["Steel Sharpens Steel" playing]
♪ Hell yeah ♪
♪ Steel ♪
- ♪ Ooh, yeah ♪ - ♪ Sharpens steel ♪
♪ Steel sharpens steel... ♪
[Jane gasps] What the f...
- [gasps] Lar. - Jane?
- ♪ Ooh yeah ♪ - ♪ Sharpen ♪
♪ Steel sharpens steel... ♪
I just had the craziest dream.
You were there.
Vic was there, fucking Willoughby was there,
and I...
I was a fucking baby.
Oh, it was all real.
The parties, the pool, getting turned into a baby.
You were a fussy, little stinker, too.
I was starting to get worried you'd be stuck like that.
I've been big for hours.
- Sorry that sounded weird. - Then Willoughby...
- He reversed the spell. - I guess he made it
to pound town after all.
Ha! Good for him.
But it looks like he reversed the spell a little extra for you.
[gasps]
[whispering] There was an evil bunny.
It took my longevity!
That Dickensian dickwad double-crossed us.
That means that Immortus is about to wipe their ass with our reality.
Where is everyone?
We have... We have to stop this.
We have to get my longevity back.
[Cliff] Can't. I'm in the middle of putting in an 850 Holley double pumper.
What?
This is code-fucking-red!
- [Cliff] Hey! - Look at my hair!
[sobbing]
I feel like shit! My chest hurts.
It's just acid reflux. Welcome to middle age.
[Jane] Are you serious right now?
What if I'm fucking dying?
[Cliff] You wouldn't be the only one.
Oh...
- [gasps, groans] - [Larry groans]
Look, I'm sorry I left you when I did.
If it makes you feel any better,
I didn't get very far before my brain went all goo-goo-gaga,
and I drove into a ditch.
But when I turned back to normal, I went right back for you.
There you were, a little baby crying outside the pool center, all alone.
That's the kind of thing that sends a guy straight into dad panic.
Everything just snaps into focus.
I know you think I'm dealing with my Parkinson's like a champ,
but trust me, a death sentence never really leaves the top of your mind.
All I can think about is how much time I have left
to leave little Rory something to remember me by.
I hate to break it to you,
but you don't just get to drop everything because of some stupid epiphany.
That's not how this works!
As someone who's been staring death in the face for a while,
take my advice.
Figure out what's left for you to do
and use every second you have left to do it.
Because this shit won't stop to wait for you.
[clattering]
You know what?
Fine.
Fuck you, too.
[Larry groans]
- What's wrong with you, Pop-Pop? - [screams]
[screams]
Relax. It's just me, Rory.
What the fuck?
- [Rory giggles] - [laughs nervously]
[country music playing]
I'm a little low on funds right now,
but I'll get some money from somebody for gas.
And I'll mail you back your clothes once I've washed them.
You can keep the clothes, Vic.
I just... I know this isn't how you wanted to spend your Saturday--
I mean, it's fine.
But I gotta ask, of all the places on Earth you could have hid out,
why my place? All the way in Detroit?
Look, man, it was a weird night, even for us.
It's not every day we get hit with a youth spell.
Transmutation magic, huh?
That's some level-9-sorcery shit.
[chuckles]
Just another day in the life of a superhero.
Hey, I need to talk to Kay.
Look at my hair! Things are fucked!
I need to make sure she's safe!
What the fuck are you doing?
Kay gave everybody a puzzle.
So, you're just going to sit here and fuck off
while the Grim Reaper slobbers down our neck?
It's what the girl wants.
Yeah, and so did trauma.
[all gasp]
Take it back.
You know, they're not the same.
Well, if Kay thinks I'm gonna spend my last days on Earth
doing a fucking puzzle,
she's even crazier than I am.
You know what?
Fuck all this.
You want to roll over and die without a fight?
Be my guest.
I'm going out with a bang.
Smoke 'em if you got 'em, fuckwads!
Shoo! Shoo! Shoo!
God, the disrespect with these fucking creatures.
[groans]
[neck cracks]
[groans] Did we sleep here all night?
Well, evidently, we turned to babies
before the bus came.
So, either we were too small for the bus driver to see us,
or the human race really is lacking in any common decency.
