1
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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO

1
00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:12,760
Well, he came to the door

2
00:00:12,840 --> 00:00:16,720
and said he was doing security checks
on vulnerable people like myself.

3
00:00:17,360 --> 00:00:19,120
And did you ask for ID?

4
00:00:19,200 --> 00:00:22,560
No! Well, he was in uniform.
Helmet and everything.

5
00:00:22,640 --> 00:00:25,720
- Oh, am I stupid?
- No, no, not at all.

6
00:00:26,240 --> 00:00:29,000
Then he came in,
and I made him a cup of tea.

7
00:00:29,080 --> 00:00:32,880
And he was asking about burglar alarms,
but I said I didn't have one.

8
00:00:32,960 --> 00:00:34,360
Locks on doors.

9
00:00:35,360 --> 00:00:38,560
He was very convincing,
and he really knew his stuff.

10
00:00:38,640 --> 00:00:41,760
Then he asked me
where I kept my jewelry and valuables.

11
00:00:41,840 --> 00:00:44,720
I said I didn't really have
anything of value,

12
00:00:44,800 --> 00:00:48,120
but I had been saving up
out of my pension for a couple of years,

13
00:00:48,200 --> 00:00:50,720
and I had about £500
in the biscuit barrel.

14
00:00:51,560 --> 00:00:54,040
And he asked me to show him, so I did.

15
00:00:54,120 --> 00:00:57,360
And he said, "That's good.
They probably wouldn't look in there."

16
00:00:58,320 --> 00:00:59,840
We went back in the living room,

17
00:00:59,920 --> 00:01:03,520
and he asked to use the toilet,
and he must have come in here and...

18
00:01:05,280 --> 00:01:08,240
- Yeah. And, uh, are you insured?
- No.

19
00:01:08,320 --> 00:01:10,320
I won't get it back
even if they catch him.

20
00:01:10,400 --> 00:01:12,200
He's probably spent it on drugs.

21
00:01:12,840 --> 00:01:13,840
Probably.

22
00:01:14,360 --> 00:01:16,000
Um, you reported it to the police though?

23
00:01:16,040 --> 00:01:19,080
Yes, and they confirmed
he wasn't a real policeman,

24
00:01:19,160 --> 00:01:21,080
because they said there is no officer

25
00:01:21,160 --> 00:01:23,800
with a "Made in Britain" tattoo
across his forehead.

26
00:01:24,880 --> 00:01:27,880
- A "Made in Britain" tattoo on his head?
- Yes.

27
00:01:30,160 --> 00:01:31,440
- Take a picture.
- Yeah.

28
00:01:31,520 --> 00:01:33,680
Oh, I'm so stupid.

29
00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:34,840
You're not stupid.

30
00:01:34,920 --> 00:01:37,560
- The world's a fucked-up place.
- Smile.

31
00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:41,480
Life really is unfair, isn't it?

32
00:01:42,000 --> 00:01:46,480
Old people shouldn't feel ashamed
'cause they get conned by fucking scum.

33
00:01:50,560 --> 00:01:52,040
I'll pop in here and get summat.

34
00:01:52,120 --> 00:01:53,840
- See you later.
- See you later.

35
00:02:09,960 --> 00:02:11,440
Brought your chess set, Dad.

36
00:02:12,200 --> 00:02:14,760
- Oh, you remembered!
- One of us has got to.

37
00:02:15,360 --> 00:02:17,320
- Got to what?
- Remember.

38
00:02:18,320 --> 00:02:19,720
Remember what?

39
00:02:20,400 --> 00:02:21,400
Fucking hell.

40
00:02:23,160 --> 00:02:24,520
- You all right?
- Yeah.

41
00:02:25,520 --> 00:02:26,600
My birthday today.

42
00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:27,800
- Is it?
- Mm-hmm.

43
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You didn't warn me.

44
00:02:28,800 --> 00:02:31,720
- It's no big deal.
- Do you want to go for a drink later?

45
00:02:33,280 --> 00:02:34,200
You don't have to.

46
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What, are you my sponsor?

47
00:02:35,920 --> 00:02:38,840
Okay. Well, if you're not busy.

48
00:02:38,920 --> 00:02:40,840
Never busy. Look.

49
00:02:43,200 --> 00:02:45,040
- No segregation on this board.
- Shh!

50
00:02:45,120 --> 00:02:47,520
- Oh.
- Please. I'm trying to concentrate.

51
00:02:49,160 --> 00:02:50,400
Oh. Um...

52
00:02:50,480 --> 00:02:52,000
No. There's someone there.

53
00:02:52,080 --> 00:02:53,400
Oh, doesn't...

54
00:02:54,320 --> 00:02:56,320
- That better? That please you?
- Yeah.

55
00:02:57,520 --> 00:02:58,880
Off you go!

56
00:02:59,640 --> 00:03:01,560
Your move!

57
00:03:01,640 --> 00:03:04,520
Well, I'll probably start with this one.

58
00:03:04,600 --> 00:03:06,240
Aw.

59
00:03:06,320 --> 00:03:08,520
That is just ridiculous.

60
00:03:09,560 --> 00:03:11,520
Here's some water.

61
00:03:11,600 --> 00:03:14,160
All right. Come on in.
Oi, shush, all of ya!

