1 00:00:04,526 --> 00:00:06,180 Okay, I got the candy in three piles -- 2 00:00:06,223 --> 00:00:09,618 Valentine's, Halloween, and Christmas. 3 00:00:09,661 --> 00:00:11,489 God, how long have you had this stuff? 4 00:00:11,533 --> 00:00:13,274 Ever since your grandmother said, 5 00:00:13,317 --> 00:00:15,058 "Holiday candy stays good forever. 6 00:00:15,102 --> 00:00:16,842 It's like medicine." 7 00:00:16,886 --> 00:00:21,195 Now let's divide the candy into "good" and "bad." 8 00:00:24,894 --> 00:00:27,070 There. That's the bad pile. 9 00:00:27,114 --> 00:00:29,551 Hey! I was still eating those. 10 00:00:29,594 --> 00:00:31,074 You know, a lot of that stuff will soften up 11 00:00:31,118 --> 00:00:33,772 if you just work it in your mouth for a couple hours. 12 00:00:34,599 --> 00:00:37,863 Uh, I hate to interrupt the riveting stale candy debate, 13 00:00:37,907 --> 00:00:39,691 but there is a really good house here. 14 00:00:39,735 --> 00:00:41,432 It's right at the top end of my price range, 15 00:00:41,476 --> 00:00:42,781 but it's the only one that hasn't said, 16 00:00:42,825 --> 00:00:45,088 "Train lovers look no further." 17 00:00:45,132 --> 00:00:47,482 I wouldn't consider the train a dealbreaker. 18 00:00:47,525 --> 00:00:50,354 I think it's nice when your house rocks you to sleep. 19 00:00:50,398 --> 00:00:52,008 Becky, let's go check it out later. 20 00:00:52,052 --> 00:00:53,096 If you're gonna live there, 21 00:00:53,140 --> 00:00:54,141 you should check out the place, too. 22 00:00:54,184 --> 00:00:56,012 Oh, I can't today. 23 00:00:56,056 --> 00:00:58,101 Glen's picking me up for a date in a little bit. 24 00:00:58,145 --> 00:00:59,276 Ooh. 25 00:00:59,320 --> 00:01:00,843 Okay, fine. I'll take Harris. 26 00:01:00,886 --> 00:01:03,106 But this lack of initiative is how you and your daughter 27 00:01:03,150 --> 00:01:04,542 end up in a basement. 28 00:01:05,717 --> 00:01:08,242 So... you're going out 29 00:01:08,285 --> 00:01:09,982 with your professor again, huh? 30 00:01:10,026 --> 00:01:11,375 Yeah. We got to keep it on the DL 31 00:01:11,419 --> 00:01:13,116 so we don't get into trouble. 32 00:01:13,160 --> 00:01:14,987 We're trying a little out-of-the-way place 33 00:01:15,031 --> 00:01:16,337 three towns over. 34 00:01:16,380 --> 00:01:17,990 It's called Rusty's Kitchen. 35 00:01:18,034 --> 00:01:19,905 Based on the website picture 36 00:01:19,949 --> 00:01:22,560 of the guy flipping burgers with his shirt off, 37 00:01:22,604 --> 00:01:23,692 it might just be a kitchen 38 00:01:23,735 --> 00:01:25,302 in the house of a guy named Rusty. 39 00:01:26,825 --> 00:01:28,523 I feel bad not going with Darlene, 40 00:01:28,566 --> 00:01:31,047 but I'm not even sure if I want to live with her. 41 00:01:31,091 --> 00:01:32,309 It's a tough decision. 42 00:01:32,353 --> 00:01:34,006 Well, just make a list of pros and cons. 43 00:01:34,050 --> 00:01:35,138 Oh, sure. 44 00:01:35,182 --> 00:01:37,401 Not easy having a sister as a roommate. 45 00:01:37,445 --> 00:01:39,186 Were you and Mom ever roommates? 46 00:01:39,229 --> 00:01:42,145 No. ButI don't know if you know this. 47 00:01:42,189 --> 00:01:43,364 I was actually a twin. 48 00:01:43,407 --> 00:01:45,409 They say I killed my sibling in the womb. 49 00:01:46,236 --> 00:01:48,151 It wasn't a twin. 50 00:01:48,195 --> 00:01:50,327 All they found was an ovarian cyst. 51 00:01:50,371 --> 00:01:52,286 Yeah. After I got done with her. 52 00:01:52,329 --> 00:01:53,635 [ Sighs ] 53 00:01:53,678 --> 00:01:55,985 Okay, there's the first pro -- 54 00:01:56,028 --> 00:01:59,336 uh, "Spend less time with other crazy family members." 55 00:01:59,380 --> 00:02:01,512 Oh, yeah, I get that. 56 00:02:01,556 --> 00:02:05,125 So what are the cons of moving in with Darlene? 57 00:02:06,387 --> 00:02:07,997 Darlene. Mm. 58 00:02:09,390 --> 00:02:17,224 ♪♪ 59 00:02:17,267 --> 00:02:25,406 ♪♪ 60 00:02:25,449 --> 00:02:35,503 ♪♪ 61 00:02:35,503 --> 00:02:41,204 ♪♪ 62 00:02:47,384 --> 00:02:49,212 See, we got through the whole house 63 00:02:49,256 --> 00:02:51,258 without some pushy Realtor bugging us. 64 00:02:51,301 --> 00:02:52,607 That's why you gotta dress like this. 65 00:02:52,650 --> 00:02:54,478 I don't want these people to think I've got money. 66 00:02:54,522 --> 00:02:57,046 Yeah, whatever you do, don't tuck in your sweatshirt. 67 00:02:57,089 --> 00:02:59,266 They might think you're a billionaire. 68 00:02:59,309 --> 00:03:01,485 This place is amazing, right? 