1
00:00:03,520 --> 00:00:05,080
Dinner's ready!
2
00:00:06,540 --> 00:00:08,560
Last one in washes the dishes!
3
00:00:12,380 --> 00:00:14,379
Looks like it's Mark!
4
00:00:14,380 --> 00:00:17,419
Okay, okay, before we
eat, tomorrow's Sunday,
5
00:00:17,420 --> 00:00:19,550
and I want everybody
dressed appropriately
6
00:00:19,560 --> 00:00:21,520
so we can pay our respects
7
00:00:21,530 --> 00:00:24,860
to the one thing that helps
us make sense of this world
8
00:00:24,870 --> 00:00:27,980
and gives us the strength to
make it through another week.
9
00:00:27,987 --> 00:00:29,399
- Amen.
- Amen.
10
00:00:29,400 --> 00:00:30,649
We're going to church?
11
00:00:30,650 --> 00:00:32,500
Come on! Harris! On a Sunday?
12
00:00:32,510 --> 00:00:34,660
We're watching the Bears-Packers game!
13
00:00:35,440 --> 00:00:37,540
But it is like church,
because when the Bears
14
00:00:37,550 --> 00:00:38,940
are collapsing at the end of the game,
15
00:00:38,950 --> 00:00:42,409
we ask the Almighty for
a swift and merciful end.
16
00:00:42,410 --> 00:00:44,660
And win or lose,
we stick with the Bears.
17
00:00:44,670 --> 00:00:45,670
Total commitment.
18
00:00:45,680 --> 00:00:48,420
Because if you're not a true... fan...
19
00:00:48,430 --> 00:00:51,840
Oh, man! My Patriots receiver
is out for tomorrow.
20
00:00:51,850 --> 00:00:52,970
That could cost me.
21
00:00:54,070 --> 00:00:55,419
Are you gambling?
22
00:00:55,420 --> 00:00:57,070
Yep. Fantasy football.
23
00:00:57,080 --> 00:00:59,020
Taking money from a bunch of suckers.
24
00:00:59,980 --> 00:01:02,896
Oh, so it's like a megachurch.
25
00:01:04,050 --> 00:01:07,060
No fantasy football tomorrow, Jackie.
26
00:01:07,070 --> 00:01:08,850
We're only rooting for the Bears.
27
00:01:08,860 --> 00:01:10,069
No distractions.
28
00:01:10,070 --> 00:01:11,380
Hey, can we eat already?
29
00:01:11,390 --> 00:01:13,270
I only came over here to
steal food and do laundry.
30
00:01:13,280 --> 00:01:14,491
I don't need all this jibber-jabber.
31
00:01:14,492 --> 00:01:15,989
Eh, eh, eh, eh!
32
00:01:15,990 --> 00:01:18,720
That's not dinner. That's
for the game tomorrow.
33
00:01:18,740 --> 00:01:20,914
The SpaghettiOs on the
stove... that's dinner.
34
00:01:22,060 --> 00:01:23,100
Ugh.
35
00:01:23,110 --> 00:01:24,730
These aren't even real SpaghettiOs.
36
00:01:24,740 --> 00:01:27,230
They're... Pisghetti Joe's.
37
00:01:28,380 --> 00:01:30,883
Come on, Mark, help me get
this food out to the garage.
38
00:01:32,200 --> 00:01:34,270
I hate football.
39
00:01:34,280 --> 00:01:35,763
Do I really have to come tomorrow?
40
00:01:35,770 --> 00:01:37,390
It's important.
41
00:01:37,400 --> 00:01:39,641
I'm even bringing this
guy I've been seeing.
42
00:01:39,642 --> 00:01:42,190
Ohhhh! So, you checked the traps lately,
43
00:01:42,200 --> 00:01:43,354
and you caught one.
44
00:01:43,355 --> 00:01:45,990
Hey, hey. Not cool.
45
00:01:46,000 --> 00:01:48,519
Does his wife know he's coming over?
46
00:01:48,520 --> 00:01:50,630
This is why you haven't met Wyatt yet.
47
00:01:50,640 --> 00:01:51,980
- Wyatt!
- Ohhh!
48
00:01:51,990 --> 00:01:52,990
- Wyatt!
- Well!
49
00:01:53,000 --> 00:01:54,949
Wait, wait. What about Emilio?
50
00:01:54,950 --> 00:01:56,690
We've been talking about it.
51
00:01:56,700 --> 00:01:58,590
He doesn't think he can
get back in the country,
52
00:01:58,600 --> 00:02:00,953
so we both decided
we should start dating.
53
00:02:00,954 --> 00:02:02,372
So, where'd you meet this guy?
54
00:02:02,373 --> 00:02:04,990
We went out once back
when I was drinking.
55
00:02:05,000 --> 00:02:08,170
I threw up in the clown's
mouth at Putt-Putt.
56
00:02:09,260 --> 00:02:11,550
But Wyatt was so sweet.
57
00:02:11,560 --> 00:02:15,350
I got a text the next morning
that said, "Had a fun time.
58
00:02:15,360 --> 00:02:17,887
You're a blackout drunk. Get help."
