1 00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:12,760 [woman] Well, he came to the door 2 00:00:12,840 --> 00:00:16,720 and said he was doing security checks on vulnerable people like myself. 3 00:00:17,360 --> 00:00:19,120 And did you ask for ID? 4 00:00:19,200 --> 00:00:22,560 No! Well, he was in uniform. Helmet and everything. 5 00:00:22,640 --> 00:00:25,720 -Oh, am I stupid? -No, no, not at all. 6 00:00:26,240 --> 00:00:29,000 Then he came in, and I made him a cup of tea. 7 00:00:29,080 --> 00:00:32,880 And he was asking about burglar alarms, but I said I didn't have one. 8 00:00:32,960 --> 00:00:34,360 Locks on doors. 9 00:00:35,360 --> 00:00:38,560 He was very convincing, and he really knew his stuff. 10 00:00:38,640 --> 00:00:41,760 Then he asked me where I kept my jewelry and valuables. 11 00:00:41,840 --> 00:00:44,720 I said I didn't really have anything of value, 12 00:00:44,800 --> 00:00:48,120 but I had been saving up out of my pension for a couple of years, 13 00:00:48,200 --> 00:00:50,720 and I had about £500 in the biscuit barrel. 14 00:00:51,560 --> 00:00:54,040 And he asked me to show him, so I did. 15 00:00:54,120 --> 00:00:57,360 And he said, "That's good. They probably wouldn't look in there." 16 00:00:58,320 --> 00:00:59,840 We went back in the living room, 17 00:00:59,920 --> 00:01:03,520 and he asked to use the toilet, and he must have come in here and-- 18 00:01:05,280 --> 00:01:08,240 -Yeah. And, uh, are you insured? -No. 19 00:01:08,320 --> 00:01:10,320 I won't get it back even if they catch him. 20 00:01:10,400 --> 00:01:12,200 He's probably spent it on drugs. 21 00:01:12,840 --> 00:01:13,680 Probably. 22 00:01:14,360 --> 00:01:15,960 Um, you reported it to the police though? 23 00:01:16,040 --> 00:01:19,080 Yes, and they confirmed he wasn't a real policeman, 24 00:01:19,160 --> 00:01:21,080 because they said there is no officer 25 00:01:21,160 --> 00:01:23,800 with a "Made in Britain" tattoo across his forehead. 26 00:01:24,880 --> 00:01:27,880 -A "Made in Britain" tattoo on his head? -Yes. 27 00:01:30,160 --> 00:01:31,440 -Take a picture. -Yeah. 28 00:01:31,520 --> 00:01:33,680 Oh, I'm so stupid. 29 00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:34,840 [Tony] You're not stupid. 30 00:01:34,920 --> 00:01:37,560 -The world's a fucked-up place. -Smile. 31 00:01:37,640 --> 00:01:38,840 [camera clicks] 32 00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:41,480 Life really is unfair, isn't it? 33 00:01:42,000 --> 00:01:46,480 Old people shouldn't feel ashamed 'cause they get conned by fucking scum. 34 00:01:50,560 --> 00:01:52,040 I'll pop in here and get summat. 35 00:01:52,120 --> 00:01:53,840 -See you later. -See you later. 36 00:02:09,960 --> 00:02:11,440 Brought your chess set, Dad. 37 00:02:12,200 --> 00:02:14,760 -Oh, you remembered! -One of us has got to. 38 00:02:15,360 --> 00:02:17,320 -Got to what? -Remember. 39 00:02:18,320 --> 00:02:19,720 Remember what? 40 00:02:20,400 --> 00:02:21,400 Fucking hell. 41 00:02:21,480 --> 00:02:22,400 [chuckles] 42 00:02:23,160 --> 00:02:24,520 -You all right? -Yeah. 43 00:02:25,520 --> 00:02:26,600 My birthday today. 44 00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:27,800 -Is it? -Mm-hmm. 45 00:02:27,880 --> 00:02:28,720 You didn't warn me. 46 00:02:28,800 --> 00:02:31,720 -It's no big deal. -Do you want to go for a drink later? 47 00:02:33,280 --> 00:02:34,200 You don't have to. 48 00:02:34,280 --> 00:02:35,840 What, are you my sponsor? 49 00:02:35,920 --> 00:02:38,840 [chuckles] Okay. Well, if you're not busy. 50 00:02:38,920 --> 00:02:40,840 Never busy. Look. 51 00:02:43,200 --> 00:02:45,040 -No segregation on this board. -[man] Shh! 52 00:02:45,120 --> 00:02:47,520 -Oh. -[man] Please. I'm trying to concentrate. 53 00:02:49,160 --> 00:02:50,400 Oh. Um-- 54 00:02:50,480 --> 00:02:52,000 [Tony] No. There's someone there. 55 00:02:52,080 --> 00:02:53,400 [man] Oh, doesn't-- 56 00:02:54,320 --> 00:02:56,320 -That better? That please you? -Yeah. 57 00:02:57,520 --> 00:02:58,880 [man] Off you go! 58 00:02:59,640 --> 00:03:01,560 Your move! 59 00:03:01,640 --> 00:03:04,520 Well, I'll probably start with this one. 60 00:03:04,600 --> 00:03:06,240 -[man] Aw. -[chuckles] 61 00:03:06,320 --> 00:03:08,520 [man] That is just ridiculous. 62 00:03:09,560 --> 00:03:11,520 -[overlapping chatter] -Here's some water. 