[somber music]
[metallic squeaking] [thunder rumbling]
CHILD: [giggling]
[cracking sound]
‐ Huh! ‐ Anna, stop!
[laughing] I'm not scared.
[eerie music]
CHORUS: ♪ Ooh ♪
♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪
‐ Hey, guys. ‐ Hey.
‐ Hey, there.
KRISTEN: Hey, what's the rush, slick? [muffled arguing]
DANIEL: Betty Ann's up tonight!
CURTIS: You're not gonna characterize me that way.
It's not gonna happen. GARY: I told him Betty Ann does really weird stories...
And he's been looking forward to it ever since.
KRISTEN: Ooh, pressure's on. This better be good.
BETTY ANN: I'll see what I can do. [arguing continues]
‐ They, like, do this sometimes, it's like...
‐ Oh, my God, no, I'm‐‐ love this show.
I'm watching it.
[show continues in background[ It's so good.
‐ Okay. DANIEL: Siesta time, man.
Ahh... MAYA: So scary.
[arguing continues] BETTY ANN: Most people think
dolls are just toys,
but they're really like perfect little people.
And it's almost as if the dollmaker took a person
and shank him down to doll size.
[object shatters] But that's not how dolls are really made.
‐ [whispering] Anna, should I come? ANNA: [whispering] No.
It's okay, you can stay. ‐ No, do you want me‐‐
BETTY ANN: Submitted for the approval
of the Midnight Society... [shouting continues]
KATHY: Talk to me like you aren't some jealous dick.
CURTIS: The point I was trying to make is
you don't bring in a paycheck by doing "riee‐kay," okay?
KATHY: [shouting] It's reiki, asshole!
There you go! You know, you're an asshole.
I married‐‐ CURTIS: We both know that people are getting laid off
at my job, and you said you wanted to help... KATHY: You make me so mad!
CURTIS: And you're not helping! You're the one that wanted a divorce.
KATHY: No! CURTIS: Yes!
KATHY: [quietly] We agreed that we didn't want to be together.
‐ [normal voice] No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
We said it was a separation. We said it was a separation! KATHY: You're not going to
put this on me! CURTIS: And you're making it impossible for me
to live with you! KATHY: No, you don't get to do that!
CURTIS: I'm talking! [bang, thud]
You broke my dead mother's teacup!
What is wrong with you? KATHY: [screaming]
Shut up! Shut up!
[dramatic music]
♪ ♪
[both laughing]
[both exclaiming, laughing]
‐ Oh! Are you okay?
‐ Yeah, yeah. ‐ Are you okay?
‐ Oh, yeah, are you okay? ‐ [laughing] I'm okay.
MAYA: Ha...ha... ahh...
[both panting]
‐ [exhales heavily]
‐ Oh, my God, Anna.
Wait. ‐ What?
‐ There were five leaves here a second ago.
Now there's only three.
[rustling through leaves] ‐ Maya, stop.
You did that.
‐ No, I didn't do that.
Literally, a leprechaun came in here‐‐
I'm not even kidding you‐‐ and took two leaves away.
‐ Maya, stop! ‐ Anna!
Swear on my life I'm not doing anything.
Have we never talked about the little green man
that lives in the forest?
Swear! Look...
five twigs‐‐ one, two, three, four, five.
He's gonna come by and take it.
‐ Where is he? ‐ You have to close your eyes.
You have to close your eyes.
‐ Don't touch it. ‐ I'm‐‐
Hands are behind my back. Hands are behind my back.
My eyes are closed.
[gasps]
Oh...
my God!
Anna! ‐ Maya...
‐ I did not do anything!
‐ I heard you...move...them.
‐ The little pitter‐patters?
That was his feet. That was the green man's feet.
Swear on my life he lives here.
I'm not even kidding.
Is this magic? Like are we freaking in magic right now?
[gasps]
‐ Stop! ‐ Did you not see the smoke
that came out of my mouth?
I'm a freakin' dragon!
‐ Go again.
Maya, stop! ‐ Get away from it.
