Previously...
[Billy] Hi, Miri. I've got it. It's amazing.
He could have been a top surgeon on Harley Street
-raking it in by now. -I never wanted that.
You should be proud of him and stop being such a...
If you really want your wife back,
you need to work hard.
It takes time to forgive someone properly.
He was the chief inspector, Miri.
It's me, Tina.
-Tuna? -[Janice] And you're
the town criminal with a grudge to bear.
They're coming for you first.
You need to go to the police, Mandy.
The police can come to me if they want me.
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!
I'm bad news, Billy.
I think you're a good egg
who's had some bad luck.
[Geri beeping]
plaintive, contemplative music
tense, ominous music
[woman] And you find yourself
on a beautiful beach
on a warm summer's day.
Oh, Geri. Where are you?
[woman] You can hear the waves
lapping gently against the shore.
Washing over your worries
and taking them away.
This is a safe space.
Your special place.
Nothing can hurt you here.
-[line rings] -[Mandy] Hi, this is Mandy.
I can't get to the phone right now.
Please leave a message.
[Miri] Mandy, it's me.
Um, I can't do this.
I can't k-keep waiting for someone to come and get me
for something that I didn't do.
So I am giving you this morning to do the right thing
and to go down to the police station
and to tell them the truth about what happened.
Or, well, I'm-I'm gonna have to go in
-and do that for you. -[keys jangling]
slow, plaintive music
[both scream]
Ow! Ow!
Oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to--
-How did you...? -Well, you gave me some keys.
-Oh, yeah. -So sorry.
Your flippers are strong.
Arm wrestling. Prison.
-Really? -Champion.
Wow. Did not know that about you.
[both sigh]
Well, hello, Miri.
Hi.
...to go down to the police station
and to tell them the truth about what happened.
Or, well, I'm-I'm gonna have to go in and do that for you.
[faucet turns off]
Thank you.
Last night was...
That thing you did
-with my perineum-- -Right, the girls need
-their breakfast, Mark. Yeah. -On it.
Hey, guess what just arrived?
Only the best waffle maker on the market.
That's brekkie sorted.
[high-pitched ringing]
[ringing stops]
Sorry, I'm still... I'm still a bit asleep.
[Miri] Billy, I'm-I'm trying to say
that the last time I saw her
was in the lighthouse.
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, fucking hell!
Fuck! Oh.
If they figure out where it happened
and find Geri, they'll think I killed him.
So I, um, I told Mandy
that if she doesn't tell the truth,
then I will.
But they won't believe you.
-Right. Sorry. -Oh, God!
Sorry. But we are not gonna mope.
-Okay. -There are things
that I haven't done yet
but I've longed to do, and this...
this could be our last day.
-Don't. -Well, morning.
-Please. -Together.
-No, no. -And my last moments
-of freedom. -Stop it.
It could be. It could be. So we are gonna
make it amazing.
Oh, yeah.
-We're gonna have fun. -Okay.
-[Miri laughs] -Darlings!
-Oh, God. -[Gaia] Don't you both
-look adorable. How's my boy? -[Billy chuckles]
Oh, you are so scrawny.
-Oh. -He was such a fat little boy.
-[Miri chuckles softly] -And hairy. Like a furball.
I'm joking. [mouths]
-Um, I'm so sorry about-- -Those cheeks.
-Oh. -[Billy] Mum,
what are you doing here?
I was just passing by. Um, wanted to see you.
-[Billy chuckles] -[Miri] Again, I am...
-I'm so sorry. -No need.
No, but I am because it...
-it was your birthday. -Sixtieth.
-Yeah. And I totally-- -[Gaia] Called me a cunt?
-Water under the bridge. -[Miri chuckles]
Right, Mum, uh, uh, Miri and I,
-we're-we're actually going-- -You're not.
-No, but we are. -That is so weird.
So am I. What are the chances? [chuckles, gasps softly]
-What? You're going to the-- -Yeah.
-You like al-- -Love.
