1
00:00:07,923 --> 00:00:11,283
‎電視播的划船好像很輕鬆，是吧？

2
00:00:11,363 --> 00:00:12,603
‎-妳說奧運嗎？
‎-對

3
00:00:12,683 --> 00:00:15,283
‎對，妳今年應該沒辦法入選了

4
00:00:15,363 --> 00:00:16,363
‎-沒辦法嗎？
‎-沒有

5
00:00:17,803 --> 00:00:19,283
‎-天啊
‎-真要命

6
00:00:19,363 --> 00:00:21,003
‎-對
‎-我們只是在轉圈圈

7
00:00:21,083 --> 00:00:22,763
‎-大家都在看
‎-才怪

8
00:00:22,843 --> 00:00:25,203
‎大家看著我，表示同情

9
00:00:25,283 --> 00:00:27,043
‎他們是看著我，表示同情

10
00:00:27,123 --> 00:00:30,283
‎他們心裡想說
‎“看看他，他想幫她，但她…”

11
00:00:30,363 --> 00:00:31,843
‎他才沒有在幫她

12
00:00:31,923 --> 00:00:36,803
‎他是在邊笑她邊錄影，這不叫幫忙

13
00:00:41,963 --> 00:00:42,803
‎-嗨
‎-嗨

14
00:00:42,883 --> 00:00:45,443
‎後門開著，我就進來了

15
00:00:45,523 --> 00:00:46,763
‎-好，餓了嗎？
‎-對

16
00:00:46,843 --> 00:00:48,563
‎-想去哪？
‎-快一點的地方

17
00:00:48,643 --> 00:00:50,403
‎-我十點要上班
‎-好

18
00:00:50,923 --> 00:00:52,603
‎你想找時間去划船嗎？

19
00:00:52,683 --> 00:00:54,123
‎-划船？
‎-對

20
00:00:54,203 --> 00:00:57,083
‎在湖裡划船，說說笑笑？

21
00:00:57,683 --> 00:00:58,963
‎湖裡划船？為什麼？

22
00:00:59,483 --> 00:01:02,643
‎不曉得，我想說你可能會有興趣

23
00:01:03,563 --> 00:01:04,723
‎不太算

24
00:01:05,643 --> 00:01:06,723
‎再見了

25
00:01:06,803 --> 00:01:07,683
‎走吧，艾瑪

26
00:02:52,843 --> 00:02:55,003
‎（坦伯里報章）

27
00:02:56,083 --> 00:02:57,523
‎-早安
‎-早安

28
00:03:00,563 --> 00:03:01,403
‎準備好了嗎？

29
00:03:01,483 --> 00:03:02,523
‎先等一下

30
00:03:08,323 --> 00:03:09,243
‎你還好吧？

31
00:03:09,323 --> 00:03:10,523
‎-怎樣？
‎-先坐下

32
00:03:10,603 --> 00:03:13,243
‎“怎樣？”這是哪門子的問候？你好

33
00:03:14,683 --> 00:03:15,963
‎-你要晚點…
‎-不要

34
00:03:16,043 --> 00:03:16,923
‎我還沒說完

35
00:03:18,163 --> 00:03:19,883
‎過來我家吃飯

36
00:03:19,963 --> 00:03:22,283
‎你可以帶艾瑪，四個人一起吃飯

37
00:03:23,123 --> 00:03:24,483
‎我跟艾瑪不是一對

38
00:03:25,563 --> 00:03:27,443
‎沒關係，我是說我們會是四個人

39
00:03:27,523 --> 00:03:30,123
‎那我會帶布萊恩
‎如果只是為了湊人數

40
00:03:30,203 --> 00:03:31,883
‎你很難搞

41
00:03:33,443 --> 00:03:35,683
‎反正帶你戀人未滿的好友艾瑪過來

42
00:03:35,763 --> 00:03:37,723
‎我們來場美好的成人時光

43
00:03:38,763 --> 00:03:41,323
‎我說真的，這樣對我們很好

44
00:03:41,403 --> 00:03:42,283
‎我跟吉兒

45
00:03:42,883 --> 00:03:46,003
‎邀大家過來很好玩吧？
‎我們不太常出去…

46
00:03:46,603 --> 00:03:49,803
‎我認為這是我們婚姻中的挫敗之一

47
00:03:49,883 --> 00:03:51,683
‎什麼挫敗？沒邀人回家？

48
00:03:52,283 --> 00:03:54,083
‎-不是，你明明聽得懂
‎-不懂

49
00:03:55,643 --> 00:03:56,883
‎好，你聽好了

50
00:03:58,243 --> 00:04:01,283
‎吉兒覺得我沒有冒險心，你相信嗎？

51
00:04:01,363 --> 00:04:02,203
‎對

52
00:04:03,243 --> 00:04:04,163
‎但說真的

53
00:04:04,763 --> 00:04:07,643
‎說來荒謬，我有兩件防水登山衣

54
00:04:08,243 --> 00:04:10,163
‎如果我不愛冒險，怎麼會有那兩件？

55
00:04:10,243 --> 00:04:11,483
‎你也可以說

56
00:04:11,563 --> 00:04:14,203
‎不愛弄濕頭髮的人，會有多愛冒險？

57
