[keys clacking]
[phone line connecting]
[dial tone]
[dial-up connection tone]
[static]
[static continues]
[automated voice] Welcome!
♪ I... ♪
♪ I am high ♪
♪ The you I show to you is just a lie ♪
♪ You take what you want ♪
♪ You give what you take ♪
♪ The high, high, high ♪
-[Anna] OK, [sighs] so screen names... -[Maya] OK.
So I have three options here for me...
Stardust4eva, Sclub7--
-which might be taken already... -Mm-hmm.
...and Babyspice666.
Isn't 666 like the Devil's number?
No.
Six is my favorite number and my lucky number, so...
[electronic beeping]
[Maya] Oh, my God!
-Good job. -I got mine.
[Maya inhales in excitement]
OK, cool, my turn.
What do you mean? I just signed on to mine.
You got a screen name. Now it's my turn.
But I haven't added any "Buddies".
You, like, don't need to.
You just have one buddy. Your boyfriend buddy.
Maya, that's not even funny.
Like, we're barely boyfriend-girlfriend.
Yeah, right.
"Hi, Brendan. It's Anna. I'm hogging the computer.
I love you."
-[sighs] -[chuckles]
Who's "hockey00?"
It's Alex.
[messenger chimes]
[Maya snickers]
Stop.
[both read together]
So funny.
[messenger chimes]
[door slam]
[Maya] My God!
It's messed up.
He probably got knocked off.
-That's shady. -That happens.
[Maya] That's not cool.
-OK, let's talk to Sam. -[Anna] OK, fine.
What's his screen name?
OK.
It is "LittlemanbigD1814"
"Little man big D?"
Ew!
He's so nasty.
It's funny, though.
Type it in.
[Anna] Hey, hun. It's Anna.
No, and me. Say, "Me, too."
-Maya. -Say, "Me" ah... "and Maya."
OK.
[Sam, voice-over]
OK, he wants to know my screen name.
I want to type.
Don't have one yet. Dash from Maya.
[Sam] Tell me when you do. Dash from Sam. TTYL.
[chatroom sign-in tone]
[Maya] Oh, my God. Who's "Dogwigs2332?"
Oh, my God, Brendan's online.
[gasps]
-[messenger chimes] -Oh, my God!
[Maya reading]
-Oh, my God. -[Anna] Stop. Should I respond?
Like, what if Alex comes back on, and I'm distracted.
Yeah, but he's like your boyfriend, so you have to respond.
[inhales deeply]
[Anna, voice-over] Yeah, I know. WUWU?
[messenger chimes]
[Brendan] "WUWU"?
What the fuck is WUWU?
[messenger chimes]
Oh, my God. He doesn't even know what WUWU means?
I don't know what it means. What does it mean?
What's up with you.
WUWU.
[Anna, voice-over] I can't believe you don't know what that means.
Smiley face.
OK, it's my turn.
Maya, Brendan just IM'd me.
No, let me set up my screen name.
-Maya, we're talking. -Give it.
[clenching] Stop! It's my turn!
Please, don't break my keyboard. Don't break my keyboard.
Give it to me! Thank you. Finally, like...
I just-- OK, let me say good-bye.
OK, say good-bye and then bye-bye forever.
[keys clacking]
OK, screen name. So I'm gonna be...
Viper911.
-My God! What the eff! It's taken. -I'm sorry, hun.
-But look, AIM gives other options. -Oh, yeah.
[sighs] Let me see.
I'm just gonna do this one.
-[Anna] The "D" one? -[Maya] Yeah.
It's Viper with a "D" 911.
Diaper emergency!
Think about it.
I think it's, like, cool.
[keys clacking]
[Maya, voice-over] Waz up dingleberry?
[messenger chimes]
[Sam, voice-over] [laughing] Oh, my God! Your screen name what the eff!
Can I just check to see if Brendan's still online?
Anna, like, you were just talking to him. You don't even like him that much.
[sighs]
[Anna] There he is.
What's that thing next to his name?
-[Anna] It's weird. -[Maya] Oh, wait.
He has a quote. It's like...
[Maya reading]
[reading]
Wait. That's about you.
What do you mean?
He's, like, obsessed with you.
He wants to hug you.
It's just an away message, Maya.
OK, I wanna see who else is on.
[doors slamming]
What the eff? Everyone's signing off.
Have you ever been in a chatroom?
[chatroom sign-in tone]
OK, what's that one? M4m.
Holy eff. No way, Maya!
-[Maya] What? -[Anna] Local one.
"Hot people of Franklin County."
Wait. Should we go in there?
-Are we allowed? -We're hot. We're in Franklin.
OK, yeah, I guess they can't see if we're hot or not, so just... do it.
Do it.
-Oh, my God. -[Anna] Uh, like, 16 people.
