1
00:00:07,007 --> 00:00:10,176
Mr. Iglesias is recorded
in front of a live studio audience.

2
00:00:11,136 --> 00:00:13,456
So, you guys think you're ready
for next week's final exam?

3
00:00:13,513 --> 00:00:14,513
Final?

4
00:00:14,681 --> 00:00:15,682
We made it!

5
00:00:17,267 --> 00:00:20,061
This is the last exam we'll ever take!

6
00:00:20,437 --> 00:00:21,563
Yes.

7
00:00:21,646 --> 00:00:22,939
Until next year.

8
00:00:24,858 --> 00:00:28,486
Remember, everything we learned this year
might be on the test.

9
00:00:28,570 --> 00:00:31,906
Oh, does that mean you promise
not to include stuff I didn't learn?

10
00:00:32,657 --> 00:00:36,202
Okay, everything you were
supposed to learn might be on the test.

11
00:00:36,286 --> 00:00:38,455
From all of American history?

12
00:00:39,122 --> 00:00:41,166
Including the beginning stuff?

13
00:00:43,460 --> 00:00:45,754
Well, no, not the actual beginning stuff.

14
00:00:45,837 --> 00:00:48,256
Americans like to pretend
no one was here when they arrived.

15
00:00:49,257 --> 00:00:51,384
Good point, Wokeahontas.

16
00:00:53,219 --> 00:00:54,345
Look, you guys are lucky.

17
00:00:54,429 --> 00:00:56,639
America is less than 300 years old.

18
00:00:56,723 --> 00:00:57,891
It's still a baby.

19
00:00:57,974 --> 00:01:00,727
China, on the other hand,
has over 5,000 years of history.

20
00:01:00,810 --> 00:01:02,312
But it's easy to learn.

21
00:01:02,395 --> 00:01:06,232
You don't have to remember life, liberty,
and the pursuit of happiness.

22
00:01:06,316 --> 00:01:09,110
They just have life.

23
00:01:11,321 --> 00:01:13,573
Ooh, and delicious scallion pancakes.

24
00:01:13,656 --> 00:01:15,450
Huh! We good, China. We good.

25
00:01:16,534 --> 00:01:18,578
Great. Now I want pancakes.

26
00:01:20,038 --> 00:01:22,624
Oh, with Nutella
and a whipped cream smiley face.

27
00:01:27,253 --> 00:01:28,253
Oh, man.

28
00:01:37,347 --> 00:01:38,890
- Mr. Iglesias?
- Yes, Grace?

29
00:01:38,973 --> 00:01:41,476
If you only had enough time for one,

30
00:01:41,559 --> 00:01:45,063
would you study for finals
or learn your lines for the play

31
00:01:45,146 --> 00:01:48,233
you're about to perform
in front of the entire school?

32
00:01:48,942 --> 00:01:51,820
Wait, are people really gonna come
to our stupid play?

33
00:01:51,903 --> 00:01:53,321
Don't they have to study?

34
00:01:54,948 --> 00:01:57,200
Yes, uh, those people do have to study.

35
00:01:57,283 --> 00:02:00,370
And the people in this class
have to study as well.

36
00:02:00,829 --> 00:02:02,629
All right.
Anybody have any history questions?

37
00:02:02,705 --> 00:02:04,666
A friend of mine was wondering,

38
00:02:04,749 --> 00:02:07,669
what should a 16-year-old do
if his mom lost her license,

39
00:02:07,752 --> 00:02:10,755
his dad's out of the picture,
and he can't afford driving lessons?

40
00:02:10,839 --> 00:02:12,715
And just keep in mind,

41
00:02:12,799 --> 00:02:15,385
he lies awake at night
dreaming of the open road.

42
00:02:16,469 --> 00:02:17,637
I feel you.

43
00:02:17,720 --> 00:02:20,682
I lie awake at night
dreaming of those Nutella pancakes. What?

44
00:02:22,350 --> 00:02:25,436
You know, it seems like you guys might
have a little bit more on your minds

45
00:02:25,520 --> 00:02:26,771
than just this test.

46
00:02:26,855 --> 00:02:30,015
If you have any questions about history,
it's gonna have to wait until tomorrow.

47
00:02:30,066 --> 00:02:32,861
If any of you are struggling
with something else in your life,

48
00:02:32,944 --> 00:02:35,697
well, just stay after class,
I'll see what I can do to help.

49
00:02:45,415 --> 00:02:46,875
Oh, boy.

50
00:02:55,508 --> 00:02:57,051
Woo!

51
00:02:58,386 --> 00:02:59,386
What's up, Lorenzo?

52
00:02:59,429 --> 00:03:00,972
My pops is freaking me out.

53
00:03:01,055 --> 00:03:02,807
He's prepping for the end of the world.

54
00:03:02,891 --> 00:03:04,559
Do you have any idea what it's like

55
00:03:04,642 --> 00:03:06,769
to be the calm voice of reason
in the family?

56
00:03:06,853 --> 00:03:08,104
Help me, man!

57
00:03:10,440 --> 00:03:12,400
Look, I got something for you.

58
00:03:13,193 --> 00:03:14,193
Here.

59
00:03:14,819 --> 00:03:15,653
An eraser?

60
00:03:15,737 --> 00:03:18,364
No, it's a borrador.

61
00:03:20,116 --> 00:03:24,787
It's a calming artifact
from the mystical mountains of Oaxaca.