69 00:03:01,529 --> 00:03:03,357 I mean, it's got so much potential. 70 00:03:03,400 --> 00:03:05,446 Oh, my God, I want it so bad. 71 00:03:05,489 --> 00:03:07,448 Then go for it. I'm gonna go grab my phone. 72 00:03:07,491 --> 00:03:09,406 I left it charging in an outlet upstairs. 73 00:03:09,450 --> 00:03:12,061 Oh, Harris, you're, uh, stealing electricity. 74 00:03:12,104 --> 00:03:13,280 People live here. 75 00:03:13,323 --> 00:03:15,151 So while you're up there, make sure to grab 76 00:03:15,195 --> 00:03:16,761 some soap and toilet paper. 77 00:03:27,468 --> 00:03:29,513 Hi. You can't be in here. 78 00:03:29,557 --> 00:03:31,298 But if you come back at the end of the day, 79 00:03:31,341 --> 00:03:34,344 I'll leave a plate of leftover cookies on the porch. 80 00:03:34,388 --> 00:03:35,606 Oh, no. 81 00:03:35,650 --> 00:03:37,521 I'm -- I'm not here for the food. 82 00:03:37,565 --> 00:03:40,307 By the way, I love this house. 83 00:03:40,350 --> 00:03:41,743 I'm sure you do. 84 00:03:41,786 --> 00:03:43,440 It's indoors. 85 00:03:43,484 --> 00:03:46,095 I'm sorry, but I have to ask you to leave. 86 00:03:47,096 --> 00:03:49,968 Oh, oh, you think I'm homeless because of the way I'm dressed. 87 00:03:50,012 --> 00:03:51,448 No, I'm not. Smell me. 88 00:03:51,492 --> 00:03:54,059 I'd rather not. Please. 89 00:03:54,103 --> 00:03:55,278 Mom, what are you doing? 90 00:03:55,322 --> 00:03:56,975 Oh, Harris. You're just in time. 91 00:03:57,019 --> 00:03:58,107 This is my daughter. 92 00:03:58,150 --> 00:03:59,717 Harris, please tell her who I am. 93 00:03:59,761 --> 00:04:01,676 I am so sorry. 94 00:04:01,719 --> 00:04:03,678 We were just about to put out a silver alert for her. 95 00:04:03,721 --> 00:04:05,070 No, no, no. 96 00:04:05,114 --> 00:04:06,333 No, not right now. 97 00:04:06,376 --> 00:04:07,856 That's only funny with family. 98 00:04:07,899 --> 00:04:10,119 No, it's funny now. 99 00:04:10,162 --> 00:04:12,077 Fine. She's a manager at Wellman Plastics, 100 00:04:12,121 --> 00:04:14,297 the pillar of our community. 101 00:04:14,341 --> 00:04:17,735 Anyway, I am super interested in this house, 102 00:04:17,779 --> 00:04:19,171 and I would like to make an offer. 103 00:04:19,215 --> 00:04:21,478 Great. But you'll want to get it in soon. 104 00:04:21,522 --> 00:04:24,002 This house is priced to move. 105 00:04:24,046 --> 00:04:26,353 It's gonna be a multiple-offer situation. 106 00:04:26,396 --> 00:04:28,311 Okay, so how do I make sure I get it? 107 00:04:28,355 --> 00:04:31,140 Come in at asking price, don't low ball. 108 00:04:31,183 --> 00:04:32,794 And then make sure you and your husband, 109 00:04:32,837 --> 00:04:34,883 or your partner, are pre-approved. 110 00:04:34,926 --> 00:04:36,363 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's -- That's not an issue. 111 00:04:36,406 --> 00:04:38,365 I'm qualified, but the loan's just gonna be in my name. 112 00:04:38,408 --> 00:04:41,933 Ooh, that might be a tough one for the seller. 113 00:04:41,977 --> 00:04:44,588 They prefer the security of a couple. 114 00:04:44,632 --> 00:04:46,721 Oh, yeah, so do adoption agencies. 115 00:04:46,764 --> 00:04:48,331 But that just means you might end up with 116 00:04:48,375 --> 00:04:50,551 two alcoholic parents, right? 117 00:04:50,594 --> 00:04:52,770 I mean, I think those days are behind us. 118 00:04:52,814 --> 00:04:54,337 I'm sure all things being equal, 119 00:04:54,381 --> 00:04:56,992 a single woman and a couple have the exact same shot. 120 00:04:57,035 --> 00:04:59,342 I can't say this officially, 121 00:04:59,386 --> 00:05:01,170 but since I've already opened myself up 122 00:05:01,213 --> 00:05:04,826 to an equal-opportunity lawsuit with the homeless thing -- no. 123 00:05:04,869 --> 00:05:06,523 The couple would win the bid. 124 00:05:06,567 --> 00:05:08,351 A couple would also beat a single man? 125 00:05:08,395 --> 00:05:09,918 Oh, absolutely. 126 00:05:09,961 --> 00:05:12,964 The only good news for single men is they beat single women. 127 00:05:13,008 --> 00:05:14,531 Excuse me? 128 00:05:14,575 --> 00:05:15,880 More earning potential 129 00:05:15,924 --> 00:05:18,361 and less likely to end up raising children alone. 130 00:05:18,405 --> 00:05:21,364 Okay, so a single man beats a single woman, 131 00:05:21,408 --> 00:05:23,235 but a couple beats them both? 132 00:05:23,279 --> 00:05:25,542 I assume the highest hand is two men. 133 00:05:25,586 --> 00:05:26,935 The banks don't even run their credit. 