1
00:00:04,004 --> 00:00:07,224
Man:
...the worldwide blow-molded
plastics market is expanding
2
00:00:07,398 --> 00:00:10,271
at a rate we haven't
seen since the '60s.
3
00:00:10,445 --> 00:00:12,447
Our projection...
What's up with
all the crypt keepers?
4
00:00:12,621 --> 00:00:14,623
Robin's gonna present
some of my ideas
5
00:00:14,797 --> 00:00:16,581
to the Wellman Board
of Directors,
6
00:00:16,755 --> 00:00:18,018
and she said I could watch.
7
00:00:18,192 --> 00:00:19,628
It's nice
the old white guys
8
00:00:19,802 --> 00:00:21,934
still have a place to hang out
and Patriarch.
9
00:00:22,109 --> 00:00:23,371
Hey, Robin's talking.
10
00:00:23,545 --> 00:00:25,155
I am very happy to report
11
00:00:25,329 --> 00:00:28,506
that production at the Lanford plant is up 20%.
12
00:00:28,680 --> 00:00:31,509
Our team has come up with
some very exciting ideas.
13
00:00:31,683 --> 00:00:34,860
I am all about giving credit
where credit is due,
14
00:00:35,035 --> 00:00:37,341
so, Darlene Conner,
15
00:00:37,515 --> 00:00:39,430
why don't you hop on
and tell the board yourself?
16
00:00:39,604 --> 00:00:41,258
Oh, no,
no, no, no, no, no.
17
00:00:41,432 --> 00:00:44,305
That's what you get for having
ideas, Bride of Frankensuck.
18
00:00:46,263 --> 00:00:49,049
Um,
this is quite unexpected.
19
00:00:49,223 --> 00:00:51,790
Thank you so very much,
Robin.
20
00:00:51,964 --> 00:00:53,966
Um, just give me a couple
minutes to gather my notes,
21
00:00:54,141 --> 00:00:55,446
and I'll be right back.
22
00:00:55,620 --> 00:00:56,665
Oh, my God,
I'm literally wearing sweats.
23
00:00:56,839 --> 00:00:57,753
Relax.
24
00:00:57,927 --> 00:00:59,146
They'll be too distracted
25
00:00:59,320 --> 00:01:00,538
by the crushing poverty
around you
26
00:01:00,712 --> 00:01:01,800
to notice you're a slob.
27
00:01:01,974 --> 00:01:03,672
We've got two minutes.
28
00:01:03,846 --> 00:01:07,154
I've got to change,
and we got to build a new house.
29
00:01:07,328 --> 00:01:09,025
Emergency, everybody!
30
00:01:09,199 --> 00:01:11,288
We have to find someplace
in the house
31
00:01:11,462 --> 00:01:13,160
that makes me look
less poor.
32
00:01:13,334 --> 00:01:16,337
Mark decorated his room
so it almost looks middle class.
33
00:01:16,511 --> 00:01:19,209
The fireplace.
Rich people have those.
34
00:01:19,383 --> 00:01:22,865
Oh, and books on the mantelpiece
will make you look smart.
35
00:01:23,039 --> 00:01:25,172
Hey, I need those.
I'm studying.
36
00:01:25,346 --> 00:01:27,130
Marry rich.
It's less work.
37
00:01:30,307 --> 00:01:31,961
♪ Here's a little song
I wrote♪
38
00:01:32,135 --> 00:01:35,225
I can't believe Dad nailed
this singing fish to the wall.
39
00:01:35,399 --> 00:01:36,226
[ Grunts ]
40
00:01:37,793 --> 00:01:39,708
How do you get this thing
to shut off?
41
00:01:39,882 --> 00:01:42,014
It's motion activated.
Just stop punching it.
42
00:01:43,364 --> 00:01:45,017
That's a nice sweater.
43
00:01:45,192 --> 00:01:47,063
Hey, what the hell?!
44
00:01:47,237 --> 00:01:49,152
Your mom is pretending
to have ideas.
45
00:01:49,326 --> 00:01:50,284
She needs a costume.
46
00:01:50,458 --> 00:01:51,763
Now, everybody, get out.
47
00:01:54,853 --> 00:01:57,204
[ Both grunt ]
48
00:01:58,379 --> 00:02:01,295
[ Both grunt ]
49
00:02:02,687 --> 00:02:03,688
Too low.
50
00:02:05,951 --> 00:02:07,388
Okay,
you're gonna crush this.
51
00:02:07,562 --> 00:02:10,695
And in three, two...
52
00:02:10,869 --> 00:02:13,263
Hello, everyone.
53
00:02:13,437 --> 00:02:15,352
I've never addressed
a board before.
54
00:02:15,526 --> 00:02:17,354
You caught me
a little off guard.
55
00:02:17,528 --> 00:02:19,400
Uh, I'm just at
our lake house.
56
00:02:20,662 --> 00:02:22,577
But I haven't forgotten
my roots.
57
00:02:22,751 --> 00:02:26,537
And my time on the line
gave me insight
58
00:02:26,711 --> 00:02:29,410
into how to make workers
more productive.
59
00:02:29,584 --> 00:02:33,240
I, um, asked my people
what they thought
60
00:02:33,414 --> 00:02:36,112
we could do better
to motivate them.
61
00:02:36,286 --> 00:02:38,070
Um, and they said
small things,
62
00:02:38,245 --> 00:02:40,072
like a gift card
for coffee
63
00:02:40,247 --> 00:02:42,684
or a...
64
00:02:42,858 --> 00:02:44,860
like, a pinball machine
in the break room.
65
00:02:45,034 --> 00:02:46,775
[ Breathing heavily ]
66
00:02:46,949 --> 00:02:48,733
[ Whispering ]
Are you okay?
67
00:02:48,907 --> 00:02:52,084
My last thing
that I'm gonna impart on you
68
00:02:52,259 --> 00:02:55,479
is show the line workers
that you care.
