[bright tone]
♪ mellow music ♪
We're going to LA. It's gonna be amazing.
- Right, Theo? - Yeah.
- See? - [Leesa] Can't wait.
I'm really excited to see--
to see LA, to be in the heat.
I'll go, sort everything out. You come.
Great times. We're in love in LA.
Have we got a place to live out there?
Have you sorted that yet?
- That will be sorted out. - What about schools?
That will be sorted out.
We are gonna have a great time,
and you need to commit to it.
I am committed to it,
but I-I have booked a return ticket
just in case things don't go to your plan.
But I think you need--
Have you booked me a return ticket?
- [Leesa] No. - So what happens?
It fails and then you leave me. Is that the strategy?
Maybe. [laughs]
What are you talking about?
Why have you just booked yourself a return ticket?
Because you booked your own ticket,
so I thought, "Well, if he wants"--
Yeah, but I haven't booked a return,
so what are you gonna do?
"I'll see how it goes with Rom in America.
If it doesn't work out, we'll just come back
and find a new British man."
No, I didn't think about finding a man, but, you know...
It is going to work out. Theo thinks it's go--
It's gonna work out, Theo, right?
♪ dramatic music ♪
♪♪♪
♪ mellow music ♪
- [doorbell ringing] - [indistinct chatter]
♪♪♪
- Hello. - [man] Hey, how's it going?
Good, in the house.
- [man] It's nice. - Yeah, do you wanna come in?
[man] Yeah.
Come on.
[man] Look at this.
Dining table.
Two crack pipes, as standard.
[man] It's a nice place.
Yes, it is a nice place. Um...
I'm sort of pleased that I've sorted out the house.
It's a big weight taken off the shoulders.
- [Charlie babbling] - Children as normal.
- Ben's here. - Hi, Ben.
- [Ben] Hey.
Unfortunately, this is one of the fixtures
that we had to bring across from the hotel.
♪♪♪
Every morning, he does that for about 20 minutes,
and then he'll lie down and go to sleep for a bit.
[Ben] What is he-- what even is that?
[Romesh] I've got no idea.
It's not tai chi. It's just some shit he made up.
♪♪♪
Can you put some almond milk in it?
I've looked at schools.
I think I found one that's good.
- [Leesa] Really? - [Theo] What's it called?
It doesn't matter what it's called. The--
Yeah, it does.
Is it close?
Yes, it is close, yeah.
[Ben] What have you done so far on, uh, the school front?
I haven't done anything.
Got some brekky for me? [panting]
- [Theo] Why are you so wet? - Been in the pool.
Rags, are you serious with this water footprints
all the way through the living room?
[Rags] I'm hungry, mate.
[Leesa] There's healthier stuff in the cupboard.
Ah, yeah, thank you. Nah, that's cool.
I'll just have a bit of this.
[Leesa] There you go. There's a spoon.
[Rags] Oh, thank you, thank you. You are so good.
- I'll leave you all to it. - [children shouting]
- Thank you, Leesa. - See you. See you.
Later.
Look at this, Rom.
- [Romesh] What? - [Leesa] It's wet everywhere.
What's he even doing out there?
I don't know. [laughing] Oh, my God.
Okay, I've gotta go see this manager now.
- Rags? - Yeah?
[Romesh] We've gotta get ready to go.
Okay, ready.
♪ If you can make it out here ♪
♪ Then you can make it anywhere ♪
♪ Anywhere, anywhere ♪
♪ I click your album in the damn trash on my desktop ♪
♪ If I decide I'm coming for a crown then it's heads off ♪
♪ Nah, you probably see me wear a cloud for a hat ♪
♪ Are you a clown or a actor, man ♪
♪ I'm trying to distinguish ♪
♪ What type of a business is this ♪
Ideally, I wanna see what CV I can get
to sort of raise my profile over here.
If your thing doesn't work,
I've got a really good guy.
- His name is Chuck, right? - Yeah.
And he's, um--he manages a lot of very unique people, man.
All right, so this is just plan B.
Don't worry about it. Let's go and see your manager.
[Romesh] Okay, you are very, very positive.
That's why it's great to have you.
- That's why I'm here. - Yeah.
But we need to keep our expectations realistic, right?
- [Rags] Yeah. - [Romesh] So what I'm saying
- is, if you get too Rags... - [Rags] Yeah.
