1
00:00:04,281 --> 00:00:05,347
- Hey.
- Yes.
2
00:00:05,416 --> 00:00:07,282
Oh, Becky, this is Ben.
3
00:00:07,351 --> 00:00:08,584
Ben, my sister, Becky.
4
00:00:08,652 --> 00:00:10,352
- Oh.
- Perfect. I'm on break.
5
00:00:12,089 --> 00:00:14,823
- So nice to finally meet you.
- Yeah.
6
00:00:14,925 --> 00:00:17,126
So, what do you see in her?
7
00:00:18,251 --> 00:00:19,517
Uh, excuse me?
8
00:00:19,580 --> 00:00:22,493
As the first person in
the family to finally meet Ben,
9
00:00:22,540 --> 00:00:24,440
I feel a certain obligation to grill him
10
00:00:24,491 --> 00:00:25,656
and make him feel uncomfortable.
11
00:00:27,791 --> 00:00:29,991
So, are you serious about her,
12
00:00:30,060 --> 00:00:32,127
or is it just about
the disappointing sex?
13
00:00:33,430 --> 00:00:36,631
Uh, that was wildly inappropriate.
14
00:00:36,700 --> 00:00:38,366
The sex is not disappointing.
15
00:00:38,435 --> 00:00:40,668
He's a middle-aged man
doing the best that he can.
16
00:00:42,539 --> 00:00:44,906
Oh!
17
00:00:44,975 --> 00:00:47,175
Okay. I get it. The gloves are off?
18
00:00:47,244 --> 00:00:48,877
All right. Let's do this.
19
00:00:48,979 --> 00:00:50,812
Darlene won't commit to being serious
20
00:00:50,881 --> 00:00:53,415
because she's afraid to be vulnerable.
21
00:00:53,483 --> 00:00:55,550
And you seem like a lunatic.
22
00:00:56,853 --> 00:00:58,686
Okay. My turn, my turn.
23
00:00:58,789 --> 00:01:01,289
I am afraid to be vulnerable
24
00:01:01,391 --> 00:01:03,324
because he's too old
to have never been married,
25
00:01:03,427 --> 00:01:05,660
and I think there's something
broken inside there.
26
00:01:07,130 --> 00:01:09,697
Who says I'm not married?
You barely know me.
27
00:01:12,169 --> 00:01:13,735
Oh. Let's go. That's my dad.
28
00:01:13,837 --> 00:01:14,936
Oh! Why can't I meet him?
29
00:01:15,005 --> 00:01:16,504
Oh, we got to do this
one Conner at a time.
30
00:01:16,573 --> 00:01:18,173
You barely got past Becky.
31
00:01:20,577 --> 00:01:22,043
What up, Daddy-o?
32
00:01:22,112 --> 00:01:23,778
Picking up lunch for my crew.
33
00:01:23,847 --> 00:01:25,747
No need to lie to me, Dad.
34
00:01:25,816 --> 00:01:27,415
Enjoy your four meals.
35
00:01:29,953 --> 00:01:31,586
- Hey, Dan.
- Hey, Louise.
36
00:01:31,655 --> 00:01:33,354
Remember when we were
talking about your band
37
00:01:33,423 --> 00:01:35,023
and I couldn't remember
the name of that group
38
00:01:35,125 --> 00:01:36,291
I used to like?
39
00:01:36,359 --> 00:01:37,258
Found 'em.
40
00:01:37,327 --> 00:01:39,294
Oh, my God.
41
00:01:39,396 --> 00:01:41,930
Baby Huey & the Babysitters.
42
00:01:42,032 --> 00:01:43,665
"Messin' with the Kid."
43
00:01:43,767 --> 00:01:45,333
♪ You can call it what you want ♪
44
00:01:45,402 --> 00:01:48,636
♪ But I call it messin' with the kid ♪
45
00:01:48,705 --> 00:01:49,671
Wow.
46
00:01:49,739 --> 00:01:51,739
You know, right when I left Lanford,
47
00:01:51,808 --> 00:01:53,908
I got to Chicago, I sat in with them.
48
00:01:54,010 --> 00:01:56,144
- No!
- Oh, yeah.
49
00:01:56,213 --> 00:01:57,579
Then they looked over, saw me sittin'
50
00:01:57,647 --> 00:01:59,647
on the edge of the stage,
and I got thrown out.
51
00:02:01,685 --> 00:02:03,718
It's so nice to have you back.
52
00:02:03,787 --> 00:02:05,286
I remember you packing your drums
53
00:02:05,355 --> 00:02:07,455
in the back of your LeBaron
after graduation
54
00:02:07,557 --> 00:02:09,424
and heading down to Chicago
with your band.
55
00:02:09,526 --> 00:02:11,526
Yeah, that was
the beginning of the long,
56
00:02:11,561 --> 00:02:14,262
slow climb to the bottom.
57
00:02:14,331 --> 00:02:16,030
Well, I was jealous of you.
58
00:02:16,099 --> 00:02:18,366
I still kick myself for
not taking my guitar
59
00:02:18,435 --> 00:02:19,868
and hitting the road like you did.