[Maya] Oh, my God. This is so crazy.
-Say something. -[messenger chiming]
What do I say?
-You do it. -No, you do it.
You do it.
-OK, fine. -[messenger chiming]
What do I say?
OK. 'Sup hotties?
I'm hot girl.
Maya!
Oh, my God.
Wait. It's, like, going so fast,
you know, it, like, gets lost.
OK, Maya, "PhuckMaStick" just said "asl".
What does "asl" stand for?
[messenger chimes]
[Maya] Oh, my God. Can he see?
Of course not. My dad doesn't have a webcam.
-Accept or decline? -You do it. You do it.
-Cool. -Accept.
OK.
[messenger chimes]
[Maya] 'Sup, baby. How hot are you? Show me!
-My God! -Oh, my God!
-Oh, my God, Maya. -Oh, my God, 'Na, stop!
-You're freaking me out. -You're freaking me out.
Stop!
-Hey, I need to use the phone right now... -[Maya shushing]
...so IM time is over.
Got it.
Like, now.
-OK. -OK.
Look out.
[automated voice] Good-bye.
[Maya] Listen, Sam, it was, like, so messed up.
It was crazy, crazy-crazy.
Wait. You talked to some guy in town?
Well, he can't find you unless you've told him where you live.
Are you say-- We were in a room for Franklin County for hot people,
like, that's what we were in.
[Sam] He doesn't know your name. Does he?
Sam, you're scaring us. Why?
Sam, stop. No. He just knows our screen names, like...
You're fine, Diper911.
It's just for guys who wanna hook up.
All right. I'm gonna hang up now. Later, losers.
[both] Bye.
-[car horn honks] -Oh, my God.
Stop. It's my mom. It's my mom.
[sighs] Jesus!
-Love you. -Love you, Anna.
Maya.
[Maya groans]
[door opens, closes]
[sighs]
[menacing computer sounds]
No. Frickin' like, "Do your homework."
[sighs]
Sponges and sea stars, like, it's not that hard.
[eerie music plays]
[menacing computer sounds resume]
[electronic dance music plays]
♪ Toc, tic, toc, tic ♪
♪ Toc ♪
[dial-up tone]
-[Yuki] Maya? -[automated voice] Welcome!
Are you done with your homework?
-You've got mail. -Yeah. I'm doing it.
Like, [stutters] I need the computer
for a research project, so...
Research project?
Yeah. It's due tomorrow.
Tomorrow? Well, then hurry up and finish it.
Duh! It's literally what I'm doing, so can you leave me alone, please?
OK.
[mumbles]
[suspenseful music plays]
[electronic dance music resumes]
So... I heard something today
while I was, um, driving Anna and Maya home.
They were whispering, but...
What?
You have a boyfriend.
-What? -Mom, what, you spying on us?
Who? Someone we know?
Brandon.
Mom, it's Brendan. It's not Brandon.
You're not even a good spy,
and we're just taking it really, really slow.
We just barely started going out.
Is he a catch?
Because you are catch. Kinda major catch.
Curtis, is this from Wok N' Roll or Shanghai?
Because Wok N' Roll is the one that made me sick
after your mole removal.
I thought that was Shanghai, so...
OK, so this is Wok N' Roll.
Seriously I reminded you this morning before you left.
-[distant] Now again you made me... -[dial-up tone]
[Curtis, distant] It's Chinese food.
-[Kathy] No, it's not Chinese food. -[messenger chimes]
That one place makes me sick,
and the other place doesn't.
[continues chiming]
[messenger chimes]
I'm calling Anna for homework help.
[Maya in English] OK.
[messenger chimes]
-[Anna] Hello? -Oh, my God, 'Na!
I'm back in "Hot people of Franklin County."
Oh, my God, you're back in?
[Maya] There's like 19 people in here.
What are they saying?
They're saying so many things, like, "discrete?"
"Purple pussy cat."
-"Looking to play." -[Anna] You love playing.
-[messenger chimes] -[Maya gasps]
Oh, my God, some random guy just IM'd me again.
-'Na... -[Anna] Oh, my God, Maya, be careful.
Remember last time.
[Maya] Flymiamibro22.
-[Anna] That's a hot screen name. -Yeah.
-OK, I'm clicking on it. -[messenger chimes]
He says, "Hey, hottie. Zup. What you look like?"
Oh, my God, 'Na, he thinks I'm hot, and he's saying hi. Help me.
-What do I say back? -[Anna] Well, he can't find our age.
Yeah, obviously.
OK, let's just say we're like...
[sighs] Well, um...
We are both 13, so, like, 13 plus 13, that's like 26.
I'm just gonna say we're 26.
[Anna] Say we have blonde hair and brown eyes,
-like, if we were one person. [chuckles] -OK. I love that.
