1 00:00:06,861 --> 00:00:08,563 (birds chirping) 2 00:00:08,597 --> 00:00:09,598 Hi. 3 00:00:22,043 --> 00:00:23,512 (Dave humming) 4 00:00:23,545 --> 00:00:26,548 (instrumental music playing over computer) 5 00:00:26,581 --> 00:00:28,583 Dave, we don't have time. 6 00:00:28,617 --> 00:00:30,519 (Dave vocalizing) 7 00:00:30,552 --> 00:00:32,721 (auto-tuned): * Slow down, come be with me... * 8 00:00:32,754 --> 00:00:35,257 Okay, I've got everything you need right here. 9 00:00:35,290 --> 00:00:36,458 (hums) 10 00:00:36,491 --> 00:00:38,026 * You're the best... * 11 00:00:38,059 --> 00:00:40,262 Dave, how much longer are you gonna be doing this? 12 00:00:40,295 --> 00:00:42,764 * So long, I can't stop... * 13 00:00:42,797 --> 00:00:44,199 -Dave. -Do it with me. 14 00:00:44,233 --> 00:00:46,235 I'm leaving. 15 00:00:46,268 --> 00:00:48,937 * Have it your way * 16 00:00:48,970 --> 00:00:51,806 * I know I'm late * 17 00:00:51,840 --> 00:00:55,110 -* But it's okay... * -No. 18 00:00:55,144 --> 00:00:57,779 (auto-tuned): * We don't have time to wait... * Oh. 19 00:00:57,812 --> 00:01:00,482 * We're gonna have the best time... * 20 00:01:00,515 --> 00:01:02,151 -Dave, you have to change. -(grunts) 21 00:01:02,184 --> 00:01:04,419 * Do you remember when you got all mad * 22 00:01:04,453 --> 00:01:06,655 * 'Cause I threw out that flyer? * 23 00:01:06,688 --> 00:01:10,292 That was not a flyer. I told you. 24 00:01:10,325 --> 00:01:12,494 -* Yes, it was * -(laughs) 25 00:01:12,527 --> 00:01:14,929 * No, it was a save the date * 26 00:01:14,963 --> 00:01:16,731 * It's the same thing, it's gonna end up * 27 00:01:16,765 --> 00:01:18,933 * On a fridge either way... * 28 00:01:18,967 --> 00:01:20,569 -Fine. -* This weekend * 29 00:01:20,602 --> 00:01:22,337 * You're gonna dance with me * 30 00:01:22,371 --> 00:01:25,240 * Yes, of course, I love you * 31 00:01:25,274 --> 00:01:28,109 * But we really got to go right now * 32 00:01:28,143 --> 00:01:30,245 * Fine, it was fun while it lasted. * 33 00:01:30,279 --> 00:01:32,481 Mm-hmm. (chuckles) 34 00:01:39,288 --> 00:01:41,256 I got to export this. 35 00:01:41,290 --> 00:01:44,993 That was high art. Oh, my God. 36 00:01:45,026 --> 00:01:46,595 -Great work. -(chuckles): Yeah. 37 00:01:46,628 --> 00:01:48,430 Okay. We got to go. 38 00:01:48,463 --> 00:01:50,932 -Can I use this on my album as an interlude? -Dave. 39 00:01:50,965 --> 00:01:52,934 -* Hi, I'm Dave * -* I'm Lil Dicky * 40 00:01:52,967 --> 00:01:54,369 -* Hi, I'm Dave * -* Who's Dave? * 41 00:01:54,403 --> 00:01:55,537 * Hi, I'm Dave. * 42 00:01:55,570 --> 00:01:57,038 ALLY: "If there was one word 43 00:01:57,071 --> 00:01:59,808 I would use to describe my big sister, 44 00:01:59,841 --> 00:02:02,611 -it would be 'hilarious.'" -Hmm. 45 00:02:02,644 --> 00:02:05,214 "When I wanted to invite Anthony Turner to my eighth grade dance, 46 00:02:05,247 --> 00:02:09,017 Julie was all, 'But, Ally, how will he dance?'" 47 00:02:09,050 --> 00:02:11,453 -(whispers): Why? -Because Anthony Turner had actually-- 48 00:02:11,486 --> 00:02:13,054 He broke both of his legs in, like, 49 00:02:13,087 --> 00:02:16,024 a really bad skiing accident. 50 00:02:16,057 --> 00:02:18,126 But I-I guess people don't-- Should I say that 51 00:02:18,159 --> 00:02:20,128 -at the beginning or at the end of the joke? -Wait a minute. 52 00:02:20,161 --> 00:02:22,664 I'm very-- Like, I thought you were giving the speech, and now, 53 00:02:22,697 --> 00:02:24,199 like, you're talking t-- I'm like, just-- 54 00:02:24,233 --> 00:02:25,834 I don't know when the fourth wall broke, 55 00:02:25,867 --> 00:02:27,702 when you started talking to me, it's all very... 56 00:02:27,736 --> 00:02:29,404 I'm asking if you think it's, if that's... 57 00:02:29,438 --> 00:02:31,172 -Oh. -Well, that's like-- people are gonna laugh. 58 00:02:31,206 --> 00:02:33,808 You know, I don't know, I wouldn't make fun of a kid 59 00:02:33,842 --> 00:02:36,378 for being crippled or whatever you just spoke about. 60 00:02:36,411 --> 00:02:37,912 I don't know how I'm expected to give, like, 61 00:02:37,946 --> 00:02:40,249 an even okay maid of honor speech, 62 00:02:40,282 --> 00:02:42,884 when I have no idea why I'm the maid of honor. 63 00:02:42,917 --> 00:02:45,320 Like, we-we're not even friends. 64 00:02:45,354 --> 00:02:47,356 Use that. Start with that-- that's raw. 65 00:02:47,389 --> 00:02:49,758 There's, like, emotion there. There's, like, earnestness. 66 00:02:49,791 --> 00:02:52,494 There's a real, you know, zeal. 67 00:02:52,527 --> 00:02:55,497 No matter what I do, my family's gonna judge it. 68 00:02:55,530 --> 00:02:59,167 -Hmm. -You know both of my parents are Libras? Both of them. 69 00:02:59,200 --> 00:03:01,169 Uh, I never understand why people say "don't judge me." 70 00:03:01,202 --> 00:03:02,571 That-- I mean, we human beings judge. 71 00:03:02,604 --> 00:03:04,339 That's, like, our total predisposition. 72 00:03:04,373 --> 00:03:06,341 That's how we select. 73 00:03:06,375 --> 00:03:08,577 -Or-or not "select," but... -(phone vibrating) 74 00:03:08,610 --> 00:03:12,414 Oh. Mike. 75 00:03:12,447 --> 00:03:14,549 -Hey, man. -Hi, Mike. 76 00:03:14,583 --> 00:03:16,217 MIKE (over phone): Yes, hi, Ally. Whatever. 77 00:03:16,251 --> 00:03:17,852 Dave, heads up. 78 00:03:17,886 --> 00:03:20,689 Uh, Jim Moreno from Random Gem called, and, uh, 79 00:03:20,722 --> 00:03:25,093 he says they're gonna have a deal memo by the end of the day. 80 00:03:25,126 --> 00:03:28,730 All right. Um, and that-- What does that mean? 81 00:03:28,763 --> 00:03:31,566 Like, you know, for real. 82 00:03:31,600 --> 00:03:33,568 Dude, it is a precontract, right? 83 00:03:33,602 --> 00:03:35,103 It's establishing a relationship with you 84 00:03:35,136 --> 00:03:37,739 as an artist without, you know, 85 00:03:37,772 --> 00:03:39,207 getting fully into a contract. 86 00:03:39,240 --> 00:03:41,209 I love it when you talk dirty. 87 00:03:41,242 --> 00:03:42,877 It's the best thing that's come across our desk so far. 88 00:03:42,911 --> 00:03:44,913 -Oh, my gosh! Oh! (gasps) -(thumping) 89 00:03:44,946 --> 00:03:47,248 What the f-- Uh... 90 00:03:47,282 --> 00:03:49,918 Hello? 91 00:03:49,951 --> 00:03:51,119 Whatever. 92 00:03:51,152 --> 00:03:54,323 ALLY: Oh, my God. 93 00:03:54,356 --> 00:03:57,326 Oh, my God, Dave. It's a little bunny. 94 00:03:57,359 --> 00:03:58,793 DAVE: Man down. 95 00:03:58,827 --> 00:04:01,663 -Oh, my God. -(chittering) 96 00:04:01,696 --> 00:04:04,165 Fuck! He's still alive. 