1
00:00:01,710 --> 00:00:03,545
♪♪
2
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Thanks for
letting Bev play, guys.
3
00:00:06,131 --> 00:00:07,883
I'm not sure
who you're talking to.
4
00:00:07,883 --> 00:00:10,093
We didn't want her.
5
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I would have been fine
at home,
6
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but Jackie doesn't
trust me there.
7
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Mom!
8
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I went to check the mail,
9
00:00:16,642 --> 00:00:20,312
and you pulled up half
the carpeting in my bedroom!
10
00:00:20,312 --> 00:00:24,983
Some of these older apartments
have beautiful hardwood floors.
11
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Don't blame me
because yours didn't.
12
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Check.
13
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Y'know, you can
roll up a body in a carpet.
14
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Just something to put
in your pocket for later.
15
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You hit bad traffic
again?
16
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Getting home later and later
every night.
17
00:00:40,290 --> 00:00:42,960
Yeah. I was stuck
on the Dan Ryan forever.
18
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I know we built that expressway
to honor him,
19
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but all
anybody ever says is,
20
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"I was stuck
on the stupid‐ass Dan Ryan."
21
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Did the kids get dinner?
22
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For themselves.
23
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They didn't make me anything.
24
00:00:55,222 --> 00:00:57,557
Hey, Jackie,
I think Harris lost
25
00:00:57,557 --> 00:00:59,309
one of her good earrings
in the couch.
26
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Can you give me a hand
looking for it?
27
00:01:00,769 --> 00:01:03,105
I didn't even know
Harris had any good earrings.
28
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She doesn't. Her ears
are constantly infected.
29
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I‐I just ‐‐
I had to talk to somebody.
30
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I'm going crazy.
31
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Oh. Pretend we're looking
through the couch.
32
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What's wrong?
33
00:01:15,951 --> 00:01:17,703
[ Whispering ]
I wasn't on the expressway.
34
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I was at David's.
35
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Well, why would you lie
to your dad about that?
36
00:01:22,207 --> 00:01:25,085
You and David see each other
all the time 'cause of the kids.
37
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Yeah, I know.
38
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But...
39
00:01:28,422 --> 00:01:30,549
today, we were making out.
40
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I can't tell my dad
that I was making out with my ex
41
00:01:32,801 --> 00:01:34,386
while I'm also dating Ben.
42
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You and David?
When did this start?
43
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The last couple of months.
44
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We just started talking
about the relationship
45
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to see if we could
make it work again,
46
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and then tonight,
we stopped talking
47
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because our tongues
were in each other's mouths.
48
00:01:46,857 --> 00:01:49,526
But I thought
you and Ben were doing great.
49
00:01:49,526 --> 00:01:50,944
We are.
50
00:01:50,944 --> 00:01:52,946
But, you know,
I still have feelings for David,
51
00:01:52,946 --> 00:01:54,865
and if there's a chance I can
put my family back together,
52
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I have to try, right?
53
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You have to give up Ben.
54
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[ Scoffs ]
55
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Why would I do that?
56
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Ben and I
are amazing together.
57
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Oh! Oh.
58
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It's the classic
wanting of the cake
59
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followed by the ever‐present
eating of it, too.
60
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How are ‐‐ How are you even
having time for all this?
61
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I‐I don't. I‐I'm like
this close to losing it.
62
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When I'm supposed to be
with David, I'm with Ben.
63
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When I'm supposed to be
with Ben, I'm with David.
64
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When I'm supposed to be with
the kids, I'm with Ben or David.
65
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You know...
66
00:02:21,767 --> 00:02:24,728
[ Clears throat ]
67
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...you are
right on the verge
68
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of having sex
with both of them.
69
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No. No way.
70
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I cannot go any further
with David
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while I'm still
seeing Ben.
72
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I can't sleep
with two guys.
73
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I'm not that person.
74
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Let me tell you,
I've been that person,
75
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and it can be
a nightmare.
76
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A fantastic nightmare.
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Hey, guys.
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‐Hey, preggy.
‐Hey, Beck.
79
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‐Hey, Becky.
‐Hey, hey, li'l mama.
80
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Wow,
you're getting big.
81
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Is that baby moving?
82
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Not yet.
83
00:02:56,677 --> 00:02:58,136
But she's watching
the papers
84
00:02:58,136 --> 00:03:00,055
for a younger uterus
in a better neighborhood.
85
00:03:01,515 --> 00:03:02,766
What's up?
86
00:03:02,766 --> 00:03:04,851
Aunt Jackie
asked me to come by
87
00:03:04,851 --> 00:03:07,938
and go over a birth plan
she made for me.
88
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I was expecting
a page or two.
89
00:03:10,148 --> 00:03:13,110
I got
the Encyclopedia Insanica.
90
00:03:16,363 --> 00:03:18,073
Aunt Jackie's
looking for something
91
00:03:18,073 --> 00:03:19,700
to give meaning
to her life.
92
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You just happened to be
in the station
93
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when the crazy train
pulled in.
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[ Chuckles ]
95
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Tag. You're it.
96
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[ Laughs ]
97
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I'm cashing out.
98
00:03:29,793 --> 00:03:31,878
No way! I've been
losing to her all night!
99
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She wants to leave.
100
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It's a win.
101
00:03:36,383 --> 00:03:37,968
Did you read
my birth plan?