The good news is, obviously, the spell was reversed at some point,
Oh.
But is there another bus coming?
- I'm ready to go home. - Home?
Well, what about what we talked about last night?
What about the mission?
I'm afraid that was just the virility of youth speaking.
All I want to do now is just lay down,
maybe make some peanut brittle.
Oh, fuck your peanut brittle. Here, that is not the Rita I know.
Get that coffee down you, and we will get your longevity back,
and save the universe in the process.
Now, I have been thinking,
Willoughby said that all of this is tied
to the Caulder Immortus Project, right?
Well, I suspect that someone in the Bureau picked up where Caulder left off.
They found what he couldn't.
A way to actually conjure this Immortus,
whatever the fuck it is.
Now, if we're going to stop this,
we're going to have to go back to where this all began.
Oh. Now, hold on.
- You want to go to the Bureau? - Yeah.
[gasps] After everything that happened to both of us...
You can't be serious.
Our friends are in danger, Rita, and we are heroes, are we not?
Ugh! Fine.
Smashing.
Now, how do we get in?
Why are you asking me?
Mmm. 'Cause you're the leader.
I am not in the mood to be patronized.
- We both know where I stand with the team. - Oh, please.
My promotion was simply what was needed
for one particular task, and it was a shite task at that.
Now, you know, if I'm honest, I would rather be a supporting role.
Hell of a lot less pressure.
So, what's the plan, boss?
[metal clanking]
[groans]
What the hell is going on?
Where are you taking me?
[thunder rumbling]
Hey, buddy, now'd be a great time to, I don't know, blast these guys into oblivion?
Not exactly the energy I'm looking for.
[groans]
- Release him. - Rama.
He's my target.
I'll bring him to The Sacrarium myself.
- [scissors clanking] - [Larry groans]
[whooshes]
Whoa, whoa!
[exhales] Thank God.
[Rama] Let's get out of here.
We need to cut a portal back to Earth.
[Larry] Did you just say "back to Earth"?
Where the hell are we?
A pocket dimension called Orqwith.
And those are the Scissormen,
its powerful, but mindless custodians.
This way.
The others sent them because they felt I was taking too long, I imagine.
- Taking too long to what? - To bring you here and extract your longevity.
That's the only thing that matters to them.
"Extract my longevity"?
Wait. Is that what happened to Rita?
What the hell is going on here, Rama?
[scissors clanking]
You need to tell me exactly what Immortus is. Now.
Immortus is hope.
Look, each of us had some desperate wish we'd all but given up on.
And then Immortus found us.
He showed each of us a vision of the possibilities that lie before us.
He called upon us to usher him onto this plane.
And when he arrives, he will rewrite history and make all our wishes come true.
You mean like a genie?
You're describing a genie.
Well, everyone has a wish.
Even you.
Perhaps to never again be separated from Keeg?
What makes you so sure Immortus even has that kind of power?
You know that temple we just saw?
The entire thing rose from the Earth
when Dr. Janice deposited Rita's longevity.
If that's not evidence of enormous power, I don't know what is.
I feel like I shouldn't have to tell you this, but when a bone temple
spontaneously sprouts from the ground, it's not usually a good sign.
We all have to put our faith in something.
Then why did you just rescue me?
Because hurting people wasn't part of the plan.
I'm afraid in their zeal, the others have forgotten that.
You said, that you would help me find another way to stabilize my molecules.
Did you mean it?
Of course.
Nobody has more experience getting out of impossible situations
than my friends and I.
After we stop Immortus, we'll help you.
I promise.
You can put your faith in me, Rama.
You have my faith, Larry Trainor.
[portal chiming]
[Rory] What about what Willoughby said?
Immortus sounded like real bad news.
He already hurt Rita and Jane. Who's next?
[Cliff] Will you shut up?
I'm not taking any advice from a manifestation of my diseased brain.
And in case you missed it, I'm doing this for you.
Well, the real you, anyway.
This chariot's gonna be all yours.
[Rory] You aren't fooling anybody, Pop-Pop.
If you really cared about me, you'd be on a bus to Florida right now.
All you're doing is burying your fear in something you think you can control.
You know who else used to do that?