00:04:14,283 --> 00:04:17,403
‎我正在看露營裝備
‎有可能會買這雙靴子

58
00:04:20,963 --> 00:04:23,203
‎別這樣，過來吧，拜託你

59
00:04:23,283 --> 00:04:25,963
‎幫我證明她錯了，我覺得被誤解

60
00:04:26,043 --> 00:04:26,923
‎繼續說，歐普拉

61
00:04:27,563 --> 00:04:30,363
‎證明她錯的方法
‎有哪個是我可以不用出現的？

62
00:04:30,443 --> 00:04:32,883
‎這又沒什麼，你甚至不用久待

63
00:04:32,963 --> 00:04:36,243
‎你跟艾瑪只要過來
‎我們一起找樂子，這樣就好

64
00:04:37,403 --> 00:04:39,803
‎-不用警告吉兒嗎？
‎-不用，一時興起嘛

65
00:04:41,883 --> 00:04:44,483
‎我現在就要打給她，跟她說

66
00:04:44,563 --> 00:04:46,043
‎不然她會有點緊張

67
00:04:46,563 --> 00:04:49,723
‎她會想要做好準備
‎我們不常搞什麼大餐

68
00:04:49,803 --> 00:04:53,923
‎先吃點東西再來
‎然後我們會喝點東西

69
00:04:54,003 --> 00:04:56,203
‎播點音樂，講些好笑的

70
00:04:56,283 --> 00:04:57,643
‎不會有好笑的

71
00:04:58,323 --> 00:04:59,243
‎七點半？

72
00:04:59,323 --> 00:05:01,403
‎那時候我通常在喝第二瓶酒了

73
00:05:01,483 --> 00:05:03,323
‎太好了，你可以到我家喝

74
00:05:03,403 --> 00:05:04,603
‎-好
‎-行嗎？

75
00:05:04,683 --> 00:05:05,523
‎-好
‎-太好了

76
00:05:05,603 --> 00:05:06,803
‎如果艾瑪願意的話

77
00:05:07,523 --> 00:05:08,363
‎謝謝

78
00:05:09,283 --> 00:05:11,243
‎真要命

79
00:05:11,323 --> 00:05:13,163
‎-我聽到了
‎-我知道

80
00:05:13,243 --> 00:05:15,523
‎-等你離開辦公室再…
‎-走吧

81
00:05:17,603 --> 00:05:19,123
‎今天出師不利

82
00:05:22,883 --> 00:05:29,083
‎（秋葉安老院）

83
00:05:31,803 --> 00:05:32,883
‎-妳好
‎-妳好

84
00:05:33,403 --> 00:05:35,203
‎妳跟朋友東尼進展得如何？

85
00:05:35,723 --> 00:05:39,123
‎就是那樣，真的，我們只是朋友

86
00:05:40,083 --> 00:05:42,523
‎即使偶爾會有點緊張，老實說

87
00:05:43,203 --> 00:05:45,443
‎我們甚至沒一起自拍過

88
00:05:47,083 --> 00:05:50,043
‎他肯定是瘋了，才沒多注意妳

89
00:05:51,203 --> 00:05:52,043
‎對

90
00:05:54,163 --> 00:05:56,923
‎我覺得記錄我第50本小說應該不錯

91
00:05:57,003 --> 00:06:00,523
‎第50本？真厲害，妳寫書多久了？

92
00:06:01,043 --> 00:06:03,923
‎寫一輩子了，親愛的，這是我的志業

93
00:06:04,643 --> 00:06:06,723
‎我15歲時出版第一本小說

94
00:06:06,803 --> 00:06:09,523
‎自此之後，至少每年一本

95
00:06:09,603 --> 00:06:11,203
‎厲害，妳的出版社是哪家？

96
00:06:11,843 --> 00:06:12,883
‎自己出版的，親愛的

97
00:06:12,963 --> 00:06:15,723
‎我設計封面，包辦一切，非常專業

98
00:06:16,403 --> 00:06:19,803
‎不是為了賺錢

99
00:06:19,883 --> 00:06:22,763
‎我其實在賠錢
‎但這是一種熱忱，對吧？

100
00:06:22,843 --> 00:06:24,603
‎-對
‎-我總得留下點東西

101
00:06:24,683 --> 00:06:27,563
‎我未婚，膝下無子，所以囉

102
00:06:28,723 --> 00:06:30,283
‎妳靠什麼為生？

103
00:06:30,363 --> 00:06:31,483
‎我是靈媒

104
00:06:31,563 --> 00:06:32,683
‎好

105
00:06:32,763 --> 00:06:37,323
‎我看氣場、手相
‎或水晶球、茶葉之類的

106
00:06:38,443 --> 00:06:41,083
‎但出書是我的熱情所在

107
00:06:41,163 --> 00:06:45,003
‎書的主角都是同一人，對吧？

108
00:06:45,083 --> 00:06:45,963
‎對

109
00:06:46,043 --> 00:06:48,283
‎巴納比樂福醫生

110
00:06:48,883 --> 00:06:51,323
‎我結合醫療劇和情色小說

111
00:06:52,363 --> 00:06:55,363
‎“巴納比樂福醫生，病榻上的兩人”

