1 00:00:03,203 --> 00:00:06,443 RATTLING BREATHING 2 00:00:08,403 --> 00:00:09,443 Alison? 3 00:00:10,723 --> 00:00:12,763 RATTLING BREATHING INTENSIFIES 4 00:00:16,963 --> 00:00:18,003 Alison? 5 00:00:19,563 --> 00:00:23,323 SHE WHIMPERS 6 00:00:28,363 --> 00:00:30,403 SHE SCREAMS 7 00:00:35,203 --> 00:00:37,243 SHE WHIMPERS 8 00:00:43,563 --> 00:00:46,683 Help! Help! There be creatures in the house! 9 00:00:46,683 --> 00:00:48,843 Strange men with the heads of flies! 10 00:00:48,843 --> 00:00:50,883 THEY LAUGH 11 00:00:50,883 --> 00:00:53,883 We all knew they were coming today! Well, they scared me. 12 00:00:53,883 --> 00:00:56,083 Everything scare you. Am I right? 13 00:00:56,083 --> 00:00:59,563 Yeah, it's true. You'd be scared of a teddy bear if it spoke. 14 00:00:59,563 --> 00:01:01,643 Actually, that is quite scary, but you know what I mean. 15 00:01:01,643 --> 00:01:04,443 You're a scaredy cat. What be they? 16 00:01:04,443 --> 00:01:06,683 Well, they're just woodworm men. 17 00:01:06,683 --> 00:01:09,243 Woodworm...men?! 18 00:01:31,283 --> 00:01:33,323 GHOSTS CHATTER 19 00:01:34,963 --> 00:01:36,483 Well, what are you all doing out here? 20 00:01:36,483 --> 00:01:38,523 You don't have to stay out, only me and Mike. 21 00:01:38,523 --> 00:01:40,163 Did the woodworm men banish you? 22 00:01:40,163 --> 00:01:43,443 Well, no... Yeah. They're, um... They're fumigating. Fumigating?! 23 00:01:43,443 --> 00:01:44,963 Yeah, it means we can't go back in 24 00:01:44,963 --> 00:01:46,723 cos if we inhale their mist then we'll... 25 00:01:46,723 --> 00:01:48,443 ..I don't know, like, die or something. 26 00:01:48,443 --> 00:01:50,523 MARY GASPS 27 00:01:50,523 --> 00:01:52,043 Look, you guys can go back in. 28 00:01:52,043 --> 00:01:53,643 I've turned all the pages in your books 29 00:01:53,643 --> 00:01:55,443 and the chessboard is on the table. ALL: Ooh! 30 00:01:55,443 --> 00:01:57,123 I shall miss you. OK... 31 00:01:57,123 --> 00:01:58,723 Terribly. Thank you. 32 00:01:58,723 --> 00:02:01,643 The TV's on the movie channel and, Kitty, Grease is on at four. 33 00:02:01,643 --> 00:02:04,723 I think you'll love it. How lovely! What time is it now? 34 00:02:04,723 --> 00:02:05,843 Oh, nine. 35 00:02:05,843 --> 00:02:07,043 Gosh! I'd better hurry! 36 00:02:07,043 --> 00:02:09,283 It'll be nice to have some peace and quiet for once 37 00:02:09,283 --> 00:02:12,203 without Michael's popular music blasting on the speakers. 38 00:02:12,203 --> 00:02:13,923 Hang on, is that a tent? 39 00:02:13,923 --> 00:02:14,963 Yeah. 40 00:02:16,163 --> 00:02:17,363 You're going camping? 41 00:02:17,363 --> 00:02:18,603 Yeah, we're camping here. 42 00:02:18,603 --> 00:02:20,083 Oh, goodness gracious! 43 00:02:20,083 --> 00:02:22,803 You sleeping outside by choice? 44 00:02:22,803 --> 00:02:25,323 Yeah. It will save us money. Plus, it's fun. 45 00:02:25,323 --> 00:02:28,083 It fun until a wolf eats your eye. 46 00:02:28,083 --> 00:02:29,203 Hm? 47 00:02:29,203 --> 00:02:30,843 My cousin. Hm. 48 00:02:30,843 --> 00:02:33,083 I always used to enjoy a night under the canvas, 49 00:02:33,083 --> 00:02:36,483 on manoeuvres and so on. You know, bracing fresh air, camaraderie, 50 00:02:36,483 --> 00:02:38,683 horseplay in the lake. Yeah. Yeah. 51 00:02:40,803 --> 00:02:42,923 OK. 52 00:02:42,923 --> 00:02:44,043 Sure about this? 53 00:02:44,043 --> 00:02:45,643 Er, are YOU sure about this? 54 00:02:45,643 --> 00:02:47,843 I'm just saying, we could still get a hotel if you prefer. 55 00:02:47,843 --> 00:02:50,563 Yes! Hotel - luxury! 56 00:02:50,563 --> 00:02:53,283 Walls, windows, roof. 57 00:02:53,283 --> 00:02:54,763 This'll be fun. 58 00:02:54,763 --> 00:02:57,083 Mike's not very outdoorsy. Huh, what's that? 59 00:02:57,083 --> 00:02:59,523 I am outdoorsy, actually. Proper outdoorsy, just so you know! 60 00:02:59,523 --> 00:03:02,163 Why does he always talk to us as if we're up in the air? 61 00:03:02,163 --> 00:03:04,283 You left Glastonbury to find a toilet. 62 00:03:04,283 --> 00:03:07,283 This, again! What about that wedding? That was camping. 63 00:03:07,283 --> 00:03:09,563 That was glamping! The yurts were already put up. 64 00:03:09,563 --> 00:03:11,403 We had a four-poster bed and a minibar. 65 00:03:11,403 --> 00:03:13,563 Yeah, outside. That's camping. 66 00:03:13,563 --> 00:03:15,683 He wouldn't last long in National Service, would he? 67 00:03:15,683 --> 00:03:17,483 No! No. I'd probably have to phone his mum, 68 00:03:17,483 --> 00:03:20,363 get her to pick him up in the middle of the night. THEY LAUGH 69 00:03:20,363 --> 00:03:21,883 Yeah. You having a laugh, are you? 70 00:03:21,883 --> 00:03:23,763 With your mates? Your little dead mates? Yeah? 71 00:03:23,763 --> 00:03:26,083 Well... Fine! Who's going to have the last laugh? 