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[twinkling chimes]
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[piano music playing]
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[AJ] It all started 'cause I needed money.
4
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And here we are.
5
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You know that thing
where everybody gets a trophy?
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Yeah? Well, I don't.
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In my experience...
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that's total BS.
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People I know have to work really hard
to get a win, and still...
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most of the time,
they just wind up losing.
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But, hey, at least they tried.
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- But some people don't even try to win.
- [sighs]
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[AJ] They just take.
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And these losers are such losers,
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they don't even know they're losing.
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And, every now and then,
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someone figures out how to make the best
of the bad hand that's dealt them.
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And that's cool.
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And here's the coolest thing of all.
In life...
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some people can still win,
no matter how much they've lost.
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And as my friend Ruby says...
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"If no one's giving you a trophy,
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you gotta find a way
to snatch one on your own."
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[Robert] What is that look?
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Well, I just remembered I had KFC
at your apartment the night I robbed you.
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So it's kind of our anniversary.
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Well, anniversaries are more for a couple
and less for a thief and her victim.
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Man, did I think you were an asshole.
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Maybe we are a couple.
Hey, pass me one of them biscuits.
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You're...
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eating?
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And some gravy.
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Gravy?
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You know you have a pageant coming up,
right?
35
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I already have the Miss Drag USA crown
in the bag.
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How you so sure?
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- Well, first, you've seen me.
- [AJ] Yes.
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[tongue pop]
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Second...
the number I'm doing for talent...
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tore the house down
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when I won Queen of New York.
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["Unspeakable Joy" playing]
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♪ Joy ♪
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♪ Unspeakable joy ♪
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♪ 'Cause they did not give it ♪
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♪ They cannot take it away ♪
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♪ Joy, unspeakable joy ♪
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♪ 'Cause they did not give it ♪
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♪ They cannot take it away ♪
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Oh, shit.
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♪ When I wake up in the morning ♪
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♪ Gets me out of bed ♪
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♪ Keeps me runnin', skippin', jumpin' ♪
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♪ Like a little kid ♪
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♪ You know
Sometimes I can hardly keep it inside ♪
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♪ It overtakes me, overwhelms me
And I'm mortified ♪
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♪ I did not get it from any woman or man ♪
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♪ And it's okay
If they don't always understand ♪
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♪ It's very easy to get caught
In circumstance ♪
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♪ It's even easier ♪
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♪ To break out in a dance ♪
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♪ Joy ♪
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♪ Unspeakable joy ♪
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♪ 'Cause they did not give it
They cannot take it away ♪
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♪ Joy, unspeakable joy ♪
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♪ 'Cause they did not give it
They cannot take it away ♪
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♪ Joy ♪
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♪ Cannot take it away, take it away ♪
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♪ Joy ♪
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♪ Take it away, take it away ♪
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♪ Joy ♪
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♪ Take it away, take it away ♪
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♪ Joy ♪
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♪ Take it away, take it away
Take it away ♪
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♪ Joy ♪
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♪ Unspeakable joy ♪
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♪ 'Cause they did not give it
They cannot take it away ♪
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♪ Joy ♪
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♪ Unspeakable joy ♪
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♪ In my heart
And I can't let them steal my ♪
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♪ Joy ♪
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[audience cheering and whooping]
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And, child...
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when my backup dancers came out
in their matching shorts,
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those other girls could not deal.
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Backup dancers?
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[Robert] Mm-hmm.
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Pina and Colada.
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I think they had a record deal
for a hot minute.
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But you don't have Pina or Colada now.
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I don't need... backup dancers.
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I'm enough.
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How? You traded in Pina and Colada
for biscuit and gravy.
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- [gasps]
- You have to win this pageant
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in two days.
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You need the $25,000 to go back
to New York and do the rest of your life.
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Don't worry.
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I'm winning this pageant.
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Should I Google Pina and Colada
just to be safe?
100
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[chuckles]
101
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Patrick, this is my third
and last "call me" message.
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I'm not the type of girl who begs,
so that's it!
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Call me. Please call me. Please.
104
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- [knocking on door]
- [gasps] Maybe this is you.
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All is forgiven, baby.
106
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No, it's Brianna.
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Ooh, let me rethink that, then.
You here to break some more of my stuff?
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I came back to apologize.
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Um, I brought you a doughnut.
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- What kind?
- It's glazed.
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Why you standing in the hallway?
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- [dogs barking]
- [Sweeney] Who is it?
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[Louis] It's for me, Mrs. Sweeney.
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- Is that enough light?
- Yeah.
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Do you wanna sit and have a cup of tea
before you fly into another rage
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and start screaming
at an innocent blind man?
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I'm assuming.
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Yeah. Thanks.
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Where's my doughnut at?
120
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[quietly] Thank you.
121
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Um, look,
I'm really sorry about the other day.
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It wasn't really me.
123
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It was the drugs. Or the not using them.
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- Truth is, I wanna use every day.
- [sniffs]
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It's a good thing I spent
the last of my money on that doughnut,
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'cause if I had more, I definitely would.
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Hang in there.
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I will. For her.
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Are you sitting down?
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- No. It's a little crowded.
- Just move it out of the way and sit down.
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This queen came by
to pay for a dress I made for her earlier.
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[clears throat] Um...
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I would really appreciate
some more information.
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I've left so many messages,
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and Amber Jasmine
hasn't returned any of them.
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I'm sure she's mad at me.
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And I don't blame her.
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I really screwed everything up.
139
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Do you think
that you could call your roommate...
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and maybe he could put her on the phone?
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I just... I need to hear her voice
to know that she's okay.
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I talked to her today. She's okay.
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She is? She really is?
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Yeah, she's fine.
145
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She's in Dallas,
on her way to her grandfather's.
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I'm sorry, what?
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[Louis] You see,
that's why she hid in that RV.
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She heard Robert was going to Dallas,
149
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and she wanted a ride to your...
your father's farm, is it?
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[gasps] Yeah.
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Yeah. My... my father's farm.
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[Louis]
And you got Robert all wrong.
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You know, he took really good care
of your little girl.
154
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R-Remember, he didn't ask for any of this.
155
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Yeah, well...
um, no, it all makes sense now.
156
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Thank you. She loves her Pop Pop.
Thanks so much. I really appreciate it.
157
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It's great. I feel so much better.
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I'm just gonna go ahead and call my dad.
We're gonna work it out.
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What about your tea?
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Uh, no. You've done too much already.
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[kettle whistling]
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- [dogs barking]
- [Sweeney] Who is it?
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- [sniffs]
- [Sweeney] Who is it?
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Mm.
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Excuse me! Officer!
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I've been incarcerated incorrectly.
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Officer!
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Ladies, it's your lucky night.
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Due to overcrowding,
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I'm forced to escort a few of you escorts
out of here to freedom.
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[woman 1] Yeah, I'll go now.
I shouldn't be here anyways.
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Eeny, meeny, miney... ho.
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- [woman 2] Your lucky day.
- [woman 3] Go, girl.
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Eeny, meeny, miney... go.
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Hey! I'm not a cheap hooker.
176
00:08:01,939 --> 00:08:03,983
I know, but you're annoying as hell.
177
00:08:04,066 --> 00:08:06,611
- ["Walk It Off" playing]
- [woman] Excuse me, girls.
178
00:08:06,694 --> 00:08:09,322
Is there another jail in Jackson
my driver could have gone to?
179
00:08:09,405 --> 00:08:11,657
Is she still talking? She never shuts up.
180
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[driver] Lorraine Bracco?
181
00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:15,161
That's me.
182
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- [sighs]
- [driver] How you doing tonight?
183
00:08:19,790 --> 00:08:21,584
I'm great. Thanks for askin'.
184
00:08:21,667 --> 00:08:24,045
So, it says here you're going
to 4223 Maple Drive...
185
00:08:24,128 --> 00:08:25,254
Yeah, we're not going there.
186
00:08:25,338 --> 00:08:28,007
- There's been a change of address.
- Not a problem.
187
00:08:28,466 --> 00:08:30,968
- What is the new address?
- Don't know it yet.
188
00:08:31,052 --> 00:08:33,137
Would you just shut up
and listen for a minute?
189
00:08:33,721 --> 00:08:37,183
I mean, I'd like for you
to get a good rating, you know?
190
00:08:37,266 --> 00:08:38,643
That would be my first.
191
00:08:40,311 --> 00:08:45,274
Okay, the new address is the Ritz-Carlton
in New Orleans.
192
00:08:45,566 --> 00:08:46,901
Wow.
193
00:08:46,984 --> 00:08:49,946
That little bitch took a road trip
to New Orleans
194
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and is spending all my money that he took.
195
00:08:52,114 --> 00:08:55,201
Uh, but, uh,
New Orleans is three hours away.
196
00:08:55,284 --> 00:08:58,454
Two hours and 49 minutes.
The longer you wait, the longer it gets.
197
00:08:58,538 --> 00:09:00,248
- Problem?
- Not a problem.
198
00:09:01,749 --> 00:09:03,709
Got nowhere to be till Thanksgiving.
199
00:09:05,127 --> 00:09:08,881
[Lady Danger] Where are your mints?
Hard candy?
200
00:09:09,632 --> 00:09:11,634
[excited chatter]
201
00:09:12,468 --> 00:09:14,136
[man] Oh! Look who it is!
202
00:09:14,720 --> 00:09:16,305
[AJ] Are those the other contestants?
203
00:09:16,889 --> 00:09:17,889
[Robert] Yep.
204
00:09:18,683 --> 00:09:19,684
God bless.
205
00:09:20,309 --> 00:09:22,144
Well, then maybe you do got this.
206
00:09:22,270 --> 00:09:25,231
Oh, good morning,
and welcome to Miss Drag USA. And you are?
207
00:09:25,314 --> 00:09:26,440
Probably the winner.
208
00:09:26,524 --> 00:09:28,859
Oh, I love it. [chuckles]
Do you love it, Ewan?
209
00:09:28,943 --> 00:09:29,943
Love what?
210
00:09:29,986 --> 00:09:32,363
I'm still trying to figure out
your new sign-in system here.
211
00:09:32,446 --> 00:09:34,365
All this tappin' and selectin'.
212
00:09:34,448 --> 00:09:36,534
I feel like I'm launching a missile
somewhere.
213
00:09:36,617 --> 00:09:39,579
He gets like this every year,
and every year, for the last 11 years,
214
00:09:39,662 --> 00:09:43,249
I say, "Ewan, it's gonna be okay,"
and every year, it is.
215
00:09:43,541 --> 00:09:45,585
Cool as a cucumber
on our wedding day, though.
216
00:09:45,668 --> 00:09:49,797
Is she here to sign into a pageant
or to walk down our memory lane, Kevin?
217
00:09:50,089 --> 00:09:51,465
- Name?
- Ruby Red.
218
00:09:52,008 --> 00:09:54,760
[gasps] New York City in the house.
219
00:09:55,177 --> 00:09:57,847
Runs so hot and cold.
It's like living with a tornado.
220
00:09:57,930 --> 00:10:00,558
[Robert] I arrived last night
so I could come in first thing
221
00:10:00,641 --> 00:10:03,311
to go back and claim one
of the private dressing rooms.
222
00:10:03,394 --> 00:10:05,354
It's still early. You'll be fine.
223
00:10:05,438 --> 00:10:07,857
You ladies serving breakfast? Bagels?
224
00:10:08,941 --> 00:10:09,859
Anything?
225
00:10:09,942 --> 00:10:13,154
Well, now, the meet-and-greet brunch
is the day of the pageant only.
226
00:10:13,237 --> 00:10:15,865
Now, uh, how many fan tickets
do you want to reserve?
227
00:10:15,948 --> 00:10:18,159
They come in blocks of 20, 40, and 60.
228
00:10:18,659 --> 00:10:20,703
People are... are buying fan blocks?
229
00:10:20,786 --> 00:10:22,705
Uh, Danielle Dupri has 60,
230
00:10:22,788 --> 00:10:24,415
Rachel Lee Cooks has 60,
231
00:10:24,498 --> 00:10:26,667
Lee Saint Lee has 60, so...
232
00:10:27,168 --> 00:10:29,754
- Sixty?
- Well, don't push the man, Ewan.
233
00:10:29,837 --> 00:10:32,048
[laughs] So how many? Sixty?
