1 00:00:03,771 --> 00:00:06,407 Yeah! [ Cheering ] 2 00:00:06,440 --> 00:00:08,142 Hey, there you are! 3 00:00:08,176 --> 00:00:11,011 Wanted you to be here for the inaugural run 4 00:00:11,045 --> 00:00:12,880 of the Stew-Chew train. 5 00:00:14,215 --> 00:00:16,150 You know, if I was still a partner, 6 00:00:16,184 --> 00:00:17,985 I would say this is totally stupid, 7 00:00:18,018 --> 00:00:19,987 but as a part-time employee, 8 00:00:20,020 --> 00:00:22,423 I'll still say it's stupid, but you won't have to listen. 9 00:00:22,456 --> 00:00:24,225 You don't get it. 10 00:00:24,258 --> 00:00:25,559 There's a lot of bars 11 00:00:25,593 --> 00:00:27,395 where people can watch the Bears play. 12 00:00:27,428 --> 00:00:31,199 We have got to have a gimmick to stand out, 13 00:00:31,232 --> 00:00:34,735 and everybody loves those sushi conveyor-belt places. 14 00:00:34,768 --> 00:00:36,937 You mean the places where you sit and watch the sushi 15 00:00:36,970 --> 00:00:39,440 go round and round until it becomes poisonous? 16 00:00:39,473 --> 00:00:40,574 Ugh! 17 00:00:40,608 --> 00:00:42,410 Okay, everybody! Get out your phones. 18 00:00:42,443 --> 00:00:44,912 You're about to witness stew history! 19 00:00:44,945 --> 00:00:46,180 [ Train whistle blows ] 20 00:00:46,214 --> 00:00:49,117 [ Laughing hysterically ] 21 00:00:51,385 --> 00:00:52,486 [ Gasps ] 22 00:00:55,256 --> 00:00:56,790 Hey, is my order ready yet? 23 00:00:56,824 --> 00:00:58,359 And if it is, could you please hand it to me, 24 00:00:58,392 --> 00:01:00,894 as opposed to shooting it at me with a train? 25 00:01:00,928 --> 00:01:03,464 Oh, looks to me like 26 00:01:03,497 --> 00:01:05,133 that little engineer's been drinking. 27 00:01:05,999 --> 00:01:07,401 And at that size, it only takes them 28 00:01:07,435 --> 00:01:09,737 a thimble of alcohol to impair their judgment. 29 00:01:11,172 --> 00:01:13,607 What are you doing here? Are you following me? 30 00:01:13,641 --> 00:01:15,209 No, I'm just getting lunch. 31 00:01:15,243 --> 00:01:17,111 But I know you're moving into Aldo's soon, 32 00:01:17,145 --> 00:01:19,280 and I would like to spend some time together. 33 00:01:19,313 --> 00:01:20,748 Is it okay if I sit with you? 34 00:01:20,781 --> 00:01:22,983 I guess I'm the bad guy if I say no. 35 00:01:23,016 --> 00:01:24,518 Let's find out. No. 36 00:01:25,619 --> 00:01:27,988 Come on. I'm gonna miss you. 37 00:01:28,021 --> 00:01:31,159 And I swear, I am done trying to control your life. 38 00:01:31,192 --> 00:01:33,227 Except for this one, last thing. 39 00:01:33,261 --> 00:01:34,628 You forgot your birth control pills 40 00:01:34,662 --> 00:01:35,929 at the house this morning. 41 00:01:35,963 --> 00:01:37,665 Okay, so that's why you're here. 42 00:01:37,698 --> 00:01:39,633 Why are you going through my stuff? 43 00:01:39,667 --> 00:01:41,335 I was looking to see if you had any weed, 44 00:01:41,369 --> 00:01:43,804 which I also found, and that's really why I'm here. 45 00:01:43,837 --> 00:01:45,739 I'm starving. 46 00:01:45,773 --> 00:01:47,641 Okay, I didn't forget them. 47 00:01:47,675 --> 00:01:50,144 I'm just taking a break because they make me moody. 48 00:01:50,178 --> 00:01:51,812 Have you been taking them since you were 10? 49 00:01:51,845 --> 00:01:54,047 'Cause I'm pretty sure that's a pre-existing condition. 50 00:01:55,216 --> 00:01:58,018 Anyway, I really hope you and Aldo aren't having sex. 51 00:01:58,051 --> 00:02:01,021 Oh, we're having sex -- tons of it. 52 00:02:01,054 --> 00:02:03,824 -Yeah! -Whoo! 53 00:02:03,857 --> 00:02:06,126 That was a really unfortunate coincidence. 54 00:02:06,727 --> 00:02:08,462 Have you ever noticed that every time 55 00:02:08,496 --> 00:02:10,097 someone tries to push me in one direction, 56 00:02:10,130 --> 00:02:11,299 I go the other way? 57 00:02:11,332 --> 00:02:12,866 Well, watch this. 58 00:02:12,900 --> 00:02:14,034 I'm done taking these pills. 59 00:02:14,067 --> 00:02:15,269 Have fun worrying. 60 00:02:15,303 --> 00:02:20,441 ** 61 00:02:20,474 --> 00:02:27,481 ** 62 00:02:28,249 --> 00:02:35,256 ** 63 00:02:36,089 --> 00:02:43,096 ** 64 00:02:43,997 --> 00:02:51,004 ** 65 00:02:54,375 --> 00:02:57,411 Hey, Louise, I just got a tweet that your band's going on tour. 66 00:02:57,445 --> 00:02:59,547 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. 67 00:02:59,580 --> 00:03:02,015 We're gonna do a few weeks in Memphis and Nashville. 68 00:03:02,049 --> 00:03:05,018 I love those cities, and I didn't want to miss it. 69 00:03:05,052 --> 00:03:07,154 Even though it's gonna be hard 70 00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:09,757 being away from my new hubby for so long. 71 00:03:09,790 --> 00:03:12,926 -Oh. -Oh, isn't that romantic? 