-But you hate all-- -I don't.
-But are you actually going-- -[chuckles] Yes.
That's where I was going. I was just on my way.
-[Billy] Oh. -[Gaia] Let's go together.
-Great. -[Gaia chuckles]
plaintive, atmospheric music
[Geri beeping]
[beeping stops]
[door opens, closes]
-[Caroline] Was that Miri? -They've just driven off
in convoy with Billy's mother.
-Very glamorous woman. -[Caroline] Oh?
I heard she's hard work.
[chuckles] Don't panic, darling. She's not my type.
She's no Jane Fonda.
I can't imagine her protesting about anything.
-[door locks] -[chuckles]
-Are you in disguise? -No.
Don't want my hair to get litter in it.
You do want to help, don't you, Caroline?
I do. I do. Let's make Hythe green.
Clean.
[keys jangle]
slow, atmospheric music
[engine starts]
[car door opens, closes]
-Oh. -Oh, thanks.
-[chuckles] Okay. -[chuckles]
-Ah! -Ah.
[Miri] I can't believe we're actually here.
-[Billy] Are you happy? -[Miri] Yeah.
I've always loved them, but I've never seen them
-up close before. -[chuckles]
Wonderful! My little furry friends.
Just, uh, just pretend she's not here.
-Yeah. -[Gaia] Love llamas.
-Alpacas. -What's the difference?
Uh, shorter ears, different hair,
-size. -[Gaia] All right.
Completely different temperaments.
Yeah, all right. Calm down.
I really, really love alpacas.
-Sorry. -It's all right.
-She's your mum. It's important. -[Sue] Welcome.
-Oh. -Hi.
Oh, we only had two
-booked for the trek. -[Gaia] Well,
now you have three.
Oh, right. [inhales sharply]
-Um... -[Miri] Yes.
[Miri and Sue chuckle]
We're not normally open at this time of year,
but when I heard it was you, I screamed.
Oh, no, with excitement.
-I wasn't frightened. [chuckles] -Good.
[Sue] Big fan.
You're going to love Mimi.
-Aw. -Mimi, meet Miri.
Hi, Mimi.
-[Billy] Aw. -[Mimi hums]
-She looks a bit like you. -[laughing]
-Doesn't she? [chuckling] -She does.
[Billy] Big eyes. Strong fringe.
Locked up in a pen. [chuckles]
wistful, atmospheric music
[indistinct chatter]
[Oscar] Caroline!
I've found a vessel.
[Mimi bleating]
Yeah, tell me about it, sister.
[Sue] Alpacas are herd animals.
-Not really good at being alone. -Well,
I suppose you're used to being alone.
-From men. -[Billy] Mum,
-I'd appreciate it if you'd-- -No. No, no.
Your girlfriend
insulted me at my 60th birthday party
in front of all my family and friends.
Now I'm here on my best behavior,
walking a camel just so I can get to know her better.
-It's alpaca. -Well, they are related.
'Cause she sure as hell seems to think she knows me.
I don't think I know you. I just didn't like
how you spoke to your son.
I imagine some people didn't particularly like
how you murdered that girl.
-[Miri gasps] -I did.
Christ, Mum!
You only just got out of a marriage
to a woman who sent shit in a box.
Then the day after she dies,
you hook up with a serial killer.
I am not a serial killer. Christ!
A serial killer is a person who commits a series of murders,
often with no apparent motive and typically following
a characteristic, predictable behavior pattern.
-Thank you. -[Sue] Only
they did just find that old policeman in the sea.
[Gaia] What policeman? What has she done now?
Nothing. I have done nothing.
For God's sake, Mum.
Why are you here?!
-Please keep your voice down. -Sorry.
-This is an intervention! -[Sue] Could you
intervene in a whisper, please?
[whispering] An intervention for what?
[whispering] This.
[Billy] [whispering] Mum, what are you doing?
I cannot let you waste your life
on yet another terrible, toxic relationship.