134 00:05:26,978 --> 00:05:29,198 We just hand them the keys. 135 00:05:29,241 --> 00:05:32,375 Wow. Well, I feel sorry for some poor single woman 136 00:05:32,419 --> 00:05:34,072 that's just trying to make a better life for herself. 137 00:05:34,116 --> 00:05:36,379 I guess she should just keep living with her father, right? 138 00:05:36,423 --> 00:05:40,949 You joke, but there are some lost souls who have to do that. 139 00:05:40,992 --> 00:05:42,298 Yeah. 140 00:05:44,822 --> 00:05:47,999 Oh, my God. We're actually out of the house. 141 00:05:48,043 --> 00:05:49,653 Let's take a romantic stroll afterward. 142 00:05:49,697 --> 00:05:50,872 Finally, we don't have to worry 143 00:05:50,915 --> 00:05:52,395 about one of my students seeing us. 144 00:05:52,439 --> 00:05:53,527 [ Chuckles ] 145 00:05:53,570 --> 00:05:54,876 Didn't you like walking around my yard 146 00:05:54,919 --> 00:05:56,617 and checking to see if any of the chickens 147 00:05:56,660 --> 00:05:58,227 had frozen to death overnight? 148 00:05:58,270 --> 00:06:00,795 Took me a while to find the romance in it, but yeah. 149 00:06:05,669 --> 00:06:07,584 Hey, Professor Davis! 150 00:06:07,628 --> 00:06:09,412 [ Car door closes ] 151 00:06:09,456 --> 00:06:10,457 Hey. 152 00:06:10,500 --> 00:06:11,893 Becky? 153 00:06:11,936 --> 00:06:14,461 What are you guys doing all the way out here? 154 00:06:14,504 --> 00:06:16,898 Connie: We live out here. It's cheaper. 155 00:06:16,941 --> 00:06:19,466 What are you guys doing out here? Together? 156 00:06:19,509 --> 00:06:21,293 I live out here, too. 157 00:06:21,337 --> 00:06:22,643 Because it's cheaper. 158 00:06:22,686 --> 00:06:24,688 And, uh, I was just giving Becky a ride. 159 00:06:24,732 --> 00:06:26,473 Because I had a flat tire. 160 00:06:26,516 --> 00:06:30,564 And he brought me all the way out here to buy a new tire. 161 00:06:30,607 --> 00:06:32,435 'Cause it's cheaper. 162 00:06:32,479 --> 00:06:34,524 -[ Chuckles ] -Oh, okay. 163 00:06:34,568 --> 00:06:36,526 'Cause when we saw you get out the car, 164 00:06:36,570 --> 00:06:38,572 it almost looked like you guys were on a date. 165 00:06:38,615 --> 00:06:40,878 [ Both laugh ] 166 00:06:40,922 --> 00:06:42,663 A date? Gross. 167 00:06:42,706 --> 00:06:44,708 I don't date my professor. 168 00:06:44,752 --> 00:06:46,493 I only date young and hot guys. 169 00:06:46,536 --> 00:06:48,712 Yeah, and I can show you pictures of people I've dated 170 00:06:48,756 --> 00:06:51,149 that are much better looking than her. 171 00:06:52,368 --> 00:06:54,326 But you're single, right? 172 00:06:54,370 --> 00:06:55,589 Oh, yeah. 173 00:06:55,632 --> 00:06:57,460 Well, since you're single, 174 00:06:57,504 --> 00:06:58,940 you should come out with us tonight. 175 00:06:58,983 --> 00:07:01,464 The Chamber of Commerce is trying to keep younger people 176 00:07:01,508 --> 00:07:03,858 in the city, so they're having a big singles event 177 00:07:03,901 --> 00:07:05,163 at the Lanford Cemetery. 178 00:07:05,207 --> 00:07:06,687 Yeah, it's called, "You have to die, 179 00:07:06,730 --> 00:07:07,949 but you don't have to die alone." 180 00:07:09,124 --> 00:07:11,822 Cute. But not factually correct. 181 00:07:11,866 --> 00:07:14,346 I mean, I think everybody dies alone. 182 00:07:14,390 --> 00:07:16,174 Oh, yeah, but that's not clever. 183 00:07:17,219 --> 00:07:18,525 We're not taking no for an answer. 184 00:07:18,568 --> 00:07:19,526 We'll pick you up at 8:00. 185 00:07:19,569 --> 00:07:20,701 Bye.Bye. 186 00:07:20,744 --> 00:07:21,571 Bye. 187 00:07:22,790 --> 00:07:24,531 Oh, man. 188 00:07:24,574 --> 00:07:26,358 I think I got to go to this thing. 189 00:07:26,402 --> 00:07:27,795 No, you don't. 190 00:07:27,838 --> 00:07:29,361 You shouldn't have to go to some creepy singles event 191 00:07:29,405 --> 00:07:31,102 just 'cause Connie's nosey. 192 00:07:31,146 --> 00:07:32,234 You know, she wrote a paper 193 00:07:32,277 --> 00:07:33,888 about being estranged from her father. 194 00:07:33,931 --> 00:07:35,759 Now I see his side of it. 195 00:07:35,803 --> 00:07:38,370 Yeah, but she's got a big mouth. 196 00:07:38,414 --> 00:07:39,894 I mean, I could get kicked out, 197 00:07:39,937 --> 00:07:42,331 and more importantly, you could lose your job. 198 00:07:42,374 --> 00:07:43,637 [ Sighs ] 199 00:07:43,680 --> 00:07:46,378 Guess I'm gonna have to make an appearance. 