62
00:03:26,289 --> 00:03:27,289
Try it.

63
00:03:27,790 --> 00:03:28,875
Hmm.

64
00:03:29,876 --> 00:03:33,671
- Hey, I feel better already.
- Hmm.

65
00:03:34,130 --> 00:03:35,840
Thanks, Mr. Iglesias.

66
00:03:36,591 --> 00:03:37,591
Ooh!

67
00:03:37,634 --> 00:03:42,055
I'm having so much anxiety
about not being in your class next year.

68
00:03:42,472 --> 00:03:45,141
Grace, you're signed up for world studies.

69
00:03:45,808 --> 00:03:46,808
I teach that.

70
00:03:48,061 --> 00:03:49,395
Here.

71
00:03:50,480 --> 00:03:51,731
Have a borrador.

72
00:03:53,900 --> 00:03:57,237
My friend just feels like
a driver's license would be so liberating.

73
00:03:57,320 --> 00:03:58,446
Oh!

74
00:03:58,738 --> 00:04:00,657
And could your friend

75
00:04:00,740 --> 00:04:03,117
drive you and Lorenzo to the movies?

76
00:04:03,618 --> 00:04:04,618
Maybe.

77
00:04:04,869 --> 00:04:08,957
And does your friend have red hair?

78
00:04:09,499 --> 00:04:10,583
Maybe.

79
00:04:11,251 --> 00:04:12,377
Do you know my friend?

80
00:04:13,419 --> 00:04:14,504
Maybe.

81
00:04:16,089 --> 00:04:18,984
You know when you wanna tell someone
something but don't know what they'll say,

82
00:04:19,008 --> 00:04:20,486
and you're scared
they'll take it the wrong way,

83
00:04:20,510 --> 00:04:22,613
and that you'll have blown your chance,
and ruin your life?

84
00:04:22,637 --> 00:04:25,932
Which you'll spend regretting that
you even brought it up in the first place?

85
00:04:26,015 --> 00:04:29,602
You know,
maybe you should just talk to Marisol?

86
00:04:29,686 --> 00:04:31,521
Oh, that's not gonna be easy.

87
00:04:32,063 --> 00:04:35,316
I don't know if you know this,
I kind of have a thing for her.

88
00:04:37,527 --> 00:04:38,861
No!

89
00:04:40,071 --> 00:04:41,531
What if I bomb the play?

90
00:04:41,614 --> 00:04:44,117
What if I start bombing everything?
What if I bomb college?

91
00:04:44,617 --> 00:04:46,869
It's a lot of pressure.

92
00:04:47,578 --> 00:04:52,292
Maybe I should just do what
most first-generation Latinas do, and

93
00:04:53,293 --> 00:04:54,669
become a dental assistant.

94
00:04:56,546 --> 00:04:57,630
It's a good job!

95
00:04:57,714 --> 00:05:00,091
You know... free lollipops.

96
00:05:01,467 --> 00:05:04,846
Marisol, have you thought about talking
to maybe a school counselor about this?

97
00:05:04,929 --> 00:05:08,516
I would, but that position has been vacant
since Ms. Garza left in October.

98
00:05:08,599 --> 00:05:09,767
Ah, that's right.

99
00:05:10,184 --> 00:05:12,353
She said she needed a less stressful job.

100
00:05:12,854 --> 00:05:14,897
I think she became a hostage negotiator.

101
00:05:21,362 --> 00:05:23,531
Two days until opening night.

102
00:05:24,032 --> 00:05:26,993
Red carpets, mink coats, champagne.

103
00:05:27,535 --> 00:05:29,287
Does he know we're underage?

104
00:05:29,912 --> 00:05:31,789
Does he know fur is murder?

105
00:05:34,375 --> 00:05:38,796
I am just so... so proud of the work

106
00:05:39,881 --> 00:05:41,090
that I've done.

107
00:05:43,217 --> 00:05:45,553
And, you know,
I hope you guys feel good too.

108
00:05:46,971 --> 00:05:50,850
Um, the kittens doing backflips
in my stomach, is that normal?

109
00:05:50,933 --> 00:05:52,810
Yes, perfectly. It shows you care.

110
00:05:52,894 --> 00:05:55,772
Well, what's it called if you're nervous,
but you barely care?

111
00:05:56,939 --> 00:05:58,024
Denial.

112
00:06:00,526 --> 00:06:01,694
All right, everyone!

113
00:06:02,236 --> 00:06:03,863
Tomorrow, full dress rehearsal

114
00:06:03,946 --> 00:06:06,199
and then showtime!

115
00:06:12,497 --> 00:06:15,375
You must be stoked, bro.
It's about to happen.

116
00:06:16,042 --> 00:06:17,042
I know.

117
00:06:17,293 --> 00:06:18,336
Showtime!

118
00:06:20,963 --> 00:06:23,591
No, bruh.
I'm talking about the moment of truth.

119
00:06:23,674 --> 00:06:24,674
The kiss.

120
00:06:24,926 --> 00:06:28,012
Are you going Gosling in the Notebook,
Gosling in Crazy Stupid Love,

121
00:06:28,096 --> 00:06:29,305
or Gosling in La La Land?

122
00:06:30,973 --> 00:06:32,350
What? I'm a Gosle head.

123
00:06:34,394 --> 00:06:36,312
It just feels wrong.

124
00:06:36,396 --> 00:06:39,124
I... I think I'm just gonna stick
to what we've been doing in rehearsal.

