[mysterious music playing]
Graveyards,
cemeteries,
the ultimate collection.
Layers of earth separate ancient burials,
both pagan and holy.
A witch,
a warlock,
a saint.
And the soil is full of secrets
and treasure.
For the vermin that chews indifferently on wood or bone,
it means nourishment.
And for the humankind, bounty.
Our tale today is "The Graveyard Rats,"
and its director is Vincenzo Natali.
[music builds to sweeping string melody]
[shovel hits dirt, clangs]
- [click] - [scraping]
[both sharply exhale]
Oh!
She's a beaut.
[man 1] Sure is.
[man 2] A lady of refined disposition, I'd hazard.
By the looks of her, even in this state,
I'd say she was a pretty one.
[both strain]
[man 1] Hey, but you'd never get a class act like this one
while she's breathin'.
- Me, I take what I can get. - [both laugh]
[man 3] As do I.
The bag, if you will.
The name's Masson.
I am the steward of this garden of remembrance
from which you've so brazenly thieved.
- Nothing to say for yourselves? - Have a heart.
- We're stupid and don't know no better. - Yeah.
Permit me to enlighten you.
Are you aware that the very foundations of society
are built on the respectful interment of the dead?
We stopped being apes when we dug our first graves.
It was the birth of civilization.
And it will be its end when we cease to honor those that came before.
Now,
off with you.
You ain't gonna hand us over to the local const...
[guys whimper]
[Masson, softly] Pathetic.
[chuckles]
Let's take a look at you.
[grunts] Here we go.
Oh, yes. Yes!
Here we go.
Ooh.
[grunts]
Oh.
Foundations of society indeed. [chuckles]
Agh.
All right.
[grunts]
- Oh, come... - [crunch]
- Ow! - [dramatic fanfare]
- Oh! - [squeaking]
Oh! Oh.
[squeaking]
Oh, you! Yah!
[gunshot]
[squeaking]
[mysterious music playing]
Good morn.
Over here.
Yeah, keep going.
[Masson] Well?
- That's it? - What do you mean?
There's more than enough to satisfy this month's installment.
There ain't enough here to cover the interest.
Ah, that locket is sterling silver.
It's pewter.
Silver.
Pewter.
This is the third time you come up short.
I'd give you the benefit of the doubt,
but my employers take a less charitable view.
They're beginning to think
maybe you're keeping the best for yourself.
You offend my honor, sir.
The Massons have always been good for their debts.
I'm merely the victim of misfortune at the card table,
and I have every intention of repaying it.
The problem's the rats.
- The rats? - Yes, the rats.
They... They've infested my cemetery. The beasts steal the bodies
before I have a chance to extract my stock-in-trade.
Why, often is the time that after digging for hours
in the dampness and cold of a miserable night, I reach my prize
only to discover that it's merely a... an empty box!
So you's telling me rats is stealing bodies out of coffins.
What'd I just say? It's an epidemic.
My... My monthly returns are a fraction of what they once were.
Ah, well... rats can't do that.
Oh, my dear fellow, they most certainly can.
And Salem's rats are no ordinary rodents.
No, they come from far-off lands. Have done for hundreds of years.
As long as the port has existed,
stowaways on trading ships returning from Malaysia, China, the Ivory Coast,
and other exotic lands where these creatures' ubiquitousness
have inspired entire religions.
I am, if nothing, a student of history.
And it is well known that in the old days,
when Cotton Mather hunted Salem's evil cultists,
there existed a network of caverns beneath these fair streets.
Black churches
that hosted ghastly orgies
and... and perverted sacraments to unspeakable entities.
God in Heaven only knows what's... what's breeding down there.
They're rats.
- Just kill 'em. - [scoffs]
I have employed both guile and brute force to destroy these pests.
Traps, poison, even gas. Nothing has stopped them.
Their warrens are complex and... and... and well fortified.
Not to mention I'm a claustrophobe. Small spaces are unbearable.
The result of a childhood incident in an ice box.
It's not your concern. My point is that I'm unable
to penetrate the enclosures where they congregate.
And all the while the brutes get bolder.
I mean, this... this is the result of a rat bite
I suffered while attempting to acquire the items you have in your possession.
The pain, let me tell you, was unbearable,
but it was nothing compared to what I endured from my physician
in the form of countless needles to inoculate me against disease.
As you can see, I'm at my wits' end,
and I beg you and your employer to please, please,
show me just a modicum of mercy,
or at least patience as I contend with these issues.
You's already used up my patience,
standing here, listening to you's yammer.
As for my employers,
they'll give you one week,
so if I was you, Mr. Masson,
I'd pay what you owe.
Otherwise,
you won't be in the cemetery business anymore.
You will be the business.
[discordant music playing]
Keep the pewter.
[car horn honks]
[music builds, halts]
Go away.
Dooley!
Gah.
- Is he in? - I told you never to come here.
Well, is he?
