1 00:00:20,779 --> 00:00:22,240 The Redeemer, 2 00:00:23,449 --> 00:00:27,702 like The Lord our God above, shall destroy them with a mighty destruction 3 00:00:27,702 --> 00:00:30,163 until they all be destroyed! 4 00:00:31,831 --> 00:00:34,709 Through God's teachings we can be the Monster Truck. 5 00:00:34,709 --> 00:00:37,796 We can smush the things that the devil puts in our way. 6 00:00:40,508 --> 00:00:43,219 - Now, can I get an Amen? - Amen! 7 00:00:49,307 --> 00:00:51,101 Y'all know I don't like to cuss, 8 00:00:51,101 --> 00:00:55,188 but what in the hell is this horse shit I am looking at right now? 9 00:00:55,188 --> 00:00:58,901 - Momma said the S word. - This has nothing to do with church. 10 00:00:58,901 --> 00:01:02,529 He's making us look like fools. Talking about we can be like a monster truck. 11 00:01:02,529 --> 00:01:05,116 I can't believe y'all let him pull this Hot Wheels mess. 12 00:01:05,116 --> 00:01:08,451 A good turnout at least. Avery profitable Friday night. 13 00:01:08,451 --> 00:01:12,163 That's got to count for something. Putting butts in the seats. 14 00:01:12,163 --> 00:01:15,834 Money ain't everything, baby. What we gonna do, start selling beer next? 15 00:01:15,834 --> 00:01:19,380 Get your ice cold beer, here! Beer, beer, beer! 16 00:01:19,921 --> 00:01:24,467 Get your ice cold beer! Beer, beer, beer! 17 00:01:34,770 --> 00:01:37,982 You. You're nothing but a fool. 18 00:01:37,982 --> 00:01:41,902 Pretending on TV to be all kind and caring. But I know the truth. 19 00:01:42,987 --> 00:01:45,614 - May-May? - Damn you to hell, Aimee-Leigh! 20 00:01:52,955 --> 00:01:55,665 Somebody help me, she's trying to kill me! 21 00:01:56,333 --> 00:02:01,297 Help Me! Help! Help me! She's trying to kill me! 22 00:02:18,730 --> 00:02:21,983 You think I'd just live with it? What you done to my family?! 23 00:02:21,983 --> 00:02:23,986 Please, May-May. This ain't the way. 24 00:02:23,986 --> 00:02:26,321 Now it's your turn to feel... 25 00:02:29,951 --> 00:02:32,244 What the hell? I'm sorry. 26 00:02:55,517 --> 00:02:58,311 We are the elite of the Evangelical world. 27 00:02:59,272 --> 00:03:02,400 Our capes embrace us like the arms of Jesus Christ. 28 00:03:03,776 --> 00:03:06,320 We wear it in celebration of His love. 29 00:03:07,488 --> 00:03:09,866 The pistol gives the power to take life. 30 00:03:09,866 --> 00:03:12,951 The Lord gave us free will to do as we choose. 31 00:03:12,951 --> 00:03:17,456 Thusly, it is a righteous man who wears the pistol, yet does no evil. 32 00:03:18,374 --> 00:03:23,754 Under the eyes of God we are the men of the Cape and Pistol Society. 33 00:03:31,804 --> 00:03:34,055 How you enjoying your retirement, Eli? 34 00:03:34,055 --> 00:03:37,976 Oh, he ain't retired. He's writing books, he's doing press. 35 00:03:38,518 --> 00:03:41,272 Admit it, Eli, you can't stay ou the spotlight. 36 00:03:41,272 --> 00:03:45,525 No, you better believe I'm gonna be fishin' and sippin'. 37 00:03:45,525 --> 00:03:48,820 Fishin' and sippin.' You're scared your kids're gonna blow it. 38 00:03:50,698 --> 00:03:52,574 Pretty much. 39 00:04:04,879 --> 00:04:11,135 Glory to, to Zion. Beautiful, beautiful Zion. 40 00:04:12,428 --> 00:04:18,141 Glory to, glory to Zion. The beautiful sea of love. 41 00:04:20,186 --> 00:04:24,606 - Zion is a beautiful resort, sir. - Yeah. Heaven on Earth. 42 00:04:25,649 --> 00:04:29,028 - Yeah. Take it in while you can. - What's that? 43 00:04:29,946 --> 00:04:33,323 Really, Gregory? I had a fucking thing planned. 44 00:04:33,323 --> 00:04:36,243 - I'm sorry, Jess. - What's happening right now? 45 00:04:36,243 --> 00:04:39,080 Well go on, Gregory. You wanna spill the damn beans, speak outta turn. 46 00:04:39,080 --> 00:04:42,624 - Tell him. Do it, damn it. - You're fired, Walker. 47 00:04:44,000 --> 00:04:47,587 - Take it like a man if you can. - What are they talking about Jesse? 48 00:04:47,587 --> 00:04:50,550 I've driven your daddy for years. And you know I would take a bullet. 49 00:04:50,550 --> 00:04:52,467 Well, I used to think that. 50 00:04:52,467 --> 00:04:56,513 Until I started seeing little tidbits about my family being publish online. 51 00:04:56,513 --> 00:05:00,600 - Insights into the transition of power - You got the wrong guy, Jesse. 52 00:05:02,102 --> 00:05:04,939 Behold, this was published in Christian Times. 53 00:05:05,814 --> 00:05:08,817 "After the Gemstone heirs got the disma poll numbers, 54 00:05:08,817 --> 00:05:12,363 Amber Gemstone made sugar cookies to lighten the mood." 55 00:05:13,156 --> 00:05:15,657 Says an insider to the family. 