1
00:00:05,005 --> 00:00:06,307
Ohh!
2
00:00:06,340 --> 00:00:08,976
Look at you doing
your homework before
you go out to play.
3
00:00:09,009 --> 00:00:10,844
If you get an "A," I'm gonna
put it up on the fridge
4
00:00:10,878 --> 00:00:13,047
right next to your
clean colonoscopy results.
5
00:00:13,081 --> 00:00:15,916
This family's accomplished
so little,
6
00:00:15,949 --> 00:00:18,186
anything without polyps
is a win.
7
00:00:19,387 --> 00:00:21,989
I'm working my sobriety steps.
8
00:00:22,022 --> 00:00:23,324
I'm on step four --
9
00:00:23,357 --> 00:00:26,527
making a fearless
moral inventory of myself.
10
00:00:26,560 --> 00:00:29,363
Oh, yeah? I took
my own inventory recently.
11
00:00:29,397 --> 00:00:31,299
I found I was running low
on patience.
12
00:00:32,233 --> 00:00:33,701
That was just
my clever way of saying,
13
00:00:33,734 --> 00:00:36,670
"Get your asses over here
and help with the dishes."
14
00:00:36,704 --> 00:00:38,439
Now I have to add that
to my list.
15
00:00:38,472 --> 00:00:42,910
"Haven't told my father
he's not really that clever."
16
00:00:44,278 --> 00:00:46,280
I'm so proud of you
for being sober,
17
00:00:46,314 --> 00:00:48,749
but you were a lot sweeter
when you were drunk.
18
00:00:48,782 --> 00:00:51,719
Sometimes I miss
my tipsy little angel.
19
00:00:51,752 --> 00:00:55,123
Hey, you still have
your barren little devil.
20
00:00:55,156 --> 00:00:57,558
Um, can I borrow that?
21
00:01:00,828 --> 00:01:03,131
Add "Being mean to your sister"
to your list.
22
00:01:03,164 --> 00:01:04,765
Oh, you don't have
a pen!
23
00:01:06,767 --> 00:01:09,303
Oh, when you were little,
it was so cute when you fought.
24
00:01:09,337 --> 00:01:13,307
Now it's just two bitter old
spinsters going at it.
25
00:01:15,143 --> 00:01:18,779
My next step
is making amends.
26
00:01:18,812 --> 00:01:20,114
Mikey's coming to town,
27
00:01:20,148 --> 00:01:22,883
so I'm taking him out to lunch
to apologize
28
00:01:22,916 --> 00:01:25,619
for lying about
being a giant success.
29
00:01:25,653 --> 00:01:28,722
Why? Someone out there
should think you're a winner.
30
00:01:28,756 --> 00:01:32,226
Because we're friends, and I
want to be honest with him.
31
00:01:32,260 --> 00:01:34,662
I know that "honesty"
and "friends"
32
00:01:34,695 --> 00:01:36,930
are not concepts that
you're familiar with,
33
00:01:36,964 --> 00:01:38,966
so just continue
to stare at me blankly
34
00:01:38,999 --> 00:01:41,135
and think about yourself.
35
00:01:41,169 --> 00:01:43,771
No, that's not
what I was doing.
36
00:01:43,804 --> 00:01:46,174
I was thinking about telling
Pastor Phil
37
00:01:46,207 --> 00:01:47,908
why I ran out of church
the other day
38
00:01:47,941 --> 00:01:49,577
and how I'm still gonna need
some path
39
00:01:49,610 --> 00:01:53,013
around the smoking hole
that Ben left in my heart.
40
00:01:53,046 --> 00:01:55,349
Huh, look at that.
I was thinking about me.
41
00:01:57,385 --> 00:01:59,920
So, when I looked
in the Bible
42
00:01:59,953 --> 00:02:03,291
and I saw my mom begging God
to stop her pain,
43
00:02:03,324 --> 00:02:06,660
I just -- I freaked out,
you know?
44
00:02:06,694 --> 00:02:10,264
Well, I believe that God's heart
was the first to break,
45
00:02:10,298 --> 00:02:14,535
but, ultimately, we're in charge
of our own destiny.
46
00:02:14,568 --> 00:02:16,470
I am sorry
about your mom.
47
00:02:16,504 --> 00:02:18,138
Thank you.
Yeah, I just --
48
00:02:18,172 --> 00:02:20,140
I didn't want you to think
I ran out because of you.
49
00:02:20,174 --> 00:02:22,476
No.
I never had a runner before.
50
00:02:22,510 --> 00:02:24,144
I made it work for me.
51
00:02:24,178 --> 00:02:26,514
When you left, I told the
congregation when you came in,
52
00:02:26,547 --> 00:02:30,050
you weren't able to walk,
so hallelujah!
53
00:02:30,083 --> 00:02:32,786
The real miracle is that you got
me into church at all.
54
00:02:32,820 --> 00:02:33,954
I hope they got you, like,
55
00:02:33,987 --> 00:02:35,989
a Red Robin gift card
or something for that.
56
00:02:37,425 --> 00:02:40,194
You know, I-I am still
looking for a place
57
00:02:40,228 --> 00:02:42,330
to find
spiritual guidance.
