1
00:00:01,236 --> 00:00:04,275
♪♪
2
00:00:04,275 --> 00:00:06,614
Wow. Fried chicken and donuts
for breakfast.
3
00:00:06,614 --> 00:00:09,520
Did your heart say something
that pissed you off?
4
00:00:09,520 --> 00:00:11,690
Why are you always
sticking up for my heart?
5
00:00:11,690 --> 00:00:13,895
My tastebuds could use
some support, too.
6
00:00:14,763 --> 00:00:16,734
Uh, with Louise on the road
and your sister
7
00:00:16,734 --> 00:00:18,905
over at her friend's
most of the time,
8
00:00:18,905 --> 00:00:21,042
I'm like the kid
from "Home Alone,"
9
00:00:21,042 --> 00:00:23,113
if he guzzled beer
and mainlined bacon.
10
00:00:24,448 --> 00:00:26,654
Louise's plant in the bathroom
is already dead
11
00:00:26,654 --> 00:00:27,756
because I'm not around.
12
00:00:27,756 --> 00:00:29,425
If you turn all brown
and shrivel up,
13
00:00:29,425 --> 00:00:31,530
she's gonna be
super mad at me.
14
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I can take care of myself,
thank you.
15
00:00:34,468 --> 00:00:36,907
And to what do we owe
the honor of your presence?
16
00:00:36,907 --> 00:00:39,145
I'm giving Harris a ride
to work, and along the way,
17
00:00:39,145 --> 00:00:41,917
she's gonna help me with
my paper on teenage alcoholism.
18
00:00:41,917 --> 00:00:46,459
You know, Mark, I started
drinking when I was 14,
19
00:00:46,459 --> 00:00:49,566
and I'm a little hurt that you
turned to an amateur for help.
20
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I'm sorry, there are just
so many people in this family
21
00:00:52,772 --> 00:00:53,975
who drank as children --
22
00:00:53,975 --> 00:00:56,513
it was an embarrassment
of riches.
23
00:00:56,513 --> 00:00:58,116
[ Knock on door ]
Oh, oh, oh, oh!
24
00:00:58,116 --> 00:00:59,820
Perfect timing.
That's for me.
25
00:00:59,820 --> 00:01:02,157
I got Bev a caregiver
off Craigslist.
Oh.
26
00:01:02,157 --> 00:01:03,661
I gave her your address
27
00:01:03,661 --> 00:01:05,497
'cause I don't want
sketchy people like that
28
00:01:05,497 --> 00:01:06,634
knowing where I live.
29
00:01:07,802 --> 00:01:09,171
Eileen, hi.
Hi.
30
00:01:09,171 --> 00:01:10,975
Oh, it's so nice to finally
meet you in person.
31
00:01:10,975 --> 00:01:12,211
I'm Jackie.
Hi.
32
00:01:12,211 --> 00:01:13,781
This is
my brother-in-law, Dan.
Hello.
33
00:01:13,781 --> 00:01:15,852
Come on in.
Why don't you have a seat?
Thank you.
34
00:01:15,852 --> 00:01:16,987
Um, so...
35
00:01:16,987 --> 00:01:18,156
[ Chuckling ]
Well...
36
00:01:18,156 --> 00:01:20,394
how was the first day
with Mom?
37
00:01:20,394 --> 00:01:23,266
[ Breathes sharply ]
Look, I-I-I'm not a nurse,
38
00:01:23,266 --> 00:01:27,074
and I just make extra cash, uh,
babysitting seniors.
39
00:01:27,074 --> 00:01:30,047
My wife does that for free.
[ Laughs ]
40
00:01:30,047 --> 00:01:31,850
But she gets to live
in splendor.
41
00:01:33,319 --> 00:01:35,357
A-And some of them
have memory problems,
42
00:01:35,357 --> 00:01:38,096
but this wasn't just
a confused old woman.
43
00:01:38,096 --> 00:01:41,503
This was a targeted attack
on my deepest insecurities.
44
00:01:41,503 --> 00:01:45,310
Oh, my God, she commented
on your hair.
45
00:01:45,310 --> 00:01:46,680
No.
The lazy eye?
46
00:01:46,680 --> 00:01:48,517
Maybe --
47
00:01:48,517 --> 00:01:50,120
Maybe that's enough
guesses for now.
48
00:01:50,120 --> 00:01:52,024
Let's let her
finish her story.
49
00:01:52,024 --> 00:01:53,393
I-It's not important.
50
00:01:53,393 --> 00:01:55,397
Um, I just came by to say
51
00:01:55,397 --> 00:01:58,069
that I can't take care
of your mom.
52
00:01:58,069 --> 00:01:59,740
I'd rather go back
to the dog food factory
53
00:01:59,740 --> 00:02:02,411
and feed horse skeletons
into the grinder.
54
00:02:03,547 --> 00:02:06,352
Sounds like a lateral move
to me, but that's your call.
[ Door opens ]
55
00:02:07,421 --> 00:02:10,628
[ Door closes ]
You hired her to take care
of Bev without even meeting her?
56
00:02:10,628 --> 00:02:13,133
She's the only one
I could afford, Dan.
57
00:02:13,133 --> 00:02:15,103
There's gotta be
somebody else.
58
00:02:15,103 --> 00:02:18,476
Some no-account drifter
just passing through town.
59
00:02:18,476 --> 00:02:19,646
Ohh.
60
00:02:19,646 --> 00:02:21,249
I can't afford
a registered nurse,
61
00:02:21,249 --> 00:02:23,554
so I'm doing the best I can
with what's available.
62
00:02:23,554 --> 00:02:25,958
In the meantime,
Harris, Mark,
63
00:02:25,958 --> 00:02:28,496
I need you guys to go over
and watch Bev tonight.
64
00:02:28,496 --> 00:02:29,666
No problem.
65
00:02:29,666 --> 00:02:31,670
And, uh, Harris,
you've got the late shift
66
00:02:31,670 --> 00:02:33,039
at the tattoo parlor,
67
00:02:33,039 --> 00:02:35,043
so you can do the early shift
with Bev,
68
00:02:35,043 --> 00:02:37,549
and then, Mark,
you can relieve her
69
00:02:37,549 --> 00:02:39,719
when you get off school
at 3:00 every day.