72 00:03:26,083 --> 00:03:27,363 Mike is. 73 00:03:31,363 --> 00:03:33,203 Get into the corners, do it right 74 00:03:33,203 --> 00:03:35,203 and they won't be back for ten years. 75 00:03:35,203 --> 00:03:37,243 MARY WHIMPERS 76 00:03:37,243 --> 00:03:39,443 CHANTING: Woodworm men, woodworm men, pay you gold 77 00:03:39,443 --> 00:03:41,683 and your power is spent. 78 00:03:41,683 --> 00:03:44,363 SHE SHUDDERS 79 00:03:44,363 --> 00:03:46,443 Not outdoorsy! I'll show her. 80 00:03:49,483 --> 00:03:50,643 BANG 81 00:03:50,643 --> 00:03:51,683 Mm. 82 00:03:52,723 --> 00:03:53,763 Ah! 83 00:04:00,843 --> 00:04:02,603 SHE SIGHS 84 00:04:02,603 --> 00:04:04,923 HE SNORES 85 00:04:11,043 --> 00:04:12,403 Ooh, you! 86 00:04:15,963 --> 00:04:17,123 Ooh! 87 00:04:17,123 --> 00:04:19,483 Cryptic! 88 00:04:19,483 --> 00:04:22,883 Eight letter, occupied anatomy. 89 00:04:22,883 --> 00:04:25,243 Occupied anatomy? 90 00:04:26,763 --> 00:04:28,763 What are you up to? 91 00:04:28,763 --> 00:04:30,043 Crossword. Napping. 92 00:04:31,363 --> 00:04:32,403 Well, good. 93 00:04:34,363 --> 00:04:37,283 Make sure you keep the noise down. I'm reading. 94 00:04:37,283 --> 00:04:39,763 Busybody! Oh, here we go. 95 00:04:39,763 --> 00:04:41,563 Yes, I wondered how long it would take 96 00:04:41,563 --> 00:04:43,403 for you to resort to name-calling! 97 00:04:43,403 --> 00:04:46,283 Eight letter, occupied anatomy - 98 00:04:46,283 --> 00:04:49,203 busybody. Busybody. Hm. 99 00:04:49,203 --> 00:04:50,563 Well, quiet! 100 00:04:52,723 --> 00:04:54,883 Just make sure you keep it down. 101 00:04:54,883 --> 00:04:56,803 But, yeah, busybody. 102 00:04:56,803 --> 00:04:59,283 JULIAN CHUCKLES 103 00:04:59,283 --> 00:05:01,323 Right? Very good. 104 00:05:01,323 --> 00:05:05,123 Now, as ranking officer, I suggest a full inventory before you start. 105 00:05:05,123 --> 00:05:07,923 Patrick, at the double, quick smart. All right. 106 00:05:07,923 --> 00:05:11,363 Sleeping bag, sleeping mat... Yes. ..mallet, tent pegs. 107 00:05:11,363 --> 00:05:12,683 I know. And what's that there? 108 00:05:12,683 --> 00:05:14,843 Oh, that's a puller. Yes, that's for the tent pegs. 109 00:05:14,843 --> 00:05:17,443 Yes. Yes, I knew that. Just checking. Right. 110 00:05:17,443 --> 00:05:19,603 HE CLEARS THROAT Guy rope... 111 00:05:19,603 --> 00:05:22,203 Camping in your own back yard? 112 00:05:22,203 --> 00:05:24,243 I would have taken you to Paris, 113 00:05:24,243 --> 00:05:26,003 to drink the finest wines 114 00:05:26,003 --> 00:05:29,243 and marvel at the view from the steps of Montmartre. 115 00:05:29,243 --> 00:05:32,403 Oh, right. Where's the ground sheet? You're missing a ground sheet! 116 00:05:32,403 --> 00:05:34,483 Oh, it's built in. Wow! 117 00:05:34,483 --> 00:05:36,683 Fascinating modern age we live in. 118 00:05:36,683 --> 00:05:38,323 What's that for? What's that? 119 00:05:38,323 --> 00:05:39,483 This... 120 00:05:39,483 --> 00:05:41,003 ..is my tent. 121 00:05:41,003 --> 00:05:43,443 That's your tent. We'll see who's outdoorsy. Oh! 122 00:05:43,443 --> 00:05:44,643 Seriously? 123 00:05:44,643 --> 00:05:46,923 Seriously. It's, like, 80 years old. 124 00:05:46,923 --> 00:05:49,123 Nothing but a number! Prime vintage. 125 00:05:49,123 --> 00:05:51,683 I'm pitching my tent...over there. 126 00:05:51,683 --> 00:05:52,803 OK, good luck. 127 00:05:52,803 --> 00:05:54,843 Good luck, you. I don't need it. 128 00:05:54,843 --> 00:05:57,123 Yeah, you do. Don't you worry, Alison, 129 00:05:57,123 --> 00:05:59,443 you're going to win this competition hands down. 130 00:05:59,443 --> 00:06:02,083 With my expertise and... And mine. 131 00:06:02,083 --> 00:06:05,203 ..and your ability to follow orders, then... 132 00:06:05,203 --> 00:06:07,043 Oh, no! What am I going to do now? 133 00:06:07,043 --> 00:06:11,403 Ah, yes. Well, I'm afraid without a strong main mast... 134 00:06:11,403 --> 00:06:13,163 Ridge pole. Erm... 135 00:06:13,163 --> 00:06:15,643 ..you're just left with the floppy, flappy thing... Fly sheet. 136 00:06:15,643 --> 00:06:17,363 Have you really put up a tent? 137 00:06:17,363 --> 00:06:19,723 Or have you just ordered other people about? Because... 138 00:06:19,723 --> 00:06:21,643 Rub-a-dub-a, rub-a-dub-a, rub-a-dub-a! 139 00:06:21,643 --> 00:06:25,123 That's beside the point. Without a strong and sturdy ridge pole, 140 00:06:25,123 --> 00:06:27,723 you'll never be able to get it up. You'll have to admit defeat 141 00:06:27,723 --> 00:06:29,963 and join forces with Michael. Nonsense! 