1 00:00:01,540 --> 00:00:03,000 ♪♪ 2 00:00:04,170 --> 00:00:05,380 Hey. Yes. 3 00:00:05,380 --> 00:00:07,380 Oh, Becky, this is Ben. 4 00:00:07,380 --> 00:00:08,790 Ben, my sister, Becky. 5 00:00:08,790 --> 00:00:10,620 Oh. Perfect. I'm on break. 6 00:00:10,620 --> 00:00:12,250 [ Chuckles ] 7 00:00:12,250 --> 00:00:13,420 So nice to finally meet you. 8 00:00:13,420 --> 00:00:15,170 Yeah. 9 00:00:15,170 --> 00:00:17,250 So, what do you see in her? 10 00:00:18,710 --> 00:00:20,420 Uh, excuse me? 11 00:00:20,420 --> 00:00:23,250 As the first person in the family to finally meet Ben, 12 00:00:23,250 --> 00:00:25,290 I feel a certain obligation to grill him 13 00:00:25,290 --> 00:00:26,420 and make him feel uncomfortable. 14 00:00:26,420 --> 00:00:28,580 [ Chuckles ] 15 00:00:28,580 --> 00:00:31,000 So, are you serious about her, 16 00:00:31,000 --> 00:00:32,960 or is it just about the disappointing sex? 17 00:00:34,380 --> 00:00:37,830 Uh, that was wildly inappropriate. 18 00:00:37,830 --> 00:00:39,580 The sex is not disappointing. 19 00:00:39,580 --> 00:00:41,750 He's a middle-aged man doing the best that he can. 20 00:00:41,750 --> 00:00:43,580 [ Laughs ] 21 00:00:43,580 --> 00:00:46,460 Oh! 22 00:00:46,460 --> 00:00:48,620 Okay. I get it. The gloves are off? 23 00:00:48,620 --> 00:00:50,330 All right. Let's do this. 24 00:00:50,330 --> 00:00:52,290 Darlene won't commit to being serious 25 00:00:52,290 --> 00:00:55,170 because she's afraid to be vulnerable. 26 00:00:55,170 --> 00:00:57,040 And you seem like a lunatic. 27 00:00:58,500 --> 00:01:00,460 Okay. My turn, my turn. 28 00:01:00,460 --> 00:01:03,420 I am afraid to be vulnerable 29 00:01:03,420 --> 00:01:05,500 because he's too old to have never been married, 30 00:01:05,500 --> 00:01:07,380 and I think there's something broken inside there. 31 00:01:09,290 --> 00:01:11,580 Who says I'm not married? You barely know me. 32 00:01:14,290 --> 00:01:16,170 Oh. Let's go. That's my dad. 33 00:01:16,170 --> 00:01:17,420 Oh! Why can't I meet him? 34 00:01:17,420 --> 00:01:18,920 Oh, we got to do this one Conner at a time. 35 00:01:18,920 --> 00:01:20,210 You barely got past Becky. 36 00:01:22,790 --> 00:01:24,540 What up, Daddy-o? 37 00:01:24,540 --> 00:01:26,250 Picking up lunch for my crew. 38 00:01:26,250 --> 00:01:28,290 No need to lie to me, Dad. 39 00:01:28,290 --> 00:01:29,830 Enjoy your four meals. 40 00:01:32,580 --> 00:01:34,540 Hey, Dan. Hey, Louise. 41 00:01:34,540 --> 00:01:36,290 Remember when we were talking about your band 42 00:01:36,290 --> 00:01:37,710 and I couldn't remember the name of that group 43 00:01:37,710 --> 00:01:39,040 I used to like? 44 00:01:39,040 --> 00:01:40,040 Found 'em. 45 00:01:40,040 --> 00:01:42,170 Oh, my God. 46 00:01:42,170 --> 00:01:44,880 Baby Huey & the Babysitters. 47 00:01:44,880 --> 00:01:46,790 "Messin' with the Kid." 48 00:01:46,790 --> 00:01:48,420 Both: ♪ You can call it what you want ♪ 49 00:01:48,420 --> 00:01:51,670 ♪ But I call it messin' with the kid ♪ 50 00:01:51,670 --> 00:01:53,000 Wow. 51 00:01:53,000 --> 00:01:55,170 You know, right when I left Lanford, 52 00:01:55,170 --> 00:01:57,210 I got to Chicago, I sat in with them. 53 00:01:57,210 --> 00:01:59,540 No! Oh, yeah. 54 00:01:59,540 --> 00:02:01,170 Then they looked over, saw me sittin' 55 00:02:01,170 --> 00:02:03,210 on the edge of the stage, and I got thrown out. 56 00:02:03,210 --> 00:02:05,210 [ Laughs ] 57 00:02:05,210 --> 00:02:07,420 It's so nice to have you back. 58 00:02:07,420 --> 00:02:09,170 I remember you packing your drums 59 00:02:09,170 --> 00:02:11,460 in the back of your LeBaron after graduation 60 00:02:11,460 --> 00:02:13,290 and heading down to Chicago with your band. 61 00:02:13,290 --> 00:02:15,460 Yeah, that was the beginning of the long, 62 00:02:15,460 --> 00:02:18,250 slow climb to the bottom. 63 00:02:18,250 --> 00:02:20,250 Well, I was jealous of you. 64 00:02:20,250 --> 00:02:22,500 I still kick myself for not taking my guitar 65 00:02:22,500 --> 00:02:24,120 and hitting the road like you did. 66 00:02:24,120 --> 00:02:25,920 Mm. Don't beat yourself up. 67 00:02:25,920 --> 00:02:27,080 You were terrible. 