1
00:00:03,500 --> 00:00:06,410
Just so you know, I had the
chicken tacos last night,
2
00:00:06,480 --> 00:00:09,550
and my stomach's doing somersaults.
3
00:00:09,650 --> 00:00:10,650
Uh...
4
00:00:10,680 --> 00:00:13,180
But our specials look good.
5
00:00:13,250 --> 00:00:14,920
We have tilapia,
6
00:00:14,950 --> 00:00:18,320
which is some kind of a
greasy white fish...
7
00:00:19,890 --> 00:00:22,560
... floating in cheese.
8
00:00:22,630 --> 00:00:24,940
Please don't make me
carry that out here.
9
00:00:26,730 --> 00:00:29,180
Now that you mention it,
that's exactly what I want.
10
00:00:30,270 --> 00:00:32,000
I'm gonna go exotic tonight, Beck.
11
00:00:32,070 --> 00:00:33,250
I'll have the pupusas.
12
00:00:33,270 --> 00:00:36,520
Take me away to El Salvador.
13
00:00:36,640 --> 00:00:37,910
Look, that's fried,
14
00:00:37,980 --> 00:00:40,410
and that's covered in some
kind of chunky sauce.
15
00:00:40,420 --> 00:00:42,280
I can't do that right now.
16
00:00:42,300 --> 00:00:44,010
Oh, um...
17
00:00:44,050 --> 00:00:45,700
You go first, Neil. I'm still looking.
18
00:00:45,740 --> 00:00:48,650
Okay. Uh, I would love
the three shrimp tacos.
19
00:00:48,750 --> 00:00:49,820
Pick something else.
20
00:00:49,850 --> 00:00:52,550
A lot of shrimp is peeled by Thai kids
21
00:00:52,560 --> 00:00:53,730
forced into slave labor,
22
00:00:53,740 --> 00:00:54,979
so you think you're eating scampi,
23
00:00:54,980 --> 00:00:56,500
but really you're exploiting children.
24
00:00:57,640 --> 00:01:00,459
I got an idea. What if I just
had one small shrimp taco,
25
00:01:00,460 --> 00:01:02,320
and I feel bad about it?
26
00:01:03,400 --> 00:01:04,720
Have the chile relleno.
27
00:01:04,740 --> 00:01:06,400
They're really good here. They're vegan.
28
00:01:06,470 --> 00:01:08,710
Yeah, I don't really like those.
29
00:01:08,810 --> 00:01:10,170
No, you will.
30
00:01:11,320 --> 00:01:13,010
Could you guys hurry up?
31
00:01:13,080 --> 00:01:15,780
I'm riding out this wave here.
32
00:01:15,850 --> 00:01:17,450
I'll have a shrimp burrito,
33
00:01:17,520 --> 00:01:20,150
and I'll have Neil's shrimp tacos.
34
00:01:20,220 --> 00:01:24,000
I don't know if it's those
Thai kids' sweat or tears,
35
00:01:24,020 --> 00:01:26,100
but they're delicious.
36
00:01:30,760 --> 00:01:33,680
Hey. I'm not buying this
food poisoning thing.
37
00:01:33,700 --> 00:01:34,930
I think you're hung over.
38
00:01:35,000 --> 00:01:36,670
I'm not hung over.
39
00:01:36,770 --> 00:01:38,000
Hold on.
40
00:01:38,070 --> 00:01:40,900
You're gonna have to eat
this way down there.
41
00:01:43,640 --> 00:01:45,780
You and I are going
to a meeting tonight.
42
00:01:47,210 --> 00:01:48,940
So, Neil, what do you do for a living?
43
00:01:48,960 --> 00:01:50,310
Uh, I'm a preschool teacher.
44
00:01:50,420 --> 00:01:51,610
Preschool, huh?
45
00:01:51,720 --> 00:01:53,630
What's that, like, playing
with blocks and stuff?
46
00:01:53,650 --> 00:01:55,549
Blocks and stuff?
47
00:01:55,550 --> 00:01:58,350
Dan, they are so far beyond that now.
48
00:01:58,460 --> 00:02:00,960
Oh, no, actually, no, blocks
are a big part of it.
49
00:02:01,330 --> 00:02:03,790
Oh, well, the old ways
are still the best ways.
50
00:02:05,160 --> 00:02:07,540
We try to inspire the
children's imagination
51
00:02:07,550 --> 00:02:11,340
with nonspecific, gender-neutral,
tactile objects.
52
00:02:11,720 --> 00:02:14,500
Why would you do that when there's TV?
53
00:02:17,260 --> 00:02:19,810
Excuse me. I just gotta go tinkle.
54
00:02:19,850 --> 00:02:21,260
Sorry. It's a work term.
55
00:02:25,020 --> 00:02:26,340
- He's great, right?
