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[TV static drones]
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[bright tone]
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[dramatic choral music]
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♪ ♪
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[dramatic rock music]
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♪ ♪
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The Redeemer,
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like the Lord our God above,
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shall destroy them
with a mighty destruction
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00:00:27,967 --> 00:00:31,336
until they all be destroyed.
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00:00:31,336 --> 00:00:34,273
Through God's teachings,
we can be the monster truck.
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We can smush the things
that the devil puts in our way.
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Boom.
[laughs]
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Now, can I get an amen?
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all: Amen!
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Whoo!
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♪ ♪
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Y'all know
I don't like to cuss,
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but what in the hell
is this horseshit
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I'm looking at right now?
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Ooh, Mama said the S-word.
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This has nothing
to do with church.
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He's making us look
like fools,
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talking about we can be
like a monster truck.
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I can't believe y'all let him
pull this Hot Wheels mess.
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A good turnout, at least.
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00:01:05,839 --> 00:01:08,206
A very profitable Friday night.
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Well, that's gotta count
for something.
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We're putting butts
in the seats.
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Money ain't everything, baby.
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What we gonna do,
start selling beer next?
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Get your ice cold beer here.
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Beer, beer, beer.
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Get your ice cold beer.
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Beer, beer, beer.
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[engines revving]
37
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[crowd cheering]
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You.
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You're nothing but a fool.
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Pretending on TV to be
all kind and caring,
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but I know the truth.
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May-May?
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Damn you to hell,
Aimee-Leigh.
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- [yelps]
- [grunts]
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[tense music]
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Somebody help me!
She's trying to kill me!
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Help me!
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Help!
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Help me!
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She's trying to kill me!
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♪ ♪
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[groans]
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You think
I'd just live with it,
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what you done to my family?
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Please, May-May,
this ain't the way.
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Now it's your turn to feel--
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♪ ♪
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What the hell?
I'm sorry!
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[gasping]
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♪ Praise ♪
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♪ ♪
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♪ Praise ♪
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We are the elite
of the evangelical world.
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Our capes embrace us
like the arms of Jesus Christ.
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We wear it
in celebration of his love.
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The pistol gives the power
to take life.
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The Lord gave us free will
to do as we choose.
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Thusly, it is a righteous man
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who wears the pistol
yet does no evil.
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Under the eyes of God,
we are the men
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of the Cape and Pistol Society.
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[dramatic organ music playing]
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[cameras shutters snapping]
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[laughter]
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Hey, how you enjoying
your retirement there, Eli?
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Oh, he ain't retired.
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He's writing books.
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He's doing press.
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Admit it, Eli, you can't
stay out of the spotlight.
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No, no, no.
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You better believe I'm gonna be
fishing and sipping.
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Fishing and sipping.
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You scared your kids
gonna blow it.
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[laughs]
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Pretty much.
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[laughter]
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[triumphant music]
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♪ ♪
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♪ We're marching to Zion ♪
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♪ Beautiful, beautiful Zion ♪
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♪ We're marching
upward to Zion ♪
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♪ The beautiful city of God ♪
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Zion is a beautiful
resort, sir.
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Yeah.
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Heaven on Earth.
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- Amen.
- Yeah.
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Take it in while you can.
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What's that?
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Really, Gregory?
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I had a fucking thing planned.
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Oh, I'm sorry, Jess.
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What's happening right now?
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Well, go on, Gregory, you
want to spill the damn beans,
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speak out of turn, tell him.
- Really?
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Do it, damn it.
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You're fired, Walker.
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[laughter]
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Take it like a man
if you can.
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Ooh!
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What are they
talking about, Jesse?
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I've driven your daddy
for years,
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and you know
I would take a bullet.
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Well, I used
to think that,
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until I started seeing
little tidbits about my family
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being published online.
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Little insights
into the transition of power.
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You got the wrong guy, Jesse.
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[snaps fingers]
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Behold.
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This was published
in "Christian Times."
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"After the Gemstone heirs
got the dismal poll numbers,
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"Amber Gemstone
made sugar cookies
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to lighten the mood..."
- Mm.
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"Says an insider
to the family."
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I ain't the only one
you told that story to, Jesse.
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It's a nice story.
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Sugar cookies
ain't real, bitch.
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That's a detail I made up
to sniff out the rat.
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She made crescents, son.
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You're the only one
I told sugar cooks to,
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you fucking snitch.
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Grab his ass.
- What?
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Come on, now.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
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- What is happening?
- Here you go, here you go.
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Whack him, Jess. Come on.
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Keep an eye out, Levi.
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- Jesse, please.
- Come on, now. Get him.
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[whistles] Tally-ho.
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What?
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00:05:41,981 --> 00:05:43,082
[groans]
141
00:05:43,082 --> 00:05:44,250
Hey, how you doing?
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We're just having fun,
just playing around.
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Damn it, Jesse, you brought
me all the way to Florida
144
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just to fire me?
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Yes, I did.
146
00:05:50,689 --> 00:05:53,292
When your family asks
how you broke your nose,
147
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tell them it was
a kite surfing accident.
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My nose ain't broken.
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[snaps fingers]
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[groans]
151
00:06:01,034 --> 00:06:02,268
Yeah, it is.
152
00:06:02,268 --> 00:06:05,071
Kite surfing's a lot harder
than it looks.
153
00:06:05,071 --> 00:06:06,606
How was your
Judy On Top tour?
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00:06:06,606 --> 00:06:07,639
Fun?
155
00:06:07,639 --> 00:06:09,709
Oh, you know,
it's life on the road.
156
00:06:09,709 --> 00:06:11,944
Port to port,
city to city,
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00:06:11,944 --> 00:06:14,348
screaming fans.
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Oh. [chuckles]
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00:06:16,350 --> 00:06:18,217
Mm, thank you.
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00:06:18,217 --> 00:06:20,815
Hey, that was
a cold fish kiss.
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Everything OK, Jude?
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Yeah, it's just, I've been
on a five-state tour, Beej.
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I'm tired.
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Cut me some friggin' slack.
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My gosh.
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Well, my famous wife.
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I always knew
when I married you,
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I'd have to share you
with the world.
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OK, I gotta go.
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What?
Already?
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00:06:38,370 --> 00:06:39,705
Well, I have
work duties, Beej.
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Me and my brothers
run the church now.
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I love you so much.
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[smooching]
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I love you too.
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So glad you're home.
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Oh, Keefe,
this is gonna hurt.
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No doubt.
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We wiped out
most of their stock.
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That shop's gonna have
nothing else to sell like this.
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Until they restock.
And then what?
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00:07:02,428 --> 00:07:05,264
And we'll return
and buy it all again.
183
00:07:05,264 --> 00:07:06,932
Remember yourself, Taryn.
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00:07:06,932 --> 00:07:08,034
No.
185
00:07:08,034 --> 00:07:09,702
No, she has a point.
186
00:07:09,702 --> 00:07:12,132
We're trying to shut
these deviants down,
187
00:07:12,132 --> 00:07:13,940
not give them
an economic boost.
188
00:07:13,940 --> 00:07:19,011
But I'm still so impressed
by you guys. [laughs]
189
00:07:19,011 --> 00:07:21,480
This just shows me
how motivated y'all are
190
00:07:21,480 --> 00:07:23,716
to achieve the goals
of the Smut Busters.
191
00:07:23,716 --> 00:07:29,522
both: No smut, no lust,
no coconuts.
192
00:07:29,522 --> 00:07:31,190
Come on, y'all.
193
00:07:31,190 --> 00:07:34,728
Part of being in the group is
doing the saying when we do it.
194
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I did not know
what was happening.
195
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[birds chirping]
196
00:07:40,666 --> 00:07:43,803
[dramatic percussive music]
197
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♪ ♪
198
00:07:46,906 --> 00:07:49,108
Through the power
of Christ's love
199
00:07:49,108 --> 00:07:50,777
and Lasik surgery,
200
00:07:50,777 --> 00:07:53,680
we have restored sight
to the blind
201
00:07:53,680 --> 00:07:56,548
or at least the nearsighted.
202
00:07:56,548 --> 00:08:00,185
These primitive people
can see Christ's world
203
00:08:00,185 --> 00:08:03,855
and read signs at night
much better because of us.