58
00:02:42,363 --> 00:02:45,132
Well, there's a lot of ways
to do that.
59
00:02:45,165 --> 00:02:46,900
It, uh...
60
00:02:46,934 --> 00:02:48,536
doesn't have to be
the church.
61
00:02:48,569 --> 00:02:50,638
Oh, yeah.
Thanks for understanding.
62
00:02:50,671 --> 00:02:53,974
Kind of thought you'd fight
a little harder for me, but...
63
00:02:54,007 --> 00:02:55,709
It's gonna take some time,
Darlene,
64
00:02:55,743 --> 00:02:58,546
to find the path
that works for you.
65
00:02:58,579 --> 00:02:59,813
I know your mom's gone,
66
00:02:59,847 --> 00:03:01,249
but is there anyone else
in the house
67
00:03:01,282 --> 00:03:03,651
that you can talk to about
what you're going through?
68
00:03:03,684 --> 00:03:06,086
Well, there's my Aunt Jackie,
but that's kind of like saying,
69
00:03:06,119 --> 00:03:07,588
"Well, there's Daffy Duck."
70
00:03:07,621 --> 00:03:09,590
Anybody else?
71
00:03:09,623 --> 00:03:12,426
There's Louise,
my dad's fiancée.
72
00:03:12,460 --> 00:03:15,763
I mean, she's really grounded,
and she's been through a lot.
73
00:03:15,796 --> 00:03:18,599
But I don't know.
I'd love to talk to her.
74
00:03:18,632 --> 00:03:20,100
I'm not really close enough
to her
75
00:03:20,133 --> 00:03:22,436
to dump all my toxic baggage
in her lap.
76
00:03:22,470 --> 00:03:24,171
She's marrying your dad.
77
00:03:24,204 --> 00:03:26,774
Now is the time
to build that relationship.
78
00:03:26,807 --> 00:03:29,910
And then later, when you're
closer and she trusts you --
79
00:03:29,943 --> 00:03:32,346
boop, boop, boop.
80
00:03:32,380 --> 00:03:34,582
Toxic baggage.
81
00:03:36,617 --> 00:03:39,587
- - Captions by VITAC --
82
00:04:21,629 --> 00:04:24,231
Hey, Mikey.
Thanks for coming.
83
00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:26,634
You ready to go to lunch?
I can't.
84
00:04:26,667 --> 00:04:27,635
Why not?
85
00:04:27,668 --> 00:04:29,570
I wanted to tell you
some things I did
86
00:04:29,603 --> 00:04:31,605
that weren't so great.
87
00:04:31,639 --> 00:04:33,407
But they're
too embarrassing.
88
00:04:33,441 --> 00:04:36,344
And I don't want to see the pity
in your eyes, so here.
89
00:04:36,377 --> 00:04:39,747
I wrote it all down
in case I chickened out.
90
00:04:39,780 --> 00:04:41,615
Becky, we're friends.
91
00:04:41,649 --> 00:04:43,216
You can tell me anything.
92
00:04:45,152 --> 00:04:46,687
Turn around.
93
00:04:50,791 --> 00:04:52,326
Okay.
94
00:04:52,360 --> 00:04:55,663
I totally lied
about going to college
95
00:04:55,696 --> 00:04:58,298
and being
a huge success.
96
00:04:59,567 --> 00:05:04,672
The truth is,
I'm a recovering alcoholic
97
00:05:04,705 --> 00:05:07,975
who wasted a lot of years
98
00:05:08,008 --> 00:05:11,512
making really bad choices.
99
00:05:11,545 --> 00:05:13,847
I am so sorry.
100
00:05:15,983 --> 00:05:17,618
Uh...
101
00:05:17,651 --> 00:05:21,021
I know that was hard.
Thanks for telling me.
102
00:05:22,089 --> 00:05:23,957
That's it?
You're not mad at me?
103
00:05:23,991 --> 00:05:25,158
No.
104
00:05:25,192 --> 00:05:27,294
No, I had a feeling some of
what you said wasn't true
105
00:05:27,327 --> 00:05:29,497
once I figured out Vasterflagen
wasn't a college,
106
00:05:29,530 --> 00:05:30,831
it was an Ikea cabinet.
107
00:05:30,864 --> 00:05:32,966
I-I panicked.
108
00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:34,635
I almost
said "Chumbawamba."
109
00:05:36,103 --> 00:05:38,639
Look, why don't we have lunch
and catch up for real?
110
00:05:38,672 --> 00:05:40,674
I want to hear about
your actual life.
111
00:05:40,708 --> 00:05:43,310
You sure you want to hear
the gory details?
112
00:05:43,343 --> 00:05:44,845
Hey, you're not
the only one
113
00:05:44,878 --> 00:05:46,547
that's done something
embarrassing when they're drunk.
114
00:05:46,580 --> 00:05:48,982
Try challenging a four-year-old
to a dance battle
115
00:05:49,016 --> 00:05:50,718
at a family picnic
and losing.
116
00:05:50,751 --> 00:05:52,486
I can top that.
117
00:05:52,520 --> 00:05:56,457
I repeatedly tried to
order a piña colada
from a bank teller.
118
00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:02,262
Okay, guys, I need help.
