1 00:00:00,164 --> 00:00:03,375 Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx www.addic7ed.com 2 00:00:03,423 --> 00:00:05,059 Hello, everybody! 3 00:00:05,091 --> 00:00:08,020 Oh, hey, Aunt Jackie. 4 00:00:08,045 --> 00:00:09,313 Haven't seen you in a while. 5 00:00:09,338 --> 00:00:11,174 You and Peter must be really hitting it off. 6 00:00:11,199 --> 00:00:13,036 Uh, actually, my days are free. 7 00:00:13,068 --> 00:00:14,436 You know Peter... he's got his classes 8 00:00:14,469 --> 00:00:16,438 in early European culture, 9 00:00:16,472 --> 00:00:18,540 and he's a falconer in training 10 00:00:18,574 --> 00:00:19,775 at the Renaissance Faire. 11 00:00:21,543 --> 00:00:23,847 He wears tights. 12 00:00:23,880 --> 00:00:26,116 Kind of put me off at first, 13 00:00:26,148 --> 00:00:27,383 but now I dig it. 14 00:00:29,452 --> 00:00:30,552 I don't get it. 15 00:00:30,586 --> 00:00:32,088 It's just a bunch of smelly hippies 16 00:00:32,120 --> 00:00:33,923 running around eating giant turkey legs. 17 00:00:35,290 --> 00:00:37,059 Ooh, I was shot at by the Taliban 18 00:00:37,092 --> 00:00:38,794 so people could do that. 19 00:00:38,827 --> 00:00:40,796 Well, well, well, looky here, 20 00:00:40,830 --> 00:00:44,267 - it's a letter from the City of Lanford. - I know what that is... 21 00:00:44,299 --> 00:00:46,936 "Clean up your yard or we'll do it." 22 00:00:46,969 --> 00:00:48,037 All right, gang, 23 00:00:48,070 --> 00:00:49,606 anything you don't want, put in the yard. 24 00:00:49,638 --> 00:00:51,373 Nope. 25 00:00:51,406 --> 00:00:53,776 It's a permit to start construction 26 00:00:53,809 --> 00:00:55,611 on a backyard chicken coop. 27 00:00:55,644 --> 00:00:57,913 Oh, I waited at the mailbox for two weeks 28 00:00:57,946 --> 00:00:58,914 and it comes today. 29 00:01:01,016 --> 00:01:02,785 This is gonna be great. I applied for this 30 00:01:02,818 --> 00:01:05,888 so we could have eggs that are organic and healthy, 31 00:01:05,921 --> 00:01:07,623 and think about how much money we're gonna save. 32 00:01:07,656 --> 00:01:10,544 How big do you think our egg budget is? 33 00:01:11,861 --> 00:01:13,663 No way we're doing this. 34 00:01:13,696 --> 00:01:16,599 You won't even know it's here. I'll handle everything. 35 00:01:16,631 --> 00:01:18,133 Except, of course, building it. 36 00:01:18,167 --> 00:01:20,302 You'd have to do that. 37 00:01:20,336 --> 00:01:22,105 We don't need to build anything. 38 00:01:22,137 --> 00:01:25,931 I think the chickens will be plenty warm right in here. 39 00:01:27,610 --> 00:01:28,611 - Hey. - Hi. 40 00:01:28,643 --> 00:01:30,145 - Hey. - Hi, kids. How was school today? 41 00:01:30,179 --> 00:01:32,582 And wouldn't coming home be even better 42 00:01:32,614 --> 00:01:34,750 if you had your very own chicken coop? 43 00:01:34,783 --> 00:01:36,118 We're getting a chicken coop? 44 00:01:36,152 --> 00:01:38,120 I want that so bad! 45 00:01:38,153 --> 00:01:40,155 What is it? 46 00:01:40,188 --> 00:01:41,824 Mary, what would you name your chicken? 47 00:01:41,866 --> 00:01:42,901 Don't. 48 00:01:44,994 --> 00:01:47,840 Cornflakes. I love her so much already! 49 00:01:48,664 --> 00:01:49,807 Please, Grandpa? 50 00:01:49,832 --> 00:01:51,935 We don't have any pets. 51 00:01:51,968 --> 00:01:55,270 I have no way to pay forward the love you give me. 52 00:01:59,742 --> 00:02:01,110 Please, Grandpa Dan? 53 00:02:01,143 --> 00:02:02,445 Fine. 54 00:02:02,477 --> 00:02:05,515 I'll build you a chicken coop. 55 00:02:05,548 --> 00:02:07,683 Well, if we don't make the hillbilly hall of fame now, 56 00:02:07,716 --> 00:02:09,871 I don't know what else we can do. 57 00:02:12,687 --> 00:02:14,223 Is Aunt Jackie picking me up soon? 58 00:02:14,257 --> 00:02:15,959 Pretty soon. 59 00:02:15,991 --> 00:02:17,560 Now that you're done with the tables, 60 00:02:17,592 --> 00:02:19,596 I'm gonna let you marry all the ketchups. 61 00:02:21,563 --> 00:02:25,133 No kid has been allowed to do that before. 62 00:02:25,167 --> 00:02:26,669 We're reading "Tom Sawyer" this year. 63 00:02:26,702 --> 00:02:28,004 I know what you're doing. 