Dear Mr. Awd, I read with interest
the online description and pictures of Awd's Inn
and found it very appealing.
I am planning a trip to visit Scotland
and I would very much like to reserve one room
for nine days.
Those dates to be advised.
Sincerely, Annabelle Wilson.
Dear Ms. Wilson,
I am delighted to receive
and confirm your reservation
for the dates you request.
I'm sure you will find our elegant, historic inn
to be all we represented on our website.
I will be at the train station to meet you personally
and to transport you to Awd's Inn.
Please give me a brief description of yourself
so I can identify you easily in the crowd.
Or if you prefer, a recent photo.
Thank you, Mr. Awd.
Well, I have no recent photos,
but I am a woman of a, um, certain age
who's blonde, 5 foot 6
and, um... completely ordinary...
in every way.
You told me over and over again
that we would always have each other.
But you were wrong about that, weren't you?
I love you, Fred.
And I always will.
But I gotta make new memories
or the old ones are gonna kill me.
And I'm not ready to die.
Not yet.
♪ Dirty dishes all about ♪
♪ I'll go and clean 'em up now ♪
♪ Clean 'em up now ♪
♪ Broken pieces on the ground ♪
♪ Are gonna get 'em up now ♪
♪ Get 'em up now ♪
♪ Time to give myself some grace ♪
♪ Gonna make some changes ♪
♪ Make some changes ♪
- How many would you like? - Two, please.
♪ I've been waiting too long to touch my sky ♪
♪ Blowin' all my time ♪
♪ I've been spendin' my yesterdays all wrong ♪
♪ But that's all gone ♪
♪ Gonna sing my song ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ Gonna sing my song ♪
♪ Time to spread my wings and fly ♪
♪ In a new direction ♪
♪ A new direction ♪
♪ I'm gonna kiss the past goodbye ♪
♪ Make a new connection ♪
♪ Gonna sing my song ♪
♪ Sing it loud ♪
♪ Gonna sing my song ♪
Hello.
- Hey, How. - Gavin.
What are you doin' here?
I'm waitin' for the guest.
- The guest? - The guest.
- What are you doing here? - Uh, waitin' on the wife.
She was visiting her widowed sister in Glasgow.
Remember, the one I was tellin' you about?
- She's in a hospital, you know? - Hm.
After her husband died by accidentally dropping
his electric razor into the bathtub.
Fried every hair of his sorry arse.
Can there be a worse way to go?
No. Tell me about it.
I had to clean up the plumbin' afterwards. Phooey.
Oh, oh, there's one here. See you later.
See you, Gavin.
Mr. Awd?
- Ms. Wilson! - Yes, hi!
- Hello, welcome. - Oh, hello.
- Nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you, too.
Thank you for meeting my train. It's been a long trip.
Well, we at Awd's Inn, uh, pride ourselves
in our impeccable service and hospitality.
- Good. Good. - Yeah.
Then I'll be a excellent customer.
- Good, good. - Okay.
- Is this it? - Uh, y-yeah.
This is my only suitcase, um...
My zipper's broken.
Ah. I think there's some pills for that, now?
- Excuse me? - Em...
Just a bit of Scottish humor.
- No offense. - None taken.
- Okay. - Yeah, it's very, very light.
There's really nothing in it but this little costume I found.
And then I'm going to buy all new everythings.
Okay.
And then I'm gonna go to Italy
and I'm gonna buy a brand-new one
'cause that's the next place on my list.
- Oh, you've got a list. - I do. I have a great list.
- And by the way, your railroads? - Yes?
- Are really lovely. - They're not mine.
- I gathered they were not yours. - But, thanks.
But I, I mean, they're comfortable
and they're, it's just really clean.
I don't know why I did expect it, like, filthy.
What, you thought Scotland would've dirty trains?
No, I was just... Scotland's so old.
So I just figured the trains would be old.
Trains were invented at the same time
everywhere around the world.
- Oh, it's so beautiful. - Yep.
How far is it to the inn?
Uh, not far. You know, just a short drive.
Well, uh, a lot of it depends
on what you think's short and long.
- We drive for the wheel is. - Oh, oh.
Gotta get used to that.
- Yup, there you go. - Okay.
I smell gas.
We call it petrol here and it's, uh,
it's the reason I'm puttin' this on.
- It's, um, it's flame retardant. - What?
It happens... And put your coat on or something, just in case.
I mean, you're fine.
This isn't flame retardant.
Well, it'll keep you warm goin' through the glens,
and that's important. It's...
We're not gonna go on fire or anything.
It's just, you can never be too careful.
You put that on every time you drive your car?
No, not every time. When it's raining, I don't wear it.
But when it's raining, don't you put the top on?
No, I go fast and then the rain can't reach me.
Oh, I see, I see. You're messing with me.
You're messing with the stupid American lady...
I am not messing with you.
Freshly in Scotland.
Okay. I'm on to you now.
- Okay. - I'm on to you.
- You all right? - I'm so cozy.
Have you got your seatbelt on?
- That's a joke because? - Yeah.
- There's no seatbelt. - No seatbelt.
There you are.
Oh, look at this.
Oh, wow.
I'm expecting a very important letter.
Does the mail arrive here every day?
Yes, it arrives daily like it does
in every modern country, in a nice clean train.
I've never seen so many sheep.
Yup. There are over seven million sheep in Scotland.
Only five million people.
I prefer the sheep.
You're kidding, right?
Nope.
Is this your first time in Scotland?
My first time anywhere, really.
I've never seen anything, except through the movies.
And by the time I'm done with this trip,
I'll have seen the whole world.
Oh, I love that song. It's so catchy.
♪ I'll bring the whiskey ♪
I don't like that song.
It's all they play.
I have a joke.
There's a doctor and he's worried about, uh,
having sex with his patients.
Then a voice in his head says,
"Don't worry, a lot of doctors
have sex with their patients."
And then another voice in his head says,
"Yes, but they're probably not veterinarians." Heh!
It's a wee bit of Scottish humor there.
It's not for everybody. Just like haggis.
Uh, I think it's the, uh, it's the fan belt
or the alternator now.
It's neither one. It's neither one.
- You're out of gas. - We call it petrol.
Well, whatever you call it, you're out of it.
How far is this inn?
It's not far, just down the road...
I-I'm gonna walk. Okay? I-I..
- Oh, no. No. - Yeah, I'm gonna walk.
Uh, look, um, you can't walk on that road.
You'll need something on your feet. Here.
- I'll be fine. - No, no, no. Take these.
Put these on.
You have women's boots in your trunk?
Uh, we call it a boot.
You have women's boots in your boot?
- I do. Do you want them or not? - Fine. Thank you.
Just follow the road.
Hi, Gavin. It's me.
Yeah. Um, I think I've run out of petrol.
Oh, there is? Well, why didn't you say that then?
Could it be the alternator maybe or the fan belt?
All right. Yup. Fine, thanks. Okay, bye.
Uh! Jeez.
Don't worry about Wally. He's very friendly.
Just let him sniff you. Any part.
It's so much more beautiful than the pictures.
It's just gorgeous, beautiful bones.
Well, you better have great bones if you're 400 years old.
I can't even imagine the upkeep
on a place like this.
No, you cannot.
- It's so pretty. - Yeah.
Oh. I love these. Can I have one of your sweeties?
- What's a sweetie? - You know...
Your box of chocolates here.
Oh, no, no, no. No, no. That's not a box of chocolates.
I'm sorry. That's my husband.
- Okay. - Fred, my late husband.
Though he was never late. It's a stupid phrase.
- That's a box of chocolates. - Yes.
That somebody has laminated shut.
And that would be me.
And I did it on purpose
because otherwise he would spill.
Oh.
Fred's in the box?
Most of him.
