♪♪
Mark...
[ Gasps ] What?
You fell asleep studying for the exam.
Those blue blockers helping with your eye strain?
Yeah, but they make me look like the old guy from "Up."
You know, you've been studying
to get into this magnet school 24 hours a day.
I am all for your neurotic over‐achieving,
but you've got to take a break.
I can't.
The kids who get into this school
get into top‐tier colleges.
Relax, honey. You're gonna get in.
You're super, super smart.
That's not enough.
I'm competing against rich kids from the County.
I‐I mean, I can scorch the kids from my school.
They grew up on lead‐paint chips and cheese ball dust.
Okay. Well, what do you need to learn?
I can help you.
Well, what do you know about the quadratic equation?
That's about water, right?
No, that's "aquatic."
Didn't they teach you that in class?
We didn't get to it.
Nobody in my grade did because of the pandemic.
We ran out of time.
Oh, okay.
Well, if nobody learned it, then no sweat.
Everyone taking the test is going to get it wrong.
N‐No, they won't.
The rich kids have private tutors
to teach them all this stuff.
Oh, well, why didn't you tell me?
I mean, maybe we could have found a tutor to help you.
They're $75 an hour with a three‐hour minimum.
Oh.
Three‐hour minimum?
What if you're only one‐hour stupid?
It's alright, Mom.
I just have to work a little harder.
I really do have to get back to studying.
Okay.
[ Smooches ]
[ Keyboard clacking ]
I can feel you looking at me with love and concern.
Knock it off.
♪♪
[ Sighs ]
Hey, roomie, want to watch some TV?
I would've come to rehab sooner
if I knew they had all the good channels.
I can't.
I have to finish my journal entry
before the sun sets and the Sabbath starts.
How'd you finish yours so fast?
Well, I used the tools I learned here
to unravel the cognitive distortions
that led to my drinking
by listing my past actions.
That's great.
I'm glad to see you're finally taking this seriously.
Thank you.
Psych!
I watched a couple seasons of "Real Housewives"
and wrote down what they did.
I mashed a bunch of them into one person.
Kind of like an...alcoholic Transformer.
Look, if you're not gonna do the work,
why are you even here?
Because they told me that they'd teach me
how to stop drinking.
But I've been here for two weeks
and all I've gotten is a bunch of psycho‐babble
about why I drink.
I know why I drink.
My husband died.
That's one of the best reasons to drink ever.
Maybe you know why you drink, but the only way to stop
is to realize you're powerless
and let God take over.
I appreciate your input, Rachel,
but we are different people.
For example, I like TV and hot dogs,
and you're a religious nut.
Just because I pray to God doesn't make me a nut.
If He told me to smother my roommate with a pillow,
that would make me a nut.
Then again, who am I to question
His divine inspiration?
His?
I know God's a woman
because A, everybody's always asking her for something,
and B, she's really hard on other women.
I mean, menstrual cramps?
Why?
Becky, you gotta stop blaming Him
for all your problems and let Him help you.
Oh. The last time she helped me,
she threw a deer in front of my husband's motorcycle
and he died.
Maybe you don't understand this,
but everything that happens is part of God's plan.
Oh, please.
Her plan was to kill the love of my life
so I would start drinking
and take me away from my baby
so I'd end up stuck here with you in this hell‐hole?!
Yes. There's a reason He put us here together.
[ Gasps ] You're right.
And the reason is
so I can do this!
Ha ha! Look!
I'm unraveling God's plan! [ Laughs ]
No! That's from my grandma!
Oh. Well, don't blame me.
Ask God why she wants your grandma's neck to be cold.
Gimme it! Hey! Both of you stop!
The hell is going on?
I was just trying to help Becky,
and she attacked my scarf.
Is that true?
Yeah.
I'm sorry, Rachel.
You're right.
I need to stop fighting
and start taking my recovery seriously.
What will really help you take your recovery seriously
is bathroom duty for the rest of the week.
If anything like this happens again,
you're out.
Hey!
Rachel should clean some toilets, too!
She said she was gonna smother me
if God gives her the green light!