59
00:02:17,888 --> 00:02:19,509
Aww.
60
00:02:19,510 --> 00:02:23,030
I bumped into him about a
month ago with Beverly Rose.
61
00:02:23,040 --> 00:02:25,650
He saw that I'm sober
and even hotter now,
62
00:02:25,660 --> 00:02:27,398
and we've been dating ever since.
63
00:02:27,399 --> 00:02:29,148
Ohh! Good for you.
64
00:02:30,693 --> 00:02:32,318
Okay, what's wrong with him?
65
00:02:32,319 --> 00:02:33,609
Nothing.
66
00:02:33,610 --> 00:02:36,640
He treat me great,
he loves Beverly Rose,
67
00:02:36,650 --> 00:02:39,699
his mom and I DM on
Instagram all the time,
68
00:02:39,700 --> 00:02:42,780
and when the check
comes, he doesn't run.
69
00:02:43,760 --> 00:02:47,579
Darlene... he tips.
70
00:02:47,580 --> 00:02:48,660
He tips?
71
00:02:48,670 --> 00:02:51,039
He must be a millionaire.
72
00:02:51,040 --> 00:02:54,450
No. He's manager of
Miracle Ear at the mall.
73
00:02:54,460 --> 00:02:56,799
So he's a really good listener.
74
00:02:56,800 --> 00:02:58,630
Uh, hold it.
75
00:02:58,640 --> 00:02:59,770
I know the problem.
76
00:02:59,780 --> 00:03:01,305
The sex is terrible, right?
77
00:03:01,306 --> 00:03:02,513
We haven't done it.
78
00:03:02,514 --> 00:03:04,110
He knows I'm not ready yet
79
00:03:04,120 --> 00:03:07,020
because sober sex is
gonna be a whole thing.
80
00:03:08,150 --> 00:03:11,040
You gotta look at each other in the eye.
81
00:03:12,100 --> 00:03:15,150
You gotta worry about their feelings.
82
00:03:15,160 --> 00:03:18,322
I don't have the bandwidth
for that. It's terrifying.
83
00:03:18,323 --> 00:03:20,380
Don't worry. The sex will happen.
84
00:03:20,390 --> 00:03:22,830
It wasn't the alcohol that made
you loose and indiscriminate.
85
00:03:22,840 --> 00:03:24,480
That's all you.
86
00:03:25,600 --> 00:03:28,650
Thanks. That's what I thought, too.
87
00:03:28,660 --> 00:03:33,650
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
88
00:04:05,490 --> 00:04:09,560
"The Conners" is recorded in
front of a live studio audience.
89
00:04:10,360 --> 00:04:12,100
Good morning, sunshine.
90
00:04:13,980 --> 00:04:15,464
Come on.
91
00:04:15,470 --> 00:04:18,709
- It's time to get up.
- Oh, 20 more minutes.
92
00:04:18,710 --> 00:04:21,470
You moved back to Lanford
so we could start this paper.
93
00:04:21,480 --> 00:04:22,971
You've been in bed for a week.
94
00:04:22,972 --> 00:04:24,850
It's nice in here.
95
00:04:24,860 --> 00:04:26,220
Come snuggle.
96
00:04:26,230 --> 00:04:27,266
Ew!
97
00:04:27,267 --> 00:04:28,684
You need a shower.
98
00:04:28,685 --> 00:04:31,269
- I don't wanna!
- Why not?
99
00:04:31,270 --> 00:04:34,400
Because I am planning
on taking a shower,
100
00:04:34,410 --> 00:04:37,027
but once I'm done, I have
nothing else planned.
101
00:04:38,487 --> 00:04:41,739
I'm not ready to face an
uncertain post-shower life.
102
00:04:41,740 --> 00:04:44,109
No. It's not uncertain.
103
00:04:44,110 --> 00:04:46,610
Guess what... I got a loan
broker to meet us this afternoon
104
00:04:46,620 --> 00:04:48,329
to get funding for our new magazine.
105
00:04:48,330 --> 00:04:50,650
No. Today doesn't work for me.
106
00:04:50,660 --> 00:04:52,699
It's my shower day.
107
00:04:52,700 --> 00:04:56,230
Look, I know you've been in
a funk since we got fired,
108
00:04:56,240 --> 00:04:58,589
but we don't have any money coming in.
109
00:04:58,590 --> 00:04:59,879
I'm broke.
110
00:04:59,880 --> 00:05:01,670
You've seen my underwear. It's not lace.
111
00:05:01,680 --> 00:05:04,471
It's just got that many holes in it.
112
00:05:07,040 --> 00:05:09,433
I just don't think I can get out of bed.
113
00:05:09,434 --> 00:05:10,769
I can help.
114
00:05:13,070 --> 00:05:15,570
- Get out of bed!
- Aah!
115
00:05:15,580 --> 00:05:16,689
Hey, hey!
116
00:05:16,690 --> 00:05:19,700
Now that leg's too long.
Do the other one.
117
00:05:22,860 --> 00:05:26,075
If we have to watch this game,
can't we at least get a new TV?
118
00:05:26,076 --> 00:05:28,286
There are so many dead pixels.