...I'm gonna say "potato."
- That means I have to just... - That means you need to...
- ...come down a bit. - Yeah.
All right. So if you're forgetting something
or you're asking the wrong questions, can I go, "bananas"?
Do you mean you're gonna say that word?
Yeah, I'll just say, "I feel like a banana."
- Okay. - Cool?
- Yeah, fine. - Lovely, okay.
♪ If you can make it out here ♪
♪ You'll make it anywhere ♪
♪ But all I see is people ♪
♪ Trying to make it everywhere ♪
♪ Dressed like a tramp ♪
♪ When I show up to the premiere ♪
♪ Might not know my name ♪
♪ But you should be well aware, well aware ♪
[woman] Uh, you're here because you were t-talking
about you're looking for representation, right?
- [Romesh] Correct, yeah. - [woman] Okay,
- so we're managers. - [Romesh] Yeah.
[woman] So what you're looking for right now
is short-term, let's get butts in seats at the Greek.
- Yes. - I mean, if you really wanna
go for it, you do a bunch of daytime TV shows.
- Yeah. - Are you wanting to act?
I have done some acting in the past.
You know, he doesn't understand how great and how good he is.
He's--I mean, he can play anything, pretty much, right?
- Okay. - [Rags] Give him a part
in Ben-Hur, he can be the--
- [woman] In Ben-Hur? - Yeah, and he'll-he'll be
- the main man. - [woman] Okay.
Would it offend you to read for us, to do that?
- Uh... - [Rags] So if he does that,
well, then he's assured of a part in movies or...
I think, uh, no.
I'll give it my-- I'll give it my best go.
I am feeling a bit sluggish 'cause I...
I sort of ate a potato earlier,
and it's sort of sitting a bit funny.
[woman] All right, so let's go into the next room,
- okay? And... - Okay.
So, Rom, you don't mind me, uh,
going with you? It's all right?
- Yeah, that's-that's... - You sure?
Yeah, that's fine, my little potato.
You come with me.
[camera beeps]
A large, large Coke.
- Ah. - [woman] Good, okay.
Franklin Flowers. We deliver with a smile.
- [laughs] Perfect. - [laughs]
[man] Now as if you're bored with your job
and you're just saying it.
He's been fantastic, hasn't he, so far?
- [Rags] Can I give it a go? - Can you do a line?
Why don't you just sort of couch potato it
for a little bit and I'll just do this, yeah?
Okay.
Maybe somebody should feed him.
[Romesh] Yeah, a potato.
- Lots and lots of potato. - [laughs] Okay.
Smash it into his face.
He doesn't like being on the sidelines, I guess.
No, he's just-- he loves bananas.
I said "potato" to that man so much,
and it only pushed him further.
[woman] This is comedy, obviously.
I mean, Terry's a nutcase here.
- [Romesh] Sure. - Do you mind if I just, uh,
have a go at it? Would that be okay with you?
Uh, let the potato have a go. It's fine.
Okay, all right.
Hi, thank you for coming in.
Sure, uh, you wanted to talk to me about something?
Yes, there have been some complaints about you
from some of the other employees.
They say you have a quick temper.
[yelling] What?
I swear, when I find out who said that,
I'm gonna rip his pancreas out through his fucking nostrils!
Calm down.
[laughing maniacally]
Can we go the opposite way, just in case...
You wanna be on camera? All right, go-go ahead.
[Romesh] What became clear is, Rags is actually
more interested in getting himself a manager.
Hi, thank you for coming in.
Take your time.
It's a real hot potato of a script, this one.
[Ben] He was just quite fond of
sort of a dramatic pause, I noticed.
It wasn't--the thing is, it wasn't a dramatic pause.
It looked like a dramatic pause,
but what it was is him trying to find what line he was on.
They say you've got a quick temper.
What? I swear, when I find out who said that,
I'm gonna rip his pancreas out
through his stinking nostrils.
Okay, ca-calm down.
Do you have a split personality?
No! Yes. No! Yes.
[giggles]
That's great.
[woman] Okay, good. [laughs]
Have I got any sort of future in this, do you think, or...
Um...
[Romesh] How do you think that went?
How do you think it went?
Well, I think you don't understand
what a bloody code word is.
They might not decide to work with me,
and I believe that that is almost entirely down to you.
Wait and see. Chuck might.