56 00:05:15,657 --> 00:05:19,537 I ain't the only one you told that story to Jesse. It's a nice story. 57 00:05:19,537 --> 00:05:24,167 Sugar cookies ain't real bitch. That's a detail I made up to sniff out the rat 58 00:05:24,167 --> 00:05:26,042 She made crescents, son. 59 00:05:26,042 --> 00:05:29,421 You're the only one I told sugar cooks to, you fucking snitch! 60 00:05:29,421 --> 00:05:31,090 - Grab his ass. - What? 61 00:05:31,090 --> 00:05:37,138 - Come on, now. Oh, no! - Keep an eye out Levi. 62 00:05:37,138 --> 00:05:39,639 - Get you some. - Jess, come on, please. 63 00:05:40,223 --> 00:05:41,642 - Tally-ho. - What? 64 00:05:43,019 --> 00:05:45,979 How you doing? We're just having fun. We're just playing around. 65 00:05:45,979 --> 00:05:49,482 Dammit, Jesse. You brought me all the way to Florida just to fire me? 66 00:05:49,482 --> 00:05:53,112 Yes I did. When your family asks how you broke your nose 67 00:05:53,696 --> 00:05:56,072 tell them it was a kite surfing accident. 68 00:05:56,740 --> 00:05:58,366 My nose ain't broken, 69 00:06:01,245 --> 00:06:04,457 Yeah, it is. Kite surfing is a lot harder than it looks. 70 00:06:05,541 --> 00:06:07,792 How was your Judy On Top Tour? Fun? 71 00:06:07,792 --> 00:06:11,672 You know, it's life on the road. Port-to-port, city-to-city. 72 00:06:12,215 --> 00:06:14,007 Screaming fans. 73 00:06:17,345 --> 00:06:19,930 - Thank you. - Hey, that was a cold fish kiss. 74 00:06:21,182 --> 00:06:23,142 - Everything okay, Jude? - Yes. 75 00:06:23,142 --> 00:06:26,270 It's just I've been on a five state tour, Beej. I'm tired! 76 00:06:26,813 --> 00:06:31,567 - Cut me some friggin'slack. Gosh. - My famous wife. 77 00:06:32,234 --> 00:06:35,988 I always knew when I married you I'd have to share you with the world. 78 00:06:35,988 --> 00:06:38,658 - Okay. I gotta go. - What? Already? 79 00:06:38,658 --> 00:06:42,328 I have work duties, Beej. Me and my brothers run the church now. 80 00:06:42,328 --> 00:06:44,205 I love you so much. 81 00:06:46,624 --> 00:06:49,376 I love you too. So glad you're home! 82 00:06:50,586 --> 00:06:53,923 - Keefe, this is gonna hurt... - No doubt. 83 00:06:55,007 --> 00:06:56,758 We wiped out most of their stock. 84 00:06:56,758 --> 00:07:00,054 That shop is gonna have nothing else to sell like this. 85 00:07:00,054 --> 00:07:04,976 - Until they restock. And then what? - We'll return and buy it all again. 86 00:07:05,768 --> 00:07:09,980 - Remember yourself, Taryn. - No. No, she has a point. 87 00:07:09,980 --> 00:07:14,401 We're trying to shut these deviants down, not give them an economic boost. 88 00:07:14,401 --> 00:07:18,113 But I'm still so impressed by you, guys. 89 00:07:19,407 --> 00:07:23,785 This shows me how motivated you are to achieve the Smut Busters' goals. 90 00:07:24,537 --> 00:07:27,999 No smut, no lust, no coconuts. 91 00:07:29,375 --> 00:07:34,714 Part of being in the group is doing the saying when we do it. 92 00:07:35,089 --> 00:07:37,924 I did not know what was happening. 93 00:07:47,517 --> 00:07:50,896 Through the power of Christ's love and lasik surgery 94 00:07:50,896 --> 00:07:55,359 we have restored sight to the blind at least the nearsighted. 95 00:07:56,902 --> 00:08:00,656 These primitive people can see Christ's world 96 00:08:00,656 --> 00:08:04,201 and read signs at night much better because of us. 97 00:08:04,201 --> 00:08:07,830 I'm not sure how many of them read street signs at night in the rainforest 98 00:08:07,830 --> 00:08:09,707 And that's not really the main reason why we did it. 99 00:08:09,707 --> 00:08:12,376 - I didn't say it was the main reason. - You are heavily featuring it. So... 100 00:08:12,376 --> 00:08:15,337 Time to wrap it up. They're trying to get back to me singing. 101 00:08:15,337 --> 00:08:17,756 We're accompanying the montage, Judy. You're not the main part. 102 00:08:17,756 --> 00:08:20,051 - Yeah. This isn't a solo tour, Judy. - No, it's not. 103 00:08:20,051 --> 00:08:22,511 We're doing our thing right now... 104 00:08:22,511 --> 00:08:26,766 Revelation will set you free. 105 00:08:29,268 --> 00:08:34,356 Illumination soon you will see. 106 00:08:36,484 --> 00:08:40,738 Took care of your driver Walker. That bitch is history, Daddy. Lying sneak. 107 00:08:41,113 --> 00:08:44,700 I'll be needing a new driver. Somebody we can trust this time. 108 00:08:45,200 --> 00:08:48,787 We'll get you one. Hopefully maybe Judy and Kelvin could help out, 109 00:08:48,787 --> 00:08:52,541 seeing as how I do every other goddamn thing around here lately. 110 00:08:52,541 --> 00:08:55,710 Man, Jesse, shut the fuck up. You're ain't the boss of us. 111 00:08:55,710 --> 00:08:59,006 - I'm the main decider. - We're all deciders. Not just you. 112 00:08:59,006 --> 00:09:00,716 Please Kelvin! 