119
00:05:28,287 --> 00:05:31,247
It's like we're watching
through a chainlink fence.
120
00:05:31,248 --> 00:05:34,409
Yes, run, you bastard!
121
00:05:34,410 --> 00:05:37,950
Jackie, I told you. No fantasy football.
122
00:05:37,960 --> 00:05:40,690
- Lose the earbuds.
- Okay!
123
00:05:42,970 --> 00:05:44,730
She's got wired ones in her back pocket.
124
00:05:44,740 --> 00:05:46,930
Oh, for God's sake!
125
00:05:49,260 --> 00:05:51,530
How?! How can you drop that?!
126
00:05:51,540 --> 00:05:54,030
Come on! They pay you
to catch the football!
127
00:05:54,040 --> 00:05:55,580
Are you seeing this, Mark?
128
00:05:55,590 --> 00:05:56,809
I'm sorry, what?
129
00:05:56,810 --> 00:05:59,860
I was looking at a bird outside.
130
00:06:00,900 --> 00:06:02,195
A bird?
131
00:06:02,200 --> 00:06:04,630
This is the Bears-Packers game!
132
00:06:04,640 --> 00:06:06,550
You gotta focus.
133
00:06:06,560 --> 00:06:09,020
Okay, I have something
to tell you, Grandpa,
134
00:06:09,030 --> 00:06:11,870
- and I hope you'll still love me afterward.
- Yeah.
135
00:06:11,880 --> 00:06:13,789
I don't care about football.
136
00:06:17,860 --> 00:06:20,040
Give me a minute, pal.
137
00:06:21,620 --> 00:06:25,400
I do still love you, but
everything's different now.
138
00:06:25,410 --> 00:06:28,740
I understand this gay thing,
but this is a choice.
139
00:06:30,150 --> 00:06:32,130
I've been pretending to like it,
140
00:06:32,140 --> 00:06:34,394
but I just don't get why
this is so important.
141
00:06:34,395 --> 00:06:36,680
Because when you're a Conner,
142
00:06:36,690 --> 00:06:38,890
you're not just part of this family,
143
00:06:38,900 --> 00:06:41,568
you're part of the Bears family.
144
00:06:41,570 --> 00:06:43,350
It's... It's about tradition.
145
00:06:43,360 --> 00:06:45,800
I learned the game from my grandpa,
146
00:06:45,810 --> 00:06:49,860
and the first time he took me
to watch Gale Sayers play...
147
00:06:49,870 --> 00:06:51,536
one of the best days of my life.
148
00:06:51,537 --> 00:06:54,050
And he bought me a hat.
149
00:06:54,060 --> 00:06:56,560
And now I'm giving it to you.
150
00:06:57,700 --> 00:06:59,880
I would've liked that hat.
151
00:07:00,660 --> 00:07:02,380
Thanks, Grandpa.
152
00:07:02,390 --> 00:07:04,590
Look at you!
153
00:07:04,591 --> 00:07:06,550
Now say, "Let's go, D!"
154
00:07:06,551 --> 00:07:08,135
Let's go, D!
155
00:07:08,136 --> 00:07:10,589
Now look extremely disappointed.
156
00:07:14,420 --> 00:07:16,019
Now you're a Bears fan.
157
00:07:18,070 --> 00:07:19,830
Next thing you need to know...
158
00:07:19,840 --> 00:07:21,479
we hate the Packers.
159
00:07:21,480 --> 00:07:22,800
Why?
160
00:07:22,810 --> 00:07:26,070
Because the Midwest ain't
big enough for both of us.
161
00:07:26,071 --> 00:07:29,573
- But it's pretty big, Grandpa...
- Just hate, would ya?
162
00:07:31,868 --> 00:07:33,039
That's probably Wyatt.
163
00:07:33,040 --> 00:07:35,413
Everybody, please go easy on him.
164
00:07:42,780 --> 00:07:45,172
You didn't tell me you
were a Packers fan!
165
00:07:45,173 --> 00:07:46,859
Well, I'm not rabid about it.
166
00:07:46,860 --> 00:07:48,479
I just thought the
cheesehead would be funny,
167
00:07:48,480 --> 00:07:51,100
like I'm one of those nuts
who puts on all the gear.
168
00:07:52,480 --> 00:07:53,539
It is funny.
169
00:07:53,540 --> 00:07:55,725
Let's put it in the car.
170
00:07:55,726 --> 00:07:57,939
Aw, come on. I'm not gonna
offend anybody with this.
171
00:07:57,940 --> 00:08:00,271
I wear it all the time when
I hang out with Bears fans.
172
00:08:00,272 --> 00:08:03,150
Those aren't Bears fans.
173
00:08:05,318 --> 00:08:08,155
These are Bears fans.
174
00:08:18,120 --> 00:08:19,929
H-Hey, everybody.
175
00:08:19,930 --> 00:08:20,958
This is Wyatt.
176
00:08:20,959 --> 00:08:23,470
Run, man. Run.
177
00:08:25,840 --> 00:08:27,089
Excuse me?
178
00:08:27,090 --> 00:08:29,409
Oh, no, sorry.
I'm watching another game.
