1 00:00:01,208 --> 00:00:03,175 [bluesy harmonica music] 2 00:00:03,210 --> 00:00:04,176 - Full house. 3 00:00:04,211 --> 00:00:05,246 all: Ohh! 4 00:00:05,281 --> 00:00:08,077 - Neville, come on, man. 5 00:00:08,111 --> 00:00:09,699 Let somebody else win once in a while. 6 00:00:09,733 --> 00:00:11,735 - Perks of being a veterinarian. 7 00:00:11,770 --> 00:00:15,360 I'm just using predatory cat knowledge to win. 8 00:00:15,394 --> 00:00:18,294 I pretend to be disinterested, and then I pounce. 9 00:00:19,640 --> 00:00:21,400 - Oh, I'd love to go play poker with you 10 00:00:21,435 --> 00:00:24,438 at the riverboat casino, 'cause if you said that there, 11 00:00:24,472 --> 00:00:25,956 ooh, it's gonna be one of those beatings 12 00:00:25,991 --> 00:00:27,337 you don't get to see very often. 13 00:00:27,372 --> 00:00:29,098 [laughter] 14 00:00:29,132 --> 00:00:30,789 - Not if I use the fighting skills 15 00:00:30,823 --> 00:00:32,377 I learned from monkeys. 16 00:00:32,411 --> 00:00:33,930 I bite the face, and then I run. 17 00:00:33,964 --> 00:00:35,104 - Ah. 18 00:00:35,138 --> 00:00:36,933 - Well, I'm out. 19 00:00:36,967 --> 00:00:38,935 I guess the rich get richer, 20 00:00:38,969 --> 00:00:40,557 and the poor have to explain to their daughter 21 00:00:40,592 --> 00:00:42,214 why her Lunchable is missing the meat. 22 00:00:43,491 --> 00:00:45,217 - Neville, when it's just family, 23 00:00:45,252 --> 00:00:48,186 sometimes when you win really big, you splurge. 24 00:00:48,220 --> 00:00:49,946 How about buying a round of pizzas? 25 00:00:49,980 --> 00:00:51,465 - Yeah. - Ooh. 26 00:00:51,499 --> 00:00:52,776 - That's not how our family worked. 27 00:00:52,811 --> 00:00:53,777 - No, no, no, no. 28 00:00:53,812 --> 00:00:56,090 Our family was ruthless. 29 00:00:56,125 --> 00:00:58,920 I used to play Go Fish with my mom for pennies. 30 00:00:58,955 --> 00:01:00,577 One time, I couldn't pay her. 31 00:01:00,612 --> 00:01:02,096 The next time I lost a tooth, 32 00:01:02,131 --> 00:01:03,649 there was a note left under my pillow: 33 00:01:03,684 --> 00:01:05,340 "We're even." 34 00:01:06,997 --> 00:01:08,965 - Yeah, it was a good life lesson. 35 00:01:08,999 --> 00:01:10,829 I learned never to be anyone's fool 36 00:01:10,863 --> 00:01:12,831 when it comes to money. 37 00:01:12,865 --> 00:01:15,005 - I guess when you play with a family of grifters, 38 00:01:15,039 --> 00:01:17,042 you've got to watch out, huh? 39 00:01:18,250 --> 00:01:20,218 - Dan. 40 00:01:20,252 --> 00:01:23,117 - "Grifters" is an odd word to pull out of thin air. 41 00:01:23,152 --> 00:01:24,774 - I didn't pull it out of thin air. 42 00:01:24,808 --> 00:01:26,293 I pulled it out of your mouth 43 00:01:26,327 --> 00:01:27,984 when Jackie and I were on the road 44 00:01:28,018 --> 00:01:31,194 and I heard you calling me and my family grifters. 45 00:01:33,265 --> 00:01:36,130 - Wow. 46 00:01:36,164 --> 00:01:38,822 - You told him what I said? 47 00:01:38,857 --> 00:01:41,134 That was supposed to be a private conversation. 48 00:01:41,170 --> 00:01:43,862 - I didn't tell him. - Jackie didn't say anything. 49 00:01:43,896 --> 00:01:46,761 I overheard you two talking when you were on the telephone. 50 00:01:46,795 --> 00:01:48,694 - "Come and play poker," they said. 51 00:01:48,729 --> 00:01:50,593 "It always ends in a fight," I said. 52 00:01:50,627 --> 00:01:52,973 "Well, not this time," they said. 53 00:01:53,009 --> 00:01:54,872 - Don't be upset with Jackie. 54 00:01:54,907 --> 00:01:57,186 The only thing she's guilty of is lending me a thousand bucks 55 00:01:57,220 --> 00:01:58,463 when I really needed it. 56 00:01:58,497 --> 00:02:00,120 - [scoffs] 57 00:02:00,154 --> 00:02:01,638 That wouldn't be the thousand dollars 58 00:02:01,673 --> 00:02:03,951 you said you needed for your debit card, would it? 59 00:02:03,985 --> 00:02:05,608 - Hey, you know what? 60 00:02:05,642 --> 00:02:08,990 Why don't we all go out for frozen yogurt, huh? 61 00:02:09,025 --> 00:02:11,165 Hey, you know who's got really good frozen yogurt? 62 00:02:11,200 --> 00:02:13,512 Milwaukee. 63 00:02:13,547 --> 00:02:16,170 - Wait, I'm just trying to wrap my head around the fact 64 00:02:16,204 --> 00:02:18,517 that anybody here has $1,000. 