64 00:02:30,372 --> 00:02:32,942 You know, I was as smart as you, and look what happened! 65 00:02:34,957 --> 00:02:36,012 Mark ready to go? 66 00:02:36,044 --> 00:02:37,379 Not yet. He's having fun! 67 00:02:37,413 --> 00:02:38,648 Let him stay a bit. 68 00:02:38,681 --> 00:02:41,084 - Whatcha got there? Huh? - It's just a quiz. 69 00:02:41,116 --> 00:02:42,384 Oh! 70 00:02:42,418 --> 00:02:44,720 "Are you financially ready to start a family?" 71 00:02:44,745 --> 00:02:46,982 I love these quizzes! 72 00:02:48,390 --> 00:02:50,759 Did you know I'm a woman other women hate? 73 00:02:52,728 --> 00:02:54,530 I know it's just a dumb magazine quiz, 74 00:02:54,562 --> 00:02:57,266 but I'm really stressed about being able to afford a baby. 75 00:02:57,300 --> 00:02:59,547 Do you have six months of emergency savings? 76 00:02:59,572 --> 00:03:01,770 Who has that? 77 00:03:01,804 --> 00:03:04,173 I'm a single working mom. 78 00:03:04,205 --> 00:03:06,942 I'm gonna need day care, I'm gonna need insurance, 79 00:03:06,976 --> 00:03:09,278 I'm gonna need baby furniture. 80 00:03:09,312 --> 00:03:11,080 That's not counting unexpected things. 81 00:03:11,113 --> 00:03:13,212 - Like what? - I don't know. They're unexpected! 82 00:03:14,716 --> 00:03:16,118 Look, I did the whole quiz. 83 00:03:16,151 --> 00:03:18,353 I am completely financially unprepared 84 00:03:18,387 --> 00:03:19,923 to have a baby... I'm screwed. 85 00:03:19,955 --> 00:03:21,423 Look how much money you're saving 86 00:03:21,456 --> 00:03:23,293 by not drinking while you're pregnant. 87 00:03:23,325 --> 00:03:24,560 What's that? 88 00:03:24,592 --> 00:03:29,531 You know, 600, 700 bucks a month. 89 00:03:29,565 --> 00:03:32,200 Is that really how much you think I drink? 90 00:03:32,234 --> 00:03:33,870 That is so hurtful. 91 00:03:33,902 --> 00:03:36,572 That's like $20 a day. 92 00:03:36,604 --> 00:03:38,578 Huh, it might be that much. 93 00:03:40,031 --> 00:03:41,109 Maybe more. 94 00:03:41,135 --> 00:03:42,789 Yeah, I'm just saying. 95 00:03:42,814 --> 00:03:44,614 You know, you're doing really good not drinking for the baby. 96 00:03:44,646 --> 00:03:45,811 How many days has it been? 97 00:03:45,836 --> 00:03:49,247 21 brutal days. 98 00:03:49,272 --> 00:03:51,621 But, you know, working at a bar and serving drinks all day 99 00:03:51,653 --> 00:03:52,989 really keeps my mind off it. 100 00:03:54,924 --> 00:03:57,159 The ketchups are married. 101 00:03:57,192 --> 00:03:59,494 Oh, somebody wrote "Aunt Becky sucks" 102 00:03:59,527 --> 00:04:01,563 on the wall back there. 103 00:04:01,597 --> 00:04:03,967 Could've been anybody. 104 00:04:04,000 --> 00:04:04,967 - See you later. - Bye, Aunt Becky. 105 00:04:06,534 --> 00:04:08,403 Oh, Andrea! 106 00:04:08,437 --> 00:04:10,340 - Jackie! - Hi. I saw you on Facebook. 107 00:04:10,372 --> 00:04:12,674 Congratulations on the baby! 108 00:04:12,708 --> 00:04:15,144 Thank you so much. That really means a lot. 109 00:04:15,176 --> 00:04:16,611 I'm sorry I had to block you. 110 00:04:16,644 --> 00:04:18,246 Yeah, no, I get it. 111 00:04:18,279 --> 00:04:19,448 I get it. 112 00:04:19,473 --> 00:04:20,924 I'm a woman other women hate. 113 00:04:21,716 --> 00:04:23,908 - Great catching up. - Yeah. 114 00:04:24,244 --> 00:04:26,322 - Andrea. Hey! - Hey, Becky. 115 00:04:26,355 --> 00:04:27,857 What are you doing here? 116 00:04:27,889 --> 00:04:29,091 Oh, well, I saw your Instagram post 117 00:04:29,125 --> 00:04:30,459 about the drink of the month. 118 00:04:30,492 --> 00:04:32,327 Candy-cane margarita sounded fantastic, 119 00:04:32,360 --> 00:04:33,596 so I came down. 120 00:04:33,629 --> 00:04:35,264 It's really just a regular margarita 121 00:04:35,297 --> 00:04:37,271 with a little crushed-up Altoid in it. 122 00:04:40,002 --> 00:04:41,800 Come on, you didn't come all the way here 123 00:04:41,825 --> 00:04:43,839 - just for a drink. - Truth? 