119
00:06:02,295 --> 00:06:05,098
Mark and I are trying to make
place cards for the reception.
120
00:06:05,132 --> 00:06:08,669
Does anyone know where the other
half of the big scissors is?
121
00:06:08,702 --> 00:06:11,104
Where'd you find
half a scissors?
122
00:06:11,138 --> 00:06:12,172
Sticking in
the dart board.
123
00:06:12,205 --> 00:06:14,508
I got a bull's-eye.
124
00:06:14,542 --> 00:06:15,743
Oh, you know what?
125
00:06:15,776 --> 00:06:19,279
I do have more scissors
in the sewing drawer.
126
00:06:19,312 --> 00:06:20,881
Nobody around here sews,
127
00:06:20,914 --> 00:06:22,883
so they were probably used
on toenails or something,
128
00:06:22,916 --> 00:06:24,452
but they should do the job.
129
00:06:26,286 --> 00:06:28,622
Listen, when you're done
with place cards,
130
00:06:28,656 --> 00:06:30,357
how about grabbing
a cup of coffee someplace?
131
00:06:30,390 --> 00:06:31,625
You and I never do that.
132
00:06:31,659 --> 00:06:34,962
Well, I'd love to, but I got
a long list of things to do,
133
00:06:34,995 --> 00:06:38,732
and Mark charges me a dollar
every time I get behind.
134
00:06:38,766 --> 00:06:41,134
Okay. Oh, you know what?
How about this?
135
00:06:41,168 --> 00:06:44,071
I will jump in and help you, and
we can catch up along the way.
136
00:06:44,104 --> 00:06:46,106
You shouldn't be doing all this
on your own anyway.
137
00:06:46,139 --> 00:06:48,542
Well, that would
be fantastic.
138
00:06:48,576 --> 00:06:50,544
So, what can I take
off your plate?
139
00:06:50,578 --> 00:06:53,714
Well, you can save my life right
now if you can help me find
140
00:06:53,747 --> 00:06:55,816
a reasonable place
to rent silverware.
141
00:06:55,849 --> 00:06:57,485
"Silverware"?
142
00:06:57,518 --> 00:06:59,720
Is the queen coming?
143
00:07:01,088 --> 00:07:02,956
No, here's what
Dan and Roseanne did.
144
00:07:02,990 --> 00:07:05,993
You get those plastic utensils
that look like silver
145
00:07:06,026 --> 00:07:07,961
at the Dollar Store,
but you just got to remember
146
00:07:07,995 --> 00:07:10,063
you can't really use
the knife and fork
147
00:07:10,097 --> 00:07:13,567
to cut anything actually,
like Salisbury steak or pot pie,
148
00:07:13,601 --> 00:07:14,902
because they just snap off,
149
00:07:14,935 --> 00:07:17,638
and then you're just poking
at your food with a handle.
150
00:07:17,671 --> 00:07:19,640
I appreciate that.
151
00:07:19,673 --> 00:07:21,975
But, you know, we're gonna do
things a little bit differently
152
00:07:22,009 --> 00:07:23,276
than Dan and Roseanne.
153
00:07:23,310 --> 00:07:24,645
Okay!
154
00:07:26,113 --> 00:07:28,415
Silverware rental.
Got it. Easy.
155
00:07:28,448 --> 00:07:30,584
Oh, thank you so much.
156
00:07:30,618 --> 00:07:32,853
You know, for food,
I am deciding between
157
00:07:32,886 --> 00:07:35,455
two different caterers --
Italian or Polish.
158
00:07:35,489 --> 00:07:38,626
You know what? You can eliminate
your silverware problem
159
00:07:38,659 --> 00:07:40,093
by serving Moroccan.
160
00:07:40,127 --> 00:07:42,796
You eat with your hands,
they do great vegetarian.
161
00:07:42,830 --> 00:07:45,432
You know what? I actually think
we've got a menu here someplace.
162
00:07:45,465 --> 00:07:47,768
Um,
that's really interesting,
163
00:07:47,801 --> 00:07:50,938
but my family's
not really into spicy food.
164
00:07:50,971 --> 00:07:53,941
They're more into
meat inside other meat.
165
00:07:53,974 --> 00:07:55,375
Oh. Okay.
166
00:07:55,408 --> 00:07:56,944
Um, yeah, see, this is why
167
00:07:56,977 --> 00:07:58,111
we have to spend
more time together.
168
00:07:58,145 --> 00:07:59,780
I never knew that about you.
But that's alright.
169
00:07:59,813 --> 00:08:01,882
We'll just circle back
on the dinner thing.
170
00:08:01,915 --> 00:08:04,284
Oh, but you know what
we do have to get you
171
00:08:04,317 --> 00:08:06,353
is a great wedding dress.
172
00:08:06,386 --> 00:08:08,522
You know what? I said
if I ever got married again,
173
00:08:08,556 --> 00:08:09,723
I would wear black.
174
00:08:09,757 --> 00:08:12,159
You are so rock and roll.
You just have to do that.
175
00:08:12,192 --> 00:08:15,563
Yeah. Well, you know, um,
here's the thing --
176
00:08:15,596 --> 00:08:17,130
I already got the dress.
