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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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- Synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.MY-SUBS.com -
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I once heard this asshole
say that, in life...
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there's no such thing as accidents.
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My entire life...
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has been an accident.
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I'm not complainin'.
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That's not my thing.
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But, come on, shit happens.
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Oh, my God! I had no
idea I was that athletic.
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Are you okay? Are you hurt?
Can you feel your legs?
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Calm down, dude.
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It's a fender bender.
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- Are you all right?
- I can't feel my legs!
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I feel terrible.
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This is totally my fault.
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Yeah, we were just talking about that.
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I was texting a Grumpy
Cat meme to my pet psychic.
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I am so sorry about this.
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Apology accepted. We gotta run. Bye!
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Don't you want to get
out and see the damage?
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No. I'm too damaged to see more damage.
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Bye!
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Look, give us 500 bucks,
we'll call it a day.
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Maybe that should be enough
to get me walking again.
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- All I have on me is $200.
- Take it.
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Any gift cards in
there? Starbucks? Target?
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AJ, AJ, we have got to go before
he comes out and sees his tires.
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I think I saw a bag of pot in her
purse that we could always sell.
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Oh, great. Now you want to
introduce illegal drugs into the mix?
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You know, this is my fifth accident.
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My dad always says, "Diane, I am
shocked you haven't killed someone."
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Diane, you have to stop talking!
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Stop.
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- I know. I see it.
- Who are you with?
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It's him.
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I thought she was in Pittsburgh.
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♪ Who got what I got? ♪
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- ♪ Got what she got? ♪
- ♪ Nobody, nobody ♪
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Can I get 40 back?
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He saw me, kiddo. Gotta go.
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Forget the gift cards.
Just give me the weed.
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Get off your phone. Let's go!
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These heels were not made to run in.
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- What?
- What do you mean, "What?" Look at my damn tire!
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- Wow, that is totally flat.
- And so is the other one.
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That bitch!
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- Damn it!
- Uh-oh!
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Nana said a bad word.
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Oh... ... I know, baby. I'm
doing grown-up business, okay?
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- Bye-bye. A million
kisses. - Bye.
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Oh, that bitch.
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Yeah, you already called him that.
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No, my daughter. She cut
bangs on my grandbaby.
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She knows I hate bangs on kids.
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Stop freaking out.
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I stabbed those tires real good.
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I just don't understand
why he's following me.
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- Maybe it's because he's in love with you.
- That's what I thought.
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But I didn't want to say it out loud.
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I was kidding.
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So was I.
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It just doesn't make sense.
He's... already stole all my money.
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Except for $500 I have
in a college fund account
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my aunt Charmaine set up for me.
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You could probably cash that out now.
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Well, actually, it's only $300.
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I dipped into it a while back
for some custom tucking panties.
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I cannot believe that he
had the balls to do his.
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I don't know why you're so
surprised. You've seen 'em.
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- Seen what?
- Her balls.
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Let's get something straight.
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I never did anything to him.
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He did stuff to me.
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Repeat that.
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Why?
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For clarity.
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I never did anything to
him. He did stuff to me.
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Repeat that.
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Fine. All right.
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He only did stuff to you.
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Whatever.
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I don't care what people do.
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Half my girlfriends have penises.
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I only have one tire?
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So by the time the AAA gets
here, they'll be long gone.
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Relax, I got this.
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Cook, party of four.
Cook, party of four.
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- Who needs AAA when you got this?
- Hey!
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And now you have two.
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We're in a parking lot.
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So? It's an open-carry state, right?
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Punch it!
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I can't punch it. It's a cop.
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Lightweight.
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Don't say anything.
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I'll handle this.
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Hello, Officer.
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You know why I pulled
you over today, sir?
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'Cause he's black.
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The reason I pulled you over
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is your left tail light's
completely smashed.
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Officer, a woman with a
very ugly driving record
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was texting someone a Grumpy Cat meme
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and backed right into it.
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This literally just happened, and
we haven't been able to fix it,
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but we will.
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How is that you two know each other?
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- Well, Officer, long story...
- He's my dad.
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- He's your dad, huh?
- Yep.
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My really gay, black dad.
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Let me ask you again. Why is
this child riding in your vehicle?
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Like she said...
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I'm her dad.
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And she's white because...
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my husband... Dylan is white.
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Which... no big surprise there.
I mean, with a name like Dylan.
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Am I right?
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Anyway, Dylan and I...
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decided to...
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spin our sperm.
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And his won.
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Which he never lets me hear
the end of... I'll tell you.
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License, please.
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Yes.
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Do you ever watch CHiPs?
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Never saw it.
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That Erik Estrada was just terrific.
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I'll take your word for it.
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Dude!
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Spin sperm?
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Okay, so how else was I gonna
explain the very obvious lie
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that I have a little white daughter?
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This is Pennsylvania. I was desperate.
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Is anything bad from
your past gonna come up?
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I guess what I'm asking is...
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should I get out and run?
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No. I'm a model citizen.
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Okay, if I did some questionable
things in the '80s as a go-go boy...
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will that show up?
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What's a go-go boy?
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A boy who goes and goes.
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Okay, here he comes.
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Don't say another thing.
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I mean it, AJ. Not one thing.
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No citation.
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But you get that fixed today.
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'Cause every cop that sees
that is gonna pull you over.
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Everything okay over there, little one?
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You know, 'cause if something was wrong,
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y... you could tell me. I'm right here.
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Everything okay?
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He's speaking to you, AJ. Answer him.
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You told me not to say
anything to the cop.
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I did, Officer. I did.
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Because she shows no
respect for authority.
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She got that from Dylan's sperm.
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All right. Enough of that. Here you go.
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Drive safely, huh?
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Oh, you find that funny?
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Almost seeing me in
handcuffs. Did you enjoy that?
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I did. I really did.
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Two donuts on a $40,000 ride.
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And I just bought those
rims. They're custom.
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What's that? A cop?
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Can I catch a break today, man?
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Keep going. I have 53
unpaid parking tickets.
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I'm just gonna... I'm just
gonna pull up around the corner
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and I'm gonna wait for him.
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I thought you said you
stabbed those tires good.
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Hey, I can only do so much here.
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Look, I know you're upset about your car
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and her balls and everything...
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but this shit's done.
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I gotta go back to New York.
I have a business to run.
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00:09:50,760 --> 00:09:53,437
No. You had a business to run.
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The cops are all over
your game now. What?
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You don't think that all
those queens you pumped talk?
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No one's gonna risk coming to you
anymore. Come on, think about it.
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Half your girls aren't even legal.
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Wow.
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I never thought about
it like that before.
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Bitch screwed up my game too.
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Yeah.
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00:10:12,823 --> 00:10:13,824
Yeah.
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00:10:14,992 --> 00:10:17,161
Okay, we have to find
another way to Columbus.
186
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They're probably hiding up
ahead, just waiting for us
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Open the glove compartment.
Give me the maps.
188
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I'll just GPS it on my phone.
189
00:10:23,751 --> 00:10:26,003
No, we need to take some
crazy little side roads
190
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where no one can find us.
191
00:10:27,421 --> 00:10:28,673
We need a map.
192
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Come on. You're surprised
to see a satin glove
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in a drag queen's glove box?
194
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Maps.
195
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Okay, here we go.
196
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Wow.
197
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It keeps getting bigger.
198
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Didn't know they still made these.
199
00:10:44,397 --> 00:10:46,566
They're for people who still
want to use their brains
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00:10:46,649 --> 00:10:47,649
to get somewhere.
201
00:10:48,192 --> 00:10:50,528
And also, so hipsters can have wall art.
202
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Okay, we're here.
203
00:10:54,031 --> 00:10:55,992
And we want to get to Columbus.
204
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Okay, change of plans.
205
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We'll go through Hershey.
206
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Girl, we gonna take the Hershey highway.