69
00:02:55,653 --> 00:02:59,135
♪ Here's a little song
I wrote♪
70
00:02:59,309 --> 00:03:01,616
And --
And like my fish says,
71
00:03:01,790 --> 00:03:04,488
tell your employees not to worry
and be happy.
72
00:03:04,662 --> 00:03:08,144
I-I got to go.
Back to you, Robin.
73
00:03:08,318 --> 00:03:09,885
Darlene,
what's going on?
74
00:03:10,059 --> 00:03:11,713
I don't know.
I don't know.
75
00:03:11,887 --> 00:03:13,410
I can't breathe.
76
00:03:13,584 --> 00:03:16,152
And my heart's pounding like
it's coming out of my chest.
77
00:03:16,326 --> 00:03:17,371
I feel dizzy.
78
00:03:17,545 --> 00:03:19,111
I think I'm having
a heart attack.
79
00:03:19,286 --> 00:03:20,809
I'm calling 911.
80
00:03:20,983 --> 00:03:22,419
No, no, no, don't.
We can't afford an ambulance.
81
00:03:22,593 --> 00:03:24,465
You're gonna have to drive me
to the hospital.
82
00:03:24,639 --> 00:03:26,206
My license expired,
and I haven't renewed it.
83
00:03:26,380 --> 00:03:27,468
Can you drive?
84
00:03:27,642 --> 00:03:29,644
Oh, oh, right, right,
you're dying.
85
00:03:29,818 --> 00:03:30,688
I'll drive.
86
00:03:32,951 --> 00:03:40,829
♪
87
00:03:41,003 --> 00:03:48,924
♪
88
00:03:49,098 --> 00:03:57,019
♪
89
00:03:57,193 --> 00:04:05,201
♪
90
00:04:05,375 --> 00:04:08,378
--Captions by VITAC--
91
00:04:11,207 --> 00:04:12,861
We've been watching
this same show for five minutes,
92
00:04:13,035 --> 00:04:15,646
and the story's
not going anywhere.
93
00:04:15,820 --> 00:04:16,952
I think
it's an infomercial.
94
00:04:17,126 --> 00:04:18,519
Really?
95
00:04:18,693 --> 00:04:22,305
You thought Chuck Norris
working out was a show?
96
00:04:22,479 --> 00:04:24,612
Hey, I don't need
the attitude.
97
00:04:26,004 --> 00:04:28,703
I'm as strong
as that guy.
[ Laughs ]
98
00:04:28,877 --> 00:04:30,095
I could whip you.
99
00:04:30,270 --> 00:04:31,749
No way.
I was a cop.
100
00:04:31,923 --> 00:04:35,710
What, did you carry
the criminals to jail?
101
00:04:35,884 --> 00:04:37,494
You want to go?
102
00:04:37,668 --> 00:04:39,235
Let's go.
103
00:04:39,409 --> 00:04:42,064
I hope you didn't need that arm,
'cause I'm taking it.
104
00:04:42,238 --> 00:04:43,761
Ready?
[ Grunting ] Go.
105
00:04:43,935 --> 00:04:45,981
[ Grunts ]
106
00:04:48,026 --> 00:04:49,419
[ Sighs ]
107
00:04:49,593 --> 00:04:52,117
I know I should be surprised,
but I'm not.
108
00:04:53,423 --> 00:04:54,381
You guys know
where Darlene is?
109
00:04:54,555 --> 00:04:55,860
[ Grunting ] No.
Damn it.
110
00:04:56,034 --> 00:04:57,732
Got to find her.
I need to talk to her.
111
00:04:57,906 --> 00:04:59,081
I have a big problem.
112
00:04:59,255 --> 00:05:01,605
Help Ben with his problem
on three?
113
00:05:01,779 --> 00:05:02,911
Okay.
114
00:05:03,085 --> 00:05:04,391
One, two...
115
00:05:04,565 --> 00:05:06,567
[ Both grunt ]
116
00:05:06,741 --> 00:05:08,308
So what's the problem?
117
00:05:08,482 --> 00:05:11,659
Oh, I just told my mom
I'd run my dad's hardware store.
118
00:05:11,833 --> 00:05:13,225
I don't know how to run
a hardware store.
119
00:05:13,400 --> 00:05:14,705
I've never even
worked retail.
120
00:05:14,879 --> 00:05:15,967
There's got to be somebody
who can help you.
121
00:05:16,141 --> 00:05:18,056
Well, my only shot
is this guy, Mac,
122
00:05:18,230 --> 00:05:20,537
who retired from the store
not too long ago.
123
00:05:20,711 --> 00:05:22,322
Oh, oh, yeah, Mac.
124
00:05:22,496 --> 00:05:24,411
He used to help me
and my dad
125
00:05:24,585 --> 00:05:25,890
when we went to
your dad's store.
126
00:05:26,064 --> 00:05:27,414
Oh, yeah?
Great guy.
127
00:05:27,588 --> 00:05:28,937
But I think he's still dead.
128
00:05:29,111 --> 00:05:30,939
Oh,
I'm screwed.
129
00:05:31,113 --> 00:05:33,898
[ Smacks counter,
slams drawer ]
130
00:05:34,072 --> 00:05:36,597
What the hell?
131
00:05:36,771 --> 00:05:40,209
So...how was your day?
[ Sighs ]
132
00:05:40,383 --> 00:05:41,906
I got fired off a job.
133
00:05:42,080 --> 00:05:43,125
What?
134
00:05:43,299 --> 00:05:44,648
Contractor called me
a liability.
135
00:05:44,822 --> 00:05:46,258
Oh, my God,
what happened?
136
00:05:46,433 --> 00:05:47,477
Nothing.
137
00:05:47,651 --> 00:05:49,218
Some jackass
in a forklift
138
00:05:49,392 --> 00:05:51,873
wasn't paying attention
and almost backed over me.