63 00:03:11,600 --> 00:03:14,160 All right. Come on in. Oi, shush, all of ya! 64 00:03:14,240 --> 00:03:15,520 Right, we're all here. 65 00:03:15,600 --> 00:03:17,520 Tambury Fair, the big one. 66 00:03:17,600 --> 00:03:20,040 I'll be emceeing the whole event. 67 00:03:20,600 --> 00:03:23,520 I've got me costume and everything. Leather pants and a whip. 68 00:03:24,040 --> 00:03:25,920 -What are you going as? -Slave trader. 69 00:03:26,000 --> 00:03:28,160 It was quite big round here back in the day. 70 00:03:28,240 --> 00:03:31,040 Now, we got one of them things with a target. 71 00:03:31,120 --> 00:03:33,840 And you hit it with a ball, and then it dunks a witch in the water. 72 00:03:33,920 --> 00:03:38,160 -June's gonna be our witch, aren't you? -Yeah. Love witches. Hmm. 73 00:03:38,240 --> 00:03:41,040 Now, we need a volunteer to stand in the stocks, 74 00:03:41,120 --> 00:03:44,680 and you get pelted with tomatoes and rotten eggs and stuff like that. 75 00:03:45,280 --> 00:03:47,760 -James. -No. I'm not doing it. 76 00:03:47,840 --> 00:03:48,880 It's for charity. 77 00:03:48,960 --> 00:03:51,600 Yeah, but anyone can do that. I'm a skilled performer. 78 00:03:51,680 --> 00:03:52,560 Oh bless. 79 00:03:53,520 --> 00:03:56,640 Right, skilled performer, what are you gonna be, then? 80 00:03:56,720 --> 00:03:59,760 It's gotta be something classic from hundreds of years ago. 81 00:04:00,880 --> 00:04:02,120 Uh-- 82 00:04:02,960 --> 00:04:04,520 -What about a hillock? -Perfect. 83 00:04:04,600 --> 00:04:05,880 What's a hillock? 84 00:04:06,800 --> 00:04:09,400 It's like an old-fashioned thing, isn't it? I don't know. 85 00:04:09,480 --> 00:04:11,680 -Like a little hill. -How can I be a hill? 86 00:04:12,680 --> 00:04:16,000 Well, we lay you down, we cover you in mud and turf-- 87 00:04:16,080 --> 00:04:17,520 Put some little flowers on. 88 00:04:17,600 --> 00:04:20,200 [Ken] Put some little lovely flowers around you. It'll look lovely. 89 00:04:20,280 --> 00:04:22,640 And then people will go by and go, "Oh, look, it's a hillock!" 90 00:04:22,720 --> 00:04:24,480 I'm not gonna be a fucking hillock! 91 00:04:25,080 --> 00:04:25,920 Language! 92 00:04:26,000 --> 00:04:28,680 No. No, no, I can't believe that's your idea for me! 93 00:04:29,640 --> 00:04:30,920 You're supposed to be my agent. 94 00:04:31,000 --> 00:04:34,240 I know you can't get me real work. I mean, that's obviously out of the question. 95 00:04:34,320 --> 00:04:37,800 But to suggest that you cover me in mud in public? 96 00:04:38,680 --> 00:04:39,600 Unbelievable. 97 00:04:40,880 --> 00:04:43,840 Sorry you had to hear that, everyone. He's like a wild bull at the minute. 98 00:04:43,920 --> 00:04:46,400 -He's-- He's constipated. -No excuse! 99 00:04:49,960 --> 00:04:52,120 And you're wrong, actually, James. 100 00:04:52,200 --> 00:04:54,320 Because I have found work for you. 101 00:04:55,360 --> 00:04:58,560 -I was gonna tell you about it later. -Right. What? 102 00:05:00,880 --> 00:05:03,440 Have you seen a show called The Undatables? 103 00:05:03,520 --> 00:05:05,040 No. What is it? 104 00:05:05,120 --> 00:05:08,320 Well, people go on dates, and they see if they get along. It's lovely. 105 00:05:08,920 --> 00:05:10,120 A reality show? 106 00:05:10,720 --> 00:05:12,400 Yes, but it's brilliant! 107 00:05:12,480 --> 00:05:14,240 It's not a professional acting job, is it? 108 00:05:14,320 --> 00:05:16,240 Ah, well, that's the clever bit, right? 109 00:05:16,320 --> 00:05:18,960 'Cause it's for people who can't normally get dates, 110 00:05:19,040 --> 00:05:21,560 you know, because they're disabled or disfigured or something. 111 00:05:21,640 --> 00:05:25,640 -So how does that apply to me? -Well, I told them about your shape. 112 00:05:25,720 --> 00:05:28,000 -Of course. -But that wasn't enough. 113 00:05:29,000 --> 00:05:30,040 So I said… 114 00:05:32,840 --> 00:05:34,320 "He's mentally retarded." 115 00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:35,440 Fucking hell! 116 00:05:35,520 --> 00:05:36,600 What?! 117 00:05:36,680 --> 00:05:38,960 I'm not going on a fucking reality dating show, 118 00:05:39,040 --> 00:05:42,240 pretending to be mentally disabled, just 'cause you can't get me any work. 119 00:05:43,320 --> 00:05:45,400 I cannot win, can I? It is work. 120 00:05:45,480 --> 00:05:47,160 It is not work! 121 00:05:47,240 --> 00:05:49,080 It's pretending to be disabled. 