You're using the new bread when we haven't finished the old bread?
- I want fresh. - We'll throw the old bread away then.
Bye, money. Mr. Fancy likes his fresh.
What are you even doing home? Shouldn't you be at church?
- Don't you have like a job to go to? - They didn't need me to come in today.
But you stayed home yesterday too. Something going on at work, huh?
- 'Cause this, this is unusual. - No. Yes. I got fired, okay?
- Well, not fired. Let go. - What? Why did they fire you?
- They didn't fire me. I was let go. - Why were you let you go?
No reasons. Just cutbacks.
You're doing cocaine again, aren't you, Stephen? Don't lie to me.
- Always find a way to bring that up. - Oh, my God! You are!
- You are going back to rehab! - No! I'm never going back there!
I should have seen the signs. Your weird behavior.
Now, you're fired from church. Then you said that mean thing about my hair.
Oh, my God. Again, with the hair. We already fought about the hair.
I'm sorry I don't like your haircut. It looks fucking stupid. Get over it!
My hair is age appropriate. Unlike you, trying to look young with frosted tips.
You look old and desperate.
You're thinking you're some hot rock star doing coke. It's sad.
Fuck you.
Telling your wife fuck you under your breath. Pathetic.
An unemployed, cokehead piece of shit who sulks all day.
Can't even support his kids. But don't worry! He still wears ripped jeans
and spends all day learning Kings From Leon like a goddamn teenage idiol.
You want to push my buttons? Fine.
Let me tell it to you loud and clear so you can hear me. Fuck you! Fuck you!
- Daddy! - I'm okay. I'm okay, honey.
Fuck!
Ooh, cha-cha-cha. Busted.
Gideon, when did you even start this nasty habit? Not in this house, I pray.
No. You're in the clear, Mommy. I picked it up on set.
I'm not happy you got hurt,
but I am glad that you are no longer hanging out with these types of people.
Quit smoking. And your sarcasm needs to go right along with it.
- Calling me mommy. No, sir. - Sorry. I don't know why I did that.
Buddy, we need a favor from you. You need to start pitching in,
especially since you're sitting on your ass all day not doing movies anymore.
- Dad, I don't wanna preach. - Well, I'm not asking you to preach.
I need you to fill in for my daddy's driver.
I'm sick and tired of seeing you moping around the house all day,
pretending like you're fucking born on the Fourth of July or something.
I'm sitting around 'cause I've been seriously injured.
And I am moping. I can't do anything. I can't ride bikes, do my martial arts.
- I may never do stunts again. - You're never gonna do stunts again.
- Never gonna do stunts again? - We're not trying to belittle you.
But this might be what you need. Get out in the world.
Run your granddaddy around to get his meds, get his prostate checked.
- It could take your mind off of shit. - How often does he check his prostate?
- Bunches. - Lot of times. It gets bigger.
You're doing it, so don't be a little bitch about it.
- Daytime friends and nighttime lovers. - Turn it off.
Hoping no one else discovers where they go.
Stop grabbing my hand and turn it the fuck off.
Just don't act like you don't love hearing our song.
Shut up. This ain't our song. We don't have a song.
- What's up with your face? - My wife laid these colors down.
- God dang. What happened? - I told her I got fired.
But I couldn't tell her why. She thinks I'm back on coke.
That's great news.
She's demanding I go back to rehab. It's all fucked!
Earth to Stephen. Come back from outer space and calm down.
Don't you think I've thought about all this? I have.
That's why I'm prepared to give you $10,000.
That's mostly in small bills. I figured you'd wanna buy gas station snack.
- So this is fuck off money? - A little bit may, kinda.
I'm not giving up that easy and letting the other guy win.
- What other guy? - Your husband.
- I'm willing to fight for you. - You don't sound like a tattoo man.
Stephen, you have a wife. You have kids.
We haven't even shit in front of each other.
- But I want to. - Don't.
I'd leave my family in a second if I can have you. I'd murder them.
I believe you, okay?
I have long known that I can drive men wild with the power of this pussy
or even just the promise of this pussy.
But marriage-ruining shit, home-wrecker shit, that's a hell no from me, dawg.
Me and you? I don't want to see you no mo.
Judy. Wait. Don't, don't do this.
All right, Gideon, go on and keep that speed steady.
Daddy don't like it too fast. He's doing good, ain't he, Daddy?
- Fine. Thank you, Gideon. - Happy to help, Granddad.
Why is the injured person doing the driving? He can't even turn his head.
Maybe help him out instead of being a damn dick about it.