- Yeah.
56
00:02:26,360 --> 00:02:28,050
Does he remind you of anybody?
57
00:02:30,220 --> 00:02:31,860
Not really. Here's a clue,
58
00:02:31,880 --> 00:02:33,490
because I want you to figure it out.
59
00:02:33,500 --> 00:02:35,360
David!
60
00:02:37,620 --> 00:02:38,680
What?
61
00:02:40,100 --> 00:02:41,799
No... No way.
62
00:02:41,800 --> 00:02:43,570
Two entirely different people.
63
00:02:43,600 --> 00:02:45,560
Wait, wait. That wasn't David?
64
00:02:45,570 --> 00:02:47,100
No!
65
00:02:47,120 --> 00:02:48,770
She's controlling Neil
66
00:02:48,800 --> 00:02:52,040
the same way she controlled David.
67
00:02:52,050 --> 00:02:54,480
He has the same jumpy,
scared eyes as David.
68
00:02:54,500 --> 00:02:55,950
Are you sure that wasn't David?
69
00:02:58,220 --> 00:02:59,660
Hey, sorry we're late.
70
00:02:59,700 --> 00:03:01,759
I had to get Harris to
watch Mary and Mark.
71
00:03:01,760 --> 00:03:04,190
We had to lie and tell her
she'd get money for it.
72
00:03:04,260 --> 00:03:05,840
That's gonna be a fight later.
73
00:03:07,360 --> 00:03:08,390
Sorry.
74
00:03:08,460 --> 00:03:10,220
Oh, Neil, this is my brother, D.J.,
75
00:03:10,260 --> 00:03:11,340
- and his wife, Geena.
- Oh, hey.
76
00:03:11,360 --> 00:03:12,400
- Hi.
- Hi.
77
00:03:12,450 --> 00:03:14,010
We were just talking
about whether people
78
00:03:14,030 --> 00:03:16,630
tend to date the same
types over and over.
79
00:03:16,650 --> 00:03:18,740
- What do you think?
- Oh, pbht, absolutely.
80
00:03:18,800 --> 00:03:20,116
For... For example, I used to have
81
00:03:20,140 --> 00:03:22,640
a horribly self-destructive
thing for dominant women.
82
00:03:22,740 --> 00:03:24,770
They... Ugh.
83
00:03:24,800 --> 00:03:27,080
They'd push me around,
and I'd feel awful.
84
00:03:27,100 --> 00:03:29,050
But I... I got over that.
85
00:03:30,450 --> 00:03:32,580
By the way, I... I
really need to apologize
86
00:03:32,650 --> 00:03:34,380
for that whole shrimp thing. I...
87
00:03:35,350 --> 00:03:36,800
I don't know who that guy was.
88
00:03:38,500 --> 00:03:40,900
Oh, I think we all know who that was.
89
00:03:42,490 --> 00:03:47,490
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
90
00:04:19,100 --> 00:04:20,200
"The Conners" is recorded
91
00:04:20,210 --> 00:04:22,120
in front of a live studio audience.
92
00:04:22,340 --> 00:04:23,920
Just broke up with Neil.
93
00:04:23,960 --> 00:04:26,000
Ohh. How'd he take it?
94
00:04:26,160 --> 00:04:28,670
Uh, he was devastated
95
00:04:28,700 --> 00:04:30,940
until I told him that he wasn't.
96
00:04:32,920 --> 00:04:35,709
I can't believe I was about to
make the same mistake again.
97
00:04:35,710 --> 00:04:37,719
Well, it's never too late to change.
98
00:04:37,720 --> 00:04:40,580
I've found that vocalizing
my feelings really helps.
99
00:04:40,600 --> 00:04:44,800
Last night, I suggested that
Peter might want to get a job,
100
00:04:45,020 --> 00:04:48,690
and he started packing his bags,
101
00:04:48,790 --> 00:04:51,360
and I decided to vocalize
102
00:04:51,460 --> 00:04:54,260
that I would do anything if he stayed,
103
00:04:54,270 --> 00:04:55,970
and he stayed!
104
00:04:58,900 --> 00:05:01,020
That just seems like desperation.
105
00:05:01,060 --> 00:05:04,040
Mm. To the untrained eye.
106
00:05:09,160 --> 00:05:11,380
I could use a laugh. What's that?
107
00:05:11,420 --> 00:05:12,830
I needed something to read, so I grabbed
108
00:05:12,850 --> 00:05:14,120
the new edition of Lock 'Em Up
109
00:05:14,220 --> 00:05:16,150
off the counter at the AM-PM.
110
00:05:16,250 --> 00:05:19,219
Ah, nothing says "fine literature"
111
00:05:19,220 --> 00:05:21,980
like the counter at the AM-PM.
112
00:05:22,140 --> 00:05:23,430
No, it's a hoot.