[Cliff] Listen to me, Hamburger Helper.
Do not go there.
[Rory] Your daddy, that's who.
[Cliff grunts] That's completely different.
Unlike him, I know I'm a bad person.
I also know I don't have enough time to fix myself.
But I do have enough time to fix this car.
I'm going to prove to you that I am capable of creating more than pain.
I can create something beautiful, too.
[Rory] Come with me, Pop-Pop. I wanna show you something.
[Rory] You could've squished this little guy, but you didn't.
In fact, you risked a lot to save him.
Is that something a bad person would do?
[Cliff] Well, it is a Zombie Butt.
In hindsight, saving it was probably not the best idea. [chuckles]
"Hindsight." Get it? [laughs]
[Rory] The point is, despite all your mistakes, you are a good person.
The proof is right here.
[buzzing]
[Cliff] Larry?
[knock at door]
- It's open. - [shop bell dings]
[door closes]
Hey.
Wow.
I honestly didn't know if I'd ever hear from you again.
- Love your hair, by the way. - Oh.
Tell me, what sort of, uh, mischief have you been getting up to?
Uh...
- Just, um, doing a lot of thinking. - Ah.
I've been doing a lot of thinking about...
you.
Well...
I've been thinking about you, too.
And I wanted to give you space to take the leap.
Then I started worrying maybe you took that as a lack of interest.
I decided I have to stop living for other people.
I have to start living for myself.
That's a big step for you, Jane.
Kay must be doing very--
I have to start going after what I want.
And what do you want?
Jane.
It's okay.
Let's just take our time.
- I'm not going anywhere. - No.
I want this.
I'm ready.
I've wanted this for a long time.
Jane. Jane.
[breathes deeply]
Why can't I do this? What the fuck is wrong with me?
It's okay. I know how complicated this is for you.
No, you don't.
You have no idea.
- Nobody does. - That's simply not true.
But I do think it's time, maybe, that you got real help.
No. [chuckles]
I don't have time for that.
[Jane exhales] I...
[exhales]
I'm just so tired of fighting.
Why does every single thing have to be so painful?
Why does everything have to be such a fucking battle?
I'm so sorry.
You don't deserve all this pain.
[breathing heavily]
Dios.
I'm not ready to die.
I'm...
What the fuck?
Larry? It is you. How'd you do that?
- Cliff. Thank God you're-- - What are you doing here?
Please don't tell me that we're adopting another super villain.
I'm no villain.
- I'm a man of many-- - Many elements.
- Yeah, I know. - [Larry] No, you can trust him.
He's a good man. He's proven that to me.
Are we talking about the same dude who dropped us into a fire pit and kidnapped Keeg?
'Cause that dude, still on my shitlist!
Look, he didn't kidnap... Look, we have an understanding now.
I trust him.
Wait. Am I sensing sexual tension here?
What? No. I mean...
- We haven't crossed that bridge, but... - There's a bridge?
I'm here to help you stop Immortus.
Fuck! No, not this again.
Wait, you're in danger, too.
The agents of Immortus still need your longevity and Jane's,
and they'll stop at nothing to get it.
Oh, they already got Jane's.
[Larry] Wait, that means we're the last two pieces.
We have to stop this before it's too late.
Because if Immortus rises, we'll all... [groans]
Keeg?
- [Cliff] Woah! - No!
[Cliff yells]
Fuck!
[apparition humming]
The guy got totally catfished.
He lost the asset to a couple of con artists.
Butthunter, more like buttloser.
- [elevator dings] - [both laugh]
Buttloser. That's fucking gold.
Some grade-A team work there, Bendy.
[Rita] Looks like we've still got a little of the old piffle-paffle after all.
- [chimes] - [janitor] Bingo.
Still don't know why I had to be the craggy, old janitor.
[Rita] Would you prefer to be the bucket of dirty water?
Point taken.
[dramatic music playing]
- [groans] - [neck cracks]
Well, that's not getting any easier.
Well, this place sure wasn't on my mail route.
Where are we?
Section 99, colloquially referred to as a vineyard.
Projects so dangerous or foolhardy, they died on the vine,
or were unceremoniously nipped in the bud.