60
00:02:19,903 --> 00:02:21,569
Mm. Don't beat yourself up.
61
00:02:21,671 --> 00:02:23,137
You were terrible.
62
00:02:24,808 --> 00:02:25,940
I'm okay with that.
63
00:02:26,009 --> 00:02:28,076
I'm kind of the Jimmy Page of drywall.
64
00:02:29,713 --> 00:02:32,814
So, I have a little
surprise for you, too.
65
00:02:32,883 --> 00:02:35,183
I have an extra ticket
for an oldies concert
66
00:02:35,252 --> 00:02:36,951
in Ravinia tomorrow night.
67
00:02:37,020 --> 00:02:38,686
You want to go with me and my buddies?
68
00:02:38,755 --> 00:02:39,787
Who's playing?
69
00:02:39,856 --> 00:02:42,123
Just a bunch of bands
from the '60s and '70s...
70
00:02:42,225 --> 00:02:44,826
what's left of 'em, anyway.
71
00:02:44,895 --> 00:02:48,663
There's, uh, Gladys Knight & the Pip,
72
00:02:48,732 --> 00:02:52,567
uh, the Two Tops,
73
00:02:52,636 --> 00:02:53,735
and a Righteous Brother.
74
00:02:55,539 --> 00:02:59,007
I'm going, on the odd chance
I get to see One Dog Night.
75
00:03:02,312 --> 00:03:05,213
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com
76
00:03:39,916 --> 00:03:41,249
"The Conners" is recorded in front of
77
00:03:41,351 --> 00:03:43,251
a live studio audience.
78
00:03:45,221 --> 00:03:47,488
Harris? What happened? Are you okay?
79
00:03:47,591 --> 00:03:49,190
She's fine. Are you the mom?
80
00:03:49,292 --> 00:03:51,593
No, I'm the aunt.
81
00:03:51,695 --> 00:03:52,961
What happened?
82
00:03:53,063 --> 00:03:54,362
She got caught drinking in the woods
83
00:03:54,464 --> 00:03:55,897
with some of her friends.
84
00:03:55,999 --> 00:03:57,365
I'm the only one who didn't get away
85
00:03:57,467 --> 00:03:58,967
because I was wearing heels.
86
00:03:59,069 --> 00:04:01,302
Why were you wearing heels in the woods?
87
00:04:01,404 --> 00:04:02,570
There was a guy there that I liked,
88
00:04:02,672 --> 00:04:04,272
and I wanted my ass to look good.
89
00:04:05,709 --> 00:04:07,809
You must be very proud.
90
00:04:07,911 --> 00:04:10,445
Thank you, Officer.
I can take it from here.
91
00:04:10,547 --> 00:04:11,946
Fine. Just tell her parents
92
00:04:12,048 --> 00:04:14,349
that she's been hanging
with a bad crowd.
93
00:04:14,451 --> 00:04:16,551
I really hope I don't have to
come back to this house again.
94
00:04:16,653 --> 00:04:18,152
That's what everyone says.
95
00:04:20,557 --> 00:04:21,990
Come back here.
96
00:04:22,092 --> 00:04:24,092
All right. Let's have the lecture.
97
00:04:24,194 --> 00:04:26,794
Yeah, you're gonna get a lecture.
98
00:04:26,896 --> 00:04:28,830
First, you got to figure out
your escape route
99
00:04:28,932 --> 00:04:30,898
before you get hammered.
100
00:04:31,001 --> 00:04:33,001
And make sure it's downhill
so if you trip,
101
00:04:33,136 --> 00:04:35,136
you can roll out of danger.
102
00:04:36,139 --> 00:04:37,038
Wait, what?
103
00:04:37,140 --> 00:04:38,773
And if you're with a nerdy girl,
104
00:04:38,875 --> 00:04:41,776
push her down at the first
sight of trouble.
105
00:04:41,878 --> 00:04:44,112
You get away,
she gets a cool reputation...
106
00:04:44,214 --> 00:04:46,214
it's a win-win.
107
00:04:46,316 --> 00:04:47,782
Why are you telling me this?
108
00:04:47,884 --> 00:04:50,351
Because even though I'm not
happy that you were drinking,
109
00:04:50,453 --> 00:04:53,087
I don't want you getting caught
because your friends are stupid.
110
00:04:53,189 --> 00:04:55,023
Thank you.
111
00:04:56,960 --> 00:04:58,326
You know, I got to tell you,
112
00:04:58,428 --> 00:04:59,327
I'm kind of surprised
113
00:04:59,429 --> 00:05:00,762
that you're even helping me.
114
00:05:00,830 --> 00:05:02,030
I didn't think you liked me.
115
00:05:02,132 --> 00:05:04,532
Of course I like you.
Why would you think that?
116
00:05:04,634 --> 00:05:06,167
Because I've been here for a year,
117
00:05:06,269 --> 00:05:07,735
and you've barely talked to me.
118
00:05:09,806 --> 00:05:12,507
Okay. Sit down.