‐ It almost caught me. ‐ It won't touch you.
I have a magic shield covering your face.
‐ And when I do it, it doesn't work‐‐look.
‐ I'm sorry, I have that pow‐‐ ‐ So your‐‐your powers are stronger than mine right now.
‐ It's a natural skill. ‐ Bring me to it.
[intoning] Bring me to it!
[chanting] Bring me to it!
Haa‐aa‐aa‐aa‐aah!
Haa‐aaa‐aaaa‐aaaa‐‐
SINGER: ♪ I ♪
♪ I am hiding ♪
♪ The you I show to you ♪
♪ Is just a lie ♪
♪ You take what you want ♪
♪ You get what you take ♪
[vocalizing]
ANNA: Maya. MAYA: What?
‐ I'm stuck.
‐ Hold on. ‐ I'm stuck.
‐ I'm gonna send you powers so the jeans that trap your ass fly off!
‐ Oh, my God, Maya! ‐ Stop!
‐ Maya, Maya, Maya. ‐ Stop, Anna, Anna.
‐ Don't do that without telling me.
‐ I sent too many powers to your ass.
‐ Yeah, but you have to tell me next time.
‐ I know, I didn't want to surge too much power in your ass.
‐ I could get killed by this tree.
‐ [laughing]
‐ Seriously...seriously. ‐ No, I know.
‐ I know it's crazy and new, but I'm dead serious.
MAYA: I know!
[Anna sighs]
You think your parents
are gonna keep splitting the house in half?
‐ Um...
[sighs]
Maybe. Probably.
We're, like, still a family, so...
ANNA: Aah! ‐ Aah! Stop it!
JK, JK. ‐ No‐‐Anna, no.
‐ [gasps] ‐ Anna, no, no.
‐ [softly] Oh, my God!
‐ No, stop it, Anna! ‐ I was joking, but look!
‐ Stop it! ‐ This is in the tree.
MAYA: Stop! ANNA: Oh, my God!
MAYA: Don't let it get away. ANNA: Get it Seriously.
‐ Okay. Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Stop, stop, stop! ‐ What? Stop?
‐ Why is there fricking paper in the tree?
‐ Paper comes from trees, you nut.
‐ Or, what if it's...
‐ [whispers] What? [gasps]
What if it's‐‐ ‐ Yeah.
What if it's‐‐ ‐ It's Wendy Rochelle Vicanny.
[wondrous music]
Wiccany.
Knock, knock, anybody home?
‐ What? ‐ It's Mother Witch.
It's Mother Witch. ‐ No, I know, but Anna,
that's a V, not a W.
‐ Maya, are you out‐‐ ‐ That's a‐‐
‐ Are you serious? ‐ Yeah!
‐ Come on!
In Germany, they pronounce Vs as Ws.
Viccany is an alias [whispers] for Wiccany.
She has to just have that...
‐ Oh, my God! ‐ To protect herself with signs and codes.
‐ And‐‐and things like this... ‐ Yes.
‐ Like Vs... ‐ And she left this for us to know
that this is all real, and this is a sign.
‐ Oh, my God.
‐ Hi. [laughs]
‐ [softly] Hi, Mother Witch.
‐ With her power and her guidance,
we can ask for all the shite we want in the world.
Anything we want!
[wood cracks] Aah!
‐ Oh, my God! ‐ Anna, Anna‐‐
‐ Did you do that? ‐ Stop‐‐I swear I didn't do that!
I didn't do that. Did you do that? ‐ No.
‐ Anna, you did that! ‐ I didn't‐‐oh, my God. It's Mother Witch.
She did that. ‐ Anna, stop, stop, stop.
‐ Oh, Maya, Maya, Maya. ‐ So that means she's here and she wants us to do this.
‐ And she wants us to get anything that we want.
‐ Whatever we want. ‐ [whispers] Whatever we want.
Oh, my God. ‐ [laughing] Oh, my God, stop!
‐ Oh, my God‐‐okay. ‐ [humming]
‐ What do we wish...
BOTH: [chanting] For?