72 00:03:12,960 --> 00:03:15,563 Baby, you're the greatest. 73 00:03:15,596 --> 00:03:18,532 I wouldn't want to be away from me for that long, either. 74 00:03:18,566 --> 00:03:20,368 You know, and since I'm gonna be moving in here, 75 00:03:20,401 --> 00:03:24,071 I thought I would rent out my condo before I go. 76 00:03:24,104 --> 00:03:26,340 I mean, what's the point in having it sit there empty 77 00:03:26,374 --> 00:03:28,376 when I can bring in some extra cash? 78 00:03:28,409 --> 00:03:30,944 I love you! 79 00:03:30,978 --> 00:03:34,282 And I love you even more when you come with extra cash. 80 00:03:34,315 --> 00:03:37,017 -Ooh, so beautiful. -Ooh, cash. 81 00:03:37,050 --> 00:03:39,920 So greedy. 82 00:03:39,953 --> 00:03:42,390 So, then, it's okay if I bring my furniture here? 83 00:03:42,423 --> 00:03:45,058 I don't want a bunch of strangers messing it up. 84 00:03:45,092 --> 00:03:47,194 You're afraid of renters wrecking your stuff, 85 00:03:47,227 --> 00:03:49,196 so you're bringing it to the hillbilly frat house? 86 00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:51,932 Hey, we know how to take care of valuable things. 87 00:03:51,965 --> 00:03:53,066 Are they valuable? 88 00:03:53,100 --> 00:03:54,234 [ Chuckles ] 89 00:03:54,268 --> 00:03:55,769 I thought I raised you better than that. 90 00:03:55,803 --> 00:03:59,139 Now she'll never believe her things were stolen. 91 00:04:03,110 --> 00:04:05,145 Can I help you? Uh, yeah. 92 00:04:05,178 --> 00:04:06,780 Is, uh, River around? 93 00:04:06,814 --> 00:04:08,482 I want to talk to him about a book he gave me. 94 00:04:08,516 --> 00:04:10,484 River's on a silent retreat. 95 00:04:10,518 --> 00:04:11,652 Oh. I'm Nick. 96 00:04:11,685 --> 00:04:13,787 I'm the real brains behind the operation. 97 00:04:13,821 --> 00:04:15,055 I restock the books. 98 00:04:15,088 --> 00:04:16,056 I light the incense every morning. 99 00:04:16,089 --> 00:04:18,158 It is natural to be intimidated, but don't be. 100 00:04:18,191 --> 00:04:20,561 [ Laughs ] Okay, I'll try. 101 00:04:20,594 --> 00:04:22,463 I'm Darlene. Hi. 102 00:04:22,496 --> 00:04:26,066 River was kinda helping me with some problems. 103 00:04:26,099 --> 00:04:28,068 Hmm. Have you read the "Dao De Jing"? 104 00:04:28,101 --> 00:04:29,169 Oh, sure. 105 00:04:29,202 --> 00:04:30,738 Yeah, there's a lot of practical advice in there, 106 00:04:30,771 --> 00:04:31,739 and then there's some stuff 107 00:04:31,772 --> 00:04:33,841 that's just ephemeral and esoteric. 108 00:04:33,874 --> 00:04:36,009 Okay, so, it's not just me. 109 00:04:36,043 --> 00:04:38,078 I'm looking for a better way to live my life, 110 00:04:38,111 --> 00:04:40,348 but good God, throw in a picture once in a while. 111 00:04:40,381 --> 00:04:42,316 [ Laughs ] I know. 112 00:04:42,350 --> 00:04:44,618 Sometimes, Eastern wisdom can be up its own butt a little. 113 00:04:44,652 --> 00:04:47,154 It wouldn't hurt to lighten it up, right? Yeah, yeah. 114 00:04:47,187 --> 00:04:50,123 There's a reason Confucius made all those jokes, right? 115 00:04:50,157 --> 00:04:51,291 Confucius did not make jokes. 116 00:04:51,325 --> 00:04:53,026 Th-That was just white people 117 00:04:53,060 --> 00:04:54,762 making fun of Eastern religion. 118 00:04:54,795 --> 00:04:56,964 Huh. White people making fun of something 119 00:04:56,997 --> 00:04:57,965 they don't understand. 120 00:04:57,998 --> 00:04:59,299 Didn't see that one coming. 121 00:04:59,333 --> 00:05:01,134 [ Chuckles ] 122 00:05:01,168 --> 00:05:03,136 I'm just -- I'm just having a really hard time 123 00:05:03,170 --> 00:05:05,138 with the whole Dao "not-doing" thing. 124 00:05:05,172 --> 00:05:07,140 Hmm. Mind if I sit? 125 00:05:07,174 --> 00:05:09,109 I'm not paying your salary. Go ahead. 126 00:05:09,142 --> 00:05:11,044 S-So, I know I'm not River, 127 00:05:11,078 --> 00:05:13,113 but I think maybe I can help. 128 00:05:13,146 --> 00:05:14,715 Um... 129 00:05:14,748 --> 00:05:17,551 I know how hard the not-doing thing is. 130 00:05:17,585 --> 00:05:20,320 When I was a stockbroker, I was a doer, too. 131 00:05:20,354 --> 00:05:22,055 I was doing coke. I was doing speed. 132 00:05:22,089 --> 00:05:24,358 I was doing online poker with my clients' money. 133 00:05:24,392 --> 00:05:27,194 Wow, you win the "doer" contest. 134 00:05:27,227 --> 00:05:28,896 [ Laughs ] 135 00:05:28,929 --> 00:05:30,964 And you were able to actually quit all that 136 00:05:30,998 --> 00:05:33,367 by just embracing Eastern philosophy? 