234
00:10:32,131 --> 00:10:33,131
[AJ] Sixty?
235
00:10:33,758 --> 00:10:35,593
- We only have two.
- People?
236
00:10:36,218 --> 00:10:37,218
Buses.
237
00:10:37,637 --> 00:10:41,974
Two buses with 100 fans on each,
so 200.
238
00:10:42,058 --> 00:10:45,895
Oh, somebody's come to win.
239
00:10:45,978 --> 00:10:48,147
And they'll pay when they get here.
240
00:10:48,564 --> 00:10:50,483
They think it's tacky when I pay.
241
00:10:50,941 --> 00:10:51,942
They hate it.
242
00:10:52,026 --> 00:10:53,653
[chuckles] Well, now, sign in.
243
00:10:53,736 --> 00:10:55,780
["Walk It Off" playing]
244
00:10:58,741 --> 00:10:59,825
[Louis clears throat]
245
00:11:00,785 --> 00:11:02,870
- [Patrick] Yes?
- It's Louis.
246
00:11:03,663 --> 00:11:05,915
Louis Bell, the man you've been seeing.
247
00:11:07,166 --> 00:11:08,668
[chuckles] That's funny.
248
00:11:08,751 --> 00:11:11,462
[panting] Sorry, I was...
I was just in the shower.
249
00:11:11,545 --> 00:11:12,545
How did you get...
250
00:11:12,588 --> 00:11:14,298
Oh, that nice super let me in.
251
00:11:14,382 --> 00:11:16,175
I told him I wanted to surprise you.
252
00:11:16,258 --> 00:11:17,927
- Oh.
- Surprise!
253
00:11:18,010 --> 00:11:19,929
- Oh!
- [both laugh]
254
00:11:20,012 --> 00:11:21,514
- [Louis] Oh...
- [clears throat]
255
00:11:21,597 --> 00:11:23,265
[Louis] Ooh, ooh! What was that?
256
00:11:23,683 --> 00:11:24,725
Did I just kill a cat?
257
00:11:24,809 --> 00:11:27,478
No, no. Sorry,
it's just some jeans and boots. [sighs]
258
00:11:27,895 --> 00:11:31,774
Oh. Why'd you take your jeans off
as soon as you walked in the door?
259
00:11:31,857 --> 00:11:33,943
I was, uh, too tired to hang them up.
260
00:11:34,276 --> 00:11:36,654
Oh, well, I'm not here to criticize.
261
00:11:36,737 --> 00:11:39,031
I'm here to bring you breakfast.
262
00:11:39,115 --> 00:11:41,075
- Oh.
- [Louis] And it's still hot.
263
00:11:41,492 --> 00:11:44,161
Just like your man. [chuckles]
264
00:11:47,832 --> 00:11:48,832
There.
265
00:11:48,874 --> 00:11:51,877
Now, ain't that better
than all that crazy silence between us?
266
00:11:51,961 --> 00:11:53,629
- [chuckles]
- Louis, uh, look...
267
00:11:53,713 --> 00:11:55,089
Love to, but I'm blind.
268
00:11:55,172 --> 00:11:57,550
But you go eat those eggs while I talk.
269
00:11:57,633 --> 00:12:00,052
- Go on, you have a kitchen, right?
- Yes.
270
00:12:00,136 --> 00:12:00,970
Yes.
271
00:12:01,053 --> 00:12:02,430
[Louis chuckles]
272
00:12:02,513 --> 00:12:03,764
Oh, uh...
273
00:12:04,890 --> 00:12:05,890
Patrick...
274
00:12:06,350 --> 00:12:08,704
you have nothing to worry about
when it comes to me and Robert.
275
00:12:08,728 --> 00:12:10,020
We are friends.
276
00:12:10,104 --> 00:12:11,188
We are not lovers.
277
00:12:11,772 --> 00:12:14,275
'Cause I like my men white and tight.
278
00:12:14,483 --> 00:12:17,653
[moans, chuckles]
279
00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:21,157
Seriously, though... [clicks tongue]
...Oh. What is this?
280
00:12:22,032 --> 00:12:23,032
[sniffs] Oh.
281
00:12:23,284 --> 00:12:25,911
- Patrick, are you a secret smoker?
- Yes.
282
00:12:27,913 --> 00:12:30,916
- These jeans don't smell like you.
- I am using a new cologne.
283
00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:32,418
These are not your jeans.
284
00:12:33,711 --> 00:12:35,171
No, they're not.
285
00:12:35,254 --> 00:12:36,797
Is there somebody else here right now?
286
00:12:36,881 --> 00:12:37,757
- No.
- Yes.
287
00:12:37,840 --> 00:12:39,383
- Ah.
- [man] Sorry.
288
00:12:39,467 --> 00:12:41,570
- I didn't know he was seeing anyone.
- [Louis] Is that him?
289
00:12:41,594 --> 00:12:43,304
Yes. My name's Jordan.
290
00:12:43,387 --> 00:12:45,532
- I don't need to know your name, cheater!
- Fair enough.
291
00:12:45,556 --> 00:12:46,599
[Louis] Oh, my Lord.
292
00:12:47,183 --> 00:12:48,183
Oh, my Lo...
293
00:12:49,185 --> 00:12:51,353
Were y'all making love
when I walked in here with eggs?
294
00:12:51,437 --> 00:12:52,313
- No.
- Yes.
295
00:12:52,396 --> 00:12:54,482
- [whines]
- Well, we were.
296
00:12:54,565 --> 00:12:56,485
We were not making love.
We were just having sex.
297
00:12:56,567 --> 00:12:58,611
"Just"? Ain't no just about it.
298
00:12:58,694 --> 00:12:59,820
Louis, he's nothing.
299
00:12:59,904 --> 00:13:01,238
Well, excuse me.
300
00:13:01,322 --> 00:13:03,908
I'm not nothing.
I'm a high school guidance counselor.
301
00:13:03,991 --> 00:13:06,410
- My students think I make a difference.
- Louis...
302
00:13:06,494 --> 00:13:07,953
look, I was upset, okay?
303
00:13:08,037 --> 00:13:10,456
- Robert and you...
- [Louis] Robert and me, nothing.
304
00:13:10,539 --> 00:13:12,333
You and cheater, something.
305
00:13:14,293 --> 00:13:16,462
[grunts] Goodbye, Patrick.
306
00:13:18,130 --> 00:13:20,090
You just broke a blind man's heart.
307
00:13:22,968 --> 00:13:24,136
Live with that.
308
00:13:29,767 --> 00:13:30,767
Go.
309
00:13:31,727 --> 00:13:32,895
Just go.
310
00:13:32,978 --> 00:13:34,647
How? He took my pants.
311
00:13:34,730 --> 00:13:35,940
[Louis] Yes, I did,
312
00:13:36,023 --> 00:13:38,526
and they're on their way
right to the incinerator.
313
00:13:40,611 --> 00:13:41,611
So...
314
00:13:41,946 --> 00:13:43,489
[Robert] Oh, no!
315
00:13:43,989 --> 00:13:46,575
[gasps] The private rooms are all taken.
316
00:13:46,992 --> 00:13:48,327
Shouldn't have spent so much time
317
00:13:48,410 --> 00:13:50,913
talking to Siegfried and Roy
about their surrogate situation.
318
00:13:50,996 --> 00:13:53,207
Yeah. Why'd you put yourself through that?
319
00:13:53,290 --> 00:13:55,668
Because they own the damn pageant.
320
00:13:55,751 --> 00:13:58,295
You do what you have to do to win.
That's the pageant way.
321
00:13:58,379 --> 00:13:59,379
I think that one's open.
322
00:13:59,421 --> 00:14:00,965
Oh, get it. Run, run! Get it.
323
00:14:01,048 --> 00:14:02,048
[AJ] Got it!
324
00:14:04,510 --> 00:14:05,344
Yes?
325
00:14:05,427 --> 00:14:06,846
I was just about to take this room.
326
00:14:06,929 --> 00:14:09,223
You do what you have to do to win.
That's the pageant way.
327
00:14:09,306 --> 00:14:10,349
[chuckles] Oh, no, bitch.
328
00:14:11,392 --> 00:14:16,063
I know you did not just call
that ten-year-old child a bitch.
329
00:14:16,146 --> 00:14:17,773
This is the last private dressing room.
330
00:14:17,857 --> 00:14:18,941
She's a child.
331
00:14:19,233 --> 00:14:21,277
- [Danielle] Hm.
- Now, excuse me.
332
00:14:27,449 --> 00:14:29,076
[whispers] Well done, bitch.
333
00:14:30,536 --> 00:14:32,621
[AJ] Gotta make sure you're set up to win.
334
00:14:32,705 --> 00:14:36,041
- In case those buses don't show up.
- [Robert] Oh, I got this.
335
00:14:37,209 --> 00:14:40,504
What do you mean?
The bus hit an oil slick?
336
00:14:40,588 --> 00:14:43,883
- [AJ chuckles]
- And that bus hit the other bus?
337
00:14:44,466 --> 00:14:45,843
I have taught you well.
338
00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:52,016
Now I don't feel bad that I'm out of here
in less than 24 more hours.
339
00:14:56,437 --> 00:14:57,437
So...
340
00:14:58,814 --> 00:15:00,941
that's real, right? I mean...
341
00:15:02,067 --> 00:15:03,402
this is really happening?
342
00:15:03,485 --> 00:15:07,406
Yeah. What did you think?
You were gonna adopt me or some shit?
343
00:15:08,365 --> 00:15:09,365
Maybe.
344
00:15:10,367 --> 00:15:11,367
I mean...
345
00:15:11,869 --> 00:15:15,789
not that I'm saying that could ever
really happen legally or anything, but...
346
00:15:17,041 --> 00:15:19,251
I mean, I don't even know Pop Pop.
347
00:15:19,335 --> 00:15:20,628
Never spoken to him.
348
00:15:21,045 --> 00:15:24,340
You know Pop Pop's off the grid
because he doesn't trust the man.
349
00:15:24,590 --> 00:15:25,424
[Robert] Yes.
350
00:15:25,507 --> 00:15:30,804
But how am I supposed to trust some man
that I've never even seen?
351
00:15:31,347 --> 00:15:34,975
I feel negligent just dropping you off
in the middle of nowhere.
352
00:15:37,311 --> 00:15:39,897
There. Now you've seen Pop Pop.
353
00:15:40,481 --> 00:15:41,774
So Pop Pop's a hippie?
354
00:15:41,857 --> 00:15:43,859
My mom says he's a survivalist.
355
00:15:45,569 --> 00:15:48,781
He lives at 1332 Wonderview Ave.,
Woodlawn, Texas.
356
00:15:49,406 --> 00:15:51,126
I'll write it down
so you can Google Map him
357
00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:52,451
and see that everything's okay.
358
00:15:53,327 --> 00:15:54,327
So...
359
00:15:54,870 --> 00:15:55,871
we're doing this?
360
00:15:57,122 --> 00:15:58,123
We're doing this.
361
00:16:01,293 --> 00:16:04,463
- [contestant] Hey, girls.
- Parade of queens rehearsal in 20.
362
00:16:05,297 --> 00:16:07,508
Thanks, Kevin. Oh, you're really on it.
363
00:16:08,217 --> 00:16:10,094
That's gonna be one lucky baby.
364
00:16:10,177 --> 00:16:11,220
Oh.
365
00:16:12,638 --> 00:16:15,724
- Now that's how you win a pageant.
- [AJ] Grrrl.
366
00:16:16,141 --> 00:16:18,435
Contestant number 11, Ruby Red.
367
00:16:18,519 --> 00:16:19,853
Applause, applause, applause.
368
00:16:19,937 --> 00:16:21,939
[Ewan] Two hundred fans.
369
00:16:22,022 --> 00:16:22,898
[group] Ooh.
370
00:16:22,982 --> 00:16:26,068
That entire balcony is reserved for you,
Ruby.
371
00:16:26,151 --> 00:16:28,737
- Oh, the whole balcony?
- [Kevin] Yes, ma'am.
372
00:16:29,071 --> 00:16:31,573
- [Robert] That's a big-ass balcony.
- [chuckles] Yeah.
373
00:16:31,657 --> 00:16:35,119
I just talked to my 200 fans
en route from New York, and...
374
00:16:36,412 --> 00:16:37,579
they're excited.