207
00:11:03,499 --> 00:11:07,461
- If you were older, you'd love that.
- Hershey! Like the candy?
208
00:11:07,545 --> 00:11:08,705
Yeah, that's where it's made.
209
00:11:09,130 --> 00:11:10,256
Can we stop and get some?
210
00:11:10,840 --> 00:11:11,841
I'll tell you what.
211
00:11:12,425 --> 00:11:15,886
I'll stop and get candy for you,
and you can do something for me.
212
00:11:17,430 --> 00:11:19,473
Call your mother. Let
her know where you are.
213
00:11:22,310 --> 00:11:23,561
I can live without candy.
214
00:11:41,912 --> 00:11:43,497
Well, look who it is.
215
00:11:44,332 --> 00:11:46,334
They tell me you put up quite a fight.
216
00:11:47,251 --> 00:11:49,211
- It was an accident.
- Which?
217
00:11:50,296 --> 00:11:52,256
The oral sex in the car for money...
218
00:11:53,299 --> 00:11:56,552
the drugs in the pocket, or
attacking the arresting officer?
219
00:11:56,636 --> 00:11:57,845
I didn't attack him.
220
00:11:57,928 --> 00:11:59,305
It was my purse.
221
00:11:59,388 --> 00:12:02,558
My purse hit him 'cause he swang me
around so hard when he grabbed me.
222
00:12:02,850 --> 00:12:03,850
Look. Look.
223
00:12:04,977 --> 00:12:06,646
Still have his fingerprints on my arm.
224
00:12:07,188 --> 00:12:08,832
- See?
- They're not prints. They're marks.
225
00:12:08,856 --> 00:12:09,940
They're finger marks.
226
00:12:10,566 --> 00:12:12,860
Fingerprints are the kind with ink.
227
00:12:12,943 --> 00:12:14,528
And it's "swung me around,"
228
00:12:14,612 --> 00:12:15,696
not "swang."
229
00:12:16,280 --> 00:12:17,907
Were you a teacher or something?
230
00:12:19,241 --> 00:12:20,868
Okay.
231
00:12:22,036 --> 00:12:23,371
So you're gonna be a wiseass
232
00:12:23,454 --> 00:12:25,098
- on top of resisting arrest?
- No.
233
00:12:25,122 --> 00:12:26,832
Look, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
234
00:12:26,916 --> 00:12:28,542
Officer, I really wasn't resisting.
235
00:12:28,626 --> 00:12:30,670
I was just trying to run
back to grab my phone.
236
00:12:30,753 --> 00:12:32,880
It fell out of my hand
when he grabbed me.
237
00:12:33,422 --> 00:12:34,465
Look, please...
238
00:12:35,049 --> 00:12:38,177
it is the only way I can get in
touch with my daughter. Please.
239
00:12:39,053 --> 00:12:41,597
If I don't call her, she
won't know where I am.
240
00:12:42,181 --> 00:12:44,767
I think she'll figure it out.
It's not like you got a big life.
241
00:12:44,850 --> 00:12:46,769
You're either in here
or in someone's car.
242
00:12:48,020 --> 00:12:49,647
I'm entitled to one phone call.
243
00:12:54,318 --> 00:12:55,653
Knock yourself out.
244
00:13:26,767 --> 00:13:29,145
We rolled into Ohio
after a bullshit stop
245
00:13:29,228 --> 00:13:30,730
at the Hershey factory.
246
00:13:31,147 --> 00:13:33,482
They wanted to charge us $10.95 each
247
00:13:33,566 --> 00:13:36,569
for something called "The
Chocolate Tasting Experience."
248
00:13:36,652 --> 00:13:37,653
Yeah, right.
249
00:13:38,654 --> 00:13:41,240
The bag that I stole in
the gift shop was free.
250
00:13:43,159 --> 00:13:45,536
Well, it's never good
getting it from the rear.
251
00:13:46,120 --> 00:13:49,039
Your tail light's all
busted, and this ladder...
252
00:13:49,540 --> 00:13:50,541
broke clean off.
253
00:13:51,167 --> 00:13:52,501
Can you fix her, Bob?
254
00:13:52,585 --> 00:13:54,128
I love this ol' RV.
255
00:13:54,837 --> 00:13:57,631
She ain't that pretty,
but she's aging naturally,
256
00:13:57,715 --> 00:13:59,717
unlike a lot of today's screen stars.
257
00:13:59,800 --> 00:14:03,262
I can fix anything.
258
00:14:04,013 --> 00:14:05,556
Clearly, you didn't Yelp me.
259
00:14:06,182 --> 00:14:08,893
Three years in a row voted
"Best Garage in Zanesville."
260
00:14:09,393 --> 00:14:10,895
Well, I'm glad we came-sville.
261
00:14:11,437 --> 00:14:12,646
You just make that up?
262
00:14:12,730 --> 00:14:14,482
Um, yeah, I did.
263
00:14:14,565 --> 00:14:15,565
I may have to use that.
264
00:14:15,608 --> 00:14:17,109
Cost you 100 bucks.
265
00:14:18,694 --> 00:14:23,032
Uh, just pretend she's not talking.
It's a... skill I've yet to master.
266
00:14:24,283 --> 00:14:25,723
You better let me take a look at it.
267
00:14:25,785 --> 00:14:28,162
Feel free to wait in the office.
There's fresh coffee there.
268
00:14:28,245 --> 00:14:30,831
Best coffee in Zanesville.
269
00:14:31,123 --> 00:14:32,917
That's according to me, not Yelp.
270
00:14:35,628 --> 00:14:37,171
Last Hershey's Kiss.
271
00:14:37,713 --> 00:14:40,925
You sure you don't want it? You
were eyeing these the whole way.
272
00:14:41,383 --> 00:14:42,510
Thanks, but no thanks.
273
00:14:42,593 --> 00:14:45,513
My last kiss cost me $100,000.
274
00:14:46,555 --> 00:14:47,555
It's hot.
275
00:14:47,932 --> 00:14:50,267
- Hey, maybe take off this knit cap.
- Hey!
276
00:14:50,351 --> 00:14:51,977
- Here, let me just fix one thing.
- No.
277
00:14:52,061 --> 00:14:53,062
Here, what... Hold on.
278
00:14:53,145 --> 00:14:55,147
- Let me just fix one thing.
- Stop it.
279
00:15:03,405 --> 00:15:06,242
Do you have any idea how much longer?
280
00:15:07,034 --> 00:15:08,285
No, I do not.
281
00:15:09,203 --> 00:15:12,164
I do the books. Husband
Bob does the bodywork.
282
00:15:12,790 --> 00:15:15,084
Oh, Bob's your husband.
283
00:15:15,584 --> 00:15:19,088
So we got us a real,
authentic mom-and-pop shop.
284
00:15:22,466 --> 00:15:23,466
Bob was right.
285
00:15:23,843 --> 00:15:26,262
- This is some good-ass coffee.
- You swear too much, AJ.
286
00:15:26,345 --> 00:15:27,930
You swear all the time.
287
00:15:28,556 --> 00:15:33,310
"Bitch, you fine as
hell. Oh, no way, bitch."
288
00:15:34,520 --> 00:15:37,273
Well, I think I've
earned a few curse words.
289
00:15:37,356 --> 00:15:39,441
My childhood was very rough.
290
00:15:40,651 --> 00:15:43,291
In fact, you know, I... I basically
had to do everything on my own.
291
00:15:43,821 --> 00:15:46,073
Got by with no help from anyone.
292
00:15:46,156 --> 00:15:49,577
Sweetheart... ... I don't
need to know your life story.
293
00:15:52,121 --> 00:15:53,121
Want a sip?
294
00:15:53,581 --> 00:15:55,583
Well, if it's as good as he said.
295
00:15:58,752 --> 00:16:00,838
Oh, my God.