137 00:05:33,401 --> 00:05:34,502 Not exactly. 138 00:05:34,535 --> 00:05:35,969 I quit doing drugs the second they fired me 139 00:05:36,003 --> 00:05:37,571 for being a drug addict. 140 00:05:37,605 --> 00:05:39,640 And that's what forced me to -- to look for answers, 141 00:05:39,673 --> 00:05:41,642 and I found them here -- which was a blessing, 142 00:05:41,675 --> 00:05:44,011 'cause I really like my life now. 143 00:05:44,044 --> 00:05:47,080 I'd like to like my life. 144 00:05:47,114 --> 00:05:49,717 So, is there anything else in this place 145 00:05:49,750 --> 00:05:51,184 that I should be studying? 146 00:05:51,218 --> 00:05:55,022 I guess the best one for me was the teachings of Buddha. 147 00:05:55,055 --> 00:05:57,725 It led me to a greater sense of acceptance. 148 00:05:57,758 --> 00:06:00,193 Okay, yeah, yeah. I'm not a big acceptor. 149 00:06:00,227 --> 00:06:03,030 More of an "exert my will until everybody resents me" 150 00:06:03,063 --> 00:06:04,231 kind of girl. 151 00:06:04,264 --> 00:06:05,433 That's my weakness. 152 00:06:05,466 --> 00:06:07,000 I love a woman who can make me resent her. 153 00:06:07,034 --> 00:06:08,101 [ Chuckles ] 154 00:06:08,135 --> 00:06:09,537 Here you are. 155 00:06:09,570 --> 00:06:11,104 One matcha latte with oat milk. Oh. 156 00:06:11,138 --> 00:06:13,373 Ah, thank you. Hey, I didn't know you were working today. 157 00:06:13,407 --> 00:06:15,108 I missed you. Hi. 158 00:06:15,142 --> 00:06:17,077 Oh, man. I don't get hugs at work. 159 00:06:17,110 --> 00:06:19,513 Just pat-downs when they think we're stealing office supplies. 160 00:06:19,547 --> 00:06:22,182 I don't even need the envelopes. It's just like a game to me now. 161 00:06:22,215 --> 00:06:25,085 [ Laughs ] Darlene, this is my daughter, Brook. 162 00:06:25,118 --> 00:06:27,120 It's a pleasure to meet you. 163 00:06:27,154 --> 00:06:28,456 Dad, I'm sorry to interrupt, 164 00:06:28,489 --> 00:06:30,090 but I need to talk to you about something. 165 00:06:30,123 --> 00:06:32,192 Oh. Oh, if you want, I can step away for a second. 166 00:06:32,225 --> 00:06:34,595 Oh, no, it's not a big deal. 167 00:06:34,628 --> 00:06:37,030 I'm going camping tomorrow with my friends. Uh-huh. 168 00:06:37,064 --> 00:06:39,933 Do you think it's a bad idea to try mushrooms? 169 00:06:39,967 --> 00:06:42,402 [ Laughs ] I'm sorry. 170 00:06:43,671 --> 00:06:45,739 I'm sorry to pry. I got to hear this. 171 00:06:45,773 --> 00:06:47,741 What does Buddha say about your teenage daughter 172 00:06:47,775 --> 00:06:49,209 tripping balls with her friends? 173 00:06:49,242 --> 00:06:50,944 [ Chuckles ] Well, Buddha says 174 00:06:50,978 --> 00:06:53,280 regardless of what a parent wants, 175 00:06:53,313 --> 00:06:55,415 a child will be true to their nature. 176 00:06:55,449 --> 00:06:56,984 What's your gut telling you? 177 00:06:57,017 --> 00:06:58,952 Well, I'm curious. 178 00:06:58,986 --> 00:07:01,388 Mm-hmm. But I also don't want to get sick 179 00:07:01,421 --> 00:07:03,123 or have an experience I'd regret. 180 00:07:03,156 --> 00:07:05,826 I'm just -- I'm not sure it's worth it. 181 00:07:05,859 --> 00:07:07,561 You're a smart person. 182 00:07:07,595 --> 00:07:10,598 If I were you, I'd listen to you. 183 00:07:12,199 --> 00:07:13,166 I'm gonna hold off. 184 00:07:13,200 --> 00:07:16,169 I just wanted to bounce it off of you. 185 00:07:16,203 --> 00:07:17,304 Thanks, dude. 186 00:07:20,173 --> 00:07:21,675 I would like to go back in time 187 00:07:21,709 --> 00:07:23,811 and have you raise my kids. [ Laughs ] 188 00:07:23,844 --> 00:07:25,345 Listen, Brook and I have our moments, 189 00:07:25,378 --> 00:07:28,148 but we keep it real 'cause we respect each other. 190 00:07:28,181 --> 00:07:30,150 That sounds like my relationship with my daughter, 191 00:07:30,183 --> 00:07:33,086 except without the respect or anything I just saw here. 192 00:07:33,120 --> 00:07:34,522 [ Chuckles ] 193 00:07:34,555 --> 00:07:36,857 Can Buddha teach me how to do that? 194 00:07:36,890 --> 00:07:39,426 Possibly, but you'd have to invite him over to dinner 195 00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:41,328 to watch the dynamic between you and your daughter. 196 00:07:41,361 --> 00:07:43,631 Oh, he's dead. But I can make it. 197 00:07:43,664 --> 00:07:46,199 Okay, that's a little thirsty... [ Laughs ] 198 00:07:46,233 --> 00:07:47,935 ...but you're cute, 199 00:07:47,968 --> 00:07:49,970 and, uh, you're not making me read anything, 200 00:07:50,003 --> 00:07:52,105 so dinner tonight? 201 00:07:52,139 --> 00:07:53,373 I'm there. 