102
00:03:37,968 --> 00:03:41,304
I tried.
It's just too much.
103
00:03:41,304 --> 00:03:42,806
Can't we just
go over this later?
104
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I'm not due
for two more months.
105
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But everything in here
is important.
106
00:03:47,102 --> 00:03:49,062
Having soft lights
and calming music
107
00:03:49,062 --> 00:03:51,398
and putting the baby
on your chest
108
00:03:51,398 --> 00:03:54,276
so there's a surge of oxytocin
and she bonds to you.
109
00:03:54,276 --> 00:03:58,697
I've got a whole chapter
on infant car seats.
110
00:03:58,697 --> 00:04:01,533
I just don't know
what all the fuss is about.
111
00:04:01,533 --> 00:04:04,119
In my day, we wrapped the baby
in a napkin
112
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and took it home
in our purse.
113
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Mom!
114
00:04:08,290 --> 00:04:09,374
You're confusing it
115
00:04:09,374 --> 00:04:11,960
with stealing muffins
from a restaurant.
116
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Hey.
117
00:04:14,796 --> 00:04:17,632
So, that's where
all the glasses are.
118
00:04:17,632 --> 00:04:19,801
Yesterday, I had to drink milk
out of a shot glass.
119
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Sorry. I try
not to come down here.
120
00:04:23,263 --> 00:04:25,265
It's like a public bathroom
at the mall.
121
00:04:25,265 --> 00:04:28,769
You just want to get in and out
and not make eye contact.
122
00:04:28,769 --> 00:04:31,021
Harris, you should be
a part of this.
123
00:04:31,021 --> 00:04:32,355
One day,
you might have a baby.
124
00:04:32,355 --> 00:04:33,648
You'll want to know
this stuff.
125
00:04:33,648 --> 00:04:35,776
Pass.
I'm not having any kids.
126
00:04:35,776 --> 00:04:37,277
And why not?
127
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It's a different time,
Nana.
128
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You don't have to have
a bunch of kids
129
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to give your life meaning.
130
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[ Laughs ]
131
00:04:43,033 --> 00:04:45,535
Good luck getting a man
with that attitude.
132
00:04:45,535 --> 00:04:49,080
[ Laughs, coughs ]
133
00:04:49,080 --> 00:04:51,416
Oh, crap!
I think I just peed myself.
134
00:04:52,834 --> 00:04:54,085
It's not stopping.
135
00:04:54,085 --> 00:04:56,671
Becky, I think
your water broke.
136
00:04:56,671 --> 00:04:57,672
Oh, no.
137
00:04:57,672 --> 00:04:59,466
No, no, no, no,
no, no, no.
138
00:04:59,466 --> 00:05:02,260
Oh, really, Becky,
it's much too soon!
139
00:05:02,260 --> 00:05:06,056
You never disappoint!
140
00:05:06,056 --> 00:05:08,517
Dan! Dan!
141
00:05:08,517 --> 00:05:10,936
We're heading to the hospital!
Becky's water broke!
142
00:05:10,936 --> 00:05:13,396
Damn. I'll drive.
Let's go.
143
00:05:13,396 --> 00:05:16,191
This isn't happening.
I have two more months.
144
00:05:16,191 --> 00:05:17,651
Harris,
we don't have time.
145
00:05:17,651 --> 00:05:18,985
Clean that up,
would ya?
146
00:05:20,403 --> 00:05:21,822
[ Door closes ]
147
00:05:21,822 --> 00:05:25,075
This is why
I don't come down.
148
00:05:27,828 --> 00:05:35,460
♪♪
149
00:05:35,460 --> 00:05:43,343
♪♪
150
00:05:43,343 --> 00:05:51,017
♪♪
151
00:05:51,017 --> 00:05:58,733
♪♪
152
00:06:02,153 --> 00:06:03,446
"The Conners" is recorded
153
00:06:03,446 --> 00:06:05,574
in front of
a live studio audience.
154
00:06:05,574 --> 00:06:08,618
[ Whimpering ]
155
00:06:08,618 --> 00:06:11,746
The contractions
are getting closer!
156
00:06:11,746 --> 00:06:14,374
Why aren't they taking me in?
We have to stop this.
157
00:06:14,374 --> 00:06:15,959
Dad's getting a nurse.
As soon as he gets one,
158
00:06:15,959 --> 00:06:17,919
they're gonna give you something
to stop the contractions.
159
00:06:17,919 --> 00:06:20,380
And until then, we're gonna do
some visualization exercises
160
00:06:20,380 --> 00:06:21,464
to stay calm.
161
00:06:21,464 --> 00:06:24,509
So, uh...baby doesn't
want to come out.
162
00:06:24,509 --> 00:06:27,012
Baby's happy where it is.
163
00:06:27,012 --> 00:06:28,847
The baby
is moving like crazy.
164
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That isn't working.
165
00:06:30,432 --> 00:06:32,976
Okay, well, then, we'll ‐‐
we'll just talk to the baby.
166
00:06:32,976 --> 00:06:34,603
Uh, uh, sweetheart, hi.
167
00:06:34,603 --> 00:06:36,354
It's your Aunt Jackie
and Mommy.
168
00:06:36,354 --> 00:06:39,524
And we just want you to know
there's no rush.
