1
00:00:04,421 --> 00:00:06,506
Any good news in there?
2
00:00:06,506 --> 00:00:09,593
Yeah, it says older gentlemen
live longer when fed.
3
00:00:11,887 --> 00:00:13,263
You've totally
spoiled him
4
00:00:13,263 --> 00:00:14,514
by making him breakfast
every morning.
5
00:00:14,514 --> 00:00:16,391
Well, I find
when he's full,
6
00:00:16,391 --> 00:00:19,520
he's tired
and doesn't give me no lip.
7
00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:22,481
That's right,
you don't want to see me hungry.
8
00:00:22,481 --> 00:00:25,567
There used to be another kid
around here.
9
00:00:25,567 --> 00:00:27,569
There's a problem
with the chickens.
10
00:00:27,569 --> 00:00:30,030
The problem is that
we have chickens.
11
00:00:30,030 --> 00:00:32,157
I'm really worried.
They've stopped laying eggs.
12
00:00:32,157 --> 00:00:33,575
There was only one
this morning.
13
00:00:33,575 --> 00:00:36,078
If they're on strike,
let's send a message
14
00:00:36,078 --> 00:00:37,955
by barbequeing
the ring leader.
15
00:00:37,955 --> 00:00:40,374
Morning, everybody!
16
00:00:40,374 --> 00:00:43,377
Uh‐oh!
Darlene's in a good mood!
17
00:00:43,377 --> 00:00:46,255
You better move your weed
out of that face cream jar.
18
00:00:46,255 --> 00:00:48,549
How do you know what's in
my face cream jar?
19
00:00:48,549 --> 00:00:51,677
Relax. I was just trying
to steal your face cream.
20
00:00:51,677 --> 00:00:55,931
Hey, I do not need to be stoned
to be in a good mood.
21
00:00:55,931 --> 00:00:59,810
Exercise and a job well done
is the best high you can get.
22
00:01:01,603 --> 00:01:03,939
That just tells me that
there's a whole class of drugs
23
00:01:03,939 --> 00:01:06,525
you haven't tried yet.
24
00:01:06,525 --> 00:01:09,528
What are we gonna do
about the chickens?
25
00:01:09,528 --> 00:01:11,196
We've had them,
but no one's ever
26
00:01:11,196 --> 00:01:12,823
taken a minute to learn
how to care for them.
27
00:01:12,823 --> 00:01:14,241
If we didn't do it
for our kids,
28
00:01:14,241 --> 00:01:16,076
we're not gonna do it
for chickens.
29
00:01:16,076 --> 00:01:19,162
Ah, you know,
my brother Neville is a vet.
30
00:01:19,162 --> 00:01:20,831
He mostly works
on big animals,
31
00:01:20,831 --> 00:01:23,959
but I don't think he'd charge us
to come over and take a look.
32
00:01:23,959 --> 00:01:25,294
That would be great.
33
00:01:25,294 --> 00:01:28,005
They're my emotional support
chickens.
34
00:01:28,005 --> 00:01:31,633
That may be a sign
I'm failing him as a parent.
35
00:01:31,633 --> 00:01:33,594
I didn't know
your brother was a vet.
36
00:01:33,594 --> 00:01:36,221
Yeah.
He's even on call at the zoo.
37
00:01:36,221 --> 00:01:37,931
I thought Lanford Zoo
went out of business.
38
00:01:37,931 --> 00:01:39,600
It's still open.
39
00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:42,894
Beverly Rose got bored because
it's mostly empty cages.
40
00:01:42,894 --> 00:01:46,481
But she did enjoy a rat fighting
a crow over a cigarette butt.
41
00:01:50,402 --> 00:01:51,862
Hey.
42
00:01:51,862 --> 00:01:53,363
I have great news.
43
00:01:53,363 --> 00:01:54,823
You're still happy?
44
00:01:54,823 --> 00:01:57,242
This has lasted minutes.
45
00:01:57,242 --> 00:01:59,661
You're not gonna
believe this.
46
00:01:59,661 --> 00:02:01,538
I'm pregnant.
47
00:02:01,538 --> 00:02:02,956
Really?
48
00:02:02,956 --> 00:02:05,167
Yes, really.
Why would I joke about that?
49
00:02:05,167 --> 00:02:06,293
I don't know.
50
00:02:06,293 --> 00:02:07,836
Sometimes you say things
you think are funny
51
00:02:07,836 --> 00:02:09,004
but are just confusing,
52
00:02:09,004 --> 00:02:11,757
but that doesn't matter
because you're pregnant!
53
00:02:11,757 --> 00:02:13,508
We can raise our babies
together.
54
00:02:13,508 --> 00:02:15,010
We can go to Mommy and Me
55
00:02:15,010 --> 00:02:17,846
and we don't have to talk to
any of the other mothers at all!
56
00:02:17,846 --> 00:02:21,099
And Mark is great
and Harris is Harris,
57
00:02:21,099 --> 00:02:23,560
so this baby will be like
the tiebreaker.
58
00:02:23,560 --> 00:02:24,770
When did you find out?
59
00:02:24,770 --> 00:02:26,104
I took a test this morning,
60
00:02:26,104 --> 00:02:27,648
but I haven't had my period
in two months
61
00:02:27,648 --> 00:02:29,775
and I've been feeling moody
lately.
