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Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com
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The winter
at Valley Forge was harsh,
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00:00:06,148 --> 00:00:09,093
and more than 2,000 soldiers
deserted the army.
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00:00:09,180 --> 00:00:12,049
However, the strong leadership
of George Washington
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00:00:12,083 --> 00:00:13,283
held the army together.
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All lies.
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Washington grew pot, and while
the soldiers were fighting,
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00:00:17,953 --> 00:00:21,756
him and Betsy Ross were off
behind the flag getting baked.
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Shh! They can hear you. We're in class.
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Mark, stop bothering me
and focus on your teacher.
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- Education's important, lad.
- One of the most significant events
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at Valley Forge was the arrival
of Frederick Wilhelm von Steuben.
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Is that blonde boy Henry?
The one you think is cute?
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Thanks for that.
15
00:00:39,074 --> 00:00:42,243
I wasn't muted, so I guess
the next move is Henry's.
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00:00:42,277 --> 00:00:44,912
If Harris comes down, don't let
her come in the kitchen.
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Ben and I are working on
a surprise for her birthday.
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Oh, I have a surprise, too.
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I didn't know it was her birthday.
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Well, I tried to give you
a heads up last night.
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00:00:52,737 --> 00:00:54,371
Where were you, on another date?
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00:00:54,406 --> 00:00:56,073
Yeah, and I should have known
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00:00:56,107 --> 00:00:57,908
if he was wearing a mask
in his profile picture,
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00:00:57,943 --> 00:00:59,043
he was hiding something...
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00:00:59,110 --> 00:01:01,078
a giant nose ring.
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00:01:01,112 --> 00:01:03,314
He said that's where
you attach the leash.
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Seems to me maybe you could
hang onto one that way.
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I know my education doesn't mean
anything to any of you,
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but I'd like to be the first person
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to make it out of this house by 40.
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It's not about getting out.
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It's about staying out.
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Oh, you're right.
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00:01:22,182 --> 00:01:25,584
It's fun decorating a birthday
cake Harris is gonna hate.
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"To our rainbow
unicorn magic princess."
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That is pure evil.
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I love you so much right now.
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00:01:39,017 --> 00:01:40,851
Why are my parents calling me?
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00:01:40,919 --> 00:01:43,053
They're supposed to be
having fun in Florida.
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00:01:47,225 --> 00:01:48,626
Hi, Mom.
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00:01:48,660 --> 00:01:50,461
Hi, Ben. It's your mom.
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00:01:50,495 --> 00:01:53,197
Yes. I know.
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00:01:53,231 --> 00:01:55,532
That's why I said, "Hi, Mom."
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Uh... I'm only seeing your ear.
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Hold the phone out
so I can see your face.
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There you go.
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00:02:04,876 --> 00:02:08,012
Ben, your father's dead.
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What?
49
00:02:10,248 --> 00:02:13,250
He was playing golf on the 14th hole
50
00:02:13,285 --> 00:02:15,152
and he got into the golf cart,
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and his friends said he just collapsed.
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And he was under par.
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All right, um...
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Okay, I'll... I'll get there
as soon as I can.
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I'll book a flight when we hang up.
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00:02:27,766 --> 00:02:30,467
Oh, why, sweetie? He's already dead.
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Listen, I've got to get off the phone.
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I have a lot of arrangements to make.
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O-Okay. Bye, Mom.
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Just call me if you need me.
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Ben, I am so sorry.
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Are you okay?
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00:02:46,593 --> 00:02:49,979
I don't know. Um...
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I mean, we weren't close, but
he was still my dad, you know?
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Oh, of course. I'm sure it's still hard.
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00:02:58,296 --> 00:03:03,434
I thought we'd have more time to
work through some of our stuff.
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00:03:03,468 --> 00:03:04,739
Yeah, I know what you mean.
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00:03:04,764 --> 00:03:08,072
It's like you're always waiting
for that right moment,
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00:03:08,113 --> 00:03:10,948
and then suddenly,
there can never be one.
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00:03:12,233 --> 00:03:16,580
He was always so mad at me
for something.
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I just felt like I was
a disappointment to him.
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Oh. Yeah, but I-I'm sure at some point,
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he stopped expecting to be proud of you.
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00:03:28,131 --> 00:03:31,161
Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm not good at comforting.
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00:03:32,488 --> 00:03:37,888
3x07 A Cold Mom,
a Brother Daddy and a Prison Baby
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00:04:11,336 --> 00:04:13,404
Thanks again for babysitting, Emilio.
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00:04:13,438 --> 00:04:15,572
I'm not babysitting. I'm her dad.
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00:04:15,607 --> 00:04:18,275
But if you want to give me 20 bucks,
I'm not too proud to take it.
