1
00:00:59,268 --> 00:01:02,188
摩登情愛

2
00:01:29,965 --> 00:01:31,425
臉書還是推特？

3
00:01:31,509 --> 00:01:32,969
等一下，換我了

4
00:01:33,052 --> 00:01:34,302
《星艦迷航記》還是《星際大戰》？

5
00:01:34,386 --> 00:01:35,466
抱歉，《星際大戰》

6
00:01:35,554 --> 00:01:37,434
好，那臉書

7
00:01:37,807 --> 00:01:39,057
印第安那瓊斯還是…

8
00:01:39,141 --> 00:01:41,601
-拜託別說路克天行者
-不是

9
00:01:41,936 --> 00:01:43,726
印第安那瓊斯還是葛莉絲瓊斯？

10
00:01:43,813 --> 00:01:46,483
當然是葛莉絲，葛莉絲超讚的

11
00:01:47,650 --> 00:01:49,110
-歡迎光臨
-謝謝

12
00:01:49,193 --> 00:01:50,323
妳是我第一位客人

13
00:01:50,653 --> 00:01:52,783
好榮幸，帶我參觀一下？

14
00:01:53,155 --> 00:01:53,985
這裡放床

15
00:01:54,698 --> 00:01:56,118
沙發區

16
00:01:56,200 --> 00:01:57,200
-再來…
-抱歉

17
00:01:57,952 --> 00:01:59,792
廚房區，浴室在那邊

18
00:01:59,870 --> 00:02:02,750
了解，你說房租多少？
每個月兩千二？

19
00:02:02,832 --> 00:02:04,332
人生還真美好

20
00:02:04,959 --> 00:02:06,879
-來一杯？
-好呀，一定要的

21
00:02:07,378 --> 00:02:09,418
還滿溫馨的，我喜歡

22
00:02:09,505 --> 00:02:11,085
而且，不再有室友

23
00:02:11,173 --> 00:02:13,093
完全就像個大人

24
00:02:13,175 --> 00:02:15,425
我已經老到不用遵守上床時間了

25
00:02:16,262 --> 00:02:17,642
你有什麼酒？

26
00:02:17,721 --> 00:02:20,101
我有櫻桃白蘭地

27
00:02:20,516 --> 00:02:21,516
好的

28
00:02:21,934 --> 00:02:23,144
辣味伏特加

29
00:02:23,602 --> 00:02:25,062
-詭異
-人家送的

30
00:02:26,772 --> 00:02:30,072
還有琴酒和苦艾酒

31
00:02:30,442 --> 00:02:31,362
來杯馬丁尼？

32
00:02:31,443 --> 00:02:32,953
-贊成
-太好了

33
00:02:36,031 --> 00:02:37,621
-橄欖還是洋蔥？
-橄欖

34
00:02:38,325 --> 00:02:39,695
紅州還是藍州？

35
00:02:39,785 --> 00:02:43,995
好的，還是別聊政治吧

36
00:02:44,081 --> 00:02:45,921
不行，規則是一定要回答

37
00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:47,170
這個嘛

38
00:02:48,252 --> 00:02:50,132
我來自紅州

39
00:02:50,212 --> 00:02:52,592
但住在藍州

40
00:02:52,673 --> 00:02:56,143
所以我算是跨黨派吧

41
00:02:57,177 --> 00:02:58,597
所以是自由黨囉？

42
00:02:58,971 --> 00:03:01,181
比較像是不知所措的人吧

43
00:03:12,234 --> 00:03:13,074
怎樣？

44
00:03:13,152 --> 00:03:15,572
妳知道剛搬進新家

45
00:03:15,779 --> 00:03:18,699
總會想像一下美好新生活？

46
00:03:18,782 --> 00:03:19,912
對

47
00:03:19,992 --> 00:03:21,952
大概就是這個樣子

48
00:03:27,041 --> 00:03:29,171
等一下，我在貼文

49
00:03:42,806 --> 00:03:43,806
真的假的？

50
00:03:44,183 --> 00:03:45,233
不是啦

51
00:03:45,309 --> 00:03:46,769
-我只是在…
-幹嘛？

52
00:03:47,227 --> 00:03:48,477
整理

53
00:03:49,063 --> 00:03:51,403
我不是在耍手段

54
00:03:51,732 --> 00:03:55,652
或許你不耍手段的手段
就是最心機的手段

55
00:03:55,736 --> 00:03:57,856
是啦，我聽過這個說法

56