113 00:09:00,716 --> 00:09:04,345 You and old slow eyes over there are off doing your damn pervert protest 114 00:09:04,345 --> 00:09:06,180 to help with the church at all. 115 00:09:06,180 --> 00:09:08,098 The Smut Busters have already taken down 116 00:09:08,098 --> 00:09:11,394 16 porno shops on the I-95 corridor alone. 117 00:09:11,394 --> 00:09:15,690 I'm glad that the truck drivers won't be able to buy dick pills. Bravo. 118 00:09:15,690 --> 00:09:19,610 The point is none of y'all but Jesse are doing anything important. 119 00:09:19,610 --> 00:09:22,113 You know this has been a really hard time for our family. 120 00:09:22,113 --> 00:09:25,407 Our son was injured, almost killed in a work accident. 121 00:09:25,407 --> 00:09:26,784 Mom, please don't. 122 00:09:26,784 --> 00:09:29,287 This has been very traumatic for us and y'all don't even care. 123 00:09:29,287 --> 00:09:31,622 Gideon, your mom is trying to Munchausen you. 124 00:09:31,622 --> 00:09:35,709 Amber, stop trying to milk sympathy votes for your son being a crippled. 125 00:09:35,709 --> 00:09:37,377 Jesse, get her ass in line. 126 00:09:37,377 --> 00:09:39,504 Maybe you need to stop talking about Baron Munchausen. 127 00:09:39,504 --> 00:09:44,176 - Can we please just eat in peace? - I have some not so peaceful news. 128 00:09:44,886 --> 00:09:47,513 As you all know, since your Daddy he taken a step back, 129 00:09:47,513 --> 00:09:51,725 there has been a decline in both attendance and donations. 130 00:09:51,725 --> 00:09:54,978 I have noticed that the seats high up have been empty more and more. 131 00:09:54,978 --> 00:10:00,483 Now I've been informed that one of our largest benefactors is departing. 132 00:10:01,569 --> 00:10:04,529 - Who? - The race car driver, Dusty Daniels. 133 00:10:04,989 --> 00:10:08,910 Dusty Daniels? The Slick Bandit? That guy is a living legend. 134 00:10:08,910 --> 00:10:11,871 He's like a hundred years old. He's gonna be dead soon anyway, so oh well. 135 00:10:11,871 --> 00:10:15,500 Our ministry was to receive his entire estate, 136 00:10:15,500 --> 00:10:19,045 including branding, corporation, even his name. 137 00:10:19,462 --> 00:10:22,005 So what? We got names. Don't need his. 138 00:10:22,005 --> 00:10:26,511 His name is currently estimated to be worth over $200 million. 139 00:10:27,261 --> 00:10:29,347 Motherfucker! 140 00:10:29,347 --> 00:10:34,060 We were also set to inherit Dusty's slogan, "Whoweee, Sucker!" 141 00:10:34,435 --> 00:10:37,229 Merchandising alone over $30 million. 142 00:10:37,604 --> 00:10:39,649 Is this 'cause of the goddamn shitty poll numbers? 143 00:10:39,649 --> 00:10:43,027 The ones where 85% said 144 00:10:43,027 --> 00:10:46,656 you're colder than a fucking ice cube shoved up a polar bear's asshole? 145 00:10:46,656 --> 00:10:48,115 I remember those same polls saying 146 00:10:48,115 --> 00:10:51,494 that you're songs are when most people in church to take a shit. 147 00:10:52,077 --> 00:10:54,037 - Prove it, Jesse! - I will. 148 00:10:54,037 --> 00:10:56,790 Maybe if y'all stopped henpeckin' at one another 149 00:10:56,790 --> 00:11:00,585 and started trying to fix what ain't work you wouldn't be in this situation. 150 00:11:00,585 --> 00:11:03,881 Y'all need to go connect with him, win his confidence. 151 00:11:03,881 --> 00:11:06,467 Dusty is not happy, I don't blame him. 152 00:11:07,426 --> 00:11:10,638 I will try to go administer to him. We'll see if these guys will help. 153 00:11:10,638 --> 00:11:11,806 I'll do it Daddy. 154 00:11:16,601 --> 00:11:17,894 Grow up! 155 00:11:35,163 --> 00:11:37,748 Man, real talk y'all, I don't get this race car shit. 156 00:11:37,748 --> 00:11:41,043 Bunch of rednecks racing around to see who can go nowhere the fastest. 157 00:11:41,043 --> 00:11:43,671 Well, now's not the time to be PMS'ing, Judy. 158 00:11:44,297 --> 00:11:48,258 She's been a real B-l-T-C-H since she got back from tour. 159 00:11:48,258 --> 00:11:52,346 Why's everybody wondering 'bout my tour? Asking me what happened. 160 00:11:52,346 --> 00:11:55,849 I sang fuckin' songs. That's it. End of story. 161 00:11:55,849 --> 00:11:58,018 - Somebody's been acting mysterious. - Fuck off. 162 00:11:58,018 --> 00:12:00,438 - What happened on tour? - Fuck off, nothing. 163 00:12:00,438 --> 00:12:02,773 By the way I'm on my period. Not PMS-ing. 164 00:12:02,773 --> 00:12:05,902 Guys here he comes. Big smiles. Cheers. Big cheers! 165 00:12:06,401 --> 00:12:08,320 - Yes. - Yes. 166 00:12:15,703 --> 00:12:20,040 Whoweee, Sucker! The Slick Bandit, looking slicker than ever. 167 00:12:20,040 --> 00:12:24,127 - God's fastest son on four wheels. - Someone's fixin' for a comeback? 