1 00:00:01,955 --> 00:00:04,623 "My Dick Sucks" put him on the map. 2 00:00:06,025 --> 00:00:08,660 The Somebody Suck Me Competition? 3 00:00:08,661 --> 00:00:11,997 Well, that proved that he could infiltrate pop culture like that. 4 00:00:11,998 --> 00:00:15,531 Now, what's the next big project that's gonna elevate Dave 5 00:00:15,533 --> 00:00:17,445 to become an icon-level artist? 6 00:00:17,470 --> 00:00:20,505 Well, lucky for you guys, he's working on that right now. 7 00:00:20,506 --> 00:00:23,441 And maybe it can be with Katonah Records. 8 00:00:23,442 --> 00:00:25,777 And just to piggyback off Mike... thank you... 9 00:00:25,778 --> 00:00:27,612 I'm working on my next album right now. 10 00:00:27,613 --> 00:00:30,515 I really think it's gonna be, like, the zenith of musicality. 11 00:00:30,516 --> 00:00:32,785 - Hmm. - It's called Penith. 12 00:00:36,022 --> 00:00:38,791 But do you guys actually get it? 13 00:00:38,792 --> 00:00:40,459 - Like, fully? - They get it. 14 00:00:40,460 --> 00:00:42,127 What does "penith" mean to you? 15 00:00:42,128 --> 00:00:43,695 I don't mean to harp, but I feel like... 16 00:00:43,696 --> 00:00:45,798 - They get it. He gets it. - All I know is, 17 00:00:45,799 --> 00:00:49,201 somebody wants to get their dick sucked right now. 18 00:00:49,202 --> 00:00:51,704 - What? - You get that? 19 00:00:51,705 --> 00:00:53,505 That we want to sign you? 20 00:00:53,506 --> 00:00:55,641 Oh! Dope. 21 00:00:55,642 --> 00:00:58,644 I can talk like this because this is a creative meeting. 22 00:00:58,645 --> 00:01:02,396 Thus, HR can't get mad at me again. 23 00:01:02,398 --> 00:01:03,435 Okay. 24 00:01:03,437 --> 00:01:05,880 I haven't worked in corporate America for a while, but... 25 00:01:05,882 --> 00:01:08,722 Hey, Dave. Have you ever been sucked like this? 26 00:01:12,725 --> 00:01:13,992 Hmm. 27 00:01:13,993 --> 00:01:15,662 A record deal. 28 00:01:16,996 --> 00:01:18,998 I do love to get sucked. 29 00:01:18,999 --> 00:01:21,167 He does. 30 00:01:21,668 --> 00:01:24,870 But this feels like I'm being fucked up my ass. 31 00:01:24,871 --> 00:01:27,875 Or how I'd imagine it feels like. 32 00:01:29,875 --> 00:01:32,178 So... 33 00:01:36,416 --> 00:01:38,516 Ugh. Hmm... 34 00:01:38,517 --> 00:01:42,853 I have a slack jaw, and a underbite. 35 00:01:42,854 --> 00:01:45,856 And that's why I could only bite that amount of it. 36 00:01:45,857 --> 00:01:48,225 Come back with something better, 37 00:01:48,226 --> 00:01:51,430 or, hey, Denzel Washington will walk right out your front door. 38 00:01:51,431 --> 00:01:52,531 Hmm. 39 00:01:52,532 --> 00:01:54,201 Me. 40 00:01:56,201 --> 00:01:58,038 I act as well. 41 00:02:07,212 --> 00:02:10,414 I say this with the utmost sincerity, 42 00:02:10,415 --> 00:02:12,252 I am the next Kanye West. 43 00:02:13,252 --> 00:02:17,556 Except... I'm white. 44 00:02:17,557 --> 00:02:19,223 - Oh. - It's a shitty reality, 45 00:02:19,224 --> 00:02:21,225 but white rappers sell more. 46 00:02:21,226 --> 00:02:22,894 Records, ticket sales. 47 00:02:22,895 --> 00:02:25,396 It's just, it sucks, but it's the cold, hard truth. 48 00:02:25,397 --> 00:02:26,897 I hate that it's true, by the way. 49 00:02:26,898 --> 00:02:30,968 So, I'm actually more like Eminem, to the consumer. 50 00:02:30,969 --> 00:02:32,403 The highest selling rapper 51 00:02:32,404 --> 00:02:33,905 - of all time. - Drake is. 52 00:02:33,906 --> 00:02:35,907 - What? - Drake. 53 00:02:35,908 --> 00:02:38,075 Drake is the highest selling rap... He surpassed him. 54 00:02:38,076 --> 00:02:39,745 - When? - This year. 55 00:02:39,746 --> 00:02:41,312 Well, I mean, he's Jewish, so whatever. 56 00:02:41,313 --> 00:02:44,081 I'm like Eminem, except I'm wholesome. 57 00:02:44,082 --> 00:02:45,751 And, like, sweet. 58 00:02:45,752 --> 00:02:48,086 I'm, like, a sweet man. 59 00:02:48,087 --> 00:02:50,254 Any 12-year-old girl in America is gonna look at me and be like, 60 00:02:50,255 --> 00:02:52,257 - "Oh, my God, I could marry that guy." - Oh. 61 00:02:52,258 --> 00:02:54,960 And by the way, I wouldn't marry a 12-year-old girl. 62 00:02:54,961 --> 00:02:56,427 I'm just saying, they will want to marry me. 63 00:02:56,428 --> 00:02:58,163 Mentally. 64 00:02:58,164 --> 00:03:00,098 They'll never have a chance because I'm not a pedophile. 65 00:03:00,099 --> 00:03:01,766 Keep going. Just keep going. 66 00:03:01,767 --> 00:03:03,467 And that brings me to my next point. 67 00:03:03,468 --> 00:03:05,503 My physicality. 68 00:03:05,504 --> 00:03:07,639 I'm just, like, I read all the comments, 69 00:03:07,640 --> 00:03:09,274 and I-I see everything, and it didn't... 70 00:03:09,275 --> 00:03:11,109 - It was not always this way. - No. 71 00:03:11,110 --> 00:03:12,477 If you look at my face now, 72 00:03:12,478 --> 00:03:14,278 you'd never realize what I used to look like. 73 00:03:14,279 --> 00:03:16,181 When I as a kid, my face was haunted. 74 00:03:16,182 --> 00:03:19,950 People used to scream at me. 75 00:03:19,951 --> 00:03:20,968 Oh. 76 00:03:20,970 --> 00:03:23,147 And you what's gonna end up happening, right? 77 00:03:24,456 --> 00:03:28,210 - The Zayn effect. Like, who is Zayn? - Zayn Malik? 78 00:03:28,212 --> 00:03:30,461 I don't even know what that guy's music sounds like, 79 00:03:30,462 --> 00:03:32,663 but it doesn't even matter, he's so hot. 80 00:03:32,664 --> 00:03:34,032 - Yeah. He's hot. - It's pretty good. 81 00:03:34,033 --> 00:03:35,133 - He's really hot. - Yeah. 82 00:03:35,134 --> 00:03:36,467 Anyways, you put all three 83 00:03:36,468 --> 00:03:39,538 of those things together and you have Lil Dicky. 84 00:03:39,539 --> 00:03:42,373 I'm Dave Burd. I'm also a hopeless romantic. 85 00:03:42,374 --> 00:03:45,142 I just learned you're supposed to call Hispanic people La-tinx. 86 00:03:45,143 --> 00:03:48,312 And I love chicken fingers with a side of honey mu-stard. 