204
00:08:03,855 --> 00:08:05,257
Well, I'm not sure how many
of these primitive people
205
00:08:05,257 --> 00:08:07,693
are reading street signs
tonight in the rain forest.
206
00:08:07,693 --> 00:08:08,994
And that's not really
the main reason why we did it.
207
00:08:08,994 --> 00:08:10,495
I didn't say
it was the main reason.
208
00:08:10,495 --> 00:08:11,798
Well, you are
heavily featuring it, so...
209
00:08:11,798 --> 00:08:13,499
OK, boys, time to wrap it up.
210
00:08:13,499 --> 00:08:14,834
They're trying to get back
to me singing.
211
00:08:14,834 --> 00:08:16,168
We're accompanying
the montage, Judy.
212
00:08:16,168 --> 00:08:17,369
You're not the main part.
213
00:08:17,369 --> 00:08:19,005
Yeah, this isn't
a solo tour, Judy.
214
00:08:19,005 --> 00:08:20,006
No, it's not.
215
00:08:20,006 --> 00:08:21,373
We're doing our thing
right now, thank you.
216
00:08:21,373 --> 00:08:22,442
You're not the main reason.
217
00:08:22,442 --> 00:08:25,110
♪ A new revelation ♪
218
00:08:25,110 --> 00:08:29,115
♪ Will set you free ♪
- ♪ Hallelujah for his light ♪
219
00:08:29,115 --> 00:08:32,785
♪ Illumination ♪
220
00:08:32,785 --> 00:08:34,257
♪ Soon you will see ♪
221
00:08:36,091 --> 00:08:37,723
Took care
of your driver Walker.
222
00:08:37,723 --> 00:08:39,592
That bitch is history, Daddy.
223
00:08:39,592 --> 00:08:40,927
[chuckles] Lying sneak.
224
00:08:40,927 --> 00:08:42,662
Well, we're gonna need
a new driver.
225
00:08:42,662 --> 00:08:44,631
Somebody we can trust
this time.
226
00:08:44,631 --> 00:08:45,965
We'll get you one.
227
00:08:45,965 --> 00:08:48,395
Hopefully, maybe Judy
and Kelvin could help out,
228
00:08:48,395 --> 00:08:51,304
seeing as how I do
every other goddamn thing
229
00:08:51,304 --> 00:08:52,438
around here lately.
230
00:08:52,438 --> 00:08:54,206
Man, Jesse, shut the fuck up.
231
00:08:54,206 --> 00:08:55,475
You ain't the boss of us.
232
00:08:55,475 --> 00:08:56,403
I'm the main decider.
233
00:08:56,403 --> 00:08:58,611
We're all deciders, Jesse,
not just you.
234
00:08:58,611 --> 00:09:00,412
Oh, please, Kelvin.
235
00:09:00,412 --> 00:09:01,981
You and old slow eyes
over there
236
00:09:01,981 --> 00:09:04,283
are off doing
your damn pervert protest
237
00:09:04,283 --> 00:09:05,412
to help with the church at all.
238
00:09:05,412 --> 00:09:07,686
The Smut Busters
have already taken down
239
00:09:07,686 --> 00:09:10,856
16 porno shops
on the I-95 corridor alone.
240
00:09:10,856 --> 00:09:12,558
Well, I'm glad
that truck drivers
241
00:09:12,558 --> 00:09:14,494
won't be able to buy
dick pills anymore.
242
00:09:14,494 --> 00:09:15,522
Bravo.
243
00:09:15,522 --> 00:09:17,157
Look, the point is
that none of y'all but Jesse
244
00:09:17,157 --> 00:09:19,164
are doing anything important.
245
00:09:19,164 --> 00:09:20,066
You know, this has been
246
00:09:20,066 --> 00:09:21,601
a really hard time
for our family.
247
00:09:21,601 --> 00:09:23,069
Our son was injured,
248
00:09:23,069 --> 00:09:25,138
almost killed,
in a work accident.
249
00:09:25,138 --> 00:09:26,138
Mom, please don't.
250
00:09:26,138 --> 00:09:27,507
This has been
very traumatic for us,
251
00:09:27,507 --> 00:09:29,208
and y'all don't even care.
252
00:09:29,208 --> 00:09:31,010
Gideon, your mom
is trying to Munchhausen you.
253
00:09:31,010 --> 00:09:33,880
Amber, you need to stop
trying to milk sympathy votes
254
00:09:33,880 --> 00:09:35,848
for your son being
a crippled, OK?
255
00:09:35,848 --> 00:09:37,183
Jesse, get her ass in line.
256
00:09:37,183 --> 00:09:38,885
Maybe you need to stop
talking about Baron Munchausen.
257
00:09:38,885 --> 00:09:40,619
Can we please
just eat in peace?
258
00:09:40,619 --> 00:09:44,456
Unfortunately, I have
some not-so-peaceful news.
259
00:09:44,456 --> 00:09:47,093
As you all know, since your
daddy has taken a step back,
260
00:09:47,093 --> 00:09:51,630
there has been a decline in
both attendance and donations.
261
00:09:51,630 --> 00:09:53,265
I have noticed
that the seats high up
262
00:09:53,265 --> 00:09:54,701
have been empty more and more.
263
00:09:54,701 --> 00:09:56,502
And now I've been informed
264
00:09:56,502 --> 00:09:59,439
that one of our largest benefactors
265
00:09:59,439 --> 00:10:01,006
is departing.
266
00:10:01,006 --> 00:10:02,074
Who?
267
00:10:02,074 --> 00:10:04,278
The race car driver,
Dusty Daniels.
268
00:10:04,278 --> 00:10:05,712
Dusty Daniels?
269
00:10:05,712 --> 00:10:07,346
The Slick Bandit?
270
00:10:07,346 --> 00:10:08,748
That guy's a living legend.
271
00:10:08,748 --> 00:10:09,748
He's, like, 100 years old.
272
00:10:09,748 --> 00:10:11,617
He's gonna be dead soon anyway,
so, oh, well.
273
00:10:11,617 --> 00:10:15,054
Our ministry was to receive
his entire estate,
274
00:10:15,054 --> 00:10:18,792
including branding,
corporation, even his name.
275
00:10:18,792 --> 00:10:20,660
Pfft. So what?
We got names.
276
00:10:20,660 --> 00:10:21,761
Don't need his.
277
00:10:21,761 --> 00:10:23,629
His name
is currently estimated
278
00:10:23,629 --> 00:10:26,365
to be worth over $200 million.
279
00:10:26,365 --> 00:10:29,001
- Huh?
- Motherfucker.
280
00:10:29,001 --> 00:10:32,772
We were also set to inherit
Dusty's trademark slogan,
281
00:10:32,772 --> 00:10:33,873
"Whoo-whee, sucker!"
282
00:10:33,873 --> 00:10:37,209
Merchandising alone,
over $30 million.
283
00:10:37,209 --> 00:10:39,478
Is this because of the
goddamn shitty poll numbers?
284
00:10:39,478 --> 00:10:41,012
Which shitty
poll numbers, Jesse?
285
00:10:41,012 --> 00:10:44,483
The ones where 85% said you're
colder than a fucking ice cube
286
00:10:44,483 --> 00:10:46,519
shoved up
a polar bear's asshole?
287
00:10:46,519 --> 00:10:47,753
I remember
those same pollsters saying
288
00:10:47,753 --> 00:10:49,154
that your songs
are when most people in church
289
00:10:49,154 --> 00:10:50,389
go to take a shit.
290
00:10:50,389 --> 00:10:51,724
[laughs, blows raspberry]
291
00:10:51,724 --> 00:10:52,926
Prove it, Jesse.
292
00:10:52,926 --> 00:10:54,127
I will.
293
00:10:54,127 --> 00:10:56,261
Maybe if y'all stopped
henpecking at one another
294
00:10:56,261 --> 00:10:58,431
and started trying to fix
what ain't working,
295
00:10:58,431 --> 00:10:59,933
you wouldn't be
in this situation.
296
00:10:59,933 --> 00:11:02,096
You all need to go
connect with him,
297
00:11:02,096 --> 00:11:03,669
win his confidence.
298
00:11:03,669 --> 00:11:06,605
If Dusty's not happy,
I don't blame him.
299
00:11:06,605 --> 00:11:08,708
I will try to go
and minister to him.