97 00:04:04,198 --> 00:04:06,167 His little foot is twitching. 98 00:04:06,200 --> 00:04:08,169 Very sad. 99 00:04:08,202 --> 00:04:10,004 Dave. 100 00:04:10,038 --> 00:04:12,173 -What? -We can't leave him. 101 00:04:12,206 --> 00:04:14,108 He's, u-uh, suffering. 102 00:04:14,142 --> 00:04:16,110 We got to, like, call a vet or something, right? 103 00:04:16,144 --> 00:04:18,012 Do you think there's, like, a vet nearby, or...? 104 00:04:18,046 --> 00:04:19,914 I don't know where vets are. And, no. 105 00:04:19,948 --> 00:04:21,916 Like, vets don't apply to vermin. This thing's wild. 106 00:04:21,950 --> 00:04:23,585 This is a free-range rabbit. I mean... 107 00:04:23,618 --> 00:04:25,787 -Oh, my God. -I don't think you can call a vet 108 00:04:25,820 --> 00:04:27,922 when you don't have ownership of the cr-- you know, the creature. 109 00:04:27,956 --> 00:04:30,759 He's in pain, Dave. 110 00:04:30,792 --> 00:04:32,827 He looks like he's-- Yeah, it looks... 111 00:04:32,861 --> 00:04:34,663 I think he's fucking dying. 112 00:04:34,696 --> 00:04:38,032 -Okay, well, we have to kill it. -What? 113 00:04:38,066 --> 00:04:40,469 -It-It's suffering. It's, like, slowly dying. What are you-- -You want me to...? 114 00:04:40,502 --> 00:04:42,837 -We got to put him out of his misery. That's like... -You want me to kill it? 115 00:04:42,871 --> 00:04:45,306 Like, uh, what do you want me to do? Stomp its head? 116 00:04:45,340 --> 00:04:47,308 Smother-- Like, I'm not gonna kill this thing. 117 00:04:47,342 --> 00:04:49,978 You-you got to get back in the car and then run him over. 118 00:04:50,011 --> 00:04:53,147 Again? You want me to run it over twice? I'm not Suge Knight. 119 00:04:53,181 --> 00:04:55,149 -Run him over, but directly. -How is that better for him? 120 00:04:55,183 --> 00:04:57,452 Direct? Uh, he's fucking-- I nailed him. I mean... 121 00:04:57,486 --> 00:04:59,988 -No, you didn't! Or else he'd be dead! -I did. 122 00:05:00,021 --> 00:05:02,156 Put yourself in his shoes. You want to be lying 123 00:05:02,190 --> 00:05:03,892 in the middle of the road, bleeding, dying? 124 00:05:03,925 --> 00:05:06,127 This thing isn't wearing shoes, Al! This is vermin. 125 00:05:06,160 --> 00:05:09,063 Dave! It's a living thing and it's suffering. 126 00:05:09,097 --> 00:05:10,499 You have to kill it. 127 00:05:10,532 --> 00:05:11,766 (rabbit chittering) 128 00:05:14,436 --> 00:05:16,971 You have to cut more this-this way. 129 00:05:17,005 --> 00:05:18,873 -Left? -You have to go on my right. 130 00:05:18,907 --> 00:05:20,975 -Dave, you have to go more right. You're not gonna... -All right, 131 00:05:21,009 --> 00:05:22,744 I'm not a precision fucking driver. Stop yelling. 132 00:05:22,777 --> 00:05:24,913 Dave, you just have to hit the fucking bunny. 133 00:05:24,946 --> 00:05:26,981 -Uh... -No. 134 00:05:27,015 --> 00:05:28,082 -(shouts) Dave! -(rabbit squealing) 135 00:05:28,116 --> 00:05:30,885 You just got its ears! My God! 136 00:05:30,919 --> 00:05:32,687 It's screaming. 137 00:05:32,721 --> 00:05:34,423 Dave, just... do it again. 138 00:05:35,457 --> 00:05:36,825 Move out of the way. 139 00:05:36,858 --> 00:05:38,493 (rabbit squealing) 140 00:05:38,527 --> 00:05:41,730 (screaming) 141 00:05:41,763 --> 00:05:43,998 -(singing gibberish) -* Suck it in, if you're Rin Tin Tin or Anne Boleyn * 142 00:05:44,032 --> 00:05:45,867 * Make a desperate move, or else you'll win * 143 00:05:45,900 --> 00:05:48,703 * And then begin to see what you're doing to me * 144 00:05:48,737 --> 00:05:51,172 * This MTV is not for free, it's so PC, it's killing me * 145 00:05:51,205 --> 00:05:54,342 * So desperately I sing to thee of love, sure... * 146 00:05:54,375 --> 00:05:56,945 This is a great Airbnb. Wow. 147 00:05:56,978 --> 00:05:59,347 Here comes my stress headache. 148 00:05:59,380 --> 00:06:00,915 Why? It's gonna be fine. 149 00:06:00,949 --> 00:06:02,751 I'm gonna blow them away like I always do. 150 00:06:02,784 --> 00:06:05,186 Yeah. Nothing blows parents away like, 151 00:06:05,219 --> 00:06:08,056 "Here's my boyfriend. He's an aspiring rapper." 152 00:06:08,089 --> 00:06:09,424 There they are. 153 00:06:09,458 --> 00:06:11,793 Please, look at this man. Your dad wants to fuck me. 154 00:06:11,826 --> 00:06:13,294 -The weary travelers. -DAVE: Hey! -ALLY: Hi, Dad. 155 00:06:13,327 --> 00:06:15,029 -Well, you guys made some great time. -DEBBIE: H-Hey! 156 00:06:15,063 --> 00:06:17,699 -Ah. -Yeah. Waze is very accurate. -Yeah. Yeah. 157 00:06:17,732 --> 00:06:20,068 -TERRY/DAVE: Hey. -Oh, Allison, you're getting skinny again. 158 00:06:20,101 --> 00:06:22,036 -TERRY: Let me take that. All right. -Oh... 159 00:06:22,070 --> 00:06:23,905 -You hungry? -No, not really. I... -I'm starving. 160 00:06:23,938 --> 00:06:25,640 -Oh, well, come on in. We'll get you something. -Yeah. Hey. 161 00:06:25,674 --> 00:06:27,876 -Yeah, we have food. You bet. Come on. -Thank you. Thanks. 162 00:06:27,909 --> 00:06:29,744 -DEBBIE: How was your drive? -DAVE: Easy. 163 00:06:29,778 --> 00:06:31,546 -A little bit of an obstacle, but... -What's up, man? 164 00:06:31,580 --> 00:06:33,381 -You here to help me out, muscle man? Aw... -ALLY: Jules! 165 00:06:33,414 --> 00:06:34,583 -Hi. -ALLY: Oh, my God! 166 00:06:34,616 --> 00:06:36,117 -You look so pretty. -Hi. 167 00:06:36,150 --> 00:06:38,653 Hi. Oh. Okay. Um, I just lotioned my hands. 168 00:06:38,687 --> 00:06:40,288 I don't want to get it on your little romper. 169 00:06:40,321 --> 00:06:43,391 Oh. Uh, that's why you smell so nice. (chuckles) 170 00:06:43,424 --> 00:06:45,594 Oh, no, this is unscented. That's just my natural smell. 171 00:06:45,627 --> 00:06:47,095 Oh... 172 00:06:47,128 --> 00:06:48,930 -Okay. Let's go. Come on. -Do you have any Advil? 173 00:06:53,535 --> 00:06:55,670 Jules, you know just as well as I do, that's such a straw man 174 00:06:55,704 --> 00:06:57,105 argument. The guy got four consecutive life sentences. 175 00:06:57,138 --> 00:06:58,973 -What are you talking about? -I completely disagree with you. 176 00:06:59,007 --> 00:07:01,009 -You know it's far more nuanced than that. -It's not. 177 00:07:01,042 --> 00:07:02,644 Yes, it is. It is. 178 00:07:02,677 --> 00:07:04,679 Let me ask you lawyers this while I have you here. 179 00:07:04,713 --> 00:07:07,348 Why do they even give people multiple life sentences? 180 00:07:07,381 --> 00:07:08,783 Is the government really implying 181 00:07:08,817 --> 00:07:10,585 that reincarnation is a possibility? 