00:03:57,947 --> 00:03:59,277
我沒這個意思

57
00:04:01,951 --> 00:04:03,241
我相信你

58
00:04:04,870 --> 00:04:07,540
可以忘記剛發生過那件事嗎？

59
00:04:10,626 --> 00:04:11,876
好呀

60
00:04:11,961 --> 00:04:13,551
-好
-給你

61
00:04:13,629 --> 00:04:15,969
來，敬你的美好新生活

62
00:04:32,314 --> 00:04:35,864
它現在活像片生肉攤在地上

63
00:04:37,027 --> 00:04:38,147
有像

64
00:04:38,529 --> 00:04:40,069
亞思敏，我只是…

65
00:04:40,364 --> 00:04:45,164
我真的沒想到今晚會這樣

66
00:04:45,244 --> 00:04:46,794
就這樣了

67
00:04:48,330 --> 00:04:52,630
我現在完全不敢輕舉妄動

68
00:04:55,421 --> 00:04:56,301
好吧

69
00:05:25,993 --> 00:05:27,453
上空還是下空？

70
00:05:28,287 --> 00:05:29,617
上空

71
00:05:32,875 --> 00:05:35,245
等一下，我以為妳指妳自己

72
00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:37,045
想改答案嗎？

73
00:05:41,383 --> 00:05:42,723
四角褲還是三角褲？

74
00:05:42,801 --> 00:05:43,841
我記不得了

75
00:06:03,155 --> 00:06:05,485
我馬上回來，好嗎？

76
00:06:09,745 --> 00:06:11,205
抱歉還沒裝窗簾

77
00:06:42,694 --> 00:06:45,614
妳再不回來，我就要自己開始囉

78
00:06:52,663 --> 00:06:56,043
怎樣？這是我最撩人的姿勢

79
00:06:56,708 --> 00:06:58,208
還有進步空間

80
00:06:58,293 --> 00:07:00,343
是嗎？那這樣咧？

81
00:07:05,843 --> 00:07:06,933
你沒事吧？

82
00:07:13,183 --> 00:07:14,103
別拔

83
00:07:14,852 --> 00:07:15,692
不要拔

84
00:07:19,189 --> 00:07:20,019
叫救護車

85
00:07:23,819 --> 00:07:24,779
靠

86
00:07:26,947 --> 00:07:29,407
你好，麻煩派救護車來
他手臂割傷，很嚴重

87
00:07:29,491 --> 00:07:30,831
流了好多血

88
00:07:30,909 --> 00:07:32,239
好，地址

89
00:07:32,327 --> 00:07:34,747
第十街東段507號1C室

90
00:07:34,830 --> 00:07:36,620
有聽到嗎？太好了

91
00:07:37,207 --> 00:07:38,247
-他們過來了
-好

92
00:07:38,584 --> 00:07:44,464
中場休息：醫院裡的坦誠相見

93
00:07:44,548 --> 00:07:45,668
好來

94
00:07:48,510 --> 00:07:50,220
等一下，穿到一半

95
00:07:50,304 --> 00:07:51,854
說不定是脫到一半

96
00:07:53,223 --> 00:07:54,143
穿好

97
00:07:55,684 --> 00:07:57,274
玻璃杯半滿還是半空？

98
00:07:57,352 --> 00:07:58,692
等一下再玩好嗎？

99
00:07:58,770 --> 00:07:59,730
好

100
00:08:02,566 --> 00:08:03,816
-亞思敏
-怎樣？

101
00:08:03,901 --> 00:08:04,991
衣服

102
00:08:05,527 --> 00:08:06,527
毛巾

103
00:08:12,367 --> 00:08:13,287
好

104
00:08:14,411 --> 00:08:16,041
不是，毛巾給我

105
00:08:17,581 --> 00:08:18,461
拿去

106
00:08:25,714 --> 00:08:29,054
這不是我第一次約會約到送醫院

107
00:08:29,134 --> 00:08:30,684
我有次吃了沒煮熟的雞肉

108
00:08:30,761 --> 00:08:33,391
結果燒到40度還出現幻覺

109
00:08:33,472 --> 00:08:35,062
那你應該滿習慣的

110
00:08:35,140 --> 00:08:36,270
真的

111
00:08:37,476 --> 00:08:38,936
-你幾歲？
-31歲

112
00:08:41,230 --> 00:08:43,440