What do we wish for? Rah, rah, rah.
What do we wish for?
Rah, rah, ree. ANNA: Go Maya.
‐ Go, go, Anna, go! ‐ Go, Maya.
‐ I wish for blonde hair! ‐ Go, Maya.
‐ I wish for more money!
‐ I wish for my dad to be home!
‐ I wish I wasn't a problem!
‐ I wish for a bigger house and no body hair!
‐ Only one at a time. I wish for white jeans.
And that the closet never happened with Brandt.
‐ You just said one at a time.
For our omikochan to smell better!
‐ I wish I had my period.
‐ I wish for a group of friends that love us!
‐ I wish for peace everywhere!
[birds chirping]
‐ Wah, wah, wah, wah‐‐ YUKI: [speaking Japanese]
Maya. BOTH: [speaking Japanese]
‐ Mom. ‐ Hmm?
‐ If you were in Sophie's Choice
and you had to pick one of us to die,
who would you pick, me or Shuji?
You have to pick.
‐ I'll pick myself.
‐ No, that's not the point.
You have to pick a kid. That's like...what it is.
‐ Well, she'd obviously pick you to die,
'cause she loves me more.
She's loved me a year longer because I'm a year older.
Dill hole.
‐ "Dill hole"?
Mom, is that true?
‐ Shuji... [speaking Japanese]
‐ Okay, I knew it. So you do love Shuji more than me.
You'd pick me to die. Is that what you'd do?
You'd pick your only daughter to die?
Guys.
It's okay. I don't really care,
'cause I have powers now, so...
I can reverse that easily.
[rhythmic moaning]
[moaning, gibberish]
[spouting gibberish]
Mom, look at me!
You clearly love Shuji more if you're not gonna even
look at your own daughter in the face.
‐ [mouthing word]
‐ [laughs] Mommy!
Stop! You guys, stop ignoring me.
[clattering]
‐ Hello? MAN: Hello!
‐ Daddy! Oh, my God!
Daddy!
‐ [laughing] ‐ They were ignoring me!
‐ Ah, oh, my tour ended early.
YUKI: You didn't even tell me.
FRED: [stammering] It's noth‐‐ I'll tell ya later. YUKI: Are you sure?
‐ Oh, yeah, yeah, we're good. I should leave home more often.
‐ My powers... [chatter continues]
I'm a witch.
YUKI: Everything okay? FRED: No, I'm good, I'm good.
YUKI: Okay.
‐ [laughs]
[soft, dramatic music]
♪ ♪
[phone rings]
[ringing] ‐ Can I get it?
[ringing]
[beep]
Hi, you've reached the Kones'.
This Anna. Who'd you like to speak to, please?
MAYA: Yeah, yeah, yeah, Anna, it's Maya.
Anna, oh, my God, it worked. My dad is home.
ANNA: What? ‐ Yeah, he just came home.
‐ Wait, wait, what?
‐ And my hair is more blonde on one side.
It's crazy, like... has anything you wished for happened?
‐ [whispering] Oh, my God!
Um.... ‐ Think about it, 'Na. This is really serious.
'Na. ‐ Um...
‐ Swear to God, wish again.
Wish again. ‐ Okay. [small laugh]
Oh, my God. ‐ Oh, my God.
[utensils clattering]
[whispering] Hold on.
I wish my parents were back together.
‐ Can you pass the salt, please, Kathy?
‐ [annoyed] It's right next to you.
[heavy music]
MAYA: Anna?
Anna.
[Maya uttering gibberish]
‐ Sorry, no, I'm here. Um...it didn't work.
‐ Oh, my God, okay, I just did a spell for you to hear me.
That's freaking crazy. Okay, on my end, it's working.
You probably just, like, need to strengthen your powers or whatever,
and then, like, we can get anything we want.
'Na, we're witches.
‐ Okay, last night I made a spell book.
‐ Oh, my God. ‐ We can get anything we want.
‐ Okay, okay. So with this book...
‐ Yes. ‐ My power...
who should we cast the spell upon to?
