Mr. Iglesias is recorded in front of a live studio audience.
So, why didn't anybody sign up for Mr. Hernandez's drama class?
I was gonna sign up,
but my slot was taken by somebody named Spooky Dookie.
Mine was taken by Farty B.
Look, I'm not saying that the unidentified people
who put fake names on the sign-up sheet didn't crush it.
I'm just saying that that level of genius creativity
is a great reason to take drama class.
Yeah, I only do stuff I'm good at,
and as my lamb in the nativity scene proved,
I'm "baaad" at acting.
Yeah... taking drama with Mr. Hernandez
just sounds like detention with costumes.
Detention can be fun. Anybody ever seen Breakfast Club?
No, but that's a club I'd sign up for.
Oh, uh, are there Danishes?
It's pretty simple.
No one signed up for drama because Mr. Hernandez is a meanie.
That's the crazy part.
He's a totally different person when he's teaching theater.
He's actually nice.
It's a trap. He's just trying to get you to let your guard down,
- and then when you least expect it... - A-boom!
I promise, he's different when he's teaching theater.
He goes from me without coffee...
To me with coffee.
Oh, my God, yes.
You should teach drama class, Mr. Iglesias.
Everyone would sign up.
I can't.
It conflicts with my only free period, the Hot Cheeto power hour.
Yeah.
Besides, I've never really read a play.
I just wait for the movie to come out.
Hey, me too.
And if they don't make a movie out of it, then you know it wasn't a good play.
Look at us, talking about plays.
You're gonna love drama class.
Yeah.
Who wouldn't want to perform for a room full of judgmental teenagers?
With camera phones.
Connected to Wi-Fi.
Oh, I'm gonna pass out just thinking about it.
You guys are gonna be awesome.
Mikey, you have the coiled snake intensity of a young Al Pacino.
I don't know who that is, and I'm scared of snakes.
Grace, you're like a young...
Oh, do not say Constance Wu.
I don't see race
except for when I'm playing Mario Kart.
It's me, Mario, and this is my brother Luigi.
And that's my enemy Wario.
See that, Walt? You're funny.
That is way harder than drama.
Anybody can be all serious on an episode of Narcos.
- What's in it for us? - Yeah.
I'm remembering a promise of Danishes.
I don't need to be on stage.
I... I'm not trying to fill an empty hole with strangers' applause.
Wait, that hole can be filled?
Not really, but an extracurricular, like drama class,
looks great on a college resume.
Wait, what was that?
Look, you just want us to do this so Mr. Hernandez will keep being nice to you.
No.
And by "no," I mean, "yeah!"
But that doesn't make any of the other things I said less true.
Theater just isn't our thing, Mr. Iglesias.
I'm a hard pass.
- I'll do it. - Me too.
What about you, Lorenzo?
I guess I could follow in the long line of African-American actors
to be interrogated on Law & Order.
You got the wrong brother, Ice-T.
If Lorenzo's in, I'm in too.
Yeah, we're kind of a package deal.
Hey, you can't have Ebony.
Without Ivory!
I'm Ivory.
Thanks for clarifying.
All right, who else is in?
Constance Woop-Woop,
I'm in!
Anyone else?
All right. All right. Okay. Okay.
Yes!
And when one of you becomes a movie star,
I expect to be thanked at the Academy Awards.
You know movies are, like, barely a thing anymore, right?
All the best acting is happening on TV.
Wrong.
All the best acting is still happening in the nurse's office.
I can't take the test, Miss Torres,
I have fever in my eye.
Always worked for me.
Woo!
Hey, hey, guess who saved the day and is keeping Carlos nice?
Same person who's fishing for a compliment?
Guilty.
I convinced my students to sign up for his drama class.
How much you pay them?
Nothing. They fell for the real reasons.
Yeah. Kids are dumb.
That's so great, Gabe.
Students should have a little art in their curriculum.
Meh!
In my day, art allowed kids to express their individuality,
usually in the form of a peace sign
that looked exactly like every other peace sign.
- Kids are dumb. - Yeah.
See, this is why
I wanted to become a teacher,
so I can stand around doing nothing.
I haven't been doing nothing.
I got you some real students.
Your drama class is back on.
- Seriously? - Mm-hmm.
Finally, a life outside of the office.
That boy ain't right.
No, but as long as he stays focused on drama class,
he's wrong in a much better way.
Hey, party people.