70
00:02:39,719 --> 00:02:41,088
Problem solved.
71
00:02:42,324 --> 00:02:44,261
What? Every day?
72
00:02:44,261 --> 00:02:45,397
Why is this all on us?
73
00:02:45,397 --> 00:02:46,800
Well, you guys were concerned
about her,
74
00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:50,541
and she trusts you, and she paid
for your computer camp.
75
00:02:51,510 --> 00:02:54,081
Gave you her
dead husband's watch.
76
00:02:54,081 --> 00:02:55,751
Well, no, I understand.
77
00:02:55,751 --> 00:02:57,354
You kids have a life
of your own.
78
00:02:57,354 --> 00:02:58,958
You like to make
your little TikToks
79
00:02:58,958 --> 00:03:02,832
and watch your
Korean boy bands, so...
80
00:03:02,832 --> 00:03:05,036
I-I'll -- I'll call you
when she's dead.
81
00:03:06,305 --> 00:03:07,508
Okay, fine.
Fine.
82
00:03:07,508 --> 00:03:09,411
We'll do it.
Fine.
83
00:03:09,411 --> 00:03:11,082
Only if you want to.
84
00:03:12,752 --> 00:03:14,823
What's going on, Jackie?
[ Door opens ]
85
00:03:14,823 --> 00:03:16,459
Can't you ask Neville
to kick in...
[ Door closes ]
86
00:03:16,459 --> 00:03:18,764
...or maybe move her in
with you guys?
87
00:03:18,764 --> 00:03:20,467
I'm not burdening him
with the cost
88
00:03:20,467 --> 00:03:23,172
of taking care
of my horrible mother.
89
00:03:23,172 --> 00:03:26,345
And there's no way
she's living with me.
90
00:03:26,345 --> 00:03:27,815
I finally found someone
91
00:03:27,815 --> 00:03:30,287
who loves and accepts me
unconditionally.
92
00:03:30,287 --> 00:03:33,359
If I let her in the house,
she'll just destroy that.
93
00:03:33,359 --> 00:03:35,765
That's what she does.
94
00:03:35,765 --> 00:03:37,702
Birds gotta swim,
fish gotta fly.
95
00:03:37,702 --> 00:03:38,704
Mm.
96
00:03:39,706 --> 00:03:41,042
Yeah.
97
00:03:41,042 --> 00:03:44,148
♪♪
98
00:03:44,148 --> 00:03:46,653
Mmmmm. Food.
99
00:03:50,160 --> 00:03:52,999
[ Whispering ] Don't move.
There's a bear in the kitchen.
100
00:03:54,502 --> 00:03:55,771
God, Dad.
101
00:03:55,771 --> 00:03:58,577
You taking care of yourself
with Louise out of town?
102
00:03:58,577 --> 00:03:59,946
It's sausage, not heroin.
103
00:03:59,946 --> 00:04:01,783
I'm fine.
104
00:04:01,783 --> 00:04:03,219
Well,
they'll both kill you.
105
00:04:03,219 --> 00:04:05,023
It's just a matter
of how many pallbearers
106
00:04:05,023 --> 00:04:07,427
it takes to lift
the coffin.
107
00:04:07,427 --> 00:04:09,866
Hey, Dad.
Hey.
108
00:04:09,866 --> 00:04:12,170
Glad I caught you.
109
00:04:12,170 --> 00:04:14,876
Have I told you how much
I appreciate
110
00:04:14,876 --> 00:04:18,383
you building this house for me
and how perfect it is?
111
00:04:18,383 --> 00:04:20,353
No, you have not.
112
00:04:20,353 --> 00:04:22,491
Okay, here's why...
113
00:04:22,491 --> 00:04:25,931
So, the plumbing is making
terrible noises.
114
00:04:25,931 --> 00:04:28,169
Now, I-I'm grateful
that you did it all for free,
115
00:04:28,169 --> 00:04:31,710
but free doesn't
have to mean crappy.
116
00:04:31,710 --> 00:04:34,448
I'm sure they're not
terrible noises.
117
00:04:34,448 --> 00:04:37,622
[ Scoffs lightly ]
Mark, shower!
118
00:04:38,624 --> 00:04:41,696
[ Loud rattling ]
119
00:04:41,696 --> 00:04:44,969
Mommy, the wall monsters
are back!
120
00:04:44,969 --> 00:04:46,105
[ Gasps ]
121
00:04:46,105 --> 00:04:47,407
It's okay, honey.
122
00:04:47,407 --> 00:04:50,013
It's just Grandpa's
half-assed workmanship.
123
00:04:50,013 --> 00:04:51,917
Hey, I did it right.
124
00:04:51,917 --> 00:04:54,556
I'll come over and see what's
going on when I get free later.
125
00:04:54,556 --> 00:04:56,993
Oh, hey, look, Dan, I know
you got a lot on your plate,
126
00:04:56,993 --> 00:04:59,666
so if you want, I can take
a shot at fixing it.
127
00:04:59,666 --> 00:05:01,536
Absolutely not!
128
00:05:01,536 --> 00:05:04,308
"Taking a shot"
does not inspire confidence.
129
00:05:04,308 --> 00:05:07,314
"Ah, we've begun our descent
into Chicago.
130
00:05:07,314 --> 00:05:13,059
Uh, we're gonna take a shot
at landing this plane. Uhhh."
131
00:05:13,059 --> 00:05:15,096
"Uh, this is
your co-pilot.
132
00:05:15,096 --> 00:05:18,102
Relax, sit back,
and kiss my ass."
133
00:05:19,739 --> 00:05:22,912
Oh, you got
an extra house key?
134
00:05:22,912 --> 00:05:24,014
Oh, that's not necessary.
135
00:05:24,014 --> 00:05:25,718
I'm gonna be home all day.
136
00:05:25,718 --> 00:05:29,291
For if I get over here late
when you guys are all asleep.