♪♪
Oh. Looks like someone got a present from Beverly Rose.
She's got an interesting process.
She smiled,
emptied the entire contents of her body into this diaper,
went limp, and then passed out.
Don't drop that bomb in this garbage.
Tie a brick to it and chuck it
in the Millers' fancy above‐ground pool
they won't stop yapping about.
We'll show 'em who's got class and who doesn't.
On the way back,
I might stop at the free clinic and get my tubes tied.
Later.
Well, Harris is on the right path.
Now I just got to worry about Mark.
What's going on?
He's been locked in his room for days
studying for the exam to get into a magnet high school.
Boys his age spend lots of time alone in their room
"studying to get into magnet school."
You better be careful and knock before you go in
so you don't catch him "hitting the books."
Well, I wish he would take a break and "hit the books."
Might help him relax.
You took that to a really weird place.
I just hate to see him killing himself
to figure this stuff out
when rich kids with half his brain
just hire tutors.
This test is on Zoom, right?
Yeah. So?
So the teacher giving the test
is not in the room with him, right?
Correct, the teacher will not be in our living room.
Well, there you go.
Where do I go?
Where the people go
who might need some help with the answers.
[ Softly ] If you know what I'm saying.
Why can't you talk normally?
Do you think I'm wearing a wire?
[ Scoffs ]
[ Normal voice ] You go to Cheat Town!
So, you're saying I should have Mark cheat?
I said go to Cheat Town.
I don't know if I can make it any more clear than that.
Well, I can't do that.
I've spent my whole life
telling them to do things the right way.
No shortcuts.
How's that working out for Mark?
[ Door opens, slams ]
Lock the door.
The Millers saw me throw the bomb.
I‐I didn't know their grandkids were in the pool.
♪♪
[ As Julia Child ] Okay, first you open the can,
then you put it into the pan.
Ah!
[ Normal voice ] And here's what separates a chef
from the cook.
Use a spork
to break up the can shape.
Why do you guys fight about who's going to cook every night?
It's so easy.
Well, now that you're a trained chef,
you can do it.
Now that I'm a trained chef, I'm not eating that.
Well, that was the director of Becky's rehab.
You check the bars to the East,
I'll check the liquor stores to the West.
No, no, no.
Becky didn't escape.
She's just causing trouble and not working the program
and they want us to come in to family therapy
to help her make more progress.
I love my daughter with all my heart,
and I'd take a bullet for her,
but I'm not gonna sit in a circle
having some stranger poke at me
trying to get me to have feelings.
No.
They just want us there
to see if there's anything in our family dynamic
that makes Becky drink.
They're just looking for someone to blame.
Well, it's gotta be my mom.
I mean, I know she's driving me in that direction.
Uh, yeah, that road goes both ways.
And it's crazy to blame one person.
It's obviously Jackie and Dad.
I get him, but what'd I do?
When me and Becky were teens
and you caught us drinking and smoking in the woods,
you should have told Mom and Dad
instead of shotgunning beers
to prove how cool you were.
Well, pardon me.
I didn't know that it was a crime
for an aunt to spend some quality time drinking beer
with a couple of her teenage nieces
in the woods.
Yes, Aunt Jackie, it's an actual crime.
Will you go drink beer with me in the woods?
Haven't you heard?
Apparently, it's a crime.
Look, I think growing up,
we all had our part in Becky's alcoholism.
Clearly, it took a dysfunctional village
to raise an alcoholic,
so that is why we are all going to be there for her.
Right, Dad?
Fine. But you're gonna have to drive.
This whole thing makes me anxious.
No ‐‐ No pre‐gaming, Dad.
Fine, I'll drive.
♪♪
Students, only 15 minutes left to finish the exam.
Just a reminder, I know you're in the crunch,
but still no phones, no open books, no notes.
Mr. Conner‐Healy, I can see what I assume is your mother
holding up the quadratic equation
in the reflection of your glasses.
I'm sorry, but you're disqualified.
Please log off now.
You just blew up my whole future.
Why did you do that?!
I knew you were tired. I just wanted to help.
Get out!
Don't even!
♪♪
Hey, everybody.