65 00:02:19,932 --> 00:02:21,348 - He paid me back right away. 66 00:02:21,382 --> 00:02:22,659 He said that he would, and he did. 67 00:02:22,694 --> 00:02:23,867 - That's not the point. 68 00:02:23,902 --> 00:02:25,731 - Just let it go, Neville. 69 00:02:25,766 --> 00:02:26,629 No harm done. 70 00:02:26,663 --> 00:02:27,871 - No harm to you. 71 00:02:28,838 --> 00:02:30,426 I'm out of here. 72 00:02:36,570 --> 00:02:38,019 - You know you can just slide them, right? 73 00:02:38,054 --> 00:02:39,918 - Yeah. 74 00:02:39,952 --> 00:02:42,162 Oh, it's hard to storm off with change! 75 00:02:42,196 --> 00:02:43,922 [coins rattling] 76 00:02:43,956 --> 00:02:45,648 - We had a deal. 77 00:02:45,682 --> 00:02:48,133 You were supposed to resent my husband in silence. 78 00:02:50,687 --> 00:02:52,862 Dan needed the money to buy inventory 79 00:02:52,896 --> 00:02:54,243 at the hardware store. 80 00:02:54,277 --> 00:02:56,935 It was a once-in-a-lifetime deal on plungers. 81 00:02:58,247 --> 00:03:01,836 You know how the people in this town eat. 82 00:03:01,871 --> 00:03:05,530 Lanford needs plungers. 83 00:03:05,564 --> 00:03:09,361 - When I gave you that money, you said it was for you. 84 00:03:09,396 --> 00:03:12,709 And that was after I told you I wasn't merging our money 85 00:03:12,744 --> 00:03:15,125 because I was afraid your family would come after it. 86 00:03:15,160 --> 00:03:17,404 And that's exactly what happened. 87 00:03:17,438 --> 00:03:19,199 And then you lied to me about it. 88 00:03:24,238 --> 00:03:26,585 - Hey, just checking. Pizza, no pizza? 89 00:03:27,828 --> 00:03:30,796 [bluesy rock music] 90 00:03:30,831 --> 00:03:37,906 ♪ 91 00:03:48,469 --> 00:03:49,608 - "The Conners" is filmed 92 00:03:49,643 --> 00:03:51,541 in front of a live studio audience. 93 00:03:51,576 --> 00:03:53,785 - Excuse me, does that gravy have any meat products in it? 94 00:03:53,819 --> 00:03:57,237 - Uh, well, I mean, 95 00:03:57,271 --> 00:04:00,930 the chunks don't break apart when I hit 'em with this ladle, 96 00:04:00,964 --> 00:04:02,897 so yeah, I don't know. 97 00:04:02,932 --> 00:04:05,831 Best-case scenario is meat. 98 00:04:05,866 --> 00:04:07,661 - I'll just have mashed potatoes, then. 99 00:04:07,695 --> 00:04:10,008 Uh, okay, that ladle has gravy on it, 100 00:04:10,042 --> 00:04:11,251 and I'm a vegetarian. 101 00:04:11,285 --> 00:04:12,735 I'm gonna need you to get another ladle, 102 00:04:12,769 --> 00:04:14,115 change your gloves, 103 00:04:14,150 --> 00:04:15,841 and I hate to be high-key problematic, 104 00:04:15,876 --> 00:04:17,809 but please use a new plate that wasn't washed with animal soap. 105 00:04:17,843 --> 00:04:19,327 Thanks. 106 00:04:21,053 --> 00:04:25,195 - Um, I just want you to know that I'm vegan, 107 00:04:25,230 --> 00:04:28,129 and I never realized what a pain in the ass I am. 108 00:04:28,164 --> 00:04:30,339 - This all feels very toxic, 109 00:04:30,373 --> 00:04:32,099 so I'm going to the vending machines. 110 00:04:32,133 --> 00:04:33,963 - Okay. 111 00:04:34,998 --> 00:04:36,206 - You got rid of that one, 112 00:04:36,241 --> 00:04:38,139 but the next one's gonna be just as bad. 113 00:04:38,174 --> 00:04:39,762 We got to a liberal arts school. 114 00:04:39,796 --> 00:04:41,315 We're all like that. 115 00:04:41,350 --> 00:04:43,352 - Oh, you look so young. 116 00:04:43,386 --> 00:04:45,423 I didn't realize you were a student here, James. 117 00:04:45,457 --> 00:04:47,321 - I skipped a grade, so I'm only 17. 118 00:04:47,356 --> 00:04:49,047 I am working off my tuition. 119 00:04:49,081 --> 00:04:52,015 If I did this for a living, I'd go into the walk-in freezer 120 00:04:52,050 --> 00:04:54,949 and take a forever nap. 121 00:04:54,984 --> 00:04:56,054 - Nice to know it's an option. 122 00:04:59,816 --> 00:05:01,956 - Can you serve him? 123 00:05:01,991 --> 00:05:03,303 It's kind of awkward. He broke up with me. 124 00:05:05,339 --> 00:05:07,824 I've never been happier. Thank you. 125 00:05:10,379 --> 00:05:12,346 - Must have been ugly, huh? 126 00:05:12,381 --> 00:05:14,521 - Well, I've known you a week, so I guess I can tell you. 127 00:05:14,555 --> 00:05:17,662 He destroyed me. 128 00:05:17,696 --> 00:05:21,217 You know, it's so hard to find a guy who's nice and smart. 129 00:05:22,529 --> 00:05:24,738 - Oh, you know what? My son says the same thing. 