113
00:05:23,530 --> 00:05:25,176
They print the mug shots
of all the arrests
114
00:05:25,200 --> 00:05:27,030
in Lanford every month.
115
00:05:27,130 --> 00:05:29,630
This woman shot her
mother in her garage.
116
00:05:29,730 --> 00:05:31,700
She said she thought it was a weasel.
117
00:05:34,200 --> 00:05:36,910
Does it say if she got away with it?
118
00:05:36,920 --> 00:05:38,400
Oh, no. It doesn't matter.
119
00:05:38,410 --> 00:05:40,010
I don't have a garage.
120
00:05:42,010 --> 00:05:43,880
Well, the mug shots are pretty,
121
00:05:43,900 --> 00:05:45,780
but the real crime here is the writing.
122
00:05:46,960 --> 00:05:49,079
Oh, whoa. They're looking for a writer
123
00:05:49,080 --> 00:05:51,180
with copy-editing
experience. I have that.
124
00:05:51,320 --> 00:05:53,440
Yeah, but this is just
sensationalist garbage
125
00:05:53,460 --> 00:05:54,590
anybody could write.
126
00:05:54,630 --> 00:05:57,640
I know. I better get my
résumé together real quick.
127
00:05:58,330 --> 00:06:00,160
Okay, everybody get in here.
128
00:06:00,170 --> 00:06:01,720
I have news.
129
00:06:02,080 --> 00:06:03,850
All right, you're never
gonna believe this,
130
00:06:03,950 --> 00:06:06,620
but I wasn't nauseous at work
because I was hung over...
131
00:06:06,690 --> 00:06:08,020
Dad.
132
00:06:10,830 --> 00:06:12,730
I was sick because...
133
00:06:12,790 --> 00:06:13,930
I'm pregnant!
134
00:06:13,940 --> 00:06:14,950
Aaah!
135
00:06:17,200 --> 00:06:19,770
I can't believe it!
136
00:06:19,830 --> 00:06:21,000
Ohhhh!
137
00:06:21,020 --> 00:06:24,540
Your doctor gave you
less than a 5% chance!
138
00:06:24,640 --> 00:06:27,470
I know, but I had unsafe
sex, and it worked!
139
00:06:31,380 --> 00:06:33,880
You should speak at the high school.
140
00:06:34,900 --> 00:06:36,780
This is a full-on miracle.
141
00:06:36,800 --> 00:06:38,350
You were meant to be a mom.
142
00:06:38,420 --> 00:06:41,160
The doctor said that you were
too old and too pickled...
143
00:06:43,360 --> 00:06:47,130
... but God filled
that uterus with life.
144
00:06:48,740 --> 00:06:51,740
He didn't say "pickled."
Darlene said that.
145
00:06:53,000 --> 00:06:54,670
Oh, yeah, that was one of mine.
146
00:06:58,680 --> 00:07:00,580
We got to celebrate this now,
147
00:07:00,690 --> 00:07:01,879
'cause once the baby comes,
148
00:07:01,880 --> 00:07:03,689
you won't get a moment's peace.
149
00:07:03,690 --> 00:07:04,989
I had had to go to Afghanistan
150
00:07:04,990 --> 00:07:06,590
just to get a decent night's sleep.
151
00:07:08,820 --> 00:07:10,830
Mary thought she was always gonna
be the baby of the family.
152
00:07:10,850 --> 00:07:13,480
She's gonna learn what
every Conner learns...
153
00:07:13,550 --> 00:07:14,720
no one is special.
154
00:07:14,770 --> 00:07:15,820
Mm.
155
00:07:17,140 --> 00:07:18,220
To Becky.
156
00:07:18,290 --> 00:07:20,550
I think I speak for everyone when I say
157
00:07:20,560 --> 00:07:23,060
we can't wait to see how this plays out.
158
00:07:25,460 --> 00:07:27,260
God, I wish Mom was here.
159
00:07:27,700 --> 00:07:29,530
She would be so excited.
160
00:07:29,640 --> 00:07:31,000
She knows.
161
00:07:31,060 --> 00:07:33,660
So, you gonna tell us? Who's the father?
162
00:07:33,670 --> 00:07:34,940
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
163
00:07:35,040 --> 00:07:36,410
Whoa!
164
00:07:36,480 --> 00:07:38,000
Privacy, people.
165
00:07:38,010 --> 00:07:40,780
This is Becky's business
and nobody else.
166
00:07:44,400 --> 00:07:47,080
There is a father, biologically.
167
00:07:47,100 --> 00:07:48,400
I'm just not gonna tell him.
168
00:07:49,120 --> 00:07:51,350
I don't need a man to raise my kid.
169
00:07:51,420 --> 00:07:54,390
You know, it's not a crime for
a baby to have two parents.