Don't they have unused containers
for that sort of thing, you know, urns?
Yeah, they do. And a lot of people prefer to do that.
But Fred didn't want that.
I was executor of his will.
I had to respect his wishes.
- He was mental. - No, he was not mental.
He had an accident. We had a hardware store.
And that he'd gone up and down the ladder for 31 years
and this one time he went up and...
came down and broke his neck.
That's a terrible story. I'm sorry for your loss.
Still, it doesn't quite explain
why he's inside a box of chocolates.
About to check into my inn, does it?
So...
So Fred and I loved the movies.
Forrest Gump was his favorite movie.
And he always said that, uh, whenever he left this world,
uh, it was gonna be the only kinda box he would be in, so...
Well, I hope your favorite movie isn't Psycho
or I'll have to keep you out of the shower. Heh.
I'd prefer a bath than a shower, please, in my room.
Okay.
- Can I see your passport? - Oh, oh, yes.
Um...
- No need to check my age. - Of course not.
You're checkin' my age, aren't you?
- Mm-hmm. - Mm-hmm.
Here you are. Okay. Just out of curiosity.
- What's your favorite movie? - Funny Girl.
Barbra Streisand!
Yes, but playin' Fanny Brice.
I know who she was. A famous Broadway actress.
Yes, but much more than that.
She was a, she was a singer and she was a comedienne
and she was fearless and brilliant.
- Everything I wanted to be. - Oh, good for you.
Never happened. Is this the way?
- Yeah, up the stairs. - Okay.
You forgot your case.
No, I didn't.
And you really need to check those pipes.
Just old plumbing.
Mm-hmm.
Second alcove on the right, Mrs. Wilson.
So you're in show business, then?
Nah, I wanted to be, but I met my husband and...
♪ Oh that hot hot crazy summer ♪
You know, it was, it was a big hit back then.
I, I don't know. Um, there you are.
Oh, okay. Great.
So you-you, uh,
gave up your dreams of show business for Fred?
No, I just chose a different kind of life with Fred.
Right, a man who wanted to be cremated
and put in a chocolate box, then laminated,
and go sightseeing.
No.
But I wouldn't expect anybody to understand.
All right. Well, here's your case. Dinner's at 7:00.
- Thank you. But I'm not hungry. - Oh, y-you will be.
Oh, I do need a safe, though.
- Is there one in the room? - Yup, there's a, a...
I don't think it's big enough for, uh, for Fred, though.
It's not for Fred. It's for his mother.
Oh, dear God, you're so boring.
Oh, wow!
Didn't know Mel Gibson was havin' a yard sale.
- Good morning. - Good morning, Mrs. Wilson.
Are you hungry enough for a bite? How's Fred?
I would love a cup of coffee. Thank you. And a poached egg.
And I'd really appreciate you not mentioning Fred.
- It's disrespectful. - Okay.
Uh, sit at any table that's no occupied
and I'll see how the chef's doing with your breakfast.
None of them are occupied.
- Well, sit at one of them then. - Okay.
♪ Hey Marie ♪
♪ Oh Marie ♪
Is everything all right?
Yes. Yes. Everything's fine.
The chef just, uh, dropped the eggs. Watch it!
He did manage to save the salmon, though.
We have, eh, smoked salmon
and, uh, poached salmon
and we've got, uh, everybody's favorite, salmon.
Mm, uh, what happens if the guest
doesn't, uh, particularly like salmon?
Then they starve to death or they have the haggis.
What is this haggis everybody talks about?
Well, haggis is a sort of a sausage.
It's made from the heart and liver and lungs of a sheep,
mixed with some oatmeal and then cooked slowly
inside the sheep's stomach lining.
Well, can I get the oatmeal without all the vital organs?
No.
- I love salmon. - Salmon it is.
Oh, you've been a mad duck, Giuseppe.
She's never gonna be happy until she gets that coffee.
I'm tryin' my best.
Well, you've disappointed me
for the last time. You are fired!
No, please, boss, come back!
You're just not up to the standards we expect here
at Awd's Inn for our important American guests! Ah!
I'm so sorry.
- I'll have tea. - Fine.
What do you say, Wally, shall we go into town, huh?
I need a little retail therapy.
♪ How do I begin to begin again? ♪
♪ Breathe deep and let all the fresh clean air in ♪
♪ How do I find the courage to say ♪
♪ I'm gonna start a brand-new life today? ♪
♪ Here I go ♪
♪ It's all uphill and I'm takin' a ride ♪
♪ On a brand-new road and those... ♪
In here, come on.
♪ But I'm gonna try try ♪
♪ All it takes is a new set of wings ♪
♪ To fly ♪
Hey, Gavin.
♪ On my way to a new life ♪
♪ Of new everythings ♪
♪ Oh of new everythings ♪
Kitchen's closed.
Oh, oh, that's okay. I'm not hungry.
I had a bite at the village earlier. Thanks.
Well, then, you won't be interested then
in the beautiful tuna steak that I have
benevolently set aside for you
'cause I feel bad about belittling poor Fred.
You needn't have bothered, but that's very nice.
- Thank you. - Here you are.
Listen, Mrs. Wilson, Scotland is cold enough.
Let's put aside our differences.
And I have to tell you, what you're doing with Fred,
it's fascinating. Really, it's fascinating.
What do you really want, Mr. Awd?
I want what I want for all my guests.
I want them to enjoy the Awd's Inn experience.
Are you...
Are you hungry?
Please.
Will, uh, Mrs. Awd be joining us tonight?
Uh, sadly, no. Mrs. Awd has, uh...
Well, she's in the same place as Fred is,
probably right about now.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Ah, don't be. She was a miserable sow.
So you wanted to be in showbiz.
Well, yes, I wanted to be in show business,
but that ship sailed much like the Titanic.
Mm, that's a movie that wasn't on your list.
You saw my list?
Well, I'm short of staff,
so I do the housekeeping as well.
And you know, the list was on your desk
next to Fred, when you went for your run.
Well, I hope that's all you saw.
- I saw your Spanx. - I don't wear Spanx.
Those had to be running shorts.
I run every day, but I don't wear Spanx.
Well, you'd be the only woman in the history of the world
that doesn't wear Spanx.
Well, I just don't like being held in
anymore in my life, you know?
- Good for you. - Yeah.
And Braveheart.
I have to tell you, that's actually a movie,
by the way, that I cannot stand.
- What? - Braveheart. I hate it.
You have to keep that a secret in Scotland.
Well, your secret is obviously safe with me.
Mm. Well, secrets are easy.
It is the truth that is difficult.
Oh, well, what philosopher came up with that genius?
You seem to like pot-potatoes, right?
The, uh, brilliant but sadly very obscure
Lord Howard Awd.
- No. - Oh, yes.
I'm still technically a lord.
Descended from generations of Scottish nobility.
Ah.
So how long were you married?
Oh. Who...
Who knows? Tell me about Nantucket.
Oh, Nantucket's gorgeous. You've never been?
Never been. Don't know anything about it.
Well, wait, uh, there's a poem about it. Isn't...
Yeah, that's the problem. Everybody knows the poem.
And hardly anybody's been to the island.
It's beautiful. You'd love it.
Isn't that where, uh...
The Pequod set sail from Nantucket,
oh, in Moby-Dick.
- Herman Melville's novel? Yes. - Mm-hmm.
- But I hated it. - What?
I hated it.
- You hate Moby-Dick? - Yes, I do.
- And you live in Nantucket? - I have secrets, too, all right?
- I-I couldn't get through... - You left Nantucket and you'r...
Yes, well, you live in Scotland and you hate Braveheart.
- Same thing. - Well, it's a stupid movie.
The idea of William Wallace havin' an Australian accent,
runnin' around Scotland in a tartan dress
havin' sex with the queen of France,
it-it makes no sense at all.