300
00:11:08,708 --> 00:11:10,209
We'll see if these guys
will help.
301
00:11:10,209 --> 00:11:11,377
I'll do it, Daddy.
302
00:11:11,377 --> 00:11:12,779
- Bleh.
- Meh.
303
00:11:12,779 --> 00:11:14,246
- Meh-meh.
- Bleh.
304
00:11:14,246 --> 00:11:15,215
- Unh.
- [sighs]
305
00:11:15,215 --> 00:11:16,282
Unh.
306
00:11:16,282 --> 00:11:18,682
- Grow up.
- Ugh.
307
00:11:19,588 --> 00:11:22,489
[rock music]
308
00:11:22,489 --> 00:11:28,264
♪ ♪
309
00:11:30,165 --> 00:11:31,892
- Yes.
- Whoo!
310
00:11:31,892 --> 00:11:33,102
Yes.
311
00:11:34,863 --> 00:11:37,403
Man, real talk, y'all,
I don't get this race car shit.
312
00:11:37,403 --> 00:11:38,771
Bunch of rednecks
racing around,
313
00:11:38,771 --> 00:11:40,472
seeing who can go nowhere
the fastest.
314
00:11:40,472 --> 00:11:43,242
OK, well, now's not the time
to be PMS'ing, Judy.
315
00:11:43,242 --> 00:11:46,306
- Psh!
- She's been a real B-I-T-C-H
316
00:11:46,306 --> 00:11:47,914
since she got back from tour.
317
00:11:47,914 --> 00:11:50,416
Man, why is everybody
wondering about my tour,
318
00:11:50,416 --> 00:11:51,951
asking me
what happened on tour?
319
00:11:51,951 --> 00:11:54,488
I sang fucking songs, OK?
That's it.
320
00:11:54,488 --> 00:11:55,855
End of story.
321
00:11:55,855 --> 00:11:57,156
Somebody's been
acting mysterious.
322
00:11:57,156 --> 00:11:58,624
- Fuck off.
- What happened on tour?
323
00:11:58,624 --> 00:12:00,159
- Fuck off, nothing.
- Here he comes. Shh.
324
00:12:00,159 --> 00:12:02,595
By the way, I'm on my period,
not PMS'ing.
325
00:12:02,595 --> 00:12:03,830
Guys, here he comes.
Big smiles.
326
00:12:03,830 --> 00:12:05,192
- OK.
- Cheers. Big cheers.
327
00:12:05,192 --> 00:12:06,232
- OK. Whoo!
- Yes.
328
00:12:06,232 --> 00:12:09,369
- Yes!
- Oh, yes!
329
00:12:09,369 --> 00:12:11,003
[engine revving]
330
00:12:11,003 --> 00:12:12,739
Yay!
331
00:12:12,739 --> 00:12:14,406
- Whoo!
- Yeah!
332
00:12:14,406 --> 00:12:17,010
- Yes!
- Whoo-whee, sucker!
333
00:12:17,010 --> 00:12:19,812
The Slick Bandit
looking slicker than ever.
334
00:12:19,812 --> 00:12:21,648
God's fastest son
on four wheels.
335
00:12:21,648 --> 00:12:23,683
Someone's fixing
for a comeback.
336
00:12:23,683 --> 00:12:26,118
Waste of your time
coming up here.
337
00:12:26,118 --> 00:12:27,587
Ain't nothing
the three of you can say
338
00:12:27,587 --> 00:12:29,255
gonna change my mind.
339
00:12:29,255 --> 00:12:30,690
[coughs]
- OK.
340
00:12:30,690 --> 00:12:32,925
Let me shoot you straight.
341
00:12:32,925 --> 00:12:36,028
Your church has changed.
342
00:12:36,028 --> 00:12:38,798
See, when Eli was heading
things up, I was happy.
343
00:12:38,798 --> 00:12:41,834
Now that he ain't,
I don't like it so much.
344
00:12:41,834 --> 00:12:44,203
The thing is, we are
gonna make this right.
345
00:12:44,203 --> 00:12:45,104
- Yeah.
- OK?
346
00:12:45,104 --> 00:12:46,873
We're young
and up to the task, dude.
347
00:12:46,873 --> 00:12:48,207
See, that's the thing.
348
00:12:48,207 --> 00:12:49,909
I don't trust young people.
I'm old-school.
349
00:12:49,909 --> 00:12:51,076
Well, you know, actually,
we are not
350
00:12:51,076 --> 00:12:52,512
as young as you think we are.
351
00:12:52,512 --> 00:12:55,181
I mean, Kelvin does Botox.
352
00:12:55,181 --> 00:12:56,482
- I don't do Botox.
- You do--
353
00:12:56,482 --> 00:12:58,050
you do, too, do Botox.
- Never done Botox, so...
354
00:12:58,050 --> 00:12:59,551
OK, then why is there
an indention
355
00:12:59,551 --> 00:13:01,821
where your sunglasses
smushed your Botox forehead?
356
00:13:01,821 --> 00:13:03,022
- There isn't one.
- Yeah, there is.
357
00:13:03,022 --> 00:13:04,056
- No, there's not.
- Right here.
358
00:13:04,056 --> 00:13:06,091
Dusty, Jesse's got more grays
than you do, man.
359
00:13:06,091 --> 00:13:08,594
Dude is rocking a bad dye job.
360
00:13:08,594 --> 00:13:09,863
[laughter]
- [coughs]
361
00:13:09,863 --> 00:13:11,664
He didn't use to look
like a deformed Dracula.
362
00:13:11,664 --> 00:13:13,299
I do not look like
a deformed Dracula.
363
00:13:13,299 --> 00:13:15,400
- Yeah, you do. Yeah, you do.
- I don't dye my hair.
364
00:13:15,400 --> 00:13:17,069
I just changed my shampoo
is all, you idiots.
365
00:13:17,069 --> 00:13:18,905
- See?
- Oh, really?
366
00:13:18,905 --> 00:13:22,007
Right there.
367
00:13:22,007 --> 00:13:25,311
When I used to watch your mama
and daddy, I felt the love.
368
00:13:25,311 --> 00:13:26,579
It was nice.
369
00:13:26,579 --> 00:13:29,014
I don't feel the love
in this current configuration.
370
00:13:29,014 --> 00:13:31,951
So I'm pulling up my stakes
and I'm making a change.
371
00:13:31,951 --> 00:13:33,619
We can--we love--
we love each other.
372
00:13:33,619 --> 00:13:34,721
- I love 'em.
- We do.
373
00:13:34,721 --> 00:13:36,255
We're in love with each other.
- We do.
374
00:13:36,255 --> 00:13:37,891
Olive juice you.
375
00:13:37,891 --> 00:13:40,360
[horn honking]
376
00:13:40,360 --> 00:13:41,861
Whoo-whee, sucker!
377
00:13:41,861 --> 00:13:43,429
Oh, there he go.
378
00:13:43,429 --> 00:13:46,300
[Venom's "Black Metal"]
379
00:13:46,300 --> 00:13:48,668
♪ ♪
380
00:13:48,668 --> 00:13:51,337
♪ Well, black is the night ♪
381
00:13:51,337 --> 00:13:53,139
♪ Metal we fight ♪
382
00:13:53,139 --> 00:13:55,408
♪ Power amps set to explode ♪
383
00:13:55,408 --> 00:13:57,811
Jesus in Jerusalem.
384
00:13:57,811 --> 00:14:00,713
The fucking Simkins.
385
00:14:00,713 --> 00:14:04,951
♪ Warheads are ready
to fight ♪
386
00:14:04,951 --> 00:14:07,120
♪ Yeah, black leather hounds ♪
387
00:14:07,120 --> 00:14:09,221
♪ Faster than sound ♪
388
00:14:09,221 --> 00:14:12,224
♪ Metal our purpose in life ♪
389
00:14:12,224 --> 00:14:14,560
♪ Baby, it's black metal ♪
390
00:14:14,560 --> 00:14:15,762
Good to see you.
391
00:14:15,762 --> 00:14:16,996
Dusty, tell me
you have not signed
392
00:14:16,996 --> 00:14:19,098
with these snake oil salesmen.
393
00:14:19,098 --> 00:14:20,933
Oh, take it easy, Jesse.
394
00:14:20,933 --> 00:14:23,268
We don't want no ill will
with the Gemstones.