Blonde hair. Brown eyes.
[messenger chimes]
Oh, my God, he thinks we're hot.
OK, wait.
He's 30. He's a computer programmer and a total gym rat.
Oh, my God, he's a freaking gym rat. That's like...
what is that?
OK. Are you hot?
[Anna] Um, it's a chatroom for hot people.
-Remember? -Shh!
Oh, my God, he says,
"People tell me I'm hot but I am humble.
It's not for me to say."
That means he's hot.
Wait, that's what people say that are hot.
[Maya] I know.
-[call waiting buzz] -[scoffs] I'm, like, into this guy.
Oh, Maya, can you hold on? I just have call waiting.
OK.
Hello?
[Brendan] Hi. Can I please speak to Anna please?
This is Brendan Tooler speaking.
Hi. It's Anna.
[Brendan] Uh, hi.
What's up? You called...
[Brendan] Yeah, is that cool?
Yeah, I just... I'm talking to Maya on the other line
so I'm just gonna have to...
um, tell her that I'll call her back, I guess.
[Brendan] Oh. OK, sure.
OK, hold on.
-Maya? -[Maya] What?
Oh, my God, Brendan just called me.
-[Maya] Wait. Really? -Like...
-[Maya] Oh, my God. -...are you kidding?
[Maya] Anna, this is like real...
Um, can I call you back and just talk to him for a minute, like--
[Maya] No. Go, go, go.
I'm talking to Flymiami.
[Anna] Well, you're still chatting with him?
[Maya] I know it's crazy.
-[Anna] Progress check in the morning. -OK.
-[Anna] OK. Be good over there, bye! -Bye.
[Maya reading]
I like nature too.
Sand dunes.
Ha. JK.
[chimes]
Mm.
I shouldn't have said that.
[chimes]
[Maya reading]
[sweet romantic music plays]
[mumbles] That's like...
[raunchy music plays] ♪ Yeah... ♪
[chuckles]
♪ I'm the one you need ♪
Flymiamibro?
'Sup?
[Flymiami] Yo, girl, you got an email address?
[Maya] Yeah, I'll give it to you, hottie.
-[Flymiami] That's hot. -[Maya] You're hot.
-You're so fricking hot. -I've never felt this way before.
-Me neither. My heart's gonna burst. -Bang!
-Am I dead? -You could take it, bitch.
Because I'm in heaven with you right now.
-Bury me. -When I think of other girls,
I wanna barf my guts out.
I wanna eat that barf and guts up like a big, old bowl of lentil soup.
Yum, yum, yum, yum...
Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world
I feel like I can't take it.
I love you more than I love my own dad.
-Maya-chan! -Aah!
Why are you still up?
[breathing deeply]
I just finished the research project.
-Go to bed. -[Maya] OK.
[school bell ringing]
I think I'm in love.
-Wow. -Yeah.
-[Anna] Mai? -Yeah.
-That's a really big word. -No, I know.
And you just like, barely know him is the only thing.
No, I know, but, like, sometimes you can just tell.
-You haven't met him yet? -It's from the way we're talking.
Wassup, Maya?
Hey.
See. Even Evan's way less hot to me since I met Flymiamibro.
-That's how you know. -Oh, my God. Don't look.
Hey, Anna. Hey, Maya.
-[Anna] Hey, Brendan. -Hey.
I burned this for you.
[romantic guitar music plays]
'Cause you said you love music.
You don't have to listen to it.
No, I do love music. Thank you.
-Bye. -[Anna] Bye.
Oh, my God, he's, like, in love with you.
-We talked for hours last night. -Wait. Really?
It's all moving too fast.
No, I think it's moving exactly the right speed.
I do.
Seventh grade rules.
♪ Good girlfriends ♪
♪ The blonde one ♪
♪ Is making me... ♪
I can't believe he made me a mix CD.
The song sucks.
Play the next one.
[romantic music plays]
Oh, my God, he wants to slow-dance with you...
Maya, shut up!
♪ Whatever you want ♪
♪ Whatever you need ♪
♪ Is yours girl ♪
♪ But whatever you do ♪
♪ Please don't stop the love ♪
♪ Some say that I'm professional ♪
♪ 'Cause I know how to handle mine ♪
♪ Be still, be cool and wait awhile ♪
♪ And I'll show you What some say is right ♪
♪ Now don't get the wrong impression ♪
♪ I don't do this all of the time ♪
Anna, does your dad have a digital camera?
♪ All I wanna do... ♪
Mm-hmm.
You think we can take a picture of me and send it to Flymiamibro.
-No. -Why?
-I don't think that's a good idea. -No. Yes, it is.
It's just not something we should be doing.
It's just like a picture of me so he can know what I look like.
-No. We are not doing it. -No... Anna, yes.