124 00:04:43,872 --> 00:04:45,207 I wanted to talk to you. 125 00:04:45,240 --> 00:04:47,175 Why me? 126 00:04:47,209 --> 00:04:48,877 When we were going through the surrogacy together, 127 00:04:48,911 --> 00:04:49,978 I always felt like I could talk to you 128 00:04:50,012 --> 00:04:51,146 and you wouldn't judge me. 129 00:04:51,180 --> 00:04:53,382 Well, not to your face. That's not cool. 130 00:04:55,418 --> 00:04:58,021 So what's wrong? 131 00:04:58,053 --> 00:04:59,121 Remember how bad I wanted a baby? 132 00:04:59,154 --> 00:05:00,690 Yeah. 133 00:05:00,723 --> 00:05:03,226 I can't find that feeling anymore. 134 00:05:03,259 --> 00:05:06,362 I'm really struggling with being a mom. 135 00:05:06,394 --> 00:05:08,197 But look how cute he is. 136 00:05:08,230 --> 00:05:11,067 Yeah, it's 'cause he's sleeping. 137 00:05:11,100 --> 00:05:13,236 I never realized how selfish babies can be. 138 00:05:13,269 --> 00:05:16,139 I mean, they never leave you alone. 139 00:05:16,172 --> 00:05:18,041 How hard is it to get away from a baby? 140 00:05:18,074 --> 00:05:19,509 You just put it down and walk away. 141 00:05:19,541 --> 00:05:22,477 The baby's not gonna find you. 142 00:05:22,511 --> 00:05:25,014 I'm sorry. It's just really been a rough day. 143 00:05:25,047 --> 00:05:26,883 But you have money. 144 00:05:26,915 --> 00:05:28,183 Don't you have nannies and stuff? 145 00:05:28,216 --> 00:05:30,552 Yeah, I have nannies, I have a diaper service, 146 00:05:30,586 --> 00:05:33,355 I have food delivery, and it's still virtually impossible. 147 00:05:33,389 --> 00:05:35,458 I mean, I have no idea how poor people do it. 148 00:05:37,425 --> 00:05:39,829 Wow. So you really regret having a baby? 149 00:05:39,862 --> 00:05:42,732 You have no idea how lucky you are that you can't. 150 00:05:42,764 --> 00:05:44,134 Oh, yeah. Boy, am I lucky. 151 00:05:45,533 --> 00:05:47,437 Mnh! Oh, my God. 152 00:05:47,469 --> 00:05:48,770 Oh. What am I doing? 153 00:05:48,803 --> 00:05:50,405 It's the Altoid. It's weird, right? 154 00:05:50,439 --> 00:05:52,075 No. 155 00:05:52,108 --> 00:05:53,882 No, it's not that. 156 00:05:55,543 --> 00:05:57,546 I might as well tell you. 157 00:05:57,579 --> 00:05:58,781 I'm pregnant. 158 00:06:01,716 --> 00:06:03,118 You are gonna... 159 00:06:03,151 --> 00:06:05,387 love being a mom! 160 00:06:44,993 --> 00:06:46,328 "The Conners" is recorded 161 00:06:46,362 --> 00:06:47,830 in front of a live studio audience. 162 00:06:47,863 --> 00:06:51,100 So, I just got bored of being retired. 163 00:06:51,132 --> 00:06:52,601 I was gonna travel, 164 00:06:52,634 --> 00:06:54,269 but turns out I'm frightened 165 00:06:54,302 --> 00:06:55,872 of people different than me. 166 00:06:58,774 --> 00:07:00,343 So, maybe stick to the Cracker Barrel 167 00:07:00,375 --> 00:07:01,643 and you'll be fine. 168 00:07:05,346 --> 00:07:06,348 Here you go. 169 00:07:08,684 --> 00:07:09,852 Oops. 170 00:07:09,884 --> 00:07:11,687 - Dropped your tip. - Nice try. 171 00:07:11,719 --> 00:07:14,422 I'm not bending down so you can look at my ass again. 172 00:07:14,456 --> 00:07:16,325 Didn't mean to insult you. 173 00:07:16,358 --> 00:07:18,261 How about... 174 00:07:18,293 --> 00:07:20,863 for a $10? 175 00:07:22,831 --> 00:07:24,567 Wow. Thank you. 176 00:07:35,043 --> 00:07:36,144 What a jerk! 177 00:07:36,177 --> 00:07:38,514 He tried to make me bend down for $10. 178 00:07:38,547 --> 00:07:41,184 Management won't do anything 'cause he's a high roller. 179 00:07:41,216 --> 00:07:43,985 Here's how I deal with creepy guys. 180 00:07:44,035 --> 00:07:47,478 I say, "Show me yours, and I'll show you mine." 181 00:07:49,009 --> 00:07:51,126 Most of the time, it works, 182 00:07:51,160 --> 00:07:53,751 but the rest of the time, it's pretty gross. 183 00:07:56,432 --> 00:07:57,800 Hey, guys. 184 00:07:57,832 --> 00:07:59,501 Do you mind if I sit down? 185 00:07:59,535 --> 00:08:01,571 I had kind of a crazy day. 186 00:08:02,379 --> 00:08:04,849 What can I get you? 187 00:08:04,884 --> 00:08:07,877 Actually, we wanted to talk to you first. 