No, thank goodness, out attending to some business,
but he might be back any time, so make it quick.
I need to know if you've got anything promising.
Nothing this week. Nothing of consequence.
- Could I have a look? - Absolutely not.
You don't understand, this is a matter of life or death.
I only deal in the latter,
and in this case, there are only paupers and vagrants.
No one of particular value.
Perhaps there is an unfortunate soul who, like myself, knew better times
and procured gold fillings before a fall from grace.
- It would only take me a minute to check. - No.
Come, Dooley,
dear fellow.
How many times have I... assisted you in the past?
Not to mention lined your pockets,
more than was bargained for, I might add.
Only one thing can convince me to let you examine those cadavers.
Oh, Dooley.
I expected more.
The Devil's Elixir.
If only you could muster the will to abstain.
So many find their end in its dark pleasures.
I pray you don't one day count yourself among them.
Having said that,
I did come prepared.
[eerie music playing]
[softly] Here we go.
[sighs]
We're still looking for the head.
Found in a bath.
[Dooley] It was like soup.
- [flesh squelches] - [Masson] Ugh.
Looks like the old gal still took good care of her teeth though.
Wooden dentures.
Some fine workmanship there.
- Sadly underrated on the open market. - Oh, damn it all to hell!
I told you.
All they left to the world was their mortal remains.
- What's that? What's in there? - Nothing of value to you.
Come on. You've had your look. Let's go.
All right.
Leave that one alone. It just came in.
The coroner hasn't had a chance to examine it.
- Oh, hallelujah! - Are you out of your mind?
He's important.
- Wealthy shipping merchant. - Yup.
One scratch on him and the coroner will know.
Then he'll start asking questions, and do you know how soon it'll be
before he figures out the particulars of our arrangement?
- I need those teeth. - Wait until tomorrow, and I'll let you...
Tomorrow could be too late.
Once he's in the ground, the rats'll get him.
- [door opens] - [both gasp]
This way, madam.
Oh!
Oh, Lord.
Oh!
Dear... Dear Winston. [sobs]
There, there, Mother.
Forgive me, but he...
he seems almost alive.
As if he were having his afternoon respite.
Do as you must, but please preserve his appearance.
For the presentation, I would have him dressed in his finest.
All of his medals will be affixed to his breast, and...
in his hand
will be the saber gifted to him by King George,
his most prized possession.
[son] Are you sure, Mother?
It's priceless. Once interred, it is lost to you forever.
[woman] Shame, child.
Your father would have it no other way.
No cost is too great for this final tribute.
[rats squeak]
[Masson, gleefully] ♪ And a night on the town ♪
♪ Wouldn't do us any harm ♪
♪ And a night on the town Wouldn't do us any harm ♪
♪ And we'll all roll on behind you ♪
♪ And we all Well, we all roll on behind you ♪
[squeaking]
♪ And we'll roll on, chariots along We'll... ♪
A most pleasant evening to you, madame.
And sir.
Fuck off.
[distant hubbub]
[woman moaning sexually]
[Masson] "Long is the way and hard,
that out of Hell leads up to light."
[moaning continues]
Truer words were never written.
[man groans sexually]
[Masson sighs]
He'll only be in the ground for a few hours before I reach him.
Surely those... pests can't get to him that quickly.
Oh, Lord.
Please...
show me mercy.
If only this one time.
[cracking]
[cracking intensifies]
[pensive music playing]
[cracking continues]
[strains]
- [rat screeches] - [Masson screams]
[squeaking]
[ceiling creaks]
[squeaking]
No! No! Oh, God!
[screams]
[panting]
Huh!
[melancholic music playing]
[footsteps approach]
[exhales calmly]
[chuckles]
- [woman clears throat] - [Masson] Hmm?
[reads Latin]
"Our love is buried with you."
Such a touching epitaph
will remain with him forever.
Madame,
the name's Masson.
I'm the caretaker of your husband's final resting place.
I shall make it my personal mission
to ensure its integrity is preserved in perpetuity.
Please.
[sobs]
[priest] Lord, our God, you are the source of life.
In you, we live and move and have our being.
Lead us to your kingdom through your son, Jesus Christ, our Lord.
Keep us in life and death,
in your love,
and by your grace.
[earth thuds]
Amen.
[frantic music playing]
[grunts]
Almost there.
[softly] Oh.
Oh, that's it. That's it.
[chuckles]
[squeaking]
Oh... Oh...
Oh, no, no, no, no.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Lord, don't let it be too late.
[grunts]
Oh.
- What? - [squeaking]
Ah!
No, no! What? No!
[strains]
Oh, agh! [grunts]
[squeaking]
[Masson] Ah! Oh! No!
No, no, please!
Ah! No!
No, God, no!
No, no, no, no, please!
No! No!
No!
[breathing erractically]
[squeaking]
[grunts]
[tense music playing]
Oh, God.
[panting]
[rat squeaks]
Hah! Ah! Agh.