177
00:08:17,164 --> 00:08:20,333
And I decided to go a little
more "Here Comes the Bride"
178
00:08:20,367 --> 00:08:22,736
and a little less
"Don't Fear the Reaper."
179
00:08:22,770 --> 00:08:24,304
Okay, yeah.
Well, you know what?
180
00:08:24,337 --> 00:08:27,140
There's a lot of other things on
this list I can help you with.
181
00:08:27,174 --> 00:08:29,810
Um...
Oh, you know what?
182
00:08:29,843 --> 00:08:32,680
Instead of Moroccan,
let's do Ethiopian.
183
00:08:32,713 --> 00:08:35,015
I love that
we're doing this together.
184
00:08:36,917 --> 00:08:39,553
I can't believe you
picked out the wedding
dress without me.
185
00:08:39,587 --> 00:08:41,354
I'm less hurt
than I am concerned.
186
00:08:42,756 --> 00:08:43,924
I didn't.
187
00:08:43,957 --> 00:08:46,660
I want you and Harris
to pick it out with me.
188
00:08:46,694 --> 00:08:49,730
Everyone's energy
is just so intense.
189
00:08:49,763 --> 00:08:52,499
I'm -- I'm too stressed
to deal with that right now.
190
00:08:52,532 --> 00:08:53,901
You're stressed?
191
00:08:53,934 --> 00:08:56,236
I'm planning a wedding
without a clipboard.
192
00:08:59,807 --> 00:09:02,242
So?
193
00:09:02,275 --> 00:09:03,611
One spin, please.
194
00:09:03,644 --> 00:09:05,779
Okay.
195
00:09:05,813 --> 00:09:07,180
Keep spinning...
196
00:09:07,214 --> 00:09:09,883
until the dress flies off you
and back onto the rack.
197
00:09:09,917 --> 00:09:12,720
Why?
What's wrong with it?
198
00:09:12,753 --> 00:09:15,488
It's your wedding day,
not Friday night at "da club."
199
00:09:16,489 --> 00:09:17,691
Go classic.
200
00:09:17,725 --> 00:09:19,627
Look, I don't even know
why we're doing this.
201
00:09:19,660 --> 00:09:22,262
Weddings are just a scam to make
women spend money
202
00:09:22,295 --> 00:09:24,698
on an institution
created to oppress them.
203
00:09:24,732 --> 00:09:26,266
You know, you left out
the best part --
204
00:09:26,299 --> 00:09:29,770
All the bridesmaids
get to wear the same dress.
205
00:09:29,803 --> 00:09:32,773
How do you feel about
being oppressed in green?
206
00:09:32,806 --> 00:09:34,474
So, we're supposed to
look disgusting
207
00:09:34,507 --> 00:09:35,743
to make you
look beautiful?
208
00:09:35,776 --> 00:09:36,677
Welcome aboard.
209
00:09:39,312 --> 00:09:40,781
But I was too drunk
to realize
210
00:09:40,814 --> 00:09:44,251
the coin-operated horsey wasn't
going to outrun the mall cops.
211
00:09:45,919 --> 00:09:47,287
I'm -- I'm sorry.
212
00:09:47,320 --> 00:09:49,256
I feel bad for laughing
at your stories.
213
00:09:52,693 --> 00:09:55,663
I mean, I'm proud I got sober,
but I'm not out of the woods.
214
00:09:56,630 --> 00:09:59,900
My dad's wedding's coming up,
so that's gonna be tough.
215
00:09:59,933 --> 00:10:03,003
If it'd help, I could go with
you and be your support system.
216
00:10:03,036 --> 00:10:04,938
Really?
Yeah.
217
00:10:04,972 --> 00:10:06,239
Thanks!
218
00:10:06,273 --> 00:10:09,142
I can't even imagine
dealing with a real date yet.
219
00:10:09,176 --> 00:10:11,011
And what if I really like
the guy?
220
00:10:12,045 --> 00:10:14,181
Sober sex terrifies me.
221
00:10:14,214 --> 00:10:16,283
You'll figure it out.
222
00:10:16,316 --> 00:10:17,751
I don't know.
223
00:10:17,785 --> 00:10:19,286
You have to
look into their eyes.
224
00:10:19,319 --> 00:10:20,854
You got to say nice things.
225
00:10:20,888 --> 00:10:24,457
You got to...figure out
when everybody's done.
226
00:10:24,491 --> 00:10:26,193
That is hard.
227
00:10:26,226 --> 00:10:28,962
That's why I try to be polite
and yell out, "I'm done,"
228
00:10:28,996 --> 00:10:30,798
so there's no confusion.
229
00:10:30,831 --> 00:10:33,000
It's gonna be scary.
230
00:10:33,033 --> 00:10:35,635
I was never self-conscious
because I was drunk.
231
00:10:35,669 --> 00:10:37,004
I get it.
232
00:10:37,037 --> 00:10:38,706
Look, if you're with a guy
233
00:10:38,739 --> 00:10:40,173
and you start to feel
self-conscious,
234
00:10:40,207 --> 00:10:43,443
just remember that you're smart,
you're beautiful,
235
00:10:43,476 --> 00:10:46,780
and he's only thinking about
how lucky he is.