170
00:07:54,460 --> 00:07:55,799
It's lovely to be independent,
171
00:07:55,800 --> 00:07:57,240
but not if the baby has to suffer
172
00:07:57,260 --> 00:07:59,660
because you don't have
the time or the money
173
00:07:59,770 --> 00:08:01,300
to take care of him properly.
174
00:08:01,470 --> 00:08:04,460
I'm not trying to prove
how independent I am.
175
00:08:05,240 --> 00:08:07,020
There's other reasons
I'm not telling him.
176
00:08:07,310 --> 00:08:08,400
Like what?
177
00:08:08,570 --> 00:08:10,410
Like it was a one-night stand.
178
00:08:12,180 --> 00:08:15,180
Oh. Well, let's check the Becky board.
179
00:08:16,250 --> 00:08:17,510
Number-one answer?
180
00:08:17,620 --> 00:08:19,480
Ding! "One-night stand."
181
00:08:22,350 --> 00:08:25,460
I'm just saying, I don't have
a relationship with the guy.
182
00:08:25,520 --> 00:08:27,740
He's a stranger, and I'm not gonna have
183
00:08:27,760 --> 00:08:29,860
a stranger telling me
how to raise my kid.
184
00:08:29,960 --> 00:08:31,290
He's still the father.
185
00:08:31,400 --> 00:08:33,560
The father has a right to know.
186
00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:36,100
And you're gonna need help with money.
187
00:08:36,170 --> 00:08:37,830
I got to let you go.
188
00:08:37,940 --> 00:08:39,740
You can't do drywall
when you're pregnant.
189
00:08:39,810 --> 00:08:41,870
Why not? Pregnant women
work all the time.
190
00:08:41,940 --> 00:08:43,150
Not on construction sites.
191
00:08:43,160 --> 00:08:46,120
They're dangerous and full
of all kinds of toxic stuff.
192
00:08:47,010 --> 00:08:49,080
You know how many babies
I've had to let go?
193
00:08:51,020 --> 00:08:53,320
And they always cry.
194
00:08:55,400 --> 00:08:56,990
So you're firing me?
195
00:08:57,000 --> 00:08:58,500
I really need the money.
196
00:08:58,680 --> 00:09:00,860
You can come back when
you have the baby.
197
00:09:02,100 --> 00:09:03,180
Wow.
198
00:09:03,200 --> 00:09:05,999
I wasn't looking for support
from the baby's father,
199
00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:08,800
but I thought I might get
some from my family.
200
00:09:11,380 --> 00:09:13,570
Where would she get that idea?
201
00:09:19,980 --> 00:09:22,200
Sorry. I didn't see a receptionist.
202
00:09:22,320 --> 00:09:24,350
People kept mistaking us
for The New York Times,
203
00:09:24,400 --> 00:09:25,980
so I had to let her go.
204
00:09:27,390 --> 00:09:29,040
Hey, I don't care how small it is.
205
00:09:29,050 --> 00:09:31,640
The fact that anything's being
published in Lanford at all
206
00:09:31,660 --> 00:09:32,660
is pretty sweet.
207
00:09:32,760 --> 00:09:34,460
I'm here about the job.
208
00:09:34,530 --> 00:09:36,260
Oh.
209
00:09:36,300 --> 00:09:39,000
Nice to meet you... Darlene Conner.
210
00:09:39,020 --> 00:09:40,320
Ben.
211
00:09:40,380 --> 00:09:41,606
If you turn out not to be a nut,
212
00:09:41,630 --> 00:09:43,300
I'll tell you my last name.
213
00:09:45,260 --> 00:09:48,580
Um, "waitress at the casino," huh?
214
00:09:48,810 --> 00:09:50,960
Humble brag.
215
00:09:52,710 --> 00:09:54,880
Why'd you leave the job
writing ad copy in Chicago?
216
00:09:55,180 --> 00:09:58,460
Oh, um, it was a combination of things.
217
00:09:58,580 --> 00:10:00,780
I hated the job, they paid nothing,
218
00:10:00,820 --> 00:10:02,920
and then they fired me...
that was the last straw.
219
00:10:04,160 --> 00:10:05,490
Why'd they fire you?
220
00:10:05,560 --> 00:10:07,040
They started using freelancers.
221
00:10:07,060 --> 00:10:08,540
But it worked out because
I had to come back
222
00:10:08,560 --> 00:10:09,570
to help my dad anyway.
223
00:10:09,590 --> 00:10:11,590
So this job would be perfect for me,
224
00:10:11,700 --> 00:10:15,000
and... and honestly, I think
I would be perfect for you
225
00:10:15,070 --> 00:10:16,500
because your paper right now
226
00:10:16,570 --> 00:10:18,470
is just full of a lot of dry facts,
227
00:10:18,540 --> 00:10:20,170
and I think that I could really make
228
00:10:20,180 --> 00:10:22,940
the arsonists and carjackers
people you want to know.