119
00:05:15,345 --> 00:05:17,178
Remember that Christmas when you were 8,
120
00:05:17,280 --> 00:05:18,680
and I wanted you to see
121
00:05:18,782 --> 00:05:20,381
what a really strong woman was,
122
00:05:20,483 --> 00:05:21,949
so I showed you "Kill Bill"?
123
00:05:22,052 --> 00:05:23,451
Yeah.
124
00:05:23,553 --> 00:05:24,819
It was more decapitations
125
00:05:24,888 --> 00:05:27,155
than I've seen before or since.
126
00:05:27,257 --> 00:05:30,358
But your mom totally flipped out on me.
127
00:05:30,460 --> 00:05:33,494
Ever since that, everything
I do or say around you,
128
00:05:33,596 --> 00:05:36,164
I'm worried your mom's
gonna freak out about.
129
00:05:36,266 --> 00:05:37,832
And I'm not judging your mom.
130
00:05:37,901 --> 00:05:39,600
We're different people.
131
00:05:39,703 --> 00:05:42,370
I'm cool, and she's an uptight psycho.
132
00:05:43,773 --> 00:05:46,340
Are you cool enough to not
tell my mom about tonight?
133
00:05:49,546 --> 00:05:51,979
Okay. Here's the deal.
134
00:05:52,048 --> 00:05:54,215
Stop drinking in the woods...
135
00:05:54,284 --> 00:05:56,718
and I'll give you this one pass
as a cool aunt.
136
00:05:56,786 --> 00:05:58,186
Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you!
137
00:05:58,288 --> 00:06:00,088
It will never happen again.
138
00:06:00,156 --> 00:06:03,057
But you can't ever tell her
that I didn't tell her.
139
00:06:03,126 --> 00:06:07,028
Why would I do that?
That would be telling her.
140
00:06:07,097 --> 00:06:09,864
There will be a time when
you guys are hanging out
141
00:06:09,933 --> 00:06:11,466
and you'll feel like you're friends
142
00:06:11,568 --> 00:06:13,167
and you'll want to share everything.
143
00:06:13,236 --> 00:06:16,003
Do not fall for that. It's a trap.
144
00:06:23,346 --> 00:06:26,080
Wow. Somebody's been
to the back of her closet.
145
00:06:26,116 --> 00:06:27,315
Yeah, well,
146
00:06:27,383 --> 00:06:29,217
that's why I wore the shawl over here.
147
00:06:29,319 --> 00:06:30,518
No, uh, Peter's doing a project
148
00:06:30,587 --> 00:06:32,887
for his master's degree
in Nordic history,
149
00:06:32,989 --> 00:06:34,989
so we're simulating the daily life
150
00:06:35,058 --> 00:06:37,525
of a couple in medieval Norway.
151
00:06:38,928 --> 00:06:41,062
Why?
152
00:06:41,131 --> 00:06:43,931
Uh, it's, uh, interdisciplinary study
153
00:06:44,033 --> 00:06:45,700
where he's trying to document
154
00:06:45,769 --> 00:06:48,469
the sociology of relationships
at that time,
155
00:06:48,538 --> 00:06:51,706
and unless we replicate
the experiences exactly,
156
00:06:51,741 --> 00:06:54,342
then it invalidates the study.
157
00:06:54,410 --> 00:06:55,843
I haven't had enough coffee
158
00:06:55,945 --> 00:06:58,646
to... to have this conversation.
159
00:06:58,715 --> 00:07:01,549
So you don't get to use
any modern conveniences?
160
00:07:01,618 --> 00:07:03,017
Well, you guys just don't know the joy
161
00:07:03,086 --> 00:07:04,352
of living close to the earth.
162
00:07:04,454 --> 00:07:07,388
Do you have a, um,
wire brush I can borrow?
163
00:07:07,457 --> 00:07:09,690
I have to scrape the fur off a squirrel.
164
00:07:11,828 --> 00:07:13,561
You're eating a squirrel?
165
00:07:13,663 --> 00:07:14,896
Well, many squirrels.
166
00:07:14,998 --> 00:07:18,766
While they're hibernating,
there's not a lot to 'em.
167
00:07:18,835 --> 00:07:20,768
Okay, guys.
168
00:07:20,837 --> 00:07:23,938
Here's your salami pancake sandwiches.
169
00:07:24,007 --> 00:07:25,807
You may want to trade these.
170
00:07:28,178 --> 00:07:30,378
Okay, who's using the washing machine?
171
00:07:30,480 --> 00:07:33,281
Oh, I don't know, the people
who live here?
172
00:07:33,349 --> 00:07:35,430
Do you know Louise Goldufski?
173
00:07:35,493 --> 00:07:37,819
She works at the restaurant now.
174
00:07:37,887 --> 00:07:39,887
Yeah, she was in Dan
and Roseanne's class.
175
00:07:39,956 --> 00:07:41,923
Star of the talent show!
176
00:07:43,960 --> 00:07:46,994
Every year, she and her
stupid band would go long
177
00:07:47,063 --> 00:07:50,665
while somebody with a very
moving rifle-twirling routine
178
00:07:50,767 --> 00:07:52,433
couldn't even get up on stage.