122 00:05:49,160 --> 00:05:50,440 Acting is pretending! 123 00:05:50,520 --> 00:05:52,800 What did you even say was wrong with me? Huh? 124 00:05:52,880 --> 00:05:56,760 Well, I didn't go into specifics, did I? This is every actor's dream! 125 00:05:56,840 --> 00:06:00,200 Look at Daniel Day-Lewis in My Left Foot. Fuck me, what was up with him? 126 00:06:00,280 --> 00:06:02,320 -Dunno. -[Ken] No one cared. 127 00:06:02,400 --> 00:06:05,040 Rain Man. What was that little twat doing? 128 00:06:05,120 --> 00:06:06,560 It's not hard! 129 00:06:07,160 --> 00:06:08,680 -Forget it. -You're an actor! 130 00:06:08,760 --> 00:06:11,560 Forget it. It's offensive. You're offensive. 131 00:06:13,400 --> 00:06:14,240 I'll do it. 132 00:06:15,480 --> 00:06:18,360 It wouldn't be the same with you, Brian. You actually are a bit mental. 133 00:06:19,720 --> 00:06:21,280 Fair point. [chuckles] 134 00:06:27,200 --> 00:06:29,360 Uh, I've got a package for Kath. 135 00:06:30,080 --> 00:06:33,520 -[Valerie] Yeah, I'll sign for it. -I'll sign for it if you want. [chuckles] 136 00:06:33,600 --> 00:06:35,560 -It's all right. I've got it. -I'm Kath. 137 00:06:36,840 --> 00:06:37,800 You ride a motorbike? 138 00:06:38,640 --> 00:06:40,200 No, I just get very nervous on the bus. 139 00:06:41,040 --> 00:06:43,480 Oh. [laughs] 140 00:06:43,560 --> 00:06:46,000 -Very funny. -I ride a Honda. 141 00:06:46,080 --> 00:06:47,400 All right. Sweet, man. 142 00:06:49,360 --> 00:06:51,320 -You a journalist? -For my sins. 143 00:06:52,040 --> 00:06:53,080 [chuckles] 144 00:06:53,840 --> 00:06:55,040 What does that mean? 145 00:06:55,560 --> 00:06:56,400 Nothing. 146 00:06:57,040 --> 00:06:58,040 Yeah, journalist. 147 00:06:58,120 --> 00:07:00,680 Well, I sell adverts that go next to the journalism. 148 00:07:01,560 --> 00:07:03,040 Yeah, it's long hours, 149 00:07:03,120 --> 00:07:05,160 you know, but it's very rewarding. 150 00:07:06,240 --> 00:07:10,160 And, uh, I don't mind burning the midnight oil 'cause I'm single. 151 00:07:14,800 --> 00:07:16,880 Young, free, and single. [sighs] 152 00:07:20,880 --> 00:07:23,160 -Do you want to go for a drink sometime? -Yes, please. 153 00:07:23,240 --> 00:07:24,120 Hiya! 154 00:07:24,640 --> 00:07:26,120 -All right? -Hiya. 155 00:07:26,200 --> 00:07:28,760 -Brought you some cake, darling. -Ooh, thank you. 156 00:07:29,600 --> 00:07:30,960 -Bang goes the diet. -Yeah. 157 00:07:31,040 --> 00:07:33,000 Won't be able to get in your wedding suit. 158 00:07:33,080 --> 00:07:36,200 I'll be all right. Making me own dress, so I'll make it a bit bigger. 159 00:07:36,280 --> 00:07:37,760 Oh, making your own wedding dress? 160 00:07:37,840 --> 00:07:40,680 -Yeah, saving money, in't it? -That's so sad. 161 00:07:41,200 --> 00:07:42,240 Why? 162 00:07:42,320 --> 00:07:45,200 Well, not having enough money for the most important day of your life. 163 00:07:45,280 --> 00:07:48,040 I have got enough money, which is hardly any. 164 00:07:48,120 --> 00:07:51,640 You don't need money if you've got love. It's just a dress. 165 00:07:52,160 --> 00:07:55,640 -I haven't got money or love. -Oh, everyone loves you, darling. 166 00:07:55,720 --> 00:07:57,200 [Kath] What about me? 167 00:07:57,280 --> 00:07:58,800 Well, there's someone for everyone. 168 00:07:58,880 --> 00:08:01,120 Had a date with a teacher who thought I was thick. 169 00:08:01,200 --> 00:08:04,040 Patronizing me about poetry, slagging off Kipling. 170 00:08:04,120 --> 00:08:07,040 I love his cakes. Have to have them at the wedding. 171 00:08:07,120 --> 00:08:10,800 If it makes you feel any better, maybe he just pretended to think you were thick 172 00:08:10,880 --> 00:08:12,160 'cause he didn't fancy you. 173 00:08:13,000 --> 00:08:14,840 -You'd know if he liked ya. -How? 174 00:08:14,920 --> 00:08:18,520 You can feel it. He's not just polite. He's considerate and caring. 175 00:08:18,600 --> 00:08:21,680 Shows an interest, not just a courtesy either. 176 00:08:21,760 --> 00:08:24,160 There's a warmth that he can't help. 177 00:08:24,240 --> 00:08:26,920 Smiles when he looks at ya, touches his hair. 178 00:08:27,640 --> 00:08:29,920 Picks something up for you, not just say you've dropped it. 179 00:08:30,000 --> 00:08:31,120 Wants your hands to be close. 