1 00:00:04,338 --> 00:00:07,575 We've got a lot more broken ornaments than usual. 2 00:00:07,608 --> 00:00:09,677 I guess you're gonna blame my kid for that. 3 00:00:09,710 --> 00:00:12,246 Uh, Becky, what does she call these? 4 00:00:12,280 --> 00:00:14,382 Baseballs? 5 00:00:15,449 --> 00:00:17,818 Don't you worry. I got us covered. 6 00:00:17,851 --> 00:00:20,254 In the summer? Fishing lures. 7 00:00:20,288 --> 00:00:24,092 In December? Christmas ornaments. 8 00:00:24,125 --> 00:00:27,095 Guess what? This year, we don't have to dodge cars 9 00:00:27,128 --> 00:00:29,730 or run onto the highway median to cut down a tree. 10 00:00:29,763 --> 00:00:31,999 I got us one already. It's a beauty! 11 00:00:32,032 --> 00:00:33,534 Becky, come give me a hand. 12 00:00:33,567 --> 00:00:35,403 Oh, no dodging cars, huh? 13 00:00:35,436 --> 00:00:37,338 I'm gonna miss looking at our tree 14 00:00:37,371 --> 00:00:40,241 and thinking how lucky we are to be alive. 15 00:00:40,274 --> 00:00:43,511 It's a beer can Christmas tree. 16 00:00:43,544 --> 00:00:46,046 Just when you think our trash can't get any whiter. 17 00:00:46,080 --> 00:00:48,782 One of the liquor distributors at The Lunch Box 18 00:00:48,816 --> 00:00:50,618 gave it to us as a promotional item. 19 00:00:50,651 --> 00:00:54,388 It was either this or "Rudolph the Rum-Nosed Reindeer". 20 00:00:54,422 --> 00:00:58,392 Lights the way with his nose, but he shouldn't be on the road. 21 00:00:59,593 --> 00:01:00,794 Nice tree. 22 00:01:00,828 --> 00:01:01,929 When most people are worried 23 00:01:01,962 --> 00:01:03,564 about Christmas becoming too commercial, 24 00:01:03,597 --> 00:01:05,633 the Conners are going the other way. 25 00:01:05,666 --> 00:01:07,601 Crap. Did we have plans for today? 26 00:01:07,635 --> 00:01:09,537 'Cause I can ditch these people in a hot minute. 27 00:01:09,570 --> 00:01:11,639 No, no. I-I just came by to tell you 28 00:01:11,672 --> 00:01:13,641 that I had a really great time last night. 29 00:01:13,674 --> 00:01:16,144 I also brought breakfast for everybody. 30 00:01:16,177 --> 00:01:19,813 For everybody? I assume you mean it's not vegan. 31 00:01:19,847 --> 00:01:21,149 Oh. 32 00:01:21,182 --> 00:01:24,752 An in-person thank you and breakfast? 33 00:01:24,785 --> 00:01:27,155 Well, somebody gave it up quick. 34 00:01:27,188 --> 00:01:30,591 Uh, relax, you old horn dog. Nobody gave anything up. 35 00:01:30,624 --> 00:01:32,493 It was just a nice night at the theater. 36 00:01:32,526 --> 00:01:34,328 We've been going out a couple weeks, 37 00:01:34,362 --> 00:01:37,064 and I thought it was time for it to be my turn to treat, 38 00:01:37,097 --> 00:01:38,932 so I got us a couple tickets 39 00:01:38,966 --> 00:01:41,835 to Lanford High's production of "Hamilton." 40 00:01:41,869 --> 00:01:44,272 Ha! What kind of cheap-ass places 41 00:01:44,305 --> 00:01:46,807 did you take her to to deserve that? 42 00:01:46,840 --> 00:01:49,076 I-I loved it, especially when a rubber band 43 00:01:49,109 --> 00:01:52,012 shot off of Hamilton's braces and into Aaron Burr's eye. 44 00:01:52,045 --> 00:01:53,847 It really made the duel about something. 45 00:01:53,881 --> 00:01:56,150 I'm just impressed that Nick 46 00:01:56,184 --> 00:01:58,186 came all the way over here to thank you. 47 00:01:58,219 --> 00:02:00,488 Actually, I-I came over 'cause I don't have a cellphone. 48 00:02:00,521 --> 00:02:03,023 Dropped it in the crapper, huh? 49 00:02:03,056 --> 00:02:05,426 Happens to the best of us. 50 00:02:05,459 --> 00:02:08,128 You just gotta glove up and go fishing. 51 00:02:08,162 --> 00:02:10,431 Uh, no. 52 00:02:10,464 --> 00:02:12,166 Nick gave up his phone a while ago. 53 00:02:12,200 --> 00:02:15,803 He was a stockbroker, and the phone represented stress 24/7. 54 00:02:15,836 --> 00:02:17,505 Yeah, phones suck all of your energy. 55 00:02:17,538 --> 00:02:19,440 They keep you from living your life in the present. 56 00:02:19,473 --> 00:02:21,008 I have no energy and no life, 57 00:02:21,041 --> 00:02:23,043 so it's really not a problem for me. 58 00:02:24,144 --> 00:02:26,614 So, Nick, you don't have a phone. 59 00:02:26,647 --> 00:02:27,681 That's really interesting. 60 00:02:27,715 --> 00:02:29,049 How do people get in touch with you? 61 00:02:29,082 --> 00:02:30,551 They leave me messages at the bookstore. 62 00:02:30,584 --> 00:02:32,520 So, what, you're just anti-technology? 