68 00:02:28,920 --> 00:02:30,500 I'm okay with that. 69 00:02:30,500 --> 00:02:32,500 I'm kind of the Jimmy Page of drywall. 70 00:02:32,500 --> 00:02:34,250 [ Chuckles ] 71 00:02:34,250 --> 00:02:37,330 So, I have a little surprise for you, too. 72 00:02:37,330 --> 00:02:39,830 I have an extra ticket for an oldies concert 73 00:02:39,830 --> 00:02:41,620 in Ravinia tomorrow night. 74 00:02:41,620 --> 00:02:43,380 You want to go with me and my buddies? 75 00:02:43,380 --> 00:02:44,540 Who's playing? 76 00:02:44,540 --> 00:02:47,080 Just a bunch of bands from the '60s and '70s -- 77 00:02:47,080 --> 00:02:49,790 what's left of 'em, anyway. 78 00:02:49,790 --> 00:02:53,750 There's, uh, Gladys Knight & the Pip, 79 00:02:53,750 --> 00:02:57,790 uh, the Two Tops, 80 00:02:57,790 --> 00:02:58,830 and a Righteous Brother. 81 00:02:58,830 --> 00:03:00,790 [ Chuckles ] 82 00:03:00,790 --> 00:03:04,290 I'm going, on the odd chance I get to see One Dog Night. 83 00:03:04,290 --> 00:03:07,580 [ Laughs ] 84 00:03:10,580 --> 00:03:18,420 ♪♪ 85 00:03:18,420 --> 00:03:26,290 ♪♪ 86 00:03:26,290 --> 00:03:34,120 ♪♪ 87 00:03:34,120 --> 00:03:42,040 ♪♪ 88 00:03:45,290 --> 00:03:46,580 "The Conners" is recorded in front of 89 00:03:46,580 --> 00:03:48,210 a live studio audience. 90 00:03:50,420 --> 00:03:52,880 Harris? What happened? Are you okay? 91 00:03:52,880 --> 00:03:54,500 She's fine. Are you the mom? 92 00:03:54,500 --> 00:03:56,750 No, I'm the aunt. 93 00:03:56,750 --> 00:03:58,210 What happened? 94 00:03:58,210 --> 00:03:59,710 She got caught drinking in the woods 95 00:03:59,710 --> 00:04:01,380 with some of her friends. 96 00:04:01,380 --> 00:04:02,790 I'm the only one who didn't get away 97 00:04:02,790 --> 00:04:04,540 because I was wearing heels. 98 00:04:04,540 --> 00:04:06,710 Why were you wearing heels in the woods? 99 00:04:06,710 --> 00:04:08,040 There was a guy there that I liked, 100 00:04:08,040 --> 00:04:09,290 and I wanted my ass to look good. 101 00:04:10,830 --> 00:04:13,330 You must be very proud. 102 00:04:13,330 --> 00:04:15,880 Thank you, Officer. I can take it from here. 103 00:04:15,880 --> 00:04:17,500 Fine. Just tell her parents 104 00:04:17,500 --> 00:04:19,750 that she's been hanging with a bad crowd. 105 00:04:19,750 --> 00:04:22,000 I really hope I don't have to come back to this house again. 106 00:04:22,000 --> 00:04:23,120 That's what everyone says. 107 00:04:25,880 --> 00:04:27,290 Come back here. 108 00:04:27,290 --> 00:04:29,420 All right. Let's have the lecture. 109 00:04:29,420 --> 00:04:32,290 Yeah, you're gonna get a lecture. 110 00:04:32,290 --> 00:04:34,080 First, you got to figure out your escape route 111 00:04:34,080 --> 00:04:36,420 before you get hammered. 112 00:04:36,420 --> 00:04:38,290 And make sure it's downhill so if you trip, 113 00:04:38,290 --> 00:04:40,080 you can roll out of danger. 114 00:04:41,330 --> 00:04:42,330 Wait, what? 115 00:04:42,330 --> 00:04:44,250 And if you're with a nerdy girl, 116 00:04:44,250 --> 00:04:47,250 push her down at the first sight of trouble. 117 00:04:47,250 --> 00:04:49,420 You get away, she gets a cool reputation -- 118 00:04:49,420 --> 00:04:51,540 it's a win-win. 119 00:04:51,540 --> 00:04:53,250 Why are you telling me this? 120 00:04:53,250 --> 00:04:55,710 Because even though I'm not happy that you were drinking, 121 00:04:55,710 --> 00:04:58,380 I don't want you getting caught because your friends are stupid. 122 00:04:58,380 --> 00:05:00,170 Thank you. 123 00:05:02,120 --> 00:05:03,750 You know, I got to tell you, 124 00:05:03,750 --> 00:05:04,750 I'm kind of surprised 125 00:05:04,750 --> 00:05:06,000 that you're even helping me. 126 00:05:06,000 --> 00:05:07,620 I didn't think you liked me. 127 00:05:07,620 --> 00:05:10,000 Of course I like you. Why would you think that? 128 00:05:10,000 --> 00:05:11,540 Because I've been here for a year, 129 00:05:11,540 --> 00:05:12,920 and you've barely talked to me. 130 00:05:15,210 --> 00:05:17,670 [ Sighs ] Okay. Sit down. 131 00:05:17,670 --> 00:05:20,620 [ Sighs ] 132 00:05:20,620 --> 00:05:22,540 Remember that Christmas when you were 8, 133 00:05:22,540 --> 00:05:24,170 and I wanted you to see 134 00:05:24,170 --> 00:05:25,790 what a really strong woman was, 135 00:05:25,790 --> 00:05:27,250 so I showed you "Kill Bill"? 