112
00:06:55,443 --> 00:06:59,443
‎為什麼是“巴納比樂福醫生
‎病榻上的兩人”？

113
00:07:00,283 --> 00:07:04,403
‎我一直希望書被改編成
‎《神探可倫坡》那樣的長壽劇

114
00:07:05,043 --> 00:07:06,803
‎但很遺憾沒有

115
00:07:07,923 --> 00:07:09,643
‎我以前的第一人選是羅傑摩爾

116
00:07:09,723 --> 00:07:12,523
‎但現在可能是像喬治克隆尼那樣的人

117
00:07:12,603 --> 00:07:16,043
‎他演過醫生，一定不會手足無措

118
00:07:16,123 --> 00:07:17,523
‎可能懂得比我還多

119
00:07:17,603 --> 00:07:19,803
‎妳沒接受過醫療訓練嗎？

120
00:07:19,883 --> 00:07:20,883
‎沒有

121
00:07:21,643 --> 00:07:25,163
‎-妳怎麼寫出對的醫療資訊？
‎-從日常生活學

122
00:07:26,123 --> 00:07:26,963
‎好

123
00:07:28,003 --> 00:07:29,643
‎你們要我唸一段新作嗎？

124
00:07:30,523 --> 00:07:31,363
‎好

125
00:07:32,723 --> 00:07:33,643
‎《大開眼界》

126
00:07:35,323 --> 00:07:36,883
‎這段不要，太下流了

127
00:07:36,963 --> 00:07:38,723
‎來看看吧，這段很好

128
00:07:38,803 --> 00:07:41,323
‎所以巴納比醫生正在幫人開刀

129
00:07:41,403 --> 00:07:44,803
‎全球頂尖外科醫生都說這病人沒救了

130
00:07:44,883 --> 00:07:46,723
‎但巴納比醫生不這麼認為

131
00:07:46,803 --> 00:07:49,363
‎好，“史黛西護理師擦了他的額頭”

132
00:07:49,963 --> 00:07:51,763
‎“這樣好多了嗎，醫生？”

133
00:07:51,843 --> 00:07:55,123
‎“他們的眼神
‎交會在手術房要戴的口罩上”

134
00:07:55,843 --> 00:07:57,203
‎“別這樣，叫我巴納比就好”

135
00:07:57,843 --> 00:08:00,243
‎“她臉紅了“，“好，要注射了”

136
00:08:00,323 --> 00:08:03,043
‎“他將藥物注入病患的主動脈”

137
00:08:03,123 --> 00:08:06,123
‎“這樣應該就行了，巴納比醫生說“
‎“進行縫合，護理師”

138
00:08:06,203 --> 00:08:08,923
‎“等下一起吃晚餐？”
‎“好啊，她說”，“八點見”