182 00:07:10,619 --> 00:07:12,821 That can't be right, because then it's a total s-separation 183 00:07:12,854 --> 00:07:15,690 of church and state violation by the government. 184 00:07:15,724 --> 00:07:17,859 N-Nobody's saying that, and it's far more complicated. 185 00:07:17,892 --> 00:07:20,128 -More complicated? -More complicated. 186 00:07:20,161 --> 00:07:22,764 -Than reincarnation? -More complicated. 187 00:07:22,797 --> 00:07:25,266 -Hey, how's school going, Al? -Really great. 188 00:07:25,299 --> 00:07:27,468 Uh, the kids just put on a play about global warming 189 00:07:27,502 --> 00:07:28,837 -that went really well. -Mm-hmm. 190 00:07:28,870 --> 00:07:30,204 It was great. I was there. 191 00:07:30,238 --> 00:07:31,840 And it was a really big project for me. 192 00:07:31,873 --> 00:07:33,875 Mm, I'm surprised they let you delve 193 00:07:33,908 --> 00:07:36,878 into such political topics. 194 00:07:36,911 --> 00:07:38,613 I mean, it's not a-a political issue. 195 00:07:38,647 --> 00:07:42,216 It's, like, a... human issue. 196 00:07:42,250 --> 00:07:45,019 You ca-- It has pulp. You can't... 197 00:07:45,053 --> 00:07:47,455 -What? -Do you think you can shake the pulp out of it? 198 00:07:47,488 --> 00:07:49,290 Isn't that-- The shake-- No? You can't? 199 00:07:49,323 --> 00:07:50,725 -I thought it disintegrates if you shake it. -No. 200 00:07:50,759 --> 00:07:52,393 -No. -No. -TERRY: So, Dave, 201 00:07:52,426 --> 00:07:54,829 last time you were here, you were an ad man. 202 00:07:54,863 --> 00:07:56,497 -Ugh, the dog days. Am I right, Terry? -(chuckles): That's right. 203 00:07:56,531 --> 00:07:58,166 DEBBIE: Oh, David, please tell me. 204 00:07:58,199 --> 00:08:00,034 How's this whole "rap" thing going? Huh? 205 00:08:00,068 --> 00:08:01,870 You know what? No need for quotes anymore. 206 00:08:01,903 --> 00:08:03,371 It's actually completely legitimate 207 00:08:03,404 --> 00:08:06,240 and borderline unbelievably successful. 208 00:08:06,274 --> 00:08:08,042 -NICK: No way. -Yeah, no. It's, uh, it's kind of absurd. 209 00:08:08,076 --> 00:08:09,744 Like, every single one of my songs 210 00:08:09,778 --> 00:08:12,313 has millions and millions of streams across platforms. 211 00:08:12,346 --> 00:08:15,349 -Really? -Yeah. So many different labels are courting me left and right, 212 00:08:15,383 --> 00:08:17,586 -trying to throw so much money at me. -Huh. 213 00:08:17,619 --> 00:08:20,421 I was just in the studio last week with Justin Bieber. 214 00:08:20,454 --> 00:08:21,656 -What? -TERRY: Wow. -What? 215 00:08:21,690 --> 00:08:23,892 -Justin Bieber? Wow. -Justin Bieber, yeah. 216 00:08:23,925 --> 00:08:25,594 -Oh, my goodness. -It's not a huge deal, but it's certainly something 217 00:08:25,627 --> 00:08:28,029 -that we should talk about. -I'm so proud of you. 218 00:08:28,062 --> 00:08:29,764 You know what a good metaphor is? I feel like, you know how 219 00:08:29,798 --> 00:08:31,199 when a snake sheds its skin 220 00:08:31,232 --> 00:08:32,867 and gets that fresh layer of epidermis? 221 00:08:32,901 --> 00:08:34,168 That's where I'm at. 222 00:08:34,202 --> 00:08:35,369 I'm in that transitional phase. 223 00:08:35,403 --> 00:08:36,504 And I'm shedding my skin and, like, 224 00:08:36,537 --> 00:08:39,407 this new layer of skin has so much sheen. 225 00:08:39,440 --> 00:08:41,843 -TERRY: Sheen. Like, yeah, shiny. -Just gloss. 226 00:08:41,876 --> 00:08:43,377 -Oh, that's beautiful. -JULIE: Well, Dave, 227 00:08:43,411 --> 00:08:45,914 you certainly have confidence. 228 00:08:45,947 --> 00:08:47,782 Oh, I know. If only he could share some with Ally. 229 00:08:47,816 --> 00:08:50,418 -JULIE: I know. -What does that mean? 230 00:08:50,451 --> 00:08:51,620 I just meant you have so much potential. 231 00:08:51,653 --> 00:08:53,121 I wish sometimes you would... 232 00:08:53,154 --> 00:08:55,890 use it on some kids who might remember you, that's all. 233 00:08:57,091 --> 00:08:59,527 I remember my kindergarten teacher. 234 00:08:59,560 --> 00:09:00,929 And I love my job. 235 00:09:00,962 --> 00:09:04,565 I teach the future. Which... 236 00:09:04,599 --> 00:09:08,536 -Oh, yeah. -...is a big deal, I-- in some people's minds. 237 00:09:08,569 --> 00:09:10,304 I don't remember my kindergarten teacher, but, 238 00:09:10,338 --> 00:09:12,306 -uh, I do like my job, though. -TERRY: So, Dave, 239 00:09:12,340 --> 00:09:15,409 are you diversifying your revenue streams? 240 00:09:15,443 --> 00:09:17,812 Like, uh, like, that rapper-- the one that's, uh, 241 00:09:17,846 --> 00:09:19,914 part owner of the Nets. Um... 242 00:09:19,948 --> 00:09:21,082 -Jay-Z. -Jay-Z. 243 00:09:21,115 --> 00:09:23,051 -Like Jay-Z? -DEBBIE: Ooh. He's the one 244 00:09:23,084 --> 00:09:24,552 that's married to Beyoncé. I love her. 245 00:09:24,585 --> 00:09:26,554 -She's so beautiful. -DAVE: You know, I'm working 246 00:09:26,587 --> 00:09:28,222 -on a few different things. -TERRY: Mm. 247 00:09:28,256 --> 00:09:30,158 -DAVE: I-I... -I need water. Excuse me. 248 00:09:30,191 --> 00:09:31,893 I'm actually, I'm-I'm trying to get in, 249 00:09:31,926 --> 00:09:33,662 like, the condiment space. 250 00:09:33,695 --> 00:09:35,329 -You know, different sauces. -TERRY: Mm-hmm. 251 00:09:35,363 --> 00:09:37,932 -DAVE: Food goes in and out of style. Sauce... -He's so fun. 252 00:09:37,966 --> 00:09:39,668 He is fun. 253 00:09:39,701 --> 00:09:41,936 Hey, um, I wanted to talk to you. 254 00:09:41,970 --> 00:09:44,138 Don't worry about giving Chloe any money for my bachelorette, 255 00:09:44,172 --> 00:09:45,940 because honestly, you didn't even get a chance to go. 256 00:09:45,974 --> 00:09:48,309 Oh, no, but I'm-I'm-- of course I'm still gonna help 257 00:09:48,342 --> 00:09:49,577 pay for it. 258 00:09:49,610 --> 00:09:51,179 No, I know, I know. It's just... 259 00:09:51,212 --> 00:09:52,981 like, it-it wasn't cheap, 260 00:09:53,014 --> 00:09:55,283 so I don't want you to get stressed out, or... 261 00:09:55,316 --> 00:09:57,285 No, but as a gift, I should... 262 00:09:57,318 --> 00:09:59,988 How about you get us something off the registry? 263 00:10:00,021 --> 00:10:01,255 Something small. 264 00:10:01,289 --> 00:10:05,193 -Something small? Perfect. -Okay. Great. Perfect. 265 00:10:05,226 --> 00:10:08,629 Oh, that's the one where George Clooney's the fox, right? 266 00:10:08,663 --> 00:10:10,832 No-no-no. Breaking Bad is a TV show. 267 00:10:10,865 --> 00:10:12,667 It's, like, about meth. 268 00:10:12,701 --> 00:10:15,269 -You're thinking of Fantastic Mr. Fox... -Yeah, that's right. 