130 00:05:24,772 --> 00:05:26,809 He's actually gonna come here next year, 131 00:05:26,843 --> 00:05:28,845 but he was hoping that college guys would be more mature. 132 00:05:28,880 --> 00:05:30,226 - Yeah, that's the dream. 133 00:05:30,260 --> 00:05:31,745 And then you find the lacrosse captain 134 00:05:31,779 --> 00:05:33,919 hiding in your boyfriend's closet. 135 00:05:35,611 --> 00:05:37,751 - There you go. 136 00:05:37,784 --> 00:05:39,373 Hey, you know what? 137 00:05:39,408 --> 00:05:41,893 I should set you and Mark up. 138 00:05:41,927 --> 00:05:43,826 I mean, not, like, set up. 139 00:05:43,860 --> 00:05:48,382 I--I just mean, like, you guys could be gay friends. 140 00:05:48,417 --> 00:05:50,659 I don't know why I just said "gay friends." 141 00:05:50,695 --> 00:05:52,110 You can just be friends. 142 00:05:52,144 --> 00:05:54,250 But if you did decide to date, 143 00:05:54,284 --> 00:05:57,391 then you'd be gay guys dating, right? 144 00:05:57,426 --> 00:06:00,290 I mean, or you could just both be gay on your own. 145 00:06:02,085 --> 00:06:03,846 You know when you're trying not to say a word, 146 00:06:03,880 --> 00:06:05,399 but you just keep saying it anyway? 147 00:06:05,434 --> 00:06:06,780 - Mm. 148 00:06:06,814 --> 00:06:08,126 What word were you trying not to gay? 149 00:06:09,230 --> 00:06:12,406 [bluesy harmonica music] 150 00:06:12,441 --> 00:06:15,064 - Oh, hey, did you come over here to study too? 151 00:06:15,098 --> 00:06:17,411 - Why on Earth did Emilio have to buy Beverly Rose 152 00:06:17,446 --> 00:06:18,895 a karaoke machine? 153 00:06:18,930 --> 00:06:21,035 If I hear "Wheels On The Bus" one more time 154 00:06:21,070 --> 00:06:24,073 I'm gonna smack someone round and round. 155 00:06:24,107 --> 00:06:25,419 - Oh, hey. 156 00:06:25,454 --> 00:06:27,110 Everything okay with Neville? 157 00:06:27,145 --> 00:06:28,457 He seemed pretty upset last night. 158 00:06:28,491 --> 00:06:30,079 - Yes, of course everything is okay. 159 00:06:30,113 --> 00:06:32,909 Unlike most Conner couples, Neville and I communicate, 160 00:06:32,944 --> 00:06:34,221 so once we sat down and talked about it, 161 00:06:34,255 --> 00:06:35,567 everything was fine. 162 00:06:35,602 --> 00:06:36,810 Whatever you guys are doing, just keep doing it. 163 00:06:36,844 --> 00:06:38,156 I'm gonna wait for Dan. 164 00:06:38,190 --> 00:06:40,123 I'm gonna be out in the living room. 165 00:06:41,780 --> 00:06:44,542 - Hey. - How was work? 166 00:06:44,576 --> 00:06:48,166 - Well, I learned how to tie knots 167 00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:49,788 in the fingers of my gloves 168 00:06:49,823 --> 00:06:52,964 so that they fit my little doll hands. 169 00:06:52,998 --> 00:06:56,450 There's really great kid at work who, get this, 170 00:06:56,485 --> 00:06:59,073 he's 17, he's gay, 171 00:06:59,108 --> 00:07:01,593 and he's lonely, just like you. 172 00:07:01,628 --> 00:07:03,457 - No. 173 00:07:03,492 --> 00:07:05,459 The last time you set me up, it went horribly wrong 174 00:07:05,494 --> 00:07:06,840 and I got my heart broken. 175 00:07:06,874 --> 00:07:08,773 - Yeah, but Logan couldn't have broken your heart 176 00:07:08,807 --> 00:07:10,153 if you didn't really like him. 177 00:07:10,188 --> 00:07:12,604 Ergo, Mama found the right guy. 178 00:07:13,812 --> 00:07:16,574 - You know, Mark, this might actually be fate. 179 00:07:16,608 --> 00:07:18,783 Your school is in Romeoville. 180 00:07:18,817 --> 00:07:20,198 If one of you winds up in prison, 181 00:07:20,232 --> 00:07:23,512 you'd be in Romeoville and Joliet. 182 00:07:23,546 --> 00:07:26,100 - Thank you, but was that worth stopping the conversation for? 183 00:07:26,135 --> 00:07:27,481 - Oh, yeah. 184 00:07:29,069 --> 00:07:30,622 - Just consider meeting him. 185 00:07:30,657 --> 00:07:33,383 At the very least, you'll know somebody at school. 186 00:07:33,418 --> 00:07:36,214 - I'll meet him, but I'm not going on a date with him. 187 00:07:36,248 --> 00:07:38,043 - All right, here's what he looks like. 188 00:07:40,045 --> 00:07:43,082 - What's the harm in one date? 189 00:07:44,705 --> 00:07:46,983 - I'm sorry about what happened last night. 190 00:07:47,018 --> 00:07:48,364 Hope Neville's calmed down. 191 00:07:48,398 --> 00:07:50,055 - Well, maybe he has, and maybe he hasn't. 192 00:07:50,090 --> 00:07:52,332 I wouldn't know. He didn't come home last night, Dan. 193 00:07:52,368 --> 00:07:53,852 And he hasn't been to work today. 