168 00:12:24,127 --> 00:12:26,713 Waste of your time coming up here. 169 00:12:26,713 --> 00:12:30,133 Ain't nothing the three of you can say gonna change my mind. 170 00:12:31,009 --> 00:12:34,889 Let me shoot you straight. Your church has changed. 171 00:12:36,097 --> 00:12:38,808 When Eli was headin' things up I was happy. 172 00:12:39,226 --> 00:12:42,271 But now that he ain't, I don't like it so much. 173 00:12:42,271 --> 00:12:46,692 We are gonna make this right. We're young and up to the task dude. 174 00:12:47,025 --> 00:12:50,238 That's the thing. I don't trust young people. I'm old school. 175 00:12:50,238 --> 00:12:54,115 We are not as young as you think we are. I mean, Kelvin does Botox. 176 00:12:55,743 --> 00:12:58,495 - I don't do Botox. Never done. - You do. You do too, do Botox. 177 00:12:58,830 --> 00:13:01,915 There's an indention where sunglasses smushed your Botox'd forehead. 178 00:13:01,915 --> 00:13:03,875 - There isn't one. - Right here. 179 00:13:03,875 --> 00:13:08,797 Dusty, Jesse's got more grays than you do man, dude is rockin' a bad dye job. 180 00:13:10,257 --> 00:13:12,342 He didn't used to look like a deformed Dracula. 181 00:13:12,342 --> 00:13:14,427 - I do not look like a deformed Dracula - Yeah, you do. 182 00:13:14,427 --> 00:13:17,556 I don't dye my hair! I just changed my shampoo is all you idiots! 183 00:13:17,556 --> 00:13:20,059 See. Right there. 184 00:13:22,352 --> 00:13:26,273 When I used to watch your Momma and Daddy, I felt the love. It was nice. 185 00:13:27,108 --> 00:13:29,901 I don't feel the love in this current configuration. 186 00:13:29,901 --> 00:13:32,654 So I'm pulling up my stakes and I making a change. 187 00:13:32,654 --> 00:13:36,909 We love each other, we do. We're in love with each other. We always do. 188 00:13:36,909 --> 00:13:38,578 All the juice here. 189 00:13:40,663 --> 00:13:43,331 - Whoooweee, sucker! - Oh, there you go. 190 00:13:56,095 --> 00:13:59,764 Jesus in Jerusalem. The fucking Simkins. 191 00:14:15,072 --> 00:14:16,282 Good to see you. 192 00:14:16,282 --> 00:14:19,118 Dusty, tell me you have not signed with these snake oil salesmen? 193 00:14:19,118 --> 00:14:23,496 Take it easy, Jesse. We don't want no ill will with the Gemstones. 194 00:14:23,914 --> 00:14:27,835 - Dusty and our family go way back. - I worship with them now. 195 00:14:27,835 --> 00:14:31,213 They're "Pull yourself up by your bootstraps" type folks. I like that. 196 00:14:31,213 --> 00:14:32,965 Nobody handed it to 'em. 197 00:14:32,965 --> 00:14:35,134 After Mom and Dad died in the plane crash. 198 00:14:35,134 --> 00:14:38,094 - Here we go. - I had to raise my siblings. 199 00:14:38,930 --> 00:14:40,932 I could've returned Craig to the orphanage, 200 00:14:40,932 --> 00:14:42,975 but I knew my parents wouldn't have wanted that. 201 00:14:42,975 --> 00:14:47,229 So we banded together. To finish what they so humbly started. 202 00:14:47,604 --> 00:14:51,149 Look where we are today. Helping millions around the world. 203 00:14:51,149 --> 00:14:54,361 - And getting bigger every day. - Yes, ma'am. 204 00:14:54,361 --> 00:14:58,991 - Hey Dusty, you are looking good. - I appreciate that, Shay. 205 00:14:59,534 --> 00:15:01,952 You ain't looking so bad yourself. 206 00:15:02,537 --> 00:15:06,833 Hey Dusty, sup boy. I also think you're a hot man. 207 00:15:07,375 --> 00:15:09,376 Not just Shay, she's not the only one here. 208 00:15:09,376 --> 00:15:11,546 How am I looking to you right now? Pretty good too? 209 00:15:11,546 --> 00:15:16,258 You look good. All y'all look good. But it ain't all about the looks. 210 00:15:16,258 --> 00:15:19,971 That's a really good thing, because if it were, we'd win by a mile. 211 00:15:19,971 --> 00:15:21,763 - Am I right? - You're right. 212 00:15:21,763 --> 00:15:24,599 - Our bodies. - No one looking as fine as me. 213 00:15:25,267 --> 00:15:27,061 You're gorgeous, Craig. 214 00:15:27,061 --> 00:15:30,480 Dusty, You've worshipped with our family for 35 plus years. 215 00:15:30,480 --> 00:15:33,733 - You gotta give us another shot. - I'll tell you what? 216 00:15:33,733 --> 00:15:36,862 Y'all want me to be a member of your church so bad, 217 00:15:38,154 --> 00:15:40,031 why don't you battle for me. 218 00:15:40,031 --> 00:15:44,327 Like a foot race? Or see who can hold their breath the longest? 219 00:15:44,327 --> 00:15:49,666 - Like an egg toss? - Nah. Let's settle it in one of those. 220 00:15:54,672 --> 00:15:58,008 - I don't really know stock cars... - Chicken, Simkins? 