139
00:08:10,003 --> 00:08:11,043
‎好了

140
00:08:14,323 --> 00:08:16,243
‎-他有活下來嗎？
‎-誰，親愛的？

141
00:08:16,323 --> 00:08:17,443
‎那個病人

142
00:08:17,523 --> 00:08:19,603
‎我沒提，那不重要

143
00:08:20,563 --> 00:08:23,683
‎如果他們都把藥打進主動脈了
‎我相信病人一定不會有事

144
00:08:23,763 --> 00:08:25,083
‎沒錯

145
00:08:25,163 --> 00:08:28,403
‎不知道全球頂尖的醫生怎沒想到這招

146
00:08:28,963 --> 00:08:32,483
‎巴納比醫生很特別吧？
‎他是世上醫術最精湛的

147
00:08:33,043 --> 00:08:35,243
‎還是猛男，這總是好事

148
00:08:37,323 --> 00:08:39,003
‎-很好，拍張照
‎-好

149
00:08:40,483 --> 00:08:41,323
‎笑一個

150
00:08:42,962 --> 00:08:43,803
‎好極了

151
00:08:44,723 --> 00:08:47,323
‎-這會上下週的報紙嗎，親愛的？
‎-會

152
00:08:47,403 --> 00:08:49,323
‎可以提到我會在坦布里市集

153
00:08:49,403 --> 00:08:51,323
‎舉辦現場讀書及簽書會嗎？

154
00:08:51,403 --> 00:08:52,563
‎好

155
00:08:52,643 --> 00:08:56,283
‎那就好，一定要帶太太來捧場
‎這主要是為女性辦的

156
00:08:56,363 --> 00:08:58,723
‎我…我沒有太太

157
00:08:59,363 --> 00:09:00,443
‎同志嗎？這樣更好

158
00:09:00,523 --> 00:09:02,083
‎我不是同志，只是…

159
00:09:03,803 --> 00:09:04,763
‎我…

160
00:09:04,843 --> 00:09:05,923
‎我太太走了

161
00:09:06,003 --> 00:09:06,963
‎真遺憾

162
00:09:07,723 --> 00:09:09,163
‎你要跟她聯繫嗎？

163
00:09:09,243 --> 00:09:10,403
‎我很想

164
00:09:10,923 --> 00:09:12,843
‎-好，那…
‎-不是，我是說

165
00:09:13,923 --> 00:09:14,923
‎我不…

166
00:09:15,003 --> 00:09:17,483
‎我不信這套，不過謝謝妳

167
00:09:18,683 --> 00:09:19,643
‎這送你

168
00:09:21,483 --> 00:09:22,923
‎《大開眼界》

169
00:09:23,003 --> 00:09:25,603
‎在這樣的情況下，只會有一種意思

170
00:09:25,683 --> 00:09:26,763
‎-對
‎-是不是？

171
00:09:31,123 --> 00:09:32,363
‎我就討厭這樣

172
00:09:32,963 --> 00:09:36,123
‎他明知我們要過馬路
‎但他就是要省這十秒鐘

173
00:09:36,203 --> 00:09:38,883
‎因為他自己在做大事業，全職人渣

174
00:09:40,403 --> 00:09:43,243
‎我每次都希望自己有磚塊能砸破車窗

175
00:09:43,323 --> 00:09:45,203
‎只差這件事就完整了，對吧？

176
00:09:45,283 --> 00:09:47,443
‎你真的隨身帶著磚塊

177
00:09:47,523 --> 00:09:49,003
‎在斑馬線附近徘徊

178
00:09:49,083 --> 00:09:51,323
‎那會是社區服務，我就像蝙蝠俠

179
00:09:51,403 --> 00:09:52,243
‎只是神經不正常

180
00:09:52,323 --> 00:09:54,323
‎對，也許我不是傷心

181
00:09:54,403 --> 00:09:56,963
‎也許只是為人機車，喜歡懲罰人

182
00:09:57,043 --> 00:09:59,123
‎經典的私刑故事，不是嗎？

183
00:09:59,203 --> 00:10:01,563
‎我就像蝙蝠俠或《夢魘殺魔》主角

184
00:10:01,643 --> 00:10:05,163
‎他是連環殺人犯
‎但他的父親教他只能殺壞人

185
00:10:05,243 --> 00:10:06,683
‎但他神經不正常

186
00:10:06,763 --> 00:10:07,923
‎或蜘蛛人

187
00:10:08,003 --> 00:10:11,843
‎他的叔叔遇害
‎結果他跑去殺光壞人，不是嗎？

188
00:10:11,923 --> 00:10:14,483
‎他不是被蜘蛛咬嗎？
‎我不記得什麼叔叔

189
00:10:14,563 --> 00:10:17,643
‎對，然後他幫自己
‎做了一套做作的服裝

190
00:10:17,723 --> 00:10:21,923
‎我不用這麼麻煩
‎穿自己的衣服就行，那就…

191
00:10:22,003 --> 00:10:24,443
‎還有，我會狂毆蜘蛛人

192
00:10:24,523 --> 00:10:27,603
‎死小鬼穿著緊身兒童睡衣？

193
00:10:27,683 --> 00:10:31,523
‎-但他有蜘蛛的感官
‎-是嗎？踩一腳就掛了

194
00:10:33,203 --> 00:10:37,883
‎“巴納比醫生
‎靠在他的辦公室皮椅上沉思”

195
00:10:37,963 --> 00:10:42,243
‎他很擔心一個病人
‎他長了史上最嚴重的腦瘤”

196
00:10:42,323 --> 00:10:45,643
‎“傳來敲門聲”
‎“進來，巴納比醫生說”

197
00:10:45,723 --> 00:10:48,923
‎“門一打開，辛蒂護理師站在那

198
00:10:49,003 --> 00:10:51,563
‎她是全院最有吸引力的”，想也知道

199
00:10:51,643 --> 00:10:55,243
‎“抱歉，她說，女更衣室壞了

200
00:10:55,323 --> 00:10:58,043
‎因為你是醫生
‎不曉得我是否方便在此更衣”

201
00:10:58,123 --> 00:10:59,803
‎“當然可以，巴納比醫生說”

202
00:10:59,883 --> 00:11:01,203
‎我是外科醫生

203
00:11:01,283 --> 00:11:02,603
‎所以女性裸體

204
00:11:02,683 --> 00:11:05,603
‎跟一般血氣方剛的男性不同”

205
00:11:05,683 --> 00:11:06,923
‎我唸不下去了

206
00:11:07,003 --> 00:11:08,323
‎-繼續唸
‎-不要，妳來唸

207
00:11:08,923 --> 00:11:09,763
‎真要命

208
00:11:11,403 --> 00:11:14,843
‎“辛蒂護理師開始慢慢脫掉衣服
‎她性感得要命

209
00:11:14,923 --> 00:11:17,363
‎然後她發現
‎巴納比醫生看她的眼神變了

210
00:11:17,443 --> 00:11:19,363
‎不像要幫她開刀那樣”

211
00:11:20,283 --> 00:11:21,563
‎我美嗎，醫生？”

212
00:11:21,643 --> 00:11:24,003
‎“當然，巴納比醫生說”

213
00:11:24,523 --> 00:11:26,683
‎“妳最好檢查一下我的脈搏，護理師”