Who's looking to get turnt?
It's 10:15.
It's 5:30 somewhere.
You do know that at 10:15, it's not 5:30 anywhere, right?
Wrong.
Daylight savings.
Great news, Paula, Gabe saved the drama department.
Oh, thank God, because The Press-Telegram
is coming for the ribbon cutting
of the Paula Madison Playhouse.
Ribbon cutting?
That auditorium's been around since I went here.
Oh, well, now it has a name. Hmm.
You know, guys, I was thinking with it being a new year,
a new semester, why don't we try a new bar?
- Hmm... - I like new things.
Don't tell Gertrude.
Yeah, but everyone loves us at DeBlasio's.
Yeah.
I really feel seen there.
News flash, tall, beautiful, white girl, you're gonna feel seen everywhere.
But DeBlasio's knows our names, our drink orders,
and in your case, Paula, your address for when they carry you to your Uber.
UberPool.
It's like a public pool but with more pee.
But come on, guys, the same place every week?
We need to get out, stretch our legs, see the city.
I heard great things about Roxanne's.
But we can't abandon DeBlasio's.
Yeah, we got history there.
I don't remember it, but I got the receipts.
Well, as your boss,
the person responsible for hiring and firing you,
I can't tell you where to drink.
But as your friend,
I'd recommend you listen to your boss.
Roxanne's it is.
Yeah, it's my favorite song from the Police.
Well, my favorite Police song is, "You're Free to Go."
Congratulations.
You've all been accepted into my drama class.
Accepted? Don't you have to take us if we show up?
Now...
I know a lot of classes start with physical warm-ups
and vocal exercises.
Feh feh mwah nyah!
But let's be professional.
I assume you all warmed up prior to class.
Great. I'm already behind.
Not me. When it comes to plays, I come to play.
My acting name is Reefer Sutherland.
No.
Excellent.
To the soliloquies of the Bard on Stratford-upon-Avon.
Oh, my mom sells Avon.
I'm talking about William Shakespeare.
Okay, can anyone tell me
the most famous speech in the history of theater?
Yes.
Let it go?
Not the movie theater.
It's in Hamlet.
The Danish Prince.
Great, now we got a Danish, and it blows.
Oh!
Oh, trust me, bro,
this Danish does not blow.
Watch,
and learn.
To be,
or not to be,
that is the question.
Oh, and what is the answer?
And when is the quiz?
No. No quizzes.
There will be no quizzes.
Lame.
No quizzes?
Drama class is awesome.
Hey, you're missing out, Spooky Dookie!
Indeed, he is.
But you, merry few, are not.
You will be graded purely on your capacity to disappear into a character.
I'm about to disappear my black ass up out of here.
To sleep, perchance to dream:
Ay, there's the rub.
Dry rub? Back rub? VapoRub?
You better rubs.
What dreams may come...
Oh, my God, this is like the old-timey version
of a teacher just putting on a movie.
When we've shuffled off this mortal coil.
I'mma shuffle right out of this auditorium.
I am right behind you, girl.
This guy is freaking me out. Let's go.
Hey! Aren't you guys supposed to be in drama class?
Oh, we were.
Oh, okay, so what happened?
Well
you know, it's super hard to describe.
- You should probably see for yourself. - Yeah.
Okay.
But if Walt pops out singing "Gangnam Style," I'mma be really upset,
for about a second, then I'm gonna join him.
Thy fair Ophelia!
Nymph, in thy orisons.
Be all my sins remember'd.
Hey, uh, Carlos, I'm really new to this whole theater thing, uh,
but is it good when, uh, everybody walks out?
I felt alone,
but I thought that was just because of the way I was playing the scene.
Well, you know what? You must be a really good actor because it worked.
Don't mind me, just taking a peek at Paula's Players.
Where the hell are the players?
Um...
Funny story.
- Tell her, Mr. Iglesias. - Eh?
Er...
You know, right now, the students are working on their, uh,
entrances and their exits,
and, uh... they're clearly killing those exits.
That's not a funny story.
If I don't see some students up in here before the bell rings,
I will take this stage back for Faculty Zumba.
Is it really Faculty Zumba if it's just you and Janitor Jim?
Carlos, have you ever heard the saying,
"Teach a man to fish and he eats for a lifetime.
Make a man watch you fish,
and he gets so bored, he wants to kill himself?"
Okay, but what
what if the fisherman has such mastery over his...
