You're the most gorgeous person I've ever seen.
Brian West.
I don't date white men.
Hey, you are the god Apollo.
Be careful what you wish for, Emma.
When it falls off my wrist, those three wishes will come true.
I am the god Apollo.
Emma, with me, all three of your wishes will come true.
-I just wanna be a good father. -That's pretty cool.
It's a boy.
Did you know that the oldest known lullaby is a 5,000-year-old Babylonian song?
"Little baby in the dark house, you have seen the sun rise.
Why are you crying? Why are you screaming?
You have disturbed the house god.
Tell me your journey. Each of you.
Tell me your life's voyage, and I will tell you who you are."
Hello?
Emma.
What are you doing here?
I've been calling and texting for a week.
Six-month check for you and Brian.
He's not here. I have somewhere to go.
What?
You understand he needs a checkup?
Okay, where are we going?
I stopped checking my phone. That's why I didn't know you were coming.
Stopped when?
About a month ago.
Emma!
Apollo takes the baby to the park every morning.
He doesn't sleep much anymore either.
Brian?
Apollo. Having nightmares. We're all a mess.
You could try a little Benadryl to help you sleep.
You can take a little while you're breastfeeding.
I'm worried about you, Emma. I see you, and I feel worried.
Can I help you?
I heard about you from the message board. You were told I'd come.
Who sent you?
Cal sent me.
I hope these are useful.
What the hell is in there? Emma?
Chains. Chains?
Emma.
-We're here. -My mom and your sister are here.
Oh, baby.
Red bean soup, meat loaf, mashed potatoes, lasagna, samosas, two quiches, oxtail.
Thank you.
I love this little munchkin.
Apollo tells me you're having trouble. I had the same problem with him.
I didn't have my mother with me either. Flying with closed eyes.
Flying blind.
-It just takes time. -Yeah.
I'll help. Let me see what you're doing.
-Good morning. All awake? -Wait.
Too bad.
-What? -Your breasts are wrong.
-Mom. -Lillian.
Come on. All right. Let's not do that.
Just-- To the kitchen, Mom.
Easier to know it. Sad truth is better than a happy lie.
Mom, thanks for bringing the food, honestly. But--
Brian.
That's his name.
Brian. Brian.
-All right. -You honor an invisible man.
Did you come here to ruin the day for everybody?
Looks like it.
When a baby is born, a mother is also born.
She never existed before.
The woman existed, but a mother is something absolutely new.
I just wanna be the perfect mom.
You're his perfect mom.
Well, I learned from the greatest.
I had a rooster
That rooster pleased me
I held my rooster By the old willow tree
Stop complaining.
You know who I'm talking about.
I had a cat
My cat pleased me
I held my cat By the old willow tree
After two months of little to no sleep,
a person might suffer panic attacks,
paranoia, and phobias no lullaby can soothe.
I don't understand. Where are the buttons?
-There he is. -There we are.
It's a smartphone, Mom.
How's he sleeping?
I read something that said he should be at six to nine hours.
I'll believe it when I sleep it.
Hi.
-Hey. -Babe.
What?
-Hey, can you-- Sorry. I'm gonna-- -Oh, yeah.
We're trying to limit the screen time. It's not good for him.
A telephone?
Yeah, he's just a little too young.
He's too young for it. I'm too old for it.
So instead, we'll spend the whole night playing games…
-Uh-huh. -…and hugging.
Nice.
So, where are we baptizing him?
We actually weren't--
Unless one is born of water and spirit, he cannot be saved.
Saved from?
The dark creatures of the world.
Thanks, Mom.
Yeah, thank you, Mom.
Wait. Right there.
Oh, my God.
Thank you.
You're thanking me for a gift?
You are a gift.
I've missed you. Not you. The wine.
That's good.
Can I just-- You just got a little--
-What? -A little--
-There you go. -Thank you.
So, what's happening with the appraisal?
That dude's slow. Slug turtle.
Think you can trust him?
'Cause you know,
he's probably taking breaks every five minutes to jerk off
to puppet porn or something.
There she is.
People tell you all about how you'll love your baby
more than you'll love anything in the world,
which is true.