214
00:11:27,203 --> 00:11:30,043
‎其實挺甜蜜的，有點老派但帶有希望

215
00:11:30,123 --> 00:11:31,603
‎而且她還是算命師

216
00:11:32,123 --> 00:11:34,083
‎-她自稱是
‎-她何必騙你？

217
00:11:34,603 --> 00:11:37,043
‎-因為這不可能
‎-沒什麼事是不可能的

218
00:11:37,123 --> 00:11:38,203
‎我沒話說了

219
00:11:39,243 --> 00:11:42,083
‎你看過的事不代表不是真的

220
00:11:42,163 --> 00:11:43,483
‎要是沒人看過呢？

221
00:11:44,163 --> 00:11:45,043
‎那可能是隱形的

222
00:11:46,203 --> 00:11:47,803
‎-好
‎-我可以去找她嗎？

223
00:11:47,883 --> 00:11:49,163
‎調查這件事？

224
00:11:50,643 --> 00:11:53,123
‎-妳要的話可以啊
‎-我不會帶有任何成見

225
00:11:53,203 --> 00:11:56,083
‎如果抱持著懷疑心態
‎那你永遠也不會相信

226
00:11:56,163 --> 00:11:57,563
‎要我安排見面嗎？

227
00:11:58,083 --> 00:11:58,923
‎好

228
00:11:59,643 --> 00:12:01,403
‎我現在希望我能報導這件事

229
00:12:03,763 --> 00:12:04,843
‎他到了

230
00:12:05,963 --> 00:12:07,723
‎我叫你在外面等

231
00:12:09,843 --> 00:12:13,203
‎他要載我去開會，我們很明顯沒交往

232
00:12:13,283 --> 00:12:16,283
‎我只是喜歡搭勞斯萊斯出現
‎這點他很清楚，對吧？

233
00:12:16,363 --> 00:12:18,283
‎-對
‎-配合得很好

234
00:12:19,923 --> 00:12:22,963
‎-你有什麼好處，科林？
‎-大家以為他有女友

235
00:12:23,603 --> 00:12:25,563
‎但他知道這永遠不可能

236
00:12:26,283 --> 00:12:27,483
‎可惜啊

237
00:12:27,563 --> 00:12:31,003
‎開著勞斯萊斯
‎白手起家的百萬富翁，心腸又好

238
00:12:31,083 --> 00:12:33,443
‎這種人會是理想對象
‎如果不是的話，原因很明顯

239
00:12:34,443 --> 00:12:37,043
‎-什麼？
‎-那張臉，這還用說

240
00:12:37,803 --> 00:12:41,123
‎對，那張臉，連我媽都說我醜

241
00:12:42,163 --> 00:12:43,523
‎這樣你可以接受，科林？

242
00:12:45,043 --> 00:12:46,283
‎這讓人心碎

243
00:12:46,363 --> 00:12:47,683
‎我被毀了

244
00:12:47,763 --> 00:12:51,483
‎我從小到大都希望自己死了
‎但還能怎麼辦？

245
00:12:52,443 --> 00:12:56,283
‎沒錯，所以我才要大家知道
‎他不是我男友

246
00:12:58,123 --> 00:13:00,403
‎也許你該戴司機帽

247
00:13:00,923 --> 00:13:02,443
‎或司機面具

248
00:13:02,523 --> 00:13:06,363
‎-她對他有點好感，對吧？
‎-對，科林，以前是

249
00:13:06,443 --> 00:13:07,883
‎她顯然有特定的菜

250
00:13:09,923 --> 00:13:12,083
‎隨便，走吧，我們快遲到了

251
00:13:14,163 --> 00:13:15,163
‎走吧

252
00:13:15,243 --> 00:13:16,443
‎像叫狗一樣

253
00:13:17,403 --> 00:13:20,443
‎-可以回去工作嗎？
‎-不行，這不值得

254
00:13:20,523 --> 00:13:23,043
‎拜託，別這樣，浪費夠多時間了

255
00:13:34,883 --> 00:13:35,883
‎有個新笑話

256
00:13:36,723 --> 00:13:39,283
‎-比蘋果長蟲還慘的是什麼事？
‎-不知道

257
00:13:39,363 --> 00:13:41,803
‎在喜互惠超市的停車場發現你前妻

258
00:13:41,883 --> 00:13:44,403
‎跟荷蘭卡車司機群交

259
00:13:45,083 --> 00:13:48,803
‎在蘋果發現蟲完全沒得比，相信我

260
00:13:49,923 --> 00:13:53,203
‎總之，我要開始嚴肅看待我的喜劇

261
00:13:54,243 --> 00:13:56,683
‎這幾年的人生實在太不順遂

262
00:13:57,243 --> 00:14:00,363
‎但我已經到了谷底
‎所以現在只能往上了，對吧？

263
00:14:00,443 --> 00:14:04,043
‎對，我呢，肯幫我四處找了試鏡機會

264
00:14:04,123 --> 00:14:05,603
‎小型表演之類的

265
00:14:05,683 --> 00:14:06,563
‎-可惡
‎-怎麼了？

266
00:14:07,203 --> 00:14:08,443
‎真不敢相信

267
00:14:09,043 --> 00:14:10,843
‎我前妻跟吉普賽人米基

268
00:14:11,363 --> 00:14:12,403
‎他會打人嗎？

269
00:14:13,443 --> 00:14:14,443
‎無庸置疑的瘋子

270
00:14:15,243 --> 00:14:17,403
‎提醒你，我看過她拿酒瓶砸交通警察