62
00:03:14,240 --> 00:03:15,520
Right, we're all here.

63
00:03:15,600 --> 00:03:17,520
Tambury Fair, the big one.

64
00:03:17,600 --> 00:03:20,040
I'll be emceeing the whole event.

65
00:03:20,600 --> 00:03:23,520
I've got me costume and everything.
Leather pants and a whip.

66
00:03:24,040 --> 00:03:25,920
- What are you going as?
- Slave trader.

67
00:03:26,000 --> 00:03:28,160
It was quite big round here
back in the day.

68
00:03:28,240 --> 00:03:31,040
Now, we got one of them things
with a target.

69
00:03:31,120 --> 00:03:33,840
And you hit it with a ball,
and then it dunks a witch in the water.

70
00:03:33,920 --> 00:03:38,160
- June's gonna be our witch, aren't you?
- Yeah. Love witches. Hmm.

71
00:03:38,240 --> 00:03:41,040
Now, we need a volunteer
to stand in the stocks,

72
00:03:41,120 --> 00:03:44,680
and you get pelted with tomatoes
and rotten eggs and stuff like that.

73
00:03:45,280 --> 00:03:47,760
- James.
- No. I'm not doing it.

74
00:03:47,840 --> 00:03:48,880
It's for charity.

75
00:03:48,960 --> 00:03:51,600
Yeah, but anyone can do that.
I'm a skilled performer.

76
00:03:51,680 --> 00:03:52,680
Oh bless.

77
00:03:53,520 --> 00:03:56,640
Right, skilled performer,
what are you gonna be, then?

78
00:03:56,720 --> 00:03:59,760
It's gotta be something classic
from hundreds of years ago.

79
00:04:00,880 --> 00:04:02,120
Uh...

80
00:04:02,960 --> 00:04:04,520
- What about a hillock?
- Perfect.

81
00:04:04,600 --> 00:04:05,880
What's a hillock?

82
00:04:06,800 --> 00:04:09,400
It's like an old-fashioned thing,
isn't it? I don't know.

83
00:04:09,480 --> 00:04:11,680
- Like a little hill.
- How can I be a hill?

84
00:04:12,680 --> 00:04:16,000
Well, we lay you down,
we cover you in mud and turf...

85
00:04:16,080 --> 00:04:17,520
Put some little flowers on.

86
00:04:17,600 --> 00:04:20,240
Put some little lovely flowers
around you. It'll look lovely.

87
00:04:20,280 --> 00:04:22,696
And then people will go by and go,
"Oh, look, it's a hillock!"

88
00:04:22,720 --> 00:04:24,480
I'm not gonna be a fucking hillock!

89
00:04:25,080 --> 00:04:25,920
Language!

90
00:04:26,000 --> 00:04:28,680
No. No, no, I can't believe
that's your idea for me!

91
00:04:29,640 --> 00:04:30,920
You're supposed to be my agent.

92
00:04:31,000 --> 00:04:34,240
I know you can't get me real work. I mean,
that's obviously out of the question.

93
00:04:34,320 --> 00:04:37,800
But to suggest
that you cover me in mud in public?

94
00:04:38,680 --> 00:04:39,680
Unbelievable.

95
00:04:40,880 --> 00:04:43,840
Sorry you had to hear that, everyone.
He's like a wild bull at the minute.

96
00:04:43,920 --> 00:04:46,400
- He's... He's constipated.
- No excuse!

97
00:04:49,960 --> 00:04:52,120
And you're wrong, actually, James.

98
00:04:52,200 --> 00:04:54,320
Because I have found work for you.

99
00:04:55,360 --> 00:04:58,560
- I was gonna tell you about it later.
- Right. What?

100
00:05:00,880 --> 00:05:03,440
Have you seen a show
called <i>The Undatables</i>?

101
00:05:03,520 --> 00:05:05,040
No. What is it?

102
00:05:05,120 --> 00:05:08,320
Well, people go on dates, and they see
if they get along. It's lovely.

103
00:05:08,920 --> 00:05:10,120
A reality show?

104
00:05:10,720 --> 00:05:12,400
Yes, but it's brilliant!

105
00:05:12,480 --> 00:05:14,240
It's not a professional acting job, is it?

106
00:05:14,320 --> 00:05:16,240
Ah, well, that's the clever bit, right?

107
00:05:16,320 --> 00:05:18,960
'Cause it's for people
who can't normally get dates,

108
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you know, because they're disabled
or disfigured or something.

109
00:05:21,640 --> 00:05:25,640
- So how does that apply to me?
- Well, I told them about your shape.

110
00:05:25,720 --> 00:05:28,000
- Of course.
- But that wasn't enough.

111
00:05:29,000 --> 00:05:30,040
So I said...

112
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"He's mentally retarded."

113
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Fucking hell!

114
00:05:35,520 --> 00:05:36,600
What?!

115
00:05:36,680 --> 00:05:38,960
I'm not going on
a fucking reality dating show,

116
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pretending to be mentally disabled,
just 'cause you can't get me any work.

117
00:05:43,320 --> 00:05:45,400
I cannot win, can I? It is work.

118
00:05:45,480 --> 00:05:47,160
It is not work!

119
00:05:47,240 --> 00:05:49,080
It's pretending to be disabled.

120
00:05:49,160 --> 00:05:50,440
Acting is pretending!