But now you have this thing that you love so much,
you'll have to kill yourself if anything happens to it.
They don't tell you that.
-Right. -They don't say that.
Everything's right except that part about killing yourself.
No.
He dies, I die.
Sorry, you're on your own.
Okay, well, if you were gonna do that, how would you do it?
Jump off George Washington Bridge.
What? You?
Yes. Me.
I would not have had you pegged for someone that would jump off a bridge.
-Why? I want clean. -Sorry. It's something--
I just wanna… plop.
-You know? -Belly flop.
Yeah.
Hey, you wanna…
Hey, you wanna do a thing?
I'm so glad we went out.
You know, it really feels like we turned a corner.
You know?
Handsome boy.
Hey, I gotta get you right now.
Here.
Oh, my God. Like father, like son, huh? Handsome.
Hey, Shoji.
-Hey, man. Good to see ya. -Hey. Say, "Hi."
Good morning.
-Hello. -Hey.
Hey, Imogen.
-Hey, how's Emma? -You see?
-How's the breastfeeding? Yeah? -She's good. She's-- Tired. You know.
We're trying, but we'll get there. We'll get there.
-Hey. -Hey, look at your buddy.
-Staring contest? -Ready?
-Yeah. Go. -Go.
Hey.
-Hey, look at this. -It's your friend
-who won the staring contest. -I know you.
Say, "Hi."
Nothing?
Two months old today, bubba.
Two.
Two, two, two months. Wow.
Hey. There's a new dad saying when we start him on solids
that we should use avocado.
Because if we use the sweet stuff-- like bananas, fruit--,
then all he's gonna want is sweet stuff.
Will you just please make sure he doesn't get too cold today?
-You know? -Yeah.
And coconut oil.
Or too warm.
It's supposed to be good for rashes.
He's just so little.
He needs me, Apollo.
I know. We know.
But we need your job and health insurance.
Eight weeks maternity leave is criminal.
It is.
Look at him.
-I know. -He's just perfect.
How will I breathe?
Through your mouth, silly.
Let's-- I'm gonna put you-- Sit you over-- here.
Give you some cushioning here.
All right, you'll be safe and sound. Talk to you soon.
Boom. All right, let's do this.
Hey, buddy. You good?
Okay.
Hello?
I just had a baby, but cool.
-This is the loaf. -Do we have everything?
Thank you.
Here, the halves-and-halves.
-These look so good. -Hi.
-Welcome back! -Welcome home, beautiful.
We missed you.
Thank you. Fuck.
I'm clearly batshit now.
-You will never stop crying now. -No.
Coffee and carrot cake.
We saw all the ones Apollo posted online, but we want more.
-He sent me so many. You'll see. -Let me see.
Apollo took him to work today. So…
-Oh, my God. -Oh, no, stop it.
Here we are.
Okay.
Let's go book-hunting.
I didn't have that much gear when I was fighting in Fallujah.
Now I'm in my own little dirty war.
Look at this.
-Yeah. -Nice.
Grandmother. Died four months ago.
Get this. I asked to use the bathroom, and they said they didn't have one.
Four bedroom house, no bathroom.
-Imagine that. -Yeah.
Well, you would think that'd be something you figure out
-before you get the house, right? -You'd think.
Uh-huh.
-Well, looks like Grandma likes books. -Still haven't checked the basement.
Thought I'd leave something for you.
Uncle Patrice scared of a little dingy old basement.
We'll split whatever you find 60-40.
Look me in my eye.
Tell us what happened in Iskandariyah, Uncle Patrice.
Tell your dad I said, "Fuck you."
Can you say, "PTSD"? PTSD.
I'm starting to understand why your pops abandoned you.
Oh, come on. Low blow.
Sorry.
Oh, well.
All right, the mystery of boxes.
I've always loved it.
That's 'cause you never know what's inside.
What's that?
You wanna hear a story about a box? I got one for ya.
My father, your grandfather, his name was Brian West.
You're actually named after him.
When I turned 12, he left a box at my door.
And inside that box were a pair of tickets to he and Grandma's first date, movies,
a little children's book he read to me, and a bunch of other stuff.
Yeah, I know. It was kind of like a time capsule.