271
00:14:17,923 --> 00:14:19,643
‎你自己想想

272
00:14:22,563 --> 00:14:23,403
‎嗨

273
00:14:24,563 --> 00:14:26,283
‎-過得好嗎？
‎-不錯

274
00:14:26,363 --> 00:14:28,163
‎你好嗎，米基？對

275
00:14:29,203 --> 00:14:32,763
‎詹姆士，這位是米基
‎這位是我前妻伊麗莎白

276
00:14:32,843 --> 00:14:33,963
‎妳好

277
00:14:34,043 --> 00:14:36,163
‎-好嗎？
‎-還在一起嗎？

278
00:14:36,243 --> 00:14:37,443
‎斷斷續續的，對

279
00:14:37,963 --> 00:14:40,283
‎她有陣子在睡彈頭

280
00:14:41,363 --> 00:14:43,243
‎被他抓姦在床，對吧？

281
00:14:45,003 --> 00:14:45,843
‎真尷尬

282
00:14:47,283 --> 00:14:48,163
‎一點也不尷尬

283
00:14:49,323 --> 00:14:52,443
‎這給了我藉口好好痛扁他一頓

284
00:14:53,483 --> 00:14:54,643
‎浴血之戰，對吧？

285
00:14:55,243 --> 00:14:56,163
‎亂成一團

286
00:14:56,763 --> 00:14:58,963
‎-結果挺不錯的
‎-你懂我

287
00:14:59,923 --> 00:15:01,963
‎我喜歡正向思考

288
00:15:02,043 --> 00:15:03,323
‎我知道，兄弟

289
00:15:03,403 --> 00:15:06,763
‎我的問題是想取悅每個人

290
00:15:08,003 --> 00:15:09,403
‎她誰都睡

291
00:15:09,483 --> 00:15:10,643
‎他知道

292
00:15:11,323 --> 00:15:12,963
‎你過得好嗎？

293
00:15:14,123 --> 00:15:14,963
‎沒什麼好抱怨的

294
00:15:16,043 --> 00:15:18,563
‎總之呢，很高興見到你們

295
00:15:19,603 --> 00:15:22,323
‎那就…再見囉

296
00:15:22,403 --> 00:15:23,283
‎-祝你順利
‎-好

297
00:15:23,363 --> 00:15:24,203
‎再見

298
00:15:26,283 --> 00:15:29,363
‎我們會小心繞過伊麗莎白的屁股

299
00:15:29,443 --> 00:15:32,003
‎對，使出單輪特技，就這樣

300
00:15:37,643 --> 00:15:39,483
‎你最好的朋友就是這麼可悲

301
00:15:39,563 --> 00:15:42,043
‎-你不可悲
‎-標準窩囊廢

302
00:15:42,123 --> 00:15:44,363
‎-沒比我慘
‎-你在開玩笑吧？

303
00:15:44,443 --> 00:15:46,843
‎-沒有
‎-你會唱歌、跳舞

304
00:15:47,363 --> 00:15:52,363
‎用鼻子吹兩支直笛
‎會打毛線、很會用羊毛

305
00:15:53,603 --> 00:15:56,203
‎如果你這樣還窩囊
‎我們其他人還有什麼機會？

306
00:15:56,283 --> 00:15:57,283
‎謝了，兄弟

307
00:15:57,923 --> 00:16:00,363
‎你想去垃圾場嗎？看看有沒有好貨？

308
00:16:00,443 --> 00:16:04,123
‎一定要，可以的話，我先去找經紀人

309
00:16:04,203 --> 00:16:05,723
‎-我跟你一起去，小子
‎-好

310
00:16:16,003 --> 00:16:16,843
‎還好嗎？

311
00:16:17,563 --> 00:16:18,403
‎很好

312
00:16:19,643 --> 00:16:22,203
‎我在跟斯坦說你很快就會過來

313
00:16:22,283 --> 00:16:23,203
‎對

314
00:16:23,283 --> 00:16:25,003
‎-工作順利嗎？
‎-順利

315
00:16:25,963 --> 00:16:28,283
‎-妳還是會跟他說話？
‎-每天都會

316
00:16:29,123 --> 00:16:30,683
‎不只是在這，到處都會

317
00:16:32,643 --> 00:16:34,963
‎不過在家不會有人笑我

318
00:16:37,803 --> 00:16:38,883
‎這真的有幫助

319
00:16:39,923 --> 00:16:41,523
‎我是說大聲說出來

320
00:16:42,963 --> 00:16:44,203
‎你會聽見自己說的

321
00:16:46,603 --> 00:16:51,563
‎對，我從來沒有自言自語
‎可能會吵起來

322
00:16:52,163 --> 00:16:54,283
‎你不會自言自語

323
00:16:56,243 --> 00:16:57,083
‎不會

324
00:16:57,723 --> 00:16:59,643
‎我仍覺得她還在人世

325
00:17:00,803 --> 00:17:02,643
‎好像有兩個我

326
00:17:04,283 --> 00:17:05,603
‎一個知道真相

327
00:17:06,923 --> 00:17:07,763
‎她死了

328
00:17:08,843 --> 00:17:09,683
‎邏輯上來說

329
00:17:10,642 --> 00:17:14,043
‎沒有天堂、沒有輪迴、沒有鬼魂

330
00:17:15,443 --> 00:17:16,283
‎這我知道

331
00:17:18,803 --> 00:17:20,882