Maya, I'm putting my foot down.
Absolutely not.
[fast-paced music playing]
That's hot.
And make sure you're getting the boob too.
Sure, do.
OK, let me see it.
Let me see.
Oh, My God.
That looks bad. That's blurry.
-You look beautiful. -Oh, wait, I like that one.
[Maya] That's good.
[Anna] Showing a lot. Um...
How about just this one?
That's literally just my hand.
I know but it's beautiful.
-[chimes] -OK.
-Oh, my God. -Stop. I'm gonna send it.
-[chimes] -[Anna] Oh, my God.
Stop it! stop it! Anna, Anna, stop.
-What if he doesn't think it's pretty? -I can't believe you just did that.
What if he doesn't think it's pretty?
Oh my God, he already responded.
[Maya] "So hot."
OK, I'm sorry, we have to meet.
-What? -Ssh!
I have to meet you...
-[Anna] Maya, don't send that. -Stop.
-...in person. -Maya, don't send that.
-No. Don't send that. -[Maya] I sent it.
I sent it.
-Maya! -Stop.
[Maya reading]
Oh, my God!
[indistinct conversation]
Are you like so nervous?
-I mean... a little. -Yeah?
[Maya] Yeah.
It's like I know he's the one, you know.
Who are you guys talking about?
None of your freaking business, Jafeer.
Yeah, it's none of your freaking business.
If you really want to know...
I've met someone.
Or I'm about to meet him after school.
Wait, you haven't met him in person yet?
-That's shady. -Oh, no, we've talked on AIM like a lot.
He's probably some wart-y old dude, who has a beer belly
or suit socks and lives with his mother.
Or he's a computer genius with a tight bod, Jafeer.
-Like you wouldn't even-- -Can we just change the conversation?
-What? -Start a new one.
We weren't even talking to you.
It's just kinda lame.
-OK, well... -OK, well, stop... like, don't listen.
-[Anna] Anyway, Mai? -What?
I'm like, so excited for you, honestly.
-I really, really am. -Yeah, yeah.
-I just wanna ask one quick question. -OK, what?
Are you sure that you want to meet him,
because what if he's pissed that you're a kid.
I don't think that's a possibility, like, I don't.
-OK. -I'm not gonna stand him up.
I couldn't do that to him...
-Right. OK. -You know. Yeah.
-I just feel like we need back up. -Yeah.
-Like someone that can protect us.
We should ask Brendan.
[Spencer] 'Sup, B?
[Brendan] Spencer.
[sighs]
You're OK, Maya? Can I get you some water?
I'm good.
I'm good. Don't leave.
What if he gets mad when he sees me that I don't look like what I said I look?
Maya, you're fine.
You're fine as hell. You're finer than you even described.
[Maya] Yeah.
And maybe he doesn't look like how he described himself.
I mean, he could really be anybody in here.
Yeah.
♪ Love ♪
♪ Mm-hmm ♪
♪ Love is strange ♪
♪ Yay-yay ♪
♪ Lot of people ♪
♪ Mm-hmm ♪
♪ Take it for a game ♪
♪ Many people ♪
♪ Mm-hmm ♪
♪ Don't understand ♪
♪ No, no ♪
♪ They think loving ♪
♪ Yay-yay ♪
♪ Is money in the hand ♪
[Anna] Do you know what's crazy?
I was just thinking that, like, in three years, we'll be driving...
♪ Sylvia ♪
♪ Yes, Mickey ♪
♪ How do you call your loverboy? ♪
♪ Come here, loverboy ♪
♪ And if he doesn't answer? ♪
♪ Oh, loverboy ♪
♪ And if he still doesn't answer? ♪
Maybe his Ferrari broke down.
-Hmm-mm, maybe, yeah, yeah, yeah. -Yeah, yeah.
I think it's getting dark.
We should just get home soon before it gets too late.
Do you think he...
Do you think that he came and saw me and thought I was ugly and left?
Well, if he did that, then he's an idiot.
Yeah, or I'm like an idiot for thinking he would like me.
-Mai. -No, no, I'm fine.
Here, go get yourself a Mountain Dew.
Thanks.
Thanks for coming with us.
[chuckles] Sure.
Oh, what are you doing?
I can't-- I can't...
What...
They don't have any Mountain Dews left. Can we go?
Please?
-Mm-hmm. -[Maya] Like now?
OK.
[sad guitar music plays]
[messenger chimes]
[Flymiami voice-over]
[Sam, voice-over] That means a lot to me.
[voice-over continues]
[electronic dance music remix plays]
[dial-up tone]
[automated voice] Welcome.
You've got mail.
[messenger chimes]
[boy] Computer...
[automated voice] Good-bye.
[keys clacking]
[chimes]
[messenger chimes]