- Chuck. Chuck is the man. - Oh, my God.
Forget it. Potato.
- What's wrong? - Potato, potato.
- What's wrong with you? - Potato. Potato!
♪ hip-hop music ♪
♪♪♪
[bottle clinks, hisses]
- Ragamuffin. - Oh.
Thank you.
[Romesh sighs]
Listen, I'm sorry for the way I spoke to you
earlier at the--you know, with Steve and Barb.
Honestly, I was a little bit upset,
but thank you very much for-for the apology.
Everything will be cool from this point.
Well, I had a look at ticket sales today.
- Uh-huh. - And there's actually been
the biggest spike in ticket sales since
they went on sale initially.
Congratulations. How did you do that?
Bizarrely, I actually think it is down to the benches.
- Seriously? - No, honestly, I--
Thank you. I'm sorry I doubted you.
Man, I'm so happy, Rom, honestly.
I feel like I'm choking on this beer, seriously.
That's not really a sign of happiness.
Because it's like,
it won't go down. Like, my throat's, like--
- Closing up? - Closing up on me, man.
Do you think that's happiness or, like, an allergic reaction?
Pure happiness.
♪ mellow cha-cha music ♪
♪♪♪
[Romesh] I've been worried
about sorting out this school situation for the kids.
Uh, and I haven't done anywhere near enough for it.
And amazingly,
I managed to arrange a tour for today.
I'm really happy you sorted it out because,
you know, you've obviously done a lot of research
and you've taken time out to go and see them all,
so you've done really well. Well done.
- I'm so proud of you. - Are you really proud of me?
- [Leesa] Yeah. - [Romesh] I had sort of implied
to Leesa that I knew about the school
and, in fact, that I'd been there before.
So my mission, uh, on this school tour
is to convince her
that I'd already been on a tour of that school.
♪ upbeat hip-hop music ♪
♪♪♪
- [Leesa] Hello. - [Romesh] Hello.
[woman] Welcome, welcome.
- [Leesa] Thank you very much. - Kim Buckingham.
- Nice to meet you. - Lovely to meet you.
- Hi. Romesh. I don't think-- - Nice to meet you. Welcome.
I don't know if I saw you last time I was round here.
I don't think so. I was in Nashville.
- [Kim] What's your name? - [Theo] Theo.
[Kim] What kind of stuff do you like to do?
- [Theo] Sport. - Do you like sports?
- Do you like art at all? - [Theo] Yeah.
I've been doing a lot of art with my dad.
- You have? - Yeah, around LA.
Well, have you seen a lot of graffiti?
- Yeah. - I love graffiti.
- [Romesh] Yeah. Yeah, okay. - [Kim] This is Ms. Beja.
- Hello. - [Romesh] Hello.
[Kim] Ms. Beja is the-the queen guru of art.
Nice to see you again.
See, if you are assertive enough
and affirm that you've met someone,
it's very difficult for them to say, "No, we haven't."
Hi. Romesh. I think we met last time I was here.
- Yes, I believe so. - [Romesh] Yeah, yeah.
Also, people get nervous about being accused of racism
when they say they don't-- "I don't remember seeing you."
"Oh, is that 'cause we all look the same?"
[Kim] So these are all the people that the kids study.
- [Leesa] Right. - [Romesh] Oh, I loved this
last time I was here. It's great.
I remember seeing, um, Mother Teresa here somewhere.
- Is Mother Ter--oh, there. - [Kim] She is.
- There, that's right. - She is.
[Romesh] I also pulled an incredible little maneuver
of spotting things ahead in the tour
and then announcing that I remember them from last time.
I remember last time I was here,
there was, like, an amazing quote somewhere.
I can't--
Oh, there it is, that one there.
"When someone tugs on a single thing in nature,
he finds it attached to the rest of the world."
It really stuck with me from last time, that.
I'm glad. I'm glad. Well, we try to do that
- with the kids. - [Romesh] Yeah.
It was incredible. [stammering]
A small part of the tour, I spent thinking,
"Maybe I have been here before."
Was there-- there was a "time flies"
thing around here somewhere.
- [Kim] My clock? Here. - [Romesh] Oh, there it is.
The reason I like that clock is 'cause its eyes are like mine,
- if you have a look. - [Leesa] Ah, yeah.
[Kim laughing] This way, this way.
Let's have a little seat.