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00:04:18,309 --> 00:04:20,944
And I'm broke enough to say no.
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00:04:21,880 --> 00:04:23,680
That's okay.
81
00:04:23,715 --> 00:04:26,350
It's worth it just to look at
how cute she is when she sleeps.
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00:04:26,384 --> 00:04:28,852
Don't fall for it. It's a trick.
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00:04:28,887 --> 00:04:31,588
That's how they get you to love them.
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00:04:31,656 --> 00:04:33,524
How's Ben doing?
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00:04:33,558 --> 00:04:36,360
Uh, as good as can be expected.
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00:04:36,394 --> 00:04:37,961
His mom is coming to visit tomorrow.
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I don't know where we're gonna put her.
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00:04:39,798 --> 00:04:42,332
Time to gussy up the chicken coop.
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00:04:42,367 --> 00:04:45,436
So, you're home early.
90
00:04:45,470 --> 00:04:46,537
How was your date?
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00:04:46,604 --> 00:04:47,871
It was a nightmare.
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Another bad one, huh?
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This guy was a nervous wreck.
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He sat across from me at the table
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and kept pulling out a temperature gun
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and shooting it at me.
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00:04:56,347 --> 00:04:57,781
"Beep.
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00:04:57,816 --> 00:04:59,383
97.1.
99
00:04:59,408 --> 00:05:01,286
Okay. Okay. Let's order."
100
00:05:01,311 --> 00:05:04,046
Five minutes later. "Beep.
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00:05:04,071 --> 00:05:05,950
Oh, boy. 98.6.
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00:05:05,975 --> 00:05:08,625
I gotta go. Can you cover the drinks?"
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00:05:08,693 --> 00:05:11,695
Well, my last date was bad, too.
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I asked her if she wanted to go
to a dinner or a drive-in movie.
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She said she wanted to go
from store to store
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looking for disinfecting wipes.
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00:05:19,724 --> 00:05:21,238
Oh.
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00:05:22,273 --> 00:05:23,848
Well...
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I better get going.
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00:05:25,143 --> 00:05:27,311
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
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No, stay.
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Finish watching the basketball game.
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- Really?
- Yeah.
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Scoot over. Make some room.
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I'll go get some popcorn, and
we'll watch the game together.
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Great.
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You know, people said our green
card marriage wouldn't work,
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but I like talking about
bad dates with my husband.
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Hey, Magic Unicorn Princess!
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Happy birthday!
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How's the cake?
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I wouldn't be eating it if there
was anything else in the house.
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They ran out of frosting,
so one layer is just saltines.
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00:06:02,480 --> 00:06:05,082
It does add a nice crunch
where you don't expect it.
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00:06:06,184 --> 00:06:08,185
I'm gonna grab some microwave popcorn.
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00:06:08,253 --> 00:06:11,088
- We don't have any.
- Let's see what Betty Crocker says.
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Oh, my God.
128
00:06:14,259 --> 00:06:16,093
We have secret microwave popcorn?
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You don't. I do.
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00:06:18,396 --> 00:06:19,663
This is for me and Emilio.
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Hmm. He's staying?
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00:06:22,067 --> 00:06:23,867
You usually boot him out
as soon as you get home.
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00:06:23,902 --> 00:06:25,602
Not tonight.
134
00:06:25,637 --> 00:06:27,304
We're hanging out and watching the game.
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00:06:27,372 --> 00:06:30,207
Huh. Watching a game.
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Okay.
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00:06:31,752 --> 00:06:34,187
Take your bra off in here. Saves time.
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00:06:34,212 --> 00:06:35,813
Unless you like to watch them struggle.
139
00:06:35,847 --> 00:06:37,214
Sometimes that's good for a laugh.
140
00:06:37,248 --> 00:06:38,282
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
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00:06:38,316 --> 00:06:40,667
- That's not what's going on.
- Really?
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00:06:40,692 --> 00:06:42,793
He's dating, I'm dating.
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00:06:42,827 --> 00:06:44,261
He's totally moved on.
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00:06:44,337 --> 00:06:46,638
Here's a tip, kid.
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00:06:46,664 --> 00:06:48,490
There's a bag of beef jerky
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00:06:48,491 --> 00:06:50,325
taped to the back of the toilet tank.
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00:06:50,359 --> 00:06:53,395
That's disgusting.
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00:06:53,429 --> 00:06:54,930
Upstairs or down?
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00:06:54,964 --> 00:06:58,633
Upstairs is sweet, downstairs is savory.
150
00:07:01,537 --> 00:07:04,005
It's okay. It's okay.
151
00:07:04,073 --> 00:07:07,175
Mommy will be right back.
152
00:07:07,210 --> 00:07:08,310
She's making popcorn for us.
153
00:07:10,213 --> 00:07:12,581
I think Mommy's finally into Daddy.