63 00:02:32,553 --> 00:02:34,822 No. Not at all. I have an electric car. 64 00:02:34,855 --> 00:02:36,023 Ha. In case you haven't heard, 65 00:02:36,056 --> 00:02:38,959 they got ones that run on gas now. 66 00:02:38,992 --> 00:02:41,329 I guess it's gonna be up to us old-timers 67 00:02:41,362 --> 00:02:45,499 to finish putting that hole in the ozone by ourselves. 68 00:02:45,533 --> 00:02:46,534 Well, it'll give you something to do 69 00:02:46,567 --> 00:02:47,635 until the melanoma gets ya. 70 00:02:47,668 --> 00:02:49,036 Anyway, I gotta get going. 71 00:02:49,069 --> 00:02:51,004 Uh, hey, why don't you, uh, swing by 72 00:02:51,038 --> 00:02:52,906 after you're done with work and say hi? Sure. 73 00:02:52,940 --> 00:02:55,008 Hey, how about she drives all the way over there 74 00:02:55,042 --> 00:02:56,377 and she can hand you an emoji 75 00:02:56,410 --> 00:02:59,447 that lets you know how she's feeling? 76 00:03:03,284 --> 00:03:07,521 So, Nick doesn't have a phone. 77 00:03:07,555 --> 00:03:09,490 How very convenient. 78 00:03:09,523 --> 00:03:10,924 Don't start. I'm not. 79 00:03:10,958 --> 00:03:13,894 I'm just wondering if he's really trying to avoid stress 80 00:03:13,927 --> 00:03:16,430 or he just doesn't want you to know where he is. 81 00:03:16,464 --> 00:03:18,932 Sure, i-it's a little weird, and -- and, yeah, 82 00:03:18,966 --> 00:03:21,001 maybe it's been kind of inconvenient, 83 00:03:21,034 --> 00:03:23,003 but when we're together, he's totally present. 84 00:03:23,036 --> 00:03:26,240 What if he's also present with his other girlfriend 85 00:03:26,274 --> 00:03:29,042 or girlfriends or wife? 86 00:03:29,076 --> 00:03:31,011 Guy's got an electric car. 87 00:03:31,044 --> 00:03:34,748 Obviously, he's looking for action. 88 00:03:35,783 --> 00:03:38,252 I have no idea what that means. 89 00:03:38,286 --> 00:03:40,554 Dad, you're a good judge of character. 90 00:03:40,588 --> 00:03:42,390 You don't think anything's going on, right? 91 00:03:42,423 --> 00:03:45,459 I-I like the guy, but he's not living in a commune. 92 00:03:45,493 --> 00:03:47,861 He's got a job. He's got a kid. 93 00:03:47,895 --> 00:03:51,732 Emergencies come up. I don't get it. 94 00:03:51,765 --> 00:03:54,268 Okay, so I'm dating a guy with a secret family, 95 00:03:54,302 --> 00:03:56,637 but I'm getting to the age where guys are gonna have baggage. 96 00:03:56,670 --> 00:03:59,072 Darlene. 97 00:03:59,106 --> 00:04:02,276 Okay, fine. I-It bugs me. I-I'll talk to him. 98 00:04:02,310 --> 00:04:05,746 Or you sit in your car outside of his house, 99 00:04:05,779 --> 00:04:08,115 one house down, but on the other side of the street. 100 00:04:08,148 --> 00:04:11,919 Leave your rain lights on, and don't forget to bring a pee jar. 101 00:04:11,952 --> 00:04:15,055 'Cause those motion-sensor lights outside people's garages, 102 00:04:15,088 --> 00:04:16,657 they will light you up 103 00:04:16,690 --> 00:04:20,428 like Liza Minnelli taking a leak on Broadway. 104 00:04:23,130 --> 00:04:26,099 -- Captions by VITAC -- 105 00:04:26,133 --> 00:04:33,807 ** 106 00:04:33,841 --> 00:04:41,515 ** 107 00:04:41,549 --> 00:04:49,256 ** 108 00:04:49,289 --> 00:04:56,997 ** 109 00:04:59,367 --> 00:05:01,802 Make sure you get everything out of these drawers. 110 00:05:01,835 --> 00:05:04,004 I don't want to accidentally give away something of value 111 00:05:04,037 --> 00:05:05,473 at the garage sale. 112 00:05:05,506 --> 00:05:07,775 I found 11 cents and a candy bar wrapper. 113 00:05:07,808 --> 00:05:10,310 You want me to put this in the safe? 114 00:05:11,645 --> 00:05:13,381 I still don't get why Louise is making you 115 00:05:13,414 --> 00:05:14,682 get rid of this bedroom set. 116 00:05:14,715 --> 00:05:16,817 I mean, it's old, but it looks fine to me. 117 00:05:16,850 --> 00:05:19,887 I don't want to get rid of it, either. 118 00:05:19,920 --> 00:05:23,524 I'd rather just use Louise's furniture and save this stuff, 119 00:05:23,557 --> 00:05:25,859 but she wants new stuff that's ours. 120 00:05:25,893 --> 00:05:27,961 Hey, start off making her happy. 121 00:05:27,995 --> 00:05:30,398 Then you've got someplace to go. 122 00:05:30,431 --> 00:05:32,666 Sure. The problem is, 123 00:05:32,700 --> 00:05:35,503 I gotta pay for it 'cause she paid for the wedding. 124 00:05:35,536 --> 00:05:37,838 I don't have the money, so I gotta sell all this stuff, 125 00:05:37,871 --> 00:05:39,740 and it's too bad 'cause... 126 00:05:39,773 --> 00:05:41,975 they don't make furniture like this anymore. 