125
00:06:39,148 --> 00:06:41,109
You know, cheek-to-cheek. Stage kiss.

126
00:06:43,069 --> 00:06:46,155
What? Hey, cheek-to-cheek,
that wasn't the plan.

127
00:06:46,239 --> 00:06:47,865
You gotta go for the real thing.

128
00:06:47,949 --> 00:06:50,159
That's the whole point
in becoming an actor.

129
00:06:50,243 --> 00:06:52,286
The scam is working!

130
00:06:53,287 --> 00:06:56,499
Yeah, but I don't want it to be a scam.
When we kiss, I want it to be real.

131
00:06:56,582 --> 00:06:59,752
Real, fake, it's way better
than making out with your hand.

132
00:07:03,047 --> 00:07:05,925
I wanna kiss Marisol as Marisol,
not Marisol as Juliet.

133
00:07:07,635 --> 00:07:10,388
You know who'd be really disappointed
in you right now?

134
00:07:11,013 --> 00:07:12,014
Romeo.

135
00:07:12,515 --> 00:07:13,766
And Gosling.

136
00:07:18,771 --> 00:07:21,023
Gabriel. Gabriel!

137
00:07:21,732 --> 00:07:23,693
You know,
once you're pouring your third cup,

138
00:07:23,776 --> 00:07:26,320
you might as well
just straight chug the whole pot.

139
00:07:27,196 --> 00:07:30,700
Look, I'm sorry, it's just
that I spent my free period yesterday

140
00:07:30,783 --> 00:07:32,827
helping my kids
with their personal problems,

141
00:07:32,910 --> 00:07:35,705
and I was up late last night
grading papers.

142
00:07:35,788 --> 00:07:38,458
Man, I woke up so tired,
I almost wore pants.

143
00:07:43,379 --> 00:07:44,797
You know what saves time?

144
00:07:44,881 --> 00:07:45,881
Peer reviews.

145
00:07:45,923 --> 00:07:48,885
Yeah, after my students take a test,
they hand it to the kid next to them,

146
00:07:48,968 --> 00:07:50,011
and they grade it.

147
00:07:51,262 --> 00:07:53,097
And then I give everyone a B.

148
00:07:54,015 --> 00:07:55,391
Why do you even come in?

149
00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:57,268
Because Paula won't let me Skype.

150
00:07:58,186 --> 00:08:00,229
Tony, you do too little.

151
00:08:00,605 --> 00:08:02,440
Gabriel, you do too much.

152
00:08:02,523 --> 00:08:05,818
Somewhere in between
the porridge is just right.

153
00:08:07,111 --> 00:08:08,863
Ah, who in the hell am I kidding?

154
00:08:08,946 --> 00:08:10,573
Porridge just sucks.

155
00:08:12,492 --> 00:08:13,868
Hey, Mr. Hayward's right.

156
00:08:14,327 --> 00:08:16,496
No, he needs to put some Nutella in that.

157
00:08:18,206 --> 00:08:21,876
No. Man, you need to focus less
on your kids, and more on what matters.

158
00:08:21,959 --> 00:08:22,877
Uh, d-don't say...

159
00:08:22,960 --> 00:08:25,421
All the single ladies in Long Beach.

160
00:08:28,174 --> 00:08:30,801
Can't a man just enjoy
his gallon of coffee?

161
00:08:31,219 --> 00:08:34,096
Bro, you got your one year chip now.
You gotta cash it in.

162
00:08:34,514 --> 00:08:37,058
Trust me. You won't care
what your kids are going through

163
00:08:37,141 --> 00:08:39,769
once you find yourself
a lonely Tinderella.

164
00:08:42,021 --> 00:08:43,981
Look, bruh, I don't help my kids
'cause I'm bored.

165
00:08:44,023 --> 00:08:45,316
I help 'em 'cause I care.

166
00:08:45,399 --> 00:08:47,360
Wow, I am bored just listening to that.

167
00:08:48,569 --> 00:08:49,570
Whoo!

168
00:08:50,655 --> 00:08:51,864
Oh, hell no.

169
00:08:51,948 --> 00:08:53,199
Who did this?

170
00:08:54,617 --> 00:08:55,617
It was him.

171
00:08:57,245 --> 00:09:00,414
- Look, Paula, I have a good excuse, okay?
- I'm exhausted!

172
00:09:00,498 --> 00:09:03,376
On top of being a teacher,
now I'm Dr. Iglesias:

173
00:09:03,459 --> 00:09:05,461
Unlicensed ghetto therapist.

174
00:09:06,671 --> 00:09:09,465
It's true! The kids are saying
what a great listener Gabe is.

175
00:09:09,549 --> 00:09:10,967
But I'm not.

176
00:09:11,050 --> 00:09:12,635
All I do is hand out erasers.

177
00:09:14,387 --> 00:09:16,639
Paula, you gotta fill
that counselor position.

178
00:09:16,722 --> 00:09:18,558
Mm-mm. I got enough on my plate.

179
00:09:18,975 --> 00:09:21,561
I'm about to make my off-Broadway debut,

180
00:09:22,812 --> 00:09:24,647
I got to go over next year's curriculum,

181
00:09:24,730 --> 00:09:27,483
and I'm way behind
on my Wall Street Journals.

182
00:09:29,819 --> 00:09:33,030
What? You think Mama don't care
about price-to-earning ratios?