179
00:07:54,270 --> 00:07:57,171
Yeah, well, I'm pretty sure she
made a move on Dad yesterday.
180
00:07:58,541 --> 00:08:00,975
Ohh, you're kidding.
181
00:08:01,077 --> 00:08:02,343
What did he do?
182
00:08:02,412 --> 00:08:04,946
- He had no clue.
- Oh, no. No.
183
00:08:05,048 --> 00:08:06,747
He's been out of the game for too long.
184
00:08:06,850 --> 00:08:10,251
He has no idea how vicious
these gals can be.
185
00:08:10,320 --> 00:08:13,020
With a fresh widower in their sights,
186
00:08:13,122 --> 00:08:14,856
Dan's a mouse in a field,
187
00:08:14,958 --> 00:08:18,359
and she's like this hawk
with her talons out.
188
00:08:18,461 --> 00:08:22,129
You've changed since you started
hunting your own food.
189
00:08:22,198 --> 00:08:24,432
I'm telling you... he's a catch.
190
00:08:24,534 --> 00:08:25,633
We should warn him.
191
00:08:25,735 --> 00:08:27,468
It's weird. I've never
thought of Dad as a catch.
192
00:08:27,570 --> 00:08:29,136
Are you kidding me? At his age,
193
00:08:29,239 --> 00:08:30,938
he can fall down
and get up on his own...
194
00:08:31,040 --> 00:08:32,607
The ladies love it!
195
00:08:33,910 --> 00:08:34,876
I'm gonna grab a bite.
196
00:08:34,978 --> 00:08:36,878
I'll be back later to do my laundry.
197
00:08:36,980 --> 00:08:38,512
I got it.
198
00:08:38,581 --> 00:08:39,947
Yeah, well, I'm gonna
be out in the yard.
199
00:08:40,049 --> 00:08:42,450
I got to look for a stick
in the shape of a fork.
200
00:08:48,224 --> 00:08:49,290
Hi. Can I help you?
201
00:08:49,392 --> 00:08:51,092
Is Harris Healy here?
202
00:08:51,194 --> 00:08:53,694
Uh, n-no, she's in school.
Is something wrong?
203
00:08:53,763 --> 00:08:56,297
She left this in my squad car.
204
00:08:58,568 --> 00:09:00,434
My daughter was in your car? Why?
205
00:09:00,536 --> 00:09:02,503
I guess your sister didn't tell you.
206
00:09:02,605 --> 00:09:05,873
I caught her in the woods
drinking last night.
207
00:09:05,975 --> 00:09:08,676
Wha... You've got to be kidding me.
208
00:09:08,778 --> 00:09:10,778
Um... okay.
209
00:09:10,880 --> 00:09:13,681
Well, thank you
for bringing her home safe.
210
00:09:14,851 --> 00:09:16,284
By the way, there's gonna be reports
211
00:09:16,386 --> 00:09:17,585
of screaming from this house later.
212
00:09:17,654 --> 00:09:20,110
You guys should just ignore that.
213
00:09:29,195 --> 00:09:30,361
Whatcha doin'?
214
00:09:30,445 --> 00:09:32,946
Um, cutting vegetables with a rock.
215
00:09:33,004 --> 00:09:34,961
You want to help me? It's infuriating.
216
00:09:36,922 --> 00:09:39,189
[Speaking Old Norse] woman.
217
00:09:39,257 --> 00:09:41,291
I bring nourishment from the sea.
218
00:09:44,062 --> 00:09:45,762
Did you buy that at a store?
219
00:09:45,831 --> 00:09:47,297
I got it from that fish market.
220
00:09:47,399 --> 00:09:48,565
I bartered for it,
221
00:09:48,667 --> 00:09:51,634
trading them zinc, nickel, and copper.
222
00:09:53,538 --> 00:09:55,505
Some day, they will call them "coins."
223
00:09:57,109 --> 00:09:58,775
I'm cutting a turnip with a rock,
224
00:09:58,877 --> 00:10:01,578
and you went out and bought a fish.
225
00:10:01,646 --> 00:10:04,047
Well, the important thing is
that I have provided dinner
226
00:10:04,116 --> 00:10:06,383
in a historically accurate way.
227
00:10:06,451 --> 00:10:08,151
I will now leave you to clean the fish
228
00:10:08,220 --> 00:10:10,120
while I retire to the living room
229
00:10:10,222 --> 00:10:12,355
to play my shinbone flute.
230
00:10:12,424 --> 00:10:14,090
No, no, no. No.
231
00:10:14,192 --> 00:10:17,060
No. I scraped the fur off a squirrel.
232
00:10:17,129 --> 00:10:18,294
You're gutting the fish.
233
00:10:18,397 --> 00:10:19,829
I need a couple hours without the smell
234
00:10:19,898 --> 00:10:21,931
of death on my fingers.
235
00:10:22,000 --> 00:10:25,402
Viking women were often
overwhelmed by their chores,
236
00:10:25,470 --> 00:10:27,537
but generally suffered in silence.