- You're clear. - All good?
Yeah. You're good. Put your signal on.
I don't even know why we came all the way out here. We hate Montgomerys.
Here we are, doing a damn wellness check for our sworn enemies.
Momma wouldn't like it. She'd say fuck these inbred weirdoes.
Your mom will never say anything like that about your cousins.
I always found them to be kind of dumb and strange.
That's why I'm surprised you weren't butt buddies with them.
- Oh, yeah, Judy? - You wanna talk butt buddies?
Why don't you go back on tour then? Get some kisses.
- Stop. - Work on a new love song.
- What are you all talking about? - Nothing, Daddy. Nothing. Stop it!
- Gideon, turn left here. - Yeah.
They're waiting for you down at the mess hall. Stay to the left.
Do not veer off the road.
They got damn Meal Team Six guarding this joint.
- What the hell is this place, Daddy? - It's some straight up militia shit.
These folks are what you call preppers. They believe the end is near.
They wanna make sure they don't run out of toilet paper.
Let's go! Move, move, move!
- Gideon, what are you doing? - Oh, honestly, I have no idea.
- Do I go with you or stay in the car? - You're his driver. What do you think?
- Right. So it's stay with the car then? - Bingo. Stay with the car.
Daddy, you make sure he does the stuff a driver is supposed to do.
Don't give him any shortcuts just 'cause he's family.
He's fine, Jesse.
All right.
Uncle. Cousins. Welcome.
- What are you doing here, Uncle? - Your mother is worried about you.
Wanna make sure you all are staying out of trouble.
Momma don't know shit. She hadn't in a long time.
I can't argue with that, but looking around I say she may be getting warmer.
Who are these men you're out here with?
These are the Brothers of Tomorrow's Fires.
- This is a militia. - It was a bad idea to come out here.
I ain't trying to get Ruby Ridged up in this motherfucker.
Feds come rushing in and we get fucking Waco'd while sitting here. No, sir.
- What are you all up to? - There's a war coming.
The Lord has picked how He'll use each of us.
I know my assignment. Do you know how He intends to use you?
- Yeah. Singing. - Yeah. Doing preaching.
Youth of ministry probably.
If it ain't the world-famous Gemstone family.
- Hello, Peter. - Eli...
- And little old Karl. - Hi, Uncle Eli.
I mean, good afternoon, sir. Cousins.
Got the whole family here. To what do we owe the pleasure?
I don't suppose my lovely, forgiving wife had anything to do with the visit?
She may have asked me to check up on the boys, see how you all are doing.
I'd say we're doing just fine.
- Doing fine, Karl? - Yes, sir.
There you go. There you have it.
We're making up for lost time now that pa is back on the outside again.
Don't mean to be rude but we are congregating for our afternoon service.
Service? Are you all doing church? Why don't you let us pray with you?
- It's what we do. - I got a good sermon in the chamber.
Pop it off and lighten the mood with these sour boys.
Maybe throw a little song over to Judy. She can do a ditty.
I'm happy to. Karl's gonna have to run security detail for me though.
These boys look like they're trying to eat me.
If there's any little ones, I could do a presentation on feats of strength.
- Tie it in with Jesus. - You're all so sure of yourselves.
We do it a little differently here.
Eyes to the front!
Men, this here is the world-famous Gemstone family.
Eli got a magnificent ministry. It's as big as a castle.
He had a wife, beautiful wife, with a voice of an angel.
- Yes, she did. - She just loved to share that gift.
She would share it on every street corner if she could. Just give it away.
Eli here, he just had to sell it!
These people, they're not here to offer you a gift.
They are here to sell you something. I know because I bought it once!
These are not people of God!
They're entertainers! Performers! Charlatans!
When the end times come, are we to believe
that these phony fakers will be called to the Kingdom of Heaven?
No, sir. No.
Then get the hell out of here!
I can't believe we're blood with those boys. Couldn't be kin more different.
Tell me about it. They're crazy.
Super relig. Love their guns. Live in a compound together.
To be honest with you, I'm embarrassed we're even related to them.
Me too. Supes embarrassed. Is this the color we're going with here?
Judy picked it.
Well, since she's not here, maybe we do a veto?
Percy, if this is gonna be our executive boardroom,
I feel like I'd like my chair on a platform or raised or something,
just so I sit taller than those around me.
Jesse, that's a really good idea. But my chair too though
Okay. Percy, can you make our chairs taller than the rest?
What we're going for here is that when people come in to meet,
that they feel less.
- Are you writing this down' - Yes, boys.