137
00:05:29,291 --> 00:05:31,796
Well, why can't you just
come over after work?
138
00:05:31,796 --> 00:05:33,567
Chuck and I planned
a guys' night.
139
00:05:33,567 --> 00:05:35,905
We're gonna go bowling,
shoot pool,
140
00:05:35,905 --> 00:05:37,608
and maybe hit
the all-night diner
141
00:05:37,608 --> 00:05:39,579
for a pancake nightcap.
142
00:05:39,579 --> 00:05:41,448
Wow.
When the cat's away,
143
00:05:41,448 --> 00:05:45,490
the old, creaky mouse
rolls off the couch to play.
144
00:05:45,490 --> 00:05:46,593
Yeah, I'm not gonna sit
at home
145
00:05:46,593 --> 00:05:49,532
waiting for my woman
to come off her tour.
146
00:05:49,532 --> 00:05:52,672
And there's nobody at the house
to worry about it anymore,
147
00:05:52,672 --> 00:05:54,408
so my time to howl.
148
00:05:54,408 --> 00:05:55,811
Alright, well,
the keys are there,
149
00:05:55,811 --> 00:05:57,548
but just don't overdo it.
150
00:05:57,548 --> 00:05:59,519
Please be sure to check
your blood pressure,
151
00:05:59,519 --> 00:06:01,021
wear
your compression socks,
152
00:06:01,021 --> 00:06:04,294
and, you know, send us a pin of
wherever you're going to be.
153
00:06:04,294 --> 00:06:06,866
Otherwise, rage on, dude.
154
00:06:06,866 --> 00:06:08,436
♪♪
155
00:06:08,436 --> 00:06:11,442
-- Captions by VITAC --
156
00:06:11,442 --> 00:06:19,726
♪♪
157
00:06:19,726 --> 00:06:28,009
♪♪
158
00:06:28,009 --> 00:06:29,177
"The Conners" is recorded
159
00:06:29,177 --> 00:06:31,315
in front
of a live studio audience.
160
00:06:31,315 --> 00:06:33,119
[ Softly ]
Okay, so what's this about?
161
00:06:34,822 --> 00:06:36,893
[ Softly ] You need to see her.
She is not good.
162
00:06:36,893 --> 00:06:38,362
And this would have been
a lot easier
163
00:06:38,362 --> 00:06:39,732
if we could have
brought her to your house.
164
00:06:39,732 --> 00:06:42,571
I told you
I don't want her
165
00:06:42,571 --> 00:06:45,844
getting her hate-dander
in my new carpet.
166
00:06:47,314 --> 00:06:50,554
Aunt Jackie, we have
a real problem here.
167
00:06:50,554 --> 00:06:52,958
I know you're
talking about me.
168
00:06:52,958 --> 00:06:56,065
I demand that you hear my side
of the story
169
00:06:56,065 --> 00:06:59,539
before these two monsters
make up more lies about me.
170
00:06:59,539 --> 00:07:00,874
What happened, Mom?
171
00:07:00,874 --> 00:07:02,678
They're liars and thieves.
172
00:07:02,678 --> 00:07:07,253
The girl one was rifling through
my scarf drawer last night.
173
00:07:07,253 --> 00:07:10,594
I was looking for something
I could use as a gag.
174
00:07:10,594 --> 00:07:11,663
An admission of guilt!
175
00:07:11,663 --> 00:07:14,000
Mom, that's Harris.
176
00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:15,838
I don't care who she is.
177
00:07:15,838 --> 00:07:18,810
She's taking things,
and so is the boy.
178
00:07:18,810 --> 00:07:21,348
Right now, he's wearing
my husband's watch
179
00:07:21,348 --> 00:07:22,818
right in front of me.
180
00:07:22,818 --> 00:07:24,989
She gave it to me.
Oh!
181
00:07:24,989 --> 00:07:26,492
Why would I do that?
182
00:07:26,492 --> 00:07:28,530
It's worth a lot of money.
183
00:07:28,530 --> 00:07:30,534
You're lucky my husband
hasn't noticed yet.
184
00:07:30,534 --> 00:07:31,803
He's got a temper.
185
00:07:31,803 --> 00:07:34,207
Mark,
give her the watch.
186
00:07:34,207 --> 00:07:35,443
And those clothes?
187
00:07:35,443 --> 00:07:37,782
They clearly came out
of my husband's closet.
188
00:07:37,782 --> 00:07:41,088
No one your age dresses
like that.
189
00:07:41,088 --> 00:07:42,758
I'm not taking off
my clothes.
190
00:07:42,758 --> 00:07:44,327
Mark, Harris, let me talk
to you guys for a second
191
00:07:44,327 --> 00:07:45,430
in the other room.
192
00:07:45,430 --> 00:07:46,966
Mom, you finish
your cereal,
193
00:07:46,966 --> 00:07:49,438
and I'll take care
of all this.
194
00:07:49,438 --> 00:07:51,308
Hey, hey, hey!
195
00:07:51,308 --> 00:07:55,249
Okay, first days
are always hard.
Hard?
196
00:07:55,249 --> 00:07:57,655
Last night, she turned off
the lights and lit candles
197
00:07:57,655 --> 00:07:59,792
so the Germans wouldn't see us
during The Blitz.
198
00:08:00,961 --> 00:08:02,631
She thought she was
a young girl in England.
199
00:08:02,631 --> 00:08:03,934
She's never even been
to England.
200
00:08:03,934 --> 00:08:06,973
So just play along
with her little stories.
201
00:08:06,973 --> 00:08:08,309
There's no harm in that.
202
00:08:08,309 --> 00:08:10,346
Is there harm in her running out
of the house last night
203
00:08:10,346 --> 00:08:13,118
and trying to bum cigarettes
from cars that are driving by?
204
00:08:13,118 --> 00:08:15,156
Oh, my God.
205
00:08:15,156 --> 00:08:16,893
Did somebody
almost hit her?
206
00:08:18,830 --> 00:08:20,934
We know the answer
you'd like to hear, but no.