180 00:08:31,200 --> 00:08:32,080 [Tony] So next date, 181 00:08:33,000 --> 00:08:36,640 see if he smiles, touches his hair, and picks up any chips you drop. 182 00:08:39,560 --> 00:08:42,160 Lenny told me about the life insurance money. 183 00:08:42,840 --> 00:08:43,680 Right. 184 00:08:43,760 --> 00:08:46,720 He hasn't cashed it. He don't want it under these circumstances. 185 00:08:46,800 --> 00:08:48,760 Oh my God, that's so romantic. 186 00:08:48,840 --> 00:08:53,560 [June] Well, it is, but the money's not symbolic of Lisa, darling. 187 00:08:53,640 --> 00:08:55,600 Money's just spending tokens. 188 00:08:56,560 --> 00:08:59,600 Lisa was a beautiful person who you spent your life with. 189 00:09:00,120 --> 00:09:01,400 She lives in your heart. 190 00:09:01,920 --> 00:09:05,840 She only took out the life insurance so you didn't have to worry about stuff. 191 00:09:06,560 --> 00:09:10,440 Take it from the insurance company at least. Enjoy it. 192 00:09:12,560 --> 00:09:14,520 Blow it at a casino if you have to. 193 00:09:16,320 --> 00:09:17,880 But if you don't spend it, 194 00:09:18,960 --> 00:09:20,440 Lisa wasted her time. 195 00:09:30,080 --> 00:09:31,920 [Anne] I want you to live, Tony. 196 00:09:33,680 --> 00:09:36,880 Not just not kill yourself or wait patiently for death, 197 00:09:38,320 --> 00:09:39,160 but live. 198 00:09:39,880 --> 00:09:41,960 Live your life as if there's no tomorrow 199 00:09:42,480 --> 00:09:45,400 and then you wake up and there is a tomorrow and you do it again. 200 00:09:46,520 --> 00:09:47,360 [Tony] Hmm. 201 00:09:47,440 --> 00:09:50,840 It doesn't matter what you do so long as you live your life to the full 202 00:09:50,920 --> 00:09:53,280 and enjoy every second of it. 203 00:09:55,600 --> 00:09:58,560 And if you don't think it's worth trying, why should I? 204 00:10:00,560 --> 00:10:03,200 I used to sit on this bench every day, 205 00:10:04,200 --> 00:10:05,200 by myself, 206 00:10:05,880 --> 00:10:09,080 hoping that someone would come along who would understand. 207 00:10:10,880 --> 00:10:11,840 And it was you. 208 00:10:14,520 --> 00:10:17,280 You were in the same boat as me. You'd lost someone. 209 00:10:18,280 --> 00:10:21,240 Well, it's a graveyard, so the chances are-- 210 00:10:21,320 --> 00:10:22,960 [chuckles] 211 00:10:24,560 --> 00:10:27,120 You see, you still think and listen and make people laugh, 212 00:10:27,200 --> 00:10:30,240 make them feel they're worth something, worth listening to. 213 00:10:31,040 --> 00:10:35,280 I just want you to find something that makes you want to get up in the morning. 214 00:10:35,360 --> 00:10:36,480 I'm still going. 215 00:10:37,600 --> 00:10:41,600 I know I'll never replace Stan, but I'm not gonna throw in the towel, 216 00:10:41,680 --> 00:10:46,240 and the only thing that's worrying me now is you not being happy. 217 00:10:47,720 --> 00:10:48,960 It's all about hope. 218 00:10:49,880 --> 00:10:50,760 Hmm. 219 00:10:51,280 --> 00:10:52,280 You're allowed to 220 00:10:53,960 --> 00:10:57,160 miss Lisa and grieve and feel angry. 221 00:11:00,400 --> 00:11:03,000 But I can't bear the thought of you having no hope. 222 00:11:06,960 --> 00:11:09,080 That's the saddest thing in the world to me. 223 00:11:11,000 --> 00:11:11,840 Giving in. 224 00:11:14,600 --> 00:11:15,640 Please, 225 00:11:17,600 --> 00:11:18,920 tell me you have hope. 226 00:11:20,160 --> 00:11:21,000 I do. 227 00:11:23,200 --> 00:11:24,040 But 228 00:11:25,720 --> 00:11:28,040 I'll never find anyone to replace Lisa. 229 00:11:29,640 --> 00:11:30,840 And I've realized I-- 230 00:11:31,480 --> 00:11:32,440 I don't want to. 231 00:11:34,560 --> 00:11:36,880 But I do wanna find a reason to live. 232 00:11:39,960 --> 00:11:41,400 That's not out of the question. 233 00:11:48,760 --> 00:11:51,040 Blimey, you work fast, don't you? 234 00:11:53,120 --> 00:11:54,160 What do you mean? 235 00:11:54,240 --> 00:11:57,080 Well, you know, just met and you're like, "Wanna go for a drink?" 236 00:11:59,600 --> 00:12:01,480 I thought that's what you wanted me to say. 237 00:12:03,480 --> 00:12:04,480 Right. 238 00:12:13,800 --> 00:12:14,640 Oh, whoops. 