169
00:06:39,524 --> 00:06:42,235
U‐Uh, there's no money
for college,
170
00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:45,906
and, uh, your daddy's
been deported to Mexico,
171
00:06:45,906 --> 00:06:49,826
and there's alcohol addiction
in your genetic background.
172
00:06:49,826 --> 00:06:51,202
You're freaking
the baby out.
173
00:06:52,162 --> 00:06:54,080
Receptionist: Next.
174
00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:55,665
Are you having chest pains,
a sudden rash,
175
00:06:55,665 --> 00:06:56,958
or breathing issues?
176
00:06:56,958 --> 00:06:58,335
All of those,
but it's not for me.
177
00:06:59,669 --> 00:07:01,755
My daughter's been sitting there
for 30 minutes.
178
00:07:01,755 --> 00:07:04,299
Her water broke, but the baby's
not due for two more months.
179
00:07:04,299 --> 00:07:05,467
Have her fill this out.
180
00:07:05,467 --> 00:07:07,218
We'll get to her
as fast as we can.
181
00:07:07,218 --> 00:07:08,511
No.
182
00:07:08,511 --> 00:07:09,888
You take her in,
183
00:07:09,888 --> 00:07:11,931
and I'll fill out the forms
while she's in there.
184
00:07:11,931 --> 00:07:13,516
I want somebody
to see her now.
185
00:07:13,516 --> 00:07:16,061
Forms first.
Care second.
186
00:07:16,061 --> 00:07:19,481
How about I wheel her back there
and you try and stop me?
187
00:07:20,857 --> 00:07:22,317
Orderly?
188
00:07:22,317 --> 00:07:24,569
Take the geriatric pregnancy
into a room, please.
189
00:07:26,279 --> 00:07:28,740
"Geriatric"?
190
00:07:28,740 --> 00:07:31,284
You are so lucky that I can't
get up and come over there,
191
00:07:31,284 --> 00:07:33,662
'cause a baby
would fall out of me.
192
00:07:33,662 --> 00:07:37,874
♪♪
193
00:07:37,874 --> 00:07:39,250
Hey.
194
00:07:39,250 --> 00:07:41,169
You didn't
have to come in.
195
00:07:41,169 --> 00:07:42,629
You were at the hospital
all night.
196
00:07:42,629 --> 00:07:43,713
I missed you.
197
00:07:43,713 --> 00:07:45,173
I missed you, too.
198
00:07:45,173 --> 00:07:46,883
Mm.
How's Becky?
199
00:07:46,883 --> 00:07:48,593
Uh, they're still
waiting to see
200
00:07:48,593 --> 00:07:51,262
if the medication'll stop
the contractions completely.
201
00:07:51,262 --> 00:07:53,014
My dad and Jackie
are there.
202
00:07:53,014 --> 00:07:55,850
Actually, I looked over
some stuff in the waiting room.
203
00:07:55,850 --> 00:07:58,978
There is a typo
in the proofs.
204
00:07:58,978 --> 00:08:02,273
Mm, my work
doesn't have typos.
205
00:08:02,273 --> 00:08:03,274
[ Chuckles ]
206
00:08:03,274 --> 00:08:04,484
[ Cellphone chimes ]
207
00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:05,402
Oh.
208
00:08:05,402 --> 00:08:08,238
Um, could you do me
a huge favor
209
00:08:08,238 --> 00:08:10,031
and run down
to the coffee shop
210
00:08:10,031 --> 00:08:11,950
and get me another cup of coffee
with agave?
211
00:08:11,950 --> 00:08:13,618
And on the off chance
212
00:08:13,618 --> 00:08:15,870
that Cup 'O Mud
doesn't have agave,
213
00:08:15,870 --> 00:08:18,707
is there another exotic plant
that you'll accept?
214
00:08:18,707 --> 00:08:20,959
Uh, yes,
I'll take black tar heroin.
215
00:08:20,959 --> 00:08:22,085
[ Chuckling ] Got it.
216
00:08:25,964 --> 00:08:27,006
[ Softly ] Hey, David.
217
00:08:27,006 --> 00:08:28,925
Uh, I'm at work.
What's up?
218
00:08:30,301 --> 00:08:32,053
Yeah, yeah.
That would be really sweet.
219
00:08:32,053 --> 00:08:33,680
I‐I'll come by
and pick you up,
220
00:08:33,680 --> 00:08:35,682
and we can both
go to the hospital together.
221
00:08:35,682 --> 00:08:37,225
Okay.
Love you, too.
222
00:08:38,685 --> 00:08:39,936
...Daddy.
223
00:08:41,688 --> 00:08:45,567
I've never heard you
call your dad "Daddy" before.
224
00:08:45,567 --> 00:08:48,028
Yeah, I'm feeling
very fragile right now.
225
00:08:48,028 --> 00:08:49,946
I need my daddy.
Oh.
226
00:08:49,946 --> 00:08:52,407
I, uh, just forgot the wallet.
I'll be right back.
227
00:08:52,407 --> 00:08:53,783
Uh, you know what?
228
00:08:53,783 --> 00:08:55,577
I‐I don't need another cup.
I'm already vibrating.
229
00:08:55,577 --> 00:08:57,912
Alright.
I gotta be honest.
230
00:08:57,912 --> 00:08:58,913
[ Grunts ]
231
00:08:58,913 --> 00:09:01,916
I am worried about you.