87 00:03:48,313 --> 00:03:50,048 Let's make a billion dollars. Thank you. 88 00:03:51,317 --> 00:03:52,819 Wow. 89 00:03:54,820 --> 00:03:59,525 We think you have the potential to be the next Lonely Island. 90 00:04:00,726 --> 00:04:02,026 Yeah. 91 00:04:02,027 --> 00:04:04,528 Is my music a joke to you guys? 92 00:04:04,529 --> 00:04:05,997 Yeah, it's so funny. 93 00:04:05,998 --> 00:04:07,665 - Hilarious. - I am one 94 00:04:07,666 --> 00:04:10,067 of the five best rappers alive, probably. 95 00:04:10,068 --> 00:04:12,069 - Mm-mm. - Well. 96 00:04:12,070 --> 00:04:14,206 Well, I guess I'm not better than Nas, or, like, 97 00:04:14,207 --> 00:04:16,173 - Lil Wayne. Yeah. - Lil Wayne. 98 00:04:16,174 --> 00:04:17,576 - Young Thug, either. - No. 99 00:04:17,577 --> 00:04:19,511 I have to, like, write it all... I-I don't know. 100 00:04:19,512 --> 00:04:21,346 But I'm saying it's, like, ver... It's not... Like, Lonely Island, 101 00:04:21,347 --> 00:04:23,048 - I mean... - I'm-I'm so sorry. I didn't... 102 00:04:23,049 --> 00:04:25,083 I didn't mean to get off on the wrong foot. 103 00:04:25,084 --> 00:04:27,018 Um, what else are you working on? 104 00:04:27,019 --> 00:04:29,353 Well, I'm working on an album. 105 00:04:29,354 --> 00:04:30,356 That's great. 106 00:04:31,390 --> 00:04:33,057 It's called Penith. 107 00:04:35,895 --> 00:04:37,596 Penith? 108 00:04:40,866 --> 00:04:43,306 He's just so funny. Penith? 109 00:04:43,308 --> 00:04:44,319 They got it. 110 00:04:44,321 --> 00:04:46,204 No. Do you even know what "zenith" means? 111 00:04:46,205 --> 00:04:47,745 Do you even know, do you even know what you're laughing at? 112 00:04:47,747 --> 00:04:49,940 - You said "penith." - Okay. You don't even know... 113 00:04:49,941 --> 00:04:52,244 You guys don't even know what you're laughing at. 114 00:04:54,380 --> 00:04:57,382 Dave, I'm just gonna cut to the chase here. 115 00:04:57,383 --> 00:05:02,052 You're hilarious, but we are a record label. 116 00:05:02,053 --> 00:05:05,255 We make music, and your music is what we want. 117 00:05:05,257 --> 00:05:08,093 Your rapping is amazing. 118 00:05:08,094 --> 00:05:10,095 - Yeah. It's good, right? - Yeah. 119 00:05:10,096 --> 00:05:12,864 - Yeah, we love it. - I'm an incredible rapper. 120 00:05:12,865 --> 00:05:14,766 - We concur. - I think so. 121 00:05:14,767 --> 00:05:16,900 - Thanks. - Question is, 122 00:05:16,901 --> 00:05:18,869 are you willing to settle for that? 123 00:05:18,870 --> 00:05:21,706 - How far do you want to go? - All right, cut the shit. 124 00:05:21,707 --> 00:05:23,107 If I ever sign with a label, 125 00:05:23,108 --> 00:05:25,110 it would only be to use them as a machine. 126 00:05:25,111 --> 00:05:27,778 Like, I would never want you guys touching the creative. 127 00:05:27,779 --> 00:05:29,213 There's no idea you could give me 128 00:05:29,214 --> 00:05:31,381 that I wouldn't already know myself better. 129 00:05:31,382 --> 00:05:33,585 Oh, absolutely. We're coming in just as partners. 130 00:05:33,586 --> 00:05:35,220 Nothing creative. That's all you. 131 00:05:35,221 --> 00:05:36,420 Yeah, you do your thing. 132 00:05:36,421 --> 00:05:39,924 Just think of us as planets around your sun. 133 00:05:39,925 --> 00:05:43,227 Well, I believe in simulation theory right now, so that's... 134 00:05:43,228 --> 00:05:44,271 Mm-hmm. 135 00:05:44,273 --> 00:05:46,993 Tell me, in actuality, how you'd add value. 136 00:05:46,995 --> 00:05:49,633 Have you ever heard of New Music Fridays on Spotify? 137 00:05:49,635 --> 00:05:51,313 No. 138 00:05:51,315 --> 00:05:52,836 Of course I've heard of it. Everyone's... 139 00:05:52,838 --> 00:05:53,889 Yeah. Yeah. 140 00:05:53,891 --> 00:05:56,074 That's where we come in. That's our job, the boring stuff, 141 00:05:56,075 --> 00:05:57,441 to put you on that front page. 142 00:05:57,442 --> 00:05:59,309 That would be useful. 143 00:05:59,310 --> 00:06:01,412 I mean, yeah. That-That's what you need them for. 144 00:06:01,413 --> 00:06:03,448 A label is about cross-pollination. 145 00:06:03,449 --> 00:06:05,283 It's about collaboration. 146 00:06:05,284 --> 00:06:08,252 Right. And you haven't worked with any other rappers, right? 147 00:06:08,253 --> 00:06:11,321 I mean, it's, like, not easy to just work with other rappers. 148 00:06:11,322 --> 00:06:13,324 I'm not, like, best friends with these guys. 149 00:06:13,325 --> 00:06:15,160 - Yeah, but we can make it easy for you. - Mm-hmm. 150 00:06:15,161 --> 00:06:17,929 We open doors, dude. That's what we do here. 151 00:06:17,930 --> 00:06:20,131 We'll be your whores, you leverage that. 152 00:06:20,132 --> 00:06:21,432 My whores? 153 00:06:21,433 --> 00:06:23,100 - Whores. - For you. 154 00:06:23,101 --> 00:06:26,483 It's a metaphorical whore, like, I don't mean that romantically in any way. 155 00:06:26,485 --> 00:06:28,840 - Yeah, absolutely. - I don't think she took it sexistly. 156 00:06:28,841 --> 00:06:30,340 And I-I didn't take it heterosexistly. 157 00:06:30,341 --> 00:06:31,775 I've seen a lot of male whores. 158 00:06:31,776 --> 00:06:34,478 And you won't even attempt to put a finger 159 00:06:34,479 --> 00:06:37,116 - on the creative in any way? - No. -Mm-mm. 160 00:06:37,118 --> 00:06:38,615 - Yeah. - That being said, 161 00:06:38,616 --> 00:06:41,151 I wouldn't mind setting you up with Benny Blanco. 162 00:06:41,152 --> 00:06:43,487 He's a superproducer pal of ours. 163 00:06:43,488 --> 00:06:47,624 Uh, every pop hit you see on Billboard, that's Benny. 164 00:06:47,625 --> 00:06:49,637 I mean, this guy is an out-and-out genius. 165 00:06:50,995 --> 00:06:52,463 What are you doing? Sit down. 166 00:06:52,464 --> 00:06:54,199 What are you doing? What are you doing? 167 00:06:54,200 --> 00:06:56,800 Not-on-the-same-page alert going off right now, guys. Sorry. 168 00:06:56,801 --> 00:06:58,802 - What's the issue? - I don't make pop music. 169 00:06:58,803 --> 00:07:00,470 I'm a rapper. I hate pop music. 170 00:07:00,471 --> 00:07:02,307 Why would I want to work with a pop producer? 