239 00:12:18,520 --> 00:12:19,720 Have you got Parkinson's? 240 00:12:26,280 --> 00:12:27,120 [Kath] No. 241 00:12:40,960 --> 00:12:42,320 -Emma? -Yes? 242 00:12:43,120 --> 00:12:44,360 It's Jack. 243 00:12:44,440 --> 00:12:47,240 Jack-- Jack! Oh my God! 244 00:12:47,320 --> 00:12:51,120 -[gasps] I'm so sorry. It's been so long. -Yeah. 245 00:12:51,200 --> 00:12:52,920 Well, 30 years. Yeah. 246 00:12:53,000 --> 00:12:55,120 I mean, look. I used to have hair. 247 00:12:55,200 --> 00:12:57,160 -You did! [chuckles] -[chuckles] Yeah. 248 00:12:58,200 --> 00:12:59,480 So how are you? 249 00:12:59,560 --> 00:13:01,560 Yeah, you know. 250 00:13:01,640 --> 00:13:02,560 Yeah. Yeah. 251 00:13:02,640 --> 00:13:06,120 -You married? You got kids or anything? -No, nope, none of that. 252 00:13:06,760 --> 00:13:07,760 You? Are you-- 253 00:13:07,840 --> 00:13:12,120 Me? No, no, I'm divorced. No kids. So, um, complete loser. 254 00:13:12,200 --> 00:13:14,280 -Oh. Pfft. -[chuckles] 255 00:13:14,360 --> 00:13:15,840 And what do you do now? 256 00:13:15,920 --> 00:13:17,720 I'm a nurse in a care home. 257 00:13:17,800 --> 00:13:18,880 Oh. 258 00:13:18,960 --> 00:13:19,800 Yeah, perfect. 259 00:13:20,320 --> 00:13:21,160 You? 260 00:13:21,240 --> 00:13:22,440 Uh, I import wine. 261 00:13:22,520 --> 00:13:24,400 Oh, perfect. [chuckles] 262 00:13:25,920 --> 00:13:26,840 We should hook up. 263 00:13:27,680 --> 00:13:29,520 -Uh-- -Oh, don't worry. 264 00:13:29,600 --> 00:13:31,000 I shall give you my number. 265 00:13:31,080 --> 00:13:33,920 -There you go. That's me. -Cheers. [chuckles] 266 00:13:34,600 --> 00:13:37,520 -It was so lovely to see you again. -You too. 267 00:13:38,480 --> 00:13:39,880 [both laugh] 268 00:13:47,680 --> 00:13:48,520 [Tony] All right. 269 00:13:49,480 --> 00:13:51,400 You can't have beer before playing squash. 270 00:13:51,480 --> 00:13:52,800 Course you can. Go on. 271 00:13:53,480 --> 00:13:55,880 -You're bringing it with you? -Yeah, in case I get thirsty. 272 00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:56,800 [Matt] Unbelievable. 273 00:13:58,000 --> 00:13:59,800 -[Tony belches] -[Matt] Oh my-- Hello. 274 00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:03,400 -[Tony] Hiya. -[Matt] That stinks. Oh my God. 275 00:14:04,280 --> 00:14:05,400 [Tony grunts] 276 00:14:05,480 --> 00:14:06,320 Right. 277 00:14:06,960 --> 00:14:08,400 Oh. [sighs] 278 00:14:10,200 --> 00:14:11,240 Ah. 279 00:14:11,840 --> 00:14:12,960 -Okay, you ready? -Yeah. 280 00:14:14,040 --> 00:14:15,520 -[Matt] Love all. -Tits! 281 00:14:15,600 --> 00:14:16,480 Okay, let. 282 00:14:16,560 --> 00:14:17,680 -Oh, is that-- -Let. 283 00:14:17,760 --> 00:14:19,640 You can't shout "tits" before a serve. 284 00:14:19,720 --> 00:14:21,480 -What if I've got Tourette's? -You-- 285 00:14:23,760 --> 00:14:24,840 It'd explain a lot actually. 286 00:14:28,120 --> 00:14:29,520 [Matt] Oh, come off it. 287 00:14:30,680 --> 00:14:33,160 -Oh. -Come on! 288 00:14:33,240 --> 00:14:34,640 [grunts] 289 00:14:34,720 --> 00:14:35,600 [screams] 290 00:14:36,520 --> 00:14:38,000 How are you doing this? 291 00:14:38,080 --> 00:14:39,080 [sighs] 292 00:14:40,040 --> 00:14:41,800 You didn't even run for that. You knackered? 293 00:14:41,880 --> 00:14:43,040 I had to go round you. 294 00:14:43,120 --> 00:14:44,640 -Right. -Long journey. 295 00:14:45,200 --> 00:14:46,160 No! How are you-- 296 00:14:46,240 --> 00:14:47,960 -Oh my-- -Unlucky! 297 00:14:48,040 --> 00:14:49,640 Oh no! 298 00:14:49,720 --> 00:14:51,200 Go on! Run! 299 00:14:51,280 --> 00:14:53,160 Unlucky! 300 00:14:54,680 --> 00:14:57,600 -Oh, will you just-- -Unlucky! 301 00:14:57,680 --> 00:15:00,120 -[Matt screams] -Unlucky! 302 00:15:01,080 --> 00:15:03,360 Ooh! 303 00:15:03,440 --> 00:15:05,840 -Will you stop shouting, please? -[Tony] Unlucky. 304 00:15:05,920 --> 00:15:07,960 It's like playing with a wild pig. 305 00:15:08,040 --> 00:15:09,360 [grunts] 306 00:15:11,840 --> 00:15:14,600 -Why didn't you go for it? -I didn't know where it was going. 307 00:15:14,680 --> 00:15:16,880 All right, I'll tell you where I'm gonna put it. 308 00:15:16,960 --> 00:15:18,920 It's down there! It's over there! 309 00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:20,040 Over there! 310 00:15:20,600 --> 00:15:21,920 Unlucky! 311 00:15:22,000 --> 00:15:23,080 Watch the wall. 312 00:15:23,160 --> 00:15:24,640 Go on, over there! 313 00:15:24,720 --> 00:15:26,760 -Is that helping or not? -No, it's not helping. 314 00:15:26,840 --> 00:15:28,520 -Okay. -Assume nothing is helping. 315 00:15:28,600 --> 00:15:29,640 -Okay. Okay. -Just be quiet. 