375
00:16:38,038 --> 00:16:41,458
They hit a little bad weather,
but, uh, they're working through it.
376
00:16:41,542 --> 00:16:42,626
Oh, that's great.
377
00:16:42,710 --> 00:16:45,546
Okay, contestant number 12,
Danielle Dupri.
378
00:16:45,629 --> 00:16:47,715
[Kevin] Big applause, applause, applause.
379
00:16:47,798 --> 00:16:50,050
First alternate, four years in a row.
380
00:16:50,134 --> 00:16:52,302
This is her year. Everyone knows it.
381
00:16:52,761 --> 00:16:53,761
Not everyone.
382
00:16:53,804 --> 00:16:55,556
That's what she told me to tell you.
383
00:16:55,889 --> 00:16:56,889
Anyway...
384
00:16:57,349 --> 00:16:59,226
fifth time's a charm, Danielle.
385
00:16:59,309 --> 00:17:01,562
Charm's got nothing to do with it.
386
00:17:02,229 --> 00:17:04,732
- Oh!
- [both laugh]
387
00:17:04,815 --> 00:17:06,108
[indistinct chatter]
388
00:17:08,318 --> 00:17:09,653
So what's your guys' deal?
389
00:17:10,237 --> 00:17:11,822
Oh, we're Danielle's backup dancers.
390
00:17:12,614 --> 00:17:13,782
All four of you?
391
00:17:13,866 --> 00:17:15,242
- Mm-hmm.
- [AJ] Oh, shit.
392
00:17:15,617 --> 00:17:18,620
I don't know who you are
or where all those fans came from,
393
00:17:18,704 --> 00:17:20,039
but this is my year.
394
00:17:20,122 --> 00:17:21,457
Everyone knows it.
395
00:17:21,540 --> 00:17:23,000
Not everyone.
396
00:17:24,001 --> 00:17:25,377
Tell her, Lee.
397
00:17:25,461 --> 00:17:26,670
She did.
398
00:17:27,504 --> 00:17:28,380
[scoffs]
399
00:17:28,464 --> 00:17:30,966
[Ewan]
Oh, how pretty. Look at all those stars.
400
00:17:38,599 --> 00:17:39,839
[man on speaker]
How can I help?
401
00:17:39,892 --> 00:17:43,896
Yes, hello. I would like the garden salad
with the dressing on the side.
402
00:17:44,271 --> 00:17:46,482
[man] One garden salad,
dressing on the side.
403
00:17:46,815 --> 00:17:48,055
Would you like fries with that?
404
00:17:48,108 --> 00:17:50,819
Why would I want fries with that?
It's a salad.
405
00:17:52,237 --> 00:17:55,074
Screw it.
Yeah, give me the fries with that.
406
00:17:55,157 --> 00:17:56,533
You only live once, right?
407
00:17:56,617 --> 00:17:58,786
[man] Right. Large or small?
408
00:17:58,869 --> 00:17:59,953
Large. Wait.
409
00:18:00,496 --> 00:18:03,415
Hold up. It looks like it's cheaper
to get a value meal, so just...
410
00:18:04,208 --> 00:18:06,710
give me a number four value meal...
411
00:18:06,794 --> 00:18:07,795
Hold up, wait.
412
00:18:07,878 --> 00:18:11,507
Wait. For only a buck more,
I can get a double-double value meal?
413
00:18:11,590 --> 00:18:12,591
[man] Yes, sir.
414
00:18:12,883 --> 00:18:14,343
Oh, then I'll have that.
415
00:18:14,426 --> 00:18:16,154
[man] One salad,
one double-double value meal
416
00:18:16,178 --> 00:18:17,638
with large fries. Anything else?
417
00:18:18,055 --> 00:18:19,056
Hey, you know what?
418
00:18:19,389 --> 00:18:22,184
You know what? Forget the salad
and just give me some chicken nuggets.
419
00:18:22,267 --> 00:18:23,602
I used to love those.
420
00:18:23,685 --> 00:18:27,147
- [man] You still want that double-double?
- Hell, yes, I want the double-double.
421
00:18:27,231 --> 00:18:30,651
[man] One double-double value meal,
one order of chicken nuggets.
422
00:18:30,734 --> 00:18:32,736
And you get a large beverage
with the value meal.
423
00:18:32,820 --> 00:18:33,820
A diet...
424
00:18:34,947 --> 00:18:35,947
Wait.
425
00:18:37,074 --> 00:18:38,408
A chocolate milkshake.
426
00:18:38,492 --> 00:18:40,285
[man]
Milkshakes don't come with value meals.
427
00:18:40,369 --> 00:18:41,745
[horn honks]
428
00:18:41,829 --> 00:18:45,457
[shouts] A chocolate milkshake, please!
429
00:18:46,750 --> 00:18:48,168
Oh, can you break a hundred?
430
00:18:49,461 --> 00:18:51,964
[hold music playing on phone]
431
00:18:52,047 --> 00:18:54,049
[automated voice]
Thank you for continuing to hold.
432
00:18:54,133 --> 00:18:56,093
Your business is important to us.
433
00:18:56,176 --> 00:18:58,595
We know you have many choices
in air travel.
434
00:18:58,679 --> 00:19:00,889
[operator] This is Jill.
How can I help you?
435
00:19:02,683 --> 00:19:04,935
Hi, Jill. I booked a...
436
00:19:06,103 --> 00:19:09,940
first-class seat from New Orleans to Cuba
using cash at a local travel agent.
437
00:19:10,023 --> 00:19:12,651
I just want to make sure
everything's okay with the reservation.
438
00:19:12,985 --> 00:19:16,113
[Jill] I can help you with that.
Do you have a locator number?
439
00:19:16,530 --> 00:19:18,824
Oh, yeah. Okay. J, K...
440
00:19:19,658 --> 00:19:20,784
nine, five...
441
00:19:21,410 --> 00:19:23,328
L, P...
442
00:19:23,412 --> 00:19:25,164
[Jill] J as in janitor,
443
00:19:25,247 --> 00:19:26,874
K as in king...
444
00:19:26,957 --> 00:19:30,961
- [gulps]
- the number nine, the number five,
445
00:19:31,044 --> 00:19:34,381
L as in lion, P as in pancake.
446
00:19:34,923 --> 00:19:38,343
- [choking]
- [Jill] Sir? Sir, are you there?
447
00:19:39,595 --> 00:19:40,596
[horn honks]
448
00:19:40,679 --> 00:19:42,599
[drive-through speaker]
How can I help you today?
449
00:19:42,639 --> 00:19:44,600
[Jill] Sir? Sir, are you there?
450
00:19:44,683 --> 00:19:47,227
[grunting]
451
00:19:47,311 --> 00:19:48,311
[Jill] Sir?
452
00:19:49,188 --> 00:19:50,022
Sir?
453
00:19:50,105 --> 00:19:52,107
- [coughing]
- [heart thumping]
454
00:19:55,694 --> 00:19:57,696
[piano music playing]
455
00:20:17,216 --> 00:20:20,135
[grunting]
456
00:20:20,510 --> 00:20:22,846
[horn honking]
457
00:20:22,930 --> 00:20:24,139
[grunts]
458
00:20:24,223 --> 00:20:25,223
[coughs]
459
00:20:25,849 --> 00:20:28,268
- [panting]
- [Jill] Sir, you still there?
460
00:20:30,103 --> 00:20:31,647
Sir, please hold.
461
00:20:31,730 --> 00:20:33,315
- [hold music playing]
- [sighs]
462
00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:37,527
Talent is followed by Evening Gown,
463
00:20:37,611 --> 00:20:39,529
and that is followed
by Question and Answer.
464
00:20:39,613 --> 00:20:41,132
- [phone vibrating]
- [Ewan] We follow that immediately
465
00:20:41,156 --> 00:20:43,992
with the fifth, fourth, third, second,
and first alternate queens.
466
00:20:44,076 --> 00:20:45,369
Excuse me. No phones.
467
00:20:46,119 --> 00:20:47,412
Excuse me. No phones.
468
00:20:47,829 --> 00:20:50,207
If... if one of us is on social media,
469
00:20:50,290 --> 00:20:51,833
all of us is gonna be on social media.
470
00:20:51,917 --> 00:20:52,918
He's talking to you.
471
00:20:53,252 --> 00:20:56,505
- [Kevin] No phones. Thank you kindly.
- Oh, sorry.
472
00:20:59,800 --> 00:21:00,842
[both slurp loudly]
473
00:21:01,802 --> 00:21:03,011
[Damien on voicemail] It's me.
474
00:21:04,429 --> 00:21:05,639
I have your money.
475
00:21:05,722 --> 00:21:07,224
Really, I do this time.
476
00:21:07,307 --> 00:21:09,685
Let me bring it to you. Please, Robert.
477
00:21:09,768 --> 00:21:12,187
Let me bring it to you.
It's the least I can do for you.
478
00:21:13,105 --> 00:21:15,607
- Call me back. Tell me where we can meet.
- [door opens]
479
00:21:16,024 --> 00:21:17,024
Yeah, right.
480
00:21:19,611 --> 00:21:21,947
Why's he calling after all this time?
481
00:21:22,030 --> 00:21:24,283
'Cause he's a lowlife mother-effer.
482
00:21:24,700 --> 00:21:25,909
He sounded different.
483
00:21:26,326 --> 00:21:28,662
No.He didn't.
484
00:21:29,121 --> 00:21:31,498
He does. He... he sounds different.
485
00:21:31,581 --> 00:21:33,208
- His tone...
- Come on.
486
00:21:33,875 --> 00:21:35,961
Are you still this big of a loser?
487
00:21:36,378 --> 00:21:37,963
After all we've been through?
488
00:21:38,046 --> 00:21:40,173
I'm just saying, he sounded different.
489
00:21:40,257 --> 00:21:42,467
He made it all up, Robert!
490
00:21:42,551 --> 00:21:44,511
None of it is true!
491
00:21:44,594 --> 00:21:49,808
And I know that you want it to be true,
but it's not true! It's not!
492
00:21:51,643 --> 00:21:52,643
Right?
493
00:21:55,480 --> 00:21:56,481
Right.
494
00:21:57,733 --> 00:21:58,733
Right.
495
00:22:03,280 --> 00:22:05,000
[woman on speaker]
How can I help you today?
496
00:22:05,032 --> 00:22:06,325
[Lady Danger] Move forward.
497
00:22:10,329 --> 00:22:12,873
Yeah, did a man drive through here today
and...
498
00:22:12,956 --> 00:22:15,459
[woman] Lots of men drive through here.
It's a drive-through.
499
00:22:15,542 --> 00:22:19,963
You'd remember him.
He's a kind of fading hot Latin guy.
500
00:22:20,047 --> 00:22:22,090
Probably ordered a salad
with dressing on the side.
501
00:22:22,174 --> 00:22:23,633
Salad at a fast-food place?
502
00:22:23,717 --> 00:22:25,677
Yeah.
Try driving across the country with him.
503
00:22:25,761 --> 00:22:29,890
- [woman] No idea. Just started my shift.
- [groans] Ah. Well, since I'm here,
504
00:22:30,474 --> 00:22:33,977
- let me get a double-double.
- [woman] Do you want fries with that?
505
00:22:34,061 --> 00:22:36,605
Of course I want fries with that.
You want anything, Paulie?
506
00:22:36,688 --> 00:22:38,523
I wouldn't say no to that pot pie.
507
00:22:38,607 --> 00:22:39,608
And a pot pie.
508
00:22:39,691 --> 00:22:41,234
[woman] Let me read that back.
509
00:22:41,526 --> 00:22:45,072
One double-double, one fries,
and one pot pie.
510
00:22:45,155 --> 00:22:46,948
Gee, you love to hear yourself talk.
511
00:22:47,032 --> 00:22:48,592
- [woman] Drive through.
- [phone beeps]
512
00:22:48,700 --> 00:22:50,535
[Lady Danger] Oh. He changed direction.
513
00:22:50,619 --> 00:22:52,579
Bitch just got on the interstate.
514
00:22:52,662 --> 00:22:57,000
So we've been to a hotel, a gym,
now here on the way to the airport.
515
00:22:57,709 --> 00:22:59,795
Um, are you stalking an ex or something?
516
00:22:59,878 --> 00:23:03,673
- Why, you getting jealous?