139
00:05:52,047 --> 00:05:53,918
Aren't they supposed to beep
when you back up?
140
00:05:54,092 --> 00:05:56,356
Oh, yeah, has to be
on all heavy machinery.
141
00:05:56,530 --> 00:05:58,619
I had one on my big rig
back in the day.
142
00:05:58,793 --> 00:06:00,969
I used to say,
"If you hear me a-beepin',
143
00:06:01,143 --> 00:06:02,362
you better be a-leapin'.
144
00:06:02,536 --> 00:06:04,189
[ Laughs ]
145
00:06:04,364 --> 00:06:06,975
I didn't hear it 'cause
it's a damn construction site.
146
00:06:07,149 --> 00:06:09,325
They got circular saws,
hammer drills.
147
00:06:09,499 --> 00:06:12,981
Dan, I told you, you need to get
your hearing checked.
148
00:06:13,155 --> 00:06:14,591
I didn't hear you
say that.
149
00:06:15,723 --> 00:06:17,464
And so what if they find out
my hearing's shot?
150
00:06:17,638 --> 00:06:19,161
Hearing aids
are like 5 grand.
151
00:06:19,335 --> 00:06:20,684
Oh, you need
a hearing aid?
152
00:06:20,858 --> 00:06:25,515
Ben is asking
if you need a hearing aid!
153
00:06:25,689 --> 00:06:31,042
No, I need a lock on the door
you don't have a key to!
154
00:06:31,216 --> 00:06:35,177
Well, there's kind of a weird
synchronicity going on here.
155
00:06:35,351 --> 00:06:37,527
Dan, you're gonna be out of work
for a couple weeks,
156
00:06:37,701 --> 00:06:40,008
and Ben needs help
at the hardware store.
157
00:06:40,182 --> 00:06:41,836
Oh, I really do.
158
00:06:42,010 --> 00:06:45,492
Well, no offense, Ben,
but I'm a subcontractor.
159
00:06:45,666 --> 00:06:46,797
I've got my own business.
160
00:06:46,971 --> 00:06:48,320
I'm not gonna throw on
an apron
161
00:06:48,495 --> 00:06:50,148
and help old ladies
pick out batteries.
162
00:06:50,322 --> 00:06:51,846
Hey, what if it was
just for a couple weeks
163
00:06:52,020 --> 00:06:53,064
till I find
someone permanent?
164
00:06:53,238 --> 00:06:54,849
Come on, Dan.
165
00:06:55,023 --> 00:06:57,025
You're just gonna sit around
the house, drink beer,
166
00:06:57,199 --> 00:06:58,853
and fall asleep
in your underwear.
167
00:06:59,027 --> 00:07:01,508
Well, that was the plan,
yeah.
168
00:07:03,205 --> 00:07:05,033
Well, I guess
I could help out.
169
00:07:05,207 --> 00:07:07,078
We're back.
Don't worry.
170
00:07:07,252 --> 00:07:08,906
What were we supposed to be
worried about?
171
00:07:09,080 --> 00:07:10,560
About me
having a heart attack.
172
00:07:10,734 --> 00:07:12,301
What?
173
00:07:12,475 --> 00:07:14,956
It wasn't a heart attack.
She just had a panic attack.
174
00:07:15,130 --> 00:07:17,872
Just a panic attack?
I thought I was gonna die.
175
00:07:18,046 --> 00:07:18,873
But you didn't.
176
00:07:19,047 --> 00:07:20,091
That's so scary.
177
00:07:20,265 --> 00:07:21,571
Why would you have
a panic attack?
178
00:07:21,745 --> 00:07:23,617
I don't know,
probably because Robin,
179
00:07:23,791 --> 00:07:25,314
without any prep,
180
00:07:25,488 --> 00:07:27,621
made me pitch my ideas to
the entire Board of Directors,
181
00:07:27,795 --> 00:07:30,232
and your stupid fish went off
in the middle of it.
182
00:07:30,406 --> 00:07:32,147
[ Laughs ]
183
00:07:32,321 --> 00:07:34,192
Man, that thing
just won't quit.
184
00:07:34,366 --> 00:07:36,847
W-What if the big wigs noticed
and they think
185
00:07:37,021 --> 00:07:39,937
that I can't handle the pressure
of being in management
186
00:07:40,111 --> 00:07:42,984
and then it ruins any chance
I have of making more money
187
00:07:43,158 --> 00:07:45,247
or having a better future
for my kids?
188
00:07:45,421 --> 00:07:47,945
Darlene, this family --
189
00:07:48,119 --> 00:07:50,208
and I think I can speak
for everybody --
190
00:07:50,382 --> 00:07:53,560
never thought for a moment
you had a chance.
191
00:07:53,734 --> 00:07:56,214
[ Chuckles ]
192
00:07:56,388 --> 00:07:57,389
Yeah, thanks, you guys.
193
00:07:57,564 --> 00:07:59,304
I was getting too down.
194
00:07:59,479 --> 00:08:01,611
You always remind me to keep
a sense of humor about myself.
195
00:08:01,785 --> 00:08:03,918
Honey, I'm pretty sure
they were serious.
196
00:08:10,272 --> 00:08:11,708
You feeling any better
this morning?
197
00:08:11,882 --> 00:08:13,144
Oh, yeah, much.
198
00:08:13,318 --> 00:08:14,711
And Robin said
the Board of Directors
199
00:08:14,885 --> 00:08:16,800
did not even notice
my little freak out.
200
00:08:16,974 --> 00:08:19,629
But she did feel badly about
throwing me in the deep water,
201
00:08:19,803 --> 00:08:22,458
so she gave me a
gift certificate for a massage.
202
00:08:22,632 --> 00:08:23,981
Hey, if you'd started foaming
at the mouth,
203
00:08:24,155 --> 00:08:26,854
I bet you could've gotten
a suite at the Sheraton.