‐ Big smelly bush.
‐ Okay, weakling.
‐ [speaking gibberish]
‐ No! ‐ Anna!
‐ Maya, what are you doing?
You might only have a limited amount of energy.
You have to choose carefully.
Think about it. ‐ Yeah, but what are you thinking
catching it with your bare hands?
‐ I have a invisible energy glove that repelled it.
And it can also pull your farts out of your butt.
‐ Anna, no, I don't wanna fart in class!
‐ Okay, sorry.
‐ Okay, let's get serious, though.
‐ Okay.
‐ If we have a limited amount of magic...
‐ Right.
‐ What do we want?
Think about it. ‐ Oh, my God.
‐ Oh, my God, don't look up, though
[muttering]
SINGER: ♪ La la la la la la ♪
♪ La la la ♪
♪ La la la la la la la la ♪
♪ La la la ♪
‐ I really, really, really wish that I never loved Alex.
‐ Really?
‐ We're on and off all the time,
and I‐‐just like my biggest nightmare
is ending up like my parents, so...
‐ Yeah.
‐ I'm gonna do "I never loved him" spell.
‐ Okay. ‐ Oh, my God!
And then you could also do a "hex the asshole" spell for Brandt.
‐ Oh, 'cause Brandt's an asshole for me.
Or...
I could do a love spell for me and Brandt.
Because think about it.
If he was my boyfriend,
then no one would be saying the stuff they're saying to us.
‐ Mmm.
Got it. You're insane.
‐ [sarcastically] I'm inthane?
Okay, fine.
I'm doing a love spell for me and B.
‐ Okay. You have your spell, I have mine.
[Veruca Salt's Seether]
ANNA: Okay, we'll need lovage,
rosemary, rose petal, violet, and yarrow.
♪ ♪
SINGER: ♪ Seether is neither ♪
MAYA: Pluck hairs from your head and hairs from your lover.
Twist them together.
SINGER: ♪ Seether is neither ♪
ANNA: Melt your ex‐lover's cloth.
SINGER: ♪ Black or white ♪
♪ I try to keep her on a short leash ♪
MAYA: A lover's lace tied in a devil's knot.
[hisses]
SINGER: ♪ To ram her into the ♪
♪ Ground ♪ ANNA: The fingernails of a weak virgin.
Psst!
[whispers] Can I clip your nails?
‐ [whispering] No.
SINGERS: ♪ Can't fight the seether ♪
♪ Can't fight the seether ♪
‐ Does Vendy Wiccany say anything
about needing a Brandt doll?
ANNA: A what‐‐ Uh...no.
♪ ♪
[end chords]
‐ [softly] Yes, of course.
Just a touch.
Brandt, stop! [laughing]
Stop! Ugh.
We haven't had friends over in a while.
Isn't this nice?
You couldn't help but come over, could you?
♪ You're a wriggly boy ♪
♪ Wriggle into my heart ♪
♪ I love you ♪
[objects clattering] ♪ I love you ♪
[light clattering]
[whispering] Vichaliani potroachi louder‐o‐‐
KATHY: Mm...I don't know.
Is this crazy?
CURTIS: Probably.
It's not like I've fallen out of love with you in just a couple of weeks.
We fight, you know?
We're fiery.
‐ [chuckles]
[whispers] Yes.
[softly] Yeeeessss!
[unsettling music]
ANNE: Maya, the sun is at 176 degrees north.
‐ Okay, it's almost high noon. It won't work if we don't do it now.
‐ Yeah, I know what it means. ‐ We gotta go.
‐ I know. [claps]
[rhythmically] Hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm.
Hmm.
Get ready, she's here. ‐ Okay.
She is? ‐ She's here.
BOTH: [whispering]
Vendy Rochelle Wiccany.
[continue whispering]
Vendy Rochelle Wiccany.
[louder]
Vendy Rochelle Wiccany.
[girls hooting]
ANNA: She's here. MAYA: She's here, she's here.
BOTH: Brethren of all energy,
heaven and hellions, Mother Witch.