207
00:08:20,934 --> 00:08:22,437
And it was really scary.
208
00:08:22,437 --> 00:08:23,707
We can't keep doing this.
[ Sighs ]
209
00:08:23,707 --> 00:08:24,842
We don't want
to be responsible
210
00:08:24,842 --> 00:08:26,445
if something really bad
happens.
211
00:08:26,445 --> 00:08:28,249
You need to get
a real nurse.
212
00:08:28,249 --> 00:08:29,552
Mm.
And a strong one.
213
00:08:29,552 --> 00:08:31,623
She's 96,
but she's powered by Ensure
214
00:08:31,623 --> 00:08:32,725
and generational evil.
215
00:08:32,725 --> 00:08:34,896
Yeah. I hear you.
216
00:08:34,896 --> 00:08:36,566
Okay, I think I know
the answer to this,
217
00:08:36,566 --> 00:08:38,202
but I'm gonna
ask it anyway.
218
00:08:40,607 --> 00:08:44,314
Is this something that could be
solved with...
219
00:08:44,314 --> 00:08:45,651
baby gates?
220
00:08:46,853 --> 00:08:51,094
♪♪
221
00:08:51,094 --> 00:08:52,163
Dad?
222
00:08:53,299 --> 00:08:54,367
Hey.
223
00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:55,469
Dad.
224
00:08:57,140 --> 00:08:58,142
What time is it?
225
00:08:58,142 --> 00:08:59,277
It's 9:00 am.
226
00:08:59,277 --> 00:09:00,847
Holy cow.
227
00:09:02,083 --> 00:09:06,559
I started working on the pipes,
and I guess I conked out.
228
00:09:06,559 --> 00:09:09,097
I haven't slept that hard
in a long time.
229
00:09:09,097 --> 00:09:11,335
Beverly Rose,
Grandpa's here!
230
00:09:11,335 --> 00:09:13,205
You can brush
your teeth now!
231
00:09:14,441 --> 00:09:16,211
Thanks
for fixing it, Dad.
Mm.
232
00:09:16,211 --> 00:09:17,514
[ Loud rattling ]
233
00:09:17,514 --> 00:09:20,319
[ Beverly Rose screams ]
234
00:09:20,319 --> 00:09:22,323
Turn it off!
235
00:09:22,323 --> 00:09:23,526
I thought you fixed it?
236
00:09:23,526 --> 00:09:27,333
Sorry. But I did look at it,
and I realize now
237
00:09:27,333 --> 00:09:29,639
it's a lot more complicated
than I thought.
238
00:09:29,639 --> 00:09:31,809
I'm gonna have to come back here
again tonight.
239
00:09:31,809 --> 00:09:33,412
Yes, please.
240
00:09:33,412 --> 00:09:36,184
Beverly Rose had to sleep
with me again last night.
241
00:09:36,184 --> 00:09:38,122
She's a kicker.
She's a hitter.
242
00:09:38,122 --> 00:09:41,495
It's like trying to spoon
with a tiny cage fighter.
243
00:09:41,495 --> 00:09:43,132
Look, Dad,
if it's too hard,
244
00:09:43,132 --> 00:09:45,169
I can just hire someone
to help with the pipes.
245
00:09:45,169 --> 00:09:46,706
Oh, I don't need help.
246
00:09:46,706 --> 00:09:48,543
And I've got the key,
247
00:09:48,543 --> 00:09:50,614
so I won't bother you
when I come in late.
248
00:09:50,614 --> 00:09:52,250
Late again tonight?
249
00:09:52,250 --> 00:09:53,720
I'm getting straight A's,
Mom.
250
00:09:53,720 --> 00:09:56,759
Why can't I hang out late
with the other kids? Gawd!
251
00:09:58,763 --> 00:09:59,865
This is crazy.
[ Door closes ]
252
00:09:59,865 --> 00:10:02,136
He's going out every night
drinking.
253
00:10:02,136 --> 00:10:04,074
He's going
to his old white man raves
254
00:10:04,074 --> 00:10:06,144
or whatever he's doing.
255
00:10:06,144 --> 00:10:07,380
Yeah, we gotta watch him.
256
00:10:07,380 --> 00:10:09,050
Mark told me he was eating
fried chicken
257
00:10:09,050 --> 00:10:10,252
for breakfast
the other day.
258
00:10:10,252 --> 00:10:11,354
He's clearly not sleeping.
259
00:10:11,354 --> 00:10:13,459
He's not in good enough shape
to have fun.
260
00:10:13,459 --> 00:10:15,062
♪♪
261
00:10:17,768 --> 00:10:19,370
♪♪
262
00:10:19,370 --> 00:10:22,778
Hey. Any luck finding
a caregiver for Bev?
263
00:10:22,778 --> 00:10:24,447
If you don't,
Mark's going up the river
264
00:10:24,447 --> 00:10:27,755
for stealing every gift
she's ever given him.
265
00:10:27,755 --> 00:10:30,159
I did find one.
266
00:10:30,159 --> 00:10:32,363
She should be here any minute
for the interview.
267
00:10:32,363 --> 00:10:33,566
One?!
268
00:10:33,566 --> 00:10:35,570
You were supposed to
narrow it down to four or five.
269
00:10:35,570 --> 00:10:37,240
Well, I tried.
270
00:10:37,240 --> 00:10:38,308
First, I picked out
all the ones
271
00:10:38,308 --> 00:10:40,079
with keywords
in their résumé like,
272
00:10:40,079 --> 00:10:42,651
"caring," "compassionate,"
"love," "God."
273
00:10:42,651 --> 00:10:44,688
Then I tossed them 'cause
she'd just peck 'em clean
274
00:10:44,688 --> 00:10:47,594
'til there was nothing left
but bones and hair.
275
00:10:47,594 --> 00:10:49,665
So, why this one?
276
00:10:49,665 --> 00:10:51,803
Well, 'cause she's got
impeccable credentials
277
00:10:51,803 --> 00:10:54,374
working in memory care,
and she knows martial arts.