Ah! Too late. Too late.
Already killed himself.
Eh. Look, here's one of your students now.
Oh... hey!
Uh, I was just going to the bathroom.
Turns out I didn't have to.
To pee or not to pee.
Ah.
- Not. - Okay, see you in class.
It's easy for you, Mr. Iglesias. Your students respect you.
They pay attention.
Well, let's work on getting them to pay attention.
Respect might be a little further down the road.
But if they won't pay attention to the greatest play ever written,
what can I do?
Well, for starters, try not performing the whole thing for them.
Ah!
Make them earn my artistry.
You clearly graduated from the Kanye West school of me, me, me.
Kids get invested in what they're involved in.
What could be more inclusive than showing them how it's done?
Uh... pretty much anything.
Look, I don't know anything about acting, but I can teach you how to teach.
You would do that for me?
No, I'd do it for me.
I'm very invested in the new you.
Come on, Marisol.
I thought you were on board with the new theater class.
Oh, I totally am.
I was just getting my books so I can get some homework done
while Tevye here fiddles on the roof.
Well, call me ice cream, because I have the scoop.
Call me chocolate so I can sue the school and retire.
Don't say anything,
but I know the real reason Paula wants to go to a new bar.
Ooh, I'm all ears, vanilla bean.
Poor Paula was banned from DeBlasio's.
Banned?
Well, my interest, like my cholesterol, is piqued.
- What did she do? - Dumped a margarita on a guy.
Oh, big deal, she does that twice a month.
- It was a flaming margarita. - Ooh.
Oh, flaming margarita, that's my uncle's drag queen name.
Oh.
I'm so glad he's living his truth.
Hey, some guy must have creeped on Paula.
No. Apparently, he wouldn't creep on her.
Ooh!
And now he's missing an eyebrow.
Nothing a Sharpie can't fix.
You know who taught me that? Uncle Margarita.
Oh, Paula.
She was too embarrassed to tell us.
- Are you thinking what I'm thinking? - Oh, gosh, I doubt it.
We have an incredible opportunity to mess with our boss.
No, we can't do that. We have to be extra nice to her now.
Well, you are religious, Abby.
You must know that famous hymn,
You guys, pranks are mean.
Yeah, they are and hilarious.
We'll tell Paula that we're sticking with DeBlasio's and watch her squirm.
Exactly.
It just seems so wrong.
I'm excited to try it.
What's so funny?
Oh, you know, just the twists and turns of life,
and how new information can take the story in a whole new direction.
Sorry I asked.
So, are you guys ready to go to Roxanne's tonight?
Hmm... Nah, we've been discussing it, and I think we're good with DeBlasio's.
Plus, I heard it's meet Taye Diggs night.
Taye Diggs?
Paula, you love Taye Diggs.
Remember when you told me your fantasy
about Taye Diggs and a pint of maple syrup?
- Girl talk! - Oh.
Paula, you know we love you
almost as much as we love those deep-fried mozzarella logs
at DeBlasio's.
DeBlasio's. Even the name sounds stupid.
DeBlasio's.
Yeah, but they have a way of making the cheese all cold and congealed and...
- Mmm... ooh! - Mangia!
We just don't get why you don't wana go back to DeBlasio's.
It's like you're fighting us so hard on it.
Did you do something naughty?
All right, real talk.
Their "Get Freaky Fridays" was too much.
All those men in tight shirts,
throwing themselves at me.
I am a good Christian girl.
Define good.
Or Christian.
Or girl.
Shut up, Raymond.
You know what? I will be at Roxanne's, and I don't care if you come or not.
It kind of seems like she cares.
Being bad is so fun.
Okay, guys, take two.
And this time, more learning, less leaving.
Uh... y... yeah.
All right.
"To be, or not to be."
Sounds like me trying to find my apartment back when I was getting drunk.
You know what? Grace, come on up here.
Okay, here you go.
And act.
What? How?
I don't know. Just wing it.
- You just can't wing it. - Sit, sit, sit, sit, sit.
Remember, it's Grace's turn to fish.
No recording!
Snitches get stitches.
"To be, or not to be,
that is the... question?"
Try doing them like hip-hop lyrics.
Worked for Lin-Manuel Miranda.
Once.
Oh, do like Snoop Dogg.
Long Beach in the hiz-house, kuh.
No! No, no, no. Please don't disgrace the Bard.