204
00:08:27,028 --> 00:08:29,378
Here, I made you lunch
for your first day.
205
00:08:29,552 --> 00:08:31,119
Aww.
I am so proud of you.
206
00:08:31,293 --> 00:08:33,904
I know it was hard for you
to put the podcast on hold
207
00:08:34,078 --> 00:08:35,427
to take over the store,
208
00:08:35,602 --> 00:08:37,952
but you got my dad there
to help you get started,
209
00:08:38,126 --> 00:08:39,997
and you can do anything
you put your mind to.
210
00:08:40,171 --> 00:08:43,435
Well, come on,
young Dan.
211
00:08:43,610 --> 00:08:45,612
Today is your first day
in the magical world
212
00:08:45,786 --> 00:08:47,614
of washers and screws.
213
00:08:47,788 --> 00:08:50,312
I hear there's plungers
as far as the eye can see
214
00:08:50,486 --> 00:08:52,749
and the streets are paved
with duct tape.
215
00:08:54,098 --> 00:08:55,056
Hey.
216
00:08:55,230 --> 00:08:57,058
Hey.
217
00:08:57,232 --> 00:08:58,668
What you looking at?
218
00:08:58,842 --> 00:09:01,062
Uh, my boss gave me
a gift certificate to this spa.
219
00:09:01,236 --> 00:09:02,411
Mm.
220
00:09:02,585 --> 00:09:03,978
Yeah, they put rocks
on this woman.
221
00:09:04,152 --> 00:09:05,457
Must be a hell of a wind
in there
222
00:09:05,632 --> 00:09:06,633
if they need to do that
to keep her down.
223
00:09:06,807 --> 00:09:07,764
Oh, wow.
224
00:09:07,938 --> 00:09:09,418
That's
a super fancy place.
225
00:09:09,592 --> 00:09:13,161
It says you got to pick between
Reiki and Shiatsu.
226
00:09:13,335 --> 00:09:16,904
So, that -- that must be
those two masseuses right there.
227
00:09:17,078 --> 00:09:20,560
Uh, no, no, it says those
are two types of massages.
228
00:09:20,734 --> 00:09:22,083
These women
must be customers.
229
00:09:22,257 --> 00:09:23,650
I guess they're there
to relax
230
00:09:23,824 --> 00:09:25,652
from the stress
of being absolutely perfect.
231
00:09:25,826 --> 00:09:27,523
You better take pictures
232
00:09:27,697 --> 00:09:29,394
'cause none of us has ever been
to a place like that before.
233
00:09:29,569 --> 00:09:31,440
[ Chuckling ]
I know. It's crazy.
234
00:09:31,614 --> 00:09:32,920
Oh, my God, look.
235
00:09:33,094 --> 00:09:35,749
They bring you champagne
and strawberries.
236
00:09:35,923 --> 00:09:37,489
Ugh, is it hot in here?
237
00:09:37,664 --> 00:09:38,839
My chest hurts.
238
00:09:39,013 --> 00:09:41,842
Well,
just breathe deeply.
239
00:09:42,016 --> 00:09:44,148
Is it a dull pain
or a sharp pain?
240
00:09:44,322 --> 00:09:45,672
I don't know.
Why?
I don't know.
241
00:09:45,846 --> 00:09:47,848
I just heard people say that
on TV before.
242
00:09:48,022 --> 00:09:49,980
Is -- Is this like
what happened before?
243
00:09:50,154 --> 00:09:51,329
Yes.
244
00:09:51,503 --> 00:09:53,288
Do you want to call
the shrink
245
00:09:53,462 --> 00:09:55,551
that they gave you
a reference for at the E.R.?
I don't know.
246
00:09:55,725 --> 00:09:57,161
Don't ask me questions.
I can't think.
247
00:09:57,335 --> 00:09:59,381
Why can't you think?
Don't ask me questions.
248
00:09:59,555 --> 00:10:00,687
Why are you getting upset
with me?
249
00:10:00,861 --> 00:10:02,036
That's another question.
250
00:10:02,210 --> 00:10:03,341
I'm sorry.
251
00:10:03,515 --> 00:10:04,516
Uh, what do you want me
to do?
252
00:10:04,691 --> 00:10:06,649
Stop asking questions.
253
00:10:07,432 --> 00:10:08,869
Get in your car
and start it.
254
00:10:09,043 --> 00:10:10,348
Got it.
And then what?
255
00:10:10,522 --> 00:10:13,569
Go someplace else
and let me die in peace.
256
00:10:17,225 --> 00:10:18,748
Here you go.
Have a great barbecue.
257
00:10:18,922 --> 00:10:21,925
And make sure that propane hose
is tightened all the way
258
00:10:22,099 --> 00:10:23,405
or you're gonna kill
your family
259
00:10:23,579 --> 00:10:24,711
and probably your neighbors,
too.
260
00:10:24,885 --> 00:10:26,016
Have a great day.
261
00:10:26,190 --> 00:10:29,411
You know,
I-I really didn't think
262
00:10:29,585 --> 00:10:31,848
I'd like standing around
talking to people all day...
[ Bell jingles ]
263
00:10:32,022 --> 00:10:34,546
...but it's kind of fun
when you know everything
264
00:10:34,721 --> 00:10:36,113
and they're clueless idiots.
265
00:10:36,287 --> 00:10:37,854
Maybe I am
a people person.
266
00:10:38,028 --> 00:10:39,551
[ Laughs ]
267
00:10:39,726 --> 00:10:41,205
Yeah, I'm kind of surprised
at how much I know.
268
00:10:41,379 --> 00:10:43,468
I guess just by osmosis
and being around my dad
269
00:10:43,643 --> 00:10:45,906
and hearing about hardware
all the time.
270
00:10:46,080 --> 00:10:47,429
You're the guy
without the beard.
271
00:10:47,603 --> 00:10:48,996
Oh, yeah.