62
00:02:29,775 --> 00:02:31,860
No, no, no, it's different
than the usual moodiness.
63
00:02:31,860 --> 00:02:33,862
There's ups,
not just down and downer.
64
00:02:33,862 --> 00:02:36,239
Oh,
Ben must be so excited.
65
00:02:36,239 --> 00:02:38,283
I can't wait to tell him.
66
00:02:38,283 --> 00:02:40,035
I mean, this couldn't come
at a better time.
67
00:02:40,035 --> 00:02:42,079
He told me he was okay with us
not having a baby,
68
00:02:42,079 --> 00:02:44,873
but I know he was just saying
that to make me feel okay.
69
00:02:44,873 --> 00:02:48,126
Oh. It means a lot
that you told me first.
70
00:02:48,126 --> 00:02:49,461
Oh, yeah, well,
I wanted to show you
71
00:02:49,461 --> 00:02:50,671
that you're not the only one
who can have
72
00:02:50,671 --> 00:02:52,631
a risky,
old‐lady pregnancy.
73
00:02:52,631 --> 00:02:54,466
And I'm gonna have to have it
right here on the afghan
74
00:02:54,466 --> 00:02:56,927
'cause we got
no health insurance.
75
00:02:56,927 --> 00:02:58,845
[ Quietly ]
You're having a baby!
76
00:02:58,845 --> 00:03:00,514
I'm having a baby.
77
00:03:00,514 --> 00:03:02,140
Aah!
78
00:03:07,729 --> 00:03:39,302
♪♪
79
00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:44,307
[ Feminine voice ]
I'm an independent young woman,
80
00:03:44,307 --> 00:03:47,060
and you don't tell me
who to marry.
81
00:03:47,060 --> 00:03:49,771
And also,
you are a bear.
82
00:03:49,771 --> 00:03:51,189
[ Coos ]
83
00:03:51,189 --> 00:03:53,650
Hey, Sweet Pea.
84
00:03:53,650 --> 00:03:55,735
Your daddy promised me
85
00:03:55,735 --> 00:03:58,989
that you'd be taking a nap
at this time every day.
86
00:03:58,989 --> 00:04:01,366
Uh, either of you
seen him?
87
00:04:01,366 --> 00:04:04,828
Five‐ten, dark hair,
big liar.
88
00:04:04,828 --> 00:04:09,040
He tried to get Beverly Rose
to go to sleep.
89
00:04:12,502 --> 00:04:15,714
[ Feminine voice ]
Ahhhhhh!
90
00:04:15,714 --> 00:04:19,050
Emilio, how many times
can we talk about this?
91
00:04:19,050 --> 00:04:20,260
If she doesn't nap,
92
00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:21,887
she's a nightmare for me
when I get home.
93
00:04:21,887 --> 00:04:22,971
[ Normal voice ]
This is the only time
94
00:04:22,971 --> 00:04:24,723
I get to play
with the baby.
95
00:04:24,723 --> 00:04:27,142
If you tell your papá that I'm
here, I can come to your house.
96
00:04:27,142 --> 00:04:29,436
Are you
out of your mind?
97
00:04:29,436 --> 00:04:31,229
If I tell him you snuck back
into the States,
98
00:04:31,229 --> 00:04:33,690
he'll punch you
back to Juarez.
99
00:04:33,690 --> 00:04:35,859
Well, you better tell him
before the baby's birthday
100
00:04:35,859 --> 00:04:38,361
because we should have the party
at your place.
101
00:04:38,361 --> 00:04:40,238
Why can't we have it here?
102
00:04:40,238 --> 00:04:42,783
It's just a cupcake
with a candle in it.
103
00:04:42,783 --> 00:04:43,784
A cupcake and a candle?
104
00:04:43,784 --> 00:04:45,786
Do you hate the baby?
105
00:04:45,786 --> 00:04:48,497
Sometimes. Why?
106
00:04:48,497 --> 00:04:50,207
For my first birthday party,
107
00:04:50,207 --> 00:04:52,125
I was lowered down
from the roof
108
00:04:52,125 --> 00:04:55,587
with angel wings onto
a golden‐sprayed pony.
109
00:04:55,587 --> 00:04:57,964
Did they have your birthday
at Burning Man?
110
00:04:57,964 --> 00:04:59,549
She's a one‐year‐old.
111
00:04:59,549 --> 00:05:01,718
She's not gonna remember
any of this.
112
00:05:01,718 --> 00:05:03,345
I don't want to waste
all that money.
113
00:05:03,345 --> 00:05:05,347
But she will see the pictures.
114
00:05:05,347 --> 00:05:07,015
And when she grows up,
115
00:05:07,015 --> 00:05:09,059
she'll look back
and see how loved she was.
116
00:05:09,059 --> 00:05:11,019
Ah, the Conners
don't work that way.
117
00:05:11,019 --> 00:05:13,271
We assume we were loved,
118
00:05:13,271 --> 00:05:14,481
but it's kind of like
a perfect crime.
119
00:05:14,481 --> 00:05:16,775
There's no hard evidence.
120
00:05:16,775 --> 00:05:18,693
I'm not a Conner.
121
00:05:18,693 --> 00:05:20,278
I'm a Rodriguez.
122
00:05:20,278 --> 00:05:22,823
And in my family,
the first birthday is important.
123
00:05:22,823 --> 00:05:27,410
It's almost as important
as the baptism.