142 00:06:29,963 --> 00:06:32,043 There's more than one way to make a shelter 143 00:06:32,043 --> 00:06:34,403 and we've got plenty of useful kit. 144 00:06:34,403 --> 00:06:36,243 Come on! Where are we going? 145 00:06:36,243 --> 00:06:37,723 The woods. Ooh! 146 00:06:37,723 --> 00:06:39,883 There's nowt sturdier than trees. 147 00:06:39,883 --> 00:06:41,843 Come on! OK. Pat! 148 00:06:41,843 --> 00:06:44,443 Yes, well, I suppose he does have some... 149 00:06:44,443 --> 00:06:46,963 ..expertise in camping. 150 00:06:46,963 --> 00:06:48,563 Good. 151 00:06:48,563 --> 00:06:51,363 Sorry. I would help, but I physically can't. 152 00:06:51,363 --> 00:06:53,403 Yeah, I know, Thomas, thank you. 153 00:06:56,283 --> 00:06:58,643 Get out, get out, get out, get out, get out, 154 00:06:58,643 --> 00:07:01,883 get out, get out, get out, get out, get out, 155 00:07:01,883 --> 00:07:04,203 get out, get out, get out. 156 00:07:04,203 --> 00:07:05,523 Get out! 157 00:07:05,523 --> 00:07:07,603 Get out, get out, get out, get out, get out, 158 00:07:07,603 --> 00:07:09,963 get out, get out, get out, get out. 159 00:07:09,963 --> 00:07:11,683 Get out! 160 00:07:11,683 --> 00:07:13,683 Well...worth a try, I suppose. 161 00:07:15,043 --> 00:07:18,203 TV: Stay with us on the Family Movie Channel because coming up at four, 162 00:07:18,203 --> 00:07:20,443 we have the classic musical, Grease. 163 00:07:23,363 --> 00:07:24,963 And what are you up to, Kitty? 164 00:07:24,963 --> 00:07:27,283 I'm going to watch Grease. Do you want to watch it with me? 165 00:07:27,283 --> 00:07:30,043 Of course not. Alison says I'll like it. 166 00:07:30,043 --> 00:07:32,203 It's starting in a few hours. 167 00:07:32,203 --> 00:07:35,203 Not going to be running around the house singing or anything, are you? 168 00:07:35,203 --> 00:07:37,083 No, just watching. 169 00:07:37,083 --> 00:07:39,563 All right. Well, don't turn it up. 170 00:07:39,563 --> 00:07:41,643 I can't. Well, make sure you don't. 171 00:07:41,643 --> 00:07:42,883 I can't. Well, good. 172 00:07:45,243 --> 00:07:46,283 Good. 173 00:07:50,363 --> 00:07:51,763 Good. 174 00:07:51,763 --> 00:07:56,683 Right, you want the peg at an angle away from the centre. 175 00:07:56,683 --> 00:07:58,443 Aah. Lovely. That's it! 176 00:07:58,443 --> 00:08:01,123 Right. First time. Moving on. 177 00:08:01,123 --> 00:08:04,163 Nice and tight round there. OK. Very good. 178 00:08:04,163 --> 00:08:06,443 That's it. That's marvellous. 179 00:08:06,443 --> 00:08:08,243 Get it under the... Yeah. 180 00:08:08,243 --> 00:08:09,283 That's it. 181 00:08:09,283 --> 00:08:11,563 Now, extra point for who can tell me what this knot is called? 182 00:08:11,563 --> 00:08:13,083 Er... Well, that's a reef knot. 183 00:08:13,083 --> 00:08:14,883 No, it's a clove hitch. 184 00:08:14,883 --> 00:08:16,723 Damn it and blast it to hell! 185 00:08:16,723 --> 00:08:18,243 OK. 186 00:08:18,243 --> 00:08:19,443 That's it. 187 00:08:19,443 --> 00:08:21,443 Pull it nice and firmly, Alison. 188 00:08:21,443 --> 00:08:23,203 Yes. 189 00:08:23,203 --> 00:08:25,163 Yes. There she goes! Whoa! Ha-ha! 190 00:08:25,163 --> 00:08:27,603 Oh, wow. Lovely. Tie it off. Yeah. 191 00:08:27,603 --> 00:08:31,043 Make sure she's tied nice and firmly. Very good. 192 00:08:31,043 --> 00:08:32,563 It's dead smart that, in't it? 193 00:08:32,563 --> 00:08:34,443 Yeah. Mm. I wonder how Mike's getting on. 194 00:08:34,443 --> 00:08:35,923 Oh, I'm on it. 195 00:08:43,323 --> 00:08:44,363 Hopeless. 196 00:08:47,003 --> 00:08:49,723 What are you doing down there? He can't see you, mate. 197 00:08:49,723 --> 00:08:51,003 Oh, yes, right. 198 00:08:51,003 --> 00:08:53,483 Sorry. Yes, the old training kicking in. 199 00:08:53,483 --> 00:08:55,763 Right. How's he getting on? 200 00:08:55,763 --> 00:08:57,043 No, it's hopeless. 201 00:08:57,043 --> 00:08:59,083 Modern men, eh? Well, quite. 202 00:08:59,083 --> 00:09:01,283 Alison's got this competition sewn up. 203 00:09:02,483 --> 00:09:06,163 Lovely. Now, remember, we need nice, dry ones. 204 00:09:06,163 --> 00:09:08,363 Erm... Like this one? 205 00:09:08,363 --> 00:09:09,683 Yes, excellent. 206 00:09:09,683 --> 00:09:12,443 Well, there are some good ones here. And over here, please. 207 00:09:12,443 --> 00:09:15,803 Can anyone tell me why you use the small sticks first? 208 00:09:15,803 --> 00:09:18,003 Ah, yes, please! Well, they catch quicker, 209 00:09:18,003 --> 00:09:20,963 with greater surface area allowing the oxygen to feed the flames. 210 00:09:20,963 --> 00:09:22,923 Yes, Captain. Very good answer. Ah! 211 00:09:22,923 --> 00:09:25,323 Gold star. Ah, well, there we are! 212 00:09:25,323 --> 00:09:28,323 Yeah, that's excellent. That's it. That is first class. 