237
00:10:36,481 --> 00:10:38,150
The only thing I know about Vikings
238
00:10:38,197 --> 00:10:39,634
is from "Hagar,"
239
00:10:39,684 --> 00:10:41,351
and from what I remember,
he and his wife
240
00:10:41,420 --> 00:10:43,887
used to like to fight in the
privacy of their own yurt.
241
00:10:45,424 --> 00:10:48,224
Finally, the washer's free.
242
00:10:48,293 --> 00:10:49,793
Have you guys had a little talk yet?
243
00:10:49,895 --> 00:10:51,494
Little talk about what?
244
00:10:51,596 --> 00:10:52,695
Nothing.
245
00:10:52,798 --> 00:10:54,297
We were just talking about how well
246
00:10:54,399 --> 00:10:55,632
you and Louise were getting along.
247
00:10:55,734 --> 00:10:58,368
Open your eyes, Dan!
248
00:11:00,539 --> 00:11:03,306
That man-eater's trying to
get into your Kirklands.
249
00:11:05,143 --> 00:11:06,743
It's true, Dad. I saw it myself.
250
00:11:06,845 --> 00:11:08,411
She was totally flirting with you.
251
00:11:08,513 --> 00:11:10,313
She was not!
252
00:11:10,415 --> 00:11:12,582
Louise and I enjoy talking to each other
253
00:11:12,617 --> 00:11:15,685
about back in the day, and that's it.
254
00:11:15,720 --> 00:11:17,086
You're 1,000 years old.
255
00:11:17,155 --> 00:11:18,521
You know what I'm talking about.
256
00:11:23,094 --> 00:11:24,561
Hey. Look what I found.
257
00:11:24,629 --> 00:11:26,763
- Oh, nice. Thanks.
- No. Not so fast.
258
00:11:26,832 --> 00:11:28,731
A police officer said
you left it in his car.
259
00:11:28,800 --> 00:11:30,467
You want to explain that?
260
00:11:30,535 --> 00:11:32,402
Oh.
261
00:11:32,504 --> 00:11:34,103
You really want to know?
262
00:11:34,206 --> 00:11:35,438
I'm dating a cop.
263
00:11:38,777 --> 00:11:41,311
Wow. You go down swinging.
I'll give you that.
264
00:11:42,948 --> 00:11:44,380
You are grounded for three weeks.
265
00:11:44,483 --> 00:11:45,849
Oh, come on!
266
00:11:45,951 --> 00:11:47,684
Harris, is this what
your life is gonna be now...
267
00:11:47,752 --> 00:11:49,486
drinking in the woods
with a bunch of idiots?
268
00:11:49,588 --> 00:11:51,621
My friends aren't idiots.
269
00:11:51,690 --> 00:11:53,156
And this is a ridiculous overreaction
270
00:11:53,258 --> 00:11:54,591
for a couple of beers.
271
00:11:54,659 --> 00:11:56,793
Harris, you are underage.
272
00:11:56,862 --> 00:11:58,628
You cannot have any beers.
273
00:11:58,697 --> 00:12:00,230
Get off my back.
274
00:12:00,332 --> 00:12:01,264
I'm getting good grades,
275
00:12:01,333 --> 00:12:03,566
and I scored really high on my ACTs.
276
00:12:03,635 --> 00:12:05,034
It's not like I'm doing heroin.
277
00:12:05,103 --> 00:12:07,237
It doesn't matter how smart you are.
Don't you get it?
278
00:12:07,305 --> 00:12:09,539
A few wrong moves,
and you're screwed for life.
279
00:12:09,641 --> 00:12:11,207
You want to end up like your Aunt Becky?
280
00:12:15,947 --> 00:12:17,514
Was Becky in the house?
281
00:12:19,551 --> 00:12:21,017
She was doing laundry.
282
00:12:21,119 --> 00:12:23,753
Damn it! And I almost said
"Like your Uncle DJ."
283
00:12:27,841 --> 00:12:28,976
Can we just sit and talk
284
00:12:29,066 --> 00:12:32,433
like regular freakin' people
just for a minute?
285
00:12:32,489 --> 00:12:34,207
I can't do this anymore.
286
00:12:34,246 --> 00:12:37,792
I'm cooking, I'm cleaning,
I'm making sacrifices to Odin.
287
00:12:37,861 --> 00:12:40,825
I haven't had a decent
night's sleep or a meal
288
00:12:40,895 --> 00:12:44,302
that my body knows how
to digest in four days.
289
00:12:44,373 --> 00:12:45,739
It's been hard on both of us,
290
00:12:45,807 --> 00:12:47,640
but it's gonna make such a great paper.
291
00:12:47,709 --> 00:12:49,809
Yeah, but I have to actually
go out and strip a tree
292
00:12:49,878 --> 00:12:51,678
in the park to make that paper.
293
00:12:51,747 --> 00:12:54,814
This... is not working for me.
294
00:12:54,894 --> 00:12:55,949
What are you talking about?
295
00:12:56,051 --> 00:12:59,152
Look, I don't mind paying your tuition,
296
00:12:59,221 --> 00:13:00,987
I don't mind running your errands,
297
00:13:01,056 --> 00:13:02,422
and I don't mind doing
all the housework.