200 00:07:47,118 --> 00:07:48,511 Well, we got busted, 201 00:07:48,555 --> 00:07:50,992 but we still have Rusty's one-star meal 202 00:07:51,035 --> 00:07:52,384 to look forward to. 203 00:07:53,560 --> 00:07:54,996 Somebody on Yelp said he should be wearing 204 00:07:55,039 --> 00:07:56,519 a hairnet on his chest. 205 00:07:56,563 --> 00:07:58,086 Ew! 206 00:07:58,129 --> 00:08:02,743 ♪♪ 207 00:08:02,786 --> 00:08:04,179 Where'd you get that? 208 00:08:06,573 --> 00:08:08,575 Store. 209 00:08:08,618 --> 00:08:09,924 You took that from the trash. 210 00:08:09,967 --> 00:08:11,752 You're eating trash candy. 211 00:08:11,795 --> 00:08:13,536 Waste not, want not. 212 00:08:13,580 --> 00:08:14,668 That's in the Bible. 213 00:08:14,711 --> 00:08:16,104 I'm doing God's work. 214 00:08:16,147 --> 00:08:17,932 Leave me alone! 215 00:08:17,975 --> 00:08:19,411 Alright, fine. 216 00:08:19,455 --> 00:08:20,543 Toss one over. 217 00:08:20,587 --> 00:08:22,240 I got to fill out a loan application 218 00:08:22,284 --> 00:08:24,112 for a house I'm never gonna get. 219 00:08:24,155 --> 00:08:27,158 Ah, your first loan application for a house you'll never get. 220 00:08:27,202 --> 00:08:29,204 I remember that. 221 00:08:29,247 --> 00:08:32,555 There's that line that says, "All information provided 222 00:08:32,599 --> 00:08:35,732 is true upon penalty of perjury." 223 00:08:35,776 --> 00:08:36,907 Somehow the threat of prison 224 00:08:36,951 --> 00:08:39,475 made the lying a little more exciting. 225 00:08:39,519 --> 00:08:41,346 My problem isn't lying. 226 00:08:41,390 --> 00:08:43,261 I actually have good enough credit. 227 00:08:43,305 --> 00:08:45,220 The deck is just stacked against me. 228 00:08:45,263 --> 00:08:46,047 Hey.Hey. 229 00:08:46,090 --> 00:08:47,004 Dan, you ready to go? 230 00:08:47,048 --> 00:08:49,180 Yep. We're going to Denny's. 231 00:08:49,224 --> 00:08:51,835 It's a business meal, so I can write it off. 232 00:08:51,879 --> 00:08:54,969 Some people launder their money in Switzerland. 233 00:08:55,012 --> 00:08:56,797 I have this. 234 00:08:56,840 --> 00:08:58,450 What are you filling out? 235 00:08:58,494 --> 00:09:00,061 Uh, it's a home loan application. 236 00:09:00,104 --> 00:09:02,672 I found a house that is perfect for me. 237 00:09:02,716 --> 00:09:04,152 Well, holy crap. 238 00:09:04,195 --> 00:09:05,588 I knew you were looking for a place, 239 00:09:05,632 --> 00:09:07,808 but you're actually buying a house?Trying. 240 00:09:07,851 --> 00:09:10,071 Turns out I can get a loan with only 3% down 241 00:09:10,114 --> 00:09:12,639 because the area is what they call "up-and-coming." 242 00:09:12,682 --> 00:09:14,423 Apparently, the lead in the water 243 00:09:14,466 --> 00:09:16,817 is in the acceptable range. 244 00:09:16,860 --> 00:09:18,775 Alright, now, do you know all the things 245 00:09:18,819 --> 00:09:21,169 to check for before you make an offer? 246 00:09:21,212 --> 00:09:23,650 Radon, mold, cracked foundation. 247 00:09:23,693 --> 00:09:25,173 I mean, those things will cost you a fortune 248 00:09:25,216 --> 00:09:26,261 if you have to fix them. 249 00:09:26,304 --> 00:09:27,828 Oh, I don't know about all that, 250 00:09:27,871 --> 00:09:29,786 but it has one of them boxes 251 00:09:29,830 --> 00:09:32,267 that warshes your dishes for ya. 252 00:09:32,310 --> 00:09:33,660 All I am saying is that 253 00:09:33,703 --> 00:09:35,618 when people get excited about something, 254 00:09:35,662 --> 00:09:38,229 they tend to look at it with rose-colored glasses 255 00:09:38,273 --> 00:09:40,275 and end up with something that they don't want. 256 00:09:40,318 --> 00:09:42,059 You know, like when I first saw you. 257 00:09:43,104 --> 00:09:44,975 No, that's not what you're saying. 258 00:09:45,019 --> 00:09:47,630 You're saying you think I don't know what I'm doing. 259 00:09:47,674 --> 00:09:49,676 Y-You're saying you think I need a man. 260 00:09:49,719 --> 00:09:51,634 Don't. Don't say it. 261 00:09:51,678 --> 00:09:54,071 Put the pin back in that grenade, soldier. 262 00:09:54,115 --> 00:09:55,899 No one needs to die needlessly here. 263 00:09:55,943 --> 00:09:58,336 All I was gonna say is I am sorry, 264 00:09:58,380 --> 00:09:59,642 you do not need a man 265 00:09:59,686 --> 00:10:01,339 and I really hope you get the house. 266 00:10:02,732 --> 00:10:05,082 Hang on a second. 267 00:10:05,126 --> 00:10:06,867 [ Sighs ] I might need a man. 268 00:10:08,172 --> 00:10:10,000 I feel sorry for whoever that poor bastard is. 269 00:10:10,044 --> 00:10:11,132 Have a great day. 270 00:10:11,175 --> 00:10:12,829 No, stop. 271 00:10:12,873 --> 00:10:15,702 The Realtor says that I have to be part of a couple 272 00:10:15,745 --> 00:10:17,660 to have a real shot with this seller. 