213 00:09:28,323 --> 00:09:29,923 Oh, yes, here we go. 214 00:09:29,923 --> 00:09:31,803 Feed it. Feed it. Feed it. Feed it. 215 00:09:31,803 --> 00:09:33,283 Firm blows, Alison, firm blows. 216 00:09:34,843 --> 00:09:38,603 And now on Family Movies, it's over to Rydell High with the Pink Ladies 217 00:09:38,603 --> 00:09:42,043 and the T-Birds in the classic musical, Grease. 218 00:09:42,043 --> 00:09:43,203 At last! 219 00:09:46,403 --> 00:09:48,283 This is the best bit, you know? Yeah. 220 00:09:48,283 --> 00:09:51,483 Everything's up, fire's going, you've got your brew, 221 00:09:51,483 --> 00:09:53,163 you've got your biscuit. 222 00:09:53,163 --> 00:09:54,523 You can dip it. 223 00:09:55,923 --> 00:09:58,523 Yeah, OK. SHE CHUCKLES 224 00:09:58,523 --> 00:09:59,843 Dip it again. 225 00:10:09,763 --> 00:10:11,803 THROATY GROAN 226 00:10:14,443 --> 00:10:15,803 Lovely. 227 00:10:15,803 --> 00:10:17,203 Yeah. Lovely that. 228 00:10:20,683 --> 00:10:22,363 Yeah, this is nice, actually. 229 00:10:22,363 --> 00:10:25,043 You always make the best of a situation. 230 00:10:25,043 --> 00:10:28,643 One of the many things I love about you. Hm. 231 00:10:28,643 --> 00:10:31,123 But the truth is a woman of your culture, 232 00:10:31,123 --> 00:10:33,923 your sophistication, deserves to see the world. 233 00:10:35,363 --> 00:10:36,603 Have you travelled a lot, then? 234 00:10:36,603 --> 00:10:38,203 Oh, have I! 235 00:10:40,363 --> 00:10:41,523 I have. 236 00:10:41,523 --> 00:10:46,043 My grand tour, you might call it, chasing the muse across Europe 237 00:10:46,043 --> 00:10:48,043 in search of inspiration. 238 00:10:48,043 --> 00:10:50,043 Paris, Venice, Vienna. 239 00:10:50,043 --> 00:10:52,603 Different sight, sounds and smells 240 00:10:52,603 --> 00:10:55,843 to inspire the bubbling cauldron of language, 241 00:10:55,843 --> 00:10:58,363 to paint the landscape with words. 242 00:10:58,363 --> 00:11:00,603 What was Vienna like? 243 00:11:00,603 --> 00:11:01,843 Really... 244 00:11:03,523 --> 00:11:05,003 ..nice. 245 00:11:05,003 --> 00:11:06,963 Nice? 246 00:11:06,963 --> 00:11:08,243 Hm. Very... 247 00:11:10,723 --> 00:11:12,243 ..nice. 248 00:11:12,243 --> 00:11:13,403 You've got a fire? 249 00:11:13,403 --> 00:11:15,003 Yeah. How are you getting on? 250 00:11:15,003 --> 00:11:17,203 Good, actually. Yeah? I, er... 251 00:11:17,203 --> 00:11:18,443 I'm going to do my fire next. 252 00:11:18,443 --> 00:11:21,123 Oh. Just came to make sure you were all right. 253 00:11:21,123 --> 00:11:22,603 She's fine. Yeah, great. 254 00:11:23,923 --> 00:11:26,163 Cool. Thank you. All right. You OK? 255 00:11:26,163 --> 00:11:28,283 Yep. Good. See ya. 256 00:11:28,283 --> 00:11:29,483 Oh, watch out for the, um... 257 00:11:29,483 --> 00:11:31,003 Oh! Yep. 258 00:11:31,003 --> 00:11:32,883 Saw it. 259 00:11:32,883 --> 00:11:34,163 He didn't. 260 00:11:34,163 --> 00:11:37,963 Can you stop? I can't enjoy them if you're looking at me like that. 261 00:11:37,963 --> 00:11:40,203 MARY: Yous are not welcomes here! 262 00:11:40,203 --> 00:11:43,963 Oh, be gone, ye servants of Beelzebub! 263 00:11:43,963 --> 00:11:46,683 Oh, Mary! Oh, you simply must watch Grease with me. 264 00:11:46,683 --> 00:11:49,603 All the boys have wet hair and they sing about their cars! 265 00:11:49,603 --> 00:11:50,843 Mary! 266 00:11:50,843 --> 00:11:52,883 One... HE SIGHS 267 00:11:56,323 --> 00:11:57,923 Well... 268 00:11:57,923 --> 00:12:01,123 ..let's see if we can find something a bit more adult, shall we? 269 00:12:01,123 --> 00:12:02,163 Heh-heh-heh! 270 00:12:03,203 --> 00:12:05,603 Hey! CHANNEL CHANGES 271 00:12:05,603 --> 00:12:06,723 Hm. 272 00:12:06,723 --> 00:12:08,763 Ho! CHANNEL CHANGES 273 00:12:08,763 --> 00:12:11,363 Eugh. ..on the planet. 274 00:12:11,363 --> 00:12:12,523 Hah! 275 00:12:12,523 --> 00:12:14,323 SULTRY MUSIC Heh-heh! Oh... 276 00:12:17,083 --> 00:12:18,403 Hah! 277 00:12:20,083 --> 00:12:22,243 HE SIGHS Ah! 278 00:12:24,883 --> 00:12:28,043 And now we return... Never any fun around here! 279 00:12:28,043 --> 00:12:30,763 ..to A Nightmare On Elm Street. 280 00:12:30,763 --> 00:12:33,003 KITTY: Don't worry, I'll tell you the whole story later. 281 00:12:34,203 --> 00:12:35,923 TV: It was the worst dream I've ever had... 282 00:12:35,923 --> 00:12:38,323 Oh. Danny's changed his hair. 283 00:12:38,323 --> 00:12:39,803 WOMAN SOBS ON TV 284 00:12:44,123 --> 00:12:46,083 How's the competition doing? 285 00:12:46,083 --> 00:12:49,963 Well, he's trying to light the firewood without tinder or kindling. 