296
00:16:01,422 --> 00:16:03,007
How much sugar did you put up in here?
297
00:16:03,090 --> 00:16:05,092
You just drank the last kiss, lady.
298
00:16:08,345 --> 00:16:10,472
- Are you gonna call your mother?
- No.
299
00:16:10,556 --> 00:16:13,309
Because I was just thinking this
might be a good time to call her.
300
00:16:13,893 --> 00:16:16,687
Won't have to call. She left a message.
301
00:16:17,271 --> 00:16:19,356
Oh, is she okay?
302
00:16:19,440 --> 00:16:20,608
She's never okay.
303
00:16:23,444 --> 00:16:25,237
Well, maybe you should
give her a call back.
304
00:16:25,321 --> 00:16:28,824
Why do I have to call
back and take care of her?
305
00:16:29,033 --> 00:16:31,702
She should be taking
care of me. I'm the kid!
306
00:16:47,927 --> 00:16:48,927
Sir?
307
00:16:50,721 --> 00:16:52,973
The noise?
308
00:16:53,057 --> 00:16:55,267
Hey, lady, can I use your bathroom?
309
00:16:55,351 --> 00:16:56,351
Sure.
310
00:16:56,685 --> 00:16:58,187
It's over there in the corner.
311
00:17:05,027 --> 00:17:06,528
She's a bit of a handful.
312
00:17:08,739 --> 00:17:10,783
Completely unpredictable.
313
00:17:12,117 --> 00:17:13,619
Case in point, her hair.
314
00:17:14,119 --> 00:17:18,749
That hair was gorgeous yesterday.
Like Angelina Jolie gorgeous.
315
00:17:18,832 --> 00:17:21,251
Well, Angelina Jolie
in Mr. And Mrs. Smith,
316
00:17:21,335 --> 00:17:23,963
not Girl, Interrupted,
or as I like to call it,
317
00:17:24,046 --> 00:17:26,298
Girrrl, Interrupted.
318
00:17:26,882 --> 00:17:29,510
And then...
319
00:17:29,593 --> 00:17:31,595
Twenty-one. Blackjack.
320
00:17:37,768 --> 00:17:38,768
Baby?
321
00:17:39,436 --> 00:17:41,063
Hi, it's me.
322
00:17:42,106 --> 00:17:43,148
Um...
323
00:17:44,525 --> 00:17:46,113
... look, I know I promised
324
00:17:46,114 --> 00:17:48,362
I wasn't gonna get
into any more trouble.
325
00:17:50,823 --> 00:17:52,199
I'm really sorry.
326
00:17:54,368 --> 00:17:55,869
But I promise...
327
00:18:10,092 --> 00:18:11,468
Someone's in here.
328
00:18:12,011 --> 00:18:13,971
Just checking. You all right?
329
00:18:14,221 --> 00:18:15,723
No. I fell in.
330
00:18:20,352 --> 00:18:21,395
What is all this?
331
00:18:23,439 --> 00:18:24,599
Those are calendars.
332
00:18:24,648 --> 00:18:27,609
They're a... cousin to the map.
333
00:18:27,693 --> 00:18:30,529
Look. It's the same lady in all of them.
334
00:18:30,612 --> 00:18:33,615
Same lady, same lady, same
lady, same lady, same lady.
335
00:18:34,575 --> 00:18:36,160
I think that's the woman out there,
336
00:18:36,243 --> 00:18:39,163
- just way younger and a lot more boobier.
- Hmm.
337
00:18:39,246 --> 00:18:42,291
That is her. She was
gorgeous back in the day.
338
00:18:43,834 --> 00:18:46,879
And I didn't notice she
had such large breasts.
339
00:18:48,088 --> 00:18:50,090
Let's not ask her about this.
340
00:18:50,174 --> 00:18:52,926
I get the sense she's not a sharer.
341
00:18:53,635 --> 00:18:56,346
Okay, but... you're the talker.
342
00:18:56,638 --> 00:18:58,348
Hm. Wash your hands?
343
00:18:58,432 --> 00:19:01,518
No. I never do. It's a racket.
344
00:19:04,938 --> 00:19:05,938
Here.
345
00:19:06,356 --> 00:19:10,903
I am always within two feet
of a Clorox wipe. Hands.
346
00:19:12,654 --> 00:19:13,989
What is wrong with you?
347
00:19:14,740 --> 00:19:16,950
Are you the booby lady on the calendars?
348
00:19:18,452 --> 00:19:19,452
I'm sorry.
349
00:19:19,453 --> 00:19:20,704
It's okay.
350
00:19:21,038 --> 00:19:23,165
Yeah, that's me.
351
00:19:23,248 --> 00:19:26,376
I just need you to initial
there, there, and there.
352
00:19:27,044 --> 00:19:28,378
So, where did they go?
353
00:19:28,462 --> 00:19:30,631
A... again, so sorry.
354
00:19:30,714 --> 00:19:32,553
Feel free to go back to your paperwork.
355
00:19:32,554 --> 00:19:34,510
I know you're not much of a talker.
356
00:19:35,260 --> 00:19:37,429
I had breast cancer
about five years ago.
357
00:19:38,889 --> 00:19:40,641
Found a lump, went in...
358
00:19:41,433 --> 00:19:44,144
they told me I had Stage 3 breast cancer
359
00:19:44,228 --> 00:19:47,272
and chances are it'd probably
spread to the other one,
360
00:19:48,023 --> 00:19:50,651
so I decided to rip 'em both off.
361
00:19:52,653 --> 00:19:53,737
Double mastectomy.
362
00:19:55,239 --> 00:19:57,282
Did some chemo.
363
00:19:57,366 --> 00:19:58,700
Threw up a lot.
364
00:19:59,535 --> 00:20:00,536
Lost my hair.
365
00:20:01,912 --> 00:20:02,913
It was hell.
366
00:20:03,539 --> 00:20:04,998
But here I am.
367
00:20:05,749 --> 00:20:08,919
And, boy, did my wife have
the most beautiful breasts.
368
00:20:09,837 --> 00:20:12,214
Back in the day, Helen won
every wet T-shirt contest
369
00:20:12,297 --> 00:20:13,549
in the tristate area.
370
00:20:14,049 --> 00:20:16,885
That's how we paid the down
payment on our first house.
371
00:20:17,219 --> 00:20:19,847
Just... beautiful.
372
00:20:19,930 --> 00:20:21,890
Well, now they're gone.
373
00:20:22,432 --> 00:20:23,767
Except for in the bathroom.
374
00:20:23,851 --> 00:20:27,020
- Your boobs are all over that place.
- Oh, my Lord & Taylor.
375
00:20:27,104 --> 00:20:29,584
She's always after me to take
'em down, but I keep telling her,
376
00:20:29,648 --> 00:20:31,483
- those calendars are my...
- Sweetheart.
377
00:20:31,608 --> 00:20:33,735
Nobody needs to know your life story.
378
00:20:36,822 --> 00:20:38,782
Well, I got the good news, bad news.
379
00:20:38,866 --> 00:20:42,286
I have the parts to fix your rear
light and a ladder that could work.
380
00:20:42,369 --> 00:20:44,621
But your transmission's leaking.
381
00:20:44,997 --> 00:20:47,916
I spotted a leak, so I threw the
RV up on the lift and took a look.
382
00:20:48,667 --> 00:20:50,460
You've got a fractured fuel line.
383
00:20:50,961 --> 00:20:53,297
It's too dangerous to drive.
I need to keep it overnight.
384
00:20:53,380 --> 00:20:54,882
Wait, overnight?
385
00:20:55,382 --> 00:20:58,719
And we can't sleep in the RV because
it's on the lift thing, right?
386
00:20:58,802 --> 00:21:01,263
There's a reasonable motel
right down the street.
387
00:21:01,805 --> 00:21:05,100
Gotta warn you, don't get chatty
with Dede in the coffee shop.