194 00:07:53,887 --> 00:07:55,613 He's never done this before. It's all your fault. 195 00:07:55,647 --> 00:07:57,649 You have to go find him! - Relax. I'll find him. 196 00:07:57,683 --> 00:07:59,306 - I've looked everywhere that he usually goes. 197 00:07:59,340 --> 00:08:01,377 He wasn't at the library. 198 00:08:01,411 --> 00:08:02,965 The knitting store went out of business. 199 00:08:02,999 --> 00:08:05,554 The tropical fish store doesn't open till tomorrow morning. 200 00:08:05,588 --> 00:08:08,004 - How about Build-A-Bear? 201 00:08:08,039 --> 00:08:09,523 - He's built all the bears! 202 00:08:13,838 --> 00:08:16,496 [bluesy harmonica music] 203 00:08:16,530 --> 00:08:19,015 - Don't you look like a modern-day dandy, 204 00:08:19,050 --> 00:08:21,639 all fancy in your sweater vest? 205 00:08:21,673 --> 00:08:23,986 - I was going for a young Tom Hanks: 206 00:08:24,020 --> 00:08:26,264 a little whimsical but professional. 207 00:08:26,298 --> 00:08:30,061 - I've had a little experience with college dating. 208 00:08:30,095 --> 00:08:31,545 Can I offer you some advice? 209 00:08:31,580 --> 00:08:33,270 - You secretly dated your professor 210 00:08:33,304 --> 00:08:35,273 and almost destroyed his career. 211 00:08:35,307 --> 00:08:37,275 - You are correct, and my advice to you 212 00:08:37,308 --> 00:08:39,034 is not to do that. 213 00:08:39,070 --> 00:08:40,933 - That was extremely unhelpful. 214 00:08:40,967 --> 00:08:42,245 - Not to me. 215 00:08:42,280 --> 00:08:44,420 I'll take any opportunity to remind people 216 00:08:44,454 --> 00:08:46,249 that I'm in college. 217 00:08:46,284 --> 00:08:49,736 So why are you meeting James here anyway instead of at home? 218 00:08:49,770 --> 00:08:51,013 - Are you kidding me? 219 00:08:51,047 --> 00:08:53,290 I had to throw the family off my trail. 220 00:08:53,325 --> 00:08:54,223 - Hey. 221 00:08:55,880 --> 00:08:57,157 - Every damn time. 222 00:08:58,123 --> 00:08:59,711 How? 223 00:08:59,746 --> 00:09:02,024 - You live in Mayberry, you're gonna run into Aunt Bee. 224 00:09:02,058 --> 00:09:04,716 - Mark, what are you doing here? 225 00:09:04,751 --> 00:09:07,029 You said you were meeting James at the school bookstore. 226 00:09:07,063 --> 00:09:08,271 - I was trying to avoid you 227 00:09:08,306 --> 00:09:09,618 because you people embarrass me. 228 00:09:09,652 --> 00:09:12,862 - Aww, I would never do that to you. 229 00:09:12,897 --> 00:09:14,208 Ben, take it away. 230 00:09:14,243 --> 00:09:17,798 - Well, slap my mama and sit on a porcupine. 231 00:09:17,833 --> 00:09:22,285 A gentleman caller is coming to meet our young Marcus! 232 00:09:22,320 --> 00:09:25,426 [laughter] 233 00:09:25,461 --> 00:09:27,118 - Can you guys cut it out? 234 00:09:27,152 --> 00:09:28,775 I'm nervous enough as it is. 235 00:09:28,809 --> 00:09:30,777 I'm sure James is more sophisticated 236 00:09:30,811 --> 00:09:33,124 than the juveniles I'm surrounded by in high school. 237 00:09:33,158 --> 00:09:34,815 - I'm guessing when you eat lunch, 238 00:09:34,850 --> 00:09:36,161 you're not surrounded by anyone. 239 00:09:40,925 --> 00:09:41,891 - Hey, Mark. 240 00:09:41,926 --> 00:09:43,444 - Hi. 241 00:09:43,479 --> 00:09:44,790 - Meeting here didn't duck the family, huh? 242 00:09:44,825 --> 00:09:45,964 - [chuckles] - Hi. 243 00:09:45,999 --> 00:09:47,932 I'm in college too. 244 00:09:47,966 --> 00:09:49,692 The quad, am I right? 245 00:09:51,211 --> 00:09:53,627 - This is Ben, my husband and Mark's stepdad. 246 00:09:53,662 --> 00:09:55,008 - How you doing? 247 00:09:55,042 --> 00:09:57,424 Nice to meet a fellow college man. 248 00:09:57,458 --> 00:09:59,081 I majored in creative writing, 249 00:09:59,115 --> 00:10:01,290 but then I ended up selling screws and nuts, 250 00:10:01,324 --> 00:10:03,188 so let me save you a lot of time. 251 00:10:03,223 --> 00:10:06,329 Settle early, and settle often. 252 00:10:06,364 --> 00:10:07,917 - Hi. I'm Harris. 253 00:10:07,952 --> 00:10:09,160 I didn't go to college. 254 00:10:09,194 --> 00:10:10,989 Our mom put all her love and energy 255 00:10:11,024 --> 00:10:13,336 into Sweater Vest here. 256 00:10:13,371 --> 00:10:15,476 - Well, uh, we should be going. 