1 00:00:03,830 --> 00:00:05,500 Hello, everybody! 2 00:00:05,500 --> 00:00:08,380 -[ Groans ] -Oh, hey, Aunt Jackie. 3 00:00:08,380 --> 00:00:09,670 Haven't seen you in a while. 4 00:00:09,670 --> 00:00:11,500 You and Peter must be really hitting it off. 5 00:00:11,500 --> 00:00:13,380 Uh, actually, my days are free. 6 00:00:13,380 --> 00:00:14,790 You know Peter -- he's got his classes 7 00:00:14,790 --> 00:00:16,790 in early European culture, 8 00:00:16,790 --> 00:00:18,880 and he's a falconer in training 9 00:00:18,880 --> 00:00:20,080 at the Renaissance Faire. 10 00:00:21,880 --> 00:00:24,210 He wears tights. 11 00:00:24,210 --> 00:00:26,500 Kind of put me off at first, 12 00:00:26,500 --> 00:00:27,710 but now I dig it. 13 00:00:29,790 --> 00:00:30,920 I don't get it. 14 00:00:30,920 --> 00:00:32,460 It's just a bunch of smelly hippies 15 00:00:32,460 --> 00:00:34,250 running around eating giant turkey legs. 16 00:00:35,620 --> 00:00:37,420 Ooh, I was shot at by the Taliban 17 00:00:37,420 --> 00:00:39,170 so people could do that. 18 00:00:39,170 --> 00:00:41,170 Well, well, well, looky here, 19 00:00:41,170 --> 00:00:43,080 it's a letter from the City of Lanford. 20 00:00:43,080 --> 00:00:44,620 I know what that is -- 21 00:00:44,620 --> 00:00:47,290 "Clean up your yard or we'll do it." 22 00:00:47,290 --> 00:00:48,380 All right, gang, 23 00:00:48,380 --> 00:00:49,960 anything you don't want, put in the yard. 24 00:00:49,960 --> 00:00:51,710 Nope. 25 00:00:51,710 --> 00:00:54,120 It's a permit to start construction 26 00:00:54,120 --> 00:00:55,960 on a backyard chicken coop. 27 00:00:55,960 --> 00:00:58,250 Oh, I waited at the mailbox for two weeks 28 00:00:58,250 --> 00:00:59,250 and it comes today. 29 00:00:59,250 --> 00:01:01,330 [ Laughs ] 30 00:01:01,330 --> 00:01:03,170 This is gonna be great. I applied for this 31 00:01:03,170 --> 00:01:06,250 so we could have eggs that are organic and healthy, 32 00:01:06,250 --> 00:01:08,000 and think about how much money we're gonna save. 33 00:01:08,000 --> 00:01:10,170 How big do you think our egg budget is? 34 00:01:12,210 --> 00:01:14,040 No way we're doing this. 35 00:01:14,040 --> 00:01:15,040 You won't even know it's here. 36 00:01:15,040 --> 00:01:16,960 I'll handle everything. 37 00:01:16,960 --> 00:01:18,500 Except, of course, building it. 38 00:01:18,500 --> 00:01:20,670 You'd have to do that. 39 00:01:20,670 --> 00:01:22,460 We don't need to build anything. 40 00:01:22,460 --> 00:01:25,540 I think the chickens will be plenty warm right in here. 41 00:01:27,920 --> 00:01:28,960 -Hey. -Hi. 42 00:01:28,960 --> 00:01:30,500 -Hey. -Hi, kids. How was school today? 43 00:01:30,500 --> 00:01:32,920 And wouldn't coming home be even better 44 00:01:32,920 --> 00:01:35,080 if you had your very own chicken coop? 45 00:01:35,080 --> 00:01:36,460 We're getting a chicken coop? 46 00:01:36,460 --> 00:01:38,460 I want that so bad! 47 00:01:38,460 --> 00:01:40,500 What is it? 48 00:01:40,500 --> 00:01:42,170 Mary, what would you name your chicken? 49 00:01:42,170 --> 00:01:43,210 Don't. 50 00:01:45,330 --> 00:01:47,380 Cornflakes. I love her so much already! 51 00:01:49,000 --> 00:01:50,040 Please, Grandpa? 52 00:01:50,040 --> 00:01:52,290 We don't have any pets. 53 00:01:52,290 --> 00:01:55,000 I have no way to pay forward the love you give me. 54 00:02:00,080 --> 00:02:01,460 Please, Grandpa Dan? 55 00:02:01,460 --> 00:02:02,790 Fine. 56 00:02:02,790 --> 00:02:04,080 I'll build you a chicken coop. 57 00:02:04,080 --> 00:02:05,880 [ Cheering ] 58 00:02:05,880 --> 00:02:08,040 Well, if we don't make the hillbilly hall of fame now, 59 00:02:08,040 --> 00:02:09,620 I don't know what else we can do. 60 00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:14,580 Is Aunt Jackie picking me up soon? 61 00:02:14,580 --> 00:02:16,290 Pretty soon. 62 00:02:16,290 --> 00:02:17,920 Now that you're done with the tables, 63 00:02:17,920 --> 00:02:19,920 I'm gonna let you marry all the ketchups. 64 00:02:21,880 --> 00:02:25,460 No kid has been allowed to do that before. 65 00:02:25,460 --> 00:02:27,040 We're reading "Tom Sawyer" this year. 66 00:02:27,040 --> 00:02:28,040 I know what you're doing. 67 00:02:30,710 --> 00:02:33,040 You know, I was as smart as you, and look what happened! 