124
00:05:27,410 --> 00:05:28,745
Hang on,
125
00:05:28,745 --> 00:05:30,664
I never agreed
to any baptism.
126
00:05:30,664 --> 00:05:32,874
Wait,
she's got to be Catholic.
127
00:05:32,874 --> 00:05:35,001
No, she doesn't.
128
00:05:35,001 --> 00:05:36,628
I'm not sure
if I want to raise her
129
00:05:36,628 --> 00:05:38,672
in any specific religion yet.
130
00:05:38,672 --> 00:05:40,757
A child needs to have
a religion.
131
00:05:40,757 --> 00:05:43,009
They have to think
that God is watching
132
00:05:43,009 --> 00:05:45,262
or ‐‐ or ‐‐ or
they'll do bad things.
133
00:05:45,262 --> 00:05:47,430
Like getting girls pregnant
in freezers?
134
00:05:47,430 --> 00:05:50,559
Do you know how many Hail Mary's
that cost me?
135
00:05:50,559 --> 00:05:52,269
How about this?
136
00:05:52,269 --> 00:05:54,521
You can have a party,
but don't make it crazy.
137
00:05:54,521 --> 00:05:56,648
You can have music,
a cake, and a piñata.
138
00:05:56,648 --> 00:05:57,816
That's it.
139
00:05:57,816 --> 00:05:59,317
Okay.
140
00:05:59,317 --> 00:06:02,153
Uh, what if I invited our priest
to the party
141
00:06:02,153 --> 00:06:05,323
and there was a punch bowl
filled with holy water
142
00:06:05,323 --> 00:06:07,742
and he accidentally mistakes
Beverly Rose for a cup
143
00:06:07,742 --> 00:06:09,202
and dips her?
144
00:06:09,202 --> 00:06:11,162
[ Laughs ]
You're really cute.
145
00:06:11,162 --> 00:06:12,664
No priest.
146
00:06:12,664 --> 00:06:14,416
That'll only attract God,
147
00:06:14,416 --> 00:06:16,293
and God has been trying
to pick off the Conners
148
00:06:16,293 --> 00:06:18,420
one‐by‐one for years.
149
00:06:18,420 --> 00:06:20,755
If we're all in the same place
at the same time,
150
00:06:20,755 --> 00:06:24,009
he only needs one lightning bolt
to take us out.
151
00:06:24,009 --> 00:06:26,636
I want to make him
work for it.
152
00:06:28,221 --> 00:06:29,764
Oh, man.
153
00:06:29,764 --> 00:06:31,600
I starving.
154
00:06:31,600 --> 00:06:34,603
That is good because
I made you lunch.
155
00:06:34,603 --> 00:06:36,688
Really?
156
00:06:36,688 --> 00:06:38,356
Is this a trick?
157
00:06:38,356 --> 00:06:39,941
You take the first bite.
158
00:06:39,941 --> 00:06:41,359
Don't be silly.
159
00:06:41,359 --> 00:06:44,195
If I wanted you dead,
you'd be dead.
160
00:06:46,615 --> 00:06:48,491
Oh, well,
look at that.
161
00:06:48,491 --> 00:06:54,372
It's an itty‐bitty carrot,
a tiny corn, and a candy bar.
162
00:06:54,372 --> 00:06:55,957
No.
163
00:06:55,957 --> 00:06:58,627
It's a baby carrot,
164
00:06:58,627 --> 00:07:01,796
a baby corn,
165
00:07:01,796 --> 00:07:04,549
and a Baby Ruth bar.
166
00:07:04,549 --> 00:07:08,803
Yeah.
167
00:07:08,803 --> 00:07:12,265
Come on. Use that big,
furry brain of yours.
168
00:07:12,265 --> 00:07:15,268
What do all those things
have in common?
169
00:07:15,268 --> 00:07:17,479
Uh, it ‐‐
170
00:07:17,479 --> 00:07:21,483
They are all disappointing
when you're expecting lunch?
171
00:07:21,483 --> 00:07:26,404
You're so stupid, I'm sorry
I'm having a baby with you.
172
00:07:26,404 --> 00:07:28,031
We're having a baby?
173
00:07:28,031 --> 00:07:29,616
Yup.
No!
174
00:07:29,616 --> 00:07:32,702
[ Laughing ]
175
00:07:32,702 --> 00:07:33,787
Oh, my God!
176
00:07:33,787 --> 00:07:35,705
Yes! Yes!
177
00:07:35,705 --> 00:07:38,124
Oh, we're gonna have
the best baby ever!
178
00:07:38,124 --> 00:07:40,752
Oh, you know, when the doctor
said the odds were against us
179
00:07:40,752 --> 00:07:42,087
and I said I'd be okay
about not having one,
180
00:07:42,087 --> 00:07:43,797
but I was totally lying.
181
00:07:43,797 --> 00:07:45,840
Oh, man! Oh, man!
182
00:07:45,840 --> 00:07:47,717
Who's the mom?
You're the mom!
183
00:07:47,717 --> 00:07:49,094
Yes, I am!
184
00:07:49,094 --> 00:07:50,095
[ Laughing ]
185
00:07:53,348 --> 00:07:54,683
How are the chickens?
186
00:07:54,683 --> 00:07:55,767
This is Dr. Neville.