257 00:10:15,511 --> 00:10:18,790 But thanks, everyone, for this unfortunate moment 258 00:10:18,825 --> 00:10:19,549 of immersive theater. 259 00:10:19,584 --> 00:10:21,482 - Oh. 260 00:10:23,484 --> 00:10:25,038 - It's okay. 261 00:10:25,072 --> 00:10:28,179 Marry a guy, marry his family, right? 262 00:10:28,213 --> 00:10:30,630 - [mouthing words] 263 00:10:30,664 --> 00:10:36,014 ♪ 264 00:10:36,049 --> 00:10:37,878 - Did Mark text you? 265 00:10:39,224 --> 00:10:40,329 - About what? 266 00:10:40,363 --> 00:10:41,986 - Our date. 267 00:10:42,020 --> 00:10:43,021 What, didn't he text you to tell you 268 00:10:43,056 --> 00:10:44,333 how he thought it went? 269 00:10:44,367 --> 00:10:46,059 - How long ago did you leave him? 270 00:10:46,093 --> 00:10:49,994 - About 10, 15 minutes ago. 271 00:10:50,028 --> 00:10:52,513 - Well, sometimes it takes longer than a cup of noodles 272 00:10:52,548 --> 00:10:54,688 to gather your thoughts. 273 00:10:54,723 --> 00:10:56,966 - I'm sure he's gonna tell you it went great. 274 00:10:57,001 --> 00:10:59,037 Mark is amazing. - [chuckles] 275 00:10:59,072 --> 00:11:00,314 - Usually my dates are awkward, 276 00:11:00,349 --> 00:11:02,558 but I felt really comfortable with him. 277 00:11:02,592 --> 00:11:04,215 I tried to make plans for next week, 278 00:11:04,249 --> 00:11:05,803 but he says he's busy every night 279 00:11:05,837 --> 00:11:07,597 working the late shift at his security job. 280 00:11:09,185 --> 00:11:11,256 - Oh, oh, his security job. 281 00:11:11,291 --> 00:11:13,707 Yeah, of course, at the, uh-- at the place where he, like, 282 00:11:13,742 --> 00:11:16,192 protects the stuff. 283 00:11:17,711 --> 00:11:20,541 - When he enrolls here and we become roommates, 284 00:11:20,576 --> 00:11:22,716 I'm hoping he can get a safer job on campus. 285 00:11:22,751 --> 00:11:23,993 - Wow, roommates. 286 00:11:24,028 --> 00:11:25,719 You really pack a lot into a date, huh? 287 00:11:27,756 --> 00:11:31,621 - Darlene, thank you so much for bringing Mark into my life. 288 00:11:32,795 --> 00:11:34,659 I'm not lonely anymore. 289 00:11:36,937 --> 00:11:40,700 - Hold that thought. 290 00:11:40,734 --> 00:11:41,942 I gotta thin out the gravy. 291 00:11:41,977 --> 00:11:43,599 It's starting to get corners. 292 00:11:47,258 --> 00:11:49,087 - Bet you didn't see this coming. 293 00:11:49,122 --> 00:11:52,056 - No, but I should have. 294 00:11:52,090 --> 00:11:55,749 ♪ 295 00:11:55,784 --> 00:11:57,061 - Thanks for the call, Jasper. 296 00:11:57,095 --> 00:11:58,959 I've been looking for this guy since last night. 297 00:11:58,994 --> 00:12:00,478 - Well, you might want to keep an eye on him. 298 00:12:00,512 --> 00:12:02,618 After the first drink, he told me I have 299 00:12:02,652 --> 00:12:04,275 the kind eyes of a lemur. 300 00:12:05,621 --> 00:12:06,760 You want something? 301 00:12:06,795 --> 00:12:09,176 - Whatever he's drinking. 302 00:12:10,937 --> 00:12:12,455 Mind if I sit down? 303 00:12:12,490 --> 00:12:14,043 - [scoffs] It's not my bar. 304 00:12:14,078 --> 00:12:17,081 You can sit wherever you want. 305 00:12:17,115 --> 00:12:18,392 Wait, it's not my bar, right? 306 00:12:18,427 --> 00:12:21,085 I didn't buy it, did I? 307 00:12:21,119 --> 00:12:23,363 - No, and stop looking into my eyes. 308 00:12:26,607 --> 00:12:29,300 - Look, I'm willing to put the whole grifters thing aside. 309 00:12:29,334 --> 00:12:30,991 But Jackie is worried sick about you. 310 00:12:31,026 --> 00:12:32,579 - No, no, no, no, no. 311 00:12:32,613 --> 00:12:35,271 The Nev's not talking until you catch up, 312 00:12:35,306 --> 00:12:38,688 unless you can't handle your Long Island iced teas. 313 00:12:45,005 --> 00:12:46,800 - I'm s--good God that's sweet. 314 00:12:48,457 --> 00:12:50,321 Jasper, will you bring me a beer? 315 00:12:50,355 --> 00:12:52,910 My mouth wants to be an adult again. 316 00:12:52,944 --> 00:12:54,981 Ugh. 317 00:12:55,015 --> 00:12:56,706 I'm serious, dude. 318 00:12:56,741 --> 00:12:59,537 You can't just disappear on your wife. 319 00:12:59,571 --> 00:13:02,471 You need to go home and work this out. 320 00:13:02,505 --> 00:13:03,817 - Jackie lied to me, Dan. 321 00:13:03,852 --> 00:13:05,267 She's never done that before. 322 00:13:05,301 --> 00:13:07,269 - She lied to you to help family. 323 00:13:07,303 --> 00:13:09,443 - Yeah, and then you took advantage, 324 00:13:09,478 --> 00:13:11,204 'cause you knew she was a soft touch. 