- [woman] Hi, how are you? - [Romesh] I'm good, thank you.
- I'm Martha. - Romesh. How's it going?
I'm the director of the school.
You are Theo. I know that already.
[Romesh] The vibe I get from this place
is arguably a little bit more funky than I would like,
but I don't think it's a problem.
Thank you so much for coming
and having interest in our school.
Tell me what do you think after Kimmy give you the tour?
I sort of--I've seen it before, and I love it, so...
Yeah, and I'm such a massive advocate for the arts.
When you said that you saw it before,
you been here before at the school?
Yes, I had a look around, yeah, a few--
a few weeks-- a couple weeks ago maybe.
Uh, I was just--we-we're sort of looking for the three boys.
- Three, five, and seven, that's the ages?
Three, six, and eight.
The oldest kid here is seven years old.
We starting at two and a half years old,
and kids have to be potty-trained.
Uh, that's very important to us.
Yeah, that may be a problem. [laughs]
Sorry it-it wasn't quite what I was led to believe.
It's just, Charlie's not potty-trained.
- No. - He can't obviously--
I don't wanna be in a class with five-year-olds.
They didn't tell me anything about that last time I came.
That's because you never went last time.
You just made this whole thing up.
Okay, I haven't been here before.
I knew you hadn't. You were just pointing at stuff.
If I tell you why-- it's just 'cause
I wanted you to be reassured and calm.
You just lied to me about everything.
It was quite-- I did it quite well, though.
To the untrained eye, but I knew.
You're trained, are you, in spotting when your husband's
- lying about a school tour? - [Leesa] Yeah.
Is that a course that you did?
I can spot when you lie about everything.
All right, come on, let's go. I'm thinking home school.
[Leesa] Ah, we'll see.
But we don't call it home school.
We call it--we call it
the Ranganathans' Emporium of Education.
♪ upbeat hip-hop music ♪
♪♪♪
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome
to Ranganathans' Emporium of Education.
The host of the show tonight:
Romesh Ranganathan!
[Romesh] Hello!
[game show music playing on cell phone]
[laughter]
[Rags] Come on, clap, guys.
Okay, cut it.
Hello, and welcome to
Ranganathans' Emporium of Education.
How we doing?
- Good! - Excellent.
When you think of homeschooling,
you think of sort of a smelly hippie parent
reading to their kid, asking them a question.
That's kind of the image of homeschooling.
I'm trying to show Leesa she has to think outside of that
sort of hippie-ish box.
- Hello, Alex, how are you? - Good.
Okay, go for it. Spin the wheel!
- [Leesa cheering] - [game show music playing]
[Romesh] Maths, your question is on maths.
Alex, what is 25 plus three?
- Twenty-eight. - Congratulations!
You have a point, yay!
- [Leesa] You got a point. - [Romesh] Next up is...
Charlie Ranganathan.
Come on up here.
Okay, Charlie, would you like to spin the wheel?
- [children laugh] - [Leesa] Yay. [clapping]
- [Alex] Next up... - [all] Science.
[Romesh] Your science question is,
what do you call the white things in the sky?
Mm, clouds.
- [Romesh] Clouds, well done. - Yay.
Congratulations.
They're all into it, and I'm like--
I-I started to, like, think, "Oh, my God, I've smashed this
even harder than I thought I was gonna smash it.
In which country would you find the city Paris?
France?
[Romesh] France is the correct answer, well done.
But gradually, as each round went on
and the novelty of it sort of dissipated,
they started to question the rules.
They started to question my authority.
- [Charlie squealing] - What is seven times three?
[Theo] Dad, this is boring.
- [Romesh] Why? - 'Cause it is.
They started taking sweets
when they hadn't got sweets on the wheel.
Theo, no. Boys, no. Boys.
What is three plus four?
Uh...
Leesa and I have a difference of opinion on how that went.
I mean, we both--we don't have
a difference of opinion that it was bad.
- [Charlie wailing] - [Romesh] Charlie, Charlie.
But what I think is, that is step one
in making homeschooling work, whereas Leesa sees that
as very strong evidence that we shouldn't be homeschooling.
Okay, that is all we've got time for.
Do we get a prize? You haven't worked out who's won.
[Romesh] The prize for the whole family is...
- [Rags] Oh. - Just use that for a bit.