121
00:05:50,520 --> 00:05:52,800
What did you even say was wrong with me?
Huh?

122
00:05:52,880 --> 00:05:56,760
Well, I didn't go into specifics, did I?
This is every actor's dream!

123
00:05:56,840 --> 00:06:00,200
Look at Daniel Day-Lewis in <i>My Left Foot</i>.
Fuck me, what was up with him?

124
00:06:00,280 --> 00:06:02,320
- Dunno.
- No one cared.

125
00:06:02,400 --> 00:06:05,040
<i>Rain Man</i>. What was that little twat doing?

126
00:06:05,120 --> 00:06:06,560
It's not hard!

127
00:06:07,160 --> 00:06:08,680
- Forget it.
- You're an actor!

128
00:06:08,760 --> 00:06:11,560
Forget it. It's offensive.
You're offensive.

129
00:06:13,400 --> 00:06:14,400
I'll do it.

130
00:06:15,480 --> 00:06:18,360
It wouldn't be the same with you, Brian.
You actually are a bit mental.

131
00:06:19,720 --> 00:06:21,280
Fair point.

132
00:06:27,200 --> 00:06:29,360
Uh, I've got a package for Kath.

133
00:06:30,080 --> 00:06:33,520
- Yeah, I'll sign for it.
- I'll sign for it if you want.

134
00:06:33,600 --> 00:06:35,560
- It's all right. I've got it.
- I'm Kath.

135
00:06:36,840 --> 00:06:37,840
You ride a motorbike?

136
00:06:38,640 --> 00:06:40,200
No, I just get very nervous on the bus.

137
00:06:41,040 --> 00:06:43,480
Oh.

138
00:06:43,560 --> 00:06:46,000
- Very funny.
- I ride a Honda.

139
00:06:46,080 --> 00:06:47,400
All right. Sweet, man.

140
00:06:49,360 --> 00:06:51,320
- You a journalist?
- For my sins.

141
00:06:53,840 --> 00:06:55,040
What does that mean?

142
00:06:55,560 --> 00:06:56,560
Nothing.

143
00:06:57,040 --> 00:06:58,040
Yeah, journalist.

144
00:06:58,120 --> 00:07:00,680
Well, I sell adverts
that go next to the journalism.

145
00:07:01,560 --> 00:07:03,040
Yeah, it's long hours,

146
00:07:03,120 --> 00:07:05,160
you know, but it's very rewarding.

147
00:07:06,240 --> 00:07:10,160
And, uh, I don't mind burning
the midnight oil 'cause I'm single.

148
00:07:14,800 --> 00:07:16,880
Young, free, and single.

149
00:07:20,880 --> 00:07:23,160
- Do you want to go for a drink sometime?
- Yes, please.

150
00:07:23,240 --> 00:07:24,240
Hiya!

151
00:07:24,640 --> 00:07:26,120
- All right?
- Hiya.

152
00:07:26,200 --> 00:07:28,760
- Brought you some cake, darling.
- Ooh, thank you.

153
00:07:29,600 --> 00:07:30,960
- Bang goes the diet.
- Yeah.

154
00:07:31,040 --> 00:07:33,000
Won't be able to get in your wedding suit.

155
00:07:33,080 --> 00:07:36,200
I'll be all right. Making me own dress,
so I'll make it a bit bigger.

156
00:07:36,280 --> 00:07:37,760
Oh, making your own wedding dress?

157
00:07:37,840 --> 00:07:40,680
- Yeah, saving money, in't it?
- That's so sad.

158
00:07:41,200 --> 00:07:42,240
Why?

159
00:07:42,320 --> 00:07:45,200
Well, not having enough money
for the most important day of your life.

160
00:07:45,280 --> 00:07:48,040
I have got enough money,
which is hardly any.

161
00:07:48,120 --> 00:07:51,640
You don't need money if you've got love.
It's just a dress.

162
00:07:52,160 --> 00:07:55,640
- I haven't got money or love.
- Oh, everyone loves you, darling.

163
00:07:55,720 --> 00:07:57,200
What about me?

164
00:07:57,280 --> 00:07:58,800
Well, there's someone for everyone.

165
00:07:58,880 --> 00:08:01,120
Had a date with a teacher
who thought I was thick.

166
00:08:01,200 --> 00:08:04,040
Patronizing me about poetry,
slagging off Kipling.

167
00:08:04,120 --> 00:08:07,040
I love his cakes.
Have to have them at the wedding.

168
00:08:07,120 --> 00:08:10,800
If it makes you feel any better, maybe
he just pretended to think you were thick

169
00:08:10,880 --> 00:08:12,160
'cause he didn't fancy you.

170
00:08:13,000 --> 00:08:14,840
- You'd know if he liked ya.
- How?

171
00:08:14,920 --> 00:08:18,520
You can feel it. He's not just polite.
He's considerate and caring.

172
00:08:18,600 --> 00:08:21,680
Shows an interest,
not just a courtesy either.

173
00:08:21,760 --> 00:08:24,160
There's a warmth that he can't help.

174
00:08:24,240 --> 00:08:26,920
Smiles when he looks at ya,
touches his hair.

175
00:08:27,640 --> 00:08:29,960
Picks something up for you,
not just say you've dropped it.