388
00:21:06,185 --> 00:21:07,936
I don't need to know her life story?
389
00:21:08,020 --> 00:21:09,062
No one does.
390
00:21:10,272 --> 00:21:11,398
Damn. I...
391
00:21:11,815 --> 00:21:14,151
I... I brought her in
for a broken tail light,
392
00:21:14,234 --> 00:21:15,440
and now you're telling me you found
393
00:21:15,441 --> 00:21:17,905
all these other things wrong with her.
394
00:21:17,988 --> 00:21:20,407
Why is this happening?
I don't understand.
395
00:21:20,490 --> 00:21:22,367
The RV has cancer.
396
00:21:29,333 --> 00:21:30,459
They have a pool.
397
00:21:32,044 --> 00:21:33,378
I want to go swimming.
398
00:21:34,713 --> 00:21:36,798
Did your mother teach you how to swim?
399
00:21:36,882 --> 00:21:38,008
Oh, yeah.
400
00:21:38,091 --> 00:21:40,302
She used to take me to
a spa outside the city.
401
00:21:40,385 --> 00:21:42,137
It had an Olympic-size swimming pool.
402
00:21:42,221 --> 00:21:46,016
And she got me a coach who gave me
private swimming lessons every day.
403
00:21:47,726 --> 00:21:49,937
That's what you wanted to hear?
404
00:21:50,020 --> 00:21:52,105
It is. It so is.
405
00:21:53,523 --> 00:21:54,566
Nah.
406
00:21:55,067 --> 00:21:58,612
A bunch of us were taken to the
lake by some do-gooders with dreads.
407
00:21:59,404 --> 00:22:01,490
But I wouldn't go in the water.
408
00:22:01,573 --> 00:22:03,242
Didn't trust the whole situation.
409
00:22:04,409 --> 00:22:06,036
Okay, well, stay away from the pool.
410
00:22:06,119 --> 00:22:08,705
You can't swim, and we
don't have any floaties.
411
00:22:09,873 --> 00:22:11,124
What are those?
412
00:22:11,208 --> 00:22:15,254
Things you put on your arms to help
you float on the water. Floaties.
413
00:22:16,129 --> 00:22:17,839
Come on, man. How hard can it be?
414
00:22:17,923 --> 00:22:20,259
On YouTube, they throw
babies in at six months.
415
00:22:20,342 --> 00:22:23,095
Yeah, and they sink. They
just don't show you that part.
416
00:22:23,929 --> 00:22:25,847
No floaties, no swimming.
417
00:22:29,393 --> 00:22:31,353
Well, you get what you pay for.
418
00:22:31,979 --> 00:22:35,399
Whoo! Two beds! I love it!
419
00:22:39,278 --> 00:22:41,029
And right next to the pool?
420
00:22:42,531 --> 00:22:43,991
Ah, this is the living.
421
00:22:45,325 --> 00:22:46,493
That's enough jumping.
422
00:22:46,576 --> 00:22:48,745
Come off the bed till
I can Clorox wipe it.
423
00:22:49,288 --> 00:22:51,915
Ugh, I knew I should
have brought sheets.
424
00:22:53,375 --> 00:22:56,336
Can't jump, can't swim.
425
00:22:57,421 --> 00:22:59,923
Can I at least get something to eat?
426
00:23:00,382 --> 00:23:02,917
Yes. Take your little
Instagram dog friend
427
00:23:02,918 --> 00:23:04,195
and go to the motel coffee shop.
428
00:23:04,219 --> 00:23:05,554
I'll meet you in a minute.
429
00:23:05,637 --> 00:23:07,139
And don't talk to strangers.
430
00:23:07,639 --> 00:23:10,434
Okay, but... who's stranger than you?
431
00:23:21,069 --> 00:23:22,069
Well...
432
00:23:22,529 --> 00:23:23,530
I'm in Ohio.
433
00:23:23,947 --> 00:23:26,250
Well, I'm in the
hallway with a locksmith
434
00:23:26,251 --> 00:23:27,701
who I think charges by the hour.
435
00:23:27,784 --> 00:23:28,910
So hold that thought.
436
00:23:28,994 --> 00:23:30,412
Uh, not by hour.
437
00:23:31,038 --> 00:23:32,038
By trip.
438
00:23:32,414 --> 00:23:33,999
Oh, you are too kind.
439
00:23:34,541 --> 00:23:36,209
Um, do you want a Diet Coke?
440
00:23:36,335 --> 00:23:39,463
Uh, no, thank you. I'm a Pepsi guy.
441
00:23:39,629 --> 00:23:40,922
Oh, to each his own.
442
00:23:41,423 --> 00:23:42,423
Excuse me.
443
00:23:42,758 --> 00:23:44,551
Okay, back to you, bitch.
444
00:23:44,634 --> 00:23:47,679
I tried to call you three
times today to tell you
445
00:23:47,763 --> 00:23:50,515
I left two messages with
Officer Patrick at the station.
446
00:23:51,141 --> 00:23:53,810
I'm afraid Damien and Danger
are gonna come back and get me.
447
00:23:53,894 --> 00:23:55,604
They already tried to kill me once.
448
00:23:55,687 --> 00:23:56,687
Louis...
449
00:23:57,522 --> 00:24:00,275
- you were not almost killed.
- Says you.
450
00:24:00,359 --> 00:24:03,445
I hid my suitcase in case they
were thinking of stuffing me in it.
451
00:24:03,528 --> 00:24:05,030
You don't have to worry about them,
452
00:24:05,113 --> 00:24:07,366
'cause now they're following me.
453
00:24:07,449 --> 00:24:08,992
Oh, thank God.
454
00:24:09,368 --> 00:24:10,368
I mean...
455
00:24:10,869 --> 00:24:11,870
oh, no.
456
00:24:11,953 --> 00:24:13,747
AJ slashed their tires,
457
00:24:13,830 --> 00:24:15,499
and now I'm in a motel.
458
00:24:16,708 --> 00:24:18,043
And there's a weird...
459
00:24:18,960 --> 00:24:21,046
stain next to my bed.
460
00:24:21,129 --> 00:24:22,964
That little kid slashed their tires?
461
00:24:23,465 --> 00:24:26,635
Careful, girl. Next thing, she
gonna slash your damn throat.
462
00:24:27,052 --> 00:24:29,137
- When you gonna get rid of her?
- Louis,
463
00:24:29,221 --> 00:24:31,765
I cannot just get rid
of her. She's a child.
464
00:24:31,848 --> 00:24:34,559
I need to find out who
and where her mother is.
465
00:24:34,643 --> 00:24:35,769
On second thought...
466
00:24:36,853 --> 00:24:38,188
get me Diet Coke.
467
00:24:38,271 --> 00:24:40,565
Oh, now I'm the help?
468
00:24:40,816 --> 00:24:42,150
No good deed.
469
00:24:42,234 --> 00:24:44,736
I cannot sleep with this
stain looking at me all night.
470
00:24:44,820 --> 00:24:45,820
I'll just...
471
00:24:48,073 --> 00:24:49,741
Unbelievable.
472
00:24:49,825 --> 00:24:51,076
Where's the damn Bible?
473
00:24:52,661 --> 00:24:54,663
Yes. Thank you, Jesus.
474
00:24:55,247 --> 00:24:56,415
Seriously, Louis,
475
00:24:56,498 --> 00:24:58,250
why are they still following me?
476
00:24:58,750 --> 00:25:01,002
I mean, he's taken everything from me.
477
00:25:01,711 --> 00:25:03,296
What more does he want?
478
00:25:03,964 --> 00:25:05,298
- Girl.
- Yeah?
479
00:25:05,382 --> 00:25:06,591
You sound really scared.
480
00:25:07,592 --> 00:25:09,678
Okay, that's what a
concerned friend sounds like,
481
00:25:09,761 --> 00:25:11,346
in case you didn't recognize it.