He didn't have sex with the queen of France?
Nobody had sex with the queen of France.
Even the queen of France...
Well, the king of France...
The queen of France may have had sex with herself.
You know what the French are like.
No, I've never been to France.
Have you never? Oh, well, uh...
I, I have to tell you, you'll, you'll get a fright.
They're just... They're at themselves the whole time.
Oh, this is good. The chef is excellent.
Yes, he is pretty good. Would you like a pudding?
Um, sure. What kind do you have?
I have spotted dick.
Americans always say that. Right, but it's...
- Is that a real thing? - It's a real thing.
Ha! My mother warned me about spotted dicks.
Well, your mother was right.
Oh, the loch is gorgeous in the moonlight.
Will you take me fishing?
Of course, I'd be happy
to take you out as part
of your Awd's Inn experience.
Which I'm thoroughly enjoying.
Good. I'm glad. We aim to please.
- Howard? - What?
What's goin' on?
Well, I told you we were short-staffed.
We're short-staffed.
You think rubbish just picks itself up
and puts itself away 'cause it's dirty and smelly
and nobody likes it?
No, I don't think that. Do you need some help?
Oh, sure, you're gonna come down here
in your sexy pajama top
and get rubbish juice all over yourself.
No, no. I-I think we'll be fine. Thank you.
I will do that if you ask me nicely, Romeo.
What are you lookin' at?
Uh, nothing.
- Oh, yeah, I got 'em. Oh, yeah. - Don't do that.
He's never seen a woman's legs before.
Well, he's seen some sheep legs.
Haven't you, Gavin?
You shag one sheep.
Put some clothes on, for goodness sake.
You're in Scotland.
Hey, Gavin.
A little Scottish humor.
No offense intended.
Have fun, boys.
♪ Then came you ♪
♪ Then came you like a... ♪
Oh, come on.
Oh...
Stop it.
Oh...
Howard! There's no water!
Howard!
Howard?
- There's no water! - I know.
- I'm down here in the basement. - Why are we whispering?
We're whispering because I don't know
what's down there
because I don't really
go into the basement.
It's a very dark place.
Oh, good. Tools. Can't do anything without tools.
Plumber's only as good as her tools.
I'm gonna need your help, please.
Come in to my basement and I'll put a tool belt on you.
- You know what? - Set me free, Annabelle.
You know what? I have got a-a big wrench.
I don't wanna hear what you've got. Okay. All right.
All right. Let me see. It's all right.
Okay, let me get back in here 'cause I think this is where
the problem is. Let me see.
- I'm gonna use the pipe cutter. - Right.
And then I'm gonna need to take this valve...
- Mm-hmm. - Right here.
- Okay. Good, good. - And remove the petcock.
Can you say again, petcock, in a French accent, maybe?
And then I'm gonna have to solder it with a blowtorch
and we should, we should be good.
So you're gonna solder and blowtorch my petcock?
If you'll let me.
I-I will, and may I say thank you very much
and welcome to Scotland.
Listen, I don't think you should do it.
Let me call Gavin and maybe the vice squad.
You've got a filthy mouth.
- Oh, sh... - I'll be right back.
Oh!
Oh! Damn.
Yuck, yuck. Yuck.
Let me tell you something, Annabelle.
I think you were absolutely brilliant there.
I had moisture
in every crook and cranny and crevice
that I didn't even know that I had.
That's a very nice alliteration.
And then... No, she's absolutely right.
I mean, that is an occupational hazard.
I Vaseline my crack once a week a-at the very least.
I remember my mother used to say,
she would be so proud and she would say,
"You, girl, are full of spunk."
What? What, is that bad?
- What? - Not, not at all.
Your mother was proud that you were full of spunk?
Yes. Why? Why, is that bad?
- Gav, you-you need to tell her. - What do you mean?
- Tell me what? - No, no.
That's too good to kinda... I don't wanna...
- What? - I don't wanna tell you.
Come on, stop it. What is it?
Annabelle, there's no way you would know this,
but in Scotland if somebody says
that you're full of spunk...
- Yeah? - Ah, yes...
- What it means is... - Is-is sperm.
- What? - Uh, semen, uh...
- Oh... Ow! - Not...
- All right. - Oh, no.
- Vivid livid. - That's enough.
- Stop it. - Come on.
I'll call you a taxi.
- Oh... - Strip club soda.
- Oh, Lord! - Eh.
Dear Shelly,
that's great news about the offers
for the house and the store.
I need to think about it for a while,
but I'll get back to you as soon as I can.
Thanks for the listings you sent,
but I'm not interested in purchasing real estate.
I'm just all about new everythings these days.
Take care. Annabelle.
You lookin' for movie times?
No, flight times. I've got a Roman holiday to get to.
What are you gonna wear when you get there, a toga?
Maybe.
You're really gonna go through with it?
Twenty countries of your twenty favorite movies.
- Mm-hmm. - You're mad.
No, I'm not mad. I'm just kind of sad.
The further away I get from Nantucket,
the more I realize how small our world had become.
You grow up...
You, uh, fall in love and your, and your dreams
start to disappear because you can't afford them.
You struggle, and then you'd settle
for a terrible word called "enough"
'cause you had enough.
But then, in order to survive,
you convince yourself that what you've had is enough.
Does that make any sense at all?
So you're saying there's never enough?
Yes, but by the time we realize that,
it's too late to do much about it.
So you keep doing what you've always done?
You go to the movies.
To retreat to a fantasy world.
Well, hopefully, a happily-ever-after world.
Isn't that what everybody wants?
I do like a happy endin'.
I think that's why my favorite movie is Silence Of The Lambs.
Every time I think
I could maybe like you, you just...
I interrupt you and remind you I'm an asshole.
The guys are here for the tent.
Tent? Why?
Uh, there's a wedding on Saturday.
How wonderful! Who's getting married?
He's gettin' married.
Oye! Where do these go?
Just bring it down this way.
What we'll do is we'll put it in the field over there.
The guests'll come down the stairs,
kinda promenade, a parade or whatever they do and...
Come down there, you can set up on this level.
Uh, we'll put the, put the doors here
and they can come down the stairs and walk right in. What?
Nothing, I'm just s-surprised, that's all.
That someone would marry an asshole like me?
Kinda. No, no, it's just that I've been here for days
and you never even mentioned it.
It's because some of us are not as comfortable
talking about their personal lives as you are.
Oh, I get that, that's fine. But, I mean, who is she?
- Who's the lucky lady? - Her name is Clare.
We were at university together, she was actually
my wife's best friend and roommate for a while.
- Uh-huh. - Uh...
We actually dated for a little while
and then, uh, she pointed out
that she thought that I was in love with her best friend.
- And were you? - Who knows? I was 20 years old.
Anyway, she, uh, she moved to London
and, uh, never came back and never did marry.
Because you were the love of her life.
That's what she tells me.
That's romantic, don't you think?
I mean, to find each other again after all these years?
I don't know how romantic it is.
She, uh, she called me after my wife died
and, uh, told me how sorry she was.
Well, that was nice.
She's a nice woman.
She's been very successful in business.
Very attractive.
Lovely, uh, clean hair.
- I'm going fishin'. - I'm coming with you.
- No, you're not. - Oh, yes, I am.
You said it was part of the Awd's Inn experience. Why...
Because you're dressed like a shortbread tin!
Uh...
- I'll change my clothes, okay? - Then go change your clothes.
But if you know anything about fishin', you knew fish
require quiet. No talking, no singing.
Start now, get practice.
What are you looking at?
- She's American. - What?
Uh, damn!
Ow!
Howard, can we please go back to the inn?
The midges are killing me.
You really have a hard time not talking, don't you?
Yes, when I'm getting eaten by midges, yes!
