The chili ready to go?
Just a little more spice.
Okay, kiddos.
Lancely's taking me to the airport for my real estate conference.
Oh, chili. May I?
[screaming] Fire!
Now it's ready.
Is this your way of saying I can't leave you alone for the day
because you're gonna melt your tongues off with chili?
Is my tongue still there?
I can't feel it.
Tone that down.
I will be back tonight. Charlotte is the boss.
And Cami, she's very stressed about this dance routine
you guys are doing at her fundraiser on Monday, so practice.
Is Charlotte ever not stressed?
Don't judge your sister.
Mom, hurry up. Your flight leaves in 92 minutes.
You could miss your conference, then you'd get fired from your job.
Let's go, let's go, let's go!
Okay, just judge her in private.
Oh, I'm going to miss you guys so much.
Start the car.
It's showtime.
Hey, Wratherheads. Here's today's big question:
Would you rather eat super spicy chili,
or take a super chilly shower?
A shower in the kitchen?
The chef in me says, "No, thank you."
But the snacker in me says, "Yes, please."
Ready, Ollie?
It's called a wetsuit because you can pee in it, right?
Asking for a friend.
All right, Ollie. Make your decision.
These choices seem horrible.
So I'll do both.
Brace yourself, Oliver.
Chilly!
Spicy!
Chilly!
Spicy!
Chilly!
Well, we fed and cleaned our brother.
Mom would be so proud.
Mom just posted: "Not proud."
Chilly!
[theme music playing]
♪ Would you rather lose your phone ♪
♪ Or give up pizza for a month ♪
♪ Share your diary with the world ♪
♪ Or have to eat it for your lunch ♪
♪ Sing out of tune to your friends ♪
♪ Or trip and fall into your crush ♪
♪ Shave your head, paint it red ♪
♪ Or use your dog's toothbrush ♪
♪ We need a little Q and A ♪
♪ Come, on Wratherheads, play along ♪
-♪ Would you rather do this? ♪ -♪ Would you rather do this? ♪
-♪ Or would you rather do that? ♪ -♪ Would you rather do that? ♪
♪ Don't matter what we do ♪
♪ We're doing it with you ♪
♪ I'd rather do that ♪
♪ Ask the world! ♪
-♪ Would you rather do this? ♪ -♪ Would you rather do this? ♪
- ♪ Or would you rather just dance ♪ - ♪ Or would you rather just dance ♪
♪ No matter what we do ♪
♪ We're doing it with you ♪
♪ I'd rather do that ♪
Ask the world!
♪ Would you rather do that? ♪
Hummus. Otherwise known as baby food for adults.
[phone chimes]
Whoa. This is huge. Peyton's moving back.
You know, people are still talking about when I took her to the school formal.
I thought you took your mom.
Technically, I took both.
Anyway, her dad's been transferred.
She'll be at school on Monday.
There's going to be a Peyton-Cooper reunion?
I love me some Pooper.
Think before you speak.
And don't get too excited. We were hanging out before she left,
but that was months ago.
Ah, the classic, "Does she like me or like-like me?"
The same thing happened to Miguel and Rosario last week on...
La Bella Mujer en la Tienda.
What?
It's a Spanish soap opera I watch with my grandma.
It's all about relationships, so I'm pretty much an expert now.
¡Soy guapo! Miguel says that a lot.
I'm just gonna text her back.
"Can't wait to see you."
-Now we wait. -[phone dings]
That was fast.
What's it say?
I have no idea. It's just a bunch of emojis.
Pretzel, sunshine, handstand. What does this even mean?
Relax. It's girl-code.
Eat your baby food and let the adult work.
Pretzel... Twisty... Knot!
Sun... Bright day... Clear!
Hand. Stand!
I got it.
Not clear where we stand.
So, Peyton's not clear where we stand?
Yes, little one.
You need to make it clear.
If you like her, you gotta do something special to let her know.
You gotta go big.
Well, I 100% trust your relationship advice.
I'm asking the Wratherheads.