269 00:10:15,303 --> 00:10:16,705 David, you're not gonna try my carrots? 270 00:10:16,738 --> 00:10:18,139 I got them at the farmers market. 271 00:10:18,172 --> 00:10:20,141 No, that is a nonstarter for Dave. 272 00:10:20,174 --> 00:10:22,877 He doesn't eat fruits or vegetables. 273 00:10:22,911 --> 00:10:24,278 But I'll say this. 274 00:10:24,312 --> 00:10:25,780 I feel like you guys are embracing me right now, 275 00:10:25,814 --> 00:10:28,016 -and I'm willing to try my first carrot. -NICK: Do it, man. 276 00:10:28,049 --> 00:10:29,951 I'll try the typical orange Bugs Bunny one. 277 00:10:29,984 --> 00:10:32,286 -Why does it look like a witch? -TERRY: Mmm. 278 00:10:32,320 --> 00:10:35,556 -It does. -Do-do I take the tail off, or you eat the tail? 279 00:10:35,589 --> 00:10:36,691 -Yeah, eat the whole thing. -JULIE/NICK: Yeah. 280 00:10:36,725 --> 00:10:39,794 -Okay. -TERRY: A little more. 281 00:10:39,828 --> 00:10:42,330 -(gags, coughs) -TERRY: Yeah. 282 00:10:43,364 --> 00:10:45,166 It's good, right? Yeah? 283 00:10:45,199 --> 00:10:47,335 -TERRY: Mmm... -He did it. 284 00:10:47,368 --> 00:10:49,237 -Can I spit it out or no? -ALLY: No, Dave. 285 00:10:49,270 --> 00:10:51,472 (chuckling): Your mother never made you eat vegetables? 286 00:10:51,505 --> 00:10:53,474 She said it wasn't worth ruining her own life. 287 00:10:53,507 --> 00:10:55,476 -(Debbie chuckles) -Makes sense. 288 00:10:55,509 --> 00:10:58,880 And then she said, "You can just get something small 289 00:10:58,913 --> 00:11:00,648 off of the registry." 290 00:11:00,681 --> 00:11:05,053 Like, do you not remember the $90 olive oil decanter 291 00:11:05,086 --> 00:11:06,587 that we got for your engagement? 292 00:11:06,620 --> 00:11:09,390 Do you, do you not decant your olive oil 293 00:11:09,423 --> 00:11:10,558 every night, Julie? 294 00:11:10,591 --> 00:11:12,526 Are you listening? 295 00:11:12,560 --> 00:11:14,562 I'm almost done with my 15 minutes of daily 296 00:11:14,595 --> 00:11:15,997 fan interaction. 297 00:11:16,030 --> 00:11:18,733 There are so many comments lately about me being "hot." 298 00:11:18,767 --> 00:11:20,234 -(chuckles) -Hey, 299 00:11:20,268 --> 00:11:22,370 when did I make the transition from cute to hot? 300 00:11:22,403 --> 00:11:24,372 Is there a moment you can point to? 301 00:11:24,405 --> 00:11:28,076 Are you gonna be like this all weekend, or...? 302 00:11:28,109 --> 00:11:31,212 My bad, they've been working me late at the Hot Guy Factory; 303 00:11:31,245 --> 00:11:32,881 I can't even remember how to think. 304 00:11:32,914 --> 00:11:34,548 What's going on? Julie's being 305 00:11:34,582 --> 00:11:36,785 -mean to you, or something? -(chuckles) Yeah. 306 00:11:36,818 --> 00:11:38,586 I'm sorry that's happening, but it-it is her wedding weekend. 307 00:11:38,619 --> 00:11:40,088 You kind of have to let it go. 308 00:11:40,121 --> 00:11:43,291 I'm let-- I'm letting it go. I'm telling you about it. 309 00:11:43,324 --> 00:11:46,527 Enough is enough! You need to shut your yap! 310 00:11:46,560 --> 00:11:47,796 (laughs) What? 311 00:11:47,829 --> 00:11:48,897 -(grunts) -Hmm. 312 00:11:48,930 --> 00:11:50,131 Do you want to work on your speech? 313 00:11:50,164 --> 00:11:52,533 -I should, but I don't want to. -Okay. 314 00:11:52,566 --> 00:11:54,435 -Let me just inspect you for a second. -(laughs): No. 315 00:11:54,468 --> 00:11:56,370 -I don't want an inspection. -Ooh. 316 00:11:56,404 --> 00:11:58,439 Can we finish season two of Handmaid's Tale? 317 00:11:58,472 --> 00:12:00,274 I feel like I've had enough woman-on-woman abuse 318 00:12:00,308 --> 00:12:02,043 for one day. 319 00:12:02,076 --> 00:12:03,711 -Oh, I see. -Sorry. (laughs) 320 00:12:03,744 --> 00:12:06,480 -I know what you want. -(laughing): Oh, yeah, what do I want? 321 00:12:06,514 --> 00:12:09,217 -You want me to get in the nooks and the crevices. -(laughing) 322 00:12:09,250 --> 00:12:12,120 -I hate when you say "crevices." -You want me to inspect-- You want me to get in the nooks? 323 00:12:12,153 --> 00:12:14,055 (laughing): I don't like "nooks," either. 324 00:12:14,088 --> 00:12:16,224 I'm picking up what you're putting down. 325 00:12:16,257 --> 00:12:18,960 And just so you know, I'm ready. 326 00:12:18,993 --> 00:12:21,062 Start it off. Get the ball rolling, I'm ready. 327 00:12:21,095 --> 00:12:22,797 -Do something to me. -(laughs) 328 00:12:22,831 --> 00:12:26,901 I-I'm sensing all the cues, I'm picking it up. Fuck me. 329 00:12:26,935 --> 00:12:28,669 My parents are in the next room. 330 00:12:28,702 --> 00:12:31,005 -(whispers): Just fuck me. -Just-- My parents are in the next room. 331 00:12:31,039 --> 00:12:33,441 You can fuck me quick. Really? 332 00:12:33,474 --> 00:12:35,309 If so, you're parents aren't listening, A; 333 00:12:35,343 --> 00:12:37,245 B, we can do it very quietly. 334 00:12:37,278 --> 00:12:38,679 I require very little friction. 335 00:12:38,712 --> 00:12:40,681 Yeah, that doesn't sound like fun to me. 336 00:12:40,714 --> 00:12:42,450 You know I can ejaculate hands-free? 337 00:12:42,483 --> 00:12:44,618 -I did not know that. -You know what that means? 338 00:12:44,652 --> 00:12:48,456 -Nope. -That-that means that I can literally lie down... 339 00:12:48,489 --> 00:12:50,258 think... 340 00:12:50,291 --> 00:12:53,461 push my innards out... 341 00:12:53,494 --> 00:12:55,629 and in the right circumstance, I will cream. 342 00:12:55,663 --> 00:13:00,001 Well... sounds like you don't need me then, 343 00:13:00,034 --> 00:13:03,637 for your, uh, Bluetooth orgasm. 344 00:13:05,039 --> 00:13:07,775 -It's not the preferred method, but... -(sighs) 345 00:13:07,808 --> 00:13:10,478 I guess I'll take what I'm given. 346 00:13:10,511 --> 00:13:12,646 I'm not gonna do it right now. 347 00:13:12,680 --> 00:13:14,949 Okay. I wasn't worried. 348 00:13:14,983 --> 00:13:18,352 -I'm gonna let the cream brew. -Mm-kay. 349 00:13:22,991 --> 00:13:24,692 MIKE: This is a really good deal, Dave. 350 00:13:24,725 --> 00:13:26,394 -I think we should take it. -I don't know, man. 351 00:13:26,427 --> 00:13:28,362 200 grand for my whole catalog and my first album? 352 00:13:28,396 --> 00:13:30,031 Yes, Dave, that's how deals work, okay? 353 00:13:30,064 --> 00:13:31,299 And just to be clear, dude, 354 00:13:31,332 --> 00:13:33,401 they're offering you $200,000 355 00:13:33,434 --> 00:13:36,237 for two songs about your penis and your first album, okay? 356 00:13:36,270 --> 00:13:38,139 I can't believe we're having a conversation 357 00:13:38,172 --> 00:13:41,309 -about this right now. -All right, I need you to turn over a few more stones. 