136 00:05:27,250 --> 00:05:28,880 Yeah. 137 00:05:28,880 --> 00:05:30,290 It was more decapitations 138 00:05:30,290 --> 00:05:32,500 than I've seen before or since. 139 00:05:32,500 --> 00:05:35,750 But your mom totally flipped out on me. 140 00:05:35,750 --> 00:05:38,920 Ever since that, everything I do or say around you, 141 00:05:38,920 --> 00:05:41,500 I'm worried your mom's gonna freak out about. 142 00:05:41,500 --> 00:05:43,080 And I'm not judging your mom. 143 00:05:43,080 --> 00:05:45,120 We're different people. 144 00:05:45,120 --> 00:05:47,540 I'm cool, and she's an uptight psycho. 145 00:05:49,380 --> 00:05:51,670 Are you cool enough to not tell my mom about tonight? 146 00:05:52,960 --> 00:05:55,040 [ Sighs ] 147 00:05:55,040 --> 00:05:57,710 Okay. Here's the deal. 148 00:05:57,710 --> 00:06:00,080 Stop drinking in the woods... 149 00:06:00,080 --> 00:06:02,620 and I'll give you this one pass as a cool aunt. 150 00:06:02,620 --> 00:06:04,040 Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you! 151 00:06:04,040 --> 00:06:06,170 It will never happen again. 152 00:06:06,170 --> 00:06:09,210 But you can't ever tell her that I didn't tell her. 153 00:06:09,210 --> 00:06:13,290 Why would I do that? That would be telling her. 154 00:06:13,290 --> 00:06:16,170 There will be a time when you guys are hanging out 155 00:06:16,170 --> 00:06:17,750 and you'll feel like you're friends 156 00:06:17,750 --> 00:06:19,380 and you'll want to share everything. 157 00:06:19,380 --> 00:06:22,290 Do not fall for that. It's a trap. 158 00:06:22,290 --> 00:06:24,750 ♪♪ 159 00:06:29,880 --> 00:06:32,670 Wow. Somebody's been to the back of her closet. 160 00:06:32,670 --> 00:06:34,040 [ Laughing ] Yeah, well, 161 00:06:34,040 --> 00:06:35,960 that's why I wore the shawl over here. 162 00:06:35,960 --> 00:06:37,420 No, uh, Peter's doing a project 163 00:06:37,420 --> 00:06:39,710 for his master's degree in Nordic history, 164 00:06:39,710 --> 00:06:41,880 so we're simulating the daily life 165 00:06:41,880 --> 00:06:44,040 of a couple in medieval Norway. 166 00:06:45,580 --> 00:06:48,170 Why? 167 00:06:48,170 --> 00:06:51,120 Uh, it's, uh, interdisciplinary study 168 00:06:51,120 --> 00:06:52,880 where he's trying to document 169 00:06:52,880 --> 00:06:55,670 the sociology of relationships at that time, 170 00:06:55,670 --> 00:06:59,000 and unless we replicate the experiences exactly, 171 00:06:59,000 --> 00:07:01,750 then it invalidates the study. 172 00:07:01,750 --> 00:07:03,170 I haven't had enough coffee 173 00:07:03,170 --> 00:07:06,250 to -- to have this conversation. 174 00:07:06,250 --> 00:07:09,210 So you don't get to use any modern conveniences? 175 00:07:09,210 --> 00:07:10,580 Well, you guys just don't know the joy 176 00:07:10,580 --> 00:07:12,040 of living close to the earth. 177 00:07:12,040 --> 00:07:15,120 Do you have a, um, wire brush I can borrow? 178 00:07:15,120 --> 00:07:17,000 I have to scrape the fur off a squirrel. 179 00:07:19,460 --> 00:07:21,290 You're eating a squirrel? 180 00:07:21,290 --> 00:07:22,750 Well, many squirrels. 181 00:07:22,750 --> 00:07:26,670 While they're hibernating, there's not a lot to 'em. 182 00:07:26,670 --> 00:07:28,710 Okay, guys. 183 00:07:28,710 --> 00:07:32,000 Here's your salami pancake sandwiches. 184 00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:33,500 You may want to trade these. 185 00:07:36,290 --> 00:07:38,460 Okay, who's using the washing machine? 186 00:07:38,460 --> 00:07:40,250 Oh, I don't know, the people who live here? 187 00:07:40,250 --> 00:07:41,420 [ Scoffs ] 188 00:07:41,420 --> 00:07:43,540 Do you know Louise Goldufski? 189 00:07:43,540 --> 00:07:46,210 She works at the restaurant now. 190 00:07:46,210 --> 00:07:48,120 Yeah, she was in Dan and Roseanne's class. 191 00:07:48,120 --> 00:07:50,120 Star of the talent show! 192 00:07:52,460 --> 00:07:55,620 Every year, she and her stupid band would go long 193 00:07:55,620 --> 00:07:59,000 while somebody with a very moving rifle-twirling routine 194 00:07:59,000 --> 00:08:00,710 couldn't even get up on stage. 