- [Paulie] No, it's just, I feel you.
517
00:23:04,633 --> 00:23:08,095
I followed my ex-wife's sister
across two state lines.
518
00:23:09,513 --> 00:23:10,555
That's hardcore.
519
00:23:12,307 --> 00:23:13,392
Drive through.
520
00:23:13,475 --> 00:23:17,437
[bulldog howling loudly on cell phone]
521
00:23:18,188 --> 00:23:20,190
I know you're gonna miss that sound.
522
00:23:20,273 --> 00:23:22,984
Two things I will miss.
523
00:23:23,068 --> 00:23:25,153
That dog and your farts.
524
00:23:25,237 --> 00:23:27,823
Oh, don't worry.
I got a bunch of 'em saved up for you
525
00:23:27,906 --> 00:23:29,032
as a going-away present.
526
00:23:29,116 --> 00:23:32,160
- [laughs]
- [knocking on door]
527
00:23:32,577 --> 00:23:33,888
- Who's that?
- [AJ] It's probably
528
00:23:33,912 --> 00:23:35,455
that parking lot guard again.
529
00:23:35,539 --> 00:23:36,873
Or maybe the first bus.
530
00:23:36,957 --> 00:23:38,166
Open the damn door!
531
00:23:38,250 --> 00:23:40,210
Louis! [chuckles]
532
00:23:40,293 --> 00:23:43,296
How long you gonna leave me standing
in this parking lot heartbroken?
533
00:23:43,380 --> 00:23:45,340
[Robert] Here. Here, come on. Come on.
534
00:23:45,882 --> 00:23:47,842
- [Robert and Louis grunt]
- [Robert] Here you go.
535
00:23:49,136 --> 00:23:51,888
Louis, how did you get here?
536
00:23:51,972 --> 00:23:53,348
Frequent flier miles.
537
00:23:53,432 --> 00:23:56,435
I was saving up for a vacation
for Patrick and me.
538
00:23:56,977 --> 00:24:00,605
Little did I know he was having
a gay spring break in his apartment.
539
00:24:00,689 --> 00:24:01,940
Oh, no!
540
00:24:02,023 --> 00:24:04,317
Oh, yes, girl. [grunts]
541
00:24:04,818 --> 00:24:06,903
This place feels smaller than I remember.
542
00:24:07,737 --> 00:24:09,739
[yelps] What is that?
543
00:24:10,949 --> 00:24:13,452
- It's me, AJ.
- [sighs]
544
00:24:13,535 --> 00:24:14,661
Oh, Little Bits.
545
00:24:15,245 --> 00:24:17,289
I've been so wrapped up
in my own mess of a life,
546
00:24:17,372 --> 00:24:19,291
I completely forgot about you and yours.
547
00:24:20,167 --> 00:24:21,167
[exhales]
548
00:24:22,210 --> 00:24:23,879
Patrick was the love of my life.
549
00:24:24,004 --> 00:24:26,840
Oh, now, come on, girl. He was cute.
550
00:24:26,923 --> 00:24:28,925
There are two things I know for sure.
551
00:24:29,342 --> 00:24:32,721
Patrick was the love of my life,
and this pizza didn't travel well.
552
00:24:33,054 --> 00:24:35,765
He was not the love of your life. Okay?
553
00:24:35,849 --> 00:24:39,936
- There is someone else out there for you.
- [Louis] I'm a blind big girl.
554
00:24:40,353 --> 00:24:41,855
Patrick is the best I'll ever do.
555
00:24:42,939 --> 00:24:44,816
Okay, scoot on out, AJ.
556
00:24:44,900 --> 00:24:48,862
I have some business to do. We got a queen
over here feeling sorry for herself.
557
00:24:48,945 --> 00:24:51,114
[grunts] Louis...
558
00:24:51,823 --> 00:24:55,118
no one was more sure their love life
was over than me.
559
00:24:55,202 --> 00:24:59,289
- But I've been all across this country...
- He had a date in Jackson, Mississippi.
560
00:24:59,748 --> 00:25:01,416
- Ah.
- Oh, yes, I did.
561
00:25:01,500 --> 00:25:03,126
A big old date.
562
00:25:03,210 --> 00:25:04,586
And I'm here to tell you...
563
00:25:05,212 --> 00:25:08,089
- there are men out there.
- Well, I don't see any.
564
00:25:08,715 --> 00:25:09,715
Pun intended.
565
00:25:09,758 --> 00:25:11,051
[player clicks]
566
00:25:11,134 --> 00:25:13,386
- ["It's Raining Men" playing]
- ♪ Humidity is rising ♪
567
00:25:13,887 --> 00:25:15,639
♪ Yeah, baby
Barometer's getting low... ♪
568
00:25:15,722 --> 00:25:18,850
Oh, you think The Weather Girls
are gonna jump-start my broken heart?
569
00:25:19,309 --> 00:25:21,019
Don't know. We'll see.
570
00:25:21,102 --> 00:25:21,978
♪ What sources? ♪
571
00:25:22,062 --> 00:25:24,648
[both singing along]
♪ The street's the place to go ♪
572
00:25:25,357 --> 00:25:28,485
♪ Tonight, for the first time ♪
573
00:25:29,069 --> 00:25:32,030
♪ At about half past ten ♪
574
00:25:32,113 --> 00:25:35,784
♪ For the first time in history ♪
575
00:25:35,867 --> 00:25:38,537
♪ It's gonna start raining men... ♪
576
00:25:38,620 --> 00:25:40,288
Oh, let a big girl in!
577
00:25:40,372 --> 00:25:42,666
- [all singing along] ♪ It's raining men ♪
- Whoo!
578
00:25:42,749 --> 00:25:43,583
♪ Hallelujah ♪
579
00:25:43,667 --> 00:25:45,335
♪ It's raining men ♪
580
00:25:45,961 --> 00:25:47,671
♪ Amen ♪
581
00:25:47,754 --> 00:25:49,464
♪ I'm gonna go out ♪
582
00:25:49,548 --> 00:25:51,925
♪ I'm gonna let myself get ♪
583
00:25:52,008 --> 00:25:55,804
♪ Absolutely soaking wet... ♪
584
00:25:55,887 --> 00:25:57,305
How does she know the words?
585
00:25:57,389 --> 00:25:59,599
- We brushed our teeth to it!
- Teeth to it!
586
00:25:59,683 --> 00:26:01,643
- [all laugh]
- ♪ It's raining men ♪
587
00:26:02,143 --> 00:26:04,563
- ♪ Amen ♪
- ♪ Every specimen ♪
588
00:26:04,646 --> 00:26:07,774
♪ Tall, dark, blond, and lean... ♪
589
00:26:07,857 --> 00:26:11,403
♪ Rough and tough and strong and mean ♪
590
00:26:11,987 --> 00:26:13,863
[indistinct chatter]
591
00:26:13,947 --> 00:26:16,157
[AJ] Left. Right. Shoulder.
592
00:26:16,241 --> 00:26:17,617
Oh, thank you, Little Bits.
593
00:26:19,244 --> 00:26:20,244
Steps.
594
00:26:23,123 --> 00:26:24,958
- Oh, great.
- Oh, what's wrong?
595
00:26:25,041 --> 00:26:26,918
It's the God Hates Glamour people.
596
00:26:27,002 --> 00:26:28,295
Drag yourself to hell!
597
00:26:28,378 --> 00:26:29,378
Hey!
598
00:26:29,713 --> 00:26:30,755
Get a life!
599
00:26:30,839 --> 00:26:32,090
That's a problem.
600
00:26:32,507 --> 00:26:34,384
[all chanting] Drag yourself to hell!
601
00:26:34,467 --> 00:26:36,469
No, AJ. This is America.
602
00:26:36,553 --> 00:26:38,555
Everyone can protest whatever they want.
603
00:26:38,638 --> 00:26:39,931
Well, I'm protesting them.
604
00:26:40,348 --> 00:26:42,350
[Louis chuckles] I like this kid.
605
00:26:42,434 --> 00:26:43,935
[protesters] Drag yourself to hell!
606
00:26:44,019 --> 00:26:46,062
[AJ, with protesters]
Drag yourself to hell.
607
00:26:46,146 --> 00:26:48,315
- Drag yourself to hell.
- AJ!
608
00:26:48,398 --> 00:26:49,441
Sorry, it's catchy.
609
00:26:51,276 --> 00:26:53,862
Well, good morning. Happy pageant day.
[chuckles]
610
00:26:53,945 --> 00:26:55,447
Hate to tell you this, Kevin, but...
611
00:26:55,947 --> 00:26:58,074
there are a bunch of protesters
setting up out front.
612
00:26:58,158 --> 00:27:00,201
Oh, I know. How exciting.
613
00:27:00,285 --> 00:27:03,913
Ten years on with this pageant,
and we are finally on the hate radar.
614
00:27:04,164 --> 00:27:05,832
We made it! [chuckles]
615
00:27:07,000 --> 00:27:08,043
[fan 1] Hi.
616
00:27:08,126 --> 00:27:09,895
- [fan 2] Here she is, girls!
- [fan 3] Oh, my God!
617
00:27:09,919 --> 00:27:11,087
[fan 2] It's Danielle!
618
00:27:11,171 --> 00:27:12,380
[crowd cheers]
619
00:27:12,464 --> 00:27:14,132
- Oh!
- [Louis] What is happening?
620
00:27:14,215 --> 00:27:16,134
Why are we suddenly at the Super Bowl?
621
00:27:17,761 --> 00:27:19,179
That's my competition.
622
00:27:19,262 --> 00:27:20,930
Bitch has a lot of supporters.
623
00:27:22,265 --> 00:27:23,767
And a Brazilian butt lift.
624
00:27:24,351 --> 00:27:26,478
This is a disaster.
Why didn't you dress up?
625
00:27:26,561 --> 00:27:28,730
I am dressed. As the winner.
626
00:27:29,147 --> 00:27:31,358
FYI, I found Colada on LinkedIn.
627
00:27:31,441 --> 00:27:33,985
He's running a daycare in San Diego.
628
00:27:34,444 --> 00:27:36,529
That's too far to make it here by three,
right?
629
00:27:36,613 --> 00:27:38,281
Louis, tell this little person
630
00:27:38,365 --> 00:27:43,036
how I slay the house down
when I do "Unspeakable Joy."
631
00:27:43,119 --> 00:27:44,704
Oh, she sure does.
632
00:27:44,788 --> 00:27:47,707
And she has me to thank.
I turned her on to that song.
633
00:27:47,791 --> 00:27:50,418
I used to sing a church version in choir
when I was straight.
634
00:27:50,502 --> 00:27:53,129
Hold up. Louis, you were straight?
635
00:27:53,213 --> 00:27:54,839
Before I came out, yes.
636
00:27:54,923 --> 00:27:56,549
So then was everyone else blind?
637
00:27:57,008 --> 00:27:58,928
- Good read, Little Bits. Good read.
- [chuckles]
638
00:27:58,968 --> 00:28:01,968
- [Robert] I'll take you to the buffet.
- Like I can't find my way to bacon.
639
00:28:03,723 --> 00:28:06,351
[fan 1] Danielle,
we are all here to cheer for you.
640
00:28:06,434 --> 00:28:07,977
- How are you?
- [fan 2] Oh, girl.
641
00:28:08,311 --> 00:28:10,031
[protesters chanting]
Drag yourself to hell!
642
00:28:10,105 --> 00:28:11,773
Drag yourself to hell!
643
00:28:12,273 --> 00:28:15,485
Drag yourself to hell!
Drag yourself to hell!
644
00:28:15,819 --> 00:28:18,905
Drag yourself to hell!
Drag yourself to hell!
645
00:28:18,988 --> 00:28:21,533
Drag yourself to hell!
646
00:28:21,616 --> 00:28:22,909
[indistinct chatter]
647
00:28:23,910 --> 00:28:26,204
Change your queen and cheer for Ruby Red.
648
00:28:26,287 --> 00:28:27,372
Excuse me?
649
00:28:27,789 --> 00:28:29,958
There's $500 in it for each of you.
650
00:28:30,041 --> 00:28:31,167
[sighs, chuckles]
651
00:28:31,251 --> 00:28:32,252
Money don't lie.
652
00:28:32,627 --> 00:28:35,380
[fan 1] I ain't cheap, though,
but, sure, give me some cash.