‎但後來我感覺到她

332
00:17:21,683 --> 00:17:22,523
‎在我心裡

333
00:17:23,523 --> 00:17:24,402
‎一直都是

334
00:17:26,523 --> 00:17:29,203
‎她還是我的一部分，引導著我

335
00:17:31,363 --> 00:17:32,203
‎超怪的

336
00:17:34,803 --> 00:17:36,203
‎那是因為你是人

337
00:17:37,163 --> 00:17:39,203
‎而且沒什麼事有道理

338
00:17:41,243 --> 00:17:42,723
‎講不過妳，齊克果

339
00:17:45,203 --> 00:17:47,403
‎其實有感覺也沒關係

340
00:17:49,443 --> 00:17:51,043
‎不合邏輯的事情

341
00:17:52,483 --> 00:17:55,563
‎科學讓我們知道怎樣更長壽

342
00:17:57,203 --> 00:17:59,523
‎感覺給我們盼望的理由

343
00:18:02,763 --> 00:18:03,683
‎或不期不待

344
00:18:04,923 --> 00:18:06,483
‎我剛講的很有道理

345
00:18:08,403 --> 00:18:09,243
‎我沒事

346
00:18:20,763 --> 00:18:23,123
‎-媽
‎-嗨，親愛的，你怎麼來了？

347
00:18:23,203 --> 00:18:25,003
‎我來開會

348
00:18:25,523 --> 00:18:27,523
‎-祝福你
‎-妳在這做什麼？

349
00:18:27,603 --> 00:18:30,163
‎-她在幫我挑染
‎-幫個忙

350
00:18:30,243 --> 00:18:32,523
‎這不重要，我們要拿你怎麼辦？

351
00:18:32,603 --> 00:18:35,643
‎還在送地方報紙？成何體統？

352
00:18:35,723 --> 00:18:39,163
‎我不是有賺錢嗎？
‎媽說我到了要付房租的年紀

353
00:18:39,243 --> 00:18:41,243
‎這樣不是才公平嗎，肯？

354
00:18:41,323 --> 00:18:43,243
‎跟這個廢物一起混？

355
00:18:43,323 --> 00:18:44,683
‎-我沒惡意
‎-沒關係

356
00:18:44,763 --> 00:18:46,043
‎我跟布萊恩是一隊的

357
00:18:46,123 --> 00:18:47,923
‎-他也想找經紀人
‎-何必呢？

358
00:18:48,003 --> 00:18:49,803
‎-追求他的脫口秀事業
‎-非常想

359
00:18:50,563 --> 00:18:52,203
‎我準備好了，我要向前衝

360
00:18:53,083 --> 00:18:55,483
‎我不想再被打擊自信

361
00:18:56,323 --> 00:18:57,763
‎一無是處

362
00:18:57,843 --> 00:18:58,803
‎你就是一無是處啊

363
00:18:58,883 --> 00:19:02,203
‎你在喜劇界肯定沒機會出頭天

364
00:19:02,963 --> 00:19:06,283
‎-我的勇氣好像消退中
‎-你說你誰都捧得紅

365
00:19:06,363 --> 00:19:07,643
‎我又不是魔術師

366
00:19:07,723 --> 00:19:10,123
‎-他不是魔術師
‎-捧他是浪費我的時間

367
00:19:10,203 --> 00:19:11,843
‎-沒意義
‎-這種態度不行

368
00:19:11,923 --> 00:19:13,203
‎-不行嗎？
‎-不行

369
00:19:13,283 --> 00:19:14,883
‎-那你去啊
‎-好啊

370
00:19:14,963 --> 00:19:17,763
‎很好，讓你有事做
‎反正我沒辦法幫你找到工作

371
00:19:17,843 --> 00:19:18,683
‎好極了

372
00:19:19,363 --> 00:19:21,683
‎-不過沒關係
‎-什麼沒關係？

373
00:19:21,763 --> 00:19:22,883
‎當個窩囊廢

374
00:19:24,083 --> 00:19:25,443
‎我還是愛你

375
00:19:26,803 --> 00:19:27,643
‎真溫馨

376
00:19:46,043 --> 00:19:47,843
‎-好嗎？
‎-很好，你呢？

377
00:19:47,923 --> 00:19:50,843
‎對，咬緊牙關撐著

378
00:19:54,323 --> 00:19:56,483
‎-撐著什麼？
‎-蘿絲

379
00:19:56,563 --> 00:19:58,083
‎蘿絲怎麼了？

380
00:19:58,163 --> 00:20:00,043
‎-明知故問
‎-我不知道，怎麼了？

381
00:20:00,563 --> 00:20:02,963
‎-她不是我女友嗎？
‎-對

382
00:20:04,923 --> 00:20:05,763
‎然後呢？

383
00:20:05,843 --> 00:20:08,523
‎她到處幫人口交，不是嗎？

384
00:20:08,603 --> 00:20:09,443
‎好喔

385
00:20:10,523 --> 00:20:11,363
‎我不知道

386
00:20:11,443 --> 00:20:13,523
‎-你知道啊，我正在告訴你
‎-幹嘛跟我說？

387
00:20:13,603 --> 00:20:16,443
‎-我滿腦子都這件事
‎-好

388
00:20:18,723 --> 00:20:20,203
‎我不知道該說什麼

389
00:20:21,603 --> 00:20:22,443
‎瓦斯費帳單

390
00:20:23,043 --> 00:20:23,883
‎好

391