68 00:02:35,460 --> 00:02:36,380 Mark ready to go? 69 00:02:36,380 --> 00:02:37,750 Not yet. He's having fun! 70 00:02:37,750 --> 00:02:39,000 Let him stay a bit. 71 00:02:39,000 --> 00:02:40,380 Whatcha got there? Huh? 72 00:02:40,380 --> 00:02:41,460 It's just a quiz. 73 00:02:41,460 --> 00:02:42,750 [ Gasps ] Oh! 74 00:02:42,750 --> 00:02:44,960 "Are you financially ready to start a family?" 75 00:02:44,960 --> 00:02:47,170 I love these quizzes! 76 00:02:48,710 --> 00:02:51,080 Did you know I'm a woman other women hate? 77 00:02:53,040 --> 00:02:54,880 I know it's just a dumb magazine quiz, 78 00:02:54,880 --> 00:02:57,620 but I'm really stressed about being able to afford a baby. 79 00:02:57,620 --> 00:02:59,620 Do you have six months of emergency savings? 80 00:02:59,620 --> 00:03:02,120 Who has that? 81 00:03:02,120 --> 00:03:04,500 I'm a single working mom. 82 00:03:04,500 --> 00:03:07,290 I'm gonna need day care, I'm gonna need insurance, 83 00:03:07,290 --> 00:03:09,670 I'm gonna need baby furniture. 84 00:03:09,670 --> 00:03:11,460 That's not counting unexpected things. 85 00:03:11,460 --> 00:03:13,210 Like what? I don't know. They're unexpected! 86 00:03:15,040 --> 00:03:16,500 Look, I did the whole quiz. 87 00:03:16,500 --> 00:03:18,710 I am completely financially unprepared 88 00:03:18,710 --> 00:03:20,290 to have a baby -- I'm screwed. 89 00:03:20,290 --> 00:03:21,790 Look how much money you're saving 90 00:03:21,790 --> 00:03:23,670 by not drinking while you're pregnant. 91 00:03:23,670 --> 00:03:24,920 What's that? 92 00:03:24,920 --> 00:03:29,880 You know, 600, 700 bucks a month. 93 00:03:29,880 --> 00:03:32,540 Is that really how much you think I drink? 94 00:03:32,540 --> 00:03:34,210 That is so hurtful. 95 00:03:34,210 --> 00:03:36,920 That's like $20 a day. 96 00:03:36,920 --> 00:03:38,540 Huh, it might be that much. 97 00:03:40,460 --> 00:03:41,460 Maybe more. 98 00:03:41,460 --> 00:03:43,250 Yeah, I'm just saying. 99 00:03:43,250 --> 00:03:44,000 You know, you're doing really good 100 00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:44,960 not drinking for the baby. 101 00:03:44,960 --> 00:03:46,000 How many days has it been? 102 00:03:46,000 --> 00:03:49,750 21 brutal days. 103 00:03:49,750 --> 00:03:52,000 But, you know, working at a bar and serving drinks all day 104 00:03:52,000 --> 00:03:53,040 really keeps my mind off it. 105 00:03:55,250 --> 00:03:57,540 The ketchups are married. 106 00:03:57,540 --> 00:03:59,880 Oh, somebody wrote "Aunt Becky sucks" 107 00:03:59,880 --> 00:04:01,920 on the wall back there. 108 00:04:01,920 --> 00:04:04,330 Could've been anybody. 109 00:04:04,330 --> 00:04:05,330 -See you later. -Bye, Aunt Becky. 110 00:04:05,330 --> 00:04:06,880 [ Clears throat ] 111 00:04:06,880 --> 00:04:08,750 Oh, Andrea! 112 00:04:08,750 --> 00:04:10,710 Jackie! Hi. I saw you on Facebook. 113 00:04:10,710 --> 00:04:13,040 Congratulations on the baby! 114 00:04:13,040 --> 00:04:15,500 Thank you so much. That really means a lot. 115 00:04:15,500 --> 00:04:16,960 I'm sorry I had to block you. 116 00:04:16,960 --> 00:04:18,580 Yeah, no, I get it. 117 00:04:18,580 --> 00:04:19,790 I get it. 118 00:04:19,790 --> 00:04:21,000 I'm a woman other women hate. 119 00:04:22,040 --> 00:04:24,790 -Great catching up. -Yeah. 120 00:04:24,790 --> 00:04:26,670 Andrea. Hey! Hey, Becky. 121 00:04:26,670 --> 00:04:28,210 What are you doing here? 122 00:04:28,210 --> 00:04:29,420 Oh, well, I saw your Instagram post 123 00:04:29,420 --> 00:04:30,790 about the drink of the month. 124 00:04:30,790 --> 00:04:32,710 Candy-cane margarita sounded fantastic, 125 00:04:32,710 --> 00:04:33,960 so I came down. 126 00:04:33,960 --> 00:04:35,620 It's really just a regular margarita 127 00:04:35,620 --> 00:04:37,000 with a little crushed-up Altoid in it. 128 00:04:40,330 --> 00:04:42,040 Come on, you didn't come all the way here 129 00:04:42,040 --> 00:04:43,040 just for a drink. 130 00:04:43,040 --> 00:04:44,210 Truth? 