183
00:09:34,031 --> 00:09:37,368
Hey, I just need Mama
to care about my sleep-to-work ratio.

184
00:09:38,244 --> 00:09:41,497
Gabe, as usual,
you have taken on too much.

185
00:09:42,039 --> 00:09:43,249
You know what you should do?

186
00:09:43,332 --> 00:09:44,834
- Don't say...
- Start dating.

187
00:09:45,876 --> 00:09:47,378
Once you get back in the game,

188
00:09:47,461 --> 00:09:50,131
your kids' problems
won't amount to a hill of beans.

189
00:09:51,382 --> 00:09:52,382
I told you.

190
00:09:53,926 --> 00:09:56,095
It's what we've all been telling you.

191
00:09:56,178 --> 00:09:57,263
You deserve it.

192
00:09:57,346 --> 00:09:59,307
And whoever she is, she deserves you.

193
00:10:01,726 --> 00:10:03,102
And you deserve me.

194
00:10:04,937 --> 00:10:06,439
No, I could never date a coworker.

195
00:10:06,522 --> 00:10:07,690
Fine, I quit.

196
00:10:08,774 --> 00:10:09,774
Still no.

197
00:10:10,568 --> 00:10:12,570
The idea of dating a coworker.

198
00:10:12,653 --> 00:10:13,904
No way.

199
00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:18,451
Having to be the best version of yourself
all day would be exhausting.

200
00:10:19,243 --> 00:10:21,078
It's not that bad.

201
00:10:21,162 --> 00:10:22,663
Until you gotta fire him.

202
00:10:24,665 --> 00:10:26,000
Uh, wait, wait, wait, wait. Uh...

203
00:10:26,417 --> 00:10:28,544
You know what's easier
than firing someone?

204
00:10:29,170 --> 00:10:30,546
Hiring someone.

205
00:10:32,298 --> 00:10:35,092
Like a qualified guidance counselor.

206
00:10:39,305 --> 00:10:41,474
What's wrong with your eyes?

207
00:10:42,933 --> 00:10:44,852
Nothing, I'm doing ojitos.

208
00:10:45,645 --> 00:10:46,937
All right, Gabe.

209
00:10:47,021 --> 00:10:50,816
I got a stack of résumés on my desk.
I will get to them when I get a chance.

210
00:10:51,233 --> 00:10:52,233
Thank you.

211
00:10:58,908 --> 00:11:00,534
I'm gonna need more erasers.

212
00:11:03,996 --> 00:11:07,833
Your chorus has arrived,
and she is ready for her spotlight.

213
00:11:08,250 --> 00:11:09,250
Hit me!

214
00:11:11,754 --> 00:11:13,964
Paula, you're late to dress rehearsal.

215
00:11:14,048 --> 00:11:15,341
Mm-mm. Not possible.

216
00:11:15,424 --> 00:11:18,177
The star cannot be late. Read my rider.

217
00:11:20,846 --> 00:11:26,227
Okay, you will begin your prologue
right here.

218
00:11:27,019 --> 00:11:28,229
Oh, hell no!

219
00:11:28,312 --> 00:11:30,064
Nobody puts Baby in a corner.

220
00:11:30,481 --> 00:11:32,191
I'm standing right here.

221
00:11:32,525 --> 00:11:34,193
Spotlight! Hit me.

222
00:11:35,736 --> 00:11:38,823
Oh, and I made some changes
to the author's suggestions.

223
00:11:39,740 --> 00:11:40,741
Spotlight off!

224
00:11:41,492 --> 00:11:45,204
You can't make changes at this late hour
or at any hour.

225
00:11:45,287 --> 00:11:46,706
It's Shakespeare.

226
00:11:47,081 --> 00:11:50,084
Carlos, this line doesn't make any sense:

227
00:11:50,167 --> 00:11:54,088
It is now the two hours traffic
of our stage?

228
00:11:54,171 --> 00:11:57,800
It's gonna be more like three hours
once I rub a little bit of Paula on this.

229
00:11:58,843 --> 00:11:59,969
Hit me!

230
00:12:04,890 --> 00:12:06,267
Are you nervous about tomorrow?

231
00:12:06,767 --> 00:12:08,269
Why? What's going on tomorrow?

232
00:12:09,687 --> 00:12:11,856
Classic Marisol.

233
00:12:14,817 --> 00:12:16,694
So, should we talk about the thing?

234
00:12:17,695 --> 00:12:18,695
What thing?

235
00:12:18,988 --> 00:12:20,281
That thing

236
00:12:20,990 --> 00:12:21,990
lips do.

237
00:12:23,868 --> 00:12:25,995
Oh, the kiss. Right.

238
00:12:26,078 --> 00:12:27,830
Yes. In front of the entire school,

239
00:12:27,913 --> 00:12:30,541
who we're gonna see every day
for the next two years.

240
00:12:32,168 --> 00:12:34,295
Or three, the way I'm going.

241
00:12:38,048 --> 00:12:39,550
The kiss just feels weird to me.

242
00:12:39,633 --> 00:12:42,887
We both knew it was coming.
We've been rehearsing all semester,

243
00:12:42,970 --> 00:12:45,431
and it's been in the play
for, like, 425 years.

244
00:12:47,433 --> 00:12:48,434
It's just that...

245
00:12:49,018 --> 00:12:50,895
I know you're Marisol playing Juliet,

246
00:12:51,145 --> 00:12:54,064
but if we kiss,
I'm worried I won't be doing it as Romeo,

247
00:12:54,148 --> 00:12:55,524
I'd be doing it as myself.