Come on, Masson, this is your pride, your prize, come on.
[squeaking]
Yup.
I got you. I got you!
- [cracking] - [Masson screams]
[earth cracks and thuds]
[panting]
[rat squeaks]
[pounding music playing]
Ah! Ah! Oh, God!
[groans in pain]
Ah!
- Agh! - [rumbling, crashing]
[rubble patters]
[groans]
Oh!
[breathes shakily]
Cold, oh cold!
Oh, cold! Oh, darkness! Oh, God! Oh God!
Oh, God!
Oh, God, oh, God! No, no!
[inhales raspingly] Oh!
Okay, breathe, breathe, breathe.
You... You will survive this.
You will. You will.
[strains]
Where are you?
I will have my vengeance!
Mark my words!
Lest I will return with hellfire for each and every one of you
and your pestilent kin!
Breathe, breathe, breathe.
[distant squeaking]
[chuckles]
Smart. Smart, Masson, smart.
[groans]
Never give up. Never give up!
That's how you're gonna beat them. That's how you're gonna beat them.
[chuckles]
- [dramatic musical flourish] - [squeaking]
[purposeful music playing]
What?
Oh, God! Oh, God, no!
No! Oh, God!
God! No!
God, no!
What? No, no!
God! No! No!
[screams]
[rats squeak and chitter]
[Masson continues screaming]
[yells in anguish]
Oh!
Oh-ho-ho-ho!
Wh...
[cocks gun]
[squelches]
[laughs maniacally]
[faint growling]
[growling intensifies]
[distant squeaking]
[growling]
[creature growls]
[droning discord playing]
[music builds, fades]
[creature roars]
[jarring droning notes play]
[creature growls and sniffs]
[dramatic music builds]
[creature squeals and roars]
[mutters frantically]
[roars]
[creature roars]
[strains]
Aghh!
Oh! Agh!
Ah!
Agh! No!
- [grunts and groans] - [music builds to climax, fades]
- Ooh! - [clattering]
[screams]
- [screams] - [bones clatter]
Oh, God! Ah!
[whimpers]
[dripping echoes]
[metal clinks]
[gasps] Oh!
Holy Jesus!
Oh!
[chuckles]
Oh!
Oh, Masson, Masson! You lucky bastard.
Ohh.
[grunts]
Ah! Oh!
[somber orchestral music playing]
[strains]
Hah.
Oh!
[breathes heavily]
[string music builds]
Black church.
[breathing heavily]
[music turns ominous]
Oh.
Glory be!
Yeah. Oh.
Oh. Come to me, darling.
[disembodied distant chanting]
Okay.
Here we go. Come, come, come, come, come.
[menacing chords play]
[chanting intensifies]
Come.
Oh. Ha-ha-ha-ha!
[chuckles] Hallelujah!
Gotcha!
[creature screeches]
[Masson screams]
[creature snarls]
[creakily] Mine.
Ah! Ah!
- [creature snarls] - [Masson strains]
[creature screeches]
Mine!
[frenzied music playing]
[creature moans]
Mine.
Ah! [groans]
Oh, God! Oh, God!
Oh, Jesus, God above! I swear to you my eternal piety!
I will commit my heart to you and only you!
Please pity poor Masson.
[strains]
Oh!
Ah! Yes!
[groans]
[music builds to climax]
[breathes raggedly]
Oh! [groans]
[guttural groaning]
Come on, come on!
Agh!
Ah!
Come on, fall, blast you!
[growls]
Agh!
[growling]
[roars]
[Masson inhales raspingly]
[growling continues]
[skeleton creature screeches]
[rat creature roars]
[roars]
[screeching]
[groans gutturally]
[roars]
Ahh!
[roars powerfully]
[rubble pelts]
[breathes heavily]
[creature screeches]
[creature] Mine. Mine.
Mine!
Light!
Oh my God!
Oh my...
Thank you, Jesus! I repent!
A new Masson arises!
[chuckles deliriously]
"Long is the way and hard,
that out of Hell leads up to light."
"Long is the way and hard,
that out of Hell leads up to light."
"Long is the way and hard,
that out of Hell leads up to light."
"Long is the way and hard, that out of Hell leads up to light"!
[grand orchestral chords play]
No!
No, no, no!
No, no, no, no, no!
No, no, no, no, no, no! [sobs]
No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
No, no, no, no.
No, no!
No, no, no, no, no!
- No! - [bangs on casket]
- [whimpers] - [squeaking]
No! No!
- [excited squeaking] - No!
[yells]
No! No, no!
Ah! Oh, God!
Ah!
[screams]
[screaming and squeaking fade]
[shovel hits dirt, clangs]
[lid creaks, thuds]
Hey.
Isn't that...
Well, I'll be damned.
It is.
[gasps]
[squelching]
[triumphant orchestral flourishes play]
[rats squeak]
[music fades]
[creepy theme music playing]