179
00:08:29,410 --> 00:08:30,677
Fantasy football.
180
00:08:36,730 --> 00:08:38,119
I am so sorry.
181
00:08:38,120 --> 00:08:40,812
I didn't realize how seriously
you guys took your football.
182
00:08:40,820 --> 00:08:44,479
It's okay. We were just
surprised to see those colors.
183
00:08:44,480 --> 00:08:47,339
Hey, Wyatt brought some things in a bag.
184
00:08:47,340 --> 00:08:48,659
What you got in there, Wyatt?
185
00:08:48,660 --> 00:08:50,109
Oh.
186
00:08:50,110 --> 00:08:52,749
Just some treats I thought
everyone might enjoy.
187
00:08:52,750 --> 00:08:55,219
This is a special trail
mix I make myself.
188
00:08:55,220 --> 00:08:56,899
I throw in dried mango.
189
00:08:56,900 --> 00:08:59,150
I know. Crazy, right?
190
00:09:00,160 --> 00:09:03,167
Adds a zing, and it's
just instant energy.
191
00:09:03,168 --> 00:09:05,199
Congratulations, son.
192
00:09:05,200 --> 00:09:07,419
Two things that have never
been in this house...
193
00:09:07,420 --> 00:09:09,299
a Packers fan...
194
00:09:09,300 --> 00:09:11,884
and mango.
195
00:09:11,885 --> 00:09:13,939
What else you got in there?
196
00:09:13,940 --> 00:09:16,439
Well, I also brought some
beer. O'Doul's for Becky.
197
00:09:16,440 --> 00:09:18,709
Isn't that thoughtful?
198
00:09:18,710 --> 00:09:20,539
And regular beer for everyone else.
199
00:09:20,540 --> 00:09:22,719
Cool. Dad, you like beer.
200
00:09:22,720 --> 00:09:25,899
Wow. I do. It's like
we're the same person.
201
00:09:27,660 --> 00:09:29,399
I'm... I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
202
00:09:29,400 --> 00:09:31,849
This is just Packer-phobia.
203
00:09:31,850 --> 00:09:34,074
We should give you the
benefit of the doubt.
204
00:09:34,075 --> 00:09:36,749
- Thank you for the beer.
- Yeah.
205
00:09:36,750 --> 00:09:39,287
Uh, it's a small batch organic IPA.
206
00:09:42,500 --> 00:09:45,751
I'll have an IPA. You know what
that stands for, don't you?
207
00:09:45,752 --> 00:09:46,929
Uh, India Pale Ale.
208
00:09:46,930 --> 00:09:49,870
I was gonna say "I Pee
A-lot when I drink beer."
209
00:09:53,680 --> 00:09:55,229
Here's a little factoid.
210
00:09:55,230 --> 00:09:58,229
I know Chicago loves its Bears,
but did you know the Packers
211
00:09:58,230 --> 00:10:00,976
are actually owned by
the people of Wisconsin?
212
00:10:00,980 --> 00:10:03,728
That's not football, son.
That's Communism.
213
00:10:04,560 --> 00:10:06,589
Take the football!
214
00:10:06,590 --> 00:10:07,858
What a great hit! Oh, yeah!
215
00:10:07,860 --> 00:10:09,151
He's done having kids!
216
00:10:09,160 --> 00:10:11,189
Oh.
217
00:10:11,190 --> 00:10:12,409
Wow.
218
00:10:12,410 --> 00:10:14,319
Maybe I'm mistaken,
but it sure seems like
219
00:10:14,320 --> 00:10:16,699
you guys are celebrating
because a player got hurt.
220
00:10:16,700 --> 00:10:18,839
It certainly looks that way.
221
00:10:18,840 --> 00:10:20,169
Shame!
222
00:10:20,170 --> 00:10:23,839
Oh, Wyatt, if that was a
Bear limping off the field,
223
00:10:23,840 --> 00:10:25,209
you'd be celebrating.
224
00:10:25,210 --> 00:10:26,339
I wouldn't.
225
00:10:26,340 --> 00:10:30,296
Because, as a Christian,
I don't wish harm to anyone.
226
00:10:30,297 --> 00:10:33,429
The Crusades... that
was you guys, right?
227
00:10:33,430 --> 00:10:34,739
Oh!
228
00:10:34,740 --> 00:10:37,680
You want a little cream
for that burn, Wyatt?
229
00:10:38,650 --> 00:10:40,239
Mark, watch this replay.
230
00:10:40,240 --> 00:10:43,189
Now, see how we used play action
to freeze that linebacker?
231
00:10:43,190 --> 00:10:44,819
- Does that always work?
- Sure,
232
00:10:44,820 --> 00:10:47,159
because Packers are
inherently dumber than Bears.
233
00:10:47,160 --> 00:10:49,099
Aunt Jackie!
234
00:10:49,100 --> 00:10:50,775
That's okay. I can take it.
235
00:10:50,780 --> 00:10:52,959
Oh, I'm surprised you understood it.
236
00:10:56,100 --> 00:10:58,039
Yes!
237
00:10:58,040 --> 00:10:59,159
We win!