188 00:08:07,910 --> 00:08:09,345 If either of you had a bad reaction 189 00:08:09,377 --> 00:08:10,879 to the chiles rellenos last night, 190 00:08:10,913 --> 00:08:12,081 I have a form for you to fill out. 191 00:08:12,113 --> 00:08:14,849 No. It's not that. 192 00:08:14,882 --> 00:08:17,986 Um, look, we know that you're worried 193 00:08:18,019 --> 00:08:20,156 about raising this baby alone, 194 00:08:20,189 --> 00:08:23,059 and you know that we've been looking to adopt. 195 00:08:23,091 --> 00:08:25,827 So what would you think about 196 00:08:25,860 --> 00:08:27,829 maybe all of us doing this together? 197 00:08:27,863 --> 00:08:29,432 What do you mean? 198 00:08:29,464 --> 00:08:32,667 We'd adopt your baby, and we'd all raise it. 199 00:08:32,700 --> 00:08:33,735 I mean, the baby would live with us, 200 00:08:33,768 --> 00:08:35,170 but you'd be over all the time, 201 00:08:35,204 --> 00:08:37,406 and we'd pay all the expenses. 202 00:08:37,439 --> 00:08:39,040 Wow. 203 00:08:39,074 --> 00:08:40,709 I did not see this coming. 204 00:08:42,978 --> 00:08:44,280 We know you have to work, 205 00:08:44,313 --> 00:08:46,082 and I work out of the house, 206 00:08:46,114 --> 00:08:47,415 so I could be with the baby all day, 207 00:08:47,449 --> 00:08:49,919 and Bridget has great benefits. 208 00:08:49,951 --> 00:08:50,953 Post office. 209 00:08:52,820 --> 00:08:55,190 This is a lot. 210 00:08:55,223 --> 00:08:57,859 Just need some time to think. 211 00:08:57,892 --> 00:08:59,494 I'll be right back with your food. 212 00:09:00,728 --> 00:09:03,199 We didn't order. 213 00:09:03,232 --> 00:09:05,300 Just eat whatever she brings you. 214 00:09:05,334 --> 00:09:06,803 We're trying to get a baby. 215 00:09:13,160 --> 00:09:15,245 Good morning, Dad. 216 00:09:15,316 --> 00:09:16,418 Is it? 217 00:09:17,703 --> 00:09:19,839 That would indicate that I've slept. 218 00:09:19,919 --> 00:09:22,722 I've been up all night, like many accomplished men, 219 00:09:22,760 --> 00:09:25,510 knocking cats off my chicken coop with a broom. 220 00:09:26,765 --> 00:09:28,933 I can't believe we built a coop for chickens. 221 00:09:28,966 --> 00:09:30,808 I mean, I could never even get a tree house. 222 00:09:30,833 --> 00:09:32,802 You broke your wrist walking across a room. 223 00:09:32,834 --> 00:09:35,160 We weren't gonna put you in a tree. 224 00:09:35,185 --> 00:09:36,957 Cornflakes has an STD! 225 00:09:38,408 --> 00:09:41,958 No, honey, the vet said she has PTSD. 226 00:09:42,844 --> 00:09:44,046 According to the vet, 227 00:09:44,079 --> 00:09:46,815 Cornflakes was traumatized by the cat attack. 228 00:09:46,848 --> 00:09:49,386 We can expect loss of appetite, irritability, 229 00:09:49,419 --> 00:09:52,189 possibly night terrors. 230 00:09:52,222 --> 00:09:53,189 Okay, Mark. 231 00:09:53,222 --> 00:09:54,991 Take Cornflakes out to the coop. 232 00:09:55,024 --> 00:09:57,327 Well, actually, until Cornflakes stabilizes, 233 00:09:57,360 --> 00:09:58,495 she needs to live in the house, 234 00:09:58,528 --> 00:10:00,063 and she also has a tranquilizer 235 00:10:00,096 --> 00:10:02,032 she needs to take every four hours. 236 00:10:02,064 --> 00:10:04,467 The doctor recommends that we take turns holding her 237 00:10:04,500 --> 00:10:07,003 until she falls asleep. 238 00:10:07,035 --> 00:10:09,972 The chicken is not living in the house with us. 239 00:10:10,006 --> 00:10:11,808 I never thought I'd have to say that. 240 00:10:11,841 --> 00:10:12,909 Come on, guys. 241 00:10:12,942 --> 00:10:14,845 Let's put Cornflakes back in the coop. 242 00:10:19,281 --> 00:10:21,317 This is insane! 243 00:10:21,351 --> 00:10:23,587 My back is killing me because I've been up all night 244 00:10:23,620 --> 00:10:25,222 dealing with kamikaze cats 245 00:10:25,255 --> 00:10:27,357 hurling themselves at a chicken coop 246 00:10:27,390 --> 00:10:28,924 in my backyard! 247 00:10:28,958 --> 00:10:31,026 Next time you have a harebrained idea, 248 00:10:31,059 --> 00:10:32,261 do it at your house. 249 00:10:33,119 --> 00:10:35,899 Big man, king of England, 250 00:10:35,932 --> 00:10:38,016 too good to have a chicken living in his house. 