127 00:05:42,009 --> 00:05:44,177 You mean by savaging old-growth forests 128 00:05:44,211 --> 00:05:47,881 and pouring the excess varnish into our drinking water? 129 00:05:47,915 --> 00:05:49,383 It was a different time, 130 00:05:49,417 --> 00:05:52,886 and you don't remember what water used to taste like anyway. 131 00:05:52,920 --> 00:05:55,723 This was the first new furniture your mom and dad ever bought. 132 00:05:55,756 --> 00:05:59,192 Yeah, before this, it was lawn chairs in the living room 133 00:05:59,226 --> 00:06:01,562 and a phone company spool for a table. 134 00:06:01,595 --> 00:06:03,397 That's when we were just starting out 135 00:06:03,431 --> 00:06:05,599 and I wasn't the mogul I am now. 136 00:06:06,967 --> 00:06:08,769 But your mom saw a picture of this set 137 00:06:08,802 --> 00:06:11,271 in a Montgomery Ward's catalogue. 138 00:06:11,304 --> 00:06:13,240 Boy, did she fall in love with it. 139 00:06:13,273 --> 00:06:14,942 A catalogue? 140 00:06:14,975 --> 00:06:18,378 It must've taken a while for the stagecoach to deliver it 141 00:06:18,412 --> 00:06:20,681 from Californee. 142 00:06:20,714 --> 00:06:24,084 You know, this mattress is still in pretty good shape. 143 00:06:24,117 --> 00:06:25,619 Any of you guys want it? 144 00:06:25,653 --> 00:06:26,787 Rock, paper, scissors. 145 00:06:26,820 --> 00:06:28,021 Loser gets the mattress 146 00:06:28,055 --> 00:06:30,624 we were conceived on and Mom died on. 147 00:06:30,658 --> 00:06:34,261 Ew. I don't want a humpy-ghosty mattress! 148 00:06:34,294 --> 00:06:36,430 Well, we shouldn't waste it. 149 00:06:36,464 --> 00:06:37,931 Oh, I'll give it to Neville. 150 00:06:37,965 --> 00:06:40,133 He's treating a cow with weeping shingles 151 00:06:40,167 --> 00:06:42,636 that needs something soft to lie on. 152 00:06:42,670 --> 00:06:46,774 ** 153 00:06:46,807 --> 00:06:49,810 Harris, why are you stealing food? 154 00:06:49,843 --> 00:06:52,379 Well, Mom didn't pack me a lunch when she kicked me out, 155 00:06:52,412 --> 00:06:53,947 so I'm grabbing a meal. 156 00:06:53,981 --> 00:06:55,783 I thought you were living with your boyfriend now. 157 00:06:55,816 --> 00:06:58,118 I was, but... 158 00:06:58,151 --> 00:07:00,788 his kids have been getting into some trouble recently, 159 00:07:00,821 --> 00:07:03,290 so I'm giving them space for a couple months. 160 00:07:03,323 --> 00:07:04,458 Don't tell Mom. 161 00:07:04,492 --> 00:07:06,627 What? Where are you staying? 162 00:07:06,660 --> 00:07:08,762 I'm staying on a friend's couch right now. 163 00:07:08,796 --> 00:07:11,098 Not really a-a friend, a stranger 164 00:07:11,131 --> 00:07:13,133 who rents their couch out on Craigslist. 165 00:07:13,166 --> 00:07:15,402 It's basically free. I just have to call her "Grandma." 166 00:07:15,435 --> 00:07:16,470 Harris! 167 00:07:16,504 --> 00:07:18,405 It's safe. I'm fine. 168 00:07:18,438 --> 00:07:21,241 Speaking of couches, who's the rando on ours? 169 00:07:21,274 --> 00:07:23,811 Oh, that's Isabella. 170 00:07:23,844 --> 00:07:26,246 She had a baby and dropped out of school. 171 00:07:26,279 --> 00:07:29,583 She's one of the girls I'm mentoring to help get their GED. 172 00:07:29,617 --> 00:07:31,418 And they get fed, too? 173 00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:34,121 Does one have to get knocked up to get in on this action? 174 00:07:34,154 --> 00:07:36,189 Well, it helps. 175 00:07:36,223 --> 00:07:38,692 But if you really want your application to stand out, 176 00:07:38,726 --> 00:07:41,829 join a gang or stab your pimp. 177 00:07:43,396 --> 00:07:45,666 I brought you a soda and a bologna sandwich 178 00:07:45,699 --> 00:07:46,967 in case you're hungry. 179 00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:49,369 You're not supposed to eat lunch meat when you're nursing. 180 00:07:49,402 --> 00:07:51,805 Well, that explains my brother. 181 00:07:51,839 --> 00:07:56,309 Thank you for not bailing today. 182 00:07:56,343 --> 00:07:58,278 I know you have a lot on your plate, 183 00:07:58,311 --> 00:07:59,713 but this is important, too. 184 00:07:59,747 --> 00:08:02,382 It's fine. I want my GED. Let's just do this. 185 00:08:02,415 --> 00:08:03,984 Did you do the reading? 186 00:08:04,017 --> 00:08:06,186 Yes. Okay. 187 00:08:06,219 --> 00:08:09,489 Instead of going on to the next chapter, like we usually do, 188 00:08:09,523 --> 00:08:12,325 let's review this chapter and make sure you got it. 189 00:08:12,359 --> 00:08:13,861 Okay? 190 00:08:13,894 --> 00:08:16,730 Okay, so you read about the Suffragette Movement. 