What's the name of the book? Well, since you asked so nicely,
To The Waters And The Wild.
It's a good one.
"A baby is a dream made real. But dreams are the fairies' favorite meal.
There at the window, they watch as it sleeps.
The child so beautiful, the fairies weep."
Let's see what else we got here.
Looks just like more…
Hi.
-Hi. -What you looking for?
The Imaginaries. Yep.
What the fuck?
Where'd it go?
Apollo? What?
What are you doing?
Give him to me. What-- Hi.
-Oh, my God. Yes. -What is it? What?
It looked like--
Oh, my God. Apollo, he's actually latching.
What a day.
Big boy.
What?
-To Kill a Mockingbird. -That's right.
A true first edition.
Original cover. It's in pristine condition. Not a scratch.
Nice find.
Now, a book like that could get us $10,000 or something.
Ten? No. What?
But Harper Lee does not sign books.
Well, she signed this one.
-Wait, who's Pip? -Childhood best friend. Prolific writer.
A name that you've probably heard of.
Truman Capote?
What?
Yes. Yeah.
Oh, my God.
That's not even the best part. Look at what she wrote to him.
"The daddy of our dreams."
Yeah.
-We can get an apartment. A place to live. -Yeah.
Let's get an appraisal before we go into escrow.
But yes, baby.
You are the god, Apollo.
-Look at him. -One more time.
You are the god, Apollo.
I know.
What's going on?
Hey, what's wrong?
What's going on?
There he is.
I am so glad you brought the kid.
You look like Master Blaster.
Who runs Bartertown?
Master Blaster runs Bartertown.
Although I feel like Brian and I are more similar to Kuato and his brother.
You really gonna compare your baby to motherfucking Kuato?
The martians love Kuato, excuse me. He's like their George Washington.
Or Martin Luther King. Oprah.
You're a weird dude, my man.
Yeah. I know.
Stinky butt.
Here we go.
Don't get used to this. I'm not doing it forever.
Problem?
Apparently people have never seen a baby get their diaper changed before.
There you go, big boy. Okay.
Did I tell you how happy I was you brought the kid?
You know, you and Dana should really think about having a kid, just saying.
Yeah, you might be right about that one.
I mean, how else will I know the joy of walking around
with a handful of warm human shit?
He's too young for that carrier.
His legs splayed out like that could cause hip dysplasia. Yeah.
Okay. How old are yours?
-Your kids? -I don't have kids.
Call me when you do.
"Fuckoffy."
What?
Call him "fuckoffy."
Well, it's just like regular coffee, only instead of sitting around, chatting,
discussing brat-rearing,
you simply have a hot cup of "shut the fuck up."
Sounds good. I'm down.
I could come around at 6:00-- 9:00?
I meant it.
Yeah. I don't know.
-Not thirsty, apparently. -I guess not.
-Was it the way you said it? -It might be.
-Thank you. -Yeah, you're welcome.
Find anything good in that basement?
No, it was just a bust.
I was looking for somewhere to thro--
You know what? Here. Just hold that for me. Yeah.
"Fuckoffy".
-Guess I'll just put it with Grisham. -Who wants some fuckoffy?
I've forgotten something.
I'm forgetting stuff.
It's mommy brain.
You will forget 20 things a day, remember five, then forget them again.
Uh-huh.
I forgot my son once.
In his car seat, on the roof of the car.
Went into the house, only remembered at dinner time.
What?
Yes, he was fine. He slept right through it.
-Good. -Yeah.
You're okay. Carry on, my love.
-Thank you. -Okay.
What the fuck?
Excuse me.
Emma?
Man, it's dark. Emma!
It's okay.
Emma.
It's you.
What are you doing?
I found this group for moms online.
The Wise Moms.
They said this was the best way to black out the room.
Okay. I thought we weren't sleep training yet.
Why did you lie Brian down
-on that driveway? -What?
In the driveway, you laid him down.
I was trying to do something,
and he was strapped to me. So I put him down,
just only for a few seconds.
But wait, how did you even know about that?
You sent me a picture and then deleted it.
No, I didn't.
What do you mean?
You keep sending me pictures then deleting them.