229
00:10:27,220 --> 00:10:28,240
No.
230
00:10:29,700 --> 00:10:32,020
People read this paper to see mug shots,
231
00:10:32,040 --> 00:10:33,849
find out who beat,
stabbed, or robbed who,
232
00:10:33,850 --> 00:10:35,520
and if they live next door.
233
00:10:35,590 --> 00:10:38,220
Oh, and if it's a relative, you know.
234
00:10:38,250 --> 00:10:40,620
Everybody likes to see an
in-law get taken down.
235
00:10:42,180 --> 00:10:44,730
Okay, cool, so, why don't
we take what you're doing
236
00:10:44,760 --> 00:10:46,380
and use that as a jumping-off place?
237
00:10:46,960 --> 00:10:50,070
Or we do what we're doing
and keep doing it.
238
00:10:51,720 --> 00:10:52,800
I get it.
239
00:10:52,820 --> 00:10:55,240
Go slow, don't freak the readers out...
240
00:10:55,310 --> 00:10:56,710
small changes first.
241
00:10:56,810 --> 00:10:59,820
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Or no changes,
242
00:11:00,150 --> 00:11:02,950
and then later...
243
00:11:03,010 --> 00:11:05,440
no changes.
244
00:11:06,580 --> 00:11:08,950
Oh, yeah. Okay. I hear you. I hear you.
245
00:11:09,020 --> 00:11:10,820
Deepen the story, but just a little
246
00:11:10,840 --> 00:11:12,720
until you see how much
better you like it.
247
00:11:13,680 --> 00:11:17,790
Or you do it precisely as I
say, and you can keep your job.
248
00:11:19,180 --> 00:11:20,960
Wait. Did you just hire me?
249
00:11:22,240 --> 00:11:23,470
Yes.
250
00:11:23,540 --> 00:11:24,760
Oh, and the pay sucks.
251
00:11:24,840 --> 00:11:27,300
- Ah, thank you!
- Yeah.
252
00:11:28,160 --> 00:11:30,480
That's your office. You
can go home at 6:00.
253
00:11:31,380 --> 00:11:32,940
Uh, I have kids.
254
00:11:33,010 --> 00:11:34,310
Oh. I'm sorry.
255
00:11:34,320 --> 00:11:38,110
Um, you can stay as late as you want.
256
00:11:40,950 --> 00:11:42,650
You know, when I first found out,
257
00:11:42,720 --> 00:11:44,360
I was so excited.
258
00:11:44,590 --> 00:11:48,020
But then I remembered I'm
43, on my own, and broke.
259
00:11:48,090 --> 00:11:49,540
Maybe your dad's right.
260
00:11:49,560 --> 00:11:52,130
Maybe you could bring the
baby's father into the mix,
261
00:11:52,230 --> 00:11:53,960
just to help with expenses.
262
00:11:54,070 --> 00:11:55,570
- Who is it?
- I can't tell you.
263
00:11:55,630 --> 00:11:56,670
All right, I get it.
264
00:11:56,770 --> 00:11:58,530
The sanctity of the intimate act,
265
00:11:58,600 --> 00:12:01,460
the stoic silence between lovers.
266
00:12:01,660 --> 00:12:04,200
No, I mean I don't know
who the hell it is.
267
00:12:05,600 --> 00:12:09,280
It's either Ramon, the manager,
or Emilio, the busboy.
268
00:12:09,380 --> 00:12:11,410
O-Oh, okay.
269
00:12:11,480 --> 00:12:13,960
A very mature, modern dilemma.
270
00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:17,140
Like many of our most
popular romantic comedies,
271
00:12:17,190 --> 00:12:19,490
but with much-needed diversity.
272
00:12:20,660 --> 00:12:23,330
Well, Ramon's the manager.
273
00:12:23,400 --> 00:12:25,300
Is it wrong to tell him he's the father
274
00:12:25,360 --> 00:12:27,000
just because he's in a better position
275
00:12:27,070 --> 00:12:29,270
to shell out a few bucks
to help with the baby?
276
00:12:29,330 --> 00:12:31,980
You are a mother. You do
what's best for the baby.
277
00:12:32,140 --> 00:12:33,470
Go, Ramon!
278
00:12:35,940 --> 00:12:38,300
Um, Ramon?
279
00:12:38,360 --> 00:12:40,910
The Sprite's low on CO2.
280
00:12:40,980 --> 00:12:43,920
Also, hey, I'm pregnant,
and you're the father.
281
00:12:45,020 --> 00:12:47,580
I know because I haven't
been with any other men.
282
00:12:47,680 --> 00:12:49,240
It's not mine.
283
00:12:49,420 --> 00:12:50,840
Normal reaction.