191 00:08:16,764 --> 00:08:18,666 It's pretty cool when you think about it. 192 00:08:18,699 --> 00:08:22,636 They empowered me, and now I'm empowering you. 193 00:08:22,670 --> 00:08:24,337 What did you think? 194 00:08:24,371 --> 00:08:28,676 Well, the stuff women were doing back then was mad empowering. 195 00:08:28,709 --> 00:08:31,211 That's a nice summary of what I just said. 196 00:08:31,244 --> 00:08:32,846 Give me a specific. 197 00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:36,183 What did you think about, uh, Marie Antoinette's contribution 198 00:08:36,216 --> 00:08:37,384 to the Nineteenth Amendment? 199 00:08:37,417 --> 00:08:38,886 It couldn't have happened without her. 200 00:08:38,919 --> 00:08:42,022 Okay, you missed by 150 years and a continent. 201 00:08:42,055 --> 00:08:44,391 You did this last week, too. 202 00:08:44,424 --> 00:08:45,759 You're a smart person, 203 00:08:45,793 --> 00:08:48,361 and I can't help you unless you do the reading. 204 00:08:48,395 --> 00:08:50,330 I'm trying, but it's hard. 205 00:08:50,363 --> 00:08:52,332 I'm distracted at home, 206 00:08:52,365 --> 00:08:54,001 a-and I can't go to a library and study 207 00:08:54,034 --> 00:08:56,103 because of the baby, which is ironic, 208 00:08:56,136 --> 00:08:57,938 because I got pregnant in a library. 209 00:08:57,971 --> 00:09:00,874 [ Chuckles ] People just kept going "shh." 210 00:09:00,908 --> 00:09:04,878 Okay, I've got a big paper I gotta finish by tomorrow, 211 00:09:04,912 --> 00:09:06,580 but I want you to succeed. 212 00:09:06,614 --> 00:09:08,048 So, why don't you go home, 213 00:09:08,081 --> 00:09:10,083 and I'll come over for a couple hours tonight 214 00:09:10,117 --> 00:09:12,385 to watch the baby while you go to the library? 215 00:09:12,419 --> 00:09:15,288 That would be amazing. Thank you. 216 00:09:15,322 --> 00:09:19,292 You're the Marie Antoinette of mentors. 217 00:09:19,326 --> 00:09:21,662 Yeah, that's not a good thing. 218 00:09:24,497 --> 00:09:25,532 [ Knocks on window ] 219 00:09:25,565 --> 00:09:27,735 Oh, sorry, ma'am. No public bathrooms. 220 00:09:27,768 --> 00:09:28,902 Go to the park. 221 00:09:30,437 --> 00:09:32,773 I got you a gift. I'm coming in, you new-age freak. 222 00:09:32,806 --> 00:09:33,907 [ Door closes ] 223 00:09:33,941 --> 00:09:35,876 Look, I know you're doing inventory, 224 00:09:35,909 --> 00:09:37,778 but I was really anxious to give you this. 225 00:09:37,811 --> 00:09:39,613 Wow. 226 00:09:39,647 --> 00:09:41,081 Huh. 227 00:09:41,114 --> 00:09:42,983 You got me a phone. 228 00:09:43,016 --> 00:09:45,619 Well, who should I call? 229 00:09:45,653 --> 00:09:47,655 I'm gonna call you. Hello, Darlene? It's Nick. 230 00:09:47,688 --> 00:09:49,923 Yeah, why'd you get me something I told you I don't want? 231 00:09:49,957 --> 00:09:51,224 I know, I know, 232 00:09:51,258 --> 00:09:53,326 but I-I customized this phone just for you. 233 00:09:53,360 --> 00:09:54,928 It's got a meditation app, 234 00:09:54,962 --> 00:09:57,097 and the case is a fat, smiling Buddha. 235 00:09:57,130 --> 00:09:59,066 Look how happy he is to have a phone in his belly. 236 00:09:59,099 --> 00:10:02,736 Yeah, and that's not offensive to billions of people at all. 237 00:10:02,770 --> 00:10:05,272 Look, let's be honest here. 238 00:10:05,305 --> 00:10:09,076 Is that a gift for me, or is that a gift for you? 239 00:10:09,109 --> 00:10:10,510 Both. 240 00:10:10,543 --> 00:10:12,512 I mean, I like spending time with you, 241 00:10:12,545 --> 00:10:13,981 and when I'm not spending time with you, 242 00:10:14,014 --> 00:10:15,348 I like to be able to tell you 243 00:10:15,382 --> 00:10:17,350 how much I like spending time with you. 244 00:10:17,384 --> 00:10:19,987 Mm-hmm. I like to know what you're doing and who you're with 245 00:10:20,020 --> 00:10:22,589 and be able to geo-locate you while I do it. 246 00:10:22,622 --> 00:10:25,192 Is that so bad? 247 00:10:25,225 --> 00:10:27,928 So, okay, now we're at the core issue. 248 00:10:27,961 --> 00:10:31,364 Have I done anything to make you so suspicious of me? 249 00:10:31,398 --> 00:10:35,102 No, uh, I just don't want to be a fool. 250 00:10:35,135 --> 00:10:37,137 Okay, well, if the only way you can trust me 251 00:10:37,170 --> 00:10:39,539 is by being able to track me 24/7, 252 00:10:39,572 --> 00:10:42,309 we don't have the foundation for a good relationship. 253 00:10:42,342 --> 00:10:44,211 Well, I don't want to be this kind of person. 