Most of Caulder's initiatives ended up here.
I suspect the Immortus Project is no different.
"Imhotep..."
"Immolation Project."
[sighs]
Last checked out January 13th, 1955.
Checked by asset 34771.
That's, uh... A dead end. Let's turn back.
What? No. We are in the middle of a mission,
and if I may say, we are crushing it so far.
Oh, we can send someone else.
This mission is best-suited to Vic, anyway, or perhaps Jane.
Hey, what's gotten into you? Talk to me.
It's... Wally,
Rita.
Wally Sage.
Weapon.
- On your knees! - Malcolm!
Wally?
It all started here with Wally.
Malcolm's death.
You losing your longevity, Immortus rising.
I put him here.
This is all happening because of me.
It's not your fault, you can't control--
How could it not be my fault?
Hmm?
I doomed him and countless others to this hell.
And now my past has returned to exact penance.
How could I think I ever deserved anything in life but pain?
No. No.
You're not going to crack on me now.
We are going to stop this.
If that means confronting our past, then that's what we have to do.
Okay. Well, I don't know if you've noticed,
but I actually hate confronting my past.
Listen to me.
I'm the leader.
That means you have to do what I say.
You're going to take us to Wally's cell, and that's all there is to it.
Okay?
Okay.
What is this?
Yo, some kind of energy vortex?
[Cliff groaning]
Mmm. Fuck.
Cliff. You all right, man?
What happened?
It took Larry. [groans]
[Derick] Yo, is this a portal?
- Y'all got portals here now? - That's not one of ours.
Don't get too close.
Look, man, this is the kind of superhero shit I was talking about.
[sobs] Why?
[Vic] Looks like some kind of magic realm.
If Larry's in trouble in there, I've got to help him.
It's kind of my job.
- Vic, you're not a superhero. - Go home.
I'll Venmo you that gas money.
Hey, what are you...
Oh, for fuck's sake,
that was our only good knife!
[portal whooshes]
Derick. I told you to go home.
Oh, man! Oh, my...
What the hell are you doing here, man?
- I told you this was-- - Some superhero shit.
Yeah, I know.
But you left before I could remind you, you ain't a superhero anymore.
Matter of fact, less than 12 hours ago, I was changing your diapee,
- In case you forgot. - I didn't forget.
And I'd appreciate it if you never brought that up again.
Okay. Just... Just stay close.
Okay?
God.
And don't touch anything.
Oh.
What on Earth?
[Rita] Oh, this place isn't right.
There's, um... There's a darkness here.
[whispering] And It smells really bad.
Okay. You don't have to do this.
This is my hair shirt.
I can do it alone.
We're a team.
Remember?
Mmm-hmm.
[Rita] Hmm.
Besides, it doesn't look like he's here.
[Madame Rouge] Well, there's no doubt this is his work.
Oh, my God.
It's Malcolm.
- [man] I recognize you. - [Rita gasps]
[Madame Rouge] Wally?
[Derick] Hell. This place is something else, to say the least.
So, you're just going to pout the whole time,
'cause things didn't go your way?
Same old Vic, huh?
It's not like that.
Then why do I feel like I'm getting the silent treatment?
Because I'm scared, man.
You've got a whole family, and I don't know if I can protect you in here.
Well, then who's protecting you?
That's different. I signed up for this.
Why did you come to my house last night?
- I told you. It was-- - No. I'll tell you why.
It's because you know I got you.
No matter what.
You really think that's going to change just because you went AWOL for a few years?
- Please, man. - Derick. Derick.
Derick. Look, man, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I never tried to meet you halfway.
I never tried to understand how things were for you back home.
No, man.
I'm sorry.
I shouldn't have put all that blame on you.
I just wish we could go back in time, you know.
Deep down, that's the real reason I came back.
Is that why you got rid of your tech, too?
We should keep moving.
[Derick] You know, the kids from my robotics club
flipped when I told them that me and Cyborg were boys back in the day.
You know, that shit's inspiring.
Inspires my kids every day.
Inspires me, too.
I really appreciate you saying that, D.
The point is, no matter how far you drift,
you'll always be connected to where we came from.
At the end of the day, you'll always be one of us.
Detroiticons for life?