238
00:10:59,160 --> 00:11:01,039
Great game!
239
00:11:01,040 --> 00:11:03,749
It's only the first quarter,
but good energy! Yeah!
240
00:11:03,750 --> 00:11:05,874
- Oh!
- Eat it, Cheesehead!
241
00:11:05,880 --> 00:11:07,509
Hey!
242
00:11:07,510 --> 00:11:09,479
Wyatt is a guest.
243
00:11:09,480 --> 00:11:11,389
I understand the jealousy.
244
00:11:11,390 --> 00:11:12,799
The Bears have won one Super Bowl,
245
00:11:12,800 --> 00:11:14,189
the Packers have won four.
246
00:11:14,190 --> 00:11:16,059
The trophy is called
the Lombardi Trophy,
247
00:11:16,060 --> 00:11:19,095
which, did I mention,
we've won four times?
248
00:11:19,100 --> 00:11:22,432
Ah, you got me there, Wyatt.
249
00:11:22,440 --> 00:11:24,229
Did I mention that
you're an udder-sucking,
250
00:11:24,230 --> 00:11:26,979
Rodgers-loving, cow-tipping...
251
00:11:26,980 --> 00:11:29,314
dairy-dork loser?!
252
00:11:31,420 --> 00:11:33,340
Mary called it!
253
00:11:37,530 --> 00:11:40,158
Again, thanks for coming in on a Sunday.
254
00:11:40,160 --> 00:11:42,759
I'm sure Ben'll find a parking
spot and be in here any minute.
255
00:11:42,760 --> 00:11:43,769
I know we all want to get home
256
00:11:43,770 --> 00:11:45,669
and watch the Bears
game with our families.
257
00:11:45,670 --> 00:11:48,679
I always watch with my
family. It's a tradition.
258
00:11:48,680 --> 00:11:51,753
But... this is fun, too.
259
00:11:53,000 --> 00:11:55,260
Sorry.
260
00:11:56,130 --> 00:12:00,330
I put $2 in the meter, and
then I realized it's Sunday.
261
00:12:02,180 --> 00:12:05,267
Everything I touch turns to crap.
262
00:12:06,440 --> 00:12:09,479
As you can see, we've expanded
on the Lock 'Em Up model.
263
00:12:09,480 --> 00:12:10,609
We have a new section
264
00:12:10,610 --> 00:12:13,609
that exposes local companies
who are doing sketchy stuff.
265
00:12:13,610 --> 00:12:15,379
That sounds interesting.
266
00:12:15,380 --> 00:12:18,199
I bought an accordion once
that came apart in my hands.
267
00:12:20,090 --> 00:12:22,575
You give us a name, we'll go get 'em.
268
00:12:23,790 --> 00:12:25,279
Uh, right.
269
00:12:25,280 --> 00:12:27,230
We're gonna get 'em.
270
00:12:28,620 --> 00:12:32,589
We're gonna go after all
the accordion guys.
271
00:12:32,590 --> 00:12:34,739
I do have one question.
272
00:12:34,740 --> 00:12:37,879
The magazine business as a whole
seems like it's on the decline.
273
00:12:37,880 --> 00:12:39,809
Are you ready to buck that trend?
274
00:12:39,810 --> 00:12:41,829
Sure.
275
00:12:41,830 --> 00:12:44,805
Sounds pretty hard, though, doesn't it?
276
00:12:44,806 --> 00:12:46,229
What...
277
00:12:46,230 --> 00:12:47,259
What Ben is trying to say
278
00:12:47,260 --> 00:12:50,049
is that we have a very
well-planned business strategy.
279
00:12:50,050 --> 00:12:51,059
She's right.
280
00:12:51,060 --> 00:12:53,519
We got a completely, um...
281
00:12:53,520 --> 00:12:56,651
what do you call it? Um...
282
00:12:56,660 --> 00:12:58,989
She's right.
283
00:12:58,990 --> 00:13:02,779
A lot of people come in
here over-rehearsed.
284
00:13:02,780 --> 00:13:04,367
Good for you guys.
285
00:13:06,480 --> 00:13:10,379
So, Ben, tell me more about your
departure from Lock 'Em Up.
286
00:13:10,380 --> 00:13:12,339
You know what... I'm gonna
jump in and answer that,
287
00:13:12,340 --> 00:13:15,089
because otherwise, he will. Um...
288
00:13:15,090 --> 00:13:17,899
I better... just go.
289
00:13:17,900 --> 00:13:19,382
I'm not helping here.
290
00:13:20,300 --> 00:13:21,426
I'll walk home.
291
00:13:24,000 --> 00:13:25,599
You know, I thought
everything would change
292
00:13:25,600 --> 00:13:27,259
once I took the shower,
293
00:13:27,260 --> 00:13:30,730
but... it didn't.
294
00:13:34,160 --> 00:13:38,519
Chicken salad, potato
salad, macaroni salad.
295
00:13:38,520 --> 00:13:39,879
When your family thinks of salad,
296
00:13:39,880 --> 00:13:42,947
it's not so much greens
as it is mayonnaise.
297
00:13:44,600 --> 00:13:45,992
How you holding up?