- I'm hungry. - Swallow a midge.
Damn!
How long are you gonna sit there while I get eaten up?
They're not even biting you.
Oh, they're biting me, I'm not just making
a big song and dance about it.
Ah! They're in my pants!
Oh.
No, don't jump. Don't!
Oh! Why-why'd you jump in?
Because I didn't know you could swim.
Of course, I can swim. I was a lifeguard in Nantucket.
I might never keep up!
Oh! My feet touched something! My feet touched something!
Oh, my gosh! You're such a baby.
I'm not a baby. There could be a shark out here.
What happened?
Um, well, after I heroically dived in to save you,
my boot came off and I think I must have cut it on something.
- I'm gonna... - Let me take a look.
Let me see. That's it?
- Oh, my God! - Is it de... It feels deep.
Deep? It's, it's a nothingburger.
I don't, I don't think you should call it a nothingburger.
I could get an infection, they used to throw witches
and plague victims and stuff in there.
I could have some medieval botulism or something.
- What, what's funny? - I just can't believe your foot.
- What's wrong with my foot? - It's beautiful!
- It is. It is. - It's gorgeous.
We do have beautiful feet in my family.
You know, in Scotland we have beautiful feet.
- Is that antiseptic? - It's antiseptic.
It's gonna sting tiny, tiny bit.
- Geez. - Oh, God.
- I've got to get it cleaned. - Okay.
All right. I'm gonna put a wee Band-Aid on it, okay?
- Okay. - Oh, my gosh.
I never took you for a mani-pedi kind of guy.
William Wallace started it in the 13th century.
He, uh, he would get a mani-pedi
from a Korean woman in a rose.
And all of the medieval kings went to thank him.
Uh, wanted a, a sort of a...
- Here you go. All right. - Uh-huh.
Aw, is that a wee bit better?
- I do have bad news, though. - What is that?
Well, there's no dinner 'cause it was gonna be fish.
- We'll find something. - Are you gonna help me?
- I'm gonna help you. - Thank you very much indeed.
So what are we having for dinner?
Well, I can't cook in this state, obviously,
and you've made me fire Giuseppe, so...
I'll take you to the village for dinner, then we can find shoes.
Can I see your other foot when we get home?
Mrs. Wilson!
- You know what I can't get over? - What can't you get over?
How light it is all the time.
Well, that's because it's Scotland,
then it's light all summer and dark all winter.
And people just live with it?
They do. They have a lovely nice red tan in the summer.
All right. but, hey... And they drink themselves
to an early grave in the winter.
It sounds fun.
Yeah, works for us.
- Hello. Welcome. - Hi.
What can I get for you guys today?
Where are you from? You're not from Scotland, are you?
Yeah, I'm from California.
I'm actually an exchange student here, it's...
Really? W-who did we exchange to get you? I mean...
I think you, we probably had to send about half a dozen.
The exchange rate is probably pretty high.
So what can I get you guys today?
I'd love a glass of Pinot Grigio, please.
- Sounds great. And for you? - Peg of whiskey, please.
- Okay. I'll be right back. - Thanks.
Sometimes I look at a just adorable young lady like that
and I think, "I wonder what it's like to be her mother."
- Oh, you don't have any kids? - No.
No, we couldn't have any children.
I'm just very good at conceiving them...
but really lousy at actually, uh,
bringing them into the world.
- Thank you. - Of course.
Thanks.
- Uh... - Slainte.
Slainte.
But anyway, um, we talked about, uh, adopting,
but Fred was, I don't know why, he was just so against it.
He had this Nantucket generational thing
that he just couldn't get over and...
And so by the time it was pretty obvious
that we were never gonna have children that way...
and he was okay with adopting, I just...
I just felt too old...
too tired.
Let's get drunk.
Okay.
This is the worst whiskey in Scotland...
♪ I'll bring the whiskey ♪
I really don't care for that song.
I'll bring the wine.
Yeah, well, look, see, that doesn't make any sense.
"I'll bring the whiskey, I'll bring the wine."
Shouldn't one person bring the whiskey
and the other person bring the wine?
- It's a duet. - Well, then...
You never keep it on the radio long enough to discover
that there's two people singing there.
Why do you hate that song?
I don't know, it just seems it encourages alcoholism.
- What? - Sometimes you're very cute.
Uh, we don't talk about that around here, missus.
Okay.
- You know what? - What?
You're good-looking, as well.
Wow.
As well as me. I'm still good-looking.
You're good-looking and so am I. That's what I'm sayin'.
Let's go someplace and get a good drink.
- I know the very place. - Where?
Come on. Here, can you, can you take him?
'Cause they don't let dogs in here.
Oh? They're not welcome?
Well, they prefer attractive women, but you'll be fine.
Come on.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Now we've come to my favorite moment in the show.
This is where I get to pick a little lady out of the crowd
to come up with me and join me...
Hey! I got one for you right here!
- She knows every word. - She knows every word?
You've been singing it all the time. She knows every word.
Come up and sing "Whiskey And Wine."
Annabelle! Annabelle!
- No, no, I cannot go up there. - Go!
Annabelle, you have to come join us.
But I can't. I've got the dog.
Give the dog to your weird uncle and just come sing.
- Oh, I hate you. - Okay.
Come on.
Well, everyone, give it up for Annabelle.
I've been drinking a little, I gotta be honest.
Do you know the song?
Everybody knows this song.
Not everybody likes it, but everybody knows it.
This is a love song.
Forget about all those people. They're not here, it's just me.
- Even my weird uncle? - Yeah.
Especially forget about the weird uncle.
"Weird uncle?" That bastard.
Two, three and...
♪ I'll bring the whiskey ♪
♪ I'll bring the wine ♪
♪ I'll get my guitar ♪
♪ I'll go and get mine ♪
♪ I'll wear my new lace ♪
♪ I'll wear my old leather ♪
♪ We were made to make music together ♪
She's good. I don't care for him.
♪ And I'll be your rhyme ♪
♪ I'll keep up the tempo ♪
♪ To keep us in time ♪
♪ We'll lose ourselves in sweet harmony ♪
He looks like one of those guys that smell of vomit.
♪ 'Cause we were made to make music together ♪
♪ Sing a song that just goes on forever ♪
♪ So here we go in that sweet ebb and flow ♪
♪ Up and down this crazy arpeggio... ♪
Excuse me, excuse me, dog's trying to see.
♪ Feels so good ♪
♪ Just like it should ♪
I'd like to go.
♪ Fly through the sky float like a feather ♪
♪ 'Cause we were made to make beautiful music together ♪
Annabelle, everybody. Give it up.
♪ I'll bring the whiskey babe ♪
♪ Hold on and I'll bring the wine ♪
♪ Whiskey and wine ♪
Annabelle, everybody!
Oh, my God, that was so much fun! Thank you. Thank you...
Howard?
- What the hell was that? - What the hell was what?
You left me hanging there on stage.
- And you left Wally at the bar. - What are you talking about?
- Wally lives at the bar... - Oh, Wally doesn't live there.
And you, you weren't hanging on stage.
You, you were hanging all over that man,
you weren't hanging on stage.
I was not hanging on him. That's called performing.
Well, I'm getting you home. Come on, Howard.
- No. No! - Now, come on. You're drunk!
- Yes, of course, I'm drunk! - Why are you drunk?
Because I've had a lot of alcohol...
Okay, that's it, come on.
I'm not sure if this is a very good idea.
I'm fine. Please leave me, I'm fine. Please.
Every man says they're fine when they're not fine.
You know what the trouble with trouble is?
You don't know you're in trouble till you're in trouble.
Okay, good. All right, on you go then.
That was great Broadway music.
Okay, let's stitch that on a towel, all right.