236
00:10:46,814 --> 00:10:50,050
That's so sweet.
237
00:10:50,083 --> 00:10:52,385
Do you want to have sex
with me?
238
00:10:53,220 --> 00:10:54,621
I'm sorry, what?
239
00:10:54,654 --> 00:10:57,390
If I was drunk, that would have
come out so much better.
240
00:10:57,424 --> 00:10:59,059
No, no.
241
00:10:59,092 --> 00:11:01,695
You said it fine...
242
00:11:01,729 --> 00:11:04,164
and...I'm flattered.
243
00:11:05,198 --> 00:11:06,633
But why me?
244
00:11:06,666 --> 00:11:10,470
Because I trust you, and I want
to get it out of the way.
245
00:11:10,503 --> 00:11:12,539
You must have been a much better
flirt as a drunk,
246
00:11:12,572 --> 00:11:14,307
because that was
really subpar.
247
00:11:14,341 --> 00:11:17,911
No! I mean you're my friend,
and you don't judge me.
248
00:11:18,846 --> 00:11:22,115
Come on.
Don't leave me hanging.
249
00:11:24,117 --> 00:11:25,385
Okay.
250
00:11:25,418 --> 00:11:26,920
But I wish
you'd mentioned something
251
00:11:26,954 --> 00:11:29,022
before I ate a whole
meatloaf sandwich and pie.
252
00:11:29,056 --> 00:11:30,858
Don't worry.
253
00:11:30,891 --> 00:11:34,227
I'm packing lasagna and a full
order of mozzarella sticks.
254
00:11:34,261 --> 00:11:38,098
This whole thing is gonna be
embarrassing and awful.
255
00:11:38,131 --> 00:11:39,933
Let's make some magic.
256
00:11:45,906 --> 00:11:47,307
Here we are.
257
00:11:48,541 --> 00:11:50,944
Wow. This is
a really nice hotel room.
258
00:11:50,978 --> 00:11:53,546
That's a nice lamp
and nice drapes
259
00:11:53,580 --> 00:11:55,783
and a nice...
260
00:11:55,816 --> 00:11:58,786
little stumpy stool thing.
261
00:11:58,819 --> 00:12:01,588
Look, it's totally cool if
you're having second thoughts.
262
00:12:01,621 --> 00:12:03,757
Oh, no way.
No way.
263
00:12:03,791 --> 00:12:05,658
We are getting
this done.
264
00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:08,896
Where should we start?
265
00:12:08,929 --> 00:12:11,965
Uh, well, the last time I did
it, it started with a kiss.
266
00:12:17,805 --> 00:12:18,972
That was pretty good,
right?
267
00:12:19,006 --> 00:12:20,107
Okay.
Okay.
268
00:12:20,140 --> 00:12:22,609
I think I'm ready
to move this to the bed.
269
00:12:24,577 --> 00:12:25,712
Oh, too fast?
270
00:12:25,745 --> 00:12:27,247
It's all good.
271
00:12:31,819 --> 00:12:33,887
At some point,
we're gonna need to be naked.
272
00:12:33,921 --> 00:12:34,955
I agree.
273
00:12:37,991 --> 00:12:40,660
Why don't we do some more
of the kissing stuff,
274
00:12:40,693 --> 00:12:42,595
and then just
let it happen?
275
00:12:43,931 --> 00:12:45,866
Right. Okay.
276
00:12:51,972 --> 00:12:53,841
Were your eyes open
the whole time?
277
00:12:53,874 --> 00:12:57,010
I forgot
what to do with them!
278
00:12:57,044 --> 00:13:00,580
I'm so freaking nervous,
I can't even tell you.
279
00:13:00,613 --> 00:13:02,916
Hey...
280
00:13:02,950 --> 00:13:07,754
Remember, you're smart,
you're beautiful,
281
00:13:07,787 --> 00:13:11,124
and the guy is thinking about
how lucky he is.
282
00:13:12,159 --> 00:13:13,626
How about
we turn off the lights,
283
00:13:13,660 --> 00:13:16,964
and maybe we'll feel
more comfortable.
284
00:13:16,997 --> 00:13:18,631
Yeah, that'd be good.
285
00:13:23,170 --> 00:13:25,605
Okay, I'm naked.
Let's go.
286
00:13:25,638 --> 00:13:28,608
Sorry, still stuck trying to get
this knot out of my shoe.
287
00:13:28,641 --> 00:13:29,609
Aw, forget it.
288
00:13:29,642 --> 00:13:31,711
I just need
the important stuff naked.
289
00:13:33,080 --> 00:13:35,515
We're trying to figure out
what Bears fans are gonna like,
290
00:13:35,548 --> 00:13:37,384
so you got to drink like
a Bears fan.
291
00:13:37,417 --> 00:13:38,986
You're sipping!
292
00:13:39,019 --> 00:13:40,287
I'm busy.
293
00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:43,123
I found this great place
that makes plastic flowers
294
00:13:43,156 --> 00:13:44,324
from recycled tires.
295
00:13:44,357 --> 00:13:46,960
This wedding is gonna have
no carbon footprint.
296
00:13:46,994 --> 00:13:48,395
Mm...