195 00:08:02,710 --> 00:08:05,750 Yeah, well, I'm pretty sure she made a move on Dad yesterday. 196 00:08:05,750 --> 00:08:06,830 [ Gasps ] 197 00:08:06,830 --> 00:08:09,500 Ohh, you're kidding. 198 00:08:09,500 --> 00:08:10,920 What did he do? 199 00:08:10,920 --> 00:08:13,460 He had no clue. Oh, no. No. 200 00:08:13,460 --> 00:08:15,460 He's been out of the game for too long. 201 00:08:15,460 --> 00:08:18,790 He has no idea how vicious these gals can be. 202 00:08:18,790 --> 00:08:21,540 With a fresh widower in their sights, 203 00:08:21,540 --> 00:08:23,330 Dan's a mouse in a field, 204 00:08:23,330 --> 00:08:26,960 and she's like this hawk with her talons out. 205 00:08:26,960 --> 00:08:30,620 You've changed since you started hunting your own food. 206 00:08:30,620 --> 00:08:32,790 I'm telling you -- he's a catch. 207 00:08:32,790 --> 00:08:34,290 We should warn him. 208 00:08:34,290 --> 00:08:36,080 It's weird. I've never thought of Dad as a catch. 209 00:08:36,080 --> 00:08:37,670 Are you kidding me? At his age, 210 00:08:37,670 --> 00:08:39,380 he can fall down and get up on his own -- 211 00:08:39,380 --> 00:08:40,830 The ladies love it! 212 00:08:42,250 --> 00:08:43,330 I'm gonna grab a bite. 213 00:08:43,330 --> 00:08:45,330 I'll be back later to do my laundry. 214 00:08:45,330 --> 00:08:47,080 [ Doorbell rings ] I got it. 215 00:08:47,080 --> 00:08:48,670 Yeah, well, I'm gonna be out in the yard. 216 00:08:48,670 --> 00:08:50,670 I got to look for a stick in the shape of a fork. 217 00:08:56,620 --> 00:08:57,830 Hi. Can I help you? 218 00:08:57,830 --> 00:08:59,580 Is Harris Healy here? 219 00:08:59,580 --> 00:09:02,120 Uh, n-no, she's in school. Is something wrong? 220 00:09:02,120 --> 00:09:04,540 She left this in my squad car. 221 00:09:07,120 --> 00:09:09,080 My daughter was in your car? Why? 222 00:09:09,080 --> 00:09:11,170 I guess your sister didn't tell you. 223 00:09:11,170 --> 00:09:14,380 I caught her in the woods drinking last night. 224 00:09:14,380 --> 00:09:17,120 Wha-- You've got to be kidding me. 225 00:09:17,120 --> 00:09:19,500 Um...okay. 226 00:09:19,500 --> 00:09:22,000 Well, thank you for bringing her home safe. 227 00:09:23,210 --> 00:09:24,880 By the way, there's gonna be reports 228 00:09:24,880 --> 00:09:26,210 of screaming from this house later. 229 00:09:26,210 --> 00:09:28,500 You guys should just ignore that. 230 00:09:37,830 --> 00:09:39,170 Whatcha doin'? 231 00:09:39,170 --> 00:09:41,920 Um, cutting vegetables with a rock. 232 00:09:41,920 --> 00:09:44,040 You want to help me? It's infuriating. 233 00:09:45,880 --> 00:09:48,380 [Speaking Old Norse] woman. 234 00:09:48,380 --> 00:09:50,210 I bring nourishment from the sea. 235 00:09:53,290 --> 00:09:55,040 Did you buy that at a store? 236 00:09:55,040 --> 00:09:56,540 I got it from that fish market. 237 00:09:56,540 --> 00:09:57,920 I bartered for it, 238 00:09:57,920 --> 00:10:00,750 trading them zinc, nickel, and copper. 239 00:10:02,880 --> 00:10:04,670 Some day, they will call them "coins." 240 00:10:06,500 --> 00:10:08,250 I'm cutting a turnip with a rock, 241 00:10:08,250 --> 00:10:11,290 and you went out and bought a fish. 242 00:10:11,290 --> 00:10:13,710 Well, the important thing is that I have provided dinner 243 00:10:13,710 --> 00:10:16,210 in a historically accurate way. 244 00:10:16,210 --> 00:10:17,960 I will now leave you to clean the fish 245 00:10:17,960 --> 00:10:20,000 while I retire to the living room 246 00:10:20,000 --> 00:10:22,080 to play my shinbone flute. 247 00:10:22,080 --> 00:10:24,080 No, no, no. No. 248 00:10:24,080 --> 00:10:26,830 No. I scraped the fur off a squirrel. 249 00:10:26,830 --> 00:10:28,420 You're gutting the fish. 250 00:10:28,420 --> 00:10:29,880 I need a couple hours without the smell 251 00:10:29,880 --> 00:10:32,040 of death on my fingers. 252 00:10:32,040 --> 00:10:35,500 Viking women were often overwhelmed by their chores, 253 00:10:35,500 --> 00:10:37,380 but generally suffered in silence. 