284
00:12:50,940 --> 00:12:53,320
No one feels it can happen to them.
285
00:12:53,460 --> 00:12:55,360
But here we are.
286
00:12:55,430 --> 00:12:57,040
And I'm sure you'll do the right thing
287
00:12:57,060 --> 00:12:58,540
by helping me financially.
288
00:12:58,730 --> 00:13:00,030
I had a vasectomy.
289
00:13:00,900 --> 00:13:03,840
Ironically, that used
to be music to my ears.
290
00:13:06,940 --> 00:13:09,240
I assume I'm working
holidays for a while.
291
00:13:12,610 --> 00:13:13,680
It's the busboy.
292
00:13:13,780 --> 00:13:15,350
Ohhh!
293
00:13:15,410 --> 00:13:16,820
Well, think!
294
00:13:16,860 --> 00:13:18,656
There's got to be somebody
else you slept with
295
00:13:18,680 --> 00:13:20,560
that's got money.
296
00:13:20,580 --> 00:13:22,719
Hey. It is told to me,
297
00:13:22,720 --> 00:13:25,820
um, you have my baby?
298
00:13:25,840 --> 00:13:27,140
Who told you that?
299
00:13:27,390 --> 00:13:28,520
Ramon.
300
00:13:28,590 --> 00:13:30,660
He said it is me.
301
00:13:30,720 --> 00:13:32,460
This is gonna get complicated.
302
00:13:32,560 --> 00:13:34,060
Could you help me out?
303
00:13:34,130 --> 00:13:36,270
The only thing I know how
to say in Spanish is "Yes."
304
00:13:36,300 --> 00:13:38,400
Yeah, I figured that out.
305
00:13:40,760 --> 00:13:43,240
Just tell him the truth.
306
00:13:43,320 --> 00:13:45,139
_
307
00:13:46,300 --> 00:13:50,020
_
308
00:13:50,320 --> 00:13:52,020
_
309
00:13:52,060 --> 00:13:54,640
_
310
00:13:54,690 --> 00:13:57,280
_
311
00:13:57,300 --> 00:13:59,640
_
312
00:13:59,680 --> 00:14:00,759
Mm.
313
00:14:00,760 --> 00:14:03,600
_
314
00:14:05,710 --> 00:14:08,140
_
315
00:14:08,170 --> 00:14:09,170
Oh, sí.
316
00:14:09,200 --> 00:14:11,370
Oh, he wants to take care of the baby.
317
00:14:11,470 --> 00:14:13,640
The rest, I'm... I don't... I...
318
00:14:15,640 --> 00:14:17,370
Muchos gracias.
319
00:14:17,480 --> 00:14:19,980
No baby help, por favor.
320
00:14:20,080 --> 00:14:21,120
No.
321
00:14:30,220 --> 00:14:32,040
He's not giving up,
322
00:14:32,490 --> 00:14:35,820
but first, he's going to fix the Sprite.
323
00:14:40,070 --> 00:14:41,680
_
324
00:14:41,720 --> 00:14:47,060
_
325
00:14:47,100 --> 00:14:51,480
_
326
00:14:51,560 --> 00:14:55,660
_
327
00:14:55,780 --> 00:14:58,280
That must be hard for you
to do this type of work.
328
00:14:58,760 --> 00:15:00,620
_
329
00:15:00,720 --> 00:15:02,760
_
330
00:15:02,800 --> 00:15:04,660
_
331
00:15:04,700 --> 00:15:06,760
_
332
00:15:06,980 --> 00:15:09,920
You're a good man, Emilio.
And I can help you.
333
00:15:09,990 --> 00:15:13,260
Not only am I Lanford's
leading certified life coach,
334
00:15:13,300 --> 00:15:14,990
I can also teach you English.
335
00:15:15,060 --> 00:15:16,280
Gracias.
336
00:15:16,340 --> 00:15:17,800
_
337
00:15:17,860 --> 00:15:19,099
_
338
00:15:19,100 --> 00:15:20,630
Mm.
339
00:15:22,440 --> 00:15:23,640
Hey, Becky.
340
00:15:23,680 --> 00:15:25,470
Hey, Maria. Hey, Bridget.
341
00:15:25,540 --> 00:15:26,840
Are you guys ready to order?
342
00:15:26,910 --> 00:15:28,810
Yeah, two taco combos, please.
343
00:15:28,910 --> 00:15:30,380
And three margaritas.
344
00:15:30,440 --> 00:15:32,180
Throw in a margarita for yourself.
345
00:15:33,980 --> 00:15:35,080
Are you okay?
346
00:15:36,680 --> 00:15:38,820
I'm experiencing a miracle.
347
00:15:38,920 --> 00:15:40,540
It's a very small gesture.