278
00:10:54,374 --> 00:10:56,244
Eventually, the job's
going to require force
279
00:10:56,244 --> 00:10:57,948
rather than explanation.
280
00:10:57,948 --> 00:10:59,985
Oh, my God!
[ Chuckles ]
281
00:10:59,985 --> 00:11:00,987
What?
282
00:11:00,987 --> 00:11:03,125
You see how much
she charges?
283
00:11:03,125 --> 00:11:05,429
Even if I put Bev
in a daycare facility,
284
00:11:05,429 --> 00:11:08,035
I'm still gonna need this woman
for, like, 12 hours a night.
285
00:11:08,035 --> 00:11:10,172
That's like
300 bucks a day.
286
00:11:10,172 --> 00:11:12,644
What is that a year?!
Somebody do the math!
287
00:11:14,648 --> 00:11:17,086
Look, this is her.
Just be chill.
[ Door closes ]
288
00:11:17,086 --> 00:11:18,556
Hi. I'm Darlene.
Hi.
289
00:11:18,556 --> 00:11:20,392
Please sit anywhere.
We'll just be a minute.
290
00:11:20,392 --> 00:11:21,762
Okay.
Oh, my God.
291
00:11:21,762 --> 00:11:24,568
Don't tell her to sit down.
I can't afford her.
292
00:11:24,568 --> 00:11:27,674
Bev is running into the
middle of the street, Jackie.
Ohh!
293
00:11:27,674 --> 00:11:29,277
You need someone
to keep her safe.
294
00:11:29,277 --> 00:11:31,147
Why? She didn't do that
for me or Roseanne.
295
00:11:31,147 --> 00:11:34,087
She would leave us with
our crazy rageaholic father,
296
00:11:34,087 --> 00:11:37,426
or else stash us at Nana Mary's
for months at a time
297
00:11:37,426 --> 00:11:39,698
while she was off doing
God knows what.
298
00:11:39,698 --> 00:11:41,301
Alright, well,
the other option
299
00:11:41,301 --> 00:11:44,808
is to put her
in a crowded state facility,
300
00:11:44,808 --> 00:11:46,812
and, yeah, she hasn't
always been a saint,
301
00:11:46,812 --> 00:11:48,716
but I don't think
you want that.
302
00:11:50,085 --> 00:11:53,125
Mm. I maybe want that.
303
00:11:53,125 --> 00:11:56,632
I mean, it could thin out
once everybody got to know her.
304
00:11:56,632 --> 00:11:58,035
Aunt Jackie.
I know.
305
00:11:58,035 --> 00:11:59,304
I know.
306
00:11:59,304 --> 00:12:02,476
Damn her for putting me
in this situation.
307
00:12:02,476 --> 00:12:03,846
She never saved a dime,
308
00:12:03,846 --> 00:12:05,249
knowing that her kids
would have to take care of her.
309
00:12:05,249 --> 00:12:08,823
She's always been selfish
and narcissistic.
310
00:12:08,823 --> 00:12:11,328
Mm.
So, her name's Carrie,
311
00:12:11,328 --> 00:12:13,633
and she grew up
just outside of Lanford,
312
00:12:13,633 --> 00:12:16,471
so she's a local,
and she's a quilter.
313
00:12:16,471 --> 00:12:17,808
Thanks for waiting.
314
00:12:17,808 --> 00:12:20,012
Well, caring for people
suffering from dementia
315
00:12:20,012 --> 00:12:21,582
requires
a lot of patience.
316
00:12:21,582 --> 00:12:23,285
Yeah.
Save the spiel.
317
00:12:23,285 --> 00:12:24,722
I'm Jackie.
I'm the daughter.
318
00:12:24,722 --> 00:12:27,259
Um, so let's
get down to it.
319
00:12:27,259 --> 00:12:29,999
Obviously,
you're qualified.
320
00:12:29,999 --> 00:12:32,269
Uh, but for what
you charge,
321
00:12:32,269 --> 00:12:34,541
you're gonna have to actually
cure her dementia,
322
00:12:34,541 --> 00:12:38,883
and, uh, even so, I-I'm not
really sure it's worth it.
323
00:12:38,883 --> 00:12:40,854
Well, I know this is a
difficult time for you, Jackie.
324
00:12:40,854 --> 00:12:43,125
It's a big financial burden.
325
00:12:43,125 --> 00:12:44,695
But I'm highly trained,
326
00:12:44,695 --> 00:12:46,164
and there's nothing
your mom can throw at me
327
00:12:46,164 --> 00:12:47,934
that I can't handle.
328
00:12:47,934 --> 00:12:49,437
You'll
get to stop worrying,
329
00:12:49,437 --> 00:12:51,709
and I'll give her the care
and dignity she deserves.
330
00:12:51,709 --> 00:12:53,579
Okay, well,
what if we did the care
331
00:12:53,579 --> 00:12:55,482
and then, the dignity,
we just...
332
00:12:55,482 --> 00:12:58,055
But what
would that cost me?
333
00:12:58,055 --> 00:12:59,323
Look, give me a week.
334
00:12:59,323 --> 00:13:00,660
If you don't think
it's worth it,
335
00:13:00,660 --> 00:13:03,599
at the worst, your mom got
one good week of care.
336
00:13:03,599 --> 00:13:05,269
Mm.
Well, yeah.
337
00:13:05,269 --> 00:13:06,705
I mean,
I do like the idea
338
00:13:06,705 --> 00:13:08,543
of my mom
getting used to good care
339
00:13:08,543 --> 00:13:09,945
and then taking it away.
340
00:13:11,549 --> 00:13:13,118
It's refreshing
you don't even try
341
00:13:13,118 --> 00:13:15,456
to cover up
your resentment.
342
00:13:15,456 --> 00:13:17,426
Oh, no, this is her covering up
her resentment.
343
00:13:18,729 --> 00:13:21,735
So, I'll call you later
with the details.
344
00:13:21,735 --> 00:13:23,138
Thank you.
345
00:13:23,138 --> 00:13:25,175
I'll see you
tomorrow night.
Mm.