298
00:13:46,000 --> 00:13:47,059
I'm okay.
299
00:13:47,060 --> 00:13:49,329
Your family's just
having some fun with me.
300
00:13:49,330 --> 00:13:50,429
I don't see the reason
301
00:13:50,430 --> 00:13:54,009
why they had to drag
my mother into this.
302
00:13:54,010 --> 00:13:56,929
I'm sorry. That was over the line.
303
00:13:56,930 --> 00:13:59,799
For the record, I don't
think she's a wild jackal
304
00:13:59,800 --> 00:14:02,342
that squatted out a
Packers fan in the woods.
305
00:14:03,930 --> 00:14:05,859
Oh, for crying out loud!
306
00:14:05,860 --> 00:14:08,939
We got a quarterback who
trips over his own feet!
307
00:14:08,940 --> 00:14:11,659
How come our runner always goes straight
308
00:14:11,660 --> 00:14:15,350
for the big pile of people
instead of the open part?
309
00:14:17,100 --> 00:14:18,689
'Cause then we'd be a winning team,
310
00:14:18,690 --> 00:14:20,909
and that's not our way.
311
00:14:20,910 --> 00:14:22,949
Yes! Yes!
312
00:14:22,950 --> 00:14:24,689
Jackie, I told you
313
00:14:24,690 --> 00:14:26,908
I didn't want that fantasy
football stuff in here.
314
00:14:26,909 --> 00:14:29,679
I'm up $187.
315
00:14:29,680 --> 00:14:31,319
Here! It's five bucks.
316
00:14:31,320 --> 00:14:34,240
Go buy yourself some "get off my ass."
317
00:14:37,760 --> 00:14:40,549
Oh! He lost two yards!
318
00:14:40,550 --> 00:14:43,480
He's the worst person in
the history of the world!
319
00:14:44,480 --> 00:14:46,119
Hey, buddy, it's just a game.
320
00:14:46,120 --> 00:14:47,849
Save that anger for something important.
321
00:14:47,850 --> 00:14:49,809
The boy's just rooting for his team.
322
00:14:49,810 --> 00:14:51,579
Sure. And I love football, too,
323
00:14:51,580 --> 00:14:53,099
but at the end of the day,
it's just entertainment,
324
00:14:53,100 --> 00:14:55,269
like a game show or magic or something.
325
00:14:55,270 --> 00:14:57,530
Ooooooooh...
326
00:14:58,750 --> 00:15:00,279
Magic?
327
00:15:00,280 --> 00:15:01,818
Did you say magic?
328
00:15:02,870 --> 00:15:05,239
You think a football
game is like some bozo
329
00:15:05,240 --> 00:15:07,869
pouring milk into a top hat?
330
00:15:07,870 --> 00:15:09,939
Football's kind of like magic.
331
00:15:09,940 --> 00:15:11,709
It's like faking a hand-off.
332
00:15:11,710 --> 00:15:13,879
Who's got the ball? Does
that guy have the ball?
333
00:15:13,880 --> 00:15:14,999
No, it's that guy.
334
00:15:15,000 --> 00:15:17,542
20-yard play. Whoa! It's magic.
335
00:15:18,880 --> 00:15:20,609
Come on, Mr. Conner, you got to admit
336
00:15:20,610 --> 00:15:22,719
that some people do take
football too seriously.
337
00:15:22,720 --> 00:15:25,179
They sit on their couch
rather than hike or bike.
338
00:15:25,180 --> 00:15:27,499
If they put as much energy
into their real lives
339
00:15:27,500 --> 00:15:30,555
as they do into these games,
they'd accomplish a lot more.
340
00:15:32,520 --> 00:15:35,109
Are you talking about me, Wyatt?
341
00:15:35,110 --> 00:15:36,609
I didn't mean to offend you.
342
00:15:36,610 --> 00:15:38,179
Well, you did.
343
00:15:38,180 --> 00:15:40,809
Football is a big thing in this family.
344
00:15:40,810 --> 00:15:43,219
Our team's struggles are our struggles,
345
00:15:43,220 --> 00:15:45,509
and their successes are our successes.
346
00:15:45,510 --> 00:15:49,379
Because sometimes we need a
win to get through the week.
347
00:15:49,380 --> 00:15:52,209
And who the hell are you
to pass judgment on that?
348
00:15:52,210 --> 00:15:54,037
Let's go, Wyatt.
349
00:15:56,500 --> 00:15:58,049
Wow. That was fast.
350
00:15:58,050 --> 00:16:00,260
I'm down like a hundred bucks.
351
00:16:01,080 --> 00:16:03,296
I'm gonna need that five back.
352
00:16:06,760 --> 00:16:09,593
Sorry about my family.
353
00:16:09,594 --> 00:16:11,879
I wish you met them under
better circumstances,
354
00:16:11,880 --> 00:16:14,180
like when they're asleep.
355
00:16:14,182 --> 00:16:15,909
Yeah. Boy.
356
00:16:15,910 --> 00:16:17,229
I gotta tell you,
357
00:16:17,230 --> 00:16:19,728
I give you a lot more
credit for staying sober.