325 00:13:11,238 --> 00:13:13,516 - I didn't take advantage of her. 326 00:13:13,551 --> 00:13:16,554 You're just not used to a supportive family. 327 00:13:16,588 --> 00:13:18,142 Your mother shook down your sister 328 00:13:18,176 --> 00:13:20,592 for tooth fairy money. 329 00:13:22,905 --> 00:13:25,735 - Well, in my family, when you got into a jam, 330 00:13:25,770 --> 00:13:28,014 you bailed yourself out. 331 00:13:28,048 --> 00:13:30,016 Louise was a penny ante player, 332 00:13:30,050 --> 00:13:31,396 and she was playing for nickels. 333 00:13:31,431 --> 00:13:34,468 She was hooked on the action. 334 00:13:34,503 --> 00:13:38,231 - I was raised like that too, but I figured it out. 335 00:13:38,265 --> 00:13:40,992 Life's gonna knock you down plenty. 336 00:13:41,027 --> 00:13:43,892 And if you don't have family there to help you back up, 337 00:13:43,926 --> 00:13:46,135 who will? 338 00:13:46,170 --> 00:13:48,551 We look out for each other. 339 00:13:49,898 --> 00:13:51,865 - [scoffs] Grifter logic. 340 00:13:52,866 --> 00:13:54,040 - Whoa, give me your keys. 341 00:13:54,074 --> 00:13:57,906 - Oh, so now you're after my car, huh? 342 00:13:57,940 --> 00:13:59,873 Well, don't try and follow me. 343 00:13:59,908 --> 00:14:04,050 I'm going to Build-A-Bear, where everybody knows my name. 344 00:14:13,576 --> 00:14:15,889 - You're drunk, Neville. You're not going anywhere. 345 00:14:15,924 --> 00:14:18,202 - Oh, no, you're mistaken. 346 00:14:18,236 --> 00:14:20,721 I'm drunk, and I'm going everywhere. 347 00:14:20,756 --> 00:14:22,862 - Come on, man, open up! 348 00:14:22,896 --> 00:14:26,417 - Unfortunately, I just found out that I hate you. 349 00:14:26,451 --> 00:14:29,420 Please respect my privacy at this time. 350 00:14:30,662 --> 00:14:31,974 - I'm old, man. 351 00:14:34,045 --> 00:14:35,944 Don't make me do this. 352 00:14:35,978 --> 00:14:38,222 - The Nev does what he wants. 353 00:14:38,256 --> 00:14:40,534 Back off. [engine turning over] 354 00:14:40,569 --> 00:14:42,191 [screams] 355 00:14:42,226 --> 00:14:44,331 [whimpering] 356 00:14:46,057 --> 00:14:47,714 Ahh-ahh-ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! 357 00:14:47,748 --> 00:14:50,027 Ow! Ow! Ow! 358 00:14:50,061 --> 00:14:53,133 What the hell, man? Get out of my car. 359 00:14:53,168 --> 00:14:54,721 - You need to go home. 360 00:14:54,755 --> 00:14:55,790 Start walking. 361 00:14:55,825 --> 00:14:57,103 - What's going on here? 362 00:14:57,137 --> 00:14:58,725 I heard a woman scream. 363 00:14:58,759 --> 00:15:01,383 - Yeah, well, I have a natural falsetto. 364 00:15:01,417 --> 00:15:04,800 And my idiot brother-in-law punched my car 365 00:15:04,834 --> 00:15:06,733 and pulled me out. 366 00:15:06,767 --> 00:15:08,079 - Were you gonna drive in this condition? 367 00:15:08,114 --> 00:15:09,667 - Oh, no, sir, he was not. 368 00:15:09,701 --> 00:15:10,840 I wanted to borrow his car. 369 00:15:10,875 --> 00:15:12,842 He was trying to stop me. 370 00:15:12,877 --> 00:15:14,844 - I need you to step over here 371 00:15:14,879 --> 00:15:18,055 while I handle this, okay? 372 00:15:18,089 --> 00:15:19,470 Were you two fighting? 373 00:15:19,504 --> 00:15:21,955 - Yes, sir, but it's my bad. I started it. 374 00:15:21,990 --> 00:15:23,577 - Have you been drinking? 375 00:15:23,612 --> 00:15:25,959 - Oh, I had a couple, but I was just gonna sit here 376 00:15:25,994 --> 00:15:28,065 and sober up. 377 00:15:28,099 --> 00:15:29,963 - I gotta take you in. 378 00:15:29,998 --> 00:15:31,620 Driving under the influence. 379 00:15:31,654 --> 00:15:32,862 - What? 380 00:15:32,897 --> 00:15:34,312 I wasn't even driving. 381 00:15:34,347 --> 00:15:36,452 I was sitting under the influence. 382 00:15:36,487 --> 00:15:38,282 I do that every night. 383 00:15:38,316 --> 00:15:40,940 - Sir, the law states that if you're inebriated 384 00:15:40,974 --> 00:15:42,079 behind the wheel of a vehicle 385 00:15:42,113 --> 00:15:43,459 and the keys are in the ignition, 386 00:15:43,494 --> 00:15:44,495 that's a DUI. 387 00:15:44,529 --> 00:15:47,498 Step out. 388 00:15:47,532 --> 00:15:51,502 - Hey, do you mind if I call his wife first? 389 00:15:51,536 --> 00:15:52,710 - Make it quick. 