254 00:10:44,244 --> 00:10:45,312 It's just now that it's in my head, 255 00:10:45,345 --> 00:10:46,880 I can't stop worrying about it. 256 00:10:46,914 --> 00:10:49,049 Well, maybe that's something you should think about. 257 00:10:49,082 --> 00:10:51,218 And if you're on your phone all the time 258 00:10:51,251 --> 00:10:53,520 trying to find me on my friends' Instas, 259 00:10:53,553 --> 00:10:54,788 that makes it even worse. 260 00:10:54,822 --> 00:10:56,890 Right, but I'm not gonna get rid of my phone. 261 00:10:56,924 --> 00:10:58,792 I don't think you could. 262 00:10:58,826 --> 00:11:01,328 Oh, I could. 263 00:11:01,361 --> 00:11:03,330 I left it on the roof of my car one time 264 00:11:03,363 --> 00:11:05,032 and drove without it for 20 minutes. 265 00:11:05,065 --> 00:11:07,034 I was fine. 266 00:11:07,067 --> 00:11:08,836 I bet you couldn't do a day. 267 00:11:08,869 --> 00:11:10,170 I could totally do a day. 268 00:11:10,203 --> 00:11:11,471 Then do it. 269 00:11:11,504 --> 00:11:13,573 And use that time to think about why you don't trust me. 270 00:11:13,606 --> 00:11:15,709 Fine. Just to prove I'm gonna do it... 271 00:11:15,743 --> 00:11:17,711 Okay. Uh-huh. ...I'm gonna give you the phone. 272 00:11:17,745 --> 00:11:20,247 Just let me delete a few texts here to Becky 273 00:11:20,280 --> 00:11:22,215 that may or may not be about you. 274 00:11:22,249 --> 00:11:26,319 [ Chuckles ] And set my super-secret code, 275 00:11:26,353 --> 00:11:30,190 and set my exploding dye app in case anyone tries to get in. 276 00:11:30,223 --> 00:11:31,524 And here you go. 277 00:11:38,198 --> 00:11:39,532 Sorry I'm late. 278 00:11:39,566 --> 00:11:41,168 I just got Kayley to sleep. 279 00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:42,202 Where have you been? 280 00:11:42,235 --> 00:11:44,738 It's 2:00 AM. 281 00:11:44,772 --> 00:11:47,174 The library closed four hours ago. 282 00:11:47,207 --> 00:11:49,276 I was this close to calling the cops. 283 00:11:49,309 --> 00:11:52,412 Okay, I was totally gonna go to the library, 284 00:11:52,445 --> 00:11:54,114 but then I got invited to a concert, 285 00:11:54,147 --> 00:11:56,216 and I haven't been to a concert in forever. 286 00:11:56,249 --> 00:11:58,886 But this time, I had a babysitter, so I had to go. 287 00:11:58,919 --> 00:12:00,253 You know what it's like. 288 00:12:00,287 --> 00:12:02,222 I'm sure you went to go see The Beatles or something. 289 00:12:02,255 --> 00:12:06,293 I am not Beatles old. I'm not even Aerosmith old. 290 00:12:07,260 --> 00:12:09,029 You took advantage of me. 291 00:12:09,062 --> 00:12:11,364 Why are you so freaked out? It was one night. 292 00:12:11,398 --> 00:12:14,401 Because I gave up a night with my kid to watch yours, 293 00:12:14,434 --> 00:12:16,036 and I didn't get my paper done 294 00:12:16,069 --> 00:12:18,238 because your baby was crying all night. 295 00:12:18,271 --> 00:12:20,373 By the way, she shrieks like a bus 296 00:12:20,407 --> 00:12:23,443 that needs brakes driven by a tea kettle! 297 00:12:23,476 --> 00:12:25,946 Why are you so high and mighty? 298 00:12:25,979 --> 00:12:28,215 You dropped out of school when you were my age, too. 299 00:12:28,248 --> 00:12:30,784 Yeah, and I would have killed to have someone who cared enough 300 00:12:30,818 --> 00:12:32,585 to help me get back on track. 301 00:12:32,619 --> 00:12:35,155 What? You're supposed to be my role model? 302 00:12:35,188 --> 00:12:38,358 A 46-year-old loser living in her dad's basement? 303 00:12:41,094 --> 00:12:42,762 Sorry to waste your time. 304 00:12:46,633 --> 00:12:48,001 [ Door slams ] 305 00:12:48,035 --> 00:12:50,470 [ Kayley crying ] 306 00:12:50,503 --> 00:12:52,906 ** 307 00:12:52,940 --> 00:12:55,075 [ Clears throat ] If you're thinking you can make a phone 308 00:12:55,108 --> 00:12:56,609 out of parts of a toaster, 309 00:12:56,643 --> 00:13:00,613 "Gilligan's Island" taught me you need a coconut. 310 00:13:00,647 --> 00:13:02,649 I'm just doing what Nick said -- 311 00:13:02,682 --> 00:13:04,751 spending some time without my phone, 312 00:13:04,784 --> 00:13:07,254 thinking about why I've got a perfectly great guy 313 00:13:07,287 --> 00:13:08,355 and I don't trust him. 314 00:13:08,388 --> 00:13:10,323 Yeah, he's a sweet guy. Why don't you trust him? 315 00:13:10,357 --> 00:13:13,126 You started this. You told me he was hiding extra wives 316 00:13:13,160 --> 00:13:14,794 and girlfriends all over town. 317 00:13:14,828 --> 00:13:16,296 I say a lot of things. 