154
00:07:12,615 --> 00:07:15,450
I know.
155
00:07:15,484 --> 00:07:18,253
When I heard it,
I almost pooped myself, too.
156
00:07:24,026 --> 00:07:25,218
I should stop.
157
00:07:25,243 --> 00:07:29,264
Whatever this stain is, it's
holding the fabric together.
158
00:07:29,332 --> 00:07:31,266
Darlene, relax.
159
00:07:31,334 --> 00:07:33,065
You don't have to impress my mom.
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00:07:33,119 --> 00:07:36,024
Oh, and I told her
that we're only living here
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00:07:36,049 --> 00:07:38,040
until the escrow closes
on our giant new house
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00:07:38,041 --> 00:07:39,583
that we got from all the money we made
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00:07:39,584 --> 00:07:40,960
from our successful magazine.
164
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Wow. We're having a way better
life than I thought we were.
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00:07:43,918 --> 00:07:45,185
I just...
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00:07:45,220 --> 00:07:46,987
I don't want to have to hear
her criticism.
167
00:07:47,021 --> 00:07:49,323
Oh, yes, don't touch her.
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00:07:49,357 --> 00:07:50,208
She's an ice queen.
169
00:07:50,233 --> 00:07:51,679
You know how in "A Christmas Story,"
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00:07:51,680 --> 00:07:54,139
the kid gets his tongue stuck
to the freezing pole?
171
00:07:54,140 --> 00:07:55,496
It'll be like that.
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00:07:55,530 --> 00:07:58,031
So don't put my tongue on her, got it.
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Mm-hmm.
174
00:08:07,049 --> 00:08:08,474
Mom.
175
00:08:08,517 --> 00:08:10,807
I'm really glad you're here.
176
00:08:11,980 --> 00:08:16,917
This is the house where you're
staying while the escrow closes.
177
00:08:16,951 --> 00:08:18,998
You know, they bust into
houses like this
178
00:08:18,999 --> 00:08:21,334
on that program "Cops."
179
00:08:21,790 --> 00:08:23,023
Mom, it's so good to see...
180
00:08:23,057 --> 00:08:24,358
Oh, it's okay. Don't.
181
00:08:24,392 --> 00:08:26,160
Uh, I've been vaccinated,
182
00:08:26,194 --> 00:08:29,842
but the plane was filthy even
though I was in first class,
183
00:08:29,843 --> 00:08:32,178
which is way better than coach.
184
00:08:32,212 --> 00:08:34,221
Your father would never spend the money,
185
00:08:34,222 --> 00:08:35,907
but on the way to the airport,
186
00:08:35,932 --> 00:08:38,734
I saw a billboard that said,
"Just do it."
187
00:08:38,768 --> 00:08:42,605
And I decided that was your
father's way of telling me,
188
00:08:42,639 --> 00:08:45,441
"I'm cheap and I'm dead.
Fly first class."
189
00:08:46,643 --> 00:08:48,878
Oh, well, we have those
billboards all over town.
190
00:08:48,912 --> 00:08:50,446
The last time I saw "Just Do It,"
191
00:08:50,514 --> 00:08:52,281
I pulled over, and I got a burrito.
192
00:08:52,315 --> 00:08:55,150
But it was a big one,
so it's kind of the same thing.
193
00:08:56,353 --> 00:08:57,812
Who's she?
194
00:08:58,488 --> 00:09:01,423
You know who she is.
I've sent you pictures.
195
00:09:01,458 --> 00:09:02,958
This is Darlene.
196
00:09:02,993 --> 00:09:06,662
Oh. You're just a little
itty-bitty thing.
197
00:09:06,730 --> 00:09:07,464
Mom.
198
00:09:07,465 --> 00:09:09,506
Uh, no, it's okay. I'm used to it.
199
00:09:09,507 --> 00:09:12,735
Grown-ups try to hold my hand
at crosswalks all the time.
200
00:09:14,137 --> 00:09:17,139
Listen, I am so sorry
about your husband.
201
00:09:17,173 --> 00:09:18,841
You don't have to feel bad for me.
202
00:09:18,875 --> 00:09:19,808
Or for my husband.
203
00:09:19,843 --> 00:09:21,944
He had a good, full life.
204
00:09:21,978 --> 00:09:23,746
Of course, he wanted grandkids,
205
00:09:23,780 --> 00:09:26,849
but that didn't happen
for a variety of reasons.
206
00:09:26,883 --> 00:09:28,651
I'm not pointing fingers.
207
00:09:30,687 --> 00:09:31,754
Dropping this off.
208
00:09:31,788 --> 00:09:33,856
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to intrude.
209
00:09:33,890 --> 00:09:35,057
Oh, no, Jackie. It's fine.