Which basically means that from now on,
Leesa is taking control of educating our kids.
Where are you going--no, you can't take the Skittles.
I'm gonna go smash this to pieces. Bye.
[Leesa] Think of your waistline.
♪ mellow hip-hop music ♪
♪♪♪
[Ben] What's happening today?
[Romesh] Well, today is a big deal because, uh,
shockingly, despite Rags sabotaging the meeting,
Steve and Barb have got me a part
in The Young and the Restless, the soap opera.
[indistinct chatter]
I'm in quite a few scenes.
- Are you? - Yeah.
That's brilliant, mate.
I've only got three lines, though.
I am happy, obviously, because I said to them,
"I need to get TV exposure before the Greek,"
and they've sorted out TV exposure before the Greek.
This is good, right? I'm doing TV.
I'm doing television in America.
I am gonna be on TV in America,
in a soap opera, The Young and the Restless.
I've actually fucking heard of it.
Can you read some lines with me?
You want me to help you just with that?
- Yes. - Which one you talking about?
I'm cameraman. You read all the other lines.
Right, so I start with Hilary?
Yeah.
Let's take five and we'll see what else we can get, yeah?
[with American accent] So we're staying here, then?
That's the plan?
So you're do--gonna do a American accent?
[normal voice] Yeah, what do you think?
It's pretty good. I reckon it's good.
[Romesh] I could do it with an English accent.
Of course I could. But I've done--
All of the acting I've done has been with an English accent.
You know, what would be great is to show
that I've got it in my locker
to do a convincing American accent.
[with Southern accent] So we're staying here, then?
That's the plan-- is that what the plan--
goddamn plan, we're staying here?
Hmm.
I've been to other auditions where they've gone,
"Oh, we want an American accent," or whatever.
Now I can just go, "Yeah, I've done it.
I did it in The Young and the Restless."
[with New York accent] So we're staying here, then,
that's the plan?
So we're staying here, then, that's the plan?
You were doing the Al Pacino just before that, right?
- No. - What?
Just--I'm just mixing it up.
- All right, yeah. - [knock at door]
- Hello. Hi, Mishael. - Hey. I'm--yes, hi.
- How you doing? How you doing? - Good.
- This is my Uncle Rags. - Hi, Mishael.
- Hi. Mishael. - Yeah, nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you. - How you doing?
- Good. - Oh, excellent.
[Mishael] We're working together today.
- [Rags] Oh, wow. - So I just wanted to see
how things are going.
Well, I'm just trying to figure out how to play this.
Okay.
[Romesh] So I was just trying the different accents out.
Do you wanna run this scene?
- [Mishael] Sure, let's run it. - [Romesh] Ready?
Ready.
Okay, let's take five, and then we'll--
we'll see what we can get.
[with New York accent] So we're staying here, then,
that's the plan?
Um, well, it's my name on the titles and not yours,
so the plan is, do whatever I want
whenever I want-- sound like a plan?
I just kinda thought this gig would involve
a little bit more, you know, celebrity interaction.
[normal voice] What about if I did it down South?
[with Southern accent] So we're staying here, then?
That's the plan?
Yeah, I think that's great.
You really--that worked?
We'll see what the director says, okay?
Okay, thank you. Thanks, Mishael.
I really appreciate it. I'll see you in a bit.
You take care. Okay, good luck.
- [Rags] Thank you. - Thanks.
So what was that all about?
It wasn't about anything.
Before that, when you were doing it with me,
you did a great job. Then you just went down.
[with thick New York accent] So we're staying here, then?
That's the plan?
That's better,
so much better.
♪ mellow music ♪
[Ben] You really wanna do the accent?
If I can only do an English accent,
then I'm straight-- I'm limited.
I'm already limited by my look.
[man] And go.
Victoria Newman, care to comment
- on the Newman sex scandal? - [man] Perfect.
Do you know what I mean? So what I don't wanna do
is put another restriction on that by not being able
to play parts that require an American accent.
Can I just ask, what accent would you like from me?
'Cause I can sort of do, like-- like, I could go, like...
[with New York accent] Really? We're standing here?
That's the plan? You know, or...
[with Southern accent] We're standing here? That's the plan?
Have you spoken yet in-in that last one?
- No. - This is the first time?
- Yeah. Okay. - Try the American accent.
- See how that feels. - All right, cool.
Let's hear it.