390 00:15:52,744 --> 00:15:54,298 - Thank you. 391 00:15:56,162 --> 00:15:58,371 Jackie, Jackie, come down to the Lobo 392 00:15:58,405 --> 00:16:00,200 and get Neville. 393 00:16:00,235 --> 00:16:01,995 No, I can't bring him home. 394 00:16:02,030 --> 00:16:03,548 I'm--we're still doing this, right? 395 00:16:03,583 --> 00:16:06,827 - Oh, yeah. - I'm going to jail. 396 00:16:06,862 --> 00:16:10,797 [bluesy harmonica music] 397 00:16:10,831 --> 00:16:12,833 - Do you have any idea what you've done to me? 398 00:16:13,903 --> 00:16:15,975 James is a nightmare. 399 00:16:16,009 --> 00:16:17,942 - Oh, I know, right? 400 00:16:20,082 --> 00:16:22,015 - Is that your idea of an apology? 401 00:16:22,050 --> 00:16:24,707 - Is it not coming off like that? 402 00:16:25,915 --> 00:16:27,641 All right, look, I'm sorry. 403 00:16:27,676 --> 00:16:29,540 I didn't realize how needy the guy was. 404 00:16:29,574 --> 00:16:31,024 - Needy? 405 00:16:31,059 --> 00:16:32,750 He thinks we're gonna be roommates 406 00:16:32,784 --> 00:16:34,648 and then move off campus to a tiny house 407 00:16:34,683 --> 00:16:37,134 on his dad's land. 408 00:16:37,168 --> 00:16:40,137 I can't fit in a tiny house. Look at me. 409 00:16:40,171 --> 00:16:42,760 - I just knew how excited you were 410 00:16:42,794 --> 00:16:44,658 to move to a big city and experience 411 00:16:44,693 --> 00:16:46,833 a more open gay culture. 412 00:16:46,867 --> 00:16:49,698 - So you got me a gay guy? 413 00:16:49,732 --> 00:16:52,149 - Well, no, he was just the first one. 414 00:16:52,183 --> 00:16:53,564 I was gonna get you a bunch of them, 415 00:16:53,598 --> 00:16:55,738 and then you'd have, like, a whole culture. 416 00:16:59,225 --> 00:17:01,572 - You have to get me out of this. 417 00:17:02,814 --> 00:17:04,954 - All right, well, just tell him you're not interested. 418 00:17:04,989 --> 00:17:07,785 - No, he's sweet and I don't want to hurt him. 419 00:17:07,819 --> 00:17:09,890 But I also don't want to spend my whole freshman year 420 00:17:09,925 --> 00:17:11,720 with him following me around. 421 00:17:11,753 --> 00:17:14,550 You've got to break up with him for me. 422 00:17:14,585 --> 00:17:16,069 - You know, I really don't feel comfortable 423 00:17:16,104 --> 00:17:17,656 getting involved in your personal life. 424 00:17:21,281 --> 00:17:23,973 All right, we'll text him. 425 00:17:24,008 --> 00:17:25,699 Okay. 426 00:17:25,733 --> 00:17:27,425 Uh, okay, "Dear James"-- 427 00:17:27,460 --> 00:17:28,461 - What are you doing? 428 00:17:28,494 --> 00:17:30,428 You can't say "dear." 429 00:17:30,463 --> 00:17:31,740 He hears that, and the next thing, 430 00:17:31,774 --> 00:17:33,362 he's at the jewelry store buying a ring 431 00:17:33,397 --> 00:17:35,399 and lining up a surrogate for our baby. 432 00:17:35,433 --> 00:17:38,195 - All right, okay, calm down. 433 00:17:38,229 --> 00:17:42,233 All right, we'll just keep it simple. 434 00:17:42,268 --> 00:17:44,787 "I'm sorry. 435 00:17:44,822 --> 00:17:48,481 "It's not going to work out. 436 00:17:48,515 --> 00:17:50,172 XOXO." 437 00:17:51,622 --> 00:17:53,244 - I'll do it. 438 00:17:53,279 --> 00:17:55,626 Now I can see why it took you 20 years to break up with Dad. 439 00:17:57,490 --> 00:18:00,113 - Uh, it would have gone a lot faster if you hadn't been all, 440 00:18:00,148 --> 00:18:03,012 "I need a father. Wah-wah-wah." 441 00:18:06,257 --> 00:18:07,638 - Here's your aspirin. 442 00:18:07,672 --> 00:18:09,467 - Oh, thank you. 443 00:18:09,502 --> 00:18:12,505 My head is killing me. 444 00:18:12,539 --> 00:18:14,058 Hey! 445 00:18:15,991 --> 00:18:18,027 - That's for putting Jackie through hell. 446 00:18:18,062 --> 00:18:19,926 - Oh, I know. 447 00:18:19,960 --> 00:18:21,790 I'm just glad she forgave me. 448 00:18:23,067 --> 00:18:25,276 Hey! 449 00:18:25,311 --> 00:18:26,691 - And that's for making my husband 450 00:18:26,726 --> 00:18:27,692 spend the night in jail. 451 00:18:27,727 --> 00:18:29,315 - Ow. 452 00:18:29,349 --> 00:18:33,664 Hit me one more time and I'm calling Mom. 453 00:18:33,698 --> 00:18:35,528 - All right, he's out. 454 00:18:35,562 --> 00:18:37,668 He's got a new suit, 50 bucks in his pocket, 455 00:18:37,702 --> 00:18:39,048 looking for honest work. 456 00:18:40,326 --> 00:18:41,879 - Jail is different now. 457 00:18:41,913 --> 00:18:43,294 They asked for my pronouns. 