Hey. Hey, Becky. Hey.
Thanks for coming, Dad.
Hey, I wanted to come.
Becky's been having a bit of a hard time here.
As I'm sure you're aware,
she can have difficulty accepting help.
No, I want help.
I just don't like to constantly
whine about my problems like some people.
I am so sorry I'm late.
My son locked himself in his room
because I ruined his life.
Hey, look, "some people" is here.
Does anyone want to share how they're feeling
about Becky's drinking?
Uh, it's all my fault.
I put whiskey on Becky's gums
when she was teething.
I know it was wrong, but in my defense,
you would not shut up.
There's actually no correlation
between shutting up a newborn with whiskey
and alcoholism.
Great, not my fault.
Next?
Uh, I‐I know you thought you were supposed to be
the success story in the family,
so I'm sure you turned to drinking
to help you deal with my meteoric rise
in the vending‐machine industry.
Well, uh, it has been hard to watch,
or even hear about it,
but I've come to terms with your belief
that you're a success.
I don't deserve a sister like you.
Darlene?
Oh, okay.
Uh...
Well, I'm sorry that when we were growing up,
I made fun of you.
Okay, more than made fun.
I attacked you,
hoping to make you so miserable
that you would run away
and I could replace your bed with a trampoline.
But a lot of that
was because I was jealous of you.
I knew you were gonna grow up
and do amazing things, Becky.
I love you,
and, um, it's been pretty hard
to watch you struggle with this.
Look, I don't blame you guys.
I started drinking when Mark died
because I didn't want to feel anything for a while.
And then "a while" turned into years.
I can't help thinking, if he was still here,
maybe all this would be different.
Can I be excused to go to the bathroom?
Can't you hold it, Dad?
We drove nonstop from here to Tampa
with you pounding Big Gulps the whole way,
and you kept saying,
"Rest stops are for wussies."
Dan, are you uncomfortable talking about Mark?
I'm not uncomfortable talking about Mark,
but Becky might be if I do.
It's okay.
We're not here to be comfortable.
[ Sighs ]
Mark was a selfish little punk who ruined your life.
When he talked you into dropping out of school,
I was going to go to Minnesota and kill him,
but your mother stopped me.
Well, you got your wish.
He's dead.
If he loved you,
he would have done it a lot sooner.
Dad! Oh, well, this has been great.
I'm all better now.
Becky, don't leave.
I, uh ‐‐ [ Sighs ]
I'm sorry.
I didn't want to come.
I‐I should just go.
No, no.
Uh, could everyone please give us the rest of the session?
Yeah.
Hey, just remember, you two love each other.
Yeah?
Not like my mom.
She was cold and withholding.
When I was 3, this cat scratched me.
Uh, Jackie,
she's an addiction specialist.
You need the kind of doctor that gives you drugs.
Mm.
♪♪
[ Door closes ]
Becky, you had a strong reaction
when your father said Mark ruined your life.
Because it's not true. Oh, really?
You had straight A's.
You busted your ass to go to college.
Then, because he didn't want to be alone,
he tricked you into moving to Minnesota
and throwing that all away.
I wanted to go.
You were 17 and in love!
You didn't know what you wanted!
He promised you'd go to college.
And when we sent you the money for you to do that,
he took it,
he went to mechanic school,
and then he dropped out!
He didn't take it! I gave it to him!
He should have never accepted it!
That money was for you,
to be all the things you were meant to be.
If he'd have let you go to college,
you wouldn't be drinking now.
I'm pissed about that.
Why the hell aren't you?
You can't be angry at a dead person!
Yes, you can.
Whatever you feel is valid.
I don't want to be angry at him.
But you are.
Okay, he shouldn't have taken my college money.
And I am a little angry at him
for some of the things he did that screwed up my life.
A little? Why not a lot?!
Because it's not all his fault!
Whose fault is it?
Mine!
Because I let him!
I was so stupid!
I didn't want to drop out and move!
I wanted to go to college!
But I was so afraid to lose him!
And then I ended up losing him anyway!
I've wasted so much time!
I kept telling myself over and over again
that I was gonna stop drinking
and get back on track!