Detroiticons for life.
[both laughing]
[knock at door]
[Jane] Fuck off.
[Cliff] You still want to fuck those Immortus jerks up?
Can I come in?
Whatever.
[door opens]
[sighs]
I guess I, uh... I owe you an apology.
I got sucked straight up my own ass, and I forgot what matters.
Yeah, and what's that exactly?
You're really gonna make me say it?
[groans]
[sighs]
What matters is being there for the people I love.
There, I said it. Happy?
I don't know if I deserve to be loved.
[tape rips]
I hate to break it to you, but if people want to love you,
there isn't really anything you can do to stop them.
So, you want to go fuck these Immortus chumps up, or what?
You bet your copper-plated ass.
[man thuds, yells, groans]
Jesus. What the hell happened to you?
They found us.
They got Bunbury.
Oh. You mean the bunny who stole my longevity?
He was on our side.
He was one of the Knights Templar.
We were trying to protect your longevity from the agents of Immortus.
We didn't stand a chance.
I've never seen such power.
Cliff, we have to get you to safety.
If they get your longevity, that's it.
It's all over.
And why the fuck would we ever trust you again?
Oh, I'm sorry. Were you the one that reversed the youth spell?
No. So, look. These fuckers get stronger
with every ounce of longevity they get from you twats.
They made the most powerful wizards in the known universe
look like a bunch
of prepubescent pixies.
This is all that's left of the little pebble-dropper.
All right. Well, how do we stop them?
[angrily] You're not paying attention.
This isn't some threat you can just punch into submission.
Yeah, well, everything you're saying
just makes me want to kick their asses even more.
- Cliff? - Right on, sister.
Godspeed, you irascible fuckwits.
Is that the end? Yo, we made it.
[scissors clanking]
[Derick] Yo, who the hell are those guys?
[Vic] No idea.
We've got to get past them if we want to get inside.
Inside?
You want to go inside Castle Grayskull?
Yo, Larry's got to be in there.
We got to figure out a way to take them out.
Weird. Look, this flower's made of newsprint, like, actual newsprint.
There's no way it could have evolved like this.
You remember when we used to play D&D at Calvin's?
- Pettiest dungeon master ever? - Exactly.
But eventually we realized that to complete our mission,
we had to play Calvin against himself.
- We gamed the system. - Mmm-hmm.
Everything in a D&D campaign exists because the DM put it there.
Everything has a purpose.
Eureka! What if this whole place was created by somebody?
I mean, there's got to be a reason
they have pen and paper everywhere.
And you said this place was magic, right?
Yeah.
Holy shit.
I think I know how we can get past those scissor guys.
But I'm gonna need your help.
Oh. Almost... Almost got it.
Honestly, can't we just question him through the door?
Uh, we're getting him out of here, Rita.
What? This is not a rescue mission.
Well, I can't just leave him behind.
He's suffered enough.
He's suffered?
- Yeah. - Oh.
Just tell us what we need to know.
Where is Orqwith?
What is Orqwith? Is that where Immortus rises?
[sighs] Answer me!
[Wally] It's where all ideas are born...
and all the bad ideas die.
Is Immortus there? How do we stop this, Wally?
- [indistinct chatter] - Oh.
[whispering] We have to go.
No, I can't leave him. I'm not leaving him.
You cannot make this right.
- WelI, I have to try! - [Wally] It's too late.
Immortus rises.
[door unlocks]
Come on, Wally.
[Wally] So much pain.
It will all be over soon.
We didn't come here to hurt you, Wally.
Please, come.
[gasps]
You already hurt me.
[breath trembling]
[gasping] No.
[flesh squelching]
- Rita. - Every new beginning...
must start with an ending.
[groaning]
- [bird caws] - [Wally screams]
[screams]
[groans]
[Larry] What the hell?
Why the hell did you bring me back here?
Keeg, answer me!
Don't let them do this.
They'll take my longevity.
Then what? [groans]
Okay.
[humming in unison]
Keeg, please.
Why won't you stop them?
[groans, sighs]
Keeg?
Oh, thank God. Wait. What are you...
[Larry groaning]
No! No! Keeg.
Help me!
Help me, Keeg!