297
00:13:48,428 --> 00:13:50,563
Every bride
dreams of that.
298
00:13:52,032 --> 00:13:53,400
I got to hand it to you.
299
00:13:53,433 --> 00:13:56,136
You got kicked to the curb
after proposing to Ben,
300
00:13:56,169 --> 00:13:58,538
and here you are jumping in
to help out Louise.
301
00:13:58,571 --> 00:14:00,140
I mean, it's healthy,
right?
302
00:14:00,173 --> 00:14:03,643
Uh-huh. Well, I think so,
but I'm plowed.
303
00:14:05,412 --> 00:14:06,479
What's that?
304
00:14:06,513 --> 00:14:07,847
Instagram.
305
00:14:09,682 --> 00:14:11,418
This is weird.
306
00:14:11,451 --> 00:14:13,853
Harris is with Louise
at a bridal shop,
307
00:14:13,887 --> 00:14:15,588
and Louise
is trying on dresses.
308
00:14:15,622 --> 00:14:17,257
Son of a bitch,
they're dress-shopping
309
00:14:17,290 --> 00:14:18,691
for the wedding
without us?
310
00:14:18,725 --> 00:14:20,193
Well, I don't get it.
311
00:14:20,227 --> 00:14:21,995
She told us
she already had the dress.
312
00:14:22,029 --> 00:14:23,931
Well,
she's obviously lying.
313
00:14:23,964 --> 00:14:25,165
Well, why would she
do that?
314
00:14:25,198 --> 00:14:26,166
I'll tell you why.
315
00:14:26,199 --> 00:14:27,334
It's just like a man
316
00:14:27,367 --> 00:14:30,437
to try and silence strong women
with opinions.
317
00:14:30,470 --> 00:14:32,872
She's a woman, Jackie.
318
00:14:32,906 --> 00:14:35,808
It's all the steroids
in the meat.
319
00:14:37,744 --> 00:14:38,946
We should go down there
320
00:14:38,979 --> 00:14:41,281
'cause she shouldn't think
she can get away with this.
321
00:14:41,314 --> 00:14:43,850
Yeah,
I-I guess we have to.
322
00:14:43,883 --> 00:14:46,553
Man, I-I was
only suggesting things
323
00:14:46,586 --> 00:14:47,754
to make
the wedding better.
324
00:14:47,787 --> 00:14:49,289
I can't believe
she's excluding me
325
00:14:49,322 --> 00:14:51,391
like I was
trying to ruin it.
Yeah.
326
00:14:51,424 --> 00:14:53,026
I mean,
if she didn't want you there
327
00:14:53,060 --> 00:14:55,628
because you dress like a house
painter or, you know, you --
328
00:14:55,662 --> 00:14:58,298
she felt like you were gonna
bring everybody down --
329
00:14:58,331 --> 00:15:00,934
your face does pull the sun
right out of the sky --
330
00:15:00,968 --> 00:15:04,437
then she should tell you that
instead of lying!
331
00:15:04,471 --> 00:15:07,941
This is why
I never come to you, Daffy.
332
00:15:15,182 --> 00:15:17,084
You okay?
333
00:15:17,117 --> 00:15:19,386
Okay?
334
00:15:19,419 --> 00:15:21,554
I was fabulous!
335
00:15:21,588 --> 00:15:23,923
I totally crushed
sober sex!
336
00:15:25,825 --> 00:15:27,227
I know my favorite moves,
337
00:15:27,260 --> 00:15:28,795
but you tell me
what you liked best.
338
00:15:28,828 --> 00:15:30,130
I liked them all.
339
00:15:30,163 --> 00:15:31,298
Yeah, but rank 'em.
340
00:15:31,331 --> 00:15:33,666
This is just like high school.
You want a grade.
341
00:15:33,700 --> 00:15:34,968
Everything was "A"-plus.
342
00:15:35,002 --> 00:15:36,669
You're getting a free ride
to Vasterflagen.
343
00:15:36,703 --> 00:15:39,006
Ha ha!
344
00:15:39,039 --> 00:15:42,175
I really appreciate
you doing this for me.
345
00:15:44,311 --> 00:15:45,345
I have a confession.
346
00:15:47,147 --> 00:15:50,450
I dreamed about this happening
when we were in high school.
347
00:15:50,483 --> 00:15:52,085
I had a huge crush on you.
348
00:15:52,119 --> 00:15:53,420
Really?
349
00:15:53,453 --> 00:15:55,088
Yeah.
350
00:15:55,122 --> 00:15:58,625
And I...kind of still do.
351
00:15:58,658 --> 00:16:00,627
What?!
352
00:16:00,660 --> 00:16:01,961
The last time I saw you
353
00:16:01,995 --> 00:16:05,465
I remembered how much I liked
you, and now, after this, I --
354
00:16:05,498 --> 00:16:07,000
No, no, no!
355
00:16:07,034 --> 00:16:09,036
You can't have feelings
for me!
356
00:16:09,069 --> 00:16:10,837
I never would have had sex
with you
357
00:16:10,870 --> 00:16:12,339
if I knew
you actually liked me!
358
00:16:12,372 --> 00:16:13,806
Why?
359
00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:15,442
We're great together.