Jesse and Kelvin. Sorry to interrupt. Remodeling, are we?
Yes, Martin. Very important church leaders executive stuff.
Martin, your penis is 22.82 feet away from me right now.
- Okay... - Martin, what you need?
The ministers from the church have reached out.
The ministers?
- Percy, get the fuck out of here. Go. - Bye, Percy.
Thanks.
- Which ministers? - All of them.
They want to have a meeting with the three of you.
Okay. That could be normal, right?
They want to make sure that the church is headed in the right direction.
And we're supposed to convince them of that?
As the leaders of the church, yes, that is expected.
- Sick. Sick. - Cool. Very good. No doubt.
- Sick. - It is sick. It is also bad news.
- What's up, Daddy? You get any bites? - Daddy be straight up relaxing.
I am trying to relax, but people keep bothering me.
We understand you're trying to get your chill on, catch fishes.
We're not here to ask you to do extra work and to do any hand-holding.
It's just that the ministers from the church, they'd like to have a sit-down.
- What now? - Martin says they're disgruntled.
Apparently, they liked it better when you ran the church
Daddy, maybe like you could just talk to them or something.
- I'm supposed to be retired. - Well, we understand that.
I hope you know we are trying hard not to ruin this whole entire thing.
Truth be told, I don't know how much help I can be.
World's a more cynical place than when we were coming up.
People are ready to hate. Excited to even.
But the importartant thing is that you all work this out together.
- I'm not always gonna be here. - But you're alive.
You ain't drooling yet. You ain't even squirting piss against your will.
Come on, Daddy. Pretty please, with sugar sprinkles on top.
Holy shit!
Oh, my God! What the...
They shot him. They shot him.
- What the heck happened? - - We're being raided. - Get to the safe...
- Go, go, go! - Oh, boy! What did he say?
- Get to the safe house! - To the safe house?
That was fun. We haven't been to a movie in I can't remember how long.
It was cool having popcorn. Throwing it at people's heads like we used to.
I feel like, lately, we haven't been on the same page, but now we're back.
You think we haven't been on the same page?
No. I'm just saying like, at various points in our relationship,
we haven't been on the same page but we're good now.
- When were we not on the same page? - God, BJ.
When I was on tour, I would call you and stuff, and you barely picked up
'cause you were always at the Salvation Center trying to kiss ass.
Lollipop, the time zones were hard to navigate while you were on tour.
And I'm not kissing ass at the Salvation Center.
I'm helping out at a time when we need it,
becoming a more dope me in the process.
Fuck, BJ. I'm not trying to play the blame game.
I'm stating that we took a break and now it's nice to spend time together.
You being on tour and me helping out at the church
is not taking a break in our relationship.
God. Semantics police. Please do not start spiraling over words.
I said it weird. It's no bigz.
You made it sound like we went through a rocky patch or something.
I didn't say that. You're the one over here talking about rocky patch.
I literally said I was away and then I came back.
I said two locations. That's all. The rest is in your twisted mind.
- Don't gaslight me, Judy. - You gaslight yourself by being crazy.
It's called a joke, hot stuff. Come on, dude Lighten up.
- I love you. You know that. Come on. - Okay.
- Okay? - Sorry.
Pa make it?
- We made it. - I see that. A lot of fellas didn't.
- Why'd the feds come, Pa? - I don't know.
We were talking and thinking maybe you two could tell us.
Why are you asking like that? We didn't have nothing to do with nothing.
Yeah, but you invited the Gemstones out for a visit.
No, sir, we didn't. Momma sent them.
How would she even know where you were unless you were talking to her?
- What did we discuss? - That she is a liar? Can't be trusted.
Right. And did you listen?
I said did you listen to me and talk to her?
Ignore me again.
All right. We're gonna try this a different way. Jacob get over here.
- Why? - Because I said so, Jacob.
- Don't look at me. Don't. Get him. - Get off! Get off me!
Now, we're gonna try this again.
If you lie to me, Jacob here is gonna lose the tippy top of his ear.
What? Stop!
Now, did you or did you not tell the feds where we were?
- No, Pa. Honest. We didn't. - Pa, we ain't lying. Please.
Yeah, I don't believe you.
- There you go! Did you see that? - Oh, shit!
You see that? That is your fault. You caused that. Got another one.
- No! - Quiet! We're gonna do this again.
Don't lie to me, boys, okay? Jacob, I am really sorry about that.
- No! You don't gotta do this! - Stop! Stop! Don't!
You are dumber than I thought you stepping to me like that.