395
00:14:23,268 --> 00:14:25,839
Dusty and our family
go way back.
396
00:14:25,839 --> 00:14:27,506
I worship with them now.
397
00:14:27,506 --> 00:14:29,875
They're "pull yourself up
by your bootstraps" type folks.
398
00:14:29,875 --> 00:14:30,977
I like that.
399
00:14:30,977 --> 00:14:32,445
Nobody handed it to them.
- OK.
400
00:14:32,445 --> 00:14:34,814
Yeah, after Mom and Dad died
in the plane crash...
401
00:14:34,814 --> 00:14:36,015
Here we go.
402
00:14:36,015 --> 00:14:37,351
I had to raise my siblings.
403
00:14:37,351 --> 00:14:38,517
Mm-hmm.
404
00:14:38,517 --> 00:14:40,386
I could have returned Craig
to the orphanage,
405
00:14:40,386 --> 00:14:42,455
but I knew my parents
wouldn't have wanted that.
406
00:14:42,455 --> 00:14:44,791
So we banded together
407
00:14:44,791 --> 00:14:47,126
to finish what they
so humbly had started.
408
00:14:47,126 --> 00:14:49,128
Look where we are today.
409
00:14:49,128 --> 00:14:50,930
Helping millions
around the world.
410
00:14:50,930 --> 00:14:52,932
And getting bigger every day.
411
00:14:52,932 --> 00:14:53,933
Yes, ma'am.
412
00:14:53,933 --> 00:14:55,134
Hey, Dusty.
413
00:14:55,134 --> 00:14:57,136
You are looking good.
414
00:14:57,136 --> 00:14:58,871
I appreciate that, Shay.
415
00:14:58,871 --> 00:15:01,110
You ain't looking
so bad yourself.
416
00:15:01,877 --> 00:15:03,108
Hey, Dusty.
417
00:15:03,108 --> 00:15:04,977
[chuckles]
'Sup, boy?
418
00:15:04,977 --> 00:15:06,979
I also think you're a hot man.
419
00:15:06,979 --> 00:15:09,215
Not just Shay.
She's not the only one here.
420
00:15:09,215 --> 00:15:10,283
How am I looking
to you right now?
421
00:15:10,283 --> 00:15:12,719
Pretty good too?
- Sure, you--
422
00:15:12,719 --> 00:15:14,787
all y'all look good, but...
423
00:15:14,787 --> 00:15:16,022
it ain't all about the looks.
424
00:15:16,022 --> 00:15:18,392
And that's a really good
thing, because if it were,
425
00:15:18,392 --> 00:15:19,826
we'd win by a mile.
426
00:15:19,826 --> 00:15:20,893
Am I right?
- You're right.
427
00:15:20,893 --> 00:15:22,228
- Bodies, our bodies.
- He's right.
428
00:15:22,228 --> 00:15:23,963
Not a damn one of you
looking as fine as me.
429
00:15:23,963 --> 00:15:26,198
- Mm-hmm.
- You're gorgeous, Craig.
430
00:15:26,198 --> 00:15:27,767
- Ugh.
- Dusty, you've worshipped
431
00:15:27,767 --> 00:15:30,069
with our family
for 35-plus years.
432
00:15:30,069 --> 00:15:31,704
You gotta give us
another shot.
433
00:15:31,704 --> 00:15:33,372
I'll tell you what.
434
00:15:33,372 --> 00:15:37,744
Y'all want me to be a member
of your church so bad,
435
00:15:37,744 --> 00:15:39,178
why don't you battle for me?
436
00:15:39,178 --> 00:15:41,313
Battle?
What do you mean?
437
00:15:41,313 --> 00:15:44,149
Like a footrace or see who can
hold their breath the longest?
438
00:15:44,149 --> 00:15:47,253
- Like an egg toss?
- No.
439
00:15:47,253 --> 00:15:49,722
Let's settle it
in one of those.
440
00:15:49,722 --> 00:15:52,692
[tense music]
441
00:15:52,692 --> 00:15:54,227
♪ ♪
442
00:15:54,227 --> 00:15:56,391
I don't really
know stock cars.
443
00:15:56,391 --> 00:15:57,630
Chicken, Simkins?
444
00:15:57,630 --> 00:16:00,561
[laughter]
445
00:16:00,561 --> 00:16:01,735
What are they doing?
- Ew.
446
00:16:01,735 --> 00:16:04,570
Dusty, we feel
the Lord has led you
447
00:16:04,570 --> 00:16:08,107
to where you're supposed to be,
worshipping with us.
448
00:16:08,107 --> 00:16:10,113
I'll drive on behalf
of my family.
449
00:16:12,646 --> 00:16:13,746
- Ew, what are you doing?
- Ow, what are you doing?
450
00:16:13,746 --> 00:16:14,781
- Ow.
- Jesse.
451
00:16:14,781 --> 00:16:15,782
Trying to hold your hands.
452
00:16:15,782 --> 00:16:17,216
- Grab it so hard.
- Ugh.
453
00:16:17,216 --> 00:16:19,185
- Let it happen, fuckers.
- Ugh.
454
00:16:19,185 --> 00:16:22,856
Dusty, we as well have--
455
00:16:22,856 --> 00:16:24,390
also believe that the Lord is--
456
00:16:24,390 --> 00:16:27,426
wants to have you
on our side too.
457
00:16:27,426 --> 00:16:30,964
So on behalf of my family,
I will drive too.
458
00:16:30,964 --> 00:16:32,866
- Ow.
- Ew. It's so awkward.
459
00:16:32,866 --> 00:16:34,834
- Ow.
- So there it is.
460
00:16:34,834 --> 00:16:37,070
[percussive music]
461
00:16:37,070 --> 00:16:38,472
♪ Let me see you go ♪
462
00:16:38,472 --> 00:16:44,944
♪ ♪
463
00:16:44,944 --> 00:16:46,145
OK, homey.
464
00:16:46,145 --> 00:16:47,346
You sure you got this?
465
00:16:47,346 --> 00:16:49,081
Come on.
My car at home is fast as fuck.
466
00:16:49,081 --> 00:16:50,550
How can this be any different?
467
00:16:50,550 --> 00:16:51,685
Besides, you heard him.
468
00:16:51,685 --> 00:16:54,053
He says he's got
zero experience.
469
00:16:54,053 --> 00:16:57,090
Well, I said no experience
in stock cars.
470
00:16:57,090 --> 00:16:59,292
I've dabbled in Formula 1.
471
00:16:59,292 --> 00:17:00,793
[laughs]
472
00:17:00,793 --> 00:17:02,862
That son of a bitch.
473
00:17:02,862 --> 00:17:04,530
OK, that means
he's gonna eff it up.
474
00:17:04,530 --> 00:17:06,135
Yup.
475
00:17:08,465 --> 00:17:10,069
Let's race.
476
00:17:10,069 --> 00:17:11,671
[engine revving]
477
00:17:11,671 --> 00:17:13,306
♪ Don't take that down ♪
478
00:17:13,306 --> 00:17:14,774
♪ Let me see you go ♪
479
00:17:14,774 --> 00:17:19,145
♪ ♪
480
00:17:19,145 --> 00:17:21,515
♪ Don't take that down ♪
481
00:17:21,515 --> 00:17:22,848
♪ ♪
482
00:17:22,848 --> 00:17:24,451
♪ Don't take that ♪
483
00:17:24,451 --> 00:17:26,753
♪ ♪
484
00:17:26,753 --> 00:17:28,955
♪ Let me see you go up ♪
485
00:17:28,955 --> 00:17:30,857
♪ ♪
486
00:17:30,857 --> 00:17:33,125
♪ Let me see you go up ♪
487
00:17:33,125 --> 00:17:35,762
[tires screeching]
488
00:17:35,762 --> 00:17:37,330
God damn it!
489
00:17:37,330 --> 00:17:38,998
Do the gas!
Do the gas, boy!
490
00:17:38,998 --> 00:17:41,867
My car is broken!
491
00:17:41,867 --> 00:17:43,336
Go, you fucking race car!
492
00:17:43,336 --> 00:17:44,640
Go!
493
00:17:46,542 --> 00:17:47,476
Whoo!
494
00:17:59,321 --> 00:18:00,653
- Fuck!
- Ah!
495
00:18:00,653 --> 00:18:01,821
What happened, Jesse?