316 00:15:29,720 --> 00:15:30,560 Ah. 317 00:15:30,640 --> 00:15:31,920 [Matt sighs] This is ridiculous. 318 00:15:32,000 --> 00:15:33,000 [Tony burps] 319 00:15:33,920 --> 00:15:36,040 [gagging] 320 00:15:36,120 --> 00:15:38,200 -Yeah, all right. -It's fizzy, innit? 321 00:15:38,280 --> 00:15:39,120 Is it? 322 00:15:39,200 --> 00:15:41,120 -[belches] -Oh my God. 323 00:15:41,200 --> 00:15:43,880 -[belches] -Oh, fuck. 324 00:15:43,960 --> 00:15:45,480 -I feel sick. -Absolutely gross. 325 00:15:45,560 --> 00:15:47,600 -[belches] -Oh my God. Come on. 326 00:15:48,240 --> 00:15:49,400 Oh my God! 327 00:15:50,280 --> 00:15:51,160 [spits] 328 00:15:51,840 --> 00:15:53,120 Ah. 329 00:15:53,200 --> 00:15:54,880 -I mean, that's disgusting. -What? 330 00:15:54,960 --> 00:15:56,160 What? 331 00:15:56,240 --> 00:15:57,080 What you-- 332 00:15:57,600 --> 00:15:59,000 Don't slip on it. 333 00:15:59,080 --> 00:16:01,120 What are you saying? It's in the middle of the court! 334 00:16:01,200 --> 00:16:02,960 How am I not gonna fucking slip on it, Tony? 335 00:16:03,480 --> 00:16:04,320 Honestly, it's-- 336 00:16:05,360 --> 00:16:07,400 It's-- Ugh. Ah. 337 00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:09,520 -What's the matter? -Ah. 338 00:16:10,920 --> 00:16:11,760 [Tony] Just breathe. 339 00:16:13,960 --> 00:16:15,160 Oh no. 340 00:16:16,080 --> 00:16:16,920 Oh no. 341 00:16:17,560 --> 00:16:18,400 Oh no. 342 00:16:22,320 --> 00:16:23,240 Go on. 343 00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:24,840 What? 344 00:16:25,400 --> 00:16:26,240 Laugh. 345 00:16:27,160 --> 00:16:28,240 Why would I laugh? 346 00:16:31,760 --> 00:16:34,840 It's nothing. It was just a little warning. I'm fine. 347 00:16:36,400 --> 00:16:38,760 -How have I got a weaker heart than you? -It's classic. 348 00:16:39,520 --> 00:16:41,320 -You're all pent up. -[Matt] I'm all pent up? 349 00:16:41,400 --> 00:16:43,240 You're like a ball of fury all the time! 350 00:16:43,320 --> 00:16:45,800 Calm down. [inhales] Breathe. 351 00:16:45,880 --> 00:16:47,520 Yeah. Very funny. 352 00:16:48,560 --> 00:16:51,520 You've got all the same stress and anger as me, 353 00:16:51,600 --> 00:16:54,480 but I shout at people and call them cunts and smash things up. 354 00:16:55,080 --> 00:16:57,680 You keep it all in. It's gotta go somewhere. 355 00:16:59,400 --> 00:17:00,240 It's not fair. 356 00:17:02,280 --> 00:17:04,080 No. Life's not fair. 357 00:17:04,880 --> 00:17:06,120 And then you die. 358 00:17:06,720 --> 00:17:09,120 I don't smoke. I watch what I eat. 359 00:17:09,200 --> 00:17:11,760 I do yoga, Pilates, stretching. 360 00:17:13,120 --> 00:17:14,840 -I hardly ever drink booze. -Exactly. 361 00:17:14,920 --> 00:17:17,880 And this is a punishment for all that. 362 00:17:19,080 --> 00:17:23,760 Seriously, though, you don't have to have the weight of the world on your shoulders, 363 00:17:23,840 --> 00:17:26,720 always trying to please people. 364 00:17:26,800 --> 00:17:30,280 You know, they'll be fine if you tell 'em to fuck off now and again. 365 00:17:30,800 --> 00:17:32,200 You worry about everything. 366 00:17:33,240 --> 00:17:36,800 At work, at home, social occasions. 367 00:17:37,520 --> 00:17:38,680 You worry about me. 368 00:17:39,400 --> 00:17:44,000 All this was to help me, and look where it got ya. 369 00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:50,080 I know I stole all the sympathy for Lisa dying. 370 00:17:52,720 --> 00:17:54,160 She was your big sister. 371 00:17:55,840 --> 00:17:58,480 And I think you couldn't afford to have your breakdown because of me. 372 00:17:58,560 --> 00:18:01,720 You couldn't grieve because you were worried about what I'd do next. 373 00:18:01,800 --> 00:18:02,640 So… 374 00:18:05,040 --> 00:18:06,160 thanks for that. 375 00:18:06,840 --> 00:18:07,680 Oh. 376 00:18:08,840 --> 00:18:11,600 And you're such a feeble little fucking pussy at sport. 377 00:18:11,680 --> 00:18:13,000 There we go. Good. 378 00:18:14,640 --> 00:18:17,920 Well, thanks for your kind words, Tony. I think I counted about three in there. 379 00:18:18,520 --> 00:18:21,160 I'm just glad we're only related by marriage 380 00:18:21,240 --> 00:18:22,560 because I'd be embarrassed 381 00:18:22,640 --> 00:18:26,680 to share actual genetic material with such a mutant weakling. 382 00:18:26,760 --> 00:18:28,080 Yeah, lovely, this is helping. 