254 00:10:47,040 --> 00:10:50,120 [ Door opens, closes ] The only thing I know about Vikings is from "Hagar," 255 00:10:50,120 --> 00:10:51,880 and from what I remember, he and his wife 256 00:10:51,880 --> 00:10:54,000 used to like to fight in the privacy of their own yurt. 257 00:10:56,000 --> 00:10:58,830 Finally, the washer's free. 258 00:10:58,830 --> 00:11:00,380 Have you guys had a little talk yet? 259 00:11:00,380 --> 00:11:02,120 Little talk about what? 260 00:11:02,120 --> 00:11:03,420 Nothing. 261 00:11:03,420 --> 00:11:05,210 We were just talking about how well 262 00:11:05,210 --> 00:11:06,420 you and Louise were getting along. 263 00:11:06,420 --> 00:11:09,000 Open your eyes, Dan! 264 00:11:11,540 --> 00:11:14,080 That man-eater's trying to get into your Kirklands. 265 00:11:16,170 --> 00:11:17,830 It's true, Dad. I saw it myself. 266 00:11:17,830 --> 00:11:19,460 She was totally flirting with you. 267 00:11:19,460 --> 00:11:21,380 She was not! 268 00:11:21,380 --> 00:11:23,710 Louise and I enjoy talking to each other 269 00:11:23,710 --> 00:11:26,880 about back in the day, and that's it. 270 00:11:26,880 --> 00:11:28,250 You're 1,000 years old. 271 00:11:28,250 --> 00:11:29,580 You know what I'm talking about. 272 00:11:29,580 --> 00:11:32,750 ♪♪ 273 00:11:34,290 --> 00:11:36,000 Hey. Look what I found. 274 00:11:36,000 --> 00:11:38,290 Oh, nice. Thanks. No. Not so fast. 275 00:11:38,290 --> 00:11:40,040 A police officer said you left it in his car. 276 00:11:40,040 --> 00:11:42,000 You want to explain that? 277 00:11:42,000 --> 00:11:43,960 Oh. [ Sighs ] 278 00:11:43,960 --> 00:11:45,620 You really want to know? 279 00:11:45,620 --> 00:11:46,710 I'm dating a cop. 280 00:11:50,460 --> 00:11:52,710 Wow. You go down swinging. I'll give you that. 281 00:11:54,500 --> 00:11:55,960 You are grounded for three weeks. 282 00:11:55,960 --> 00:11:57,580 Oh, come on! 283 00:11:57,580 --> 00:11:59,380 Harris, is this what your life is gonna be now -- 284 00:11:59,380 --> 00:12:01,250 drinking in the woods with a bunch of idiots? 285 00:12:01,250 --> 00:12:03,420 My friends aren't idiots. 286 00:12:03,420 --> 00:12:04,920 And this is a ridiculous overreaction 287 00:12:04,920 --> 00:12:06,420 for a couple of beers. 288 00:12:06,420 --> 00:12:08,710 Harris, you are underage. 289 00:12:08,710 --> 00:12:10,580 You cannot have any beers. 290 00:12:10,580 --> 00:12:12,120 Get off my back. 291 00:12:12,120 --> 00:12:13,170 I'm getting good grades, 292 00:12:13,170 --> 00:12:15,540 and I scored really high on my ACTs. 293 00:12:15,540 --> 00:12:17,170 It's not like I'm doing heroin. 294 00:12:17,170 --> 00:12:19,460 It doesn't matter how smart you are. Don't you get it? 295 00:12:19,460 --> 00:12:21,620 A few wrong moves, and you're screwed for life. 296 00:12:21,620 --> 00:12:23,080 You want to end up like your Aunt Becky? 297 00:12:25,830 --> 00:12:27,750 [ Door slams ] 298 00:12:27,750 --> 00:12:29,210 Was Becky in the house? 299 00:12:31,500 --> 00:12:33,210 She was doing laundry. 300 00:12:33,210 --> 00:12:35,500 Damn it! And I almost said "Like your Uncle DJ." 301 00:12:41,000 --> 00:12:42,460 Can we just sit and talk 302 00:12:42,460 --> 00:12:45,620 like regular freakin' people just for a minute? 303 00:12:45,620 --> 00:12:47,500 I can't do this anymore. 304 00:12:47,500 --> 00:12:51,250 I'm cooking, I'm cleaning, I'm making sacrifices to Odin. 305 00:12:51,250 --> 00:12:54,170 I haven't had a decent night's sleep or a meal 306 00:12:54,170 --> 00:12:57,580 that my body knows how to digest in four days. 307 00:12:57,580 --> 00:12:59,210 It's been hard on both of us, 308 00:12:59,210 --> 00:13:01,170 but it's gonna make such a great paper. 309 00:13:01,170 --> 00:13:03,290 Yeah, but I have to actually go out and strip a tree 310 00:13:03,290 --> 00:13:05,170 in the park to make that paper. 311 00:13:05,170 --> 00:13:08,460 This...is not working for me. 312 00:13:08,460 --> 00:13:09,710 What are you talking about? 313 00:13:09,710 --> 00:13:13,040 Look, I don't mind paying your tuition, 314 00:13:13,040 --> 00:13:14,920 I don't mind running your errands, 315 00:13:14,920 --> 00:13:16,290 and I don't mind doing all the housework. 