Uh, six feet back, please.
272
00:10:49,170 --> 00:10:50,562
I'm sorry.
273
00:10:50,737 --> 00:10:52,216
I'm supposed to ask you
a question
274
00:10:52,390 --> 00:10:54,305
about a paint problem
I'm having at my house.
275
00:10:54,479 --> 00:10:56,830
Uh, hi.
I'm the owner.
276
00:10:57,004 --> 00:10:58,962
Uh, who suggested that you talk
to the man without the beard?
277
00:10:59,136 --> 00:11:00,790
Just another customer.
278
00:11:00,964 --> 00:11:03,750
He said be sure to talk
to the man without the beard.
279
00:11:03,924 --> 00:11:05,099
[ Laughs ]
280
00:11:05,273 --> 00:11:07,405
Well, I know quite a bit
about paint.
281
00:11:07,579 --> 00:11:10,582
Uh, you cool?
Knock yourself out.
282
00:11:10,757 --> 00:11:11,932
Alright.
How can I help?
283
00:11:12,106 --> 00:11:14,064
Okay.
I bought some paint,
284
00:11:14,238 --> 00:11:16,632
and it's buckling on the wall
next to my water heater.
Mm.
285
00:11:16,806 --> 00:11:18,242
Was I supposed to use
a special paint?
286
00:11:18,416 --> 00:11:20,027
[ Chuckles ]
287
00:11:20,201 --> 00:11:21,855
Yes.
288
00:11:22,029 --> 00:11:23,639
Uh, did you bring a little chip
so we can match the color?
289
00:11:23,813 --> 00:11:25,597
What you need there
is a waterproof latex.
290
00:11:25,772 --> 00:11:27,208
Or it might not be
the paint at all.
291
00:11:27,382 --> 00:11:29,166
No?
292
00:11:29,340 --> 00:11:31,038
You cool?
After you.
293
00:11:31,212 --> 00:11:32,430
Yeah,
it ain't the paint.
294
00:11:32,604 --> 00:11:35,129
You have a pinhole leak
in your pipe.
295
00:11:35,303 --> 00:11:37,740
You need to open the wall,
wrap the pipe,
296
00:11:37,914 --> 00:11:40,177
patch the wall,
and then you paint.
297
00:11:40,351 --> 00:11:42,179
Mm. May I?
298
00:11:42,353 --> 00:11:44,138
Indubitably.
299
00:11:44,312 --> 00:11:45,443
Or you just put
enough coats
300
00:11:45,617 --> 00:11:46,793
of that waterproof paint
on there,
301
00:11:46,967 --> 00:11:48,403
and it pushes
that bubble down.
302
00:11:49,317 --> 00:11:50,579
My turn?
303
00:11:50,753 --> 00:11:51,798
Yes, sir.
304
00:11:51,972 --> 00:11:53,060
He's wrong.
305
00:11:53,234 --> 00:11:55,889
You got water
leaking into the wall.
306
00:11:56,063 --> 00:11:57,847
It's gonna bubble the paint
every time,
307
00:11:58,021 --> 00:11:59,893
plus you're gonna have mold
and wood rot.
308
00:12:00,067 --> 00:12:02,722
Well, that makes a lot
more sense than the paint.
309
00:12:02,896 --> 00:12:05,289
Ben, while I'm getting
the rest of her stuff,
310
00:12:05,463 --> 00:12:06,987
why don't you
go over there
311
00:12:07,161 --> 00:12:09,467
and help her pick out
a pretty paint color?
312
00:12:09,641 --> 00:12:11,208
[ Bell jingles ]
313
00:12:12,557 --> 00:12:13,820
You sure he knows
what he's doing?
314
00:12:13,994 --> 00:12:16,518
Uh, I learned colors
in grade school.
315
00:12:16,692 --> 00:12:18,346
I think we'll be okay.
316
00:12:19,826 --> 00:12:21,479
[ Chuckles ]
317
00:12:21,653 --> 00:12:22,742
Hey, Dan.
318
00:12:22,916 --> 00:12:24,700
Look at you
in your vest.
319
00:12:24,874 --> 00:12:26,354
Don't push it, Dwight.
320
00:12:26,528 --> 00:12:28,138
What do you need?
321
00:12:28,312 --> 00:12:30,445
Guess I'm not in the place with
the friendly hardware folk.
322
00:12:31,663 --> 00:12:33,883
Just some painters' tape.
Thank you.
323
00:12:34,057 --> 00:12:35,624
Actually,
I came by to tell you
324
00:12:35,798 --> 00:12:37,844
I thought it was B.S.
they tossed you off the site.
325
00:12:38,018 --> 00:12:40,194
But I do get their side.
326
00:12:40,368 --> 00:12:43,153
The way you stood there
when the forklift kept coming
327
00:12:43,327 --> 00:12:46,374
was like that guy in China
standing in front of the tank,
328
00:12:46,548 --> 00:12:49,681
if he was eating a Slim Jim
and looking the other way.
329
00:12:49,856 --> 00:12:51,640
Hey, Dwight.
Ben.
330
00:12:51,814 --> 00:12:53,685
Hey, Dan, we just had a big
shipment dropped off out back.
331
00:12:53,860 --> 00:12:55,296
I'm still dealing with
the paint.
332
00:12:55,470 --> 00:12:56,732
You grab a dolly and bring it in
for me, will you?
333
00:12:56,906 --> 00:12:58,212
Yeah, as soon as I'm done
with Dwight.
334
00:12:58,386 --> 00:13:00,997
I'm sure your little buddy
can wait.
335
00:13:01,171 --> 00:13:03,217
I can't have that stuff
sitting in the alley.
336
00:13:03,391 --> 00:13:04,392
I need you to do it now.
337
00:13:04,566 --> 00:13:07,047
I'm gonna get going.
338
00:13:07,221 --> 00:13:09,266
Don't be too hard on him.