171 00:07:02,308 --> 00:07:05,309 Oh, well, Benny doesn't just work with pop singers. 172 00:07:05,310 --> 00:07:07,845 He also works with rappers. He actually just 173 00:07:07,846 --> 00:07:09,314 - worked on a song with Swae Lee. - And... 174 00:07:09,315 --> 00:07:11,148 - You like Swae Lee? - He just did Kanye. 175 00:07:11,149 --> 00:07:12,549 - Yeah. - Oh, he works with Kanye? 176 00:07:12,550 --> 00:07:14,319 - Mm-hmm. - Sign me up. I'll do anything 177 00:07:14,320 --> 00:07:15,720 - this man says if he worked with Kanye. - Yes. 178 00:07:15,721 --> 00:07:17,689 - Cool. - You know, guys, 179 00:07:17,690 --> 00:07:19,189 in the beginning of this meeting, 180 00:07:19,190 --> 00:07:20,992 I was actually considering taking this glass 181 00:07:20,993 --> 00:07:22,393 and just hurling it through the window. 182 00:07:22,394 --> 00:07:23,660 Why would you tell them that? That's... 183 00:07:23,661 --> 00:07:24,828 Just to set the tone. 184 00:07:24,829 --> 00:07:26,497 But now, 185 00:07:26,498 --> 00:07:28,901 - you have me listening. - We will take that meeting. 186 00:07:36,489 --> 00:07:40,259 _ 187 00:07:40,261 --> 00:07:45,082 Somebody lay me down, pour buttermilk all over me, 188 00:07:45,083 --> 00:07:47,618 dust me in a light dusting of corn flakes, 189 00:07:47,619 --> 00:07:49,519 front-flip me into a deep fryer, 190 00:07:49,521 --> 00:07:52,823 spit on my asshole, flip me back around, 191 00:07:52,824 --> 00:07:57,828 shove wasabi up my dickhole, put fucking sashimi all over me, 192 00:07:57,829 --> 00:08:00,832 light me on fire, gently... 193 00:08:00,833 --> 00:08:04,201 blow me off and lick down like my body's a maze 194 00:08:04,202 --> 00:08:06,737 till you get to the bottom... Right about there... 195 00:08:06,738 --> 00:08:09,508 And I want you to suck me, right now. 196 00:08:09,509 --> 00:08:11,343 What's up, man? Benny Blanco. 197 00:08:11,344 --> 00:08:15,681 Wow. Great spot. 198 00:08:15,682 --> 00:08:18,215 Nice decor. Nice ambience in here. 199 00:08:18,216 --> 00:08:20,677 Thanks, man. Oh, shit. I'm just finishing a session, okay? 200 00:08:20,679 --> 00:08:22,053 Okay. Wait a minute. Why is my song...? 201 00:08:22,054 --> 00:08:23,555 - This is my song. - Dicky. 202 00:08:23,556 --> 00:08:24,755 Hey, bro. 203 00:08:24,756 --> 00:08:26,925 - I'm just watching your video. - Oh... 204 00:08:26,926 --> 00:08:28,426 - It's actually sick, dude. - Oh, my God. 205 00:08:28,427 --> 00:08:30,027 - Yeah. Hey. How are you? - Hi. Nice to... 206 00:08:30,028 --> 00:08:31,562 - No, I'm so good. Yeah. - Good, good. 207 00:08:31,563 --> 00:08:33,431 Best I've ever been in my life, I think. 208 00:08:33,432 --> 00:08:35,566 I got to roll. Um, you're gonna come tonight, right? 209 00:08:35,567 --> 00:08:36,868 - Yeah, of course, man. - Cool, cool, cool. 210 00:08:36,869 --> 00:08:38,369 Party, tonight. Come to my house. 211 00:08:38,370 --> 00:08:39,738 - Your house party? - Yeah. My house party. 212 00:08:39,739 --> 00:08:41,540 - Come on, hang. - Uh, let me think about what I had 213 00:08:41,541 --> 00:08:43,542 going on, uh, and I've thought about it. There's nothing. 214 00:08:43,543 --> 00:08:45,877 - Nothing? - Yeah, I was actually just gonna PIBE. 215 00:08:45,878 --> 00:08:47,546 PIBE? 216 00:08:47,547 --> 00:08:49,047 Yeah, PIBE. Play It By Ear. 217 00:08:49,048 --> 00:08:51,115 It's a new acronym that I'm trying to... 218 00:08:51,116 --> 00:08:53,051 - get off the ground. Um... - Okay. 219 00:08:53,052 --> 00:08:54,753 You know, it's got no legs yet. 220 00:08:54,754 --> 00:08:56,955 - Nothing. - If you pushed it, who knows, but... 221 00:08:56,956 --> 00:08:58,889 And by the way, my girlfriend is your biggest fan. 222 00:08:58,890 --> 00:09:00,258 - She's obs... yeah, she's obsessed. - Biggest fan. 223 00:09:00,259 --> 00:09:02,259 Yeah, I never heard that before. No, I'm just... 224 00:09:02,260 --> 00:09:04,896 Real good idea, man. You got anything else? 225 00:09:04,897 --> 00:09:06,698 He's probably gonna remember this the rest of his life. 226 00:09:06,700 --> 00:09:09,267 - I, uh, I got to roll... - Yeah, uh... Absolutely. 227 00:09:09,268 --> 00:09:11,802 ...but, um, yeah, tonight, you should come. 228 00:09:11,803 --> 00:09:13,904 - I'll come. - Yeah. Cool, cool. All right. 229 00:09:13,905 --> 00:09:14,973 Yep. 230 00:09:14,974 --> 00:09:16,307 - Cool. - Yep. We'll see ya. 231 00:09:16,308 --> 00:09:17,609 - Um... - Peace, man. 232 00:09:17,610 --> 00:09:19,110 Yeah. Biebs out. I'm just kidding. 233 00:09:19,111 --> 00:09:20,803 I don't actually say that. I'm pretty normal. 234 00:09:20,818 --> 00:09:21,912 - All right. - Yeah. 235 00:09:21,913 --> 00:09:24,582 Uh, I'm a normal guy, too, if you want to chill, or... 236 00:09:24,583 --> 00:09:27,418 - All right. Bye, Benny! - All right, peace! 237 00:09:27,419 --> 00:09:29,421 You know, you could be as big as him, 238 00:09:29,422 --> 00:09:31,089 like, very easily. 239 00:09:31,090 --> 00:09:33,425 Y-Yes. I've-I've always thought that. 240 00:09:33,426 --> 00:09:35,760 I mean, look, the one problem is, 241 00:09:35,761 --> 00:09:38,263 your music currently sucks, it's terrible. 242 00:09:38,264 --> 00:09:41,133 Hmm. Okay, I... you know, I think your music sucks. 243 00:09:41,134 --> 00:09:43,435 You make shitty pop music for 14-year-old girls. 244 00:09:43,436 --> 00:09:45,749 Yeah. How many number ones do you have again? 245 00:09:45,751 --> 00:09:48,005 Number ones? Like, what does that even mean? 246 00:09:48,006 --> 00:09:49,840 Like, who can define what a number one is? 247 00:09:49,841 --> 00:09:51,777 Oh, man, there's a small company down the street, 248 00:09:51,778 --> 00:09:53,277 it's called Billboard. 249 00:09:53,278 --> 00:09:55,479 How many Billboard number ones do you have? 250 00:09:55,480 --> 00:09:57,615 I don't check this... 251 00:09:57,616 --> 00:09:59,117 - Yeah. - ...publication, but I, 252 00:09:59,118 --> 00:10:00,851 I know the answer is none. 253 00:10:00,852 --> 00:10:03,021 - Yeah, the answer is none. - Why? How many do you have? 254 00:10:03,022 --> 00:10:05,791 I stopped counting at, like, 20 or something. 