She's not disgracing the Bard.
She's Grace-ing the Bard.
Um...
Baby's got bars.
Go, Grace! Go, Grace! Go, Grace! Go, Grace! Go, Grace!
No! No, stop waving your hands in the air like you just don't care.
When we say, "Shake."
You say, "speare."
- Shake. - Speare!
Enough!
You were right, Mr. Iglesias.
They don't need me. They need a teacher.
No, look, I... I'm sorry. I was... I was wrong.
They don't need a teacher. They... They need you.
They may need me, but they want you.
Mr. Iglesias is the new drama teacher!
Yeah!
Well, if it isn't the drama king of Wilson High.
Yes, 'tis I, Lord Gabriel,
ruler of the house of pancakes,
curator of curly fries,
and the chancellor of chimichangas.
Hi.
Shouldn't you be with your loyal subjects?
Only subject I need to be with is history. I don't know anything about acting.
But you do.
The boards are in my bones.
Ooh...
That sounds painful.
Have you tried Icy Hot?
Carlos, tell me why you love the theater.
- Because when I'm acting... - Mm.
I get to disappear into someone else.
Kinda like a vacation from yourself.
I've taken a few of those.
Why would you want to? Everyone thinks you're amazing.
And... And everyone thinks you're, um...
Why are we so obsessed about what other people think?
I get it.
People say I'm not "charming," or "pleasant,"
or "likable in any way."
When I'm acting, I get to be someone else.
I... I could be anyone.
I can even be someone whose coworkers
might really want to go out with him for drinks
instead of just inviting him so it's not awkward.
Well, now it's awkward.
Carlos, you need to make the students feel the same way you do about the theater.
Be that teacher.
Oh, you're... You're saying step out of the spotlight
and shine it on them?
Yes!
And when you do that, you're gonna like yourself a whole lot.
And the students are gonna like you too.
And in lifting them to such great heights,
the spotlight's back on me.
Really gonna need you to keep it on them.
Okay. Okay.
I think I can make that sacrifice.
There you go.
Hey
we're gonna go out for drinks after. We're gonna try this new bar.
Want to go?
I 'ave very poor and unhappy brains for drinking, gov'nor.
I'm only gonna ask once.
Yes! I wanna go.
- As a matter of fact, first round's on me. - Hmm!
Just for us two, not the whole gang.
Okay, so you're springing for one ginger ale.
Look at you, big baller, throwing around a dollar.
"Oh, that I were a glove upon that hand, that I might touch that cheek."
Touch that cheek? What?
That's my boy. He's gonna go get that booty!
Shh. Okay, spotlight's on Walt now, not us.
"Hey, we're dying in about ten pages, Juliet.
Let's get busy."
Okay, okay, he's playing subtext.
Oh, yeah, baby, give me some sugar.
Please stop playing subtext.
Oh, Katie!
What are you doing here?
Oh, hustling. I'm in the gig economy.
If I overserve you, I'm also your Uber.
Where's the gang?
Oh, they're not coming, but who needs them?
As I always say, a party of one is a party of fun.
There she is.
- Hey. - Oh, thank God.
Paula atcha boys!
Oh! I thought you guys were at DeBlasio's.
Ah! Gotcha! We were messing with you.
Abby, I thought I could trust you. I thought you were my friend.
I knew it.
Our God is not a pranking God.
So, did you really get banned
for throwing a glass object on fire at a man's head?
Let that be a lesson to you, Ray.
Don't run your elevator eyes up and down me
unless you plan on following through.
Mama don't like window shoppers.
This is it.
- Hey, guys, look who I found. - Hey.
It's the head of the drama department.
Hear, hear.
I'm so happy to be here at Roxanne's.
No doubt, named after the heroine from the classic Cyrano de Bergerac.
It was named after the owner's daughter.
Well, let's hope she, too, finds true love.
Someone wanted to send over a drink.
I told you Roxanne's was great.
Actually, it's for Ray.
I still got it.
From that gentleman in the corner.
Don't tell Gertrude.
Well, if that's the way it works,
Katie, I want you to send every available man in this bar a drink
from our table.
Hey, well, great news,
Carlos here is picking up the first round.
Hey!
Hey, my first round is gonna be three rounds.
That was just supposed to be our thing.
Hey, look, you either buy everybody a round,
or you're responsible for getting Paula home okay.
Trust me, you want the first one.
Thank you.