I will not be disrespected. You let go of me! Fuck! That hurt.
Get that son of a bitch!
Come back here right now! Come back!
Don't stand there! Go get them!
Hey, Granddad. Ready to roll?
I ain't looking for Speed Racer here. I ain't in one of your action movies.
No, sir. No, of course, not. No action movies today.
Dear Lord, have you been smoking? It reeks of cigarettes in here.
Have I? Gosh, no.
Honestly, off the top of my head, the only explanation I could think is
that I wore these clothes to the store recently and another person...
You don't need to lie. I can smell it. Your grandma used to smoke.
- Turn on the air. - Sorry, Granddad. Yeah.
- You're clear. - All clear? Thanks.
So how's your day going so far?
I'm gonna collect my thoughts before going to meet with these ministers.
As you should. Yup.
What? Where are you?
Daddy ain't here yet.
He was never too late for stuff like this when he was in charge.
- He's doing this on purpose. - It's only five till.
- Technically, he's not late yet. - No. He's late.
Just keep the truck running.
Here. Come on, Eli. Quick!
- My God. What happened? - We got raided.
Pa thinks you all are responsible. He blamed us. Madder than a wet hen.
Peter is dangerous, Eli. He's already sent his goons to question me.
They followed me here as I was checking in. They're parked outside.
Everything okay?
Boy, we got friends a couple of spaces over from you.
I want you to leave the parking lot. Drive right by them.
Go around the block. There's an alley back behind the motel.
Got it.
Well, if you all aren't gonna speak, is it okay if we do then?
Daddy ain't coming. It's time. We're on our own.
- Jesse, what are you doing? - Let's fuck these pastors up.
How's it going, everyone? Wonderful to see you, brother and sister pastors.
Thanks for coming out.
We understand that some of you are nervous about the change in leadership.
We just wanna assure you that we don't take that personally.
We're not insulted by that. It doesn't make us wanna physically hurt you.
We just want you all to really know
that we are just as capable of running this church as our momma and daddy.
And because you believed in our parents,
it is now time to believe in their three children
Being a part of Gemstone church used to be joyous, felt like a family.
But now, that spark is gone.
You gotta give the people in this room something to believe in.
Inspire us. Let us know that you feel confident in the future.
All right. Easy. Cinch.
- Judy. - Oh, I'm up? Okay.
I'm so ready to inspire you all,
but I'm gonna be generous right now, throw it to my, my little bro, Kelvin.
- I had to be the one to inspire? - Fucking do it.
You all wanna be inspired? Peep this.
To turn this church around, it's gonna take more than just the three of us.
It's gonna take everybody in here. We, the three, and you.
Okay. What? I just stumbled upon a new church chant motto.
We, the three, and you. Come on. We, the three, and you.
- Tag along. Come on, everybody. - We, the three, and you.
- Let me hear you all. - We, the three, and you. Come on.
- This is what you got for us? - What's that?
Half the church is thinking about jumping ship
and you wanna clap hands and rhyme?
You're making us look like fools.
Your hairstyle and your flavor saver make you look like a fool, homes.
- For real though. - Very well then.
After 22 years of service to this church the Lord tells me my time is up.
The Lord is telling me you're a little baby bitch!
You just sit your ass back down right now!
- Jesse, don't swear at them. - No. No. Let him walk.
- They fucking suck anyway! - Judy! No! Come on!
Please! Guys, come back. Come back. Please. Please come back!
No! Everyone just calm down. Calm down!
You tell that to them, Martin. This is embarrassing.
If their mother was still alive,
she would be appalled by what's happening in this church right now.
Shut the fuck up about my momma, you asshole!
You wanna do that? All right.
- I was on your side. - Fuck this!
Quit! Quit it!
Come on!
Hold on!
- Fuck you! - We, the three, and you!
- Shit! They're going everywhere. - Choke on this, Linda!
Fuck you! Fuck off!
Suck it! Fuck you!
Come on, boys! Hustle! Hustle in!
Go, go!
Hit it, Gideon!
Oh, Lord! They spotted us.
- Granddad, I'm gonna need your eyes. - You got them.
Holy shit!
Clear on the right side.
Hold on!
Coming up fast!
Oh, shit! Son of a bitch!
I pooped a little.
We got two of them now.
- The field on your right clear? - Clear!
They're still on us.
Right side.
Leftside.
If you got a move in you...
You're a hell of a wheel man, Gideon. Old Walker couldn't have stuck that.
You can keep the gig.
THE RIGHTEOUS GEMSTOMES
End episode 2, season 3