286 00:12:49,963 --> 00:12:52,283 Oh, very good, Captain. Well, yeah. 287 00:12:52,283 --> 00:12:55,003 I hope he likes the cold, because he's going to be cold. 288 00:12:55,003 --> 00:12:57,163 PAT CHUCKLES Oh, dear. 289 00:12:57,163 --> 00:12:59,283 Oh! I could blow that over. Oh, yeah. 290 00:12:59,283 --> 00:13:00,643 And I've got asthma. 291 00:13:00,643 --> 00:13:01,683 And I'm dead. 292 00:13:03,403 --> 00:13:04,683 Yes. 293 00:13:04,683 --> 00:13:07,123 FANNY: Just about had enough of all this. 294 00:13:07,123 --> 00:13:09,243 Oh, can't bear it. 295 00:13:09,243 --> 00:13:11,003 Oh, for goodness' sake! 296 00:13:11,003 --> 00:13:12,963 Fallen off your body again, have you? 297 00:13:12,963 --> 00:13:14,643 I suppose you want me to put you back. 298 00:13:14,643 --> 00:13:17,283 I've got better things to do, you know, than traipse around... 299 00:13:17,283 --> 00:13:19,323 SNORING 300 00:13:22,163 --> 00:13:23,523 Well, good. 301 00:13:30,963 --> 00:13:32,723 Thank God for that! 302 00:13:32,723 --> 00:13:35,363 HE HUMS 303 00:13:35,363 --> 00:13:37,883 Willy-shaped dude... Bishop. 304 00:13:37,883 --> 00:13:40,363 He goes doo-ka! 305 00:13:40,363 --> 00:13:42,323 Take lighthouse. MARY: That's right, be off with ye! 306 00:13:42,323 --> 00:13:44,763 Shoo, shoo! Damn! Evil creatures, begone! 307 00:13:45,763 --> 00:13:48,043 Get out, get out! 308 00:13:48,043 --> 00:13:49,083 Shoo! 309 00:13:50,283 --> 00:13:52,403 SHE WAILS 310 00:13:52,403 --> 00:13:55,883 They... They shed their skin like serpents! 311 00:13:57,043 --> 00:13:59,483 THEY CHUCKLE 312 00:13:59,483 --> 00:14:02,083 That showed you! I'm not a scaredy cat! 313 00:14:02,083 --> 00:14:05,123 Off you go, stupid, scaring us. 314 00:14:05,123 --> 00:14:07,163 SHE EXHALES 315 00:14:08,523 --> 00:14:10,403 But what if they return? 316 00:14:12,123 --> 00:14:13,483 Oh! 317 00:14:14,803 --> 00:14:16,843 KITTY SHUDDERS 318 00:14:16,843 --> 00:14:18,883 SCREAMING ON TV 319 00:14:20,163 --> 00:14:24,563 MARY CHANTS: Let no servants of Satan prey upon the peoples 320 00:14:24,563 --> 00:14:27,043 that live in this place. 321 00:14:27,043 --> 00:14:31,443 May this house be sturdy from the woodworm men. 322 00:14:31,443 --> 00:14:33,883 Let no demons cross these walls. 323 00:14:33,883 --> 00:14:39,643 Let no servants of Satan prey upon the peoples that live in this place. 324 00:14:41,123 --> 00:14:42,283 EVIL LAUGHTER ON TV 325 00:14:42,283 --> 00:14:43,563 KITTY WHIMPERS 326 00:14:43,563 --> 00:14:45,283 SCREAMS ON TV 327 00:14:52,723 --> 00:14:54,763 ELECTRIC BUZZ 328 00:14:54,763 --> 00:14:55,803 Oh-ho! 329 00:14:57,523 --> 00:14:59,123 KITTY GASPS 330 00:14:59,123 --> 00:15:01,843 SCREAMING 331 00:15:01,843 --> 00:15:02,883 Right! 332 00:15:05,763 --> 00:15:06,803 Come on! 333 00:15:07,883 --> 00:15:09,403 Argh! 334 00:15:10,723 --> 00:15:12,003 Ugh! 335 00:15:13,003 --> 00:15:14,403 Mm. 336 00:15:14,403 --> 00:15:15,963 Get over... 337 00:15:17,243 --> 00:15:18,803 SCREAMING 338 00:15:21,763 --> 00:15:24,323 Wonder what got her goat. 339 00:15:24,323 --> 00:15:28,603 Probably just scared of the dark or something. 340 00:15:28,603 --> 00:15:32,043 Suppose we ought to...investigate? 341 00:15:33,123 --> 00:15:38,083 Yeah? I know it was too much to ask that you quietly... 342 00:15:38,083 --> 00:15:41,003 Kitty? Where has she...? 343 00:15:41,003 --> 00:15:44,043 Ooh. No... How peculiar. 344 00:15:44,043 --> 00:15:45,683 Kitty? 345 00:15:50,283 --> 00:15:52,923 JULIAN CLEARS THROAT Hello? 346 00:15:56,443 --> 00:15:57,803 Anybody there? 347 00:16:06,083 --> 00:16:08,243 Although, I mean, there's no need to go all the way... 348 00:16:08,243 --> 00:16:10,203 What's the point in going all the way up? Something silly. 349 00:16:10,203 --> 00:16:12,403 I was going to say... Maybe we should go see the others together. 350 00:16:12,403 --> 00:16:13,763 Go together. We'll go together, yeah. 351 00:16:13,763 --> 00:16:15,323 Spaghetti Napolitana? 352 00:16:15,323 --> 00:16:16,443 From a tin. 353 00:16:16,443 --> 00:16:18,723 What a fascinating modern age we live in. 354 00:16:18,723 --> 00:16:20,963 Italian food didn't always agree with me. 355 00:16:20,963 --> 00:16:23,323 Oh, did you say you went to Venice? 356 00:16:23,323 --> 00:16:25,763 Indeed. What was it like? I've always wanted to go. 357 00:16:25,763 --> 00:16:28,123 Oh, very... 358 00:16:29,643 --> 00:16:30,723 ..nice. 359 00:16:30,723 --> 00:16:32,083 Nice? 360 00:16:32,083 --> 00:16:35,163 Again? Nothing more specific? 361 00:16:35,163 --> 00:16:37,883 Well, you have to remember, it was 200 years ago. 362 00:16:37,883 --> 00:16:40,483 I can't remember every single detail. 363 00:16:40,483 --> 00:16:42,763 Sounds like you can't remember ANY detail. 364 00:16:42,763 --> 00:16:45,363 Fine. I'll tell you the truth! 