202 00:07:54,474 --> 00:07:55,643 Oh. 203 00:07:55,676 --> 00:07:58,145 Once my dad finds out what kind of place you work, 204 00:07:58,178 --> 00:08:00,180 you're gonna hear some Confucius jokes. 205 00:08:00,213 --> 00:08:03,150 But if you act offended, he'll double down. 206 00:08:07,154 --> 00:08:09,489 Uh-oh. Dad's got to the point 207 00:08:09,523 --> 00:08:11,024 where he's gotta label stuff 208 00:08:11,058 --> 00:08:13,126 so he doesn't forget what it is. 209 00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:16,263 "Snotty child who lives under my roof." 210 00:08:18,899 --> 00:08:20,534 I'm doing this because I got a pod 211 00:08:20,568 --> 00:08:22,970 full of Louise's furniture sitting out on the curb. 212 00:08:23,003 --> 00:08:24,738 I gotta make room for it. 213 00:08:24,772 --> 00:08:26,840 Goodwill's coming by tomorrow to pick up anything 214 00:08:26,874 --> 00:08:28,408 with a yellow sticker. 215 00:08:31,545 --> 00:08:33,046 [ Laughs ] 216 00:08:33,080 --> 00:08:35,182 Darlene: Whoa, whoa, whoa. You're not getting rid of that. 217 00:08:35,215 --> 00:08:36,584 I nursed my kids in that chair. 218 00:08:36,617 --> 00:08:38,185 That was the last time they were nice to me. 219 00:08:38,218 --> 00:08:39,987 I'm not giving up that chair. 220 00:08:40,020 --> 00:08:41,188 Okay, I hear you. 221 00:08:42,623 --> 00:08:44,925 Wait a minute. 222 00:08:44,958 --> 00:08:47,160 We've all put our feet on this coffee table, 223 00:08:47,194 --> 00:08:49,730 and nobody feels guilty because it's a piece of crap. 224 00:08:49,763 --> 00:08:52,432 I'm not gonna be able to do that on Louise's coffee table. 225 00:08:52,465 --> 00:08:54,835 And then you know what's gonna come next? 226 00:08:54,868 --> 00:08:57,270 Coasters. That's right -- coasters. 227 00:08:58,205 --> 00:09:00,473 All right, fine. 228 00:09:02,142 --> 00:09:04,077 No, not this chair! Ah! 229 00:09:04,111 --> 00:09:05,879 This is my reading chair! 230 00:09:05,913 --> 00:09:08,115 This is where I escape to new worlds. 231 00:09:08,148 --> 00:09:11,685 I'll never forget reading all the Dickens novels 232 00:09:11,719 --> 00:09:14,121 and thinking how lucky all those kids were 233 00:09:14,154 --> 00:09:16,256 and hoping I could have what they have one day. 234 00:09:18,158 --> 00:09:20,594 I say lose the chair. It's gross. 235 00:09:20,628 --> 00:09:23,130 They found hepatitis on a 5,000-year-old mummy. 236 00:09:23,163 --> 00:09:24,497 You know that chair's got stuff. 237 00:09:26,166 --> 00:09:29,036 You kids constantly bitch about how bad your childhoods were, 238 00:09:29,069 --> 00:09:30,704 but you can't bear to part with anything 239 00:09:30,738 --> 00:09:31,972 that reminds you of 'em. 240 00:09:32,005 --> 00:09:33,106 Well, this is our home. 241 00:09:33,140 --> 00:09:34,474 When I came back from Chicago, 242 00:09:34,507 --> 00:09:36,076 it was so comforting to see everything 243 00:09:36,109 --> 00:09:38,111 still the way it was when I was a kid. 244 00:09:38,145 --> 00:09:40,580 And when I came back to live here, I felt the same way. 245 00:09:40,614 --> 00:09:42,650 And when I come back in my 40s, I'm gonna feel the same way. 246 00:09:43,651 --> 00:09:45,653 I always want you guys to be comfortable, 247 00:09:45,686 --> 00:09:49,156 but I want Louise to be happy, too. 248 00:09:50,691 --> 00:09:53,894 Anybody here planning to succeed in the near future 249 00:09:53,927 --> 00:09:54,962 and get a house big enough 250 00:09:54,995 --> 00:09:56,797 to take all this furniture with them? 251 00:09:59,032 --> 00:10:01,101 Anybody here planning to succeed? 252 00:10:03,370 --> 00:10:05,138 Anybody here looking forward 253 00:10:05,172 --> 00:10:06,974 to watching Louise hand me my ass? 254 00:10:10,778 --> 00:10:12,980 So, Nick, I hear you work 255 00:10:13,013 --> 00:10:15,916 at one of those Eastern, new-agey bookstores. 256 00:10:15,949 --> 00:10:19,086 You know what Confucius say? Darlene: Dad, no. 257 00:10:19,119 --> 00:10:20,788 We just talked about this. 258 00:10:20,821 --> 00:10:22,823 You can't do it at the Chinese restaurant. 259 00:10:22,856 --> 00:10:23,857 You can't do it here. 260 00:10:23,891 --> 00:10:25,793 You can't do it anywhere anymore. 261 00:10:25,826 --> 00:10:28,428 I can't keep up! 262 00:10:28,461 --> 00:10:31,198 Just make a list of stuff that used to be funny 263 00:10:31,231 --> 00:10:32,833 but ain't anymore. 