496
00:18:01,821 --> 00:18:03,222
That's embarrassing, dude.
497
00:18:03,222 --> 00:18:05,494
Whoo-whee, sucker!
498
00:18:09,531 --> 00:18:10,830
[laughter]
499
00:18:10,830 --> 00:18:12,431
Now that I'm semiretired,
500
00:18:12,431 --> 00:18:16,703
this change has given me time
to reflect on my life
501
00:18:16,703 --> 00:18:18,270
and my journey with Christ.
502
00:18:18,270 --> 00:18:22,074
I've put these reflections down
in a written word,
503
00:18:22,074 --> 00:18:25,812
my definitive autobiography.
504
00:18:25,812 --> 00:18:27,679
Why definitive, you ask?
505
00:18:27,679 --> 00:18:30,617
Well, because it's about
the third one I've written.
506
00:18:30,617 --> 00:18:31,951
[laughter]
507
00:18:31,951 --> 00:18:34,386
I guess I lived longer
than I thought
508
00:18:34,386 --> 00:18:38,425
and I still have
a little more to say.
509
00:18:38,425 --> 00:18:39,959
[applause]
510
00:18:39,959 --> 00:18:42,231
Thank you. Thank you.
511
00:18:44,732 --> 00:18:47,000
Ah, thank you very much
for coming.
512
00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:48,896
I knew I recognized you.
- Yes, sir.
513
00:18:48,896 --> 00:18:50,269
God bless you,
and have a great day.
514
00:18:50,269 --> 00:18:51,840
Thank you.
Bless you.
515
00:18:53,875 --> 00:18:56,776
[tense music]
516
00:18:56,776 --> 00:18:58,311
♪ ♪
517
00:18:58,311 --> 00:18:59,913
You got a lot of nerve
coming here.
518
00:18:59,913 --> 00:19:01,380
Well, I paid the signing fee.
519
00:19:01,380 --> 00:19:03,615
Figures you have to pay money
to get a little face time.
520
00:19:03,615 --> 00:19:05,284
We've got a restraining order
against you.
521
00:19:05,284 --> 00:19:06,952
Security.
- I need your help, Eli.
522
00:19:06,952 --> 00:19:08,053
I don't care what you need.
523
00:19:08,053 --> 00:19:09,322
Well, Aimee-Leigh
would hear me out.
524
00:19:09,322 --> 00:19:10,356
You know she would.
525
00:19:10,356 --> 00:19:12,626
How dare you say her name?
526
00:19:12,626 --> 00:19:13,459
Get her out of here.
527
00:19:13,459 --> 00:19:14,759
Eli, please,
I need your help.
528
00:19:14,759 --> 00:19:15,995
- Just get out of here.
- It's my boys, Eli.
529
00:19:15,995 --> 00:19:17,129
Get out!
530
00:19:17,129 --> 00:19:18,197
I wouldn't have come
to you otherwise.
531
00:19:18,197 --> 00:19:20,667
Let go of me. I'm going.
- Out.
532
00:19:20,667 --> 00:19:22,335
[dramatic music]
533
00:19:22,335 --> 00:19:24,569
39 Christian
marriage counselors
534
00:19:24,569 --> 00:19:27,006
were brought on
as consultants to ensure
535
00:19:27,006 --> 00:19:29,375
that The System was effective,
536
00:19:29,375 --> 00:19:31,978
a program you can use at home
to help your marriage
537
00:19:31,978 --> 00:19:34,313
better honor Jesus Christ.
538
00:19:34,313 --> 00:19:37,951
For just $500, you get
The System starter kit,
539
00:19:37,951 --> 00:19:40,952
which has everything you need
to begin your journey
540
00:19:40,952 --> 00:19:44,023
to a happy and healthy marriage
in the eyes of the Lord.
541
00:19:44,023 --> 00:19:46,325
Is your marriage
important to you?
542
00:19:46,325 --> 00:19:48,227
Then what are you waiting for?
543
00:19:48,227 --> 00:19:50,095
all: Call now.
544
00:19:50,095 --> 00:19:52,131
Well, did y'all
get Dusty back?
545
00:19:52,131 --> 00:19:53,432
Nope.
546
00:19:53,432 --> 00:19:55,434
Lost him to the fucking
Simkins, of all people.
547
00:19:55,434 --> 00:19:57,970
The siblings whose parents
died in a plane crash?
548
00:19:57,970 --> 00:19:59,205
Yes.
549
00:19:59,205 --> 00:20:01,407
They are so fucking lucky.
550
00:20:01,407 --> 00:20:03,175
I wish that I had
some traumatic event
551
00:20:03,175 --> 00:20:04,877
that happened to me
that I can exploit
552
00:20:04,877 --> 00:20:06,578
and make people like us.
553
00:20:06,578 --> 00:20:09,348
I mean, our origin story sucks
compared to theirs.
554
00:20:09,348 --> 00:20:11,484
I mean, nobody's rooting
for born-wealthy people
555
00:20:11,484 --> 00:20:13,886
to become more wealthy.
556
00:20:13,886 --> 00:20:15,888
I'm really worried.
Are you?
557
00:20:15,888 --> 00:20:17,890
No.
A little concerned.
558
00:20:17,890 --> 00:20:20,459
You know, obviously, I wish
that Judy and Kelvin's mouths
559
00:20:20,459 --> 00:20:23,295
were taped shut and that you
were the only one in charge.
560
00:20:23,295 --> 00:20:25,764
Baby, their energy
makes you all look desperate.
561
00:20:25,764 --> 00:20:27,800
Well, I mean, that's because
we are desperate.
562
00:20:27,800 --> 00:20:30,069
We're picking up
where Eli Gemstone left off,
563
00:20:30,069 --> 00:20:31,670
a man who's done this job
for, like,
564
00:20:31,670 --> 00:20:33,405
a fucking hundreds of thousands
of years
565
00:20:33,405 --> 00:20:35,440
and is America's Jesus daddy.
566
00:20:35,440 --> 00:20:36,943
Look, I'm not trying
to rain on your parade.
567
00:20:36,943 --> 00:20:38,310
You know,
I'm really glad you have
568
00:20:38,310 --> 00:20:40,112
your counseling, you know, thingamabob,
569
00:20:40,112 --> 00:20:41,213
you know, whatever this is.
570
00:20:41,213 --> 00:20:43,049
- The System.
- Sure, whatever.
571
00:20:43,049 --> 00:20:44,449
Yeah.
572
00:20:44,449 --> 00:20:45,584
It seems like it's taking up
a lot of your time.
573
00:20:45,584 --> 00:20:47,353
And this is a moment
when I could really use
574
00:20:47,353 --> 00:20:49,221
all hands on deck at home.
575
00:20:49,221 --> 00:20:50,555
What's not getting done
at home?
576
00:20:50,555 --> 00:20:53,192
I don't know if you noticed,
but our son Pontius
577
00:20:53,192 --> 00:20:55,995
has tattooed another word
on his fucking face.
578
00:20:55,995 --> 00:20:57,562
"Blessed."
I know.
579
00:20:57,562 --> 00:20:59,432
It just seems
like you're, you know,
580
00:20:59,432 --> 00:21:01,868
giving a lot of attention to
other people's relationships,
581
00:21:01,868 --> 00:21:05,037
and perhaps if you focused
more on your own,
582
00:21:05,037 --> 00:21:06,738
you know,
we wouldn't have children
583
00:21:06,738 --> 00:21:08,673
putting fucking calligraphy
on their faces.
584
00:21:08,673 --> 00:21:10,509
Look, baby, I know
that you're upset,
585
00:21:10,509 --> 00:21:12,646
but please don't
take it out on me, OK?
586
00:21:12,646 --> 00:21:14,313
A small decline
was to be expected
587
00:21:14,313 --> 00:21:15,982
with this kind of transition.
588
00:21:15,982 --> 00:21:17,044
You know it's like?
589
00:21:17,044 --> 00:21:18,518
When Jay Leno
took over for Carson.
590
00:21:18,518 --> 00:21:20,285
It was rocky there for a bit.
591
00:21:20,285 --> 00:21:22,054
But what happened in the end?
592
00:21:22,054 --> 00:21:24,356
Leno shot to the top.
593
00:21:24,356 --> 00:21:27,226
What if we're not Leno?