360
00:16:15,475 --> 00:16:17,044
Everybody knows that
the strongest relationships
361
00:16:17,077 --> 00:16:18,111
start out as friends.
362
00:16:18,145 --> 00:16:20,780
Mikey,
you're an amazing guy,
363
00:16:20,813 --> 00:16:22,849
but I'm not ready
for a relationship.
364
00:16:22,882 --> 00:16:26,053
In rehab, they told us
that we should wait a year
365
00:16:26,086 --> 00:16:28,321
until starting anything
because if it didn't work out,
366
00:16:28,355 --> 00:16:30,757
it could send us
right back to the bottle.
367
00:16:32,325 --> 00:16:34,327
That's the last thing
I want.
368
00:16:36,096 --> 00:16:39,032
Ohh, I'm sorry.
369
00:16:39,066 --> 00:16:40,833
Have I ruined everything?
370
00:16:40,867 --> 00:16:41,934
Yes!
371
00:16:43,336 --> 00:16:45,305
Look, I-I'm kidding.
372
00:16:45,338 --> 00:16:47,540
I'm --
Hey, I'm kidding.
373
00:16:47,574 --> 00:16:48,975
You didn't ruin anything.
374
00:16:49,008 --> 00:16:51,311
I should have told you
how I felt.
375
00:16:52,845 --> 00:16:55,348
Yeah, it's your fault
for being in love with me.
376
00:16:55,382 --> 00:16:58,017
I can't blame you,
though,
377
00:16:58,051 --> 00:17:00,753
me being so damn good at sex
and all.
378
00:17:00,787 --> 00:17:03,756
Hey! I think
I was pretty good, too.
379
00:17:03,790 --> 00:17:05,592
Which of my moves
was your favorite?
380
00:17:05,625 --> 00:17:08,561
The one where you called me
a goddess.
381
00:17:10,963 --> 00:17:13,266
I can't get less sexy.
382
00:17:13,300 --> 00:17:16,369
It's not the dress.
It's what's in it.
383
00:17:16,403 --> 00:17:18,105
I love it.
384
00:17:19,939 --> 00:17:21,341
Whoa.
385
00:17:21,374 --> 00:17:23,410
I can't believe
you fought so hard
386
00:17:23,443 --> 00:17:25,412
about not wearing
a bridesmaid's dress.
387
00:17:25,445 --> 00:17:26,779
You look great in it.
388
00:17:26,813 --> 00:17:28,748
I didn't put it on
because you asked.
389
00:17:28,781 --> 00:17:29,882
I put a poll on my Insta,
390
00:17:29,916 --> 00:17:31,718
and apparently a bunch
of basic bitches
391
00:17:31,751 --> 00:17:33,720
wanted me to perpetuate
this stupid tradition.
392
00:17:33,753 --> 00:17:36,656
I'm betraying my entire
generation by doing this.
393
00:17:39,492 --> 00:17:42,095
Well, you don't have to wear it
if you don't want to.
394
00:17:42,129 --> 00:17:44,797
No, no.
I'll do it for you.
395
00:17:46,966 --> 00:17:49,102
Oh, hey, Louise.
Nice dress.
396
00:17:49,136 --> 00:17:50,303
What happened
to the other one?
397
00:17:50,337 --> 00:17:52,439
You have to return it
to the house of lies?
398
00:17:52,472 --> 00:17:55,108
Okay, I'm sorry.
399
00:17:55,142 --> 00:17:57,577
I wanted a smaller group
doing this.
400
00:17:57,610 --> 00:17:58,911
Well, then,
why didn't you just tell me?
401
00:17:58,945 --> 00:17:59,912
I would have understood.
402
00:17:59,946 --> 00:18:02,582
Yeah, why?
She's nice!
403
00:18:02,615 --> 00:18:04,784
I saw her get born!
404
00:18:04,817 --> 00:18:06,653
She didn't cry!
405
00:18:09,489 --> 00:18:11,057
Would you
have understood?
406
00:18:11,090 --> 00:18:13,326
Everyone was coming at me
so hard
407
00:18:13,360 --> 00:18:15,094
with their ideas
this morning.
408
00:18:15,128 --> 00:18:17,330
No one seemed to care
what I wanted.
409
00:18:17,364 --> 00:18:19,766
Oh, it's not everybody.
Be honest.
410
00:18:19,799 --> 00:18:21,768
You just think I didn't care
what you wanted.
411
00:18:21,801 --> 00:18:23,336
It didn't seem like
you did.
412
00:18:23,370 --> 00:18:25,938
You just kept pushing stuff
that you wanted.
413
00:18:25,972 --> 00:18:27,006
Oh, right.
414
00:18:27,039 --> 00:18:28,741
Because Darlene's
all about herself.
415
00:18:28,775 --> 00:18:30,777
She couldn't have possibly
wanted to do something good
416
00:18:30,810 --> 00:18:31,944
for somebody else.
417
00:18:31,978 --> 00:18:33,646
You know what?
I think they were great ideas,
418
00:18:33,680 --> 00:18:34,947
and if
you didn't like them,
419
00:18:34,981 --> 00:18:37,150
you should've had the balls
to tell me to my face
420
00:18:37,184 --> 00:18:38,585
instead of sneaking around
with my kids
421
00:18:38,618 --> 00:18:39,852
and making a fool
out of me.