365 00:16:45,363 --> 00:16:46,843 You didn't go. 366 00:16:46,843 --> 00:16:48,603 No, I did. I did go. 367 00:16:48,603 --> 00:16:51,243 I saw the most celebrated sights of Europe. 368 00:16:51,243 --> 00:16:54,403 I just...wasn't inspired. 369 00:16:54,403 --> 00:16:58,443 No matter how beautiful the landscape, nothing came. 370 00:16:59,483 --> 00:17:02,323 I returned home with an empty notebook. 371 00:17:02,323 --> 00:17:04,163 You must've got something from it. 372 00:17:06,483 --> 00:17:08,963 Ah... Signore! 373 00:17:08,963 --> 00:17:10,323 Sorry! 374 00:17:10,323 --> 00:17:12,683 Un momento per favore! Signore! HE SIGHS WITH RELIEF 375 00:17:12,683 --> 00:17:14,723 Carol always wanted to go to France. 376 00:17:14,723 --> 00:17:17,563 I said, "You don't need to go abroad to have a nice holiday. 377 00:17:17,563 --> 00:17:19,843 "We haven't seen half of this beautiful country yet," 378 00:17:19,843 --> 00:17:22,803 but she had her heart set on it, so I decided to book 379 00:17:22,803 --> 00:17:24,363 it for our anniversary. 380 00:17:24,363 --> 00:17:27,603 That's lovely. Yeah, but we didn't go in the end. 381 00:17:27,603 --> 00:17:31,043 Oh, no. Why? Because I was dead, Alison. I was dead. 382 00:17:31,043 --> 00:17:33,283 Right. 383 00:17:33,283 --> 00:17:34,723 Here you all are! 384 00:17:34,723 --> 00:17:39,003 Thank goodness! The lights went out in the house. Oh. That's strange. 385 00:17:39,003 --> 00:17:42,123 Yes, and the TV turned off. Oh, sorry, Kitty. 386 00:17:42,123 --> 00:17:44,563 That's OK. I wasn't much enjoying it anyway. 387 00:17:44,563 --> 00:17:47,323 Oh, I thought you'd really like it - a high school romance. 388 00:17:47,323 --> 00:17:49,843 Yes, but I didn't like the man chasing the girl. 389 00:17:49,843 --> 00:17:51,883 Well, he's the man of her dreams. 390 00:17:51,883 --> 00:17:53,403 Yes. 391 00:17:53,403 --> 00:17:55,883 And he won't stop until he gets her. 392 00:17:55,883 --> 00:17:58,123 That's what being in love is like. 393 00:17:58,123 --> 00:18:01,443 You should wait till the end because then she starts chasing him. 394 00:18:01,443 --> 00:18:04,043 Does she? I hope she gets him. 395 00:18:04,043 --> 00:18:06,043 Then we can all sleep again. 396 00:18:06,043 --> 00:18:08,443 ROBIN: Hey, everybody. 397 00:18:08,443 --> 00:18:11,883 How is it I get...? Oh, look! Hi, guys! Look, there she is, Robin. 398 00:18:11,883 --> 00:18:13,883 She's right there. She's OK. 399 00:18:13,883 --> 00:18:17,043 Ah, we heard you screaming, Kitty - just wanted to make sure you're OK. 400 00:18:17,043 --> 00:18:18,443 I'm fine, thank you. 401 00:18:18,443 --> 00:18:19,483 Yeah. 402 00:18:20,683 --> 00:18:22,803 So you can go back in now if you like. 403 00:18:22,803 --> 00:18:24,083 BOTH: Erm... 404 00:18:24,083 --> 00:18:26,163 That's OK, you know. You've already light fire... 405 00:18:26,163 --> 00:18:28,603 Change is as good as a haircut. Cosy-wozy. 406 00:18:28,603 --> 00:18:32,363 CAPTAIN: Sorry, I thought you said camping was a stupid idea, Robin? 407 00:18:32,363 --> 00:18:33,803 Don't think so. 408 00:18:33,803 --> 00:18:35,323 Must be another caveman. 409 00:18:36,603 --> 00:18:37,883 Oh. 410 00:18:37,883 --> 00:18:39,243 OWL HOOTS IN DISTANCE 411 00:18:39,243 --> 00:18:42,123 It's creepy in the woods at night, isn't it? 412 00:18:42,123 --> 00:18:44,603 No, not really! I love it! Is it?! 413 00:18:44,603 --> 00:18:47,203 Hey, since we're all around the campfire, we should 414 00:18:47,203 --> 00:18:48,723 tell ghost stories. 415 00:18:48,723 --> 00:18:50,963 Good idea. THEY MURMUR ENTHUSIASTICALLY 416 00:18:50,963 --> 00:18:52,123 Yeah. 417 00:18:52,123 --> 00:18:53,163 SHE CHUCKLES Yeah. 418 00:18:53,163 --> 00:18:54,803 What's the matter, Alison? 419 00:18:54,803 --> 00:18:57,043 Oh, come on, you're ghosts. 420 00:18:57,043 --> 00:18:59,923 What, so we can't tell ghost stories? 421 00:18:59,923 --> 00:19:01,523 Well, no, I'm not... 422 00:19:01,523 --> 00:19:03,763 I'm not saying... No, yeah, please... 423 00:19:03,763 --> 00:19:04,963 Yeah, go on, Pat. 424 00:19:04,963 --> 00:19:06,843 Right! 425 00:19:06,843 --> 00:19:10,003 Well, this one's actually a true story, actually. 426 00:19:10,003 --> 00:19:13,363 It's about my friend, Susan. 427 00:19:13,363 --> 00:19:15,803 Susan and I used to walk home together from school. 