653
00:28:35,964 --> 00:28:36,965
[fan 2] Okay.
654
00:28:37,716 --> 00:28:40,051
Got any friends? Tell 'em to come see me.
655
00:28:40,135 --> 00:28:41,386
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
656
00:28:41,469 --> 00:28:42,887
[indistinct chatter]
657
00:28:45,598 --> 00:28:49,060
- [Kevin] Oh, there you are, Ruby.
- [Robert] Oh, hi, Kevin.
658
00:28:49,144 --> 00:28:51,646
We have a little problemo,
re: the balcony.
659
00:28:52,147 --> 00:28:54,774
- Your 200 fans have not arrived yet.
- What 200 fans?
660
00:28:54,858 --> 00:28:58,236
The only fans she's got coming
have "made in China" written on 'em.
661
00:28:58,319 --> 00:28:59,904
I'm sorry, I'm confused.
662
00:29:00,822 --> 00:29:01,822
Look...
663
00:29:02,657 --> 00:29:03,992
the truth is...
664
00:29:04,909 --> 00:29:07,662
there's been a terrible accident.
665
00:29:08,913 --> 00:29:10,123
There was an oil slick.
666
00:29:10,665 --> 00:29:12,167
There was a slide.
667
00:29:12,751 --> 00:29:14,586
There was a tip-over.
668
00:29:15,128 --> 00:29:18,465
I think the driver was texting.
You know, they usually are.
669
00:29:19,090 --> 00:29:21,050
[clicks tongue] I know I look young,
670
00:29:21,134 --> 00:29:22,969
but I did not just fall off
the turnip truck.
671
00:29:23,052 --> 00:29:24,971
There are no buses of fans buying tickets.
672
00:29:25,054 --> 00:29:27,432
[Louis] Oh, oh, the 200 fans are on buses.
673
00:29:27,515 --> 00:29:30,059
Oh, yeah, yeah. They're coming.
They're coming.
674
00:29:31,853 --> 00:29:32,729
Okay.
675
00:29:32,812 --> 00:29:33,812
Yes.
676
00:29:34,147 --> 00:29:35,857
I only have two fans.
677
00:29:36,274 --> 00:29:37,400
Come again? How many?
678
00:29:37,484 --> 00:29:39,444
Two. And I just soured on this one.
679
00:29:39,527 --> 00:29:40,527
Mm.
680
00:29:40,653 --> 00:29:43,823
The truth is, I am completely broke.
681
00:29:44,824 --> 00:29:48,870
The man I was in love with...
grifted me and took all of my money.
682
00:29:48,953 --> 00:29:49,954
Oh, my Lord.
683
00:29:50,038 --> 00:29:53,082
I've been living in that old RV
parked in your parking lot
684
00:29:53,166 --> 00:29:54,793
for the last two days because...
685
00:29:55,376 --> 00:29:58,129
I cannot afford a hotel or a motel.
686
00:29:58,213 --> 00:29:59,130
Oh, my Lord.
687
00:29:59,214 --> 00:30:03,134
I thought I had to do something
to impress you and your husband.
688
00:30:04,219 --> 00:30:05,553
I'm sorry I lied.
689
00:30:06,137 --> 00:30:10,016
- I just really have to win this pageant,
- [sighs]
690
00:30:10,099 --> 00:30:12,352
and I'll do whatever it takes.
691
00:30:13,520 --> 00:30:15,897
That's the pageant way. [chuckles]
692
00:30:16,648 --> 00:30:19,150
Now, you give that same speech
to the judges.
693
00:30:19,901 --> 00:30:20,902
But with tears.
694
00:30:22,904 --> 00:30:23,905
Thank you.
695
00:30:24,531 --> 00:30:26,282
You're so understanding.
696
00:30:27,200 --> 00:30:30,286
You know, you really are gonna be
a wonderful father.
697
00:30:30,370 --> 00:30:32,997
Oh! [chuckles]
698
00:30:34,791 --> 00:30:36,626
Oh, hey, there. Ewan, hon...
699
00:30:37,502 --> 00:30:39,879
And that's how you win a pageant, bitch.
700
00:30:40,505 --> 00:30:41,505
Yeah.
701
00:30:41,548 --> 00:30:42,590
- [man] Hello.
- Hi.
702
00:30:43,508 --> 00:30:46,553
Sure, you like your queen,
but is she paying you anything?
703
00:30:46,636 --> 00:30:47,720
Well, no.
704
00:30:47,804 --> 00:30:49,722
And there's more where this came from,
705
00:30:50,223 --> 00:30:51,558
ladies.
706
00:30:51,641 --> 00:30:53,518
She tried to bribe my fans, too.
707
00:30:53,601 --> 00:30:56,688
My support groups from AA, NA, and PA.
708
00:30:57,230 --> 00:30:58,230
What's PA?
709
00:30:58,273 --> 00:30:59,399
Pennsylvania.
710
00:30:59,983 --> 00:31:03,486
Well, I've come too far
and put too much stuff in my butt to lose.
711
00:31:03,570 --> 00:31:04,863
This is my year.
712
00:31:06,322 --> 00:31:07,740
Oh, everybody knows it.
713
00:31:07,824 --> 00:31:11,160
Sorry, I was just thinking about
how I'd really like a drink right now.
714
00:31:11,244 --> 00:31:13,872
Ewan, what's the deal with that kid?
715
00:31:14,831 --> 00:31:17,250
Um, so tragic.
716
00:31:17,333 --> 00:31:18,918
She told me her whole story.
717
00:31:19,419 --> 00:31:21,629
Her mama's a drug addict
in New York City,
718
00:31:21,713 --> 00:31:23,214
so she's traveling with Ruby.
719
00:31:23,298 --> 00:31:26,634
[Danielle] So that queen brought a minor
across state lines without a parent?
720
00:31:26,718 --> 00:31:29,637
Mm-hmm. Said all she wants
in the whole wide world
721
00:31:29,721 --> 00:31:33,516
is for her African-American friend
to win Miss Drag USA.
722
00:31:33,600 --> 00:31:35,560
Well, Ruby better bring it,
723
00:31:35,894 --> 00:31:38,855
'cause those judges are suckers
for a crowd-pleaser like you, Danielle.
724
00:31:38,938 --> 00:31:42,525
- [chuckles]
- Why didn't you tell him about her?
725
00:31:42,609 --> 00:31:43,484
I have a better plan
726
00:31:43,568 --> 00:31:46,946
to get that little brat
out of my very expensive human hair wigs.
727
00:31:47,030 --> 00:31:48,907
- [woman] Thank you for coming.
- [sighs]
728
00:31:48,990 --> 00:31:52,201
Oh, she better not be pulling out money
in front of my gamblers.
729
00:31:52,285 --> 00:31:53,620
They cannot cope.
730
00:31:56,331 --> 00:31:57,790
[Lady Danger] I don't see his car,
731
00:31:57,874 --> 00:32:00,835
but this tracker
says that bitch is here somewhere.
732
00:32:01,210 --> 00:32:02,210
Okay.
733
00:32:02,712 --> 00:32:04,756
You said we were going to New Orleans.
734
00:32:04,839 --> 00:32:06,466
Now we're in Dallas.
735
00:32:07,050 --> 00:32:09,093
Stick with me, I'll show you the world.
736
00:32:09,177 --> 00:32:12,472
[protesters chanting]
Drag yourself to hell!
737
00:32:12,555 --> 00:32:14,315
- Drag yourself to hell!
- [Lady Danger] Wow,
738
00:32:14,349 --> 00:32:17,185
came running
right back to your girlfriend.
739
00:32:18,436 --> 00:32:19,436
Hey!
740
00:32:20,605 --> 00:32:21,981
This is getting weird now.
741
00:32:22,065 --> 00:32:24,651
- [protesters] Drag yourself to hell!
- I'm into it.
742
00:32:25,276 --> 00:32:26,444
Wait right here.
743
00:32:27,403 --> 00:32:28,446
Where am I going?
744
00:32:28,947 --> 00:32:31,783
[protesters] Drag yourself to hell!
Drag yourself to hell!
745
00:32:31,866 --> 00:32:33,660
Drag yourself to hell!
746
00:32:34,243 --> 00:32:35,662
Hey, I'm a woman!
747
00:32:35,745 --> 00:32:37,080
Yeah, she's a woman!
748
00:32:38,081 --> 00:32:39,081
I think.
749
00:32:39,707 --> 00:32:42,710
Drag yourself to hell!
Drag yourself to hell!
750
00:32:42,794 --> 00:32:44,754
- [Lady Danger grunts]
- [lock creaks]
751
00:32:44,837 --> 00:32:46,297
[protesters] Drag yourself to hell!
752
00:32:46,714 --> 00:32:48,216
Drag yourself to hell!
753
00:32:48,299 --> 00:32:50,593
[protesters continue chanting]
754
00:32:51,469 --> 00:32:53,888
[sighs] Where did you put it, bitch?
755
00:32:54,472 --> 00:32:55,473
Where's my money?
756
00:32:56,140 --> 00:32:57,767
Wigs? Shitty wigs.
757
00:33:05,525 --> 00:33:07,318
Ooh, Gucci.
758
00:33:07,735 --> 00:33:09,195
[gasps]
759
00:33:09,737 --> 00:33:12,573
There you are.
Paid your girlfriend back, did you?
760
00:33:15,159 --> 00:33:16,159
[sighs]
761
00:33:18,538 --> 00:33:20,707
Maybe I'll pay her back too.
762
00:33:27,380 --> 00:33:28,380
[chuckles softly]
763
00:33:28,631 --> 00:33:32,176
Drag yourself to hell!
Drag yourself to hell!
764
00:33:32,260 --> 00:33:34,071
- Drag yourself to hell!
- [Robert] AJ's right.
765
00:33:34,095 --> 00:33:35,763
- It is catchy.
- [chuckles]
766
00:33:35,847 --> 00:33:37,140
Oh, my God.
767
00:33:37,223 --> 00:33:38,933
Sticks and stones, AJ.
768
00:33:39,017 --> 00:33:40,101
Not them.
769
00:33:41,644 --> 00:33:42,812
- That.
- What?
770
00:33:43,396 --> 00:33:45,565
- [protesters] Drag yourself to hell!
- [Louis] What?
771
00:33:45,648 --> 00:33:46,691
My wigs...
772
00:33:47,316 --> 00:33:48,693
hung and destroyed!
773
00:33:49,277 --> 00:33:51,988
No! What kind of sicko would do that?
774
00:33:52,071 --> 00:33:53,406
Drag yourself to hell!
775
00:33:53,823 --> 00:33:57,410
AJ, stay here with Louis. And don't move.
776
00:33:57,493 --> 00:33:59,328
What about sticks and stones?
777
00:33:59,412 --> 00:34:01,664
Sticks and stones are one thing.
778
00:34:01,748 --> 00:34:04,042
Wigs? Never.
779
00:34:04,751 --> 00:34:07,795
- [protesters] Drag yourself to hell!
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
780
00:34:07,879 --> 00:34:08,796
Yeah.
781
00:34:08,880 --> 00:34:10,214
I get it.
782
00:34:10,423 --> 00:34:12,133
I get it.
783
00:34:12,216 --> 00:34:14,218
But newsflash,
784
00:34:14,302 --> 00:34:15,928
I'm not going to hell.
785
00:34:16,012 --> 00:34:20,266
I'm already in hell.
Right here in this parking lot.
786
00:34:20,349 --> 00:34:21,642
We all are.
787
00:34:21,726 --> 00:34:24,145
Ma'am, this idea
788
00:34:24,228 --> 00:34:26,731
of us being different
789
00:34:26,814 --> 00:34:31,277
or better than each other
or separate from each other,
790
00:34:31,360 --> 00:34:32,695
that's hell.
791
00:34:32,779 --> 00:34:36,365
And so what?
I wear dresses, and I'm not a woman.
792
00:34:36,449 --> 00:34:38,826
But you're wearing
a Dallas Cowboy jersey,
793
00:34:38,910 --> 00:34:40,745
and you are not a pro football player.
794
00:34:40,828 --> 00:34:42,914
And you're wearing desert camo pants.
795
00:34:43,498 --> 00:34:45,666
We are not in the Sahara.
796
00:34:46,167 --> 00:34:48,628
And, yes, I wear wigs.