33歲，抱歉
我不知道自己幹嘛說謊

113
00:08:44,608 --> 00:08:45,608
我了解

114
00:08:46,401 --> 00:08:47,531
有在服用什麼藥物嗎？

115
00:08:47,611 --> 00:08:49,361
有，克諾平

116
00:08:49,947 --> 00:08:51,067
抗焦慮

117
00:08:51,907 --> 00:08:53,277
抗憂鬱

118
00:08:53,367 --> 00:08:54,367
好的

119
00:08:54,451 --> 00:08:57,121
他是妳的…男朋友？

120
00:08:57,871 --> 00:08:58,751
朋友

121
00:09:00,082 --> 00:09:01,582
這是我們第二次約會

122
00:09:03,502 --> 00:09:06,632
我不是在玩SM喔
這不是愛愛弄傷的

123
00:09:06,713 --> 00:09:08,303
不是什麼奇怪的方式

124
00:09:08,882 --> 00:09:11,222
-羅伯，你幹嘛講個不停？
-不知道

125
00:09:16,848 --> 00:09:18,228
-有對什麼過敏嗎？
-沒有

126
00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:19,808
最後進食是什麼時候？

127
00:09:19,893 --> 00:09:21,853
四、五個小時以前

128
00:09:21,937 --> 00:09:23,727
海鮮義大利麵，很好吃

129
00:09:24,189 --> 00:09:26,359
好的，動過手術嗎？

130
00:09:26,441 --> 00:09:28,611
顴骨動過手術，從自行車上摔下來

131
00:09:30,570 --> 00:09:31,820
麻煩幫我關上百葉窗

132
00:09:34,866 --> 00:09:36,116
我弄一下

133
00:09:39,955 --> 00:09:41,365
-站起來
-好的

134
00:09:42,249 --> 00:09:44,999
-要脫褲子？好的
-脫褲子，謝謝

135
00:09:47,713 --> 00:09:49,843
-可以嗎？
-可以

136
00:09:51,550 --> 00:09:53,260
要我幫你鎖在櫃子裡嗎？

137
00:09:53,343 --> 00:09:54,473
給我吧

138
00:09:57,597 --> 00:09:59,517
我知道裡面有多少錢喔

139
00:10:05,022 --> 00:10:05,902
好的

140
00:10:08,400 --> 00:10:09,480
手舉高

141
00:10:14,906 --> 00:10:18,866
好來，羅伯
現在慢慢從十開始倒數

142
00:10:19,745 --> 00:10:23,365
十、九、八

143
00:10:24,541 --> 00:10:25,541
七

144
00:10:27,169 --> 00:10:28,249
六

145
00:10:30,922 --> 00:10:32,132
五…

146
00:10:52,694 --> 00:10:54,784
別擔心，還在

147
00:11:09,795 --> 00:11:11,585
你醒啦，我是尼克

148
00:11:11,671 --> 00:11:13,721
我來幫你量個血壓

149
00:11:14,716 --> 00:11:15,546
好的

150
00:11:15,926 --> 00:11:17,176
我看看

151
00:11:21,640 --> 00:11:23,640
手術很順利，醫生很滿意

152
00:11:23,725 --> 00:11:24,885
太好了

153
00:11:24,976 --> 00:11:27,266
正中神經損傷不太容易復原

154
00:11:29,856 --> 00:11:32,186
麻醉的關係你可能會口乾喉嚨痛

155
00:11:32,275 --> 00:11:33,645
記得多喝水

156
00:11:33,735 --> 00:11:35,315
我會盯著他

157
00:11:37,906 --> 00:11:38,946
好了

158
00:11:41,076 --> 00:11:42,196
-謝謝
-好的

159
00:11:44,162 --> 00:11:46,002
我多久可以出院？

160
00:11:46,081 --> 00:11:47,291
不會太久

161
00:11:47,374 --> 00:11:48,924
六小時左右吧

162
00:11:56,133 --> 00:11:57,053
那…

163
00:11:57,134 --> 00:11:58,844
聽我說，妳先走吧

164
00:11:58,927 --> 00:12:01,137
那個…六小時有點久

165
00:12:01,221 --> 00:12:03,971
羅伯，別這樣，我當然要留下來

166
00:12:04,558 --> 00:12:06,438
換作是你也會留下來

167
00:12:06,518 --> 00:12:07,938