[with New York accent] We're just gonna stand here?
[normal voice] No, that's too much.
[with various accents] So we're just gonna stay here, then?
That's the plan? That's the plan?
What, we're gonna just stand here? That's the plan?
Do you think I sound American when I say this?
So we're staying here, then? That's the plan?
As far as the words
- or your accent? - My accent.
So we're gonna stand-- stay here, then?
That's the plan?
So we're staying here, then? That's the plan?
Yeah.
Think I forgot my shovel. Is that too much?
Is that your line?
[whispering] Fucking hell.
- [Romesh] Forgot. - For-got.
[Romesh] Forgot. I think I forgot my shovel.
- Like that? - Mm-hmm.
So we're staying here, then? That's the plan? How's that?
- Sounds good to me. - That was pretty good.
- Yeah? - Mm-hmm.
I'm Romanian, so... [laughs]
Oh, Jesus Christ, why am I even talking to you?
[buzzer blares]
[man] Scene four, take one.
Quiet on set.
Action.
Keep clicking for more buzzworthy content
live as they happen.
All right, let's-let's take five
and see what else we can get.
[with New York accent] So we're just gonna stand he--
- stand here? That's the plan? - [man] Cut!
- [buzzer blares] - [Romesh] Look.
[man] Go with the British accent.
[man] Reset.
[normal voice] Okay.
Disappointment in there. I actually thought I'd got it.
[Ben] So you're retiring your American accent?
[with urban accent] Hell no, motherfucker.
I'ma do my American accent whenever it's required, shit.
[normal voice] We're staying here, then? That's the plan?
[with urban accent] That's the plan?
That's the plan, we're just staying here?
That's the plan?
[normal voice] I figured this job would involve
a little bit more, you know, like, celebrity interaction.
[with urban accent] How do you like them camera actions, bitch?
I'm playing this motherfucking focus
like a goddamn accordion, motherfucker!
[normal voice] I think I forgot my shovel,
so if you need me, I'll be on my phone.
[with urban accent] I think I forgot my shovel.
If you need me,
I'ma be on my motherfucking telepohoney, bitch.
Bam! Gotcha!
See you later. Cameraman out. Fuck y'all!
[Romesh] I'm happy, like, I've done it,
and I think, like, once I'd sort of overcome
the kinda disappointment of not doing an accent,
I actually thought I did all right,
do you know what I mean?
I did speak to the producer.
And it seems that the show is not on till
after the Greek show.
- What's the goal with that? - Are you shitting me?
A hundred percent definitely
that it's not on till after the Greek?
Hundred percent. You go and ask him.
Seriously, man, I think we gotta do something else.
My Chuck is the man.
Let's go see him, and he'll sort it out, all right?
[sighs]
Okay.
♪ eerie hip-hop music ♪
♪♪♪
[Rags] He deals with entertainers, everybody, man.
He's gonna solve all our problems, right?
He's the man.
Why are we meeting him here?
Well, because it's, uh, Friday Fright Night, mate.
♪♪♪
This guy is gonna get you on TV immediately, mate.
It's gonna be done tonight.
This is where it's gonna be shot, right?
Hey, Chuck.
- [Chuck] Oh! - [Rags] How you doing, man?
- My friend Rags. - Long time, no see, bro.
[Chuck] Great to see you again.
Why do you look so good? You look terrific.
- Oh, you look great too. - [Chuck] Oh, thank you.
- That's my mate Chuck. - Hi. Romesh. Nice to meet you.
This the guy I was talking about.
I saw your clips.
You do a hell of a great job. You're fantastic.
- Thank you very much. - [Chuck] Really good.
How you doing mate? You all right?
He introduced me to his guy Chuck Harris,
who looks like the stereotypical agent.
Big glasses, a cigar, the...
[with New York accent] "I'm gonna make you a star, kid.
You're really funny," and all that shit.
I understand we-we-- we're here
to promote this young man over here.
Definitely, man. We gotta sell 6,000 tickets.
- If they saw what I saw... - Yeah.
[Chuck] ...we're gonna sell it. I'm serious.
Are these, uh, guys...
Yeah, these are two clients of mine.
- Right. - I'm the Dragon Lady.
- You're the Dragon Lady? Right. - Yes.
[Chuck] And this is known as the Wolf Boy.
- Wolf Boy? Right. - [man] Man now.