594
00:21:27,226 --> 00:21:28,932
What if we're just Conan?
595
00:21:30,999 --> 00:21:32,564
Fuck me.
596
00:21:32,564 --> 00:21:34,100
This ministry
helped me unlock
597
00:21:34,100 --> 00:21:36,102
the best version of myself.
598
00:21:36,102 --> 00:21:37,169
And I'm not just saying that
599
00:21:37,169 --> 00:21:38,838
because I married
into the family.
600
00:21:38,838 --> 00:21:40,139
[laughter]
601
00:21:40,139 --> 00:21:41,974
Who knows what
Gemstone Salvation Center
602
00:21:41,974 --> 00:21:43,342
can do for you?
603
00:21:43,342 --> 00:21:46,545
Now, Janice and Tall Jay
have enrollment packages.
604
00:21:46,545 --> 00:21:50,249
Scan the QR code for easy,
step-by-step instructions
605
00:21:50,249 --> 00:21:52,451
on how to have tithing
automatically deducted
606
00:21:52,451 --> 00:21:54,586
from your account each month.
607
00:21:54,586 --> 00:21:57,990
It's never been easier
to share your praise.
608
00:21:57,990 --> 00:22:00,997
[applause]
609
00:22:03,298 --> 00:22:04,897
Mm. [chuckles]
610
00:22:04,897 --> 00:22:07,199
Man, I am crushing
my Welcome Center duties.
611
00:22:07,199 --> 00:22:08,601
They were feeling me today.
612
00:22:08,601 --> 00:22:10,136
Yeah, you're
really working it.
613
00:22:10,136 --> 00:22:11,370
[chuckles]
That's for sure.
614
00:22:11,370 --> 00:22:12,872
Here.
I got you some gifts.
615
00:22:12,872 --> 00:22:13,973
- Gifts?
- Yeah.
616
00:22:13,973 --> 00:22:15,207
Why?
617
00:22:15,207 --> 00:22:17,377
I just was thinking about
what a good husband you are
618
00:22:17,377 --> 00:22:18,544
and how much I love you.
619
00:22:18,544 --> 00:22:19,712
Go ahead.
Take a look.
620
00:22:19,712 --> 00:22:21,113
OK.
621
00:22:21,113 --> 00:22:22,882
An infrared meat thermometer,
622
00:22:22,882 --> 00:22:24,150
Theragun,
623
00:22:24,150 --> 00:22:25,385
a VR headset.
624
00:22:25,385 --> 00:22:26,853
Wow.
- Wow.
625
00:22:26,853 --> 00:22:28,954
I've been wanting
one of these.
626
00:22:28,954 --> 00:22:31,123
Now I can fully immerse myself
in the nature and space games
627
00:22:31,123 --> 00:22:33,325
that I gravitate toward.
628
00:22:33,325 --> 00:22:35,194
These are
really thoughtful, Judy.
629
00:22:35,194 --> 00:22:37,391
But this isn't necessary.
630
00:22:37,391 --> 00:22:39,799
Goddang, why you gotta
kick my gift horse in the nuts
631
00:22:39,799 --> 00:22:41,167
right now?
632
00:22:41,167 --> 00:22:42,835
Is everything OK?
633
00:22:42,835 --> 00:22:44,269
Feels like things
have been a little off
634
00:22:44,269 --> 00:22:46,540
since you got back from tour.
635
00:22:46,540 --> 00:22:49,208
Oh, my God.
What? [laughs]
636
00:22:49,208 --> 00:22:50,642
No, everything's great.
637
00:22:50,642 --> 00:22:52,412
Why are you reading stuff
into things?
638
00:22:52,412 --> 00:22:53,778
Everything's awesome.
639
00:22:53,778 --> 00:22:55,680
I just love you.
I wanted to give you presents.
640
00:22:55,680 --> 00:22:59,585
Don't emotionally
disappoint me right now.
641
00:22:59,585 --> 00:23:02,091
Yeah, well, I love you too.
Thank you for the gifts.
642
00:23:04,159 --> 00:23:06,592
[both chuckle]
643
00:23:06,592 --> 00:23:10,062
Just like any family,
we've had our ups and downs.
644
00:23:10,062 --> 00:23:14,533
And it's no secret
we've faced some controversy.
645
00:23:14,533 --> 00:23:18,303
In the early 2000s,
we found ourselves in a war
646
00:23:18,303 --> 00:23:21,140
with the press and detractors.
647
00:23:21,140 --> 00:23:22,842
My wife would stay awake,
648
00:23:22,842 --> 00:23:25,548
concerned
with how people saw her.
649
00:23:26,314 --> 00:23:27,814
[somber music]
650
00:23:27,814 --> 00:23:30,950
That they were getting
the wrong message.
651
00:23:30,950 --> 00:23:32,485
I assured--
652
00:23:32,485 --> 00:23:34,623
[clears throat]
653
00:23:36,557 --> 00:23:38,324
Hey, mind if we take
a little break?
654
00:23:38,324 --> 00:23:41,861
Yes, sir.
We can take a small break.
655
00:23:41,861 --> 00:23:46,065
[breathes deeply]
656
00:23:46,065 --> 00:23:49,269
♪ ♪
657
00:23:49,269 --> 00:23:51,438
[air squealing]
658
00:23:51,438 --> 00:23:53,738
[coughs]
659
00:23:53,738 --> 00:23:55,875
Goddamn, what the hell
are y'all cooking out here?
660
00:23:55,875 --> 00:23:58,477
- Devil's objects.
- Devil's objects?
661
00:23:58,477 --> 00:23:59,412
Man, I don't think
you're supposed
662
00:23:59,412 --> 00:24:00,413
to be burning this stuff.
663
00:24:00,413 --> 00:24:01,447
That shit's poisonous.
664
00:24:01,447 --> 00:24:03,049
Yeah, I don't feel very well.
665
00:24:03,049 --> 00:24:05,250
The smoke was green
from some of the butt plugs,
666
00:24:05,250 --> 00:24:07,653
and it smelled like pool toys.
667
00:24:07,653 --> 00:24:09,355
Keefe, how about
we take a little break
668
00:24:09,355 --> 00:24:10,557
from the burn pit?
669
00:24:10,557 --> 00:24:12,561
Give us a moment.
670
00:24:14,228 --> 00:24:15,261
What you doing here, Jesse?
671
00:24:15,261 --> 00:24:16,395
Still trying to fight?
672
00:24:16,395 --> 00:24:19,565
Talking about how you're
the only one doing things, hmm?
673
00:24:19,565 --> 00:24:22,201
No, actually, that's not
what I'm here to do.
674
00:24:22,201 --> 00:24:23,370
I came to apologize.
675
00:24:23,370 --> 00:24:24,904
Really?
676
00:24:24,904 --> 00:24:26,972
Sorry I made fun of your
Botox-indented forehead
677
00:24:26,972 --> 00:24:27,940
in front of Dusty.
678
00:24:27,940 --> 00:24:30,509
That's not how
co-church leaders should act.
679
00:24:30,509 --> 00:24:33,813
Well, I don't have
a dented Botox forehead.
680
00:24:33,813 --> 00:24:36,215
I was just...
holding my face funny.
681
00:24:36,215 --> 00:24:37,517
Well, you know,
even if you do.
682
00:24:37,517 --> 00:24:38,918
Well, I don't.
683
00:24:38,918 --> 00:24:41,653
But if you do
dye your sideburns,
684
00:24:41,653 --> 00:24:44,184
I'm sorry I said that you
look like a deformed Dracula.
685
00:24:44,184 --> 00:24:46,059
Well, I don't
dye my sideburns,
686
00:24:46,059 --> 00:24:48,094
but I accept your apology.
687
00:24:48,094 --> 00:24:49,128
Good.
688
00:24:49,128 --> 00:24:50,329
- Great.
- OK.
689
00:24:50,329 --> 00:24:52,231
Because I don't have
a Botox forehead.
690
00:24:52,231 --> 00:24:53,866
I don't do my--
[mumbling]
691
00:24:53,866 --> 00:24:54,904
All right.
692
00:24:56,104 --> 00:24:57,569
I'm scared, Jesse.
693
00:24:57,569 --> 00:25:00,339
What if we don't have
what it takes?
694
00:25:00,339 --> 00:25:01,908
Yeah, I'm scared too.