298
00:13:02,524 --> 00:13:05,625
What I'm trying to say is I do mind.
299
00:13:05,694 --> 00:13:07,560
I mind it all.
300
00:13:07,629 --> 00:13:10,330
You knew that I was finishing
this degree when you met me.
301
00:13:10,399 --> 00:13:11,998
And now when I'm under
the most pressure,
302
00:13:12,067 --> 00:13:13,633
you insinuate that
I'm not bringing anything
303
00:13:13,702 --> 00:13:14,768
to the relationship.
304
00:13:14,836 --> 00:13:16,503
I'm not insinuating anything.
305
00:13:16,571 --> 00:13:18,938
I'm outright telling you.
306
00:13:19,040 --> 00:13:20,140
What do you want me to do?
307
00:13:20,208 --> 00:13:21,641
Uh, wash a dish.
308
00:13:21,710 --> 00:13:23,543
Run the vacuum cleaner.
309
00:13:23,612 --> 00:13:24,978
Ask me how my day is going.
310
00:13:25,046 --> 00:13:27,747
Chip in every once in a while
for expenses.
311
00:13:27,849 --> 00:13:30,016
Look, I'll t... I'll tell you what.
312
00:13:30,085 --> 00:13:32,085
In a month, when I finish
writing up this paper,
313
00:13:32,154 --> 00:13:34,220
I'll do all those things and more.
314
00:13:34,256 --> 00:13:35,789
But right now, why don't you take
315
00:13:35,891 --> 00:13:38,091
all that frustration out on the dough
316
00:13:38,193 --> 00:13:39,726
and make the bread for tomorrow?
317
00:13:39,828 --> 00:13:42,095
Well...
318
00:13:42,130 --> 00:13:44,898
I would, but I just got dragged away
319
00:13:44,966 --> 00:13:47,500
by a wild boar, and I'm dead.
320
00:13:47,602 --> 00:13:49,502
So while you mourn me,
321
00:13:49,571 --> 00:13:52,739
my Viking soul
is gonna be at McDonald's.
322
00:13:56,211 --> 00:13:57,477
What am I doing? I can't wear this.
323
00:13:57,546 --> 00:13:58,812
I'll look like an idiot.
324
00:14:03,452 --> 00:14:04,684
Hey. Ready to go?
325
00:14:04,753 --> 00:14:06,820
Yep. Just clocked out.
326
00:14:06,888 --> 00:14:10,123
I got the tickets, I got
the cushions for the seats,
327
00:14:10,192 --> 00:14:12,759
and a little surprise
we can all pass around.
328
00:14:13,829 --> 00:14:16,329
Is it a football?
329
00:14:16,398 --> 00:14:19,833
No, but it's as big as a football.
330
00:14:19,935 --> 00:14:21,000
Sounds good.
331
00:14:21,069 --> 00:14:22,469
Oh, your friends need a ride,
332
00:14:22,537 --> 00:14:23,670
or are they meeting us there?
333
00:14:23,738 --> 00:14:26,039
Um, they're gonna go on their own.
334
00:14:26,107 --> 00:14:28,074
I just figured that we might want to
335
00:14:28,143 --> 00:14:30,343
do something together after...
336
00:14:30,445 --> 00:14:31,878
just the two of us.
337
00:14:33,815 --> 00:14:36,249
If that's all right with you.
338
00:14:38,753 --> 00:14:41,287
Can we maybe sit for a minute?
339
00:14:41,389 --> 00:14:42,622
Sure.
340
00:14:44,993 --> 00:14:46,860
Oh.
341
00:14:48,530 --> 00:14:50,029
Ah.
342
00:14:50,098 --> 00:14:53,299
This is crazy, but I have to ask.
343
00:14:53,368 --> 00:14:55,902
Becky and Jackie think that
you're interested in me
344
00:14:55,971 --> 00:14:59,072
in more than a just shooting-
the-breeze kind of way.
345
00:14:59,174 --> 00:15:00,106
Are you serious?
346
00:15:00,208 --> 00:15:01,808
Yeah. Crazy, right?
347
00:15:01,877 --> 00:15:03,042
No.
348
00:15:03,144 --> 00:15:05,712
I mean, I can't believe
you didn't pick up on it.
349
00:15:09,784 --> 00:15:11,651
Every time you walk in here,
350
00:15:11,720 --> 00:15:14,487
I am staring at you like
you're a deep-dish pizza.
351
00:15:16,191 --> 00:15:18,458
Let me help you figure it out.
352
00:15:18,527 --> 00:15:21,628
We're both free, we like each other,
353
00:15:21,696 --> 00:15:24,731
I've had a crush on you since I was 15,
354
00:15:24,766 --> 00:15:27,567
but Roseanne already
had her brand on you.
355
00:15:27,669 --> 00:15:30,370
Well, she didn't actually brand me.
356
00:15:30,438 --> 00:15:32,972
But there are some bruises
that'll never go away.
357
00:15:35,110 --> 00:15:38,811
Um, look, I'm just not ready for this.
358
00:15:38,914 --> 00:15:40,079
Oh.