428 00:19:15,803 --> 00:19:18,483 She didn't have a dad and her mum used to work late sometimes, 429 00:19:18,483 --> 00:19:20,803 so she used to have to let herself in. 430 00:19:20,803 --> 00:19:22,003 She had this little game 431 00:19:22,003 --> 00:19:24,243 she played with her doggy, you know, to let him know 432 00:19:24,243 --> 00:19:26,363 that it was her when she got home. 433 00:19:26,363 --> 00:19:29,763 She'd stick her hand in t'letterbox and he'd give it a lick, you know... 434 00:19:29,763 --> 00:19:31,843 HE PANTS LIKE A DOG 435 00:19:34,443 --> 00:19:36,483 Well... 436 00:19:36,483 --> 00:19:37,723 ..one day... 437 00:19:41,523 --> 00:19:42,763 HORN HONKS 438 00:19:42,763 --> 00:19:44,483 CAR APPROACHES 439 00:19:47,163 --> 00:19:48,603 Here you go, mate. 440 00:19:48,603 --> 00:19:50,723 Nice one. Cheers, man. OK. 441 00:19:52,323 --> 00:19:53,763 ENGINE REVS, BIRDS CAW 442 00:19:56,763 --> 00:19:59,203 She slowly crept up the stairs. 443 00:19:59,203 --> 00:20:02,043 All the while she could hear it. 444 00:20:02,043 --> 00:20:03,283 Scratch! 445 00:20:04,883 --> 00:20:06,043 Scratch! 446 00:20:07,883 --> 00:20:08,963 Scratch! 447 00:20:10,243 --> 00:20:12,043 She felt cold suddenly. 448 00:20:13,083 --> 00:20:16,523 She reached out her hand and the door creaked open. 449 00:20:16,523 --> 00:20:17,883 And there it was... 450 00:20:19,563 --> 00:20:23,803 ..a figure standing facing the wall. 451 00:20:23,803 --> 00:20:28,003 Slowly, very slowly, it began to turn towards her 452 00:20:28,003 --> 00:20:30,243 until she could finally see its face. 453 00:20:31,803 --> 00:20:32,843 It was a... 454 00:20:32,843 --> 00:20:34,643 Alison! THEY SCREAM 455 00:20:38,523 --> 00:20:40,443 Mary, you gave us a fright. 456 00:20:40,443 --> 00:20:42,723 Well, the woodworm men have gone, 457 00:20:42,723 --> 00:20:44,163 I've blessed the house. 458 00:20:44,163 --> 00:20:46,363 Oh, thank you. Thanks, Mary. That's great. 459 00:20:46,363 --> 00:20:47,883 Er... 460 00:20:49,003 --> 00:20:50,963 Are they gone? Oh, yeah. 461 00:20:53,523 --> 00:20:54,643 THEY PANT 462 00:20:54,643 --> 00:20:56,923 Robin! Julian! 463 00:20:56,923 --> 00:20:58,523 Robin, where are you?! 464 00:20:58,523 --> 00:21:00,243 PANTING 465 00:21:00,243 --> 00:21:03,563 Robin! Julian! 466 00:21:03,563 --> 00:21:06,123 I'm scared! Julian! 467 00:21:06,123 --> 00:21:07,563 Where are you, Robin? 468 00:21:07,563 --> 00:21:08,763 Oh, my God, oh, my God... 469 00:21:12,643 --> 00:21:15,763 Night, then, guys. Goodnight. Goodnight! 470 00:21:20,483 --> 00:21:22,243 THOMAS SIGHS 471 00:21:22,243 --> 00:21:23,843 I'm not comfortable, Patrick. 472 00:21:23,843 --> 00:21:25,603 Are you comfortable? 473 00:21:25,603 --> 00:21:27,483 I don't mind swapping if you... 474 00:21:27,483 --> 00:21:28,963 I'm all settled in now, mate. 475 00:21:32,163 --> 00:21:34,043 Can we talk some more, please? 476 00:21:34,043 --> 00:21:35,523 I don't want to go to sleep. 477 00:21:35,523 --> 00:21:38,963 Kitty, please, we can't stay up all night. But if I dream, then... 478 00:21:38,963 --> 00:21:41,963 Just try to imagine the man from the film wrapping 479 00:21:41,963 --> 00:21:43,403 you up in his arms. 480 00:21:44,763 --> 00:21:46,923 Daley used to have nightmares, used to try 481 00:21:46,923 --> 00:21:48,803 and get in bed with me and Carol. 482 00:21:48,803 --> 00:21:50,363 Walked in on us once when we were... 483 00:21:50,363 --> 00:21:53,803 Guys, can we just...can we... can we go to sleep, please? 484 00:21:53,803 --> 00:21:56,523 Just...just no more talking. All right. 485 00:22:07,803 --> 00:22:09,923 WHISPERS: What happened to Susan, Patrick? 486 00:22:09,923 --> 00:22:13,323 She was never seen again. Mm. 487 00:22:13,323 --> 00:22:14,643 She moved to Leeds. Ah. 488 00:22:17,523 --> 00:22:19,843 There was a chap from Leeds in our unit. 489 00:22:19,843 --> 00:22:21,923 Or was it Halifax? Who is Susan? 490 00:22:21,923 --> 00:22:24,283 THOMAS: Oh, Patrick will tell you the story. 491 00:22:24,283 --> 00:22:26,083 Oh, yes. Well... CLEARS THROAT 492 00:22:26,083 --> 00:22:28,763 ..this one's actually a true story, actually. 493 00:22:28,763 --> 00:22:31,923 Right... Happened to a friend of mine, Susan... 494 00:22:31,923 --> 00:22:34,483 We used to walk back from school together. 495 00:22:34,483 --> 00:22:37,123 She didn't have a dad and her mum used to work late sometimes, 496 00:22:37,123 --> 00:22:39,843 so she used to have this little game she played with her doggy... 497 00:22:39,843 --> 00:22:41,043 ALISON SIGHS 498 00:22:46,243 --> 00:22:49,323 Mm... Who's there? Just getting in. 499 00:22:49,323 --> 00:22:50,763 Hello. 500 00:22:51,963 --> 00:22:53,283 Ooh. 501 00:22:54,403 --> 00:22:56,123 Move up. Thanks. 502 00:23:00,163 --> 00:23:02,243 Ah. Well done. What? 503 00:23:03,403 --> 00:23:06,443 You win. No, yours was way better. 504 00:23:06,443 --> 00:23:09,083 Mm-mm. Disqualified, I had help. 505 00:23:10,323 --> 00:23:12,283 Mr Outdoorsy. 506 00:23:15,003 --> 00:23:17,243 It's all my fault. 507 00:23:17,243 --> 00:23:21,643 I pretended we were fine and now I'm scared of everything. 