221 00:16:00,636 --> 00:16:02,346 What are they doing? 222 00:16:02,346 --> 00:16:06,850 Dusty, we feel the Lord has led you to where you're supposed to be, 223 00:16:06,850 --> 00:16:10,770 worshipping with us: I'll drive on behalf of my family. 224 00:16:13,231 --> 00:16:16,319 - What are you doing? - Trying to hold y'all hands. 225 00:16:16,319 --> 00:16:18,612 Just let it happen fuckers. 226 00:16:19,237 --> 00:16:24,201 Dusty we as well believe 227 00:16:24,201 --> 00:16:27,622 that the Lord wants to have you on our side too. 228 00:16:27,622 --> 00:16:31,709 So, on behalf of my family, I will drive too. 229 00:16:32,084 --> 00:16:34,795 - So, awkward. - So, there it is. 230 00:16:45,473 --> 00:16:47,641 Okay, Homie. You sure you got this? 231 00:16:47,641 --> 00:16:50,853 My car at home is fast as fuck. How can this be any different? 232 00:16:50,853 --> 00:16:54,189 Besides, you heard him, he said he's got zero experience. 233 00:16:54,189 --> 00:16:58,860 I said no experience in stock cars. I've dabbled in Formula One. 234 00:17:01,155 --> 00:17:04,741 - That son of a bitch. - That means he's gonna F it up. 235 00:17:08,620 --> 00:17:10,248 Let's race! 236 00:17:36,273 --> 00:17:37,941 Goddamn it! 237 00:17:37,941 --> 00:17:41,736 - Do the gas! Do the gas! - My car is broken. 238 00:17:42,196 --> 00:17:44,114 Go you fucking race car go! 239 00:17:59,880 --> 00:18:02,299 - Fuck! - What happened, Jesse? 240 00:18:02,299 --> 00:18:05,427 - This is embarrassing, dude. - Whooweee sucker! 241 00:18:11,141 --> 00:18:14,978 Now that I'm semi-retired, this change has given me time 242 00:18:14,978 --> 00:18:18,566 to reflect on my life and my journey with Christ. 243 00:18:18,566 --> 00:18:21,944 And I've put these reflections down into written word. 244 00:18:22,445 --> 00:18:27,617 My definith autobiography. Why definitive you ask? 245 00:18:28,074 --> 00:18:31,537 Well, because it's about the third one I've written. 246 00:18:32,330 --> 00:18:36,708 I guess I lived longer than I thought, and I still have a little more to say. 247 00:18:40,253 --> 00:18:42,172 Thank you. 248 00:18:45,676 --> 00:18:49,055 Oh, thank you very much for coming. I knew I recognized you. 249 00:18:49,055 --> 00:18:52,057 - God bless you, and have a great day. - Thank you. Bless you. 250 00:18:58,563 --> 00:19:01,567 - You got a lot of nerve coming here. - Well, I paid the signing fee. 251 00:19:01,567 --> 00:19:04,069 Figures you have to pay money to get a little face time. 252 00:19:04,069 --> 00:19:06,447 We've got a restraining order against you. Security! 253 00:19:06,447 --> 00:19:08,698 - I need your help, Eli. - I don't care what you need. 254 00:19:08,698 --> 00:19:10,910 Aimee-Leigh would hear me out. You know she would. 255 00:19:10,910 --> 00:19:14,038 How dare you say her name! Get her out of here! No. 256 00:19:14,038 --> 00:19:17,332 - I need your help! It's my boys, Eli! - Get out! 257 00:19:17,332 --> 00:19:20,378 I wouldn't have come to you otherwise. Let go of me. I'm going! 258 00:19:22,796 --> 00:19:26,383 39 Christian marriage counselors were brought on as consultants 259 00:19:26,383 --> 00:19:29,720 to ensure that the system was effective. 260 00:19:29,720 --> 00:19:34,266 A program you can use at home to help your marriage better honor Jesus Christ 261 00:19:34,766 --> 00:19:38,478 For just $500 you get The System starter kit, 262 00:19:38,478 --> 00:19:41,314 which has everything you need to begin your journey 263 00:19:41,314 --> 00:19:44,734 to a happy and healthy marriage in the eyes of the Lord. 264 00:19:44,734 --> 00:19:48,156 Is your marriage important to you? Then what are you waiting for? 265 00:19:48,531 --> 00:19:50,032 Call now! 266 00:19:50,699 --> 00:19:53,452 - Well, did y'all get Dusty back? - Nope. 267 00:19:53,785 --> 00:19:56,247 Lost him to the fucking Simkins of all people. 268 00:19:56,247 --> 00:19:58,790 The siblings whose parents died in a plane crash? 269 00:19:58,790 --> 00:20:01,835 Yes. They're so fucking lucky. 270 00:20:01,835 --> 00:20:06,298 I wish I had some traumatic event that I can exploit to make people like us. 271 00:20:06,924 --> 00:20:09,718 Our origin story sucks compared to theirs. 272 00:20:09,718 --> 00:20:13,930 Ain't nobody's rooting for born wealthy people to become more wealthy. 273 00:20:13,930 --> 00:20:18,268 - I'm really worried. Are you? - No. A little concerned. 274 00:20:18,268 --> 00:20:21,522 I wish that Judy and Kelvin's mouths were taped shut 275 00:20:21,522 --> 00:20:23,441 and that you were the only one in charge. 276 00:20:23,441 --> 00:20:26,277 Baby, their energy makes y'all look desperate. 