358 00:13:41,342 --> 00:13:43,311 Get it to the ideal place, okay? 359 00:13:43,344 --> 00:13:44,745 Okay, bud. 360 00:13:44,778 --> 00:13:47,315 I'll keep turning over stones. (clears throat) You got it. 361 00:13:47,348 --> 00:13:50,818 Turn it over. Good morning, my little cherub. 362 00:13:50,851 --> 00:13:52,186 Are you ready to hike? 363 00:13:52,220 --> 00:13:56,490 Um... I-- This is a required activity? 364 00:13:56,524 --> 00:13:58,559 -Dave... -I'm just joking. 365 00:13:58,592 --> 00:14:00,861 My whole family is going. This is a whole thing. 366 00:14:00,895 --> 00:14:02,396 Well, then, I'd better saddle on up, 367 00:14:02,430 --> 00:14:03,864 'cause I got a hike to hike. 368 00:14:03,898 --> 00:14:05,233 Okay, thank you. 369 00:14:05,266 --> 00:14:07,035 Is this the type of thing where I could potentially 370 00:14:07,068 --> 00:14:09,503 hop on a horse? 371 00:14:09,537 --> 00:14:13,074 Or maybe even, like, ride a yak? 372 00:14:13,107 --> 00:14:15,443 (indistinct chatter nearby) 373 00:14:16,644 --> 00:14:19,180 -Jesus Christ. -What is wrong now? 374 00:14:19,213 --> 00:14:21,882 There's terrible footing out here, and I lost my step. 375 00:14:21,916 --> 00:14:23,284 This hike is so robust, 376 00:14:23,317 --> 00:14:25,619 and I'm, like, very close to being out of water, so... 377 00:14:25,653 --> 00:14:28,056 Okay, Dave, it's a hike. So you can get a grip. 378 00:14:28,089 --> 00:14:30,925 Fuck hikes. I'm saying it right now. 379 00:14:30,959 --> 00:14:34,728 Uh, fuck hikes. That's actually an interesting song title. 380 00:14:34,762 --> 00:14:36,564 "Fuck Hikes." 381 00:14:36,597 --> 00:14:38,866 -* Fuck hikes, fuck hikes * -(giggles) 382 00:14:38,899 --> 00:14:40,368 * They really hurt my back * 383 00:14:40,401 --> 00:14:42,470 * Wait, fuck hikes, huh, fuck hikes * 384 00:14:42,503 --> 00:14:44,738 * I'd rather ride a yak. * 385 00:14:44,772 --> 00:14:46,774 You know, you know it sounds like you're saying, 386 00:14:46,807 --> 00:14:49,577 "Fuck Jews," right? But, like, worse? 387 00:14:49,610 --> 00:14:51,712 How am I saying "fuck Jews"? Fuck hikes. 388 00:14:51,745 --> 00:14:52,947 "Fuck kikes"? 389 00:14:52,981 --> 00:14:54,315 Oh, my God. Controversy sells, so, you know... 390 00:14:54,348 --> 00:14:55,916 -Dave... -I got to write this down. 391 00:14:55,950 --> 00:14:57,818 -No, come on. -Got to write-- I got to write it down. 392 00:14:57,851 --> 00:14:59,620 What are you talking about? I got to write this down. 393 00:14:59,653 --> 00:15:01,956 I get one good idea every three months. 394 00:15:01,990 --> 00:15:03,491 Okay, if you're feeling creative, 395 00:15:03,524 --> 00:15:05,793 can we talk about my speech? 396 00:15:05,826 --> 00:15:08,596 So now you want to brainstorm on the hike, huh? 397 00:15:08,629 --> 00:15:11,099 Of course, let's... where you at with it? Let's talk about it. 398 00:15:11,132 --> 00:15:14,302 -I got nothing. -Really? No progress been made, okay. 399 00:15:14,335 --> 00:15:16,637 Think back to your childhood. What did you guys do? 400 00:15:16,670 --> 00:15:18,506 Where did you go as a group? 401 00:15:18,539 --> 00:15:21,475 I don't know. I mean, my parents would bring us to, 402 00:15:21,509 --> 00:15:25,446 -like, circuses and random shows and stuff. -What? 403 00:15:26,514 --> 00:15:27,948 Oh, wait-wait-wait. (gasps) 404 00:15:27,982 --> 00:15:31,986 -Oh, I do have something. Oh, I do, I do. -We do. 405 00:15:32,020 --> 00:15:34,655 Oh, Dave, we did it, I'm so happy! 406 00:15:34,688 --> 00:15:37,791 -And I could, like, tie it in as a cool... -Oh... I'm sorry. 407 00:15:37,825 --> 00:15:40,194 -Huh... just-- oh... -What is wrong? 408 00:15:40,228 --> 00:15:41,595 Shh. I have to poop. 409 00:15:41,629 --> 00:15:43,331 Please don't say another word for a second. 410 00:15:43,364 --> 00:15:47,335 -You have to poop? -Yes. Please stop talking to me for one second. 411 00:15:47,368 --> 00:15:49,370 Okay, can we walk it off? 412 00:15:49,403 --> 00:15:51,839 I don't believe so, no. This is not a drill at all. 413 00:15:51,872 --> 00:15:54,142 Please turn away or something. I need to figure this out. 414 00:15:54,175 --> 00:15:55,376 You have to hold it in. 415 00:15:55,409 --> 00:15:57,111 You can't, like, erase the past. 416 00:15:57,145 --> 00:15:58,379 If you can make your innards come, 417 00:15:58,412 --> 00:16:00,014 you can make 'em stay. Let's go. 418 00:16:00,048 --> 00:16:01,349 I'm not a fucking scientist, man. 419 00:16:01,382 --> 00:16:02,816 -What? -There's honestly no time. 420 00:16:02,850 --> 00:16:04,518 What do I-- Can I shit right here? Can I do it right here? 421 00:16:04,552 --> 00:16:05,653 -No, you can't shit right here, Dave. -Why? Why? 422 00:16:05,686 --> 00:16:07,288 Grow up, and let's go! 423 00:16:07,321 --> 00:16:10,658 -It's the fucking carrots! -Dave, you had one bite of a carrot. 424 00:16:10,691 --> 00:16:12,226 You're not fucking exploding! 425 00:16:12,260 --> 00:16:14,062 Oh, my God. 426 00:16:14,095 --> 00:16:16,230 Oh, my God. Look away! Look away! Look away! 427 00:16:16,264 --> 00:16:17,898 -(exclaims) -ALLY: No, no! 428 00:16:18,699 --> 00:16:20,968 Oh, my God! Oh, my God! 429 00:16:21,001 --> 00:16:22,570 (groaning) Oh, my God. 430 00:16:22,603 --> 00:16:25,506 -(groaning) -No! No, no, no! 431 00:16:25,539 --> 00:16:27,541 (groaning) 432 00:16:27,575 --> 00:16:28,976 Okay. Oh. 433 00:16:29,009 --> 00:16:31,779 (exhales) I reinvented diarrhea. 434 00:16:35,383 --> 00:16:36,350 DAVE: Mmm... 435 00:16:36,384 --> 00:16:38,752 Thank you. 436 00:16:38,786 --> 00:16:40,521 You know, I had an interesting thought for your speech. 437 00:16:40,554 --> 00:16:42,256 -Really? -What if you, like, twisted... 438 00:16:42,290 --> 00:16:45,493 Excuse me. I'm such a huge fan of yours. 439 00:16:45,526 --> 00:16:47,528 -DAVE: Oh. -Your music always puts a smile on my face. 440 00:16:47,561 --> 00:16:48,762 Any way we can flick up? 441 00:16:48,796 --> 00:16:49,763 Sure, yeah. 442 00:16:49,797 --> 00:16:51,532 Awesome. Thanks, man. 443 00:16:51,565 --> 00:16:52,600 Let's flick up. 444 00:16:52,633 --> 00:16:54,302 Can you take it for us? 445 00:16:55,769 --> 00:16:57,105 Yeah. 446 00:16:58,106 --> 00:16:59,073 Thanks, puddin'. 447 00:17:00,141 --> 00:17:02,543 WAITER: Horizontal, please. 448 00:17:03,544 --> 00:17:04,612 The man has preferences. 