273 00:10:17,704 --> 00:10:20,837 Apparently, any big, dumb sack of male DNA 274 00:10:20,881 --> 00:10:22,883 will make me more attractive as a buyer. 275 00:10:22,926 --> 00:10:25,668 If you're asking me to pretend that we're a couple, 276 00:10:25,712 --> 00:10:27,539 then I need to be wooed. 277 00:10:28,932 --> 00:10:30,760 Tell me I'm pretty. 278 00:10:31,892 --> 00:10:33,894 [ Sighs ] Okay. 279 00:10:33,937 --> 00:10:37,288 You're a big, dumb sack of pretty. 280 00:10:37,332 --> 00:10:38,550 Now will you go? 281 00:10:38,594 --> 00:10:40,727 Now that I feel good about myself, yes. 282 00:10:41,553 --> 00:10:43,512 Alright, I got to take a new selfie of us. 283 00:10:43,555 --> 00:10:46,210 I'm gonna send it to the Realtor and set up an appointment. 284 00:10:49,344 --> 00:10:50,867 I look like I'm being attacked by a bear, 285 00:10:50,911 --> 00:10:52,739 but I guess it'll do. 286 00:10:56,220 --> 00:10:59,702 Hi, hon. I know you're probably grading papers right now, 287 00:10:59,746 --> 00:11:02,923 and I guarantee it is more fun than this. 288 00:11:02,966 --> 00:11:04,838 There's a guy with a parrot, 289 00:11:04,881 --> 00:11:08,276 and it's been eyeing me all night. 290 00:11:08,319 --> 00:11:10,408 I think I'm gonna have someone walk me to my car. 291 00:11:10,452 --> 00:11:12,323 I don't trust this parrot. 292 00:11:14,543 --> 00:11:16,066 Hey. 293 00:11:16,110 --> 00:11:17,328 Hey. 294 00:11:17,372 --> 00:11:19,069 What are you doing here? You're not single. 295 00:11:19,113 --> 00:11:22,420 Shh! Neville and I are gonna pretend that we're single. 296 00:11:22,464 --> 00:11:24,379 He's gonna meet me here in a little bit. 297 00:11:24,422 --> 00:11:27,164 I always wanted to get blasted and have fun in a cemetery. 298 00:11:27,208 --> 00:11:29,776 I'm rehearsing for when I throw my mom in a hole. 299 00:11:30,820 --> 00:11:32,169 Sounds like fun. 300 00:11:32,213 --> 00:11:34,302 I'm assuming Grandma will be dead. 301 00:11:34,345 --> 00:11:35,912 Really doesn't matter to me. 302 00:11:37,914 --> 00:11:39,437 What are you doing here? Mm? 303 00:11:39,481 --> 00:11:41,613 Things not working out with Professor Glen? 304 00:11:41,657 --> 00:11:43,572 No. Shh! 305 00:11:43,615 --> 00:11:44,834 One of my classmates -- 306 00:11:44,878 --> 00:11:46,227 gray beanie over there by the crypt, 307 00:11:46,270 --> 00:11:48,011 don't look -- 308 00:11:48,055 --> 00:11:49,665 saw me out with him, 309 00:11:49,709 --> 00:11:51,754 so I have to pretend to be single 310 00:11:51,798 --> 00:11:53,408 to throw her off the trail. 311 00:11:53,451 --> 00:11:55,018 Which in Lanford means 312 00:11:55,062 --> 00:11:58,021 sipping an O'Doul's on top of somebody's nana. 313 00:11:58,065 --> 00:12:01,764 Some of these old tombstones are beautiful, 314 00:12:01,808 --> 00:12:05,986 you know, with the -- the carved statues and everything. 315 00:12:06,029 --> 00:12:07,335 "Loving husband and father, 316 00:12:07,378 --> 00:12:09,641 may you finally rest peacefully 317 00:12:09,685 --> 00:12:12,122 under the gaze of angels." 318 00:12:12,166 --> 00:12:13,254 That's so touching. 319 00:12:13,297 --> 00:12:14,603 Hey, take a picture of me, huh? 320 00:12:14,646 --> 00:12:15,691 Okay. 321 00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:20,783 Oh, my God. 322 00:12:23,220 --> 00:12:24,221 Here. 323 00:12:24,265 --> 00:12:26,223 Put that on. Good idea. 324 00:12:26,267 --> 00:12:27,224 Okay. 325 00:12:27,268 --> 00:12:28,835 Stick it. Okay, okay. 326 00:12:28,878 --> 00:12:30,880 There you go. 327 00:12:36,059 --> 00:12:37,582 Okay, here. Hold this. 328 00:12:37,626 --> 00:12:38,888 Hold it. Okay, stick it on. 329 00:12:38,932 --> 00:12:40,803 Okay. 330 00:12:40,847 --> 00:12:42,283 Got it?Oh, good, good. Got it. 331 00:12:42,326 --> 00:12:43,937 Okay? Go. 332 00:12:46,678 --> 00:12:49,029 You know what? You know what? 333 00:12:49,072 --> 00:12:50,291 I-I'm going this way. 334 00:12:50,334 --> 00:12:51,596 What? 335 00:12:51,640 --> 00:12:54,643 Hey, Becky, isn't this great? 336 00:12:54,686 --> 00:12:56,166 Oh, it is. 337 00:12:56,210 --> 00:12:58,647 Listen, I couldn't say this in front of the professor, 338 00:12:58,690 --> 00:13:02,042 but I asked you to come because I was worried 339 00:13:02,085 --> 00:13:03,870 that you guys might be involved. 340 00:13:03,913 --> 00:13:05,610 Even though you're closer in age, 341 00:13:05,654 --> 00:13:08,265 there's still a huge imbalance in power. 