He's been with me for so many years
that he was the Wolf Boy; now he's the Wolf Man.
His whole body is covered with hair.
And Tiamat here...
I'm a male-to-female transsexual.
[Rags] Right, that's what it is. I was just wondering,
because that's why he called you "she."
Yes, I'm also, uh, transforming into a reptilian--
into a dragon, a serpent dragon in particular, yes.
- That's really cool. - I'm doing a full-body
- 100 percent transformation. - [Rags] Love that.
My ears are gone. See my ears are gone?
- [Rags] Oh, yeah. - My nose.
[Rags] Right, oh, even the tongue's pretty much lizard.
I think I'm a little serious about this.
Rags, can I have a quick word with you, please?
Yeah, we're just gonna go hang out,
and then we'll come back in a bit.
Just two minutes, we'll have a little chat, you know.
Please do, yeah.
[Romesh] What the fuck is that?
[Rags] That's just two of his clients.
This guy is very famous.
You know what he does, right?
Yeah, no, ju--he does also unique people.
[Romesh] He's a freak show agent.
[Tiamat screams]
You understand? Look at that.
- [woman] But you have a-- - [hisses]
Okay, I was not expecting that.
It's not a freak show.
Well,
the other two people that are gonna be doing this
are the Wolf Man and the Dragon Lady.
I'm not signing with him. You know that, right?
This is a good opportunity, but he's not gonna be my manager.
I just want you to get that into your head.
Okay, we'll-we'll talk about the agent thing later on, okay?
Let's get this show on the road,
and then we'll sell the tickets. That's what matters.
Because this TV show is gonna be before 21st.
All right? You get that?
This show will be on TV everywhere.
♪ mellow music ♪
Sorry, we were just having a little--
Um, so what is going on tonight, then?
We're gonna do a special interview with you out there,
and we have to promote Dark Harbor.
- [Romesh] Okay. - [Chuck] Yeah, because that's
connected to what this is.
But you can still talk about what we're gonna do for you
to get you--everybody should know who you are.
So I just give this a plug, give me a plug, basically.
- [Chuck] Right. - Okay.
I wanna take the footage and I wanna
play it all through Southern California.
That's where the money is.
That's ama-- thank you very much.
So that's what we're doing tonight?
- Right, right. - [Romesh] Oh, wow.
♪♪♪
Hey, everyone, I'm here with Romesh.
- How are you doing tonight? - Uh, very good, thank you.
I wanna know, what are you known for
here at Dark Harbor?
Uh, well, I'm just here sort of enjoying Dark Harbor
and sort of seeing what it's about.
But I'm actually a comedian from the UK.
I'm doing a stand-up comedy show at the Greek Theatre
on the 21st of December.
- [Ben] You got on TV. - Yeah.
I mean, it's not the way that I thought it was gonna go down.
- Are you gonna have a mask? - [man whooshing]
- A mask or... - [Romesh] Rags delivered.
It's a little bit sticky because they thought
I was involved with Dark Harbor in some way as,
like, a horror thing, but I plugged my show.
Rags has given me
the biggest coverage that I've got so far,
so I'm satisfied with the result.
♪ upbeat news broadcast music ♪
♪ wacky music ♪
Hey, everyone, my name is Kiyra Lynn,
and right now, I'm here at the Queen Mary
- for their Dark Harbor event... - [whistling, whooshing]
...celebrating Halloween.
You absolutely need to come and check this out.
I got a chance to speak with some of the event ambassadors.
Let's take a look.
I am the Dragon Lady.
[hammer tapping]
The Wolf Man.
I'm Romesh Ranganathan.
One, two, three.
- [stapler clicks] - Oh! [laughs]
Can you give me the best scream?
[screaming]
Absolute prick.
♪ Strange U's "Bullet Proof Mustache" playing ♪
♪♪♪
♪ Twelve little simians jumping upon the bed ♪
♪ One fell the fuck off, landed, and bumped his head ♪
♪ His mother called the doctor and this is what he said ♪
♪ "Smoke dust till the ambulance runs a red" ♪
♪ Pandora, opening up the damn box ♪
♪ Dash a whale in the ocean like John Hancock ♪
♪ Damn, when he's finished grabbing his balls ♪
♪ He sat with a half a gram ♪
♪ And some British amateur porn ♪
[bright tone]