What are you--
Babe, I don't even think that that's possible on the phone.
Are you okay?
Babe.
Hey, you never said hello to Brian.
Here.
-Yeah, big boy. -Okay, but it's gone.
-Can you look? It's gone. It's not here. -What--
I don't know, baby.
Well, maybe your phone's broken. We can get that fixed. It's easy.
What? What?
He bit me.
No, he doesn't even have teeth.
You okay though?
How would I know that you laid him on a driveway if you didn't send it?
Who took it? Who took the photo?
'Cause it was of the two of you from across the street.
Baby, I don't know.
Hi. Hey, bub. You're okay though.
It's just weird.
So weird.
Maybe I'm--
I'm so tired. Maybe I imagined it.
The other day, I got in the shower with all my clothes on.
Socks, shirt, beanie.
We're tired.
-Thank you. -Yeah.
He's sleeping.
Think we should move him?
No, he'll be okay in here.
Make way for the sandman.
This is the furthest we've slept from him since he was born.
Be careful what you wish for Emma.
Come on.
Apollo!
Apollo, look.
-Okay, baby, I see it. It's-- -Yeah?
It's 4 a.m. He needs to eat?
No, Apollo, just look. It's there. Look at it.
-There's nothing on there, baby. -Yes, there is.
There's a photo that I just saw.
-Here, I'll take him. -What? There was a photo.
There you go. It's just your diaper.
You're fine.
What the fuck?
It's okay. It's okay, big boy.
-Where is it? -You're okay.
It's okay.
After six months of inability to sleep comes mania, delusion, rapid weight loss.
Sleep, child.
If only would and could close those teary wearies.
Brian Kagwa?
He's enchanting.
How's he sleeping?
Doesn't.
How's he feeding?
Well, the baby wouldn't latch in the beginning.
Then he just totally changed.
Now he's ravenous.
That's great.
He bit me.
Okay, I don't think-- Let me see.
Nope. No teeth.
So, Emma, what are your concerns?
Well, there's a few of them.
Can't quite explain.
But mostly I just wanna make sure that he's normal.
Oh, yes. He's perfectly normal.
Emma, how's your mood been?
I don't know. Fine.
Don't you dare.
You little fucker. You little fucking fucker.
Have you had any thoughts about hurting yourself?
Or the baby?
What are we gonna do, baby?
What are we gonna do? Because we can't go on like this.
Okay?
We both know something's not right, don't we? So what's it gonna be?
What is your suggestion?
Because one of us is gonna have to change it up.
One of us is going to have to give it up. So tell me right now, what is it gonna be?
Fuck off.
Oh, fuck. You're the real devil, aren't you?
That's what I fucking thought. Get out of my way.
It's not a baby!
-It's not a baby! -Look, we're all screaming now.
-Are you fucking happy? -It's not a baby!
Emma. Where'd you go?
I took the baby for a walk.
-Thought it might calm him down. -Okay.
-It didn't. Three, two, one. -I got you. It's okay.
Motherfucker.
-Emma! Don't-- Goddamn it. -He's an asshole!
-She doesn't mean that, okay? -Oh, yes I do.
-He's the devil! -She doesn't mean it. She-- Okay?
Hello.
What's funny, Emma?
Nothing.
Okay.
That was Dr. Calero.
She said that you brought Brian to see her earlier.
Well, she's worried about you.
And Brian.
That's sweet.
Yeah, and I'm worried too.
Okay? I think you should see a doctor.
Yeah.
I know that's what you think.
I know no one's gonna believe me.
I know that now.
So…
I'll go.
Okay.
Do you think we can afford it if…
-Yeah, it's okay. -…if they're gonna prescribe me something?
We'll figure it out. All right? We'll figure it all out.
Thank you.
I do love you, Apollo. And the baby.
Yeah, and Brian.
Yeah.
I…
I just need to find my way back to myself.
-That's all. Then I'll be okay. -I know.
-Then we'll be okay. -Hey.
I'm gonna support you always. Look at me. Always.
Cal sent me.
I hope these are useful.
What the hell is in there? Emma?
Chains. Chains?
Emma.
April 14th, 1990.