339
00:13:09,440 --> 00:13:12,226
At his age, he's probably
sleeping while you're talking.
340
00:13:14,445 --> 00:13:15,707
[ Laughs ]
341
00:13:15,882 --> 00:13:18,754
What the hell was that?
342
00:13:18,928 --> 00:13:19,755
What?
343
00:13:19,929 --> 00:13:21,626
I asked you to work.
344
00:13:21,801 --> 00:13:23,367
I can't afford to have your
buddies coming by to chat you up
345
00:13:23,541 --> 00:13:25,282
while there's stuff
that needs to be done.
346
00:13:25,456 --> 00:13:26,501
He was a customer.
347
00:13:26,675 --> 00:13:28,677
Hey, I'm not
some high school kid
348
00:13:28,851 --> 00:13:30,592
hanging out
with my friends.
349
00:13:30,766 --> 00:13:33,203
I'm here saving you
because your lucky ass
350
00:13:33,377 --> 00:13:35,423
got handed a business
you know nothing about.
351
00:13:35,597 --> 00:13:37,991
Whoa. Hey, you got some issues
working for me?
352
00:13:38,165 --> 00:13:39,253
I can fix that for you.
353
00:13:39,427 --> 00:13:41,385
You don't have to.
354
00:13:41,559 --> 00:13:43,039
I'm taking sick leave.
355
00:13:43,213 --> 00:13:45,999
'Cause I'm sick
of your face.
356
00:13:46,173 --> 00:13:47,522
I'm out.
357
00:13:47,696 --> 00:13:49,132
Well, fine.
358
00:13:49,306 --> 00:13:51,439
If I see you again,
it's gonna be too soon.
359
00:13:51,613 --> 00:13:54,094
And by that,
I mean tonight at dinner!
360
00:13:58,315 --> 00:13:59,882
And the second attack came
361
00:14:00,056 --> 00:14:01,057
when I was checking out
this fancy spa,
362
00:14:01,231 --> 00:14:02,972
and it just really
freaked me out.
363
00:14:03,146 --> 00:14:05,235
My ex-wife loved spas.
364
00:14:05,409 --> 00:14:09,239
Spent, uh, $120
on a seaweed wrap once.
365
00:14:09,413 --> 00:14:10,806
Last I looked,
366
00:14:10,980 --> 00:14:12,764
you can go to the ocean
and get seaweed for free.
367
00:14:12,939 --> 00:14:14,766
Is that why
she's your ex-wife?
368
00:14:14,941 --> 00:14:16,420
Uh, no, no.
369
00:14:16,594 --> 00:14:18,945
Marriage dynamics
are more complicated than that.
370
00:14:19,946 --> 00:14:21,338
Didn't help, though.
371
00:14:22,818 --> 00:14:25,516
So, um, why do you feel
that something relaxing
372
00:14:25,690 --> 00:14:28,041
like a massage
triggered this reaction?
373
00:14:28,215 --> 00:14:31,653
Maybe because the people
in a spa like that are beautiful
374
00:14:31,827 --> 00:14:34,134
and confident
and they belong there.
375
00:14:34,308 --> 00:14:35,918
Okay,
"They belong there."
376
00:14:36,092 --> 00:14:37,877
Let--
Let's explore that.
377
00:14:38,051 --> 00:14:40,749
Well, it was the same feeling
I got in the video conference.
378
00:14:40,923 --> 00:14:42,446
Like suddenly
they were gonna look at me
379
00:14:42,620 --> 00:14:44,361
and say,
"What are you doing here?"
380
00:14:44,535 --> 00:14:49,105
And then all of a sudden I felt
dizzy and I couldn't breathe.
381
00:14:49,279 --> 00:14:51,064
Well, do you feel like
you're not worthy
382
00:14:51,238 --> 00:14:52,892
to be in a big meeting
or a fancy spa?
383
00:14:53,066 --> 00:14:54,284
I don't know.
384
00:14:54,458 --> 00:14:56,069
I mean,
I'd love to get a massage,
385
00:14:56,243 --> 00:14:57,853
and I'm happy
I'm in management.
386
00:14:58,027 --> 00:14:59,289
I love doing well.
387
00:14:59,463 --> 00:15:00,812
I-I just bought
some underwear.
388
00:15:00,987 --> 00:15:03,163
Only one
in the package.
389
00:15:03,337 --> 00:15:04,904
They thought enough of you
to promote you,
390
00:15:05,078 --> 00:15:08,733
so maybe you deserve more money
and a fancy massage.
391
00:15:08,908 --> 00:15:10,126
Or to treat yourself
392
00:15:10,300 --> 00:15:12,520
to a $200 facial
or Jimmy Choo sandals.
393
00:15:12,694 --> 00:15:14,043
Those last two
were not you.
394
00:15:14,217 --> 00:15:15,349
Um...
395
00:15:15,523 --> 00:15:17,177
Sorry.
396
00:15:17,351 --> 00:15:18,700
But, uh,
do I deserve it?
397
00:15:18,874 --> 00:15:20,658
I mean,
I'm dressing like I do,
398
00:15:20,832 --> 00:15:22,138
I'm acting like I do,
399
00:15:22,312 --> 00:15:24,967
but what if they realize
they made a mistake?
400
00:15:25,141 --> 00:15:26,316
Do you think they did?
401
00:15:26,490 --> 00:15:28,014
Well, how would I know?
402
00:15:28,188 --> 00:15:30,755
I mean, I thought I was
a writer, and I failed at that.
403
00:15:30,930 --> 00:15:33,628
What if I'm not
a manager either?
404
00:15:33,802 --> 00:15:37,066
I was always a wise-ass
and made fun of everybody
405
00:15:37,240 --> 00:15:39,677
because I felt like
I was superior.
406
00:15:39,851 --> 00:15:41,723
But what if
it's not true?