[whispers] Much better.
But you don't even know her!
Shh! You are upsetting Mimi.
She talks about herself in the third person, Billy.
The woman's a narcissist!
No, this is Mimi. I am Miri.
Really? I couldn't tell the difference.
-[Miri gasps] -Will you just stop it!
She is scheming and manipulative and domineering.
You're literally describing yourself!
She's turned you against me
-just like the last one. -You! You! You!
You turned me against you! Now leave her alone!
-Just stop it, guys! Enough! -Oh.
[Miri] All I wanted
was a nice morning with Billy and...
[scoffs] Just...
-It was a stupid idea. -[Billy] No,
-Miri. -Oh.
Come on, Mimi.
-It's okay. -[Billy sighs]
-[Billy] Thanks a lot, Mum. -[Gaia] What?
Righto, in you hop.
-What? -Well, you're smaller than me.
You can dig around and pass me anything
that should rightfully be in recycling.
Are you asking me to climb into a bin?
I'll give you a boost.
Stop it. Oscar, stop it. Oh, for God's sake.
-Stop it, Oscar. -Why?
What will people think?
[sighs] Caroline,
currently they think you're a 67-year-old woman
with chlamydia and a murderer for a daughter.
And those witches hate you again, anyway.
But right now,
for the very first time in your life,
you're doing something wonderful for the world,
and you're still worried about what people think of you.
You're a prisoner of your own vanity.
-No, I'm not. -Yes, you are.
Set yourself free!
Imagine what that might feel like to not give
a flying fuck about all that crap.
-Because I don't! -Oscar,
you're being a twat.
A twat. Yes!
But I'm a twat with a purpose,
and it feels wonderful!
Oh, go home and hide like you always do.
We could have had fun together.
[Caroline grunts]
[grunts]
Thank you, Caroline.
[alpacas bleating]
[Sue] Right.
Back in your cage then, Miri. Oh, Mimi. [laughs]
You look so alike.
[Gaia] Uncanny.
[Billy] Miri?
-[Sue] Come on, it's time. -No.
No, she-she has to go back in now.
But she hasn't done anything wrong. Go.
Run. Be free! Oh.
They don't do well out of captivity.
Well, how do you know? She might.
They get overwhelmed.
But she hasn't had a chance.
-Miri. -Well, maybe she'd do amazingly.
Maybe she'd hold down a job
and have a nice relationship with some sexual activity.
Eventually.
And maybe one day, she'd go to one of those islands,
and she'd lie on white sand eating sushi
'cause she hasn't even tried sushi yet.
Oh, for God's sake.
Lock her up.
Thank you.
Wonderful day.
contemplative, haunting music
[sighs]
[Billy sighs]
lively, up-tempo music
For God's sake.
[woman chuckles]
What are you looking at?
Keep Hythe clean, you dirty bastard!
Oh! Oh! Oh!
[Laura gasps]
[Caroline] Hello, Laura.
[newsman] Rubber ducks that sank off the Isle of Wight
have been spotted floating across the English Channel
-on their own. -[whispers] Tina!
-Look who it is. -Oh, this is ridiculous.
I didn't assault her. She was assaulting
-the planet. -[Oscar] Yes, she was.
-And she deserved it. -[Tina] Mm.
Two criminals in the same family?
-You're just like the Wests. -[Caroline] Oh,
do what you want with me.
I honestly do not give a flying fuck!
[Tina] Charming.
Rich, take her to Cell Three now.
-Come on. -I'm going with her.
[cell door closes]
-That was fun. -[chuckles]
Jane Fonda, eat your heart out.
[both laughing]
[line ringing]
[engine turns off]
[phone vibrating]
[Mandy] Hi, this is Mandy. Can't--
No?
No.
-It might be fine. [chuckles] -[chuckles]
They might believe me.
[clicks tongue]
You don't have to do this.
[kids chattering]
-[knock on window] -Oh.
Yeah, you got any Funny Faces? Oh, shit.