232
00:09:01,916 --> 00:09:04,127
You look exhausted.
233
00:09:05,628 --> 00:09:08,840
Yeah, it's that stupid‐ass
Dan Ryan. That's the problem.
234
00:09:08,840 --> 00:09:11,634
Well, we both know
what the solution is.
235
00:09:11,634 --> 00:09:13,553
You move in with me.
236
00:09:13,553 --> 00:09:16,514
You know those signs that say
"If you lived here,
237
00:09:16,514 --> 00:09:20,143
you'd be home and having sex
with Ben by now"?
238
00:09:20,143 --> 00:09:23,646
You'd be home and having sex
with Ben by now.
239
00:09:23,646 --> 00:09:25,106
I love you, you know,
240
00:09:25,106 --> 00:09:27,025
but I just really can't
think about this right now.
241
00:09:27,025 --> 00:09:29,235
Okay.
Tabled for another time.
242
00:09:29,235 --> 00:09:30,987
At least let me just drive you
back to the hospital,
243
00:09:30,987 --> 00:09:32,238
keep you company.
244
00:09:32,238 --> 00:09:33,698
U‐Uh, no.
You know what?
245
00:09:33,698 --> 00:09:34,991
That's so sweet,
246
00:09:34,991 --> 00:09:37,077
but it's just too many people
at the hospital.
247
00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:40,038
When you're expecting a preemie,
they give you a smaller room.
248
00:09:42,499 --> 00:09:44,834
♪♪
249
00:09:44,834 --> 00:09:46,169
How's Aunt Becky?
250
00:09:46,169 --> 00:09:47,378
Oh, pretty much
the same.
251
00:09:47,378 --> 00:09:49,130
I'm just gonna grab
some stuff for her
252
00:09:49,130 --> 00:09:50,256
and run back
to the hospital.
253
00:09:50,256 --> 00:09:52,467
Okay. Want me to save you
some kale salad?
254
00:09:56,387 --> 00:09:59,641
Listen, let me tell you
about kale.
255
00:10:00,850 --> 00:10:03,269
In the old days,
you'd go to the cafeteria,
256
00:10:03,269 --> 00:10:04,687
and it was the green stuff
257
00:10:04,687 --> 00:10:06,606
that kept the ice from touching
the cottage cheese.
258
00:10:07,649 --> 00:10:09,567
It's all hype!
259
00:10:09,567 --> 00:10:12,487
You don't go
from garnish to superfood.
260
00:10:12,487 --> 00:10:15,532
I feel so stupid.
I fell for it.
261
00:10:15,532 --> 00:10:17,033
[ Loud knocking on door ]
262
00:10:17,033 --> 00:10:19,077
Coming! Coming!
263
00:10:19,077 --> 00:10:21,704
[ Knocking continues ]
264
00:10:21,704 --> 00:10:22,747
Coming!
265
00:10:24,958 --> 00:10:26,668
Hi.
How can I help you?
266
00:10:26,668 --> 00:10:29,504
I'm looking for
Harris Healy's mother.
267
00:10:29,504 --> 00:10:32,298
She's not home from work yet,
but I'm Harris' grandfather.
268
00:10:32,298 --> 00:10:33,550
What can I do for you?
269
00:10:33,550 --> 00:10:36,094
Your granddaughter
goes to school with my son,
270
00:10:36,094 --> 00:10:38,179
and she sold him
a homemade pot cookie.
271
00:10:39,430 --> 00:10:41,182
Okay.
272
00:10:41,182 --> 00:10:43,184
I can kind of believe
she sold him pot,
273
00:10:43,184 --> 00:10:44,936
but I do not believe
she baked anything.
274
00:10:47,397 --> 00:10:48,982
Believe it.
275
00:10:48,982 --> 00:10:51,484
Kyle freaked out,
and I was up all night
276
00:10:51,484 --> 00:10:55,363
trying to reassure him
that time wasn't standing still.
277
00:10:55,363 --> 00:10:58,449
Yeah, that stuff
does get on top of you.
278
00:10:58,449 --> 00:11:00,118
Listen, I'm really sorry.
279
00:11:00,118 --> 00:11:02,954
We would never want that
to happen to any kid.
280
00:11:02,954 --> 00:11:05,290
You tell her I had to take him
to urgent care.
281
00:11:05,290 --> 00:11:06,749
I'm out 200 bucks,
282
00:11:06,749 --> 00:11:08,960
and I need it
to pay for my tattoo removal.
283
00:11:10,879 --> 00:11:13,715
So, my new husband
284
00:11:13,715 --> 00:11:15,842
can't handle
looking at my ex's face
285
00:11:15,842 --> 00:11:17,343
while he's behind me.
286
00:11:20,763 --> 00:11:23,057
Uh...
your first husband...
287
00:11:23,057 --> 00:11:24,726
liked looking
at his own face?
288
00:11:26,686 --> 00:11:29,022
It was a red flag
I ignored, okay?
289
00:11:30,231 --> 00:11:31,983
I'm really sorry. I‐I can't
help you with the money.
290
00:11:31,983 --> 00:11:33,401
I don't have it.
291
00:11:33,401 --> 00:11:35,445
Alright, well,
maybe I'll just take something
292
00:11:35,445 --> 00:11:36,863
worth 200 bucks.