248
00:12:56,734 --> 00:12:58,068
That just feels wrong.

249
00:13:00,404 --> 00:13:01,404
Wait.

250
00:13:02,323 --> 00:13:03,783
You're a boy

251
00:13:04,241 --> 00:13:06,994
who's not gonna do
something he wants to do

252
00:13:07,369 --> 00:13:09,371
out of morals and ethics?

253
00:13:10,915 --> 00:13:11,915
Guess so.

254
00:13:13,292 --> 00:13:14,532
Are those two different things?

255
00:13:16,754 --> 00:13:19,215
Well, check out the nobleman being noble.

256
00:13:19,882 --> 00:13:21,509
More like being no balls.

257
00:13:23,761 --> 00:13:25,262
Get lost, Walt!

258
00:13:27,765 --> 00:13:31,227
Don't make fun of Mikey
for not engaging in toxic masculinity.

259
00:13:31,310 --> 00:13:33,354
Or any masculinity.

260
00:13:38,943 --> 00:13:41,320
You're a great guy, Mikey.

261
00:13:42,822 --> 00:13:44,865
How about we stick
to the cheek-to-cheek kiss?

262
00:13:45,366 --> 00:13:47,451
Like in rehearsal? Sounds good.

263
00:13:47,535 --> 00:13:49,662
Great. I wouldn't want it any other way.

264
00:13:51,705 --> 00:13:52,790
That's a lie.

265
00:13:54,083 --> 00:13:56,168
I know, Mikey. I know.

266
00:14:01,173 --> 00:14:03,217
Paula!

267
00:14:03,634 --> 00:14:07,471
You look even more amazing than usual.

268
00:14:08,639 --> 00:14:09,849
Good girl.

269
00:14:09,932 --> 00:14:13,143
It took all of Janitor Jim's strength
to get me in this dress.

270
00:14:15,437 --> 00:14:17,189
And a can of Crisco.

271
00:14:20,401 --> 00:14:21,801
I look forward to seeing all of you

272
00:14:21,861 --> 00:14:24,280
at the official Romeo and Juliet
after-party

273
00:14:24,363 --> 00:14:26,699
that I am throwing at Roxanne's.

274
00:14:26,782 --> 00:14:28,242
- Oh!
- Cash bar.

275
00:14:30,744 --> 00:14:33,581
So we're meeting at Roxanne's
like we always do?

276
00:14:33,664 --> 00:14:35,958
And paying for our drinks
like we always do?

277
00:14:37,251 --> 00:14:38,711
Yeah, but I made a flyer.

278
00:14:39,128 --> 00:14:41,881
Can I, uh... bring a plus one?

279
00:14:42,423 --> 00:14:44,717
Ray, we're just going to Roxanne's.

280
00:14:44,800 --> 00:14:46,468
You can bring anyone you want.

281
00:14:46,552 --> 00:14:47,553
Oh, yay!

282
00:14:47,970 --> 00:14:50,264
I've always wanted to meet Gertrude.

283
00:14:50,347 --> 00:14:52,016
Well, too bad, she's out of town.

284
00:14:59,148 --> 00:15:00,399
Hey, guys.

285
00:15:01,191 --> 00:15:02,192
Listen, uh...

286
00:15:08,282 --> 00:15:10,367
Hey, Princess Fiona.

287
00:15:15,122 --> 00:15:18,334
I was wondering if you'd like
to help me storm the castle.

288
00:15:20,085 --> 00:15:22,129
Here's my friend right here. Donkey!

289
00:15:25,758 --> 00:15:28,904
Paula, look, I'm really gonna
need you to step up this counselor search.

290
00:15:28,928 --> 00:15:31,347
Janitor Jim is in my classroom crying
right now.

291
00:15:32,723 --> 00:15:34,266
Relax, Dr. Phil.

292
00:15:34,350 --> 00:15:36,644
I've got an impressive list of candidates.

293
00:15:36,727 --> 00:15:40,314
Yeah, high school counselor,
that is one job I would never wish for.

294
00:15:41,941 --> 00:15:43,817
I once took a job I didn't want.

295
00:15:43,901 --> 00:15:45,235
Yeah? How'd that turn out?

296
00:15:45,319 --> 00:15:46,654
I'm still here, aren't I?

297
00:15:49,698 --> 00:15:50,741
Paula, please hurry.

298
00:15:50,824 --> 00:15:53,410
I... I... I'm running out of ways
of fixing people's problems.

299
00:15:53,494 --> 00:15:56,580
I'm this close to just saying
sana sana colita de rana.

300
00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:02,628
W... What does that even mean?

301
00:16:02,711 --> 00:16:04,380
- Mexican voodoo.
- Oh.

302
00:16:07,007 --> 00:16:08,926
Poor guy.

303
00:16:09,259 --> 00:16:11,613
You know, sometimes I worry
about who's looking out for him.

304
00:16:11,637 --> 00:16:12,721
Exactly.

305
00:16:12,805 --> 00:16:15,641
He needs the most reliable
stress reliever in the book.

306
00:16:15,724 --> 00:16:17,059
Mm, white sage.

307
00:16:19,311 --> 00:16:20,771
No, she's got a boyfriend.

308
00:16:22,773 --> 00:16:24,525
Mm, I'm way ahead of you.