You don't remember that day?
I remember what you've told me.
Which is?
I don't wanna play this game.
What?
You and me came back from school, and the trucks were already there.
The house was on fire.
Mom and Dad were stuck inside, and the firemen took us to the hospital.
Still don't get why they took us to the hospital.
That's what I told you, yes.
But now I'm gonna tell you what really happened.
Mom told us we could skip school and stay home.
We ate Cap'n Crunch and watched TV.
Watched TV and ate Cap'n Crunch.
Then Daddy got home.
Why aren't the kids at school?
I want them close.
I just got off the night shift. I need some sleep.
I don't want them here making noise.
I need them close!
You're crazy.
Baby, let me do your hair.
That was my hair.
I had a rooster
No.
I had a rooster
That rooster pleased me
Stop complaining.
I don't remember that.
I knew the day was all wrong.
Hey, wake up. House is on fire.
We gotta go. Come on! We gotta go.
Come on. Let's go.
We were in the house?
Did Dad try to carry Mom too?
Mom set the goddamn fire.
Come on. Let's go.
-No! -Let her go!
I can't leave you orphans.
We should all go together.
And you look at Mom, and you say three words.
Let me go.
Please.
But he dies in the fire. Right?
They took us to the hospital to treat us for smoke inhalation.
We were there five days and then foster care till I turned 18.
Why wouldn't you tell me any of this before?
Why did you change your mind?
Because you've got the same look on your face that Mom had that morning.
Sometimes I look at Brian and I don't think he's my son.
Maybe it's his eyes.
Or-- I don't know.
Because he looks like Brian,
but it's like he's someone else's son.
Emma, you're exhausted.
You had to go back to work way too soon.
And when you were just a baby,
your mother and father were taken from you.
It doesn't surprise me at all that you might be worried
that you're gonna lose the person you love most in the whole world.
By end of month six,
hallucinations and panic attacks become more pronounced.
The person becomes unresponsive or mute.
This is the final progression.
There you go, big boy. Come on. Yummy, yummy, yummy.
Morning.
Morning, Mommy.
Dada.
What? Oh, my God. Okay.
Wait, say that again. Do it again. Do it. Say it again.
Hold on. Okay. Come on.
Dada.
Yes. Okay. You're gonna be Internet famous.
Oh, my God. That is amazing.
So, the appraisal guy I was talk--
I wanna get the baby baptized.
Brian. She's talking about you, Brian.
That's a big boy.
Your mother has been asking ever since he was born.
I thought we should finally do it.
Good job.
His appetite is getting amazing.
He's eating more than me now.
I made an appointment at the church around the corner.
Holyrood. Father Hagen. Seems nice.
When?
Today, in an hour.
Wow.
Okay. Glad you decided to include me in that.
You don't have to be there. I can take him on my own.
What are you talking about?
You're not going anywhere with my son without me.
Emma, why is your phone in the garbage?
-I got another text last night. -Okay.
-A photo of you and the baby… -Sure.
…in the Zipcar.
He was in the car seat.
Photo was taken through the window,
like someone crept right up next to the baby. I don't--
Brian!
His name's Brian.
I'm sorry, baby. I know.
That was loud. That was loud.
"Got him."
What?
That's what the text said.
Right under his picture, in caps. "Got him."
Show me. Show me a photo. Show me where it says that.
-They're gone. You already know that. -Show me at least one text that says--
-They're gone. -Because it never happened.
Let's just go. Let's get ready.
We're not going to church with you, Emma.
You probably want to get him an exorcism rather than a baptism.
The message board said we can try therapy or church, and we can--
Well, I'm delighted you think a bunch of old women can tell us
how to live our lives and raise our kid.
But you know what the problem is, Emma?
You know what it really is? It's you. You're the fucking problem, all right?
Why don't you go take another pill or something?
Where you going?
You don't see.
But you will.
Hey. No matter what happens, you're coming with me.
"Who has disturbed me?" says the house god.
It is the baby who has disturbed you. The baby has scared you.
Making noises like a drunkard who cannot sit still on his stool.
He has disturbed your sleep.
"Call the baby now," says the house god.
God, forgive me.