293
00:11:47,123 --> 00:11:48,917
I'll come back
when the mother's home.
294
00:11:51,419 --> 00:11:52,712
Hey.
295
00:11:52,712 --> 00:11:53,796
Are you
Harris Healy's mother?
296
00:11:53,796 --> 00:11:55,506
'Cause if you are,
you owe me money.
297
00:11:55,506 --> 00:11:56,507
Nope.
298
00:11:57,717 --> 00:12:00,511
Well,
tell her I'll be back.
299
00:12:00,511 --> 00:12:01,846
I will.
300
00:12:01,846 --> 00:12:03,973
You have a blessed day!
301
00:12:05,391 --> 00:12:06,893
What the hell
was that all about?
302
00:12:06,893 --> 00:12:08,436
You got a problem.
303
00:12:08,436 --> 00:12:10,104
Your daughter's selling
pot cookies at school.
304
00:12:10,104 --> 00:12:11,105
What?
305
00:12:11,105 --> 00:12:12,398
How come when I get home,
306
00:12:12,398 --> 00:12:14,651
it's never
"Somebody got a scholarship"?
307
00:12:14,651 --> 00:12:15,777
Where's Harris?
308
00:12:15,777 --> 00:12:16,778
At the hospital.
309
00:12:16,778 --> 00:12:18,696
[ Cellphone buzzes ]
310
00:12:20,573 --> 00:12:22,116
Damn.
What's wrong?
311
00:12:22,116 --> 00:12:23,576
They couldn't
stop the labor.
312
00:12:23,576 --> 00:12:24,577
The baby's coming now.
313
00:12:24,577 --> 00:12:26,412
[ Sighs ]
314
00:12:26,412 --> 00:12:27,789
Alright,
we gotta get going
315
00:12:27,789 --> 00:12:30,083
before Bev wraps it in a napkin
and puts it in her purse.
316
00:12:33,211 --> 00:12:36,047
♪♪
317
00:12:39,133 --> 00:12:41,219
[ Breathing sharply ]
Okay,
just one more push.
318
00:12:41,219 --> 00:12:42,387
I can't!
You can.
319
00:12:42,387 --> 00:12:44,597
It's a preemie.
It's small!
320
00:12:44,597 --> 00:12:45,807
One more push.
321
00:12:45,807 --> 00:12:46,975
[ Moaning ]
322
00:12:46,975 --> 00:12:49,894
[ Screaming ]
323
00:12:49,894 --> 00:12:51,312
Oh, my God,
she's here!
[ Groaning ]
324
00:12:51,312 --> 00:12:53,189
[ Exhales sharply ]
Doctor: Nurse.
325
00:12:53,189 --> 00:12:55,066
Is she okay?
326
00:12:55,066 --> 00:12:56,359
Why isn't she
crying?
327
00:12:56,359 --> 00:12:57,485
You did great.
328
00:12:57,485 --> 00:12:58,820
Just rest
for a second.
329
00:12:58,820 --> 00:13:00,488
Why aren't they putting her
on my chest?
330
00:13:00,488 --> 00:13:01,864
This is exactly
what's supposed to happen.
331
00:13:01,864 --> 00:13:02,907
They're gonna take her
to the NICU.
332
00:13:02,907 --> 00:13:04,284
I wanna see her.
333
00:13:04,284 --> 00:13:05,868
Just let them do their jobs.
It's okay.
334
00:13:05,868 --> 00:13:06,869
Does she look normal?
335
00:13:06,869 --> 00:13:08,454
Yes!
[ Chuckles nervously ]
336
00:13:08,454 --> 00:13:10,498
[ Crying ]
Then why can't I see her?
337
00:13:10,498 --> 00:13:12,458
Because
she's very small.
338
00:13:12,458 --> 00:13:14,627
She can't be seen
by the naked eye.
339
00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:18,131
This is all my fault.
340
00:13:18,131 --> 00:13:19,590
I'm too old.
341
00:13:19,590 --> 00:13:21,342
I drank too much.
342
00:13:21,342 --> 00:13:23,803
That's why
she was born too early.
343
00:13:23,803 --> 00:13:26,264
No, come on.
Don't do that, Becky.
344
00:13:26,264 --> 00:13:28,182
You know what ‐‐ I‐I did
everything right with Harris,
345
00:13:28,182 --> 00:13:29,726
and she was a preemie.
346
00:13:29,726 --> 00:13:31,144
And she turned out fine.
347
00:13:31,144 --> 00:13:33,521
No, she didn't!
348
00:13:33,521 --> 00:13:36,607
[ Sobbing ]
349
00:13:36,607 --> 00:13:39,569
♪♪
350
00:13:39,569 --> 00:13:41,779
The County ER
always reminds me
351
00:13:41,779 --> 00:13:44,115
of that scene
in "Gone With the Wind"
352
00:13:44,115 --> 00:13:46,451
with all
the Confederate soldiers
353
00:13:46,451 --> 00:13:48,536
laying on the ground,
dying.
354
00:13:50,204 --> 00:13:51,706
Frankly...
355
00:13:51,706 --> 00:13:55,835
I didn't care for the cursing
at the end of that movie.
356
00:13:57,086 --> 00:13:59,839
Okay.
Baby's here.
357
00:13:59,839 --> 00:14:01,716
[ Sighs ]
Are Becky and the baby okay?