187
00:07:55,767 --> 00:07:57,268
He's Louise's brother.
He's a vet.
188
00:07:57,268 --> 00:07:58,978
Okay, don't pull any punches.
189
00:07:58,978 --> 00:08:00,271
I buried my sister.
190
00:08:00,271 --> 00:08:02,899
I can handle
whatever is going on here.
191
00:08:02,899 --> 00:08:05,819
Dr. Neville says that
the chickens need more protein.
192
00:08:05,819 --> 00:08:07,862
I think we've got weevils
in the flour.
193
00:08:07,862 --> 00:08:09,572
I'll go strain 'em out.
194
00:08:09,572 --> 00:08:11,199
Oh.
195
00:08:11,199 --> 00:08:12,575
Oh, my God.
196
00:08:12,575 --> 00:08:14,369
Hi, Jackie.
197
00:08:14,369 --> 00:08:16,162
Oh, hi. Hi.
198
00:08:16,162 --> 00:08:19,457
You won't remember me,
but I‐I remember you.
199
00:08:19,457 --> 00:08:22,210
I used to watch you practice
your rifle twirling.
200
00:08:22,210 --> 00:08:24,587
[ Chuckles ]
She did that in high school.
201
00:08:24,587 --> 00:08:26,089
You were two.
202
00:08:26,089 --> 00:08:27,966
Oh, he probably saw me
in the park.
203
00:08:27,966 --> 00:08:29,718
I used to practice
for parades
204
00:08:29,718 --> 00:08:31,594
when I was on
the police drill team.
205
00:08:31,594 --> 00:08:32,762
Uh‐huh.
206
00:08:32,762 --> 00:08:34,139
Well, if you ever, uh,
207
00:08:34,139 --> 00:08:37,475
start practicing again,
um, I am a fan.
208
00:08:37,475 --> 00:08:39,227
Well, that's very sweet of you,
Neville,
209
00:08:39,227 --> 00:08:41,521
but my performing days
are behind me.
210
00:08:41,521 --> 00:08:44,941
You can't bring a rifle
to a park like you used to.
211
00:08:44,941 --> 00:08:47,027
Hey, you know what?
212
00:08:47,027 --> 00:08:49,195
How about
I stop by the diner
213
00:08:49,195 --> 00:08:51,197
with some vitamins
for the chickens,
214
00:08:51,197 --> 00:08:52,991
and I'll bring a broom,
215
00:08:52,991 --> 00:08:56,745
and maybe you can teach me
a couple of those twirls.
216
00:08:56,745 --> 00:08:58,705
Brooms are for beginners,
Neville.
217
00:08:58,705 --> 00:09:00,832
You don't put Michael Phelps
back in the kiddy pool.
218
00:09:00,832 --> 00:09:02,667
Good to see ya.
219
00:09:02,667 --> 00:09:03,960
Great seeing you,
220
00:09:03,960 --> 00:09:06,421
and can't wait to catch up
with you at the diner.
221
00:09:06,421 --> 00:09:08,965
Uh‐huh.
222
00:09:10,425 --> 00:09:14,471
Well, well, someone likes
the crazy lady.
223
00:09:14,471 --> 00:09:16,514
I hope not
224
00:09:16,514 --> 00:09:19,517
because I'm on a journey of
self‐discovery and reflection.
225
00:09:19,517 --> 00:09:20,935
I don't have time
for any men.
226
00:09:20,935 --> 00:09:23,146
I'm trying to figure out
why I'm such a mess.
227
00:09:23,146 --> 00:09:24,689
That's a relief.
228
00:09:24,689 --> 00:09:26,441
He's a really sweet guy.
229
00:09:26,441 --> 00:09:27,817
Hey!
What are you trying to say?
230
00:09:27,817 --> 00:09:29,402
I don't deserve
a sweet guy?
231
00:09:29,402 --> 00:09:31,196
You said you don't
have time for men.
232
00:09:31,196 --> 00:09:32,864
You're right. I don't.
I'm not in a place to date.
233
00:09:32,864 --> 00:09:34,240
Good.
234
00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:37,035
What the hell is that
supposed to mean?
235
00:09:37,035 --> 00:09:39,287
Can't we all just agree
236
00:09:39,287 --> 00:09:40,872
that there's something
wrong with you?
237
00:09:40,872 --> 00:09:42,624
Yes!
Thank you.
238
00:09:42,624 --> 00:09:44,042
Tell her.
239
00:09:50,256 --> 00:09:51,716
What are you doing here?
240
00:09:51,716 --> 00:09:53,968
I came to measure the backyard
for the party.
241
00:09:53,968 --> 00:09:55,595
But I haven't
told my dad yet.
242
00:09:55,595 --> 00:09:57,305
Well, why not?
243
00:09:57,305 --> 00:10:01,059
I'm waiting for the right time,
but he's still alive.
244
00:10:01,059 --> 00:10:02,352
I will go tell him
right now.
245
00:10:02,352 --> 00:10:03,770
No. I'll do it.
246
00:10:03,770 --> 00:10:05,146
Just stay there.
247
00:10:10,652 --> 00:10:13,446
Hey there, Dad.
248
00:10:13,446 --> 00:10:15,406
Hey there, Becky.
249
00:10:15,406 --> 00:10:17,534
Look at that.
250
00:10:17,534 --> 00:10:20,161
The one time you're watching TV
without a beer.