131 00:04:44,210 --> 00:04:45,580 I wanted to talk to you. 132 00:04:45,580 --> 00:04:47,540 Why me? 133 00:04:47,540 --> 00:04:49,250 When we were going through the surrogacy together, 134 00:04:49,250 --> 00:04:50,330 I always felt like I could talk to you 135 00:04:50,330 --> 00:04:51,500 and you wouldn't judge me. 136 00:04:51,500 --> 00:04:53,710 Well, not to your face. That's not cool. 137 00:04:55,750 --> 00:04:58,380 So what's wrong? 138 00:04:58,380 --> 00:04:59,460 Remember how bad I wanted a baby? 139 00:04:59,460 --> 00:05:01,040 Yeah. 140 00:05:01,040 --> 00:05:03,580 I can't find that feeling anymore. 141 00:05:03,580 --> 00:05:06,710 I'm really struggling with being a mom. 142 00:05:06,710 --> 00:05:08,540 But look how cute he is. 143 00:05:08,540 --> 00:05:11,420 Yeah, it's 'cause he's sleeping. 144 00:05:11,420 --> 00:05:13,620 I never realized how selfish babies can be. 145 00:05:13,620 --> 00:05:16,500 I mean, they never leave you alone. 146 00:05:16,500 --> 00:05:18,420 How hard is it to get away from a baby? 147 00:05:18,420 --> 00:05:19,880 You just put it down and walk away. 148 00:05:19,880 --> 00:05:22,830 The baby's not gonna find you. 149 00:05:22,830 --> 00:05:25,380 I'm sorry. It's just really been a rough day. 150 00:05:25,380 --> 00:05:27,250 But you have money. 151 00:05:27,250 --> 00:05:28,540 Don't you have nannies and stuff? 152 00:05:28,540 --> 00:05:30,920 Yeah, I have nannies, I have a diaper service, 153 00:05:30,920 --> 00:05:33,710 I have food delivery, and it's still virtually impossible. 154 00:05:33,710 --> 00:05:35,790 I mean, I have no idea how poor people do it. 155 00:05:37,750 --> 00:05:40,170 Wow. So you really regret having a baby? 156 00:05:40,170 --> 00:05:43,080 You have no idea how lucky you are that you can't. 157 00:05:43,080 --> 00:05:44,460 Oh, yeah. Boy, am I lucky. 158 00:05:45,830 --> 00:05:47,790 Mnh! Oh, my God. 159 00:05:47,790 --> 00:05:49,120 Oh. What am I doing? 160 00:05:49,120 --> 00:05:50,750 It's the Altoid. It's weird, right? 161 00:05:50,750 --> 00:05:52,420 No. 162 00:05:52,420 --> 00:05:54,040 [ Sniffles ] No, it's not that. 163 00:05:55,880 --> 00:05:57,920 I might as well tell you. 164 00:05:57,920 --> 00:05:59,120 I'm pregnant. 165 00:06:02,040 --> 00:06:03,500 You are gonna... 166 00:06:03,500 --> 00:06:05,710 love being a mom! 167 00:06:11,790 --> 00:06:18,670 ♪♪ 168 00:06:18,670 --> 00:06:25,250 ♪♪ 169 00:06:25,250 --> 00:06:31,880 ♪♪ 170 00:06:31,880 --> 00:06:38,710 ♪♪ 171 00:06:38,710 --> 00:06:45,330 ♪♪ 172 00:06:45,330 --> 00:06:46,710 "The Conners" is recorded 173 00:06:46,710 --> 00:06:48,210 in front of a live studio audience. 174 00:06:48,210 --> 00:06:51,460 So, I just got bored of being retired. 175 00:06:51,460 --> 00:06:52,960 I was gonna travel, 176 00:06:52,960 --> 00:06:54,620 but turns out I'm frightened 177 00:06:54,620 --> 00:06:56,210 of people different than me. 178 00:06:59,080 --> 00:07:00,710 So, maybe stick to the Cracker Barrel 179 00:07:00,710 --> 00:07:01,960 and you'll be fine. 180 00:07:05,670 --> 00:07:06,670 Here you go. 181 00:07:09,000 --> 00:07:10,210 Oops. 182 00:07:10,210 --> 00:07:12,040 Dropped your tip. Nice try. 183 00:07:12,040 --> 00:07:14,750 I'm not bending down so you can look at my ass again. 184 00:07:14,750 --> 00:07:16,670 Didn't mean to insult you. 185 00:07:16,670 --> 00:07:18,620 How about... 186 00:07:18,620 --> 00:07:21,250 for a $10? 187 00:07:21,250 --> 00:07:23,170 [ Scoffs ] 188 00:07:23,170 --> 00:07:24,920 Wow. Thank you. 189 00:07:35,380 --> 00:07:36,500 What a jerk! 190 00:07:36,500 --> 00:07:38,880 He tried to make me bend down for $10. 191 00:07:38,880 --> 00:07:41,540 Management won't do anything 'cause he's a high roller. 192 00:07:41,540 --> 00:07:44,330 Here's how I deal with creepy guys. 193 00:07:44,330 --> 00:07:47,290 I say, "Show me yours, and I'll show you mine." 194 00:07:49,250 --> 00:07:51,460 Most of the time, it works, 195 00:07:51,460 --> 00:07:54,040 but the rest of the time, it's pretty gross. 196 00:07:56,750 --> 00:07:58,120 Hey, guys. 197 00:07:58,120 --> 00:07:59,880 Do you mind if I sit down? 198 00:07:59,880 --> 00:08:01,210 I had kind of a crazy day. 199 00:08:02,830 --> 00:08:05,330 What can I get you? 200 00:08:05,330 --> 00:08:08,250 Actually, we wanted to talk to you first. 