482
00:25:12,764 --> 00:25:13,765
I didn't.
483
00:25:13,849 --> 00:25:16,852
Well... I'm gonna give
the police another call
484
00:25:16,935 --> 00:25:18,061
because I love you
485
00:25:18,145 --> 00:25:21,189
and because I think I just poured
Diet Coke in your jewelry box.
486
00:25:21,606 --> 00:25:23,942
Girl, you'd better be joking
about that jewelry box.
487
00:25:24,276 --> 00:25:25,569
Well... Hello?
488
00:25:26,570 --> 00:25:28,488
Oh, she did not just hang up on me.
489
00:25:28,572 --> 00:25:29,572
Louis?
490
00:25:30,073 --> 00:25:31,283
It's Officer Patrick.
491
00:25:31,992 --> 00:25:34,953
The desk sergeant gave me your messages.
492
00:25:35,036 --> 00:25:36,538
Well...
493
00:25:37,038 --> 00:25:38,039
first of all...
494
00:25:40,250 --> 00:25:42,586
- hello...
- Hi.
495
00:25:42,590 --> 00:25:43,590
If I had known you were coming,
496
00:25:43,591 --> 00:25:45,714
I'd have thrown on
something more fitted.
497
00:25:45,797 --> 00:25:47,382
You... you look great.
498
00:25:47,466 --> 00:25:48,800
Mm-hmm.
499
00:25:48,884 --> 00:25:50,177
Is everything okay?
500
00:25:50,260 --> 00:25:52,262
Oh, it is now that New
York's finest is here.
501
00:25:52,345 --> 00:25:54,514
Okay, okay.
502
00:25:54,598 --> 00:25:56,016
Uh, sir, sir, uh...
503
00:25:56,099 --> 00:25:59,144
You can't waste police time by
leaving inflammatory messages.
504
00:25:59,227 --> 00:26:00,645
Oh, they weren't inflammatory.
505
00:26:01,229 --> 00:26:04,566
Uh, "Help, help, they're
coming to get me. I'm not safe."
506
00:26:05,400 --> 00:26:08,820
"Help, I'm still not safe. I think
they're on the stairs now. Help."
507
00:26:09,279 --> 00:26:11,865
Uh, what I said was, "Have
Officer Patrick call me."
508
00:26:12,282 --> 00:26:15,076
I had a feeling that desk sergeant
was a bit of a drama queen.
509
00:26:15,160 --> 00:26:18,121
He is kind of a drama queen. Right?
510
00:26:18,288 --> 00:26:20,832
- Who you talking to?
- Sorry. Uh, that's Officer Jones.
511
00:26:20,916 --> 00:26:21,991
Oh.
512
00:26:21,992 --> 00:26:24,503
And my second husband has his
third and fourth vertebrae out
513
00:26:24,586 --> 00:26:25,826
and will not get off the couch.
514
00:26:25,879 --> 00:26:28,381
I said to him, "Dan, I love ya,
515
00:26:28,465 --> 00:26:30,225
but I cannot sit in
this house one more night
516
00:26:30,258 --> 00:26:31,718
and hear you talk about your spine."
517
00:26:31,801 --> 00:26:33,720
Can I ask you a question, Dede?
518
00:26:33,803 --> 00:26:34,804
Yes, darlin'.
519
00:26:34,888 --> 00:26:37,098
Can you grab my
Thousand Island dressing?
520
00:26:37,599 --> 00:26:40,477
- Never got it.
- Oh, dear Lord, I am so forgetful.
521
00:26:41,102 --> 00:26:43,813
I had a subdural hematoma
on my brain removed last year
522
00:26:43,897 --> 00:26:45,273
after I took a fall line dancing.
523
00:26:45,732 --> 00:26:47,400
Hit my temple on the leg of a bar stool,
524
00:26:47,484 --> 00:26:49,253
- and now I can't remember crap.
- Oh.
525
00:26:49,277 --> 00:26:50,862
- Mm-hmm.
- Oh.
526
00:26:51,988 --> 00:26:53,907
- No Boobs was right.
- Mm.
527
00:26:53,990 --> 00:26:55,283
She is a talker.
528
00:26:56,117 --> 00:26:59,246
"Sweetheart, we don't need
to know her life story."
529
00:27:01,831 --> 00:27:03,750
Hey, speaking of life stories,
530
00:27:03,833 --> 00:27:06,836
what'd you say your mother's
name was again? Diane something?
531
00:27:06,920 --> 00:27:09,548
Hm. Good one. Sneaky.
532
00:27:09,631 --> 00:27:13,635
If I tell you, you won't take
me to see my pop-pop in Texas.
533
00:27:14,427 --> 00:27:15,427
But nice try.
534
00:27:15,929 --> 00:27:16,929
Listen.
535
00:27:18,306 --> 00:27:19,349
I'm being chased.
536
00:27:20,016 --> 00:27:21,726
This is dangerous now,
537
00:27:21,810 --> 00:27:25,939
and I don't want to be responsible
if something bad happens.
538
00:27:26,523 --> 00:27:27,899
That's cool. Don't worry.
539
00:27:28,191 --> 00:27:29,818
If anything bad happens to me...
540
00:27:30,193 --> 00:27:31,236
nobody will care.
541
00:27:35,115 --> 00:27:38,159
people with addiction...
have a hard time.
542
00:27:39,953 --> 00:27:43,081
And, you know, just because
someone's a drug addict
543
00:27:43,164 --> 00:27:45,959
doesn't mean they don't love you.
544
00:27:47,544 --> 00:27:49,045
They just love drugs more.
545
00:27:51,548 --> 00:27:53,466
Oh, there you are.
546
00:27:53,550 --> 00:27:56,761
I was hopin' to find you here. I
got the estimate for the repairs.
547
00:27:56,845 --> 00:28:00,098
Wait, y-you came all the way
over here just to tell me that?
548
00:28:00,640 --> 00:28:02,434
That's so Ohio.
549
00:28:02,517 --> 00:28:05,478
No, I also came to pick up
John, the cook over there.
550
00:28:05,562 --> 00:28:08,273
We're driving to the wet T
together. He's my designated driver.
551
00:28:08,356 --> 00:28:10,233
John's been clean and
sober for five months,
552
00:28:10,317 --> 00:28:11,660
since his wife kicked him out
553
00:28:11,661 --> 00:28:13,170
and told him he couldn't
see the grandkids
554
00:28:13,194 --> 00:28:15,572
- till he cleaned up his act.
- Never got my hot sauce.
555
00:28:15,655 --> 00:28:16,948
I... I'm sorry.
556
00:28:17,032 --> 00:28:19,993
You still have a wet T-shirt contest?
557
00:28:20,076 --> 00:28:22,746
The Zanesville Roadhouse
still honors the tradition.
558
00:28:22,829 --> 00:28:24,998
In the '90s, the lesbians
took over for a while,
559
00:28:25,081 --> 00:28:26,958
it's back to the straights
now. Just good fun.
560
00:28:27,042 --> 00:28:28,042
Amazing.
561
00:28:28,293 --> 00:28:31,755
I-I thought that went out with
the side ponytail and leg warmers.
562
00:28:31,838 --> 00:28:34,558
Two things I never thought I could
do without, but turns out I could.
563
00:28:34,924 --> 00:28:37,469
And speaking of body parts,
564
00:28:37,552 --> 00:28:38,553
I got the damage.
565
00:28:39,304 --> 00:28:40,889
Two thousand to fix everything.
566
00:28:41,723 --> 00:28:44,601
What? Pittsburgh only paid $1,000.
567
00:28:44,684 --> 00:28:47,979
I guess I'll have to somehow
scrape together the other $1,000.
568
00:28:48,063 --> 00:28:49,981
It's too bad you're
not a hot-looking chick.