210
00:09:35,091 --> 00:09:37,860
Mom, this is Darlene's aunt, Jackie.
211
00:09:37,894 --> 00:09:40,029
Well, she's normal-sized.
212
00:09:40,096 --> 00:09:42,031
Maybe you didn't get enough sunlight.
213
00:09:42,065 --> 00:09:43,165
Uh.
214
00:09:43,199 --> 00:09:45,034
I'm so sorry for your loss,
215
00:09:45,068 --> 00:09:47,336
or if you're relieved,
I'm happy for your freedom.
216
00:09:47,370 --> 00:09:48,470
I've seen both.
217
00:09:49,839 --> 00:09:51,307
I'm somewhere in the middle.
218
00:09:51,341 --> 00:09:52,466
Yeah.
219
00:09:52,467 --> 00:09:54,777
Well, if you wouldn't mind
dropping that off for Harris?
220
00:09:54,844 --> 00:09:56,045
The restaurant's got me hopping.
221
00:09:56,079 --> 00:09:58,514
It's cold. People want stew.
222
00:09:58,548 --> 00:09:59,682
Stew?
223
00:09:59,716 --> 00:10:01,183
Yeah. I own The Lunch Box.
224
00:10:01,251 --> 00:10:03,218
Lanford's only stew restaurant.
225
00:10:03,253 --> 00:10:04,320
Ah.
226
00:10:04,354 --> 00:10:06,622
Well, I guess if people want hobo food,
227
00:10:06,690 --> 00:10:08,657
they have to have a place to get it.
228
00:10:09,960 --> 00:10:12,027
You remind me of somebody.
229
00:10:13,363 --> 00:10:16,365
If you told me
I'll never amount to anything,
230
00:10:16,433 --> 00:10:19,602
it would be downright eerie.
231
00:10:19,636 --> 00:10:20,662
Oh, listen,
232
00:10:20,687 --> 00:10:22,691
you must be exhausted
233
00:10:22,793 --> 00:10:24,911
- from all that alienating.
- Okay.
234
00:10:24,975 --> 00:10:28,210
Why don't you sit and I'll get
you a cup of tea, huh?
235
00:10:28,244 --> 00:10:30,012
Darlene, can you join me?
236
00:10:30,054 --> 00:10:31,888
Darlene...
237
00:10:31,915 --> 00:10:34,950
while you're in there, try
to talk him out of the beard.
238
00:10:34,985 --> 00:10:37,353
It makes him look like a Bolshevik.
239
00:10:40,790 --> 00:10:43,058
This couch smells.
240
00:10:43,093 --> 00:10:44,460
Thank you!
241
00:10:47,047 --> 00:10:50,434
Holy crap. I thought you were
exaggerating for effect.
242
00:10:50,442 --> 00:10:52,376
If anything, you downplayed her.
243
00:10:52,411 --> 00:10:53,444
Yeah. Here. I gotta go.
244
00:10:53,479 --> 00:10:55,713
What? Don't you dare
leave me alone with her.
245
00:10:55,747 --> 00:10:57,115
It's the hardware store.
246
00:10:57,149 --> 00:10:58,249
What about the hardware store?
247
00:10:58,283 --> 00:10:59,701
I have jury duty.
248
00:10:59,902 --> 00:11:02,574
Look, I get it, you don't want to be
around your mom, but you know what?
249
00:11:02,614 --> 00:11:04,611
She's your mom, not mine,
so get your ass in there.
250
00:11:04,645 --> 00:11:05,979
No. Look.
251
00:11:06,013 --> 00:11:08,615
I am still processing all of this, okay?
252
00:11:08,649 --> 00:11:12,401
And not surprisingly, my mom is
not gonna be a lot of comfort.
253
00:11:12,426 --> 00:11:14,654
So, I'm gonna drive by our old house
254
00:11:14,688 --> 00:11:16,823
and try to drudge up some good memories.
255
00:11:16,891 --> 00:11:18,491
Here. Just get a few glasses in her.
256
00:11:18,526 --> 00:11:20,059
She's actually fun
if she's been drinking.
257
00:11:20,094 --> 00:11:22,896
- Really?
- No. Stop making me lie.
258
00:11:24,873 --> 00:11:27,241
Are you sure you're gonna be
okay if I leave early?
259
00:11:27,301 --> 00:11:28,668
Becky and I are having movie night.
260
00:11:28,702 --> 00:11:31,137
Oh, wow. Look at you,
261
00:11:31,172 --> 00:11:34,574
having specially named nights
with Becky at the house.
262
00:11:34,642 --> 00:11:36,242
What's all that about, huh?
263
00:11:36,285 --> 00:11:38,619
We're hanging out with the baby.
264
00:11:38,646 --> 00:11:40,613
Last night
we had a nice time watching TV.