358
00:16:19,729 --> 00:16:21,729
Thanks.
359
00:16:21,730 --> 00:16:22,981
Why is that?
360
00:16:22,982 --> 00:16:25,025
That's a challenging environment.
361
00:16:25,026 --> 00:16:27,277
My family's not the reason I drank.
362
00:16:27,278 --> 00:16:28,809
Couldn't have helped.
363
00:16:28,810 --> 00:16:30,479
There's a lot of anger there.
364
00:16:30,480 --> 00:16:33,339
I mean, I get why y'all need
to escape into the game...
365
00:16:33,340 --> 00:16:34,939
and beer...
366
00:16:34,940 --> 00:16:37,204
and mayonnaise.
367
00:16:37,205 --> 00:16:39,579
That's not an escape.
368
00:16:39,580 --> 00:16:40,949
We love football.
369
00:16:40,950 --> 00:16:43,252
We love beer... some of us too much.
370
00:16:43,253 --> 00:16:45,399
And you'd have to pry the mayonnaise
371
00:16:45,400 --> 00:16:48,829
from our cold, slippery hands.
372
00:16:48,830 --> 00:16:52,059
Look, I'm not trying to upset you.
373
00:16:52,060 --> 00:16:54,805
I just think you and
little Bev deserve better.
374
00:16:54,806 --> 00:16:55,973
Better than what?
375
00:16:55,974 --> 00:16:58,359
All the support in the world
doesn't mean anything
376
00:16:58,360 --> 00:17:00,470
if you're constantly
around toxic people.
377
00:17:00,478 --> 00:17:02,480
Are you calling my family toxic?
378
00:17:03,290 --> 00:17:05,309
What the hell do you know about them?
379
00:17:05,310 --> 00:17:07,339
You were with them for an hour.
380
00:17:07,340 --> 00:17:09,849
I'm glad I'm seeing
this side of you now.
381
00:17:09,850 --> 00:17:12,490
You are a judgmental,
holier-than-thou jerk!
382
00:17:13,350 --> 00:17:15,149
And you're boring!
383
00:17:15,150 --> 00:17:17,289
You're like trail mix without the mango.
384
00:17:17,290 --> 00:17:19,496
No zing at all.
385
00:17:19,497 --> 00:17:21,359
This isn't even a good fight!
386
00:17:21,360 --> 00:17:22,833
Get out!
387
00:17:22,834 --> 00:17:24,126
This is my car!
388
00:17:24,127 --> 00:17:25,711
I don't care! Get out!
389
00:17:25,712 --> 00:17:28,049
F-Fine.
390
00:17:28,050 --> 00:17:30,580
But don't mess with my pre-sets.
391
00:17:39,080 --> 00:17:40,226
I am so sorry.
392
00:17:41,352 --> 00:17:43,309
I had a lot of time to
think on the way here,
393
00:17:43,310 --> 00:17:45,273
and I figured it out.
394
00:17:46,566 --> 00:17:48,929
I'm afraid to fail.
395
00:17:48,930 --> 00:17:51,419
You know, the last time I did this...
396
00:17:51,420 --> 00:17:53,559
if I screwed up, I only wrecked my life.
397
00:17:53,560 --> 00:17:56,650
Now, I'd take down you
and your kids with me.
398
00:17:56,659 --> 00:17:58,769
What? You think failure's
new to my kids?
399
00:17:58,770 --> 00:18:00,749
We eat failure for breakfast.
400
00:18:00,750 --> 00:18:02,559
And we'd have it again for lunch,
401
00:18:02,560 --> 00:18:05,459
but we failed to plan,
so we don't have any.
402
00:18:05,460 --> 00:18:06,969
So, you're gonna tell me
403
00:18:06,970 --> 00:18:09,880
you don't have any problems
taking this giant risk?
404
00:18:09,881 --> 00:18:12,589
You've already built a
successful mug shot magazine.
405
00:18:12,590 --> 00:18:14,217
Why can't you just do it again?
406
00:18:14,218 --> 00:18:15,889
Because it's not that easy.
407
00:18:15,890 --> 00:18:18,049
It was brutally hard the first time,
408
00:18:18,050 --> 00:18:19,549
and it took a hell of a lot of luck.
409
00:18:19,550 --> 00:18:20,749
Do you know who was on the cover
410
00:18:20,750 --> 00:18:22,249
of the first issue of Lock 'Em Up?
411
00:18:22,250 --> 00:18:24,089
The Lanford Cannibal.
412
00:18:24,090 --> 00:18:27,469
This guy ate his own
foot on a public bus.
413
00:18:27,470 --> 00:18:30,442
Now, what are the odds
of that happening again?
414
00:18:30,443 --> 00:18:32,612
I'm not gonna kid you, Ben.
They're not good.
415
00:18:33,630 --> 00:18:35,656
So, here is what we're gonna do.
416
00:18:35,657 --> 00:18:38,709
I am gonna use you
for your credit rating,
417
00:18:38,710 --> 00:18:42,079
and you are going to get out of my way.
418
00:18:42,080 --> 00:18:44,540
Well, that seems harsh.