346
00:13:26,144 --> 00:13:27,379
I can't believe
347
00:13:27,379 --> 00:13:29,785
I'm actually even considering
doing this.
348
00:13:29,785 --> 00:13:32,791
I'm gonna have to spend
every dime I've ever saved.
349
00:13:32,791 --> 00:13:36,097
Maybe even take out a loan
against the restaurant.
350
00:13:36,097 --> 00:13:37,834
Oh, man, now that I know
what it costs,
351
00:13:37,834 --> 00:13:40,673
maybe I should let my dad eat
whatever he wants.
352
00:13:40,673 --> 00:13:43,880
♪♪
353
00:13:43,880 --> 00:13:45,984
I don't want to wake him up,
but he's on my calculus book.
354
00:13:45,984 --> 00:13:47,353
I really need it.
355
00:13:47,353 --> 00:13:49,892
Well, think about how grumpy
he gets when you wake him up,
356
00:13:49,892 --> 00:13:51,161
and then ask yourself,
357
00:13:51,161 --> 00:13:54,200
"Am I ever really gonna use
calculus?"
358
00:13:54,200 --> 00:13:56,672
Just pull it out real fast,
you know,
359
00:13:56,672 --> 00:13:58,408
like that tablecloth trick.
360
00:14:01,882 --> 00:14:04,086
Wow.
I-I think it really helps
361
00:14:04,086 --> 00:14:05,690
when the tablecloth
is hungover.
362
00:14:05,690 --> 00:14:07,026
[ Chuckles ]
363
00:14:08,228 --> 00:14:09,230
Well, he's gotta
go to work.
364
00:14:09,230 --> 00:14:11,100
We have to wake him up,
right?
365
00:14:11,100 --> 00:14:13,839
Hey.
Come on, buddy.
366
00:14:13,839 --> 00:14:14,908
We got a pallet...
[ Door closes ]
367
00:14:14,908 --> 00:14:17,479
...full of low-flush toilets
to unload.
368
00:14:17,479 --> 00:14:18,749
[ Sighs ]
369
00:14:18,749 --> 00:14:21,989
You know, when I hear out loud
what I do for a living,
370
00:14:21,989 --> 00:14:23,325
I get a little sad.
371
00:14:24,561 --> 00:14:26,532
I need to sleep.
372
00:14:26,532 --> 00:14:28,936
Go away.
I'll finish the pipes tonight.
373
00:14:34,581 --> 00:14:35,850
This is not like my dad.
374
00:14:35,850 --> 00:14:37,453
He's an early riser.
375
00:14:37,453 --> 00:14:40,660
Now he can't even get up off
the couch and he's disoriented?
Mm.
376
00:14:40,660 --> 00:14:42,731
I'm gonna let him sleep now,
but, you know,
377
00:14:42,731 --> 00:14:44,968
we gotta ambush him
at his place later.
378
00:14:44,968 --> 00:14:46,437
I'm not gonna let him keep doing
what he's doing
379
00:14:46,437 --> 00:14:47,874
all the way to the hospital.
380
00:14:47,874 --> 00:14:49,110
Well, it's a good idea,
381
00:14:49,110 --> 00:14:50,445
but I'm gonna
leave that up to you guys
382
00:14:50,445 --> 00:14:51,982
'cause
I double-dog-dared him
383
00:14:51,982 --> 00:14:53,586
to eat 12 Slim Jims
yesterday,
384
00:14:53,586 --> 00:14:56,291
so...telling him
to take care of himself
385
00:14:56,291 --> 00:14:58,295
would be kind of a mixed message
coming from me.
386
00:15:00,700 --> 00:15:03,038
[ Country music plays ]
387
00:15:03,038 --> 00:15:07,146
♪♪
388
00:15:07,146 --> 00:15:10,853
[ Cellphone ringing ]
389
00:15:10,853 --> 00:15:13,024
[ Music stops ]
390
00:15:13,024 --> 00:15:14,327
Oh, hey, Darlene.
391
00:15:14,327 --> 00:15:15,897
Everything okay?
392
00:15:17,266 --> 00:15:20,238
Great.
Can't talk right now.
393
00:15:20,238 --> 00:15:21,975
I'm at the casino.
394
00:15:23,278 --> 00:15:24,614
Yeah. Yeah.
I know.
395
00:15:24,614 --> 00:15:27,052
It sounds like that
'cause I just stepped outside.
396
00:15:27,887 --> 00:15:30,893
No, I'm totally fine.
397
00:15:30,893 --> 00:15:33,365
Yeah, I'm killing it
at the blackjack table,
398
00:15:33,365 --> 00:15:35,369
but I'll be over
later tonight.
399
00:15:37,707 --> 00:15:40,178
I gotta go.
I see some people I know.
400
00:15:44,253 --> 00:15:46,224
What the hell
is going on, Dad?
401
00:15:46,224 --> 00:15:47,727
Why wouldn't you want us
to know that you're home?
402
00:15:47,727 --> 00:15:48,729
That's my business.
403
00:15:48,729 --> 00:15:49,898
Why are you spying on me?
404
00:15:49,898 --> 00:15:52,604
We didn't come to spy.
We came to ambush.
405
00:15:53,572 --> 00:15:55,409
Because we're worried
about you.
406
00:15:55,409 --> 00:15:57,045
You're out every night
407
00:15:57,045 --> 00:16:00,252
doing fun things
I'm not invited to.
408
00:16:00,252 --> 00:16:02,657
The only night I went out
was bowling with Chuck.
409
00:16:02,657 --> 00:16:04,594
Then why do you keep
coming over so late at night
410
00:16:04,594 --> 00:16:05,763
to work on the plumbing?
411
00:16:05,763 --> 00:16:07,232
'Cause that's when I want
to do it.
412
00:16:07,232 --> 00:16:08,602
But you're not even
doing it.
413
00:16:08,602 --> 00:16:10,138
You're just falling asleep
on the couch.
414
00:16:10,138 --> 00:16:11,608
I-It doesn't make
any sense,
415
00:16:11,608 --> 00:16:13,178
unless you don't know
how to fix the pipes
416
00:16:13,178 --> 00:16:14,648
and you're just
too embarrassed to admit it.