176
00:08:30,000 --> 00:08:31,160
Wants your hands to be close.

177
00:08:31,200 --> 00:08:32,200
So next date,

178
00:08:33,000 --> 00:08:36,640
see if he smiles, touches his hair,
and picks up any chips you drop.

179
00:08:39,560 --> 00:08:42,160
Lenny told me
about the life insurance money.

180
00:08:42,840 --> 00:08:43,680
Right.

181
00:08:43,760 --> 00:08:46,720
He hasn't cashed it. He don't want it
under these circumstances.

182
00:08:46,800 --> 00:08:48,760
Oh my God, that's so romantic.

183
00:08:48,840 --> 00:08:53,560
Well, it is, but the money's
not symbolic of Lisa, darling.

184
00:08:53,640 --> 00:08:55,600
Money's just spending tokens.

185
00:08:56,560 --> 00:08:59,600
Lisa was a beautiful person
who you spent your life with.

186
00:09:00,120 --> 00:09:01,400
She lives in your heart.

187
00:09:01,920 --> 00:09:05,840
She only took out the life insurance
so you didn't have to worry about stuff.

188
00:09:06,560 --> 00:09:10,440
Take it from the insurance company
at least. Enjoy it.

189
00:09:12,560 --> 00:09:14,520
Blow it at a casino if you have to.

190
00:09:16,320 --> 00:09:17,880
But if you don't spend it,

191
00:09:18,960 --> 00:09:20,440
Lisa wasted her time.

192
00:09:30,080 --> 00:09:31,920
<i>I want you to live, Tony.</i>

193
00:09:33,680 --> 00:09:36,880
Not just not kill yourself
or wait patiently for death,

194
00:09:38,320 --> 00:09:39,320
but live.

195
00:09:39,880 --> 00:09:41,960
Live your life as if there's no tomorrow

196
00:09:42,480 --> 00:09:45,400
and then you wake up and there is
a tomorrow and you do it again.

197
00:09:46,520 --> 00:09:47,360
Hmm.

198
00:09:47,440 --> 00:09:50,840
It doesn't matter what you do
so long as you live your life to the full

199
00:09:50,920 --> 00:09:53,280
and enjoy every second of it.

200
00:09:55,600 --> 00:09:58,560
And if you don't think it's worth trying,
why should I?

201
00:10:00,560 --> 00:10:03,200
I used to sit on this bench every day,

202
00:10:04,200 --> 00:10:05,200
by myself,

203
00:10:05,880 --> 00:10:09,080
hoping that someone would come along
who would understand.

204
00:10:10,880 --> 00:10:11,880
And it was you.

205
00:10:14,520 --> 00:10:17,280
You were in the same boat as me.
You'd lost someone.

206
00:10:18,280 --> 00:10:21,240
Well, it's a graveyard,
so the chances are...

207
00:10:24,560 --> 00:10:27,120
You see, you still think and listen
and make people laugh,

208
00:10:27,200 --> 00:10:30,240
make them feel they're worth something,
worth listening to.

209
00:10:31,040 --> 00:10:35,280
I just want you to find something that
makes you want to get up in the morning.

210
00:10:35,360 --> 00:10:36,480
I'm still going.

211
00:10:37,600 --> 00:10:41,600
I know I'll never replace Stan,
but I'm not gonna throw in the towel,

212
00:10:41,680 --> 00:10:46,240
and the only thing that's worrying me now
is you not being happy.

213
00:10:47,720 --> 00:10:48,960
It's all about hope.

214
00:10:49,880 --> 00:10:50,880
Hmm.

215
00:10:51,280 --> 00:10:52,280
You're allowed to

216
00:10:53,960 --> 00:10:57,160
miss Lisa and grieve and feel angry.

217
00:11:00,400 --> 00:11:03,000
But I can't bear
the thought of you having no hope.

218
00:11:06,960 --> 00:11:09,080
That's the saddest thing
in the world to me.

219
00:11:11,000 --> 00:11:12,000
Giving in.

220
00:11:14,600 --> 00:11:15,640
Please,

221
00:11:17,600 --> 00:11:18,920
tell me you have hope.

222
00:11:20,160 --> 00:11:21,160
I do.

223
00:11:23,200 --> 00:11:24,200
But

224
00:11:25,720 --> 00:11:28,040
I'll never find anyone to replace Lisa.

225
00:11:29,640 --> 00:11:30,840
And I've realized I...

226
00:11:31,480 --> 00:11:32,480
I don't want to.

227
00:11:34,560 --> 00:11:36,880
But I do wanna find a reason to live.

228
00:11:39,960 --> 00:11:41,400
That's not out of the question.

229
00:11:48,760 --> 00:11:51,040
Blimey, you work fast, don't you?

230
00:11:53,120 --> 00:11:54,160
What do you mean?

231
00:11:54,240 --> 00:11:57,080
Well, you know, just met and you're like,
"Wanna go for a drink?"

232
00:11:59,600 --> 00:12:01,480
I thought
that's what you wanted me to say.

233
00:12:03,480 --> 00:12:04,480
Right.

234
00:12:13,800 --> 00:12:14,800
Oh, whoops.

235
00:12:18,520 --> 00:12:19,720
Have you got Parkinson's?

236
00:12:26,280 --> 00:12:27,280
No.