00:20:25,923 --> 00:20:26,763
‎再見

392
00:20:28,803 --> 00:20:29,643
‎再見

393
00:20:44,323 --> 00:20:45,723
‎這不是很好嗎，就…

394
00:20:46,883 --> 00:20:47,923
‎坐下來

395
00:20:48,843 --> 00:20:50,203
‎-下班之後
‎-對

396
00:20:50,283 --> 00:20:53,603
‎我其實整天都坐著

397
00:20:54,763 --> 00:20:57,243
‎不過你工作時沒穿粉紅毛線衣

398
00:20:57,323 --> 00:20:58,483
‎這是鮭魚色

399
00:20:58,563 --> 00:20:59,803
‎鮭魚粉，對

400
00:20:59,883 --> 00:21:03,163
‎裡面沒穿衣服，真有意思

401
00:21:03,243 --> 00:21:07,363
‎喜歡羊毛貼著你皮膚的感覺？

402
00:21:07,443 --> 00:21:09,923
‎這是美利奴羊毛，所以很柔軟

403
00:21:11,163 --> 00:21:13,483
‎-你剛才覺得熱
‎-我裡面本來有穿，對

404
00:21:13,563 --> 00:21:14,443
‎所以我想說

405
00:21:15,883 --> 00:21:18,123
‎“脫掉衣服，穿毛線衣就好”

406
00:21:18,203 --> 00:21:19,443
‎好

407
00:21:19,523 --> 00:21:20,603
‎不再回顧過去

408
00:21:24,683 --> 00:21:27,643
‎-吉兒送你室內盆栽
‎-是送你們兩人的

409
00:21:29,203 --> 00:21:31,243
‎單一個盆栽我們兩人怎麼分？

410
00:21:32,203 --> 00:21:33,923
‎-我自己住
‎-我只是…

411
00:21:34,003 --> 00:21:36,443
‎我去的時候可以欣賞

412
00:21:37,363 --> 00:21:38,843
‎她只是想展現善意，懂嗎？

413
00:21:38,923 --> 00:21:40,843
‎-這樣艾瑪不會覺得被忽略
‎-對

414
00:21:41,483 --> 00:21:42,403
‎謝謝

415
00:21:45,523 --> 00:21:47,123
‎別澆太多水

416
00:21:48,203 --> 00:21:49,523
‎這是仙人掌，所以…

417
00:21:51,323 --> 00:21:52,563
‎我喜歡你們的畫

418
00:21:53,523 --> 00:21:54,403
‎這是莉莎的作品

419
00:21:55,643 --> 00:21:58,003
‎-不是她最棒的畫作
‎-什麼意思？

420
00:21:58,083 --> 00:21:59,923
‎-我…
‎-你不喜歡的話給我

421
00:22:00,003 --> 00:22:03,043
‎我很喜歡，我只是要說她有多厲害

422
00:22:03,123 --> 00:22:04,603
‎但這幅畫她沒發揮功力

423
00:22:04,683 --> 00:22:07,563
‎-對
‎-別這麼嗆，好嗎？

424
00:22:09,763 --> 00:22:10,763
‎我該走了

425
00:22:11,763 --> 00:22:13,923
‎-我要跟你一起走嗎？
‎-不用

426
00:22:14,643 --> 00:22:16,923
‎我沒心情
‎我早知道不會有，不過不用

427
00:22:17,003 --> 00:22:19,003
‎我說真的，妳留下

428
00:22:20,683 --> 00:22:21,683
‎我不會有事的

429
00:22:23,683 --> 00:22:24,523
‎謝謝

430
00:22:28,443 --> 00:22:29,283
‎我…

431
00:22:29,963 --> 00:22:31,563
‎真的很不好意思

432
00:22:32,883 --> 00:22:33,923
‎他還是不太好

433
00:22:34,523 --> 00:22:35,483
‎他沒事

434
00:22:36,363 --> 00:22:40,683
‎他很明顯還愛著莉莎
‎我永遠無法取代

435
00:22:41,203 --> 00:22:43,203
‎我認為他想要大家明白這點

436
00:22:47,403 --> 00:22:49,123
‎-我們認為妳很…
‎-酷

437
00:22:49,203 --> 00:22:51,203
‎-很會…
‎-非常好

438
00:22:51,283 --> 00:22:52,563
‎-照顧病人
‎-又和善

439
00:22:53,163 --> 00:22:54,323
‎而且還是大人

440
00:23:15,323 --> 00:23:16,523
‎別澆太多水

441
00:23:18,683 --> 00:23:19,563
‎賤人

442
00:23:53,203 --> 00:23:54,043
‎覺得如何？

443
00:23:54,923 --> 00:23:56,283
‎史上最棒的雪人

444
00:23:56,363 --> 00:23:58,163
‎-中性的喔
‎-對

445
00:23:58,243 --> 00:23:59,363
‎-沒錯
‎-是我不好

446
00:23:59,883 --> 00:24:01,123
‎-男女都有可能
‎-對

447
00:24:03,283 --> 00:24:05,363
‎以女的來說，它有胡蘿蔔大雞雞

448
00:24:07,003 --> 00:24:08,843
‎-沒錯
‎-妳沒想清楚

449
00:24:08,923 --> 00:24:10,883
‎想用性別用語挑我毛病

450
00:24:12,003 --> 00:24:13,123
‎這是可愛的雞雞

451
00:25:26,043 --> 00:25:27,363
‎字幕翻譯：林佩孜