318 00:13:16,329 --> 00:13:18,598 This is clearly about your filter. 319 00:13:18,631 --> 00:13:20,667 And you're dodging the question. 320 00:13:20,700 --> 00:13:22,769 What are you doing with the toaster? 321 00:13:22,802 --> 00:13:25,638 Well, I started digging in to why I distrust him, 322 00:13:25,672 --> 00:13:27,140 and it made me really anxious, 323 00:13:27,174 --> 00:13:30,543 so the next logical move was to take apart a toaster. 324 00:13:30,577 --> 00:13:33,480 Coming through. Watch your back. 325 00:13:33,513 --> 00:13:35,615 Dad, tell them how much you're asking for the dresser. 326 00:13:35,648 --> 00:13:36,884 500 bucks. 327 00:13:36,917 --> 00:13:39,386 What?! The only way that dresser's worth 500 bucks 328 00:13:39,419 --> 00:13:42,689 is if there's a bag of cocaine taped under one of the drawers. 329 00:13:42,722 --> 00:13:44,724 Yeah, and the drawer's in a better dresser. 330 00:13:44,757 --> 00:13:45,993 [ Both laugh ] 331 00:13:46,026 --> 00:13:47,895 New furniture's gonna be expensive. 332 00:13:47,928 --> 00:13:49,729 I need to get top dollar for this stuff. 333 00:13:50,763 --> 00:13:53,833 So, you're taking apart a toaster 334 00:13:53,867 --> 00:13:55,869 because you felt anxious. 335 00:13:55,903 --> 00:13:59,339 Why does thinking of Nick cheating make you feel this way? 336 00:13:59,372 --> 00:14:02,142 I don't know. It doesn't make any sense. 337 00:14:02,175 --> 00:14:04,144 And he's obviously a good guy, 338 00:14:04,177 --> 00:14:05,979 and I'm still afraid he's gonna hurt me. 339 00:14:06,013 --> 00:14:07,047 Mm-hmm. 340 00:14:07,080 --> 00:14:09,649 The question is, why don't I trust him? 341 00:14:09,682 --> 00:14:11,151 I don't know. 342 00:14:11,184 --> 00:14:13,186 Sometimes, when I think something bad about somebody else, 343 00:14:13,220 --> 00:14:15,822 it's usually because I'm capable of the same thing. 344 00:14:15,855 --> 00:14:19,526 I used to think everybody else was crazy, but hello! 345 00:14:21,962 --> 00:14:23,763 No, you're right. 346 00:14:23,796 --> 00:14:26,233 I'm the reason that I don't trust Nick. 347 00:14:26,266 --> 00:14:27,968 I-I gotta go call him. 348 00:14:29,269 --> 00:14:31,604 Doesn't have a phone. What a jackass. 349 00:14:38,611 --> 00:14:40,080 What the hell happened to my toaster? 350 00:14:40,113 --> 00:14:41,881 Oh, Darlene had to work something out. 351 00:14:41,915 --> 00:14:43,416 I can help you put it back together again. 352 00:14:43,450 --> 00:14:46,219 Hey, maybe you can get a couple grand for it. 353 00:14:46,253 --> 00:14:50,290 ** 354 00:14:50,323 --> 00:14:51,891 Okay, here comes somebody else. 355 00:14:51,925 --> 00:14:53,760 Now, just try and be reasonable this time. 356 00:14:53,793 --> 00:14:56,463 Listen to the offer before you attack him. 357 00:14:56,496 --> 00:14:59,232 I've had this furniture most of my adult life. 358 00:14:59,266 --> 00:15:01,368 It's like somebody offering you 100 bucks 359 00:15:01,401 --> 00:15:02,635 for one of your kids. 360 00:15:02,669 --> 00:15:04,804 Wait a minute. Didn't you bet D.J. 361 00:15:04,837 --> 00:15:06,639 in one of your card games one time? 362 00:15:06,673 --> 00:15:09,042 Yeah, but I knew nobody wanted him. 363 00:15:09,076 --> 00:15:10,643 Hello, sir. 364 00:15:10,677 --> 00:15:13,981 You look like a person who knows quality furniture on the street 365 00:15:14,014 --> 00:15:15,082 when you see it. 366 00:15:15,115 --> 00:15:16,749 Yeah, it looks like a nice little set. 367 00:15:16,783 --> 00:15:17,817 How long have you had this stuff? 368 00:15:17,850 --> 00:15:20,820 43 years. A lot of good memories. 369 00:15:20,853 --> 00:15:23,323 Plus, no veneers, dovetail joints. 370 00:15:23,356 --> 00:15:25,158 You'd be proud to own a set like this. 371 00:15:25,192 --> 00:15:27,660 Nice. I'll give you 50 bucks for all of it. 372 00:15:27,694 --> 00:15:30,730 Easy. 373 00:15:30,763 --> 00:15:32,565 50 whole dollars. 374 00:15:32,599 --> 00:15:34,901 Gee whiz, mister, that's a lot of money... 375 00:15:34,934 --> 00:15:36,803 for a kid shoveling snow. 376 00:15:36,836 --> 00:15:40,907 But I'm a grown man, and I am selling this dresser for $500. 377 00:15:40,940 --> 00:15:42,175 You-- You're kidding, right? 378 00:15:42,209 --> 00:15:44,611 No, sir, I am not. $2,000 for the whole set. 379 00:15:44,644 --> 00:15:46,346 Take it or leave it. You're dreaming, man. 380 00:15:46,379 --> 00:15:48,015 I'll go 100 bucks. No more. 381 00:15:48,048 --> 00:15:50,183 Keep walking. Okay. No. 382 00:15:50,217 --> 00:15:52,619 Hey! Hey! Hold on. Dan, it's a yard sale. 383 00:15:52,652 --> 00:15:55,155 Negotiating, huh? That's all a part of it. 384 00:15:55,188 --> 00:15:56,856 You're not that far apart. 