264 00:10:32,866 --> 00:10:35,002 I'd like to get a copy of that, too. 265 00:10:35,035 --> 00:10:37,304 Oh, you're here. 266 00:10:37,337 --> 00:10:38,638 Grandpa, you called me and asked me 267 00:10:38,672 --> 00:10:39,973 to come over and have pizza, 268 00:10:40,007 --> 00:10:42,676 but this is obviously a trick to get me to talk to her. 269 00:10:42,710 --> 00:10:45,846 No, it was a trick to get you to come over and talk to me. 270 00:10:45,879 --> 00:10:48,381 Your grandpa misses you. Oh. 271 00:10:48,415 --> 00:10:50,483 And that was a trick to get you to stay here 272 00:10:50,517 --> 00:10:51,885 and talk to your mom. 273 00:10:51,919 --> 00:10:53,353 Fine. I'll eat the pizza, but I'm not interested 274 00:10:53,386 --> 00:10:54,554 in anything she has to say. 275 00:10:54,587 --> 00:10:56,423 It's okay. No one is. 276 00:10:57,725 --> 00:11:01,028 Continuing that narrative of disinterest, this is Nick. 277 00:11:01,061 --> 00:11:03,797 He works at that bookstore I was telling you about. 278 00:11:03,831 --> 00:11:05,999 You must be the kung-fu guy who tried to teach my mom 279 00:11:06,033 --> 00:11:08,068 a sneaky way to ruin my relationship with my boyfriend. 280 00:11:08,101 --> 00:11:09,136 Oh, no, no, no. 281 00:11:09,169 --> 00:11:11,371 That was the owner of the store, River. 282 00:11:11,404 --> 00:11:13,807 What? 283 00:11:13,841 --> 00:11:16,009 The owner of the hippie bookstore is named River? 284 00:11:16,043 --> 00:11:17,244 Oh, come on, Moonbeam. 285 00:11:17,277 --> 00:11:19,279 You've got to let me off the leash for this one. 286 00:11:20,848 --> 00:11:22,082 No. 287 00:11:22,115 --> 00:11:23,250 And it doesn't matter who it was. 288 00:11:23,283 --> 00:11:24,484 I was wrong. 289 00:11:24,517 --> 00:11:26,553 If you mean that, thank you. 290 00:11:26,586 --> 00:11:28,756 But I can't stay long. I have to stop at an ATM. 291 00:11:28,789 --> 00:11:30,924 If you need a little cash, I can help you out. 292 00:11:30,958 --> 00:11:32,259 No, one of Aldo's kids got sick 293 00:11:32,292 --> 00:11:33,660 and he missed a few days of work, 294 00:11:33,693 --> 00:11:35,028 so I'm -- I'm helping him with the rent. 295 00:11:36,363 --> 00:11:37,697 Are you serious? 296 00:11:37,731 --> 00:11:39,066 You're -- You're watching his kids, 297 00:11:39,099 --> 00:11:40,500 and now you're paying his rent? 298 00:11:40,533 --> 00:11:42,535 It's a one-time thing. Don't make a big deal. 299 00:11:42,569 --> 00:11:45,005 Oh, yeah, it's fine, and when you're at the ATM, 300 00:11:45,038 --> 00:11:46,874 be sure to get some extra so you can paint his house 301 00:11:46,907 --> 00:11:49,109 and buy him that hoverboard he's had his eye on. 302 00:11:49,142 --> 00:11:51,111 Why do you always have to be such a bitch? 303 00:11:51,144 --> 00:11:54,181 [ Gasps ] Now it's a Conners dinner. 304 00:11:54,214 --> 00:11:56,083 I was just counting down in my head. 305 00:11:57,317 --> 00:11:58,919 Harris, I have a daughter your age, 306 00:11:58,952 --> 00:12:01,554 and, um, your mom and I have been talking about 307 00:12:01,588 --> 00:12:03,023 how you guys are fighting a lot. 308 00:12:03,056 --> 00:12:05,458 Are you cool if I weigh in? 309 00:12:05,492 --> 00:12:07,627 Wow, somebody actually asking me 310 00:12:07,660 --> 00:12:09,096 if they can butt into my life. 311 00:12:09,129 --> 00:12:10,230 Sure. What the hell. 312 00:12:10,263 --> 00:12:13,733 So, you guys went from, "How's it going?" to war 313 00:12:13,767 --> 00:12:15,068 in a few seconds. 314 00:12:15,102 --> 00:12:17,104 I think I might have an exercise that could help you 315 00:12:17,137 --> 00:12:19,372 get a little give and take in your relationship. 316 00:12:19,406 --> 00:12:20,440 Are you up for that? 317 00:12:21,574 --> 00:12:22,575 Come on. 318 00:12:22,609 --> 00:12:24,077 I mean, what we're doing isn't working. 319 00:12:24,111 --> 00:12:25,946 I'll give it a shot if you will. 320 00:12:25,979 --> 00:12:26,980 Fine. 321 00:12:29,817 --> 00:12:31,418 I hope Darlene knows what she's doing. 322 00:12:31,451 --> 00:12:33,253 Letting a total stranger get involved 323 00:12:33,286 --> 00:12:35,055 could make this fight worse. 324 00:12:35,088 --> 00:12:36,790 Oh, I hope not. 325 00:12:36,824 --> 00:12:39,960 But if it does, I got five bucks on Darlene. 326 00:12:39,993 --> 00:12:42,462 She's way overdue for a manic phase. 327 00:12:42,495 --> 00:12:43,730 I've fought her. 328 00:12:43,763 --> 00:12:45,165 When she's got adrenaline going, 329 00:12:45,198 --> 00:12:48,568 she's all teeth and thumbs to the eyes. 330 00:12:48,601 --> 00:12:51,038 Okay, I want you both to put your hands up. 331 00:12:52,139 --> 00:12:54,407 Now, I want you to put your hands 332 00:12:54,441 --> 00:12:57,077 against each other's hands and push. 333 00:12:57,110 --> 00:13:00,013 This is how your relationship feels right now. 334 00:13:00,047 --> 00:13:02,149 No movement. Nobody giving an inch. 335 00:13:02,182 --> 00:13:03,917 In order for things to change, 336 00:13:03,951 --> 00:13:06,286 you each need to take turns giving a little. 