342 00:13:08,309 --> 00:13:10,833 What? No. 343 00:13:10,877 --> 00:13:14,010 Why would I take a crazy risk and date my professor 344 00:13:14,054 --> 00:13:16,839 when there are so many available guys here? 345 00:13:16,883 --> 00:13:19,886 That guy's parrot told me I was a thirst trap. 346 00:13:19,929 --> 00:13:22,062 Oh, well, that parrot's hammered. 347 00:13:22,105 --> 00:13:23,846 He tells everybody that. 348 00:13:23,890 --> 00:13:27,458 Okay, there's somebody I want to introduce you to. 349 00:13:27,502 --> 00:13:28,720 We can meet after for drinks. 350 00:13:28,764 --> 00:13:29,721 You'll love him. 351 00:13:29,765 --> 00:13:31,245 That's really sweet, 352 00:13:31,288 --> 00:13:33,290 but I like to pick out my own guys. 353 00:13:34,074 --> 00:13:37,033 Look, if you're covering for Professor Davis, 354 00:13:37,077 --> 00:13:38,643 it's not worth it. 355 00:13:38,687 --> 00:13:40,297 Someone's gonna figure it out and go straight to the dean. 356 00:13:40,341 --> 00:13:41,864 Oh, my God. 357 00:13:41,908 --> 00:13:44,649 Why are you so obsessed with Professor Davis? 358 00:13:44,693 --> 00:13:47,652 Maybe you're the one going out with him and you're worried 359 00:13:47,696 --> 00:13:49,916 someone's gonna steal your old man professor from you, 360 00:13:49,959 --> 00:13:51,874 you old man professor lover. 361 00:13:53,571 --> 00:13:56,661 Okay, based on your reaction, neither of us are dating him. 362 00:13:56,705 --> 00:13:59,969 So, uh, I guess I'm meeting this guy. 363 00:14:01,841 --> 00:14:04,452 You're right. This place is great. 364 00:14:04,495 --> 00:14:06,062 I know. 365 00:14:06,106 --> 00:14:09,457 Okay, we need a story about how we met and everything. 366 00:14:09,500 --> 00:14:12,112 Well, how about this -- I owned a magazine, 367 00:14:12,155 --> 00:14:14,505 I hired you, we lost the magazine, 368 00:14:14,549 --> 00:14:16,464 we ended up living in your childhood bedroom, 369 00:14:16,507 --> 00:14:18,161 but now... 370 00:14:18,205 --> 00:14:19,946 we're doing this. 371 00:14:19,989 --> 00:14:22,078 The truth? That's depressing. 372 00:14:22,122 --> 00:14:23,950 We're trying to get her to sell us a house, 373 00:14:23,993 --> 00:14:25,908 not hang ourself in the two-car garage 374 00:14:25,952 --> 00:14:28,171 with all the built-in cabinets. 375 00:14:28,215 --> 00:14:30,130 Fine. You come up with a better version. 376 00:14:30,173 --> 00:14:31,566 Okay. 377 00:14:31,609 --> 00:14:36,527 I am a rising exec in the plastics industry, 378 00:14:36,571 --> 00:14:39,095 you own a chain of hardware stores, 379 00:14:39,139 --> 00:14:42,011 and we've built a great life together. 380 00:14:42,055 --> 00:14:43,926 Ah, that version of us is awesome. 381 00:14:44,971 --> 00:14:47,843 I love that us. 382 00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:50,063 But this is kind of weird. 383 00:14:50,106 --> 00:14:53,544 You know, this could've been our place. 384 00:14:53,588 --> 00:14:55,764 Right. 385 00:14:55,807 --> 00:14:57,984 You and I in our golden years, 386 00:14:58,027 --> 00:15:00,812 sitting on that patio swing, uh, sipping a drink. 387 00:15:00,856 --> 00:15:02,162 Mm. 388 00:15:02,205 --> 00:15:04,555 Listening to Harris' kids from different dads 389 00:15:04,599 --> 00:15:06,035 fighting in the living room. 390 00:15:07,036 --> 00:15:08,603 Wondering if she's ever coming back to get 'em. 391 00:15:08,646 --> 00:15:09,734 [ Sighs ] 392 00:15:09,778 --> 00:15:11,040 Hey. 393 00:15:11,084 --> 00:15:13,173 There's your handsome Bigfoot. 394 00:15:13,216 --> 00:15:14,174 [ Ben chuckles ] 395 00:15:14,217 --> 00:15:16,567 Oh, uh, this is my partner, Ben. 396 00:15:16,611 --> 00:15:18,178 Ben, this is Claire. 397 00:15:18,221 --> 00:15:20,006 We're a couple, and I love her. 398 00:15:21,268 --> 00:15:23,531 And I love this house. 399 00:15:23,574 --> 00:15:25,881 Did you get my offer? I went to the max with it. 400 00:15:25,925 --> 00:15:29,972 I did, and the seller thinks you're a lovely couple. 401 00:15:30,016 --> 00:15:32,018 There's been one slight change, though. 402 00:15:32,061 --> 00:15:34,150 There's another lovely couple, and they're offering 403 00:15:34,194 --> 00:15:36,805 $20,000 over the asking price. 404 00:15:36,848 --> 00:15:39,068 [ Sighs ] You got to be kidding me. 405 00:15:39,112 --> 00:15:41,201 Here's the thing. If you could find a way 406 00:15:41,244 --> 00:15:43,333 to beat their offer, even by a little, 407 00:15:43,377 --> 00:15:45,335 this place could still be yours. 