237
00:12:40,960 --> 00:12:42,320
- Emma?
- Yes?

238
00:12:43,120 --> 00:12:44,360
It's Jack.

239
00:12:44,440 --> 00:12:47,240
Jack... Jack! Oh my God!

240
00:12:47,320 --> 00:12:51,120
- I'm so sorry. It's been so long.
- Yeah.

241
00:12:51,200 --> 00:12:52,920
Well, 30 years. Yeah.

242
00:12:53,000 --> 00:12:55,120
I mean, look. I used to have hair.

243
00:12:55,200 --> 00:12:57,160
- You did!
- Yeah.

244
00:12:58,200 --> 00:12:59,480
So how are you?

245
00:12:59,560 --> 00:13:01,560
Yeah, you know.

246
00:13:01,640 --> 00:13:02,560
Yeah. Yeah.

247
00:13:02,640 --> 00:13:06,120
- You married? You got kids or anything?
- No, nope, none of that.

248
00:13:06,760 --> 00:13:07,760
You? Are you...

249
00:13:07,840 --> 00:13:12,120
Me? No, no, I'm divorced. No kids.
So, um, complete loser.

250
00:13:12,200 --> 00:13:14,280
Oh. Pfft.

251
00:13:14,360 --> 00:13:15,840
And what do you do now?

252
00:13:15,920 --> 00:13:17,720
I'm a nurse in a care home.

253
00:13:17,800 --> 00:13:18,880
Oh.

254
00:13:18,960 --> 00:13:19,960
Yeah, perfect.

255
00:13:20,320 --> 00:13:21,160
You?

256
00:13:21,240 --> 00:13:22,440
Uh, I import wine.

257
00:13:22,520 --> 00:13:24,400
Oh, perfect.

258
00:13:25,920 --> 00:13:26,920
We should hook up.

259
00:13:27,680 --> 00:13:29,520
- Uh...
- Oh, don't worry.

260
00:13:29,600 --> 00:13:31,000
I shall give you my number.

261
00:13:31,080 --> 00:13:33,920
- There you go. That's me.
- Cheers.

262
00:13:34,600 --> 00:13:37,520
- It was so lovely to see you again.
- You too.

263
00:13:47,680 --> 00:13:48,680
All right.

264
00:13:49,480 --> 00:13:51,400
You can't have beer before playing squash.

265
00:13:51,480 --> 00:13:52,800
Course you can. Go on.

266
00:13:53,480 --> 00:13:55,880
- You're bringing it with you?
- Yeah, in case I get thirsty.

267
00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:56,960
Unbelievable.

268
00:13:58,000 --> 00:13:59,800
Oh my... Hello.

269
00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:03,400
- Hiya.
- That stinks. Oh my God.

270
00:14:05,480 --> 00:14:06,480
Right.

271
00:14:06,960 --> 00:14:08,400
Oh.

272
00:14:10,200 --> 00:14:11,240
Ah.

273
00:14:11,840 --> 00:14:12,960
- Okay, you ready?
- Yeah.

274
00:14:14,040 --> 00:14:15,520
- Love all.
- Tits!

275
00:14:15,600 --> 00:14:16,480
Okay, let.

276
00:14:16,560 --> 00:14:17,680
- Oh, is that...
- Let.

277
00:14:17,760 --> 00:14:19,640
You can't shout "tits" before a serve.

278
00:14:19,720 --> 00:14:21,480
- What if I've got Tourette's?
- You...

279
00:14:23,760 --> 00:14:24,880
It'd explain a lot actually.

280
00:14:28,120 --> 00:14:29,520
Oh, come off it.

281
00:14:30,680 --> 00:14:33,160
- Oh.
- Come on!

282
00:14:36,520 --> 00:14:38,000
How are you doing this?

283
00:14:40,040 --> 00:14:41,800
You didn't even run for that.
You knackered?

284
00:14:41,880 --> 00:14:43,040
I had to go round you.

285
00:14:43,120 --> 00:14:44,640
- Right.
- Long journey.

286
00:14:45,200 --> 00:14:46,200
No! How are you...

287
00:14:46,240 --> 00:14:47,960
- Oh my...
- Unlucky!

288
00:14:48,040 --> 00:14:49,640
Oh no!

289
00:14:49,720 --> 00:14:51,200
Go on! Run!

290
00:14:51,280 --> 00:14:53,160
Unlucky!

291
00:14:54,680 --> 00:14:57,600
- Oh, will you just...
- Unlucky!

292
00:14:57,680 --> 00:15:00,120
Unlucky!

293
00:15:01,080 --> 00:15:03,360
Ooh!

294
00:15:03,440 --> 00:15:05,840
- Will you stop shouting, please?
- Unlucky.

295
00:15:05,920 --> 00:15:07,960
It's like playing with a wild pig.

296
00:15:11,840 --> 00:15:14,600
- Why didn't you go for it?
- I didn't know where it was going.

297
00:15:14,680 --> 00:15:16,880
All right, I'll tell you
where I'm gonna put it.

298
00:15:16,960 --> 00:15:18,920
It's down there! It's over there!

299
00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:20,040
Over there!

300
00:15:20,600 --> 00:15:21,920
Unlucky!

301
00:15:22,000 --> 00:15:23,080
Watch the wall.