309
00:16:24,984 --> 00:16:27,361
Let's just say the new guidance counselor

310
00:16:27,444 --> 00:16:29,989
will be single, and a lady,

311
00:16:30,698 --> 00:16:33,909
and may have to pass an impromptu quiz
on professional wrestling.

312
00:16:35,828 --> 00:16:38,205
Doesn't that violate
all kinds of employment laws?

313
00:16:38,288 --> 00:16:42,543
Yes, but I answer to a higher law.

314
00:16:43,002 --> 00:16:44,002
What is that?

315
00:16:44,420 --> 00:16:45,295
Booty law.

316
00:16:45,379 --> 00:16:46,379
Oh!

317
00:16:56,306 --> 00:16:58,517
How's everyone's jitters doing?

318
00:16:59,518 --> 00:17:00,561
Jitters okay?

319
00:17:00,644 --> 00:17:02,938
Just doing a little check
on the jitters! Aah!

320
00:17:03,022 --> 00:17:04,690
Checking those jitters!

321
00:17:06,608 --> 00:17:08,527
We can't do this!

322
00:17:08,610 --> 00:17:10,571
It's Shakespeare! What was I thinking?

323
00:17:11,321 --> 00:17:12,364
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

324
00:17:12,448 --> 00:17:14,783
Hey, hey. Hey.
Everything's fine, okay?

325
00:17:14,867 --> 00:17:18,912
This is just a classic opening night
director's prank called "The Panic."

326
00:17:19,538 --> 00:17:21,874
- Right?
- Right.

327
00:17:21,957 --> 00:17:24,334
And here's another
old classic director's prank.

328
00:17:24,418 --> 00:17:25,419
The "Throw Up."

329
00:17:31,759 --> 00:17:34,803
Guys, guys! I have terrible news.

330
00:17:35,971 --> 00:17:37,681
There's not an empty seat in the house.

331
00:17:37,765 --> 00:17:39,516
Oh, no!

332
00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:41,185
Easy.

333
00:17:41,268 --> 00:17:42,311
You guys got this.

334
00:17:42,394 --> 00:17:44,074
Look, if you forget
the right words to say,

335
00:17:44,104 --> 00:17:46,315
don't worry about it.
They don't know the difference.

336
00:17:46,398 --> 00:17:48,442
It's not like
you're doing an episode of Friends.

337
00:17:49,651 --> 00:17:52,029
Well, no one told us
life was gonna be this way.

338
00:17:54,823 --> 00:17:56,742
Look... Look, just... just have fun,

339
00:17:56,825 --> 00:17:59,661
and be as proud of yourselves
as I am of you.

340
00:17:59,745 --> 00:18:01,497
- Are you staying for the show?
- Of course!

341
00:18:01,580 --> 00:18:03,058
Yeah. And if you wanna know where I'm at,

342
00:18:03,082 --> 00:18:05,459
just listen for the sound
of a grown man crying.

343
00:18:05,751 --> 00:18:08,087
Seriously,
could you have chosen a sadder play?

344
00:18:10,172 --> 00:18:11,256
I solved the problem.

345
00:18:11,340 --> 00:18:14,802
- We're doing the wrong play.
- Quick, learn Hamlet.

346
00:18:16,220 --> 00:18:20,557
Another hilarious joke.

347
00:18:20,974 --> 00:18:23,227
Oh, and like all great directors,

348
00:18:23,310 --> 00:18:28,357
Mr. Hernandez will be watching
from the back of the theater with me.

349
00:18:28,732 --> 00:18:30,609
Right. Right.

350
00:18:30,692 --> 00:18:31,902
Right, um...

351
00:18:31,985 --> 00:18:33,237
Okay, kids, uh

352
00:18:33,320 --> 00:18:36,865
remember, if the room starts spinning,
that's really bad.

353
00:18:38,742 --> 00:18:41,036
Look, don't listen to him.
You guys are gonna kill it.

354
00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:42,204
You two? Oh!

355
00:18:42,287 --> 00:18:43,747
You're gonna kill yourselves.

356
00:18:44,331 --> 00:18:46,208
That's right, I read it.

357
00:18:48,836 --> 00:18:50,963
I'm so nervous about this play.

358
00:18:51,046 --> 00:18:53,215
I'm nervous too, but...

359
00:18:54,007 --> 00:18:56,343
I'm not sure it's about the play.

360
00:19:03,142 --> 00:19:06,895
In fair Verona, where we lay our scene,

361
00:19:08,188 --> 00:19:13,110
a bunch of rich white people are whining
for no good reason.

362
00:19:14,403 --> 00:19:16,238
Some things never change.

363
00:19:19,074 --> 00:19:20,074
What is she doing?

364
00:19:20,117 --> 00:19:21,451
She's doing Paula.

365
00:19:21,827 --> 00:19:23,745
Hey, why did you cast her again?

366
00:19:23,829 --> 00:19:26,149
- Because you said...
- Shh, shh, shh! It... It's starting.

367
00:19:27,291 --> 00:19:32,379
Tell me, daughter Juliet,
how stands your disposition to be married?

368
00:19:33,088 --> 00:19:34,256
Eh...

369
00:19:35,215 --> 00:19:38,635
Lady Capulet's badgering Juliet
about her relationship status.

370
00:19:38,719 --> 00:19:41,346
Yeah.
Sounds like my tía during Thanksgiving.

371
00:19:44,850 --> 00:19:47,330
Because I love you, regardless.