569
00:28:50,065 --> 00:28:52,108
You could win that $1,000 tonight.
570
00:28:56,404 --> 00:28:58,531
There's a lot of
plastic thingies in here.
571
00:28:58,615 --> 00:29:00,659
It says "breast plates" on the side.
572
00:29:00,742 --> 00:29:04,788
It should be under the tub
marked "gay pride extravaganza."
573
00:29:05,705 --> 00:29:06,706
Found them.
574
00:29:07,749 --> 00:29:09,550
I don't usually wear a breastplate,
575
00:29:09,551 --> 00:29:12,921
because my drags is
more illusion, but...
576
00:29:14,005 --> 00:29:17,467
tonight, we're going
for big boob realness.
577
00:29:20,011 --> 00:29:21,513
Is it this rubbery thing?
578
00:29:21,596 --> 00:29:25,475
Yes. And this rubbery
thing is everything.
579
00:29:25,558 --> 00:29:27,852
Come on, dude. Seriously?
580
00:29:28,353 --> 00:29:30,689
You're going into a club wearing these?
581
00:29:30,772 --> 00:29:31,940
I'm not.
582
00:29:32,023 --> 00:29:34,067
Ruby is, darling.
583
00:29:34,150 --> 00:29:37,237
Closing up. You two about... done?
584
00:29:37,320 --> 00:29:39,072
Just getting some essentials.
585
00:29:40,198 --> 00:29:42,867
I have no idea what's going on in here.
586
00:29:43,952 --> 00:29:44,994
But, sweetheart...
587
00:29:45,745 --> 00:29:48,123
this is one story I do need to know.
588
00:30:00,385 --> 00:30:02,971
Whoever that is, you
should know I have a gun.
589
00:30:03,054 --> 00:30:05,056
You should know, so do I.
590
00:30:06,725 --> 00:30:07,892
Come out them bushes.
591
00:30:10,895 --> 00:30:14,023
I told you to stay at the
motel with the door locked.
592
00:30:14,107 --> 00:30:15,400
I'm trying to protect you.
593
00:30:15,483 --> 00:30:18,236
You think that I want to
lay around and watch cable?
594
00:30:19,279 --> 00:30:21,740
- I'm trying to protect you.
- Protect me from what?
595
00:30:21,823 --> 00:30:22,949
The straights.
596
00:30:24,492 --> 00:30:25,535
You heard Bob.
597
00:30:26,035 --> 00:30:27,162
It's their club again.
598
00:30:27,579 --> 00:30:30,540
- AJ, this isn't the Jets and the Sharks.
- What's that?
599
00:30:31,040 --> 00:30:32,417
It's from West Side Story.
600
00:30:32,500 --> 00:30:33,918
I don't know what that is...
601
00:30:34,002 --> 00:30:35,521
... but, sweetheart,
602
00:30:35,545 --> 00:30:37,505
I don't need to know
the west side's story.
603
00:30:37,589 --> 00:30:40,383
It's a good thing you're funny.
604
00:30:41,050 --> 00:30:43,636
We're pretty much there, so
you might as well just come.
605
00:30:43,970 --> 00:30:46,639
If anything bad happens,
I've got your back.
606
00:30:46,723 --> 00:30:49,934
Well, I appreciate that, but
nothing bad is gonna happen to me.
607
00:30:51,186 --> 00:30:52,228
You're gay...
608
00:30:52,812 --> 00:30:54,230
with fake boobs...
609
00:30:55,023 --> 00:30:56,399
in Ohio.
610
00:30:56,900 --> 00:30:58,096
You know, for someone so smart,
611
00:30:58,097 --> 00:31:00,945
you have a very limited
view of the world.
612
00:31:01,446 --> 00:31:04,949
You can't just divide
everyone into categories.
613
00:31:05,492 --> 00:31:07,202
People are more complex than that.
614
00:31:08,703 --> 00:31:13,041
And besides, no one is gonna clock
the fact that I'm not a real woman.
615
00:31:14,292 --> 00:31:15,627
Yeah, right.
616
00:31:15,710 --> 00:31:18,630
Watch this.
617
00:31:21,591 --> 00:31:23,468
Excuse me, handsome.
618
00:31:23,802 --> 00:31:27,680
Is this where the wet
T-shirt contest is?
619
00:31:31,976 --> 00:31:32,976
Bye.
620
00:31:35,230 --> 00:31:38,858
Speechless? Yes, child.
I'm a professional.
621
00:31:39,609 --> 00:31:42,487
- Your legs are too skinny.
- Thank you.
622
00:31:48,785 --> 00:31:51,162
Whoo, Sharon!
623
00:31:53,915 --> 00:31:57,502
Now, that's a different Sharon than
we're used to seeing at the DMV.
624
00:32:00,797 --> 00:32:02,507
Well done, Sharon.
625
00:32:02,590 --> 00:32:04,425
Whoo! Whoo!
626
00:32:04,509 --> 00:32:05,677
Whoo!
627
00:32:06,344 --> 00:32:09,222
- Yeah!
- Look at Dave over here.
628
00:32:09,305 --> 00:32:10,890
Dave, get your eyes back in your head.
629
00:32:17,564 --> 00:32:19,182
Here we go. There you are, darling.
630
00:32:19,183 --> 00:32:20,334
Stage is yours. Do your thing.
631
00:32:20,358 --> 00:32:21,718
- Yeah!
- Whoo!
632
00:32:24,612 --> 00:32:25,613
You okay?
633
00:32:26,614 --> 00:32:28,783
Whoo! Yeah!
634
00:32:28,867 --> 00:32:31,220
- It's crowded back there.
- The price of fame.
635
00:32:31,244 --> 00:32:33,371
Want to come up here? Closer?
636
00:32:33,454 --> 00:32:34,664
There's no place to sit.
637
00:32:37,625 --> 00:32:39,544
- There is now.
- There she goes.
638
00:32:40,211 --> 00:32:43,965
So let's give a big round of applause
to all our contestants tonight.
639
00:32:44,799 --> 00:32:45,842
Hi.
640
00:32:47,427 --> 00:32:48,845
Can you put this on for me?
641
00:32:49,888 --> 00:32:51,848
- Sure.
- My eyes are up here, sir.
642
00:32:53,224 --> 00:32:55,264
- Higher.
- They're all beauties.
643
00:32:55,310 --> 00:32:57,270
Let's see who's gonna win that $1,000.
644
00:32:57,353 --> 00:33:00,565
Two, four, six, a lot
of tits here tonight.
645
00:33:00,648 --> 00:33:04,527
Ooh, I forgot. Can I say that
without offending any snowflakes here?
646
00:33:04,611 --> 00:33:07,280
Okay, time to vote.
647
00:33:07,363 --> 00:33:09,449
Whoa, hold up, Bob. We got one more.
648
00:33:17,081 --> 00:33:20,376
♪ I am descending ♪
649
00:33:20,460 --> 00:33:24,005
♪ From heaven above ♪
650
00:33:24,839 --> 00:33:27,842
♪ So catch me, I'm falling ♪
651
00:33:28,843 --> 00:33:34,349
♪ Hold on to my love ♪
652
00:33:44,692 --> 00:33:45,944
♪ Are you ready, boy? ♪
653
00:33:48,196 --> 00:33:50,865
♪ Here I come, catch me, I'm falling ♪
654
00:34:07,173 --> 00:34:08,800
- ♪ You ♪
- ♪ You, you, you ♪
655
00:34:08,883 --> 00:34:10,885
♪ Came into my life ♪
656
00:34:10,969 --> 00:34:13,304
♪ The look in your eyes ♪
657
00:34:13,388 --> 00:34:15,223
♪ Took me by surprise ♪
658
00:34:15,306 --> 00:34:19,102
♪ It's you and nobody else ♪
659
00:34:19,435 --> 00:34:23,147
♪ Your love has made me
so blind I can't see ♪
660
00:34:23,606 --> 00:34:26,609
♪ I am descending ♪
661
00:34:27,193 --> 00:34:30,446
♪ From heaven above ♪
662
00:34:31,447 --> 00:34:34,450
♪ So catch me, I'm falling ♪
663
00:34:34,534 --> 00:34:38,788
♪ Baby, just hold on to my love ♪
664
00:34:39,789 --> 00:34:41,416
♪ Catch me, I'm falling ♪
665
00:34:43,835 --> 00:34:45,795
♪ Catch me now, I'm falling ♪
666
00:34:47,338 --> 00:34:50,008
♪ Catch me, I'm falling ♪
667
00:34:51,676 --> 00:34:55,930
♪ Catch me now, I'm falling ♪
♪ Falling in love ♪
668
00:34:56,014 --> 00:34:58,933
- ♪ Falling in motion ♪
- Yeah!