797
00:34:48,711 --> 00:34:49,712
So what?
798
00:34:50,421 --> 00:34:52,840
Ma'am, you're wearing a wig. You are.
799
00:34:52,924 --> 00:34:55,676
Or a piece or one of those halo rings,
800
00:34:55,760 --> 00:34:58,387
because there's no way
your hair is that full.
801
00:34:58,971 --> 00:35:04,227
How would you like it if I hung your wig
like you all hung my wigs over there?
802
00:35:04,310 --> 00:35:06,562
We didn't hang any wigs.
803
00:35:06,646 --> 00:35:10,066
We are busy over here
trying to save souls.
804
00:35:10,566 --> 00:35:11,609
Wait, are you telling me
805
00:35:11,692 --> 00:35:14,987
that all those wigs were so depressed,
they what? Hung themselves?
806
00:35:15,071 --> 00:35:18,074
There was a drag queen
in gaudy blue spandex
807
00:35:18,157 --> 00:35:20,576
- over there stringing 'em up.
- [man] That's right.
808
00:35:20,660 --> 00:35:23,329
- [woman 1] That's right. That's the truth.
- [woman 2] Of course.
809
00:35:23,412 --> 00:35:26,165
Well, we've all made assumptions today.
810
00:35:26,874 --> 00:35:29,252
I assumed you all hung my wigs,
811
00:35:29,335 --> 00:35:32,130
and you all assumed God hates drag queens.
812
00:35:34,173 --> 00:35:35,173
Come on.
813
00:35:35,675 --> 00:35:37,260
Drag yourself to hell!
814
00:35:37,343 --> 00:35:40,638
[protesters] Drag yourself to hell!
Drag yourself to hell!
815
00:35:40,721 --> 00:35:42,265
Drag yourself to hell!
816
00:35:46,018 --> 00:35:47,311
Well, that's it then.
817
00:35:48,104 --> 00:35:49,897
No prize money for me.
818
00:35:49,981 --> 00:35:54,902
I cannot win a drag pageant
without three big ol' hair changes.
819
00:35:55,611 --> 00:35:57,655
- That's just the law.
- [knocking on door]
820
00:35:58,906 --> 00:36:00,408
It's some of those queens.
821
00:36:03,703 --> 00:36:06,122
They got some balls walking up in here.
822
00:36:06,581 --> 00:36:07,874
Mm-hmm.
823
00:36:07,957 --> 00:36:09,292
- [contestant 1] Hello.
- Oh.
824
00:36:10,543 --> 00:36:12,187
- [Robert] Hello, ladies.
- [contestant] Hi.
825
00:36:12,211 --> 00:36:14,088
Here to take my tucking tape?
826
00:36:14,797 --> 00:36:17,967
Look,
I know we shared some fightin' words.
827
00:36:18,050 --> 00:36:20,011
- That's the pageant way.
- [contestants] Mm-hmm.
828
00:36:20,094 --> 00:36:24,098
But you've got some nerve showing up here
after you killed my wigs.
829
00:36:24,182 --> 00:36:26,559
- [contestants gasp]
- We didn't do this.
830
00:36:27,185 --> 00:36:28,811
Sticks and stones are one thing.
831
00:36:29,395 --> 00:36:32,565
Wigs? Never.
Come on, girl, give me the wigs.
832
00:36:33,482 --> 00:36:37,069
All of us ladies got together,
and... here.
833
00:36:37,820 --> 00:36:40,823
We know red's your thing.
Maybe you could do something with these.
834
00:36:40,907 --> 00:36:42,950
- [contestant 3] Mm-hmm.
- [contestants chuckle]
835
00:36:43,034 --> 00:36:45,620
It's just like the end
of It's A Wonderful Life.
836
00:36:45,703 --> 00:36:48,039
- [contestant 4] Aw!
- [all chuckle]
837
00:36:48,122 --> 00:36:50,601
[announcer on PA] Ladies and gentlemen,
please take your seats.
838
00:36:50,625 --> 00:36:52,376
- The pageant...
- [Louis] Mm.
839
00:36:52,460 --> 00:36:54,879
Does this look as good as it feels?
840
00:36:55,588 --> 00:36:56,588
Better.
841
00:36:56,964 --> 00:37:00,635
We went from It's A Wonderful Life
to it's a wonderful wig.
842
00:37:00,718 --> 00:37:02,637
[both laugh]
843
00:37:03,429 --> 00:37:06,265
[AJ] Yep. Winner, winner, chicken dinner.
844
00:37:06,849 --> 00:37:09,936
[Ruby] All right, y'all,
I'm gonna need a minute to focus.
845
00:37:10,019 --> 00:37:12,980
- I have to win this.
- Don't worry.
846
00:37:14,023 --> 00:37:15,524
You just do your own thing.
847
00:37:15,608 --> 00:37:17,360
I got everything else handled.
848
00:37:17,443 --> 00:37:18,486
What does that mean?
849
00:37:19,445 --> 00:37:21,906
AJ, the queen needs the room.
850
00:37:21,989 --> 00:37:24,575
[laughs]
851
00:37:24,659 --> 00:37:26,494
[contestant 1] Powder! Who has powder?
852
00:37:26,577 --> 00:37:29,121
- [takes deep breath]
- [contestant 2] I said 301s.
853
00:37:29,205 --> 00:37:30,831
[contestant 3] I am so sorry...
854
00:37:33,000 --> 00:37:33,876
[exhales]
855
00:37:33,960 --> 00:37:37,880
[announcer on PA] Attention, all queens.
All queens to be on stage in half an hour.
856
00:37:38,172 --> 00:37:40,925
All queens to be on stage
in one half hour.
857
00:37:42,051 --> 00:37:44,053
- [tapping on door]
- Hi.
858
00:37:44,136 --> 00:37:45,136
[gasps]
859
00:37:46,681 --> 00:37:48,349
[contestant 4] Oh, I heard that.
860
00:37:49,767 --> 00:37:53,104
- Don't close that door!
- Okay. Yeah, I won't. I get it.
861
00:37:53,562 --> 00:37:55,606
[scoffs] What are you...
862
00:37:56,691 --> 00:37:57,942
How did you find me?
863
00:37:58,025 --> 00:37:59,110
You always talked about
864
00:37:59,193 --> 00:38:02,363
how you were going to do the pageant
to make money for the club renovations.
865
00:38:04,699 --> 00:38:05,992
Did you get my message?
866
00:38:15,668 --> 00:38:16,711
I'm sorry.
867
00:38:18,296 --> 00:38:19,922
I'm so sorry, Robert.
868
00:38:20,006 --> 00:38:21,632
Okay, whose money is that?
869
00:38:22,842 --> 00:38:23,926
It's yours.
870
00:38:24,802 --> 00:38:26,095
Whose money is that?
871
00:38:26,178 --> 00:38:28,180
It's not important. It's what I owe you.
872
00:38:28,264 --> 00:38:29,473
All but 4,000...
873
00:38:30,308 --> 00:38:33,185
which I used to get myself this suit,
because I...
874
00:38:33,853 --> 00:38:35,438
wanted to look nice for you.
875
00:38:37,106 --> 00:38:38,107
Great, okay.
876
00:38:38,941 --> 00:38:40,192
- You can leave...
- Can I...
877
00:38:40,609 --> 00:38:41,652
I will.
878
00:38:42,778 --> 00:38:44,618
I'll leave,
but can I tell you something first?
879
00:38:44,655 --> 00:38:45,489
[Ruby] Leave
880
00:38:45,573 --> 00:38:46,991
or I will call security.
881
00:38:47,074 --> 00:38:48,659
Please, Robert. Please, just...
882
00:38:49,327 --> 00:38:52,038
give me a minute here.
I just need a minute, okay?
883
00:38:52,830 --> 00:38:53,830
Okay?
884
00:38:57,335 --> 00:38:59,503
Look, it wasn't...
885
00:39:00,504 --> 00:39:01,630
all a lie.
886
00:39:02,214 --> 00:39:03,215
I think I'm...
887
00:39:04,842 --> 00:39:07,970
[sighs, chuckles softly]
888
00:39:08,262 --> 00:39:10,431
...I think I may feel things for you.
889
00:39:13,768 --> 00:39:14,768
[sighs]
890
00:39:18,314 --> 00:39:20,649
So you're telling me
that you're really gay now?
891
00:39:20,733 --> 00:39:21,817
I don't...
892
00:39:25,446 --> 00:39:26,781
I don't know about that.
893
00:39:27,239 --> 00:39:29,784
All I know is that it's you.
894
00:39:32,912 --> 00:39:34,622
I think about you.
895
00:39:36,707 --> 00:39:38,209
This is just another scam.
896
00:39:38,751 --> 00:39:42,797
And it's the cruelest one,
because I had real feelings for you.
897
00:39:45,800 --> 00:39:47,134
And you destroyed me.
898
00:39:48,636 --> 00:39:51,406
[announcer on PA] Ladies and gentlemen,
take your seats. The pageant...
899
00:39:51,430 --> 00:39:55,226
So I'm thinking we use your disability
to get in the front row.
900
00:39:55,309 --> 00:39:57,478
Then we're thinking the same thing.
901
00:39:57,561 --> 00:39:59,271
I've been informed by the police
902
00:39:59,355 --> 00:40:02,066
that what y'all've been doing
is called racketeering.
903
00:40:02,650 --> 00:40:05,653
It's against the law.
And, on closer examination,
904
00:40:05,736 --> 00:40:07,863
[scoffs] it's just plain tacky.
905
00:40:08,614 --> 00:40:10,414
[Louis] What did you do, AJ?
What's happening?
906
00:40:10,491 --> 00:40:13,178
I bribed a bunch of people to vote
for Ruby, and now the cops are here
907
00:40:13,202 --> 00:40:15,454
with someone that looks
like she's from Social Services.
908
00:40:15,538 --> 00:40:17,057
Where'd you get the money
to bribe anybody?
909
00:40:17,081 --> 00:40:18,874
- It's counterfeit.
- Oh, shit.
910
00:40:18,958 --> 00:40:21,919
- I gotta go.
- [Louis] Wait, where are you going?
911
00:40:22,002 --> 00:40:24,046
[AJ] To get Robert and to get out of here.
912
00:40:24,130 --> 00:40:26,090
[Louis] Excuse me.
Watch where you're walking!
913
00:40:26,173 --> 00:40:27,401
- [both groan]
- [cane clatters]
914
00:40:27,425 --> 00:40:28,425
Cane down.
915
00:40:28,801 --> 00:40:31,137
Cane down. Cane down.
916
00:40:31,220 --> 00:40:32,680
[excited chatter]
917
00:40:32,763 --> 00:40:36,142
[Ruby] How dare you use something
as painful as coming out
918
00:40:36,225 --> 00:40:38,978
to sucker me into whatever it is
919
00:40:39,061 --> 00:40:41,772
you and Lady Danger
are setting me up for next?
920
00:40:41,856 --> 00:40:44,650
This has nothing to do with Lady Danger.
I'm on my own.
921
00:40:44,733 --> 00:40:46,110
- You have to believe me.
- Okay.
922
00:40:47,820 --> 00:40:48,904
[man 1] Guys, stage left.
923
00:40:48,988 --> 00:40:50,990
[man 2 on PA]
Mic check, one, two. One, two.
924
00:40:51,073 --> 00:40:52,408
Mic check, one, two.
925
00:40:54,118 --> 00:40:56,203
One, two, three, four. Check.
926
00:40:59,081 --> 00:41:00,082
Just kiss me.
927
00:41:02,376 --> 00:41:03,794
Please, just kiss me.
928
00:41:04,336 --> 00:41:05,588
If you kiss me,
929
00:41:05,671 --> 00:41:08,716
I know that you're gonna feel
what I'm trying to say to you.
930
00:41:09,049 --> 00:41:10,176
Okay. Okay.
931
00:41:11,552 --> 00:41:12,595
I-I'll kiss you.
932
00:41:12,678 --> 00:41:14,430
- [Damien] Okay.
- Just come here.
933
00:41:16,098 --> 00:41:18,517
Close your eyes, and I'll kiss you.
934
00:41:19,602 --> 00:41:20,895
- [AJ grunts]
- [Ruby gasps]
935
00:41:21,645 --> 00:41:23,230
- Ah!