407
00:15:41,897 --> 00:15:43,159
You know?
408
00:15:43,333 --> 00:15:45,422
I mean, what if
I'm not special at all?
409
00:15:45,596 --> 00:15:47,772
I mean, that'll make
anyone panic, right?
410
00:15:47,947 --> 00:15:50,166
You feel like an imposter
at work,
411
00:15:50,340 --> 00:15:53,082
so you're starting to doubt
your own self-worth.
412
00:15:53,256 --> 00:15:55,737
Yeah, that's it.
I feel like a fraud.
413
00:15:55,911 --> 00:15:58,653
And, I mean, you have to help me
because it's paralyzing me,
414
00:15:58,827 --> 00:16:00,220
and then
I'm scared to death
415
00:16:00,394 --> 00:16:02,265
I'm gonna lose
the last chance I have
416
00:16:02,439 --> 00:16:04,137
at giving my family
a better life.
417
00:16:04,311 --> 00:16:08,706
The Darlene that failed must've
been a pretty great writer
418
00:16:08,880 --> 00:16:11,274
because she's stuck a whole
doomsday scenario in your head
419
00:16:11,448 --> 00:16:13,929
about your future
that you're choosing to believe.
420
00:16:14,103 --> 00:16:16,627
Yeah. I mean, she is scaring
the crap out of me.
421
00:16:16,801 --> 00:16:18,368
She's the one
that wants me
422
00:16:18,542 --> 00:16:20,936
to keep buying big packages
of cheap underwear.
423
00:16:21,110 --> 00:16:23,460
So change the narrative.
424
00:16:23,634 --> 00:16:24,940
You have the pen.
425
00:16:25,114 --> 00:16:26,942
Rewrite the story
to where you're capable
426
00:16:27,116 --> 00:16:29,379
and you succeed
and start believing that.
427
00:16:29,553 --> 00:16:31,164
It may seem silly at first,
428
00:16:31,338 --> 00:16:33,905
but eventually
you'll start believing it.
429
00:16:34,080 --> 00:16:36,299
And the panic attacks
will subside.
430
00:16:36,473 --> 00:16:39,868
Okay.
Uh, I think I can do that.
431
00:16:40,042 --> 00:16:41,565
Unless I panic
while I'm trying.
432
00:16:41,739 --> 00:16:44,090
Oh, my God, what do I do
if I panic while I'm trying?
433
00:16:44,264 --> 00:16:46,092
It takes practice.
434
00:16:46,266 --> 00:16:49,095
And in the meantime, I'm gonna
get you some anti-anxiety meds
435
00:16:49,269 --> 00:16:50,400
for when you feel
an attack coming.
436
00:16:50,574 --> 00:16:52,315
Oh.
I like the sound of that.
437
00:16:52,489 --> 00:16:55,927
I'm gonna write a little story
where Darlene loves these pills.
438
00:16:57,625 --> 00:16:59,670
Oh, oh.
439
00:16:59,844 --> 00:17:01,933
Too cold to deliver food
on a bike.
440
00:17:02,108 --> 00:17:03,500
I hit a patch of black ice,
441
00:17:03,674 --> 00:17:06,155
skidded right past the house
I was looking for,
442
00:17:06,329 --> 00:17:09,637
so I just chucked the soup like
a newspaper and kept on sliding.
443
00:17:09,811 --> 00:17:12,640
That's quite a life
you've carved out for yourself.
444
00:17:12,814 --> 00:17:15,121
Well,
someone's in a mood.
445
00:17:15,295 --> 00:17:17,514
I'm sorry.
446
00:17:17,688 --> 00:17:20,648
Ben and I got into a fight,
and I quit.
447
00:17:20,822 --> 00:17:22,606
He was acting like
he owned the place.
448
00:17:22,780 --> 00:17:24,260
Sure, sure.
449
00:17:24,434 --> 00:17:25,870
Doesn't he own the place?
450
00:17:26,045 --> 00:17:27,394
Look, I was fine quitting
451
00:17:27,568 --> 00:17:30,049
'cause I thought I had
another job to go to.
452
00:17:30,223 --> 00:17:31,615
Then the contractor calls,
453
00:17:31,789 --> 00:17:33,748
saying he heard about
the forklift
454
00:17:33,922 --> 00:17:36,185
and I was too big of a risk
to bring on.
455
00:17:36,359 --> 00:17:38,448
Hey,
you're gonna work.
456
00:17:38,622 --> 00:17:40,320
You're, like, one of
the best drywallers around.
457
00:17:40,494 --> 00:17:42,844
That's the thing.
458
00:17:43,018 --> 00:17:44,628
I can't keep doing drywall.
459
00:17:44,802 --> 00:17:46,152
What? Why not?
460
00:17:46,326 --> 00:17:48,067
It's getting harder
and harder for me.
461
00:17:48,241 --> 00:17:49,894
They don't make ice packs
big enough
462
00:17:50,069 --> 00:17:52,245
to cover what hurts on me
at the end of the day.
463
00:17:52,419 --> 00:17:56,988
Oh, Dan, you're still
a strong, vital guy.
464
00:17:57,163 --> 00:17:59,817
They were right
about the forklift.
465
00:17:59,991 --> 00:18:02,733
I would've fired me, too.
466
00:18:02,907 --> 00:18:07,173
I always thought when I stopped,
I'd do it on my own terms.
467
00:18:08,217 --> 00:18:10,350
Well, let's look
on the bright side.
468
00:18:10,524 --> 00:18:12,134
You got two options.
469
00:18:12,308 --> 00:18:15,311
You can go grovel to Ben
and beg for the job back, or...
470
00:18:17,748 --> 00:18:19,707
Gee.
471
00:18:19,881 --> 00:18:21,709
It sure seemed like there
should've been something else.
472
00:18:21,883 --> 00:18:23,058
Yeah.
473
00:18:26,366 --> 00:18:28,890
You're gonna love me.