385 00:15:56,889 --> 00:16:00,560 He said $100, you're at $2,000. 386 00:16:02,529 --> 00:16:03,863 I'm not going any higher. 387 00:16:03,896 --> 00:16:05,432 I'm saving you the cost of a salvage truck. 388 00:16:05,465 --> 00:16:10,303 Okay, he's firm at $100, so, Dan, your counteroffer is...? 389 00:16:10,337 --> 00:16:11,704 Kiss my ass. 390 00:16:11,738 --> 00:16:14,974 He's still firm at $2,000. 391 00:16:16,209 --> 00:16:17,977 Yard sale's over. 392 00:16:18,011 --> 00:16:22,382 [ Scoffs ] Well, I'm not carrying this stuff back inside. 393 00:16:26,653 --> 00:16:28,321 Hey. Hi. 394 00:16:28,355 --> 00:16:32,025 So, what'd you do with all that time on your hands? 395 00:16:32,059 --> 00:16:34,527 I destroyed a toaster. Mm. 396 00:16:34,561 --> 00:16:36,796 And then I started thinking about 397 00:16:36,829 --> 00:16:38,998 why all my relationships went bad. 398 00:16:39,032 --> 00:16:42,135 You know, not all guys are gonna cheat on you, Darlene. 399 00:16:42,169 --> 00:16:43,303 Yeah. 400 00:16:43,336 --> 00:16:46,073 Um, I was actually the one that cheated. 401 00:16:46,106 --> 00:16:48,308 You cheated on someone? 402 00:16:48,341 --> 00:16:50,477 Yeah. And I lied. 403 00:16:50,510 --> 00:16:52,479 And I think I'm a pretty good person, 404 00:16:52,512 --> 00:16:54,547 so if someone like me can do crap like that, 405 00:16:54,581 --> 00:16:57,984 I just figure anybody can, even a nice guy like you. 406 00:16:58,017 --> 00:16:59,719 Wow. 407 00:16:59,752 --> 00:17:01,521 Some people spend years in therapy 408 00:17:01,554 --> 00:17:03,256 before they get to that kind of revelation. 409 00:17:03,290 --> 00:17:06,059 Yeah, well, I'm broke. I gotta get there faster. 410 00:17:07,760 --> 00:17:10,697 So, uh, the cheating and the lying, 411 00:17:10,730 --> 00:17:12,065 was that, like, a one-off 412 00:17:12,099 --> 00:17:14,367 or more like an every-guy-you-get-involved-with 413 00:17:14,401 --> 00:17:16,836 kind of thing? Oh, no, just the last guy. 414 00:17:16,869 --> 00:17:19,339 I sabotaged the rest of them in all different ways. 415 00:17:19,372 --> 00:17:21,374 You'll see. [ Chuckles ] 416 00:17:21,408 --> 00:17:22,909 I guess I'll take the burner phone back. 417 00:17:22,942 --> 00:17:24,344 No, no. No way. No, no, no. 418 00:17:24,377 --> 00:17:26,679 Now I know I need to keep tabs on you. 419 00:17:26,713 --> 00:17:30,417 Kidding. But, you know, maybe I'll keep it so we can text. 420 00:17:30,450 --> 00:17:32,552 Maybe I'll text you during the day. 421 00:17:32,585 --> 00:17:34,521 Whoa. Stop smothering me. 422 00:17:34,554 --> 00:17:36,389 You're gonna drive me into the arms of another man. 423 00:17:36,423 --> 00:17:37,724 [ Chuckles ] 424 00:17:37,757 --> 00:17:40,059 But, actually, i-it will be nice 425 00:17:40,093 --> 00:17:43,029 to text my boyfriend whenever I want to. 426 00:17:43,062 --> 00:17:45,698 Crooked smile, prayer hands emoji. 427 00:17:45,732 --> 00:17:48,701 Am I your boyfriend? 428 00:17:48,735 --> 00:17:51,070 Now I really wish I was texting. 429 00:17:51,104 --> 00:17:52,972 Blush-face, heart-eyes. 430 00:17:55,675 --> 00:17:59,078 Oh, the queen has risen from her chambers. 431 00:17:59,112 --> 00:18:01,114 I'm not in the mood for your crap! 432 00:18:03,283 --> 00:18:05,385 I'm sorry. 433 00:18:05,418 --> 00:18:07,587 I didn't get home from Isabella's until 3:00, 434 00:18:07,620 --> 00:18:10,089 and I still had to finish my paper for school. 435 00:18:10,123 --> 00:18:12,659 Wow. You're really committed to helping those girls out. 436 00:18:12,692 --> 00:18:14,961 Good for you. Yeah, it was all for nothing. 437 00:18:14,994 --> 00:18:17,230 She wasn't serious about the program. 438 00:18:17,264 --> 00:18:19,232 Well, you did your best. Can't win 'em all. 439 00:18:19,266 --> 00:18:20,500 I hate it. 440 00:18:20,533 --> 00:18:23,069 I made a difference in the lives of the other girls, 441 00:18:23,102 --> 00:18:25,472 and Isabella was gonna be my third success. 442 00:18:25,505 --> 00:18:27,140 Is this about helping people 443 00:18:27,174 --> 00:18:30,477 or how many successes you can notch on your bedpost? 444 00:18:30,510 --> 00:18:31,744 No, that makes it sound like 445 00:18:31,778 --> 00:18:33,480 I'm saying that you're sleeping with the girls. 