那當然

168
00:12:08,019 --> 00:12:10,189
妳根本不用來醫院

169
00:12:10,272 --> 00:12:12,192
我會看著妳在公園長椅上睡著

170
00:12:12,274 --> 00:12:14,444
而且我們還在約會中

171
00:12:15,152 --> 00:12:17,202
我把這稱為中場休息

172
00:12:17,279 --> 00:12:19,489
我一直在社群網站上實況貼文

173
00:12:19,573 --> 00:12:21,583
那叫觀眾回來坐好

174
00:12:21,658 --> 00:12:24,328
沒問題，下半場即將開始

175
00:12:29,291 --> 00:12:30,381
好

176
00:12:31,460 --> 00:12:33,460
玻璃杯半滿還是半空？

177
00:12:35,297 --> 00:12:36,587
半滿

178
00:12:37,299 --> 00:12:38,799
噴射機隊還是巨人隊？

179
00:12:38,884 --> 00:12:40,894
都不是，鋼人隊

180
00:12:41,845 --> 00:12:43,845
眼不見為淨還是徹底忘乾淨？

181
00:12:45,015 --> 00:12:46,265
徹底忘乾淨

182
00:12:47,142 --> 00:12:48,772
越來越抽象囉

183
00:12:48,852 --> 00:12:50,232
可能是藥的關係

184
00:12:51,855 --> 00:12:53,355
另外那個藥是怎麼回事？

185
00:12:57,527 --> 00:12:59,277
我有恐慌症

186
00:13:01,364 --> 00:13:03,454
“症”這個詞用錯了

187
00:13:05,327 --> 00:13:08,117
對有些人來說，那就像暴風肆虐

188
00:13:09,164 --> 00:13:13,254
但對我來說，更像是迷霧襲來

189
00:13:14,753 --> 00:13:16,053
我會…

190
00:13:17,422 --> 00:13:21,012
整個人大關機，完全無法社交

191
00:13:22,010 --> 00:13:24,350
-我本來想告訴妳，只是…
-我懂

192
00:13:24,429 --> 00:13:26,719
這種事不到萬不得已不會說

193
00:13:27,057 --> 00:13:28,017
沒錯

194
00:13:29,392 --> 00:13:30,482
不管怎樣

195
00:13:32,020 --> 00:13:34,230
-你現在看起來很平靜
-謝啦

196
00:13:34,648 --> 00:13:37,358
要不是妳在，我一定嚇慘了

197
00:13:41,196 --> 00:13:42,566
有好玩的留言嗎？

198
00:13:42,656 --> 00:13:46,536
目前87個讚，17則留言

199
00:13:46,618 --> 00:13:48,368
出名咧

200
00:13:52,832 --> 00:13:55,502
我沒提你的名字，讓你安心一下

201
00:13:56,044 --> 00:13:57,754
那妳要叫我什麼？

202
00:13:58,213 --> 00:14:00,013
“馬丁尼戀人”怎麼樣？

203
00:14:00,090 --> 00:14:01,880
我喜歡“馬丁尼戀人”

204
00:14:02,717 --> 00:14:06,557
帶點頹廢的間諜感

205
00:14:06,638 --> 00:14:09,058
從此和我劃上等號

206
00:14:09,140 --> 00:14:10,180
搞定

207
00:14:12,519 --> 00:14:14,649
妳應該跟馬丁尼戀人約會

208
00:14:15,272 --> 00:14:17,982
“羅伯”也太平凡了

209
00:14:18,066 --> 00:14:21,276
亞思敏和…

210
00:14:21,903 --> 00:14:22,993
羅伯

211
00:14:23,405 --> 00:14:27,655
說不定只需重新包裝一下羅伯

212
00:14:29,160 --> 00:14:31,250
全新的羅伯

213
00:14:31,830 --> 00:14:34,790
真不敢相信老羅伯會走到這一步

214
00:14:36,501 --> 00:14:39,591
路人會看看妳，再看看我

215
00:14:39,671 --> 00:14:43,681
然後心想
“不會吧，他們不可能是一對”

216
00:14:44,259 --> 00:14:45,549
那是你自己在幻想

217
00:14:45,635 --> 00:14:47,965
這時我會問我自己

218
00:14:48,054 --> 00:14:50,024
“我看起來緊張嗎？

219
00:14:50,557 --> 00:14:54,017
“擔心這個會不會讓我
看起來更緊張？

220
00:14:54,102 --> 00:14:55,902
“她會不會覺得我是個大宅男？”