417
00:16:14,648 --> 00:16:16,317
I know how to fix the pipes.
418
00:16:16,317 --> 00:16:19,223
I just needed to sleep,
alright?! Damn!
419
00:16:20,793 --> 00:16:22,129
I don't get it.
420
00:16:23,331 --> 00:16:24,801
[ Sighs ]
Why do you have to sleep
at our place?
421
00:16:24,801 --> 00:16:27,439
Because it's the only place
I can sleep.
422
00:16:27,439 --> 00:16:30,680
I started having trouble when
Louise went on tour last month.
423
00:16:30,680 --> 00:16:31,882
Alright,
so you miss Louise.
424
00:16:31,882 --> 00:16:33,151
Why didn't you
just tell us?
425
00:16:33,151 --> 00:16:34,654
Because that's not
the problem.
426
00:16:34,654 --> 00:16:36,892
Louise came home
for a few days last week
427
00:16:36,892 --> 00:16:38,294
and I still couldn't sleep.
428
00:16:38,294 --> 00:16:39,664
Okay, then you've
got insomnia.
429
00:16:39,664 --> 00:16:40,933
We'll get you
a sleep machine.
430
00:16:40,933 --> 00:16:42,837
No, that's not the problem
either.
431
00:16:42,837 --> 00:16:44,541
Good God, man,
throw me a bone here.
432
00:16:44,541 --> 00:16:46,077
These are good guesses.
433
00:16:47,179 --> 00:16:49,016
Look...
434
00:16:49,016 --> 00:16:51,522
ever since
your mother died,
435
00:16:51,522 --> 00:16:54,260
it started
running through my head
436
00:16:54,260 --> 00:16:56,965
that bad things
could happen to you guys
437
00:16:56,965 --> 00:16:59,638
any time
when I'm not around.
438
00:16:59,638 --> 00:17:01,942
And then you all moved out.
439
00:17:01,942 --> 00:17:05,415
And I can't sleep unless
I know you all are safe.
440
00:17:05,415 --> 00:17:08,589
Oh, my God, Dan.
441
00:17:09,858 --> 00:17:13,231
That is so sweet.
Thank you.
442
00:17:13,231 --> 00:17:14,834
I'm not talking about you,
meathead.
443
00:17:14,834 --> 00:17:16,605
I'm talking about
my family.
444
00:17:18,007 --> 00:17:20,045
You should have
just told us.
445
00:17:20,045 --> 00:17:21,314
Told you what?
446
00:17:21,314 --> 00:17:22,550
That I'm a grown man
447
00:17:22,550 --> 00:17:24,621
who's scared of his thoughts
in the night?
448
00:17:24,621 --> 00:17:27,025
You'll never hear that
from me.
449
00:17:27,025 --> 00:17:28,762
Dan, she just did.
450
00:17:29,864 --> 00:17:33,204
I'm still very tired.
Leave me alone.
451
00:17:33,204 --> 00:17:35,308
Dad, you've been around
our whole lives
452
00:17:35,308 --> 00:17:37,547
and tons of bad things
have happened.
453
00:17:38,649 --> 00:17:42,824
And we got through it because
you have done a great job
454
00:17:42,824 --> 00:17:46,097
teaching us
to be self-sufficient.
Mm.
455
00:17:46,097 --> 00:17:48,001
Except for the part where
we can't hold down a job...
[ Sighs ]
456
00:17:48,001 --> 00:17:49,638
...and have to move
back home.
457
00:17:50,673 --> 00:17:52,944
This is an easy problem
to solve, Dad.
458
00:17:52,944 --> 00:17:54,881
Just come over and stay
at our house
459
00:17:54,881 --> 00:17:56,518
until you work through this.
460
00:17:56,518 --> 00:17:58,522
No.
461
00:17:58,522 --> 00:18:01,093
I need to tough it out
and sleep in my own bed.
462
00:18:01,093 --> 00:18:02,396
Good for you.
463
00:18:02,396 --> 00:18:04,333
And you guys will take turns
sleeping on the couch
464
00:18:04,333 --> 00:18:06,571
till I can shake
this thing.
465
00:18:06,571 --> 00:18:08,609
Alright,
I'll sleep over first.
466
00:18:08,609 --> 00:18:10,780
Oh, I don't care
what happens to you.
467
00:18:10,780 --> 00:18:12,249
You can be anywhere.
468
00:18:14,186 --> 00:18:16,257
He's mean to me
because he loves me.
469
00:18:17,660 --> 00:18:19,998
Now I see
where you get it from.
470
00:18:19,998 --> 00:18:22,870
♪♪
471
00:18:22,870 --> 00:18:24,874
Oh, Carrie just texted.
472
00:18:24,874 --> 00:18:26,745
The week is up,
so she's stopping by
473
00:18:26,745 --> 00:18:28,381
to see
if I can keep her on or not,
474
00:18:28,381 --> 00:18:29,450
which I really can't.
475
00:18:29,450 --> 00:18:31,822
So, um,
what's your evening like?
476
00:18:32,724 --> 00:18:34,961
I have to babysit Grandpa
tonight.
477
00:18:34,961 --> 00:18:36,698
You people are
slowly killing me.
478
00:18:36,698 --> 00:18:38,134
Mm.
479
00:18:38,134 --> 00:18:43,010
Oh, well, uh, you didn't have
to physically return her.
480
00:18:43,010 --> 00:18:44,514
She needs fresh air.
481
00:18:44,514 --> 00:18:46,350
And I need to go over
some things with you.
482
00:18:46,350 --> 00:18:48,254
-Mm.
-Okay.
483
00:18:48,254 --> 00:18:50,492
Here we go.
Okay.
484
00:18:50,492 --> 00:18:51,494
Alright, just an update --
485
00:18:51,494 --> 00:18:53,164
her vitals are good,
she's eating better,
486
00:18:53,164 --> 00:18:55,034
and her blood pressure
is nice and low.