337 00:13:06,319 --> 00:13:08,688 Okay, so, Harris, when your mom pushes you 338 00:13:08,721 --> 00:13:10,991 and says she's worried about Aldo, you give a little. 339 00:13:11,024 --> 00:13:12,993 Darlene, when Harris pushes back 340 00:13:13,026 --> 00:13:15,628 and says you're interfering too much, you give a little. 341 00:13:15,662 --> 00:13:18,798 This is how the relationship stays balanced, okay? 342 00:13:18,832 --> 00:13:20,100 Let's give it a try. 343 00:13:20,133 --> 00:13:22,469 I'm doubling down my bet on the wiry little vegan. 344 00:13:22,502 --> 00:13:24,204 I'll take that action. 345 00:13:24,237 --> 00:13:25,772 Just watch. 346 00:13:25,805 --> 00:13:27,440 Thumbs and teeth. 347 00:13:27,474 --> 00:13:28,708 Harris: You heard him, Mom. 348 00:13:28,741 --> 00:13:30,377 I'm an adult who can date who I want. 349 00:13:30,410 --> 00:13:31,678 Give a little. No. 350 00:13:31,711 --> 00:13:34,681 Aldo is a 38-year-old loser who is using you. 351 00:13:34,714 --> 00:13:35,949 You give first. 352 00:13:35,983 --> 00:13:38,018 Oh, so the woman who picks all the wrong men 353 00:13:38,051 --> 00:13:39,652 wants to tell me how to pick mine? 354 00:13:39,686 --> 00:13:42,022 Okay, still waiting for the give and take. 355 00:13:42,055 --> 00:13:44,824 You know, when you make one smart decision about your life, 356 00:13:44,858 --> 00:13:46,059 you can criticize mine, okay? 357 00:13:46,093 --> 00:13:47,227 [ Exhales sharply ] 358 00:13:47,260 --> 00:13:49,062 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey. 359 00:13:51,064 --> 00:13:52,900 Why the hell would you do that? 360 00:13:52,933 --> 00:13:54,334 Because you think I'm stupid! 361 00:13:54,367 --> 00:13:57,204 You're a sad, pathetic, miserable person 362 00:13:57,237 --> 00:13:59,039 and you can't stand that I'm happy. 363 00:13:59,072 --> 00:14:01,174 You're just teaching me to hate you. 364 00:14:01,208 --> 00:14:02,842 The more time we spend around each other, 365 00:14:02,876 --> 00:14:04,878 the less we feel like mother and daughter. 366 00:14:04,912 --> 00:14:07,047 We're just two women who don't like each other, 367 00:14:07,080 --> 00:14:08,681 so stay away from me. 368 00:14:10,918 --> 00:14:12,185 [ Door slams ] 369 00:14:13,420 --> 00:14:15,588 It usually works way better than that. 370 00:14:19,092 --> 00:14:21,161 Okay, before I show you what I did, 371 00:14:21,194 --> 00:14:22,729 the kids were a little reluctant to part 372 00:14:22,762 --> 00:14:24,097 with some of the furniture, 373 00:14:24,131 --> 00:14:28,335 but I think I blended your stuff with ours pretty good. 374 00:14:28,368 --> 00:14:32,372 Uh, is that my sofa on the porch? 375 00:14:32,405 --> 00:14:34,574 Good eye. Good eye. 376 00:14:34,607 --> 00:14:37,077 I Scotchgarded it so we could have outdoor living 377 00:14:37,110 --> 00:14:38,912 in the two months in Chicago 378 00:14:38,946 --> 00:14:40,480 where the weather won't kill you. 379 00:14:42,815 --> 00:14:44,851 See? 380 00:14:44,884 --> 00:14:46,553 I moved a lot of your stuff in here. 381 00:14:46,586 --> 00:14:49,122 Uh, hey! There's your lamp! 382 00:14:49,156 --> 00:14:52,059 And there's your throw pillows. 383 00:14:52,993 --> 00:14:56,964 Uh, m-my refrigerator's in front of the closet. 384 00:14:56,997 --> 00:14:58,365 Well, don't get used to that. 385 00:14:58,398 --> 00:15:01,534 That's only temporary until I can figure out a way 386 00:15:01,568 --> 00:15:03,470 to get it upstairs into the hallway. 387 00:15:03,503 --> 00:15:05,572 Be stupid to have two down here. 388 00:15:07,074 --> 00:15:11,078 Uh, where's my microwave and my coffeemaker? 389 00:15:11,111 --> 00:15:13,213 Did you get rid of any of your things? 390 00:15:13,246 --> 00:15:14,647 You weren't here. 391 00:15:14,681 --> 00:15:17,150 Would have been easier to get rid of the kids. 392 00:15:17,184 --> 00:15:19,552 [ Sighs ] Look, I tell you what. 393 00:15:19,586 --> 00:15:22,789 The living room and the kitchen have a long family history 394 00:15:22,822 --> 00:15:25,158 of dysfunction and petty infighting 395 00:15:25,192 --> 00:15:27,995 and I want to respect that, so... 396 00:15:28,028 --> 00:15:30,063 I'll put my stuff in storage 397 00:15:30,097 --> 00:15:33,066 and then you can keep those rooms exactly as they are. 398 00:15:33,100 --> 00:15:35,135 You're a saint. 