419
00:18:45,450 --> 00:18:48,559
So, I taught you everything I know,
420
00:18:48,560 --> 00:18:50,869
and you're just gonna
use me to get the money
421
00:18:50,870 --> 00:18:52,631
and then make all the decisions?
422
00:18:52,632 --> 00:18:54,329
Yeah. You're finally getting it.
423
00:18:54,330 --> 00:18:56,530
And what are you gonna do
about it? Take another shower?
424
00:18:57,637 --> 00:19:01,009
N-No. I'm gonna...
425
00:19:01,010 --> 00:19:03,139
O... kay.
426
00:19:03,140 --> 00:19:05,435
I see what you're doing.
You're baiting me.
427
00:19:05,436 --> 00:19:08,730
No, I'm just pointing out
that you're a shell of a man.
428
00:19:08,731 --> 00:19:11,769
So I will build this thing, and
you'll greet me at the door,
429
00:19:11,770 --> 00:19:13,519
looking pretty with a
martini in your hand.
430
00:19:13,520 --> 00:19:15,404
What do you say about that?
431
00:19:15,405 --> 00:19:17,589
Alright, yeah.
I'll play your little game.
432
00:19:17,590 --> 00:19:18,729
I'll let you do all the work,
433
00:19:18,730 --> 00:19:20,992
and I'll stay in bed and
collect half the profits.
434
00:19:20,993 --> 00:19:23,809
Oh. Okay, now you're baiting me.
435
00:19:23,810 --> 00:19:26,498
The baiter has become the baitee.
436
00:19:26,499 --> 00:19:30,211
I think this conversation
has turned stupid.
437
00:19:34,090 --> 00:19:37,669
Now, for the record, I won't
be bringing you any martinis
438
00:19:37,670 --> 00:19:40,554
until you move up to a whole
better class of underwear.
439
00:19:45,990 --> 00:19:47,936
Well, I'm alone again.
440
00:19:47,937 --> 00:19:49,609
Aw, that's too bad.
441
00:19:49,610 --> 00:19:52,710
I was looking forward to backing
over Wyatt with my truck.
442
00:19:54,230 --> 00:19:56,487
I really wanted him to be the one.
443
00:19:57,400 --> 00:19:59,199
I don't get it.
444
00:19:59,200 --> 00:20:00,615
Why that guy?
445
00:20:00,616 --> 00:20:03,759
Because I thought he was
steady and dependable.
446
00:20:03,760 --> 00:20:06,037
Beverly Rose needs somebody like that.
447
00:20:06,038 --> 00:20:08,689
Let the baby get her own guy.
448
00:20:08,690 --> 00:20:10,041
You're not ready yet.
449
00:20:10,042 --> 00:20:11,239
What do you mean?
450
00:20:11,240 --> 00:20:15,005
I'm 44 years old, and I'm
still picking the wrong guys.
451
00:20:15,006 --> 00:20:17,048
My picker's broken.
452
00:20:17,049 --> 00:20:19,289
Look, you've been sober for a minute.
453
00:20:19,290 --> 00:20:21,596
This is the first guy you've dated.
454
00:20:22,510 --> 00:20:24,319
How are you supposed
to know what you want
455
00:20:24,320 --> 00:20:25,891
when you don't even know who you are?
456
00:20:25,892 --> 00:20:27,359
I'm just gonna find
457
00:20:27,360 --> 00:20:30,169
the first decent,
weak-minded guy with a job
458
00:20:30,170 --> 00:20:31,688
and force him to love me.
459
00:20:31,689 --> 00:20:35,429
Look, you just have to
be patient. It'll happen.
460
00:20:35,430 --> 00:20:38,329
And when it happens,
grab on tight to that person
461
00:20:38,330 --> 00:20:39,821
and never let them go.
462
00:20:39,822 --> 00:20:41,741
Thanks, Dad.
463
00:20:43,367 --> 00:20:46,036
Ugggh. I can't believe
I kissed a Cheesehead.
464
00:20:46,037 --> 00:20:48,129
Hey, hey, hey! Keep that to yourself.
465
00:20:48,130 --> 00:20:49,748
I gotta live in this neighborhood.
466
00:20:52,668 --> 00:20:54,127
What's going on?
467
00:20:54,128 --> 00:20:55,959
- The Bears came back!
- We're within two.
468
00:20:55,960 --> 00:20:57,670
We got a chip-shot field goal to win it.
469
00:20:57,673 --> 00:20:58,840
We prayed for this!
470
00:20:58,841 --> 00:21:00,926
I put a buck in the collection basket.
471
00:21:00,927 --> 00:21:03,439
You muff this kick, and I swear to God
472
00:21:03,440 --> 00:21:05,930
I will kill everything you love.
473
00:21:05,932 --> 00:21:08,419
I don't know why I care so
much that he makes this.
474
00:21:08,420 --> 00:21:10,144
It's like Stockholm Syndrome.
475
00:21:10,920 --> 00:21:14,231
I've taken on the values of my captors.
476
00:21:14,232 --> 00:21:16,129
And it is good!
477
00:21:23,170 --> 00:21:25,189
I had the Bears' kicker!
478
00:21:26,619 --> 00:21:30,890
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