Bring us Mortimo in reality which all of us revel in.
‐ Alex, love‐o, anti.
BOTH: Bendicular‐ano. Bingo.
Macho nacho wilacho freakano table‐dora,
bring my love Brandt and his fedora.
Bring my love Brandt and his fedora,
for my lover's soul cloth.
For the lover who betrayed you,
his cloth for the lover who betrayed you. ANNA: [humming]
MAYA: His cloth for the lover who betrayed you,
his cloth for the lover who betrayed you... KIDS: Shh...shh!
His cloth. [Anna stops humming]
MAYA: Stay out, weaklings.
ANNA: Just keep going. MAYA: Stay out!
‐ What are you doing? ‐ You're not allowed in there.
‐ I'm gonna hex you. ‐ Tattletale bitch.
‐ Like honestly, I have to if you don't‐‐
[deep voice] We're trying to do a thing!
‐ Aah! BOTH: [overlapping gibberish]
‐ Gah, shilaylay pumpano! ‐ Go back, be bald, shilaylay pumpano!
BOTH: Shilaylay pumpano!
ANNA: Shilaylay pumpano! ‐ Ah‐ah‐ah‐ah‐ah‐ah‐ah‐‐
NEWTON: Someone's getting the principal.
ANNA: All of you, leave! ‐ Aah! Aah!
Gah‐gah‐gah‐gah‐gah‐gah! ‐ Ah‐ah‐ah‐ah‐ah‐ah‐ah‐‐
[shouting gibberish] MAYA: Ohh!
[both chortling wildly]
Aah!
Shilaylay pumpano,
shilaylay pumpano, shilaylay pumpano,
shilaylay pumpano‐‐ I can't stop!
I'm gonna die! I'm gonna die!
Shilaylay pumpano!
[Maya sobs] ‐ [whispers] It's okay.
‐ [sighs] Girls.
My office.
Anna, you can show Maya the way.
‐ Right now, or... [laughs]
[kids chatter in background]
‐ Oh, my God, 'Na, don't look up.
Look.
Did the anti‐love spell work?
SINGERS: ♪ La la la la ♪
♪ La la la ♪
[singing fades, stops]
‐ [whispering] Oh, my God.
It worked a little.
‐ Really? ‐ I love him less.
‐ Really?
MAYA: Oh...
‐ It still hurts. [chuckles]
[Maya sighs]
What?
Stop. ‐ [whispers] Brandt is behind you.
‐ No, he isn't.
No, he isn't. ‐ He is.
[whispering] I could feel him. ‐ Well, then I have to turn
so he can't see.
It worked. He's following me.
Oh, my God, it worked. ‐ Yeah, yeah, yeah.
‐ [yelling gibberish] Okay.
‐ Cuckoo, cuckoo!
‐ Shalaylay pumpano. ‐ Shalaylay pumpano.
Good‐bye. ‐ I'm gonna go‐‐stop.
‐ Oh...
‐ Hey, whazzup?
I like your hair.
‐ Are you serious?
Look, just get away from me, okay?
I don't like you.
You're ugly.
[huffs]
Stop putting your hair in my locker.
And stop talking to me.
I don't fucking like you.
ANNA: I know, but it was just pretend.
It's like... it's not a big deal.
‐ Your principal said that Maya was putting her hair in Brandt's locker,
and you knew about it, and that doesn't sound like pretend to me.
‐ Was it doll hair, hmm?
What's goin' on with you?
‐ I really don't think this sharing of the house is working.
I think it's making it worse.
I mean, I know we're trying to be a family...
CURTIS: That's not what we're talking about. KATHY: No‐‐don't tell me
what we're talking about.
I wanna know what you think. Tell us what you think.
‐ Um, I think that you guys should just stay married.
KATHY: See? She's confused.
What we're doing, this whole thing is just too hard on her.
I told you, one of us should have moved out. I told you this.
CURTIS: We weren't gonna do that. ‐ But you just slept with him.
‐ Excuse me? ‐ Anna.
‐ Last night, like didn't you‐‐ I heard you go into her room.