You know what, I'm just glad I had a wonderful time
without having so much alcohol.
- Yeah. - I had a lovely time.
That Jax Spence, oh, boy, he is adorable!
Love that hair! I could sing with him all night!
In fact, maybe we'll go on tour!
I think it's been a lovely...
How did Wally get home before we did?
Well, the dog's not drunk.
- Oh, good point. - How's your sandwich?
- Heavy. - Yeah?
Well, that's ham for you.
Go to bed.
- Goodnight, Howard. - Goodnight, Annabelle.
Come on, Wally.
Don't you just love dogs, Gavin?
They don't care where they came from.
They're just happy to be here. Thanks for walking with me.
Hey, that's genuinely no problem.
I had a septic-tank situation to attend to.
But in these occasions, well, I tend to procrastinate a bit.
- A bit? - Oh, Wally!
Oh, he sees that cat. See? No, Wally! No, no.
Wally, you're gonna get full of thistles.
See? This is Howard's problem.
- What? - Howard with Clare.
"He's the dog, she's the cat."
As you well know, dogs and cats aren't allowed to mate.
It gets messy. Mm-hmm. Thistles.
But isn't that for them to figure out?
No, that's my job. I'm Howard's best friend.
I'm his only friend and he's my only friend.
He lets me go to the house to escape
all the insanity of my life
and I go there to help him, well, from going insane
in that big, lonely, stupid house.
- Which he loves, by the way. - I know.
- But he can't afford that. - I didn't know that.
He's trying to hold on to it for his son.
- Oh... - Anyway. Meow!
That's where the cat comes in.
She can afford the house, but she hates it.
All she's interested in is that title,
Lady Awd of Loch Lomond.
Once she gets her hands on that,
she will hightail her very sweet arse back to London
and Howard will be far more miserable than he is even now.
How can love survive in thistles?
Missus, people don't talk like that in our country.
They don't talk like that in America either, really.
No, Wally! No!
Howard, I need to speak to you for a minute, okay?
All right. Whoa!
Somebody's looking for somebody,
but they both regret it in the morning.
Well, a girl can dream, right?
Yeah, well, I'm afraid the pickings are slim here tonight.
There's a me the proprietor or me the barman
or me the waiter or there's that guy.
- Oh! - Yeah.
The first of tonight's great thinkers.
- Tough choice. - Well, I'll tell you what?
I'll sit you between us both,
and if he wakes up and belches and farts
and kinda growls at you,
then I'll make sure you get a straight shot.
You are so good to me, aren't you?
- Yes, I am. - Listen.
I spoke to Gavin this morning and I...
Can you wait?
Uh-oh.
It's an existentialist estrogenic dream,
is it not, gentlemen?
A what?
These testosterone-fueled individuals are here
for a symposium at Glasgow University just down the road.
They are all fueled up in the Hegelian dialectic
and it seems like you are the only member
of the feminine persuasion in their midst.
The Hege... What is that, Howard?
- I don't know what that is. - That's a very good question.
See, they all think they know, but they don't know. Observe.
Gentlemen, who amongst you can explain to this
relatively attractive but obviously uneducated woman
the Hegelian dialectic?
Remembering to keep it simple because she is only a woman
and not just a woman.
A woman who wanders the Earth dressed as Mel Gibson
and keeps her dead husband inside a box of chocolates.
The Hegelian dialectic. Georg Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel...
I've heard enough. Gentlemen, good evening.
Do you ever get tired of that view?
No.
It's like pulling teeth.
It's up here.
I don't think I can get married
if my only son won't come to the weddin'.
All right. So why's he not coming?
He doesn't approve of Clare.
Yeah, he's a smart boy, that boy of yours.
You don't like her either, do you?
Not keen, no.
What age is George now?
- Twenty-nine. - Twenty-nine.
I remember...
I like that.
You are the staff, aren't you?
- Yes. - Mm-hmm.
Can I, uh, can I talk to you for a minute, please?
- No. - No, it's very important.
- I don't want to talk to you. - I think you should hear this.
I don't want to hear anything you have to say. Okay?
Well, I think it would be a great kindness to me
if you just stand there and listen to me for a minute!
I lied to you about my wife.
Y-you're not a widower?
No. I'm a widower.
It's my wife...
Meredith was her name.
Meredith Louise, which is a beautiful name.
Um, and she had a beautiful smile
and a beautiful, big heart.
Uh, big enough for a sorry sod like me.
Well, what happened was that she got very, very sick...
Um, the type of sick
that by the time the doctors actually figure out
what's going on, they, uh...
It was too late to actually do anything about it.
And when, and when she was gone...
the only way I could get out of bed in the morning
was to be angry.
You know, I was angry at her.
I begged her to go to the doctor.
I begged her to go to the doctor
and then, and then I was angry at God
'cause I begged God to-to heal her, and He didn't do anything.
And that's all right 'cause I don't believe in Him
and then angry at myself 'cause I should have moved
heaven and Earth to help her, but I didn't know what to do.
You see, this place, Awd's Inn, there's no Awd's Inn.
This was our home. We lived here for 30 years.
She's still here!
She's in the urn on top of the mantelpiece.
She wanted to be cremated, too, and I've...
She was always complaining about being cold,
so I thought I better put her next to the fire.
Maybe I should laminate her
and keep her out of the draft.
What I'm sayin' is, I'm sorry.
You have been very open and honest a-and clear
about your pain, and I, I've lied about mine.
And I'm sorry. You're a better person than me.
No, I'm not.
I've been acting, too.
And everybody acts and everybody lies.
I do wear Spanx.
And I know about your son. Gavin told me.
It's all fine. It's all fine.
We're just two people trying to do the best we can do.
Uh, so now I'm gonna go to Rome.
You're gonna get married out there.
Clare. Excuse me. Hello?
Hi.
Yes. No, everything's fine. Where are you?
Did you, uh...
Well, did you get, did you fix the dress?
Good.
Right, well, uh...
No, no, no, no, no. Not at all.
Everything's fine.
It's all going fine.
Yeah, no, everything's, uh...
Everything is, uh...
Everything's just great.
- Hello! What a treat! - Whoo-hoo!
Ha-ha!
Oh, look at you.
You look fantastic. How was it?
- Great. - Mm. Mm-mm-mm.
- Did you get it? - I did.
- Okay? All right. - Yup.
So what's required of you next
is something you should never do away from home.
- Oh, what's that? - Ever again.
- Oh. How exciting. - Yes. In you go.
- Yeah. - Get off upstairs.
I've got a couple of sticks of butter and a frog mat.
That's not the tent I picked out.
Ah, Annabelle, there you are. Uh, meet Clare.
Clare Hollings, this is Annabelle Wilson
of Nantucket, Massachusetts.
Very nice to meet you.
A-a-and congratulations.
Thank you. Uh, are you enjoying Scotland?
Oh, what's not to love, right?
It's just, uh, spectacular.
Annabelle fixed my plumbing.
Oh, Howard, it was just a petcock.
Yeah, but she fixed it so well.
Annabelle and her husband, Fred, used to run a hardware store
in Nantucket. She can fix anything.
- Really? - Hm.
And is your husband here with you?
No, sadly he, uh,
he passed away a little over a year ago.
Oh. So sorry.
She has a very interesting way of working through her grief.
- Tell her what you... - Howard, no. No.
Clare doesn't wanna talk about me.
This is a very happy time in your life.
I remember happy. You think it's never gonna end.
Um, I'm gonna leave you two lovebirds, okay?
Howard, I think I'm gonna go into the village, all right?
To that little cafe where we rode the bikes the other night.
Don't worry about me for supper.
And, uh, so nice to meet you,
and I wish you and Howard all the happiness in the world.
- Careful on the bike. - Uh, yeah. I will.
You rode a bike?