422
00:18:39,886 --> 00:18:41,754
And if the dress is supposed
to look like that
423
00:18:41,788 --> 00:18:42,755
on all the bridesmaids,
424
00:18:42,789 --> 00:18:45,024
I better hit puberty
real damn soon!
425
00:18:47,059 --> 00:18:48,528
What the hell
is wrong with her?
426
00:18:48,561 --> 00:18:50,797
What do you think?!
427
00:18:50,830 --> 00:18:53,333
She has no chest!
428
00:18:53,366 --> 00:18:57,337
She's gonna need suspenders
to keep that dress up!
429
00:19:05,144 --> 00:19:07,146
I think you and Louise
should talk.
430
00:19:07,180 --> 00:19:08,848
Oh, well,
she's your bride.
431
00:19:08,881 --> 00:19:10,817
I don't want
nothing to do with her.
432
00:19:10,850 --> 00:19:14,387
I already apologized to you
for lying.
433
00:19:14,421 --> 00:19:16,523
I don't want all this bad blood
before the wedding.
434
00:19:16,556 --> 00:19:18,057
We should talk it out.
435
00:19:18,090 --> 00:19:19,526
Oh, there's nothing
to talk about.
436
00:19:19,559 --> 00:19:20,860
I mean, I was just trying
to help you.
437
00:19:20,893 --> 00:19:23,162
But you were so offended
438
00:19:23,196 --> 00:19:25,398
by the thought
of vegan Ethiopian food
439
00:19:25,432 --> 00:19:26,966
or a black wedding dress.
440
00:19:26,999 --> 00:19:28,568
I would have loved to have that
at my wedding.
441
00:19:28,601 --> 00:19:30,237
But it's not
your wedding.
442
00:19:30,270 --> 00:19:31,371
I know that, Dad.
443
00:19:31,404 --> 00:19:32,539
Do you, sweetie?
444
00:19:32,572 --> 00:19:35,342
Well, okay, yeah,
I mean, sure,
445
00:19:35,375 --> 00:19:37,810
these are things
that I-I might've done, too,
446
00:19:37,844 --> 00:19:39,712
but I'm not
getting married.
447
00:19:45,852 --> 00:19:47,454
Right. Yeah.
448
00:19:48,755 --> 00:19:49,956
I'm not getting married.
449
00:19:52,892 --> 00:19:54,494
You will, though.
450
00:19:54,527 --> 00:19:57,564
And now we're gonna know
all the things to do for you.
451
00:19:57,597 --> 00:20:00,833
You're still messed up
about Ben.
452
00:20:00,867 --> 00:20:03,870
It's gonna take some time
to let that go.
453
00:20:05,472 --> 00:20:08,441
I am so sorry, Louise.
454
00:20:08,475 --> 00:20:12,912
I...I-I can't believe
I did that.
455
00:20:12,945 --> 00:20:15,282
Look, I understand.
456
00:20:15,315 --> 00:20:18,951
And I really wanted to like
all your wack-a-doodle ideas.
457
00:20:18,985 --> 00:20:20,587
It's just not me.
458
00:20:20,620 --> 00:20:22,955
I just want you to know
459
00:20:22,989 --> 00:20:25,692
that this all started
because you're so great.
460
00:20:25,725 --> 00:20:27,594
My mom's gone,
461
00:20:27,627 --> 00:20:31,764
and I just wanted to get closer
so we could talk about stuff.
462
00:20:31,798 --> 00:20:36,068
I have so much toxic baggage
to share with you.
463
00:20:36,102 --> 00:20:40,440
And I can't wait to hear
all your toxic baggage
464
00:20:40,473 --> 00:20:43,310
and to share
all my toxic baggage with you.
465
00:20:44,744 --> 00:20:47,146
You know,
after it leaves the room.
466
00:20:47,179 --> 00:20:48,415
You want me to leave
467
00:20:48,448 --> 00:20:50,883
before you have
your big, weepy girl talk?
468
00:20:50,917 --> 00:20:52,885
Please can I stay?
No? Okay.
469
00:20:58,791 --> 00:20:59,125
Whatcha doing?
470
00:21:00,327 --> 00:21:02,795
Oh, Louise asked me to pick out
some centerpieces.
471
00:21:02,829 --> 00:21:05,432
Ah, snooze!
472
00:21:05,465 --> 00:21:08,901
I had sober sex
with Mikey.
473
00:21:08,935 --> 00:21:10,102
Wow!
474
00:21:10,136 --> 00:21:12,939
When you make amends,
you don't go halfway.
475
00:21:12,972 --> 00:21:14,106
How was it?
476
00:21:14,140 --> 00:21:15,308
Great.
477
00:21:15,342 --> 00:21:17,744
Turns out
I'm really good at sex.
478
00:21:17,777 --> 00:21:19,479
Oh, well,
there's your next career.
479
00:21:19,512 --> 00:21:22,615
Do what you love, you never work
a day in your life.
480
00:21:22,649 --> 00:21:24,451
Jealous?
481
00:21:24,484 --> 00:21:26,319
Always.