255 00:10:05,792 --> 00:10:06,957 Right. 256 00:10:06,958 --> 00:10:08,292 - Yeah. - Well... 257 00:10:08,293 --> 00:10:10,027 All right, this is depressing. Just, like... 258 00:10:10,028 --> 00:10:11,495 play me some of your music. 259 00:10:11,496 --> 00:10:13,165 Like, unreleased music? 260 00:10:13,166 --> 00:10:16,167 Yeah, man. I want to hear some unreleased music. 261 00:10:16,168 --> 00:10:17,536 You have, like, two songs out. 262 00:10:17,537 --> 00:10:21,306 Okay. This is just one of the many that I'm... 263 00:10:29,849 --> 00:10:31,148 All right, stop right here. 264 00:10:31,149 --> 00:10:33,984 Like, why are you, like... 265 00:10:33,985 --> 00:10:36,053 Like, wh-what are you trying to prove? 266 00:10:36,054 --> 00:10:38,035 I'm trying to show that, like, I'm a great rapper. 267 00:10:38,037 --> 00:10:40,691 Dude, it's, like, verbal diarrhea... I can't... it's, like, 268 00:10:40,692 --> 00:10:43,327 I'm just getting pounded with information over and over again 269 00:10:43,328 --> 00:10:44,995 - to my head. - Well, we only listened 270 00:10:44,996 --> 00:10:46,898 - to part of it, but... - By the way, 271 00:10:46,899 --> 00:10:49,401 who makes these beats? They're so white. 272 00:10:49,402 --> 00:10:52,170 My friend from overnight camp makes my beats. 273 00:10:52,171 --> 00:10:53,672 Um, and he's black. 274 00:10:53,673 --> 00:10:55,005 Babe. 275 00:10:55,006 --> 00:10:56,008 Oh. 276 00:10:58,510 --> 00:11:01,345 Hi. I need to go get some coffee. 277 00:11:01,346 --> 00:11:02,681 Do you want anything? 278 00:11:02,682 --> 00:11:04,516 Uh, no, I'm okay. 279 00:11:04,517 --> 00:11:06,084 You want anything, Dave? 280 00:11:06,085 --> 00:11:07,351 No, I'm... 281 00:11:07,352 --> 00:11:08,887 I'm, uh... 282 00:11:08,888 --> 00:11:10,691 I'm good. 283 00:11:15,094 --> 00:11:17,394 I know what you're thinking. 284 00:11:17,395 --> 00:11:20,731 How's a guy like André the Giant meets Danny DeVito 285 00:11:20,732 --> 00:11:23,033 - pull a girl like this? - I... 286 00:11:23,034 --> 00:11:24,402 truthfully was wondering that. 287 00:11:24,403 --> 00:11:26,271 My features are so grotesque, 288 00:11:26,272 --> 00:11:29,240 I'm like a science experiment gone wrong. 289 00:11:29,241 --> 00:11:30,941 And it's just, like, I... 290 00:11:30,942 --> 00:11:32,878 I don't know, I shot out the other side, 291 00:11:32,879 --> 00:11:34,245 - and now I'm hot. - Shut up. 292 00:11:34,246 --> 00:11:35,880 I don't know why you say these things. 293 00:11:35,881 --> 00:11:38,048 - You're not ugly. - Hmm. 294 00:11:38,049 --> 00:11:40,085 You guys actually kind of look like brothers. 295 00:11:40,086 --> 00:11:42,553 - That's 'cause we're both Jewish. - Jewish. 296 00:11:42,554 --> 00:11:43,889 Right. 297 00:11:46,591 --> 00:11:49,393 That's right, Justin Bieber 298 00:11:49,394 --> 00:11:51,629 invited me... to... 299 00:11:51,630 --> 00:11:53,565 a party... tonight. 300 00:11:53,566 --> 00:11:56,026 Gonna go. Yeah. 301 00:11:56,028 --> 00:11:57,902 I told you that meeting was a good idea, Dave. 302 00:11:57,903 --> 00:11:59,403 You sure did. You were right. When you're right, 303 00:11:59,404 --> 00:12:00,571 - you're right, Mike. - Yes, I was. 304 00:12:00,572 --> 00:12:02,106 You know what? I'm gonna go get the good tongs. 305 00:12:02,107 --> 00:12:04,075 You do get the good tongs. I like when you get them. 306 00:12:04,076 --> 00:12:07,745 I get to meet Justin Bieber tonight? 307 00:12:07,746 --> 00:12:10,581 Oh, my God, do you think the Kardashians will be there? 308 00:12:10,582 --> 00:12:13,250 I don't think I can bring anybody to this thing. 309 00:12:13,251 --> 00:12:15,586 - What? - I shouldn't bring somebody. 310 00:12:15,587 --> 00:12:17,288 You can't bring people to a party? 311 00:12:17,289 --> 00:12:19,124 I'm sure I could, but I don't know that I can, 312 00:12:19,125 --> 00:12:20,926 and I don't want to, like, hit him up and ask, 313 00:12:20,927 --> 00:12:22,326 'cause it's the whole, you know, I don't know 314 00:12:22,327 --> 00:12:24,128 the etiquette, so I'm gonna play it safe. 315 00:12:24,129 --> 00:12:26,598 The last thing I want to do is go to a party at Bieber's. 316 00:12:26,599 --> 00:12:28,465 Reverse psychology. 317 00:12:28,466 --> 00:12:30,538 - Okay. I'll consider it. - Hey, bro-bro. 318 00:12:30,540 --> 00:12:31,630 What's up? 319 00:12:31,632 --> 00:12:32,838 I ain't trying to go, either, my nigga. 320 00:12:32,839 --> 00:12:34,439 Big facts. That's a... You're not going. 321 00:12:34,440 --> 00:12:36,608 Okay, can you at least do me the favor 322 00:12:36,609 --> 00:12:39,311 of giving just every single detail about him? 323 00:12:39,312 --> 00:12:40,858 Like, please tell me exactly what he smells like. 324 00:12:40,860 --> 00:12:43,181 Okay, hold on, let me just go back... eh! 325 00:12:43,182 --> 00:12:44,950 - I'm there. Citrus. - Oh! 326 00:12:44,951 --> 00:12:46,518 - Smells like citrus. - Mm. 327 00:12:46,519 --> 00:12:48,519 Jawline chiseled. It's jutting. 328 00:12:48,520 --> 00:12:49,787 It's, like, he's Tom Cruise-ian. 329 00:12:49,788 --> 00:12:51,288 It's exactly what you read about. 330 00:12:51,289 --> 00:12:53,657 The ink pops off this guy's body. 331 00:12:53,658 --> 00:12:55,310 I mean, he looks like high-end wallpaper in person. 332 00:12:55,312 --> 00:12:58,296 - Oh, my God. - Bro, who cares about Justin Bieber? 333 00:12:58,297 --> 00:12:59,797 Everybody on the planet. 334 00:12:59,798 --> 00:13:01,132 You know who I care about? 335 00:13:01,133 --> 00:13:03,000 Benny Blanco. 336 00:13:03,001 --> 00:13:05,537 So, tell me about the LeBron James of production. 337 00:13:05,538 --> 00:13:08,003 He... he did, uh, talk about your beats. 338 00:13:08,005 --> 00:13:09,438 You see? Hold on. 339 00:13:09,440 --> 00:13:11,275 Let me... let me bask in my greatness. 340 00:13:11,276 --> 00:13:13,479 And he said, "Who made your beats? 