221
00:14:55,979 --> 00:14:57,649
大家都這樣，羅伯

222
00:14:57,731 --> 00:14:59,861
但對我來說打擊太大

223
00:15:00,275 --> 00:15:04,025
所以我沒剩多少精力實際體驗

224
00:15:04,613 --> 00:15:05,573
懂我意思嗎？

225
00:15:15,749 --> 00:15:17,289
看來會留疤

226
00:15:17,917 --> 00:15:18,877
是紀念品

227
00:15:18,960 --> 00:15:22,210
總比把妳名字
刺青在手臂上好一點

228
00:15:22,964 --> 00:15:24,554
有個傢伙為我這麼做過

229
00:15:24,633 --> 00:15:27,143
我怎麼一點也不驚訝？前男友？

230
00:15:30,555 --> 00:15:32,385
-介意嗎？
-不會，請便

231
00:15:34,434 --> 00:15:35,644
是上一號吧？

232
00:15:37,187 --> 00:15:40,107
我是大剌剌，不是野蠻人

233
00:15:42,025 --> 00:15:44,645
感覺我們的關係快轉很多年

234
00:15:46,905 --> 00:15:48,025
怎麼說？

235
00:15:49,824 --> 00:15:52,704
人們通常會努力展現最好的一面

236
00:15:52,786 --> 00:15:56,036
妳卻已看到我最脆弱的一面

237
00:15:56,122 --> 00:15:57,672
恐懼、流血

238
00:15:58,583 --> 00:16:00,133
-裸體
-沒錯

239
00:16:00,210 --> 00:16:02,050
我最大的恐懼成真了

240
00:16:03,088 --> 00:16:04,588
沒那麼糟

241
00:16:08,009 --> 00:16:11,349
我那次自行車車禍
一定是摔了個狗吃屎

242
00:16:11,429 --> 00:16:12,889
因為接下來我只記得

243
00:16:12,972 --> 00:16:15,602
在救護車裡醒來，我的臉腫這麼大

244
00:16:15,684 --> 00:16:17,644
-不會吧
-醫生說

245
00:16:17,727 --> 00:16:20,187
他們會在我腦袋切個小口

246
00:16:20,271 --> 00:16:23,651
用一個小湯匙把我的顴骨放回去

247
00:16:23,733 --> 00:16:25,653
是喔，聽起來好像還好

248
00:16:25,735 --> 00:16:27,395
就在我進行麻醉時

249
00:16:27,487 --> 00:16:30,657
醫生又說這種手術不一定會成功

250
00:16:31,366 --> 00:16:32,656
好吧，有別的選擇嗎？

251
00:16:32,742 --> 00:16:35,082
另一個選擇是放一片鋼板進去

252
00:16:35,161 --> 00:16:36,001
是喔

253
00:16:36,079 --> 00:16:37,409
不過做這種手術

254
00:16:37,497 --> 00:16:41,627
醫生得把我的腦袋
從左耳到右耳切開

255
00:16:41,710 --> 00:16:43,920
-把臉撕下來…
-好了，別說了！

256
00:16:44,003 --> 00:16:45,303
他們在跟我講這些時

257
00:16:45,380 --> 00:16:48,260
我的恐慌症整個大發作

258
00:16:48,341 --> 00:16:50,761
然後麻醉生效，我就去了仙境

259
00:16:50,844 --> 00:16:52,644
是啦，但大家都會有相同反應

260
00:16:52,721 --> 00:16:53,931
或許吧

261
00:16:54,013 --> 00:16:56,393
事實證明，A計畫成功了

262
00:16:56,474 --> 00:16:57,734
但還是很可怕

263
00:17:04,149 --> 00:17:06,069
我看不出來你傷的是哪一邊

264
00:17:06,484 --> 00:17:07,614
很好

265
00:17:07,694 --> 00:17:08,744
哪一邊？

266
00:17:08,820 --> 00:17:10,030
這邊

267
00:17:10,113 --> 00:17:11,573
醫生很厲害

268
00:17:11,906 --> 00:17:13,026
謝謝

269
00:17:29,924 --> 00:17:30,764
媽呀

270
00:17:30,842 --> 00:17:32,302
最後的摩希根人

271
00:17:35,054 --> 00:17:37,024
我爸以前也抽成那樣

272
00:17:37,098 --> 00:17:38,768
在他死前

273
00:17:38,850 --> 00:17:40,020
對不起

274
00:17:42,061 --> 00:17:43,021
那是…

275
00:17:43,104 --> 00:17:44,234
死因嗎？

276
00:17:45,315 --> 00:17:46,225
沒幫助

277
00:17:47,192 --> 00:17:48,612
他病了很久嗎？

278
00:17:48,943 --> 00:17:50,403
你真想聽這個故事？

279
00:17:52,113 --> 00:17:54,493
簡短版是他嚴重腦出血

280
00:17:56,367 --> 00:17:57,487