- [AJ] Oh! No, no, no!
936
00:41:23,814 --> 00:41:25,232
- Oh, my God!
- [Ruby] Good one!
937
00:41:25,316 --> 00:41:27,156
[AJ] Did I kill him?
I didn't mean to kill him!
938
00:41:27,193 --> 00:41:29,612
No, no, no, he's still breathing.
He's just knocked out.
939
00:41:29,695 --> 00:41:30,863
We gotta get out of here.
940
00:41:30,946 --> 00:41:32,907
That Danielle queen
must have called the cops
941
00:41:32,990 --> 00:41:34,992
- and Social Services.
- What?
942
00:41:35,075 --> 00:41:37,620
They're in the lobby.
And if they get me,
943
00:41:37,703 --> 00:41:40,289
they'll take me away,
and I'll never go to Pop Pop's.
944
00:41:40,372 --> 00:41:42,541
Okay,
we've come too far to let that happen.
945
00:41:42,625 --> 00:41:43,834
Is this our counterfeit money?
946
00:41:43,918 --> 00:41:45,878
No, he brought it. Said it was mine.
947
00:41:45,961 --> 00:41:48,380
- I don't know whose it really is.
- It's yours.
948
00:41:48,464 --> 00:41:52,176
You're not winning this pageant now.
You need the money to start your new life.
949
00:41:52,259 --> 00:41:53,260
Yeah, give it to me.
950
00:41:54,053 --> 00:41:54,929
Come on!
951
00:41:55,012 --> 00:41:57,264
["I'm On My Way" playing]
952
00:41:57,848 --> 00:41:59,683
- [Ruby] Come on.
- [Louis] Excuse me!
953
00:41:59,767 --> 00:42:01,644
[announcer on PA]
All queens to be on stage.
954
00:42:01,727 --> 00:42:04,146
Stay here. I'll be back to pick you up.
955
00:42:04,230 --> 00:42:06,899
I have to take AJ to Pop Pop's now.
956
00:42:06,982 --> 00:42:08,567
Uh, what about the pageant?
957
00:42:08,651 --> 00:42:12,071
Nobody cares about
some drag queens' beauty pageant anymore!
958
00:42:12,154 --> 00:42:14,698
[gasps] Oh, I disagree.
959
00:42:15,407 --> 00:42:16,617
[grunts] Excuse me!
960
00:42:18,369 --> 00:42:20,871
- [both grunt]
- Blind man walking!
961
00:42:22,790 --> 00:42:24,917
- ♪ I'm on my way ♪
- Why do you move so slow?
962
00:42:25,793 --> 00:42:28,504
- [protesters] Drag yourself to hell!
- ♪ Nothing can stop me now ♪
963
00:42:28,587 --> 00:42:29,880
Run. Run.
964
00:42:30,631 --> 00:42:32,675
- [tires squeal]
- ♪ I'm on my way ♪
965
00:42:32,758 --> 00:42:36,053
[protesters] Drag yourself to hell!
Drag yourself to hell!
966
00:42:36,804 --> 00:42:39,557
[shouting] Drag yourself to hell!
Drag yourself to hell!
967
00:42:39,640 --> 00:42:41,725
Drag yourself to hell!
968
00:42:41,809 --> 00:42:43,310
That is too fast.
969
00:42:43,936 --> 00:42:47,189
Drag yourself to hell!
Drag yourself to hell!
970
00:42:47,273 --> 00:42:50,025
[announcer] We still have
more beautiful ladies to come,
971
00:42:50,109 --> 00:42:52,486
and we're starting it out with number ten,
972
00:42:52,570 --> 00:42:54,488
Lee Saint Lee!
973
00:42:54,572 --> 00:42:56,824
[audience cheers and applauds]
974
00:42:59,785 --> 00:43:03,205
Queen number 11, Miss Ruby Red!
975
00:43:06,834 --> 00:43:08,502
And queen number 12,
976
00:43:08,586 --> 00:43:11,422
Miss Danielle Dupri!
977
00:43:21,682 --> 00:43:23,934
Well, there seems to have been a mistake.
978
00:43:24,018 --> 00:43:26,312
Queen number 11 is not Ruby Red.
979
00:43:26,604 --> 00:43:27,438
[audience gasps]
980
00:43:27,521 --> 00:43:30,649
Ruby had a family emergency.
I'm competing in her place.
981
00:43:31,275 --> 00:43:33,027
[Kevin] Highly irregular.
982
00:43:33,110 --> 00:43:35,571
The rules state
that the person who enters the pageant
983
00:43:35,654 --> 00:43:38,490
actually has to compete in the pageant.
984
00:43:38,574 --> 00:43:39,950
To hell with the rules!
985
00:43:40,034 --> 00:43:43,078
Ruby had a family emergency.
Let the girl compete.
986
00:43:43,162 --> 00:43:45,039
[audience cheers]
987
00:43:45,122 --> 00:43:46,540
[speaking indistinctly]
988
00:43:46,624 --> 00:43:47,458
Thank you.
989
00:43:47,541 --> 00:43:48,541
Sure.
990
00:43:48,876 --> 00:43:50,628
And your dress is open in the back.
991
00:43:50,711 --> 00:43:53,255
I know, girl. Not my dress, not my size.
992
00:43:55,966 --> 00:43:56,967
You're blind?
993
00:43:57,509 --> 00:43:58,510
Yes, I am.
994
00:43:59,011 --> 00:44:00,554
Who's winning now, bitch?
995
00:44:03,057 --> 00:44:04,850
♪ M to the R to the S ♪
996
00:44:04,933 --> 00:44:07,311
♪ International everything ♪
997
00:44:08,604 --> 00:44:11,148
♪ Is Alaska a country? ♪
998
00:44:11,649 --> 00:44:13,359
♪ M to the R to the S ♪
999
00:44:13,442 --> 00:44:15,611
♪ International everything ♪
1000
00:44:16,820 --> 00:44:18,489
[audience cheering and whooping]
1001
00:44:24,286 --> 00:44:26,830
- Oh, my.
- Hope you can follow that, Helen Keller.
1002
00:44:26,914 --> 00:44:29,458
- [sighs]
- Danielle Dupri!
1003
00:44:29,541 --> 00:44:33,128
Ah, "Dupri" must be French for "sexy,"
'cause those men were hot.
1004
00:44:33,212 --> 00:44:36,298
Wasn't she fantastic,
ladies and gentlemen?
1005
00:44:36,382 --> 00:44:37,716
[audience cheers]
1006
00:44:37,800 --> 00:44:39,927
And now, ladies and gentlemen,
1007
00:44:40,010 --> 00:44:42,596
here to perform "Unspeakable Joy,"
1008
00:44:43,180 --> 00:44:44,723
Miss Ruby Red.
1009
00:44:46,558 --> 00:44:47,558
Correction.
1010
00:44:47,601 --> 00:44:50,813
Miss Cocoa Butter,
performing for Miss Ruby Red.
1011
00:44:50,896 --> 00:44:52,815
- [man 1] You go, girl!
- [man 2] Yeah!
1012
00:44:52,898 --> 00:44:54,400
[audience] Oh!
1013
00:44:55,609 --> 00:44:57,611
Well, he got the sympathy vote.
1014
00:44:58,237 --> 00:45:01,657
Well, I'm just gonna tell the judges
I've got cystic fibrosis or something.
1015
00:45:01,740 --> 00:45:04,159
- More like sissy fibrosis.
- [chuckles]
1016
00:45:04,535 --> 00:45:08,080
Ruby was planning on dancing her ass off
up in here this afternoon...
1017
00:45:08,706 --> 00:45:10,499
but I'll do what I can.
1018
00:45:10,582 --> 00:45:11,500
[man 3] All right.
1019
00:45:11,583 --> 00:45:13,460
For her and you all.
1020
00:45:13,544 --> 00:45:15,921
[speaking indistinctly]
1021
00:45:16,338 --> 00:45:19,967
- [singing] ♪ I'm talking 'bout joy ♪
- [piano playing]
1022
00:45:20,843 --> 00:45:24,179
♪ Unspeakable joy ♪
1023
00:45:25,514 --> 00:45:30,602
♪ Yeah, unspeakable joy ♪
1024
00:45:30,686 --> 00:45:33,856
[audience applauds and cheers]
1025
00:45:34,231 --> 00:45:36,692
♪ When I wake up ♪
1026
00:45:37,484 --> 00:45:38,902
♪ In the morning ♪
1027
00:45:38,986 --> 00:45:41,905
♪ It gets me out of bed ♪
1028
00:45:42,531 --> 00:45:46,618
- ♪ Keeps me runnin', skippin', jumpin' ♪
- Whoo!
1029
00:45:46,702 --> 00:45:50,748
♪ Just like a little kid ♪
1030
00:45:51,540 --> 00:45:55,878
♪ I did not get it from any woman or man ♪
1031
00:45:55,961 --> 00:46:00,048
♪ And it's okay if they don't understand ♪
1032
00:46:00,132 --> 00:46:04,511
♪ It's very easy
To get caught in circumstance ♪
1033
00:46:04,595 --> 00:46:11,477
♪ It's even easier
To break out and dance ♪
1034
00:46:11,560 --> 00:46:14,188
♪ Joy to the world ♪
1035
00:46:14,813 --> 00:46:18,150
♪ All the boys and girls ♪
1036
00:46:18,233 --> 00:46:21,403
♪ Joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea ♪
1037
00:46:21,487 --> 00:46:24,615
♪ Joy to you and me ♪
1038
00:46:24,698 --> 00:46:27,868
♪ If I was the queen of the world ♪
1039
00:46:27,951 --> 00:46:31,121
♪ I'll tell you what I'd do ♪
1040
00:46:31,205 --> 00:46:34,625
♪ I'd throw away the cars
And bars and wars ♪
1041
00:46:34,708 --> 00:46:37,002
♪ And make sweet love to you ♪
1042
00:46:37,085 --> 00:46:40,339
- ♪ I'd make sweet love to you ♪
- [audience cheers]
1043
00:46:40,422 --> 00:46:41,882
[Louis] ♪ Unspeakable joy ♪
1044
00:46:41,965 --> 00:46:47,471
♪ To the fishes in the deep blue sea! ♪
1045
00:46:47,554 --> 00:46:51,016
- [audience applauds and cheers]
- ♪ Oh, unspeakable joy ♪
1046
00:46:51,099 --> 00:46:55,437
♪ Unspeakable joy ♪
1047
00:46:56,021 --> 00:46:58,524
♪ To you and ♪
1048
00:46:58,607 --> 00:46:59,733
[takes deep breath]
1049
00:46:59,817 --> 00:47:05,989
♪ Me ♪
1050
00:47:06,073 --> 00:47:10,619
- ♪ Yeah ♪
- [audience cheers]
1051
00:47:16,041 --> 00:47:17,041
Hey.
1052
00:47:17,668 --> 00:47:21,129
I got this from the charity wig basket.
Can you put it on my head?
1053
00:47:21,713 --> 00:47:23,423
- Why?
- I don't know if you noticed,
1054
00:47:23,507 --> 00:47:25,384
but I screwed my hair up big-time.
1055
00:47:26,009 --> 00:47:28,178
And I want to look normal
when Pop Pop meets me.
1056
00:47:28,262 --> 00:47:31,098
Well, I've grown to love your hair
like this.
1057
00:47:31,181 --> 00:47:32,933
I think this hair is everything.
1058
00:47:33,267 --> 00:47:35,644
But he thinks I'm his granddaughter,
1059
00:47:36,270 --> 00:47:38,647
so I have to look like a girl
when he meets me.
1060
00:47:38,730 --> 00:47:40,107
Don't want to freak him out.
1061
00:47:40,941 --> 00:47:43,861
You're asking me
to put you in little girl drag?
1062
00:47:52,744 --> 00:47:53,871
[sheep bleats]
1063
00:48:01,169 --> 00:48:02,169
[sighs] Well.
1064
00:48:04,298 --> 00:48:05,299
This is it.
1065
00:48:06,592 --> 00:48:08,260
Yep, this is it.
1066
00:48:11,972 --> 00:48:14,600
And that must be Chestnut and Buster
near the barn.
1067
00:48:15,851 --> 00:48:16,852
[horse neighs]
1068
00:48:18,937 --> 00:48:20,147
Are you sure about that bow?