Shoot, Peyton could be watching. Pretend you need the help.
Me? Right now? Is my forehead shiny?
We're on.
Hey, peeps. What to the up?
Quick question. If I think a girl likes me,
should I play it cool, or try to impress her?
"Try to impress her" wins. Thanks, Wratherheads.
So, how do I "go big"?
Well, on La Bella Mujer en la Tienda,
Miguel got a tattoo of Rosario's face on his arm,
and she was so happy she made him bread.
I like bread.
I could get a temporary tattoo drawn on my arm.
And my cousin's friend's uncle's coworker's sister is a tattoo artist!
¡Soy guapo! Did I do it right?
I slide here, do a quick pop,
and then you come in with a kick step.
Cami!
Hello? Library? Guess what?
Cami doesn't care about performing in the fundraiser I'm putting on for you.
Oh, no. Please don't tell the library that.
She already heard and she's crying.
Charlotte, you need to chill.
We crush our routine every year.
But this year, since I'm in charge,
I made us the grand finale.
Take that, girl who makes music out of water glasses.
[Jenna] Family meeting!
-Mom? -Mom lives in the phone now.
Okay, I just found out my flight's been canceled,
so I won't be home until tomorrow.
[all cheering]
Sorry, we were watching a soccer game.
Nice try.
Don't worry, I found someone I trust to watch you,
and he's got lots of experience with children.
Did I time my entrance right?
Sure did, muffin.
-Muffin? -Gross.
-Ugh. -Am I getting muffins?
All right, then. Love you. Have fun!
Oh, we'll have fun, as long as no one at school knows about this.
As previously agreed to in our binding contract.
You always keep this on you?
You always gonna be our principal?
Fair enough.
Okay. First off, I thought we'd watch a movie.
It's a classic. Proton Pooch.
So classic it's only available on DVD.
Proton Pooch.
I'll put it in.
We haven't watched that movie in forever.
I had the biggest crush on Captain Chow-Chow.
He's a dog.
I said "had."
I gotta take this.
Weird. Your case is empty.
Huh. It must have fallen out at home.
No worries. I've got plenty of other stuff for us to do.
I hope it's not balloon animals.
[balloon deflates]
-Nope. -[balloon squeaking]
So, Jillian, you've worked at a tattoo parlor
-for five years? -Yeah.
If you count in "human" years.
[laughs]
I don't know why we're laughing.
Oh, I'm gonna give you the sickest temporary tattoo ever.
Just gotta get out my tools.
Is it over yet? You know how I feel about needles.
When I see them, I ugly cry.
Tears, snot, the whole shebang.
Anyway, what I'm looking for is to get her face drawn on my arm.
Face. Arm. Got it.
That's it. I'll be in the living room hiding under the piano.
[whimpering]
What a baby. Toughen up, Freddie!
[needle buzzes]
What am I thinking? This is for real tattoos.
Cool. I thought you were dead.
The tattoo's all done.
Awesome. When Peyton sees this on Monday, she's...
Is it really small or something?
What is that?
Her arm on your face, like you asked.
I didn't want her arm on my face,
I said her face on my arm!
That makes more sense.
Okay, I'm excited to see the--
[yells] Ah, ¡mis ojos!
Fred, what did your cousin's friend's uncle's coworker's sister do to me?
Okay, let's not overreact.
It's a temp tattoo, so it'll wash right off.
He's right. I use a special, all-natural dye
that comes right off.
After ten days.
Later, tweens! Oh, don't forget to rate me on the net.
One star. That's for you, bud.
It is a really good arm, though.
What do you think, three?
Just use this to cover your cheek,
and add these babies to complete the look.
See? You're a Hollywood starlet.
I'm seeing Peyton in 36 hours, and I have an arm on my face.
Okay, better idea. My grandma has a tattoo on her calf
that she covers up with an organic concealer spray when she goes on dates.
Why is it that every time I learn something
about your family, I want to know less?
Shhh.
Let me fix this.
It's not just for you. It's not just for Peyton.
It's for all of us.