那完整版呢？

281
00:18:01,790 --> 00:18:03,580
那天是我30歲生日

282
00:18:06,294 --> 00:18:09,174
我們辦了場大派對
來了一堆親人朋友

283
00:18:09,255 --> 00:18:11,755
一直到六點左右
我才爬上男友家的床

284
00:18:12,550 --> 00:18:16,050
隔天早上我爸做了早餐
還端去給床上的我媽吃

285
00:18:17,347 --> 00:18:20,927
她之後跟我說，他們做愛
然後她洗澡，他睡覺

286
00:18:22,602 --> 00:18:24,732
她出來時，他的臉整個垮掉

287
00:18:25,021 --> 00:18:27,191
講話口齒不清

288
00:18:28,107 --> 00:18:31,147
她叫了救護車，但一切為時已晚

289
00:18:45,750 --> 00:18:48,800
在醫院時，我全程陪在他旁邊

290
00:18:51,464 --> 00:18:53,634
我還記得護士幫他洗澡

291
00:18:53,716 --> 00:18:55,926
我出去走一走

292
00:18:56,803 --> 00:18:59,603
洗好後我透過隔簾看著他

293
00:19:02,016 --> 00:19:03,476
他一絲不掛

294
00:19:04,727 --> 00:19:08,147
全身插滿管子，但那畫面好美

295
00:19:10,441 --> 00:19:12,781
彷彿米開朗基羅的《聖殤》雕像

296
00:19:16,030 --> 00:19:18,830
總之，一小時後他過世了

297
00:19:26,875 --> 00:19:28,995
-你確定不吃點東西？
-我還不能進食

298
00:19:29,085 --> 00:19:30,335
我喝點水就好

299
00:19:31,546 --> 00:19:33,046
-我去拿
-不用，沒關係

300
00:19:33,131 --> 00:19:34,171
我去拿，我可以的

301
00:19:34,257 --> 00:19:35,427
-你確定？
-確定

302
00:19:43,850 --> 00:19:45,560
妳好

303
00:20:13,838 --> 00:20:15,628
別想叫我幫你再拿一杯

304
00:20:16,424 --> 00:20:17,474
合理

305
00:20:21,846 --> 00:20:24,306
妳想過自己要是殘障會怎樣嗎？

306
00:20:26,559 --> 00:20:28,979
看吧，我就是會想到這種鬼問題

307
00:20:29,312 --> 00:20:30,692
那你咧？

308
00:20:30,772 --> 00:20:31,862
我會很糟糕

309
00:20:31,940 --> 00:20:34,320
沉浸在憤怒和自憐當中

310
00:20:34,400 --> 00:20:36,150
肯定會變成一個酒鬼

311
00:20:36,235 --> 00:20:37,445
你是說最難搞的那種？

312
00:20:37,528 --> 00:20:40,368
哇咧，比我的傷口還傷人

313
00:20:40,448 --> 00:20:41,488
抱歉囉

314
00:20:42,533 --> 00:20:44,043
順口就說了

315
00:20:44,827 --> 00:20:46,827
我會花好幾年打沒意義的官司

316
00:20:46,913 --> 00:20:48,543
幹嘛把自己講那麼難聽

317
00:20:48,623 --> 00:20:50,883
只要有女人對我釋出善意

318
00:20:50,959 --> 00:20:52,339
我會讓她馬上後悔

319
00:20:53,378 --> 00:20:54,248
怎麼說？

320
00:20:54,337 --> 00:20:57,377
我會故意誤會她對我有意思

321
00:20:57,465 --> 00:21:00,335
要是她沒後續，我會大抓狂

322
00:21:01,427 --> 00:21:02,677
活像個大宅男

323
00:21:04,514 --> 00:21:07,894
我跟你不是很熟
但聽起來不像你會做的事

324
00:21:07,976 --> 00:21:11,226
總之謝天謝地這個傷會好
對妳我都好

325
00:21:12,021 --> 00:21:15,691
那你覺得要是我殘障會怎樣？

326
00:21:16,484 --> 00:21:17,904
妳會超級激勵人心

327
00:21:17,986 --> 00:21:19,696
-那現在呢？
-那還用說

328
00:21:19,779 --> 00:21:21,859
妳會快速調整自己

329
00:21:21,948 --> 00:21:23,408
全心投入宣導工作

330
00:21:23,491 --> 00:21:25,371
加入殘奧射箭隊

331
00:21:25,451 --> 00:21:28,331
TED會找妳演講
美妝公司會找妳拍廣告

332
00:21:28,413 --> 00:21:30,333
好了啦，你有點過頭囉

333
00:21:30,415 --> 00:21:34,875
真的，妳會徹底顛覆
21世紀對美的標準

334
00:21:34,961 --> 00:21:36,051
你也太誇張

335
00:21:36,421 --> 00:21:37,671
我嗑藥嗑嗨了

336
00:21:43,469 --> 00:21:44,679
謝謝

337
00:21:47,098 --> 00:21:48,468