201 00:08:08,250 --> 00:08:09,710 If either of you had a bad reaction 202 00:08:09,710 --> 00:08:11,250 to the chiles rellenos last night, 203 00:08:11,250 --> 00:08:12,460 I have a form for you to fill out. 204 00:08:12,460 --> 00:08:15,210 No. It's not that. 205 00:08:15,210 --> 00:08:18,330 Um, look, we know that you're worried 206 00:08:18,330 --> 00:08:20,500 about raising this baby alone, 207 00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:23,420 and you know that we've been looking to adopt. 208 00:08:23,420 --> 00:08:26,170 So what would you think about 209 00:08:26,170 --> 00:08:28,170 maybe all of us doing this together? 210 00:08:28,170 --> 00:08:29,790 What do you mean? 211 00:08:29,790 --> 00:08:33,000 We'd adopt your baby, and we'd all raise it. 212 00:08:33,000 --> 00:08:34,080 I mean, the baby would live with us, 213 00:08:34,080 --> 00:08:35,500 but you'd be over all the time, 214 00:08:35,500 --> 00:08:37,750 and we'd pay all the expenses. 215 00:08:37,750 --> 00:08:39,380 Wow. 216 00:08:39,380 --> 00:08:41,000 I did not see this coming. 217 00:08:43,330 --> 00:08:44,670 We know you have to work, 218 00:08:44,670 --> 00:08:46,460 and I work out of the house, 219 00:08:46,460 --> 00:08:47,790 so I could be with the baby all day, 220 00:08:47,790 --> 00:08:50,290 and Bridget has great benefits. 221 00:08:50,290 --> 00:08:51,290 Post office. 222 00:08:53,170 --> 00:08:55,540 This is a lot. 223 00:08:55,540 --> 00:08:58,210 Just need some time to think. 224 00:08:58,210 --> 00:08:59,830 I'll be right back with your food. 225 00:09:01,040 --> 00:09:03,540 We didn't order. 226 00:09:03,540 --> 00:09:05,670 Just eat whatever she brings you. 227 00:09:05,670 --> 00:09:07,120 We're trying to get a baby. 228 00:09:13,670 --> 00:09:15,500 Good morning, Dad. 229 00:09:15,500 --> 00:09:16,580 Is it? 230 00:09:18,380 --> 00:09:20,540 That would indicate that I've slept. 231 00:09:20,540 --> 00:09:23,420 I've been up all night, like many accomplished men, 232 00:09:23,420 --> 00:09:25,790 knocking cats off my chicken coop with a broom. 233 00:09:27,420 --> 00:09:29,620 I can't believe we built a coop for chickens. 234 00:09:29,620 --> 00:09:31,290 I mean, I could never even get a tree house. 235 00:09:31,290 --> 00:09:33,290 You broke your wrist walking across a room. 236 00:09:33,290 --> 00:09:35,710 We weren't gonna put you in a tree. 237 00:09:35,710 --> 00:09:37,120 Cornflakes has an STD! 238 00:09:38,880 --> 00:09:42,080 No, honey, the vet said she has PTSD. 239 00:09:43,290 --> 00:09:44,540 According to the vet, 240 00:09:44,540 --> 00:09:47,290 Cornflakes was traumatized by the cat attack. 241 00:09:47,290 --> 00:09:49,880 We can expect loss of appetite, irritability, 242 00:09:49,880 --> 00:09:52,670 possibly night terrors. 243 00:09:52,670 --> 00:09:53,670 Okay, Mark. 244 00:09:53,670 --> 00:09:55,460 Take Cornflakes out to the coop. 245 00:09:55,460 --> 00:09:57,790 Well, actually, until Cornflakes stabilizes, 246 00:09:57,790 --> 00:09:58,960 she needs to live in the house, 247 00:09:58,960 --> 00:10:00,540 and she also has a tranquilizer 248 00:10:00,540 --> 00:10:02,500 she needs to take every four hours. 249 00:10:02,500 --> 00:10:04,960 The doctor recommends that we take turns holding her 250 00:10:04,960 --> 00:10:07,500 until she falls asleep. 251 00:10:07,500 --> 00:10:10,460 The chicken is not living in the house with us. 252 00:10:10,460 --> 00:10:12,290 I never thought I'd have to say that. 253 00:10:12,290 --> 00:10:13,420 Come on, guys. 254 00:10:13,420 --> 00:10:15,290 Let's put Cornflakes back in the coop. 255 00:10:19,750 --> 00:10:21,790 This is insane! 256 00:10:21,790 --> 00:10:24,080 My back is killing me because I've been up all night 257 00:10:24,080 --> 00:10:25,710 dealing with kamikaze cats 258 00:10:25,710 --> 00:10:27,830 hurling themselves at a chicken coop 259 00:10:27,830 --> 00:10:29,420 in my backyard! 260 00:10:29,420 --> 00:10:31,500 Next time you have a harebrained idea, 261 00:10:31,500 --> 00:10:32,750 do it at your house. 262 00:10:32,750 --> 00:10:36,380 Big man, king of England, 263 00:10:36,380 --> 00:10:38,250 too good to have a chicken living in his house. 264 00:10:38,250 --> 00:10:40,580 Well, la-di-da! 265 00:10:43,750 --> 00:10:45,960 Did you finish laying out those ads for the next issue? 266 00:10:45,960 --> 00:10:47,830 Just about. 