359
00:15:42,017 --> 00:15:44,617
Anything I can do to change your mind?
360
00:15:44,719 --> 00:15:46,219
I'm afraid not.
361
00:15:47,989 --> 00:15:49,956
I still have a thing for my wife.
362
00:15:52,827 --> 00:15:54,360
Look, Louise.
363
00:15:56,264 --> 00:15:59,065
I really enjoy your company,
364
00:15:59,134 --> 00:16:00,466
and I hope it's not gonna be weird
365
00:16:00,569 --> 00:16:02,835
now that we're just friends.
366
00:16:02,938 --> 00:16:04,571
Well...
367
00:16:04,606 --> 00:16:06,406
the free beers are over.
368
00:16:08,777 --> 00:16:10,376
I was... I was really hoping
369
00:16:10,445 --> 00:16:14,414
that I could get
a little action for that.
370
00:16:14,516 --> 00:16:15,848
We still going to the concert?
371
00:16:15,951 --> 00:16:17,250
Of course.
372
00:16:17,285 --> 00:16:21,955
But if I have a chance to score
with a Dog Night or a Pip,
373
00:16:22,057 --> 00:16:24,290
you better get out of my way.
374
00:16:24,392 --> 00:16:26,492
- Deal.
- Deal.
375
00:16:26,561 --> 00:16:29,918
♪ Why don't you love me like
you used to do? ♪
376
00:16:30,799 --> 00:16:32,699
How'd you know I was here?
377
00:16:32,767 --> 00:16:35,435
I know you like to
play pool when you're upset,
378
00:16:35,470 --> 00:16:37,403
and, um, we need to talk.
379
00:16:37,472 --> 00:16:40,106
No, we don't.
380
00:16:40,208 --> 00:16:42,842
You were pretty clear.
381
00:16:42,911 --> 00:16:44,811
Well, I was angry at Harris,
382
00:16:44,913 --> 00:16:46,613
and I was angry at you.
383
00:16:46,681 --> 00:16:49,115
I mean, you know that you
should've told me what happened.
384
00:16:49,217 --> 00:16:51,117
I told her not to drink.
385
00:16:51,186 --> 00:16:52,986
But no matter what I did,
386
00:16:53,088 --> 00:16:56,623
it doesn't change what
you really think of me.
387
00:16:56,725 --> 00:16:58,124
Okay, w... uh, you know, I said it.
388
00:16:58,193 --> 00:16:59,525
I can't take it back, so, you know,
389
00:16:59,628 --> 00:17:00,960
what do you want me to do?
390
00:17:01,062 --> 00:17:02,795
When all this crap went down
391
00:17:02,864 --> 00:17:04,564
about my drinking and the baby,
392
00:17:04,633 --> 00:17:06,466
and you said you believed in me
393
00:17:06,534 --> 00:17:08,835
and that I could get
through this, I thought,
394
00:17:08,903 --> 00:17:11,838
"Maybe I'm not as messed up
as I think I am."
395
00:17:11,906 --> 00:17:13,239
But then I heard what you said,
396
00:17:13,308 --> 00:17:15,074
and now I know
that you were lying to me,
397
00:17:15,176 --> 00:17:16,576
and that hurts.
398
00:17:16,645 --> 00:17:18,077
No, I was not lying.
399
00:17:18,179 --> 00:17:19,679
I do believe in you now.
400
00:17:19,748 --> 00:17:21,114
But are you gonna
stand there and tell me
401
00:17:21,182 --> 00:17:24,350
you haven't made some really
crappy choices in your life?
402
00:17:24,452 --> 00:17:27,153
It's so easy for you to criticize now,
403
00:17:27,222 --> 00:17:29,522
but where were you
when I was making them?
404
00:17:29,591 --> 00:17:31,257
What's that supposed to mean?
405
00:17:31,359 --> 00:17:34,494
When do you think
the heavy drinking started?
406
00:17:34,596 --> 00:17:36,129
When Mark died, I needed you.
407
00:17:36,197 --> 00:17:38,898
I wrote to you and asked you to come.
408
00:17:38,933 --> 00:17:41,401
Well, my life was falling apart, too.
409
00:17:41,469 --> 00:17:43,569
My husband just left me
with a 5-year-old kid,
410
00:17:43,672 --> 00:17:45,071
and I was pregnant.
411
00:17:45,173 --> 00:17:47,674
My husband died.
412
00:17:52,914 --> 00:17:54,380
Okay.
413
00:17:54,482 --> 00:17:55,481
You win.
414
00:17:57,318 --> 00:17:58,918
I did send you that care package
415
00:17:58,987 --> 00:18:01,654
filled with crossword puzzles and candy.
416
00:18:01,690 --> 00:18:03,723
Oh, yeah, those crossword puzzles
417
00:18:03,825 --> 00:18:06,159
really helped.
418
00:18:06,194 --> 00:18:08,094
It was nice to get away from being sad
419
00:18:08,163 --> 00:18:09,962
and feel stupid for a while.
420
00:18:11,866 --> 00:18:13,299
Hey, you want to play a game?