我不知道妳抽菸

338
00:21:49,183 --> 00:21:51,853
其實我不抽，超噁的

339
00:21:56,899 --> 00:21:59,149
我可以問妳一個嚴肅的問題嗎？

340
00:21:59,652 --> 00:22:00,572
好呀

341
00:22:00,653 --> 00:22:02,453
妳跟前男友怎麼了？

342
00:22:04,365 --> 00:22:06,025
我們還沒認識夠久

343
00:22:06,117 --> 00:22:08,827
關係就突然變得很親密

344
00:22:08,911 --> 00:22:10,661
有時這樣不是很好嗎？

345
00:22:11,122 --> 00:22:12,502
這問題好難回答

346
00:22:12,582 --> 00:22:14,042
我這人很難相處

347
00:22:14,125 --> 00:22:15,075
才不會

348
00:22:16,127 --> 00:22:18,297
你對我的印象可能有點偏差

349
00:22:18,379 --> 00:22:19,379
怎麼說？

350
00:22:20,423 --> 00:22:21,343
這個嘛

351
00:22:22,508 --> 00:22:24,178
就拿今晚來說

352
00:22:24,260 --> 00:22:27,260
我整晚陪著你像個大英雄，對吧？

353
00:22:27,346 --> 00:22:28,926
-這個嘛…
-對網路上所有人而言

354
00:22:29,015 --> 00:22:30,515
我好像很體貼

355
00:22:31,184 --> 00:22:32,774
但我又能怎樣？

356
00:22:32,852 --> 00:22:34,692
去夜店玩，明天來看你？

357
00:22:34,771 --> 00:22:36,561
妳要這麼說…

358
00:22:36,981 --> 00:22:39,321
我有點太在意了

359
00:22:40,151 --> 00:22:41,361
別人的看法

360
00:22:41,444 --> 00:22:43,864
幹嘛把自己講那麼難聽

361
00:22:43,946 --> 00:22:45,736
要承認這點不容易

362
00:22:46,407 --> 00:22:48,407
但你一直對我掏心掏肺

363
00:22:48,493 --> 00:22:50,243
每個人都喜歡受到關注，亞思敏

364
00:22:50,912 --> 00:22:54,372
是，但87個讚讓我好失望

365
00:22:57,794 --> 00:22:58,754
好的

366
00:23:00,088 --> 00:23:03,758
我希望你的鄰居
從窗戶看到我、想要我

367
00:23:04,884 --> 00:23:08,974
我希望那個護士覺得
我是他見過最有意思的女生

368
00:23:09,514 --> 00:23:12,734
沒事幹嘛希望陌生人愛上我？

369
00:23:13,142 --> 00:23:15,142
那又怎樣？又不傷人

370
00:23:15,228 --> 00:23:16,268
那是一種控制慾

371
00:23:16,354 --> 00:23:18,274
只要妳自己清楚…

372
00:23:18,356 --> 00:23:21,066
你對盯著我那些傢伙的看法

373
00:23:21,734 --> 00:23:23,194
那又不是妳能控制的

374
00:23:23,277 --> 00:23:25,657
我可以，我也做了

375
00:23:29,784 --> 00:23:30,794
什麼？

376
00:23:32,870 --> 00:23:37,290
好吧，我跟朋友
以前會在地鐵站做這種事

377
00:23:37,834 --> 00:23:39,214
搭手扶梯時

378
00:23:39,293 --> 00:23:41,843
我們會比賽誰吸引最多男人注意

379
00:23:41,921 --> 00:23:42,801
怎麼做？

380
00:23:43,589 --> 00:23:44,589
眼神交流

381
00:23:45,633 --> 00:23:46,843
一個微笑

382
00:23:47,385 --> 00:23:48,755
就這樣

383
00:23:49,512 --> 00:23:51,762
其實我有注意到

384
00:23:52,265 --> 00:23:53,465
我前男友也注意到了

385
00:23:56,519 --> 00:23:58,189
他會跟我攤牌

386
00:23:58,271 --> 00:24:02,111
我會為自己辯解，說服他是他想太多

387
00:24:02,483 --> 00:24:04,153
我超爛的

388
00:24:07,363 --> 00:24:08,913
你說得沒錯

389
00:24:09,282 --> 00:24:10,742
我真的很會約會

390
00:24:11,784 --> 00:24:14,414
但也真的很難長時間相處

391
00:24:17,290 --> 00:24:19,290
所以我們決定冷靜一下

392
00:24:21,919 --> 00:24:22,919
了解

393
00:24:25,298 --> 00:24:26,378
什麼時候的事？

394
00:24:27,550 --> 00:24:28,590
幾個禮拜前

395
00:24:32,805 --> 00:24:33,925
對不起

396
00:24:34,015 --> 00:24:36,015
不會，沒關係

397
00:24:37,393 --> 00:24:38,733