251
00:10:20,161 --> 00:10:22,122
[ Sighs ]
That's too bad.
252
00:10:24,207 --> 00:10:25,166
What's up, Becky?
253
00:10:25,166 --> 00:10:26,960
Ah, nothing.
254
00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:29,629
Just feeling bad
for Emilio.
255
00:10:29,629 --> 00:10:32,715
Getting dragged out of
this country unfairly
256
00:10:32,715 --> 00:10:35,760
when all he wanted
was the American dream.
257
00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:38,972
If he walks in here right now,
I'm going to kill him.
258
00:10:38,972 --> 00:10:40,348
Okay, there's no good way
to do this.
259
00:10:40,348 --> 00:10:41,975
Emilio!
260
00:10:43,560 --> 00:10:44,769
Hello, Dan.
261
00:10:44,769 --> 00:10:46,396
Hello, Emilio.
262
00:10:46,396 --> 00:10:49,399
My, oh, my, has it been
two years already?
263
00:10:49,399 --> 00:10:51,860
Because that's how long you were
supposed to stay in Mexico
264
00:10:51,860 --> 00:10:53,862
before you could
come back here legally.
265
00:10:53,862 --> 00:10:56,656
That's exactly what I said
the night he showed up.
266
00:10:56,656 --> 00:10:58,116
It's crazy
how alike we are.
267
00:10:58,116 --> 00:11:00,326
I love you, Dad.
268
00:11:00,326 --> 00:11:03,496
I ‐‐ I understand why
you're mad at me, Dan.
269
00:11:03,496 --> 00:11:05,123
Do you?
270
00:11:05,123 --> 00:11:07,876
Is it because you married
my daughter behind my back?
271
00:11:07,876 --> 00:11:09,043
Or because you're risking
272
00:11:09,043 --> 00:11:11,212
being dragged away from
your daughter for good?
273
00:11:11,212 --> 00:11:13,965
Or C,
all of the above?
274
00:11:13,965 --> 00:11:16,718
I already missed a year of
Beverly Rose's life.
275
00:11:16,718 --> 00:11:18,428
I'm not gonna miss more.
276
00:11:18,428 --> 00:11:19,762
I am here for her.
277
00:11:19,762 --> 00:11:22,515
No, no,
you're here for you.
278
00:11:22,515 --> 00:11:24,809
She's going to
go to bed every night
279
00:11:24,809 --> 00:11:27,020
wondering if you're gonna be
here tomorrow!
280
00:11:27,020 --> 00:11:29,105
Is that what you want?
281
00:11:30,982 --> 00:11:32,275
I'm not going back.
282
00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:36,070
Then we're done here.
283
00:11:36,070 --> 00:11:38,114
Dan ‐‐
Get out of my way, son.
284
00:11:40,491 --> 00:11:42,493
[ Exhales sharply ]
Dad, stop.
285
00:11:42,493 --> 00:11:44,537
Please.
286
00:11:44,537 --> 00:11:46,497
I know you're upset
right now,
287
00:11:46,497 --> 00:11:48,708
but we're gonna have a party
for Beverly Rose,
288
00:11:48,708 --> 00:11:50,501
and if you kill him
on her birthday,
289
00:11:50,501 --> 00:11:52,670
it's gonna be hard for her
every year.
290
00:11:52,670 --> 00:11:54,839
Not a problem.
291
00:11:54,839 --> 00:11:56,132
'Cause I'm not going.
292
00:11:58,843 --> 00:12:02,472
♪♪
293
00:12:02,472 --> 00:12:03,473
Hey, Jackie.
294
00:12:03,473 --> 00:12:06,809
Ugh.
295
00:12:06,809 --> 00:12:08,353
Back again I see.
296
00:12:08,353 --> 00:12:10,813
I know.
But I couldn't help it.
297
00:12:10,813 --> 00:12:13,274
I found this little bird mirror
to hang in your coop.
298
00:12:13,274 --> 00:12:14,901
I didn't want to
hurt your feelings,
299
00:12:14,901 --> 00:12:18,196
so I let it slide when you came
here with the chicken vitamins,
300
00:12:18,196 --> 00:12:19,572
and now you show up
with this.
301
00:12:19,572 --> 00:12:21,324
I think it's time for you
to look at yourself
302
00:12:21,324 --> 00:12:23,368
in the tiny mirror
and ask yourself,
303
00:12:23,368 --> 00:12:25,745
"What am I doing?"
304
00:12:25,745 --> 00:12:27,455
I like you.
I want to go out with you.
305
00:12:27,455 --> 00:12:29,707
Neville, I'm poison.
306
00:12:29,707 --> 00:12:31,459
The only common denominator
307
00:12:31,459 --> 00:12:34,379
in all of my failed
relationships is me.
308
00:12:34,379 --> 00:12:36,339
Well, you just haven't found
the right guy yet.
309
00:12:36,339 --> 00:12:39,259
Did you get kicked in the head
by a horse?
310
00:12:39,259 --> 00:12:40,510
Nope.
311
00:12:40,510 --> 00:12:42,303
Alright.
312
00:12:42,303 --> 00:12:44,347
Alright, I didn't want
to have to do this.
313
00:12:44,347 --> 00:12:47,433
But, um, you and I are gonna
have to go out for coffee.