449 00:17:04,645 --> 00:17:06,780 Thanks so much. 450 00:17:06,814 --> 00:17:08,449 Hey, uh, y-you smoke? 451 00:17:08,482 --> 00:17:09,783 I'd love to burn you down, brother. 452 00:17:09,817 --> 00:17:11,752 Oh! Yeah, I like the way you think. 453 00:17:11,785 --> 00:17:12,753 Any interest in smoking 454 00:17:12,786 --> 00:17:14,955 -after this? -No. No. 455 00:17:14,988 --> 00:17:16,524 -Oh. Not tonight. -It's all good. 456 00:17:16,557 --> 00:17:18,192 Really, really appreciate everything you do, man. 457 00:17:18,226 --> 00:17:20,528 I appreciate the way you guys make Shirley Temples here. 458 00:17:20,561 --> 00:17:21,929 Great ratio. 459 00:17:21,962 --> 00:17:23,697 I'm sorry. I am getting mobbed tonight. 460 00:17:23,731 --> 00:17:26,867 -What was the speech idea? -Uh... 461 00:17:26,900 --> 00:17:28,569 -You said, the beginning of the speech, I should... -Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know. 462 00:17:28,602 --> 00:17:31,105 Let me get back to it. Oh, I have the worst memory. 463 00:17:31,139 --> 00:17:32,540 I forgot it. 464 00:17:32,573 --> 00:17:34,542 I'll get it back. Hold on, let me... 465 00:17:34,575 --> 00:17:35,943 (phone chimes) 466 00:17:35,976 --> 00:17:36,944 What was it? 467 00:17:36,977 --> 00:17:38,646 It was about the... 468 00:17:38,679 --> 00:17:39,947 Hold on. 469 00:17:39,980 --> 00:17:42,283 Hang on. This is Mike about the thing. 470 00:17:42,316 --> 00:17:43,784 I got to... 471 00:17:43,817 --> 00:17:46,320 Geez, Louise. 472 00:17:48,489 --> 00:17:49,757 (sighs) 473 00:17:51,492 --> 00:17:53,093 This entire thing is... 474 00:17:53,127 --> 00:17:55,529 (indistinct chatter) 475 00:18:00,268 --> 00:18:02,503 Hey. Where you going? 476 00:18:02,536 --> 00:18:04,004 I'm going to bed. I'm tired. 477 00:18:04,037 --> 00:18:05,606 -What's wrong? -Nothing. 478 00:18:05,639 --> 00:18:08,008 -Let me inspect you. What do... -I-- It's... 479 00:18:08,041 --> 00:18:10,344 Like, is it something I did? Tell me. 480 00:18:10,378 --> 00:18:12,180 I mean... (chuckles softly) 481 00:18:12,213 --> 00:18:15,616 You haven't been here all weekend, Dave. 482 00:18:15,649 --> 00:18:17,285 You're, like, thinking about other stuff. 483 00:18:17,318 --> 00:18:19,487 -It's like... -Thinking about other stuff? 484 00:18:19,520 --> 00:18:21,489 Yeah. You're thinking about this record label 485 00:18:21,522 --> 00:18:23,924 or songs about hikes, and I-I'm-- 486 00:18:23,957 --> 00:18:25,959 I-- It's tiring. I'm tired. 487 00:18:25,993 --> 00:18:28,529 -Well, how can I not... -And I-I... 488 00:18:28,562 --> 00:18:30,531 I don't want to take pictures of you, okay? 489 00:18:30,564 --> 00:18:33,100 I-I want to be in pictures with you. 490 00:18:33,133 --> 00:18:35,002 Okay, let's go up there, kick that guy's ass, 491 00:18:35,035 --> 00:18:36,304 and flick up together. I'll take any... 492 00:18:36,337 --> 00:18:37,471 No, I'm not joking. I'm not, like, 493 00:18:37,505 --> 00:18:39,039 -making a joke, Dave. -Okay. 494 00:18:39,072 --> 00:18:40,541 I'm being serious. 495 00:18:40,574 --> 00:18:42,843 -All right. I'm sorry. -You're not present. 496 00:18:42,876 --> 00:18:44,278 Okay? 497 00:18:44,312 --> 00:18:45,846 And I'm not just talking about here. 498 00:18:45,879 --> 00:18:47,181 Like, you're never present, 499 00:18:47,215 --> 00:18:49,683 and I need you to be present with me. 500 00:18:49,717 --> 00:18:51,452 -Really, I'm never present? -You're... 501 00:18:51,485 --> 00:18:53,020 Our whole rela-- I'm just never present? 502 00:18:53,053 --> 00:18:54,888 That seems like a big blanket statement. 503 00:18:54,922 --> 00:18:56,624 I know that I have so much going on right now, 504 00:18:56,657 --> 00:18:58,959 but, like, I have to be thinking about this stuff and 505 00:18:58,992 --> 00:19:01,028 be thinking ahead at all times with the music... 506 00:19:01,061 --> 00:19:04,498 Right, okay, do you ever think ahead about us? 507 00:19:04,532 --> 00:19:06,166 About me and you? 508 00:19:06,200 --> 00:19:08,302 -Yeah. -Yeah, yeah, of course. What do you mean? 509 00:19:08,336 --> 00:19:10,404 What do you mean, what do I mean? Like, you... 510 00:19:10,438 --> 00:19:11,739 Are you asking-- like, what do you-- 511 00:19:11,772 --> 00:19:13,073 like, what, do you want to marry me or something? 512 00:19:13,106 --> 00:19:14,508 Like, what are we doing? Is this...? 513 00:19:14,542 --> 00:19:16,977 No, I'm not asking you to marry me, Dave. 514 00:19:17,010 --> 00:19:19,847 I'm not, like, on one knee right now. I'm... 515 00:19:19,880 --> 00:19:21,815 Okay, so, like, please... give me clarity. 516 00:19:21,849 --> 00:19:24,218 I don't know what you mean-- like, speak to me with clarity. 517 00:19:24,252 --> 00:19:28,088 I want to be in a relationship where I'm not always put second. 518 00:19:28,121 --> 00:19:29,690 You're not always put second. 519 00:19:29,723 --> 00:19:32,360 -I'm... -Look-look right now, look where we are! 520 00:19:32,393 --> 00:19:33,927 You realize that I have, like, the biggest decision 521 00:19:33,961 --> 00:19:35,763 to make of my whole career this weekend. 522 00:19:35,796 --> 00:19:38,532 -I know. -Has to be made this weekend. I'm here with you 523 00:19:38,566 --> 00:19:40,067 and your family, didn't even consider staying back. 524 00:19:40,100 --> 00:19:41,502 Mike's like, "Why the fuck are you not there?" 525 00:19:41,535 --> 00:19:42,770 -I'm not saying... -What-what do you want me to do? 526 00:19:42,803 --> 00:19:44,938 De-prioritize my dreams? 527 00:19:44,972 --> 00:19:46,840 -That's not what I'm asking. -Just so you don't feel bad every now and then? 528 00:19:46,874 --> 00:19:49,109 -Like, that'd be kind of crazy. -It's not crazy. 529 00:19:49,142 --> 00:19:51,011 It is not crazy to want 530 00:19:51,044 --> 00:19:53,914 your boyfriend to be emotionally present with you. 531 00:19:53,947 --> 00:19:55,949 And I know that you are, like... 532 00:19:55,983 --> 00:19:59,887 an undeniable superstar, or whatever, but it's 533 00:19:59,920 --> 00:20:01,789 kind of turning you into a shitty boyfriend. 534 00:20:01,822 --> 00:20:03,791 Okay, well, listen to how you're saying that, 535 00:20:03,824 --> 00:20:05,058 'cause you're a shitty-- yeah, 536 00:20:05,092 --> 00:20:06,126 you're a shitty girlfriend for using my own 537 00:20:06,159 --> 00:20:07,127 self-belief against me 538 00:20:07,160 --> 00:20:08,195 in an argument. 539 00:20:08,228 --> 00:20:09,430 You have no idea what it's like 540 00:20:09,463 --> 00:20:11,198 to be dating a narcissist. 