265
00:11:40,648 --> 00:11:42,682
"Nice time." Gotcha.
266
00:11:42,750 --> 00:11:45,652
So, uh... what did you do last night?
267
00:11:45,686 --> 00:11:47,687
We made some pizza rolls.
268
00:11:47,721 --> 00:11:48,888
Okay, okay.
269
00:11:48,923 --> 00:11:50,690
"Pizza rolls." Yeah.
270
00:11:50,724 --> 00:11:52,859
Did you both reach for one
at the same time
271
00:11:52,893 --> 00:11:56,157
'cause you were just both so "hungry"?
272
00:11:56,497 --> 00:11:58,631
Why are you making everything dirty?
273
00:11:58,666 --> 00:12:00,945
Because you kids belong together
274
00:12:00,970 --> 00:12:03,168
and you're finally taking this
to the next level.
275
00:12:03,223 --> 00:12:04,405
I think so, too.
276
00:12:04,473 --> 00:12:06,474
Well, then,
you need to make a move, man.
277
00:12:06,509 --> 00:12:09,143
Well, what kind of moves
are you talking about?
278
00:12:09,178 --> 00:12:11,756
Well, next time,
you watch something scary
279
00:12:12,047 --> 00:12:16,251
so then maybe she'll take your
hand or cuddle up next to you.
280
00:12:16,285 --> 00:12:17,986
- Ahhh.
- Ah.
281
00:12:18,020 --> 00:12:19,153
There's this documentary out
282
00:12:19,188 --> 00:12:22,433
about a daughter
who brutally murders her mother.
283
00:12:22,725 --> 00:12:24,692
Uh, well, no, maybe not that one.
284
00:12:24,727 --> 00:12:27,295
That's more of a "feel good" thing.
285
00:12:29,457 --> 00:12:31,866
...and, you know, when Ben was three,
286
00:12:31,901 --> 00:12:35,036
he used to go everywhere
in his little Batman mask.
287
00:12:35,104 --> 00:12:37,872
But that was all, because
he hated to wear clothes.
288
00:12:37,907 --> 00:12:39,207
It didn't matter where.
289
00:12:39,241 --> 00:12:43,378
He'd strip down in banks,
supermarkets, church.
290
00:12:43,412 --> 00:12:44,913
He always looked like
291
00:12:44,947 --> 00:12:47,584
a tiny, naked Mexican wrestler.
292
00:12:48,017 --> 00:12:51,152
Well, he hasn't outgrown that.
293
00:12:51,186 --> 00:12:52,887
The second we're alone in the house,
294
00:12:52,931 --> 00:12:56,400
the clothes come off and it's
"I'm Batman."
295
00:12:57,927 --> 00:13:00,461
You know, you are so easy to talk to.
296
00:13:00,529 --> 00:13:03,264
I understand
why Ben's never been happier.
297
00:13:03,299 --> 00:13:05,233
Oh. Same here.
298
00:13:05,267 --> 00:13:07,135
Well, that's how it should be.
299
00:13:07,169 --> 00:13:10,605
I always wished Ben's dad
had been a little more fun.
300
00:13:10,639 --> 00:13:12,907
Oh, here's something that I kept from...
301
00:13:12,942 --> 00:13:14,709
No, I can't talk about that.
302
00:13:14,743 --> 00:13:17,946
Oh. Well, you've known me
for several hours.
303
00:13:17,980 --> 00:13:19,414
You can tell me anything.
304
00:13:19,481 --> 00:13:21,082
Okay.
305
00:13:21,116 --> 00:13:25,119
I once sent sexy e-mails
to my first boyfriend
306
00:13:25,154 --> 00:13:27,322
through the Classmates website.
307
00:13:27,356 --> 00:13:28,690
Oh.
308
00:13:28,724 --> 00:13:30,058
Well, we've all got stuff.
309
00:13:30,092 --> 00:13:31,492
One time I had a few drinks,
310
00:13:31,527 --> 00:13:34,996
and I sent a sexy e-mail to Barack Obama.
311
00:13:35,030 --> 00:13:37,332
Next thing I know,
there's two guys in black suits
312
00:13:37,399 --> 00:13:38,700
with earpieces at my door.
313
00:13:38,767 --> 00:13:43,237
Well, I went
to the mall and tried on Spanx,
314
00:13:43,272 --> 00:13:46,207
and then breezed past the security guard
315
00:13:46,275 --> 00:13:48,776
looking three pounds lighter.
316
00:13:50,913 --> 00:13:53,848
Oh, and Ben's dad isn't his real father.
317
00:13:53,916 --> 00:13:55,235
What?
318
00:13:57,553 --> 00:13:59,420
I had a fling.