That thing is... wow.
Don't come crying to me when you freeze up on stage
because you refuse to practice.
You mean like what happened to you during your sixth grade spelling bee?
Whoever put a "p" in raspberry is pure evil.
Wait. What are those?
Fresh English muffin pizzas.
Oh, we used to have those all the time!
I got to sprinkle on the cheese without washing my hands.
That second part is news to me.
Ah, ah, ah!
No eating before rehearsal.
But you just said you didn't want to rehearse.
You're right. I don't know what I was thinking.
-Okay, I'm gonna go take a nap. -Why are you acting so weird?
What's weird about me not wanting to rehearse, then wanting to rehearse,
then not wanting to rehearse, then wanting to take a nap in the middle of the day?
-Um... -Exactly.
[Cooper] Work your magic, Fred.
Peyton can't see me like this.
Okay. I'm gonna start slow.
[spraying]
[Cooper yelling] Ah! Too much! Turn it off!
Sorry, it's stuck!
[Cooper] Take your finger off the trigger.
Oh. That worked.
How's it look?
The tattoo's gone and you are literally glowing.
-Yes. -Yes.
Do I detect a hint of pumpkin?
You, sir, have quite the nose.
I added a few tweaks to Gammy's recipe.
I love her, but hers smells like hot dogs and desperation.
You guys playing catch?
Less catch and more, "Let's see how many times
Ollie can hit me with a baseball."
The answer is, "a lot."
Where did you get that sweatshirt?
Oh, it's a bit chilly outside, so Ollie grabbed this from the closet.
Well, you're inside now, and it's really hot in here.
Right, Charlotte?
Oh, I'm actually always a little chilly. The doctor says it's because I'm not--
You heard her. Ooh.
You should probably give her the sweatshirt.
Uh, okay.
Look what else I found. Hamster Party!
The board game where hamsters go wild.
I forgot we had that. We should play.
Wait. Ollie, I thought you ate all the plastic pellets.
They're ba-ack!
[phone chimes]
Oh, great. My fundraiser's falling apart.
One of the dancing chihuahuas has to wear a cone so it doesn't bite itself.
Been there.
Yikes. Without the chihuahuas,
we're gonna have to double our act.
Aw, no time for Hamster Party.
It's okay. Ollie and I will play.
You actually can't. It's a four-person game.
So. What do you want to do for the second part of our dance?
Um, I was thinking we could do something like this.
[Walker] Eat a power pellet, and become a giant mutant hamster.
-[Ollie] Yeah. -[Walker laughs]
-Is this right? -Um, yeah.
Sure. Again, again.
[Ollie and Walker indistinct]
You're wasting your time. Stop playing.
[Charlotte grunts]
Ow! My ankle!
-Okay. Let's just take a five-- -Cami!
I'll get the ice.
Everything okay? I thought I heard a weird sound.
Hmm. I didn't hear anything. Can you describe the sound?
-[Charlotte] Ow! -Like that.
No way I can dance by tomorrow.
My fundraiser's going to be a girl with a top hat and a monocle
playing country music on water glasses.
Fine. I'll put on a cone and do some juggling.
Roll the dice, Walker.
Thanks for ruining everything, Cami.
I'm sorry, I was distracted. I'll figure something out.
You know, I've seen Charlotte rehearse her part of the routine.
I'm happy to step in.
-Really? That would be awesome. -No!
No one wants your help. Why can't you just mind your own business?
Mom's home. Where are my hugs?
Okay, Cami. I'll get yours later.
Hey. Not exactly sure what that was, but...
Everything else is great.
Does Charlotte have ice on her ankle?
Yes, but that's it.
Whoa. I slept in late.
I give up.
Hey, Mom's home!
Why's everyone looking at me weird?
[yelling] Fred!
No, no, no. Peyton's gonna think I'm a freak.
-Thanks, Charlotte. -Anytime.
Okay, I think I have an idea of what's going on with Cami.
Charlotte, good. Keep that leg elevated.
Ollie, stop eating ankle ice.