541 00:20:11,231 --> 00:20:13,233 It is so draining. 542 00:20:13,267 --> 00:20:15,403 It's not narcissism when it's real, okay? 543 00:20:15,436 --> 00:20:16,637 -Like, no... -It's... 544 00:20:16,670 --> 00:20:19,206 -Do you hear yourself?! -I do! 545 00:20:19,239 --> 00:20:20,941 I know it's, I know it's not, but you don't realize, 546 00:20:20,974 --> 00:20:23,311 like, how high the stakes are for me, okay? 547 00:20:23,344 --> 00:20:25,713 Thank God I believe in myself the way that I do, 548 00:20:25,746 --> 00:20:27,415 -or I'd never get anything done! -Do you...? 549 00:20:27,448 --> 00:20:29,883 -What? -Because you treat it like it's your whole life! 550 00:20:29,917 --> 00:20:31,885 There, like, has to be something else in life besides this one, 551 00:20:31,919 --> 00:20:33,587 -like, fucking single-minded goal! -Something else in life?! 552 00:20:33,621 --> 00:20:36,256 Something more than, like, actualizing my sense of self 553 00:20:36,290 --> 00:20:38,225 -and feeling like I'm maximizing my potential?! -Oh, my God, Dave. 554 00:20:38,258 --> 00:20:39,827 -You don't... -You're asking me to sacrifice that?! 555 00:20:39,860 --> 00:20:41,161 That's fucking absurd! 556 00:20:41,194 --> 00:20:43,130 -All I do is... -Dave, you don't get it! 557 00:20:43,163 --> 00:20:45,633 No, you don't get it, and I, and I can't keep apologizing 558 00:20:45,666 --> 00:20:47,435 for my ambition just 'cause you don't have any. 559 00:20:47,468 --> 00:20:49,102 (short laugh) 560 00:20:49,136 --> 00:20:50,671 (exhales) 561 00:20:50,704 --> 00:20:53,206 (sighs) 562 00:20:54,808 --> 00:20:57,210 Listen, just... 563 00:21:00,514 --> 00:21:02,950 (sighs) 564 00:21:10,223 --> 00:21:12,860 Okay, everyone look at me, and squish together. 565 00:21:12,893 --> 00:21:15,363 One, two... smile. 566 00:21:15,396 --> 00:21:16,830 -Perfect. -All right. 567 00:21:16,864 --> 00:21:18,999 -Good, we done? -Yeah. 568 00:21:19,032 --> 00:21:21,602 -(exhales) -What are you, uh, doing next? 569 00:21:21,635 --> 00:21:23,103 (indistinct chatter) 570 00:21:23,136 --> 00:21:25,906 * 571 00:21:27,675 --> 00:21:30,077 (phone buzzing) 572 00:21:34,014 --> 00:21:35,983 Yo. Give me a sec. 573 00:21:36,016 --> 00:21:38,786 (indistinct chatter) 574 00:21:38,819 --> 00:21:41,489 I'm really not ready to make this decision right now, dude. 575 00:21:41,522 --> 00:21:44,124 Dave, their responses are getting not good, okay? 576 00:21:44,157 --> 00:21:46,794 A-And they're gonna pull the deal, which I got up to 250, 577 00:21:46,827 --> 00:21:48,396 by the way, all right? 578 00:21:48,429 --> 00:21:50,364 Dude, this is the best possible scenario 579 00:21:50,398 --> 00:21:52,332 that we're gonna see-- you need to move on it. 580 00:21:52,366 --> 00:21:53,901 There are so many horror stories of people 581 00:21:53,934 --> 00:21:55,569 that sign to labels and, like, lose creative control. 582 00:21:55,603 --> 00:21:57,304 -You know that's true. -Yeah. 583 00:21:57,337 --> 00:21:59,339 I do know that and we've talked about this 584 00:21:59,373 --> 00:22:01,141 with them, remember? 585 00:22:01,174 --> 00:22:03,076 Th-They're not gonna step on your toes. 586 00:22:03,110 --> 00:22:06,013 Dave, they like your song "My Dick Sucks." 587 00:22:06,046 --> 00:22:08,482 Like, come on, man, they know who they're signing, dude. 588 00:22:08,516 --> 00:22:10,150 If you want this to be your career, 589 00:22:10,183 --> 00:22:11,752 you got to start making money doing it. 590 00:22:11,785 --> 00:22:13,320 That's the only way to succeed. 591 00:22:13,353 --> 00:22:15,155 You're, you're waiting for, like, a perfect moment. 592 00:22:15,188 --> 00:22:16,657 This is it, dude. 593 00:22:16,690 --> 00:22:17,858 Like, this is it right now. 594 00:22:17,891 --> 00:22:18,926 I need more time. 595 00:22:18,959 --> 00:22:20,494 I-If you don't sign the deal, 596 00:22:20,528 --> 00:22:22,329 they're gonna pull it, all right? 597 00:22:22,362 --> 00:22:24,432 And then we have to start this whole fucking thing over again. 598 00:22:24,465 --> 00:22:25,666 These people get you. 599 00:22:25,699 --> 00:22:26,734 You like them, dude. 600 00:22:26,767 --> 00:22:28,168 Sign the deal! 601 00:22:28,201 --> 00:22:29,770 -Sign the deal, Dave. -(glass clinking) 602 00:22:29,803 --> 00:22:31,204 -It's that easy. -I got to go, I got to go. 603 00:22:31,238 --> 00:22:33,373 I got to go right now, I got to go, bye. 604 00:22:37,878 --> 00:22:39,747 So, I'm Ally, 605 00:22:39,780 --> 00:22:42,215 Julie's sister. 606 00:22:42,249 --> 00:22:45,619 And as sisters, Julie and I competed 607 00:22:45,653 --> 00:22:47,588 for everything. 608 00:22:47,621 --> 00:22:50,458 The slice of pizza with the most pepperoni on it, 609 00:22:50,491 --> 00:22:52,926 our Harry Potter books, 610 00:22:52,960 --> 00:22:55,463 our parents' attention, of course. 611 00:22:55,496 --> 00:22:57,264 -(laughter) -And when Julie and I 612 00:22:57,297 --> 00:23:00,534 competed, she always won. 613 00:23:00,568 --> 00:23:05,238 Because Julie is one of the most ambitious people I know. 614 00:23:05,272 --> 00:23:09,376 When she wants something, she works for it tirelessly 615 00:23:09,409 --> 00:23:12,946 until inevitably she gets it. 616 00:23:12,980 --> 00:23:15,315 It's, uh, a personality trait 617 00:23:15,348 --> 00:23:17,985 I can't seem to get away from. 618 00:23:18,018 --> 00:23:20,087 Uh, I want to tell 619 00:23:20,120 --> 00:23:22,422 a quick story. 620 00:23:22,456 --> 00:23:26,259 When we were little, our parents brought us to a magic show. 621 00:23:26,293 --> 00:23:29,563 And the magician needed a volunteer, so, of course, 622 00:23:29,597 --> 00:23:31,665 he picked Julie. 623 00:23:31,699 --> 00:23:33,433 And she went onstage. 624 00:23:33,467 --> 00:23:36,236 The magician counted to three and poof! 625 00:23:36,269 --> 00:23:37,838 Julie was gone. 626 00:23:37,871 --> 00:23:41,842 And in her place was this cute little bunny. 627 00:23:41,875 --> 00:23:43,744 And everyone clapped and it was great. 628 00:23:43,777 --> 00:23:45,846 Then Julie came back, 629 00:23:45,879 --> 00:23:49,483 and I played it cool for maybe ten seconds 630 00:23:49,517 --> 00:23:52,285 before I had to know where did she go? 631 00:23:52,319 --> 00:23:53,654 What's the secret? 632 00:23:53,687 --> 00:23:54,855 Just tell me. 633 00:23:54,888 --> 00:23:56,590 But all she would say was, 634 00:23:56,624 --> 00:23:59,827 "Ally, I got turned into a bunny." 