319
00:13:59,455 --> 00:14:00,955
Ben doesn't know about it,
320
00:14:00,997 --> 00:14:04,633
and Nate was humiliated,
so I promised not to tell.
321
00:14:04,660 --> 00:14:06,494
Well, there's no point in going on.
322
00:14:06,528 --> 00:14:07,629
I think you won.
323
00:14:13,371 --> 00:14:15,535
I just want to check
if the coast is clear.
324
00:14:15,573 --> 00:14:18,296
Is Bizarro Bev still in the house?
325
00:14:18,337 --> 00:14:19,353
No.
326
00:14:19,414 --> 00:14:22,655
She went on a walk
after casually mentioning
327
00:14:22,680 --> 00:14:25,515
that Ben's dad is not his real dad
328
00:14:25,540 --> 00:14:26,841
and Ben doesn't know.
329
00:14:26,866 --> 00:14:28,367
Oh, wow.
330
00:14:28,401 --> 00:14:29,835
That's a good one.
331
00:14:29,895 --> 00:14:31,381
Well, good luck with that.
332
00:14:32,205 --> 00:14:34,190
Come on, Jackie.
333
00:14:34,540 --> 00:14:37,843
Look, I feel like Ben deserves to know
334
00:14:37,877 --> 00:14:40,512
the real reason
that his father was so distant,
335
00:14:40,546 --> 00:14:42,281
but finding out now
336
00:14:42,315 --> 00:14:44,901
that both his parents
lied to him his entire life
337
00:14:44,926 --> 00:14:46,518
could screw him up even worse.
338
00:14:46,552 --> 00:14:47,986
What am I supposed to do?
339
00:14:48,021 --> 00:14:49,187
Make her tell him.
340
00:14:49,222 --> 00:14:52,725
She's the one who was sleeping
around, the Easy Ethel.
341
00:14:53,493 --> 00:14:55,027
You know what? I'm not gonna tell him.
342
00:14:55,061 --> 00:14:56,161
If she doesn't want to deal with it,
343
00:14:56,195 --> 00:14:58,063
maybe it's better
that he just doesn't know.
344
00:14:58,097 --> 00:14:59,765
He's already come to terms with the fact
345
00:14:59,832 --> 00:15:00,999
that his father was distant.
346
00:15:01,034 --> 00:15:04,269
Yeah. Sometimes the truth
only makes things harder.
347
00:15:04,304 --> 00:15:06,214
You remember how devastated I was
348
00:15:06,239 --> 00:15:08,974
when I found out
that my mother was... you know
349
00:15:09,008 --> 00:15:11,843
actually my real mother.
350
00:15:14,213 --> 00:15:16,949
This documentary's freaking me out.
351
00:15:16,983 --> 00:15:18,951
- It's scary, isn't it?
- Ooh.
352
00:15:18,985 --> 00:15:20,485
Listen to the music.
353
00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:22,721
They're definitely gonna find
the mom's body in here.
354
00:15:22,762 --> 00:15:24,964
It's body-finding music.
355
00:15:25,024 --> 00:15:26,558
Oh, oh.
356
00:15:26,592 --> 00:15:28,202
Don't open the freezer!
357
00:15:28,561 --> 00:15:30,996
Oh, my...
358
00:15:33,066 --> 00:15:34,333
What are you doing?
359
00:15:35,435 --> 00:15:37,569
I thought maybe you wanted me to.
360
00:15:37,603 --> 00:15:39,271
Why would you think that?
361
00:15:39,964 --> 00:15:42,733
Because we were spending
more time together.
362
00:15:42,881 --> 00:15:44,209
And we were having so much fun
363
00:15:44,243 --> 00:15:46,512
watching those kids
murder their parents.
364
00:15:47,080 --> 00:15:48,647
I just thought...
365
00:15:48,681 --> 00:15:51,509
maybe you were starting to look
at me in a different way.
366
00:15:51,534 --> 00:15:53,353
Oh. No.
367
00:15:54,020 --> 00:15:56,321
I'm happy that we're sharing
our crazy crap
368
00:15:56,356 --> 00:15:58,390
that we're going through, but...
369
00:15:58,424 --> 00:15:59,591
you're dating.
370
00:15:59,625 --> 00:16:01,126
I thought you moved on.
371
00:16:01,160 --> 00:16:02,394
This isn't a date.
372
00:16:02,428 --> 00:16:04,029
Why not?
373
00:16:04,063 --> 00:16:06,365
We have such a good time together.
374
00:16:06,399 --> 00:16:08,367
A-A-And you're not meeting
anybody great,
375
00:16:08,401 --> 00:16:10,102
and I'm not meeting anybody great.
376
00:16:10,169 --> 00:16:12,404
We're married, we have a baby together.
377
00:16:12,472 --> 00:16:14,172
We should be dating.