-Hi. -[Billy] No.
-Sorry. -Oh. I'm on Daddy day care.
The... The twins are feral.
-Can you help? -Fuck off, Dom.
[kid crying]
-[Dom] Oh. -Fuck off. Please.
[grunts] No, no, put that down. Your mum
-will freak! -[Billy] We could just go. Now.
-Get out of here. -I'm sorry, Billy,
but the truth is all I've got.
Hey.
[chuckles] Chin up, Buster.
You've given me some life
these past six weeks.
You've made me... happy,
and I haven't felt that...
Um, I'll-I'll, um...
I-I'll wait for you if it all goes wrong.
I will fucking kill you if you wait for me.
-[laughs] -Sorry.
Sorry, but you are not allowed to do that.
I'm pretty loyal. It's, like, a problem I have.
-Not this time. No. -Well, you met my wife.
-It's a genuine issue. [laughs] -[chuckles] Yes.
But you're free from that now,
and you've got an ice cream van.
The world's yours.
[exhales, clears throat]
I think you're my person.
gentle, slow music
I really think you are.
[crying, blows raspberry]
[chuckles] Oh, God. No, I...
I take... I take it back.
[both laughing]
That's disgusting.
Yeah, I'm disgusting.
Come here.
[exhales]
[Miri] [sniffles] Okay.
[van door opens]
[van door closes]
[groans]
[Miri sighs]
[sighs] Hi. I'm Miri Matteson,
-and I need to sp-- -Oh, we know who you are.
Take a seat. Tina's just with someone.
Okay.
Anyways, mate.
-Sushi. I love it, bro. -[man] This some sort of...
Honestly, mate. Bit of wasabi.
-Yeah? -Mmm!
[man] Just avoid the crabsticks.
-[Rich] Yeah? -[man] Well,
-it's not even crab at all. -[Rich] How come?
[man] Someone told me. It's just fish
blended together. Guts, skin, bone.
-[Rich] Ah, disgusting. -[man] The rice don't...
I've got a smelly dick
A smelly, smelly dick
-[Rich] Shut it, Philip. -[Philip exhales]
[Tina] Yeah, she just turned up
like a sad, little mouse.
[sighs] All that loss,
and-and now I've got to tell her--
[man] Just do it. It's part of the job.
Yes, boss. [exhales]
Sorry.
[clears throat]
Um... [clears throat] Hi.
-Missus... -Norah.
Mrs. Norah.
I'm afraid
we found your husband's...
uh, b-body corpse in the sea.
I'm so sorry, Mrs. Norah,
but he was-- well, and still is--
dead.
I think you'd better turn that on.
[Janice] No biggie.
-Moral support. -[Miri] Thanks.
[grunts]
I got a smelly dick
Yes, you do, my friend.
[sighs]
You okay?
[Miri] Mm.
Oddly enough, this isn't exactly how I planned my life.
Do you know what I wanted for my life?
I thought I'd rescue loads of dogs.
Take care of them.
Didn't work out.
[chuckles] I'm a riddle, me.
That's probably why you became a probation officer, right?
No. [chuckles]
Oh, fucking hell.
[tape recorder whirring]
But...
Wh-Why did you do it?
[Norah] He was a bully.
I didn't like him very much.
[plastic crinkling]
This is what I was wearing.
Now, if you don't mind, I'd like to go to the loo.
Yeah, yeah. Okay, fine.
Uh... [clears throat]
That-that was Mrs. Boback, uh...
confessing to me
to the murder of her husband.
To me.
[exhales]
Oh!
[laughs]
[grunting rhythmically]
I got one!
[whispering] Psst! Rich.
Rich.
Rich. Rich!
[sighs]
[Janice] Oh.
I got some jam tarts in my bag.
Jam tarts.
There's so much crap in here.
What have I got in here now? Let me see.
One of those old...
[Janice muttering]
wistful, atmospheric music
[indistinct chatter]
[Caroline laughs]
-We're free. -[Miri] Mum?