1069
00:48:20,939 --> 00:48:22,900
It's good. I look like a granddaughter.
1070
00:48:22,983 --> 00:48:24,985
[chuckles] Okay, fine. I just...
1071
00:48:25,402 --> 00:48:26,486
hate cliché drag.
1072
00:48:27,988 --> 00:48:29,573
Well, we're here.
1073
00:48:30,115 --> 00:48:31,658
Let's go meet Pop Pop.
1074
00:48:32,159 --> 00:48:33,160
Robert...
1075
00:48:35,037 --> 00:48:36,496
I don't want you to come in.
1076
00:48:39,041 --> 00:48:40,041
What?
1077
00:48:40,626 --> 00:48:42,544
I don't know how he feels about drag.
1078
00:48:43,128 --> 00:48:45,756
Maybe he's like one of those protesters.
1079
00:48:47,424 --> 00:48:49,509
And if you come up, he might not take me.
1080
00:48:51,845 --> 00:48:54,806
Well, if that's the case,
why would you even want to stay here?
1081
00:48:55,724 --> 00:48:56,725
'Cause I have to.
1082
00:48:57,893 --> 00:48:58,894
It's my plan.
1083
00:49:00,312 --> 00:49:01,355
But don't worry,
1084
00:49:03,023 --> 00:49:05,275
I'll change his mind
about all that gay stuff.
1085
00:49:06,401 --> 00:49:08,278
I just gotta get inside first.
1086
00:49:10,697 --> 00:49:11,697
Well...
1087
00:49:12,324 --> 00:49:15,285
I'm not gonna just leave you here
in the middle of the road.
1088
00:49:15,869 --> 00:49:16,869
Okay.
1089
00:49:17,204 --> 00:49:19,706
Then can you go up the hill
where he can't see you?
1090
00:49:22,292 --> 00:49:23,794
He doesn't know you like I do.
1091
00:49:25,212 --> 00:49:27,464
[sniffles] Fine.
1092
00:49:29,132 --> 00:49:30,258
I'll be up the road.
1093
00:49:31,301 --> 00:49:32,886
[takes deep breath]
1094
00:49:34,721 --> 00:49:37,140
If there's any problem or...
1095
00:49:37,808 --> 00:49:40,268
if you need me to come back
for any reason...
1096
00:49:43,313 --> 00:49:44,398
just wave to me.
1097
00:49:47,234 --> 00:49:48,860
And after you change his mind...
1098
00:49:51,196 --> 00:49:52,698
maybe I'll come back and...
1099
00:49:54,825 --> 00:49:56,535
give you all a show.
1100
00:50:00,747 --> 00:50:01,747
Cool.
1101
00:50:04,459 --> 00:50:06,420
I'm gonna go now. Okay?
1102
00:50:11,133 --> 00:50:12,384
What about your backpack?
1103
00:50:13,593 --> 00:50:15,262
[AJ] I don't need it anymore.
1104
00:50:16,096 --> 00:50:17,305
[sighs]
1105
00:50:27,232 --> 00:50:29,234
[engine starts]
1106
00:50:37,534 --> 00:50:38,535
[AJ] Hello?
1107
00:50:39,786 --> 00:50:40,871
[man] Door's open.
1108
00:50:43,290 --> 00:50:44,291
[AJ] Pop Pop?
1109
00:50:56,720 --> 00:50:58,680
[Ewan] Aren't these ladies fabulous?
1110
00:50:58,764 --> 00:51:03,143
We have crowned three of them,
when all 30 really could be queen.
1111
00:51:04,728 --> 00:51:10,317
All right, we've got two more alternates
and one more queen to crown this evening.
1112
00:51:10,400 --> 00:51:14,362
Ladies and gentlemen,
the second alternate winner is...
1113
00:51:16,073 --> 00:51:17,824
Miss Lee Saint Lee!
1114
00:51:17,908 --> 00:51:20,243
- [audience cheers]
- Oh, me?
1115
00:51:25,916 --> 00:51:29,544
And the first alternate winner
this evening is...
1116
00:51:30,796 --> 00:51:32,255
Miss Cocoa Butter!
1117
00:51:32,339 --> 00:51:35,008
[audience cheers]
1118
00:51:58,115 --> 00:51:59,658
There they are, folks.
1119
00:52:00,117 --> 00:52:04,454
Your top five hopefuls
for Miss America 1995.
1120
00:52:06,206 --> 00:52:07,206
Fourth runner-up...
1121
00:52:08,041 --> 00:52:10,460
Miss Hawaii, Lalani Kali.
1122
00:52:10,544 --> 00:52:11,544
[audience cheers]
1123
00:52:18,927 --> 00:52:19,970
[Ewan] So exciting.
1124
00:52:20,053 --> 00:52:22,097
You know what this means, don't you?
1125
00:52:22,180 --> 00:52:25,559
Your new Drag Miss USA is...
1126
00:52:26,685 --> 00:52:28,186
Danielle Dupri!
1127
00:52:28,270 --> 00:52:29,521
[audience cheers]
1128
00:52:31,273 --> 00:52:32,399
Oh, my God!
1129
00:52:32,482 --> 00:52:33,692
Thank you.
1130
00:52:34,151 --> 00:52:36,153
[dance music playing]
1131
00:52:49,624 --> 00:52:51,376
Where's my crown at?
1132
00:52:53,545 --> 00:52:55,630
Where's my damn crown?
1133
00:53:09,561 --> 00:53:10,896
[Ruby chuckles softly]
1134
00:53:22,115 --> 00:53:23,116
What?
1135
00:53:38,965 --> 00:53:41,343
Stamps. It's just stamps.
1136
00:53:42,135 --> 00:53:44,346
No postage marks. What?
1137
00:53:50,560 --> 00:53:52,103
That's a woman's handwriting.
1138
00:53:57,234 --> 00:53:58,735
[engine starts]
1139
00:53:59,861 --> 00:54:01,238
[tires screech]
1140
00:54:08,787 --> 00:54:09,621
Whoa!
1141
00:54:09,704 --> 00:54:10,956
Sorry, but...
1142
00:54:11,831 --> 00:54:13,124
where is the little girl?
1143
00:54:13,208 --> 00:54:15,418
- Oh, that little sweet thing?
- [Ruby] Yeah.
1144
00:54:15,502 --> 00:54:16,795
All kind of confused.
1145
00:54:17,295 --> 00:54:18,880
She ran out the back door.
1146
00:54:23,218 --> 00:54:25,220
[Ruby gasps]
1147
00:54:30,809 --> 00:54:31,809
[Ruby] AJ!
1148
00:54:40,402 --> 00:54:41,402
AJ!
1149
00:54:42,529 --> 00:54:43,738
AJ!
1150
00:54:44,155 --> 00:54:45,323
AJ, stop!
1151
00:54:45,991 --> 00:54:47,367
I'm wearing heels!
1152
00:54:49,077 --> 00:54:50,245
[panting] Where...
1153
00:54:51,413 --> 00:54:53,623
- where are you going?
- [AJ] To find Pop Pop.
1154
00:54:54,457 --> 00:54:56,960
- He must be up near Chestnut and Buster.
- AJ...
1155
00:54:57,877 --> 00:54:59,713
this is not where Pop Pop lives.
1156
00:55:00,672 --> 00:55:02,632
It is! It says it on the card.
1157
00:55:02,716 --> 00:55:03,550
No.
1158
00:55:03,633 --> 00:55:05,760
Your mother must have written the card.
1159
00:55:05,844 --> 00:55:07,887
It was never really sent.
1160
00:55:08,680 --> 00:55:10,890
[voice shaking] Shut up!
They're from my grandpa.
1161
00:55:10,974 --> 00:55:12,058
AJ, no, please.
1162
00:55:12,851 --> 00:55:15,562
Listen, I don't think there is a Pop Pop.
1163
00:55:16,688 --> 00:55:19,566
Look, the picture...
his picture wasn't real either.
1164
00:55:19,649 --> 00:55:21,443
No way. That is my Pop Pop!
1165
00:55:21,526 --> 00:55:24,571
AJ, honey, listen. Listen to me.
Listen, it's just like you said to me.
1166
00:55:24,988 --> 00:55:26,323
I know you want it to be real
1167
00:55:26,406 --> 00:55:28,575
and I want it
to be real for you too, but...
1168
00:55:28,658 --> 00:55:29,492
it isn't.
1169
00:55:29,576 --> 00:55:30,576
It's all...
1170
00:55:31,536 --> 00:55:33,121
it's all made-up.
1171
00:55:34,581 --> 00:55:37,959
I think your mother couldn't give you
anything else, so she gave you Pop Pop.
1172
00:55:40,211 --> 00:55:41,211
[grunts]
1173
00:55:43,381 --> 00:55:44,381
[Ruby] AJ!
1174
00:55:44,799 --> 00:55:45,967
AJ, stop!
1175
00:55:46,968 --> 00:55:49,512
Why? Why should I stop?
1176
00:55:50,013 --> 00:55:53,600
Why? Nobody wants me! Nobody!
1177
00:55:54,517 --> 00:55:56,061
[crying]
1178
00:55:58,396 --> 00:55:59,396
AJ...
1179
00:56:00,648 --> 00:56:01,733
I want you.
1180
00:56:02,984 --> 00:56:04,444
I want you.
1181
00:56:05,403 --> 00:56:06,446
I want you.
1182
00:56:07,655 --> 00:56:09,324
- [AJ sobs]
- I want you.
1183
00:56:10,867 --> 00:56:11,867
I want you, baby.
1184
00:56:13,578 --> 00:56:15,372
[both crying]
1185
00:56:16,164 --> 00:56:17,248
I want you.
1186
00:56:19,209 --> 00:56:20,627
[Brianna] Amber Jasmine!
1187
00:56:21,461 --> 00:56:22,545
It's Mama!
1188
00:56:45,693 --> 00:56:46,736
[AJ] I hate you!
1189
00:56:47,320 --> 00:56:49,906
I hate you! I hate you so much.
1190
00:56:50,573 --> 00:56:53,535
[Brianna crying] I love you. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, baby.
1191
00:56:53,827 --> 00:56:55,120
I really am. I'm sorry.
1192
00:56:55,745 --> 00:56:56,746
I'm sorry.
1193
00:56:57,414 --> 00:56:58,415
I'm sorry.
1194
00:56:58,832 --> 00:56:59,833
I love you.
1195
00:57:00,500 --> 00:57:01,793
I love you, baby.
1196
00:57:04,295 --> 00:57:07,090
[Robert]
It all started 'cause she needed money.
1197
00:57:07,715 --> 00:57:09,426
She thinks this is her story.
1198
00:57:10,969 --> 00:57:11,970
She's wrong.
1199
00:57:13,179 --> 00:57:14,305
From now on...
1200
00:57:15,014 --> 00:57:16,224
it's about us.
1201
00:57:21,187 --> 00:57:24,315
["Ruby Is Red Hot" playing]
♪ Ruby is red-hot ♪
1202
00:57:25,191 --> 00:57:28,194
♪ Hot fire, nonstop ♪
1203
00:57:28,278 --> 00:57:31,114
♪ Who got what I got? ♪
1204
00:57:31,781 --> 00:57:35,118
♪ Nobody, nobody ♪
1205
00:57:35,201 --> 00:57:37,871
♪ Ruby is red-hot ♪
1206
00:57:38,538 --> 00:57:41,332
♪ Hot fire, nonstop ♪
1207
00:57:42,000 --> 00:57:44,586
♪ Who got what I got? ♪
1208
00:57:59,100 --> 00:58:02,020
♪ Ruby is red-hot ♪
1209
00:58:02,604 --> 00:58:05,648
♪ Hot fire, nonstop ♪
1210
00:58:05,732 --> 00:58:08,735
♪ Who got what I got? ♪
1211
00:58:09,527 --> 00:58:12,572
♪ Nobody, nobody ♪
1212
00:58:12,989 --> 00:58:15,325
♪ Ruby is red-hot ♪
1213
00:58:16,618 --> 00:58:19,078
♪ Hot fire, nonstop ♪
1214
00:58:19,662 --> 00:58:22,290
♪ Who got what I got? ♪
1215
00:58:23,249 --> 00:58:27,045
♪ Nobody, nobody ♪
1216
00:58:27,170 --> 00:58:29,172
[twinkling chimes]