314
00:12:47,433 --> 00:12:49,560
You, me, and my demons,
315
00:12:49,560 --> 00:12:51,187
and we are gonna
start out with
316
00:12:51,187 --> 00:12:53,856
my childhood hatred
of my mother.
317
00:12:53,856 --> 00:12:55,608
And then we're gonna
work our way up
318
00:12:55,608 --> 00:12:57,277
through my last
failed relationship,
319
00:12:57,277 --> 00:12:58,861
which was a thrupple.
320
00:12:58,861 --> 00:13:00,321
And then
you're going to get up
321
00:13:00,321 --> 00:13:01,864
and say you have to
go to the bathroom,
322
00:13:01,864 --> 00:13:05,660
and I'll never see you again,
and that will be that.
323
00:13:05,660 --> 00:13:06,995
This is great.
324
00:13:06,995 --> 00:13:08,371
I know a place that has
the best coffee.
325
00:13:10,248 --> 00:13:12,542
Y‐Y‐You got kicked.
326
00:13:13,710 --> 00:13:15,461
Hi, Doctor Davis.
327
00:13:15,461 --> 00:13:17,380
It's been 13 years
since I was pregnant.
328
00:13:17,380 --> 00:13:18,840
Have the rules changed?
329
00:13:18,840 --> 00:13:20,925
Can I eat sushi?
Smoke? Drink?
330
00:13:20,925 --> 00:13:24,095
Looking for something to take
the edge off of this thing.
331
00:13:24,095 --> 00:13:25,555
I'm sorry, Darlene.
332
00:13:25,555 --> 00:13:27,473
You're not pregnant.
333
00:13:27,473 --> 00:13:29,475
What?
Yes, I am.
334
00:13:29,475 --> 00:13:30,685
The stick said I was.
335
00:13:30,685 --> 00:13:32,562
You think you're smarter
than a stick?
336
00:13:32,562 --> 00:13:35,231
I'm looking at
your blood test.
337
00:13:35,231 --> 00:13:37,275
You got
a false‐positive.
338
00:13:37,275 --> 00:13:40,320
Wow. Um...
339
00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:41,738
Okay.
340
00:13:41,738 --> 00:13:43,656
Uh, well,
I guess we'll just try again.
341
00:13:43,656 --> 00:13:45,658
One of the reasons
you got a false‐positive
342
00:13:45,658 --> 00:13:48,661
is because your FSH levels
are elevated.
343
00:13:48,661 --> 00:13:51,080
You're in perimenopause.
344
00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:52,457
Well,
that's impossible.
345
00:13:52,457 --> 00:13:53,958
I'm too young to be in
any sort of pause.
346
00:13:53,958 --> 00:13:55,293
I'm 43.
347
00:13:55,293 --> 00:13:57,670
That's not young.
348
00:13:57,670 --> 00:14:00,965
Look, I really think you should
just test me again, okay?
349
00:14:00,965 --> 00:14:03,134
It's not gonna change,
Darlene.
350
00:14:03,134 --> 00:14:05,428
Well, I can still have kids,
right?
351
00:14:05,428 --> 00:14:08,431
Well, with your other issues,
I‐I'm afraid not.
352
00:14:08,431 --> 00:14:10,641
Uh, just give me a moment
to get my notes together.
353
00:14:10,641 --> 00:14:13,019
What are you watching?
354
00:14:13,019 --> 00:14:14,812
The end of
my child‐bearing years.
355
00:14:14,812 --> 00:14:16,355
Is that a Lifetime movie?
356
00:14:16,355 --> 00:14:17,899
Is that Stanley Tucci?
357
00:14:22,195 --> 00:14:24,113
Is my dad here?
358
00:14:24,113 --> 00:14:25,907
No.
359
00:14:25,907 --> 00:14:28,576
He told me to call him
when Emilio left.
360
00:14:28,576 --> 00:14:30,828
Hey, Aunt Becky,
check these balloons out.
361
00:14:30,828 --> 00:14:33,289
Oh, that is so cute!
362
00:14:33,289 --> 00:14:35,792
Custom balloons?
Those are expensive.
363
00:14:35,792 --> 00:14:37,627
Well, at least when they fall
into the ocean,
364
00:14:37,627 --> 00:14:39,212
the whales will
be able to identify
365
00:14:39,212 --> 00:14:41,047
which little girl
is choking them.
366
00:14:43,508 --> 00:14:47,678
Uh, yeah, I thought that,
uh, you should know
367
00:14:47,678 --> 00:14:50,348
that your brother and I
are going out for coffee,
368
00:14:50,348 --> 00:14:52,767
but I will prove to him
that I'm a toxic cloud,
369
00:14:52,767 --> 00:14:55,144
and anyone who gets
mixed up with me
370
00:14:55,144 --> 00:14:56,938
is headed for
certain disaster.
371
00:14:56,938 --> 00:14:59,941
Do not agree with me!
372
00:15:02,902 --> 00:15:05,113
Hey, Becky,
check out my dummy.
373
00:15:05,113 --> 00:15:07,448
Emilio
rented him for me.
374
00:15:07,448 --> 00:15:09,534
I'm gonna do a routine
at the birthday party.
375
00:15:09,534 --> 00:15:10,952
We're doing a bit
for the kids
376
00:15:10,952 --> 00:15:12,787
about why it's so important
to wear masks.