695
00:25:01,908 --> 00:25:04,744
The only way through this,
I guess, is if...
696
00:25:04,744 --> 00:25:06,413
we just have
to rise to the occasion,
697
00:25:06,413 --> 00:25:08,313
refuse to fail.
698
00:25:08,313 --> 00:25:10,182
How we gonna do that?
699
00:25:10,182 --> 00:25:11,685
Together.
700
00:25:11,685 --> 00:25:14,453
[uplifting music]
701
00:25:14,453 --> 00:25:16,021
Do we have to include Judy?
702
00:25:16,021 --> 00:25:17,891
Even that bitch.
703
00:25:17,891 --> 00:25:22,562
♪ ♪
704
00:25:22,562 --> 00:25:25,734
[guitar strumming]
705
00:25:27,736 --> 00:25:29,836
The diva is back, y'all.
[laughs]
706
00:25:29,836 --> 00:25:32,471
Ah, hey, everybody.
What's up? What's up?
707
00:25:32,471 --> 00:25:34,106
Hey, Stephen,
I'm glad you're here.
708
00:25:34,106 --> 00:25:36,408
Would you be up for going
through some guitar solo stuff
709
00:25:36,408 --> 00:25:37,911
on "Angels Lift Me Higher"?
710
00:25:37,911 --> 00:25:38,912
Sure.
711
00:25:38,912 --> 00:25:41,147
Hey, everybody, listen up.
[snapping fingers]
712
00:25:41,147 --> 00:25:43,883
Stephen and I need to work on
some important creative stuff
713
00:25:43,883 --> 00:25:46,785
with guitar solo stuff
for one of the songs.
714
00:25:46,785 --> 00:25:49,755
So if everybody could leave
us alone, that'd be great.
715
00:25:49,755 --> 00:25:51,325
Y'all get it.
[laughs]
716
00:25:51,325 --> 00:25:52,591
Artistry.
717
00:25:52,591 --> 00:25:55,727
Get a little rest,
or get you a Coke or whatever.
718
00:25:55,727 --> 00:25:57,797
See you soon, Tamothy.
You did a great job on tour.
719
00:25:57,797 --> 00:25:59,065
[laughs]
720
00:25:59,065 --> 00:26:01,968
[dramatic music]
721
00:26:01,968 --> 00:26:03,337
Oh, fuck.
722
00:26:03,337 --> 00:26:04,340
I missed this.
723
00:26:06,502 --> 00:26:09,608
Being bad like some bitch
in an '80s movie.
724
00:26:09,608 --> 00:26:11,138
So glad I had
to come in and unload
725
00:26:11,138 --> 00:26:12,645
the last of that tour gear.
726
00:26:12,645 --> 00:26:14,780
I had to see you.
727
00:26:14,780 --> 00:26:16,916
Well, you saw me, then.
728
00:26:16,916 --> 00:26:18,384
[sighs]
729
00:26:18,384 --> 00:26:20,820
And now it's time to nut up,
730
00:26:20,820 --> 00:26:23,455
because road head
is road head.
731
00:26:23,455 --> 00:26:25,557
That's just the rules
of the tour, OK?
732
00:26:25,557 --> 00:26:27,226
We can't be bringing
this shit home.
733
00:26:27,226 --> 00:26:31,163
We helped each other through
a very trying time in our lives
734
00:26:31,163 --> 00:26:34,167
by dry humping twice
and kissing three times.
735
00:26:34,167 --> 00:26:35,601
Now that's four.
736
00:26:35,601 --> 00:26:36,969
But we can't take this
any further,
737
00:26:36,969 --> 00:26:39,603
or we would cause
some real damage.
738
00:26:40,509 --> 00:26:41,644
So this...
739
00:26:43,879 --> 00:26:45,644
This is goodbye, Stephen.
740
00:26:45,644 --> 00:26:48,848
You're just gonna have
to suffer through the pain.
741
00:26:48,848 --> 00:26:50,987
Very well, Judy Gemstone.
742
00:26:53,756 --> 00:26:55,889
[chuckles]
743
00:26:55,889 --> 00:27:02,128
♪ ♪
744
00:27:02,128 --> 00:27:03,129
Quit, Stephen.
745
00:27:03,129 --> 00:27:09,636
♪ ♪
746
00:27:09,636 --> 00:27:11,908
I said quit.
- [grunting]
747
00:27:12,874 --> 00:27:14,207
You understand me?
748
00:27:14,207 --> 00:27:15,542
[grunts]
749
00:27:15,542 --> 00:27:18,747
[both moaning]
750
00:27:19,748 --> 00:27:22,047
- What the fuck is this?
- Mm.
751
00:27:22,047 --> 00:27:23,949
And that's how that part
of the song goes.
752
00:27:23,949 --> 00:27:26,486
It goes, like, up and then
down, and that's that song.
753
00:27:26,486 --> 00:27:27,552
I should go practice.
754
00:27:27,552 --> 00:27:29,689
No, you should keep
your fucking ass right here.
755
00:27:29,689 --> 00:27:31,657
You're cheating, Judy?
Gross.
756
00:27:31,657 --> 00:27:33,092
No, Kelvin,
this ain't what you think.
757
00:27:33,092 --> 00:27:34,260
Oh, it's not?
758
00:27:34,260 --> 00:27:36,363
Do you know
this young lady is married?
759
00:27:36,363 --> 00:27:38,264
Yeah.
I am too.
760
00:27:38,264 --> 00:27:40,467
Oh, yuck.
761
00:27:40,467 --> 00:27:42,234
Y'all a bunch of dirtbags.
762
00:27:42,234 --> 00:27:44,336
Kelvin, I'm trying
to tell you, you fucking dork,
763
00:27:44,336 --> 00:27:45,439
we're rehearsing a song.
764
00:27:45,439 --> 00:27:46,739
This is not a deal.
765
00:27:46,739 --> 00:27:47,974
Great rehearsal, Stephen.
766
00:27:47,974 --> 00:27:48,908
- Very good working with you.
- Good day to you.
767
00:27:48,908 --> 00:27:50,210
Thank you for rehearsing.
768
00:27:50,210 --> 00:27:51,377
Enchanté.
769
00:27:51,377 --> 00:27:52,445
Yeah, enchanté, motherfucker.
770
00:27:52,445 --> 00:27:53,545
You can go right now.
771
00:27:53,545 --> 00:27:54,948
You come back
around here again,
772
00:27:54,948 --> 00:27:56,282
I'll send your ass
straight to hell.
773
00:27:56,282 --> 00:27:57,182
I work here, though.
774
00:27:57,182 --> 00:27:58,918
[laughs]
Not anymore, you don't, bro.
775
00:27:58,918 --> 00:28:00,285
- He works for me.
- I work--
776
00:28:00,285 --> 00:28:01,988
As main decider,
the motherfucker is fired.
777
00:28:01,988 --> 00:28:03,423
Well, he's rehired.
Boo-yup.
778
00:28:03,423 --> 00:28:04,489
Well, guess what.
779
00:28:04,489 --> 00:28:06,926
I'm refiring him for infinity.
780
00:28:06,926 --> 00:28:08,227
Bye-bye, bitch.
- You have to.
781
00:28:08,227 --> 00:28:09,862
Two outvotes one.
- Get the fuck out of here.
782
00:28:09,862 --> 00:28:10,930
Begone, Stephen.
783
00:28:10,930 --> 00:28:12,559
Sugar Ray-looking
motherfucker.
784
00:28:12,559 --> 00:28:13,766
Get the fuck out of here.
- Get out of here.
785
00:28:13,766 --> 00:28:15,901
- OK.
- You get out.
786
00:28:15,901 --> 00:28:17,604
Don't stomp him, Jesse.
787
00:28:17,604 --> 00:28:19,208
Fuck, he's leaving.
788
00:28:20,509 --> 00:28:22,074
What the fuck, Judy?
789
00:28:22,074 --> 00:28:23,108
You think we can handle
this kind
790
00:28:23,108 --> 00:28:24,477
of scandalous bullshit
right now?
791
00:28:24,477 --> 00:28:26,878
Oh, fuck off, Jesse.
792
00:28:26,878 --> 00:28:29,381
Like you ain't done your
fair share of illicit shit.
793
00:28:29,381 --> 00:28:32,184
I was on tour, y'all, OK?