358
00:14:01,716 --> 00:14:03,092
Becky's fine.
359
00:14:03,092 --> 00:14:05,094
Uh, the baby wasn't
breathing on her own,
360
00:14:05,094 --> 00:14:07,138
but they put her
on a ventilator,
and now she's stable.
361
00:14:07,138 --> 00:14:08,139
Thank God.
362
00:14:08,139 --> 00:14:09,932
Can we go back there now?
363
00:14:09,932 --> 00:14:11,350
Uh, Becky's pretty upset,
364
00:14:11,350 --> 00:14:13,311
but she's got Jackie
in there with her,
365
00:14:13,311 --> 00:14:14,562
so it's gonna get worse.
366
00:14:17,065 --> 00:14:18,191
Uh, you're not
going anywhere.
367
00:14:18,191 --> 00:14:19,275
What?
368
00:14:19,275 --> 00:14:21,611
You're selling pot cookies
at school?
369
00:14:21,611 --> 00:14:22,945
Are ‐‐ Are you stupid?
370
00:14:22,945 --> 00:14:24,655
Are we really gonna do this
right here?
371
00:14:24,655 --> 00:14:26,199
Yes, we are.
372
00:14:26,199 --> 00:14:28,326
Kyle's mom came by. She had to
take him to urgent care.
373
00:14:28,326 --> 00:14:30,203
I told him
"half a cookie."
374
00:14:31,496 --> 00:14:32,747
[ Scoffs ]
375
00:14:32,747 --> 00:14:35,333
This is not about
Kyle's inability to maintain.
376
00:14:35,333 --> 00:14:36,918
This is about
you selling drugs.
377
00:14:36,918 --> 00:14:38,169
Oh, my God.
378
00:14:38,169 --> 00:14:39,337
They're gonna be
selling pot
379
00:14:39,337 --> 00:14:40,838
to everybody here
in three months.
380
00:14:40,838 --> 00:14:42,256
Nobody cares.
381
00:14:42,256 --> 00:14:43,674
And it's not like
I'm eating it.
382
00:14:43,674 --> 00:14:44,801
Wh‐‐ Hey.
383
00:14:44,801 --> 00:14:47,095
You cannot eat it,
you can't sell it,
384
00:14:47,095 --> 00:14:48,638
and you're underage.
385
00:14:48,638 --> 00:14:50,306
And by the way,
who are you getting weed from?
386
00:14:50,306 --> 00:14:53,184
It's everywhere.
Everybody's selling it.
387
00:14:53,184 --> 00:14:55,686
Honestly, it's kind of amazing
that I'm doing so well.
388
00:14:55,686 --> 00:14:58,314
My hustle is putting it
in cookies and adding cardamom.
389
00:14:58,314 --> 00:15:00,691
It's exotic
and a little unexpected.
390
00:15:00,691 --> 00:15:03,528
You're actually
bragging about this?
391
00:15:03,528 --> 00:15:05,363
Do you realize if Kyle's mom
had called the cops,
392
00:15:05,363 --> 00:15:07,073
you'd be sitting in jail
right now?
393
00:15:07,073 --> 00:15:08,241
You know what ‐‐
you're gonna give me
394
00:15:08,241 --> 00:15:09,492
all the money
you made from this,
395
00:15:09,492 --> 00:15:11,035
I'm taking
your phone away,
396
00:15:11,035 --> 00:15:13,079
and you're not leaving the house
for the rest of the semester.
397
00:15:13,079 --> 00:15:14,956
Oh, wow.
I'm grounded.
398
00:15:14,956 --> 00:15:16,874
Like you're gonna know
if I'm even home.
399
00:15:16,874 --> 00:15:17,792
You're never around.
400
00:15:17,792 --> 00:15:19,001
[ Scoffs ]
401
00:15:19,001 --> 00:15:21,129
You really think
it hurts me
402
00:15:21,129 --> 00:15:23,131
pointing out
that I'm not a good mother?
403
00:15:23,131 --> 00:15:25,258
Like water
off a duck's back, baby.
404
00:15:25,258 --> 00:15:27,260
♪♪
405
00:15:30,930 --> 00:15:32,390
♪♪
406
00:15:33,766 --> 00:15:35,601
Bev?
407
00:15:35,601 --> 00:15:37,645
Yes, Dan?
408
00:15:37,645 --> 00:15:39,355
It's been a long day,
409
00:15:39,355 --> 00:15:41,816
so please don't take this
the wrong way.
410
00:15:41,816 --> 00:15:44,777
But why are you here?
411
00:15:44,777 --> 00:15:47,822
Everybody's gotta be
somewhere.
412
00:15:49,157 --> 00:15:51,159
I've had a crappy day.
413
00:15:51,159 --> 00:15:52,785
Becky was afraid
to see the baby.
414
00:15:52,785 --> 00:15:55,079
Now she wants to, so I gotta go
back to the hospital.
415
00:15:55,079 --> 00:15:56,539
There's pie.
I got enough for everybody.
416
00:15:56,539 --> 00:15:58,499
God bless ya!
417
00:15:58,499 --> 00:16:00,376
I was wondering
where you were.
418
00:16:00,376 --> 00:16:02,670
I'm only asking
'cause it's...
419
00:16:02,670 --> 00:16:04,547
just been me and Bev here
for hours.