341 00:13:14,612 --> 00:13:15,813 "They suck... 342 00:13:15,814 --> 00:13:18,683 - Ha! - ...and are too white." 343 00:13:18,684 --> 00:13:20,952 I'm telling you what he said. He said they were too white. 344 00:13:20,953 --> 00:13:22,352 - Oh... - He said I suck, too, so... 345 00:13:22,353 --> 00:13:24,454 Oh, he said you suck for not bringing your girlfriend 346 00:13:24,455 --> 00:13:26,172 to the party of her dreams? Is that what he said? 347 00:13:26,174 --> 00:13:27,991 It's a net... It's, like, I'm there to network. 348 00:13:27,992 --> 00:13:29,526 I got this meeting from a label. It's, like... 349 00:13:29,527 --> 00:13:31,996 Actually, I decided I kind of don't really care about it, 350 00:13:31,997 --> 00:13:34,299 because I have some totally chill, like, really cool plans 351 00:13:34,300 --> 00:13:35,533 with my friend Elz. 352 00:13:35,534 --> 00:13:36,800 - Whoo! - We're gonna go see 353 00:13:36,801 --> 00:13:38,202 the Pats-Birds at a bar, so... 354 00:13:38,203 --> 00:13:39,971 You're gonna go watch that at a bar? 355 00:13:39,972 --> 00:13:41,972 It's nationally televised. Why would you choose 356 00:13:41,973 --> 00:13:44,708 to surround yourself with everybody vying for a seat 357 00:13:44,709 --> 00:13:46,476 and the sound coming all over the place, 358 00:13:46,477 --> 00:13:48,045 no real clarity on, like... 359 00:13:48,046 --> 00:13:50,881 Why are you so passionate about the least important things? 360 00:13:50,882 --> 00:13:53,150 You know what? I'm sorry. Take a step back. 361 00:13:53,151 --> 00:13:55,520 I'm used to talking to Justin a certain way. 362 00:13:55,521 --> 00:13:57,487 I got to re-center myself... I'm around my old group 363 00:13:57,488 --> 00:13:59,156 of friends... recalibrate. 364 00:13:59,157 --> 00:14:01,159 Uh, never mind. Do what you want to do. 365 00:14:01,160 --> 00:14:02,559 Have fun at the sports bar. 366 00:14:02,560 --> 00:14:04,495 All right. These steaks are almost done, kids. 367 00:14:04,496 --> 00:14:06,063 Aw, shit. 368 00:14:06,064 --> 00:14:07,164 I almost forgot. 369 00:14:07,165 --> 00:14:08,732 I got some salmon over here, bro. 370 00:14:08,733 --> 00:14:10,334 Fresh out the Atlantic. 371 00:14:10,335 --> 00:14:11,869 - Salmon? - Yeah, salmon, bro. 372 00:14:11,870 --> 00:14:13,871 You had salmon in your backpack? 373 00:14:13,872 --> 00:14:15,740 It's gonna be, like, really... 374 00:14:15,741 --> 00:14:17,375 a dream. 375 00:14:17,376 --> 00:14:19,244 What's up, bro, you gonna cook this shit for me or not? 376 00:14:19,245 --> 00:14:20,678 I-I cannot do that. 377 00:14:20,679 --> 00:14:22,347 I'm not putting backpack salmon on my grill. 378 00:14:22,348 --> 00:14:25,350 This shit don't expire for another couple days, it say. 379 00:14:25,351 --> 00:14:27,385 Gata, okay, I'm sorry, I'm just, I'm not doing that, all right? 380 00:14:27,386 --> 00:14:28,919 Why don't you guys come over here, 381 00:14:28,920 --> 00:14:31,190 have some homemade ice tea from yours truly, okay? 382 00:14:33,425 --> 00:14:36,059 What the fuck? Y'all got 383 00:14:36,060 --> 00:14:38,763 - a hole through the table? - Yeah. 384 00:14:38,764 --> 00:14:41,231 It's, uh... it's for milking. 385 00:14:41,232 --> 00:14:43,768 And we're not happy about it, are we? 386 00:14:45,682 --> 00:14:47,351 Uh... 387 00:14:52,376 --> 00:14:54,344 Fuck! 388 00:14:54,346 --> 00:14:56,214 Bro, can you believe that this guy Benny Blanco 389 00:14:56,215 --> 00:14:57,849 says my beats are white? 390 00:14:57,850 --> 00:15:00,551 Tell that to my mom and dad, you know what I mean? 391 00:15:00,552 --> 00:15:03,687 - Can I ask you something? - Mm-hmm. 392 00:15:03,688 --> 00:15:07,327 Do you think Dave is gonna be as big as he thinks he is? 393 00:15:08,394 --> 00:15:10,695 He's either gonna be the way he says he is 394 00:15:10,696 --> 00:15:12,529 and he's gonna be, like, the biggest star in the world, 395 00:15:12,530 --> 00:15:15,367 or he's not, and he's gonna be, you know, 396 00:15:15,369 --> 00:15:18,535 some sad Jewish kid crying everywhere we go. 397 00:15:18,536 --> 00:15:21,039 Touchdown! 398 00:15:22,674 --> 00:15:25,342 Justin, how do you take your mind off being an artist? 399 00:15:25,343 --> 00:15:27,345 'Cause, you know, I find... Oh, me? 400 00:15:27,346 --> 00:15:31,014 I... I hoop, I grill chicken, guy stuff. 401 00:15:31,015 --> 00:15:33,183 Leo, I would not go in that bathroom. 402 00:15:33,184 --> 00:15:35,253 Renée Zellweger just, I think she shit her pants, 403 00:15:35,254 --> 00:15:36,254 to be honest, brother. 404 00:15:36,255 --> 00:15:38,255 Yes, Key & Peele, it is very common 405 00:15:38,256 --> 00:15:40,524 for hair to go all the way up a guy's shaft. 406 00:15:40,525 --> 00:15:42,860 I'm surprised you did not know that. 407 00:15:42,861 --> 00:15:44,428 LeBron, are you on Propecia? 408 00:15:44,429 --> 00:15:45,529 I am. 409 00:15:45,530 --> 00:15:46,730 Ri-Ri! 410 00:15:46,731 --> 00:15:48,399 What's up, girl? What are you doing? 411 00:15:48,400 --> 00:15:51,034 You want to go to the Met Gala next year and dress as wedge salads? 412 00:15:51,035 --> 00:15:52,702 - Emma Stone... - Beyoncé... 413 00:15:52,703 --> 00:15:55,572 - What's that, Shaq? - Timothée, I saw Call Me by Your Name, 414 00:15:55,573 --> 00:15:57,973 and I actually got a full-on boner in the theater. 415 00:15:57,975 --> 00:15:59,609 And, you know, I'm not even gay. 416 00:15:59,610 --> 00:16:01,277 I just, it's such good acting. 417 00:16:01,278 --> 00:16:02,946 Really good sexual energy, brother. 418 00:16:02,947 --> 00:16:04,748 Elon, what is your ethnic background? 419 00:16:04,749 --> 00:16:05,815 You Korean, man? 420 00:16:05,816 --> 00:16:07,118 Tom Clancy, I don't read, 421 00:16:07,119 --> 00:16:08,652 but, you know, people love ya. 422 00:16:08,653 --> 00:16:10,320 Mr. Chang, by the end of tonight 423 00:16:10,321 --> 00:16:12,656 I need a commitment that I can call you P.F. 424 00:16:12,657 --> 00:16:15,258 What do you say? I'll bet you a plate of lo mein. 425 00:16:15,259 --> 00:16:17,994 Justin, man-to-man, what's your boner life? 426 00:16:17,995 --> 00:16:19,597 Mr. Spacey... 