251 00:10:38,041 --> 00:10:40,244 Well, la-di-da! 252 00:10:43,305 --> 00:10:45,507 Did you finish laying out those ads for the next issue? 253 00:10:45,540 --> 00:10:47,343 Just about. 254 00:10:47,376 --> 00:10:49,713 I'm just looking for another way to make some money. 255 00:10:49,746 --> 00:10:51,548 I'm getting real tired of this one customer 256 00:10:51,581 --> 00:10:53,515 at the casino harassing me. 257 00:10:53,549 --> 00:10:55,285 What, is he touching you? 258 00:10:55,318 --> 00:10:56,553 Oh, no. 259 00:10:56,586 --> 00:10:58,888 I mean, not yet, anyway. 260 00:10:58,920 --> 00:11:00,924 I'll tell you what, if he does... come here. 261 00:11:00,957 --> 00:11:03,126 Let me show you a move that'll really cripple the guy. 262 00:11:04,394 --> 00:11:05,695 Put your hand on my shoulder. 263 00:11:05,727 --> 00:11:07,564 - Okay. - All right, like that. 264 00:11:07,597 --> 00:11:09,732 And you're gonna put your hand on top of his hand, 265 00:11:09,765 --> 00:11:11,895 thumb on his knuckles, right? 266 00:11:16,005 --> 00:11:17,474 You know, I think I got a better way. 267 00:11:17,506 --> 00:11:19,376 Better way is good, yeah. 268 00:11:19,409 --> 00:11:20,644 All right. 269 00:11:20,677 --> 00:11:21,878 Look, with guys, 270 00:11:21,910 --> 00:11:23,780 it's all about intimidation, right? 271 00:11:23,813 --> 00:11:25,948 You just got to have that crazy look in your eyes 272 00:11:25,982 --> 00:11:28,009 that says, "I won't stop until you're dead, 273 00:11:28,034 --> 00:11:29,831 and then I'll kill your ghost!" 274 00:11:31,520 --> 00:11:33,057 Now, show me your look. 275 00:11:37,260 --> 00:11:39,629 It's not just eyes. This is... 276 00:11:39,661 --> 00:11:41,564 primal animal stuff, you know? 277 00:11:41,597 --> 00:11:43,569 - You just gotta make 'em feel threatened! - Holy crap! 278 00:11:43,594 --> 00:11:46,335 - That was terrifying. - Hey, thank you. 279 00:11:46,360 --> 00:11:48,712 Okay, now you go. 280 00:11:49,105 --> 00:11:51,376 Okay. Um... 281 00:11:51,674 --> 00:11:53,677 Raah! 282 00:11:53,709 --> 00:11:55,411 It's... It's a good start. 283 00:11:55,444 --> 00:11:56,996 It's not frightening, 284 00:11:57,059 --> 00:11:58,887 but, um... odd, 285 00:11:59,019 --> 00:12:02,137 and, uh, unsettling. 286 00:12:02,217 --> 00:12:04,284 Let's finish this later. We need to get back to work. 287 00:12:04,309 --> 00:12:05,411 Whoa. Hey. 288 00:12:05,445 --> 00:12:07,046 Hey! 289 00:12:07,078 --> 00:12:08,247 Better! Yes! 290 00:12:08,280 --> 00:12:11,950 Now it's jarring and off-putting. 291 00:12:11,984 --> 00:12:14,187 Damn straight it is. 292 00:12:28,926 --> 00:12:31,029 Becky, it's late. You okay? 293 00:12:32,166 --> 00:12:34,228 I've just been walking around the last two hours, 294 00:12:34,267 --> 00:12:36,837 and I think I've made a decision. 295 00:12:37,947 --> 00:12:38,978 I want to do that thing 296 00:12:39,010 --> 00:12:41,246 where I raise the baby with you guys. 297 00:12:41,279 --> 00:12:42,981 Really? 298 00:12:43,014 --> 00:12:45,485 Oh, my God. 299 00:12:45,518 --> 00:12:46,586 Maria! 300 00:12:46,619 --> 00:12:47,954 Come down here! 301 00:12:47,986 --> 00:12:50,255 We're getting a baby! 302 00:12:50,288 --> 00:12:51,890 What?! 303 00:12:51,923 --> 00:12:53,288 Hold on. 304 00:12:54,827 --> 00:12:56,562 We're getting Becky's baby. 305 00:12:59,130 --> 00:13:01,967 She's happy. 306 00:13:02,000 --> 00:13:03,803 Do you want to come in and celebrate? 307 00:13:03,836 --> 00:13:05,223 I think I got some sparkling cider. 308 00:13:05,248 --> 00:13:07,384 Nah, I should get going. 309 00:13:07,451 --> 00:13:09,185 We can talk later. 310 00:13:11,414 --> 00:13:13,183 It's gonna be awesome. 311 00:13:13,216 --> 00:13:15,600 Yeah, it is. Thank you so much. 312 00:13:19,608 --> 00:13:20,775 Goodnight. 313 00:13:20,809 --> 00:13:22,491 Goodnight. 314 00:13:41,927 --> 00:13:43,118 - Darlene! - What?! 315 00:13:43,151 --> 00:13:46,045 Oh, God. 316 00:13:46,121 --> 00:13:47,957 What are you doing here? What time is it? 317 00:13:47,989 --> 00:13:49,758 It's 2:00 in the morning. 