Dad? Wh...?
What? I'm not allowed to leave the front desk.
Guess who just got a confession for the murder of Mr. Boback.
Who?
Me.
-Okay. -It was his wife.
[whispers] Oh, shit!
Where is she now?
She's weeing. 'Cause, you know, old people wee a lot.
-You let her go on her own? -Yeah.
-You just let her walk out? -Yeah.
After confessing a murder?
Yeah. But she's old. She wouldn't do anything bad.
[Oscar] Released under caution. Your mother made
a marvelous stand. It was quite something.
[Caroline] Sorry, what are you doing here?
-Miri Matteson, come with me. -What's happened?
-I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. -Is everything okay?
-Miri? -Didn't take you long, did it?
They won't let you out again.
They don't take kindly to second offenses,
especially when you kill a chief inspector.
haunting, plaintive music
-[high-pitched ringing] -[door opens]
[Tina] She's not in the loo, Rich! She's not in the loo!
-Did you see her? Mrs. Norah. -[man] Huh?
She's gone! She just confessed
to murdering Chief Inspector John!
She's a murderess! Right, every-everybody out! Out!
Everybody clear the building! She's gone!
[Rich] [distorted] Tina, you idiot!
[Tina] [distorted] You shouldn't leave
-the desk unattended! -You called me over!
[indistinct arguing]
"Rich! Rich! Rich, Rich, Rich!"
-Now what are we gonna do?! -Well,
-get the fucking car! Go! -Oh!
Oh, my God! I can't remember her face.
-[door opens] -What's her face like?!
[door closes]
gentle, soaring music
[Janice] Yeah. World's your oyster, girl.
-[sighs] -Well, apart from Wednesdays
at 9 a.m.
Now, you go get him, Fido.
-Um, I've got to-- -[Oscar] Go.
Of course.
Love you, guys.
What just happened?
I don't really know.
-[door opens] -What?
-[Miri] Got any screwballs? -Whoa!
-What-what are you doing? -[laughs]
-What? -I'm off the hook.
What?
-[chuckles] -What?
Yeah.
[both chuckle]
-[Miri breathes deeply] -[Billy exhales]
[Miri sighs]
[both laugh]
Okay.
Where are we going?
We're not going home.
Okay.
Let's just drive.
-Let's leave this fucking town. -Yeah,
-but I don't have any pants. -No, neither do I.
Well, apart from the ones that I'm...
-wearing. [laughing] -Yeah. Me-me, too.
[chuckles]
"Song to the Siren"
We can buy pants.
We can. And we can sleep in this van if we need to.
Yeah. Yeah. Okay.
-What about the supermarket? -Oh, fuck the supermarket.
-Yeah. Oh, fuck my mum. -What about your mum?
-[laughs] -What about Janice?
Fuck J... Mm. Oh, no.
No, I-I do actually have to see Janice.
-Okay. Okay. -[laughs]
-[breathes deeply] -Hey.
You ready?
All right, come on.
-All right. -[exhales]
Long afloat...
[Mandy] It's for Miri.
-[siren wailing] -Uh...
[crying] I love you.
I did all my best
To smile
Till your singing eyes
- And fingers -[siren wailing]
Drew me loving
To your isle
- And you sang -[Geri beeping]
Sail to me
Let me enfold you
Here I am
Waiting to hold you
Huh!
It's a duck.
[both laugh]
Well, I'm as puzzled
As the newborn child
-Stop! Stop. -What? What? What?
-I want to drive this bit.
I am troubled
- As the tide -[Miri chuckles]
[Billy chuckles]
All right, give us that.
-[seat belt clicks] - Should I stand...
Right, good. Come on.
-Ready? -Yes.
-Ready. Oh! -[Miri] Oh!
[both laughing]
Sorry.
-One... -[exhales]
[engine starts]
And you sang
[Billy] Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
Swim to me
Let me enfold you...
[both laughing]
Here I am
Waiting to hold you