420
00:16:06,507 --> 00:16:08,467
Hours.
421
00:16:08,467 --> 00:16:11,012
Did you know
that when Jackie was born,
422
00:16:11,012 --> 00:16:14,640
she caused my bladder
to drop into my vagina?
423
00:16:19,270 --> 00:16:22,481
You had to say that now,
didn't you?
424
00:16:22,481 --> 00:16:24,400
Oh, I'm not gonna let you
ruin this for me.
425
00:16:28,112 --> 00:16:30,323
No offense, Dan,
426
00:16:30,323 --> 00:16:32,783
but I don't like
to watch you eat.
427
00:16:32,783 --> 00:16:34,076
Ohh!
428
00:16:36,746 --> 00:16:37,747
[ Groans ]
429
00:16:39,582 --> 00:16:41,334
You enjoying that pie, Dad?
Smells great, huh?
430
00:16:41,334 --> 00:16:42,710
Yep.
431
00:16:42,710 --> 00:16:45,463
Love the smell
of apple pie.
432
00:16:45,463 --> 00:16:47,840
So, you can smell apple pie,
but you can't smell
433
00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:50,301
the smell of pot cookies
baking in your own house?
434
00:16:50,301 --> 00:16:51,552
What?
435
00:16:51,552 --> 00:16:53,387
H‐How did you not know
what Harris was doing?
436
00:16:53,387 --> 00:16:55,056
Whoa.
437
00:16:55,056 --> 00:16:57,350
You're gonna blame
your kid selling drugs on me?
438
00:16:57,350 --> 00:16:59,477
Yes, I am, because you're here
and I'm not.
439
00:16:59,477 --> 00:17:01,395
Whose fault is that?
I'm working!
440
00:17:01,395 --> 00:17:02,563
Are you?
441
00:17:02,563 --> 00:17:04,690
'Cause you're getting home
at 10:00.
442
00:17:04,690 --> 00:17:06,734
I don't know if you're with Ben
or what you're doing,
443
00:17:06,734 --> 00:17:09,445
but you're definitely
not coming straight home
from work every night.
444
00:17:09,445 --> 00:17:11,447
Oh, so I'm not allowed
to have a personal life?
445
00:17:11,447 --> 00:17:12,990
Because I remember
when I was a kid,
446
00:17:12,990 --> 00:17:14,992
you'd go straight from work
to the Lobo Lounge,
447
00:17:14,992 --> 00:17:16,661
you'd have a beer,
then you'd come home
448
00:17:16,661 --> 00:17:18,079
and you'd say,
"There's my girls!"
449
00:17:18,079 --> 00:17:19,372
DJ would start crying,
450
00:17:19,372 --> 00:17:22,250
and you'd go to the garage
to fix a bike.
451
00:17:22,250 --> 00:17:24,585
Hey, I worked my ass off
day and night
452
00:17:24,585 --> 00:17:26,170
to support this family,
453
00:17:26,170 --> 00:17:28,422
and I was always there
when it counted.
454
00:17:29,715 --> 00:17:32,093
You need to get your head
in the game and raise your kids.
455
00:17:32,093 --> 00:17:33,511
I already raised mine.
456
00:17:33,511 --> 00:17:34,637
Oh, did you, though?
457
00:17:34,637 --> 00:17:36,305
'Cause I'm pretty sure
it's Mom that raised us.
458
00:17:37,473 --> 00:17:38,849
No.
459
00:17:38,849 --> 00:17:40,685
If we're gonna be honest,
the TV did.
460
00:17:48,442 --> 00:17:49,402
How's she doing?
461
00:17:49,402 --> 00:17:50,778
Hi.
462
00:17:50,778 --> 00:17:52,238
Uh...
463
00:17:52,238 --> 00:17:53,364
Oh, every now and then,
464
00:17:53,364 --> 00:17:55,366
when she's trying
to move her little arms,
465
00:17:55,366 --> 00:17:57,410
she punches herself in the head.
[ Chuckles ]
466
00:17:57,410 --> 00:17:58,744
She's definitely
a Conner.
467
00:17:58,744 --> 00:18:00,496
[ Laughing ] Oh, wow.
468
00:18:00,496 --> 00:18:03,165
Another Conner
in the world.
469
00:18:03,165 --> 00:18:06,794
What we don't have in quality,
we make up in volume.
470
00:18:06,794 --> 00:18:08,379
Darn right we do.
471
00:18:08,379 --> 00:18:11,757
Grammy Becky's here
to see her baby.
472
00:18:11,757 --> 00:18:13,593
Are you ready?
473
00:18:13,593 --> 00:18:15,177
I think so.
474
00:18:17,555 --> 00:18:19,599
Oh, my God.
475
00:18:19,599 --> 00:18:20,975
She's so tiny.
476
00:18:22,518 --> 00:18:23,936
Look at all the tubes.
477
00:18:23,936 --> 00:18:26,480
I know it looks scary,
but all those things in there
478
00:18:26,480 --> 00:18:28,149
are helping her
get stronger.
479
00:18:30,693 --> 00:18:33,195
She's looking at me.
480
00:18:33,195 --> 00:18:35,990
Yeah, of course she is.
You're her mom.
481
00:18:35,990 --> 00:18:36,991
I'm her mom.
482
00:18:38,951 --> 00:18:40,911
Have you decided
on a name yet?