302
00:15:23,160 --> 00:15:24,640
Go on, over there!

303
00:15:24,720 --> 00:15:26,760
- Is that helping or not?
- No, it's not helping.

304
00:15:26,840 --> 00:15:28,520
- Okay.
- Assume nothing is helping.

305
00:15:28,600 --> 00:15:29,696
- Okay. Okay.
- Just be quiet.

306
00:15:29,720 --> 00:15:30,560
Ah.

307
00:15:30,640 --> 00:15:31,920
This is ridiculous.

308
00:15:36,120 --> 00:15:38,200
- Yeah, all right.
- It's fizzy, innit?

309
00:15:38,280 --> 00:15:39,120
Is it?

310
00:15:39,200 --> 00:15:41,120
Oh my God.

311
00:15:41,200 --> 00:15:43,880
Oh, fuck.

312
00:15:43,960 --> 00:15:45,480
- I feel sick.
- Absolutely gross.

313
00:15:45,560 --> 00:15:47,600
Oh my God. Come on.

314
00:15:48,240 --> 00:15:49,400
Oh my God!

315
00:15:51,840 --> 00:15:53,120
Ah.

316
00:15:53,200 --> 00:15:54,880
- I mean, that's disgusting.
- What?

317
00:15:54,960 --> 00:15:56,160
What?

318
00:15:56,240 --> 00:15:57,240
What you...

319
00:15:57,600 --> 00:15:59,000
Don't slip on it.

320
00:15:59,080 --> 00:16:01,160
What are you saying?
It's in the middle of the court!

321
00:16:01,200 --> 00:16:02,960
How am I not gonna
fucking slip on it, Tony?

322
00:16:03,480 --> 00:16:04,480
Honestly, it's...

323
00:16:05,360 --> 00:16:07,400
It's... Ugh. Ah.

324
00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:09,520
- What's the matter?
- Ah.

325
00:16:10,920 --> 00:16:11,920
Just breathe.

326
00:16:13,960 --> 00:16:15,160
Oh no.

327
00:16:16,080 --> 00:16:17,080
Oh no.

328
00:16:17,560 --> 00:16:18,560
Oh no.

329
00:16:22,320 --> 00:16:23,320
Go on.

330
00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:25,000
What?

331
00:16:25,400 --> 00:16:26,400
Laugh.

332
00:16:27,160 --> 00:16:28,240
Why would I laugh?

333
00:16:31,760 --> 00:16:34,840
It's nothing. It was just
a little warning. I'm fine.

334
00:16:36,400 --> 00:16:38,760
- How have I got a weaker heart than you?
- It's classic.

335
00:16:39,520 --> 00:16:41,360
- You're all pent up.
- I'm all pent up?

336
00:16:41,400 --> 00:16:43,240
You're like a ball of fury all the time!

337
00:16:43,320 --> 00:16:45,800
Calm down. Breathe.

338
00:16:45,880 --> 00:16:47,520
Yeah. Very funny.

339
00:16:48,560 --> 00:16:51,520
You've got all the same stress
and anger as me,

340
00:16:51,600 --> 00:16:54,480
but I shout at people
and call them cunts and smash things up.

341
00:16:55,080 --> 00:16:57,680
You keep it all in.
It's gotta go somewhere.

342
00:16:59,400 --> 00:17:00,400
It's not fair.

343
00:17:02,280 --> 00:17:04,080
No. Life's not fair.

344
00:17:04,880 --> 00:17:06,120
And then you die.

345
00:17:06,720 --> 00:17:09,120
I don't smoke. I watch what I eat.

346
00:17:09,200 --> 00:17:11,760
I do yoga, Pilates, stretching.

347
00:17:13,120 --> 00:17:14,840
- I hardly ever drink booze.
- Exactly.

348
00:17:14,920 --> 00:17:17,880
And this is a punishment for all that.

349
00:17:19,080 --> 00:17:23,760
Seriously, though, you don't have to have
the weight of the world on your shoulders,

350
00:17:23,840 --> 00:17:26,720
always trying to please people.

351
00:17:26,800 --> 00:17:30,280
You know, they'll be fine
if you tell 'em to fuck off now and again.

352
00:17:30,800 --> 00:17:32,200
You worry about everything.

353
00:17:33,240 --> 00:17:36,800
At work, at home, social occasions.

354
00:17:37,520 --> 00:17:38,680
You worry about me.

355
00:17:39,400 --> 00:17:44,000
All this was to help me,
and look where it got ya.

356
00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:50,080
I know I stole
all the sympathy for Lisa dying.

357
00:17:52,720 --> 00:17:54,160
She was your big sister.

358
00:17:55,840 --> 00:17:58,536
And I think you couldn't afford
to have your breakdown because of me.

359
00:17:58,560 --> 00:18:01,720
You couldn't grieve because
you were worried about what I'd do next.

360
00:18:01,800 --> 00:18:02,800
So...

361
00:18:05,040 --> 00:18:06,160
thanks for that.

362
00:18:06,840 --> 00:18:07,840
Oh.

363
00:18:08,840 --> 00:18:11,600
And you're such a feeble
little fucking pussy at sport.

364
00:18:11,680 --> 00:18:13,000
There we go. Good.

365
00:18:14,640 --> 00:18:17,920
Well, thanks for your kind words, Tony.
I think I counted about three in there.