408 00:15:45,379 --> 00:15:47,598 Well, what do we know about this other couple? 409 00:15:47,642 --> 00:15:49,818 I mean, maybe they're just pretending to be a couple. 410 00:15:49,861 --> 00:15:51,428 I've heard of that happening. 411 00:15:51,472 --> 00:15:53,213 They've been married 20 years. 412 00:15:53,256 --> 00:15:55,215 They rode over on a tandem bike. 413 00:15:55,258 --> 00:15:57,826 [ Chuckles ] How cute are they? 414 00:15:57,869 --> 00:15:59,349 Well, if they can't afford two bikes, 415 00:15:59,393 --> 00:16:00,611 they can't afford a house. 416 00:16:00,655 --> 00:16:03,266 Might want to look into that. 417 00:16:06,356 --> 00:16:08,271 Becky should be right up. 418 00:16:08,315 --> 00:16:12,449 So, I understand you teach psychology. 419 00:16:12,493 --> 00:16:14,712 Did you have you a real job before that? 420 00:16:15,887 --> 00:16:18,151 No, my greatest skill was my thirst for knowledge. 421 00:16:18,194 --> 00:16:19,282 I hear ya. 422 00:16:19,326 --> 00:16:21,328 I feel the same way about beer. 423 00:16:22,938 --> 00:16:24,374 Ready to go. 424 00:16:24,418 --> 00:16:26,159 We tried going to a real restaurant, 425 00:16:26,202 --> 00:16:28,074 but we got busted immediately. 426 00:16:28,117 --> 00:16:30,293 Yeah, a limited amount of places we can go 427 00:16:30,337 --> 00:16:32,861 without being recognized, but if it's worth it to Becky, 428 00:16:32,904 --> 00:16:34,210 it's worth it to me. 429 00:16:34,254 --> 00:16:35,864 Yeah, I saw on the news where they gave a guy 430 00:16:35,907 --> 00:16:37,344 a whole new face. 431 00:16:37,387 --> 00:16:40,042 I like Becky's, but you can't be all that attached to, 432 00:16:40,086 --> 00:16:41,957 you know, that. 433 00:16:45,308 --> 00:16:47,397 Uh, could we talk for a sec? 434 00:16:47,441 --> 00:16:49,138 Sure. 435 00:16:49,182 --> 00:16:50,183 We have to lie to everybody else. 436 00:16:50,226 --> 00:16:51,836 I don't want to lie to you. 437 00:16:51,880 --> 00:16:53,621 Um... 438 00:16:53,664 --> 00:16:57,059 Connie was like Harriet the Spy at that cemetery thing. 439 00:16:57,103 --> 00:17:01,194 And to shake her off, 440 00:17:01,237 --> 00:17:04,980 I ended up going on a date with her friend. 441 00:17:05,024 --> 00:17:06,242 Oh. 442 00:17:06,286 --> 00:17:07,722 Sorry. 443 00:17:07,765 --> 00:17:09,289 I couldn't get out of it. 444 00:17:09,332 --> 00:17:11,160 No big deal. 445 00:17:11,204 --> 00:17:12,335 Really? 446 00:17:12,379 --> 00:17:13,902 I'm fine. 447 00:17:13,945 --> 00:17:15,991 Hey, let's get food that's easy to eat in the car this time. 448 00:17:16,035 --> 00:17:17,253 Once you get that pad Thai noodle 449 00:17:17,297 --> 00:17:18,472 between the seat and the console, 450 00:17:18,515 --> 00:17:20,865 there's no getting it out. 451 00:17:20,909 --> 00:17:22,867 So you're not jealous at all? 452 00:17:22,911 --> 00:17:25,174 This doesn't have to be a big deal, 453 00:17:25,218 --> 00:17:27,568 but it should be at least a deal. 454 00:17:27,611 --> 00:17:29,265 No. All good. 455 00:17:29,309 --> 00:17:31,180 Uh, what about turkey legs? 456 00:17:31,224 --> 00:17:33,791 We could, uh, drive around with them in the cup holders. 457 00:17:33,835 --> 00:17:35,358 Stop talking about food. 458 00:17:35,402 --> 00:17:38,231 Don't you care about this relationship at all? 459 00:17:38,274 --> 00:17:41,277 I need to know if I'm the only one invested in this thing. 460 00:17:41,321 --> 00:17:43,105 Of course I'm invested in this. 461 00:17:43,149 --> 00:17:45,499 Well, then, punch a wall 462 00:17:45,542 --> 00:17:47,109 or throw a beer through the TV. 463 00:17:47,153 --> 00:17:48,241 Show me you care. 464 00:17:48,284 --> 00:17:49,590 I can't. 465 00:17:49,633 --> 00:17:51,113 What do you mean you can't? 466 00:17:51,157 --> 00:17:53,942 Because I'm not gonna come down on you for going on a date 467 00:17:53,985 --> 00:17:55,770 trying to protect our relationship. 468 00:17:56,640 --> 00:17:58,164 Yeah, I hate it. 469 00:17:58,207 --> 00:18:00,688 I'm already worried that 470 00:18:00,731 --> 00:18:01,993 this is all too much for you 471 00:18:02,037 --> 00:18:03,604 and that you're gonna decide it's not worth it 472 00:18:03,647 --> 00:18:05,606 and -- and leave. 