483
00:18:40,911 --> 00:18:44,123
You know, the name "Jacqueline"
means "May God protect."
484
00:18:44,123 --> 00:18:47,084
We could call her Jackie Jr.
That'd be so cute, right?
485
00:18:48,294 --> 00:18:50,296
Her name is
Beverly Rose.
486
00:18:51,505 --> 00:18:53,466
I wanted a connection
with the family.
487
00:18:54,634 --> 00:18:56,052
Becky, um...
488
00:18:57,136 --> 00:18:59,013
I want you to know
489
00:18:59,013 --> 00:19:01,599
that I will always
love this baby.
490
00:19:01,599 --> 00:19:04,894
But I consider it
a personal attack
491
00:19:04,894 --> 00:19:08,022
and a negation
of my entire childhood of pain
492
00:19:08,022 --> 00:19:10,399
that you have named
this precious angel
493
00:19:10,399 --> 00:19:13,319
after the vessel of evil
that is my mother.
494
00:19:13,319 --> 00:19:14,695
'Nuff said.
495
00:19:16,739 --> 00:19:18,282
Come on, Deej.
496
00:19:18,282 --> 00:19:19,742
Let's let these two
get to know each other better.
497
00:19:19,742 --> 00:19:21,160
You need anything?
498
00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:22,536
No. We're fine.
499
00:19:24,580 --> 00:19:25,956
Love you, sis.
500
00:19:25,956 --> 00:19:27,124
Thanks.
501
00:19:48,145 --> 00:19:50,773
[ Crying ] I'm so sorry.
502
00:19:53,484 --> 00:19:57,530
♪♪
503
00:19:57,530 --> 00:20:00,157
See? It's even better
when you wait for it.
504
00:20:00,157 --> 00:20:01,575
I'm gonna go
get the pizza.
505
00:20:01,575 --> 00:20:02,910
[ Gasps ]
506
00:20:02,910 --> 00:20:04,120
[ Whispering ]
What?!
507
00:20:04,120 --> 00:20:06,580
Was that naked man
in your bed David?
508
00:20:06,580 --> 00:20:08,040
[ Whispering ]
Shh! Yes!
509
00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:09,208
What are you doing here?
510
00:20:09,208 --> 00:20:11,085
I needed a night
away from Bev.
511
00:20:11,085 --> 00:20:13,504
Well, this is great.
You finally made a decision.
512
00:20:13,504 --> 00:20:14,880
You broke up with Ben.
513
00:20:14,880 --> 00:20:17,967
Well, that sure would have
made things simpler.
514
00:20:17,967 --> 00:20:19,635
Wait.
515
00:20:19,635 --> 00:20:21,345
You're sleeping
with both of them?
516
00:20:21,345 --> 00:20:23,139
I thought you weren't
that kind of person.
517
00:20:23,139 --> 00:20:24,223
Well, apparently I am.
518
00:20:24,223 --> 00:20:26,225
I set a boundary,
and I crossed it.
519
00:20:26,225 --> 00:20:28,352
I'm so stupid.
Why did I do that?
520
00:20:28,352 --> 00:20:29,937
You gotta help me, Jackie.
521
00:20:29,937 --> 00:20:31,439
Well, I ‐‐
[ Scoffs ]
522
00:20:31,439 --> 00:20:33,733
If somebody took Ben
off your hands,
523
00:20:33,733 --> 00:20:35,776
would that help?
524
00:20:35,776 --> 00:20:36,986
Stay away from him!
525
00:20:36,986 --> 00:20:37,987
Okay!
526
00:20:37,987 --> 00:20:39,321
Good night!
527
00:20:39,321 --> 00:20:42,116
♪♪
528
00:20:44,952 --> 00:20:46,579
A brand‐new Conner.
529
00:20:46,579 --> 00:20:48,831
Let's learn from
the mistakes of our past.
530
00:20:48,831 --> 00:20:50,458
Oh, I agree.
531
00:20:50,458 --> 00:20:52,126
You know what ‐‐ let's raise her
to expect nothing,
532
00:20:52,126 --> 00:20:54,503
so she's never
disappointed.
533
00:20:54,503 --> 00:20:56,589
Or we can tell her she can be
whatever she wants to be.
534
00:20:56,589 --> 00:20:59,133
That's a mean joke
to play on a baby.
535
00:20:59,133 --> 00:21:00,259
Wait.
536
00:21:00,259 --> 00:21:02,386
What if we never tell her
she's a Conner,
537
00:21:02,386 --> 00:21:04,555
but we'll raise her
like Moses ‐‐
538
00:21:04,555 --> 00:21:05,848
or Tarzan!
539
00:21:05,848 --> 00:21:07,808
Oh, yeah.
Like Tarzan.
540
00:21:07,808 --> 00:21:09,310
But instead of
holding on to a vine,
541
00:21:09,310 --> 00:21:10,978
she can hold on
to a job.
542
00:21:10,978 --> 00:21:12,438
Quick ‐‐
let's go tell Becky
543
00:21:12,438 --> 00:21:14,023
before she fills out
the birth certificate.
544
00:21:18,986 --> 00:21:21,155
This is
for when you come home.
545
00:21:22,448 --> 00:21:25,159
You no Tarzan.
You Conner.
546
00:21:25,159 --> 00:21:26,535
♪♪