267 00:10:47,830 --> 00:10:50,210 I'm just looking for another way to make some money. 268 00:10:50,210 --> 00:10:52,040 I'm getting real tired of this one customer 269 00:10:52,040 --> 00:10:54,000 at the casino harassing me. 270 00:10:54,000 --> 00:10:55,790 What, is he touching you? 271 00:10:55,790 --> 00:10:57,040 Oh, no. 272 00:10:57,040 --> 00:10:59,380 I mean, not yet, anyway. 273 00:10:59,380 --> 00:11:01,420 I'll tell you what, if he does -- come here. 274 00:11:01,420 --> 00:11:03,620 Let me show you a move that'll really cripple the guy. 275 00:11:03,620 --> 00:11:04,830 [ Chuckles ] 276 00:11:04,830 --> 00:11:06,170 Put your hand on my shoulder. 277 00:11:06,170 --> 00:11:08,040 Okay. All right, like that. 278 00:11:08,040 --> 00:11:10,210 And you're gonna put your hand on top of his hand, 279 00:11:10,210 --> 00:11:12,080 thumb on his knuckles, right? 280 00:11:16,460 --> 00:11:17,960 You know, I think I got a better way. 281 00:11:17,960 --> 00:11:19,830 Better way is good, yeah. 282 00:11:19,830 --> 00:11:21,120 [ Clears throat ] All right. 283 00:11:21,120 --> 00:11:22,330 Look, with guys, 284 00:11:22,330 --> 00:11:24,250 it's all about intimidation, right? 285 00:11:24,250 --> 00:11:26,420 You just got to have that crazy look in your eyes 286 00:11:26,420 --> 00:11:28,290 that says, "I won't stop until you're dead, 287 00:11:28,290 --> 00:11:29,710 and then I'll kill your ghost!" 288 00:11:32,000 --> 00:11:33,170 Now, show me your look. 289 00:11:37,710 --> 00:11:38,750 It's not just eyes. 290 00:11:38,750 --> 00:11:40,120 This is... 291 00:11:40,120 --> 00:11:42,040 primal animal stuff, you know? 292 00:11:42,040 --> 00:11:43,710 You just got to make 'em feel threatened! Holy crap! 293 00:11:43,710 --> 00:11:45,170 That was terrifying. 294 00:11:45,170 --> 00:11:46,830 Hey, thank you. 295 00:11:46,830 --> 00:11:49,540 Okay, now you go. 296 00:11:49,540 --> 00:11:52,120 Okay. Um... 297 00:11:52,120 --> 00:11:54,170 Raah! 298 00:11:54,170 --> 00:11:55,880 It's -- It's a good start. 299 00:11:55,880 --> 00:11:57,290 It's not frightening, 300 00:11:57,290 --> 00:11:59,380 but, um...odd, 301 00:11:59,380 --> 00:12:02,670 and, uh, unsettling. [ Chuckles ] 302 00:12:02,670 --> 00:12:03,620 Let's finish this later. 303 00:12:03,620 --> 00:12:04,670 We need to get back to work. 304 00:12:04,670 --> 00:12:05,790 [ Roars ] Whoa. Hey. 305 00:12:05,790 --> 00:12:07,420 [ Laughing ] Hey! 306 00:12:07,420 --> 00:12:08,620 Better! Yes! 307 00:12:08,620 --> 00:12:12,380 Now it's jarring and off-putting. 308 00:12:12,380 --> 00:12:14,580 Damn straight it is. 309 00:12:14,580 --> 00:12:17,250 ♪♪ 310 00:12:17,250 --> 00:12:18,080 [ Insects chirping ] 311 00:12:27,750 --> 00:12:29,170 [ Lock disengages ] 312 00:12:29,170 --> 00:12:31,250 Becky, it's late. You okay? 313 00:12:32,540 --> 00:12:34,420 I've just been walking around the last two hours, 314 00:12:34,420 --> 00:12:37,960 and I think I've made a decision. 315 00:12:37,960 --> 00:12:39,380 I want to do that thing 316 00:12:39,380 --> 00:12:41,620 where I raise the baby with you guys. 317 00:12:41,620 --> 00:12:43,380 Really? 318 00:12:43,380 --> 00:12:45,880 [ Chuckling ] Oh, my God. 319 00:12:45,880 --> 00:12:46,960 Maria! 320 00:12:46,960 --> 00:12:48,330 Come down here! 321 00:12:48,330 --> 00:12:50,620 We're getting a baby! 322 00:12:50,620 --> 00:12:52,290 Maria: What?! 323 00:12:52,290 --> 00:12:53,290 Hold on. 324 00:12:55,210 --> 00:12:56,960 We're getting Becky's baby. 325 00:12:56,960 --> 00:12:59,500 [ Squeals ] 326 00:12:59,500 --> 00:13:02,380 [ Chuckles ] She's happy. 327 00:13:02,380 --> 00:13:04,210 Do you want to come in and celebrate? 328 00:13:04,210 --> 00:13:05,580 I think I got some sparkling cider. 329 00:13:05,580 --> 00:13:07,750 Nah, I should get going. 330 00:13:07,750 --> 00:13:09,120 We can talk later. 331 00:13:11,750 --> 00:13:13,540 It's gonna be awesome. 332 00:13:13,540 --> 00:13:15,540 Yeah, it is. Thank you so much. 333 00:13:20,040 --> 00:13:21,040 Goodnight. 334 00:13:21,040 --> 00:13:22,040 Goodnight. 