473 00:18:05,649 --> 00:18:07,564 What? 474 00:18:07,608 --> 00:18:09,740 Of course it's worth it. 475 00:18:10,654 --> 00:18:13,701 Yeah, this is an impossible way to have a relationship, 476 00:18:13,744 --> 00:18:17,574 but you have to trust that I'm here because I want to be here. 477 00:18:17,618 --> 00:18:19,141 Alright, then, 478 00:18:19,185 --> 00:18:20,534 I am putting my foot down. 479 00:18:20,577 --> 00:18:22,797 No more dating other men. 480 00:18:28,194 --> 00:18:29,804 Well, Mr. Professor... 481 00:18:32,372 --> 00:18:35,984 I don't know how you treat beer in the halls of academia, 482 00:18:36,027 --> 00:18:37,986 but in this house, 483 00:18:38,029 --> 00:18:40,815 we treat our aluminum angels with respect. 484 00:18:43,426 --> 00:18:45,863 He'll like you better when you get your new face. 485 00:18:47,822 --> 00:18:51,391 ♪♪ 486 00:18:51,434 --> 00:18:52,348 Oh, hey. 487 00:18:52,392 --> 00:18:53,741 How's the new house looking? 488 00:18:53,784 --> 00:18:55,569 I want to rent your room to a bunch of Shriners 489 00:18:55,612 --> 00:18:57,440 for the St. Patrick's Day parade. 490 00:18:57,484 --> 00:18:59,399 They're gonna let me drive the little car. 491 00:19:00,791 --> 00:19:03,881 I tried crunching the numbers every way I could think of, 492 00:19:03,925 --> 00:19:06,319 and there's -- there's no way I can swing it. 493 00:19:06,362 --> 00:19:07,581 I'm sorry, honey. 494 00:19:07,624 --> 00:19:10,018 I sure wish I could help. 495 00:19:10,061 --> 00:19:12,194 Denny's got all my money. 496 00:19:13,064 --> 00:19:16,067 I'm just never gonna find another place like that. 497 00:19:19,897 --> 00:19:21,899 Okay, now, don't bite my head off 498 00:19:21,943 --> 00:19:23,771 because I heard what you said the other night. 499 00:19:23,814 --> 00:19:26,295 But I was thinking... 500 00:19:26,339 --> 00:19:28,819 what if I co-sign? 501 00:19:28,863 --> 00:19:30,995 'Cause if I jump in, 502 00:19:31,039 --> 00:19:32,823 we can get a bigger number on that loan. 503 00:19:32,867 --> 00:19:34,434 You're kidding me. 504 00:19:37,045 --> 00:19:40,657 That is incredibly generous. 505 00:19:40,701 --> 00:19:43,617 And incredibly complicated. 506 00:19:43,660 --> 00:19:45,314 Mm. 507 00:19:45,358 --> 00:19:48,099 I, uh -- I really support you making this move, 508 00:19:48,143 --> 00:19:50,232 and you found a place that you love. 509 00:19:50,276 --> 00:19:51,581 So before you break its heart 510 00:19:51,625 --> 00:19:53,235 by seeing another house behind its back, 511 00:19:53,279 --> 00:19:55,019 let me help. 512 00:19:55,063 --> 00:19:57,239 Are you ever gonna let that go? 513 00:19:57,283 --> 00:19:58,893 Why would I? It's our thing. 514 00:20:01,504 --> 00:20:06,161 Man, this could be my only shot at getting this house. 515 00:20:06,205 --> 00:20:07,945 Well, then, come on. Let's go get it. 516 00:20:07,989 --> 00:20:10,209 I'm ready. Let's get you the house. 517 00:20:12,994 --> 00:20:15,518 Can't believe I'm gonna say this, 518 00:20:15,562 --> 00:20:16,867 but no. 519 00:20:17,999 --> 00:20:21,307 Getting this house is about me moving on 520 00:20:21,350 --> 00:20:23,700 and standing on my own two feet. 521 00:20:23,744 --> 00:20:27,051 That means not depending on my dad for a place to live, 522 00:20:27,095 --> 00:20:28,705 and then if I let you co-sign, 523 00:20:28,749 --> 00:20:31,969 I'm just depending on you for a place to live. 524 00:20:32,013 --> 00:20:33,623 I don't even know what happened to me. 525 00:20:33,667 --> 00:20:36,452 I was always such an independent person, 526 00:20:36,496 --> 00:20:39,281 and I guess I kind of lost my way. 527 00:20:39,325 --> 00:20:43,503 But I want to walk through every room of a house 528 00:20:43,546 --> 00:20:46,375 and know that I got there on my own. 529 00:20:46,419 --> 00:20:49,770 Wow. Yeah, I remember this Darlene. 530 00:20:49,813 --> 00:20:51,511 Well, she's back, 531 00:20:51,554 --> 00:20:54,427 and she's probably gonna die in her childhood bed. 532 00:20:58,953 --> 00:21:02,739 Oh, cute little place. Shame it didn't work out. 533 00:21:02,783 --> 00:21:03,914 Well, thanks for coming with me. 534 00:21:03,958 --> 00:21:05,525 I just wanted to come one last time 535 00:21:05,568 --> 00:21:06,482 for a sense of closure. 536 00:21:06,526 --> 00:21:07,527 Yeah, I hear that. 537 00:21:07,570 --> 00:21:09,485 [ Switchblade clicks ] 538 00:21:09,529 --> 00:21:10,399 There you go. 539 00:21:12,923 --> 00:21:14,577 How cute are they? 540 00:21:16,405 --> 00:21:18,320 [ Air hissing ] 541 00:21:20,583 --> 00:21:22,324 Oh, that does feel better. 542 00:21:22,368 --> 00:21:24,413 I guess there's always unforeseen expenses 543 00:21:24,457 --> 00:21:25,719 when you buy a new house, right?