I did. You believe that?
- Hm. - Can't remember the last time.
- Where did you go? - Just to the village.
And to the pub for a dram.
Annabelle thought it'd be a good idea.
You know, she was right. It was.
I'm sure.
Wally, you like it? Yeah?
Do you think Annabelle is good-looking?
- Good-looking? - Yeah, you know, uh...
You know, beautiful.
Beautiful?
What, in a classical sense, like, Da Vinci's Mona Lisa
or a Rembrandt?
Beautiful in that sense? No.
She described herself to me as completely ordinary.
I don't know what that means.
You see, Clare... Not ordinary.
But you have to ask yourself
what do you really like about her.
There's a reason things didn't work out back then.
People don't change.
Oh, no, I-I think people change.
They-they change as-as you want different things in life.
All right then, what do you want now
that you didn't want then?
Well, I'd like a sense of purpose to go with my pulse,
I suppose, I mean, I've lost...
Stopped trying to get it from books.
I used to want to try and explain the universe to myself.
Now I think I'd just settle for being happy.
See this big house you live in?
It's not worth a shit unless you're happy in it.
I go home and Winnie and the kids every night
and all I get is shouting, bawling, screaming, swearing,
snot flying everywhere.
It's utter chaos. But you see, the thing is, it's my chaos.
And they are the very reason I flush other people's shit
down the drain every day. They need me.
And I suppose, well, I need them.
Oh. Look at this.
- Have you spoken to George? - No.
Uh, well, he'll come around sooner or later.
You were a good father.
All right, watch this.
- Oh! Ah! - Yeah, lucky.
So where are we going to have dinner?
The best place in town.
- The Loch Lomond Arms? - No. Awd's Inn.
Ugh! Howard, you know I like to get out and about.
Well, we are out. We're out by the fountain.
And we are about to be served my famous Bouillabaisse
by my infamous friend, Gavin.
Uh, yeah, it must be hard to get good staff these days.
Oh, come on. Here you go.
Darling, it looks delicious. Ooh.
Um, sorry, Gavin.
I think I just had a long journey.
Me-me-me...
You know, until yesterday
Annabelle thought I had a full staff.
Why would you care what she thinks?
- I don't know. Pride, I suppose. - Pride?
Howard, she's just a guest here, nothing more.
I can't even begin to understand why that woman's opinion
would matter to you in the slightest.
Maybe I'm embarrassed about having to run an inn
in a place that used to be my home or...
I don't know, maybe I have a smidgen of dignity left.
I mean, look, it's hard enough with you being
so much more successful than I am.
You've never mentioned that to me.
Well, it's true, I used to have everything.
You know, I had a beautiful, loving, supportive spouse.
I used to have a, an interesting career.
I used to have a home that nourished my soul.
I know all about what you've lost,
but I'm supposed to be what you've found, remember?
- Clare, please... - I...
I don't know what's come over you.
I left this house last week
and you were a man who seemed
to care about me and wanted to marry me.
I do care about you. It's just that...
Just what?
Suddenly feel differently because this...
simple little woman turns up here
from some godforsaken island in the Atlantic?
She's not that simple, she's complicated
like everybody else is complicated.
You know, and she's sweet and smart and funny and nice.
And what else?
More at home than I am in this
sorry excuse for an estate?
- Oh, hey. - I mean, it's embarrassing.
I'm gonna bring my designers down here immediately
to see if they can figure out how to make it presentable.
We can move down to London during the renovations.
Renovations?
My family have been in this place for generations.
You can change that, the carpets and the curtains...
But you can't go messing around
with the character of this magnificent...
Magnificent? Oh, okay, okay.
Howard, you are the one that needs to get out more.
- Hm. - You're right.
I do need to get out.
I need to get out of this wedding and so do you.
- What? - Let's be honest.
You don't like my home, you don't like my best friend,
you don't like my Bouillabaisse,
you don't really like me very much.
Loo, stop it, Howard. You are being ridiculous!
Am I? Gavin asked me the other day what I liked about you.
And I had to stop to think.
That's cruel.
No, it's not.
What's cruel is two people using each other
to get what they want
and not carin' who they hurt in the process.
Let's just be kind for a change.
I thought you were over Meredith.
You wanted a new life. A, an exciting life.
The irony is that I am, I am ready for a new life.
Just not with you.
I'm sorry.
You want me to wrap this up for take-away?
- You're an asshole. - I'm sorry.
- You all right? - No.
♪ Goodbye ♪
♪ Clare ♪
♪ You can't love me clean air ♪
♪ But when I get up tomorrow ♪
♪ You won't be there ♪
♪ Clare ♪
♪ You... ♪
♪ There was a young girl from Nantucket ♪
♪ Who found a hole in a bucket ♪
♪ She knew it was there... ♪
- The mail came. - We call it...
the post in this country.
I just got the letter
I've been waiting for.
Oh, it smells good. Where is Clare?
Huh?
Clare, your fiancee.
- Remember her? - Yes, of course.
It seems she left London without everything she needed.
She can't get everything she needs here in Loch Lomond?
Apparently not.
Do you have a lot of family here still?
Yeah, yeah, you know, aunts, uncles, cousins,
that kind of thing.
Did your, uh, father have a sister?
Yes.
Is she still alive?
It's hard to tell sometimes with her.
She's old and kinda doesn't move much. What-what's going on?
Did she ever get married, have children?
Did she, did she ever go to Nantucket?
Well, don't... W-w-what's happening?
Is her name Arlene?
Yes.
She's Fred's mother.
Can you take me to her?
Ah, s-sure. Yeah.
Okay.
And, uh, can you take me to the train station after?
- A-a-ah, uh-huh. - Okay.
Okay.
Crazy, right?
I thought you came to Scotland
because you wanted to dress up
like you were in Braveheart.
I didn't think you were here on a mission
to find out your late husband
was in my family tree.
What else was in your post?
Everything, all the records
from the Cottage Hospital in Nantucket.
It was all there.
Fred had just found out
that he was adopted.
Your Aunt Arlene was working for a lovely lady
named Mary Wilson on Nantucket one summer.
Well, she got pregnant, but she was unmarried
so she knew she couldn't go home.
She had the baby right there,
and Mary Wilson adopted him,
and that baby was Fred.
Hello, Howard. Come to say goodbye, have you?
Hello, Arlene. No, I've come to say hello.
How are you? You look great.
Oh, listen, honestly, shut up.
Uh, w-who, who's this?
This is my friend from America.
She's, uh, from, uh,
Nantucket, actually.
I knew this would happen
at some point.
Come. Sit by me and let me have a look at you.
Hello, Arlene, I'm Annabelle.
- Annabelle? - Yes.
You've come a long way, Annabelle.
- Yes. Yeah. - Why?
Because I had to
and I wanted to.
But I was afraid to.
Why were you... What were you afraid of?
The truth, I guess, whatever that turned out to be.
Mm. The truth. Uh...
I've spent my whole life trying to hide it.
It's a most complete and total waste of time.
What?
You're saying that the truth is not important?
No! I'm saying that truth is the only thing that matters.
Truth being...
What happened to my baby?
He lived a great life
until, uh... I'm sorry.
He, he died a little over a year ago.
He was, uh...
He had just found out about you and, and he,
and he was making plans to come and meet you.
- When he... - Fell off the ladder.
You know?
Yeah, I've subscribed
to the Nantucket Inquirer and, what's the other one?
- Examiner? - Yes.
Ever since I left the island.
- Oh. - I know.
I know all about you.
- What is this? - It's my scrapbook.
You must look at it.
Oh, my gosh! It's our whole family history.
Oh, look. That's when we opened the hardware store.
- Yes, it is... - Look at this is...
Lifelong Nantucket resident.
- Yes. Oh, my goodness. - Mm?