277 00:20:26,277 --> 00:20:30,363 That's because we are desperate. We're picking up where Eli Gemstoni left off. 278 00:20:30,363 --> 00:20:33,868 A man who's done this job for a fucking hundred thousands of years 279 00:20:33,868 --> 00:20:35,827 and America's Jesus Daddy. 280 00:20:35,827 --> 00:20:37,788 I'm not trying to rain on your parade. 281 00:20:37,788 --> 00:20:41,750 I'm glad you have your counseling, thing-a-ma-bob, or whatever this is. 282 00:20:41,750 --> 00:20:43,961 - The System? - Sure. Whatever. 283 00:20:43,961 --> 00:20:45,962 It's taking up a lot of your time. 284 00:20:45,962 --> 00:20:49,509 And this is a moment where I could really use all hands on deck at home. 285 00:20:49,509 --> 00:20:51,218 What's not getting done at home? 286 00:20:51,218 --> 00:20:56,097 Our son, Pontius, has tattooed another word on his fucking face? 287 00:20:56,097 --> 00:20:57,809 Blessed. I know. 288 00:20:57,809 --> 00:21:02,188 It seems you're giving a lot of attention to other people's relationships 289 00:21:02,188 --> 00:21:05,316 and if you focused more on your own, 290 00:21:05,316 --> 00:21:09,320 we wouldn't have children putting fucking calligraphy on their faces. 291 00:21:09,320 --> 00:21:12,531 Look, baby, I know that you're upset. But please don't take it out on me. 292 00:21:13,365 --> 00:21:16,243 A small decline was to be expected for this kind of transition. 293 00:21:16,243 --> 00:21:18,955 You know what it's like when it's like when Jay Leno took over for Carson. 294 00:21:18,955 --> 00:21:20,706 It was a rocky there for a bit. 295 00:21:20,706 --> 00:21:23,835 But what happened in the end? Leno shot to the top. 296 00:21:24,793 --> 00:21:28,631 What if we're not Leno, what if we're just Conan? 297 00:21:30,840 --> 00:21:32,176 Fuck me. 298 00:21:33,010 --> 00:21:36,471 This ministry helped me unlock the best version of myself. 299 00:21:36,471 --> 00:21:40,183 And I'm not just saying that because I'm married into the family. 300 00:21:40,183 --> 00:21:43,646 Who knows what Gemstone Salvation Center can do for you? 301 00:21:43,646 --> 00:21:46,774 Now, Janice and Tall have enrollment packages. 302 00:21:46,774 --> 00:21:50,277 Scan the QR code for easy step-by-step instructions 303 00:21:50,277 --> 00:21:54,781 on how to have tithing automatically deducted from your account each month. 304 00:21:54,781 --> 00:21:58,118 It's never been easier to share your praise. 305 00:22:05,458 --> 00:22:09,045 I am crushing my Welcome Center duties. They were feelin' me today. 306 00:22:09,045 --> 00:22:11,591 And you're really working it. That's for sure. 307 00:22:11,591 --> 00:22:14,634 - Here. I got you some gifts. - Gifts? Why? 308 00:22:15,428 --> 00:22:19,014 I thought about what a good husband you are and how much I love you. 309 00:22:19,014 --> 00:22:20,975 - Go ahead, take a look! - Okay. 310 00:22:21,558 --> 00:22:26,563 An infrared meat thermometer, a Theragun, a VR Headset? 311 00:22:27,355 --> 00:22:29,191 I've been wanting one of these. 312 00:22:29,191 --> 00:22:30,860 Now I can fully immerse myself in the nature 313 00:22:30,860 --> 00:22:33,279 and space games that I gravitate toward. 314 00:22:33,862 --> 00:22:37,325 These are really thoughtful, Judy. But this isn't necessary. 315 00:22:37,700 --> 00:22:41,329 God dang, why you gotta kick my gift horse in the nuts right now? 316 00:22:41,661 --> 00:22:43,372 Is everything okay? 317 00:22:43,372 --> 00:22:47,001 It feels like things have been a little off since you got back from tour. 318 00:22:47,001 --> 00:22:51,005 Oh, my God. What? No! Everything's great. 319 00:22:51,005 --> 00:22:53,632 Why are you reading stuff into things? Everything is awesome. 320 00:22:54,091 --> 00:22:56,636 I just love you and I wanted to give you presents. 321 00:22:56,636 --> 00:23:01,682 - Don't emotionally disappoint me. - Love you too. Thank you for the gifts 322 00:23:06,854 --> 00:23:10,398 Just like any family, we've had our ups and downs. 323 00:23:10,398 --> 00:23:14,027 And it's no secret we've faced some controversy. 324 00:23:14,862 --> 00:23:20,033 In the early 2000s, we found ourselves in a war with the press and detractors. 325 00:23:21,535 --> 00:23:25,163 My wife would stay awake concerned with how people saw her. 326 00:23:28,251 --> 00:23:30,961 But they were getting the wrong message. 327 00:23:31,379 --> 00:23:33,214 I assured her... 328 00:23:36,925 --> 00:23:40,637 - Mind if we take little break? - Yes, sir. We can take a small break. 329 00:23:54,068 --> 00:23:56,404 Goddamn. What the hell are y'all cooking out here? 330 00:23:56,404 --> 00:23:58,990 - Devil's objects. - Devil's objects? 