669
00:34:59,642 --> 00:35:03,229
♪ As though I had wings ♪
670
00:35:04,063 --> 00:35:06,649
♪ Your sweet love and devotion ♪
671
00:35:07,150 --> 00:35:09,944
♪ Baby, it's magic ♪
672
00:35:10,028 --> 00:35:11,529
♪ A magical thing ♪
673
00:35:12,196 --> 00:35:13,990
♪ Catch me, I'm falling ♪
674
00:35:16,451 --> 00:35:20,204
- ♪ Catch me now, I'm falling ♪
- ♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
675
00:35:20,288 --> 00:35:22,081
♪ Catch me, I'm falling... ♪
676
00:35:23,624 --> 00:35:26,044
- Whoa! Yeah!
- ♪ Catch me now, I'm falling ♪
677
00:35:26,127 --> 00:35:32,091
♪ Falling in love ♪
678
00:35:43,269 --> 00:35:45,563
♪ Ooh, catch me ♪
679
00:35:55,573 --> 00:35:57,325
What?
680
00:35:57,408 --> 00:35:58,534
The hell?
681
00:35:58,618 --> 00:36:00,036
Oh, shit.
682
00:36:00,119 --> 00:36:02,080
Ooh!
683
00:36:02,163 --> 00:36:04,123
What the... ?
684
00:36:04,207 --> 00:36:05,792
What the... ?
685
00:36:12,715 --> 00:36:14,467
Yes!
686
00:36:14,550 --> 00:36:15,550
Whoo!
687
00:36:15,593 --> 00:36:18,888
Well, it's pretty clear
who the real winner is.
688
00:36:19,388 --> 00:36:20,973
But it's a dude!
689
00:36:21,057 --> 00:36:23,768
Yeah, but he's got the
best rack of the night.
690
00:36:24,811 --> 00:36:26,562
Yes! Those are great!
691
00:36:26,646 --> 00:36:28,856
♪ Catch me, I'm falling... ♪
692
00:36:28,940 --> 00:36:30,858
Congratulations, miss...
693
00:36:31,442 --> 00:36:32,485
or mister.
694
00:36:35,780 --> 00:36:37,782
Bye.
695
00:36:38,032 --> 00:36:41,828
- Ooh, I got us some mennie, henny.
- Whoo!
696
00:36:41,911 --> 00:36:44,664
- Hey!
- I thought you were gonna get killed
697
00:36:44,747 --> 00:36:46,499
when they figured out
that you were a dude.
698
00:36:46,582 --> 00:36:50,044
And then you'd be hanging on the
wall like one of those dead animals
699
00:36:50,128 --> 00:36:51,128
all over the place.
700
00:36:51,170 --> 00:36:54,173
Well, like I said before,
people can be more complex
701
00:36:54,257 --> 00:36:55,257
than you expect.
702
00:36:55,299 --> 00:37:01,347
You can be a hunter from Ohio and
still enjoy a fabulous drag queen.
703
00:37:01,430 --> 00:37:03,975
Nobody's just one thing, AJ.
704
00:37:04,767 --> 00:37:07,270
Take your mother, she's
more than just one thing.
705
00:37:07,353 --> 00:37:10,398
She's more than, uh... uh,
someone with a drug problem.
706
00:37:11,816 --> 00:37:12,817
Yeah, right.
707
00:37:13,317 --> 00:37:15,736
People can be two things, AJ.
708
00:37:16,279 --> 00:37:18,281
I mean, it's like my current situation.
709
00:37:18,364 --> 00:37:20,741
Just because Damien robbed me,
710
00:37:20,825 --> 00:37:22,994
maybe there's another
part of him that...
711
00:37:24,120 --> 00:37:25,120
... loved me.
712
00:37:40,428 --> 00:37:41,929
Here's your change, handsome.
713
00:37:43,181 --> 00:37:47,894
Five, ten, 15, 20... 25.
714
00:37:51,772 --> 00:37:53,941
You're amazing, you know that?
715
00:37:54,025 --> 00:37:55,443
Yeah, I know.
716
00:37:57,695 --> 00:38:00,948
You some big agent
or... something else big?
717
00:38:01,032 --> 00:38:03,743
I'm a business
consultant for start-ups.
718
00:38:04,076 --> 00:38:05,536
Oh, I see.
719
00:38:05,995 --> 00:38:07,496
And you think your $60
720
00:38:07,580 --> 00:38:09,874
is gon' start something
up with my business?
721
00:38:10,208 --> 00:38:12,835
I don't think so.
722
00:38:13,878 --> 00:38:15,338
Wait, wait, wait.
723
00:38:16,964 --> 00:38:17,965
It's not like that.
724
00:38:18,841 --> 00:38:19,967
Oh, it always is.
725
00:38:20,927 --> 00:38:22,220
Let me give you the T.
726
00:38:22,303 --> 00:38:23,387
I work...
727
00:38:23,846 --> 00:38:24,847
for myself.
728
00:38:25,389 --> 00:38:26,682
I don't need some...
729
00:38:27,266 --> 00:38:31,270
Wall Street pimp in a
tight-fittin' Prada suit,
730
00:38:32,146 --> 00:38:33,981
no matter how fine you are.
731
00:38:37,276 --> 00:38:38,276
First...
732
00:38:39,445 --> 00:38:40,655
this is Gucci.
733
00:38:42,240 --> 00:38:45,534
And the most attractive
thing about me is my brain.
734
00:38:51,707 --> 00:38:52,707
Hi.
735
00:38:53,918 --> 00:38:54,918
Hi.
736
00:39:30,913 --> 00:39:32,331
Oh, my God!
737
00:39:45,928 --> 00:39:47,179
Is it fabulous?
738
00:39:48,472 --> 00:39:51,183
Yeah.
739
00:39:52,059 --> 00:39:53,644
Where'd you get the bathing cap?
740
00:39:54,603 --> 00:39:55,603
Stole it.
741
00:39:56,397 --> 00:39:57,481
You jealous?
742
00:39:58,524 --> 00:40:00,526
Honestly?
743
00:40:01,319 --> 00:40:02,320
A little.
744
00:40:03,321 --> 00:40:05,573
I don't know why you
were afraid I'd drown.
745
00:40:07,116 --> 00:40:08,200
Look at me floating.
746
00:40:10,870 --> 00:40:12,246
I could float all day.
747
00:40:17,126 --> 00:40:20,296
Turns out, it's easy to float.
748
00:40:21,088 --> 00:40:22,757
You just have to have big boobs.
749
00:40:24,633 --> 00:40:27,345
Let me just go real quick
and run this estimate by Bob.
750
00:40:27,887 --> 00:40:31,349
Then we can take that hard-earned
prize money off your hands.
751
00:40:33,017 --> 00:40:34,643
You were damn good last night.
752
00:40:34,727 --> 00:40:36,562
Oh, you are too kind.
753
00:40:36,645 --> 00:40:38,773
Accurate, but too kind.
754
00:40:39,273 --> 00:40:41,150
Kind of makes me miss the old days.