316 00:13:16,290 --> 00:13:19,620 What I'm trying to say is I do mind. 317 00:13:19,620 --> 00:13:21,830 I mind it all. 318 00:13:21,830 --> 00:13:24,420 You knew that I was finishing this degree when you met me. 319 00:13:24,420 --> 00:13:26,330 And now when I'm under the most pressure, 320 00:13:26,330 --> 00:13:27,710 you insinuate that I'm not bringing anything 321 00:13:27,710 --> 00:13:29,080 to the relationship. 322 00:13:29,080 --> 00:13:30,830 I'm not insinuating anything. 323 00:13:30,830 --> 00:13:33,250 I'm outright telling you. 324 00:13:33,250 --> 00:13:34,580 What do you want me to do? 325 00:13:34,580 --> 00:13:36,000 Uh, wash a dish. 326 00:13:36,000 --> 00:13:38,210 Run the vacuum cleaner. 327 00:13:38,210 --> 00:13:39,540 Ask me how my day is going. 328 00:13:39,540 --> 00:13:42,380 Chip in every once in a while for expenses. 329 00:13:42,380 --> 00:13:44,750 Look, I'll t-- I'll tell you what. 330 00:13:44,750 --> 00:13:46,960 In a month, when I finish writing up this paper, 331 00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:49,170 I'll do all those things and more. 332 00:13:49,170 --> 00:13:50,750 But right now, why don't you take 333 00:13:50,750 --> 00:13:53,210 all that frustration out on the dough 334 00:13:53,210 --> 00:13:54,830 and make the bread for tomorrow? 335 00:13:54,830 --> 00:13:57,290 Well... [ Clears throat ] 336 00:13:57,290 --> 00:14:00,210 I would, but I just got dragged away 337 00:14:00,210 --> 00:14:02,920 by a wild boar, and I'm dead. 338 00:14:02,920 --> 00:14:04,960 So while you mourn me, 339 00:14:04,960 --> 00:14:08,120 my Viking soul is gonna be at McDonald's. 340 00:14:08,120 --> 00:14:09,580 [ Chuckles ] 341 00:14:11,670 --> 00:14:12,880 What am I doing? I can't wear this. 342 00:14:12,880 --> 00:14:14,000 I'll look like an idiot. 343 00:14:19,000 --> 00:14:20,420 Hey. Ready to go? 344 00:14:20,420 --> 00:14:22,670 Yep. Just clocked out. 345 00:14:22,670 --> 00:14:26,120 I got the tickets, I got the cushions for the seats, 346 00:14:26,120 --> 00:14:28,420 and a little surprise we can all pass around. 347 00:14:29,790 --> 00:14:32,330 Is it a football? 348 00:14:32,330 --> 00:14:35,880 No, but it's as big as a football. 349 00:14:35,880 --> 00:14:37,080 Sounds good. 350 00:14:37,080 --> 00:14:38,710 Oh, your friends need a ride, 351 00:14:38,710 --> 00:14:40,000 or are they meeting us there? 352 00:14:40,000 --> 00:14:42,290 Um, they're gonna go on their own. 353 00:14:42,290 --> 00:14:44,420 I just figured that we might want to 354 00:14:44,420 --> 00:14:46,830 do something together after -- 355 00:14:46,830 --> 00:14:48,210 just the two of us. 356 00:14:50,210 --> 00:14:52,580 If that's all right with you. 357 00:14:55,290 --> 00:14:57,960 Can we maybe sit for a minute? 358 00:14:57,960 --> 00:14:59,040 Sure. 359 00:15:01,620 --> 00:15:03,880 Oh. 360 00:15:03,880 --> 00:15:05,380 [ Chuckles nervously ] 361 00:15:05,380 --> 00:15:07,170 Ah. 362 00:15:07,170 --> 00:15:10,580 This is crazy, but I have to ask. 363 00:15:10,580 --> 00:15:13,170 Becky and Jackie think that you're interested in me 364 00:15:13,170 --> 00:15:16,290 in more than a just shooting- the-breeze kind of way. 365 00:15:16,290 --> 00:15:17,380 Are you serious? 366 00:15:17,380 --> 00:15:19,040 Yeah. Crazy, right? 367 00:15:19,040 --> 00:15:20,380 No. 368 00:15:20,380 --> 00:15:22,920 I mean, I can't believe you didn't pick up on it. 369 00:15:27,170 --> 00:15:29,380 Every time you walk in here, 370 00:15:29,380 --> 00:15:31,920 I am staring at you like you're a deep-dish pizza. 371 00:15:33,830 --> 00:15:36,330 Let me help you figure it out. 372 00:15:36,330 --> 00:15:39,420 We're both free, we like each other, 373 00:15:39,420 --> 00:15:42,620 I've had a crush on you since I was 15, 374 00:15:42,620 --> 00:15:45,580 but Roseanne already had her brand on you. 375 00:15:45,580 --> 00:15:48,620 Well, she didn't actually brand me. 376 00:15:48,620 --> 00:15:50,920 But there are some bruises that'll never go away. 377 00:15:53,420 --> 00:15:57,040 Um, look, I'm just not ready for this. 378 00:15:57,040 --> 00:15:58,080 Oh. 379 00:16:00,290 --> 00:16:03,080 Anything I can do to change your mind? 380 00:16:03,080 --> 00:16:04,500 I'm afraid not. 381 00:16:06,540 --> 00:16:08,290 I still have a thing for my wife. 382 00:16:11,500 --> 00:16:12,960 Look, Louise. 