348
00:15:40,550 --> 00:15:42,750
It's like $2, and they're mostly ice.
349
00:15:44,770 --> 00:15:46,600
I can't drink. I'm pregnant.
350
00:15:46,990 --> 00:15:49,919
Becky! I'm so happy for you!
351
00:15:49,920 --> 00:15:51,099
You should be happy.
352
00:15:51,100 --> 00:15:52,380
We've been trying for years,
353
00:15:52,400 --> 00:15:54,400
but Maria has a tilted uterus,
354
00:15:54,430 --> 00:15:56,030
and I'm shooting blanks.
355
00:15:57,000 --> 00:16:00,110
I don't know if I can afford this baby.
356
00:16:00,170 --> 00:16:04,740
I just lost my second
job, the dad can't help,
357
00:16:04,810 --> 00:16:07,320
and...
358
00:16:07,420 --> 00:16:09,080
... I just...
359
00:16:09,380 --> 00:16:12,180
Oh, honey, it's gonna be okay.
360
00:16:12,450 --> 00:16:13,950
Thanks, guys.
361
00:16:14,020 --> 00:16:15,720
Let me get you your drinks.
362
00:16:19,120 --> 00:16:21,340
This might sound kind of cold,
363
00:16:21,360 --> 00:16:22,930
but I want her baby.
364
00:16:24,140 --> 00:16:27,030
Maria, we're not dingoes.
365
00:16:27,050 --> 00:16:29,120
But Becky might be the perfect person.
366
00:16:29,140 --> 00:16:31,140
I mean, we know her, she knows us.
367
00:16:31,200 --> 00:16:33,150
She could even still be
involved in the baby's life.
368
00:16:33,170 --> 00:16:34,810
It's good for everybody.
369
00:16:34,880 --> 00:16:38,640
It's a huge decision for us
that we shouldn't take lightly.
370
00:16:38,710 --> 00:16:41,080
Let me pound some margaritas,
and we'll talk about it.
371
00:16:42,820 --> 00:16:44,880
It's a little rough, but check it out.
372
00:16:46,150 --> 00:16:50,050
"Driven by years of closed doors
and systematic oppression,
373
00:16:50,120 --> 00:16:53,640
Eddie Ray Garrett lunged at
the gas station cashier,
374
00:16:53,660 --> 00:16:55,620
who ended Eddie's career of crime
375
00:16:55,640 --> 00:16:57,060
with a full...
376
00:16:57,130 --> 00:16:59,760
UNICEF can to the temple."
377
00:17:02,020 --> 00:17:03,980
The title is "Give Till It Hurts."
378
00:17:04,000 --> 00:17:05,660
Pretty great, right?
379
00:17:05,940 --> 00:17:07,620
No!
380
00:17:07,940 --> 00:17:09,040
Very great?
381
00:17:10,320 --> 00:17:12,680
You have overestimated
382
00:17:12,710 --> 00:17:14,440
the reading level of our audience.
383
00:17:14,460 --> 00:17:15,800
Okay? Uh...
384
00:17:15,820 --> 00:17:17,900
- You ever seen "Frankenstein"?
- Yeah.
385
00:17:17,920 --> 00:17:20,490
Okay, that's the reading
level of our audience.
386
00:17:21,760 --> 00:17:23,720
And not the doctor... the creature.
387
00:17:24,820 --> 00:17:28,540
I'll give you till "he
lunged at the cashier,"
388
00:17:28,560 --> 00:17:30,180
but then we're out.
389
00:17:30,430 --> 00:17:32,399
Okay, but let's just say
390
00:17:32,400 --> 00:17:35,500
we raise the quality of the writing.
391
00:17:35,570 --> 00:17:37,570
Then we get the doctor and the creature,
392
00:17:37,640 --> 00:17:39,270
and we increase our ad revenue.
393
00:17:39,340 --> 00:17:41,210
Look.
394
00:17:41,270 --> 00:17:43,240
You're clearly intelligent
395
00:17:43,310 --> 00:17:47,340
and have an... obnoxious
kind of integrity.
396
00:17:48,660 --> 00:17:51,750
That is dangerously
close to a compliment.
397
00:17:51,850 --> 00:17:53,880
Well, you can consider
it one if you want.
398
00:17:53,890 --> 00:17:55,690
It wasn't meant that way.
399
00:17:56,620 --> 00:18:01,700
And you are remarkably
stubborn and self-sabotaging.
400
00:18:02,820 --> 00:18:05,200
I was wondering when
you were gonna notice.
401
00:18:07,460 --> 00:18:11,240
Seriously, you've built
something great here.
402
00:18:11,340 --> 00:18:14,110
It's fascinating, it's macabre.
403
00:18:14,210 --> 00:18:15,650
But you just haven't even started
404
00:18:15,680 --> 00:18:17,780
to exploit it properly yet.