And Cooper, don't panic.
I'll get my makeup and we'll get you looking human again.
Yeah. What she said.
Where is my glowing boy?
[yelling] Ahhhhhh!
Oh? Notice something strange?
Maybe I overdid it on the pumpkin spice.
You think?
-[knocking] -[door opens]
You wanna talk?
Aren't you gonna make me whether I want to or not?
You know me so well.
Lancely showed me this.
Had to be weird seeing him wearing one of Dad's old sweatshirts.
I remember when we got it for his birthday.
And you picked it out. He wore it everywhere.
Even to fancy restaurants. [laughs]
It wasn't even the sweatshirt.
Principal Walker did a bunch of stuff we used to do with Dad.
It just... it was too much.
Kind of made me scared he's going to...
Take Dad's place?
Honey.
Lancely is someone I care about, who also cares about all of you.
And that's it.
No one is ever going to replace your father.
I mean, how many people can burp, "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star"?
Just one.
Now, it's totally your call,
but Lancely is still very much willing to fill in
as your dance partner.
Even after I yelled at him?
You forget, he's a principal.
He's used to kids being mean to him.
I know Coop said he didn't want my help anymore,
but if there's anything I've learned from him
it's that when you make a mistake,
you keep going, even if you continue to make more mistakes.
Then, after making a ton of mistakes, sometimes you get it right.
Or not.
You talk a lot, but you really don't say much.
You're sweet.
Now remember, if Peyton gives him a hug, we stand down.
But if things get awkward, it's us to the rescue.
Like Miguel with the sunset behind him, and the wind blowing in his hair.
You think I'm taking any of this in?
Peyton. Okay, Coop. You're the man.
You're also orange, with a layer of gunk on your face, but still.
You're the man.
-Peyton. -Hey.
Hello.
So. You're back. That's good.
Unless it's not good.
The makeup's coming off. It's "go big" time.
Cue "The Miguel."
[wind rushing]
[playing dramatic Spanish song]
Release the white doves.
[quacking]
Or a white duck.
What is happening?
Love is happening.
-I'm so sorry. I had nothing-- -That was so awesome.
I should have known you'd do some crazy prank to help break the ice.
Really?
I was so nervous about how today would go.
I like you, but I wasn't sure where we stood.
[laughs] So Fred was right
about that weird pretzel, sun, handstand emoji text.
What? Oh... Oh, no. That was a butt text.
I was going to say something, but I thought
they were so random you'd just ignore them.
Yep. That's definitely what I did.
So, what's going on with your face?
A lot, actually.
Maybe we can talk about it at the movies sometime.
You know. Where there isn't a duck.
[duck quacking]
La Bella Mujer en la Tienda.
[soft water glass music]
Hey, have fun out there.
Just don't forget, the fate of the library's in your hands,
and if you mess this up, I will smack you with this crutch.
Love you.
Good pep talk.
Seems like the girl who's making music
with the water glasses is almost done.
I think. I'm not really sure what's happening out there.
Hey. I really appreciate you stepping in.
-It means a lot. -Happy to help.
Hey, wait.
Doesn't this violate our "don't be seen with the principal" contract?
I think we're good.
Bravo! Bravissimo!
Thank you, Victoria. Love the top hat.
Let's keep that money rolling in.
Now, with our grand finale I give you...
The Spin Sisters!
[hip hop song playing]
[Cami] Nice spins. Impressive.
[Walker] Thank you.
But I think I might have just... pulled something,
so if we could, uh, get through this quickly...
[Miguel] Tú me amas, Rosario.
[Rosario] ¡Cómo te atreves, Miguel!
[Miguel] Mi tienda... es tu tienda.
[Rosario] Ay, Miguel.
I didn't know love could be like this.
I just want Miguel and Rosario to end up together.
Someone please tell me that's what's gonna happen.
Only if Miguel learns how to listen.
Can I please see your tattoo?
Why? Just... why?
Cami, if you want the same one,
I know a highly-rated tattoo artist.
Whee!