635 00:23:59,860 --> 00:24:01,795 (laughter) 636 00:24:01,829 --> 00:24:03,697 -Do you remember this? -Yeah. 637 00:24:03,731 --> 00:24:05,298 Of course she does. 638 00:24:05,332 --> 00:24:08,368 Because to this day, all she'll say about it is, 639 00:24:08,401 --> 00:24:10,871 "I got turned into a bunny." 640 00:24:10,904 --> 00:24:13,974 Which has always made me really angry. 641 00:24:14,007 --> 00:24:16,443 Because, honestly, I want to know. 642 00:24:16,476 --> 00:24:19,146 I still want to know. (chuckles) 643 00:24:19,179 --> 00:24:21,381 But then this weekend... 644 00:24:21,414 --> 00:24:24,852 I realized something about magic. 645 00:24:24,885 --> 00:24:27,020 And honesty. 646 00:24:27,054 --> 00:24:29,222 And love. 647 00:24:29,256 --> 00:24:32,693 The magic behind... magic, 648 00:24:32,726 --> 00:24:34,995 uh, isn't the illusion. 649 00:24:35,028 --> 00:24:37,698 It's that someone cared enough 650 00:24:37,731 --> 00:24:40,834 to create the illusion for you. 651 00:24:40,868 --> 00:24:42,803 The real magic is all 652 00:24:42,836 --> 00:24:44,872 of the work that goes into making somebody believe 653 00:24:44,905 --> 00:24:48,475 that magic is real. 654 00:24:48,508 --> 00:24:51,311 So... what I thought for years 655 00:24:51,344 --> 00:24:53,346 was you messing with me... 656 00:24:53,380 --> 00:24:57,484 was really just your way of preserving the magic 657 00:24:57,517 --> 00:24:59,853 for me. 658 00:24:59,887 --> 00:25:04,157 And, Nick, she will do the same for you. 659 00:25:04,191 --> 00:25:07,828 Because you mean the world to her. 660 00:25:07,861 --> 00:25:10,097 And if there is anything on this earth 661 00:25:10,130 --> 00:25:12,766 that she could do to make you happy, 662 00:25:12,800 --> 00:25:15,168 she will work for it tirelessly 663 00:25:15,202 --> 00:25:17,838 until she inevitably gets it 664 00:25:17,871 --> 00:25:19,372 for you. 665 00:25:21,141 --> 00:25:24,745 And that's what makes her so special... 666 00:25:26,213 --> 00:25:29,850 ...is that she uses her ambition 667 00:25:29,883 --> 00:25:32,753 to work just as hard in her relationship 668 00:25:32,786 --> 00:25:34,922 as she does at her career. 669 00:25:34,955 --> 00:25:38,258 And I didn't realize until this weekend 670 00:25:38,291 --> 00:25:42,062 how much that mattered. 671 00:25:42,095 --> 00:25:45,432 But it's... everything. 672 00:25:52,105 --> 00:25:54,407 (voice breaking): Love... 673 00:25:54,441 --> 00:25:56,576 Sorry. (chuckles) 674 00:25:56,610 --> 00:25:59,079 Love is just like magic. 675 00:25:59,112 --> 00:26:02,783 Two people build a world for themselves 676 00:26:02,816 --> 00:26:05,719 and preserve it at all costs 677 00:26:05,753 --> 00:26:07,721 together. 678 00:26:07,755 --> 00:26:11,124 And I am so excited to see the magic 679 00:26:11,158 --> 00:26:14,628 that you two create for each other. 680 00:26:16,163 --> 00:26:17,597 (chuckles) 681 00:26:17,631 --> 00:26:19,733 To Julie and Nick. 682 00:26:19,767 --> 00:26:21,969 ALL: To Julie and Nick. 683 00:26:22,002 --> 00:26:23,971 (applause) 684 00:26:27,841 --> 00:26:30,778 DAVE: * So long, I can't stop * 685 00:26:30,811 --> 00:26:32,445 -ALLY: Dave. -* Do this with me * 686 00:26:32,479 --> 00:26:36,283 -I'm leaving. -* Have it your way * 687 00:26:36,316 --> 00:26:39,019 * I know I'm late * 688 00:26:39,052 --> 00:26:41,588 * But it's okay * 689 00:26:41,621 --> 00:26:45,325 ALLY: * No, we don't have time to wait * Oh. 690 00:26:45,358 --> 00:26:47,928 DAVE: * We're gonna have the best time * 691 00:26:47,961 --> 00:26:49,997 ALLY: Dave, you have to change. 692 00:26:50,030 --> 00:26:51,765 DAVE: * Do you remember when you got all mad * 693 00:26:51,799 --> 00:26:54,001 * 'Cause I threw out that flyer? * 694 00:26:54,034 --> 00:26:55,703 ALLY: That was not a flyer. 695 00:26:55,736 --> 00:26:57,204 I told you. 696 00:26:57,237 --> 00:26:59,272 DAVE: * Yes, it was * 697 00:26:59,306 --> 00:27:02,542 -ALLY: * No, it was a save the date * -(harmonizing) 698 00:27:02,575 --> 00:27:04,111 DAVE: * It's the same thing, it's gonna end up * 699 00:27:04,144 --> 00:27:06,013 * On a fridge either way * 700 00:27:06,046 --> 00:27:07,781 -ALLY: Fine. -* This weekend * 701 00:27:07,815 --> 00:27:09,983 * You're gonna dance with me * 702 00:27:10,017 --> 00:27:12,619 ALLY: * Yes, of course, I love you * 703 00:27:12,652 --> 00:27:15,355 * But we really got to go right now * 704 00:27:15,388 --> 00:27:17,825 DAVE: * All right, well, this was fun while it lasted. * 705 00:27:17,858 --> 00:27:19,793 ALLY: Mm-hmm. (chuckles) 706 00:27:19,827 --> 00:27:23,764 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH 707 00:28:19,086 --> 00:28:20,120 (gasps) Another. 708 00:28:22,255 --> 00:28:23,924 -(throaty hiss) -Ooh, ooh, ooh. 709 00:28:25,793 --> 00:28:27,094 -Text me. -Nope. 710 00:28:27,127 --> 00:28:30,330 (whistling) 711 00:28:35,668 --> 00:28:37,337 GUILLERMO: The journey was perilous, 712 00:28:37,437 --> 00:28:41,074 but Nandor the Relentless stood tall and proud. 713 00:28:41,108 --> 00:28:45,578 Thus, the noble vampire set sail to conquer the new world 714 00:28:45,612 --> 00:28:47,915 for the greater glory of the undead. 715 00:28:47,948 --> 00:28:51,284 -Does my hair really look that billowy? -(wind blows) 716 00:28:51,318 --> 00:28:52,920 Looks fantastic. 717 00:28:52,953 --> 00:28:55,355 I'd never wear anything like that. 718 00:28:56,523 --> 00:28:58,926 (retching) 719 00:29:01,428 --> 00:29:03,831 (gagging, coughing) 720 00:29:03,864 --> 00:29:04,865 (squeaks) 721 00:29:06,533 --> 00:29:07,868 Oh, damn! 722 00:29:07,968 --> 00:29:09,269 (classical music playing) 723 00:29:18,345 --> 00:29:20,647 Pulling hair is wrong, mate. 724 00:29:20,680 --> 00:29:23,951 I mean, all violence is wrong, but at least punching's a sport. 725 00:29:23,984 --> 00:29:25,518 -Is it? -Yes, boxing. 726 00:29:25,552 --> 00:29:27,654 Boxing's in the Olympics. Hair pulling isn't. 727 00:29:28,856 --> 00:29:31,892 -It would be funny if it was. -It really would be. 728 00:29:38,165 --> 00:29:39,366 (laughter) 729 00:29:39,399 --> 00:29:41,401 How did you come to write The Feminine Mystique? 730 00:29:41,501 --> 00:29:43,170 I thought there was something wrong with me 731 00:29:43,203 --> 00:29:46,339 because I didn't have an orgasm waxing the kitchen floor. 732 00:29:46,373 --> 00:29:47,674 -(laughing) -(audience claps) 733 00:29:54,181 --> 00:29:55,315 What is Devs? 734 00:29:56,349 --> 00:29:57,650 What is Devs? 735 00:29:57,684 --> 00:29:59,019 What is Devs? 736 00:30:00,253 --> 00:30:01,521 (screams)