There's a lot.
Oh, I have something for you, Arlene.
I wanted to bring some of Fred's ashes home
to his mother.
Oh. Bless you, Annabelle. Thank you.
It's in this box because
Forrest Gump was his, his favorite movie.
Uh, this...
We had the same sense of humor.
And the same eyes.
He looked so much like you. He was beautiful.
What you have to do, both of you,
is to learn how to be happy again.
Not easy.
You have to work at it rather hard, I think.
Well, you've got to take her home, Howard. Don't be a fool.
Pick her up and take her. She's the girl.
Goodbye, Arlene.
- I'll come back and see you. - Will you?
Yes. I will. I promise.
- That would be nice. - You stay well.
- I'll try. - Okay.
Cheerio, Arlene.
Can I, uh, take a chocolate?
- No. - Why not?
- You never eat them. - Which one are you gonna have?
Well, I thought I could choose.
Oh. Well, my favorite... Oh.
- Do you want one? - No.
All right then, I'll just take the plate.
See you later.
You know, that was strange.
- Weird, you know? - I thought it was very moving.
- It was to me. - That may be it.
What do you think she meant when she said, "Howard,
take her home, don't be a fool?"
What's that about?
I have no idea.
She's your aunt.
I would think that you would tell me what she meant.
Maybe.
Or maybe she meant...
- What are you doing? - Taking you home.
I'm going to miss my train.
- Oh, no! - Yes, I am...
- Oh. Oh, no! - Oh, yes.
And that's the only train in Scotland.
What? She clearly said, "Take her home, Howard."
- I was just taking instructions. - Yes.
And she also clearly said,
"Don't be a fool."
- Okay? - She's a mad, old lady.
She doesn't know what she's talking about.
I've missed my train, which means
I've missed my flight.
I should be halfway to Rome by now.
Well, I tell you what.
Tonight I make you spaghetti and a meatballs
and you pretend you're in Rome.
Oh, fantastico.
And then I can dress up a maybe like a, Audrey Hepburn.
And you can pretend that-that you kinda find me attractive.
No, no, Audrey Hepburn, she's a small like a stick.
It's not good for me. I'm Italian man.
Oh! Oh, see. So, uh, so you want a little more meat on the bone?
- Oh, yeah. - Uh, say...
So like a Sophia Loren, huh? Oh, yeah.
I'm gonna take the luggage out of the trunk.
And, by the way, Wally is very happy to see you.
- Grazie. Prego. - Prego.
Come on.
♪ I'll be your rhythm and I'll be your rhyme ♪
♪ I'll keep up the tempo ♪
♪ To drink for some time ♪ ♪ To drink a bit of whiskey ♪
♪ We'll lose ourselves in sweet harmony ♪
♪ Discovering each other what a lover should be ♪
♪ 'Cause we were made to make music together ♪
♪ Sing a song that goes on forever ♪
♪ So here we go in that sweet ebb and flow ♪
♪ Up and down this crazy arpeggio ♪
♪ But it sounds so good ♪
♪ Just like it should ♪
♪ Fly through the sky float like a feather ♪
♪ 'Cause we were made to make beautiful music together ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ Together ♪
♪ Might give you my heart girl ♪
♪ I might give you mine ♪
♪ We'll laugh as you watch all the planets align ♪
♪ And we'll lose ourselves in sweet harmony ♪
♪ Discovering each other... ♪
♪ We were made to make music together ♪
♪ Sing a song that just goes on forever ♪
♪ So here we go in that sweet ebb and flow ♪
♪ Up and down this crazy arpeggio ♪
♪ But it feels so good ♪
♪ Just like it should ♪
♪ Fly through the sky float like a feather ♪
♪ 'Cause we were made to make beautiful music together ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ Oh together ♪
♪ I think I'm falling ♪
♪ I think I am too ♪
♪ But it ain't from drinking ♪
♪ I'm falling for you ♪
♪ I'll bring the whiskey ♪
♪ I'll bring the wine ♪
♪ 'Cause we were made to make beautiful music together ♪
♪ Music together ♪
♪ I'll bring the whiskey baby ♪
♪ Oh darling I'll bring the wine ♪
♪ Whiskey and wine ♪
Once again, my compliments to the chef.
He really is amazing.
I'll be sure to tell him.
Do you think they can see us?
- Who? - Meredith, Fred?
Oh. Well, you mean, like looking down from heaven or something?
- Yeah. - I don't know.
I'm still wrestling with the whole enlightenment thing.
- Do you miss Meredith? - Yup.
- You miss Fred? - Mm-hmm.
- Think we always will? - Oh, God, I hope not.
But now you have, uh, you've got Clare.
Actually, no.
But she's coming back from London.
- No. - Are you okay?
Right as rain on a Scottish plain,
which is something no one would ever say in Scotland.
I don't know why I said it.
I'm spending too much time around you.
I have to go and lock up.
Why don't you meet me for a nightcap in the fancy room?
That's the one with the big fire and the big sofas.
Everything's bigger in the fancy room.
Mm-hmm.
I'll lock up.
This was my late wife's
favorite room in the house.
You saw that, didn't you?
- All of it? - Yeah.
But I agree with Meredith. It is the most beautiful room.
It's mine, too. You know what it's got?
It's got great bones.
I can't believe I just did that.
- Did what? - The thing with the forehead.
Remember, in the The Way We Were?
When Barbra Streisand does that to Hubbell. Oh, my gosh...
What are you saying, I need a haircut?
No, not your hair. No. I just, I-I love that movie.
I'd forgotten it needs to be on my list.
Oh, I-I don't like that movie.
How can you not like that movie?
I'm Scottish. We're a stubborn people.
Here's the problem.
My crazy Aunt Arlene
was Fred's mother,
which means, the dead man in the sweetie box
was my cousin, which means,
I really want to have sex with my dead cousin's widow
the day after I dumped my fiancee.
That is some sick shit, Annabelle, even for Scotland.
You... talk too much.
The Awd's Inn experience.
No talking. No singing.
Just whoopie!
On the shores of Loch Lomond,
in a castle fit for a king
or a plumber,
love went kaboom!
Mrs. Wilson! Mrs. Wilson!
Ow!
Where did you learn
all of that stuff?
I thought you were stuck in an island
for 32 years.
I was, but I was in love.
It came naturally to me.
Can I ask you a personal question?
Sure.
Did you and Fred watch a lot of, um,
pornography?
I didn't find pornography sexy,
I found Fred sexy.
Big difference between making love and having sex.
Don't you think?
I don't know what I think anymore.
Why don't you hop back in and run it by me one more time?
No. And I'll tell you why I'm not gonna do that.
Because I'm not gonna miss another train
because of you, Mr. Awd.
- You can't go now. - Why not?
Because...
You think that because we spent one great night,
I should change all my plans for you?
- Yes. - Well, you're wrong!
No, I gave up my dreams once for a man.
I'm not gonna do that again.
Well, you can't go. You're the best plumber in Scotland.
Gavin will get better.
Mm, you got skills Gavin will never have.
- Is that a compliment? - It is a compliment.
Hm. Good.
There's another reason you can't go.
- And what's that one? - I'm pregnant.
We're cats and dogs. You know it.
We just get into thistles and make a mess.
No, we were not meant to mate.
What would you call what we've just been doing?
- Grief. - No.
No, grief is, grief is crying till you got no tears left.
Grief is, is drinking into oblivion.
Grief is getting tattoos to feel a different pain.
What we were doing was life-affirming.
And all that moaning and groaning and screaming.
I didn't scream.
- Well, somebody screamed. - You screamed, and many times.
- Well, I was scared. - You had reason to be.
See, the thing about last night is...
I just had no idea
you could be so tender.
- Neither did I. - Come on.