372
00:19:48,270 --> 00:19:49,938
Such mortal drugs I have.

373
00:19:50,022 --> 00:19:52,900
But Mantua's Law is death
to any he that utters them.

374
00:19:56,778 --> 00:19:59,323
That means you could get the death penalty
for selling drugs.

375
00:19:59,740 --> 00:20:02,492
How do I turn off
the director's commentary again?

376
00:20:03,410 --> 00:20:08,248
Black and portentous,
must this humor prove,

377
00:20:08,332 --> 00:20:12,252
unless good counsel may the cause remove.

378
00:20:14,046 --> 00:20:15,046
Yes!

379
00:20:15,714 --> 00:20:16,714
Hi.

380
00:20:18,926 --> 00:20:22,179
You see that? Even Lord Montegue
wants Paula to get a counselor.

381
00:20:23,555 --> 00:20:26,725
And palm to palm is holy palmers' kiss.

382
00:20:26,808 --> 00:20:29,686
Have not saints lips,
and holy palmers too?

383
00:20:31,188 --> 00:20:34,066
Ay, pilgrim,
lips that they must use in prayer.

384
00:20:34,149 --> 00:20:38,445
O, then, dear saint,
let lips do what hands do.

385
00:20:54,127 --> 00:20:55,128
Line?

386
00:20:58,382 --> 00:21:01,802
I know he's gonna kill himself,
but Romeo's gonna die happy.

387
00:21:07,683 --> 00:21:10,602
I can't believe it.
Carlos, that was awesome.

388
00:21:10,686 --> 00:21:12,396
Well, I can't take all the credit.

389
00:21:12,813 --> 00:21:15,065
You know what? I can. Shakespeare's dead.

390
00:21:16,692 --> 00:21:19,778
Yeah, well, Paula was signing autographs
after the show.

391
00:21:20,195 --> 00:21:22,739
No one was asking,
but she was still signing.

392
00:21:24,783 --> 00:21:27,536
Aw! You know, theater is so romantic.

393
00:21:27,619 --> 00:21:29,121
Really? Dead kids?

394
00:21:29,204 --> 00:21:30,414
I'll never love again.

395
00:21:31,832 --> 00:21:34,751
Well, you guys missed happy hour,
but you sure seem happy.

396
00:21:34,835 --> 00:21:37,754
We're celebrating
Carlos's amazing directorial debut.

397
00:21:37,838 --> 00:21:41,717
Guillermo Del Toro,
Alfonso Cuarón, Alejandro Iñárritu,

398
00:21:41,800 --> 00:21:43,468
Carlos Hernandez.

399
00:21:45,053 --> 00:21:47,389
Hey, remember
when they used to let white guys direct?

400
00:21:47,472 --> 00:21:49,099
Turns out that was the problem.

401
00:21:50,517 --> 00:21:52,686
- First round's on me, Katie.
- Okay,

402
00:21:52,769 --> 00:21:54,688
but this time I'll need your card.

403
00:21:57,149 --> 00:21:59,318
Hey, bro,
you ready to defend our karaoke title?

404
00:21:59,401 --> 00:22:01,570
Heck, yeah. Nobody touches us on our turf.

405
00:22:01,653 --> 00:22:02,821
Let's do this.

406
00:22:04,781 --> 00:22:06,616
- Oh!
- Oh, ladies first.

407
00:22:06,700 --> 00:22:07,909
- Thank you.
- Yeah, trust me.

408
00:22:07,993 --> 00:22:09,453
You don't wanna follow us.

409
00:22:09,536 --> 00:22:11,830
We're what's known as karaoke sharks.

410
00:22:11,913 --> 00:22:14,791
Ooh, Shark Week!

411
00:22:15,625 --> 00:22:17,836
Thanks for the warning.
I've never done this.

412
00:22:17,919 --> 00:22:20,130
Well, you know.
That's the beauty of karaoke.

413
00:22:20,213 --> 00:22:22,341
If you're good, drunk audience loves you.

414
00:22:22,424 --> 00:22:24,926
And if you're bad, they really love you.

415
00:22:26,470 --> 00:22:29,473
I just hope I'm not so bad
I sober the place up.

416
00:22:29,556 --> 00:22:31,725
If you get nervous,
just look at our table.

417
00:22:32,142 --> 00:22:33,226
We support everybody.

418
00:22:33,769 --> 00:22:35,187
But you're still going down.

419
00:22:37,481 --> 00:22:39,149
- Good luck.
- Thanks...

420
00:22:39,941 --> 00:22:41,443
Biggie and Smalls.

421
00:22:43,945 --> 00:22:45,322
- Really, bro?
- What?

422
00:22:47,449 --> 00:22:50,744
Hi. Bear with me.
I've never done this before.

423
00:22:51,161 --> 00:22:53,246
Are the words going to be on here?

424
00:22:53,622 --> 00:22:55,165
- Great.
- Oh...

425
00:22:55,248 --> 00:22:58,001
Poor thing. She seems so nervous.

426
00:22:58,085 --> 00:22:59,669
Yeah, it's gonna be rough.

427
00:23:01,630 --> 00:23:03,131
Damn, I miss jukeboxes.

428
00:23:04,257 --> 00:23:07,761
Hey, you guys,
no matter how bad it is, just be nice.

429
00:23:29,616 --> 00:23:32,077
Yeah, yeah, we're not following that.