399 00:15:35,168 --> 00:15:36,236 Now give me the "but." 400 00:15:36,269 --> 00:15:40,773 But I want the bedroom to be ours. 401 00:15:40,807 --> 00:15:42,175 And not my bedroom set. 402 00:15:42,209 --> 00:15:45,412 I want a whole new one so we have a fresh start. 403 00:15:45,445 --> 00:15:48,581 It's the beginning of our long history together. 404 00:15:48,615 --> 00:15:50,984 [ Smooches ] Done. 405 00:15:51,018 --> 00:15:52,352 Okay, and here's a tip. 406 00:15:52,385 --> 00:15:54,921 When you go furniture shopping, 407 00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:58,925 pick out exactly what you like and then ask the salesman, 408 00:15:58,958 --> 00:16:01,494 "What is the complete opposite of this?" 409 00:16:01,528 --> 00:16:03,163 Then buy that. 410 00:16:03,196 --> 00:16:05,332 Hurtful but fair. 411 00:16:09,302 --> 00:16:10,337 Hey. 412 00:16:10,370 --> 00:16:11,971 Hey, babe. What are you doing here? 413 00:16:12,005 --> 00:16:13,873 I thought you were at your mom's tonight. 414 00:16:13,906 --> 00:16:15,808 Ugh, I got into a huge fight with her, 415 00:16:15,842 --> 00:16:18,045 and I really don't want to be there. 416 00:16:18,078 --> 00:16:19,612 I know we planned on me moving in next month, 417 00:16:19,646 --> 00:16:21,348 but can I just move in now? 418 00:16:21,381 --> 00:16:24,217 I'd love that, but something came up. 419 00:16:25,152 --> 00:16:28,288 I met with the boys' school shrink today. 420 00:16:28,321 --> 00:16:30,023 Since you started spending the night here, 421 00:16:30,057 --> 00:16:33,126 there's been a little increase in the number of incidents at school. 422 00:16:33,160 --> 00:16:35,662 W-What kind of incidents? 423 00:16:35,695 --> 00:16:38,298 It's kind of an umbrella term for fires, 424 00:16:38,331 --> 00:16:41,068 attacks on teachers, and throwing a turd in the pool. 425 00:16:42,735 --> 00:16:44,504 I know I may have done that in the past, 426 00:16:44,537 --> 00:16:47,074 but I-I did not teach them how. 427 00:16:47,107 --> 00:16:48,007 I-I know. 428 00:16:48,041 --> 00:16:50,077 It's just, she's saying they're acting out 429 00:16:50,110 --> 00:16:52,812 because they don't want anybody to replace their mom. 430 00:16:52,845 --> 00:16:55,082 You sleeping here sends the message, 431 00:16:55,115 --> 00:16:58,185 "We won't get our mom back while you're still alive." 432 00:16:58,218 --> 00:17:00,087 Holy crap. They want to kill me? 433 00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:02,755 No. No, of course not. 434 00:17:02,789 --> 00:17:03,856 So what are you saying? 435 00:17:03,890 --> 00:17:05,825 That I can't move in here at all? 436 00:17:05,858 --> 00:17:08,928 I-I'm hoping it'll just be a few months, babe. 437 00:17:08,961 --> 00:17:11,598 Till the kids see you're not a threat. 438 00:17:11,631 --> 00:17:13,566 Or whenever I can tweak their meds enough 439 00:17:13,600 --> 00:17:15,935 to get that look out of their eyes. 440 00:17:15,968 --> 00:17:17,737 This really sucks. 441 00:17:17,770 --> 00:17:20,039 Now my mom has me right where she wants me. 442 00:17:20,073 --> 00:17:21,374 I'm gonna have to hide in my room 443 00:17:21,408 --> 00:17:23,110 to avoid listening to her crap. 444 00:17:23,143 --> 00:17:25,578 Just give her all good vibes. 445 00:17:25,612 --> 00:17:27,013 And if it gets too bad, 446 00:17:27,046 --> 00:17:29,849 just find a friend to crash with. 447 00:17:29,882 --> 00:17:32,752 But no strapping dudes with long, blond hair, okay? 448 00:17:35,988 --> 00:17:37,424 [ Sighs ] 449 00:17:37,457 --> 00:17:39,025 Hey, Moms. 450 00:17:39,058 --> 00:17:40,427 Sorry for blowing up last night. 451 00:17:40,460 --> 00:17:41,794 All good vibes. I'm going to my room. 452 00:17:41,828 --> 00:17:43,263 Uh, hold up. 453 00:17:43,296 --> 00:17:44,531 We need to talk. 454 00:17:44,564 --> 00:17:46,065 No, we don't. We're all good. 455 00:17:46,099 --> 00:17:48,301 Love you like a mother. Stop. 456 00:17:48,335 --> 00:17:50,137 We're not all good. 457 00:17:50,170 --> 00:17:52,939 I thought about what you said last night 458 00:17:52,972 --> 00:17:55,608 and it scared me to death. 459 00:17:56,676 --> 00:17:58,077 You're right. 460 00:17:58,111 --> 00:18:00,079 We're not gonna be mother and daughter anymore 461 00:18:00,113 --> 00:18:02,582 if we keep ripping each others' hearts out. 462 00:18:05,118 --> 00:18:07,720 I packed your suitcases. 463 00:18:07,754 --> 00:18:09,722 [ Voice breaking ] I think you need to leave now. 464 00:18:09,756 --> 00:18:11,758 You're throwing me out? 465 00:18:11,791 --> 00:18:13,560 If you don't go, 466 00:18:13,593 --> 00:18:16,829 then I'm gonna destroy our relationship. 