Didn't you not‐‐
I mean, do you just sleep with anybody?
Are you in love with‐‐ are you in love with my dad?
Are you just a Monica?
‐ A Monica?
‐ [sniffles] Lewinsky.
‐ Spying...is not okay.
Curtis, this is not working.
Someone's moving out.
‐ I'm sorry, Mom.
‐ She's right.
It's not working.
‐ Dad.
No!
You guys, I'm fine!
I'm sorry, I'm just hormonal!
You guys.
Fine!
FRED: No slamming doors in this house!
‐ I'm sorry!
[Yuki speaking indistinctly]
‐ The fuck is your problem?
‐ Oh...nothing, it's just like
everyone's ruining my life right now.
Even Brandt doesn't love me. ‐ I don't wanna hear about Brandt.
Fucking burning hair?
You're such a brat.
‐ Well, it's hard for me too.
‐ Shut up. ‐ You don't know. It's hard for me too!
‐ Shut up, you idiot.
You should just go away.
‐ [whimpering]
[whines]
[sniffling]
ANNA: Hello? Maya?
‐ Anna...I think that everyone hates me right now.
ANNA: Me too.
That's why I found a spell to disappear.
Meet me at our spot, kay?
‐ What do you mean, disappear?
ANNA: Someone's gonna move out and it's my fault.
[whispering] We'll do it together.
I'll see you soon. Bye.
[dial tone drones]
‐ Anna?
Anna?
[mysterious music]
♪ ♪
[softly] Bye.
‐ Sss...
‐ Hey, 'Na.
‐ Hey.
‐ I think someone was following me.
‐ Oh, I sent an owl to make sure that you got here safe.
‐ Oh, thanks.
Are you okay?
‐ Join me. I'm just in the middle of spelling.
The knife's right there.
[whispering] Very slowly. ‐ C‐c‐cut my hand.
Cut a finger or my‐‐ ‐ [whispering chant words]
‐ I cut it.
‐ Shh...
[inhales]
[exhales] Okay, I'm ready.
Are you ready?
‐ Mm. ‐ [inhales]
Anaminimatu.
‐ Anaminimatu.
‐ Presence is too much for those around...
‐ Or those around too much. ‐ Or those around too much.
‐ Surely pretend we are gone...
‐ And never did exist.
Okay. Ha.
[exhales]
What?
‐ Oh, my God.
Oh, my God, it's starting to, um...
[gasps]
Oh, my God, it's starting to work.
[sniffles]
Oh, my God, I feel it in my arms.
‐ Anna, stop. ‐ It's happening right now.
‐ Stop it, Anna, you're scaring me.
‐ I'm not trying to. ‐ Stop!
‐ It's happening. Do you see my fingers?
They're like leaving me.
But the pain's going away, too, actually.
‐ No, Anna, stop. Stop it, Anna.
‐ Where am I? ‐ Anna, you're right here.
Look at me, okay? You're not disappearing.
You're staying here. I love you.
‐ I'm sorry. ‐ No, stop, look at me!
Do you see me? You're not going anywhere.
Stay! Stop!
Can you stop, please? 'Cause I need you.
I'm your family. [sniffles]
Let's be together forever, please.
[crying]
You're here.
I love you.
[insects chirping]
[Sophie B. Hawkins' As I Lay Me Down]
♪ ♪
SINGER: ♪ It felt like springtime ♪
♪ On this February mornin' ♪
♪ In the courtyard birds were singin' your praise ♪
♪ ♪
♪ I'm still recalling things you said ♪
♪ To make me feel ♪
♪ All right, I carried them with me today ♪
♪ Now as I lay me down to sleep ♪
♪ This I pray ♪
♪ That you will hold me dear ♪
♪ Though I'm far away.
‐ Awoooooo!
[dogs barking, howling]
[Anna, dogs howling]
SINGER: ♪ I wonder why ♪
♪ I feel so high ♪
♪ Though I am not above the sorrow ♪
♪ Heavy‐hearted till you call my name ♪