318 00:13:49,791 --> 00:13:51,093 I just did something, 319 00:13:51,126 --> 00:13:53,129 and I need to talk to you about it. 320 00:13:53,161 --> 00:13:55,896 - Can it wait? - It could. 321 00:13:55,930 --> 00:13:57,266 But I just agreed to give my baby 322 00:13:57,299 --> 00:13:59,468 to a lesbian couple from the restaurant. 323 00:14:01,054 --> 00:14:04,492 Well, now you've got me hooked. Go on. 324 00:14:04,517 --> 00:14:07,075 You remember Bridget and Maria from high school? 325 00:14:07,108 --> 00:14:08,948 Yeah. 326 00:14:08,973 --> 00:14:10,374 They offered me this arrangement 327 00:14:10,408 --> 00:14:13,845 where they said we could all raise the baby together, 328 00:14:13,877 --> 00:14:16,414 but they would actually adopt it. 329 00:14:16,447 --> 00:14:17,949 Becky, why would you do that? 330 00:14:17,982 --> 00:14:19,784 Why wouldn't you come to me first? 331 00:14:19,818 --> 00:14:21,953 Because I'm freaked out. 332 00:14:21,986 --> 00:14:25,022 I think that I'm gonna suck as a mom. 333 00:14:25,056 --> 00:14:26,391 And I was talking to Andrea, 334 00:14:26,423 --> 00:14:28,360 and she has all the help in the world, 335 00:14:28,393 --> 00:14:29,795 and she's falling apart. 336 00:14:29,827 --> 00:14:31,730 But you're not Andrea. 337 00:14:31,763 --> 00:14:33,798 Before the baby, she had a pretty good life. 338 00:14:33,832 --> 00:14:34,899 You don't have that problem. 339 00:14:34,933 --> 00:14:36,835 You've already fallen apart. 340 00:14:39,603 --> 00:14:41,405 You don't get it. 341 00:14:41,438 --> 00:14:42,808 Well, look. 342 00:14:42,841 --> 00:14:45,077 Becky, I know you're worried about money, 343 00:14:45,110 --> 00:14:47,712 but m-maybe we'll just figure out a way 344 00:14:47,745 --> 00:14:48,813 to get you some assistance. 345 00:14:48,846 --> 00:14:50,616 It's not just about that. 346 00:14:50,649 --> 00:14:53,552 Then what is it about? 347 00:14:53,585 --> 00:14:55,754 Ever since I've been pregnant, 348 00:14:55,787 --> 00:14:58,691 I can't stop thinking about having a drink. 349 00:15:01,125 --> 00:15:04,596 I'm a drunk, Darlene. 350 00:15:04,629 --> 00:15:06,213 And... 351 00:15:06,331 --> 00:15:09,393 I don't want to screw up some kid's life. 352 00:15:12,870 --> 00:15:15,606 I-I'm sorry. This is a lot to take in. 353 00:15:15,640 --> 00:15:16,942 Um... 354 00:15:16,975 --> 00:15:18,510 I think I need some coffee. 355 00:15:18,543 --> 00:15:20,345 I was in the middle of a crazy dream. 356 00:15:20,377 --> 00:15:21,979 Everybody in the family was happy, 357 00:15:22,013 --> 00:15:24,783 and Dad had the head of a chicken. 358 00:15:27,614 --> 00:15:30,188 Okay, I don't think I understand. 359 00:15:30,221 --> 00:15:31,789 I mean, I know you're struggling, 360 00:15:31,822 --> 00:15:33,592 but you're stronger than you think you are. 361 00:15:33,625 --> 00:15:35,327 I mean, you stopped drinking on a dime 362 00:15:35,360 --> 00:15:37,763 when you found out you were pregnant. 363 00:15:37,795 --> 00:15:41,321 Yesterday, I almost drank a candy-cane margarita. 364 00:15:42,866 --> 00:15:44,368 God, you must be an alcoholic. 365 00:15:44,401 --> 00:15:47,304 Who else would drink that? 366 00:15:47,337 --> 00:15:49,841 See? That's what I mean. 367 00:15:49,874 --> 00:15:51,810 How could I be a good mother? 368 00:15:51,842 --> 00:15:52,877 I don't want my kid taken away 369 00:15:52,910 --> 00:15:55,646 and turned over to family services. 370 00:15:55,679 --> 00:15:57,381 Okay, I don't think that's gonna happen. 371 00:15:57,414 --> 00:15:59,851 I believe you're gonna stay sober. 372 00:15:59,884 --> 00:16:01,486 But, I mean, I don't want to be stupid about this. 373 00:16:01,519 --> 00:16:03,621 I know there are some people who can't. 374 00:16:03,654 --> 00:16:05,991 So, if you're one of those people, 375 00:16:06,024 --> 00:16:08,894 then I'll have to step in and take care of your baby 376 00:16:08,927 --> 00:16:10,327 until you get your act together. 377 00:16:10,361 --> 00:16:12,396 What if I can't get my act together? 