458 00:18:47,540 --> 00:18:49,507 - I'd like a moment with Dan. 459 00:18:49,542 --> 00:18:51,854 - Oh, sure. - Oh, yeah, yeah. 460 00:18:51,889 --> 00:18:53,649 - Ow. 461 00:18:53,684 --> 00:18:55,548 - Be nice. 462 00:18:55,582 --> 00:18:56,963 - Can I borrow that? I'm gonna need that later. 463 00:18:56,997 --> 00:18:59,517 - Mm-hmm. 464 00:19:00,932 --> 00:19:02,451 - I'm so sorry, Dan. 465 00:19:02,486 --> 00:19:04,281 I can't believe I put you in that position. 466 00:19:04,315 --> 00:19:06,559 - It wasn't that bad. 467 00:19:06,593 --> 00:19:09,527 I saw a friend of mine from high school in there. 468 00:19:09,562 --> 00:19:11,633 He was voted most likely to become a heroin addict, 469 00:19:11,667 --> 00:19:13,186 and he is. 470 00:19:14,567 --> 00:19:16,465 - Well, I can't thank you enough 471 00:19:16,500 --> 00:19:20,020 for not letting me drive, but why take the DUI for me? 472 00:19:20,055 --> 00:19:21,919 - Simple. 473 00:19:21,953 --> 00:19:24,301 Hardware store guy gets thrown in jail for being drunk, 474 00:19:24,335 --> 00:19:25,750 who cares? 475 00:19:25,785 --> 00:19:27,821 Happens to a veterinarian in a small town, 476 00:19:27,856 --> 00:19:29,375 that's news. 477 00:19:29,409 --> 00:19:31,411 - That's true. I could have lost my practice. 478 00:19:31,446 --> 00:19:33,827 - I tried to explain this to you last night. 479 00:19:33,862 --> 00:19:35,174 You're family. 480 00:19:35,208 --> 00:19:37,693 This is what family does for each other, 481 00:19:37,728 --> 00:19:40,213 even if it means sleeping next to a heroin addict 482 00:19:40,248 --> 00:19:41,697 who thinks you're his dead grandmother 483 00:19:41,732 --> 00:19:43,665 who's trying to kill him. 484 00:19:43,699 --> 00:19:46,426 - [chuckles] 485 00:19:46,461 --> 00:19:48,117 Well, when you spend years and years 486 00:19:48,152 --> 00:19:50,913 in a family like mine, I guess it just takes some time 487 00:19:50,948 --> 00:19:52,398 getting used to being in a family like this. 488 00:19:52,432 --> 00:19:54,503 - You'll get the hang of it. 489 00:19:54,538 --> 00:19:57,023 Hey, let's practice right now. 490 00:19:57,057 --> 00:19:59,405 I would like to grift $500 from you 491 00:19:59,439 --> 00:20:01,648 to get a good lawyer to get this off my record. 492 00:20:04,306 --> 00:20:07,516 - Okay, I will give you the 500 bucks, 493 00:20:07,551 --> 00:20:09,587 but I really need you to get your wife 494 00:20:09,622 --> 00:20:11,451 to stop smacking me in the head. 495 00:20:16,629 --> 00:20:18,458 - Hey, spud bud. 496 00:20:18,493 --> 00:20:19,977 What's today's special? 497 00:20:20,011 --> 00:20:21,599 - Sorrow. 498 00:20:23,981 --> 00:20:26,294 Mark broke up with me. Completely unexpected. 499 00:20:26,328 --> 00:20:28,744 - Oh, I'm sorry. 500 00:20:28,779 --> 00:20:30,470 Well, you know they say it takes twice the length 501 00:20:30,505 --> 00:20:32,300 of a relationship to recover from it, 502 00:20:32,334 --> 00:20:34,992 so you're gonna have a rough couple day. 503 00:20:35,026 --> 00:20:37,270 - It's just so hard to find someone who can match 504 00:20:37,305 --> 00:20:39,134 my double Scorpio, Pisces moon energy. 505 00:20:41,654 --> 00:20:44,173 Maybe after a little time, Mark and I can try again. 506 00:20:44,208 --> 00:20:47,763 - Okay. 507 00:20:47,798 --> 00:20:50,456 There's something that you don't know about Mark. 508 00:20:50,490 --> 00:20:51,836 He's a bad kid. 509 00:20:51,871 --> 00:20:53,942 He just dresses like a minister from the 1950s 510 00:20:53,976 --> 00:20:55,668 to throw people off. 511 00:20:55,702 --> 00:20:58,326 - A bad boy, huh? 512 00:20:58,360 --> 00:21:01,018 Oh, that just makes him hotter. 513 00:21:01,052 --> 00:21:04,918 - Not if he's a bad boy who sets fires. 514 00:21:04,953 --> 00:21:07,335 - Oh, my God. 515 00:21:07,369 --> 00:21:08,991 He's an arsonist? 516 00:21:09,026 --> 00:21:12,754 Wow. I dodged a bullet. 517 00:21:12,788 --> 00:21:14,514 You know, I did sense there was a lot of dysfunction 518 00:21:14,549 --> 00:21:16,136 in your family when I met them. 519 00:21:16,171 --> 00:21:17,206 From what I could tell, you messed up 520 00:21:17,241 --> 00:21:19,001 your girl kid too. 521 00:21:22,798 --> 00:21:24,593 - I'm going over to serve green beans. 522 00:21:24,628 --> 00:21:25,698 Don't follow me. 523 00:21:27,838 --> 00:21:30,012 [child giggles]