335 00:13:25,420 --> 00:13:27,290 [ Light switch clicks ] 336 00:13:27,290 --> 00:13:32,120 ♪♪ 337 00:13:35,880 --> 00:13:37,670 [ Christmas music plays on TV ] 338 00:13:39,710 --> 00:13:42,210 [ Door closes ] 339 00:13:42,210 --> 00:13:43,290 Darlene! [ Gasps ] What?! 340 00:13:43,290 --> 00:13:46,250 Oh, God. 341 00:13:46,250 --> 00:13:48,120 What are you doing here? What time is it? 342 00:13:48,120 --> 00:13:49,920 It's 2:00 in the morning. 343 00:13:49,920 --> 00:13:51,250 I just did something, 344 00:13:51,250 --> 00:13:53,290 and I need to talk to you about it. 345 00:13:53,290 --> 00:13:56,040 Can it wait? It could. 346 00:13:56,040 --> 00:13:57,420 But I just agreed to give my baby 347 00:13:57,420 --> 00:13:59,210 to a lesbian couple from the restaurant. 348 00:14:01,460 --> 00:14:02,540 Well, now you've got me hooked. 349 00:14:02,540 --> 00:14:04,880 Go on. 350 00:14:04,880 --> 00:14:07,210 You remember Bridget and Maria from high school? 351 00:14:07,210 --> 00:14:09,290 Yeah. 352 00:14:09,290 --> 00:14:10,710 They offered me this arrangement 353 00:14:10,710 --> 00:14:14,170 where they said we could all raise the baby together, 354 00:14:14,170 --> 00:14:16,790 but they would actually adopt it. 355 00:14:16,790 --> 00:14:18,330 Becky, why would you do that? 356 00:14:18,330 --> 00:14:20,170 Why wouldn't you come to me first? 357 00:14:20,170 --> 00:14:22,330 Because I'm freaked out. 358 00:14:22,330 --> 00:14:25,380 I think that I'm gonna suck as a mom. 359 00:14:25,380 --> 00:14:26,750 And I was talking to Andrea, 360 00:14:26,750 --> 00:14:28,710 and she has all the help in the world, 361 00:14:28,710 --> 00:14:30,170 and she's falling apart. 362 00:14:30,170 --> 00:14:32,080 But you're not Andrea. 363 00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:34,170 Before the baby, she had a pretty good life. 364 00:14:34,170 --> 00:14:35,250 You don't have that problem. 365 00:14:35,250 --> 00:14:37,170 You've already fallen apart. 366 00:14:39,920 --> 00:14:41,750 You don't get it. 367 00:14:41,750 --> 00:14:43,170 Well, look. 368 00:14:43,170 --> 00:14:45,420 Becky, I know you're worried about money, 369 00:14:45,420 --> 00:14:48,040 but m-maybe we'll just figure out a way 370 00:14:48,040 --> 00:14:49,170 to get you some assistance. 371 00:14:49,170 --> 00:14:50,960 It's not just about that. 372 00:14:50,960 --> 00:14:53,880 Then what is it about? 373 00:14:53,880 --> 00:14:56,080 Ever since I've been pregnant, 374 00:14:56,080 --> 00:14:58,500 I can't stop thinking about having a drink. 375 00:15:01,460 --> 00:15:04,960 [ Voice breaking ] I'm a drunk, Darlene. 376 00:15:04,960 --> 00:15:06,670 And... 377 00:15:06,670 --> 00:15:09,040 I don't want to screw up some kid's life. 378 00:15:13,210 --> 00:15:15,960 I-I'm sorry. This is a lot to take in. 379 00:15:15,960 --> 00:15:17,290 Um... 380 00:15:17,290 --> 00:15:18,880 I think I need some coffee. 381 00:15:18,880 --> 00:15:20,710 I was in the middle of a crazy dream. 382 00:15:20,710 --> 00:15:22,330 Everybody in the family was happy, 383 00:15:22,330 --> 00:15:25,080 and Dad had the head of a chicken. 384 00:15:28,040 --> 00:15:30,540 Okay, I don't think I understand. 385 00:15:30,540 --> 00:15:32,120 I mean, I know you're struggling, 386 00:15:32,120 --> 00:15:33,920 but you're stronger than you think you are. 387 00:15:33,920 --> 00:15:35,670 I mean, you stopped drinking on a dime 388 00:15:35,670 --> 00:15:38,080 when you found out you were pregnant. 389 00:15:38,080 --> 00:15:41,080 Yesterday, I almost drank a candy-cane margarita. 390 00:15:43,210 --> 00:15:44,750 God, you must be an alcoholic. 391 00:15:44,750 --> 00:15:47,670 Who else would drink that? 392 00:15:47,670 --> 00:15:50,210 See? That's what I mean. 393 00:15:50,210 --> 00:15:52,170 How could I be a good mother? 394 00:15:52,170 --> 00:15:53,250 I don't want my kid taken away 395 00:15:53,250 --> 00:15:56,000 and turned over to family services. 396 00:15:56,000 --> 00:15:57,750 Okay, I don't think that's gonna happen. 397 00:15:57,750 --> 00:16:00,210 I believe you're gonna stay sober. 398 00:16:00,210 --> 00:16:01,830 But, I mean, I don't want to be stupid about this. 399 00:16:01,830 --> 00:16:03,960 I know there are some people who can't. 400 00:16:03,960 --> 00:16:06,330 So, if you're one of those people, 401 00:16:06,330 --> 00:16:09,250 then I'll have to step in and take care of your baby 402 00:16:09,250 --> 00:16:10,670 until you get your act together. 