467 00:18:16,863 --> 00:18:21,168 I am trying so hard to learn how to be different, 468 00:18:21,201 --> 00:18:22,569 but I'm afraid if you stay here 469 00:18:22,602 --> 00:18:24,937 that by the time I do, it'll be too late 470 00:18:24,971 --> 00:18:26,973 and we're gonna hate each other. 471 00:18:27,006 --> 00:18:29,108 [ Scoffs ] 472 00:18:29,142 --> 00:18:31,178 Well, thanks for asking me how I feel. 473 00:18:31,211 --> 00:18:33,146 No, I do know how you feel. 474 00:18:33,180 --> 00:18:36,349 You want to be with Aldo. Aldo wants you there. 475 00:18:36,383 --> 00:18:38,151 I think it's a huge mistake, 476 00:18:38,185 --> 00:18:40,820 but if you're not here, then we can't fight about it. 477 00:18:42,121 --> 00:18:44,157 Yeah. You're right. 478 00:18:44,191 --> 00:18:46,159 He wants me there, and you want me gone, 479 00:18:46,193 --> 00:18:47,694 so I'm going. 480 00:18:47,727 --> 00:18:49,028 Hey. 481 00:18:51,063 --> 00:18:52,031 I love you. 482 00:18:53,833 --> 00:18:55,535 Now, don't be mad at me. 483 00:18:55,568 --> 00:18:57,804 I packed your birth control in your suitcase, 484 00:18:57,837 --> 00:18:59,339 and I turned on the alarm on your phone 485 00:18:59,372 --> 00:19:00,607 so you remember to take them. 486 00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:02,575 I'm sick. I know. That's why you got to go. 487 00:19:09,716 --> 00:19:11,083 [ Door opens ] 488 00:19:29,202 --> 00:19:34,407 ** 489 00:19:34,441 --> 00:19:35,842 Maybe this will help. 490 00:19:35,875 --> 00:19:37,544 It's on me. 491 00:19:37,577 --> 00:19:38,711 Oh, you don't have to. 492 00:19:38,745 --> 00:19:40,313 No, no. It's store policy. 493 00:19:40,347 --> 00:19:41,648 All relationships we blow up 494 00:19:41,681 --> 00:19:44,116 get kelp noodles with hemp seed pesto on the house. 495 00:19:45,218 --> 00:19:47,520 It's okay. You were just trying to pull up a plane 496 00:19:47,554 --> 00:19:50,156 that's been careening towards a mountain for 19 years. 497 00:19:50,189 --> 00:19:51,524 You know, you can tuck your head 498 00:19:51,558 --> 00:19:53,059 between your legs before a crash, 499 00:19:53,092 --> 00:19:54,961 but you're still gonna end up stuff on a rock. 500 00:19:56,195 --> 00:19:59,031 So, do you think I did the right thing? 501 00:19:59,065 --> 00:20:00,166 Yeah, yeah. 502 00:20:00,199 --> 00:20:02,869 I mean, I-I-I think it's great you were self-aware enough 503 00:20:02,902 --> 00:20:04,937 to take yourself out of the equation. 504 00:20:04,971 --> 00:20:07,173 This is so damn hard. 505 00:20:07,206 --> 00:20:09,542 Look, we all struggle. 506 00:20:09,576 --> 00:20:11,911 I mean, I told you about the tough times I had, right? 507 00:20:11,944 --> 00:20:13,713 Yeah, the drugs? Yeah. Oh, good. 508 00:20:13,746 --> 00:20:15,248 Then I did tell you about the drugs. 509 00:20:15,282 --> 00:20:16,383 It comes and goes. 510 00:20:16,416 --> 00:20:18,117 I'm Nick, by the way. [ Chuckles ] 511 00:20:19,619 --> 00:20:21,688 Okay. 512 00:20:21,721 --> 00:20:22,955 Yes. 513 00:20:22,989 --> 00:20:24,424 Yes, what? 514 00:20:24,457 --> 00:20:27,126 Yes, we can date. 515 00:20:27,159 --> 00:20:28,995 That's a little thirsty, but you're cute. 516 00:20:29,962 --> 00:20:31,631 And you have such an endearing way 517 00:20:31,664 --> 00:20:34,133 of processing your grief about your daughter. 518 00:20:34,166 --> 00:20:35,968 And I would be crazy not to go out with somebody 519 00:20:36,002 --> 00:20:39,138 who left Wall Street to keep the cucumber water jug full. 520 00:20:39,171 --> 00:20:42,609 Oh, so this relationship's gonna be based on honesty, huh? 521 00:20:42,642 --> 00:20:46,112 I haven't tried it yet, but I've heard good things. 522 00:20:46,145 --> 00:20:47,947 I'm glad you feel that way. 523 00:20:47,980 --> 00:20:49,982 And what's the worst that could happen? 524 00:20:50,016 --> 00:20:52,785 I mean, from what I've seen of your life, I can't really ruin it. 525 00:20:52,819 --> 00:20:54,754 Uh, you won't know until you try. 526 00:20:54,787 --> 00:20:55,955 [ Chuckles ] 527 00:20:58,958 --> 00:21:02,161 Well, I see you came to your senses 528 00:21:02,194 --> 00:21:04,297 and got rid of that ridiculous stew train. 529 00:21:04,331 --> 00:21:06,399 The future... 530 00:21:06,433 --> 00:21:08,435 is drones. 531 00:21:10,370 --> 00:21:12,905 One bowl of stew, coming up. 532 00:21:12,939 --> 00:21:14,807 Oh, no. Give me a countdown. 533 00:21:14,841 --> 00:21:19,579 Burn victims and lawsuits in 3, 2, 1... 534 00:21:19,612 --> 00:21:21,013 [ Drone whirring ] 535 00:21:22,615 --> 00:21:24,484 [ Laughing maniacally ] 536 00:21:25,785 --> 00:21:27,620 [ Bowl shatters ] 537 00:21:30,122 --> 00:21:31,524 -- Captions by VITAC --