430
00:23:34,037 --> 00:23:35,789
No, we are not.

431
00:24:21,960 --> 00:24:25,130
Damn, and this whole time
I thought Tina Turner was black.

432
00:24:28,091 --> 00:24:30,552
Gaber, did you see
the way she was smiling at you?

433
00:24:30,969 --> 00:24:34,139
But she looked, then she looked back.
That's the double look.

434
00:24:35,348 --> 00:24:38,143
She's into you, bro.

435
00:24:38,226 --> 00:24:39,269
Well, guess what?

436
00:24:39,352 --> 00:24:42,772
I'm gonna take a sip
of this non-alcoholic liquid courage

437
00:24:43,356 --> 00:24:44,356
and go talk to her.

438
00:24:44,399 --> 00:24:47,360
Oh, my God, it's happening.

439
00:24:48,487 --> 00:24:50,238
My chanting manifested it.

440
00:24:52,282 --> 00:24:54,409
Go get her, Gabe!

441
00:24:54,826 --> 00:24:55,994
Come on, Abby.

442
00:24:56,077 --> 00:24:58,413
The double look means
that Gabe is in control.

443
00:24:58,830 --> 00:25:00,207
Hmm.

444
00:25:00,290 --> 00:25:03,543
You're gonna ignore her for an hour,
then pretend flirt with Abby,

445
00:25:03,627 --> 00:25:05,504
then go tell her she's a bad singer.

446
00:25:07,297 --> 00:25:09,841
- Ah!
- Wait, what are you doing?

447
00:25:10,258 --> 00:25:12,677
The opposite of everything you just said.

448
00:25:18,600 --> 00:25:20,852
First time singing karaoke.

449
00:25:21,686 --> 00:25:22,729
Really?

450
00:25:23,897 --> 00:25:26,149
Well, first time today.

451
00:25:26,233 --> 00:25:27,776
Here.

452
00:25:30,278 --> 00:25:34,241
You know, I bet you did great because
I told you how supportive our table is.

453
00:25:34,324 --> 00:25:36,952
Yes. You were the wind beneath my wings.

454
00:25:41,623 --> 00:25:43,458
Oh! Ah!

455
00:25:44,292 --> 00:25:45,292
Ah!

456
00:25:45,835 --> 00:25:47,170
Oh!

457
00:25:47,837 --> 00:25:49,714
Has the karaoke contest started yet?

458
00:25:49,798 --> 00:25:52,092
With the way this dress
is pinching my diaphragm,

459
00:25:52,175 --> 00:25:53,927
this could be my best Patti LaBelle yet.

460
00:25:57,472 --> 00:26:00,684
Trust me, you should let a couple
of other people sing before you go up.

461
00:26:00,767 --> 00:26:04,020
Paula, Gabe's talking to a girl.

462
00:26:04,437 --> 00:26:05,480
A lady.

463
00:26:05,564 --> 00:26:06,481
A woman.

464
00:26:06,565 --> 00:26:08,191
I'm freaking out!

465
00:26:11,528 --> 00:26:12,737
Oh, hey, Paula.

466
00:26:13,321 --> 00:26:14,489
How's it going?

467
00:26:15,574 --> 00:26:17,117
Oh, this?

468
00:26:17,534 --> 00:26:18,827
It's just a napkin

469
00:26:20,328 --> 00:26:21,913
with a number on it.

470
00:26:26,501 --> 00:26:28,545
I got some more good news for you, Gabe.

471
00:26:29,045 --> 00:26:31,256
I hired a guidance counselor.

472
00:26:31,339 --> 00:26:32,966
Thank you. Thank you.

473
00:26:33,049 --> 00:26:35,176
And I told her to meet us here.
I don't know what...

474
00:26:35,260 --> 00:26:36,761
Oh, there she is. Jackie!

475
00:26:37,596 --> 00:26:38,596
Hey.

476
00:26:43,143 --> 00:26:44,143
Jackie.

477
00:26:48,690 --> 00:26:50,775
Hey, have a seat, Jackie.

478
00:26:50,859 --> 00:26:52,027
Thanks.

479
00:26:53,361 --> 00:26:54,362
Mm-hmm.

480
00:26:54,446 --> 00:26:56,948
Jackie, I want you to meet the gang.

481
00:26:57,407 --> 00:26:58,408
This is Gabriel...

482
00:26:59,784 --> 00:27:01,661
And, uh, this everybody else.

483
00:27:01,745 --> 00:27:04,998
Well, hey, everybody else.

484
00:27:05,081 --> 00:27:06,708
- Hi, Jackie.
- What's up?

485
00:27:06,791 --> 00:27:08,168
Oh, you know what, Gabe?

486
00:27:08,251 --> 00:27:10,003
Why don't you sit here? Move, Tony.

487
00:27:12,589 --> 00:27:14,758
Thanks, Paula.

488
00:27:15,550 --> 00:27:16,635
Oh!

489
00:27:16,718 --> 00:27:17,969
To Carlos,

490
00:27:19,054 --> 00:27:20,639
to Shakespeare,

491
00:27:21,014 --> 00:27:22,390
to another great year,

492
00:27:22,807 --> 00:27:27,103
and to the best coworkers
anyone could hope for.

493
00:27:27,187 --> 00:27:28,313
- Aw!
- Hey.

494
00:27:31,024 --> 00:27:33,485
Yay... coworkers!

495
00:27:34,402 --> 00:27:35,402
Hmm.