378
00:16:14,207 --> 00:16:17,242
I like hanging out with you as a friend.
379
00:16:17,276 --> 00:16:19,211
Maybe I'm selfish.
380
00:16:19,245 --> 00:16:21,947
I'm sorry if I'm sending
the wrong signals.
381
00:16:21,981 --> 00:16:23,415
I don't want to be a friend.
382
00:16:23,483 --> 00:16:27,019
Okay, then think of me as...
as a sister.
383
00:16:27,053 --> 00:16:30,139
A sister... that you had a baby with.
384
00:16:32,091 --> 00:16:34,602
- I think I should go.
- No, you don't have to go.
385
00:16:35,479 --> 00:16:37,230
Yeah, I do.
386
00:16:38,331 --> 00:16:41,833
And just so you know,
once I go back to dating,
387
00:16:41,868 --> 00:16:43,201
I'm gonna be snapped up quick.
388
00:16:43,269 --> 00:16:45,570
Married, undocumented, short-order cooks
389
00:16:45,605 --> 00:16:47,532
do not grow on trees.
390
00:16:48,007 --> 00:16:49,941
Yeah, you think I'm the only desperate,
391
00:16:50,009 --> 00:16:52,944
middle-aged alcoholic out there
that would find you attractive?
392
00:16:53,012 --> 00:16:55,113
This is Lanford.
393
00:16:55,148 --> 00:16:58,784
You can't swing a handle of
vodka without hitting one of us.
394
00:17:01,349 --> 00:17:02,816
I'll see you tomorrow.
395
00:17:07,460 --> 00:17:09,594
Hey. I didn't hear you come in.
396
00:17:09,629 --> 00:17:12,316
Uh, your mom's probably
on her way back from her walk.
397
00:17:12,341 --> 00:17:13,508
I think if we're quiet,
398
00:17:13,533 --> 00:17:15,742
we can hear the cloven hooves
on the sidewalk.
399
00:17:16,836 --> 00:17:20,138
She's not taking a walk.
She's heading back to Florida.
400
00:17:20,173 --> 00:17:21,831
- What?
- Yep.
401
00:17:21,832 --> 00:17:24,476
But true to her half-assed
parenting style,
402
00:17:24,510 --> 00:17:28,146
she left a note saying that she told you
403
00:17:28,181 --> 00:17:31,817
some very important and upsetting news,
404
00:17:31,851 --> 00:17:35,187
and that since the cat's out of
the bag, she had to leave.
405
00:17:35,221 --> 00:17:37,456
So... go.
406
00:17:45,565 --> 00:17:47,799
Okay. Here it is.
407
00:17:50,203 --> 00:17:52,237
You were born in prison.
You're a prison baby.
408
00:17:54,273 --> 00:17:57,109
What? My mom was in prison? Why?
409
00:17:57,176 --> 00:17:59,853
She jacked a car. She's a car jacker.
410
00:18:02,248 --> 00:18:03,748
Mom.
411
00:18:03,791 --> 00:18:05,625
I'm sorry. I-I shouldn't have left.
412
00:18:05,651 --> 00:18:07,486
I want you to know I feel terrible.
413
00:18:07,520 --> 00:18:08,863
Oh, boy.
414
00:18:09,155 --> 00:18:12,057
Look, it was a long time ago.
415
00:18:12,091 --> 00:18:15,260
You were desperate
and needed money probably.
416
00:18:15,294 --> 00:18:19,574
No. I did not charge him a cent,
and I was not desperate.
417
00:18:19,599 --> 00:18:21,500
I was young, I was beautiful,
418
00:18:21,534 --> 00:18:23,368
and he had a couple of eight balls
419
00:18:23,402 --> 00:18:25,504
and the first Boston album.
420
00:18:29,275 --> 00:18:31,676
W-What are you talking about?
421
00:18:31,744 --> 00:18:33,645
Well, that's when I got pregnant.
422
00:18:33,679 --> 00:18:36,348
I should've told you
Nate wasn't your real father
423
00:18:36,382 --> 00:18:37,916
a long time ago.
424
00:18:38,553 --> 00:18:41,304
Oh, my God. Nate's not his father?
425
00:18:41,329 --> 00:18:43,088
This is terrible news
426
00:18:43,122 --> 00:18:44,890
after learning that
your mom's a coke head
427
00:18:44,957 --> 00:18:46,158
and you were born in prison.
428
00:18:46,192 --> 00:18:48,059
This is too much for one day.
You know what?
429
00:18:48,127 --> 00:18:49,561
You should leave or I should leave,
430
00:18:49,595 --> 00:18:51,696
because one of us is gonna pass out.
431
00:18:53,366 --> 00:18:56,234
So, wait. Dad wasn't my father?