474
00:18:29,064 --> 00:18:31,110
I don't see how,
but go on.
475
00:18:31,284 --> 00:18:33,634
I figured out
what's wrong with you.
476
00:18:33,808 --> 00:18:35,766
I looked up
your personality online,
477
00:18:35,940 --> 00:18:38,160
and I wrote down
all your character flaws.
478
00:18:38,334 --> 00:18:40,119
You're totally
a narcissist.
479
00:18:41,598 --> 00:18:43,861
I really don't think you can
diagnose somebody online.
480
00:18:44,035 --> 00:18:45,515
Well, not you,
481
00:18:45,689 --> 00:18:48,692
because you're too complicated
and important, right?
482
00:18:48,866 --> 00:18:50,216
Narcissist.
483
00:18:52,827 --> 00:18:55,090
I just came back
from the psychiatrist,
484
00:18:55,264 --> 00:18:58,615
and he helped me understand
that I don't believe in myself
485
00:18:58,789 --> 00:19:01,923
and I'm uncomfortable
acting like a successful person.
486
00:19:02,097 --> 00:19:03,751
So are you gonna be okay
or what?
487
00:19:03,925 --> 00:19:06,406
The shrink says that my new job
is threatening
488
00:19:06,580 --> 00:19:09,104
who I think I really am,
so I have to figure out
489
00:19:09,278 --> 00:19:11,585
how to keep some of the old me
in the new me.
490
00:19:11,759 --> 00:19:13,630
Maybe instead
of dressing nicer for work,
491
00:19:13,804 --> 00:19:15,502
you should wear
what you normally do
492
00:19:15,676 --> 00:19:17,765
and go as a tiny,
self-loathing lumberjack.
493
00:19:23,074 --> 00:19:23,901
Ah.
494
00:19:24,075 --> 00:19:26,252
Look who's home.
495
00:19:26,426 --> 00:19:28,341
[ Sighs ]
496
00:19:28,515 --> 00:19:30,734
Really, man,
I'm exhausted.
497
00:19:30,908 --> 00:19:33,084
I'm sure you are.
498
00:19:33,259 --> 00:19:36,610
You had a long day of
telling people the wrong thing.
499
00:19:36,784 --> 00:19:38,438
Are we still doing this?
500
00:19:38,612 --> 00:19:42,311
Look. I'm sorry.
It was my bad.
501
00:19:42,485 --> 00:19:44,313
I've been my own boss
for the past 30 years,
502
00:19:44,487 --> 00:19:46,315
and I haven't had to listen
to anybody.
503
00:19:46,489 --> 00:19:48,012
Well, thank you.
504
00:19:48,187 --> 00:19:51,102
And I really do appreciate
you giving me the job.
505
00:19:51,277 --> 00:19:53,801
Are you saying
you'll come back?
506
00:19:53,975 --> 00:19:56,804
Do you want me
to come back?
507
00:19:56,978 --> 00:20:00,111
Do you want to come back?
508
00:20:00,286 --> 00:20:02,505
'Cause, you know,
if you did,
509
00:20:02,679 --> 00:20:04,942
I could probably be
a little less threatened
510
00:20:05,116 --> 00:20:08,207
that the customers
all love you more than me.
511
00:20:09,251 --> 00:20:11,514
They do love me,
don't they?
512
00:20:11,688 --> 00:20:13,299
You know,
if you play your cards right,
513
00:20:13,473 --> 00:20:14,604
you can get me
permanently.
514
00:20:14,778 --> 00:20:16,432
What about
your drywall business?
515
00:20:16,606 --> 00:20:19,392
Yeah, I think
that's behind me.
516
00:20:19,566 --> 00:20:21,742
Wow. Really?
517
00:20:21,916 --> 00:20:24,701
Yeah. It's time.
518
00:20:26,225 --> 00:20:27,965
So you're looking to become
a permanent member
519
00:20:28,139 --> 00:20:30,620
of the Olinsky chain
of hardware store.
520
00:20:30,794 --> 00:20:33,232
Hey, you know,
even without you there today,
521
00:20:33,406 --> 00:20:35,799
I learned something
really important.
522
00:20:35,973 --> 00:20:39,020
Tap the lid on the paint can
closed with a hammer
523
00:20:39,194 --> 00:20:42,980
beforeyou put it intothe violent shake-y machine.
524
00:20:43,154 --> 00:20:44,678
You do learn quick.
525
00:20:44,852 --> 00:20:46,767
[ Laughs ]
526
00:20:49,857 --> 00:20:51,511
Okay, remember,
this is my first time.
527
00:20:51,685 --> 00:20:53,208
I had to mix the color
myself.
528
00:20:53,382 --> 00:20:55,906
Plus I was working with
a lot of gray
529
00:20:56,080 --> 00:20:59,475
and a very...
temperamental client.
[ Chuckles ]
530
00:20:59,649 --> 00:21:02,565
Ooooh, somebody's
turning back the clock
531
00:21:02,739 --> 00:21:04,480
for her young boyfriend
Neville.
532
00:21:04,654 --> 00:21:07,875
No, Neville's a freak.
He likes me old.
533
00:21:08,049 --> 00:21:10,356
No, I'm doing this for
my "Jeopardy!" audition video.
534
00:21:10,530 --> 00:21:12,009
Alright, let's see it.
535
00:21:13,184 --> 00:21:15,709
[ Laughs ]
Oh, my God!
536
00:21:15,883 --> 00:21:16,971
Huh?
537
00:21:17,145 --> 00:21:18,668
What happened
to the back?
538
00:21:19,539 --> 00:21:20,540
I like it.
539
00:21:20,714 --> 00:21:23,107
I think the green
is unexpected.
540
00:21:23,282 --> 00:21:25,719
What did you do to me,
you little monster?
541
00:21:25,893 --> 00:21:27,373
[ Laughter ]