' family. 715 00:33:25,211 --> 00:33:26,879 I love you, Judy. 716 00:33:49,318 --> 00:33:50,485 Ow! Ow! 717 00:33:50,486 --> 00:33:52,946 You want to do another gummy? 718 00:33:52,947 --> 00:33:55,198 Ow! 719 00:33:55,199 --> 00:33:58,827 If I do another one, 720 00:33:58,828 --> 00:34:00,997 I'll be in outer space. 721 00:34:04,292 --> 00:34:07,295 Get down. 722 00:34:27,482 --> 00:34:30,567 Eli, there's somethin' 723 00:34:30,568 --> 00:34:33,904 I haven't been straight with you about. 724 00:34:33,905 --> 00:34:36,448 What are you talkin' about? 725 00:34:36,449 --> 00:34:40,119 Me and you need to have a talk about my ex.