432
00:18:56,269 --> 00:18:58,728
Didn't Darlene tell you?
433
00:18:58,753 --> 00:19:01,173
I got pregnant by another man
434
00:19:01,207 --> 00:19:03,909
and Nate agreed to raise you as his own.
435
00:19:03,943 --> 00:19:05,177
So Nate knew?
436
00:19:06,812 --> 00:19:09,915
So, who is my real father?
437
00:19:09,949 --> 00:19:12,117
He died a long time ago.
438
00:19:12,151 --> 00:19:14,352
I-I came back because I knew
439
00:19:14,387 --> 00:19:17,055
you would have a lot of
questions that needed answering
440
00:19:17,089 --> 00:19:18,957
if you were going to move on from this.
441
00:19:18,991 --> 00:19:20,225
I do.
442
00:19:20,293 --> 00:19:22,427
What was my real dad's name?
443
00:19:23,245 --> 00:19:25,898
- Richard something.
- Oh.
444
00:19:27,400 --> 00:19:29,167
Where was he from? What did he like?
445
00:19:29,202 --> 00:19:30,802
Uh, what did he do for a living?
446
00:19:30,870 --> 00:19:33,939
Look, all I know
is he lived someplace cold
447
00:19:33,973 --> 00:19:36,158
because he had a heavy jacket.
448
00:19:37,777 --> 00:19:40,278
So, all you know about my real dad
449
00:19:40,346 --> 00:19:42,314
is that he had a heavy jacket?
450
00:19:42,348 --> 00:19:44,133
It was one night.
451
00:19:44,508 --> 00:19:47,319
What's important is that you understand
452
00:19:47,353 --> 00:19:49,421
that Nate found out I cheated on him
453
00:19:49,455 --> 00:19:53,325
and he was mad at me,
but he took it out on you.
454
00:19:53,392 --> 00:19:54,759
I'm sorry.
455
00:19:54,794 --> 00:19:58,263
Y-Y... Do you have any idea
how much this screwed me up?
456
00:19:58,297 --> 00:20:00,999
You let me go my whole life
thinking that my dad hated me,
457
00:20:01,033 --> 00:20:03,620
that I was some kind of
huge disappointment to him.
458
00:20:03,703 --> 00:20:05,971
Well, now, it was not your whole life.
459
00:20:06,005 --> 00:20:07,172
You're not dead yet.
460
00:20:07,206 --> 00:20:11,476
If your life continues exactly
as it is from this point on,
461
00:20:11,510 --> 00:20:14,079
then we will all know
it was not my fault.
462
00:20:14,113 --> 00:20:16,815
Okay, I've got to go. My cab is here.
463
00:20:16,849 --> 00:20:18,183
Love ya, Mom.
464
00:20:18,217 --> 00:20:21,086
Thank you. We don't say it enough.
465
00:20:25,942 --> 00:20:28,216
Well, at least now I kinda understand
466
00:20:28,272 --> 00:20:30,037
why my dad treated me like crap.
467
00:20:30,062 --> 00:20:31,354
Every time he looked at me,
468
00:20:31,355 --> 00:20:35,233
he saw some jackass my mom
banged and hated me for it.
469
00:20:35,564 --> 00:20:36,798
Man, you were only a kid.
470
00:20:36,847 --> 00:20:39,238
He should have never
taken it out on you.
471
00:20:39,328 --> 00:20:41,696
I mean, I treat Darlene
like she's my own.
472
00:20:43,129 --> 00:20:44,685
If only.
473
00:20:45,418 --> 00:20:47,919
All right. We're here
to say goodbye to Nate.
474
00:20:47,987 --> 00:20:52,357
Dad, thanks for always
putting food on the table,
475
00:20:52,425 --> 00:20:54,659
and thanks for at least
never calling me a bastard.
476
00:20:54,727 --> 00:20:56,127
Mm.
477
00:20:56,170 --> 00:20:57,703
To Nate.
478
00:20:57,730 --> 00:20:58,699
And...
479
00:20:59,398 --> 00:21:01,533
to dead Richard with the heavy coat.
480
00:21:01,567 --> 00:21:04,202
One day, I'll figure out who you were.
481
00:21:04,236 --> 00:21:06,666
To dead Richard with the heavy coat.
482
00:21:07,440 --> 00:21:08,540
Clink.
483
00:21:08,574 --> 00:21:11,109
There is one saving grace.
484
00:21:11,143 --> 00:21:12,877
I've got a family here.
485
00:21:12,912 --> 00:21:16,781
Thank you, boy,
but you ain't family yet.
486
00:21:16,816 --> 00:21:21,196
You grab Miss Darlene-Sue here
and make of her an honest woman,
487
00:21:21,197 --> 00:21:24,869
and I'll be your Pappy,
teach you how to run hooch.