403 00:16:10,670 --> 00:16:12,750 What if I can't get my act together? 404 00:16:12,750 --> 00:16:13,830 Then we sell it. 405 00:16:13,830 --> 00:16:16,120 I mean... 406 00:16:16,120 --> 00:16:18,420 Emilio's a good-looking guy. You're pretty cute. 407 00:16:18,420 --> 00:16:19,620 I think we can get top dollar. 408 00:16:21,670 --> 00:16:24,120 I can't do this. 409 00:16:24,120 --> 00:16:25,710 You already have too much on your plate. 410 00:16:25,710 --> 00:16:28,040 Well, then we'll get the whole family to help out. 411 00:16:28,040 --> 00:16:29,170 Becky, we're not gonna let 412 00:16:29,170 --> 00:16:31,460 your baby fall through the cracks. 413 00:16:31,460 --> 00:16:33,040 Oh, my God, what if I start doing crack? 414 00:16:34,920 --> 00:16:36,790 Okay, you're just panicking. 415 00:16:36,790 --> 00:16:38,580 You can do this. 416 00:16:38,580 --> 00:16:39,920 [ Sighs ] You would not have come over here 417 00:16:39,920 --> 00:16:41,420 if you thought you were doing the right thing. 418 00:16:41,420 --> 00:16:42,670 [ Sighs ] 419 00:16:42,670 --> 00:16:44,460 Okay. 420 00:16:44,460 --> 00:16:45,580 [ Inhales sharply ] 421 00:16:45,580 --> 00:16:49,000 I'm gonna tell them I changed my mind. 422 00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:52,670 I'm gonna keep the baby. 423 00:16:52,670 --> 00:16:54,830 I don't think I've ever felt this close to you. 424 00:16:56,670 --> 00:16:57,880 Thank you for not being 425 00:16:57,880 --> 00:17:00,330 a judgmental little troll for once. 426 00:17:02,460 --> 00:17:05,920 ♪♪ 427 00:17:08,500 --> 00:17:10,080 What are you gonna do with the chickens? 428 00:17:10,080 --> 00:17:11,880 I'm taking Cornflakes home. 429 00:17:11,880 --> 00:17:15,000 The other three are going to a chicken rescue. 430 00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:16,420 There's a chicken rescue? 431 00:17:17,790 --> 00:17:19,250 Not just chickens. 432 00:17:19,250 --> 00:17:22,380 Parrots, got a couple of hawks. 433 00:17:22,380 --> 00:17:26,330 I heard they had one of the "Harry Potter" owls, so... 434 00:17:26,330 --> 00:17:28,120 [Clears throat] I'm figuring it's a good place. 435 00:17:30,750 --> 00:17:33,250 The chickens could stay. 436 00:17:33,250 --> 00:17:35,290 I just didn't want Cornflakes in the house. 437 00:17:35,290 --> 00:17:37,000 Why don't you say what you really mean, Dan? 438 00:17:37,000 --> 00:17:38,670 You just don't want me in the house. 439 00:17:38,670 --> 00:17:40,210 Where are you getting that from? 440 00:17:40,210 --> 00:17:41,620 Let's finally get this out. 441 00:17:41,620 --> 00:17:44,420 The only reason you ever put up with me coming over 442 00:17:44,420 --> 00:17:47,460 is because my sister wanted me here. 443 00:17:47,460 --> 00:17:49,670 And? 444 00:17:49,670 --> 00:17:51,210 You're so thick-headed. 445 00:17:51,210 --> 00:17:53,080 Why do you think the chickens are here? 446 00:17:53,080 --> 00:17:55,580 I have no damn idea. 447 00:17:55,580 --> 00:17:57,790 Oh, so you want me to say it, don't you? 448 00:17:57,790 --> 00:18:01,330 Okay! I thought if there was a chicken coop here, 449 00:18:01,330 --> 00:18:03,170 you'd need somebody to help you with it. 450 00:18:03,170 --> 00:18:06,080 That would give me an excuse to come over every day. 451 00:18:06,080 --> 00:18:08,250 So, you thought if you forced me 452 00:18:08,250 --> 00:18:09,750 to become a chicken farmer, 453 00:18:09,750 --> 00:18:10,750 I'd want you here more? 454 00:18:10,750 --> 00:18:12,830 Yeah. 455 00:18:12,830 --> 00:18:14,210 Wasn't a perfect plan. 456 00:18:16,620 --> 00:18:19,500 Listen, Jackie, when Roseanne was alive, 457 00:18:19,500 --> 00:18:21,790 you'd come over, and I'd give you a hard time. 458 00:18:21,790 --> 00:18:24,210 Now, that worked for 40 years. 459 00:18:24,210 --> 00:18:25,790 I see no reason to change it now. 460 00:18:25,790 --> 00:18:27,920 So, then, why doesn't anybody ever call me 461 00:18:27,920 --> 00:18:29,710 and invite me over?! 462 00:18:29,710 --> 00:18:33,580 You don't need to be invited because you're always here! 463 00:18:33,580 --> 00:18:34,880 And why would you need an invite? 464 00:18:34,880 --> 00:18:36,750 You're family. 