487
00:18:55,034 --> 00:18:57,974
Don't you got
any good news?
488
00:18:57,974 --> 00:18:59,409
She's gonna need
some physical therapy
489
00:18:59,409 --> 00:19:01,347
for that improperly healed
broken arm.
490
00:19:01,347 --> 00:19:03,017
Broken arm?
When did that happen?
491
00:19:03,017 --> 00:19:05,956
Mm. I think
a pretty good while ago.
492
00:19:05,956 --> 00:19:07,192
But you need to ask her.
493
00:19:07,192 --> 00:19:09,263
She didn't want to talk
about it.
494
00:19:09,263 --> 00:19:11,133
I just got
her medical records.
495
00:19:11,133 --> 00:19:13,572
Okay. Well, does this mention
the burns she got
496
00:19:13,572 --> 00:19:16,076
from when Dorothy
threw the water on her?
497
00:19:20,853 --> 00:19:21,922
Hello, Jackie.
[ Laughs ]
498
00:19:21,922 --> 00:19:23,559
Oh, you remember
who I am.
499
00:19:23,559 --> 00:19:27,867
Okay, so, Mom,
what is all this about
500
00:19:27,867 --> 00:19:29,637
you breaking your arm
501
00:19:29,637 --> 00:19:32,209
in 1965?
502
00:19:32,209 --> 00:19:34,012
That's before we moved in
with Nana Mary.
503
00:19:34,012 --> 00:19:35,516
We were still living
with Dad.
504
00:19:35,516 --> 00:19:39,657
5643 Christiana. Elgin.
Third floor --
505
00:19:39,657 --> 00:19:41,528
Okay. Okay.
Calm down.
506
00:19:41,528 --> 00:19:43,932
Calm down, beautiful mind.
Yeah.
507
00:19:43,932 --> 00:19:45,034
So while we're going
through this,
508
00:19:45,034 --> 00:19:46,403
you want something to eat,
or...?
509
00:19:46,403 --> 00:19:49,443
I wouldn't eat anything
in this ptomaine tabernacle.
510
00:19:49,443 --> 00:19:51,681
Mm. Moving on.
511
00:19:51,681 --> 00:19:54,888
"Patient brought in to hospital
by mother..."
512
00:19:54,888 --> 00:19:55,956
That's Nana Mary.
513
00:19:55,956 --> 00:19:58,729
"With her two young girls.
Refuses cast."
514
00:19:58,729 --> 00:20:00,933
[ Sighs ]
Well, that's why
it never healed right.
515
00:20:00,933 --> 00:20:03,939
Why in the world would you
say no to a cast?
516
00:20:03,939 --> 00:20:06,745
I don't want
to talk about this.
517
00:20:06,745 --> 00:20:08,782
How did you break your arm
in the first place?
518
00:20:08,782 --> 00:20:09,817
Why didn't Dad
bring you in?
519
00:20:09,817 --> 00:20:11,320
Where was Dad?
I don't know.
520
00:20:11,320 --> 00:20:13,457
Stop asking questions.
521
00:20:16,765 --> 00:20:20,539
Mom, did Dad do this?
522
00:20:20,539 --> 00:20:22,610
Why do you keep asking?
523
00:20:22,610 --> 00:20:24,948
I didn't want you to know
what he did.
524
00:20:24,948 --> 00:20:26,618
He was gonna hit you,
and I stopped him,
525
00:20:26,618 --> 00:20:28,287
and he broke my arm.
526
00:20:29,423 --> 00:20:30,559
Oh, my God.
527
00:20:30,559 --> 00:20:33,331
That's why we moved in
with Nana Mary.
528
00:20:33,331 --> 00:20:35,435
Well, I couldn't let him
hurt you two.
529
00:20:35,435 --> 00:20:37,673
You girls didn't do anything.
You were just little girls.
530
00:20:37,673 --> 00:20:39,076
Stop making me talk
about this.
531
00:20:39,076 --> 00:20:40,278
I need to leave.
Okay.
532
00:20:40,278 --> 00:20:42,048
Mom, Mom.
I-I just --
533
00:20:42,048 --> 00:20:44,554
I had no idea.
534
00:20:44,554 --> 00:20:46,190
Thank you.
535
00:20:50,632 --> 00:20:51,868
I-I need to go.
536
00:20:51,868 --> 00:20:53,270
Okay.
537
00:20:53,270 --> 00:20:55,709
Well, Carrie's gonna take you
home and stay with you tonight,
538
00:20:55,709 --> 00:21:00,686
and, um, she's gonna be
helping us from now on.
539
00:21:02,022 --> 00:21:05,729
Don't worry, Beverly.
I'm right here.
540
00:21:05,729 --> 00:21:09,069
Not that arm, dummy.
That's the bad arm.
541
00:21:09,069 --> 00:21:11,373
What kind
of a nurse are you?
542
00:21:14,547 --> 00:21:15,916
Come on.
543
00:21:16,951 --> 00:21:17,953
Thanks.
544
00:21:17,953 --> 00:21:19,222
Everything okay?
545
00:21:19,222 --> 00:21:23,264
Yeah.
It's just that...
546
00:21:23,264 --> 00:21:27,138
that milkshake's
gonna cost you $300.
547
00:21:27,138 --> 00:21:29,076
♪♪
548
00:21:31,781 --> 00:21:33,384
How's your stew?
549
00:21:33,384 --> 00:21:35,522
You mean the roadkill
they throw into a pot
550
00:21:35,522 --> 00:21:36,825
with a couple of carrots?
551
00:21:36,825 --> 00:21:38,060
Terrible.
552
00:21:38,060 --> 00:21:39,096
Forget about that.
553
00:21:39,096 --> 00:21:41,233
I brought you something
very special.
554
00:21:41,233 --> 00:21:43,437
Aww, you didn't have to
do that, Grandma Bev.
555
00:21:43,437 --> 00:21:46,911
You don't know this, but this
is my late husband's watch.
556
00:21:46,911 --> 00:21:48,882
I want you to have it.
557
00:21:50,619 --> 00:21:52,355
No, you don't.