794
00:28:32,184 --> 00:28:34,053
This is the shit
that happens on the road.
795
00:28:34,053 --> 00:28:36,155
What the fuck are y'all
even here for anyway?
796
00:28:36,155 --> 00:28:38,090
We came here to do
something nice, OK?
797
00:28:38,090 --> 00:28:40,393
To have a fucking
sibling bonding pep talk
798
00:28:40,393 --> 00:28:41,694
about the future.
799
00:28:41,694 --> 00:28:42,996
Instead I come here
to see this.
800
00:28:42,996 --> 00:28:44,631
[moaning]
801
00:28:44,631 --> 00:28:45,698
Fine.
802
00:28:45,698 --> 00:28:47,667
Let's fucking pep it up, bros.
803
00:28:47,667 --> 00:28:49,168
Come on.
Sibling bonding.
804
00:28:49,168 --> 00:28:51,537
Put your hands in.
"New generation" on three.
805
00:28:51,537 --> 00:28:53,167
I'm saying how we do hands.
806
00:28:53,167 --> 00:28:54,340
We're holding hands.
807
00:28:54,340 --> 00:28:55,542
Give me your fucking hands.
808
00:28:55,542 --> 00:28:56,776
- Ugh.
- Go on.
809
00:28:56,776 --> 00:28:58,114
Hold her fucking hand.
810
00:29:00,381 --> 00:29:02,114
To the new generation.
811
00:29:02,114 --> 00:29:03,516
To united...
812
00:29:03,516 --> 00:29:05,017
[muttering]
813
00:29:05,017 --> 00:29:06,986
OK, Jesse,
this is not natural.
814
00:29:06,986 --> 00:29:08,954
We do not hold hands.
815
00:29:08,954 --> 00:29:11,490
When the Simkins hold hands,
it seems fucking natural.
816
00:29:11,490 --> 00:29:14,026
Well, we ain't a
holding-hands family, OK, dude?
817
00:29:14,026 --> 00:29:16,162
We never have been.
- We do hands on hands, OK?
818
00:29:16,162 --> 00:29:18,230
We're not the frickin' Simkins.
- [scoffs]
819
00:29:18,230 --> 00:29:20,436
You can sure as shit
say that again.
820
00:29:22,231 --> 00:29:23,503
[tense music]
821
00:29:23,503 --> 00:29:25,605
[sighs]
822
00:29:25,605 --> 00:29:27,574
Y'all don't tell on me.
823
00:29:27,574 --> 00:29:34,817
♪ ♪
824
00:29:55,236 --> 00:29:57,437
[crow cawing]
825
00:29:57,437 --> 00:30:03,980
♪ ♪
826
00:30:11,987 --> 00:30:15,088
[unsettling music]
827
00:30:15,088 --> 00:30:22,098
♪ ♪
828
00:30:28,904 --> 00:30:30,570
Been a while
since you've been here.
829
00:30:30,570 --> 00:30:32,238
Damn.
Yes, it has.
830
00:30:32,238 --> 00:30:33,439
[laughs]
831
00:30:33,439 --> 00:30:36,809
I'm surprised you want
anything to do with this place
832
00:30:36,809 --> 00:30:40,046
after all the bad memories.
833
00:30:40,046 --> 00:30:41,617
It's all I got left.
834
00:30:43,285 --> 00:30:44,851
You know,
after Peter went away--
835
00:30:44,851 --> 00:30:46,251
I'm not here
to talk about Peter.
836
00:30:46,251 --> 00:30:50,523
After he went away,
the bank took the house.
837
00:30:50,523 --> 00:30:54,794
Boys turned mean, bitter.
838
00:30:54,794 --> 00:30:57,030
They scare me, Eli.
839
00:30:57,030 --> 00:30:59,832
I know you haven't spoken
to the family in many years.
840
00:30:59,832 --> 00:31:00,933
I had good reason for that.
841
00:31:00,933 --> 00:31:02,267
And I had good reason
to do what I done.
842
00:31:02,267 --> 00:31:03,970
- Oh, here we go.
- Oh, here we go.
843
00:31:03,970 --> 00:31:05,905
Look at you,
Mr. Hotshot Preacher.
844
00:31:05,905 --> 00:31:07,406
You got more piss
and vinegar
845
00:31:07,406 --> 00:31:10,379
than you did
when you was begging for help.
846
00:31:11,340 --> 00:31:13,446
[clears throat]
847
00:31:13,446 --> 00:31:14,617
What's this about?
848
00:31:16,852 --> 00:31:18,250
Peter got out.
849
00:31:18,250 --> 00:31:21,020
My boys left me
and followed him.
850
00:31:21,020 --> 00:31:22,521
I think they're in trouble.
851
00:31:22,521 --> 00:31:25,257
I don't know if they're
selling guns or drugs or what.
852
00:31:25,257 --> 00:31:27,861
You expect me
to do something?
853
00:31:27,861 --> 00:31:30,663
I'd die without my boys.
854
00:31:30,663 --> 00:31:31,831
I got no one else.
855
00:31:31,831 --> 00:31:33,469
Please, Eli.
856
00:31:34,897 --> 00:31:37,902
After all this time,
why should I help you?
857
00:31:40,008 --> 00:31:42,875
Because you're
my big brother, Eli.
858
00:31:42,875 --> 00:31:45,845
[somber music]
859
00:31:45,845 --> 00:31:47,414
♪ ♪
860
00:31:47,414 --> 00:31:49,015
[exhales heavily]
861
00:31:49,015 --> 00:31:50,784
Please help us win, God.
862
00:31:50,784 --> 00:31:52,718
Please help everyone
accept us and for us
863
00:31:52,718 --> 00:31:56,292
to be triumphant over those
that would seek to destroy us.
864
00:31:57,826 --> 00:32:00,694
[dramatic percussive music]
865
00:32:00,694 --> 00:32:07,703
♪ ♪
866
00:32:09,771 --> 00:32:12,672
[breathes deeply]
867
00:32:12,672 --> 00:32:19,682
♪ ♪
868
00:32:27,022 --> 00:32:28,622
Do we have confirmed visual?
869
00:32:28,622 --> 00:32:32,759
♪ ♪
870
00:32:32,759 --> 00:32:35,128
Visual confirmed.
871
00:32:35,128 --> 00:32:36,896
Take the motherfucker
to church.
872
00:32:36,896 --> 00:32:42,635
♪ ♪
873
00:32:42,635 --> 00:32:45,639
[tense music]
874
00:32:45,639 --> 00:32:50,643
♪ ♪
875
00:32:50,643 --> 00:32:53,580
[dramatic percussive music]
876
00:32:53,580 --> 00:33:00,589
♪ ♪
877
00:33:02,157 --> 00:33:03,518
You drove right into me.
878
00:33:03,518 --> 00:33:05,024
You fucked up my bumper.
879
00:33:05,024 --> 00:33:06,526
Oh, don't even try it.
880
00:33:06,526 --> 00:33:08,193
You were at fault here.
881
00:33:08,193 --> 00:33:09,629
Let's see your insurance.
882
00:33:09,629 --> 00:33:11,067
It's behind you.
883
00:33:13,335 --> 00:33:16,102
all: Shut it down!
Shut it down!
884
00:33:16,102 --> 00:33:18,704
Shut it down!
885
00:33:18,704 --> 00:33:20,374
all: Shut it down!
886
00:33:20,374 --> 00:33:27,383
♪ ♪
887
00:33:31,620 --> 00:33:32,947
Take that.
888
00:33:32,947 --> 00:33:36,022
all: Shut it down!
Shut it down! Shut it down!
889
00:33:36,022 --> 00:33:37,291
- [grunts]
- Oh!
890
00:33:37,291 --> 00:33:38,791
Help!
891
00:33:38,791 --> 00:33:41,026
Get out of here.
Shut it down!
892
00:33:41,026 --> 00:33:43,397
all: Shut it down!
Shut it down!
893
00:33:43,397 --> 00:33:46,599
[dog barking]
894
00:33:46,599 --> 00:33:48,601
[grunting]
895
00:33:48,601 --> 00:33:51,405
[dramatic choral music]
896
00:33:51,405 --> 00:33:58,414
♪ ♪
897
00:35:28,003 --> 00:35:30,606
[bright tone]