331 00:23:58,990 --> 00:24:01,617 I don't think you're supposed to bur this stuff. That shit' poisonous. 332 00:24:01,617 --> 00:24:03,493 I don't feel very well. 333 00:24:03,493 --> 00:24:07,706 The smoke was green from the butt plugs, and smelled like pool toys. 334 00:24:07,706 --> 00:24:11,918 Keefe, how bout we take a break from the burn pit? Give us a moment? 335 00:24:14,462 --> 00:24:16,798 What you doing here, Jesse? Still trying to fight? 336 00:24:16,798 --> 00:24:19,759 Talking about how you're the only one doing things, hmm? 337 00:24:19,759 --> 00:24:23,597 No, actually that's not what I'm here to do. I came to apologize. 338 00:24:24,890 --> 00:24:28,144 I'm sorry I made fun of your Botox'd indented forehead in front of Dusty. 339 00:24:28,144 --> 00:24:30,813 That's not how co-church leaders should act. 340 00:24:30,813 --> 00:24:36,319 I don't have a dented Botox forehead. I was just holding my face funny. 341 00:24:36,777 --> 00:24:39,405 - Well, you know, even if you do. - Well, I don't. 342 00:24:39,405 --> 00:24:41,865 But if you do dye your sideburns, 343 00:24:41,865 --> 00:24:43,950 I'm sorry I said that you look like a deformed Dracula. 344 00:24:43,950 --> 00:24:47,537 Well I don't dye my sideburns. But I accept your apology. 345 00:24:48,663 --> 00:24:50,124 - Good. - Great. 346 00:24:50,124 --> 00:24:53,753 - I have a Botox forehead, so... - I don't dye my sideburns. 347 00:24:56,213 --> 00:24:59,633 I'm scared, Jesse. What if we don't have what it takes? 348 00:25:00,802 --> 00:25:02,469 I'm scared too. 349 00:25:02,469 --> 00:25:05,013 The only one way through this, I guess is 350 00:25:05,013 --> 00:25:08,309 if we just have to rise the occasion. Refuse to fail. 351 00:25:09,017 --> 00:25:11,603 - How we gonna do that? - Together. 352 00:25:14,774 --> 00:25:17,735 - Do we have to include Judy? - Even that bitch. 353 00:25:28,079 --> 00:25:32,165 The diva is back, y'all. Hey, everybody! What's up? 354 00:25:33,042 --> 00:25:35,211 Stephen, I'm glad you're here. Would you be up 355 00:25:35,211 --> 00:25:38,089 for going through some guitar solos on Angels Lift Me Higher? 356 00:25:38,089 --> 00:25:40,257 - Sure. - Hey, everybody, listen up! 357 00:25:41,384 --> 00:25:44,427 Stephen and I need to work on some important creative stuff 358 00:25:44,427 --> 00:25:47,264 with guitar solo stuff for one of the songs. 359 00:25:47,264 --> 00:25:50,268 So, if everybody could leave us alone? That'd be great. 360 00:25:50,268 --> 00:25:55,605 Y'all get it. Artistry. Get a little rest or get you a coke or whatever. 361 00:25:55,939 --> 00:25:58,651 See yo soon Tamothy, you did a great job on tour. 362 00:26:02,654 --> 00:26:05,116 Oh, fuck, I missed this. 363 00:26:06,825 --> 00:26:09,953 Being bad like some bitch in an '80s movie. 364 00:26:09,953 --> 00:26:13,166 So glad I had to come in and unload the last of that tour gear. 365 00:26:13,166 --> 00:26:16,501 - I had to see you. - Well you saw me enough. 366 00:26:18,837 --> 00:26:23,134 And now, it's time to nut up. Because road head is road head. 367 00:26:23,758 --> 00:26:27,805 That's just the rules of the tour. We can't be bringing this shit home. 368 00:26:27,805 --> 00:26:31,267 We helped each other through a very trying time in our lives, 369 00:26:31,267 --> 00:26:35,855 by dry humping twice and kissing three times, now that's four. 370 00:26:35,855 --> 00:26:39,859 But we can't take this any further or we could cause some real damage. 371 00:26:40,984 --> 00:26:45,281 So this, this is goodbye, Stephen. 372 00:26:45,947 --> 00:26:50,703 - You'll have suffer through the pain. - Very well, Judy Gemstone. 373 00:27:02,339 --> 00:27:04,050 Quit it, Stephen. 374 00:27:09,971 --> 00:27:14,100 I said quit it. You understand me? 375 00:27:20,148 --> 00:27:22,568 What the fuck is this?! 376 00:27:22,568 --> 00:27:26,029 That's how that part of the song goes. It goes like up and then down. 377 00:27:26,489 --> 00:27:30,033 - I should go practice. - You keep your fucking ass right here. 378 00:27:30,033 --> 00:27:34,080 - You're cheating, Judy? Gross! - No, Kelvin, this ain't what you think 379 00:27:34,080 --> 00:27:36,666 Oh, it's not? Do you know this young lady is married? 380 00:27:36,666 --> 00:27:42,421 - Yeah. I am too. - Y'all are a bunch of dirtbags. 381 00:27:42,421 --> 00:27:47,051 Kelvin, you fucking dork! We're rehearsing a song. This is not a deal. 382 00:27:47,051 --> 00:27:49,344 - Great rehearsal, Stephen. - Very good working with you. 383 00:27:49,344 --> 00:27:51,472 Thank you for rehearsing. Au Chante. 