383 00:16:15,120 --> 00:16:18,040 I really enjoy your company, 384 00:16:18,040 --> 00:16:19,380 and I hope it's not gonna be weird 385 00:16:19,380 --> 00:16:21,710 now that we're just friends. 386 00:16:21,710 --> 00:16:23,620 Well... 387 00:16:23,620 --> 00:16:25,170 the free beers are over. 388 00:16:27,960 --> 00:16:29,580 I was -- I was really hoping 389 00:16:29,580 --> 00:16:33,790 that I could get a little action for that. 390 00:16:33,790 --> 00:16:35,120 We still going to the concert? 391 00:16:35,120 --> 00:16:36,620 Of course. 392 00:16:36,620 --> 00:16:41,460 But if I have a chance to score with a Dog Night or a Pip, 393 00:16:41,460 --> 00:16:43,710 you better get out of my way. 394 00:16:43,710 --> 00:16:46,210 Deal. Deal. 395 00:16:46,210 --> 00:16:50,420 ♪ Why don't you love me like you used to do? ♪ 396 00:16:50,420 --> 00:16:52,670 How'd you know I was here? 397 00:16:52,670 --> 00:16:55,120 [ Sighs ] I know you like to play pool when you're upset, 398 00:16:55,120 --> 00:16:57,170 and, um, we need to talk. 399 00:16:57,170 --> 00:16:59,880 [ Balls clack ] No, we don't. 400 00:16:59,880 --> 00:17:02,960 You were pretty clear. 401 00:17:02,960 --> 00:17:04,960 Well [Scoffs] I was angry at Harris, 402 00:17:04,960 --> 00:17:06,750 and I was angry at you. 403 00:17:06,750 --> 00:17:09,250 I mean, you know that you should've told me what happened. 404 00:17:09,250 --> 00:17:11,290 I told her not to drink. 405 00:17:11,290 --> 00:17:13,460 But no matter what I did, 406 00:17:13,460 --> 00:17:17,120 it doesn't change what you really think of me. 407 00:17:17,120 --> 00:17:18,500 Okay, w-- uh, you know, I said it. 408 00:17:18,500 --> 00:17:20,080 I can't take it back, so, you know, 409 00:17:20,080 --> 00:17:21,420 what do you want me to do? 410 00:17:21,420 --> 00:17:23,210 When all this crap went down 411 00:17:23,210 --> 00:17:25,250 about my drinking and the baby, 412 00:17:25,250 --> 00:17:27,170 and you said you believed in me 413 00:17:27,170 --> 00:17:29,460 and that I could get through this, I thought, 414 00:17:29,460 --> 00:17:32,580 "Maybe I'm not as messed up as I think I am." 415 00:17:32,580 --> 00:17:34,120 But then I heard what you said, 416 00:17:34,120 --> 00:17:35,750 and now I know that you were lying to me, 417 00:17:35,750 --> 00:17:37,380 and that hurts. 418 00:17:37,380 --> 00:17:39,080 No, I was not lying. 419 00:17:39,080 --> 00:17:40,580 I do believe in you now. 420 00:17:40,580 --> 00:17:42,170 But are you gonna stand there and tell me 421 00:17:42,170 --> 00:17:45,380 you haven't made some really crappy choices in your life? 422 00:17:45,380 --> 00:17:48,420 It's so easy for you to criticize now, 423 00:17:48,420 --> 00:17:50,710 but where were you when I was making them? 424 00:17:50,710 --> 00:17:52,460 [ Chuckling ] What's that supposed to mean? 425 00:17:52,460 --> 00:17:55,880 When do you think the heavy drinking started? 426 00:17:55,880 --> 00:17:57,460 When Mark died, I needed you. 427 00:17:57,460 --> 00:18:00,460 I wrote to you and asked you to come. 428 00:18:00,460 --> 00:18:03,000 Well, my life was falling apart, too. 429 00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:05,080 My husband just left me with a 5-year-old kid, 430 00:18:05,080 --> 00:18:06,750 and I was pregnant. 431 00:18:06,750 --> 00:18:09,330 My husband died. 432 00:18:09,330 --> 00:18:14,420 ♪♪ 433 00:18:14,420 --> 00:18:16,170 Okay. 434 00:18:16,170 --> 00:18:17,210 You win. 435 00:18:19,290 --> 00:18:20,920 I did send you that care package 436 00:18:20,920 --> 00:18:23,620 filled with crossword puzzles and candy. 437 00:18:23,620 --> 00:18:25,620 [ Sarcastically ] Oh, yeah, those crossword puzzles 438 00:18:25,620 --> 00:18:28,210 really helped. 439 00:18:28,210 --> 00:18:30,250 It was nice to get away from being sad 440 00:18:30,250 --> 00:18:32,040 and feel stupid for a while. 441 00:18:34,000 --> 00:18:35,710 Hey, you want to play a game? 442 00:18:35,710 --> 00:18:37,790 Oh, don't waste your time. She's pregnant. 