377
00:15:12,787 --> 00:15:14,539
That's not why
you're wearing masks.
378
00:15:14,539 --> 00:15:17,083
You just don't want anyone
to see your lips moving.
379
00:15:17,083 --> 00:15:19,127
They're not moving.
Watch.
380
00:15:19,127 --> 00:15:20,753
See?
They're not moving at all.
381
00:15:22,004 --> 00:15:25,550
He really doesn't understand
how this works.
382
00:15:25,550 --> 00:15:27,593
I got to talk to Emilio.
383
00:15:30,471 --> 00:15:31,806
Emilio.
384
00:15:31,806 --> 00:15:34,058
What are you doing?
385
00:15:34,058 --> 00:15:36,102
Well, you said I could have
some music, a piñata,
386
00:15:36,102 --> 00:15:37,311
some games,
and a cake.
387
00:15:37,311 --> 00:15:39,939
But you didn't say
how much I could spend.
388
00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:42,400
This cake is crazy.
389
00:15:42,400 --> 00:15:45,862
Is another baby
gonna jump out of it?
390
00:15:45,862 --> 00:15:47,655
How much
did all of this cost?
391
00:15:47,655 --> 00:15:49,490
It doesn't matter.
392
00:15:49,490 --> 00:15:52,201
You could've put this money away
for college.
393
00:15:52,201 --> 00:15:54,662
I told you I didn't want
this big of a party.
394
00:15:54,662 --> 00:15:56,330
It is not
just your decision.
395
00:15:56,330 --> 00:15:57,874
I'm the papá.
396
00:15:57,874 --> 00:15:59,625
I am tired of asking you
for permission
397
00:15:59,625 --> 00:16:01,878
to do things
for my daughter.
398
00:16:01,878 --> 00:16:03,421
You don't get it.
399
00:16:03,421 --> 00:16:05,298
I almost didn't tell you
I was pregnant
400
00:16:05,298 --> 00:16:07,300
because
I didn't want anyone else
401
00:16:07,300 --> 00:16:09,802
interfering with the way
I raised my baby.
402
00:16:12,305 --> 00:16:13,764
You have all the cards.
403
00:16:13,764 --> 00:16:15,474
You have custody.
404
00:16:15,474 --> 00:16:17,476
I am undocumented.
405
00:16:17,476 --> 00:16:21,856
If you think I'm interfering,
then why am I here?
406
00:16:26,027 --> 00:16:27,486
This is
just hard for me.
407
00:16:27,486 --> 00:16:29,780
Okay?
408
00:16:29,780 --> 00:16:31,741
I went through
the pregnancy alone.
409
00:16:31,741 --> 00:16:34,368
I've been
raising her alone.
410
00:16:34,368 --> 00:16:38,039
And now all of a sudden
you're here, and...
411
00:16:38,039 --> 00:16:40,583
I'm not used to
sharing her.
412
00:16:43,377 --> 00:16:45,421
I just want what's best
for Beverly Rose.
413
00:16:45,421 --> 00:16:47,965
I know you do.
You're a good dad.
414
00:16:47,965 --> 00:16:49,967
[ Sniffles ]
415
00:16:54,180 --> 00:16:56,474
And the one thing
that a good dad does
416
00:16:56,474 --> 00:16:59,810
is make sure that
his daughter
417
00:16:59,810 --> 00:17:02,480
isn't living in hell
for all of eternity
418
00:17:02,480 --> 00:17:04,941
because
she wasn't baptized.
419
00:17:04,941 --> 00:17:06,609
Okay.
420
00:17:06,609 --> 00:17:10,821
Doesn't mean she's a Catholic,
but we'll dunk her.
421
00:17:10,821 --> 00:17:13,324
And don't be surprised
if she sizzles.
422
00:17:13,324 --> 00:17:17,370
That's just
the Conner leaving her body.
423
00:17:20,831 --> 00:17:22,792
[ Door closes ]
Hey.
424
00:17:22,792 --> 00:17:24,335
I got a little gift
for Beverly Rose.
425
00:17:24,335 --> 00:17:26,045
All the toy stores
were closed,
426
00:17:26,045 --> 00:17:28,506
so I hope she likes rice.
427
00:17:28,506 --> 00:17:29,882
I think she'll like
shaking the box, though.
428
00:17:29,882 --> 00:17:31,884
It's fun.
429
00:17:31,884 --> 00:17:34,095
Whoa, ho, ho, ho!
430
00:17:34,095 --> 00:17:38,432
Hey, little mama,
you shouldn't be drinking that.
431
00:17:38,432 --> 00:17:41,519
The baby will come out
all Jimmy Buffett.
432
00:17:41,519 --> 00:17:43,604
Doesn't matter.
433
00:17:45,731 --> 00:17:49,110
I'm not pregnant.
434
00:17:49,110 --> 00:17:50,570
I would've told you
yesterday,
435
00:17:50,570 --> 00:17:52,363
but I was looking for
the right time,
436
00:17:52,363 --> 00:17:54,365
and there just isn't one.
437
00:17:54,365 --> 00:17:56,742
Oh, hey, that's okay.
438
00:17:56,742 --> 00:17:58,327
It's alright.
439
00:17:58,327 --> 00:17:59,870
We did it once.
440
00:17:59,870 --> 00:18:01,038
We can do it again.
441
00:18:01,038 --> 00:18:03,291
No, we can't.