427 00:16:19,598 --> 00:16:21,464 you should go. 428 00:16:32,677 --> 00:16:35,613 Hey, Dave! 429 00:16:35,614 --> 00:16:37,113 Hey! 430 00:16:37,114 --> 00:16:39,617 Somebody lay me down, 431 00:16:39,618 --> 00:16:42,118 sous vide me in my own juices, 432 00:16:42,119 --> 00:16:44,355 light up a hibachi grill, 433 00:16:44,356 --> 00:16:47,692 put a little bit of my breast into a pepper mill, 434 00:16:47,693 --> 00:16:49,827 pepper me with my own tits, 435 00:16:49,828 --> 00:16:51,195 and suck me. 436 00:16:51,196 --> 00:16:53,297 What's up, man? 437 00:16:53,298 --> 00:16:54,698 Hey, man. 438 00:16:54,699 --> 00:16:56,634 I'm gonna come down to you. Just meet me 439 00:16:56,635 --> 00:16:59,472 behind the fourth Ping-Pong table. 440 00:17:00,472 --> 00:17:01,638 All right. 441 00:17:01,639 --> 00:17:03,174 Hey, man, nice coat. 442 00:17:03,175 --> 00:17:05,643 I didn't realize you were in The Temptations. 443 00:17:05,644 --> 00:17:07,645 This house is so cool. 444 00:17:07,646 --> 00:17:11,682 I feel like Bieber probably kissed women in every crevice of it. 445 00:17:11,683 --> 00:17:13,684 Dude, this house sucks. Look at the art. 446 00:17:13,685 --> 00:17:15,019 He doesn't even own it. 447 00:17:15,020 --> 00:17:16,854 Universal pays for the whole thing. 448 00:17:16,855 --> 00:17:18,188 Whoa. Moving. 449 00:17:18,189 --> 00:17:20,156 Speaking of Universal, how... 450 00:17:20,157 --> 00:17:23,159 I'm trying to decide if I should sign with a label or not. 451 00:17:23,160 --> 00:17:24,994 Do you have any, like, advice there? 452 00:17:24,995 --> 00:17:26,996 Look, there are pros and cons. 453 00:17:26,997 --> 00:17:29,666 - It just depends on the artist. - Well, I'm the artist, man. 454 00:17:29,667 --> 00:17:31,735 I'm obviously asking for that reason. 455 00:17:31,736 --> 00:17:33,337 Like, I'd love to get into the minutiae with you. 456 00:17:33,338 --> 00:17:35,839 Yeah, man, I think I saw a few outlets over there 457 00:17:35,840 --> 00:17:37,340 where we could plug in some computers 458 00:17:37,341 --> 00:17:39,542 and do a little PowerPoint presentation. 459 00:17:39,543 --> 00:17:41,345 Should I have brought Justin, like, a bottle of wine? 460 00:17:41,346 --> 00:17:42,378 I don't know the etiquette. 461 00:17:42,379 --> 00:17:43,681 A bottle of wine? 462 00:17:43,682 --> 00:17:45,215 He's sober, he's a man of Christ. 463 00:17:45,216 --> 00:17:47,016 Plus, he's not even gonna be here. 464 00:17:47,017 --> 00:17:49,552 What do you mean he's not gonna be here? It's his party. 465 00:17:49,553 --> 00:17:51,187 Half the time he doesn't even come to these things. 466 00:17:51,188 --> 00:17:52,756 Sometimes he just goes out on a whim 467 00:17:52,757 --> 00:17:56,193 and gets a jet and goes to Peru or Vegas or something. 468 00:17:56,194 --> 00:17:58,428 And then, sometimes he doesn't want to come 469 00:17:58,429 --> 00:17:59,864 and get pictures taken with, like, 470 00:17:59,865 --> 00:18:01,531 nine million people he doesn't know. 471 00:18:01,532 --> 00:18:03,367 - Babe? - That's so sad. 472 00:18:03,368 --> 00:18:04,368 Hi. 473 00:18:04,369 --> 00:18:05,535 What do you mean? 474 00:18:05,536 --> 00:18:07,104 - That's gonna be you. - Hi. 475 00:18:07,105 --> 00:18:08,105 Hey. 476 00:18:08,106 --> 00:18:09,874 - I love this jacket. - Yeah? 477 00:18:09,875 --> 00:18:11,775 Well, he was giving me shit for it, but he's got no taste. 478 00:18:11,776 --> 00:18:15,445 Um, there's a bunch of really pretty girls here. 479 00:18:15,446 --> 00:18:16,714 - Really? - Yeah. 480 00:18:16,715 --> 00:18:18,715 You know, I'm a taken man. 481 00:18:18,716 --> 00:18:20,050 So I got a girlfriend. 482 00:18:20,051 --> 00:18:21,118 But I, I'll observe, sure. 483 00:18:21,119 --> 00:18:22,552 You have a...? 484 00:18:22,553 --> 00:18:24,288 Why didn't you bring her? 485 00:18:24,289 --> 00:18:26,122 I didn't know, like, the situation 486 00:18:26,123 --> 00:18:27,758 in terms of, like, bringing people. 487 00:18:27,759 --> 00:18:29,260 I didn't want to... 488 00:18:29,261 --> 00:18:31,561 hit you and be like, "Yo, I got to bring friends." 489 00:18:31,562 --> 00:18:32,897 It's, you know, it's kind of our first, uh, 490 00:18:32,898 --> 00:18:35,232 foray into the R.W. 491 00:18:35,233 --> 00:18:36,733 Real world. 492 00:18:36,734 --> 00:18:38,234 - Do you want to go to the weed bar? - Yeah. 493 00:18:38,235 --> 00:18:39,302 All right, I'll see you in a bit, bud. 494 00:18:39,303 --> 00:18:41,573 I blow gas. 495 00:18:46,744 --> 00:18:48,579 Mmm. 496 00:18:48,580 --> 00:18:49,914 Okay, can we...? 497 00:18:49,915 --> 00:18:51,281 Here's the new plan. 498 00:18:51,282 --> 00:18:53,483 Can we get browned out tonight? 499 00:18:53,484 --> 00:18:55,085 - Yes, ma'am. - Oh. 500 00:18:55,086 --> 00:18:56,419 Yes! 501 00:18:56,420 --> 00:18:57,655 What do you want? 502 00:18:57,656 --> 00:18:59,990 - Uh, surprise me. - Okay. 503 00:18:59,991 --> 00:19:02,458 Yo, Belichick. 504 00:19:02,459 --> 00:19:04,461 How you like that shit? 505 00:19:04,462 --> 00:19:05,998 I'm Belichick? 506 00:19:06,932 --> 00:19:08,631 I'm Tom Brady. 507 00:19:08,632 --> 00:19:10,434 Belichick wouldn't even be in a jersey, so... 508 00:19:10,435 --> 00:19:12,002 Probably more of a hoodie guy. 509 00:19:12,003 --> 00:19:13,604 Yeah, a hoodie, and he would cut off 510 00:19:13,605 --> 00:19:15,772 the sleeves like a badass. 511 00:19:15,773 --> 00:19:17,808 - So... - Holy shit. 512 00:19:17,809 --> 00:19:20,010 You actually know about sports? 513 00:19:20,011 --> 00:19:23,280 - Oh, my God, that's so crazy, right? - Oh, my God. 514 00:19:23,281 --> 00:19:24,514 - It's-it's insane. - Yeah. 515 00:19:24,515 --> 00:19:25,782 How not typical of a girl. 516 00:19:25,783 --> 00:19:27,283 No, I know, you know, normally, like, they'll say, 517 00:19:27,284 --> 00:19:29,954 like, the pink hat stuff, you know what I mean? 518 00:19:29,955 --> 00:19:31,455 - Yeah, yeah, crazy. - But you, like, totally know what's up. 519 00:19:31,456 --> 00:19:33,456 - Yeah, I totally know what's up. - This is amazing. 