443 00:18:37,790 --> 00:18:38,960 And she's nasty. 444 00:18:41,040 --> 00:18:42,330 I'm up for either. 445 00:18:44,880 --> 00:18:46,080 Gross. 446 00:18:47,920 --> 00:18:50,620 Pick up a damn cue so no one comes over again. 447 00:18:52,210 --> 00:18:54,210 And you go first because you suck. 448 00:18:56,120 --> 00:18:58,750 I mean as a person, not only as a pool player. 449 00:19:00,250 --> 00:19:02,040 How come you didn't tell me you were so mad 450 00:19:02,040 --> 00:19:04,080 when it was all happening? 451 00:19:04,080 --> 00:19:07,540 Because I didn't want you to know how much I needed you. 452 00:19:07,540 --> 00:19:08,830 Why? 453 00:19:08,830 --> 00:19:11,960 Because you never need me. 454 00:19:11,960 --> 00:19:13,830 I hate being the needy one. 455 00:19:13,830 --> 00:19:16,420 When we were kids, I was the one who had it all together, 456 00:19:16,420 --> 00:19:20,040 and you were just the depressed little freak. 457 00:19:20,040 --> 00:19:21,830 Well, you should be in pig heaven now 458 00:19:21,830 --> 00:19:23,620 because I'm a depressed adult freak 459 00:19:23,620 --> 00:19:25,790 with just as many problems as you. 460 00:19:27,830 --> 00:19:29,880 And... 461 00:19:29,880 --> 00:19:33,170 you know, you think I don't need you? 462 00:19:33,170 --> 00:19:36,040 Why do you think I came back here in the first place? 463 00:19:36,040 --> 00:19:38,580 Not just for Mom and Dad. 464 00:19:38,580 --> 00:19:40,080 Really? 465 00:19:40,080 --> 00:19:43,170 You can't do that. You're not 4. 466 00:19:43,170 --> 00:19:44,710 [ Chuckles ] Oh, my God. 467 00:19:44,710 --> 00:19:46,080 How many times did I let you 468 00:19:46,080 --> 00:19:48,000 move the ball in miniature golf? 469 00:19:53,040 --> 00:19:56,290 There is no way to miss that shot. 470 00:19:56,290 --> 00:19:58,040 You should get a brain scan immediately. 471 00:19:59,290 --> 00:20:02,000 So... 472 00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:03,000 where do we go from here? 473 00:20:04,290 --> 00:20:06,330 Besides making jokes about brain tumors 474 00:20:06,330 --> 00:20:08,750 when somebody misses a very difficult shot. 475 00:20:10,580 --> 00:20:13,080 We make a pact to always be there for each other. 476 00:20:13,080 --> 00:20:14,620 [ Balls clack, pocket thuds ] 477 00:20:14,620 --> 00:20:16,250 Oh, pact seems a little binding. 478 00:20:16,250 --> 00:20:19,880 [ Sighs ] How about a...loose agreement? 479 00:20:19,880 --> 00:20:21,330 Fine. 480 00:20:21,330 --> 00:20:23,670 But just for the record, you needed me first. 481 00:20:23,670 --> 00:20:26,670 When Mom and Dad brought you home from the hospital, 482 00:20:26,670 --> 00:20:29,580 I remember seeing your sweet, little face 483 00:20:29,580 --> 00:20:33,120 and knowing that you really needed me to protect you. 484 00:20:33,120 --> 00:20:37,380 Wait. Mom told me you tried to kill me when I was a baby. 485 00:20:37,380 --> 00:20:40,250 Yeah, but something stopped me. 486 00:20:40,250 --> 00:20:41,580 I think it was Dad. 487 00:20:47,290 --> 00:20:48,500 [ Muffled ] You know, you really got to learn 488 00:20:48,500 --> 00:20:50,580 how to read the signals that a woman is sending you. 489 00:20:50,580 --> 00:20:53,080 Like, if a woman does this... 490 00:20:54,420 --> 00:20:56,250 Huh? What does that mean? 491 00:20:56,250 --> 00:20:58,170 You want me to check you for ticks. 492 00:20:58,170 --> 00:21:00,460 No! 493 00:21:00,460 --> 00:21:02,500 She's drawing attention to her neck. 494 00:21:02,500 --> 00:21:03,620 You got to know these things. 495 00:21:03,620 --> 00:21:05,380 Say you're sitting at a bar, 496 00:21:05,380 --> 00:21:07,170 and a woman eats a chip like this. 497 00:21:08,830 --> 00:21:09,830 She's not interested. 498 00:21:09,830 --> 00:21:12,170 Now, if she eats a chip like this... 499 00:21:17,620 --> 00:21:20,040 That means you're gonna be really unhappy 500 00:21:20,040 --> 00:21:22,420 when you hear that Mary brought those chips back in 501 00:21:22,420 --> 00:21:23,460 from the chicken coop. 502 00:21:23,460 --> 00:21:25,120 Oh! Oh! 503 00:21:25,120 --> 00:21:26,500 Oh, God!