755
00:40:43,986 --> 00:40:45,738
I think we should give her your boobs.
756
00:40:46,655 --> 00:40:49,241
That is incredibly
thoughtful of you, AJ,
757
00:40:49,325 --> 00:40:50,993
but women have...
758
00:40:51,327 --> 00:40:53,412
complicated feelings
about their breasts.
759
00:40:54,622 --> 00:40:57,666
Maybe she feels just as strong
and beautiful without 'em.
760
00:40:57,750 --> 00:41:00,336
- We can't just assume.
- Okay, this is everything.
761
00:41:01,128 --> 00:41:05,424
Remanufactured transmission,
new Dayco fuel line, new light.
762
00:41:05,925 --> 00:41:08,594
Parts and labor comes to $2,000.
763
00:41:12,515 --> 00:41:13,515
These are for you.
764
00:41:14,058 --> 00:41:16,143
She said she missed the old days.
765
00:41:16,227 --> 00:41:18,604
You are sweet.
766
00:41:18,979 --> 00:41:22,233
And I appreciate the thought
sweetheart, but, uh...
767
00:41:22,817 --> 00:41:25,736
I said I missed the old
days, not the old boobs.
768
00:41:26,487 --> 00:41:28,072
Best part about no big boobs?
769
00:41:28,739 --> 00:41:31,575
No back pain. And I
don't have to wear a bra.
770
00:41:31,659 --> 00:41:33,619
No.
771
00:41:34,537 --> 00:41:38,124
The only one who misses my boobs
around here is my husband, Bob.
772
00:41:38,958 --> 00:41:39,958
Okay.
773
00:41:42,503 --> 00:41:43,879
Let's get you to Columbus.
774
00:42:11,866 --> 00:42:13,835
Okay, you people are being way too nice.
775
00:42:13,836 --> 00:42:15,619
That queen didn't
even know her lip sync.
776
00:42:15,703 --> 00:42:18,122
- Oh!
- Ooh!
777
00:42:18,706 --> 00:42:20,958
Okay, girl, maybe next
time, don't take the Lunesta
778
00:42:21,041 --> 00:42:23,294
before your number.
779
00:42:23,794 --> 00:42:25,129
I'm not being bitchy.
780
00:42:25,546 --> 00:42:26,630
I'm being helpful.
781
00:42:27,673 --> 00:42:30,301
- How do I look?
- Like you need to eat something.
782
00:42:30,384 --> 00:42:32,553
I could learn to love you.
783
00:42:32,970 --> 00:42:34,722
- I have to pee.
- Here.
784
00:42:35,806 --> 00:42:36,807
Wash your hands.
785
00:42:37,558 --> 00:42:40,728
Okay, so I'm not being
bitchy, I'm being helpful.
786
00:42:41,061 --> 00:42:43,355
Okay. And what is it with
some of these queens' names?
787
00:42:43,439 --> 00:42:46,233
Uh, Polly Cystic Ovaries.
788
00:42:47,193 --> 00:42:50,112
That's just gross. I'm not being bitchy.
789
00:42:50,613 --> 00:42:51,655
I'm being helpful.
790
00:42:52,740 --> 00:42:55,951
It's not a nice thing like, oh,
I don't know, maybe "Quesadilla"?
791
00:42:57,286 --> 00:43:01,123
Stupid! Your name sucks.
It's stupid. Don't be crazy.
792
00:43:01,373 --> 00:43:03,083
Oh, my God. Okay,
793
00:43:03,167 --> 00:43:05,461
this one queen came up to me and said...
794
00:43:05,544 --> 00:43:07,713
Leave a message. Thanks.
795
00:43:07,796 --> 00:43:09,673
Hey.
796
00:43:10,508 --> 00:43:11,509
It's me.
797
00:43:12,176 --> 00:43:14,470
Someone told me that
there's two of you, so...
798
00:43:15,221 --> 00:43:19,558
the good one calls me back
within an hour, I'll forgive her.
799
00:43:24,188 --> 00:43:25,231
It's 10:30.
800
00:43:26,482 --> 00:43:27,942
Okay. Bye.
801
00:43:47,378 --> 00:43:49,380
Okay, now help me welcome to the stage,
802
00:43:49,463 --> 00:43:51,383
- all the way from New York City,
- Whoo!
803
00:43:51,465 --> 00:43:53,926
where I went for two
years and failed miserably.
804
00:43:54,009 --> 00:43:55,719
- Aw!
- It's not about me.
805
00:43:56,178 --> 00:43:58,472
Welcome to the stage, Miss Ruby Red!
806
00:44:03,185 --> 00:44:05,479
♪ Down and out and lost and found ♪
807
00:44:06,063 --> 00:44:08,524
♪ Had to pick myself up off the ground ♪
808
00:44:09,149 --> 00:44:11,569
♪ Saw the light, got turned around ♪
809
00:44:11,652 --> 00:44:15,197
♪ Ain't ever gonna be,
no more No more, no ♪
810
00:44:15,281 --> 00:44:17,825
♪ Long nights, winter blues ♪
811
00:44:17,908 --> 00:44:20,536
♪ Already paid the dues ♪
812
00:44:21,245 --> 00:44:26,000
♪ I've changed my point of view ♪
♪ Baby, got a new attitude ♪
813
00:44:27,167 --> 00:44:29,336
♪ Ruby is red hot ♪
814
00:44:30,963 --> 00:44:32,923
♪ Hot fire, nonstop ♪
815
00:44:34,341 --> 00:44:36,260
- AJ, he's here!
- Who?
816
00:44:36,927 --> 00:44:37,928
The Devil!
817
00:44:38,012 --> 00:44:40,556
How did he find us? We
took the Hershey highway.
818
00:44:40,639 --> 00:44:43,809
I'm a star. Everyone knows where
I am. Get your stuff. Come on.
819
00:44:43,892 --> 00:44:46,204
- Come on, let's go, go, go, go!
- Wait! Who's on the stage?
820
00:44:46,228 --> 00:44:47,646
Nobody!
821
00:44:47,730 --> 00:44:49,940
Hey, that kid took my spare boobs!
822
00:44:50,024 --> 00:44:52,818
♪ Nobody, baby got a new attitude ♪
823
00:44:52,901 --> 00:44:54,111
♪ Oh! ♪
824
00:44:54,194 --> 00:44:56,280
♪ Ruby is red hot ♪
825
00:44:56,293 --> 00:44:57,322
♪ Hot ♪
826
00:44:57,323 --> 00:44:59,950
First time in my life an
accident ever paid off.
827
00:45:00,618 --> 00:45:02,786
What the hell was...
828
00:45:03,162 --> 00:45:05,831
Stupid. What are you doing back here?
829
00:45:06,665 --> 00:45:08,208
You almost broke my Choo.
830
00:45:09,543 --> 00:45:11,503
Cut the music. Cut the music.
831
00:45:12,588 --> 00:45:14,340
The heifer left.
832
00:45:14,423 --> 00:45:16,717
Now, that was me being bitchy.
833
00:45:17,217 --> 00:45:18,217
Hey!
834
00:45:18,886 --> 00:45:21,114
- Hey!
- You believe these queens?
835
00:45:21,138 --> 00:45:22,866
They come from New York City,
thinking they're all that,
836
00:45:22,890 --> 00:45:23,932
and then they just leave.
837
00:45:24,016 --> 00:45:26,101
Always beg for us here in Columbus.
838
00:45:27,728 --> 00:45:29,229
That bitch is getting away.
839
00:45:31,357 --> 00:45:33,108
And we didn't even get paid.
840
00:45:33,192 --> 00:45:34,443
Oh, yes, we did.
841
00:45:34,526 --> 00:45:37,363
First rule of drag,
get the money up front.
842
00:45:39,698 --> 00:45:44,698
- Synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.MY-SUBS.com -