383 00:18:28,160 --> 00:18:32,640 We've got to build you up, do you know what I mean? But slowly and carefully. 384 00:18:32,720 --> 00:18:37,920 Squash is way too dangerous for someone that modern medicine refers to as "puny." 385 00:18:39,440 --> 00:18:41,840 Let's start on something like flower arranging 386 00:18:41,920 --> 00:18:43,880 and work our way up to hopscotch. 387 00:18:43,960 --> 00:18:48,200 -Will you keep the dress afterwards? -It's not a dress. It's a gown. 388 00:18:48,280 --> 00:18:50,600 A gown is a dress. It's a little lady's dress. 389 00:18:50,680 --> 00:18:52,920 They put you in something they thought you'd like to wear. 390 00:18:53,000 --> 00:18:55,360 -Want me to have another heart attack? -No, they weren't sure. 391 00:18:55,440 --> 00:18:57,800 If you keep doing this, it will be murder. 392 00:18:57,880 --> 00:19:01,240 They said, "It's a lady, isn't it? Check the genitals." Still no clue. 393 00:19:01,320 --> 00:19:03,720 Put it in a dress. Did they give you a smear test? 394 00:19:03,800 --> 00:19:06,080 They might as well while they're here. 395 00:19:06,160 --> 00:19:10,280 -They need to test everything because-- -Can you-- I've just had a heart attack! 396 00:19:10,360 --> 00:19:12,600 -Stop making me stressed! -Calm down. 397 00:19:12,680 --> 00:19:16,160 Calm down? If I have another one, it'll be your fault. 398 00:19:16,240 --> 00:19:17,160 How dare you, madam? 399 00:19:18,080 --> 00:19:21,080 -Have you not got somewhere else to be? -I have, actually. 400 00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:23,640 -[Matt] Great. -I'm going out for a drink. 401 00:19:23,720 --> 00:19:26,600 I can still do that. I've got a good heart. I can enjoy myself. 402 00:19:26,680 --> 00:19:27,920 Okay. See you tomorrow. 403 00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:30,480 -Hopefully not. -Wow. Don't say that. 404 00:19:32,200 --> 00:19:33,040 [chuckles] 405 00:19:33,120 --> 00:19:34,160 See you later. 406 00:19:45,920 --> 00:19:47,120 You look down, boy. 407 00:19:48,760 --> 00:19:49,600 Yeah. 408 00:19:50,720 --> 00:19:53,400 Need some advice from a dude who's been there, done that? 409 00:19:55,840 --> 00:20:00,200 I'm not gonna make it in showbiz. It just doesn't happen to people like me. 410 00:20:00,280 --> 00:20:01,720 -Fat people? -No! 411 00:20:02,560 --> 00:20:05,240 I mean ordinary people who live in small towns 412 00:20:05,320 --> 00:20:07,960 with the worst agent in the world whose idea of a big break 413 00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:10,440 is pretending to be disabled on a reality show. 414 00:20:10,960 --> 00:20:12,520 I think you might be right, mate. 415 00:20:13,040 --> 00:20:13,960 That's a first. 416 00:20:14,920 --> 00:20:17,600 -Wish I was wrong in this case. -Ah, spot on, son. 417 00:20:19,040 --> 00:20:20,120 Who cares anyway? 418 00:20:20,680 --> 00:20:21,760 Huh? 419 00:20:21,840 --> 00:20:23,600 Got everything you need right here. 420 00:20:24,120 --> 00:20:25,560 Tambury's a lovely town. 421 00:20:26,280 --> 00:20:27,400 Hmm? 422 00:20:27,480 --> 00:20:28,840 Easy job. Nice mum. 423 00:20:29,640 --> 00:20:32,080 -Great friend. You. -Back at you, boy. 424 00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:35,240 Come on. Come on. 425 00:20:36,600 --> 00:20:38,360 Why do you wanna be a fake wannabe anyway? 426 00:20:39,320 --> 00:20:40,160 Huh? 427 00:20:41,360 --> 00:20:42,920 Showbiz-shmobiz, isn't it? 428 00:20:44,320 --> 00:20:45,520 All bloody pedos anyway. 429 00:20:45,600 --> 00:20:46,920 [snorts] 430 00:20:47,880 --> 00:20:49,240 I know the score, mate. 431 00:20:49,920 --> 00:20:54,400 You thought if you were famous, people would respect you more. 432 00:20:55,920 --> 00:20:57,160 I guess you're right. 433 00:20:58,000 --> 00:21:00,440 Works for some, but when you're a proper loser like us, 434 00:21:01,480 --> 00:21:03,600 soon comes out and you're even worse off. 435 00:21:04,120 --> 00:21:07,920 Because at the moment, you're a loser, but the world doesn't know about it. 436 00:21:09,280 --> 00:21:10,480 -Good point. -Hmm. 437 00:21:11,320 --> 00:21:13,400 You don't need the adoration of strangers. 438 00:21:14,240 --> 00:21:16,360 You've got people who like you for who you really are. 439 00:21:16,960 --> 00:21:18,200 -Yeah. -[Brian] Mmm. 440 00:21:19,440 --> 00:21:22,560 Mum says you can't expect other people to love you until you love yourself. 