366
00:18:18,520 --> 00:18:21,160
I'm just glad
we're only related by marriage

367
00:18:21,240 --> 00:18:22,560
because I'd be embarrassed

368
00:18:22,640 --> 00:18:26,680
to share actual genetic material
with such a mutant weakling.

369
00:18:26,760 --> 00:18:28,080
Yeah, lovely, this is helping.

370
00:18:28,160 --> 00:18:32,640
We've got to build you up, do you know
what I mean? But slowly and carefully.

371
00:18:32,720 --> 00:18:37,920
Squash is way too dangerous for someone
that modern medicine refers to as "puny."

372
00:18:39,440 --> 00:18:41,840
Let's start on something
like flower arranging

373
00:18:41,920 --> 00:18:43,880
and work our way up to hopscotch.

374
00:18:43,960 --> 00:18:48,200
- Will you keep the dress afterwards?
- It's not a dress. It's a gown.

375
00:18:48,280 --> 00:18:50,600
A gown is a dress.
It's a little lady's dress.

376
00:18:50,680 --> 00:18:52,961
They put you in something
they thought you'd like to wear.

377
00:18:53,000 --> 00:18:55,416
- Want me to have another heart attack?
- No, they weren't sure.

378
00:18:55,440 --> 00:18:57,800
If you keep doing this, it will be murder.

379
00:18:57,880 --> 00:19:01,240
They said, "It's a lady, isn't it?
Check the genitals." Still no clue.

380
00:19:01,320 --> 00:19:03,720
Put it in a dress.
Did they give you a smear test?

381
00:19:03,800 --> 00:19:06,080
They might as well while they're here.

382
00:19:06,160 --> 00:19:10,280
- They need to test everything because...
- Can you... I've just had a heart attack!

383
00:19:10,360 --> 00:19:12,600
- Stop making me stressed!
- Calm down.

384
00:19:12,680 --> 00:19:16,160
Calm down? If I have another one,
it'll be your fault.

385
00:19:16,240 --> 00:19:17,240
How dare you, madam?

386
00:19:18,080 --> 00:19:21,080
- Have you not got somewhere else to be?
- I have, actually.

387
00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:23,640
- Great.
- I'm going out for a drink.

388
00:19:23,720 --> 00:19:26,600
I can still do that.
I've got a good heart. I can enjoy myself.

389
00:19:26,680 --> 00:19:27,920
Okay. See you tomorrow.

390
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:30,480
- Hopefully not.
- Wow. Don't say that.

391
00:19:33,120 --> 00:19:34,160
See you later.

392
00:19:45,920 --> 00:19:47,120
You look down, boy.

393
00:19:48,760 --> 00:19:49,760
Yeah.

394
00:19:50,720 --> 00:19:53,400
Need some advice
from a dude who's been there, done that?

395
00:19:55,840 --> 00:20:00,200
I'm not gonna make it in showbiz.
It just doesn't happen to people like me.

396
00:20:00,280 --> 00:20:01,720
- Fat people?
- No!

397
00:20:02,560 --> 00:20:05,240
I mean ordinary people
who live in small towns

398
00:20:05,320 --> 00:20:07,960
with the worst agent in the world
whose idea of a big break

399
00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:10,440
is pretending to be disabled
on a reality show.

400
00:20:10,960 --> 00:20:12,520
I think you might be right, mate.

401
00:20:13,040 --> 00:20:14,040
That's a first.

402
00:20:14,920 --> 00:20:17,600
- Wish I was wrong in this case.
- Ah, spot on, son.

403
00:20:19,040 --> 00:20:20,120
Who cares anyway?

404
00:20:20,680 --> 00:20:21,760
Huh?

405
00:20:21,840 --> 00:20:23,600
Got everything you need right here.

406
00:20:24,120 --> 00:20:25,560
Tambury's a lovely town.

407
00:20:26,280 --> 00:20:27,400
Hmm?

408
00:20:27,480 --> 00:20:28,840
Easy job. Nice mum.

409
00:20:29,640 --> 00:20:32,080
- Great friend. You.
- Back at you, boy.

410
00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:35,240
Come on. Come on.

411
00:20:36,600 --> 00:20:38,360
Why do you wanna be a fake wannabe anyway?

412
00:20:39,320 --> 00:20:40,320
Huh?

413
00:20:41,360 --> 00:20:42,920
Showbiz-shmobiz, isn't it?

414
00:20:44,320 --> 00:20:45,520
All bloody pedos anyway.

415
00:20:47,880 --> 00:20:49,240
I know the score, mate.

416
00:20:49,920 --> 00:20:54,400
You thought if you were famous,
people would respect you more.

417
00:20:55,920 --> 00:20:57,160
I guess you're right.

418
00:20:58,000 --> 00:21:00,440
Works for some,
but when you're a proper loser like us,

419
00:21:01,480 --> 00:21:03,600
soon comes out and you're even worse off.

420
00:21:04,120 --> 00:21:07,920
Because at the moment, you're a loser,
but the world doesn't know about it.

421
00:21:09,280 --> 00:21:10,480
- Good point.
- Hmm.

422
00:21:11,320 --> 00:21:13,400
You don't need the adoration of strangers.

423
00:21:14,240 --> 00:21:16,360
You've got people who like you
for who you really are.