畢竟

398
00:24:39,228 --> 00:24:42,568
我們沒聊過什麼認真的話題

399
00:24:43,065 --> 00:24:44,435
都在閒聊

400
00:24:45,693 --> 00:24:47,823
這話題夠認真了吧

401
00:25:21,103 --> 00:25:22,653
進出還順利嗎？

402
00:25:23,397 --> 00:25:26,027
順利，我幫你帶了幾件衣服
放在衣櫥裡

403
00:25:26,108 --> 00:25:27,188
謝啦

404
00:26:28,796 --> 00:26:30,256
我家看起來怎麼樣？

405
00:26:30,840 --> 00:26:33,130
活像謀殺案犯罪現場

406
00:27:15,259 --> 00:27:16,589
咖啡

407
00:27:17,887 --> 00:27:18,967
謝謝

408
00:27:21,098 --> 00:27:22,478
丹麥麵包還是麵包捲？

409
00:27:23,351 --> 00:27:25,441
-都可以
-規則是一定要回答

410
00:27:27,313 --> 00:27:28,523
那就丹麥麵包吧

411
00:27:30,858 --> 00:27:32,068
謝謝

412
00:27:37,990 --> 00:27:39,530
好美的畫面

413
00:27:40,618 --> 00:27:41,658
對呀

414
00:27:42,078 --> 00:27:45,708
我很驚訝妳竟然忍得住不上傳IG

415
00:27:46,290 --> 00:27:48,580
我也想，可惜手機沒電

416
00:27:52,797 --> 00:27:55,927
我得說…

417
00:27:56,759 --> 00:27:59,799
我幻想過

418
00:27:59,887 --> 00:28:03,097
妳在我家過夜
我們一起吃早餐的畫面

419
00:28:05,142 --> 00:28:07,352
跟我想像的有點不太一樣

420
00:28:07,978 --> 00:28:09,478
還是有可能發生

421
00:28:09,563 --> 00:28:11,733
真的嗎？即使在今晚之後？

422
00:28:11,816 --> 00:28:13,646
拜託別恐慌症發作

423
00:28:14,360 --> 00:28:15,610
中槍

424
00:28:16,612 --> 00:28:19,572
話說回來，感覺真好

425
00:28:20,449 --> 00:28:21,449
不覺得嗎？

426
00:28:23,077 --> 00:28:24,287
好到爆

427
00:28:26,414 --> 00:28:29,754
來，敬你的美好新生活

428
00:28:32,211 --> 00:28:34,631
我新家，我的媽呀

429
00:28:34,713 --> 00:28:36,263
我會幫你整理乾淨

430
00:28:36,340 --> 00:28:37,840
妳願意幫我搬走嗎？

431
00:28:40,511 --> 00:28:42,101
可以在這裡坐一下嗎？

432
00:28:44,849 --> 00:28:45,979
好呀

433
00:28:47,977 --> 00:28:50,147
但我可能得躺平

434
00:28:50,229 --> 00:28:51,359
可以嗎？

435
00:28:58,487 --> 00:29:00,197
幫我拿一下好嗎？

436
00:29:00,281 --> 00:29:01,531
-好呀
-謝謝

437
00:29:05,828 --> 00:29:06,998
-你在…
-我想…

438
00:29:07,079 --> 00:29:09,329
-我幫你
-可以嗎？我沒辦法

439
00:29:10,416 --> 00:29:11,786
謝謝，好貼心

440
00:29:11,876 --> 00:29:12,916
好

441
00:29:31,645 --> 00:29:32,975
我可以說幾句話嗎？

442
00:29:36,233 --> 00:29:39,323
我真的很感謝妳

443
00:29:40,738 --> 00:29:42,158
我說真的

444
00:29:43,073 --> 00:29:48,043
我知道我們剛認識
我們之間什麼都沒有

445
00:29:48,120 --> 00:29:51,460
我知道妳剛結束一段感情

446
00:29:51,540 --> 00:29:56,750
我可能也不是什麼好對象

447
00:29:57,129 --> 00:30:00,719
但我只想說，不管怎樣

448
00:30:00,799 --> 00:30:02,639
這一切對我意義重大

449
00:30:03,511 --> 00:30:06,431
說真的，就算我們不再見面

450
00:30:06,514 --> 00:30:10,894
或是妳留下來很久
或是出現其他可能

451
00:30:11,185 --> 00:30:12,265
這一切…

452
00:30:18,067 --> 00:30:19,647
亞思敏，妳睡著了嗎？

453
00:30:23,739 --> 00:30:24,569
什麼？

454
00:30:24,657 --> 00:30:26,327
妳聽到多少？

455
00:30:27,535 --> 00:30:29,245
羅伯，你幹嘛講個不停？

456
00:30:30,120 --> 00:30:32,580
不知道，對不起

457
00:30:35,292 --> 00:30:36,382
沒事了