508 00:23:21,643 --> 00:23:23,443 I don't want to die out here. 509 00:23:23,443 --> 00:23:26,283 I mean, I already have, but, you know. 510 00:23:26,283 --> 00:23:29,883 Wait, when I was alive, was much to be scared of, 511 00:23:29,883 --> 00:23:32,443 but I know what make feel safe. 512 00:23:32,443 --> 00:23:33,603 Come on! 513 00:23:45,363 --> 00:23:47,123 PAT: Carol, Carol, Carol... 514 00:23:51,723 --> 00:23:53,523 SNORING 515 00:23:53,523 --> 00:23:55,123 Oh, Kitty. 516 00:23:55,123 --> 00:23:56,843 You've been awake all night? 517 00:23:56,843 --> 00:23:59,923 I was scared the man from Grease would get me in my dreams. 518 00:23:59,923 --> 00:24:01,803 Danny Zuko? And the other man. 519 00:24:01,803 --> 00:24:04,203 Kenickie? Freddy. Freddy? 520 00:24:04,203 --> 00:24:07,083 Freddy Krueger. Oh, no. 521 00:24:08,243 --> 00:24:09,723 I think I know what happened. 522 00:24:21,883 --> 00:24:23,403 Lovely, isn't it? 523 00:24:23,403 --> 00:24:24,883 It is. Mm. 524 00:24:26,603 --> 00:24:30,483 I was just thinking, it ought to be dull and commonplace - 525 00:24:30,483 --> 00:24:35,123 the same sunrise over the same house in the same tiny piece of England 526 00:24:35,123 --> 00:24:38,043 every day for 200 years. 527 00:24:39,403 --> 00:24:41,363 But it is beautiful. Mm. 528 00:24:42,963 --> 00:24:46,643 I travelled miles and was unchanged when I could have been here 529 00:24:46,643 --> 00:24:49,523 and...transported. 530 00:24:51,563 --> 00:24:54,243 It's no fault of the sun if the eye sees not its beauty. 531 00:24:56,923 --> 00:24:58,963 That was really poetic, Thomas. 532 00:25:03,083 --> 00:25:04,283 The sun. 533 00:25:05,363 --> 00:25:10,443 The sun, you rise when night is done 534 00:25:10,443 --> 00:25:13,963 Like a big, yellow... 535 00:25:13,963 --> 00:25:15,203 ..bun. 536 00:25:15,203 --> 00:25:16,243 Yeah. 537 00:25:17,723 --> 00:25:19,723 Come, sweet sun 538 00:25:19,723 --> 00:25:21,723 Let us have fun 539 00:25:21,723 --> 00:25:23,883 Must weigh a ton. 540 00:25:25,323 --> 00:25:27,203 THEY CHATTER 541 00:25:27,203 --> 00:25:29,283 Alison, just a moment. 542 00:25:31,163 --> 00:25:33,283 You have been exemplary. 543 00:25:33,283 --> 00:25:37,083 Oh. And so I'd like to present you, if I could, 544 00:25:37,083 --> 00:25:39,443 with your camping... 545 00:25:40,883 --> 00:25:42,243 ..forester... 546 00:25:43,443 --> 00:25:45,043 ..and fire safety badges. 547 00:25:45,043 --> 00:25:46,243 Congratulations. 548 00:25:46,243 --> 00:25:48,243 THEY CLAP Oh, thank you, Pat. 549 00:25:48,243 --> 00:25:50,123 Oh, and, Captain. What, me? 550 00:25:50,123 --> 00:25:53,123 Yes, you have shown a wonderful attitude, 551 00:25:53,123 --> 00:25:55,683 enthusiasm and a keen interest, 552 00:25:55,683 --> 00:26:00,363 and so I present to you the teamwork award. 553 00:26:00,363 --> 00:26:02,243 Oh. Congratulations. 554 00:26:02,243 --> 00:26:05,043 It's a very high honour. Come on. 555 00:26:07,243 --> 00:26:10,563 Oh, that's where you got to last night. What were you doing in there? 556 00:26:10,563 --> 00:26:12,243 They were scared, Alison! 557 00:26:12,243 --> 00:26:13,963 THEY TALK OVER EACH OTHER No, no! 558 00:26:13,963 --> 00:26:15,243 ROBIN: Not scared! 559 00:26:15,243 --> 00:26:17,163 Just wanted to do some camping Robin-style... 560 00:26:17,163 --> 00:26:19,123 ..the chimney, you don't want the rain coming in. 561 00:26:19,123 --> 00:26:21,803 ..in the cave there, you see... 562 00:26:21,803 --> 00:26:23,603 SCREAMING, THEY SCREAM 563 00:26:23,603 --> 00:26:25,203 MARY: Scaredy-cats! 564 00:26:25,203 --> 00:26:26,363 THEY LAUGH 565 00:26:26,363 --> 00:26:29,003 Morning, Lady B. You OK? 566 00:26:29,003 --> 00:26:31,163 Julian, did you change the channel on the TV? 567 00:26:31,163 --> 00:26:33,323 Cos Kitty saw something adult. Did she? 568 00:26:33,323 --> 00:26:35,643 Mm. What's the code? Good morning, everyone. 569 00:26:35,643 --> 00:26:37,803 Back from your little adventure, are we? 570 00:26:37,803 --> 00:26:39,483 And what's on the agenda today? 571 00:26:39,483 --> 00:26:42,643 Food club, is it? Or what I'd wear if I could today? 572 00:26:42,643 --> 00:26:44,083 Oh, can we not forego? 573 00:26:44,083 --> 00:26:46,083 Yeah, we're all a bit tired, Fanny. 574 00:26:46,083 --> 00:26:49,043 Bed? At this time? 575 00:26:49,043 --> 00:26:52,683 Yeah. Never have I known such a feckless bunch 576 00:26:52,683 --> 00:26:55,163 of good-for-nothings. 577 00:26:55,163 --> 00:26:57,003 That's better. 578 00:26:57,003 --> 00:26:59,923 Oh, Alison, don't forget, the boiler man's coming at two. 579 00:27:01,403 --> 00:27:03,843 The boiler man?! 580 00:27:03,843 --> 00:27:05,403 SHE WHIMPERS