421
00:18:13,368 --> 00:18:15,301
Oh, don't waste your time.
She's pregnant.
422
00:18:15,403 --> 00:18:16,703
And she's nasty.
423
00:18:18,740 --> 00:18:20,139
I'm up for either.
424
00:18:22,510 --> 00:18:23,643
Gross.
425
00:18:25,246 --> 00:18:28,181
Pick up a damn cue
so no one comes over again.
426
00:18:29,417 --> 00:18:31,784
And you go first because you suck.
427
00:18:33,254 --> 00:18:36,089
I mean as a person,
not only as a pool player.
428
00:18:37,292 --> 00:18:38,925
How come you didn't tell me
you were so mad
429
00:18:39,027 --> 00:18:40,960
when it was all happening?
430
00:18:41,029 --> 00:18:44,363
Because I didn't want you
to know how much I needed you.
431
00:18:44,466 --> 00:18:45,765
Why?
432
00:18:45,867 --> 00:18:48,801
Because you never need me.
433
00:18:48,903 --> 00:18:50,503
I hate being the needy one.
434
00:18:50,572 --> 00:18:52,905
When we were kids, I was the one
who had it all together,
435
00:18:52,974 --> 00:18:56,509
and you were just
the depressed little freak.
436
00:18:56,578 --> 00:18:58,277
Well, you should be in pig heaven now
437
00:18:58,379 --> 00:19:00,079
because I'm a depressed adult freak
438
00:19:00,181 --> 00:19:02,415
with just as many problems as you.
439
00:19:04,419 --> 00:19:06,152
And...
440
00:19:06,221 --> 00:19:09,322
you know, you think I don't need you?
441
00:19:09,390 --> 00:19:12,125
Why do you think I came back
here in the first place?
442
00:19:12,227 --> 00:19:14,694
Not just for Mom and Dad.
443
00:19:14,796 --> 00:19:16,095
Really?
444
00:19:16,164 --> 00:19:19,332
You can't do that. You're not 4.
445
00:19:19,434 --> 00:19:20,767
Oh, my God.
446
00:19:20,869 --> 00:19:22,235
How many times did I let you
447
00:19:22,337 --> 00:19:24,270
move the ball in miniature golf?
448
00:19:29,010 --> 00:19:32,111
There is no way to miss that shot.
449
00:19:32,180 --> 00:19:34,347
You should get a brain scan immediately.
450
00:19:35,350 --> 00:19:37,784
So...
451
00:19:37,886 --> 00:19:39,085
where do we go from here?
452
00:19:40,288 --> 00:19:42,221
Besides making jokes about brain tumors
453
00:19:42,323 --> 00:19:44,824
when somebody misses
a very difficult shot.
454
00:19:46,494 --> 00:19:48,995
We make a pact to always
be there for each other.
455
00:19:50,498 --> 00:19:51,898
Oh, pact seems a little binding.
456
00:19:52,000 --> 00:19:55,802
How about a... loose agreement?
457
00:19:55,904 --> 00:19:56,969
Fine.
458
00:19:57,071 --> 00:19:59,472
But just for the record,
you needed me first.
459
00:19:59,574 --> 00:20:02,475
When Mom and Dad brought you
home from the hospital,
460
00:20:02,577 --> 00:20:05,411
I remember seeing
your sweet, little face
461
00:20:05,513 --> 00:20:08,815
and knowing that you really
needed me to protect you.
462
00:20:08,917 --> 00:20:13,219
Wait. Mom told me you tried
to kill me when I was a baby.
463
00:20:13,321 --> 00:20:16,122
Yeah, but something stopped me.
464
00:20:16,224 --> 00:20:17,690
I think it was Dad.
465
00:20:21,745 --> 00:20:23,534
You know, you really got to learn
466
00:20:23,573 --> 00:20:25,973
how to read the signals that
a woman is sending you.
467
00:20:26,041 --> 00:20:28,642
Like, if a woman does this...
468
00:20:29,927 --> 00:20:31,693
Huh? What does that mean?
469
00:20:31,748 --> 00:20:33,581
You want me to check you for ticks.
470
00:20:33,683 --> 00:20:35,372
No!
471
00:20:35,919 --> 00:20:37,786
She's drawing attention to her neck.
472
00:20:37,869 --> 00:20:38,887
You got to know these things.
473
00:20:38,955 --> 00:20:40,722
Say you're sitting at a bar,
474
00:20:40,824 --> 00:20:42,657
and a woman eats a chip like this.
475
00:20:44,048 --> 00:20:45,093
She's not interested.
476
00:20:45,165 --> 00:20:47,629
Now, if she eats a chip like this...
477
00:20:53,003 --> 00:20:55,236
That means you're gonna
be really unhappy
478
00:20:55,338 --> 00:20:57,739
when you hear that Mary
brought those chips back in
479
00:20:57,841 --> 00:20:58,773
from the chicken coop.
480
00:20:58,875 --> 00:21:00,508
Oh! Oh!
481
00:21:00,610 --> 00:21:02,110
Oh, God!
482
00:21:02,157 --> 00:21:07,157
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com