465 00:18:36,750 --> 00:18:38,790 So... 466 00:18:38,790 --> 00:18:40,380 you want me here, 467 00:18:40,380 --> 00:18:44,460 and if I didn't come over, you'd miss me? 468 00:18:44,460 --> 00:18:48,170 Yeah, sure. Why not? 469 00:18:48,170 --> 00:18:50,500 There we go -- the reluctant compliment. 470 00:18:50,500 --> 00:18:52,750 Dan -- our little game continues! 471 00:18:52,750 --> 00:18:54,080 Come here! 472 00:18:54,080 --> 00:18:56,120 [ Both laugh ] 473 00:18:58,710 --> 00:19:00,500 Are you still gonna take Cornflakes home? 474 00:19:00,500 --> 00:19:02,330 Oh, yeah, just for a week. 475 00:19:02,330 --> 00:19:05,000 Mom says she's deathly afraid of birds. 476 00:19:05,000 --> 00:19:07,420 We're gonna find out if that's true, 477 00:19:07,420 --> 00:19:10,120 aren't we, Cornflakes? 478 00:19:15,500 --> 00:19:17,080 Hey. 479 00:19:17,080 --> 00:19:18,580 What are you doing here? 480 00:19:18,580 --> 00:19:20,580 Eh, no reason. 481 00:19:20,580 --> 00:19:22,460 Maybe gamble. 482 00:19:22,460 --> 00:19:24,250 Thought maybe I'd go find that guy 483 00:19:24,250 --> 00:19:26,210 who's been bothering you and say hey. 484 00:19:29,210 --> 00:19:32,040 Punch him till he's unconscious. 485 00:19:32,040 --> 00:19:33,210 Wait. 486 00:19:33,210 --> 00:19:35,790 So, as my boss, 487 00:19:35,790 --> 00:19:39,170 you just decided to come down here and protect me? 488 00:19:39,170 --> 00:19:42,290 There's no other feelings motivating this? 489 00:19:42,290 --> 00:19:44,580 What other feelings could I have 490 00:19:44,580 --> 00:19:45,710 that would motivate this? 491 00:19:45,710 --> 00:19:47,290 I don't know. You tell me. 492 00:19:47,290 --> 00:19:50,170 No, you tell me. 493 00:19:50,170 --> 00:19:52,120 Some people might say 494 00:19:52,120 --> 00:19:54,880 it feels like a boyfriend move? 495 00:19:54,880 --> 00:19:55,790 No! 496 00:19:55,790 --> 00:19:57,250 What? No. 497 00:19:57,250 --> 00:19:58,960 [ Chuckles ] What?! 498 00:19:58,960 --> 00:20:01,540 [ Laughs ] No. That wouldn't be appropriate. 499 00:20:01,540 --> 00:20:04,380 And I think that you questioning my intentions 500 00:20:04,380 --> 00:20:07,460 is kind of a girlfriend move. 501 00:20:07,460 --> 00:20:08,710 What? No. 502 00:20:08,710 --> 00:20:10,670 What?! No. 503 00:20:10,670 --> 00:20:12,250 [ Both chuckle ] 504 00:20:12,250 --> 00:20:15,040 Hey. 505 00:20:15,040 --> 00:20:17,080 Thanks for not saying anything about the outfit. 506 00:20:17,080 --> 00:20:18,120 What outfit? 507 00:20:21,540 --> 00:20:23,750 Here you go. [ Sighs ] 508 00:20:23,750 --> 00:20:25,080 Tell you what. 509 00:20:25,080 --> 00:20:27,580 Sit on my lap for good luck, 510 00:20:27,580 --> 00:20:28,960 and I'll split my winnings with you. 511 00:20:31,670 --> 00:20:33,250 You know what? I have a better idea. 512 00:20:37,000 --> 00:20:38,620 What the hell? 513 00:20:38,620 --> 00:20:40,000 You know I'm gonna get you fired. 514 00:20:40,000 --> 00:20:41,580 Oh, I'm gonna quit before you do. 515 00:20:41,580 --> 00:20:42,830 I win again! 516 00:20:44,540 --> 00:20:46,620 I just threw a drink in the creep's face, 517 00:20:46,620 --> 00:20:48,210 and I'm quitting. 518 00:20:48,210 --> 00:20:49,880 Really? Yeah. 519 00:20:49,880 --> 00:20:52,540 And you know what gave me the courage to do it? 520 00:20:52,540 --> 00:20:54,540 The fact that you're giving me a raise and medical. 521 00:20:56,710 --> 00:20:57,790 And it's so great 522 00:20:57,790 --> 00:20:59,290 because I didn't think I could stay sober 523 00:20:59,290 --> 00:21:00,790 after the baby was born, 524 00:21:00,790 --> 00:21:02,580 which is why I agreed to your offer. 525 00:21:02,580 --> 00:21:04,460 But my family really stepped up. 526 00:21:04,460 --> 00:21:06,880 I mean, my sister Darlene -- you know her from school -- 527 00:21:06,880 --> 00:21:09,250 she was just so supportive and amazing, 528 00:21:09,250 --> 00:21:10,500 and now I'm feeling so good 529 00:21:10,500 --> 00:21:13,170 because I feel like I can finally be a responsible mom! 530 00:21:14,460 --> 00:21:15,670 We're very happy for you. 531 00:21:18,000 --> 00:21:20,290 I'm going on break, 532 00:21:20,290 --> 00:21:23,580 so Stephanie is going to take over my section. 533 00:21:23,580 --> 00:21:25,750 Don't forget to tip!