I can't go yet. I'm still tender.
Oh, the old petcock?
The petcock's ruined.
Oh, well, call a plumber.
Yeah, I'll call Gavin.
He wouldn't know what to do with it.
Scare him.
I am gonna miss you a little bit.
I know. I'll miss you, too.
Ah! What are you gonna miss the most?
Your arse.
Oh. I don't have any ass.
I know. I missed it the first time as well.
What else are you gonna miss?
You.
I don't understand why you're leaving.
Howard, I've told you. I have a list.
Well, you know what? Forget your list.
You know what? Slow down. You're going too fast.
While we're on the subject, Forrest Gump
is a terrible movie.
Every woman in that movie dies
because she has the audacity to leave the house.
That's a misogynistic movie.
I'm amazed that you're into that.
I didn't say I was into it.
I said Fred was into it. He loved it.
Hey. Hey, slow down.
Don't tell me to slow down
on roads I've been driving on my whole life.
I don't think that's really any
of your business anymore.
You're going too fast.
What gives you the right
to boss me around while you're leaving?
You've gotta slow down!
My God!
Oh!
Oh, my God!
- You okay? - No!
Oh!
But Fred was never in that box, you know?
He's in there. He's in your heart!
You have no fucking idea
what's in my heart.
You're going the wrong way.
It's, it's, s-station's that way.
You know, Howard doesn't really like anyone.
He lives in a house alone because he likes being alone.
But he's different with you, you know?
You know, Annabelle?
I think you're probably meant to be here.
The house is telling you.
Fred's telling you.
In his, in his own un-artful way,
Howard is telling you as well.
You know, I think you've been pretty stubborn,
if you don't mind me saying.
And I thought us Scots had the monopoly on that bullshit.
Would you like a sweetie?
We're gonna have to take the tent down, Gavin.
Why?
Well, nobody's getting married.
Gee, that seems like such a shame.
- Tragedy. - Mm.
Shakespearean.
Look.
I'm not gonna say all those things
that Americans like to hear.
I'm not going to talk like I'm in a greeting card.
We don't talk like that here, like they do in your movies.
So you never tell a woman that you're in love with her?
Of course, we do, we just, you know,
we just don't say it that way.
We say it like, um,
"Your hair looks nice."
Your hair looks nice.
Kinda ash blown, it's...
- It's a good look for you. - You're such an asshole!
I am. Right, I'm an asshole.
But I'm an enlightened one.
And I'm all yours.
Don't you sing. Do not sing.
- No. No. - One line?
Please don't sing.
It's not a good time.
You're a good singer, but...
There's a time and a place.
♪ So many years I lived in the shadows ♪
♪ Only flickering memories inside me ♪
♪ But leaving the sadness would never end ♪
♪ The stars would never shine again ♪
♪ And love would never be mine again ♪
♪ Then came you ♪
♪ Like an angel dancing just the way you do ♪
♪ Then came you ♪
♪ Like a miracle that's too good to be true ♪
♪ Then came you ♪
Hello, dad.
Hello, son. I thought you weren't coming.
Aye, well, well, I changed my mind.
So did I.
Ladies and gentlemen,
I give you Lord and Lady Awd
of Loch Lomond!
I love you, boy!
Thanks.
Not bad. It's not bad.
- Oh! - Oh!
Kiddo.
- Love you. - She loves you.
I love you too, Aunt Arlene.
Oh!
My lace has come undone on my giant fancy shoe.
I want to show you something.
I might have seen it.
No, no, no. Not that.
You'd be sick at the sight of that by the mornin'.
- No, this is something else. - What is it?
This, my darling...
this is my last secret.
Come on.
Remember how I told you how bad off I was
after Meredith died?
Yes.
Well, it was actually much worse than I said.
And it was Gavin who told me, "Howard, you can't go on
like this or you're gonna die, you need to start building
new memories or the old ones are gonna kill you."
That's exactly what I said to Fred
when I left Nantucket.
Well, as it is, you were both right.
So Gavin helped me to literally start building my new life.
You built this?
It's unbelievable.
Swiss Family Robinson was the first movie I ever saw.
It's perfect.
Oh, my goodness!
I'm glad you like it 'cause you know,
With the, uh,
well, with the wedding and the house falling apart
and everything, I think we're gonna have to live here.
I'm kind of broke.
Well, I'm not, so we aren't.
I made a fortune on the sale of my house and the hardware store.
I've got millions of dollars.
You've married well, sir.
I didn't marry you for your money.
No, but you would've in an instant, wouldn't you have?
Much faster than that.
Welcome home, Lady Awd.
You have no idea...
how much I like your hair.
Don't get too cozy.
- Your Awd-ship. - Awd-ship?
We're going on a Roman holiday.
- I'm excited. - You are?
- Yeah, I am. - Oh, fantastico!
♪ What is life but a journey ♪
♪ You take one day at a time ♪
♪ What is life but a song that you sing ♪
♪ As you float on each note lost in rhythm and rhyme? ♪
♪ What is love but a feeling ♪
♪ Soaring above on a cloud? ♪
♪ What is love but a song that you sing ♪
♪ And this need to sing it out loud? ♪
♪ We all need to sing it out loud ♪
♪ You don't find love ♪
♪ Love finds you ♪
♪ In the midst of a moment ♪
♪ Right out of the blue ♪
♪ It sneaks up on your heart ♪
♪ Hardly making a sound ♪
♪ Till all of a sudden you find ♪
♪ You've been found ♪
♪ What is life but a movie ♪
♪ You film one frame at a time? ♪
♪ From the ways that you grow to the places you go ♪
♪ From the meadows you cross ♪
♪ To the mountains you climb ♪
♪ And everyone writes their own movie ♪
♪ No one knows how it will end ♪
♪ But we can spend each and every new day ♪
♪ Trying to find a brand new way to say ♪
♪ To the one who's become your best friend ♪
♪ I love you ♪
♪ I do ♪
♪ And the miracle of my life ♪
♪ Is you love me too ♪
♪ And in this crazy world all around us ♪
♪ Love came and actually found us ♪
♪ Love actually found us ♪
♪ Once again ♪
♪ No you don't find love ♪
♪ Love finds you ♪
♪ In the middle of nowhere ♪
♪ Right out of the blue ♪
♪ It sneaks up on your heart ♪
♪ Hardly whispering a prayer ♪
♪ Till all of a sudden you hear it ♪
♪ And love's right there ♪
♪ How could it possibly be ♪
♪ Love actually found ♪
♪ You and me ♪
♪ Once again? ♪
♪ So many years I sat in the shadows ♪
♪ Only flickering embers around me ♪
♪ Believing the darkness would never end ♪
♪ Music would never surround me again ♪
♪ And beauty would never astound me again ♪
♪ Then came you ♪
♪ Like an angel smiling just the way you do ♪
♪ Then came you ♪
♪ So many years I lived in the shadows ♪
♪ Only flickering memories inside me ♪
♪ Believing the sadness would never end ♪
♪ The stars would never shine again ♪
♪ And love would never be mine again ♪
♪ Then came you ♪
♪ Like an angel laughing just the way you do ♪
♪ Then came ♪
♪ You stepped out from the sunlight ♪
♪ Startled my wounded heart ♪
♪ Then I started to feel again ♪
♪ That's when I started to heal and then ♪
♪ The idea of love became real again ♪
♪ Only when ♪
♪ You swept into the shadows ♪
♪ Stepped into my wounded heart ♪
♪ That's when I started to feel again ♪
♪ I finally started to heal and then ♪
♪ Suddenly love became real again ♪
♪ Only when ♪
♪ Then came you ♪
♪ Like an angel dancing just the way you do ♪
♪ Then came you ♪
♪ Like a miracle that's too good to be true ♪
♪ Then came you ♪