441 00:21:22,640 --> 00:21:23,480 Hmm. 442 00:21:24,280 --> 00:21:26,160 -Wise woman, your mum. -She is. 443 00:21:28,040 --> 00:21:31,080 [groaning] 444 00:21:34,320 --> 00:21:35,560 If it wasn't for Lenny, 445 00:21:35,640 --> 00:21:38,760 I'd hit her little ass like a ginger stepchild. 446 00:21:40,280 --> 00:21:41,440 Huh. 447 00:21:41,520 --> 00:21:42,560 Hey? 448 00:21:44,920 --> 00:21:46,840 -Cheers, mate. -Yeah. Love you loads. 449 00:21:47,360 --> 00:21:48,640 -And you. -Yeah. 450 00:21:49,720 --> 00:21:50,720 [grunts] 451 00:21:59,320 --> 00:22:00,680 Oh, fucking hell. 452 00:22:01,280 --> 00:22:04,520 -What? -This is depressing, innit? [grunts] 453 00:22:05,720 --> 00:22:06,600 None taken. 454 00:22:07,680 --> 00:22:10,520 Do you know I work with lonely, old people every day, 455 00:22:10,600 --> 00:22:13,560 and I think I could quite honestly say 456 00:22:13,640 --> 00:22:16,360 that-- they're probably happier than I am. 457 00:22:16,440 --> 00:22:18,760 -[chuckles] -No! Sorry, did that sound a bit pathetic? 458 00:22:18,840 --> 00:22:20,480 No. It's funny. 459 00:22:20,560 --> 00:22:23,800 I'm always the one who does the overtime, who covers for everybody's holidays 460 00:22:23,880 --> 00:22:27,120 because I figure that it's less depressing than actually 461 00:22:27,840 --> 00:22:29,280 being at home by myself. 462 00:22:29,360 --> 00:22:33,000 And then you came in like a little breath of fresh air. 463 00:22:34,000 --> 00:22:35,720 Sorry. Um-- 464 00:22:36,520 --> 00:22:38,400 Listen, I know you're still in love with Lisa. 465 00:22:38,480 --> 00:22:41,080 I know you are, and I know you always will be. 466 00:22:41,640 --> 00:22:44,840 And I think that's why I'm able to just sort of sit here and just-- 467 00:22:44,920 --> 00:22:46,640 [gags and chuckles] 468 00:22:46,720 --> 00:22:48,560 Like, pour my heart out, 469 00:22:48,640 --> 00:22:51,000 you know, without any weird complications or-- 470 00:22:51,080 --> 00:22:52,240 -Definitely. -[Emma] Yeah. 471 00:22:53,920 --> 00:22:56,880 -I just think I sort of wasted my life. -[Tony] You haven't. 472 00:22:57,840 --> 00:23:00,280 And I know that's not a reason for you to care. 473 00:23:00,360 --> 00:23:01,360 I do care. 474 00:23:01,440 --> 00:23:04,320 No, I know you care, but not, you know, care. 475 00:23:05,000 --> 00:23:08,520 I just think that it's not a reason for you to be with me. 476 00:23:09,080 --> 00:23:10,080 No, I know. 477 00:23:11,240 --> 00:23:12,520 But I do care about you. 478 00:23:13,120 --> 00:23:14,720 And I want you to be happy. 479 00:23:21,520 --> 00:23:26,600 Well, I actually bumped into an old flame earlier today, so… 480 00:23:29,000 --> 00:23:29,880 Who's that? 481 00:23:29,960 --> 00:23:34,400 Uh, it was someone I went to college with. A long time ago, obviously. 482 00:23:35,000 --> 00:23:39,240 He went off, did his thing, and I stayed here and did my thing. 483 00:23:39,800 --> 00:23:40,840 Hmm. 484 00:23:40,920 --> 00:23:42,760 Anyway, uh, 485 00:23:42,840 --> 00:23:45,480 he said that we should hook up. 486 00:23:46,600 --> 00:23:48,440 So, hmm. 487 00:23:49,800 --> 00:23:50,880 You should. 488 00:23:50,960 --> 00:23:52,560 Yeah? Should I? 489 00:23:54,800 --> 00:23:55,720 [Tony] Definitely. 490 00:24:00,640 --> 00:24:02,000 I want you to be happy. 491 00:24:02,680 --> 00:24:03,560 Like I was. 492 00:24:06,320 --> 00:24:07,760 Just glad you're better. 493 00:24:10,960 --> 00:24:11,960 I know, and… 494 00:24:14,600 --> 00:24:15,560 Happy birthday! 495 00:24:15,640 --> 00:24:16,640 Thank you. 496 00:24:16,720 --> 00:24:18,240 [both chuckle] 497 00:24:19,120 --> 00:24:20,400 -Cheers. -Hey! 498 00:24:20,480 --> 00:24:22,360 -Hey! -[Emma chuckles] 499 00:24:22,440 --> 00:24:24,080 -Oh fuck. -It's kicking off now, innit? 500 00:24:24,160 --> 00:24:25,400 [chuckles] 501 00:24:32,680 --> 00:24:33,600 Good girl. 502 00:24:34,240 --> 00:24:35,200 Hello. 503 00:24:35,280 --> 00:24:36,160 Come on! 504 00:24:52,680 --> 00:24:54,000 [sighs] 505 00:25:14,360 --> 00:25:15,240 [sighs] 506 00:25:33,240 --> 00:25:35,240 [dog whimpering] 507 00:25:39,240 --> 00:25:40,160 [Tony whispers] Yeah. 508 00:25:40,240 --> 00:25:42,760 -Oh, don't disturb her. -[Tony] I won't. 509 00:25:42,840 --> 00:25:44,120 [dog whimpering] 510 00:25:50,680 --> 00:25:51,920 [dog whimpers]