520 00:19:33,457 --> 00:19:34,958 You seem... 521 00:19:34,959 --> 00:19:36,460 like you're the worst. 522 00:19:36,461 --> 00:19:38,361 I-I'm confused. 'Cause you were being super cool 523 00:19:38,362 --> 00:19:39,829 and now you're being a huge bitch. 524 00:19:39,830 --> 00:19:41,799 - Did I, did I miss something somewhere? - Oh... 525 00:19:41,800 --> 00:19:43,300 - Yeah, you missed the part... - What was that? 526 00:19:43,301 --> 00:19:45,970 ...where you were just a full-blown douchebag. 527 00:19:45,971 --> 00:19:47,037 Oh, I see where this is going. 528 00:19:47,038 --> 00:19:48,304 Do we have a-a soapbox we can get for you? 529 00:19:48,305 --> 00:19:49,874 You gonna, you gonna get up and tell me 530 00:19:49,875 --> 00:19:51,474 how much men suck... is that what's gonna happen here? 531 00:19:51,475 --> 00:19:53,010 No, I-I don't want to tell you anything. 532 00:19:53,011 --> 00:19:54,477 I don't want to talk to you. 533 00:19:54,478 --> 00:19:55,578 - Yeah, no, it's totally cool though. - Yeah. 534 00:19:55,579 --> 00:19:57,047 Yeah, you just keep being the way you are. 535 00:19:57,048 --> 00:19:58,147 Two new deflated balls. 536 00:19:58,148 --> 00:19:59,983 - Fuck you... - And the Patriots! 537 00:19:59,984 --> 00:20:01,484 - And the Patriots. - Oh, my God! 538 00:20:01,485 --> 00:20:02,660 That's what I'm talking about. Chest bump, baby! 539 00:20:02,661 --> 00:20:04,487 Fuckin' talking... 540 00:20:04,488 --> 00:20:06,156 - Let's go! - Let's go! 541 00:20:06,157 --> 00:20:07,657 Oh, my God. 542 00:20:07,658 --> 00:20:09,359 I want to key his car. 543 00:20:09,360 --> 00:20:10,694 - Douches. - Douches. 544 00:20:13,164 --> 00:20:14,500 Oh, God. 545 00:20:15,667 --> 00:20:17,568 Do the whole thing. Don't be a bitch. 546 00:20:24,376 --> 00:20:26,342 I would definitely 547 00:20:26,343 --> 00:20:28,745 - have another baby. - Really? 548 00:20:28,746 --> 00:20:31,849 When I pulled Mason out of my vagina, 549 00:20:31,850 --> 00:20:35,085 I had this maternal obligation 550 00:20:35,086 --> 00:20:37,855 to do the same with my other two kids. 551 00:20:37,856 --> 00:20:40,189 Giving birth is so gnarly. 552 00:20:40,190 --> 00:20:42,192 No, it's such a good experience. 553 00:20:42,193 --> 00:20:43,527 It's actually really fun. 554 00:20:43,528 --> 00:20:45,095 I wish I could give birth. 555 00:20:45,096 --> 00:20:46,897 Nothing is li... 556 00:20:46,898 --> 00:20:49,532 Like, think, you have, like, an orb in your... 557 00:20:49,533 --> 00:20:51,100 - Yeah. - It's not an orb. 558 00:20:51,101 --> 00:20:53,369 Like, obviously, it must suck in, like, in terms 559 00:20:53,370 --> 00:20:55,204 of, like, the vagina being just ripped open or whatever. 560 00:20:55,205 --> 00:20:58,108 - Oh. - But to, like, carry life and... 561 00:20:58,109 --> 00:21:00,444 Think about, like, a pregnant woman. 562 00:21:00,445 --> 00:21:02,445 All the mass. 563 00:21:02,446 --> 00:21:05,281 A man actually gave birth. 564 00:21:05,282 --> 00:21:06,550 You could do it. 565 00:21:06,551 --> 00:21:08,217 What? 566 00:21:08,218 --> 00:21:09,552 It was a few years ago. 567 00:21:09,553 --> 00:21:11,722 - It was on Oprah. - Oprah? 568 00:21:11,723 --> 00:21:13,424 I feel like CNN would've had that story 569 00:21:13,425 --> 00:21:14,791 - way before Oprah. - No, I think it was everywhere. 570 00:21:14,792 --> 00:21:16,627 I think it was on magazine covers... 571 00:21:16,628 --> 00:21:18,729 I mean, any screen in... in, like, the world would've 572 00:21:18,730 --> 00:21:20,397 - been like, "Breaking news!" - It was, it was! 573 00:21:20,398 --> 00:21:21,898 Like, "everything's different now." 574 00:21:21,899 --> 00:21:23,766 - You would've... - Fuck you, I'm googling it. 575 00:21:23,767 --> 00:21:25,435 Yeah, Google it... Google "man gives birth." 576 00:21:25,436 --> 00:21:27,905 It should pop up all over the place. 577 00:21:27,906 --> 00:21:29,639 - "Man... gives birth." - Yeah, a man gave birth. 578 00:21:29,640 --> 00:21:32,108 - No. - A man gave birth, 100%. 579 00:21:32,109 --> 00:21:33,577 - No! - 2007. 580 00:21:33,578 --> 00:21:35,412 2007, what? There's no way. 581 00:21:35,413 --> 00:21:37,313 A trans man. 582 00:21:37,314 --> 00:21:39,450 "A trans man"? 583 00:21:39,451 --> 00:21:41,251 A transgender person. 584 00:21:41,252 --> 00:21:43,287 Transgender, well... 585 00:21:43,288 --> 00:21:45,254 And by the way, I'm... 586 00:21:45,255 --> 00:21:47,323 totally... 587 00:21:47,324 --> 00:21:49,126 aware that you have transgender family, 588 00:21:49,127 --> 00:21:51,328 and I mean nothing by it, but... 589 00:21:51,329 --> 00:21:52,762 for the sake of this argument, 590 00:21:52,763 --> 00:21:54,999 I cannot give birth. 591 00:21:55,000 --> 00:21:57,467 - You cannot give birth, so... - And that was the root of the... 592 00:21:57,468 --> 00:21:59,102 It was like me saying, "I want to give birth." 593 00:21:59,103 --> 00:22:01,105 So I'll let you have this. 594 00:22:01,106 --> 00:22:03,941 Thanks, Kourtney Kardashian. 595 00:22:03,942 --> 00:22:05,608 Yeah, I know your full name. 596 00:22:05,609 --> 00:22:07,144 Don't know your middle name or if you have one or... 597 00:22:07,145 --> 00:22:08,611 - Nice to meet you. - Dave. 598 00:22:08,612 --> 00:22:10,813 - My middle name is Mary. - Hey, let me ask you this. 599 00:22:10,814 --> 00:22:13,016 What's it like for your entire family 600 00:22:13,017 --> 00:22:16,986 to be the most famous people in the world at once together? 601 00:22:16,987 --> 00:22:20,124 I mean, I would rather do it with my entire family 602 00:22:20,125 --> 00:22:22,126 than do it alone. 603 00:22:22,127 --> 00:22:23,961 Right, hmm. 604 00:22:23,962 --> 00:22:25,963 Poignant. 