378 00:16:12,429 --> 00:16:13,497 Then we sell it. 379 00:16:13,530 --> 00:16:15,800 I mean... 380 00:16:15,833 --> 00:16:18,069 Emilio's a good-looking guy. You're pretty cute. 381 00:16:18,102 --> 00:16:19,974 I think we can get top dollar. 382 00:16:21,338 --> 00:16:23,741 I can't do this. 383 00:16:23,774 --> 00:16:25,342 You already have too much on your plate. 384 00:16:25,375 --> 00:16:27,678 Well, then we'll get the whole family to help out. 385 00:16:27,712 --> 00:16:28,813 Becky, we're not gonna let 386 00:16:28,846 --> 00:16:31,082 your baby fall through the cracks. 387 00:16:31,116 --> 00:16:32,949 Oh, my God, what if I start doing crack? 388 00:16:34,586 --> 00:16:36,421 Okay, you're just panicking. 389 00:16:36,453 --> 00:16:38,222 You can do this. 390 00:16:38,255 --> 00:16:39,558 You would not have come over here 391 00:16:39,591 --> 00:16:41,404 if you thought you were doing the right thing. 392 00:16:42,500 --> 00:16:44,088 Okay. 393 00:16:45,263 --> 00:16:48,667 I'm gonna tell them I changed my mind. 394 00:16:48,699 --> 00:16:52,336 I'm gonna keep the baby. 395 00:16:52,370 --> 00:16:54,539 I don't think I've ever felt this close to you. 396 00:16:56,374 --> 00:16:57,542 Thank you for not being 397 00:16:57,574 --> 00:17:00,044 a judgmental little troll for once. 398 00:17:08,153 --> 00:17:09,721 What are you gonna do with the chickens? 399 00:17:09,753 --> 00:17:11,522 I'm taking Cornflakes home. 400 00:17:11,556 --> 00:17:14,625 The other three are going to a chicken rescue. 401 00:17:14,658 --> 00:17:16,632 There's a chicken rescue? 402 00:17:17,462 --> 00:17:18,966 Not just chickens. 403 00:17:18,991 --> 00:17:22,033 Parrots, got a couple of hawks. 404 00:17:22,066 --> 00:17:25,971 I heard they had one of the "Harry Potter" owls, so... 405 00:17:26,003 --> 00:17:28,289 I'm figuring it's a good place. 406 00:17:30,441 --> 00:17:32,911 The chickens could stay. 407 00:17:32,943 --> 00:17:34,945 I just didn't want Cornflakes in the house. 408 00:17:34,979 --> 00:17:36,648 Why don't you say what you really mean, Dan? 409 00:17:36,681 --> 00:17:38,316 You just don't want me in the house. 410 00:17:38,348 --> 00:17:39,885 Where are you getting that from? 411 00:17:39,917 --> 00:17:41,285 Let's finally get this out. 412 00:17:41,318 --> 00:17:44,055 The only reason you ever put up with me coming over 413 00:17:44,087 --> 00:17:47,091 is because my sister wanted me here. 414 00:17:47,125 --> 00:17:49,294 And? 415 00:17:49,327 --> 00:17:50,828 You're so thick-headed. 416 00:17:50,854 --> 00:17:52,983 Why do you think the chickens are here? 417 00:17:53,008 --> 00:17:55,232 I have no damn idea. 418 00:17:55,266 --> 00:17:57,435 Oh, so you want me to say it, don't you? 419 00:17:57,468 --> 00:18:00,971 Okay! I thought if there was a chicken coop here, 420 00:18:01,004 --> 00:18:02,808 you'd need somebody to help you with it. 421 00:18:02,840 --> 00:18:05,743 That would give me an excuse to come over every day. 422 00:18:05,777 --> 00:18:07,913 So, you thought if you forced me 423 00:18:07,945 --> 00:18:09,414 to become a chicken farmer, 424 00:18:09,446 --> 00:18:12,484 - I'd want you here more? - Yeah. 425 00:18:12,517 --> 00:18:13,885 Wasn't a perfect plan. 426 00:18:16,320 --> 00:18:19,156 Listen, Jackie, when Roseanne was alive, 427 00:18:19,190 --> 00:18:21,459 you'd come over, and I'd give you a hard time. 428 00:18:21,491 --> 00:18:23,861 Now, that worked for 40 years. 429 00:18:23,894 --> 00:18:25,430 I see no reason to change it now. 430 00:18:25,462 --> 00:18:27,531 So, then, why doesn't anybody ever call me 431 00:18:27,565 --> 00:18:29,334 and invite me over?! 432 00:18:29,366 --> 00:18:33,204 You don't need to be invited because you're always here! 433 00:18:33,238 --> 00:18:34,695 And why would you need an invite? 434 00:18:34,720 --> 00:18:36,337 You're family. 435 00:18:36,406 --> 00:18:38,376 So... 436 00:18:38,475 --> 00:18:40,010 you want me here, 437 00:18:40,044 --> 00:18:44,115 and if I didn't come over, you'd miss me? 438 00:18:44,147 --> 00:18:47,818 Yeah, sure. Why not? 439 00:18:47,852 --> 00:18:50,155 There we go... the reluctant compliment. 