405
00:18:23,050 --> 00:18:24,920
That's where I keep my paper clips.
406
00:18:27,120 --> 00:18:29,140
And a dead moth, apparently.
407
00:18:30,880 --> 00:18:33,060
Look, here's the thing.
408
00:18:33,160 --> 00:18:35,930
The colorful writing is just the start.
409
00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:37,880
There is so much more we can do here.
410
00:18:38,920 --> 00:18:41,330
For example, I can
create a website for us.
411
00:18:41,370 --> 00:18:43,660
That's a great way to
attract younger readers.
412
00:18:43,940 --> 00:18:46,050
You know how to create a website?
413
00:18:46,080 --> 00:18:49,240
I do. I can have it up and
running in two weeks.
414
00:18:51,080 --> 00:18:52,540
Okay.
415
00:18:52,650 --> 00:18:54,450
Here's what I'll do.
416
00:18:54,510 --> 00:18:56,750
You are now the managing editor
417
00:18:56,780 --> 00:18:59,580
in charge of our new
Internet Department.
418
00:19:00,000 --> 00:19:01,720
And...
419
00:19:01,790 --> 00:19:04,800
And you get 10% of all
the income you generate.
420
00:19:04,990 --> 00:19:06,850
Oh. And I have complete
creative control.
421
00:19:06,890 --> 00:19:08,560
Not even close.
422
00:19:10,760 --> 00:19:12,300
Hey, let's celebrate, huh?
423
00:19:12,400 --> 00:19:13,700
Dinner's on me.
424
00:19:14,630 --> 00:19:16,580
Desperate and hungry,
425
00:19:16,600 --> 00:19:18,970
he... lunged for his phone.
426
00:19:21,420 --> 00:19:22,430
Okay.
427
00:19:23,680 --> 00:19:25,300
Now you're just being a jerk.
428
00:19:26,750 --> 00:19:28,600
Oh, it's busy.
429
00:19:28,660 --> 00:19:29,920
Well, I think I speak
430
00:19:29,940 --> 00:19:31,719
for everyone in the Internet Department
431
00:19:31,720 --> 00:19:34,090
when I say I think we
can go out for dinner.
432
00:19:34,190 --> 00:19:35,420
What do you like?
433
00:19:35,520 --> 00:19:37,080
Uh, Chinese?
434
00:19:37,180 --> 00:19:39,060
I could go for some shrimp fried rice.
435
00:19:40,760 --> 00:19:42,730
Um...
436
00:19:45,060 --> 00:19:47,530
You probably... You
probably don't know this.
437
00:19:47,630 --> 00:19:50,850
Uh, most of the shrimp we eat
isn't processed ethically,
438
00:19:50,860 --> 00:19:52,540
so you don't want to get that.
439
00:19:53,310 --> 00:19:55,010
Ohhh.
440
00:19:55,110 --> 00:19:56,390
You're confused.
441
00:19:56,410 --> 00:19:58,140
You thought I was a child,
442
00:19:58,180 --> 00:20:01,010
when I'm actually a grown-ass adult.
443
00:20:04,220 --> 00:20:07,440
Yeah. I-I didn't mean to push.
That's not who I am.
444
00:20:07,450 --> 00:20:08,490
Oh, great.
445
00:20:10,190 --> 00:20:11,190
Let's go.
446
00:20:13,100 --> 00:20:14,830
Hope you like 'em thick.
447
00:20:14,860 --> 00:20:17,160
I just about burned out the motor.
448
00:20:22,100 --> 00:20:23,670
We're gonna need spoons.
449
00:20:26,270 --> 00:20:27,760
So, when you and Mom found out
450
00:20:27,770 --> 00:20:29,459
you were gonna have
me, did you freak out?
451
00:20:29,460 --> 00:20:30,479
Only a little.
452
00:20:30,480 --> 00:20:33,060
We didn't know how bad
you were gonna turn out.
453
00:20:34,260 --> 00:20:36,680
The truth is, I remember thinking,
454
00:20:36,780 --> 00:20:39,320
"Oh, my God. I got to be a grown-up now.
455
00:20:39,420 --> 00:20:44,060
I got to buy life insurance,
mutual funds, save for college."
456
00:20:44,120 --> 00:20:47,890
But after a couple of years,
that panic goes away.
457
00:20:47,990 --> 00:20:49,660
And you just forget about that stuff.
458
00:20:52,330 --> 00:20:54,530
At least you had Mom
to go through it with.
459
00:20:54,630 --> 00:20:55,900
Yeah.
460
00:20:56,300 --> 00:20:58,509
Two parents isn't the worst
thing in the world to have.
461
00:20:58,510 --> 00:21:00,470
Just doing milkshakes now, Dad.
462
00:21:02,080 --> 00:21:06,360
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