And now I'm so far behind,
I'll never catch up!
Remember how proud you were...
when I said I was gonna be a doctor?
Hey, you're my first kid,
my beautiful little girl.
I've always been proud of you.
And never more than now.
But then again, look at your competition.
[ Chuckling ]
Uh, excuse me.
I'm looking for a Mr. Davis.
That's me. I'm the head of admissions here.
How can I help you?
I'm Darlene Conner‐Healy, Mark's mother.
You might recognize me from my son's blue‐blocker glasses.
Right. Cheater Mom.
I'm sorry, but this school
has zero tolerance for cheating.
He had no idea I was gonna do that.
This is totally my fault.
Then you're a terrible mother.
Thanks for coming down, though.
Yeah.
Of course I'm a terrible mother.
I come from a long line of terrible mothers.
Look, my kid hasn't slept in a week
'cause he's trying to teach himself
all the stuff they just didn't get to at his school.
Well, then I'm sure Mark wasn't the only student
who suffered that disadvantage.
That's your defense?
That it's okay to suffer
if they do it in larger numbers?
You know who didn't suffer?
The kids whose parents can afford to hire tutors.
Look, Mark is one of the smartest kids at his school,
and it's not fair that you're punishing him
just because I don't have enough money.
Hey, don't yell at me.
I'm not responsible for those inequalities.
Oh, yeah, sure. Yeah, nobody's responsible.
Nobody can do anything to change anything.
And you know who pays the price?
Kids like mine,
and then their kids and then their kids.
Look, we have other poor kids at the school
who didn't have to cheat to get in.
I'm sure they probably need jobs.
Maybe they could tutor Mark on the cheap.
You know, this here ‐‐ this is a wall of lies.
See this? We all ‐‐ We all tell our kids
that everybody's got an equal chance to get ahead,
and if they don't,
it's 'cause they didn't work hard enough.
Put this in the garbage, 'cause that's what it is.
♪♪
[ Door closes ]
[ Sighs ]
Hey.
How'd it go with Becky? She okay?
I think she's gonna be.
It took me 25 years,
but I finally got her to blame Mark for her problems.
Oh, let the healing begin.
Took a lot out of me.
Come to Papa.
You know, drinking to self‐soothe
is a warning sign.
Yeah, it's a warning sign
I'm about to relax and watch a ballgame.
Hi.
I'm so sorry.
I just felt terrible
that those other kids had tutors
and I couldn't get you one.
I know why you did it.
But why didn't you believe in me?
Didn't you think I could do it on my own?
No, of course I did.
That's obviously a lie. I cheated for you.
Look, if it was an equal playing field,
you could take over the world,
and you probably still will.
I just felt like the system was working against you,
and I hate that.
You know, I ‐‐ I went to Mr. Davis,
but he blew me off.
He didn't totally blow you off.
He checked the timestamp of the test,
and he saw that I got the quadratic equation right
before you showed me the answer,
so he's letting me take the test again.
Oh, that's fantastic!
See? Your hard work got you the right answer
and another shot.
Nope, it was a pure guess.
When I don't know multiple‐choice questions,
I just put "C" for all of them.
Gives you the best odds.
Okay, well, luck is better than brains every time.
And you talking to Mr. Davis actually helped a little.
He said I could have extra time on the test
because you have questionable mental health.
Oh!
About time that paid off.
♪♪
I hear this is where they keep the drunks.
What are you doing here?
You know, I can sue you if you fire me.
Relax.
You were there for me when you thought I had a problem.
I thought I'd offer to do the same for you.
Thank you.
Don't get all weepy.
I'm doing this mostly because you helped me out at work,
and I hate being in your debt.
So, after I clear the books up and you stay sober,
I can fire you without feeling guilty.
You said "mostly."
Yeah, well, a very tiny part of me thinks
you're a pretty good person with a lot of potential
who just needs a little help staying on track.
[ Inhales deeply ]
Everyone at work signed this card for you.
Ohh.
"If they make you feel more confident,
you go, girl."
Where do they think I am?
Told them you were getting bun implants.
I didn't want you to be embarrassed.