440 00:18:50,187 --> 00:18:52,597 Dan... our little game continues! 441 00:18:52,622 --> 00:18:53,724 Come here! 442 00:18:58,395 --> 00:19:00,164 Are you still gonna take Cornflakes home? 443 00:19:00,198 --> 00:19:02,000 Oh, yeah, just for a week. 444 00:19:02,032 --> 00:19:04,668 Mom says she's deathly afraid of birds. 445 00:19:04,702 --> 00:19:07,229 We're gonna find out if that's true, 446 00:19:07,254 --> 00:19:09,504 aren't we, Cornflakes? 447 00:19:14,991 --> 00:19:16,327 Hey. 448 00:19:16,391 --> 00:19:17,975 What are you doing here? 449 00:19:18,048 --> 00:19:20,017 Eh, no reason. 450 00:19:20,049 --> 00:19:21,886 Maybe gamble. 451 00:19:21,918 --> 00:19:24,040 Thought maybe I'd go find that guy 452 00:19:24,126 --> 00:19:26,376 who's been bothering you and say hey. 453 00:19:28,753 --> 00:19:31,556 Punch him till he's unconscious. 454 00:19:31,933 --> 00:19:33,068 Wait. 455 00:19:33,100 --> 00:19:35,637 So, as my boss, 456 00:19:35,669 --> 00:19:38,710 you just decided to come down here and protect me? 457 00:19:38,735 --> 00:19:42,143 There's no other feelings motivating this? 458 00:19:42,176 --> 00:19:44,354 What other feelings could I have 459 00:19:44,379 --> 00:19:45,481 that would motivate this? 460 00:19:45,503 --> 00:19:47,038 I don't know. You tell me. 461 00:19:47,071 --> 00:19:49,874 No, you tell me. 462 00:19:49,907 --> 00:19:52,032 Some people might say 463 00:19:52,057 --> 00:19:54,612 it feels like a boyfriend move? 464 00:19:54,644 --> 00:19:55,512 No! 465 00:19:55,545 --> 00:19:56,980 What? No. 466 00:19:57,014 --> 00:19:58,683 What?! 467 00:19:58,716 --> 00:20:01,285 No. That wouldn't be appropriate. 468 00:20:01,317 --> 00:20:04,122 And I think that you questioning my intentions 469 00:20:04,154 --> 00:20:07,190 is kind of a girlfriend move. 470 00:20:07,224 --> 00:20:08,459 What? No. 471 00:20:08,491 --> 00:20:10,394 What?! No. 472 00:20:12,028 --> 00:20:14,798 Hey. 473 00:20:14,832 --> 00:20:16,834 Thanks for not saying anything about the outfit. 474 00:20:16,866 --> 00:20:17,901 What outfit? 475 00:20:21,337 --> 00:20:23,507 Here you go. 476 00:20:23,541 --> 00:20:24,842 Tell you what. 477 00:20:24,874 --> 00:20:27,297 Sit on my lap for good luck, 478 00:20:27,378 --> 00:20:29,321 and I'll split my winnings with you. 479 00:20:31,414 --> 00:20:33,017 You know what? I have a better idea. 480 00:20:36,699 --> 00:20:38,301 What the hell? 481 00:20:38,389 --> 00:20:39,724 You know I'm gonna get you fired. 482 00:20:39,757 --> 00:20:41,465 Oh, I'm gonna quit before you do. 483 00:20:41,490 --> 00:20:42,528 I win again! 484 00:20:44,295 --> 00:20:46,363 I just threw a drink in the creep's face, 485 00:20:46,397 --> 00:20:47,932 and I'm quitting. 486 00:20:47,965 --> 00:20:49,600 - Really? - Yeah. 487 00:20:49,632 --> 00:20:52,269 And you know what gave me the courage to do it? 488 00:20:52,303 --> 00:20:54,305 The fact that you're giving me a raise and medical. 489 00:20:56,474 --> 00:20:57,542 And it's so great 490 00:20:57,574 --> 00:20:59,043 because I didn't think I could stay sober 491 00:20:59,075 --> 00:21:00,545 after the baby was born, 492 00:21:00,577 --> 00:21:02,345 which is why I agreed to your offer. 493 00:21:02,379 --> 00:21:04,215 But my family really stepped up. 494 00:21:04,247 --> 00:21:06,616 I mean, my sister Darlene... you know her from school... 495 00:21:06,650 --> 00:21:09,019 she was just so supportive and amazing, 496 00:21:09,053 --> 00:21:10,254 and now I'm feeling so good 497 00:21:10,286 --> 00:21:13,549 because I feel like I can finally be a responsible mom! 498 00:21:14,225 --> 00:21:15,947 We're very happy for you. 499 00:21:17,760 --> 00:21:19,899 I'm going on break, 500 00:21:19,993 --> 00:21:23,230 so Stephanie is going to take over my section. 501 00:21:23,334 --> 00:21:24,789 Don't forget to tip! 502 00:21:24,851 --> 00:21:29,851 Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx www.addic7ed.com