384 00:27:51,472 --> 00:27:53,641 Au Chante, motherfucker, you can go right now. 385 00:27:53,641 --> 00:27:56,560 You come back around here again, I'll send your ass straight to hell. 386 00:27:56,560 --> 00:27:59,272 - I work here though. - Not anymore, you don't, bro. 387 00:27:59,272 --> 00:28:02,274 - He works for me. - As main decider, he is fired. 388 00:28:02,274 --> 00:28:07,070 - Well, he's rehired. - I'm re-firing him for infinity. 389 00:28:07,070 --> 00:28:09,406 - Bye-bye, bitch! - You have to. Two outvotes one. 390 00:28:09,406 --> 00:28:11,241 - Get the fuck outta here. - Be gone Stephen! 391 00:28:11,241 --> 00:28:13,743 Sugar Ray looking motherfucker. Get the fuck out of here. 392 00:28:13,743 --> 00:28:16,247 - Get out of here. Come on. - You get out! 393 00:28:16,247 --> 00:28:19,417 Don't stomp him, Jesse. Fuck, he's leaving. 394 00:28:20,710 --> 00:28:24,881 What the fuck, Judy? You think we can handle this scandalous bullshit now? 395 00:28:24,881 --> 00:28:29,594 Oh, fuck off, Jesse. Like you ain't done your fair share of illicit shit. 396 00:28:29,594 --> 00:28:34,557 I was on tour y'al. This is the shit that happens on the road. 397 00:28:34,557 --> 00:28:37,935 - What the fuck are y'all even here for? - We came here to do something nice. 398 00:28:38,518 --> 00:28:41,730 To have a fucking sibling bonding pep talk about the future. 399 00:28:41,730 --> 00:28:47,360 - Instead I come here to see this... - Fine, let's fucking pep it up, bros. 400 00:28:47,986 --> 00:28:51,991 Come on, sibling bonding. Put your hands in. New generation on three. 401 00:28:51,991 --> 00:28:54,659 I'm saying how we do hands. We're holding hands. 402 00:28:54,659 --> 00:28:58,371 Give me your fucking hands. Go on. Hold her fucking hands. 403 00:29:00,457 --> 00:29:04,419 To the new generation, united, some... 404 00:29:05,629 --> 00:29:08,840 Okay, Jesse, this is not natural. We do not hold hands. 405 00:29:08,840 --> 00:29:12,011 Well, the Simkins hold hands. It seems fucking natural. 406 00:29:12,011 --> 00:29:15,263 We ain't a holding hands family. Okay, dude? We never have been. 407 00:29:15,263 --> 00:29:17,682 We do hands on hands, okay? We're not the freaking Simkins. 408 00:29:18,725 --> 00:29:21,269 You can sure as shit say that again. 409 00:29:25,941 --> 00:29:28,318 Y'all don't tell on me. 410 00:30:29,296 --> 00:30:32,842 - Been a while since you've been here. - Oh, damn. Yes, it has. 411 00:30:33,926 --> 00:30:39,056 I'm surprised you want anything to do with this place after the bad memories. 412 00:30:40,433 --> 00:30:42,601 It's all I got left. 413 00:30:43,561 --> 00:30:46,563 - You know, after Peter went away... - I'm not here to talk about Peter. 414 00:30:46,563 --> 00:30:49,900 After he went away, the bank took the house. 415 00:30:50,775 --> 00:30:56,239 The boys turned mean. Bitter. They scare me, Eli. 416 00:30:57,325 --> 00:31:00,036 I know you haven't spoken to the family in many years. 417 00:31:00,036 --> 00:31:02,746 - I had good reason for that. - I had good reason to do what I done. 418 00:31:02,746 --> 00:31:06,124 - Oh, here we go. - Look at you, Mr. Hotshot Preacher. 419 00:31:06,124 --> 00:31:10,295 You got more piss and vinegar than you did when you was begging for help. 420 00:31:13,841 --> 00:31:15,800 What's this about? 421 00:31:17,052 --> 00:31:21,431 Peter got out. My boys left me and followed him. 422 00:31:21,431 --> 00:31:25,728 I think they're in trouble. I don't know if they're selling guns, or drugs. 423 00:31:25,728 --> 00:31:29,773 - Do you expect me to do something? - I'd die without my boys. 424 00:31:31,025 --> 00:31:33,735 I got no one else. Please, Eli. 425 00:31:35,028 --> 00:31:37,990 After all this time, why should I help you? 426 00:31:40,326 --> 00:31:42,827 Because you're my big brother, Eli. 427 00:31:49,502 --> 00:31:52,754 Please help us win, God. Please help everyone accept us. 428 00:31:52,754 --> 00:31:56,675 And for us to be triumphant over those that would seek to destroy us. 429 00:32:27,372 --> 00:32:29,791 Do we have confirmed visual? 430 00:32:33,461 --> 00:32:34,922 Visual confirmed. 431 00:32:35,255 --> 00:32:38,050 Take the motherfucker to church. 432 00:33:02,700 --> 00:33:05,493 - You drove right into me! - You fucked up my bumper. 433 00:33:05,493 --> 00:33:09,623 Don't even try. You were at fault here. Let's see your insurance. 434 00:33:10,165 --> 00:33:11,750 It's behind you. 435 00:33:13,753 --> 00:33:17,964 Shut it down! Shut it down! Shut it down! Shut it down! 436 00:33:31,687 --> 00:33:32,980 Take him in the car. 437 00:33:32,980 --> 00:33:35,732 Shut it down! Shut it down! 438 00:33:39,361 --> 00:33:40,904 Get out of here. 439 00:33:41,531 --> 00:33:43,157 Shut it down!