442
00:18:03,291 --> 00:18:06,127
I'm in perimenopause.
443
00:18:06,127 --> 00:18:09,171
The doctor says that, um,
444
00:18:09,171 --> 00:18:11,048
I can't have another baby.
445
00:18:15,011 --> 00:18:16,929
I should've known.
446
00:18:24,979 --> 00:18:27,106
Okay.
447
00:18:30,860 --> 00:18:32,570
I'm sorry.
448
00:18:32,570 --> 00:18:34,822
You know, I ‐‐ I know how much
you really wanted this baby.
449
00:18:34,822 --> 00:18:37,283
Oh, look. Hey.
450
00:18:37,283 --> 00:18:41,162
I only said all that stuff
because I was excited, okay?
451
00:18:41,162 --> 00:18:43,956
The only thing that matters
is that I love you.
452
00:18:43,956 --> 00:18:45,791
I love you, too.
453
00:18:50,880 --> 00:18:52,965
Are you okay?
454
00:18:52,965 --> 00:18:55,676
Yeah.
Yeah, I am.
455
00:18:55,676 --> 00:18:57,720
Are you really okay?
456
00:18:57,720 --> 00:18:59,513
Yes, absolutely.
457
00:19:02,808 --> 00:19:03,976
Are you lying?
458
00:19:03,976 --> 00:19:07,146
Yeah.
459
00:19:07,146 --> 00:19:09,440
Are you lying?
460
00:19:09,440 --> 00:19:11,317
[ Voice breaking ]
Absolutely.
461
00:19:16,030 --> 00:19:18,866
[ Indistinct conversations ]
462
00:19:18,866 --> 00:19:21,285
Hey, if you guys don't want to
be the godparents now,
463
00:19:21,285 --> 00:19:22,620
I'll understand.
464
00:19:22,620 --> 00:19:24,664
Oh, no.
No, we'll be fine.
465
00:19:24,664 --> 00:19:27,958
Yeah. What exactly are
our responsibilities again?
466
00:19:27,958 --> 00:19:30,419
Well,
if Emilio and I die,
467
00:19:30,419 --> 00:19:33,589
you're supposed to continue
the baby's religious life.
468
00:19:33,589 --> 00:19:37,093
So, you guys would be
totally dead at that point
469
00:19:37,093 --> 00:19:39,637
and you'd have no idea whether
we actually did it or not?
470
00:19:39,637 --> 00:19:40,721
Yes.
471
00:19:40,721 --> 00:19:42,515
You can count on us.
472
00:19:42,515 --> 00:19:46,811
I'd like to welcome everyone
who came here today
473
00:19:46,811 --> 00:19:50,398
to celebrate
this gift from God.
474
00:19:50,398 --> 00:19:52,817
What name have you
given your child?
475
00:19:52,817 --> 00:19:54,151
Beverly Rose.
476
00:19:54,151 --> 00:19:56,821
And what do you ask of
God's Church for her?
477
00:19:56,821 --> 00:20:00,741
We were hoping you could do
the whole baptism thing on her.
478
00:20:00,741 --> 00:20:02,576
Eternal life.
479
00:20:02,576 --> 00:20:04,954
Can the godparents
step forward?
480
00:20:16,924 --> 00:20:19,427
[ Quietly ]
You thinking what I'm thinking?
481
00:20:19,427 --> 00:20:21,011
[ Quietly ]
We can outrun Becky,
482
00:20:21,011 --> 00:20:23,556
but we'll never
outrun Emilio.
483
00:20:23,556 --> 00:20:28,561
I now trace the cross
on your forehead.
484
00:20:28,561 --> 00:20:30,855
Almighty God,
485
00:20:30,855 --> 00:20:33,315
you sent your only son
486
00:20:33,315 --> 00:20:36,569
to rescue us from
the slavery of sin.
487
00:20:36,569 --> 00:20:38,154
You came.
488
00:20:38,154 --> 00:20:40,781
I was on my way to the liquor
store, thought I'd drop by.
489
00:20:40,781 --> 00:20:43,576
Thanks for being here.
490
00:20:43,576 --> 00:20:45,828
I'm only doing this
because years from now,
491
00:20:45,828 --> 00:20:47,788
she's gonna look at
those pictures,
492
00:20:47,788 --> 00:20:49,498
and I want her to know
that I loved her.
493
00:20:56,881 --> 00:20:57,965
Hey, oh,
I'm so sorry I'm late.
494
00:20:57,965 --> 00:20:59,925
I had to
perform surgery.
495
00:20:59,925 --> 00:21:02,595
We just found out that
the two‐hump camel at the zoo
496
00:21:02,595 --> 00:21:04,388
is actually just
a one‐hump camel
497
00:21:04,388 --> 00:21:06,932
with the biggest tumor
I've ever seen.
498
00:21:09,185 --> 00:21:11,228
Well, let's do this.
499
00:21:11,228 --> 00:21:14,398
Great.
Okay.
500
00:21:14,398 --> 00:21:17,485
My first memory is of my mother
standing over my crib,
501
00:21:17,485 --> 00:21:19,945
blaming me
for not being a boy.
502
00:21:19,945 --> 00:21:22,782
And when I called her Mommy,
she said,
503
00:21:22,782 --> 00:21:25,910
"There's no reason for us
to be so familiar."