605 00:22:25,964 --> 00:22:27,464 And by the way, 606 00:22:27,465 --> 00:22:28,866 if I could give birth, I'd pull it right 607 00:22:28,867 --> 00:22:31,874 out of my asshole, same way you do. 608 00:22:43,814 --> 00:22:46,050 Hey, Dave! 609 00:22:46,051 --> 00:22:48,685 Look who I just found trying to get in using my name. 610 00:22:49,987 --> 00:22:52,983 - What the fuck? - What's up? 611 00:22:52,985 --> 00:22:54,561 How... why are you guys here? 612 00:22:54,563 --> 00:22:57,060 Aw, man, Justin Bieber's birthday party! 613 00:22:57,061 --> 00:22:58,179 They used your name? 614 00:22:58,181 --> 00:23:00,496 Hey, is your grandma's aunt's uncles coming? 615 00:23:00,497 --> 00:23:01,898 Should I alert some people at the door? 616 00:23:01,899 --> 00:23:03,332 I could text them right now if you want. 617 00:23:03,333 --> 00:23:04,501 I'm sorry, I did not... 618 00:23:04,502 --> 00:23:06,203 Wait, he told me what you said. 619 00:23:06,204 --> 00:23:07,838 Oh, yeah. 620 00:23:07,839 --> 00:23:09,239 Uh, he's the guy that makes my beats. 621 00:23:09,240 --> 00:23:10,907 Okay, okay. 622 00:23:10,908 --> 00:23:12,708 Honestly, your beats, they suck. 623 00:23:12,709 --> 00:23:14,511 - You just crushed my fucking dreams. - Wait, wait. 624 00:23:14,512 --> 00:23:16,012 If you have great beats, why don't you, 625 00:23:16,013 --> 00:23:17,548 why don't you send them to me? 626 00:23:17,549 --> 00:23:19,750 I don't got your fucking number, nigga. 627 00:23:19,751 --> 00:23:21,350 I'll give it to you right now. 628 00:23:21,351 --> 00:23:25,688 Oh, my God, you look like a mountain I want to climb. 629 00:23:25,689 --> 00:23:27,424 He doesn't even look drunk, man. 630 00:23:27,425 --> 00:23:29,193 Oh, my God. 631 00:23:29,194 --> 00:23:31,028 He's gonna be a problem. 632 00:23:31,029 --> 00:23:33,030 What, where the fuck did you get that? 633 00:23:33,031 --> 00:23:34,731 The fridge... they got some good shit 634 00:23:34,732 --> 00:23:36,786 - in that fridge. - The fridge, what are you...? 635 00:23:36,788 --> 00:23:38,568 That could be, like, eight days old or something. 636 00:23:38,569 --> 00:23:40,404 This is seafood... What the fuck is wrong with you? 637 00:23:40,405 --> 00:23:42,241 Eight days? Oh, that's, oh... 638 00:23:43,273 --> 00:23:44,575 Okay, don't... 639 00:23:44,576 --> 00:23:46,443 I know what you're gonna say. 640 00:23:46,444 --> 00:23:49,413 He was determined and very fucked up. 641 00:23:49,414 --> 00:23:51,915 So I didn't want him to come alone and to be completely 642 00:23:51,916 --> 00:23:54,384 - embarrassing... - I'm sorry. 643 00:23:54,385 --> 00:23:57,053 I should've invited you here in the first place. 644 00:23:57,054 --> 00:23:59,723 It's so stupid I give a fuck about what Justin Bieber thinks? 645 00:23:59,724 --> 00:24:01,457 - I can't ask for a plus-one? - Wait, really? 646 00:24:01,458 --> 00:24:03,092 Yeah, I love you, I should only care about, like, 647 00:24:03,093 --> 00:24:04,394 what the love of my life thinks. 648 00:24:04,395 --> 00:24:06,562 - Really?! Oh... - Yeah, I love you. 649 00:24:06,563 --> 00:24:08,564 - I love you. - This is so... 650 00:24:08,565 --> 00:24:09,899 It's great to have you here. 651 00:24:09,900 --> 00:24:12,402 ...surprisingly good of you. 652 00:24:12,403 --> 00:24:14,471 Oh, well, get used to it, Tootsie Pop. 653 00:24:14,472 --> 00:24:17,241 Oh, is, uh... where is he? 654 00:24:17,242 --> 00:24:19,076 - Oh, Justin? - Yeah. 655 00:24:19,077 --> 00:24:21,278 Oh, I don't even think he's here, to be honest... 656 00:24:21,279 --> 00:24:22,913 - Just wanted to say bye. - Oh! 657 00:24:22,914 --> 00:24:24,281 - It was so nice to meet you. - You, too. 658 00:24:24,282 --> 00:24:26,483 - Bye. Take care. - Bye! You're the best. 659 00:24:26,484 --> 00:24:27,984 Thank you, Kourt. 660 00:24:27,985 --> 00:24:30,287 - You're a good sport. - Bye. 661 00:24:30,288 --> 00:24:31,754 So I just want you to know 662 00:24:31,755 --> 00:24:33,256 - I'm the first to admit it. - I'm sorry. 663 00:24:33,257 --> 00:24:34,491 What just... what? 664 00:24:34,492 --> 00:24:35,759 - Oh, yeah. - What just happened? 665 00:24:35,760 --> 00:24:36,827 - Kourt? - Did you see what she...? 666 00:24:36,828 --> 00:24:38,328 - Kourt?! - Kourt, yeah. 667 00:24:38,329 --> 00:24:39,929 We got in an argument that I won. 668 00:24:39,930 --> 00:24:43,166 I heard her, I heard her-her vocal fry in my own ears. 669 00:24:43,167 --> 00:24:45,435 - Her vocal fry? - And I looked at her beautiful skin. 670 00:24:45,436 --> 00:24:46,950 What did she say? What did she say exactly? 671 00:24:46,952 --> 00:24:49,806 I think she... She said, well, I think she said to me, "You're the best." 672 00:24:49,807 --> 00:24:51,441 Oh, my God! 673 00:24:51,442 --> 00:24:55,145 Excuse me, fucking cutie pie coming through. 674 00:24:55,146 --> 00:24:56,946 Oh, fuck! 675 00:24:56,947 --> 00:24:58,482 It's fucking Marshmello. 676 00:24:58,483 --> 00:25:01,185 Man, look at you. 677 00:25:01,186 --> 00:25:02,485 Look at me, guys, I'm Marshmello! 678 00:25:02,486 --> 00:25:04,454 So what are you gonna do about it then? 679 00:25:04,455 --> 00:25:07,523 Oh, wait, you're a table! 680 00:25:07,524 --> 00:25:09,358 - Do you talk?! - He's fully blacked out. 681 00:25:09,359 --> 00:25:11,328 Are you a robot? Hey, man, come on. 682 00:25:11,329 --> 00:25:12,554 We're, like, at somebody's fucking birthday party, 683 00:25:12,555 --> 00:25:13,964 bro, take the fucking mask off. 684 00:25:13,965 --> 00:25:15,631 Be a normal guy for one night, okay? 685 00:25:15,632 --> 00:25:17,466 Do we stop him? 686 00:25:17,467 --> 00:25:19,970 You fucking ugly bitch. 687 00:25:23,174 --> 00:25:24,707 Oh, my fucking God! 688 00:25:24,708 --> 00:25:26,676 Fucking God! 689 00:25:26,677 --> 00:25:28,345 I'll have to call you tomorrow or something. 690 00:25:28,346 --> 00:25:30,214 Fuck! Bro, what is wrong with you, man?! 691 00:25:30,215 --> 00:25:31,714 What the fuck?! 692 00:25:31,715 --> 00:25:33,718 sync and correction by solfieri www.addic7ed.com