446 00:18:33,513 --> 00:18:35,482 I didn't intend that. 447 00:18:35,515 --> 00:18:37,984 You're saying I'm making this more about myself 448 00:18:38,017 --> 00:18:39,586 than about the girls, 449 00:18:39,619 --> 00:18:43,190 that maybe I see them as me when I was younger 450 00:18:43,223 --> 00:18:46,125 and I'm trying to fix my mistakes? 451 00:18:46,159 --> 00:18:48,928 But they're not me, so I have to accept 452 00:18:48,961 --> 00:18:52,365 that I can only save the ones who want to be saved. 453 00:18:52,399 --> 00:18:55,468 Well, it wouldn't have meant as much if I'd just told you. 454 00:18:55,502 --> 00:18:57,170 You had to find it. 455 00:18:58,371 --> 00:19:01,341 Wow, I helped Darlene earlier, now I've straightened you out. 456 00:19:01,374 --> 00:19:03,443 I'm on fire! 457 00:19:03,476 --> 00:19:05,945 I smell smoke. Am I on fire?! 458 00:19:05,978 --> 00:19:07,714 No. 459 00:19:07,747 --> 00:19:10,016 I-It's coming from the backyard. 460 00:19:10,049 --> 00:19:11,384 [ Door opens ] 461 00:19:14,754 --> 00:19:16,456 What the hell? 462 00:19:16,489 --> 00:19:19,859 Some guy low-balled Dad on the furniture and he snapped. 463 00:19:19,892 --> 00:19:21,894 Please tell me you took the guy's wallet and rings 464 00:19:21,928 --> 00:19:24,197 before you threw him in there? 465 00:19:24,231 --> 00:19:27,700 This isn't a funeral pyre. It's a celebration. 466 00:19:27,734 --> 00:19:30,303 Alright. Then we'll talk about the guy's life 467 00:19:30,337 --> 00:19:33,406 and why he was wonderful. 468 00:19:33,440 --> 00:19:36,142 I didn't kill anybody. 469 00:19:36,175 --> 00:19:37,644 Yet. 470 00:19:37,677 --> 00:19:40,813 This is a lot more than just a bedroom set. 471 00:19:40,847 --> 00:19:43,816 When I first married your mom, 472 00:19:43,850 --> 00:19:46,219 her family said I wouldn't amount to anything. 473 00:19:46,253 --> 00:19:48,154 We did say that. 474 00:19:48,187 --> 00:19:49,489 Yeah, you did. 475 00:19:49,522 --> 00:19:52,492 In a lot of ways, I thought they might be right. 476 00:19:52,525 --> 00:19:54,427 I had to prove to myself that they weren't, 477 00:19:54,461 --> 00:19:56,729 so when your mom wanted this set, 478 00:19:56,763 --> 00:19:58,731 I worked my ass off to get it for her -- 479 00:19:58,765 --> 00:20:00,600 two jobs and a year of layaway. 480 00:20:00,633 --> 00:20:02,569 And when I finally brought it home, 481 00:20:02,602 --> 00:20:05,204 that's when I realized I could step up 482 00:20:05,238 --> 00:20:08,575 and do the things I needed to do to be a husband and a father. 483 00:20:08,608 --> 00:20:10,510 I get it. 484 00:20:10,543 --> 00:20:11,744 As a husband and a father, 485 00:20:11,778 --> 00:20:16,283 sometimes I feel the need to burn some things, too. 486 00:20:18,150 --> 00:20:19,619 I get it, too. 487 00:20:19,652 --> 00:20:23,055 Yeah, not in the spine-chilling way that D.J. just described, 488 00:20:23,089 --> 00:20:25,558 but that, you know, sometimes, 489 00:20:25,592 --> 00:20:28,261 you gotta honor a memory like that with a ceremony. 490 00:20:28,295 --> 00:20:30,597 I always thought the Vikings did it best. 491 00:20:30,630 --> 00:20:33,933 Set it on fire, send it to the heavens. [ Smooches ] 492 00:20:35,802 --> 00:20:39,071 And if it goes the other way, Mom gets her bedroom set back. 493 00:20:39,105 --> 00:20:41,841 Oh, I like that thought. 494 00:20:42,842 --> 00:20:45,978 There's something about standing around a fire with your family 495 00:20:46,012 --> 00:20:47,547 at Christmastime. 496 00:20:47,580 --> 00:20:49,616 It is kind of magical. 497 00:20:49,649 --> 00:20:51,651 I always thought it'd be the house on fire 498 00:20:51,684 --> 00:20:54,921 because of the wiring, but this is nice. 499 00:20:59,258 --> 00:21:01,628 Hey, do you still have that bedroom set I saw earlier? 500 00:21:01,661 --> 00:21:03,463 I'll give you two grand for it right now. 501 00:21:03,496 --> 00:21:06,966 The items are no longer available. 502 00:21:06,999 --> 00:21:08,435 That's too bad. 503 00:21:08,468 --> 00:21:10,303 They don't make vintage stuff like that anymore. 504 00:21:10,337 --> 00:21:13,806 Oh, man. I wish you'd been here an hour ago. 505 00:21:13,840 --> 00:21:16,343 You don't, by any chance, need a mattress, do you? 506 00:21:16,376 --> 00:21:17,477 I do. 507 00:21:17,510 --> 00:21:21,147 [ Laughs ] I got one I can let you have for $500. 508 00:21:21,180 --> 00:21:23,182 And I guarantee, it's totally vintage. 509 00:21:24,283 --> 00:21:26,453 Come on. I just need a ride down to the vet clinic.