424
00:21:16,960 --> 00:21:18,200
- Yeah.
- Mmm.

425
00:21:19,440 --> 00:21:22,560
Mum says you can't expect other people
to love you until you love yourself.

426
00:21:22,640 --> 00:21:23,640
Hmm.

427
00:21:24,280 --> 00:21:26,160
- Wise woman, your mum.
- She is.

428
00:21:34,320 --> 00:21:35,560
If it wasn't for Lenny,

429
00:21:35,640 --> 00:21:38,760
I'd hit her little ass
like a ginger stepchild.

430
00:21:40,280 --> 00:21:41,440
Huh.

431
00:21:41,520 --> 00:21:42,560
Hey?

432
00:21:44,920 --> 00:21:46,840
- Cheers, mate.
- Yeah. Love you loads.

433
00:21:47,360 --> 00:21:48,640
- And you.
- Yeah.

434
00:21:59,320 --> 00:22:00,680
Oh, fucking hell.

435
00:22:01,280 --> 00:22:04,520
- What?
- This is depressing, innit?

436
00:22:05,720 --> 00:22:06,720
None taken.

437
00:22:07,680 --> 00:22:10,520
Do you know I work
with lonely, old people every day,

438
00:22:10,600 --> 00:22:13,560
and I think I could quite honestly say

439
00:22:13,640 --> 00:22:16,360
that... they're probably happier than I am.

440
00:22:16,440 --> 00:22:18,760
No! Sorry, did that sound a bit pathetic?

441
00:22:18,840 --> 00:22:20,480
No. It's funny.

442
00:22:20,560 --> 00:22:23,800
I'm always the one who does the overtime,
who covers for everybody's holidays

443
00:22:23,880 --> 00:22:27,120
because I figure
that it's less depressing than actually

444
00:22:27,840 --> 00:22:29,280
being at home by myself.

445
00:22:29,360 --> 00:22:33,000
And then you came in
like a little breath of fresh air.

446
00:22:34,000 --> 00:22:35,720
Sorry. Um...

447
00:22:36,520 --> 00:22:38,400
Listen,
I know you're still in love with Lisa.

448
00:22:38,480 --> 00:22:41,080
I know you are,
and I know you always will be.

449
00:22:41,640 --> 00:22:44,840
And I think that's why I'm able
to just sort of sit here and just...

450
00:22:46,720 --> 00:22:48,560
Like, pour my heart out,

451
00:22:48,640 --> 00:22:51,000
you know,
without any weird complications or...

452
00:22:51,080 --> 00:22:52,240
- Definitely.
- Yeah.

453
00:22:53,920 --> 00:22:56,880
- I just think I sort of wasted my life.
- You haven't.

454
00:22:57,840 --> 00:23:00,280
And I know that's not a reason
for you to care.

455
00:23:00,360 --> 00:23:01,360
I do care.

456
00:23:01,440 --> 00:23:04,320
No, I know you care,
but not, you know, <i>care</i>.

457
00:23:05,000 --> 00:23:08,520
I just think that it's not a reason
for you to be with me.

458
00:23:09,080 --> 00:23:10,080
No, I know.

459
00:23:11,240 --> 00:23:12,520
But I do care about you.

460
00:23:13,120 --> 00:23:14,720
And I want you to be happy.

461
00:23:21,520 --> 00:23:26,600
Well, I actually bumped into an old flame
earlier today, so...

462
00:23:29,000 --> 00:23:29,880
Who's that?

463
00:23:29,960 --> 00:23:34,400
Uh, it was someone I went to college with.
A long time ago, obviously.

464
00:23:35,000 --> 00:23:39,240
He went off, did his thing,
and I stayed here and did my thing.

465
00:23:39,800 --> 00:23:40,840
Hmm.

466
00:23:40,920 --> 00:23:42,760
Anyway, uh,

467
00:23:42,840 --> 00:23:45,480
he said that we should hook up.

468
00:23:46,600 --> 00:23:48,440
So, hmm.

469
00:23:49,800 --> 00:23:50,880
You should.

470
00:23:50,960 --> 00:23:52,560
Yeah? Should I?

471
00:23:54,800 --> 00:23:55,800
Definitely.

472
00:24:00,640 --> 00:24:02,000
I want you to be happy.

473
00:24:02,680 --> 00:24:03,680
Like I was.

474
00:24:06,320 --> 00:24:07,760
Just glad you're better.

475
00:24:10,960 --> 00:24:11,960
I know, and...

476
00:24:14,600 --> 00:24:15,600
Happy birthday!

477
00:24:15,640 --> 00:24:16,640
Thank you.

478
00:24:19,120 --> 00:24:20,400
- Cheers.
- Hey!

479
00:24:20,480 --> 00:24:22,360
Hey!

480
00:24:22,440 --> 00:24:24,080
- Oh fuck.
- It's kicking off now, innit?

481
00:24:32,680 --> 00:24:33,680
Good girl.

482
00:24:34,240 --> 00:24:35,240
Hello.

483
00:24:35,280 --> 00:24:36,280
Come on!

484
00:25:39,240 --> 00:25:40,160
<i>Yeah.</i>

485
00:25:40,240 --> 00:25:42,760
<i>- Oh, don't disturb her.
- I won't.</i>