I'm sorry.
My radiation is leaking.
I don't know what to do.
But I guess you do.
Oh, God.
That's what future Keeg showed you, isn't it?
You think you have to destroy me to save the world,
but you don't have to worry about that.
We stopped The Buttpocalypse, and we'll stop whatever comes next.
Just like we stopped The Brain,
and the Decreator, Mr. Nobody.
It never ends, does it?
You're afraid it's inevitable.
You think Immortus can keep us together forever.
You really believe that, don't you?
[groaning]
Okay, [breathing heavily] they can have my longevity.
[groaning] I trust you, Keeg.
I trust you.
Ooh. Now, that's badass.
Yeah, I'm thinking of the shoulder-mounted laser turret to round it off.
Uh-huh.
[rumbling]
I think that's our cue.
Let's do this.
[Derick] Yup.
[Vic exhales]
[whooshing]
It's working.
Yes! Yes!
Booyah.
[metal clanking]
[robot] Mr. Invincible online.
All systems go. Awaiting orders.
You do the honors, man.
Go take out those scissor guys.
[robot] Mission accepted.
[Vic] I used to dream of Mr. Invincible coming to life.
We did that.
[Rita sighs]
- Rita. - What happened?
What did I do? What...
Where... Where is he?
Oh.
Oh. [whimpers]
- What happened to Wally? - I'm afraid you...
- I smushed him? - We don't know that for sure. Um...
You know, he could have escaped, somehow.
No. I...
I killed him.
I know it.
[voice alarm system] Intruders detected.
- Rita. - Mmm.
We have got to get out of here.
Intruders detected.
[Mr. Invincible] Put down your weapons.
You have five seconds to comply.
[Cliff] Hey, I always wanted to say that!
[Jane] Will you focus?
- [Mr. Invincible] Five... - [Jane] What's with the mini keg, anyway?
[Cliff] I'm not taking any chances this time.
- [Mr. Invincible] Four... - My special hand is meant for loving only.
- [Mr. Invincible] Three... - Ew.
[Cliff] Which one's on our side?
- [Jane] My money's on the bot. - [Mr. Invincible] Two...
He's outnumbered, and he has a huge stick up his ass.
Sounds like a kindred spirit.
- [Mr. Invincible] One. - [Cliff] Good enough for me.
[Mr. Invincible powering up, explodes]
[whooshes]
[Cliff] Um...
- What... - What the shit?
[scissors clanking]
Well, shit.
[thuds]
Look alive, Cliffasaurus.
[Cliff] Uh, I think it's worth noting that whatever God of this place
that just killed that robot can definitely kill this robot.
[Jane] Who are these choads?
Hey, you guys look steamy.
Are we interrupting a bath time?
[Cliff laughs]
Yeah. Cool bathrobes.
Got any in XXL?
[chuckles]
Cliff Steele.
I'm Wally Sage.
You're the final piece of the puzzle.
- [scissors clanking] - [Cliff] Whoops! Didn't see that coming.
We got this.
These guys are nothing but a bunch of Tim Burton rejects.
Not like a horde of rabid Zombie Butts.
- [Rory] Hey, Pop-Pop. - Let's just stay cool, little buddy.
Now is not a good time.
[Rory] Pop-Pop.
- [Cliff yelling] What? - Did you remember to close the freezer all the way?
[Cliff] What?
Who the hell are you talking to?
[Cliff] Oh, fuck.
["Dyna-Mite" playing]
- ♪ Ooh ooh ooh ♪ - ♪ Nobody knew her name ♪
♪ But she turned up Just the same ♪
♪ There was a knock On the door ♪
♪ A thump on the floor ♪
♪ And the party turned insane ♪
[Butt growls]
♪ She called out her name ♪
[growls]
♪ And she walked in Looking like dynamite ♪
♪ She said now come along Boogaloo through the night ♪
♪ And by the way She's moving well, dynamite ♪
♪ Might she not With all she's got ♪
♪ She's got the whole town Lighting up dynamite ♪
♪ Nobody quite knowing What to do wrong or right ♪
♪ But they all know Dyna Is Dynamite ♪
♪ And they're right ♪
♪ Ooh ooh ooh ♪